Watch What Crappens - #272: Spider Webs, Burger Shame, and Sugaring

Episode Date: March 4, 2016

It wouldn't be "Watch What Crappens" if we weren't talking about buttholes, and that's what this episode is all about. From "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" to "Newlyweds: The First Year," we talk about all the kissing, kicking, and sugaring of everyone's butts. 00:00:00 - Intro, including an update on the Crappens Glossary 00:11:26 - Crappens Mailbag 00:36:00 - Real Housewives of Beverly Hills 01:44:00 - Clear the Flem 01:4849 - Newlyweds: The First Year (season finale) 02:10:38 - Tour Group (season premiere) 02:33:25 - Just a dollop of Top Chef Thanks everyone for listening! Support us at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Follow us at facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Visit us at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Outro Music Watch what crap happens. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is? Crap is. Crap is. Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap There's so much that crappens. There's so much that crappens. There's so much that crappens. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens?

This week's episode is brought to you by our super sponsor, Marvin Jay. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and the Banter Blender podcast. And joining me, as always, is the hilarious and lovely and possibly caffeinated or at least vaped up, Ronnie Karam from TrashTalkTV.com. Hi, Ronnie. Hello. Oh, look at that. It's my alarm to wake up at 11.15 in the morning. Isn't that classy?

It's the alarm to ask, what's crappening? What's crappening, everyone? Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. You know, Ronnie and I were very close this morning. I was just a block away from him on the street because I had to drop off my car to get fixed. And I went into the Starbucks that you normally go to. But I was there instead today. Well, I don't go to that Starbucks anymore because I am on a rent uh increase or a starbucks increase um protest

oh what do they increase everything all the time well you know what they increase their rewards program oh i'm sorry everyone this is what's here's what if i hope we can quote andy cohen here's what um they i got at this really condescending email from – everyone did – from Starbucks saying, Guess what, guys? We listened to you and we decided to change the rewards program because this is what you want. So now, like, you're going to get stars for how much money you spend, not for, like, what you purchase. Oh, that is some bullcracker. Which sounds all fine and dandy.

Bull crackers. Which sounds all fine and dandy, except the thing is, I get myself a venti iced coffee or a grande iced coffee that costs like $2.75 or $3 or whatever. So, let's see. It takes 12 stars to get your free drink. That's 12 times 3 is roughly $36, and then it's changed, whatever. So you're talking about $36 or $40 before you get your free one. Okay. Now it's, you get two stars for every dollar you spend.

And then you get your free thing at 125, uh, 125 stars, not 12. Yeah. So now it was like 125 stars now. Well, guess what?

125 stars. That's basically like $60 you guys spent. So that's a significant increase for my free coffee. Yeah, screw those guys. I make coffee at home now with my tiny little coffee machine, and I got used to the taste of the cancer creamer, and now I'm fine. F you, Starbucks. Never going to you again. F you.

I know this is First World Problems, but you know what? If you're listening to a podcast about Real Housewives, you have no right to complain about First World Problems. Yeah, welcome to our Bravo podcast. Yeah, exactly. And our Starbucks opening. Exactly. So anyway, please feel free to visit us at WatchWhatCrapHands.com, where you can find all our social media links. That's where you can find me and Ronnie on Twitter and Instagram. Go check out our links and follow us

because we are insecure and only feel validated through followers. Oh, thank God that's not true. I'd really be depressed. You should also come to facebook.com forward slash watch what crap and so much good

stuff on there people post amazing hilarious stuff um also uh if you support us on patreon.com forward slash watch where crap ends then you get access to all sorts of extra content like a weekly bonus episode we've been talking about oj we talked about the oscars this week um and also monthly hangouts, ringtones, and of course, it allows you to contribute to the Crappin's Mailbag, which we'll be doing in just a few minutes. So that's all the really, really important stuff, and I have a little update. I am working on the Watch for Crappin's Glossary. This is something, a document, that's kind of crowdsourced through our Facebook page,

is something a document that's that's uh kind of crowdsourced through our facebook page because we have so many running gags and in jokes and references and quotes that will bust out at any moment and we're constantly getting new listeners and we don't want you to be totally confused so um that once this is ready we'll post it somewhere and you can access it and you can read all your favorite quotes and things and understand where they came from or what they were what their origins were all that fun stuff so love it we're working on wait to read the gloss yeah so far i mean i basically put them all out on a spreadsheet and now i just have to fill in the definitions but man you love a spreadsheet i do love a spreadsheet i love a spreadsheet which is funny because i'm not even remotely involved in consulting

or but you love them you always let ever since i've met you loved a spreadsheet, which is funny because I'm not even remotely involved in consulting or accounting. But you love them. You always love them. Ever since I've met you, you've loved a spreadsheet. Well, they could be really useful. So our most running gags and jokes and things like that come from Real Housewives of Orange County. We have 21. We have 21 jokes, inside jokes, ongoing jokes from Real Housewives of O.C. I think cut fitness is our top one.

That's the one we say the most. People don't know what that means. That's our nice way of saying it. And hey, batch. Batch. So we have – I can just go through what we have from Orange County. Cut fitness, justice headband. That's what Meghan King Edmonds wears when she's trying to get to the bottom of something.

headband that's what megan king edmonds wears when she's trying to get to the bottom of something uh sombrero scale that's like that's a way to quantify how angry shannon mador is or outraged or shocked or sad at any given moment if she's uh if it's if it's a three on the sombrero scale she's in bad shape um that came from a um an image that we had on our facebook a mexican party or something where they all had to wear sombreros yeah here's another of course oh shannon upset in the sombrero wasn't that the i start charities megan wasn't it that party i think it was a different party maybe it was the same i don't know it was at the beginning of that season and i just remember she was getting more and more mad and it all all those sombrero faces had something to do with megan calling her in the car when she was driving her kids. Like, that was the huge fight.

She was getting, and her eyes were bulging. It was amazing. David, David. We have that song there. Gretchen Rossi decor. However, the Caliente sign, rooster art, batch, crab hands, andoles, mallhouse. 40 to 50 negative thoughts a day. Here lies Shannon Bedore. Gastropubs.

I just put gastropubs as a general thing. Because we don't have a single line about gastropubs. Maybe I'll do gastropubs slash sugar. That's what I'll do. Sugar. Whoop it up. I forgot my mom was dead.

Feet on the couch. Missed 30-year-old. Rollercoaster voice. Chandeliers. And that's it. You have to add Bluetooth to the chandeliers. Because Bluetooth chandeliers. I don't even know if it is a Bluetooth chandelier, but we say it every time. Okay.

It's funny. It's funny to imagine Shannon Bedora standing at the top of the staircase spiral with a Bluetooth thing on her phone just lifting David up and down while they fight. I'll let you down when we're done with this conversation, David. David. David. David. David. David.

I feel like there's more, but I can't even think about... I can't even remember what other OC was. Was it like Shannon? Was it Lizzie's bathing suit? I don't know if that's enough of a running joke. No, I think they have to be actual words because if we water it down, then it'll just seem cray-cray.

Yeah, there are so many. And then we have a ton. Or like sidewalk, because sometimes they walk on the sidewalk. And we only talk about that on this show. Yeah, so we have a ton from Beverly Hills also and Vanderpump Rules. Those are our three biggest ones.

And then I think new york city and miami and melbourne also have huge representation and ladies in london we basically do like every show there's like a ton i'm sad i'm sad that there aren't more gallery girls so anyway that's the uh we're working on that that's really fun i'm excited for everyone to to be able to read that and chime in and contribute. It'll be a living document, darling. It'll continue to grow. The living will of the people. Hanky, get your glossary ready.

I had to fix the sound on our Real Housewives of New York preview that we did the other day because the first one has no sound. Sorry about that if you got the first one, but I fixed it really fast. And usually we don't listen to this show, obviously. We have to hear ourselves all day anyway.

But I had to listen to that section to make sure the sound was right. And we missed so many fucking funny things that happened on that. Ramona making a living will. I mean, come on. I thought it was Bethany making a living will. Oh, well, that makes more sense.

But just from the sound, I was like, Ramona's living will? What the hell's going to be in there? Like, shit she stole from other people's house? My mother always said, you want to have your own will because you don't want to be relying on a man to make a will for you, okay? It's a living will. You know what?

Because when there's a will, there's a way. Whoa, that's like a great saying. Like, someone should, like, coin that, okay? It's like Ramona Blue in sayings, okay? When there's a will, there's a way. I'm sorry, there's a way when there's a will. I'm leaving the dresses I stole from the Bethany show and then later fell out of my trunk

to Luann, okay? And you can only have these dresses if you promise not to tell Bethany that you have them, okay? You cannot give them back to Bethany, okay? That's it. Avery, I am going to leave you Dorinda's yellow plates that I stole from her house.

So when I am gone, and you need a little light in your life, may you always look at these plates and think about sunshine. Because yellow makes me think of sunshine. I would like to leave Heather Thompson a gigantic poster of Ramona renewed. Okay? Renewal?

Renewal. So, Heather, don't forget me again. Next time you have an event, here's a poster for you. Okay? I just want you to know, even though I'm dead now, I'm still mad at you. Okay? Okay. I'm over it. I'm over it! But okay. Okay? I would like to leave Jill Zarin

a black and a white tile from my sports bar on 6th Avenue. That way you always remember how things are not always black and white between us, okay? I'm sorry. It's day class A not to give you a floor tile. Oh, Ramoners. All right. What do we got to do today?

We are going to talk about Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Such a good episode. We're going to talk about newlyweds the first year. And I think, are we talking about tour group? We didn't even realize that. That tour group almost, we were like those two bitches from Vegas who didn't get to the tour group on time. We almost missed the entire thing.

Oh my God. That sheep doesn't even have nice teeth. That's like a poor sheep's head that they want me to eat. Gross head. Ew. So we'll get to all that. But first... I should be writing down the times, right?

This is what we do when we do this show. We do the post-production during the actual production at the same time. So it's about... We're about 10 minutes. 45 seconds into this. It could change. So.

Crap is mailbag. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go.

Go. We have so much. It's from the leap year mailbag. All right. So. Lauren Grabowski. Asks. Or says.

Sometimes you guys. Use the extended cut. Of the opening song. And sometimes use the traditional cut. Of the opening song. I'm curious. What makes you decide. I think I'll go with the extended cut of the opening song and sometimes use the traditional cut of the opening song i'm curious what makes you decide i think i'll go with the extended cut this episode yeah the one where we talk about have nothing rhymes with bravo okay lauren well i'm glad you're gonna go with the extended cut i mean i like that she's like it's like we're a donut shop

um i think i'll do the extended one today thanks and then do you have any like munchkin versions of the song too oh that's what you get for being a patreon subscriber like which kind of which which opening would you like today yeah well lauren i will try since i'm doing production today i will try to do the the extended one there's actually really simple unexciting uh reasoning on my end i used to always do the i used to always play the full song and then ronnie i saw that you were doing an abbreviated version and i thought oh like that maybe this is too long so i started doing the abbreviated version and i just kept with the abbreviated version because it's like we have this like template like in final cut so i just have the

abbreviated one in there but then i noticed that sometimes, Ronnie, you go back to the extended one. Well, you can tell when I'm producing. Well, usually the sound's worse when I'm producing. Like everything goes haywire when I produce. So you can tell. But I don't have a deep reason either. It's usually I have the wrong hard drive cut. I mean the wrong hard drive plugged in.

And so my computer doesn't have the shortened one. And I'm just like so frustrated that i'm not i'm too i get too lazy to even plug in a hard drive and restart final cut i'm like screw it we're using a long one today there's nothing there's no exciting backstory oh and and some of you may notice that sometimes the episode ends with music and sometimes it doesn't that's because i made closing music but i never got around to telling Ronnie that I did. So for basically like two years, my episodes end with music and I only recently sent

the file over to Ronnie. I like that four years later we're actually making an effort to semi streamline, but I just, it's too much. I know. I know. Well, you know, it's a podcast. People take it so seriously. You know? Okay. Listen, we're not NPR, okay? But we wind up on the same list as them, and so that just goes to show we don't wind up on the same list as them and so that just

goes to show we don't have to do the same shows them to wind up where they are oh we're two bitches talking on the phone for a few hours that's it that's basically what it is okay so uh megan patenge i hope i said your name right patinege patenge patin patinege patinege megan patinege patinge um so she says, Just became a member. So excited. Love you guys. You really do make my long drive to work every day enjoyable.

I would like to ask you, I would like to ask for my first question. What do you think about the email out there that Yolanda sent to Bella after her DUI? Legit or not? If true, interesting how she sent a similar email to all the girls. Is this how she takes care of business?

Shameful. Ooh, Megan Patent coming in with a shame at the end there. I love email shaming. Shame her use of email. How dare you use a template? Well, we got that email. It's funny that that email has come back around this year because that came out last year when Bella got her DUI. And it didn't happen on the show.

It happened before last season aired. And Yolanda had sent that mail. And the websites picked up on it. And we actually read it in its entirety on the show. And it was so fun. I mean, we love to slam Yolanda. Or just talk like Yolanda, basically, terribly. And we read it a long time ago and

it came back around and this time it has been edited they edited it they put together the words properly and they made it readable and I'm guessing that Daisy the nurse whore did that because that was not how the original email was

it was like alphabet soup with maybe half the alphabet missing you know poured into one of the other ones bowls. I mean, it was a mess. Wow. Yeah, I haven't revisited that letter in a bit. But I wouldn't be surprised if she just copied and pasted or if she just like, you know, Yolanda is not a woman who screams of originality. So if she just repeats herself over and over again in email form, that seems like it would be totally possible too. Yeah, Yolanda lies a lot.

And so when she's talking, she's not going to say much because she's as much of a dodo bird as Yolanda is and as stupid as she tries to pretend to be and as believable as that is. She's actually a very good manipulator. She's really got all of that down and she knows when to put shit down in writing. You know, I think she wants to be able to tell to other one. Listen, other one, go search mommy on your Gmail and then you hear what I have to say again. I put it up explicitly. These are like I was going to send you this over fax machine, what I have to say again. I put it out explicitly these. She's like, I was going to send you this over fax machine, but I decided to email instead.

And also she can accidentally send it to the blog so that they'll yell at Bella for her over and over again every year so she can still pretend to be nice over in the corner. Look out, Anwar, you're the other one. That means your email shame comes soon. Bella, I did forgive you. I'm sorry Reality Coffee picked it up and re-put it out there.

I'm so sorry, baby. Here, take a little mermaid bath towel. I got it from the corner. Thank you, Rebecca. What's the second one? Okay. What? Didn't she have another question?

No, we all sort of like... We sort of answered both of them in one fell swoop because we're just such good podcasters. That is mysterious, though, that somebody rewrote that email and fixed it and then it was re-released. I mean, the website wouldn't do that, would they? Maybe, but I don't think so.

That shit was crazy. I'll see if I can find it in my screenshots. Also, speaking of Yolanda Crazy emails, last week's email that she wrote to Kyle that we read on the air as all the housewives, that email was taken off of her private Verden Preston site. Verden Preston site. I guess. Bravo got pissed at her, so she had to pull it down, and they edited it

and rewrote it, and it's even better than Daisy the Nurse Horse version. So, you know, stop editing emails, you guys. That's the internet. Listen, Yolanda is like history. It gets revised. So, Randy... Live revision. Live revision. Live revision. Dear Tick,

I am so disappointed that you decided to spread your disease to me and countless other dear. I am going to I think that you are just doing it for Tick TV. Revision one. Listen here, you little bastard. You do that again and David will not give you any more allowance. It will only be Mohammed. Do you understand me?

Okay, so Randy Guerrero, he asks, or maybe it's a she, but I think it's a he. He goes, okay. Literally, that's how his question starts, with a bunch of O's and a K. Okay. It gets so hard to decide what to ask you guys first. If The Real Housewives of Miami was going to be rebooted, who would you cast on season four? I personally would love to see Adriana, Leah, Lisa, Alexia, Anna, Christy Rice, and hot young new wife rounded out. I really liked Anna in season two and thought she would have been a main housewife in season three.

she would have been a main housewife in season 3. Well, it sounds like, Randy, that you pretty much just want what was there, except minus... What's her face? Marisol. So, I think what I would do is I would want Adriana, Leah, not Lisa. I thought

Lisa was pretty worthless. Alexia, definitely. Even though Alexia is worthless, too, but it's just, we live for when she goes, oh, well, you know, Peter. You know. Peter likes to reboot lots of things like you know he loves when a taxi gets rebooted so then he can kick it again and again it's like rebooting his passion because he's an artist you know yeah you know he only kicked that homeless person in the face and filmed it on his tv because he wanted to get his boots rebooted but they had already been rebooted and so he needed some blood on them and now he's got rebooted boots you know and you know the homeless man has rebooted face because it grew back different so you know reboot

actually he uh randy did not include um what's her face on this um joanna joanna yeah well that's interesting randy i agree with your um your uh what do you call it when you leave something out what's wrong with me today i'm going going crazy. My coffee is not working. It's not kicking in. I'm hyper. I just don't know what the fuck I'm saying. That happens every day. But I actually agree.

I would get rid of Joanna. She was crazy the first season. Then the second season, she was crap. She's fine. I don't care. But I would like it to be evened out to where people have teams because you've got a very clear team and they're pretty much anti-Leah and Joanna. So you've got like the Cuban gang, I guess is what they were called, which is racist. You know, you can't say that because, you know, gangs, whatever.

You're a gang. OK, you literally are. It's not even racist because it's true. I'm surprised you guys don't have machine guns in your fucking trunk. They gather together and just attack people. But I actually found them very entertaining. But I would like to see some real rich people. Like, Leah is legit rich.

And she's also the older one. And I don't like on these shows where it's a bunch of younger people going against someone older. It makes me uncomfortable. It's weird. It's a Beverly of younger people going against someone older, it makes me uncomfortable. It's weird. It's a Beverly Hills thing going on right now, too. What I would want would be again, I would get rid of Lisa. I don't know if

Anna, I don't know, she was, you know, she was fine on her season, and in the reunion, she just became such a cut fitness and it was not pleasant. Christy Rice, I hated. I actually wish for this franchise they would double down on the Latina factor of Miami. Because most of these Housewife franchises are essentially like, look at the black people in Atlanta. Look at the Jewish people in New York.

Look at the Italians in Jersey. Look at the blonde white trash in OC. Look at the Italians in Jersey. Look at the blonde, like, white trash in OC. You know, or at least that's the way they started. They've kind of gotten away from... Look at the crazy rubber faces in Beverly Hills. It's gotten away from that a little bit. You know, I don't think that the New York cast is as, like,

classically New York Jewish-y as it used to be, which, you know, which is fine, obviously. Classically neurotic. Yeah, classically neurotic. But I do think, though, would be i think it's a good the the pc side of me says this is a really good opportunity to get like like a latin based show on bravo but second of all i think it'd be really fun i think you get a bunch of like hot-headed cubano ladies or maybe some of them aren't hot-headed maybe dispel the stereotype. But I always felt like Bravo kind of like held back a little bit. You know, they had Adriana, they had Alexia, Anna, but I didn't, I always felt like, I think we were always expecting it to be

a show full of like Sofia Vergara's and we just didn't get what we had wanted. of like Sofia Vergara's and we just didn't get what we had wanted does that make me totally racist just bring back Karen Sierra celebrity dentist they definitely need to bring back Karen Sierra who was the worst and the best and she could also be on

Leah's side and then maybe one more one or two more like Gloria Estefan you know is going to be like really nice but then lose it aren't there like telenovela stars like where why did how did how did Bravo which is like a like under the Comcast

umbrella with is it Univision I believe NBC owns Univision or is it Telemundo I think it's Univision how how did they not get a telenovela star on there that's what I want to know I think because it's produced by pop which is like white gay guys and so they're like oh let's go to miami and then you know they're like

oh they're latino and funny so okay we also have these rich white ladies yeah i think i think that they i i personally would love to see a reboot because i also feel like miami is a fun setting i feel like the vibe on the miami cast you know that the seasons were up and down but i feel like Miami is a fun setting. I feel like the vibe on the Miami cast, you know, the seasons were up and down. But I feel like Bravo shouldn't give up on Miami as a place for the Real Housewives. Too late. I know. But that's not too late. They can go back.

Or maybe they'll, like, rename it as, like, the Real Housewives of South Florida. Or the Real Housewives of Dade County. Or, you know, sort of the way they. The Real Housewives of Tampa. Yeah. Kind of like the way they kind of rebranded Real Housewives of D.C. as Potomac, you know sort of the way they real housewives of tampa yeah kind of the kind of like the way they kind of rebranded real houses of dc as potomac you know oh god that is not even in the same brand but yeah but it was still like there's the same same region but they they knew that dc people most people did not like dc so this way they're not saying dc again they're saying

potomac as something new and fresh. Anyway. I don't know how fresh it is. Sorry, I was inhaling the taste of cappuccino and I don't even know what the hell's in here. It's not great. It's a cappuccino frappuccino. Okay. Let's see. Now there's some questions that we didn't get to on Tuesday.

Let's see. Karen Zarowitz. Oh, Kesar. Kesar who made us little buttons and pins that we didn't get to on Tuesday. Let's see. Karen Zarowitz. Oh, K-Zar. K-Zar who made us little buttons and pins in Austin. Since Donald Trump has made it plausible for reality stars to run for public office, which housewife do you think would be the best and worst president? Who would their running mate be?

Since election years always fall in a leap year, this is timely. Oh, because it was a leap year uh question so i would like to see um lisa rena run for president and have her platform be that she's been around for a long time baby she's like listen america i've been around a long time baby if you need me to do something if you need me to shovel the shit out of the streets i will do it baby i'll do anything for this office i'll do anything for a buck baby i'm one of you my housekeeper shops at ralph's

do we have to pick from that show or is it any housewife um it's which housewife any housewife um i wouldwife? Any housewife. I would say for president, I would like to see Bethany as president. She would do a really good job with carrying out Donald Trump's immigration policies. The walls are up. Walls are up. Walls are up. Literally, if another Mexican comes to this country, I'm putting up a wall. Like, I literally, I can't.

Like, if another one, I'm going to be down on the ground, like, crying. Okay? Like, I can't. I can't see another Mexican in the country. Okay? I'm putting up a wall like i literally i can't like another one i'm gonna be dead on the ground like crying okay like i can't i can't see another maxi in the country okay i'm putting up a wall okay wall up but i like that she would never really change anything because she's so inconsistent she'd be like walls up okay walls down walls down okay i like you now i like you i like you like the poor immigrants wouldn't know it's like can we get over today i don't think the immigrants would want to come over i think that uh uh she would be the most successful president in our history because all of congress would just be like just stop she's a one-woman filibuster okay she's like

she's like okay you know what you know what you know okay i get this bill like i see what you wrote but like i don't get it like what's it about like is it about reform is it about taxes is it about like health care like i see a lot of different things i see dog ears like well there's no but there's no dog. Like, why is there a dog? This is a paper. There's no ears here. Like, I don't get it. Like, why do you say dog ears? Well, you need to fix the brand, okay? This is what you need. Okay, I need to like, you need to change your look, okay?

Okay, Mitch McConnell. Okay, this is like the suit. It's like it's drab. It's like old. Like, where are you going to sell it in Macy's? Like, what part of the store? Like, how many? What's the display? Who are your manufacturers? Okay. The whole McConnell brand. I don't get it. What is this here?

What is this? A bridge? Isn't this a war bill? Why is there a bridge and a war bill? I don't get it. This is stupid. You guys are adding in your own things to these bills? Like let's stay on topic.

Okay? We got to stay on topic. I just want one budget that's about one thing, like water. Okay? Let's just do water. I'm done with this. I can't even take it. Why is this awful?

Why is this office oval? I don't get it. Like, oval? Who does that? Like, how am I supposed to hang a picture in here? Like, this is ridiculous. Get it out. Get it out.

You know what? We're changing school lunches. I don't want any lunch. You know what? Fingernails. That's what they do. Israel? Israel?

Palestine? Literally, like, shut up. Like, both of you just shut up. Shut up. Okay? Like, it's literally like if you guys are going to fight anymore, Israel, Palestine, literally, like, shut up. Like, both of you just shut up. Shut up. Okay? Like, it's literally, like, if you guys are going to fight anymore, like, I'm literally going to put a wall around all of your cities. Okay? Like, literally, like, enough.

Okay? Walling all the cities. They're just all walls with, like, skinny girl clip art. I know. That's what she's going to do. Like, every time there's a national disaster, she's going to airlift in bottles of Skinny Girl margaritas. I mean, everyone needs a drink. Everyone needs to have a cocktail. Her first executive order is to make the flag

thinner. Who would be the worst president? There's little tiny flags everywhere. Who would be the worst president? Everyone else. Running mate? Well, I would like to see a Bethany Leah Black bill. Tear it down! Tear it down! Tear it down.

Just cut through it and tear it down. Leah would just mock all of the people she doesn't like. She does that on Twitter. It's so funny. She's very political. She's one of the only ones I follow on my personal Twitter just because we met her or whatever. I see a lot of her tweets

and she's so funny. She's just always going after... She's a Democrat, obviously, so she's always going after the Republicans really hard. Today she was tweeting at Mitt Romney and she's like, It's my party. I'll cry if I want to, right? It's like emoji of a baby bottle. I like to think of her at a debate

and be like, ask her something about campaign reform whatever and her response would just be Bethany what are we going to do? I'm looking at all this and there's like so many things we haven't paid off yet. We're in such debt.

This is ridiculous. We're rich. We gotta invoice the people. Invoice America. Invoice them. Listen, if you want to come to America, you gotta buy a ticket. And if you don't buy a ticket, I'm gonna invoice ya. We owe China a lot of money. Just put them in the front row.

Put them in the front row and see if they'll let it go. I was sending Frida on a diplomatic mission and she went. And all she did was swim in the hotel pool. All right. Set China up on a date with Taylor, the guy from American Idol. You know. I know him.

He's great. They love him in China. Who knew? How far is that? I'm going to really have to do some vocal warm-ups to get that register back. I don't know where it went. I can't tell if you're a transistor radio or a dolphin in need of help.

Elise Hayes says, according to Stassi's podcast, Lisa Vanderpump is DJ James' manager. James' manager. What does a pitch meeting among Lisa, James, and the Toms sound like if the Toms wanted to promote the white Kanye West along with Zangria? Oh my god, that's a big meeting. Yeah, I'll be Tom Schwartz. So since you're Tom Sandoval, you start. So we're just pitching? Yeah. Actually, I'll take it. So basically, what we want to do is, you know, we have a lot of ideas, but they're not really formed yet about Sangria and James. Dude, you should have let me talk.

You should have let me talk first, dude. Lisa, I'm sorry for not taking this seriously or whatever. Well, we do take it seriously. It's just that, like, you know, like, I thought taking it seriously meant we'd go on SiriusXM radio and then, like, talk about Sangria. And so I hadn't really come up with a plan because no one had booked us on the radio yet. So we're just waiting for that, really. So, like, look, shut up, man. Like, okay, look, Lisa, I've come up with a plan like i've been

thinking about it you know like it's a smart one i just want to say that like so here's the plan that tom came up with okay so the plan is the plan is basically um like so we're gonna like go to the bar and we'll drink it and then like we're gonna think about it. And then. What? God. Just like Kristen. Damn, Kristen. I think we need a spinoff sangria called Kristen. Because it's, like, so annoying that people want to drink it just so it'll go away. But then, boom, it's refilled.

You know what I mean? You know, it's like, now that there's, like, Kristen sangria and also LVP sangria it's just like a lot and i was thinking that i really like modeling and like james is attractive and makes me think about how i'm attractive and like i don't know when i wake up do i really want to be talking about james and sangria so i don't know thinking i could like my band could come in and play and then we could drink the sangria on the stage you know like my band so like i don't want to bring up my band but like my band you know well so now there's like a whole stage for people you know now that there's like a whole stage i'm sort of like well there's like really a lot bigger than i was thinking i thought it would just be like us drinking sangria at a bar and i'm i don't know lisa i'm like i want to be responsible and i want to be good but i also want to follow my dreams so i think i have to step

away a little light on the camera on top of the fridge by the schedule has gone off, so this meeting's over, Dunning. Pandora has stopped watching this meeting. All right, everybody gone. Get out. Get out. Be better. That was fun. So Vanderpump was president.

She'd just be like, what'd I do? Be better, Dunning. I mean, what did I do? Be better, darling. I mean, what did I do? Be better. Be better. Are we good? Because we better be good, America. I want to be damn sure. I'm damn sure that we're good, okay? Listen here, Putin. We are fine again.

Alright, darling. But if you start becoming deferential to Stasi, it's gonna ruin Russia, do you understand? Well, she would be great in a debate Lisa, you know I wish I actually knew enough current events to be able to properly

satirize them in our parodies, I'm like, Lisa soul, what do you think about the budget? Well, I mean, I don't know I don't know about the budget, but surely you must know something, didn't Mohammed tell you about the budget, I mean, I don't know. I don't know about the budget, but surely you must know something. Didn't Mohammed tell you about the budget? I mean, he says it's bloated, but I don't know. I don't want to talk about the

budget. It's not my place to talk about it. Mohammed is one of the most brilliant developers in all of Beverly Hills. That's what I have to say about the budget. Here's what we need. More pencils and pins and less electronic things getting in the way, alright? I want to see this budget written in pen and paper

darling. Excuse me, I have a very important meeting where I count 17 flowers. Goodbye. One, two, three, four. She'd save all the turkeys. No turkeys for Thanksgiving. Alright, let's get out of this mail bag

We're going to be here 20 damn hours today I know I think we got them all We had a lot of questions which is cool because people are excited So thanks everyone I hope I got everyone I'm sorry if we didn't I think Shannon Mass I think we forgot yours We'll get you next time We'll get you next time.

We'll get you next time, Shannon Mast. Is it? Where is the moon cycle right now? Because every girlfriend of mine is calling right now. And I know it's drama. Every girl calling to cry about something. What the hell? I need to check the moon cycle.

I don't know where the moon cycle is, but I know where the moon colonic is. And I think it's up my ass, David. David. David. Well, where's the soul cycle at I don't know where the moon cycle is, but I know where the moon colonic is, and I think it's up my ass, David. David. David. Well, where's the soul cycle at, David? David? You went to soul cycle? You bitch! What about cut fitness cycle?

David? David? I don't know what to say. Tamara's soulless cycle class at cut fitness. I know. She's just going up to people and throwing drinks in their face and slapping them. Betch, you could do better. No, you can't, because you're fat, Betch.

Your husband left you because you're fat, Betch. Psycho! So, why don't we get started with Beverly Hills, because, you know what? It was, I was revotted by this episode. I loved it. uh beverly hills what a day the show about nothing it's like the seinfeld of the housewives shows this show they

will fight about nothing for 20 episodes it's actually getting hard to follow the line of logic you know we'll get to it but by the end of of the episode, Eileen's annoyed at Lisa Rinna for something. It's so abstracted and strange to me. I'm like, wait, what? I don't get it anymore. But anyway,

it's crazy. Uh, if you want to read, uh, my written recaps, go to trash talk TV. I'm writing them every week and they're a thesis every week. So if any of these things sound familiar,

it's because I'm reading from it today. Cause this is our note grid. That's right. I was super excited this week, because in last week's preview, they made it look like this is the week that Don Rickles, Erica's husband, who looks just like Don Rickles, is going to be

kicking someone out of the house and telling them they're a Nazi or whatever. And it wasn't this week. It's next week. So this episode starts off with Lisa Rinna in her house with, I mean, look, I'm sorry to even be reading for myself, but there were so many poetic things in this episode, and this was one. Okay. Lisa Rinna and her poor housekeeper, it looks exhausted. Okay.

She's got a purse strung over her. She's just tired. She comes in with all these bags from Ralph's. Which Ralph's? What real housewife shops at Ralph? Yeah, you know what's so funny? I totally noticed the Ralph's bags, too. I was like, look, the Ralph's got cleared for Real Housewives.

But she's like, look, it's food. It's food for my kids. I eat. Costs the same as Whole Foods, but it's significantly worse. Less foods, you know? It's like more foods for less. You know, screw Whole Foods. I've been around a long time, baby, and Ralph's is the best of the best of the best.

Okay, baby? I remember one time going to Ralph's with Nicole Eggert in 1991, and we're like, look. Look at the canned goods. Good store, baby. I knew Ralphie. I knew Ralphie from that Christmas movie where he almost shot his eye out, you know? We were both on the folding chairs for this grocery store. And, you know, Ralphie won.

Now it's called Ralph's. Yeah, we had a good time. We had a good time, baby. Do you think it'd be awkward if I texted him right now? I kind of feel like I should. I should. Maybe I shouldn't. Should I? Ralphie, do you know

OJ? Lip emoji, lip emoji. XOXO. Own it, bitch! I have a Christmas story for you. Ralphie once went down on me in a parking lot of Ralph's. That's why it's called Ralph's. What, what, what, what, what? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. So,

things from Ralph's. So, she, Lisa Rinna does a lot of really subtle things in this, because I guess that's kind of her passive-aggressive nature. But she's doing things like, oh, you want to call me anorexic? Okay. Well, the first scene is going to be us unpacking food. And look, it's all this canned food. I'm like, Lisa, no one's believing this. Her kid is standing in front of a fruit bowl.

It's all this fruit that's rotted. It's all these rotting bananas and i just kept thinking here's lisa rena accused of being a bipolar anorexic with bowls of uneaten rotting fruit and then they get a shot of lisa standing behind a bowl of lemons and you only see half her face so she's literally being upstaged by lemons at the same time and i I was like, Lisa, no. Yeah. And then she moves on to her next passive aggression, which is, my kid's sick too.

And my kid has a real thing, tonsillitis. It's terrible. Hey, I'm gonna call the doctor. She's like, hello, real doctor in a place not in a strip mall in Mexico someplace. Do I need to bring my health advocate in for tonsillitis just want to know well i don't have one because i'm a mom okay i'm my child's

health advocate do you understand but you know if you're like you know if you're yolanda and like the other other one had tonsillitis is black you know i'm just trying to raise awareness for these awful things that are in our body that are ruining us from the inside out. You can't even breathe. You can't even eat. It's just like awful. I can't be myself anymore. Oh, Lisa Rinna.

Meanwhile, I think everything she did today was kind of a fuck you to Yolanda. Yeah, probably. I really do. She's like, look at my legit sick kid that I'm going to a real doctor to fix. You know. Real surgery. Real anesthetic. You want to say my kid has tonsils?

Go ahead, Lisa Vanderpump. I don't care. I won't be mad. Own it. Own it, baby. Own it. She's been owning this tonsillitis. It's going to be sad to see those things go.

The tonsils are actually going to appear on Dancing with the Stars next year. We're all very excited. So let's see here. Next, we move over to Yolanda and David, my love. Oh, David. And I think they're in David's bachelor fuck pad because there's no room to walk. And every time Yolanda walks around, it looks like she's walking over something. And I'm like, LOL.

He won't let her in the Malibu house still. So this scene, he's starting out with playing the piano. He's at the grand piano playing Ave Maria, which he's like legit talented. But he's making notes like he's reinventing fucking Ave Maria. Fucking David. David would write Upstage. The Holy Mother. Ave Maria, the remix.

Ave Maria, the DJ Snake remix. Except it's like the David Foster remix. He can take rap songs and make them sound like music. That's the guy who makes Elevator. Yeah, it's true. It's true. Yolanda, by the way, is just over David. He's playing Ave Maria.

She comes in in her bathrobe. She's looking gorgeous. She's really perfecting her Fiddler on the Roof poor person makeup. She's got her brown eyeshadow. But she's wearing these big diamonds. And she just looks so pretty. She's like, David, hello. And he's like, oh, wait a second.

Ave Maria. This is a tough one. David. And so she walks over. She's not getting his attention. So she walks over and stands right in front of the photo of Gigi and just gives him a dirty look and goes, oh, that's beautiful. And just stands there and waits under a picture of Gigi. This show is so good.

Do they do this on purpose? You know, I think everything Yolanda does is on purpose, for sure. Yeah. So they're going to have their big party. You know, we are famous for having these big, famous parties. Going to have it at Wally's because there's no room here. And the Malibu house. Oh, no, too difficult at the Malibu house because, you know, it smells like divorce there.

It will be easier to walk into a restaurant and to walk up the stairs from the basement after letting the tenors out for the performance. So they're famous parties and then we see a montage of other people. Yeah, exactly. We see the tenors, we see just famous, like a trumpeter, famous adult contemporary artists that one does not listen to. All emerging at these parties. But you know, I read that adult contemporary is the biggest thing in music because those are the only people still buying CDs.

Everybody else is just getting shit for free. Oh yeah, for sure, for sure. It's like, what was Simon Cowell's tenor? People never die off. People need to sell the CDs. What was Simon Cowell's tenor group? It was like Il Dolce or Il Dulé or Dulé Hill or whatever. It's like Il Dolce Leche.

He's not doing anything to sell things. Oh, God. Go for Raffaello now. To me, I always call it Carmelo Soprano music because it's like the sort of music I imagine Carmelo Soprano would listen to and be like, this is absolutely beautiful. You know, it's like Andrea Bocelli. Like, I can't. She's all sobbing in her car, pretending her husband's not a murderer.

Yeah. So then we go over to Villa Horse Poop. I mean, that place must stink. Yeah, too many animals now. It is officially, it's not even a petting zoo. It is just a full-on manure facility. They show a shot of Ken flesh-roomba-ing his ass out in the backyard. It's like...

And he's like... It's the shot of Ken staring out over their beautiful hills or whatever. And the little midget donkey horses are about to go over the cliff. They look terrified of Ken. Well, those donkeys, they just sort of seem to pop up everywhere. They're coming up to the pool. They're coming up to the pool at night. We have to get a little place for them.

It's like, how do you have little mini horses and donkeys and you have no pendant area for them? That's crazy. And how have they not been eaten by the coyotes? I mean, that's like a hometown buffet up there i know so kyle comes over and um the best thing in the entire episode and it was a good episode but the best part was kyle coming in and being like hey lisa and then the little dog hearing her and getting up and leaving the room yeah so i was like gotta get out of here this is

gonna be terrible he's like fuck her so kyle and lisa blah here. This is gonna be terrible. He's like, fuck her. So Kyle and Lisa, blah blah blah, they're gonna go to Yolanda's party, and the only thing I have to note in this scene is that I give Kyle a lot of shit for back fat. Kyle is wearing a bra on her size and a lovely dress

that fits. Look at that. Maybe we can all move forward. You see, you guys? Progress. Well, I liked Lisa and Kyle basically mumbling to each other about how they essentially were really not looking forward to going to this dinner party.

And Kyle was just going to try to talk to Yolanda. She's like, how about I just say, yeah, we both had a bad day, so whatever. I was like, okay, great. Just shove it under the rug. Okay. Which they won't.

Kyle never does. No, never. He's like, okay, here's what we're going to say on camera that we're going to say. She has the flattest rug possible. Nothing is shoved under there. Unless it's deep issues with Kim. And even those aren't. Oh, God.

We'll get to that later. Yeah. So, blah, blah, blah. Okay, so now it's everybody going to this this party at chili's or whatever and yolanda and david are in the limo and david's like how do you feel annoying could you imagine if your spouse hummed like that all the time. Well, I do. And no one's married to me. So, poor Yolanda. But, I mean, well, literally soon.

But, Yolanda. She's sitting there. She's been... Are you okay? No, not really. I don't... He's tapping his knee. They're both over each other's song and dance. Oh, not really. I don't. He's tapping his knee.

They're both over each other's song and dance, if you will. So the poor people, the poor new people always arrive at the party first. So Catherine and Erica are there first. Catherine's so fake. What a fake bitch. Doing her trap face. Girl, hey, girl. Look look at her there she is look how beautiful she is am i right oh so pretty right erica's like i don't give a fuck like i don't care like i just i don't give a fuck i was performing last night at 2 a.m like i'm tired but i don't give a fuck i'll wake up i

don't care fuck tiredness i was up till 2 a.m. I'm like, live like a rock star, baby. He's like, yeah, maybe you'll sing like one someday. Keep going to that piano lesson. I got another gig at Donut Time tonight at 4 a.m., you know? Gotta make a coin. But I don't give a fuck. I don't care. It's my gig.

The craziest thing happened last night at Donut Time. They ran out of jellies. Oh, my God. Those queens went crazy. And I was like, guys, I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. Went to the drive-thru at McDonald's. They still weren't serving breakfast yet.

Only fake breakfast. I was like, I don't give a fuck. Give me a Big Mac. I don't care. Went to the bank. It was closed. Couldn't get my money. I was like, fuck that. I don't care. I don't give a fuck. I'll get my money tomorrow. Well, it's fitness, Al. We're the first ones here. That's sort of awkward. I don't give a fuck. We'll just talk.

If I fall asleep, just, like, put a straw in my nose and shove some coke up there, you know? Because I'm a rock star. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. If I have to sleep, I have to sleep. That's what happens if we'm a rock star. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. If I have to sleep, I have to sleep. That's what happens if we're humans, okay? I don't give a fuck.

I have to sleep sometimes. So over in Vanderpump and Kyle's limo. I like the idea of Erica not giving a fuck about doing very basic, simple things. Well, that's how she is. That's all they do on this show. They've never done anything real or, like, big, you know? I have to recharge my phone.

I'm just trying to figure out how to do taxes. I don't give a fuck. Every year, we gotta pay taxes. So, I don't give a fuck. That's what you do. It's government. Fuck that. I don't give a fuck about fucking that. It's taxes. I'm gonna ask Don Rickles.

I'm gonna write down a budget. I'm gonna be like, can I have, gonna write down a budget and I'm gonna be like can I have like $20 to buy some fucks cause right now I have no fucks to give you know what I need a new pen went to the store I could only find a pack of 12 big pens I don't need 12 big pens too many pens you know what I'm gonna do with all the other

11 pens I'm gonna say I don't give a fuck whatever I might use them in the future who cares oh god now I can't find a pen oh they must be in the I don't give a fuck drawer. And look, it's like some old Ikea screws I never use. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. Someday I might use them, so who cares?

Whatever. I don't give a fuck. L-screw. I like an Allen wrench. You know, I like all the wrenches. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck.

Sober in Lisa and Kyle's limo. It's so awkward because Lisa really, I don't know if it's being in limos or traveling or what it is, but Lisa just gets grumpy and like stares out the window. And then she's like, darling, do you think it's weird that I sent? No, she's just like, I texted Kim. Happy birthday. And then she responded. Gun emoji Bomb emoji Hammer emoji

Hammer emoji Sword emoji Haircut emoji Pizza turtle Turtle turtle What did that mean? Do you think she was Anger at me darling

Or was she just Pushing her phone For fun Kim's in a really Good place now Kyle The same day That the mother

Daughter experiment came out on lifetime where kim's like yeah fuck you my honey montag yeah did you watch that with your last name it was a piece of crap all right you little slut um no i didn't watch it yeah i didn't watch it either no i didn't i haven't downloaded for when i just need to cry. Okay. Because I know I will. Laughing. Okay. Heidi Montag and Kim Richards in one show together. That's, I mean, eventually we're going to have to see this. Maybe.

I don't know. I just have to see at least one. There was, I watched the first like five minutes and there was one girl on there. The one who came in like after Kim Richards. And I have no idea who she is. And I think that she was on Bad Girls Club because she's like i'm known for being a bad girl so i think she was on bad girls club because this is a lifetime show i think and she probably is not allowed to say bad girls club because it's on oxygen really fascinating thoughts going on aren't they or no i guess oprah has oxygen what's what the hell cable lifetime is abcetime is ABC and Oxygen is NBC.

Oh, Snapple. Yeah. Snapple. Getting real. Getting real now. Getting real. So then Kyle starts talking about her sister because, you know, she hates talking about her sister. Okay, then back over at the restaurant, Catherine is telling Erica about this fight, this big lunch fight of, I have the keys to the vault, ladies. Yeah.

I read Yolanda. No, they weren't talking about that fight. They were talking about Lisa's dinner party because Catherine and Erica were both at the keys to the vault party. They were talking about the night before, and you know, Catherine was just gossiping, as usual. That's what she does. She just gossips without any inhibitions.

Okay, so then they all arrive, blah blah blah. Kyle and Lisa both grab Yolanda as she comes in, and Kyle's like, Yolanda as she comes in. And Kyle's like, Yolanda, I just want to say we don't have to talk about this now, but let's

talk about it later, okay? Do you understand? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right. She's like, let's talk about it later. And I was like, okay. And then Lisa's like, I just want you to know that I would never ever say anything. I never have, I never will, and I never am going to

never will think, dream about ever say anything derogatory about your children. And Yolanda's like can we have this conversation over coffee please? Not now, not now. I will even come to your home smell the animal shit, possibly re-get ticked

and let you talk about it over there. Please Lisa and she's like okay but I just want you to know it's very important for me to say this. I have never, ever, ever, ever, ever in my life, never, ever, no, please, can we just stop talking

about it ever in my entire life? Do you understand what never means, darling? You can understand. Darling, why are you crying? Why are you crying? Cry, baby, you you can understand darling why are you crying why are you crying you cry baby you're london foster why are you crying i just had to listen to boop boop a doop doop doop a dap dap dap in the car for eight hours from malibu okay is that why you're crying darling you cry why are you getting emotional darling emotional right now i'm not yes you are yes you are. Yes, you are. So they decide to sweep it under the deal. Okay, so now this is

where shit just starts going cuckoo bird because women have to fight over everything and the main women doing it today. I mean, it's really all of them because Lisa Rinna too will be like, so I heard that you didn't like, you know, Lisa's dress. Want to talk about it well you said

it okay so it's usually her but this time it was uh it's always eileen this season yeah eileen doing it i mean they're the worst these people so eileen eileen hails eileen hails katherine over from her side of the table right and eileen's like uh oh come talk come tell you know lisa lisa rena wasn't at the dinner so she wants to hear what you were saying before the dinner right so then katherine katherine's just like oh well i said and she just basically repeats i usually don't come when people call out my name like that so yeah that was such a that i was like oh god you pass katherine gotta gotta tell you how to call her now yeah i was like come on like eileen wasn't doing. It's Catherine. Got to tell you how to call her now. Yeah. I was like, come on. Like, Eileen wasn't doing anything.

What's Eileen supposed to do? Send a formal invitation from one side of the table to the other? Okay. It's everything with Catherine. You have to do it a specific way. That's not how to call me. But since we're new, then I'll come over to your side of the table. Okay?

Yeah. And then Eileen is acting like it's story time. She's like, guys guys i want to tell you the story but i feel that um katherine should tell it because it's really good and it involves lisa vanderpump and um come here katherine come katherine katherine katherine come so katherine she makes katherine come over and perform like some little fat kid at christmas yeah more than happy to because she's so eager to be in with all these ladies yeah so she's like well erica said that lisa vanderpump shoots from the sides the sniper and has the spins a web and is manipulative whatever and then lisa run is like oh no that's

no no you don't even know lisa vanderpump, I've been around Lisa Vanderpump a long time, baby. I know Lisa Vanderpump, okay? We went shopping back in the day with the older daughter from Mr. Belvedere, okay? We go back, okay? She's not manipulative. The first time I met Lisa Vanderpump, baby, okay? I saw her and I said, I love you. And she said, I love you.

And then we just like talked about like you know dildo surgery you know the normal things like she's great baby okay own it baby lisa vanderpump lark vorhees and i used to always go to the movies together okay that was like 1993 we have a great time okay she never was manipulative you know what has anybody considered that yolanda might have been shot with a poison arrow anybody anybody that's how much i love lisa vanderpump but really lisa rena really didn't say anything except she laughed and said she doesn't even know where like why is she well lisa yeah lisa was just like no i don't believe it which i think is a perfectly fine response whether or not you you agree because i know some of our listeners are very anti lisa rena which i

think is totally fine. That's the whole point of these shows. We all take sides. That's the fun. But I think even people who hate Lisa Rinna can concede that she's allowed to say, oh, no, I don't agree. Right? I mean, isn't that, like, fine to say that? I guess.

I mean, why aren't you? Yeah, everybody just say what you want, you know? If it turns into a big fact and fight, then that's what it's supposed to be in the first place. That's why we're here, isn't it? That's why we're here. That's why we have a Facebook page for you to yell at us. But either way, Catherine says this and then Lisa's like, no, that's crazy. That's crazy.

So down at the other part of the table, this is one of those long tables where no one can hear each other and no one can really talk. It's like the worst kind of table for a group dinner, actually, because then what's the point of a group dinner if you can only speak to the four people around you? Yeah. So Lisa has Ken sitting in between

her and Erica, which I thought was really funny. Like, Ken's always her buffer. He's like, I'll sit between you and the one you hate, darling. Who is it tonight? I'll silently fart in a food the entire night. Just point me the way. Oh, you're so supportive, darling.

So she pulls Erica over Ken. So they're having this conversation while Ken is just silently buzzing in the back and gasping for air. And Lisa's like, darling, why would you tell people that I spin webs, darling? You know, I just learned how to use the internet last year. You know that, right? All this web talk, you children. Web surf? I can't even surf the web, let alone spin the web.

Darling, please don't tell people I surf. That's all I need. Bicycling was difficult enough. Last thing I need is for anyone to think I'm just a common surf. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm a lord. Surfing serf on a web, darling. You know, just use normal terminology,

you know, darling. Is that like that light material that they make little balls out of, you know, that they don't hurt the children's heads? Is that what serf is? I don't know. I don't know these things anymore. Well, Erica is completely shocked. She is. Rightfully't know these things anymore. Well, Erica is completely shocked. She is.

As rightfully so. She's like, oh. Oh. And at first, she just smiles big. She's like, I'm talking to a senior citizen. So she's like, oh, dear. Well, I just changed your bed, babe. And also, all I meant by that was I'm just trying to say that, you know, you're very, your personality is great.

You're influential. What did she say? She said something like, no, I just think that you're very influential with women. Whatever. Influential. She did say influential. Okay. And then it cuts to her talking to us and her talking head.

And she goes, fucking cut fitness. Yeah. Well, I mean, for real i mean that i mean that sucks she was confiding in katherine we'll get to that in one second but like erica just had a monologue a couple weeks ago about how she doesn't use that word to slander other women yeah cut fitness is a lifestyle it's just it's just about being fun like having fun like it's all about like women like it's empowering because it's, like having fun. It's all about women. It's empowering because it's like women having fun, okay?

So that's cut fitness. I don't give a fuck. Well, Erica's learning the hard way that she can't confide in any of these bitches because now it's twice that she's been burned by it, you know? The first time being when she told Yolanda about Kyle and Lisa talking about the kids. Although Erica still deserves to be raked over the coals because she made it sound like so much worse than it was. So she's a little gossipy

herself. Also, she runs back from every single party and tells Yolanda every little thing. Yeah, she's gossipy herself. They all are. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. So then Lisa was like, why do you say these things and you know i will say

erica did handle herself very well with lisa she just got her someone finally got lisa yeah she was just like no no no yeah lisa's like don't like what are you saying manipulation like what are you talking about i mean and uh erica's still trying to back away at this point just like oh I just meant that you know you should run a bank and Lisa's like no darling because didn't you didn't you tell someone who even knows this fight is really stupid

but it's this convoluted thing so didn't you tell someone that oh when Catherine asked you how long you knew Yolanda you said did Vanderpump tell you to ask that? Why would you say that? And she said, well, because that's what I thought, you know, because she asked me if I knew Yolanda and how well I knew her. And then, like, you asked me before that.

And, like, that's a coincidence. That's too much of a coincidence. Which, by the way, I have to say, I don't think that's too much of a coincidence. I think that's a pretty normal, like. Yeah, at first. You know what I mean? No, that's dumb. I think that's a pretty normal... Yeah, at first. You know what I mean?

No, that's dumb. You know what? When people do that, they're gauging how far they're allowed to go in on someone. They're like, listen, I have some bad things to say about Yolanda, so how long have you known her again? So I know how badly I'm going to attack her in front of you. That's what that means, Eric. It's not a conspiracy. Well, at first I was with Lisa on that.

So I'm like, what? She didn't even say anything. Because, of course, Vanderpump has that way of saying whatever she wants, but saying it in a nice way. And I thought, what's the big deal here? But then when Erica said, okay, okay, here's the deal. I feel like you were trying to. What did she say? You were trying to hurt my friendship with Yolanda or something like that.

She says, you don't like me and Yolanda as friends, which is probably true, yes. That's probably true. I think that what the... Well, first of all, we see these flashbacks of Erika being asked this question. This is the dumbest conspiracy ever, but they're like, Erika, how long have you known yolanda they

showed both of those scenes and of course her answer changes all the time it went from she's one of my best friends to you know like i talked to her all the time we're really close we've been close for years and years to well we just know each other from around but like each other from well we're couples friends so we see each other here and there. And what she basically said to Lisa is, you're asking how long I know Yolanda because you're trying to insinuate that. She didn't say this, but what I feel is that she's saying, you're trying to insinuate that here I am standing up for Yolanda

when I'm not even her friend in real life. I do think that's what she was insinuating. That's what Erica was insinuating. I see it because you know me i'm such a lisa vanderpump apologist and i apologize for being an apologist but that's just the way it is i can't help it um but you know i see it as a pretty normal reaction if you know first of all lisa probably wants erica for to be her psychic so that's just that's just a petty thing you know so that i don't defend but also you know yol know, Yolanda comes for Lisa quite a bit,

and she has come for Lisa quite a bit. And here is this new person that Lisa likes. And, and this new person seems to be buddy buddy with Yolanda. So of course, that makes Lisa uncomfortable. Of course, she probably doesn't like that. So to me, that's like a pretty normal thing. And again, I don't think that the asking the questions of how long have you known yolanda is is part of a grand conspiracy i think is that people people really have questions about yolanda and like what is up with her what like why is she sending these crazy emails what is up with her illness known yolanda i mean the people who are on this show who know her the least other than katherine have at least known her two or three years.

So how can they know Yolanda for two or three years and never have heard of you, never seen you, never seen you in a picture with her? Girl, you were hired by – Yolanda got you on this job to stand up for her. Everybody knows it. And yes, Lisa, I disagree with you there because I think that Lisa is saying, what are you talking about Yolanda? Like how do you even know Yolanda? How about this? I would actually concede that that's true too i actually but i think it's actually a little bit of all of the above i think it's i do think yes you're right if if we were to read between the lines and look behind what we think is probably going on behind the scenes because you know that's

one thing is with these shows there's a lot of coded language that refers to like the meta of it all the production etc so i think that you are actually all right too but i think i'm right as well i think i think both things are at play um the fact that we even are talking so much about the dumbest thing ever is hilarious that's how the show gets you i know but i love that's that's why we have a podcast because it's so fun to just dig into the stupid stupid like really the worst conspiracy theory of all time it's just it's not even a conspiracy. Like, yes, Lisa is bitchy in a way that's

nice. Oh my god, decapitator. Jesus Christ. But I do think though that, like, you know, I think I do think ultimately the reason why people are also asking how long they've known Yolanda is because she's known Yolanda is because they want to start saying things like, do you think

she's really sick? Or do you think it's this or that? And Yolanda has proven to be like, so crazy. Uh, if you question her, that people are now being like, we want to just make sure, like,

if we, if we ask this question, it's going to go directly to Yolanda. I think that's, I think that's part of it too. I just don't think, I just, it's just funny that Erica is like

why is everyone asking me how long I've known Yolanda? It's like I just don't think it's like that crazy of a question or that inflammatory.

She's been going after Lisa since the beginning which you know is fine by me. I like Lisa Vanderpump obviously because I think

she's hilarious but it's a housewife show so if you want to go take down the queen go for it. I wouldn't mind seeing that. But do it with something tangible. This is just so stupid to me.

But I know that she can get Lisa because she does have Lisa's number. Even though she's being too hateful about it, I think Erika's just, like, too mad about nothing. Like, nothing's happened. But she's, like, all pissed off over nothing. But she does have Lisa's number. mad about nothing like nothing's happened but she's she's like all pissed off over nothing but she does have lisa's number and you know because lisa lisa's tell is her hair and her neck she does it every time if she's about to fight she grabs both sides of her hair and throws it behind her head like here we go and in this one you know you caught her in a lie because she scrunches her face like, no, darling.

And then puts her hand really uncomfortably on her neck and starts kind of scratching it. I'm like, ooh, she got you, bitch. And I made this into a gif, so go look at it. I do think that Erika won that argument. You'll see it over and over. I do think that Erika won that argument for sure. But I also thought it was like, okay, great. It was like such a stupid battle.

I mean, I just don't see what the upside ever is to antagonizing lisa vanderpump i just don't i don't know what the end game is here's my question for people that get pissed off about sticking up for vanderpump because i think on this show we pretty much nail well i can only speak for myself but i nail everybody the wall i think everybody on these shows is a fucking moron and i love to mock them i know i'm probably nicer to her but it's not a blind allegiance and her blog i saw this on the old twitter today her blog title this week is where's the manipulation and i think that that's a really good question so my question to you guys is where is it what did i always ask that's what

they always talk about the manipulation okay and uh i understand like in general like okay yeah she's she can be manipulative but it's sort of like but to what end though it's like i've seen i don't think i've seen her i know that she tried to use brandy against kyle badly she tried to use brandy as a weapon and tried manipulating all of that stuff. And I think she probably did feed it into Brandy's head that Eileen was a cheater. And that's why Brandy started that first dinner with, oh, well, you're the one who has an affair on people. And then threw that wine in Eileen's face. Like, I see Lisa manipulating in that way or in this way, mentioning with Kyle Bunchausen to get Lisa to talk about it.

I can see some of that stuff. But on the show, they have not ever brought up one single thing that she's manipulated. It's so hard because probably what they're alluding to the most is the fact that she says stuff off camera and she acts a certain way off camera. And then on camera, she maybe acts a different way or she sort sort of washes her hand of something that she was active in off camera. But it's always hard for me to cook up these theories of stuff we just don't see. I know that you're a little bit more into that. Oh, I love that shit. Yeah.

And obviously, I indulge in that too. It's not like I say, well, I didn't see it. I obviously infer things and I surmise about what possibly happened behind the scenes. I think that you take – I think that you're more into – I read into it. You read into it a little bit more and take it a little bit more as fact, which is not a bad thing because that's the fun of these shows. Like that's – half the entertainment value is trying to figure out the stuff behind the scenes. That's like you – that's half the entertainment value is trying to figure out the stuff behind the scenes.

But for me, I just – I try to rely a little bit more on – I sound so condescending. I'm sorry, Ronnie. I'm not really trying to be condescending. But I'm just saying for me – No, I don't feel like that. You're right. I'm totally a conspiracy theorist. What I analyze – I like to analyze more of what I see on screen because that's just all that's – listen, I do it in facts, darling. Facts.

Yeah, I don't't especially with these shows because they all lies oh i heard this weekend that the munchausen thing came out last year and that they're talking about it now but they've been fighting about this since last year so all of this is phony anyway but either way though um you know i know there are people some of our listeners hate lisa vanderpump. Some of them love her. I definitely am closer to the blind devotion. I admit it. I am open with that.

But I do, I will concede when she's lost something. And I think she lost Erica there. I think she handled this ongoing Eileen thing. I think she's handled that very poorly. And I think it's working against her. But I still think that, like, she's a hard one to. But I still think that like, she's a hard one to take down. Because you win the battle doesn't mean you win

the war. Erica leaves her and goes right up to Catherine. She's like, So, how are you, Catherine? How are you? Now, this is what I was enjoying. I was enjoying this. You look great. Everything's wonderful. No, but seriously, like, how are you? How's the party? Oh, well, you know, kind of had to, you know, take you down.

Yeah. I mean, at least Catherine was open about it. She's like, oh, well, you know, I told everyone about everything you told me, you know, and I told about the part how, like, if you confide in me, I won't tell everyone. So I told everyone about that. And, you know, it was great. Well, I thought that that was confident. I mean, we were sitting at lunch in front of Ted Caperman on national TV, and I thought that was totally confident, Catherine.

I know. Whenever people talk about confidence on – saying something in confidence on TV, that is always hilarious to me. And so it's funny because Catherine, you know, it was really – it still was shady of what Catherine did. It was a total bitch move. Total, total shady. But it was kind of funny Catherine's defense Totally. It was a total bitch move. Total, total shady. But it was kind of funny.

Catherine's defense was like, well, you know, unless you say it between you and me, I'm just going to tell everyone. You just have to know I'm going to tell everyone. And you're kind of like, that is so washing your hands. There's a rule. If you don't want me to repeat it, then tell me don't repeat it. And Catherine, I mean, Erica's like, yeah, but

that kind of hurt me. Well, that's on you. She is so stupid, Catherine's on you. Yeah. She is so stupid, Catherine. So stupid. But at the same time, you know, it's kind of. With her wide blinking back, groaning eyes. Bling, bling.

Yeah. I mean, I still, you know, if I were to play a conspiracy theorist, she's probably thinking, listen, we're on TV. It's going to get out anyway. So, like, what's wrong with me saying it? So, I don't know but it was i mean obviously on the shady scale katherine registered very highly yeah but um i sort of see your point too so now down back at the other end of the table we've got the other stirrer who just can't let fucking anything go eileen oh my god she's like eileen oh yeah so she's talking

again about lisa vanderpump right and she so she's talking again about Lisa Vanderpump, right? And she's, well, they're all about to move into another room to see a surprise musical guest. And so Eileen's... Why are you mad at me? I think Eileen's mad at me, guys. Eileen, you mad? No, I mean like... I'm not mad, but you know. But you know, you know? No, I mean like, you know. I'm not mad, but you know. But you know.

You know what it's about. And Lisa's like, what, what, what, what, what, what, what? And Eileen is like, well, you know, it's just like, you know. No, it's just, you know where, you're saying that she's not mad. This is where I start to lose the track. So Eileen is now mad at Lisa because Lisa, by Lisa saying that the other Lisa is not manipulative.

No Lisa Vanderpump. Yeah, and so for Lisa to basically defend Lisa Vanderpump means that Lisa doesn't have Eileen's back in this ongoing situation from the Hamptons. Is that what the logic was? Yes, because Eileen is still mad at Lisa

because Lisa hasn't apologized in the 20 times that she's apologized in the way that Eileen wants, because she wants Lisa to say, I'm sorry I suggested that you were a whore on national television even though, I mean, you are a husband stealer. And then she's not getting that so she's mad and talking about it to

everybody else constantly, constantly, constantly, even though she just said we're done and now Rinna was nice to Erica I mean Vanderpump on camera and stood up for her which she really didn't she just said she doesn't even know her and laughed and now Eileen is saying

Eileen goes you know she can be manipulative Lisa why are you afraid of Lisa Vanderpump yeah I was like you're just you actually just added that in I don't think thatisa why are you afraid of lisa vanderpump yeah i was like you're just you just you actually just added that in i don't think that lisa renna is afraid of vanderpump i actually really don't think that renna is afraid of vanderpump um i think that she just knows who the ally was she wants to say and why are you why can you not let anything go you controlling eos this is so annoying you've been so boring this entire goddamn time lately.

You've had nothing to add, and now you're adding more nothing. No, I mean, I like her actual... I don't side with what she's doing, but I like her brand of drama, which is like a petty thing that she just won't get over. And I don't remember if it was now or if it was later when they had lunch

when she was like, well, you know, it's just this small thing. I mean, it's become a had lunch, when she was like, well, you know, it's just this, like, this small thing. I mean, it's become a big thing now. I'm like, yeah, because you turned it into a big thing. You keep bringing it up in the most inopportune moments. You'll be like, well, I just saw The Lion King again. And, you know, I was marveling at how wonderful Scar was. And it reminds me, you know, I've been a little scarred by Lisa.

It sort of reminds me of how manipulative she is. Well, you know, because it's a thing in the Hamptons. But, you know, like, what what i thought you're talking about lion king pretty much she's not even that subtle like she'll just sit down and lunch and like hello hello aline how are you doing today she's like well i would be better if lisa vanderpump wasn't in ruining everything all the time am i right right, guys? Can you believe it? The fact that she somehow brought the

Lisa Rinna's laughing off dismissal of what Catherine reported, the fact that Eileen would bring that into her situation. Which Eileen made Catherine report in the first place. It's not like Catherine brought it up on her own. Eileen

called it down like it was going to be this big musical number and it turned out to just be Catherine being a dumb gossip. And Eileen's issue with, well it's interesting because on camera Eileen's issue with Lisa Vanderpump is not that she's manipulative, it's that she was making her feel uncomfortable and didn't realize when to stop.

So the fact that she's now taking up the manipulative issue actually supports your theory that she's now taking up the manipulative issue actually supports your theory that she's really mad because she thinks that Lisa was trying to make her look like a whore on TV. But I don't think that Lisa has any motive to make Eileen look like a whore on TV. You know what I'm saying? Well,

she was being weird in that because that was, oh, look at Lisa Rinna was saying, oh, those two people who got divorced that are our friends. It was kind of stagey. And then Vanderpump's like, oh, yes, it was. Divorce is so sad. And then Eileen said something like, yeah, I can't believe that divorced people aren't just nice to each other.

I mean, you've raised children together. I just can't believe they can get so mean. And Vanderpump, oh, you've been divorced, darling. Really? So she did i i don't know i don't think she was like okay now let's get eileen to start talking about i don't think started asking her about the affair and when were when did you start so oh you were together i don't know i don't think friends but then when were you together together and eileen i don't

think it's i don't think it's i don't think there's any subtext to it to me personally the way i see way I see it, I think that Lisa and Lisa were talking about two other people because they were having dinner. I mean, they just cut in at that moment to give some context to the conversation to how it got started. But, like, you know, these people do talk about things other than their circle. So it makes sense they were talking about someone and, like, people that they know. They're gossiping about this divorcing couple. And then she doesn't know that she's been divorced twice. I mean, come on. Lisa knows that.

She's not the woman of the few years. No, but I think, like, I've always stand by my theory that I do think that Lisa was drunk. And she wanted some juicy details. I don't think she was trying to, like, make Eileen look like a whore. She just wanted to hear, like, what's up? Well, I don't necessarily think she was trying to make her look like a whore. I think that Eileen thinks that. Okay. Because Eileen is saying, I don't necessarily think she was trying to make her look like a whore. I think that Eileen thinks that. Because Eileen is saying, I've been married.

You know I'm on my third marriage. You know that I had an affair and that's how I got this husband. And now you're pestering me with questions on national TV making me look like a homewrecker. And that's why Lisa – I think that's why she's mad. But she won't say that's why she's mad because she'll be calling herself a homewrecker again. But she's not being specific. And so Vanderpump doesn't understand what she's saying because she'll be calling herself a homewrecker again but she's not being specific and so Vanderpump doesn't

understand what she's saying except she asked too many questions and she apologized for asking too many questions. It's like this big stupid fight. Okay, I totally, now we're on the same wavelength about it because yes, I think that's totally plausible that Eileen thinks that she was being manipulated into a situation whereas Lisa was just

drunk and just trying to get the juicy details about what it was like to have an affair you know and the way though Lisa should have Lisa should have seen that Eileen was uncomfortable about it like or Eileen could have said you know I don't really want to talk about this I don't like revisiting that time whatever but either way it's all been handled terribly and now it's somehow Lisa was being a bitch which I could go either way because Eileen thinking that that comes from someplace and Lisa can be shady like that so i can see why she would think that but it's months later at this point people yeah and nothing happened wall-e's for crying out loud

they're at wall-e's and andrea bocelli is about to sing to them how could how dare she ruin this moment oh good andrea bocelli okay obviously. And so let's watch everybody try and make it about them now. I know. I knew you were going to say that. So first of all, I love that there's like, you know, this is like, oh, Andrea Bocelli. And Yolanda, of course, being like, Andrea Bocelli, you're so cute. You're such a cute little blind singer. Oh, she did later.

Isn't he cute? Oh, look at him, that little blind person. Oh, she did later. Isn't he cute? Oh, look at him, that little blind person. Oh, so cute. Call me crazy. I don't love Andrea Bocelli. I feel like his music is really cheesy. Well, he's got a stunning voice, but I mean, you know, it's all like,

Do you love in the love and the love? I mean, who cares, you know? So anyway, but, so, I mean, it it was nice it was really cool cool to have Andrea Bush but they were honestly acting as if they had a private audience with the Pope okay they were like what a life changing moment I'm like just relax a little bit it's cool but it's not

whatever and then he starts singing Ave Maria and then I knew the moment that Kyle Richards said it was a sign from her dead mother to talk to Kim, I was like, oh, Ronnie, his head's going to explode. Of course. Kyle's positioned right in front of the camera with her zillion dollar purse, her diamond Rolex, and her giant diamond watch, pretending to cry while Andre Pacelli sings. And then she goes, my mom is always sending me signs.

She told me when she was dying i'll always send you signs and i think this is a sign to text kim i'm like yeah the song the virgin mother song is not a song about your i message you dumb bitch and why would your mother text you that if your mother was texting you anything she'd be like listen here this is a sign okay ave maria means give your sister her house back in Latin. You know what? It's like it's like that joke about the guy who

there's like a crazy hurricane and like there's a huge flood. He's on the roof of his house and like well, like a boat comes and he doesn't take the boat and a helicopter comes and he doesn't take the helicopter and somebody else comes and he doesn't take the helicopter and he dies. He's like, I'm waiting for it. God's going to send me a sign.

God's going to send me a sign. I'm not going to take it. And then when he goes to heaven, he's like, God, I thought you were going to send me a sign. He's like, yeah, I sent you a boat. I sent you a helicopter. I sent you this and that. To me, it's the same thing. Ave Maria is not the sign. I think the sign from your mother

to deal with your sister is that she's on drugs. She's going to rehab. She's on Dr. Phil. These are the signs. Yeah, I think when she was being chased down the freeway after stealing from Target, that was the sign, Kyle. Ave Maria is not your sign.

Don't you remember how much your mom liked little Smarties and stuff like that? That was the sign. Your sister sold Smarties. Kim stole five dollar packs of clothespins from the dollar aisle at that Target riot. You know, my mom loved clothespins. That's your sign, okay? That's more believable than some random star coming in to sing ave maria that has

nothing your sister literally your sister literally got tanked in your mother's favorite booth at the hotel okay that's the sign that's the sign that you need to reach out to kim well signs only count when you're on camera and you can get sympathy from people about it fucking kyle the worst kyle is the worst ace of base fan of all time she She did not see the signs. They did not open up her eyes. Next, tonsillitis. Who cares? I liked it. Actually, tonsillitis.

Who cares? Who cares? So what? Who cares? Get out of here, tonsillitis. I did like when Lisa Rinna was talking about being nervous. She just goes, well, you know what? I'm nervous that she's going to die.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, well, you know what? I'm nervous that she's going to die. What? I like that. I like that she actually laughed after saying that. Would it be weird if I asked if those tonsils could be injected into my chin bone? It's not whatnot, am I right? So, yeah, that was like tonsillitis.

They took her to the hospital, right? You know what? I had such a weird thought during that scene when they were waiting, when she and Morgan were waiting. It was the weirdest thought. Just hear me out, people. I found myself loving Lisa Rinna. Well, first of all, I always loved Lisa Rinna. But I found myself loving her because I was like, you know what?

I bet Lisa Rinna is the type that if you're waiting somewhere with her, she'd buy you a free cup of coffee. That was my thought. Coffee at Press America, am I right? We're all friends in a waiting room. I feel like she would be like, here, she's here. I got you a croissant. It's on me. I'd be like, oh, thanks. That's the way to my heart heart buy me a free snack i feel like lisa rena would do that

for me you're so easy bin i really really am i really am i'm sorry lisa rena haters i know i'm sorry i'm making you so mad right now with just like like finding love in the strangest random parts but poking the haters with a free imaginary croissant i i can't help it she's giving me an imaginary croissant i can't help but love her i love her more now because of that imaginary croissant she gave me in the waiting room i wasn't in i can't help it i can't help but i created a scenario and i i'm indulging the fantasy she's so nice to me my fantasiesies. I just love that Lisa Rinna has another whole scene

saying fuck you to Yolanda. It's like, look, here I am in a doctor's office. Guess who's not going to be here? It's a real doctor! Look at me, the real doctor! Suck it, Yolanda! You know what it is? I think I also like these random scenes of Lisa Rinna driving

her teenage daughters around and her daughter's friends it's like so it's so mom like um as opposed to yolanda you know shipping gg and bella and i'm more often to the modeling world and getting them luxury apartments in new york city when they're purportedly going to college like there's just something as much as i always make fun of like quote-unquote mommy stuff, like mom hair and so mom, mom, mom. There is actually, I think, something kind of really lovely about seeing, you know, like sort of like a real housewife, diva type doing something just totally suburban. I'm like a real mom. Well, she does that real stuff because she actually makes her own money as well.

You know, she actually contributes to the household. It's like's like oh here's me and my kids getting a hot dog because it's a dollar yeah okay it's not yolanda flying off with somebody else's like a mixture of two gross men that she never wanted to fuck in the first place is money yeah uh so the next thing is uh kyle her stupid kyle house and her stupid dining room that Faye designed with little stupid trees drawn all over it. Hate her. And it's the color of the friends. It's Monica's color from Friends. I'm like, really, Faye?

Get out of the 90s. I know that was like your huge time in life, but you need to leave 1994, Faye Resnick. But it is fitting that Kyle's stuck there, too. So they're eating and a dog steals a potato yeah and it was the best thing that kyle's i felt bad i felt bad for the dog most dogs get to steal things like bacon or something that's like totally tasty it's like oh that that dog got the best scraps this dog gets a boiled potato yeah boiled potato and white bread have fun dog you're at kyle's yeah and by the way this is

I want to mention this before because I feel like I'm going to forget it later on I would like to mention that I also really appreciated Rob and Rose cat and newlyweds climbing into the cupboard while they were having a romantic moment did you notice that I totally did and I cracked up no those two are so

lame I completely zoned out during their scenes that's for anyone else to notice the cat while they were like being like lovey-dovey on the side the cat got up on the counter and got up on its back legs and put its paws all the way up in like the third level of their cabinet. It was a highlight for me.

Highlights. Something you read in a real doctor's office. Some Shirley Serena can now tell you. So the next scene, speaking of not real doctors, danger foul balls area featuring the two women married to old men whose balls probably, you know,

like sweep up the floor every time they're walking through the house. Yolanda and Erica. Yeah. Go to lunch at a park or something. This is so fun. Like, we're in a park. I don't give a fuck. We don't have to be in a restaurant. Give me a piece of chocolate cake. Give me a lunchbox. I don lunch at a park or something. This is so fun. Like, we're in a park. I don't give a fuck. We don't have to be in a restaurant.

Give me a piece of chocolate cake or give me a lunchbox. I don't give a fuck. That's every Yolanda scene this year. She's like, oh, it is a block from my house. I am exhausted. I go outside. Meet me in front of the foul balls area. Yeah.

Perfect. Yolanda, don't go in the grass if you don't want more ticks. Go eat in Wally's again. Okay, so here's another piece of poetry in this show Yolanda Erica's like so how do you feel I'll pretend that I don't give a fuck I'll pretend that I don't not give a fuck

but she's like how do you feel and Yolanda's like oh I feel like a horse in one of those things you know one of those square stable no you know one of those things that you put? One of those square... A stable. No, you know, one of those things that you put a horse in and they go run! A stable. No, you know, one of these things that

the racehorse... And she's like, Erica's like, well, we have racehorses, but I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. I don't know what they're... I don't know how they race. Like, when they do go to NASCAR, do they get in the cars and drive the cars themselves? That's pretty cool. Cool that horses can do that. I can't do it.

I don't give a fuck. I don't want to drive a car. Like, Jesus, Erica. She's trying to talk about her illness, and you have to turn it into your money. I hope that Erica and Kyle have a money off. Like, just bragging about money they never made. And by the way, I believe the word they were looking for was gate. That's the word.

Gate. I kept saying stable. And yeah, she was probably saying the racehorse gate opens and they run but I just kept thinking it was hilarious that they're talking about horses and stables and it keeps intercutting between Yolanda's ex building a stable for Lisa

and then not talking about those bitches at all it was like beautiful poetry I didn't even pick up on that it's these writers well I'm writing 10 pages about it a week so I pick up on weird. It's these writers. Well, I'm writing 10 pages about it a week, so I pick up on weird shit like that. But I was like, this is beautiful. Yeah, because over at Villa Rosa,

Mohammed showed up with a little horsey house with Shiva also. Shiva, by the way, I mean, she's always been really beautiful, but I think she's looking positively radiant. Good for you, Shiva. She married a teenage model. What the fuck is she supposed to look like?

It's not like it's taking extra effort for her. She's standing in between two 80-year-olds. Yeah, no, she's doing great work. Doing great work, looking pretty. And Shiva goes, I want a house like that. Oh, don't you worry, honey. He's gonna be done with you by the time you hit 40. You'll have a little glued together house outside in the

backyard, too. She was just practicing her wedding vows. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries, Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat or be eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself.

But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death.

Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February.

And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. I want a house like that too. I do. He's like, maybe if you earn it.

I'm still trying to get Yolanda's medical bills paid off, bitch. Yeah. So this whole lunch, Eileen comes to lunch to meet the no foul balls bitches in the park. And of course, her first thing, which we already mentioned before, is bringing up this Vanderpump thing. Eileen comes to lunch to meet the no foul balls bitches in the park. And, of course, her first thing, which we already mentioned before, is bringing up this Vanderpump thing. And then Yolanda goes on her. Oh, you know, I know the Lisas. I know the Lisa Vanderpumps.

And, you know, I take her on to face value. You know? I'm like, what does that even mean? Lisa's face is probably valued at, like, millions. Erica's face is Groupon. How do you put one single value on a face in this town? They're all different. Yeah, I know. They're all worth like a few thousand dollars too.

Or there's like a Taylor face that's just like home products melted down and injected herself by Kennedy. Here, Kennedy, hold this syringe, babe. So Yolanda's pretending like she has no issue with lisa vanderpump which is hilarious uh and then lisa and yolanda are intercut talking about each other and how they know each other and i guess we always knew this but hearing them say it was interesting um lisa's best friends with muhammad so she just knew yolanda's one of the wives that you know was carded in and uh so Yolanda, but they were never friends because she was besties with the husband. So she knew every damn thing he was doing. And then he would tell her – she didn't say this, by the way.

But just as someone who's best friends with half of a couple, they talk about the other person. And then Yolanda, when she's going through divorce or whatever, it's not Lisa that's her friend. It's Mohammed. So they've always been on the other side in that way, which I think is interesting because I thought they were friends. Yeah. With Mohammed. Yeah. No, exactly.

Yeah. But they weren't. So she's pretending that she doesn't hate Lisa. And she's like, whatever. We are not that close. So who cares? You know, it is no big deal. I mean, oh, you know.

I mean, I don't even like to talk about her or whatever. And so they can't give it up and Eileen won't give it up. And then Erica goes into this thing where she's like, here's what I think about Lisa Vanderpump. She likes when people say she's Bobby Fisher. Oh, really? Someone who knows nothing about Lisa or Kyle or whatever.

You're such a bad liar, Erica, from a reunion two years ago. She likes when people complain to Bobby ago. She likes me compared to Bobby Fischer. She likes people call her intelligent. She likes that people think that she's so smart. I'm like, are you going to say a bad thing? Like, is there a bad thing in this?

Who wouldn't want that? If you tell me that I'm like Bobby Fischer, that I'm like conniving or shrewd or whatever, I'd be like, thank you. I know. She's going on this rant and I'm like, are you gonna say one bad thing? Because she seems really mad.

And then, seems. I'm so dumb. And then it cuts to Yolanda going, oh, don't you underestimate the Erika's? Because Erika may look like she's a stupid fleshbutt, but at the end of the day, she is the most

brilliant person here, okay? Yolanda Foster, the... I can't even think of it. I can't make a joke about intelligence and use the wrong word, so I'm just going to report the entire thing. Clear the joke! The second I start calling someone a fucking idiot,

I start misusing every damn word in the dictionary. I know. I know. By the way, side note, I have to say, during that scene, I was like, I really want to have one of their sandwiches. I was like, Lisa Renan, buy me the sandwich, please! They had, like, boxes of fruit and sandwiches.

They were going to town Those assistants really went to town Is there a Cinnabon? Is there a Cinnabon in here? Bring the talk stuff, I want some Cinnabons And then Eileen was talking about Lisa I just want to preface it

I think she's a hoot, she's a character She's hilarious I have great respect for her, I really enjoy to preface it that I think she's a hoot. She's a character. She's just, she's hilarious. You know, I have great respect for her. I really enjoy her. But, you know, she's just a craven bitch. Yeah, pretty much. I loved that they were all three talking about Lisa, but really not talking about anything. While Lisa's just having fun and being wealthy.

Yeah, she's like, I mean, well, here's the thing. As much as these three women talk, Lisa's ally in all this is Muhammad. And Muhammad could buy and sell all these women ten times over. So, you know, Lisa winds up on top. Bobby Fischer, checkmate. Well, you've got Yolanda with no friends. We've not met one friend of Yolanda yet that's real.

We've met this Erica who's obviously, this is just for the show. We've met Daisy who's paid $200 an hour. Who else does Yolanda even have as a friend? I have not seen one on Instagram. It's true, because most of these people have... I've never seen Yolanda with a friend. Yeah, most of these people have, like, little buddies, you know? Like... Erica doesn't. Erica doesn't have a friend. Taylor had friends. We haven't seen Erica with a friend that she hasn't paid

for, and we haven't seen Eileen with a friend either. So... Well, okay. I will say Erica true but we do I mean she does have her gaze that even though she pays them at least we see some sort of like they don't count when you pay them that's a friend employee I know but I'm just saying at least she has

a world like there are people around her that outside of like the spouse and got a husband who bought her and then a pack of gaze that she bought with his money it's like Lisa has a big world I mean it just just forgetting the vanderpump rules thing you know you have martin and you have she she she beverly hills you have uh muhammad you have like they're they're shiva there are plenty of people in lisa's world i mean kyle has kyle has kyle has fay and kim even kim richards had some washed up sitcom stars like yeah jimmy

mcnichols knows everybody on tv land i'm just saying these specific women sitting at the table talking shit are all women who are sitting there talking about someone else's like how this woman is in friendships but none of these women that we've seen even have any friends so that that's my point well i'm sure there's like a pie gal, Croupier, who Eileen is very good friends with. She knows everybody at the Indian casinos who give out markers. She's been at Pechanga several times.

I'm sure she knows Vanessa from Dream Crowns. They know my social security number and my husband. I mean, I get mail and calls from them all day long just asking for us to pay them back. And I say, maybe when my kitchen's done. Every time I go to Morongo, I always

run into all my friends. So next is Catherine with her sisters talking about their mom who is showing early signs of dementia. And Catherine's stupid ass is like, well, I mean, so she forgets things sometimes. You know, at least it's not her hips or something.

I mean, she's not in pain. And her sisters are like, when you can't remember your family or what's happening or where you are, you know, it tends to be depressing. And she's like, yeah. I mean, she does ask me where OJ is all the time. But then I just hang up. But, you know, I just look the other way. Not that I do that. Yeah, that was like of whatever so you know it's fine but i've learned a little bit more about her family her sisters are

beautiful and um her her younger sister it's funny looked sort of like had some very kristen wig moments in the way she looked which i was neither here nor there, but for some reason I felt compelled to share that. I just, I don't, I haven't liked Catherine since scene one. I still don't like her. And they're talking about their mom who has dementia and Catherine's like, yep, I'm my mother's daughter. I'm like, yes, you sure are, mushy brain. Okay, next up is our last scene of the show. And it is over at Kyle.

And it's over at Kyle's potato-less house. One potato short. One potato, two potato. And that's where the rhyme ends. Because Bambi ate the third one. Kim Richards comes over with a purse big enough to take back the silver Kyle. It's like she's going to take one pipe from her house back every time she comes over. She's bringing over a suitcase.

I would like to say something nice about Kim Richards, which is that you know, because we make fun of Kim all the time. I mean, it was just like two weeks ago that we were equating Dr. Mario as like the inner sanctum of her brain. Okay. Like we know, we are aware.

But I thought that kim looked good and she sounded coherent she did i was very happy for her i was proud like as much as we make fun of her we obviously want her to get better and it looked like she did so you know like i look we love kim i go off on kim when she starts acting like a fool and blaming everybody else for her issues i hate that because i have my own addiction issues and it makes me crazy when people don't own it, baby! So, you know, we go up and down with her, but overall, I mean, of course

we love Kim. It's so good to see her looking I mean, she's wearing a leg brace and I'm just noticing now because of a screenshot. I don't know why she's wearing a leg brace or what the hell's going on with this Looney Tunes woman, but she's here in a leg brace and a gigantic suitcase to take shit home so whatever's happening welcome home so she comes in she's in a very positive place she's like well kyle you know we really

think kyle like here's the thing we just need to be positive and k Kyle's like, it's easier for Kim to be fake than me. Really, Kyle? Mm-hmm. Really, Kyle? Really? Seriously? Seriously? Seriously?

Kyle? So Kyle, when Kim's sitting there trying. Four years later, still funny. Seriously? Seriously? Kim's trying to be positive and Kyle's like, so, Brandy, huh? You still see Brandy?

She hasn't talked to Kim in like six months. And Kim's like, well, you know, we talk. Sometimes we'll text or whatever, but I've maybe seen her a couple times. Who cares? And Kyle's like, oh yeah, I know every single time you've seen her because she has to put it on Twitter.

Why does she have to do that? Put it on Twitter? Like when she sees you? Why is it on Twitter? Come on, emergency room. I just think it's so great that Kyle's following Brandy on Twitter. Well, I also think, you know, I defended Kyle when the whole the emergency room Kingsley Gate situation. So Kyle is one to talk about overexposure.

And by the way, you're on a reality show. Like, I actually get what Kyleyle is saying i do get it but when you're on a reality show you kind of lose all uh all your standing in that in that department especially when erica tried to use brandy you had just tried to use brandy to ruin lisa that didn't work then brandy tried and then she tried to use brandy glanville, too. A little alcohol joke for y'all. And Lisa used Brandy to try and get whoever that year. Who was it that year? Kyle.

And then Kyle used Brandy to try and get Lisa. And then Brandy used Kim to try and get Kyle. It's like, poor Brandy. She's just like that dirty condom that just gets passed around at the frat house. Like they're all afraid of the vagina, but not each other's mess. A dirty condom that sounds like Beeger.

Damn it, you know I don't have a high register. Yes, I get to do all the high register voices today. You got all the Beeger jokes. By the way, subtle difference between Brandy and leah black subtlety what the housewives are all about that's right so they have this spectrum they they calm down and basically kyle wants some kind of guarantee about kim's sobriety because it's so hard when kim is going up and down and Kim starts sobbing and she's like, there is no guarantee.

And it was a very nice scene and they just sit there and cry at each other and tell us they'll be nice. And then Kim's like, well, you know, the thing is kind of like what really started going bad is because we would do it in front of other people, you know, and then that's like then other people

and then they cut to Lisa Rinna going, oh, that's a scary voice, baby. It's a scary voice right there, baby. I've seen a lot of horror movies, baby. I was in the first Prom Night, baby, as an extra, okay? I've seen a lot of scary stuff. I saw a lot of people falling down from Matthews and then hopping over freeway dividers

to get away from me during an argument, baby. Just own it! I was sitting in the chairs for Halloween H20, okay? I've been around scary stuff, okay? And I own that, baby. I own that Halloween H20 chair. I took it from the audition. I was like, this is for Michael

Myers. Now Jenny McCarthy is in one folding chair. Heather from OC is in another folding chair. And then I'm in a Halloween H2O chair. And I'm like, I love you guys. And they're like, I love you.

You guys remember when Michael Myers tried to stalk us when we're in the chairs, that was so fun. This was actually a pretty nice scene. But when Kim brought up that we, we can do this, but we have to stop doing it with other people. Okay, on TV. Really? Of course, Kyle is fine if there's no one else around because she just ignores it, takes your money, and then pretends that there's no problem.

And then the second she can use it for her own gain, she's going to bring you down with the other people. I mean, if you're going to not be around other people and Kyle, just stay off the show. But I don't want you to do that. Yeah, well, cue up the Ave Maria for their next experience of... I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't know what I'm talking about. The Starbucks is getting

to my brain. But it has to end with Ave Maria somehow. So I guess just that they were crying. They probably got text from their mom. Yeah. They probably got some junk mail. Some junk mail for which one is the mom?

Large Marge Senior? Yeah. Large Marge Senior. Some junk mail came. It's a sign. Okay. So that is Beverly Hills. Beverly Hills. That was a long Beverly Hills day. Oh, it's a sign. Okay, so that is Beverly Hills.

Beverly Hills. That was a long Beverly Hills day. Oh, it certainly was. It certainly, certainly was. What is a lot to talk about? Less there is that actually happens on the show that they're fighting about, the more we talk about it. Like, the big fights were, like, done within two seconds. Okay, so before we go on to

Newlyweds, the first year, you know what time it is? A little power cleanser? How lucky are you to have me teach you about me? Clear the phlegm. Clear the phlegm. Clear the phlegm. A segment mocking Caroline Fleming of Lady of London's ridiculous Insta.

Yeah. Because we love, hate her. Or at least I love, hate her. Like, I love her and I hate her at the same time. So this one was sent to us by one of our listeners. And I was trying to find who it was. I can't find it. It was on Twitter or Facebook.

I can't find it. But one of our listeners directed us to a photo on Caroline Fleming's Instagram. It's her upside down, like lying down. We're seeing her upside down, folded up in some sort of like, it looks like she's on papillote, like in this parchment paper or something like that in black and white. And she goes, hashtag no filter, which is hilarious because it's black and white. So the listener tweeted us and said, so is she just naturally black and white. And she goes, hashtag no filter, which is hilarious because it's black and white. So the listener tweeted us and said,

so is she just naturally black and white? Is that what that is? So hashtag no filter, even though there's an obvious, obvious, obvious filter. I needed a moment for complete serenity

in the face of the storm. Thank you, at Dr. Francis Prenard-Jones, for taking such good care of me and helping me to look beautiful on the outside to all my friends this is a treat you all deserve to give yourselves xx www.drfrancisprenajones.com of course it's always a dot com it's always something that she's that she's promoting i've got one of her doing um she's doing a headstand but her legs are bent together like a bendy straw like one of those twirly straw things

and then there's like a big picture of someone getting married i think behind her which is weird because i don't think her divorce went well although it is why she's still rich although not rich enough that she can't you know go throughout a day without selling shit on Instagram. But that's the picture. And it says, good morning, hashtag rise and hashtag shine hearts. Sending you all lots of good wishes for a fantastic day. Take care of yourself. Take care of yourself.

Hashtag heart. Hashtag mind. Hashtag body. And hashtag soul. And all the ones that you love. X space X. At true app. At zenype.yoga. X space X.

Whatever, lady. She always has these pseudo self-empowerment captions followed by blatant product placement and i like that her trademark is becoming x's yes except there's spaces between them like oh what an original xx and there's only two so it's not like a xoxo or a triple. It's a double with a space in the middle. What does it mean? I have only one more. This one came 11 hours ago.

It's just an image of a salad. And she goes, hashtag tomato hashtag red onion hashtag avocado toasted hashtag sesame seeds fresh hashtag lemon

hashtag olive oil and hashtag pink Himalayan sea salt for any time of the day as a standalone or side dish. X

X X Hashtag Ross Dress for Less Plate Hashtag Cookie Jar Shaped Like a Chef Hashtag Fork Hashtag Ross Dress for Less Plate. Hashtag cookie jar shaped like a chef. Hashtag fork. Hashtag spoon.

Hashtag knife. I just like that she said hashtag pink Himalayan sea salt. She's ridiculous. You know she takes credit for that. Every time she walks into a Marshall's or a Ross and there's like that pink Himalayan sea salt everywhere, which it is. She's probably like, that is me. It's probably on her resume. Hashtag made pink Himalayan sea salt

a hashtag thing. I am a pink Himalayan sea salt influencer. It is my greatest accomplishment. After having a great great great grandfather who murdered someone else's great great great great great grandfather and got a statue for it. And the hashtag white Himalayans. having a great-great-great-grandfather who murdered someone else's great-great-great-great-great-grandfather and got a statue for it.

And the hashtag white Himalayans. How lucky are you to learn about hashtag pink Himalayan sea salt from me? Oh god. That's ridiculous. Clear the flam, darling.

Clear the flam. Clear her. It is cleared. Alrighty, let's start up with some Clear the flame. Clear her. Cleared. It is cleared. It is cleared. Alrighty, let's start up with some newlyweds. Newlyweds. Well, here we are.

Season finale. How did all the couples do? Well, we can start with our favorites. And we don't say that just because they came on our podcast last episode. Brandon and Craig. Aw. The gays. They're so sweet. So cute. So sweet. So hot. That was fun.

So, um, just when we thought we could get through an entire Bravo series without anyone removing hair from their crotch, here they come to sugar their asses. And this was a pretty, like, this was, we were seeing it.

We were really seeing some hair removal now. It's interesting the things they allow on TV. Like, why can't you, I don't know, have a boob shot, but then I can see a cornhole? Yeah. Why? How is that fair? Yeah, this was like, this was, this is like, I would have preferred to have had more left to my imagination in this,

in this, you know, and these are two very hot guys. This is the theme of their episode, for sure. Everything they did in this one, I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I know. I was like, I was actually eating dinner during this episode and it was like all right I'm eating oh and here are their assholes okay great and then it was like then I was like let me get back to eating and the next you know it's like Craig like happily brandishing about a little like shot glass of semen I was like they're not gonna let me eat in peace will they

I mean what's next a bloody gash I like that they put in front of that he's like brandon i got it it's time to take my semen test it sure is you're gonna take your semen test i am i'm gonna get my semen tested right now are you going to help you yeah you know how to do it and they go into the bedroom and then it says four minutes and 16 seconds later and he comes out holding a tiny little mouthwash cup full of jizz. Gross. Listen, I'm just happy that we didn't see the next scene that was probably left on the cutting room floor. It's like, Brandon, look at the diarrhea I have in the toilet. Totally gross.

So they got sugared, which I had never heard of. I thought they were going to get sugar facials because I used to do that. And it feels amazing. It's just sugar. Well, they did. They just got a facial on their ass. That's all. This is a ball of sugar that they rub over your body and rip until it gets caught in the hairs.

And then they flick it and it pulls the – what the hell? How is that better than waxing? Are you guys out of wax? Yeah, wax seems like it would be better i don't know why that's just it really seemed um maybe it's because it leaves like a nice residue but it gets sugared i mean that's just crazy that is a waste of m&ms if you ask me yeah yeah i felt um it seemed very intense and i liked what when so brandon got it first and he's like, oh, oh, oh. And Craig's like, does it hurt? Does it hurt?

Are you hurting Brandon? Brandon, why are you doing that? Can Crystal do it for us? Do you think Crystal will sugar us? I want to get sugared by Crystal. Brandon, does it hurt? No. Does it hurt?

No. Does it hurt? No. Does it hurt? No. And they're both holding their ankles behind their head. The ankles are like bobbing around. I mean, smudda. Does it hurt? No. And they're both holding their ankles behind their head. The ankles are like bobbing around.

I mean, smudda. You know what my favorite crystal is? A sugar crystal. Crystal, why don't you come do this for us? Let me see. You have work cut out for you. Oh, yeah. Brandon's like, well, good luck because Craig hasn't been keeping up ever since we got married.

I mean, you should see it down there. I'm like, oh, great. Now a hairy asshole image in my head. Thanks, guys. It's just his face down there. Brandon was literally saying, oh, that's my hole. That's my hole, Brandon. Craig was saying that.

He's like, that's my hole. Well, it was probably like Rapunzel. It was probably like when Rapunzel decided to let her hair down out of the tower, that's what was going on. It was just like one long cable. Oh, God. There wasn't enough sugar in the world to take care of all that hair. So they had a one-year anniversary party because this is everybody's one-year anniversary now since the show's ending. Yeah. And then they, both of their siblings

come in town for the party, and they have this brunch at Tortilla Flats, which was a real slap in the face to Lisa Vanderpump, as it's right next door to Sir. That was Tortilla Republic. Down the street from Pump, darling. Tortilla Flats is in New York City. Tortilla Flats is in New York City. Darling, this is Tortilla

Republic. Oh, that's what I meant. I don't know City. Tortilla Flats is in New York City, darling. This is Tortilla Republic. Oh, that's what I meant. I don't know. I ain't eating at no place called Tortilla something that charges $20 a dish, okay? I'll go to Baja Fresh and get my $7 burrito. Thank you, Flat Republics. Thank you. Yeah, so they're there, and

so it's Bree, which is Brandon's sister and Craig's brother, and Bree's like, I got you a gift. She's like, she was like, this was actually the hardest scene she ever had to shoot, because she had to hold, like, a little femme purse. She was like, ugh, I can't wait to get rid of this thing. So she gave them a gift, and they opened it up, and it was a... A baby! Pregnancy test that was positive. So yay! That's gonna be a Ramsey! That's gonna was a um a baby pregnancy test that was positive so yay that's gonna be a ramsey this will be a ramsey baby except then in the after thing they were like they miscarried

three months later okay good luck and i was like god geez great okay it's like ass waxing sperm yay baby no baby what the hell so well it's They said it was going to be a hard pregnancy. So, well, good. Best of luck, Brie. Best of luck. So, anyways, that was nice. It was a nice moment. Everyone was, like, really happy.

And there was tears. I mean, well, of course, there's always tears. Whenever they have a... They, like, open up a new jar of peanut butter and they're crying. Like, do you realize this is our first jar of peanut butter as a married couple? It's just so special. I love peanut butter. He does. He loves peanut butter. I do. I love it.

He does on bread. Crackers. I put it on my body. Yeah, I know. You get it all over the shower. I always am wiping down peanut butter from the shower stall. Oh, I'm so sorry, but I love peanut butter. I like putting peanut butter on my feet. It keeps them warm. I like when you bring me a glass of water

after I had peanut butter because I can't talk right. You're like, here's some water. I do do that. You do. I love you. I love you too. Brandon, you know who also loves peanut butter? Crystal!

Oh my god, Crystal. Brandon, I can't wait to tell Crystal about the peanut butter we got. She already knows. Brandon, I hope you don't mind, but I sent the peanut butter to Crystal. But I love the... But that was going to be our peanut butter.'t mind, but I sent the peanut butter to Crystal. But I love the... But that was going to be our peanut butter. I know, but I wanted Crystal to have it. She knows about peanut butter, Craig.

That's what she gave us for our wedding present. So thanks, Crystal. Oh, I love her. Craig. Okay, Craig, this is the way it's going to be. I get the new peanut butter, and you give Crystal the crappy jiff that's half opened, all right? All right, fine. And Crystal would be like, I totally get it.

Thank you so much for the half peanut butter. I get it. Love you both. Like, I don't even like crunchy peanut butter, but that's okay. I'll take this. Oh, thank you for understanding. All right, so let's move on. Who do you want to talk to?

Their story wrapped up. They had, like, a cabaret thing. All right, so let's move on. Who do you want to talk to? Well, they had their story wrapped up. They had, like, a cabaret thing. It was really nice. They danced. They were happy. And gay marriage, yada, yada, yada. Oh, yeah, gay marriage. Sorry, gay marriage is tired now, okay?

We've had it for, like, nine months or something, everybody. Just get over it. Should we move on to Rob and Taw? It's like, Taw. So Rob, finally, after a year of marriage, he is like, Taw, I just don't want to lose you. I don't want your family to take you

away from me, Taw. Oh, God. The scene opens with Tara in bed, whining like a little bit, or pouting like a little bit. She's like, mmm. In bed, like, perfectly placed, her hair done, a full face of makeup. Like, it's the first thing in the morning, and she's like, mmm. I dead. Like, perfectly placed. Her hair done. A full face of makeup. Like, it's the first thing in the morning, and she's like, mmm.

I'm so sad I'm in a luxury hotel in San Francisco with my wealthy husband. And, of course, her husband. Well, he had a talk with his friend. Well, first, though, in the beginning, he's like, well, Tara, I realize that I may have overreacted before when you told me that you'd be happier if I got along with your family. Because what I heard was you're not happy at all. But I'm realizing that what I need to hear is that you're kind of happy. And that makes me a little happier, but not that much happier. And I overreacted.

She's like, I love you. So then they have a scene that's intercutting between them talking to their friends, like their best friend. And he's like, well, here's what it is. I'm sick of Tara's family. I hate them and I want them to die. And his friend's like, well, I don't see anything wrong with that. I mean, you know, here you are. You're a guy.

You're providing. You know, you're nice. You're doing everything right. I don't see what you're doing wrong. He's like, yeah. I mean, I just want to pretend her family doesn't exist. I don't get why that's such a big deal. He's like, yep.

I don't either. But at least the friend redeemed himself at the end by going, but you have to anyway. Because you're my wife. I mean, basically the entire scene was Scooter. I imagine the guy's name is Scooter. I don't know what his name is. But he basically was the two of them being like, Persians. Am I right?

But then finally, yeah. Yeah, pretty much. He's kind's kind of like yeah dude so um it's your wife's family so get over it yeah i was like whoa i just realized i have to get over it and then uh tara's friend was like okay listen your husband you have to make the boundary because if your husband don't don't have the boundary then he does things and then you get upset and then you say why are you upset and you say you fell over boundary and you say what boundary and then you know what i mean and she's like yes i do i should have been making boundaries this whole time but i didn't do it before we were married but now it's time to set some boundaries and she's like okay goodbye leave my kitchen now well it was funny to me because she's like I want to talk to my sister

because she married an American also and I wanted to know what it was like for her you know because we're going through so many same things and I wanted the sister to basically say yeah it wasn't a problem for me because my husband's not a dick so it was actually pretty smooth and then later he comes home my husband's not a dick. So it was actually pretty smooth. And then later he comes home and his apology is hilarious

because at first I'm thinking, oh my God, a Bravo show that's ending where somebody learned something. This is not happening. It was shocking. And I want to say that this is, at this point,

they've moved back into their house, which is redone, looks beautiful. And I believe this scene that's happening that you're about to say is when they're they're in the bedroom and uh they their bed is so tall and they are so short that when they're sitting on it they look like they are dangling off of a dock it was just like i'm like a red pleather dock i was like why did you get such a giant bed you guys have to take a step stool together and i'm not even trying to

shame them for being short i'm shaming them for getting such a giant bed? You guys have to take a stepstool to get on it. I'm not even trying to shame them for being short. I'm shaming them for getting such a giant bed. And their remodel wasn't – their remodel is pretty, but it wasn't like a gut where you redo the whole house. It's literally like, oh, look, now it's not that countertop. It's a new countertop, but it's in the same place. Look, now it's not that kind of brick. It's this kind of brick. So it just looked basically like a paint job over

a textile job over another thing I like that you're shaming their remodel for not remodeling enough it's not even the shame of it like it looked okay it's just Tara saying well now it feels like my house now it really

feels like my house I'm like really she comes from the Megan King school, except with a different color. And then he's like, wow, I feel so great now that it's both ours. And then he starts tapping his fingers really violently on the chair and

looking around the room. Like, Oh my God, how did I let that countertop get on there? Oh my God. Is she going to notice my changes? Cartons at least. I mean, at least she has

good taste, because the last time we saw this happen, it was when Megan King Edmonds kicked out all of Jimmy Edmonds furniture and filled it up with Ashley furniture, you know, with like wrought iron finishes and ornate wooden knobby things. Like those big wooden bird cages that

no one puts birds in. Faux Tuscan decor. Empty bird cage. What does that say about your marriage? Yeah. So anyway, so they sit down and Rob tells her, he's like, yeah, I am open to trying to be open to your family. Something along those lines. Not even that.

be open to your family something along those lines not even that he's like look i realize that what i've been doing isn't fair to you because it puts you in a bad place so what i want to tell you is you should be close with your family she's like yeah but what about you you can try to and he's like no no no that's not what i'm saying i'm saying if you want to call your parents call them and i won't try and cut the line while you're on the phone. She's like, yeah, but maybe you can maybe talk to them? He's like, I will think about that. He's like, here's my concession.

Once a month, I am open to having some pomegranate seeds and crusty rice, and that's it. I will try yellow rice. That's as far as I'm going. Okay? That's it. But will try yellow rice. That's as far as I'm going. Okay? That's it. But his concession was nothing.

His concession was the same as it is now. It's like, I still want no part of your family, but I'll let you see them now. Wow. Thanks a lot, dude. You unfucking locked the front door. Yeah. What an ass. I know. So now we can move on to Adonis and Erica.

Oh, Erica. I loved Erica's trial bitch personality because it was so phony. Yeah, it was real funny. I couldn't believe for one second that she was going to leave Adonis. No, and she spent pretty much the entire episode in her car slowly rolling down the block. At all times, she was either rolling towards the house or rolling away from the house, just sitting in her car, talking to people on the block. Like, at all times she was either rolling towards the house or rolling away from the house, just sitting in her car talking to people on the phone. I'm gonna go to Seattle because I need to

hurt myself. It's like, what? What did you say? I'm sure your dying sister on an oxygen tank really needs to hear you ten times a day talking about how rough your life is, newly married lady. Yeah. It's actually kind of funny because Erica is being so annoying about this whole process that it's actually making me feel sympathy for Adonis.

Because he's just sort of standing there like a sad dog. Like, so you're really going to leave? You're going to leave me right now? You're just smiling really big. Like, so you're just going to – what are you going to do? Well, I'm thinking, like, I'm just going to go to Seattle. Okay? I'm going to just, like – that's me.

Because, like, it's about finding me well I mean I don't know well so what I don't care because that's me now I'm like you know like I'm sick of not having my own opinions and he goes well what do you think she goes I don't know what do I think like it's my point like I don't think that Adonis

understands that like Seattle's like grunge and like that's me and like I don't you don't understand that like, Seattle's like grunge and like, that's me. And like, I don't, you don't understand. That's like,

you know, like, I mean, I don't know. That's totally how it was. And he's just standing there. He's all skinny now. He's lost weight,

which is why she's mad. Cause you know, we all get more ass. You lose five pounds, you get more ass. Yeah. He's sitting there. He's got crumbs in his beard dangling as he's doing his like like newlywed cam whatever it's called couple cam and he's like well i guess uh erica can go find herself and i'll just be sitting here eating pieces of cucumber out of a bowl he is stupid she is stupid but what makes me crazier about her is that she was doing all of this just so people would be like, yeah, you're a strong girl.

Or so her sister and her friend would be like, you did it. You're so strong. When she was never planning on leaving. She went on a two-damn-week vacation and came home again. Of course she did. Yeah. Because at the end, it said, well, after two weeks, Erica came back. And they're giving their marriage another shot.

I'm like, this marriage will never be healthy, but you'll never leave him, so, like, why am I watching you right now? Yeah, I don't even care. Can we just go back to the first episode where you guys forgot to write vows for each other and then serve spaghetti? Because that shit was rich.

Yeah. I don't know. She was trying to figure out how to spell... What do you want me to say? I like that this scene where she's talking about needing to find herself, she comes outside. He's sitting by the man-made lake or whatever, because, I mean, it's Phoenix.

Yeah, they're in some stupid planned community. And he's like, hey! You know, smiling as usual. And she's like, hey! You know, smiling as usual. And she's like, hey! And she goes, it's really hot. And he goes, yeah, isn't it beautiful? And she's like, yeah, it is beautiful. Oh my god!

I know. You can't even start your female empowerment speech without, like, taking his opinion. Jesus. It's hot. It's hot. Like, I don't think it's hot. She's like a very nice girl, but she's pathetic.

Clear her. Clear. Clear. Thank God. You know, sometimes I just thank God that they end these people at one season. Because this girl, I would... I probably wouldn't. I'd probably just change it.

I was going to say I'd throw the TV, but I don't get that mad at her, and my TV screwed into the wall. And then finally we have Rob and Roe who really did nothing this episode they went to a hotel and talked about how they were gonna have sex and then he passed out and then they got into bathtub and they were toasting to new york and like it's a city that checked them when they needed to be checked and then lifted them up when they needed to be lifted up and blah blah like you're in Jersey City so yeah and now you're standing on the balcony of this place in

Soho overlooking which Soho doesn't overlook the river does it stop also trying to act like the city gave you so much basically you were there for 18 months and you couldn't hack it so you're going back to Tampa okay and why are you standing why did you go to New York to get a hotel balcony that overlooks Jersey which is where you just came hack it, so you're going back to Tampa. And why did you go to New York to get a hotel balcony that overlooks Jersey,

which is where you just came from? That's so weird. Yeah, so they... Well, they were really bad in this episode. Worse than usual, and I think because we know more about them now. But they make me crazy. They set up their couples cam on a tripod. So they'll put their couples cam

in the middle of the kitchen on a tripod and then go, okay, now let's fight. And then they start fighting or they do like a romantic scene. And I'm like, you guys, I can somewhat believe this. I believe it more if there's 10 cameramen in your house and you've just gotten used to it.

But the fact that I know you just set up a tripod in the middle of your kitchen and now you're trying to do a scene, it's just bad community theater. They're bad. Oh, but I do want to talk about i love their cat because yeah we were told the other day that he called some woman a c word on instagram and stuff like that and i was like oh my god he's defensive in real life too i love it yeah someone posted on our wall uh one of his instagrams and it's her pregnant because she's pregnant now she looks like nine months in this

she looks beautiful and he's holding her stomach it's a really nice she's pregnant now. She looks like nine months in this. She looks beautiful. And he's holding her stomach. It's a really nice picture. But then what he wrote under it is like, well, while people are getting all defensive about some obviously edited slice of life on TV, we're actually being happy over here with a baby. So that's it. Go fuck off, you defensive little shit. Have fun in Tampa. You can beat people up in bars there. Enjoy the driving range at Tampa.

That's good. What a loser. Why is it so fun to shade Tampa? I'm sure we have plenty of listeners there, but for some reason, it's really fun to shade Tampa and Phoenix, too. You know who else is in Tampa is one of our good friends, Miss Kate Chastain. You're right. I take it all back. I know.

But, you know, from living in Florida, I only lived there one year, and I lived in Jupiter, Florida. But even from living there, people in Florida are like people from Texas. We can love it and still mock it at the same time because we know you're going to. Yeah.

Yeah, I probably just sound elitist when I make fun of Tampa. I remember there was one podcast where I was like, you know, my favorite thing is to be elitist. I said that as a joke. And then someone actually tweeted at me. It was like, are you serious? Do you really like being elitist? I was like, no, lady, I'm joking.

Although, am I though? Am I? Isn't this whole podcast about being elitist? That's a stereotype of where you come from too. I mean, Tampa has its stereotypes. Lord knows I carry a lot of Texases around with me with my sloppy, loudmouth ass. And I'm also a very good shot,

thank you. And you're from Connecticut, like a white, red, kind of elitist place. Darling, I'm from New York. If only I were from New England. If only I were from New England. I only went to school there. Oh, I thought you were from Connecticut for some reason. God, how long have I known you? I'm from the Connecticut. I'm from like the, I live right near the Connecticut border.

So I'm like Connecticut adjacent or my family lives there. Oh my God. Thank you for saying Connecticut adjacent. That's amazing. Yes. No, but I'm not from Fairfield County. I'm merely from Westchester County.

Okay. I take it back. Well, you guys are really good with your Doppler radar because I remember when I lived in New York, they would always say Westchester County, the Doppler radar. Because I remember when I lived in New York, they would always say, Westchester County, the Doppler radar. I was like, wow.

Oh, yes. America's number one Doppler radar destination, Westchester County, New York. Your stereotype is being elitist about weather. Yeah. Weather prediction. Pretty much. It's so funny they mentioned that

because someone just emailed me about a high school friend of mine from Westchester. Someone from my high school created a hashtag that's gone viral isn't that exciting that's hilarious isn't that really really exciting it's like doppler doppler possibly gonna rain hashtag yeah um so uh why don't we as long as we're talking about far-flung destinations why don't we talk about tour group? Oh my god, I thought we were done. I was really grabbing a real cigarette.

I was like, bye, this was so fun. Have a great weekend, everybody. The real cigarettes at Fairfax Avenue. Let me whip it out. So, tour group. So I was like, this looks just like another off-brand Bravo show that no one's going to watch in the Apreski

mold. And I don't know if people are going to watch it or not, but I actually enjoyed it. I didn't even realize it was going to be on, and then you texted me Tuesday night, so I watched it online. And I was like, alright, let's watch these doofuses travel around. But I liked it. It reminded

me of a grown up, rewardless road rules literally yeah in so many ways no rewardless um so this is basically ignorant americans being ignorant all over the world and reinforcing stereotypes so thanks morons yeah i'm actually gonna pull up the bravo website right now the tour group website because i figured why don't we just go through all the characters and by going through the characters we'll sort of wind up recapping the show right unless did you write notes about it no i did but we don't need to do an entire step-by-step recap of this craziness

no we don't at least not yet i'm sure if we as we get into it we will i can say on a macro level i did enjoy it i thought the characters were were amusing enough that i could see that we'll have like some snark about them and i enjoyed actually also seeing the locations so the first guy we have is brandon presser he is the tour guide and he is already way in over his head okay he is like he's like a nice guy possibly gay or maybe he's just like really jewishy and my god that guy that guy is gayer than a dick inside a butt so he is like you know he seems like a really lovely guy who does this for a living i get that sense and super positive he's like hey we've look guys we're gonna go around the world with strangers. I've carefully picked all of these strangers.

They're so unique and different. Yeah, he's like, you know, sometimes one of the hard things about running a tour guide is, a tour group is that sometimes you have to manage different personalities. I'm like, no, that's in a real tour group. You're on a reality show now. You are just like, they're just going to run right over you. But he seems nice and lovely so far. And he seems like someone I would actually want to hang out with.

Yeah, he does seem sweet. And then we have Rachel Grant is another one of the tour group leaders. And I love her because she is British. And she eats weird food. And she's adventurous. And I just love that. She's the travel writer with an odd English accent, which I don't really believe. All right.

This is a recurring theme in this for me is accents that I don't really believe. Yeah. Like there's part of it that I'm like, that is not real. Who are you? Because she doesn't have a real face. It's some other face. She doesn't have a real teeth. She's got some Groupon teeth up in there.

It's like a toilet lid in there. So who are you, lady? I'm not buying her yet. I do like that she seems very nice and sweet and open, but I also hate that she also seems fake. So she seems like she's trying to have fun. Like her in

We need to have adventurous food. Of course I'm gonna eat the lamb eye, but no bread. And the model's like, ugh. Really? Well, one must always watch your carbs when you're eating various awful. You're eating the brain outside of a living goat right now. You're like, no gluten.

Thank you. Apparently, here's a fun fact that I just saw here. She's a Bond girl. She was in Die Another Day. When was that one out? That was in the early 2000s. Remember the Madonna song? Die another day.

No. Well, that's too bad. I didn't see it either. I'll remember Tour Group probably longer than I remember that. It won't be long before she busts that little nugget. I was in Pierce and I. Who's Pierce? Oh, you know, Pierce Brosnan. I was in Bond Girl. You know she's

going to wait to drop that. Also, she's a constant lick-lipper. That's what I wrote. I was like, uh-oh, don't trust a lick-lipper. Don't trust a lick-lipper eating a cow head. But I like her because she seems haughty and she's not annoying like pretty much all the other women. Annoying in the sense like, ew, no, I won't do that.

She's adventurous. Yeah, I like her. Well, she's one of the hosts, so she has to do it. Yeah, exactly. Then we have the third host, Sandhurst Miggins. No one has named that. Yeah, I know. It's like all last names. I don't believe it. Sandhurst. Sandhurst. Get out of here has named that yeah i know he's like all last names i don't believe it

sandhurst get out of here with that stupid made-up name and what what is where is he from where does this say trinidad trinidad he's from trinidad um he is another accent i'm not buying yeah he is gorgeous absolutely absolutely gorgeous and i just tell you and i just assumed he was gay but then he kept on doing things where he was pretending like he was straight he's like he's like i would i can't even do his accent my my accents are all messed up after this whole episode of british people whatever but he's like pretended to go into the women's locker room was like pretending to either i'm like but you're but you're gay aren't you sanders i mean i'm not trying to push you out of the closet but right i think that it's because they're in're in Morocco and he doesn't want to get, you know, stoned or whatever,

but, girl. Yeah, I was like, I'm not even trying to be like Perez Hilton and shove him out of the closet. I just assumed. My girl, you're wearing ombre. Please don't front. His name is Santerse. He talks about how hot he is, how everybody

wants to have sex with him. I have to be naked. That's the thing about me. Once on every trip, I have to find somewhere that I can be naked. Because everyone wants to have sex with me, and I just must be nude. I'm like, you are ridiculous. You are ridiculous. You are such a shallow bitch.

I don't even like you, even though I know that Ben's going to talk about how hot you are. You're not as hot as you think you are, girl. You need to sit. I think he is as hot as he thinks he is. And I think that – I think he is also, yes, very full of himself. And furthermore, this whole business about he has to find a place to be naked. Well, next time you find that place, please let me know where it is. How about a shower?

I would like to go visit. I would like to look. How about go take a shower? There's a place you can be naked. But also I thought it was kind of funny, you know, that they're in Morocco and all the women have to cover up. And then Sanders gets to, like, wear, you know, a total tank top and have everything, like, all his shoulders and arms showing. I was like, ugh. Standard.

Not really a funny comment. No, I was just exhaling. When they introduce each other at dinner, they have a big group dinner where they're all meeting each other and giving their, like, hello, I am, or whatever. Everyone else is like, hey, I'm Rachel. I'm a travel writer getting used to my teeth. The gay is like, I just want us all to love each other. I'm so glad we're here. And then it gets to him, and he's like, my name is Sandhurst.

I have been through 12 colleges. He goes through his whole resume. He's like, my name is Sandhurst. I have been through 12 colleges. He goes through his whole resume. He's giving a mayor of El Paso speech. He's like, I work for an airline exclusively for high-end airline passengers. I'm like, so do you work TSA? Is that what you're saying? I don't know.

Like the premium check? He pays extra to be in boarding group A on Southwest. Shut up, Sandhurst. Shut up, Sandhurst. Just take off your shirt. So then one of the first people we met was Jared Levi. Jared!

He's pretty annoying. He's like a Jersey financial analyst. All these people, there's this stupid subtext that they're all there to learn something about themselves. You're not going to learn anything except they're all assholes. You're going to see that on TV.

Yeah, we've already learned plenty. You've got terrible plugs. All you talk about is how much money you have. He's like, they think I'm Jersey Shore, but I'm really Stephen Hawking and Snooki like if they had a baby. I'm like, first of all, if they had a 50- 50 year old baby with bad plugs and a bad dye job and working out too hard and wearing socks up to your knees to try and be a hipster dude what is wrong with being what is wrong with aging why is everybody so terrified especially on bravo it seems like people who hit 40 freak out who do you think you're tricking with your plugs and your

dyed hair you don't look younger. You look crazy. You look crazy. Yeah, he's a bit annoying. Just age, darling. You'll still get fucked. Trust me. Yes. Then we also met Jay Ward, who is the official gay guy of the group who is married, but his marriage is a little weird right now and he's former dancer

and he's just he's out for a good time not a long he seems like he's gonna be helpful because the interracial couple he's like what i was like what i mean he doesn't look like the kind of guy who would like a black girl like whoa what what does that even mean and he's with a white guy too he's in an interracial relationship too. I think this guy is going to say a lot of stupid shit. And I'm excited to see what it is. He seems kind of fun. Yeah, he seems fine. I'm on the fence. Yeah, he hasn't

really shown us much so far. So then we have Jeff, and I'm going to pair him with Jetta. Jetta is his wife. They are the interracial couple. Jetta looks exactly like Flo Zell from YouTube. And they... So far, they're pretty bad.

They are like... They are at the heart of some of the controversy, along with Jenna Kingma, who... Oh, no, I'm sorry. That's not the right one. I'm sorry. The model, Michelle. So, basically, Jeff and Jeddah, at first first they seem all nice and everything.

And at that first dinner, Jeff tells Michelle, the former model, that she should eat a hamburger. Which is a retread. I should add that they're interracial, but they're also fat. It's like the Bravo people are shoving everything that they can into this one couple. Exactly. So they're retreading. This is actually a classic Real Housewives. Lydia, what's his face slayed against lydia uh storyline where slade told lydia you know hamburger and it became a big

controversy for five episodes so here we are again where a guy is telling a girl to eat a hamburger which is really rude by the way of course it is but have you noticed that it's fat guys always saying this it's so funny to me that there's like these body image fights where the people who don't eat are always against the people who eat too much it's so funny to me because it's so like real life like everybody's always judging each other's bodies even if it's the fat people the fat people are like gross and he goes where i come from that's just what you say like that's not normal to look like that so So when you see someone skinny, you say, God, have a hamburger. But it's not to be mean. It's not normal from where we come from. And she, oh, that got so hilarious to me.

Because she, the model, got super pissed. But then it started because the model is an attention whore who also can't accept that she's 40. Let's face it. I mean, this woman looks like, she looks like a stuffed, like, lizard or something in Norman Bates' house. It's weird. She's too sanded down. She won't accept it. She's weathered.

She's been through a lot. So my view about her is I feel like she looks like she lives either in Orange County or Riverside. And I've yet to actually find out. I'm actually going to click on her bio now to see if – because this has been my prediction. I don't know. I'm having a stupid bet with myself whether or not I'm right. I'm going to click on her bio now to see if see if because this has been my prediction i don't know i'm having like a stupid a stupid bet with myself like whether or not i'm right i'm gonna click on her bio i'm gonna find out where michelle lives but it's not only like i'm not specifically making fun of her face i'm just saying it's that waiting it's that refusal to accept your age and then in every

scene that they have somebody to come in to entertain them in this one it was belly dancers so she had to get up and belly dance with them. And then there was another snake charmer scene, and she had to be with the snake charmers. And she always has to put herself in the center of attention. She's just coming off as really desperate and really obnoxious. Well, and she also approaches every situation like a hammer. Instead of being like, that was offensive.

She just was not she's not not she's not uh it's it's fine for her to be annoyed by that thing but she's just like i can't believe you say that she's she's from the kristen uh school of voice uh where everything she says is like oh that's like just not cool man say i should have the hamburger well the fat fight was beautiful can we talk about it yes i, I was going to say that. Because he says at dinner, you need to have a hamburger. And her face, I mean, moved as probably much as it has in a long time.

And she's like, what? But she didn't say anything, but she looked mortified. And of course, that couple was like, who cares? They didn't pay attention to her. They get on a bus to go somewhere. Oh, no. First they go to the bathing place. Yeah, they're going to basically the baths.

And Jedha, she basically doesn't want to get naked because she has body image issues, probably. And also she's around a bunch of stick figures. It's not fair to just cast two, one fat guy and one fat girl, and then everybody else has model body. Exactly. And so i was actually like to quote tyra banks i was rooting for you i was rooting for you jetta we all were so like as i'm like you know she's the fat girl with all the annoying stick figure women so she gets in there first of all she starts talking about herself on the third person

to no end okay and she's talking about that's how jet that's how we do it this is jetta this is how jetta relaxes i'm like stop it you're named after volkswagen okay so is anyone comfortable in a jetta yeah so she's in a bathing suit and she's talking about how like this is how i relax you know because i got all this i got all this i got all this jetta jetta jetta jetta and so then michelle's like well that's really great you know i think it's great that you accept you for you, which is why I thought it was rude that your husband said I should eat a hamburger. She's like, he didn't say that. I was like, no, Jed. This is where it just starts getting so good because now she's just going to call this woman a liar.

And so the twins, who are both kind of miserable bitches. I mean, one is like Hillary Swankface miserable, and then the other one is like kind of bitter blogger miserable. Well, one of them sort of looks like Catherine from Southern Charm, I think. Catherine meets Parker Posey. Yeah, the one with glasses? No, I think the one that does not have the... Jenna, I think, is the one that looks more like Parker Posey meets Catherine from Southern Charm. Oh, no, that girl to me is just Swankface.

To me, the one with the glasses looks like that girl, Nicole from Big Brother, like two seasons ago. Oh, yeah, she does. But without the personality that's endearing. Yeah. Very endearing personality. So one of the twins, glasses twins, says, oh, actually, I heard that. I heard him say that. Yeah, he did say it.

She's not lying. Actually, I heard it too. No, he didn't. No, he didn't. Okay, so they're both lying. Okay, so, well, maybe he didn't say it she's not lying actually and she goes no he didn't no he didn't okay so they're both lying okay so well maybe he didn't say hamburger it's like no he said eat a burger and she's like well whatever so she starts arguing with her which is a bitch move so the model's like whatever um so then on the bus they're all on the bus together later. And she tells the guy, she goes, I have something to say, Jeff. Last night at dinner, you told me to eat a hamburger.

And I was really offended. And she's pissed now because she's already fought with the wife. And he goes, oh, you know, it's just like sometimes I think of stuff. And then it comes out of my mouth. But it's not like what I meant to say. And then, like, what did you mean to say? It's what you meant to say. And he goes, sometimes it's not it's not like what i meant to say and then like what did you mean to say it's what you meant to say and he goes sometimes it's inappropriate and then his wife goes well it's actually usually not inappropriate yeah so in other words yeah do eat a burger bitch i

mean whoa well she was fighting fat people i'm down well the funny thing was that um jeff at first he also denied saying i didn't say that. And then he starts saying, well, sometimes it comes out. And then Jetta is like, Lady Macbeth, like the terrible version of Lady Macbeth. And she's like whispering

into Jeff's ear the entire time, like, be sure to mention, be sure to mention the burger. Be sure to mention how she doesn't eat. Be sure to mention. She's just like, she's totally dobbing

into his ear. And like, I didn't know which side to go on because I was like, well, Jetta and Jeff Like, she's totally dobbing into his ear. And, like, I didn't know which side to go on. Because I was like, well, Jetta and Jeff were in the wrong. And they're denying it. And so I don't want to be on their side. But then again, so hard to be on the side of the catty bitches. But the model, this is what was weird to me about this show overall.

I hated them all at first. I mean, I think that's my personality. but that's probably my issue but everybody well except actually the two hosts that's not sandhurst i hated him at first just because i mean your name's not sandhurst so automatically i hate you but the other hosts i like i kind of liked him but then i was like oh no it's going to be a scary bravo show my point is by the end of the episode i kind of like them all yeah i mean i was that's a talent in these shows because normally they paint them as black it was going to be a scary Bravo show. My point is, by the end of the episode, I kind of like them all. That's a talent in these shows. Because normally they paint them as black and white.

And this they don't. They make you hate them, but then they're like, but here's their good side. And the model is a really good mom. And her son obviously is being raised well. And the model was in the right on that argument. The model was in the right on that argument. She was. She's being a bit of a drama queen, having to bring it up in front of everybody. But as drama queens go, it's not the worst.

I think that the brothers, Michael and Steven, they seem fine. We didn't really get to know too much about them, except that at one point they go into the souk. At one point, which is also another retread of Real Housewives of New York City. And they go to this place where they eat bread. And there's a guy who's been working there for like 60 years just putting breads into the oven. And then one of the brothers, Michael, is like, wow, he's like, here, have this one,

basically like a penny. Have this penny. There. No, it's keep it. Keep the penny. Really patronizing. The guy's like, ugh. But God bless him.

They'd act the same way in Disneyland. Yeah, that's true. That's the thing you gotta them. They'd act the same way in Disneyland. Yeah. Like, that's the thing you got to love. Their cast is like the dumb Southern guys. But they're also brothers and best friends. And they're so cute. They are. They're so nice to each other.

And they're obviously so close. But they're dumbasses and do douchey things. But then one of them's like, I'll just have to keep thinking baseball, baseball, baseball. So I don't get excited while he's being bathed by a woman. And also it looks like he has a huge one, which was another plus. I think the twins – I don't think we've seen a good side of the twins yet. I thought the twins were pretty awful. Like they're sitting there eating this food that looks absolutely delicious.

And this girl, Jenna, who only eats like salmon and veggies, she's like, this fish is disgusting. It's disgusting. And then Misty is like, oh my god, there's so much commotion. If this were America, they wouldn't be able to do that. I was like, oh god, shut your faces. That was so priceless, because they're in the middle of the marketplace, so there's people everywhere, and there's people on these

mopeds, because everybody has a scooter there, and so they're all on scooters, but there's like an're all on scooters but there's like an entire family on scooters and they're going through the basically i mean it's outdoors but like the hallways or whatever these corridors and all the people had kind of left her because she was this bitchy mopey thing she didn't keep up and she's standing there with no one to talk to and she tells one of the moroccan women like one of the locals, she's like, if this was America they wouldn't be able to do that, right? And the lady's like, oh, yes.

Yes, okay. Those twins are awful. And they're awful to each other, too. It's like, oh my god, your face is like, well, if you visited me more, you would know. They're just attacking each other. They're going to be hilarious to watch. I like them, too, because they're girls

with obviously so many issues. Iss issues with themselves and with each other. And they just want to have fun, but they don't know how. And they both have sticks up their ass. And then they're like slowly starting to learn to open up. And so then I even like them at the end. I mean, what the hell, show? Well, then the last two people are these two women from Vegas who arrived late because they had plane issues, Amy and Heather. Oh my god, mom.

And it's funny because I feel like the show is trying to set us up to hate them because they're like, Heather packed tons of heels and tons of luggage. I'm like seven stars and my friend is like three stars. I mean, whatever. We can still be

friends. I just have more stars. I i'm like but how many stars are there i mean are you going on a four star a ten star what are you talking about fake rich lady yeah exactly and then jared is like oh god here comes some two diva bitches to ruin the balance of our of our group i'm like well first of all you guys don't have a happy family at all second of all um it was like i was like yeah look diva bitches they're gonna be the worst but then i was like, I was like, yeah, look, diva bitches, they're going to be the worst. But then I was like, you know, I actually feel like these are going to be the women who are going to be surprisingly our favorites. I don't know why.

They were funny. Because she was the one, they were eating all the weird food and all the Americans were like, ew, gross. But Amy was the one who tried it. Amy was like, okay. And then it gets to these chicks. And one of them goes, oh, my God, look at that sheep's teeth.

He even has rotting teeth. I mean, it's not even like a nice sheep's head. It's just like a gross sheep's head. I mean, gross. They are hilarious. Yeah. I wanted to eat those snails, by the way. Those snails look delicious.

Because I love snails. When they were being driven up to the big, beautiful, amazing hotel in Morocco, she goes, oh my god, look, it looks just like where they filmed Sex and the City 2. I know. Sex and the City 1 is, by the way,

Brandon's favorite New Year's movie. I know, I was just thinking that, okay? It's been brought up, Sex and the City, twice in a week on Rob's. And then, it was funny because they mentioned, he mentioned, he was like, oh, we're not watching Sex and the City tonight. And Craig is like, yeah, thank God. I was like, whoa, it was the first

time Craig hasn't been, like, supportive of something. Like, oh, do you want to watch it? No, wasn't it Craig who was like, ugh. I think Craig's favorite movie is Sex and the City and Brandon Brandon is I mean I don't know I think it was Craig because I was surprised well Craig it's over now

they're off of television clear them clear them Craig and Brandon I'm sure will tweet at us to clarify if they've gone this far if they don't respond to us then we know they only listen to their part of the show of course I mean who got the time y'all they don't respond to us, then we know they only listen to their part of the show. Of course. Who got the time, y'all?

They don't have a day job. So, yeah, I think tour group is actually off to a good start. And because we sort of like it, it means that no one's going to watch it and it'll be off the air soon. I know, but I don't even know that we have to watch the whole season because Dallas starts this month, too. Oh, Jesus. Rawr. Of course, we are down on newlyweds now. Well, I'm sure.

But our other shows are going to wrap up soon. Atlanta. Isn't Atlanta just filmed a reunion? Or Beverly Hills? The reunions are starting to get taped. Beverly Hills is next week. Vanderpump Rules reunion taped, I think, two weeks ago. Yeah, but they're all starting the new ones.

Because New York is coming back. Jersey's coming back. Dallas is starting. Southern Charm. Southern Charm. Southern Charm. Yeah, we got some. We've got to do that preview next week. Yeah, we forgot.

So we're going to have some turnover. But we'll stick with tour group for now because we're losing newlyweds. So it's a perfect show to plug in just like that. Sounds good to me, Bean. show to plug in just like that. Sounds good to me, Bean. Oh, and we didn't talk about Top Chef, but we can just say that Kwame was kicked off

because his fast casual concept, which was the challenge, his fast casual concept was to serve mini chicken and waffles, which is a terrible idea. On frozen waffles. Frozen, tiny, healthy waffles. If you're going to do healthy waffles, make them from scratch. If you're going to do healthy waffles, make them from scratch.

If you're going to do frozen waffles, make them indulgent. You fucking idiot. I get that you've had ten jobs in five years. I get it. Like, different careers and stuff. I get that you're young, too. But at least watch a damn season of Top Chef before you go on it. Who does that?

Don't serve something frozen on Top Chef. Yeah, this is not a food festival. You don't have to serve tiny little things. People want something that you should have been like some sort of like waffle wrap. Now, that would have been good. Yeah, I was glad he got kicked off for that because he's been getting on my nerves, but especially serving frozen. I was like, they better not let him get away with that. But who else was about to get kicked off?

I wanted Jeremy to go. Jeremy has been annoying me, honestly, ever since he served us sashimi that first day. We didn't like his sashimi, remember? Yeah. Honestly, ever since he served us sashimi that first day. We didn't like his sashimi, remember? Or his kudu. But I was hoping he would.

Because Jeremy's concept was even more complicated. It was tacos, but. It's like tacos. It's like fish tacos. But it's a gastro pub. But it's like hot chicks like Hooters. It's like the taco bros. Because I like to serve. And I like tacos.

So I was like, yeah, tacos. And then Padma. But haven't tacos been done to death? There are so many tacos in the world. And he's like, yeah, but not with an entire tuna steak on them and nothing else. Like, dude, what are you doing over there? And then Marjorie had a spaghetti. A spaghetti. These concepts are so stupid.

And she won, right? Didn't she win with her spaghetti thing? No, they loved her spaghetti thing, but the one who won was Carl. Carl made a Mediterranean thing. Dooley. Dooley. DJ Dooley. Oh, yeah, you can just mix.

It's like a salad bar kind of thing, but it all goes together. This episode, I don't think anybody really came off very well in this one. Like a spaghetti bar, a terrible taco place where you put an entire tuna steak on a taco, a frozen waffle place, and then a salad bar. Really, guys? Come on.

Well, so adios, DJ Jerk Broccoli. We loved you for a moment. We had high hopes for you. We had high hopes for you for you call me i do i still like kwame but frozen waffles will never work out well for you on top chef never never never this is yeah he never rose my hate meter it's most of the people on this season aren't doing that there's no one i really really hate even philip was hilarious yeah philip was i i really don't like jeremy i have to say even if he is cute i love a dumb cute man who's overconfident and not as cute as he thinks i love that i i there's like so many things that go into a perfect package so many imperfections to make a

perfect package and he's close yeah it's very close all right well we uh we did it we we did it We did it we got through So thanks everyone for Listening support us on patreon.com Forward slash watch for crappins and get access To our bonus episode and if you Contribute a certain level you will be able to contribute To the crappins Mailbag follow us on facebook.com

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Yiddish humor that's pretty good something for grandma Sylvie up there in the clouds thanks for the wonderful life you've given us listeners thank you thank you all bye everyone bye everybody all. Bye everyone. We'll talk to you later. Bye everybody.