Watch What Crappens - #2711 Southern Charm S10E08 Part One: Garshbitration

Episode Date: January 31, 2025

This is part one of a two-part recap!Shep tries to arbitrate a sit down between Craig and Austen on Southern Charm, and Patricia reveals that his new girlfriend might have tried to bang Whitney first. To watch this recap on video, listen to our Sold on SLC and Traitors bonus episodes, and participate in live threads,  go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to watch her crap and add free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Hey y'all, it's your girl Kiki Palmer and let me tell you, we're kicking off this new year with a whole new mindset. If you're ready for that new year, new mindset energy, you've got to tune into, baby, this is Kiki Palmer. If you're looking for more podcasts to help you tend to your well-being, check out New Year New Mindset on the Wondry app. Watch What Crappins? Oh, I live on Peter. Watch What Crappins? Guess what happens when there's so much that happens.

Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappins, a podcast for all the crap we love to talk about on Ye Olde Braves. I'm Ronnie. That's Ben. Hi, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Good.

Very excited. Tomorrow is the Golden Crappies here in New York City. It's finally here. The day has finally come. We're very excited. Tomorrow is the golden crappies here in New York City. It's finally here. The day has finally come. We're so excited. If you don't have tickets, get streaming tickets. They're available right now on watchwhatcrappens.com. It's our yearly award show. It's gonna be fabulous. Then next week we will be in Salt Lake City and Denver for our Mass Hysteria Tour. And that tour will be continuing through May. So check watchwhatcrappens.com for ticket links and also for videos like this that you're watching right now.

And for our Traders recaps, which are great and fun. And we love that show. So thank you so much for being here, everybody. We sure love you. Oh, also announcement, what we will be covering in Salt Lake City in Denver. In Salt Lake, we're going to do Salt Lake reunion part three. Got to do it.

Yeah, in Denver, we're going to be doing Southern Chomp, this very show. Speaking of, thank you to Andy and Watch What Happens Live for having us on as bartenders last night. That was so fun. And we got to be on that with Southern Chomp stars, Austin Crowell, this is the thing right now. And Patricia Alstall. So that was super fun to hang out with those guys. And don't worry, I already told Austin I'm going to come back to work and still mock him relentlessly.

So yeah, don't worry, we didn't get paid off or anything like that. But we did have a really, really good time. We had a really fun time. And I have to say, I have never seen someone receive the attention of so many women as Austin Kroll. The amount of women just coming up to him all night long, giving him numbers. I mean, it was insane right now, man.

It was insane. I've never seen anything like that. Yeah, you can see why he would just wake up with two girls in his bed while he's got a girlfriend. I mean, you would basically see that happening. Yeah, so that is definitely someone who wants to have a girlfriend that lives out of town. I'll tell you that much

It was such a fun time and what a wild what a wild thing to be able to get to do that It was like cool to see the way I watch what happens live works and being backstage and everything and Like it was it was truly wild and thank you to everyone who's being so nice to us and sending such like nice messages and comments on it's just really it's like a really fun energy to go into this weekend with so thanks everyone we have we were also on bitch sesh this week our first ever crossover with bitch sesh and also check out virtual reality page sixes show that we did as well. So like, go check us out everywhere. We're spamming the world with our sit with our faces. That's the perfect way to put it.

We are spamming the world. We're basically standing outside with pamphlets like watch what happens. Watch what happens. Watch what happens. We are people working outside of love this restaurant right now. Republic. All right, let's get into it. Southern.

restaurant right now, Republic. All right, let's get into it, Southern charm. Southern charm. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba I don't blame him. Although I will say looking at Charleston wasp, God damn I'm gay, wasp, wasp nests. How do straight people say it? Wasp nest, wasp, wasp, wasp nests. Texas wasp nests are way bigger, so we should be more scared. Those things are like tiny little dogs crawling over honeycomb, you know?

Ours are humongous, like you better fucking run. I have to get a wasp sprayer that like goes 20 feet because my ass stands very far away and then I run and then I have a blanket to throw over myself because that shit will kill you. Those wasps seem totally unbothered, which makes sense because this is basically a show about wasps. So like not an issue for them. By the way, the one thing that I was thinking about when when awesome was dealing with that first of all, kind of scary. I hate fucking wasps. Why do they

always why do they always build their nuts on doors like indoor jams, they really have to like, like, just be better at it, go somewhere else go somewhere that's like discrete and then do your living there, but not on like a door jam. Like what was it about seeing a giant creature walking in and out of a door that made you say, you know what, I'm going to build my house there. It's like saying, Hey, um, see that highway, see the four or five highway. I'm going to build my house in the median right there. Like, don't do that. Like it's

dangerous. It's not where you should be. It's going to be a threat to everything. And we're just going to kill you because we're not going to like having you there. And that's what Austin does. But what I felt bad about was don't give a fuck. That's what I'll tell you. Wasp do not give a fuck. And they're daring a fuck and they're daring us to pull out the spray so they can attack our asses. Listen, they don't get to live like really long productive lives. Like there's no college plan for a wasp. They want to kill a bitch, okay?

And they're going to get us. They don't care. They are, listen, they're very progressive. They like high density housing and they will, they don't, they, they will take non prime real estate. But what I have to say, luckily Austin got so afraid of the wasps that he was like, Oh my God, Madison and his spit landed on the wasps mess. So it dissolved before he even had to spray it, which is great.

He was, he just spat the wasps to death. Um, but you know what? I was thinking about the entire time he sprays the wasps and then he runs away. But the cameraman's still there. I was like, what is this poor cameraman gonna do? It's like, I think it's significantly harder to run away from wasps when you're holding an expensive piece of camera equipment. That's why later in the show,

when they were following Austin down the street, the camera kept kind of like wobbling because the cameraman was limping, because you know his ass got stuck. He was just like Austin down the street, the camera kept kind of like wobbling because the cameraman was limping, because you know his ass got stuck. He was just like crawling along the ground, just holding the camera like, I will get this shot. I will get it. That is some hardcore camera work right there,

dealing with Austin taking me out of Wasp Nest. So then we have Molly and she is doing one of those, I forget what you call them, where you go up, you're on a machine and you go upside down Um, then we have Molly and she is doing one of those, I forget what you call them, where you go up, you're on a machine and you go upside down and it stretches you out, whatever it is. My dad has one of those. Have you ever done one of those? It hangs you upside down. No, it's so good. I love those.

I always pretend I'm getting shaken down. I'm like, I'm sorry, I'll pay you your money back. I'll give you your money back. Just please don't let me go. It's like an inversion table or something. Inversion table. Yes. That's what they are. I would just be afraid that once I get flipped over, I can't get back up. I know there's probably like a cord and a rope or whatever, but I know my ass. Once I go upside down, I'm just there until someone finds me. Yeah. The problem is you have to have the upper body strength to pull yourself back

up because there was bars and you kind of pull on the bars and it brings you back up. And it's supposed to be very easy, but I'm not a light person. So I have worried, you know, and it's hard being blind when your stomach like comes and covers your eyes, like your boob flap comes and covers your eyes. I'm like, wait a minute. I'm not used to my boobs being like this. So she's on there and her dog is looking at the camera kind of like, at what point do I become a fan favorite on Bravo? Like the dog's kind of like,

I'm a golden doodle. Like I'm, I'm a coveted breed and all anyone cares about is like jiggy still. And then you've got Charles sucking up all the air for the dogs on Southern Charm. And no one cares about Charles, but he just takes it all up. Look at me, I am ready for you, America. I care about Charles, how dare you. But I will say that this is an episode about Shep's girlfriend

totally using him and being a user and camera ready and all this. But no one's complaining about this dog. I mean, this dog literally goes right in front of her face and sits down and stares straight into the camera. I mean. Why is no one worried about this dog being a user? This dog is the biggest fucking user on the show. It's the biggest fame whore we've seen on this show.

Just literally sitting there like, okay, so we're gonna discuss. Am I gonna get in the main credits or what? Welcome, I'm ready for okay, so we're going to discuss. Am I going to get in the main credits or what? Welcome. I'm ready for my close up. So then let's see, Miss Patricia is FaceTiming Whitney and he's like, oh mother, I'm in con. Yeah, look, look, there's con. She's like, oh, how fantastic.

I've never seen con before Whitney. Wow. You're just there like I am except way far back into the city. He's like, can you see the bay? She's like, I've been closer. When you get back, I'm going to start calling you Thomas Ravenel because you were in Khan and now you're not. You're an ex Khan. Then we see Madison arriving at a place called Frothy Beard Brewing Company. Gross. Shave. Shave Brewing Company. And you know there's food stuck in that brewing company's beard. I don't care. ZZ Top is dead. Okay? Well, I don't know if literally, but like figuratively,

let's just all stop with those beards that come down to our chins. It's gross. Wear a napkin like everybody else. Okay? I don't want to see shrimp peels in somebody's beard trying to come make out with me. Shave it. Yeah. You know what? It's time for brewing companies to also get their shit together with these names.

They're just getting annoying at this point. Back in the 90s, everyone used to always joke about all the crazy names that the grunge bands would have. It's like, oh my God, those super grunge bands. Well, guess what? The spirit of that is back alive with these micro brews and breweries. Okay. Frothy beard. Like let's, let's just, let's not. I mean, it's bad when you make trop hop look like a pretty chill name.

Let's just get back into good branding. Greasy butt hair. Like, great. Sounds like a delicious beer. Can't wait to drink it. Excited. Yeah, excited. So Craig is like, I've been looking forward to seeing you. Well, how do you feel about JT, Traitor? And she tells us, honestly, I'm still pissed off at Craig, mainly because I just like being pissed off,

especially at Craig, but I always expect loyalty out of a friendship. I'm like, why are you then friends with the most disloyal people on Bravo? I know. You're a friend with the most disloyal people? Your friend with the natural cast of the traders, like everybody on this show betrays each other constantly. She's like, I just don't know why I can't trust you.

Also in the beginning, she was doing that whole like previously on Southern charm. I got real mad at Craig because Craig gave JT and you know, then he was just trying to be nice to JT and bring him back into the fold. But then he decided that he was so mad at JT and he wasn't going to give him any more chances. Fuck Craig. Craig is the reason that everybody's mad at JT in the first place. I love that they're acting like St. Craig is over here doing something nice for JT.

JT is the one who ruined his reputation in the first place. Well, the Canes didn't help. Let me say, I'm not going to totally jaded on this show because he's a total douche bag too, just in a smaller, bevery package. But yeah, you know, fuck Brett. And also the fact that he was insinuating that Brett was jealous of him.

Although Brett was kind of jealous. But he basically jaded. He wasn't telling a lie. Brett did call and demand to know what happened in that room and who else was in there. All I know is the biggest trader here really is Madison because last time I checked Madison just was always going to take down Austin whenever she had a chance and now suddenly she's like buddy buddy with Austin. So you want to talk about a trader? You're a trader to us,

the audience. Okay, you are our ally on the show. You decided to go work for the evil empire. Okay. Who's the trick now? The only evil empire I will stand to working with is Ms. Patricia. Yes. Yes. We will support that. So Greg is like, I could not have been more wrong. Excuse me. Wanna say that again?

He's like, I know, I know. I have been very genuine in my efforts to try to reintegrate JT into the group after I caused him to be banished with my own lies, but I just don't have the energy to help him anymore. Yeah, you're just a real fucking helper, Craig. You really deserve a hero statue in the middle of town. I hope they take one of those racist ones down and just put Craig up there like, I tried to reintegrate JT. Like, no, it doesn't work like that. You were the one who kicked him out in the first place. So he's like, yeah, I wanted to tell you the next day. She's like, I know. But listen, if anything, it just hurt my feelings

because I do think that our relationship is stronger than your and JT's relationship." So he's like, blah, blah, blah, watching men eat on this show, I swear to God. Can't they do it like Housewives shows where you put food down in front of them and they never touch it? No, no, no, no. I mean, have some manners. Nobody wants to watch you eat with your mouth open. And also, what are the parents... I know Craig wasn't even raised here, but why do parents on this show not tell their children to close their mouth while they eat? I know, Shep especially. I mean, Shep really is like the worst food eater.

Austin too. Austin and Shep are both pretty bad because Shep just, and he's always eating chips and guacamole I've noticed, and he always just does it like... He's like kind of an open garbage just, but like he's half eating and half moisturizing his face with the guacamole And then Austin eats like if a bird was eating a gumdrop. He's like He's like more mouth for it when he eats a spitily Yeah, but none of you know how to eat just stop eating on camera for Christ's sake. This show is about manners Exactly. So Madison is like, well, why do you want to give, why did you want to give JT another chance? I think that hurt Austin's feelings. And by the way, listen, Austin,

this whole thing with Austin, this like divorce, I think that you two were going through. I mean, what's, what are we going to do about it? Cause like, I think that Austin loves you. I think you're more angry about it now and he's more sad. And she starts talking about how she, she's like, I always feel bad for Austin. And then she just starts to laugh. I mean, look at him, he's just be thick and she's so tall. You know, at least short people got blamed into the crowd, but he's just such a tall loser.

I mean, it's just like a target just being right up there where we can all aim for it. You know, I just feel bad for the guy It's like he's only had canned corn. He never had the real thing So and of course we get a shot She's like we've had ups and downs and then we get the shot of Same with him grabbing his wiener and she's just passing the camera going you motherfucker. I'm gonna kill you and all your firstborns. I Will say I just have to say that backstage at one point,

Austin organically at one point said, it's insanity. And I was like, yes. He says it. So Madison is like, well, I do think that he's doing well, but like, well, I do too. But like, what do you want me to do as a friend to austin that i wasn't doing before i don't know gotta limit that like i used to i don't know you bunch of betas that's what betas do right oh look he just takes my friendship for

granted if he wants to play victim in all of this i mean fuck that guy He's pushing me away. And I don't know what to tell you. We were friends, but now we're like strangers. But like that was, that was Austin's whole point. That's why he went to your house because he's like, we're, it's like business. We do like, we work out and we record a podcast and it's like, we're not friends. We're like business partners. And now Kirk is like, wow, I just feel like I don't even know him anymore. It's like, yeah, that's the point. That's why he went there. And, um,

And then I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, we're not friends. We're like business partners. And now Craig is like, wow, I just feel like I don't even know him anymore.

I was like, yeah, that's the point. That's why he went there. And I really liked when they showed the clip of them, Craig shirtless sitting in his pool, leaning back having a beer. And Austin's like, God, Craig, like all you do is work. And he's like, all I do is work anymore. At least you're like lounging by your pool.

He's like, yeah. It's is work anymore. And you're like lounging by your pool. 24 hours of my day now working. Watch. I can turn my fireplaces on with my phone. It's work. And also Craig saying, I feel like he takes our friendship for granted. Weren't you the, like, wasn't he the one who said, let's go play golf. And then you bailed the night before. So that way you can go gardening.

I like, this scene just happened like two weeks ago. Like, I remember all of it. Yeah. I mean, I do think Craig's just like, I don't want to, you guys mostly want to go out and get shit faced and I'm not going out and getting shit faced. So like, what do you want me to do? And it is hard when you're used to getting shit faced with people and then you have to come up with alternate things to do. I remember one of my friends got sober and I was like, okay, well, now what do we do? Like we literally sat there and stared at each other

like, should we go to an amusement park? I mean, we went to like Six Flags. We ate a lot, that's for damn sure. We got real fat. And I think we, you know, like how many times can you go to Ross Rest for Less together and look at the home section? It's not very big.

So, I mean, I get it, you know? Like how many times can you go to Ross Rest for Less together and look at the home section? It's not very big. So I mean, I get it. You know, if that's your hobby, it's very difficult to find another hobby is all I'm saying. Yeah. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappence commercial. Hey y'all, it's your girl Kiki Palmer.

And let me tell you, we're kicking off this new year with a whole new mindset. You know how everyone's all about new year, new me. Well, on Baby This Is Kiki Palmer, we're taking it to a whole other level. We're talking new year, new perspectives. And honey, it's gonna change your life. I sat down with astrology queen, Channing Nicholas. Y'all, if you wanna understand yourself better this year,

this episode is it. And then there's my chat with the incredible Da Vinci, where nothing was off the table. If you're looking to level up your mindset this year, his words are definitely going to hit different. If you're ready for that new year, new mindset energy, you've got to tune into, baby, this is Kiki Palmer. Catch it on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

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Agar. So here's how this show's going to work, okay? We're going to run through the weekly slate of NFL and college football matchups, breaking them down into very serious categories like No Offense. No offense, Travis Kelce, but you've got to step up your game if Pat Mahomes is saying the Chiefs need to have more fun this year. We're also handing out a series of awards and making picks for the top storylines surrounding the world of football. Awards like the He May Have a Point Award for the wide receiver that's most justifiably

bitter. Is it Brandon Iyuk, T Higgins, or Devonte Adams? Plus on Thursdays we're doing an exclusive bonus episode on Wondery Plus, where I share my fantasy football picks ahead of Thursday Night Football and the weekend's matchups. Your fantasy league is as good as locked in. Follow the offensive line on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can access bonus episodes and listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. UFO lands in Suffolk, and that's official, said the News of the World.

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Are we alone? Encounters is a podcast which is going to find out. Listen to Encounters exclusively and ad free on Wondry+. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or in Apple podcasts. So now we go to JT's apartment and he's like doing his typical like JT having a scene in the apartment scene and now he's like trying to bring a match across the room and hope he doesn't fall and it falls. Oh my god what a wacky guy. So he calls his mom, Bonnie, and she's like, hi sweet angel how are you doing? Did you ostracize yourself from another group yet?

He's like, yeah angel. How are you doing? She ostracized yourself from another group yet? He's like yeah mama certainly did Well, I'm gonna go to Augusta to play golf with my some friends since I think my friend groups not doing so well here if That doesn't work. I'll go to my middle school friends and then my school friends mama. God. I love you mama I'd never call you to be word Thank why you want me to go in there and yell at the principal tell him that those bullies keep messing with you But they're gonna have money to deal with." And he's like, no, mama, come on. He's like, well, you know, I'm going to trial Gusto again, but if that doesn't work out, I guess I'm going to have to go back to my high school friends. Mama, I'm just going to have to keep going back

until there's someone to hang out with me. She's like, just don't show pictures of your couch, honey, because nobody's going to want to be friends with someone from the... Actually, his couch here is pretty cute in the apartment. I'm referring to that, uh, ugly couch that he bought for his rental that she hated. Yeah. You know, it's weird to feel like you've done nothing wrong except be honest. Um, and it's like flashback to him telling Taylor like Gaston, Gaston was cheating. So he's like,

and somehow it gets turned upside down to where you are evil And I mean, I think the part that hurts the most here is like why flame me well Because you're an outsider and you came in and you're trying to have TV moments and you you overplayed your hand You did a pretty good job last year, but you you fight it up with the reunion and he'd been on a losing streak ever since Also, I can never feel got feel sorry for a guy who's like, but I'm just honest. Why are you mad at me for being honest? Cause you know, that's the sign of huge douchebaggery.

You know, and it's the thing to think that like he did have like a second chance. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like, I don't feel like you get to be the one to declare that. And you know, he was, he was getting a second chance for this group. And the fact that he like, sacrificed it all over Taylor, that's what's, that's what's so sad. And like when Taylor went storming out last week, he should have been not like, what is the truth? I'm just telling the truth. He should be like, I'm sorry.

Like he should have just gone to apology mode and been like, I didn't mean to upset you. But instead he was like very much about like I'm telling the truth and then Craig got on his ass. And now I mean like he's just, it's, it's over for him. I don't know that I would have even apologized to Taylor, you know, and seeing those clips, they played those clips from last week a lot over and over. Taylor, you're on a reality show about messiness and you literally dated Shep to get on this show and now you're dating another person who's like TV ready to be on this show.

And now you're storming out every other episode. and I just don't know that you have that right. And also you're supposed to be messy on the show. What do you think we want to sit here and talk to you like watch you talk about being that like people bringing up your plot is kind of doing you a favor. You dummy. It's called your job. You're not doing it. Someone has to do it.

Would you think we just want to sit here and watch you play pickleball with the semi hot ears guy now. So bunny is like, yeah, well, while you're away, I'm going to come do your apartment and he's like, all right. Um, you know, you also have access to my assistant, Shannon, right? And she goes, and your fiance, the need a mother she's a sweet girl because she texts me sometimes you know and she'll say something nice to me I'm just like oh what a nice girl and she's like well she does love you mama

Benita does love you I mean she really does you know and I know you like her too and he's like yeah know, my mom was right. Vanita's a shining star. And you know, there's chemistry between us, but we just don't talk about it. Because, you know, we just have this friendship. You thought I was the only one that didn't know how to friendzone a bitch.

My turn. Da da da da da. My turn. It's like JT's big end of Gypsy moment. Can you tell I saw Gypsy last night on Broadway? He's like, here he is boys, here he is world. It's JT. Your friend's on, your friend's on, your friend's on.

So now we gotta bless his deluded heart. So now we go to bless his deluded heart. So now we go to Vanita's house and she's putting together some snacks and Lava comes over with some herbs and they're gonna make some spritzers. And Vanita's like, I'm gonna give myself a little pat on the back. I'm a great host and I think everyone can benefit

from a Vanita Aspen hosting class. I can teach you how to set the table, pour the drinks, cocktails, and make snacks. The timing, the attire. I was like, good for you, Vanita Aspen hosting class. I can teach you how to set the table, pour the drinks, cocktails, and make snacks. The timing, the attire. I was like, good for you, Vanita, because you know you're probably not gonna last after this season. So set up your post-show plan.

I love it. Get those glasses in. Poor Vanita. You think they're gonna fire Vanita? I mean, Vanita is so lovely and likable. She's got great style. She's beautiful. She's beautiful. She's smart.

She seems great. But like on this show, like it just seems like no one pays attention to her. And I mean, this is the most storyline she had this episode. And I just think she's just not messy enough to be on this show. I'll just say it right there. Oh no, she's got a lot more storyline in this show.

That's for sure. But yeah, I don't know, she's got a lot more storyline in this show, that's for sure. But yeah, I don't know. And also you're just making this huge amount of food for Leva, who's just like, she looks at it like, I make an extreme effort to not ever touch that. So I don't know what you think I'm doing here. Leva is also just like, well, here I am filming a scene. How long do I have to stay here?

Anybody? I've really got things to do. So. Just like, I'm here I am, filming a scene. How long do I have to stay here? I mean, I've really got things to do. Just like, I'm sorry I can't have your lunch. I just had another batch of cookies that I made with my child in my kitchen. And then I went to the best restaurant in all of Charleston, Republic. So anyway, good to see you, Vanita. And Leva says that Vanita,

well, she says that Vanita is giggling a lot. And when she does that, it usually means that she likes someone. So if he does like, Oh my God, there's so much to unpack and Leva's like, okay, so did you make out with JT? I'm just saying you guys have chemistry. I feel like the more that we talk about you guys having chemistry, you guys will actually have chemistry for the audience. Yeah. And she's like, okay, Oh my God. for the audience. Yeah, and she's like, okay, oh my God.

Oh my God, I just don't know. I'm just, stop. Listen, you're trying too hard to stay on this show. When you go this low, and I'm doing it with my hands, when you go this low, and I realize I'm making a short joke, but I don't really mean to do that. But when you steep that low, you not only embarrass yourself,

but you kind of hurt your back. Because that is, he's really low. He's really low. Just stop it. Do better. So she's like, Teeheehee, I just like him so much. And everybody's like, oh my God, they're fighting. And I'm like, oh my God, he's so cute.

And Lava's like, oh my God. You're like, yeah, is he town? Like, is he fighting? Like, I'm going to make out with that guy. Ha ha ha. But Lava looks kind of grossed out, you're like, yeah, is he town? Like, is he fighting? Like I'm going to make out with that guy. But level looks kind of grossed out. You know, this is Manny's fault because he up and left Benita and now she's just spiraling into a rebound. And like Manny, just so you know,

just know the damage you cause when you do these things, when you go off to Broadway and leave your lady behind, you don't know, you don't know who she's gonna, where that vulnerability and that heartache is gonna send her and it's sending her towards JT and that's just not nice. That's a cruel thing to leave in your wake, Manny. But I didn't get the vibes from Manny that Manny was really into it either.

I mean, remember that breakup scene they showed when Manny's like, yep, I'm gonna go to Broadway. She's like, oh my God, we're going to Broadway? He's like, I'm going to Broadway. She's like, yep, I'm going to go to Broadway. She's like, oh my God, we're going to Broadway. He's like, I'm going to Broadway. She's like. Hey. It's like, I'm, he's in the show right now. What show is it? What is it?

Right now, I forgot. Oh no, he was in Illinois, which I think closed. Oh, well maybe he will be back in three months. You see how it goes? You gotta love when Broadway people are like, three months, there's no way he will be back in three months. You see how it goes? You gotta love when Broadway people are like, three months, there's no way I'll be back in three months. Maybe 10 years, it's like three months later. He's like, oh yeah, that wasn't my best work, I'm back.

I'm back. Illinois. So anywho, so Benita's just talking about having a crush on JT, which is as fascinating as you can imagine and Love is like well have you ever told JT that you think he's cute She's like no, but I plan on having JT over for dinner And we'll guess we'll hopefully talk it out while we eat brand Zeno on my sofa could not be Awkward awkward seating arrangement for an awkward date

Listen Awkward, awkward seating arrangement for an awkward date. Tee hee hee, oh my god, JT's coming over, tee hee hee. Listen, Vinita, this whole storyline is like a class pass. I'm just not buying it. I'm never gonna buy it. There's nothing you're gonna do to make me buy it. I'm not gonna do it, okay? So, and then she's like, when I'm interested in a guy, I'm not gonna wait for him to make the call

I'm gonna be the first one to say hey, how you doing? So today at 1230 I expect you to pick me up like you answer to me I'm all for that just but also if you're gonna do that pick it pick better candidates Yeah, make sure they're gonna listen You know what? I mean if you're gonna if you're gonna need to boss somebody around, you're gonna need to get a listener. And no one on this cast is gonna do it, I'll tell you right now. Men in Charleston have too many options. You need to move.

What are you saying? If you want a beta, you need to move, honey. So she was like, yeah, he's a marriage guy. Love is like, yeah, he's totally a marriage guy. I mean, who wouldn't want to marry that guy? Like seriously, if you know that if there's a bad storm, that man is going to build you a dam. So.

So, Venito's like, yeah, he's a marriage guy. He's not like the rest of the boys. Like if he finds the right girl, he's going to get married immediately. Well, he actually was married. And I think we all saw how that turned out. So anyway, now we go over to Sally who goes to a place called Bevy, Benny, Brenn, Brewing, which I guess is better than frothy beard or sweaty crotch

micro brews or whatever they're called. And so Molly arrives. Um, and they haven't seen each other since the tube. I was kind of wishing that Molly just brought her a little two, but they just poured beer into it and she just drank out of the tube. Oh, God. She's like, hey, do you have two hours? I've just got a tube at a play for you. So they sit down in chairs that are like,

oh, my God, this chair was like much lower than I was expecting. I know it was like really low. It was not so funny how low it was. It was really low. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Did you get Botox? I got on my chin. You got on your chin. I got on my lips. Oh, really? I got on my forehead. Oh, my God. I got on my elbow. Oh, my God. We got Botox everywhere. I got filler, too. Oh, you got on your chin, I got on my lips. Or really, I got on my forehead. Oh my God, I got on my elbow. Oh my God, we got Botox everywhere.

I got filler too. Oh, you got filler, where'd you get your filler? So they just sort of compare notes on everything they've done to keep things fresh. Yeah, and this is one of those scenes that really kind of illustrates, I think, what a lot of people go through, especially in a town like Charleston,

where the men have way too many options. And it's kind of sad to watch. Like you've got these two gorgeous girls with every, like their whole beautiful lives in front of them. Like, I hope we look good for guys. And especially Sally, I'm not necessarily, I shouldn't say that about Molly,

cause Sally is the one who's like, well, it's not like my ex fiance told me your boobs aren't good enough. Cause she's talking about how she got a breast reduction. So she's like, well she got a breast reduction. So she's like, well, I started doing Botox because I was insecure, but also it makes me happy. And then I got a breast reduction

because it's not like my boyfriend, my ex-fiance told me my boobs weren't good enough, but it's just all the girls he was cheating on me with just had these bigger boobs. So I got porn boobs. He's looking at porn a lot, so I got porn boobs. And then I thought, am I doing this for me? No, I'm not really. I was like, this is so sad. I don't like this.

I just want to like go like fire bomb that guy's house. Yeah. Um, so then Molly explains that her boobs are from like she has thighs and her boobs from a fat transfer because she, uh, she says, you know, my anchors were, my ankles were a little thicker than your average person and I was always a bit bothered by it. So I finally I got ankle and calf liposuction and I shot the fat into my boobs because I had new movies. It's amazing.

That's a new thing. You can be insecure about that girl has cankled tits now. Like that is my hero on Bravo. Someone who's just like, take my kankles and put them in my boobs. I mean, that's the best Bravo shit I've ever heard. And I was not expecting to immediately stan her during this episode.

I mean, look, I already love her because she plays the tuba and she eats cupcake sandwiches. She's already got that going for her, but it was cemented today. Put the woman's hand in some cement and get them on a sidewalk because she has kinkle boobs on purpose. And she's like, that's right. And I tell people, Hey babe, big boy, do you like

that? They're my kinkles. They were terrible. You should have seen how big they are. Yes. When she said that, I was like, Oh, Ronnie is going to be in bliss when he, I was like, Ronnie's going to love this girl. I'm getting my waddle put into my boobs. Just wait. I'm going to say that. I knew you were going to say that. I'm going to get my waddle injected into my deck. Okay. Period. So anyway, yeah. So she, she had that procedure and she's like, well, people are not giving me bad feedback, which is nice.

And Sally is like, yeah, so I think it was Ryan. She's like, guys are saying I'm great. So I guess it looks good. Well, glad you're not looking for fucking validation anymore with the new one. I'm glad you got new ones to not get validation from the ex-fiance, just everybody else now. Come on, man. You're better than this. So, so then Sally's like, by the way, she's like, I think it was Ryan was trying to tell me that you seem like you'd like be a good fit for Shep. Like he's kind of hot. And Molly's

like, yeah, Shep is hot. Shep's a hottie. And I was like, girl, you have to get out of Charleston. You are JT-ing the bar as in lowering it. And so Sally's like, yeah, I mean, he is hot. And well, he wasn't hot when I got with him, but he's looking hot now. Now he's taking ayahuasca. And then we see a rare Ryan clip where we're at the symphony

and Ryan leans over to Shep and it's like, Shep, by the way, I think, I think, I think, I think Molly likes you. I was all scared. Molly's like, well, I'm not super forward. I'm just like really awkward. Like I like playing the tuba. I'm just such a nerd. Like I like playing the tuba. I'm just such a nerd. And I'm like, is this going to be a thing now? Cause like, I mean, these with Sienna, it's not like I'm like trying to steal some guy. Teehee, teehee. Am I doing this right? Cause I would look like a fricking idiot. So, um, Sally's like, yeah, but y'all would have a cute,

cute couple though. You're both tall. Yeah, we have, we'll have giant children and great personalities. At least one would, the half good personality, the other half personality, I don't know. But you can play tubas, your kids would play tubas. They'll also use really big words out of context and kind of mispronounce them a lot.

It's gonna be amazing. Can't wait. I see my whole life in front of me. It's like a community theater production of Shakespeare where no one can remember their lines. So chef now goes over to a restaurant with little Craig and Austin shows up and Craig little Craig wants to get involved in the action and stuff and they're just catching up and also like, so anyway, what's been going on? And he's like, well like well gosh it's been like a really hard week for me I mean Sienna went to Africa and then she was flying home and then like after that I don't hear anything

and then two days later I'm like hello like why haven't I heard from her gosh and Austin's just looking around the room doing that mouth thing he's like uh what do you what do you mean you didn't hear like Austin knows something and he's not telling Shep is what I'm saying and, he's like, uh, what do you mean? You didn't hear me. Like Austin knows something and he's not telling Shep, is what I'm saying. And he's like, yeah, well, she should have, you know, she should have texted, you know, but at that point I was just kind of spiraling, you know? So, oh God, you want me to read it?

I just, I said on Sunday, where are you? And Austin's like, uh, just like, hard stop, just hard stop. Like, where the fuck are you? Like that? And he's like, uh, just like her stop. Just hard stop. Like where the fuck are you like that? He's like, no, like this, like, where are you? So like manly, where the fuck are you going to take me back? Where? No. I was like, where are you? I said, gosh, I'm just a good little boy. I'm a good little boy who misses his girlfriend. Gosh, where the fuck are you?

Gorsh. So, Shep is like, I mean, yeah, she could have been rushing her, but whatever, but she was like, I'm in the Bahamas, and I said, I don't like not talking to you because I love you. I'm a good little boy on Ayahuasca. You know Taylor is sitting at home just like stabbing a ham. You know what I mean? I feel like she pulled a ham out of the refrigerator.

A Taylor ham. And she's just, she's. Taylor pulled out a ham, she slammed it down on the coffee table and she's just stabbing it as she watches the scene. Because all the work that she put into Shep and Shep with this new person is just suddenly like, Oh my gosh, I was like, I want, I love you. I want to marry you. Let me impregnate you right now. Jesus. God damn it.

Well, because Sierra had the good sense to, um, make herself unattainable as opposed to Taylor. So, you know, because Shep is always going to be, he always loves the chase and Taylor made it too easy. Now I'm not saying that's right because I don't think in a relationship you should have that at all. And you know, I don't think it's bad that Taylor likes a guy. So if he's like, Hey, where are you? She responds. I'm just saying that, that Shep is a dog. And so, uh, he's really in him for the chase and Sierra's keeping the chase on. She literally went to Africa. I agree that he's a dog. I don't know that we've ever seen Shep chase a person though.

I don't know that Shep's really a chaser. He's just kind of a liar downer in my opinion. But I will say, uh, I, I do think now he's becoming more of a chaser because he's realized that he's like old and he's not pulling the same that he did before. Because Taylor was like what, four years ago that that started. And I think things changed, okay? And his reputation got worse and worse and worse as well as his, you know, general age.

I mean, we age, that's how life works. And I think he's got this young, beautiful girl and it's because she's young. I think he's got this young, beautiful girl, and it's because she's young. I think he's chasing her youth, you know? And I get it because I'm getting older and I see younger people and I really want to start carrying around a syringe and just start stealing their stem cells out of their spinal fluid, you know? I'm just like, I'm on the subway.

I'm so close to that 20-year-old spine. I could just get a little stem cell out of there and inject it right into my cheek and everything will be okay." And I think Shep's just realizing that this might be his last option, his last chance to get a youngin'. Yeah, it could be. But I think that fuckboys are inherently all about the chase. I think it's like for fuckboys, it's just about getting those notches and they're just going to... It's about conquests. And I think that's, that's what I see in ship. I see someone who is, uh, I see him going to, I think when he knows he can have it all,

he gets restless or at the very least it's that. So maybe it's not about chasing. It's about not, it's about being restless. Who knows? Uh, all I know is that this relationship is not going to work out. Yeah, it's pretty obvious this one's not going to work out. So he's like, where are you? And she wrote back, I'm in the Bahamas. And I said, I don't like not talking to you because I love you. And then we see his texts and it says, I know that. And I realized you're off your phone,

but you're like an important part of my life. And I was worried about you and I like it honestly, because it means I care and I like caring because that makes me a better person and I don't like not talking to you mad emoji face because I love you and I'm making plans for the future with us in mind and I wanted to get on a plane plane emoji and find you this weekend because I didn't have to film. Please be mine, young person. This is so, this is too much. This seems like someone who is like cracked out of his mind, like spiraling.

Like if I got that text and I was here, I'd be like, yeah, sorry, so the president of the Bahamas called and they said, I'm not allowed to leave the country and you're not allowed to come into it. So I guess we can't see each other anymore, bye. That was a really long text, which basically said, I'm not allowed to leave the country and you're not allowed to come into it. So I guess we can't see each other anymore, bye. That was a really long text, which basically said, please don't let me have another Seasnoth Southern charm of looking completely undesirable.

It's been like four in a row, of course. So Austin's like, yeah, well, what did she say back to you? And Shep says, okay, well, she wrote this. She said, I'm sorry I've just been going through a lot and kind of needed space and I was like, oh gosh gosh What does that mean? It means that you are like a 47 year old man, baby who? Who clearly was on something texting her love bombing her and she was like too much too much Yeah, I went home and I got on my couch thank God for little Craig it felt like somebody got in me got in me dad you know if I look this unattractive again on TV

how am I gonna get laid by other 20 year olds and bars yeah well gosh I really feel so bad for Shep having to finally feel what it's like to be in a relationship with himself, like every other woman who has had to deal with him. So he, like how many women has he done what Sierra is doing to him too, right? Like it's, turn about his fair play, okay? Yeah. And Austin's like, well, sorry, I hear this man, but you know,

I really am, but you've hung out with her for like six weekends. I mean, that's nothing. Are you kidding? Six weekends and gay life. That is like our 10th anniversary. I'm fucking talking about six weekends. That's a lot. It is a lot. It is a lot. Shep for the longest time told me that he's, it's not like manly to be sad about a woman or to be sappy. So it's interesting to see, you know, the change

and I like it. It's like a humanizing quality to Shep, but at the same time it's like, how could you love a girl you've only met like three times? That's insane right now. Yeah, I think that's exactly what Shep's doing here. I mean, I know that we're all supposed to feel sorry for Shep because he's getting used by this girl

and poor Shep, his heart is broken, but that's exactly what they're going for on this show. And I hope you guys aren't falling for it because when Austin says it's like a humanizing quality to Shep, that's why they're doing it. Okay. He needs a humanizing moment and I'm not falling for it. And also like this is, this is also a moment where Shep is the, I do think the ayahuasca thing played into this because I think he's like starting to realize like, oh, I'm a mess. I'm, you know,

67 years old and I don't know really what's happening with my life. And I'm kind of immature. I don't have my shit together. But if I get into a stable relationship with someone, that will prove that I am mature and I'm an adult and everything will be fine. And all the doubts I have about myself, all my insecurities, all the nagging feelings that like all my intelligence and all the money that's been poured into me is not turning into anything that will all go away once everyone sees. And once I see that I'm capable of having a relationship. So therefore this is what I've chosen.

I've chosen this beautiful woman in a different country and this will work out and everything will be fine and the illusion will maintain. And that I think is where his head is at right now. Yeah, I think that he's just, he picked somebody who's not there so he can cheat all the time, but then he can still say,

I have a beautiful girlfriend and she's young, so I'm still sexually viable. And then he doesn't have to put in the work to actually be a boyfriend, cause she's not over there And I mean, I just think it's like a whole perfect package and it's just all for his reputation You know, I have a counter I have a counter which is all I love it. Hold on Let me let all of you children sit on there

The answer is all of the above everything you said everything I said it all All works together. It's all part of the package. I think so too. It's all a charcuterie of douchebaggery. You know, you know what I mean? Just pick your meat. But like from Trader Joe's. So it's like, nah, it's not from Bristol farms. That's not, it's not a nice charcuterie. That was the biggest burden you've ever gave in this entire episode. It's not even Trader Joe's. Trader Joe's is just that standard thing, the plastic, you peel it off and there's some cheddar wedges, you know? So that's what's going on. So where were we in here? Where

were we? You know, your mind wanders to places and it just sucks, you know? My fear, my paranoia as if there's a dude, some dude who seems like a big shot, maybe he is a big shot. I don't know, I wonder how much mailbox money he gets. I wonder if his dad prefers wooden blinds on rental homes. Shep trying to do this faux humble thing, like some quote unquote big shots gonna come in when Shep is like, see this, see this County, we own it. You know, like, you come from old, old, old Southern money. Okay. You are a big shot.

I think that's what he's saying. I think he's like, I'm a big shot, but this other guy's probably like pretending to be some big shot. Maybe he's a bigger shot. I don't know. I can't wait to ask her. I'm going to have a private eye, follow her around and find out, does this guy get free dockers wherever he goes? Of course!" Free dockers. So, Shep is on a, he just gets complimentary dockers. Oh, sir, welcome to Rancho Palos Verdes. Here is your hotel room and we provided you with the complimentary dockers.

Tell your daddy we said hello. Congratulations, Mr. Shepard Rose. Please welcome to the American Express Rewards Program, here are your free talkers. I thought we were going to go to the Bahamas, you know, and visit her, everybody. But you know, like in my mind, God, are we not doing that? And I'm like, wow, you even gave her the cast trip. You gave this new person the cast trip. Oh, you are so fucking pathetic. And this is such karma. But again, it's hard for me to believe

that he didn't set this up to make himself look like a huge victim. Time will tell, time will tell. Yeah, and then Austin's like, oh yeah, well I love the initiative, yeah. It's the first time I've really seen it from anyone in this cast, at least in the men. But I can tell we both, you know,

and Shep is like, yeah, but I can tell we both wanna talk to each other, and you know, oh, oh, oh, oh. It's like, honestly, I just wanna see, oh, so they start talking about Craig, sorry. And, cause Craig calls. That's who Austin says, I like the initiative. Cause Craig is like, hey, what's going on?

I wanna hang out this week. Oh, love the initiative. Yeah. Okay, bye. So then Shep is like, you know, this is good. You guys can become friends again. When was the last time you saw him? They, whoa, like this is nuts right now. Like I just want to like begin our like footing again. When was the last time you saw him? Like, whoa, like, this is nuts right now. Like, I just want this, like, beginner, like,

footing again, you know? Like, I want to start getting back to, like, having a very solid relationship. Hey, everyone. This is the end of part one of this recap. For part two, keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half. Watch what crap ins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King.

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