Watch What Crappens - #2712 Southern Charm S10E08 Part Two: Garshbitration

Episode Date: January 31, 2025

This is part 2 of our 2 part recapShep tries to arbitrate a sit down between Craig and Austen on Southern Charm, and Patricia reveals that his new girlfriend might have tried to bang Whitney first. To watch this recap on video, listen to our Sold on SLC and Traitors bonus episodes, and participate in live threads,  go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to watch her crap and add free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Hey y'all, it's your girl Kiki Palmer and let me tell you, we're kicking off this new year with a whole new mindset. If you're ready for that new year, new mindset energy, you've got to tune into, baby, this is Kiki Palmer. If you're looking for more podcasts to help you tend to your well-being, check out New Year New Mindset on the Wondry app. Watch what happens, oh, I need more food. Watch what happens, guess what happens

when there's so much that happens. Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Happens. This is part two of a two-part recap. If you're like, hey, wait a minute, I didn't hear part one. Guys, it's because we put out a lot of recaps. Go back and listen to part one, okay? It's before this one. Bye, enjoy the show. So now and listen to part one. Okay. It's before this one. Bye. Enjoy the show.

So now we go over to Ms. Patricia's house where she is sitting upstairs and she has a bell and she is ringing it and tormenting Randy, uh, who is trying ever so hard to pour some champagne into a glass. And he has a look at her on his face. A chain being dragged up the stairs. Randy comes in with a big old clamp around his ankle. He's like, yes ma'am. Randy, why'd you take so long? I told you to do some ankle workouts. You're never gonna do that.

You're never gonna get up the stairs with that clamp around your ankle unless you start getting some core in, Randy. Hey, Molly, if you want to go up a size in the boobies, we can take some fat out of Randy's ankles. I've been working real hard on them. Hey Molly, we'll take some fat out of Randy's brain and inject it right into your kisser. So Randy brings Patricia some champagne all the way up the stairs and then she's like,

all right, now bring me five more. just keep on bringing up the champagne till you drip and fall down the stairs I just want a good laugh today hey Randy do me a favor give me your finger for a second you got something on that yes ma'am please don't ma'am Randy here it goes look at those three little holes in the wall we're just gonna right there. That's good you're excused now go get another ram stupid. So Madison comes over and she goes upstairs like Randy okay please bring up some champagne this time in coupes okay and bounce them on your nose like a seal and then also clap your hands and also is it possible to go up the stairs? While also bouncing on a beach ball. Can't you do that for us, please? Thank you so much, Randy

Hey Madison, will you hold these these for me? What are they? I don't really know they're a tool Are these jumper cables? All right, hold down Randy while we get these on his nipples. Okay. God, I love having a girl's day Randy will you come to the top of the stairs, please? Okay. There he is Madison if you want to push him down go ahead be my guest. It's real fun And she just goes that ball she's like ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding Hey Randy, there's some exposed wires up there. You mind just licking them real quick, see if they're still alive? Lick them. Randy, put this in your mouth. Ma'am, that's a smoking radio.

Do it. Randy, I got you a bath toy. It's a toaster oven. Go try it out. So they're having some champagne in bed, and they're talking about how to hold the glass to hold the temperature. And Patricia's like, I love a cube.

I mean, if there's one talent I possess, it's my ability to hold something by the stem. Mm-hmm. You know, anytime I'm with Patricia drinking out of a crystal glass, something by the stem. You know, anytime I'm with Patricia drinking out of a crystal glass, that's like about, that's about to break my wrist. I'm like, yeah, I am the queen of England in this canopy bed. Like RIP, I just die as happy. So, um, yeah, they're just like sitting there and she's like, so what

happened to Randy, by the way, did he get lost? Does he not know we went one room over? He's a real idiot, I gotta say. Hey, you wanna play a new game I love to play? It's called the Poor People Shake. Watch this. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Yes ma'am.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. All right, now you know you only caviar with Mother of Pearl. And by the way, my favorite thing to beat Randy with is a Mother of Pearl spoon. It's just such a versatile thing. I hope you enjoy eating from Mother of Pearl. I actually knew the Mother of Pearl, but God, Pearl was a dumb little hooker.

Used every man she ever came across. Okay, so Madison's like, well, I got good stuff. I met Shipp's girlfriend Sienna and I think she's lovely. I mean, she is. I mean, she's 26, you know, a lot of energy. Oh, wow. And any word on the stem cells? Well, her spine doesn't really have very good access. She does like wearing things that have back covers. Damn it. So Sienna is, we see a clip of Sienna at like that dog party and she's talking to everyone. She's like, oh my God, like it's so funny. Like my grandma is the one who actually set me up because my grandma's pretty much like the president of like the

Southern Charm fan club in the Bahamas. Like she just loves Southern Charm. So it's like hilarious. Yeah, she she set me up with Shep. Anyway, oh my God, I know everything about you guys. I love watching you. By the way, you were so good two seasons ago. I have a question. Last season when you got that dress, was that like, did you get that at Gwyn's? Because I'd love to go to Gwyn's. Can someone take me to Gwyn's? I want to just see all the sites. I love that she says she only did, she's

only dating Shep as like a favorite of her grandmother. That was so low and hilarious. And she's like, well, between you and me, she approached Whitney before she... Oh, for Christ's sake. Of course she did. She had to go through the human resources penis to get on this show. You know, we know how this show works. They all go through Whitney first. Dehumanizing resources. Jesus Christ. So, Patricia's like... The Golden Gate douche. Like you have to go through there to get through anything.

Jesus. He said, don't tell anybody, he's going to kill me. Don't worry, I'll just blame it on Randy. You know it was cool the other night at Watch What Happens, we got to meet the producers of Southern Charm, which was... Oh my God, yeah. I mean, we met a lot of really cool people. We met the two chicks in the office. They're so nice and gorgeous and talented, you know all that.

Fran and yeah. But we actually got to meet the producers of this. They were such nice guys. Can I tell you, it was so cool talking to them. And I actually got nervous talking to them. And then I left and I thought, God damn it, I had the chance to ask them the question I've always been dying to ask.

And I've never been able to ask and I missed my chance. And that question is, is there no HR on this fucking show? How? How is this Whitney, how is this Whitney being the gatekeeper of every girl getting cast on this show? How is that still going on? Get me HR on the phone. Yeah, that's a good, that's a really great question.

So Madison's like, well, here's your contract for Southern Charm. You can just sign this with my penis. Just go ahead and sign right here on the dotted line. Oh, mother. So, you know, when I was talking to Sienna, she was like, I would love to hang out with you all again. And Patricia's like, so it sounds like she's working

a lot of angles here. Stalker. I mean, to be fair, I feel like most of this cast is stalkers. This is kind of like where stalkers go to get sanitized and like reintroduced into society. Yeah. So, she's like, well, where did she meet him in the first place?

She goes, oh, I don't know, some application. It's for millionaires. Uh, Raya? She's like, Raya, that's it. Stalker. And Madison's like, Patricia's got the best gossip in town. That's why we've been best friends for 16 years. If you can out gossip a hairdresser, you really got something special.

Yeah, seriously. So now we go to Craig on his car and he's on the phone with Jerry, his business partner. And he's like, I want to talk about like, um, Austin and the podcast and like, Shep is going to mediate and like, um, I want to like Austin and the podcast and like Shep is going to mediate and like, um, I want to like maybe buy out Austin and Sherry is like, you know, offer somewhere between 35. I think it was a 35 was just 30,000, 30,000 and 50,000, someone like that as a lump sum payment. He's like, but she go low.

Five and 50. Yeah. He's like, I'm from 35 and 50 is a lump fit, a lump one. Start loan. Craig's like, yeah, I'll give him 30. Like, I'm sorry. That is wild. That's insane right now. It's insane. And I want to say this comment does not come from any sort of bias because we met Austin the other night. That is wild. They've had a podcast for a few years. They're both celebrities. There's value in this podcast. And you're gonna buy out your partner for $30,000. That is so insulting. That is so rude. It's so insulting just to be like, we got in a fight, so now I'm kicking my partner off the show. That's bizarre. I can't imagine that.

And low balling too. And you're gonna talk about how successful you are, and then you're gonna offer only $30,000. That's like a, I think that was a, it should be six figures for those two people for something like that, six figures at least. That was so shitty. Yeah. Why don't you just start your own podcast

called Pillow Queen? Just do that. I mean, if you're so confident in your popularity and you're this and you're everything in the podcast and people are only there for you, just have one for yourself called pillow queen. Like who cares? Call it down. I'm dead. Call it. I'm down. Get it. Get it because of pillow feathers and stuff.

Actually what for Craig actually be called sham. That is good. That is really good. Sham. Sham. Sham goddess. Sham goddess. He's like, Hey, sham goddess, I'll buy you out for $5.

All right, so Craig goes to pick up Shep and they shake hands awkwardly and start laughing. And Shep's like, wow, I've really had a tough one because I'm just a good little, I'm not some douchebag. I'm just a good little boy with feelings. Date me again, America. And he's like, what's going on? He's like, yeah, this morning I got a text from." And he's like, what's going on? He's like, yeah, this morning I got a text from Sierra and she's like, good morning with a big smiley

face and I'm like, are we happy this morning? I sent you those pair of tidy whiteys with my name signed on them for your grandma. I hope we're made up now. Well, you guys are still pretty new. Paige and I are coming on three years, but it's been a lot of hard work and you're gonna have to deal with the shit from her. Luckily I'm in my forever relationship So shop is like, oh, I know and it's worth giving it a try because the feelings you have for her Don't come around that often Do you think Paige would be upset if I offered through her $30,000 to buy her out of our relationship? So I can just take over the relationship for myself?

I was like, yes, it's worth giving it a try in relationships because the feelings you have for her don't come around often. Sure, you might get hurt, but it's worth it. He's like, well, I'm okay with getting hurt. I really am. I'm just a boy, a boy with a heart, a heart that can get broken America. I'm just a boy standing in front of a girl asking her, where are you? Your grandma just sent me a topless picture of herself and I don't

know what to do about it. Please text me back. Oh my god, there's something on the windshield. Sorry, someone just threw free dockers at me. So all you want are beautiful babies in the Bahamian house or you're going to go into some deep dark depression that you'll pull me into and then we're going to have to go to fucking bars To meet girls, please don't do that to me Craig's advice is pretty good. Honestly, I think he's got Austin beat in that arena

By the way, I had lunch with Austin and you know, he's cynical about about relationships, dude Like you're not so not as much but like you can be a realist That's why I appreciate it. Bouncing things off of you. Like, look, I got a rock. Let me bounce it off your head. Ow. Ow. That hurt.

Why'd you do that? I was trying to bounce it. Rocks don't bounce, by the way. They skip. All right, so that was a bad analogy. Yeah, you know, I'm a realist, you know? So I date someone in a different state who doesn't want marriage or children.

And then I just say every day, you wanna have marriage and children in this state that you hate on a show filled with people that also hate you? Does that sound fun? You know me in realism. Speaking of Austin, you have to be- Also, I'm sorry to interrupt you, Ben.

I know you're not shocked that I did it, but I'm really sorry to interrupt you. I just want to interject here. One part of standing behind the bar that's really hard is not being able to interject when they're talking bullshit in the guest chairs. And when they're like, oh my God, Paige is so mean to Craig.

Yeah, Craig deserves so much better. Get the fuck out of here. Team Paige 100%. She never lied to that fucking guy. And deserve so much better. Get the fuck out of here. Team Paige, 100%. She never lied to that fucking guy. And I hate that we all expect the woman to have to pick up all of her shit and move to Charleston. Everybody there hates her. No one on that show is nicer to her.

Why would she want to move there? It's not like you guys made it the most welcome place. I don't blame her for getting the hell out of there. And if he can't bend a little bit and think, wow, you know where else could use a pillow store? New York City. Why don't I put a Craig's pillow store in New York City? There's tons of tourists there that watch Bravo. Put it right by watch what happens or some shit. I mean the fact that he wouldn't even try to come up with any way to make that work for her. I'm not going to sit here and feel bad for fucking Craig. Get out of here. Yeah thank you for bringing

that up. That's a really good point because we had to stand there and while they were saying that that that well Patricia said that Paige was mean to Craig no she was just exasperated by him and if she was mean to Craig then you know what she deserved to be because he is ridiculous we have we are I am totally team Paige we are team Paige and you know what if she is dating this new guy that she went to the He is ridiculous. I am totally Team Paige. We are Team Paige. And you know what? If she is dating this new guy that she went to the football game with,

God fucking bless. Yeah, God forbid. So anyway, it's just annoying because on this show they're always like, the women are so mean to the men. No, this whole show is about women, it's about men being douchebags to the women. And look at this here,

you've got a whole line of new ones that you guys get to just abuse and treat like shit for the next three years until you fire them too. You know, as you shrivel up and still keep doing your same old bullshit. So yeah, I'm not gonna jump on that whole like, oh. And she was also like, yeah, you know, Paige was mean to Craig and also Naomi was mean to Craig.

I was like, well, maybe the problem was Craig. You know what I mean? Like, it's like getting, it's like calling people out for getting mad that jars are too hard to open. Jars are hard to open. Make them easier to open. You know what I mean? I think that Craig probably goes for women who are like smart because he's not smart. So I think he's hoping it's going to rub off on him. And he like does, he somehow presents a, puts on his charm, puts on his facade.

He bamboozles them. They're like, oh my goodness, this is, I have like a golden retriever. And then what happens is that then they realize that, oh, this is a golden retriever, but this golden retriever shits everywhere. And I'm sick of picking up its poop. And they just like get ground down.

And I always, I always empathize with Naomi being so frustrated with Craig sewing all day. And you know me, I like to sew. I get the sewing thing, but it's that Craig was talking about how he's going to law school and he's gonna do something and instead he's sewing. And it's great that he turned to sewing into something, but like I felt like he was always feeding Naomi

a line of bullshit and she had every right to be totally, totally exasperated by him. Yeah, it was just frustrating watching the audience react sometimes where they're just like, what a bitch Paige is. Because we've seen what a little bitch Craig is for years and what a compulsive liar he is. And still everyone's like, oh, he's so perfect. And actually, you know, like we give them a lot of shit

on this show, cause this show ultimately is about guys being douchebags, like let's face it, it started with Thomas Whitney and Shep, you know what I mean? So that's what it's about and I get that. And I actually have grown to like Craig, you know, I really like Craig. I think he's a sweet guy.

He's really charming. He's really good looking. And he does have a lot going for him, but this whole like, let's just not hurt and I as the chick because you know Craig's so cute and has a nice smile is really fucking annoying people need to stop doing it and he deserves to get what he wants But he has to also find somebody who wants what he wants He can't just he's not so entitled that he just gets it from anybody. He wants you know Yeah, no Craig is really nice.

And, but that being said, he's not perfect. And I don't think that Paige should ever be vilified because as nice as Craig is, I still am always gonna be team Paige in this situation, always. So then we go to blah, blah, blah. Okay, so Shep's like, yeah, I had lunch with Austin, you know, and after I wiped the cracker crumbs out of my eyes while he was talking, you know,

he's so cynical about relationships. Thank God for you. And he's like, yeah, well, speaking of him, I need you to come mediate because we're going to have to have a really long talk me and Austin and you can be honest. Since when is Shep being honest? Shep thinks the same thing that fucking Austin does. And you two have been teaming up against Shep for the past year. And now all of a sudden Shep's your best friend that you need in your corner.

This show is going to give me whiplash. It's whiplash. Well, you're going to have to give a little bit Craig because you're not like, you're not right all the time. Only I am. Craig's like, well, that's because you're not like you're not right all the time only I am Craig's like well that's why you're coming because I brought you to ask the hard questions. He's like well I think Craig and Austin are closest when Austin does what Craig tells him to do and if Austin falls out of line there's problems

but like if we can't empathize with each other's points of view then are we really friends to begin with? That's a great question to ask yourself in literally every single season that we've ever watched, Shep. So look, I don't wanna like grease the wheels by like reminding you that only one of us at this table is hooked up with your ex, okay? But I'm just saying, like I'm not trying to bribe the judge or the mediator, but yeah,

he like probably fucked your girlfriend, so. Yeah, but also only one person in this trio got the love and attention of Kelsey Bellarini, okay? And I don't think Shep has ever forgotten that. That's true. Yeah, I think they're like housewives in that way where they will always remember the first major slight and Shep will always come for Craig because of that.

Cause even if this mediated dinner Shep comes for Craig, he's like, okay Craig, I'm there to help you. We do think you're a narcissist. Am I helping? I hope that Kelsey Ballerini had the worst day of her life with you. Garsh! Kelsey Ballerini. G-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g- Gorge Crag! Wow, that really took you a long time to start that one up, huh?

Huh? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha about new year, new me. Well, on Baby This Is Kiki Palmer, we're taking it to a whole other level. We're talking new year, new perspectives. And honey, it's gonna change your life. I sat down with astrology queen, Chani Nicholas. Y'all, if you wanna understand yourself better this year, this episode is it. And then there's my chat with the incredible Da Vinci where nothing was off the table.

If you're looking to level up your mindset this year, his words are definitely going to hit different. If you're ready for that new year, new mindset energy, you've got to tune into baby. This is Kiki Palmer. Catch it on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast. And for the full experience, head to my YouTube channel. If you're looking for more podcasts to help you tend to your wellbeing, check out New Year, New Mindset on the Wondery app.

Let's make this year our best one yet, baby. Welcome to The Offensive Line. You guys, on this podcast, we're gonna make some picks, talk some and hopefully make you some money in the process. I'm your host, Annie Hagar. So here's how this show's gonna work, okay? We're gonna run through the weekly slate of NFL and college football matchups, breaking them down into very serious categories like No Offense.

No offense Travis Kelce, but you gotta step up your game if Pat Mahomes is saying the Chiefs need to have more fun this year. We're also handing out a series of awards and making picks for the top storylines surrounding the world of football. Awards like the He May Have a Point Award for the wide receiver that's most justifiably bitter. Is it Brandon Iyuk, T Higgins, or Devontae Adams? Plus on Thursdays we're doing an exclusive bonus episode on Wondery Plus, where I share

my fantasy football picks ahead of Thursday Night Football and the weekend's matchups. Your fantasy league is as good as locked in. Follow the offensive line on the Wondery F or wherever you get your podcasts. You can access bonus episodes and listen ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. UFO lands in Suffolk and that's official, said the News of the World.

But what really happened across two nights in December 1980 when US servicemen saw mysterious lights in the forest near RAF Woodbridge and claimed to have had a close encounter with an actual craft. Encounters, a new podcast available exclusively on Wondery+, takes a deep dive into one of the most famous and still unresolved UFO encounters to ever take place in the UK. Featuring shocking testimony from first-hand witnesses, hosts, journalist, podcaster and UFO researcher Andy McGillan, that's me, and producer Elle Scott take us back to the nights in question and examine all of the evidence and conflicting theories

about what was encountered in the middle of a snowy Suffolk forest 40 years ago. Are we alone? Encounters is a podcast which is going to find out. Listen to Encounters exclusively and podcast which is going to find out. Listen to Encounters exclusively in ad free on Wondry+. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or in Apple podcasts. Well, I want to be good with Craig because this is Austin speaking again, okay? Because now I'm at a table. This time I'm at Holy City Brewery.

I want to be good with Craig and I don't want to be at odds. It feels like Craig and I have been squirting around the issue for far too long, and let's just cut through this shit. Let's just fuckin' talk, man. Like, it's gotten to a point where there's like nothing else to be said other than exactly what the issue is for both of us.

There are. And then Shep walks in with Craig, and Austin just crosses his arm, and he's like. Ah. Ah. Ah. Just sprays the table his arm and he's like... Just sprays the table with spit. He's doing like a full... He's like mouthing a full monologue to himself.

Just with his tongue and his teeth. He's so mad. He's like, what the fuck? Of course, Craig shows up with Shep, his new fucking bestie all of a sudden. I haven't seen them show up anywhere together in three years, like coming to meet me. Craig has a partner in arms, which is wow, more chess games from Craig. I said it, partner in arms. I'm an intelligent person.

We shall see ya. Are you gonna start this like the Godfather, like thank you for joining me. because by the way, you know I've never seen the godfather That's not surprising whatsoever not surprising Mmm, and stuff like has Paige seen the godfather. He's like, yeah, she doesn't know I've never seen it Please don't tell her because sometimes just to impress her we walk into restaurants and I'm like, wow This is the beginning of the Godfather.

I say, take the cannoli, leave the pillow. So, chef is like, yeah chef. Like we can't skip over this because this is so good. I've never seen the Godfather. She doesn't know I've never seen it. So you've even lied about that? You've even lied about seeing seen the Godfather. She doesn't know I've never seen it. So you've even lied about that. You've even lied about seeing the fucking Godfather to your girlfriend.

I mean, come on, man. She probably knows. Probably when she said, Craig, I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse. He's like, what if I refuse it? No, Craig, you don't have to say anything to it. It was a joke in and of itself. What?

Also, he. You haven't seen this movie? This is great. Also, every time he's like, it's like the beginning of the Godfather. It never is, you know what I mean? The Godfather starts at a wedding, sir, okay? It's a pretty specific opening.

This is like the opening to the Godfather. Craig, it's an elsewhere. Actually, I hate to break it to you, Ronnie. Craig is right. The beginning is really Don Corleone sitting in his office at the wedding and the guy comes in and says, Oh, Don Corleone, you got to help me. And it's like all dark. And then they go out to the wedding outside. Oh, you're right. Yeah. Okay. Well, wow. Don't tell Paige.

But I don't think that Craig knew that by the way, Well, wow. Don't tell Paige. But I don't think that Craig knew that by the way. I think that was a pure guess that Craig was like at the mobster at a desk. I just watched all the Godfathers. Yeah, I thought it was the wedding and then somebody comes in to talk to Don Corleone

and they go back out to the wedding. I've never seen Godfather Part Three. I actually watched Godfather Part Two like three years. I think I talked about it on the podcast. I was like, guys, I watched the Godfather Part Two. I watched the Godfather Part One. I watched the Godfather part one because I was watching that TV show where it's about the making of the Godfather.

It's good, that's a good show by the way. I forget what it's called. The Godfather is, can I say something? The Godfather is so good. It was good. I think I'm probably the first person who's ever realized this. The Godfather is like so good.

Yeah, it was pretty good. It was a good one. And guess what? Team Diane Keaton. So in case some of you think that our attitude only goes for Southern charms, don't worry. She was the original page. It extends to the Godfather.

Yeah, the original page. Everyone's like, oh my God, fuck Diane Keaton, what a bitch, take her kids away from her. I'm like, no, actually she had a point. Why should she have to marry fucking Al Pacino and put up with his murdering bullshit? You know, he's just a man, he's like, but look at me, I'm crying, I'm crying, I've got feelings.

Like shut up, Shep. Yeah, just, yeah, grow up. You know what, when that door closed on Diane Keaton's face at the end, I was like, ugh, gutting. It's always the woman who suffers. I wish when Paige broke up with Craig, she just left a horse head in his bed.

He's like, what was there a horse head in my bed? What's this from? I need to know, she's my godfather. It's a pashmina. It's on trend. But only you would think it's a horse head, you idiot. But only you would think it's a horse head, you idiot. The point is, Craig has not seen the Godfather. And Shep was like, Gersh, I've seen the Gersh, Father.

And I think you have to watch it at like your Italian bar mitzvah, or bat mitzvah. Oh, Gersh. Yeah, she's Italian. And Shep's like, she's Italian though. So of course she's seen it, you know, and Greg's like, yeah, they love that shit. And he's like, yeah, I think you have to watch it. It like your, your Italian bar mitzvah or bat mitzvah.

Oh gosh. All right. What's that? What's the bar mitzvah? You know, it's like we have, you know, when we're 13, we have our garsh mitzvahs. You know, it's like Fiddler on the Roof. Oh, don't tell Paige I haven't seen Fiddler on the Roof either. So Austin and I were just like not great at expressing, like, or saying the tough stuff, you know, like that sentence for example,

but you guys are so close, you should be able to do it. I mean, you just took a pizza spinach dip to the eye, Craig. You should be able to say, say whatever's on your mind. I was like, sorry, did I do that? Like putting up a Santa card in his mouth. So here comes some tough stuff. I'm gonna make an offer to Austin. He can't refuse.

Did I do it right? Okay. I have a proposal. Austin's like, oh God. He's like, maybe we give you 30 grand, but like I keep ownership of it. It's like, oh my God. Oh no.

Like, no, I'm not. First of all, no, and second of all, I'm not thinking about the podcast, and also third of all, that's a real lowball figure. Oh God, no. But I like that Austin didn't even get into that. He's like, I thought we were here to talk about our friendship and you're already like going to business.

And Craig's like, what do you want from me? Well, what about like, I don't know, just like friendship life, what's going on with that with all of us? Oh, like I thought we were fine, you know, but you did this, you came to my house and you started this and all I've done is respond. You were in my home where fireplaces come on

at the switch of an iPhone button. Yeah, and he's like, and Austin is basically like. Yeah, I mean, like Craig, it was telling, it was me telling you that you've lost track of your interpersonal relationships. I'm trying to have you find some balance, dude. That's all that I wanted you to do. Like instead, you took your ball and you went home with it, okay?

Like, man, just think about all the things that you've done since that conversation. Well, like, what have I done? He's like, um, you threw a party. You threw a party and didn't invite me. He's like, well, but I felt betrayed, though. That's why I did that. Yeah, but he's saying that you did things in retaliation for one stupid little thing. And he's like, Yeah, but I was retaliating.

Fucking Craig. So he's like, I'm just disappointed. Oh, I'm just disappointed to hear you say that, man. He's like, but we do so much together. We work out we do podcasts. We do lunches. We go out to the gym I'm like, what more do you want from me? Shep I mean it's like talking to a brick wall and crazy mediator. What is unclear? Like I don't get it Um, well, I think there's a part of Austin and I that thought that it was like, oh, like a PR thing. Like, oh, I've gotta do this. If I want my business to flourish,

I have to be squeaky clean. Well, yeah, well, that's okay. If you're saying like, oh, I have a successful business, I have to maintain a good image for myself, that's okay to do, Shep. I mean, not at the expense of a friendship, but like you're allowed to do that too. Yeah, I mean, I think the thing that hung me up

is the same thing as you when it was like, yeah, but you were supposed to go golfing with me and you also canceled that. And that's not necessarily about being wasted. Although every man knows, even the gay ones, that golf is kind of about being wasted. I mean, that's just like day wasted, you know? So that kind of hangs me up too, because part of me is just like, yeah, but if you go to

the gym and to lunches and do your podcast with people, that is spending time together. You know what I mean? I think so I'm still on that where I think that Craig is spending time with him and they're being unreasonable because they just want him to be out at bars with them because he probably pulls the best ass out there and they get the residual flow off. Yeah. I, yes, I agree with all this. It's like such a, it's like, I kind of agree with all the points that are happening in

this conversation because I think everyone kind of has a valid point and because their friendship is changing. But I think probably for Austin and Shep, the strongest point that they should make, I believe, is that it feels like now the friendship is only on Craig's terms. Like they can only hang out with him when he says that they can hang out and it has to be at his place.

And if they make plans, he bails on them, or it's like only during these sanction times of like gym or whatever. And I think if they stuck with that, I think if you talk about like, oh, we think you're trying to be squeaky clean for your business, I don't think that's like a fair thing to say and you may feel like they may feel it

But I don't think you're gonna win the argument by saying that but I do think that like it's if you say We don't feel like we have a say in this friendship, which makes must feel like we're being used or whatever I think that's that would be their strongest path forward and they actually do kind of get there in this conversation Right because Craig's like, you know, they're like this is our version of friendship I think that would be their strongest path forward. And they actually do kind of get there in this conversation, right, because Craig's like, you know, they're like, this is our version of friendship, this is my version of friendship. And Craig's like, well, my version

is not bailing on each other, like all the ups and downs, you know, like, I've been a great friend to you, and that's why I'm taking it back when you came to my pool and said, I don't feel like you're a good friend anymore. Like, that hurt my feelings. Yeah, but you're the one bailing because you're literally trying to drop legal papers to kick him out of your life. Like that hurt my feelings. Yeah, but you're the one bailing because you're literally trying to draw up legal papers

to kick him out of your life. Like that's nuts. Yeah. By the way, and in the middle of this, Shep goes, part of being a self-realized human is being able to listen to constructive criticism and to really take it in and maybe realize that some people have a point.

I'm like, yeah Shep, a poster child of a self-realized human being. Well, we can always see it when it's somebody else we're talking about, eh? By the way, I love in our video today that I'm Danny DeVito, to your Arnold Schwarzenegger. Look at our size differences.

Why am I so tall? Also, I have a question I was gonna ask you about this. I feel like the JT of this recap. Your background is so beautifully blurred, like you got that good bouquet effect, I think they call it. How did you, is that just naturally happening or did you put something on?

Because I cannot for the life of me get that nice effect on my camera. I don't know. Oh, you know why? Because I'm using the laptop camera and they have something called portrait mode, like your phone, like it takes the portrait mode on your phone and so it blurs out the background. But I would like everybody to know there are no filters on my face.

This is all me. My laptop doesn't have it. Instead I have for some reason a puke green tone that's just washing over my entire screen. That's lovely. That's so weird because I actually went to a bar in Charleston called Pute Green Town. Pute Green Brewery. Yeah, I literally am the color scheme of Frog and Toad. Right now.

You're not, you look very handsome. You always look very handsome. And you look way hotter on TV. I was like, yes, bang. Oh, thank you. Wow, you know, I haven't even watched our episode yet. I'm like actually- I did, I'm masturbated to it.

I'm just kidding, I did. Why did you say that? That's so disgusting. I did not. I was watching even watched our episode yet. I'm like actually- I did, I masturbated to it. I'm just kidding, I didn't want to say that. That's so disgusting, I did not. I was watching with my friend, Kimberly. I saw the pictures, because I was honestly, I felt very self-conscious about how I looked. I felt like I wore the wrong shoes by accident. And I-

They don't see the shoes, we're behind a bar. I know. I mean, who cares? We're guys, no one cares about our shoes. Like you know, it's like it gets into your head. And I was also afraid like the shirt was like, it wasn't fitting me the way I wanted it to. I was worried about my posture. I don't know, I was like, you know,

some days you like go out into the world and you feel like, yeah, I look good. And then sometimes you're like, no, I'm off. And it's not like me feeling shitty on myself. It's just like that night, I was like, I feel like I'm not really rocking it. So I was like afraid to watch it. God, did you take a Molly pill before you came here?

Geez, man. Well, no, but what I did do, I did lipo my ankles yesterday. So I was like, I can't, after that Watcher Happens Live appearance, I've gotta lipo those ankles. No, but for real, it wasn't like a, it's not like an ongoing, like, it was just that night.

I just didn't love how it looked. So I just think I was like, it made me not want to jump into watching it. When you were hot, I got a boner watching you on, I got a boner watching you on TV. So I'm sorry I said masturbate everybody. I'm sure we'll cut that out later. That's all right.

Just kidding. No, it's fine. Just know that you, like this is what Austin and Craig need to know. Like a real friend masturbates to their other friend and themselves when they see themselves on TV. You don't even masturbate to me on Watch What Happens Live anymore.

Kind of friendship business. Okay, so basically they're like, we should accept each other the way we are. And Craig's like, okay, it would be fair to say, I don't use my limited amount of free time at my house in Charleston to come hang out with you guys. Okay, so there could be room for improvement for the balance of that.

And they're like, okay, just a small effort, Craig, and we can build up. I mean, come on, just get us laid while you've still got your hair. What a self-serving comment by him. I guess I don't use the limited amount of free time that I have, because I'm busy, because I work, that I get at my house, because I have a beautiful house

that you guys should all just come to. Like, I don't have a lot of time, so since I don't have a lot of time, you guys should come to my house, because I got a sweet pool, but okay, fine, I'll go to you. It's like, it's such a begrudging way to contribute to this conversation. Yeah, but he did give a little.

He was like, okay, I'm a little wrong. I could make more of an effort basically, right? And so they kind of make up. And then we go to Vanita's house and she is cooking for JT with Charles and she's just walking around like, Tee hee hee hee, oh my gosh, I'm opening champagne and I spilled some on the floor, JT, this is crazy.

Am I nervous? Am I nervous, Charles? Am I nervous? And Charles is just like, God, you're boring. It's like, I'm not buying this. Just finish the fucking fish. Charles is like, I just want to imagine a world where I don't live in like a fake anthropology store. So she's cooking.

I did enjoy her cookbook selection that she had in her kitchen. She had salt, fat, acid, heat, and she also had a Treasury of Southern Baking by Charles Day. So it was a nice selection. I approve of Vinita. She has good taste.

She knows her food and everything. She's making a branzino. This is all very nice. I just want more for her. I just want, Vinita. You don't deserve to be on this show. You need you need to find something bigger and better than these people like sit here you wasting good fish on someone like JT. It's just not worth it.

It's just sad. Yeah. So JT pulls up in his G wagon. I'm so sure. Who'd you borrow that from for the day? Get the fuck out of here with that. I don't believe that for two seconds. Bonnie. It's Bonnie's G wagon. I'm so sure. Who'd you borrow that from for the day? Get the fuck out of here with that. I don't believe that for two seconds. Bonnie, it's Bonnie's G Wagon. It's fucking Matt Black G Wagon. Okay. So that Airbnb is doing really well. So he's like, Wow, look at this real girly place.

Like it? Like it? Real girly. Here's me casual JT. Wow, what a gourmet meal you had. This is great. I'm going to eat the whole thing on your couch before I completely humiliate you on TV. So just keep feeding me. That'll be great. So, Vanita is like the first time, you know, I thought that I liked JT more than a friend was we were in New York and we see the reunion where JT's like calling out. Um, what was hard like Andy's like, well, JT, you got a great career and a hot body. And she's like, oh yeah. But then I was in a relationship with somebody else, Manny. And I said, you know what? Pump the brakes. Don't get into JT. Don't cheat.

But the more we got to hang out with the group and being out together and me standing up for him and having his back, I was just like, I don't do this for people that I'm just friendly with. And then I was like, maybe I like him. I mean, he didn't save me when I almost drowned, although he wasn't invited, but either way, sure. I'll like JT, why not? The first time I really liked him was when we went

to an amusement park, because I really hate roller coasters, but I was with him and he was too short to ride the ride. So I didn't have to go either. And I was like, this is somebody I could actually be with. Here's why JT is the hugest piece of shit. He could come over, he knows what this talk is going to be about, and instead of coming over and having a nice talk with her, he completely butters her up and lifts her up and flirts with her like crazy before he does it.

He's like, wow, I just talked to my mama and she said that you're her favorite. And she says hi. She goes, yeah, I love him. Yeah, you sent her a text on Mother's Day. She was so touched. She said, I quote, she's my favorite. You should marry her. Wow. What do you think about that one? At least she's honest, right? God, I love mama. She's always right. Wow, this food, this branzino, it's sweet and spicy. Kinda like us, right? Can I just acknowledge there's chemistry between us in there? I feel it. It's in the air. It's thick. Are we on the same page? What a piece of shit, man. Fuck this guy. Honestly, fuck this guy.

Vanita doesn't take enough shit on this show without being completely dragged and humiliated like this by you. Fuck off, you little fucking G-Wagon borrowing beaver. I hate you. Now I'm so glad to see that this cast treats you like this because you deserve every little fucking bit of it. I'm never standing up for you again until next week when one of the guys is worse. Yeah, no, but Vanita gets chat on time and time again on this show and she gets humiliated

and it's just like she gets shoved to the corner and she's the only one who seems to actually have a brain around here and you know we have we have Vanita she's sitting he's saying things like you know I'm extremely attracted to you and this brand's you know you know, we have, we have Venita, she's sitting, and he's saying things like, you know, I'm extremely attracted to you. And this branzino, you know what? The thing with this branzino, it makes me imagine all the dinners we could have together if we were in a relationship. Maybe someday we'll get married

and all sit around the table with our children eating branzino together. God, that would be a great life. But you know what? Just keep it real. Do children like branzino? Wow, can't wait for them to try this. You should put this branzino in a baby bottle.

I'd love to see our first child being nursed on this sweet, sweet branzino. I can see, I can see me taking our first born child, little JT Jr. off on a fishing trip to catch a branzino and we cook it up for the whole family. Driving the kids to school saying, God, what's that smell? And then them saying,

Mama packed us some branzino in our lunch, Daddy. Oh, and then I'll say, what is that other smell? Mama also made us some pickled branzino for the side. And what's that other smell? Branzino pie. Oh, wow. We're gonna be together forever. This is just beautiful.

Wow. And she's just beaming, right? She's beaming like she's never been happy in her life. She's like, oh my God, I'm having a love story. It's playing out on television. Finally, here I am on Southern Charm. I'm gonna have a love storyline. This is amazing. And he's like, but I'm just being real. I'm seeing someone and then he just smiles in her face and she's like, and he's like, you know, I've been getting out of the gates in this new relationship and I gotta give myself a little bit of credit cause I don't cheat. I do not cheat America.

Oh, but it's a slippery slope. And then he was like, well, I won't say I knew he had a girlfriend, but I can say, I knew he was talking to someone, but it wasn't like, this is who I'm dating. And she was like, but don't act like you don't want this as bad as I do. I mean, everything you just said basically. And he's like, well, do you know, let's play it out. Say it's an alternate universe. Oh, well, let's say it's an alternative universe. That it was me and you, but you knew that I had the propensity to see new opportunities and be flippant.

You wouldn't want to be with somebody like that. Then you'd always wonder in the back of your mind, is he gonna do the same thing to me? Well, I hope that other girl's doing that. Because basically you've been leading her on for a storyline and so that you have somebody to talk to on TV you fucking piece of shit and the whole time you've been dating some little of course little Taylor look like blonde young girl so get the fuck out of here I can't with these fucking guys and I was really sad for her that she made

herself look so stupid to be with this piece of shit when she knew part of me part of me doesn't feel bad because I'm like, you knew it's JT and you're still being with him. And part of me is like, well, that's also for storyline for you because you need something on this show. But I don't like that.

And I don't like her getting mistreated by this guy. I felt really bad for her. Also, I cringed a lot. Yeah. Yeah. So she's like, let's be real. If I was dating JT and he's talking to another girl like this, we would be done and there's no way, there's no way I'd be able to continue dating him.

So he's like, I think it's just important that you know that my work means something. Is it a crime to be honest? I stand for women. I'm wearing a white cape and I'm just here as a man telling you someone I respect. I've been dating someone else while I'm here as a man telling you someone I respect, I've been dating someone else while I'm flirting with you. What an ass. So she was like, where does that put us? And he's like, I don't know, but I'll acknowledge. It's not easy. Not easy. Yeah. And then she's basically like, well, I'm equal parts angry and equal parts sad because like, how long have you been flirting and you've had a girlfriend the whole time? And he's like, well, that was some good brand Z. No, I'm going to head on out and bunnies car and I will talk to you later.

Yeah. So when he goes, yeah. And he's kind of smiling in her face and squinting his eyes. Like, I feel sorry for you, but I'm also squinting. He's like, yeah, I gotta go. And then they just cut down to his completely empty plate of branzino. I was like, wow, well, glad you had a full meal while you were here to fucking dump my ass. You piece of shit, God. Yeah, exactly.

Monster, like she had to cook for this. You could have at least taken her to dinner. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Boo, you suck. Boo, JT, you suck. Boo, okay, well, on, exactly. Boo, you suck. Boo, JT, you suck. Boo, okay, well, on that note. But also, if you need it, be smarter. Yeah, be smarter.

So that is it, everyone. That is our final episode before the crappies. And now, next time you've seen or heard from us, we'll be on that stage. We cannot wait. Can't wait to see all of you. If you can't be there, get your streaming ticket at Kiswee. Go to our website, watchyourcrappies.com for links to that. And then again, next week we'll be in

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