Watch What Crappens - #2703 RHOSLC S5E17: Against All Todds - Live from SD
Episode Date: January 26, 2025The first Real Housewives of Salt Lake City reunion episode continues! We bring the recap to San Diego as we delve into Braunwyn and Lisa’s crumbling friendship, Todd’s grumpy mood, ...and some dark stuff about Gwen. Needless to say, Ronnie is not a happy camper!To listen to our Traitors bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Hey y'all, it's your girl Kiki Palmer.
And let me tell you, we're kicking off this new year with a whole new mindset.
If you're ready for that new year, new mindset energy, you've got to tune into, baby, this
is Kiki Palmer.
If you're looking for more podcasts to help you tend to your well-being, check out New
Year New Mindset on the Wondry app. What happens when there's so much that happens. Oppa! Oppa!
Oppa!
Oppa!
Whoa, hello
San Diego!
Hello!
How are you guys? Looking good out there.
Looking good!
Do you like our plant work?
I know!
We grew these ourselves.
We've been waiting two years to debut them.
They're beautiful.
We're nature bitches.
Yeah.
These plants are mother.
Icon mother.
Mother ficus.
Honestly more interesting than Roni, let's be honest.
We found the perfect reboot cast for Rodney.
I know.
Hi, everyone.
So nice to be back in San Diego for our birthday.
Look at all the gorgeousness out there.
I've got friends here.
I've got Brian.
Hi.
Hi, friends.
Hi, friends. Thanks for friends here. I've got Brian. Hi. Alex, hi friends.
Hi friends.
Thanks for being here.
So we did the first half
of the Salt Lake City reunion yesterday.
So today we're gonna do the second half
because you know we need to talk about this for 10 hours.
Yes.
Yes.
But first we wanted to start with some Bravo stuff.
She's been going on in the Bravo world.
You know, Ramona Singer,
I don't know if she's hurting for money or what's wrong with this
lady, but she at so much somebody said yes. Ramona sold her Twitter to the CEO of Blackrock.
Blackrock? Blackstone or Blackrock? There's an evil one, Blackwater. Blackwater is evil.
Blackrock is just standard meh, maybe not the best.
But they're probably fine.
I don't know.
I'm turning into Bethany.
I don't know.
Maybe they're good.
I don't know.
What's the matter?
What's happening?
They're an investment company.
What's the deal?
So Blackrock is an investment company, whatever.
And the CEO is named Larry Fink.
And someone, I think maybe it was Yolanda Pfister, or maybe someone
noticed that they were following, for some reason, the CEO of BlackRock.
Why would you suddenly be following them?
I like to think it's Blackstone, though, or Blackwater.
Who's the one that's hired the private armies to go into Afghanistan and stuff?
Dick Cheney.
I like to think it's that.
It could be that.
You know what? You better watch out, Afghanistan. I like to think it's that. You know what? You better watch out, Afghanistan.
I'm coming for you, bitch.
You know what?
I sold my Twitter to the Taliban, okay?
Thin.
Sorry.
Sorry, okay.
But beyond Ramona being a dingbat,
what the fuck is wrong with us as Bravo fans that we're
still scrolling through Ramona's Twitter that deeply that we realize that months ago this
guy's account was Ramona's account.
So what's funny, the reason why we're bringing this up is because this guy Larry Fink bought
Ramona's feed but then just started adding to it as Larry Fink, but didn't get
rid of the backlog.
So-
You got to clean the account, Larry.
So the first-
How are you the CEO of things?
You know Larry has an AOL account.
You know he does.
So the first few posts are very corporate CEO.
Here's a re-gram that says, oh, the stock picker's guide to 2025.
Here's some news.
And another thing is long-term bond yields
have jumped as markets are priced out
of central bank rate cuts.
And oh, surging bond yields around the globe
represent a big shift in what's going on
with investment funds, et cetera.
You know what?
Here's how to make a vodka soda, okay?
It's my own recipe.
You get a glass, you put some ice in it,
then you put some vodka in it,
then you put some soda in it.
That's my favorite Ramona video of all time.
It literally transitions from a tweet that says,
Rob Goldstein recently joined Julie Siegel
for an episode of The Little Mugs,
a conversation about Black Rock's journey
over the past 30 years, and the next tweet is like,
so excited for the launch of Turtle Time
with Ramona and Avery.
We get into the details of reality TV,
dating and what we're up to now.
Which is really funny if you just imagine
Avery is hosting a podcast with Larry Fink
of Black Rock talking called Turtle Time.
It goes so far back one of them's like, you bitch Luan, I don't know why you think you
can talk to me like that.
It's like Larry.
But then there's also imagine if it was really just Ramona trying on a new persona.
She's like, whoa, everyone stocks and bonds, okay?
It's a bear market.
Take your money at the stocks and put it into bonds, okay? It's a bear market. Take your money out the stocks and put it into bonds, okay?
I never noticed Ramona's Twitter patter was always like,
because you know, in real life on the show,
in the real life on the show, you know what I mean.
She'd be like, let's face it, like she would say that a lot.
Or, I'm sorry, but her Twitter patter is nothing like,
nothing like just hanging with a girlfriend and laughing.
Okay?
Nothing like the fall.
Nothing like the sunset, Saratoga Beach.
Okay?
I like this one.
Again, it says Larry Fink is a tweet,
and then time flies, but memories last forever. And it's like, it's a photoink is a tweet and then time flies but memories last forever and it's like
It's a photo of season one Rony. Like I just love I love that. He's sending out photos of Alex McCord to like, you know
You know the board
Turns out there were other there were other CEOs that did the same thing
So I was actually looking at Bill Gates's feed and so the first few are like normal it's like hey thank you for your
warm welcome to my visit to Ethiopia I'm inspired by your like insightful
decisions on Ethiopia's development progress but then the very next tweet is
like Cabaret is back baby! I've never found a people with a better diet. Thank you so much for everything you've given us.
Love you, love for sale.
I was trying to remember Luanne's song from our recast.
Love for sale.
Humding and rabbit love for sale.
The first JP Morgan, if you go on the JP Morgan official site, the first tweet says,
reports 4Q24 net income of $14 billion in EPS of 4.0.
I mean, it's so financial.
And then the very next tweet is like,
you better back it up, bitch.
I wanted to say something about the stock market.
Sometimes you can see things, sometimes you can't. Sometimes it's very messy. I wanted to say something about the stock market.
Sometimes you put your money in, sometimes you get it out, sometimes it's dry market.
Sometimes it's the way America does it.
You gotta f**k it up, man.
The way you invest in the markets, you know, is you write it, regret it, invest it, forget it.
I'm not texting, I'm going through our notes on the phone.
I'm just sitting up here on my phone.
Hi mom.
Sorry I didn't text you back today.
So let's see, this other thing, Vanderpump Rules star Tom Sandoval.
This is good guys. Isn't it his karma just to show up with pit stains
down to his love handles? I know. Who here is watching the traitors? Who's watching the
traitors, right? Okay, we're not going to do any spoilers, but like first of all. They've
all been murdered. The most inept traitors of all time. But however, all I want right now, I just...
An Alan outfit.
He's like, hello, welcome to the traitors.
All I've been saying all day long is,
Bob the Drake Queen.
Bob, Bob the Drake Queen said...
What's wrong with that lady? I love that lady, Carolyn.
Like, why? drag queen said. What's wrong with that lady? I love that lady, Carolyn.
Why?
I feel like there be truth in me.
She's like Bobcat, Goldthwaite, swallow the frog.
I love that chick.
I thought Rob was the problem and now I am the loss.
I just want to hear her do like the Pledge of Allegiance.
Like, I believe in you. Like, did you do heroin in your in your throat?
So like, where did you do it?
Where were you sticking that needle?
Bob the Drag Queen said had had there was something on Twitter today where he was talking
about being on the set of The Traders and how he went up to Carolyn and said,
well, you know, you and I don't have kids.
And Carolyn said, my son is dead.
And he was horrified and mortified.
And he was like, oh my God.
And he started to cry.
He was like, I was so triggered.
Yeah, and he was like, he was so upset.
So he was like, oh my God, I feel like such an asshole.
So we went up to Dolores and Dolores says,
no, she said, my son, my son is 10.
I'm just imagining how that all played out.
It was so dark.
But it's how she said it too,
cause you know she's like,
actually my son is 10.
I'm like, what?
My son is 10. You're like, what? My son is dead.
You're like, oh my god, sorry.
Damn.
So anyway, Tom Sandoval.
So one of the greatest images of this season of The Traders
is Tom Sandoval standing at breakfast
with enormous pit stains.
So he has finally something to say about it.
Well, I was in the mercy of the wardrobe department, dude.
Which, by the way, they did a great job.
You can't say that right after you blamed them for everything in your life, Tom.
That day they gave me the thickest wool sweater I've ever worn.
And man, that thing, I was sweating my ass off.
It was on there.
I'm only human.
I was like, did you just get caught cheating on your girlfriend again?
Like, why are you whipping that one out?
I'm only human, dude.
But it turns out there was a lot more to the story behind those pit stains.
He says, man, dude, in that video, I looked like rough.
I also felt like shit.
I mean, I just had over 24 hours of travel,
including an eight-over layover,
which made my immune system go to shit
and cause domino problems.
And also, Ariana didn't want to have sex with me.
You had to stop doing coke for two days, Tom.
Been there, okay?
Just sweat it out for a week first
and then join us when you're done, Jesus Christ.
There was a peacock in that house.
He snorted it.
He's trying to come back out.
Tom's hand of all on the Traders is hilarious
because he's already so wigged out
in a non-Traders environment.
So now putting him in his space of accusations,
literally he's behind so wigged out in a non-traders environment. So like now putting him into space accusations like literally he's like behind every corner like
And it's always some woman who's the who's the trader have you noticed everybody's come up with these like it's Chris shell
Why she's a bitch?
Why? She's a bitch.
I'm like, I'm really sorry, but I read energies really well and I really am sorry.
I'm like, okay, come on, Chris.
Every time they cut to Tom Sandoval, this is his face. Poor Rob.
Well, I'm not going to say anymore.
I'm not going to say anymore.
You'll spoil it.
I'm not spoiling anything.
I'm just saying congrats to Robin on a nice reminder that there is a personality in there.
So my favorite character from The Traders who got kicked off immediately, of course,
spoiler alert, I mean that's in the beginning, so sorry.
If you're not caught up, it's your bad.
Was Chanel from Real Housewives of Dubai.
She got kicked off, which was so sad because she's been so funny in all the interviews
after she's been kicked off.
In this one, the traitor Chanel Ayaan didn't know what survivor was.
She thought that castmates battled illness and drought. This is her quote. I've survived malaria, typhoid, Ebola, a drought, like everything. So I was like
what have you survived? This is a true quote.
And then Derek said, I lost 40 pounds.
Basic! Basic!
Oh, my goodness. I love Chanel.
And for next season, I demand that Chanel and Dorinda
are immediately reinstated on the show.
Immediately. Bring Chanel somewhere else. season I demand that Chanel and Dorinda are immediately reinstated on the show.
Immediately. Bring Chanel somewhere else. She'll do, she'll do, she'll come to some
other stuff. Put her on Roni. Let her take care of those ladies. Honestly, let her take care of Erin.
Yeah. Chanel on Roni would be a dream. So. Aren't you ready to get in? Yeah, you want to do the opening?
Yeah, let's do it. Okay, are you guys ready? I'm like the welcome dream. Oh, yeah, why you wanted the opening? Yeah, let's do it. Are you guys ready?
Welcome to... Oh yeah. Welcome to... Well, they know they're a Watch What Crappens. We've been out here 15 minutes.
Hello, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast for all the crap we love to talk about on your
brahms. All right. So here we go. It's a big one you guys.
Also, husbands, shut up. I don't care. Okay. Thank you for
coming. Thank you for coming. Stop your bitching. Okay. Your
wife owes you nothing for this. I'm kidding. There are actually
some hot husbands. I'm sorry. That's how I'm abusive to hot
people. So this gets dark, as many episodes do.
You'll survive it.
OK?
It'll be OK.
We're just kidding.
We're going to try not to make fun of terrible things.
But we did do the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
episode when they went to the Holocaust
Museum and a comedy club.
And it worked out great.
Yeah.
And we just recapped Roni this week, so you know.
So just come along for the ride.
Have fun.
You're not saying it, so you can laugh.
No one will judge you if you laugh.
You're not going to hell.
We're going to hell.
All right, so previously on The Real Housewives of Salt Lake
City Reunion Part 1A, A log said that I got my jewelry from Ali.
And I said, wait a minute.
Something's fishy here.
And then I took a tuna fish sandwich out of my glove
compartment and I threw it away.
There was a story in a log. Lisa Barlow has a fireplace.
Lisa must be talking to logs.
Whitney, it was a blog, not a log.
Stop accusing me of being a horrible person.
My son is in Bogota.
Do you know how hard it is to get a haircut in Bogota?
He has to go to supercuts in Spanish.
Ah!
Ah!
Let me tell you, when I told America that your jewelry was aluminum dog poop and bought
from China, I was just trying to help you.
Sometimes in life, we talk to friends.
Sometimes in life, we talk to family.
Sometimes in life, we talk to logs.
But the point is, friendship is like proof.
Friendship is like screenshots.
Friendship is like screenshots. Friendship is like timeline.
Friendship is like receipts.
I am Greek.
Meredith called me a backup dancer for Jensha.
You were a backup dancer for Jensha. You were a backup dancer.
You were a backup dancer for Jensha's WAP video.
I am a solo artist.
I am nobody's backup video baby.
You were literally dancing backup for WAP.
I don't even know what a WAP is.
It's my new MLM with Justin.
White ass people.
Guys, guys, guys, WAP stands for Wendy's Arby's Popeyes.
It stands for W-C-E-T-S-A-R-P,
timeline. It stands for w-s-e-t-s. A-ah. Timeline.
Angie, you are a backup dancer,
and I'm going to prove it, okay?
Uh-uh.
If you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it.
If you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it.
If you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it.
Uh-uh-uh.
Damn it! You got me that time Meredith.
I'm seen.
I'm seen.
It's time for a commercial.
It's time for a Crappence commercial.
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I'm your host, Annie Agar.
So here's how this show's going to work, okay?
We're going to run through the weekly slate of NFL and college football matchups, breaking
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the Chiefs need to have more fun this year. We're also handing out a series of awards and making picks for the top storylines surrounding
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Awards like the He May Have a Point Award for the wide receiver that's most justifiably
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Is it Brandon Iuke, T. Higgins, or Devonte Adams?
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All right, all right.
I want to move on. New housewife, Bronwyn Newport, may as well have
walked into the group on a runway rocking the same heart-shaped coat owned by Rihanna.
Ha, ha, ha. And whether she was decked out a couture or in a hot dog costume, she was
never afraid to be Frank, because it's a hot dog, with old new friends.
So let's catch up, and I hope you're all sitting
on your buns, because we're gonna relish
this clip package.
We almost didn't show this package,
because it's put us in a real pickle.
But here we go. So we see the package and it's Bronwyn's story. Walking into a restaurant in a bikini and boots in the dead of winter. And Lisa going, I met Bronwyn last at least seven
years ago. Like, I don't know how many years. I've kind of known her. Maybe I've known her.
Maybe I'm her best friend.
Who knows?
But you know what?
She loves her fashion.
So we see all the fashion.
We see all the clothes.
And then we see that scene of Bronwyn
kind of like making fun of Whitney
where she's like, you want to see a healed Whitney?
I mean, did you practice that in the mirror at home?
Am I right?
We're all girlfriends here, right?
Right?
I feel very wary of people who have such harsh opinions
of people that they've never even met.
I was like, oh, girl, no.
Just kidding. Don't sit at our table.
I know.
I know.
I met Bronwyn, and she was just so sweet and supportive.
And then we get Heather calling out Bronwyn being like,
wait a minute, I was with Whitney and you said you were supportive of her,
but you were team fucking Lisa and you were saying horrible things about Whitney.
That's it. No one shoot with her again. Call the FBI.
So then we see Bronwyn, now Bronwyn and Heather, like Heather's come over to Bronwyn's house
and Bronwyn's like, well, we're doing this big trip and I don't know if you and I are
really in a place for you to come onto the trip right now.
I'm just not really sure.
I think like, you know, I will take accountability for the light things that I said and I need
you to take accountability.
If you can't take the accountability, then I don't know if you can win the trip.
As if it's not hurtful being disinvited from a trip. If that's not hurtful enough, you're being
disinvited by a lady who looks like this in her earrings.
For those listening at home, Ronnie is burying his face into a fake fern. Her earrings are like little monster arms just hanging off her ear all the way down
to her shoulder.
I think probably the biggest insult for Heather is her saying, I'm the star of this show and
I'm being disinvited from the cast trip by a woman who has piles of dog shit all over
her ass.
I know. Yeah. That's how it works.
So, um...
It's a metaphor.
Bronwyn's like, yeah, I just don't know if it's the place for you to come.
And Heather's like, what? And I'm here to sing for my supper? Fine! Bring in the choir!
All these homely rejects in Salt Lake City like shuffle in. Away in a manger.
All right, Chunk, leave.
You can't remember the lyrics, just go.
That is so funny.
She said that, I'm here to sing for my supper.
It was like all over the season.
And literally the only one who has made people
literally sing on this show
to get a place in something is Heather.
I need that choir storyline back.
I heard that Heather was getting a spin-off
of the Beauty Lab, which I can't imagine being great
just because, I mean, I know that they're like,
we're all into Mormons right now.
And I guess like that's our thing, right?
Like the secret lives of Mormon wives and sold on SLC.
Yeah.
We're like, oh, my God, the puritanical repression.
Delicious! I can't wait to watch.
So titillating.
And I watch them all, so I get it.
I'm like, that guy is so repressed.
I love it.
I'd date him.
But, um, Beauty Lab, I don't know.
I haven't seen a lot of personality coming out of there.
I would like to see the choir,
because those are the people in Salt Lake City to pop.
Those are the people who got kicked out
of like everywhere for everything.
And it wasn't just for being gay.
It was like for lots of reasons.
It was like, that's the guy who can't play,
stop playing with his weenus, you know,
like your elbow skin.
He can't stop playing with his weenus at the bus stop.
He got arrested.
Heather's like, come to my choir. Follow them. Yeah, I fully support that as a
spin-off. Heather's choir. They're just doing gigs at like the UPS store. So then
we're like, overnight delivery. I'm sorry. We don't take that there you'll have to take it to Whole Foods instead fuck
off UBS store I've had it with you.
Sorry I went to a real Amazon spiral there.
Yeah.
Give me ten options of where to return something Amazon.
That's our boss.
Okay so then we go to the hotdub scene on that couples trip that Heather got disinvited from.
And Bronwyn's like, my earrings need to go to the bathroom.
They're actually living. So I'll be right back, girls. I'll be right back.
And she leaves and Lisa's like, oh my god, we should call Heather!
Hi Heather, we miss you!
Cut to Bronwyn going, um, it was a little weird
that I went to the bathroom and you guys called Heather.
It was a little weird.
She's, yeah, but it's because we missed her.
We kind of like, we missed her more than we enjoy
seeing you here presently.
So you guys remember, remember when I said,
remember just to prove that we missed her,
I was like, hey guys, remember, I was like,
hi Heather, we miss you.
Remember?
Well really, Heather is talking shit for me
about talking shit about someone else
and I'm trying to fix it.
Lisa, that's the kind of friend that you are?
That's the kind of friend that you are, Lisa?
I don't wanna be involved, oh!
Oh well when it's me and somebody else,
it's my responsibility to work it out,
but when it's you and somebody else,
it's my responsibility to ride your dick like it's my job.
It's a great moment. Great moment.
All right. Let's start with the riding the dicks.
Like it's your job. Today's bartender.
Gandy loves having boys that he's fucked as those bartenders.
My God, I was watching it the other day and he's like, here's my trainer, Franz.
And I was just like, Franz has had that wiener inside of him.
That's all I could think the whole time.
I was like, yes, Franz.
I was trying to picture out like how it worked out on the couch.
It'll be interesting to see who shows up as bartenders this week.
So anyway, Lisa's like, as long as it takes to digest.
What's wrong with you?
So Andy is like, so I want to start
with your friendship with Lisa.
You recently said in an interview
that you were on a timeout.
When was the last time you spoke?
As long as it takes to digest a salad.
Like literally never happens.
Vegetables are disgusting.
There I said it.
All right, well Lisa, you recently said in an interview
that you were done recommending friends.
I am not.
Can you blame the woman?
My God, look at everybody she's brought on there.
She brought on Angie Harrington and she's like,
Lisa swallows gallons of jizz to get jazz tickets.
Angie Harrington also stole Lisa's caterers, so never forget that.
She stole her what? Caterers.
Oh, yes. Yes. The biggest offense of all. Yes.
Do you regret recommending Bronwyn for the show?
No. And this is where we know she's lying,
but she doesn't want to get yelled at again
because her eyes just start going,
Blong, blong, blong, blong, blong, blong.
Blong, blong, blong, blong, blong, blong, blong, blong, blong.
Love that, love that, love that, love that, love that, love that.
So she's like, no, I don't regret recommending Bronwyn at all,
but I think I'm done recommending Paypal.
I mean, I'm a transplant to Utah."
And then she gets her cutesy voice, and she's like,
I'm a transplant to Utah.
Like, have the locals do it.
You know what I mean?
The natives.
Let the natives take over.
You should let the natives take over.
God knows they deserve it.
I'd watch that show too.
Give them a show.
We saw it a little bit when they went to that bathtub springs.
No, where did they go?
Where did they go?
You guys know what I mean though, right?
The salts?
The salt place?
No, they went somewhere where I think we were all generally pretty horrified.
They're like, look, it's a native to your thing.
Do you have any feathers?
I put the feather.
It was like, oh, this show.
So Lisa's like... Love this show.
Lisa's... And he's like, well, who did you recommend, Lisa?
Um, it goes way back.
It started with Heather.
And then through Heather came Whitney.
And then Angie. And then Jenny.
And then Bronwen.
And then John. He actually should be a cast member,
but he's still outside parking the car.
There was a fight going on on Twitter
between Lisa, literally Lisa and everybody.
If you say anything about Lisa, she'll find your ass
and be like, whatever, stupid.
She's gonna go the distance.
Yeah, I'm gonna go to the shot.
But she got in a fight with like a Mary Cosby fan account
that said, like, I read that book, Diamonds and Rosé,
and it even says that Mary
got this show started, so whatever, Lisa Barlow.
And then Lisa's like, actually I'm so sick
of answering this question from you.
So here's the thing, I just started the show
and I'm the center of the show and everything's about.
So it's funny that he brought it up here
to make her answer again.
And actually Lisa, it was actually really funny
because Lisa was trying to get Angie, Angie K on earlier and she literally says, she was trying to
get Angie K on, she goes, because I was gonna get a shampoo bowl from Angie. What
is a shampoo bowl? I don't know what a shampoo bowl is. Is it just a bowl that you put
your shampoo in? Yeah. Yeah.
Is it a beauty salon?
Oh, you go to the beauty salon, and they do it.
That's where they wash your hair in it.
Oh, I thought it was like a bowl that you
arrange your shampoo in.
Oh my god.
I'm about to get a free bowl.
Put it on the show.
Our shampoo bowl when I was a kid was just the sink. My mom would just like turn us upside down
and start using that little sprayer function.
So Andy's like, alright, well, uh,
Table from Cloth says,
Hey, uh, Bronwyn, was it disappointing for you to come on the show
as Lisa's friend to have her turn on you?
All right, it's time for a Bronwyn monologue.
It's a big one.
Bronwyn answers very longly.
I know that's not a real word,
but that's all that I could come up with right now.
So she's like, you know,
hold on everybody, let me just get,
I just feel very differently than I did then.
And at the time I definitely did feel like
you were not being a friend to me.
And I kept thinking, something has gone on
between Lisa and I, something's not right here.
For a minute it was right, but then it wasn't right anymore.
And you know, I think you see me kind of chasing her
the whole season, am I right?
You see me chasing her, you do right, yes, yes, you see me kind of chasing her the whole season, am I right? You see me chasing her, you do, right, yes, yes.
You see me chasing her.
And then, you know, then I was like, what went wrong?
What went wrong?
You kept stabbing her in the back for no reason
and talking shit behind her back and yelling at her.
That's what went wrong.
Well, I know that Lisa Barlow is a monster,
but you started it.
Well, and now that I've watched it back and I've watched the way you are with Angie and Heather
and I've been, you know, charging Todd's palm pilot and things like that,
you know, things you said in your confessionals, I don't think anything went wrong.
I just think that I was just unaware that we were just like not as close as I thought we were. And I think that, you know, I think that I was Lisa's social friend
and I was incredibly close with her.
She didn't want to repay the friendship tax, even though I'm incredibly wealthy.
And I bought her a first class ticket one way to part of a trip.
And I did, you know, at one point, you know, she got a shampoo bowl from Angie
and I got her a shampoo tray, you know,
and it's just, I guess it's just a one way friendship
and that's okay, that's okay.
Yeah, she just sees me somebody,
as somebody that she sees socially.
Well, do you know why she thinks that?
Cause Lisa was like, I just know her socially.
We weren't in like embedded in each other's lives, you know?
Like we didn't tell each other our deepest, darkest secrets,
and I've always thought highly of her.
What are your deepest, darkest secrets?
One time I put a Frosty in my cup holder
and accidentally dipped a fry into it,
and it was the most delicious thing I ever had.
So one time I had a French fry with frosty on top of it.
I'm so sorry mom!
Oh!
You know, on that note, I just want to announce
that today for the first time in my life,
I had my very first blizzard from Dairy Queen.
Thank you Ronnie.
Thank you Ronnie for holding my hand
through the process and joining me.
Ronnie guided me, I was like, what do I get?
He's like, we should get the Blizzard.
What was the thing you got, like the peanut?
The peanut.
I get the peanut buster parfait.
Yeah.
Personally.
He got the fancy thing.
Cause there's natural things in it, like peanuts.
There's fruit.
Yeah.
But don't you love when you show somebody
like your childhood thing, you're like,
this is the most amazing thing for my childhood.
And they're like.
I thought it was very tasty. It was media.
It was made.
You're right.
OK, so it was like a dairy Duchess.
It wasn't really a Dairy Queen.
It was like a Dairy Countess.
Yeah, Dairy Queen needs more sugar.
There.
They heard it here first.
The truths are coming out tonight, everyone.
Come for Salt Lake City.
Stay for the Dairy Queen critiques. The shoots are coming out tonight, everyone. Come for Salt Lake City.
Stay for the Jerry Quinn critiques.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Waited 13 years on this podcast to say that.
So Mineral from Water says, hey, Heather, you didn't give Bronwyn a chance.
Do you regret treating her the way you did
after watching her season?
Do you think you were unfair to her?
And Heather's just like, well, listen,
I got a real quick read on Bronwyn
because I know readers, because I'm an author.
I'm currently writing my third book
called Receipts, Proof, Joseph Smith.
And I knew exactly who she was when she had a conversation and then started talking about
Whitney differently to her face than she did behind her back. And guess what? I regret
nothing. I regret, ow, I bit my tongue, maybe the teeth. I maybe regret the teeth. There was more conversation in the car.
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
And yes, I was hard on Whitney.
And then Whitney and I had a conversation.
And I said to Whitney, I didn't leave there
with a great impression after you stormed out.
I did say that.
I did.
I will just nod until you just accept it.
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
What are you talking about?
You told Whitney, of all people, that she's iconic.
I love that that's Heather's big diss.
She's like, we all know your line.
You called Whitney iconic.
It's an honor to be named after an Alanis Morissette song.
Hey, and then I have a question for you,
because I feel that I'm always there for people and then like you're not there from
You can do it Whitney come on you can do it what
You were almost on the way to asking a very incisive question
I forgot.
Can we start over again?
I was so supportive. Oh, and I feel like you won't claim me publicly.
Oh, this close.
I almost got it.
As a friend, as a friend.
Oh, thank you, Josefine.
Well, that is something that I see when I watch back.
That is true, Whitney.
I do see that as I watch that back.
And I very much was in a place when we were filming
where I thought Lisa, this is all Lisa's fault, by the way.
Every personality flaw that I am showing tonight
is because of Lisa.
So it's because I thought that Lisa and I were better friends, and then something had
gone wrong, and I was trying to unravel what that had been.
I was just trying to unravel it, just trying to get that going.
And more often than not, I placed Lisa on a pedestal, and then I found out Lisa is this,
this bag of bones with long, stringy hair. And I'm so sorry that Lisa did this to you.
Lisa did this to you, yes.
So you're saying that Lisa hurt you?
Okay, show me on this water bottle where Lisa hurt you.
Okay.
Everywhere.
So Andy is like, do you accept that, Whitney?
And she goes, I do accept that
because I fucking hate Lisa right now,
so I'll accept anything Barman says.
Whitney's such a dingbat.
Her actual answer is, yeah,
because my relationship is totally separate
from my relationship with Lisa.
It's like, what if I have anything to do with?
Okay.
Yeah?
Okay!
Yeah!
Okay, you, take it over.
Okay, okay, you take it away.
Okay, okay, okay!
From San, from Diego, asks...
Blayton from Pandering asks...
You seem offended that Bronwyn wanted to mend things before Palm Springs.
Can you blame her for not wanting to invite people she's not in good standing with?
And so Heather's like, I mean it was a move Andy and it's a couples trip and I think I was never
involved in the first place. I was never going to go on that trip and it was very clear to me the
minute I walked into her house that I was there to sing for my supper. Well let me sing it right now. Receipts proof, timeline!
And why, why would you want to create fractures in a friendship group that are like newly fragile? And Bronwyn's like, um, did anyone else think that I was only there to embarrass Heather?
Answer the fucking question. Answer one question, lady!
So she's like, or that I was trying to fix it with her, because I would love to know that. to embarrass Heather, answer the fucking question. Answer one question, lady.
So she's like, or that I was trying to fix it with her
because I would love to know that.
So everybody thinks I was trying to fix it with her,
everybody's raising their, okay.
If you don't think that, don't raise your hand.
I mean, if you don't think that raise,
if you think that, don't raise your hand.
Wait, wait, wait.
Can I lift my foot up?
Whitney's like, I know Heather so well, so I could see where Heather's perspective was coming from. And the walls went up right away, like for Jen Shaw. But I also did see
Bronwyn trying. So I think it was just really a sad miss, but I understand both perspectives. Okay, well, Carbon from Dioxide wants to know,
Heather, you know, you haven't edged you now,
and it's because you're not fat anymore.
Yeah.
You've lost weight, so now you're a huge bitch.
So, um...
That question came out of nowhere.
I'm like, what?
What is wrong with people? Jesus.
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So Heather's like,
I mean, I guess that's an interesting breed on it.
I guess when I was heavier, I was more of an underdog.
And like, I was just, it was okay when I stood up for myself because I had to wear stretchy
pants.
But season one, Heather had a lot more confidence than this girl.
I mean, this show strips you of your ego.
It strips you of your confidence.
Okay, now you're just full of shit.
I was with you for the first two seconds.
How does this show strip anybody of their ego?
Look around this room.
Meredith is literally sitting there like,
how dare she, I'm the only person.
There's a listening device under my chair
and I don't appreciate it, bring it me.
You're on a show with Lisa Barlow.
How could you say this show strips you of your ego?
Oh my God.
So Mary has a nice monologue
where she actually says that she feels like Heather is different but she's been pouring
love into herself and when she met Heather many years ago, five years ago, she was like in a dark
unhappy place and we you know. We know what Mary means too because you know Mary. Mary's like well
you know when I first met Heather, I hated the bitch.
But, you know, it's mostly because, I mean, she was fat.
I just hate fat people.
But now she's not fat.
So, you know, good for you, Heather.
That was basically Mary.
Do you remember when Mailey was doing that thing up on the,
they were having that, like, exercise day
and Mailey was up on the ropes, and Mary's like,
I don't remember her being so big.
Oh. That's Mary. To be fair, a lot of people just don't remember Mailey was up on the ropes and Mary's like, I don't remember her being so big. That's Mary.
To be fair, a lot of people just don't remember Mailey.
That's true.
So yeah, Mary's like, but you know,
now she's more self-assured and stuff
and she's more confident and you are different.
And Andy's like, well, you always seem confident to me.
And she goes, well, I mean, you have
to have more confidence to show up with no clothes fit.
I mean, I'm wearing a stretchy jumpsuit.
I mean, I'm next to all these beautiful women,
and I have confidence and spades to do this whole show, Andy."
And he's like, why are you crying?
And she's like, because I'm starving.
What do you think?
I'm hungry.
Okay, I want to switch gears for a second.
Let's talk about something uplifting.
Okay.
All right, so Shu from Lace says,
Bronwyn, you discovered Lisa knows
Gwen's parental grandparents.
Oh.
Oh my God, Lisa.
Did you intend to share that story on the show, Bronwyn?
No, no I did not.
Which is why I showed Lisa a picture
that surely she has never seen and had no idea of,
and showed it specifically to Lisa in front of production
and had no idea that it would end up on camera.
So Andy is asking Lisa, he's like,
well, you knew Gwen's dad, and she's like,
yeah, I knew him very loosely.
It's like a social friend.
Yeah, I'm like friends with his parents and everything.
It's like really cool.
And Heather's like, so you saw the photo
and you're like, I know that family, right?
I'm just trying to help you out Lisa, that was your line.
She's like, yeah, I saw the photo
and I was like, I knew the family, yeah, yeah.
I used to go to the mother's house
and like up the stairs she had a picture of him.
Well, I can't tell you a person other than Gwen,
I've ever showed a picture of Gwen's dad too.
I was very clear about that.
I've never shown one to Todd.
Mostly because the father worked out and was younger
and I just don't want Todd to get mad at me.
Also, also, you can't show photos on Palm Pilots.
I tried to draw up for him, but.
We did have a very good game of Minesweeper, though.
The stylist was really rough, Andy.
I'm not going to lie.
So she's like, well, he's seen it now, of course,
but he had not seen it before.
And so when you say, I look like Glenn,
I just felt like maybe I could share this with you.
I could confide in you that Gwen looks like her dad
and how much that hurts me.
And I felt, you know, she goes through the whole thing,
like I was confiding these huge things to you, Lisa.
I was letting you in in such a huge way with my daughter
and your responses did feel like you were defending them.
So Lisa's like, wait a minute,
you're talking about the after show.
So we don't cover the after show on this show,
but on the after show, which we find out now,
Lisa's like, you know what?
I knew it was a super sensitive situation,
but also for the family that lost her son.
So Andy's like, well, what did you say on the after show?
I barely watched this one.
So somebody fill me in, okay?
So we see a flashback and Lisa's like,
Lisa's talking to Brittany,
which why would you pair those two, you know? So Brittany's and Lisa's like, Lisa's talking to Brittany, which, why would you
pair those two, you know?
So Brittany's face is just like, oh.
Brittany's just so excited to be there.
She really is.
She's just ready to sing Bocahontas at that point.
Are you guys ready for me?
I can sing it.
I can sing it.
So Lisa is telling her, look, I had a long conversation with Gwen's grandmother.
And she's like, we're open to meeting her.
We're excited.
You know, last we were told Bronwyn had a miscarriage, OK?
And there was no child.
And then her son, who passed away,
his wife reached out to Bronwyn.
And she's like, but we never got to meet Gwen.
So it was like really upsetting for them.
So she's what Lisa is saying here.
And I'm not going to stand up for Lisa for this whole time.
Don't worry. But I think on this point,
she's saying we filmed the after show before the show airs.
So they showed something else that they cut from the show.
They showed this on Peacock.
But they showed a flashback to a foot massage place
where on camera, Bronwyn said,
I thought there's no way this person could know
I have a child somewhere and someday not come for her.
And Lisa said, did they not know? Because I think that she was told you had a miscarriage. And
she said, we didn't hear differently. And so, and Bronwyn didn't get mad. She was just
like, okay. So Bronwyn had them cut that footage from the show, right? She went to production
and said, could you cut that footage? That's two cents a dough. I don't want it.
This was on the reunion, by the way. This was on the...
Right. So they cut the footage from the show. So Lisa doesn't know that they cut the footage from the show.
So when she goes on the after show,
and she's like, I thought she had a miscarriage.
That's what I was told.
And now Braun was like, how dare you, Lisa?
Because they forgot to cut that from the after show.
They cut it from the regular show, but not the after show.
So now I'm not saying total justice for Lisa,
but she's so bad at explaining herself.
And she just goes down.
At this point, girl, if you can't explain it, just say, I'm sorry.
Yeah.
That's all she needs to say.
It's a sinking ship.
That's all you need to say at this point.
But yeah.
But why ever take the easy way out when you're Lisa Barlow?
She can't do it.
I mean, God bless her.
Even if she's in the right and she has a point, she's like, how could you do this to me? This was obviously more of like a darker part of the reunion,
but luckily, like, we did have the comedy of watching
Lisa choke up like every two minutes.
Just in a random sentence, she was like, well,
you know what's really funny?
Hold on, I'm getting a text.
Oh, I'm getting a text right now.
Like, she kept on doing it.
That was like her get out of jail card thing.
Worked for me.
I liked it. So Bronwyn tells us basically what I just told you, right, man? Like, she kept on doing it. That was like her get out of jail card thing. Worked for me.
I liked it.
So Bronwyn tells us basically what I just told you, right?
So she's like, but then in the 18 years that I've had Gwen,
I've never told a single person who this person is.
I've never asked for money.
I've never said anything to them.
So I was really careful.
And you and I had a clear conversation.
And you're entitled to believe your friends if you want to.
But you've been on TV a long time, Lisa, much longer than me, and you know what was going on
the after show and repeating that I faked a miscarriage,
and this is where Bronwyn loses me.
No one ever said, Lisa never said you faked a miscarriage.
No one ever said it.
I think the implication is the guy lied and said,
Mom and Dad, don't worry, we can still go to our little
planet with all the other fucking wives because
The baby died. I think that's what happened. Yeah, she's accusing Lisa now Why does Brent get in trouble for all the shit?
She lied about to get to get sympathy points on real housewives of New York
But Bronwyn is still called an icon when she's saying shit like this
She never said you faked a miscarriage and that's not cool to put that on somebody because now when you go online everyone's like
Lisa accused her of faking a miscarriage and that's not cool to put that on somebody because now when you go online everyone's like Lisa accused her of faking a miscarriage.
Bullshit lady, bullshit and I don't care who agrees with me that is low. Well I'll
tell you why Brynn gets more shit is because when Brynn isn't lying she's
also not entertaining and Bronwyn is entertaining when she's not lying also.
Bronwyn is so much more entertaining than Brynn.
But I do agree, I do think it was-
Wait a minute.
Hey!
Wait.
A sexy podcast recording.
I'll cast your part, big boy.
San Diego.
I wanna meet Diego. Diego, call me.
So Lisa's like, I never said you played the best character.
What?
And Bronwyn's like, well, you know how hurtful that would be to hear from my daughter?
And she's like, well, he's passed away.
And Gwen's, Lisa's sobbing, like he passed away.
Gwen's father has passed away.
And, you know, we go to commercial.
We come back and Lisa's just like, you know like, he passed away, Gwen's father has passed away. And you know, we go to commercial and we come back
and Lisa's just like, you know what?
I'm in a loose, loose situation here.
I just can't win this.
So Bram was like, I don't understand why you have to do this
or whatever and Heather basically tells Lisa,
she goes, just say sorry and there's no way out.
It's done.
Heather's like, listen. It's done.
It's over. As a New York Times best's over York Times best-selling author. Trust me
Your goose is cooked. Just say sorry. You're not gonna win this Bronwyn has nailed that
Yeah, just sorry. Yeah, the Bronwyn is a very very good arguer, which is one thing
I love about her
So whether she's wrong or not, like I love watching her like she just like just shreds everyone on the show all the time.
Well, yeah, because she twists everything they says and uses it in his accusations against them and lies basically. So good for her.
She's a great lying arguer.
Yeah, but like let's not act like let's not forget when Heather was trying to come for Bronwyn and Bronwyn was like
yeah, cuz I use my fucking credit card cuz I want my fucking credit card. Whatever that moment was.
I was like, yes, like I used my fucking credit card, because I want, it was my fucking credit card. Whatever that moment was, I was like, yes!
That was such a good moment.
I wish I could have.
Well, congrats on Todd having a giant credit card.
You're still a dick.
So, Lisa is, it's like it's over.
Miscarriage has been invoked,
and so it's time to just quietly give her the cane,
pull her off, and this segment, it's like it's not going to get any better for her.
So she's and Bronwyn's right.
And this is the thing, you know, because Bronwyn is right on a lot of this stuff.
It's like, look, lady, I just told you I'm pregnant.
This family totally shunned me, wanted nothing to do with the baby.
And Lisa's like, but I love them.
They're good people.
And you know, to Lisa Barlow, what that means, they're really rich. Yeah, they're really rich. They're good people. And you know to Lisa Varla what that means.
They're really rich.
Yeah.
They're really rich and they're high up in the church.
So it's not like Lisa gets all Scott free here.
She's like, her mother's so sweet.
No, she's not.
Her mother's a fucking bitch.
That mother sent somebody out who's pregnant on the street
by her son and disowned the girl.
And if she did have a miscarriage,
if she believes she did have a miscarriage,
where's the flowers?
Where's the I'm sorry?
Where's the can we help you?
So no matter what happens between Lisa and Bronwyn,
fuck those grandparents.
Fuck both of them.
Yeah.
Oh, I love being mad. God, I love this job.
Happy birthday to us.
Yeah!
For our birthday, I got Ronnie Anger.
Ronnie!
So Bronwyn, so Lisa's like,
Fuck you, you want to make me have to be this horrible human being that I'm not.
Bronwyn goes, Lisa's welcome to believe them if that's what she wants.
They want to tell her that's what they want to tell her.
That's what happened, but I don't understand why
you can't have an ounce of understanding
of how painful this was for Gwen and I.
And Meredith is like, well, I think that's why
she's crying over there.
No, I lost my subway rewards card, that's why.
I worked for three weeks on that thing.
And Bronwyn's like, well, once you repeated it, Lisa,
it went everywhere.
She repeated it on the show after she didn't know
that you had a fit about it being on the regular show.
Why aren't you yelling at production?
Yell at them.
So Meredith is like, yeah, that's why she's crying,
I think.
Lisa, is that why you're crying?
Oh, sure.
Oh.
You did hear about the super cuts in Bogota.
Oh. So she's like, you could at least start with, I hurt your daughter.
Which I mean, I think Bronwyn's right on all of this, you know?
So Bronwyn's saying, you could have just said, I hurt your daughter and this caused all this
shit and you put it out, even if you didn't know, you could have just said you're sorry,
you know?
And Lisa's like, well, but that would be a lie.
Well, no, no, no, the lie is about...
The lie is that she brought it up on the app.
No, no, the lie is, Brahman says, you can say fuck, you know, you can say fuck me.
I don't care about you Brahman anymore, but like I want you to, I want you to apologize
to my daughter.
And Lisa's saying, no, I do, like the lie is that I don't care about you.
I do care about you.
So she's like, so you know what?
You know where we could start with?
This is where you and me struggle.
You know, you always say, well, you know what, Lisa?
You should be saying that, and you should be saying that.
And I don't like when people tell me what to say.
No, I'm just giving you options for things
you could say because you did none of them.
And Lisa's like, I don't need options.
This is a very complicated position for anyone to be in.
And Mara's like, do you?
Do you know how difficult it is knowing that somebody
had a child that their grandparents didn't?
It's like you're talking to the person who had the child
that the grandparents.
This is like going to like a Pizza Hut Taco Bell.
Which one do you go to?
It's a complicated situation.
Lisa could pass by Jesus Christ getting crucified and be like, I can't believe they're blocking the road to lunch.
Do you know how difficult it is to get that reservation over there?
It's complicated.
Samantha goes, she could out-martered the biggest martyr in the world.
Do you feel badly that Bronwyn and Gwen were hurt by what you said?
And furthermore, do you feel badly that you're implying
that I have an eating disorder?
You know, but I could have said what I wanted to say,
but there's so many chimings from everybody,
so I just couldn't say, uh, you know,
I would never want to hurt Bronwyn or Gwen
because they're all so rich, so...
Before you know it, I'm just not gonna be invited anywhere.
Aah! Aah! Before you know it, I'm just not going to be invited anywhere.
So Andy's like, Bronwyn, at the end of the season, Gwen still hadn't decided whether
to pursue a relationship with her grandparents.
Where are things now?
And Bronwyn's like, well, that's in Gwen's court now.
And Lisa gave us the information when this all came up.
And Gwen's going to make that decision at some point
and she will just, you know, that will be her choice.
It's like, is her voice going up to the ceiling?
It's floating off.
So she's basically like, well, she's 18,
she can do whatever she wants with those fuckers.
So Andy's like, well, I guess the million dollar question
is Bronwyn and Lisa, is there a path forward?
Here's what I love, healing.
So just to remind you, Lisa completely fucked you over
and has no remorse.
This lady just made you look like you said
you faked a miscarriage.
You guys wanna hug?
That's what this show's all about.
And now we can all exhale,
because we got through the miscarriage accusation segment
of the reunion, everyone.
We did it.
We did it.
People are going to be leaving here like, thanks
for bringing me to the show.
So basically, this relationship is going
to need next season to whatever.
Yeah, it's not going to work out.
Let's break for lunch. Which is,'s like, let's break for lunch!
Which is, I love the let's break for lunch
because that's the moment when Andy just sinks in his chair.
Immediately with his phone.
His phone, he just sinks down, has his phone here.
He's like, blah, blah, blah, blah.
He's playing Wirtle.
So now they all break for lunch.
And Mary goes, wow, now I remember why I don't miss these.
So then we go to the dressing room where Whitney and Heather are still doing their damn handshake.
I can't.
Hello, salute.
If you like the Danny show, bell ring.
Can I join in?
You got me again.
And Brooks is, I put Brooks Fluffs Meredith,
that's probably not the right terminology.
He's like, let me fix your hair, mom.
Your hair looks really good.
Mom, you are an icon.
The way you gathered those bitches,
like literally mother, mother.
So then we go to Lisa and John and Lisa's like,
I mean it's just so frustrating.
It is so frustrating.
I'm like tired of the hamster reel.
Do you want to leave the show?
What are you fucking crazy, John?
Shut the fuck up or I'm going to divorce you.
Stop speaking.
Seriously.
He's like, I know it's hard when they all come for you.
She's like, no, I'm not talking about that.
It's me watching you parallel park. It's like, I know it's hard when they all come for you. She's like, no, I'm not talking about that.
It's me watching you parallel park.
It's so frustrating.
So we go to Whitney, and she's like, Lisa
has problems with everyone.
Don't you think at some point you could just quote Taylor
Swift and be like, hi, I'm the.
What? What is next?
What?
What is next? I only listen to Yanni.
Lisa's the problem. It's Lisa.
Taylor Swift is Greek.
So then we go to Heather, and Heather's just talking shit with the makeup people and that's
a good thing when you don't have a husband to go back there and like cry to.
You just get to talk shit with the people who really don't care about you, the makeup
people.
Because the husband at least have to kind of like mid pretend to care but the makeup
people are getting paid.
So anything you say they're like, uh-huh, yes girl, yes.
So she's like, I'm totally annoyed with Bronwyn's Dame
Edna act.
I mean, like, my intention is to make sure everyone loves me.
And I'll start with Twitter, and then words
I'll say, every politically correct thing.
I just feel like she's running for office,
like I'm in a TED Talk that I just did not need to hear.
Says Heather in her 10th monologue of the episode.
So then we see Todd is sitting with Bromwyn
and he's like, there's a draft.
So Bromwyn's like, he's like,
well, we got right into the Lisa and Gwynnevitt.
Give me the Reader's Digest version.
The worst thing to ever happen to this world
was long form writing.
Well I'm not telling her what to say because she gets spicy.
Settle down over there.
I'm trying to watch diagnosis murder.
But I was telling her, is there anything you want to apologize to me for?
No?
No?
You don't want to apologize for anything?
Would you like to?
I kept giving her the options. I gave her multiple things to say and she just wouldn't say them, Todd.
She just wouldn't say, I guess we're never friends. And he goes, yeah, I guess you were
just social acquaintances. And she goes, well, I was a social clime. And when she wanted
to come to our jazz suite, when, well, when I had a party, she wanted to come. And he
goes, well, of course. And she can come to our jazz suite
and not have anything to do for it, so to speak.
Oh, look who got an iPhone.
Yeah, we know how much Bronwyn hates
when you demean a woman with sexual comments
and suggest that she only gets things from fucking people.
Yeah, not a hypocrite at all, you two.
And also we get to see later in this episode we saw in the previews where Bronwyn is like,
and how dare you, your husband talk to a woman like that?
What husband talks about a woman like that?
Yours, we just heard him.
So now it's time for the husbands to come out onto the set,
which is, I'm already cringing.
I don't know, just like seeing Todd up there,
I'm like, oh no, this is just gonna be,
this is, you know, like Seth is over there
waiting to say, biatch.
And Todd is like, this stool doesn't fit nice.
So, so Todd's like, I wanna sit next to Andy.
Earn it.
Andy Griffith.
I was like, I wanna sit next to Andy. Earn it.
Andy Griffith.
So Andy's like, all right, we're back with the real houses
of Salt Lake City and the husbands are joining us.
Hey, hey Justin.
Justin's like, hey.
Hey Andy.
Can we get a PA to clean up that trail of chocolate syrup? Thank you so much.
All right.
Hi husbands, hi husbands, hi husbands.
Okay, Todd, welcome to your first reunion, possibly your last.
Let's just hope you make it through the whole thing.
So I'm sorry I'm not greeting you in an inflatable costume.
How do you feel about landing from business trips and having your So I'm sorry I'm not greeting you in an inflatable costume. Waaahhh!
How do you feel about landing from business trips and having your wife greet you at the airport in a costume?
Well look, it's just fun. It's like, you know, turning on George Burns and Gracie and listening on the radio while you eat your macaroni and cheese. That's it.
Sean, how about you?
We've heard you're giving circle jerks this year.
Just...
Just in case that's true.
Uh...
We love circles.
Sounds like, yeah, well, I'm having a great time,
and Angie's doing a great job, and I'm here to support her.
Is that Meredith Marks?
I fucking love you. Please sign my Louie on the way out.
Mary?
Whoa, we didn't see Robert Senior this season.
Why is that?
And she's like, well, obvious reasons.
He doesn't want to be a part of this.
He's happy.
He's good with his life.
He doesn't want anything to interrupt it.
Todd's like, wait, that was an option.
I thought grandpas had to come to these.
I love that we've got two people on this show married to their grandpa. Okay.
I know you guys, I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong.
It's deep. It goes deeper than you could ever know, you guys. So, just laughing through the tears. So Andy's like,
So John, how are those parallel parking spots?
And he's like, wow, that was amazing.
I had like my first iconic moment ever on television.
That was a great reveal.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
And Heather goes, it changed things for me with you forever.
We come here as a group of women,
all thinking that we can park the same way.
And then it turns out people come into this group
and they do not park the same way.
And we have been through the trenches together,
parking in normal spots, diagonal spots, parallel parking.
And for someone to come in here and try to destroy us
with parking very slowly for 10 minutes,
we do not accept that.
And we band together because we've been to hell and back.
And I swear to God, if I have to say
that Jenshaw gave me this black eye
because John Barlow parked too slowly I will say it.
All right all right here we go for the last five years the Salt Lake City
husbands have managed to keep their skis out of the ladies ice your mom's who's
riding this. Is there a monkey at the wheel back there? But this season the
husbands and couples were openly taking swipes. Todd, that's something you do on phones that
work. Like they were authorized users of Todd's black card watch. So we see flashbacks of
the season of the guys and the guys talking in the pool
and, you know, not like bringing misogyny into it at all,
which is great.
And Seth is like,
guys, you judge a straight guy by his wife.
You judge her by the quality of his wife.
I think that we're killing it.
And Todd's like,
well, I'm gonna make a different point.
You judge a wife by the quality of the Werther's originals
they bring you.
Yeah, you judge a wife by the quality of their husband,
and they're the winners, and this is this situation.
You know how many people want this body?
Go to a mall at Christmas time and see all the ladies lined up to get the piece of Santa
and tell me this ain't where it's at.
Beotch!
And then we go to that dinner, oh not, it was a separate dinner, and Brittany's like, Hey I've got an announcement, ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding. I've got an announcement. My announcement is that Jared and I both want to know,
Bronwyn, how did you choose your husband?
And Bronwyn goes,
"'Cause he's hysterically funny,
as you will see on this entire season, I'm sure."
So are you attracted to him?
Are you saying because he has money
or because there's an age difference?
Because that is a low blow.
Bronwyn does trap people like that because she's like, I'll give you, here's your choose
your own adventure is why I should be mad at you.
Option A, you said that because you said that because you're saying I'm a gold digger or
option B, you're saying it because I have terrible taste in men.
Which path should we go down for this fight?
That's so true.
And wasn't this right after Bronwyn had been digging at Brittany about her stupid relationship
with Jared too?
I mean, that's fair.
That was fair.
So, okay, so she gets pissed off at her for that.
And then we go to the dinner at the vacation in Palm Springs
and someone's like, oh, it's nice out here.
It's like miserable feeling, but it's beautiful.
And Bronwyn goes, yeah, miserable but beautiful.
It's an analogy for Todd and I's marriage.
Miserable but beautiful.
And he's like.
I don't know much about their relationship, but it looks like there's mild tension.
And it also looks like someone's been leaving spy devices all over this room.
So then we see Todd and Brom when sitting together at their house after the vacation
where she yelled at everybody and kept having walk-offs and saying the F word and stuff and so he's like well in the 10 years together that we've been together I've never seen you act
the way that you did this weekend it's not very becoming for you and next time you're getting a
seven up there's no Shirley Temple in your future missy you want to cherry in your drink, you better learn how to be hey. And then we also see another clip of Todd saying, well you know when Bronwyn and I
started dating, I had a friend at the NSA do a background check on her. And Bronwyn
goes, oh yeah, cuz I can be a real snarky cut fitness. Don't say that.
Don't say that!
Trying to think how those things even linked. Oh yeah, I can be a real snarky captain.
Investigator, she's being too snarky!
She was snarky so I called the NSA!
Something's going on with this lady, she's making too many jokes.
I think she's working for the Russians.
I think she's working for the Russians. Okay, well, um, God, I'm really running out here.
Redemption from Values says, Bronwyn, Todd is obviously very blind.
Were you concerned about him being on the show, you know, maybe embarrassing you, farting
inaudibly, pinching his nipples too much while he crosses his arms
for no reason.
I think Todd is just like playing, he's like.
He's like.
Mary Catherine Gallagher running it.
So Bronwyn is like, she's got like her hand all the way back.
She's like, yeah, I'm just gonna touch Todd.
You know, it's just to make him feel comfortable.
It's like, this is his version of a Thunder vest.
It's like making sure your child in the back seat is safe when you're taking a red light
too quickly.
All right, Todd, just settle down, okay? We're on TV, so just remember that. You know, I
let Todd be who he wants to be. Calm down. Okay. And Todd and I have had some really
important conversations and we've watched each other back. And I would have said, you
know, said before we filmed, while we filmed and that we've had a good relationship
but we have a much stronger one now because I feel like saying that it doesn't really make sense, but I'll just say it
We are much stronger now. You know now I've seen from other people's perspectives
How maybe I speak to Todd
That fair or about Todd
Is that fair? Or about Todd.
Is that fair?
That's maybe not representative of our feelings and, you know, I won't speak for you.
I won't speak for you.
You want to speak for yourself?
Don't speak right now, please.
But you know, you said similar things to me.
I mean, he did say, or get out of this house and leave the car keys or you're not going
out with your friends after 10.
Stuff like that, right?
Do you want a new Starbucks mug?
You want a new Starbucks mug?
You want a new Starbucks mug?
I'll get you that.
You want that?
Cake pop?
You want that?
Cake pop?
Cake pop?
Do you want Starbucks mug?
Todd likes getting the little dog Starbucks drink
that's just whipped cream and a tiny thing.
Do you want a Sriracha packet?
They offer those now.
Just puts his nose in it.
Sriracha?
It's really cute.
Sriracha?
No?
So Todd goes, absolutely, I feel the same way.
And I think one of the interesting things
is the number of people in this group,
you know, some of them don't even know my name
and asserted things about me.
Well, I obviously know your name,
and it's Bertrand, so please stop dragging me into this.
Well, I think it... I think opinions are like nose hairs.
Everybody's got them.
Why are you on me about it?
OK.
Todd, do you want a macchiato maybe?
You know, they feel free to share their opinions,
but that doesn't mean they're true.
You know, Bronwyn and I have a strong relationship.
We got ups.
We've got downs. sometimes she gets grounded.
But ultimately we get a great time together.
You know, she's experienced,
we've experienced so much in the last 10 years.
I got older, she, I don't know, she got a few faces,
a lot of dresses, am I right?
We watch a lot of John Wayne movies,
God, we have a lot of fun times together.
People are jealous.
Nobody is jealous of your ass.
Nobody.
I can see that you have a lot of money, which is great.
If that's what it costs, I don't want it.
I don't want it.
Todd yelling at you, I don't like how Todd treats Bronwyn.
And I know I'm kind of rough on Bronwyn,
but it's only because no one else seems to see it
and call her out, which makes me crazy.
But ultimately, I like her.
I'm glad she's on the show.
Like, I think she's a good housewife.
I like her, and I don't like seeing her mistreated
by that old bastard.
I don't like it.
And I hope she finds wherever he's hiding that money,
and she gets it.
No, divorce won't work,
because his ass has everything tied up in trust.
You know it. Yeah. You know, there's no way that she's getting her hands on anything unless she gets tricky.
And if we know that anyone is tricky on this show, it's that girl.
So I hope she takes all these powers that she's using right now against Barlow and takes that fucker for everything he's worth.
Get him. Get him, Bronwyn. I love Bronwyn. I have to say, to me there's
no qualifications about it. I just love her. I think she's great even when she is, you
know, being messy or whatever. That's, you know, me. I always love a messy, messy housewife.
So Bronwyn. You're very jealous of me. Well, I'm curious about the conversations that have
come out about your behavior on the show or things that you've maybe seen from each other on the show. Don't sue me.
Please don't sue me." And Bron was like, well, you know, I tend to have a
sarcastic bend to my humor and I always want to say something before anyone else
says. She's
basically kind of parroting everything that he's been mad at her about, you know,
which I don't like. Mm-hmm. And so she's like, you know, sometimes that comes
across like I'm making a joke at Todd's expense or the stability of my marriage's
expense and you know that does take a toll. Mm-hmm. And to watch the world think
that it's like, you know, once speaking negatively about my spouse
or my marriage and Todd didn't deserve that.
He just wanted a Werther's Original.
That's all he wanted.
He didn't deserve, did you deserve that, honey?
Did you deserve that?
No, no, you don't deserve it.
He doesn't deserve it.
He doesn't deserve it.
And I know I seem grumpy.
And I know when I'm yelling at all these ladies
like children are my lawn.
But at the end of the day, it's my lawn.
And that's it.
It's not your lawn.
Get off my lawn.
Get off of my lawn.
You know, I've committed myself and to Broadway and to work on that.
And I don't mean to be as assertive as I appear, but like a ninth grade type of argument,
a playground argument, just set me off a little bit.
And Mary goes, not ninth grade.
But a couple of things are off-limit for television.
First of all, my nipples.
Whether through a shirt or not through a shirt,
these hands are covering them,
and you're not getting a piece of this, so stop trying.
And also, what the hell is Bravo anyway?
Last time I checked, this was my opera station.
And the second thing that's off limits
is Bronwyn's daughter, Gwendolyn,
who I've been with for 10 years.
So bringing up issues that were personal
is completely unacceptable.
Your wife did that.
Just pointing it out.
You guys, that came from your team.
So he's like, almost to the point of being loveless.
And John is like,
well, who, wait, am I allowed to speak?
Oh my God.
You can do it, John, come on, we told you to do this.
Okay.
Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
John, stop parallel parking in your head and to do this. OK. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
John, stop parallel parking in your head and just do it.
OK.
You can do it, John.
Who brought it up?
Your wife did.
Oh.
No, she didn't.
Uh-huh.
Yes, she did.
I'll see you like I did Hewlett-Packard.
And Bronwyn's like,
he's talking about the after show
and what was said on the after show.
And Bronwyn's like, Lisa didn't bring that up.
Bronwyn brought it up.
Okay, I don't wanna litigate this.
I just lit a fire and now I'm mad that it's burning.
So please stop fighting, please.
Yeah, Todd, I get where you're coming from.
And Bronwyn's like, well, he's talking about the after show,
Todd.
And Todd goes, let me be clear about something.
You asserting Bronwyn had a miscarriage was when?
And John goes, watch your tone.
Like, oh, John Barlow.
John Barlow, watch your tone.
He's like, I'm not watching my tone.
I'll use any tone I want.
Watch your tone.
You watch your tone.
You watch your tone.
You watch your tone.
No, you watch.
Hey, am I pretty with myself?
He does that sometimes, right, honey?
He does.
He gets very upset.
It's OK.
It's after 7 o'clock.
So they're just yelling at each other.
Just would like to assert again that no one accused after seven o'clock. So they're just yelling at each other.
Just would like to assert again that no one accused Bronwyn
of having a miscarriage except she said that.
Okay, so Heather is just like,
guys, I just wanted to say something.
Sometimes in life we reunite.
Sometimes we decide to parallel park. Sometimes, Meredith, shut the fuck up.
Heather, shut the fuck up already.
None of us can take this anymore.
Proceed.
No, Heather.
Timeline.
And that is the end of part one of the reunion.
Thank you, San Diego, for having us here. Thank you San Diego for having us here for this.
Thank you guys so much.
It's great seeing you all.
Have a great night.
Thank you guys.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
We love you, babe.
Welcome to the club.
Everybody say my name.
Welcome to the mall.
And I'm sane.
Everywhere I go, people holler every day.
I raise my hands up and holler back.
Head back. Head back. Head back. Head back. Head back. Everybody say my name, walk into the mall and insane Everywhere I go, people holler every day
I raise my hands up and holler back
Hey, batch
Hey, batch
Hey, batch
If you don't know me, you're welcome to blow me
Batch
Hey, batch
Hey, batch
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