Watch What Crappens - #274: Turtle Racing and Early Bird Toasts

Episode Date: March 10, 2016

Timestamps below! Southern Charm is coming back and it’s time to learn their names again. Afterwards, we head over to The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills to help poor people while nonsensically fighting over nothing before joining Tour Group for a reminder of how stupid Americans can be. Fortunately, Vanderpump Rules topped it with a turtle race. Not kidding. Timestamps 0-18:15 Chatter and Southern Charm Preview 18:15 Crappens Mailbag: Vanderpump Rules Housewives opening lines. 34:50 RHOBH: Kathryn makes an ass out of herself, Rinna spills the tea on Vanderpumps devious ways, and Erika laughs at nothing ever. 1:44:00 Tour Group: The douche almost doublebangs the bitter twins and a giraffe in Africa is fat shamed. 1:59:50 Vanderpump Rules: Katie withholds invitations to another party no one wants to go to, Jax gets mad at his girlfriend’s new boobs, Kristen and James were bonin’. ------------------- Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. For all our other links and extras, go to http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com ---------------------- Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ronnie on Tumblr: http://trashtalktvrecaps.tumblr.com/ Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Hello and welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast, a podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on the old brahms. I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV, and with me is the gorgeous, thin, spiritual, and deeply founded Ben Mantelker. I don't know what deeply founded means, but... I have been... I was founded in 1978 and not only was i founded i was deeply

deeply founded i'm talking like donnie from beverly hills you deeply founded like what does that even mean donnie um we're deeply founded we're excited about today's show a lot of fun shit happened on bravo so get the plugs out of the way real quick come over to facebook.com slash watch what crappens to talk crap with other listeners during the week uh during our live show threads post your own stuff you know tell us off give us internet hugs whatever you want to do we're there watch what crappens.com is all of our links our personal links instas etc um and patreon.com slash watch what crap and that is where you subscribe and become a premium subscriber um we'd also like to thank our premium subscribers christy doherty and

marvin jay yay we love you guys thank you so much for everything you guys are doing uh for us with us you know etc against us um they don't do anything against us i'm just kidding i was just using i know i stopped i was like oh my god what if people post i'm starting to click around but yeah thanks for everything you guys do for us that's ours also where our bonus episodes are and this week's was super fun we read from phase book well an article from vulture about facebook but still lots of quotes and talked all sorts of fun shit this week so go over there patreon.com slash watch what crap on all right wow now i'm trying to get myself into like i'm a little bit in like a coffee

valley at the moment because i went to Bagel Broker earlier this morning, which was absolutely delicious. And I got myself a tall cup of iced coffee served to me by their resident trans bagel lady, Maderia, who is really wonderful and always so flirtatious. When I said I was like, I'd like an iced coffee. She's like, honey, do you want any sweetener in that or do you want it jet black? And I was like, I'll take a jet black. She's like, honey, do you want any sweetener in that or do you want it jet black? And I was like, I'll take a jet black. She's like, mm-hmm.

So I have my jet black iced coffee here. But the thing is that now I'm like coming down from the iced coffee. But I saved some. So hopefully I'll come back up again. Although based on this monologue, I may actually be more up than I realize. How are you not up? You just got trans flirting. Trans coffee flirting.

I love a man with a bitter taste in his mouth. She's great. She does a really good schmear on the bagel. She gets the perfect proportion. A good schmear. I've been working on it my whole life. Yeah. Finally doing it.

I'm excited. We actually have such a fun show there because beverly hills was amazing venom pump rules was hilarious and i'm liking tour group so there's just so much to talk about yeah i actually enjoyed tour group this week as well look at that yeah i think tour group's gonna be just i feel like tour group is gonna it's gonna perfectly pick up where Newlyweds left off, which is sort of like a fun midweek show that has petty dramas or whatever that you can sort of get fired up about. But it's not as intense as some of our Real Housewives. Well, look, they're doing the perfect thing. They're taking us around the world, showing us beautiful locations, and also mixing extremely stupid, shallow, vapid Americans in.

And, you know, also crazy. They've all got some psychological issue. I mean, the casting is everything, and they did such a good job. Yeah, it's actually, like, really good, which means that it's going to get canceled this season. So let's enjoy it while we have it. Probably. But where do you want to where do you want to start things off first well let's let's do our normal start with the well do you want to do southern

charm first yeah we let's we have ignored the fact that southern charm is coming back very soon so you talk about perfect casting this show i think five people watch this show it probably should be canceled but man i love this show and i'm so glad it's coming back yeah i love this one too um so we have the trailer and um we are going to watch the trailer you're on the show yeah it's a couple minutes and uh we're trying to figure out a way that's less clusterfucky to do this, we can't find one. So we're just going to be... If it's too much of a CF... Yeah, just fast forward a minute. Two minutes long. It's exactly two minutes.

So if you're on your iPhone, you just hit that 15-second forward thing eight times and you're done. On the count of three, ready, bin. Yes. One, two, three. Okay, starting off. This season on southern charm cameron has to oh good it's our favorite self-loathing gay what's his name again rusty my favorite ball

where you have to bring a date that is of the opposite sex. Whatever. Self-saving date. Velvet suit. And Patricia having trouble coming down the stairs while flipping her claw hair. Oh, there's the giggly girl. What's her name again? Morgan or something? Forget her name. With the eyes.

That martini. Forget her name. With the eyes. That martini. I love that on Bravo there's a lot of Teresa fixes over doors, but Catherine has a witch broom over her. That's so fitting. I know. I like that Thomas Ravenel just goes out the window with a sweaty back.

Thomas! Thomas, come back! And Thomas and his white jeans And Cameron Just fell over in bushes What is the giggly girl's name I forget her name I don't know

There's Craig Oh I love when that guy Pretends he's all young and can beat people up. Whitney. Whitney. Thomas is yelling at... Catherine's wearing some, like, bronze... What do you call those things that you wear to punch people?

Boxing gloves? Yeah, it's like a copper boxing glove. Ew, Thomas Ravinell. Keep your shirt on. Don't need to see it. White jeans. Oh, Catherine and Giggly Girl. Squirty eyes.

A hoe coat. Ooh, I love her purple hoe fur. That's going to make Patricia shit on the floor when she sees that. You know, this show's version of a knockdown drag out fight is Catherine and Giggly Girl being like, I have done nothing. Yes, you did. No, I did not. That's like the equivalent of like pajama party in Atlanta.

They can't say fuck you in this town. So they do things like wear purple furs to make each other mad. Yeah. Now I'm going to actually look up the cast so I can know who the hell. Because I've forgotten like half their names. It's a guy's name. It's like guy's name. It's like Edison or, you know.

Well, the blonde guy's name is like, I forget his name, like Wolf or something. Which blonde guy? The main one? The main one. I forgot his name. I forgot all their names. Yeah, I forgot all their names, too. I remember Whitney, because you told me.

And Thomas Raffinell, of course. And Catherine. Those are the ones I remember. And Cameron. And then Craig, because you told me, and Thomas Ravanel, of course, and Catherine. And Cameron. And then Craig, because Craig's awful. Yeah, Craig is awful, and he's going to ruin his youth with alcohol and sun, and I can't wait. I love to watch youth just get crushed.

Shep. See, that was close. Wolf. Shep. It's close. No. Shepherds guard against wolves against their sheep. That's an actual job, though. I don't like that he's named after a job and he never has one. Shep. He can't even finish his job name name.

I love Shep, even though he was a total bitch last season. But Craig is like, God, Craig, you're so annoying the way you wake up late. Get it together, Craig. So we all drink a little tequila in the morning. What's the big fucking deal, dude? Like, I'm a lawyer. You're fired, Craig. God, dude? Like, I'm a lawyer. You're fired, Craig. God, Craig, you're not even a lawyer.

Why are you even saying that? Morgan's name is actually Landon. Landon Morgan. That's right. You know, it's like one letter off. Has the same sort of syllabic sound to it. Welcome to Watcher Crap. It's the podcast where we sense out people's names.

Where we've talked about three seasons of this show and still can't remember anybody's name. Or two seasons. What is this? Season three? Yeah, this is season three. If you go to bravotv.com forward slash southern charm and you look at the cast photos, they're actually hilarious. Thomas Ravenel

is like, no wonder why this guy couldn't get elected he can't take a proper photo you know he looks like he he looks like he's like should i do this to my arm should i do this mom bring it up raise it down bring it up raise it down and whitney his hair piece is looking worse than ever it actually looks like a brown mop who whitney's um attempt to hold on to his youth just kills me and And I love that time doesn't stop. And as long as this show goes on, we get to see him a year older every year because I know it just makes him fucking crazy. I mean, this preview is like, let's go roller skating.

Let's go to a disco. Let's go to a fair. I'm like, you are 50. You need to calm down and read a book and stop pasting things to your hair. You cray. He's like, hey, guys, let's be crazy. Let's go to a roller rink like they did in the 70s or so I heard. I don't know.

I'm such a crazy millennial. Snapchat. Nothing says youth like reliving the 70s on TV. You're crazy. Get out of here. Catherine Calhoun-Dennis in her shot. She looks, you know, she's got some, what's her face? Shirley Manson in her.

She looks good here. Cameron looks good. Morgan actually looks good. Catherine's very gorgeous, obviously. Very gorgeous. She's gorgeous, obviously. She's very beautiful. But I love that she always looks exhausted.

Her eyes are always really, you know, Garfield half-closed eyes. I love that. She's just, like, so tired of everything all the time. I'm tired, Thomas. Well, yeah, you're carrying a fucking copper glove around you, dumb-dumb. Listen, she is crazy and has got two kids with a guy who doesn't really love her. So that's exhausting. Takeda's like mother's milk to my babies literally

it literally came out in my milk I love that having a baby is hard let's get wasted and fuck Craig in a sand pit at a beach well this show's coming back April 4th and I think Shaw's A Sunset is coming back the same week

so we're going to have our turnover Atlanta and Vanderpump Rules have their season finales this coming week, which means a few episodes of Reunion. So basically by the end of March, we'll be done with Atlanta. We'll be done with Vanderpump Rules. We'll probably have some Beverly Hills trickling over into April a little bit. But then we're going to – We've got two months left of Beverly Hills with Reunions included.

That's true. Because they're gearing up to... It seems like they're getting into position for their Dubai vacation. But it's not happening next week. But it'll probably be the week after that. So it'll be probably like two episodes in Dubai, another episode, and then probably like a finale. Maybe like two episodes in the finale. Yeah, I think they do 20 episodes in a finale.

So that's four more episodes. I mean, four more episodes plus three reunions so there you go yeah exactly and then you know potomac probably still has a few episodes potomac will probably like wind down same time as beverly hills well i'm hoping a little bit earlier one of those trial things where they're like okay do 10 episodes and see if anybody was oh thank god they're like, okay, do 10 episodes and see if anybody likes it? I think it was. Oh, thank God. Because they're already on their vacation, you know? Their vacation. Their quote-unquote vacation. Next season's trip. They'll be able to go to Dubai,

and these women go to Delaware. Next season's cast trip, a truck stop. I know. Well, it's better than Real Housewives of New Jersey, that one season when they went to a parking lot in California. Jersey gets the worst trips now. Ever since they got into the brawl in the Dominican Republic,

they get stuck in shit places. Last season, they went to someone's house in Florida. Before that, there was then a season where they went to New Mexico. They went to a parking lot in California. And then Michael Cook, our little newsman Michael Cook he just posted on our wall that this year because Teresa can't really leave the country they're going to Vermont

Vermont actually sounds lovely Vermont is one of the most beautiful states they'll find a way to embarrass America don't you worry I love when they went to Italy spank me Joe spank me Joe idiots oh Jersey stay dead please just stay dead i know you're shooting but

just please stay dead that show makes me fucking crazy i'm so mad like and the other thing that michael cook posted today is that melissa gorga is mad at jacqueline larita could jacqueline larita film with kim di paola i'm like oh my this is going to be such a terrible season. The fact that Jacqueline is back again to be mopey and sad, and the fact that... I mean, I love Kim Di. Kim Di's my favorite part. But that there's going to be a Melissa Gorga, Jacqueline, Loretta feud.

Could there be anything worse? Well, I want to see Jacqueline Loretta's face. I need a facial update, because that shit could barely move last time, and it looked crazy. And she keeps gaining weight under a facelift, which, you know, I'm all for weight gain. It's my favorite hobby. But you can't be doing that under a new face.

I know. She's starting to look like a flesh-colored abyss monster. You know, from the abyss, that thing that like... Oh, I remember the abyss. I actually never saw it, but I do know that the monster was like watery. I actually remember them going down because they have to go way down into the abyss. I actually never saw it, but I do know that the monster was, like, watery. I actually remember them going down, because they have to go way down into the abyss. They have to get in these little pods that drop them all the way to the bottom of the ocean, and there's pressure, so your face will explode if your pod isn't properly pressurized. And that is very Real Housewives.

Like, you see them go them go like another league every season that's actually what that's what's happening with jacqueline lorita she spent too much time in an under pressurized pod down in an abyss totally bravo the finale of bravo the big bravo finale is just going to be everybody's faces exploding we're like did someone send jacqueline lorita into a trench again oh goodness just goodness. Just see what happened in Sphere. Except the Sphere. Do you remember Sphere? Sphere is her goal face.

Sphere was the Michael Crichton book that was made into a movie where basically people entered this Sphere thing or whatever. They were deep down in the sea and basically in abyss territory. Their greatest fears would become manifested and someone had a great fear of a giant squid so a giant squid came and attacked i think i think

of jacqueline lorita like had a sphere moment i just imagine a giant glow-in-the-dark danielle sob swimming swimming in the tag pay attention please her night like be all bubbly and like pay attention please jacqueline lorita in the sphere her biggest fear is like a giant box of thin mints that just won't open her biggest fear is like a giant glow in the dark ashley swimming up and be like hey mom didn't get a job and got to to stay at home a few more months. Hey, mom, I'm getting married and we're both moving in. No.

Oh, Jacqueline. By the way, I just want to point out that a giant underwater glow-in-the-dark Danielle Staub is the same as Ursula. Oh, my God. Well, Ursula's a bigger woman, though, so Danielle's like a skinny ursula that's true she's one of the eels ursula is future danielle stop ursula is basically like

underwater caroline manzo and danielle stop is one of the eels oh my god caroline manzo and the little mermaid please don't ever make that happen in my head i don't need that look at her she's walking on the beach what am i supposed to feel ever make that happen in my head. I don't need that. Look at her. She's walking on the beach. What, am I supposed to feel bad for her? Let me tell you a little something about your voice, okay? I want it. Look at my sons. They're such great mermen.

All they do is throw ham up against the rocks. Her spinoff is just little baby squids with hair on their backs throwing ham at rocks. Her spinoff is just little baby squids with hair on their backs throwing hammock rocks. Her spinoff is Manzo'd with algae. Algae Manzo. We are so stupid. How are we just starting this? We're only 15 minutes in, damn it.

Actually, Lauren Manzo. Lauren Manzo just hates the little mermaid for no reason yeah she's always trying to just push her onto water so she can cut off her legs once in for all or push her onto the shore she's like lauren you gotta stop snacking on the kelp what it's really hard i can't even do any of their voices anymore that show needs to be back on the air I'm just supplementing it with other you just turned Lauren Manzo into Robin from Potomac

I know you see I can only concentrate on what's right in front of me Lauren's gonna lock herself in a sunken submarine and won't come out lord knows she'll fucking explode from the pressure like five feet under albie's growing uh weed in an underwater patch underwater weed

uh all right let's do some mailbag okay let's do some mailbag oh if only i had it queued up here we go oh sorry only I had it queued up. Here we go. Oh, sorry. Okay. So here's some questions. Okay. So Michael Horn asks, if the female cast of Vanderpump Rules were housewives, what would their taglines be?

Okay. The female cast of Vanderpump Rules as housewives. You first. I think Jax's tagline would be no, I didn't. Like a flat denial. He's just denying already. Okay. My Jax opening

line is, just snorting. And by the way, when they all stand at the end, they hold up something, they just hold up like, just, like, cocaine. Yeah, they're all just holding cocaine. Cocaine, like raw cocaine in their hand. Just like piles of cocaine.

Except for Katie. She'll be the only one holding a tray full of salt and pepper shakers i should be holding them up to her face because she's been getting crazier and crazier bangs to try to cover her weight gain um i think let's see sheena she knows bang camouflage never works salt and pepper bang have you gained weight or did you just cut off your bangs the craziest thing bang cam of bangs make everyone i think like heavier that's the vanderpump rules army they're like forget camouflage we don't want isis to see you so just grow your bangs.

Sheena will say, I'm thinking, I'm trying to think of questions. Oh, Sheena will be like, well, some people say she's an alcoholic. I say she only had four beers. I don't just want one of the Prime cocktails. I think I want all of the Prime cocktails. I think I'm going to just try one of one of the prime cocktails. I think I want all of the prime cocktails. I think I'm going to just try one of each of the prime cocktails. I wanted to do this opening, but it made me feel sad because this opening ruined my birthday. Just because I'm always on the go doesn't mean I can't halt, Dirt Top. You're a bitch.

I'll just be... Really? Seriously? Seriously? Who else is on there? Stassi should be literally chic as fuck. Literally, this is how I cope. cope literally i just cut people off the end yeah the end they don't have any artfulness there's no like there's no cleverness to what they say

it just doesn't make sense yeah it's like on cheshire when they didn't record those lines but had to add them later so they just took like paragraphs of their actual dialogue from the show and cut it in. So I went to the store today. I found some cereal. I bought the cereal. It worked out quite well for me. I married to a footballer.

Cut. It worked out quite well. Living house. If you're going to be a snake, you can be a snake. If you cut off your head, you'd still be a snake. It's just a little up to me because that's what I do to man. I cut off the snakes. Kristen's line will just be, I'm a cat.

Seriously? Seriously? Seriously? I may smell like fish, but that's only because I'm a catch. Fucking catch. Fucking killed the game last night is it the super bowl because i fucking killed the game last night some people say this town is full of funny games well guess what i killed the game last night

what if the game ever ends up dead isn't that a rapper the game what if the game ever ends up dead? Isn't that a rapper, the game? What if the game is dead, and they have all this tape of Kristen saying, I killed the game! Right, but no one realized the killer was right in front of us this entire time. We all thought she was too stupid to do it. Who else is on there? On Crappen? On the mail? No, on the opening lines. Do we get through all the cast i think that's pretty much it lala's gonna lala's lala would be like you're a ratchet bitch and just have giant hoops what does lala say no lala would just be pretending to be on the phone she'd be like we take american express Express. Thanks for calling, sir.

Smile. With her big hand full of cocaine. She'll say, hey, babe, I don't just read Atlas Shrugged. I'll read you. Babe. Something stupid like that. Who else is even on there? Katie.

Well, Tom Schwartz would be like, would be like. I'd be like, well, I was going to say, but oh, God, I really don't want to say that. But I'm going to say it. But I just, I couldn't think of something better. Cut to somebody. Oh, gosh. Like, this is me. And like, I don't know.

Like, I don't know what you want me to say. It's just like, it's so stupid. It's like so much. Like, just here, have a taco. Like, why does't know what you want me to say. It's just like, it's so stupid. It's like so much like just here, have a taco. Like, why does it have to be more than just like tacos? It's just like me, Tom Schwartz. But I don't know. I guess I'm kind of cute too, right?

I'm cute, right? I'm a model, right? I don't know. Tom, Tom number one can just be like, my band, Kristen. The end. Ariana will be like, I don't like sketch people, but I do take sketch seriously.

I get offended when people encroach on my decade-long study of sketch. So, that's it. Faith will be like, Hi, I'm Faith, and I'm the black... Faith will just be carrying someone's couch across the screen. She won't get a line. And no one's helping her.

She's just dragging one end. They're like, eventually Faith will make it. Okay, thanks for coming by, Faith. Thanks for the couch. DJ James will be like, are you coding something on the computer? Because you're real basic. You're 99 cent paper towel. Basic

batch. Darling. Darling. Darling. We were totally boning, darling. We were boning. I miss you, darling. What else is in the old mail bag?

Okay. I'm going to be staying in the same territory. Teresa Marovitch, the creator of And Then Ramona Walked In, she asks, what's your opinion on this? Do you think that the Vanderpump Rules idiots are incapable of enjoying life without being tipsy or outright drunk? And is this really how they are? Or is this exaggerated to put on a show for the bravs? Could this be why Tom and Ariana are seen as not fun by the get shit face crowd?

I think it's both. I think that they do subscribe to the notion of, like, I put on a good show. I put on a good show. So I do think there's part of that. But at the same time, you do have someone like Katie who's definitely edited herself this season, the past two seasons, with her drunkenness. And I do think – I don't know. Tequila Katie.

But Tequila Katie has been off screen. Except for that party when she started going off on Tom No. 2 and then wrote him those texts after. I know, but that still was mainly afterwards. It was not. Well, it's just all I'm saying is that I want you to have a job and be a husband. Give up your dream. You're marrying me. That is your dream now, okay?

So being a model, it's over, Tom. It's over. And then he's like, but you were never even an actor. How dare you? I've talked about being an actress since I was two. Yeah, and I feel like you don't even appreciate, you don't even look at my face anymore, and my face won't be there much longer.

I'm just going to be all bang soon, okay? I'm going to be Cousin It, all right? So enjoy my face while it's there, and you're not even looking. Bubba, I'll fucking murder you! Yeah yeah we need that side of her to come out yeah and we need him to pour water on her head again hasn't happened in a few seasons i think that they but i do think that they are a little bit incapable of enjoying life without being tipsy and i think welcome to america i mean i know that you're're not one who partakes to the crazy amount, but I don't know very many people who have fun without being shit-faced. You ever try and go to a sober dinner? It's the most goddamn boring thing I've ever done in my life.

I can't even leave my house if I'm not – I mean, I can walk the dog, but I'm not going out unless there's booze. That's it. Right. I mean, booze is essential. I've definitely slowed down my boozing ever since when I was like really, really poor and I had to like watch every penny. I – like booze was kind of like the first thing to go. And then since then, I mean I definitely still drink and I definitely still get tanked. But it's kind of amazing.

I've kind of fallen out of getting like really drunk all the time. It's kind of sad. I miss it. I wish I could be a Vanderpump Rules kid. Well, you know, they're 40. They burned it. They burned it. We burned it, okay. We're old.

So do you think that Tom and Ariana are seen as not fun because they don't get shit-faced like the others do? I think they do get shit-faced. I think they just probably don't get shit-faced around them as much. They do, but Ariana's just a cold bitch. I mean, I think she would be that way either way with drugs or without them. She wants to, like, sit back and judge everybody. And on top of that, she's correct. Like, her feelings about them are correct.

They're a bunch of assholes. So she's kind of not wanting to associate with the people anymore. But she has to because you're on a TV show with them. And no one's giving you a spinoff about finding the game, bitch. So suck it up. Suck it up. Okay. So next question is Jamie McFarland.

She says, am I the only one that remembers Sanders from make me a supermodel that had Tyson Beckford as a host judge? Seriously? That's what she asks. Seriously? I didn't really watch that show. So I don't remember him from that. But maybe that's why he looks vaguely familiar. Because maybe I saw like one episode or part of an episode. I had totally forgotten. I did not watch that show, so I don't remember him from that, but maybe that's why he looks vaguely familiar, because maybe I saw like one episode or part of an episode.

I had totally forgotten. I did not watch that show either, but I guess it didn't work out, because here he is as a host of a tour group. So I guess there's a reason that show is canceled. No one was made a supermodel. And everybody go home. Yeah, sorry, Sandhurst. I mean, at least on Top Chef, they get to make some biscuits on the web channel or whatever every once in a while what

the hell do you win from a model show nothing you're still thin and poor congratulations now half of america hates you yes now go be naked somewhere and take a photo and put on the internet thank you exactly um uh lauren grabowski asks hi so last night lisa rena basically confirmed stuff that

ronnie has been saying all along and she gave us a little inside peek about stuff that wasn't filmed with Lisa Vanderpump manipulating behind the scenes. My only question to you, I'm only going to ask you one this time because you guys are the best and you're such good sports. What other scenarios on other Housewives or Bravo shows do you think major stuff went on behind the scenes that wasn't filmed that affected the way the women filmed? Do you guys understand what I'm saying? I have a feeling that you totally understand what I'm saying. Okay, love you. Of course. It probably happens on all of them.

Yes, I think especially on Beverly Hills. Beverly Hills has this code of conduct among the ladies where they're not allowed to talk about certain things. So they are fighting about real things, but they don't fight about it on camera. So they fight about other things instead. And so people are like, why are they so angry? But they're really fighting about other stuff. For example, Adrian Maloof's surrogate parent or whatever. That was supposed to be a big secret.

And so when Brandy was like, whatever, because Adrian spent 10 minutes talking about, oh, yeah, I remember giving childbirth. Oh, it hurts so bad. Oh, being a mother. Oh, my vagina still feels it. But every time I hug my kid, I think, wow, I gave up my vagina for you or whatever. And Brandy's like, whatever. That fucking hired a vagina for that. Get out of here.

No one believes you. you fucking hired a vagina for that. Get out of here. No one believes you. And then it became this huge thing because someone actually said it out loud or Kim's alcoholism or, you know, what, what ones can you think of?

Um, I think that, uh, I think it happens on all the shows. I think that on Atlanta, I think the fight that Nini had with Kim on that tour bus had to have been about something else because when she came, when Nini got on that tour bus

and started screaming at Kim for talking to Sweetie and acting like she was accusing Kim of treating her like a slave and all that, it was so out of left field and it made no sense. And then on top of that, it was a fight that caused them

to break up as friends for two or three years. That had to have been about something else. That probably had to do with filming. Obviously, Claudia Jordan was pushed off the show by Nene. That's extremely obvious. Sheree was pushed off the show by Nene. So I think that there was manipulation there.

There obviously was the whole Jill Zarin-Bethany Frankel feud. We hear rumors all around, well, Bethany didn't want people filming with Jill Zarin. And then people say, well, Jill Zarin didn't want people filming with Bethany. That there was like a lot of that,

that season. And I believe also, I think probably Shazza Sunset probably has so much. I bet Reza is in the thick of it. He is probably pitting everyone against each other behind the scenes like crazy. And I think also probably Whitney does it on Southern Charm.

Oh, yeah. He's blatant about it. Kyle will stir shit, but she mostly does it about stuff that's actually on the show. Unless it's her own life. Kyle will not ever talk about her own life. So there's always this undercurrent of stuff going going on with her like the mori stuff which they never really even talked about that much on the show but someone was telling stories that mori was having affairs with transgendered hookers in the beverly hills hotel bar and uh that was this huge thing and then that turned kyle

rabidly crazy even though she didn't want to really talk about the actual story or what was said. Her big thing that whole year was basically who was planting stories. But she wouldn't say that. It was that Lisa wanted to bring magazines on the trip. And so that was a big fight. And it didn't make any sense because who cares? But the fight was really she's accusing Lisa of planting those stories. And Adrian's accused her of planting those stories.

And Adrian's accused her of it too. That was a big thing. Like Lisa's selling stories. And Lisa's like, darling, I could buy all of these rags and have my horses poop them out. I don't care. I'm not getting money for that. I do it for the fun. By the way, we should also mention, speaking of Lisa, the whole thing last season on Vanderpump Rules, Stassi, I mean, now it's come out. But the reason why Stassi was so mad at Katie and Sheena and everything, I had to do the sex tape that we had no idea about until this season or the reunion, et cetera.

So it happened there, too. But, you know, it's funny. I mean, maybe I am just such a staunch Lisa apologist. We're going to get into this more. Believe you me when we start talking about Beverly Hills very shortly. believe yes lisa is manipulative but i think she's as manipulative as as all these other women are as well she just she's just probably better at it than they are doesn't mean that they're that doesn't mean that they're not manipulative it just means they just can't do it well if that makes sense and uh but i also i don't think um i don't know for some reason i just don't believe that lisa is as machiavellian as they are making her out to be like i think sure well we'll get it we're gonna get into it oh yeah i'm gonna put a long section for that i'm going to i'm going to clarify my remarks and probably uh stumble over my words and be very

inarticulate about it so everyone get ready for that because that's coming up get ready get ready yeah so that's that's yeah that's that's that's the fun what do you want to start with show wise today we? We've got Vanderpump Rules, Beverly Hills, and Tour Group. I mean, we have to start with Beverly Hills. Let's do it. So good. This season has really started to come together. Honestly, it has truly followed the path of OC last season, where OC for the first half was fine and entertaining,

but compared to the previous season where OC for the first half was like you know fine and entertaining but like compared to the previous season of OC it's like how can you live up to the season when Shannon and Heather were fighting so much that was such a great season and and over a chair right over a chair and then the second season of Shannon you know it was like it was fine and then as the illness stuff started to play

a bigger role that season wound up being so entertaining. And Beverly Hills, I feel like, has really moved in that direction as well. Well, the OC is shameless because I think they had already finished shooting for that season. They were like, everybody come back to work. We're talking about cancer for another four weeks. And they're like, okay. And they all showed up with new faces and haircuts and pretended it was the next day.

Loved it. with new faces and haircuts and pretended it was the next day loved it well also the oc had something that beverly hills does not have which is a shameless pitbull and megan king edmonds hashtag justice hashtag truth hashtag knowledge yes and while we're talking about justice headband you know megan king edmonds is always in everybody's business and out for some random justice but at least she's not stupid i mean like i'm not saying some random justice but at least she's not stupid i mean like i'm not saying she's brilliant but at least she's coming with stuff she's not just randomly yelling shit over the table that's what makes me crazy about beverly hills like can you not find people intelligent enough to even have an argument i mean what the hell is

this woman doing this katherine well i mean jesus there was i mean there was a lot of there were a lot of strange choices and i think that if megan king admins were on beverly hills it would it would be kind of amazing if there were someone well it's what we had with brandy to be fair brandy's gone but someone who would just be like no this is bullshit blah blah blah everyone's like a little too polite on the show but that's kind of the charm of megan would be like vanderpump did sell stories she got 20 each for him justice i have the receipts okay and the emails from the writer from the reality teas also i have multiple blog comments where blah blah blah blah blah she would just lay it out and that should be like i emailed the tick i emailed the tick and the tick said it

never gave yolanda limes so oh we were talking about yolanda on dr oz and i was telling you about how she's been hospitalized since she was 12 and dr oz was like uh but always for being tired and exhausted and stuff what's that and she's like well when i was 12 it was just an epstein bar and i saw in a comment uh the other day it made me laugh someone said also known as mono hello yolanda i thought that was hilarious uh oh so to get through uh the episode step by step um we are opening with erica sitting in this beauty chair in her bathroom getting all dolled up getting all dolled up, getting all dolled up for the girls. With her quote unquote friends. Yeah, with her paid gay ploys.

All around her, primping her, you know, making her look even crazier than usual. And she's got her feet up on the counter showing her hoo-ha to whatever the hell's under the counter. And I thought, you know,

this girl really knows how to make some money. Because even though there's probably nobody under there, she is prepared for some old-ass troll with a dollar bill under that counter that will tip her while she's getting her hair done. I mean, that's a businesswoman right there. Yes. So she's getting ready, and she gets a FaceTime from Yolanda. Yeah, Yolanda. Oh, I am in my bathrobe of sickness and my eyes are swollen. I cannot go to Pasadena.

I cannot feel my legs or my soul in my heart. What do you think about? And Erica's like, okay, great. Thanks for calling. Okay, can you get this shot of the guy who's fixing my hair right now? Okay, make sure you're in this shot. It's FaceTime. It's national.

It's global. We're on FaceTime right now. And the gays are just like kissing Eric's ass like well you know that if you needed her she'd be the first one here you know that Eric I'm like how do you even know about Yolanda what are you talking about you didn't even know who Lisa Vanderpump was they're like we love Lisa Vanderpump

she's like oh yeah great you're fired get out I mean I don't care I don't give a fuck you can say you like whoever you want it just can't work for me anymore I don't give a fuck FaceTime otherwise know this I don't give a fuck. You can say you like whoever you want. It just can't work for me anymore. I don't give a fuck. FaceTime. Otherwise, notice, I don't give a fuck.

But I don't give a fuck is ringing, okay? It's Yolanda. Hey, Yolanda. Yolanda lying in bed with her sick pose. She's curled up into the fetal position, gingerly laying her roots down on the pillow. But she's holding that iPhone straight up with her arm and giving a perfect selfie it's hilarious i'm like you know that we can see your arm holding this thing up right i'm not saying she's she should be too weak to hold up the phone just that she's like in the fetal position and turn in the most uncomfortable way

to give herself a decent selfie by the way i to say, in her quest to rid her body of all sorts of unnatural chemicals, I'm glad that she still bleaches her hair. I think that's really great. Well, she's not. That's the point. She's like, I only do it sometimes, okay, because it could kill me dead. You could only bleach your hair once every five months.

It could kill me dead. All of my medical reports said, her hair is so beautiful, so So look now I have roots Do you believe me now I have the roots and house and the bleach and cousin The bleach and cousin It is her bleach and cousin Everything's white

Even her maid is named Blanca I love that about her You can't see my white jeans But don't worry I'm wearing them under this white robe Do you understand how I feel? Erica's like, great, great, okay, your face is swollen. Bye, bitch. I don't give a fuck.

Click. I don't give a fuck. So let me see. Erica is going to be having a ditto party. And I'm guessing it's just so her grumpy ass old man will be able to yell at somebody besides her for a night. Yeah, she says this way everyone can meet Tom all at once. So it's basically like a coming out

party for Tom. The worst contillion of all time. Bless his heart. I really want everybody to sit around and listen to Tom tell a story about fixing dirty water. I mean water filters. That's what we need in this cast.

So she's bringing everyone for the coming out party for for little dawn rickles and she keeps talking about uh blah blah blah katherine this and this now look i get that katherine was totally in the wrong katherine's an idiot and as we get into this episode obviously i'm sure we'll be yelling a lot but for now let me just say what are you surprised that katherine's an idiot and as we get into this episode obviously I'm sure we'll be yelling a lot but for now let me just say what are you surprised that Catherine's an idiot she's an idiot okay you can like a truck you can like a stupid person you can hug a stupid person you can go to lunch with a stupid person but do not trust a stupid person they're stupid they will do something stupid and then you'll be like oh my god god, she did something stupid. Well, you're stupid for being friends with a stupid person. Stupid is dangerous. Don't do it. Yeah, exactly. You know, if anyone

got caught in a web, it was Erica who was lured into Catherine's crappy web. It's not really a web. It's one of those annoying just like strings that goes across the walkway. You're like walking down the sidewalk and there's just a string. There's one thing, a stupid spider web that's

one thing long that goes from the tree to who knows what. I don't even know what those things are attached to, but it always gets right on your face. That's what Catherine's web is, and Erica walked right into it. Yes. Vanderpump's like, I don't even need to spin a web, darling. You idiots are falling all over each other without me doing a thing.

It's true. You can't blame a spider for sitting here laughing telling all right it's in his nature um let's see here uh sensing somewhere somewhere is having fun while she's in bed oh yolanda calls okay fast forward fast forward so yeah so i wrote three pages about erica because that's how i roll'm like, and then her dressing table and then her hairdo. Well, so then I believe Catherine and Lisa get into a limo together. Right. Yes.

I'm with you. And they're driving. They're driving to Erica's. I don't really remember anything that they said, but I think they're just excited to me, Tom. I think Rinna is this is an example of rena's strategy her her everybody's gonna be my friend's strategy look she could run for mayor of pasadena one day who knows she's gonna go to katherine's house with her tight ass leopard print because

she knows erica's gonna be wearing leopard print because like you're going to the home of a hoe she's gonna be in leopard print okay but l Lisa wears like a poorer version of the leopard print, so Erica will like her, but not feel threatened by her. You go with your fashion strategy, Rinna. It's almost like she's paying an homage to Erica's leopard print. Yeah, but she's like, don't worry, this

didn't cost as much as yours. I'm like a poorer version of you. Finally, a woman I like. I got this in Tarzana. It's not from Saks. It's from Tarzana. Don't worry. Well, one day I'll fly the small plane to the big plane to Tarzana and take a look at this store you speak of.

I have to mention also, Erica's shoes are so ridiculous. I'm not enough of a faggito burrito to even know a shoe when I see it. But they were like stiletto Chanel. I don't know. Whatever is like a zillion dollars. And they have these gigantic gold strap things. Those cannot be comfortable. Who are you trying to please?

I have a hard time believing that pretty much any woman's shoe is be comfortable. Who are you trying to please? I have a hard time believing that pretty much any woman's shoe is ever comfortable. Yes. I don't believe it either, but I don't understand why you have to make a whole parade around your goddamn shoe. You did not make that money, lady. Yeah. Okay.

That's enough. I'm talking about shoes and leopard dresses. Listen, you gotta let it out. Her hub's cones in. She's all over him who is this oh don rickles okay so it doesn't take long to get to this dinner which is rare for this show because usually they'll hold that to the last 15 minutes and then make us watch it for the next three exactly they got they got into the dinner within the first act i mean they were right they're just ready to go um so they're getting this party ready i'm trying to see what else katherine's really excited to meet don rickles because you know he's bagging a young person she's like yeah score so she's excited to meet him but also she has this weird curiosity

about him like i can't wait to meet erica's husband oh they all have this kind of grossness about it yeah because they want to talk about it afterwards like do you see how old he was gosh totally um so do they meet him i just noticed that erica is serving only toast that's her whole party's toast well that's around when um you know the waiter comes by and is like oh we have some spanakopita or whatever. And then Catherine's like, he says it to Lisa Rinna and Catherine's like, oh, she doesn't eat. And Lisa Rinna is like losing her shit because that's like her sensitive spot. But also it's pretty rude to do that, too.

has an issue like you know when it comes to like food and women when you make commentary about how much you eat or don't eat that sends off most women that i know you know oh yeah it's just a thing it's just a real sore subject we saw on tour group last week don't talk about hamburgers that you should or should not be eating we saw it with lydia don't from OC. So when Catherine says this, oh, my God, Lisa Rinna wants to strangle her. Except Lisa Rinna is too polite in general. She's too Lisa Rinna. She's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, you listen here, Missy. You say another thing like that to me, I'm going to get real upset.

Right? Oh, gosh. I just jumped down your throat, didn't I? Last time I did that was to Daphne Zun 1991 she said i should eat a cucumber guess the last thing that jumped down my throat nothing get it oh my god so she's getting all mad about anorexia i love that america has gotten so fucking fat that now the skinny ones are the ones who are offended. Hilarious. You know, it's like fat people's revenge. We're like zombies.

We're just like, you know, skinny people being afraid of catching the fat. Well, it's working. We're making you all fat. Now the skinny people are the outcasts. Suck it, Lisa Rinna. So they're sitting there talking and the running joke, yeah, is about Lisa's anorexia. And they're doing this. They're both anorexia. Like, let's is about Lisa's anorexia. And they're doing this. They're both anorexia.

Like, let's face it. Neither one of them eats. And God blesses them. Like, why should you? You can't maintain that body and eat. Okay? There's no two ways about it. But they're talking about anorexia to the poor overweight waiter.

And she's like, really? Would you just take this fucking—I've got, like, ten plates of toast in the back. Just take some. Well, you know,atherine this is the one of many examples of why katherine is pretty dumb because it just shows that she does not she doesn't really understand her audience ever you know she talks at people she makes jokes that make people feel uncomfortable this is a prime example she just doesn't get it and you know this comes back later on at dinner when she's like, you need to eat two breadsticks.

And Lisa Rinna, you can see Lisa Rinna is fuming and she covers it with some laughs and some passive aggressive sarcastic questions like this one. I'm going to kill her. I'm going to kill her. She never shuts up about the breadsticks. You know, when she is furious, Lisa Rinna will stay mayor of whatever town she's in until she realizes that it's an auto win like she can win no matter what that's why i think she will go against kim richards because kim richards is an alcohol it's like fighting a sick person which is weird and i i like rena actually but i've noticed that brandy in the preview says something

like they feed on the weak which you know you know, Brandy's an idiot. But that is kind of true in a way. I think that Lisa Rinna is always trying to stay so strong and not show her foibles. And so when there are actually people that do show their issues, like Kim, I mean, she's a damn mess. Or who else was her big one that she was against on this show? It's mostly just Kim so far. else was her big one that she was against on this show it's mostly just kim so far but whenever she or yolanda you know with her illness or whatever whenever she senses that she's already won she'll fight that fight like she'll fight with an alcoholic or some lady who's pretending to

you know have you know whatever whatever it is this week um well i don't think i think that lisa rinna this is sort of, but I don't think she likes bullshit. You know, like, you know, Lisa Rinna, she could be pretty fake. You know, she said, you know, quote unquote, people please her. But she's, you know, she can be all friends. Like, how are you? Oh, my God. I'm so glad to see you. She says she has her own bullshit.

But it's like polite bullshit. She doesn't like when people say, oh, they claim to be something that they're not. like when people say, oh, they claim to be something that they're not. So she was mad because Kim Richards was saying that she's fine, she's fine, she's fine. And Lisa Rinna's like, no, she's not fine. I don't know why everyone is

keeping up this facade just for Kim's sake. And she's also getting mad. Now she's starting to get mad at Yolanda. She feels like Yolanda's being manipulative. And by the way, again, jumping ahead but she lisa rena totally said what you've been saying all along and then i later chimed in on an agreement that yolanda is the most manipulative person on the cast oh yeah she is but unfortunately she's stupid and can't even keep a timeline together it's

still fun to watch it makes it no less fun to watch, Yoli. Keep it up. I don't think that Lisa Rinna goes after weak people. I think she goes after people who are front end. Yeah. I think maybe there's a correlation about why are the people who are the weakest putting up the biggest facade. I don't know. Yeah. The reason I was even thinking about it, because I don't think of her as some black widow of weakness but um I was just saying that because Brandy said it but I did notice as this episode went on and Catherine was just out of control Catherine was obviously drunk

or on something then I noticed that Rinna was like okay it's a drunk I'll fight this bitch and then she started she didn't fight with her she still stayed nice but she won't let it go the whole episode she's like yes Catherine but you were wrong and that's it on it you understand what i'm saying it was wrong she's going after katherine because katherine the katherine kept on poking at her about the uh about the weight stuff and lisa from the after k Catherine made the comment with the waiter first, every remark that Lisa Rinna made regarding Catherine after that was a little barb. It was a little attack, a little jab. It was classic, you know, passive-aggressive response.

And I'm not saying it's undeserved. I'm just saying she was mad about that comment, and she was not going to let it go. And never will. But those comments come like five in episodes. Catherine just won't let it go. She's like, yeah, you're an anorexic, right? This is great.

She just keeps making not eating jokes. I'll be your best girl. You know what? I just want to be your best girlfriend, okay? And I want to just be that girl that reminds you about all your eating problems all the time. That's what best girlfriends do. We can share each other's MyFitnessPals, and I can read all of the calories that you never enter. That'll be great.

Girlfriends, pinky link. So let me see here. So Don Rickles finally comes home. Everybody's gathering for this party i just was dying when erica's standing in front of that grand piano because you know that thing is terrified it's like, Tom, get me a player piano. I don't know why, but I don't give a fuck.

He's like, I will not have a piano playing for you to sing with while I'm in this home. She's like, I don't know. I'll have a toy piano. I don't give a fuck. What's your piano? I'll just have a bunch of mallets. Put some mallets in a xylophone. I don't give a fuck. I don't care what sort of piano it is. You know, I'll just have a bunch of mallets. Put some mallets in a xylophone. Give me a xylophone.

I don't give a fuck. I'll play with a single xylophone. I love to make predictions, especially on this show. Sometimes they come out to be true, and sometimes they absolutely don't. Here's my prediction for this show in the next two seasons. Erica is going to leave this old motherfucker. She's at, like, we're all thinking, why would she ever leave Don Rickles? She's got more money.

He's got more money than God. She's got planes. Why would she leave? Well, look, he's obviously not going to die anytime soon. The bastard never do. The bastards never do die young. They stay alive forever. And I think that she's going to try and slip around any prenuptial action, even though she claims she doesn't have one, Which I don't believe. Because she acts like a woman with a prenup.

And I think she's going to start using emotional abuse. As her big excuse to go against Don Rickles. Because there is no way that a woman. Who builds her entire life around being an empowered woman. Is going to sit there and act like this idiot does. Like she's totally subservient. And she's doing these things in her testimonials. Where she's talking to us. And whenever she brings him up, she'll, like, in this instance, what's bringing this rant on is her saying,

Oh, I didn't tell Tom about all this stuff with the women because I just don't talk about that stuff with him. And then she looks down, sadly, like we're all supposed to feel bad that her 80-year-old husband doesn't want to hear about catty bullshit that happened over lunch while he was working. But she does it a few times. I think she's going to use that later as an emotional abuse allegation. I don't think so. I think they've been together a long time. And I think it's going to stay together for a little bit longer. And I don't think he's actually a bastard at all, by the way.

I think he seems pretty cool. Yeah, he's just a bastard at all, by the way. I think he seems pretty cool. I think just the dynamic. Yeah, he's just a grumpy old man. Yeah, he seems cool. And I think that basically the dynamic of the relationship was set early on when he was a patron and she was a waitress. And I think it just sort of stayed that way. It did, but every hoe wants her freedom. know you want the car then you want the house then you want the plane then you want the whatever and she's got it all now and now she's getting the actual fame even though

she's been performing i don't know if you could sense my air quotes but she's been performing for a while so she's semi-fame but nothing will make you more famous to idiots like being on a housewives show i mean we're two idiots who love them we're we're like a we'll love you you know that's her ultimate fame and people i think go on to these housewives shows sometimes to kind of show what an ass their spouse is and give them public support for dumping them like fraser on this very show it's true it's actually true so who knows it's probably a bunch of bullshit but we'll see in the future it's a prediction yes so she's watching him poop or whatever he's like he's like buzzing around in the bathroom like walking real slowly and stuff

and she's following him around like primping her hair like hey yo everybody's so excited to meet you tom i don't give a fuck, though. Take your time, man. I don't care. Wear whatever you want to wear. I don't care. Question. Why do they try to make the dumb hoe always make...

Why do they always try to make the dumb hoe wear Charo hair? Brandy had it. Now this girl has it. Why? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what it is. What do these people have against Charo? I just, it's, you know, it's, it's, I really question some of the styling that happens on the Real Housewives.

Just in general, across all the franchises. I just don't understand why, why everyone dresses like drag queens all the time. Yeah, that Charo headpiece kills me. Okay, so Eileen's working so people start dropping out of this dinner eileen has to do one of those group soap scenes which are my favorite yeah and then kyle kyle's got yum kapoor at like uh la salsa or something you know it's like taco cabana um baja fresh baja fresh yum kapoor i once i once broke my fast at mcdonald's i'm not gonna lie um but uh but then uh so the women arrive well this is this is all ever the women have already

arrived so uh there's so everyone sits down to dinner right yeah and um and then thing, you know, things there's like, you know, as usual, there's like pleasant small talk, et cetera, et cetera. And then things start to slowly fall apart. Oh, Catherine, that thing is already falling apart. It sits down at the table and just starts going. Well, Catherine has a has very high self-esteem. She starts talking about how she's not a lawyer, but she probably should have been because she loves to argue and she has this way

where she can turn it around on someone and then they are arguing against what they were originally arguing. Some bullshit where it's like, you know what, Catherine? Just be quiet. You're talking to like a top attorney and you're trying to brag about how good you can argue you've actually already lost your argument

about arguing and this whole thing came about because everybody was being so nice to don because they've just met him and so everyone's like oh hi lisa renna's like oh hello old person do you feel this i'm touching your hand right now do you feel it um and she asked him so what she's like why did you want to be a lawyer and he's like one day i watched perry mason and i was like that's for me and you know of course none of these people even know who that is except lisa so lisa's like did you even go to law school did you just do perry mason defenses and erica's like of course he went to law school i was just kidding darling i apologize lisa's got it all that elisa also entered the home which kills me every time she comes she stumbles out of her limo holding a gift at all times.

She's always got a gift. And she always looks at her tits. She always checks her rack before she goes in. It's like gift and rack look. But anyway, she walks into the house. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm too much.

But she walks into the house and she's like, where's that crafty old fox thing? She doesn't even say hello. She's like, Erica, where's your husband? Bring him here. Well, but she knows. Because she knows who the power players are. that crafty old fox thing she doesn't even say hello she's like erica where's your husband bring him here well but she knows because she knows who the power players are and she also she i think that she gets him this is a guy who she he you know lisa likes when people are are blunt and sort of clever and she gets that off this guy because he is like that um i like that when she walked in she was like by the way i have another dinner at 9 p.m.

Must go at 9 p.m. Hard out. Hard out. And Erica does that really tight, I've just been stabbed in the face smile. And she's like, well, thank you for dropping by. Like it's a Christmas Carol night

and every house is just open. She's like, oh, thanks a lot for Dainey to come by my house, queen. Listen, bitch, you live in Pasadena. Her meeting probably isn't until six in the morning. She got to drive back to LA. So anyway, thanks a lot for danny to come by my house queen listen bitch you live in pasadena her meeting probably isn't until six in the morning she got to drive back to la so anyway so um so basically

yeah so he's saying that he uh he got into law because you like perry mason at least then lisa rena is like well harry hamlin played a lawyer on la law i can't say how many times law students come up to him and said i became a lawyer because of you i just switched on wrinkles it said uh julia roberts was in a movie about me so harry hamlin doesn't count but thanks for coming to dinner and but then that's when cat so that's when katherine jumped in that's why that's also why she looked like an asshole because you know you know what lisa said about harry hamlin made some sense in relation to what he said about paramedic but then katherine's like i'd love to argue i would be a great lawyer because i know how to said about harry hamlin made some sense in relation to what he said about parent mason but then katherine's like i'd love to argue i would be a great lawyer because i know how to argue i can

argue so good i'm such a good arguer i'm like miss argue like you know i'm miss new argue bubba sparks hello i like that she said you know if i weren't a model my other choice would have been to be a lawyer i'm like oh wow yeah randomly that's how it works i didn't realize oh catherine so she starts going off and uh i think she's like trying to in her stupid way i think she is just trying to say she can be a manipulator to get people off to get vanderpump to like her while she's there. But she's also trying to get the lawyer to like, unfortunately, she's just too stupid. And people are auto offended at everything because she's being offensive. And then she turns to Rinna and goes,

she turns to Rinna and goes, hey, you said to eat two breadstick. He said, you need to eat two breadsticks, Rinna. Yeah. And she's like, where's my champagne? Who took my champagne? She was just sort of like, just like a loud, attention whoring also. You know, you can tell like, you could tell she was domineering every conversation.

Like she just would not shut up and she'd bring everything to her, which is what all these women do generally. But you could really tell that she was just taking over and being absolutely annoying yeah and saying that breadstick thing then of course ren is like he did not erica's like he didn't say anything about breadsticks did you don't did you just say something he's like breadsticks what where's the breadstick i'm starving i'm like no one understood anything that was being fought about i was laughing so hard watching this scene it was so. So I'm trying to remember how it devolved into when Catherine and Erica started to first... Oh, I think...

Oh, were they talking about... It's called a sense of humor. Try it on, says Catherine to Erica because she just said that Don Brickles made the breadstick comment. And then Erica switches over to... And, you know, by the way, she is a total idiot, Catherine. I've said it a zillion times.

I will stand by it forever. She done. But she does say things that are right sometimes. Erica really has zero sense of humor. Have you ever seen her? I mean, that wasn't funny. That particular thing wasn't funny. But I've never seen her laugh at anything.

Like, she won't even smile. She's miserable in every goddamn scene. I've never seen her laugh at anything. Like, she won't even smile. She's miserable in every goddamn scene. For someone who spends a lot of time with the gays, she is pretty serious and not fun. Well, she only with pay gays because real gays would be not hanging out with her because she's boring. Yeah, she's a little stiff, you know?

Which is why the whole Eica jane thing is weird and that's honestly probably what bethany was was picking up on is that she's stiff and not that fun and yet she has this whole persona of being outrageous and crazy and like pat the puss and everything and yet her persona is stiff housewife, subservient to your husband. Yes. She even works very seriously at not being taken seriously. She's very serious and dedicated to not being taken seriously. You would think she's mocking her. She's making fun of music or making parody or something.

You would think she'd have a sense of humor. But no, she's being serious. That's what I don't like. Yeah, I agree. Either way, it's still so stupid of Catherine to be like, I have a sense of humor. I mean, first of all, how about you tell a good joke? Okay, breadstick comedy is really...

There's a reason why they're not like cds devoted to breadstick comedy okay you don't hear cat williams bread breadsticks uh material that often i like that rena said you better watch it katherine i've got a lot of glassware around me yeah i can throw this right at your face and then vander pumps like give her a sippy cup darling uh which made don which made old tom laugh again um i love that he goes from grumpy to like a glittery eyed little boy in a second like it's just a flash flood it's so good um blah blah blah uh i wrote so much about this i'm just going through my no no there was there was so much good stuff um so so basically I'm just trying to remember how they got to the point where they were talking about

it's hard to get to know. Because Lisa Vanderpump. Okay, everything that happens Lisa will make about her. It doesn't even matter. You could be talking about starving children in Somalia and she'd be like, did one of the starving children call one of the other starving children a web spinner? Did they? So Catherine's

going off at the table about god knows what no one even can follow what she's talking about and lisa's like well i understand darling because you're cold and emotionless erica and that's how people think of me i've been accused of being cold and emotionless too darling i mean remember you said i spun a web i mean what the fuck with this web bullshit anyway yeah when l When Lisa did that, that cracked me up. I do remember that Vanderpump turned it into – she just – she did the Eileen Davidson stretch there where she just somehow turned the conversation into this – back into this stupid drama that had long been forgotten, hopefully, but no. Oh, my God. She's talking about the web, the web again.

I mean, what's a web anyway? I don't understand a cobweb. Spider, spider's an insect. Is it not an insect? I don't get it. Am I the internet or a spider? I need to know. Am I the web?

Do people search me to find out things? Or am I just a bug that creates cobwebs and helps? I need to know, darling! I mean, did you hear this news that daddy long legs aren't even considered spiders now? I mean, I don't know anything anymore. At least I tell daddy long

legs to his face. You understand the difference? Sorry. I don't spin webs, darling. I just sting people when I don't like them. You know? Beer and deal. What is it? Erica is trying

to smooth things over with Vanderpump, but also stand her ground. Yes. Well, yes. Okay, Luke. Yes, I am distant sometimes and cold, but it's because you gotta work hard for me like i'm not right away like it takes time with me and i love when people are like that like you have to earn my friendship like who the fuck are you there's like five billion people in this world you want to be a bitch do it over there i don't have time for you no that's exactly

what i always say i think that most people are good people deep down inside and that they're fun and that you could be friends with most people but do I want to spend the time to have to dig through the layers no and I'm not someone like Catherine's like oh well you know you say you you want to like you have a wall up well then I want to be your friend

I want to be your friend like even more it's like a challenge to me that's why I'm like reaching out to you. What sort of lashes should I put on, girl? And that's when Erica's like, oh my god. She thinks my language is putting on lashes. Yes. Because Catherine turned this whole thing into, I was just saying that because I wanted to be your friend.

But you shut me out. And this whole thing, it's like you shutting me out. No, Catherine. Let's not get it confused. She told you something in confidence. You screwed her her over this is not her lashing out this is you being an asshole like please so you've got her making about something crazy and she's the one who started the fight she doesn't even know what it's about she's got her making it something crazy Dom looking around confused randomly shouting things like wait a second while there's butter on his lip and then you've got Lisa Vanderpump every two seconds going, but what about the web?

I mean, it's everything. I'd be like, well, we saw a child missing a leg and we gave him change. Well, you know, I've also seen spiders missing legs. And how do you think that makes me feel? Am I supposed to spin him over a web or will that make me eat out? You know, here's something else about the web. What do cookies have to do with it? I don't understand.

Why do you want cookies in my web? I don't get it. I will not allow cookies in my web. That's it. I don't give a fuck. Renard, do you want a cookie? Otherwise it's going in my web. I can throw my cookies out. I don't give a fuck. But I've got a house and two planes for my cookies. That's right. Get my cookies in your web. With's going in my web. I can turn my cookies on. I don't give a fuck. But I've got a house and two planes for my cookies.

That's right. Get my cookies in your web. With the cookies in my chapel. It's my new song. Cookies in your chapel. I don't give a fuck. Cookies in your chapel. Cookie, cookie, cookie in your chapel.

Cookie. Girl Scouts coming by. I'm like, I don't give a fuck. Here's $4. I'll take your thin mitten. Put them in my chapel. The girl, I don't give a fuck, Scouts. Chips ahoy. More like chips oh boy in my chapel.

I will cook, okay? I'm not one of those ladies who cook because i don't give a fuck i'm like you don't cook because you suck the dick long enough that you don't have to cook stop pretending you're so fabulous that you just don't have the time get out of here lady yeah i like she's like i don't want to measure shit out like i don't give a fuck about measuring cups i don't give a fuck about tablespoons teaspoons i don't care i don't like tea i don't like tables i don't give a fuck about measuring that shit I don't give a fuck about tablespoons, teaspoons. I don't care. I don't like tea. I don't like tables. I don't give a fuck about measuring that shit out. She acts as if it's the most tedious thing in the world. Meanwhile, we watched 30 minutes of footage of her cramming her vagina into some skin-tight suit.

I think I'd rather measure out sugar instead. It takes one pack of puss, one twat waffle, and then I don't give a fuck. Delicious. So this huge fight is going on, and Catherine's screaming things at the end of the table like, I've only got four hours of foreplay in me before I'm done. And that's like the only thing that Don Rickles could sympathize with the whole night. He's like, yep, I could empathize with that. Don, instantly empathetic blah blah

blah uh butter on his mouth i couldn't get over the butter on his mouth i was dying well i also liked how all this all this stupid fight is going on all this fighting is going on and don rickles is starting to you know he's he's chiming in and trying to understand and you just ken ken todd is just sitting there like you know he's like he's like i've been around the block you just have to sit and watch them fight that's all and then when don like he tries to sort of speak up and ken's like don you're trying to be the you're trying to be the judge and you're just the lawyer yes oh ken ken will come to the defense of his wife you know and and like you know a younger fat person who can't really fight.

I'm speaking. I'm empathizing with Todd. OK, right now. He'll just do it with his tongue. He's like, no, I will not get up. But I will say I will say you're only a lawyer. All right. Take that. I was like, old man, fight. Let's do it. What a party. You've got three senior citizens trying to fight with some young hoe on the block. it what a party you've got three senior citizens trying to fight with some young hoe on the block and some belligerent drunk screaming at the end of the table while lisa rena laughs like a crazy person and hides under a napkin well you know the thing is this there was a lot of like blame to be spread around in this three-way argument right because katherine is so stupid for not realizing

that when she spoke to lisa vanderbilt when she immediately turned around and said this is what erica said about you that it would make erica not trust her when erica has just said i don't trust like i want to build trust i don't trust people you're not gonna go run tell everything to everyone how katherine doesn't realize that what she did was wrong and how she wasn't immediately apologetic about it is so stupid and asinine you know and then there's also that's Catherine and and she also made it she did make it sound worse than it was and the women were right when they're like you know Catherine you you want to get a reaction out of out of Erica which is what she said she wanted oh my god this idiot she's like well I guess I wanted a reaction at some

on some level when they're like well you got one out of Lisa instead. Yeah, Deepak Erica over there. She's like, you see what you did there? And then she makes that smart person point when she talks with her fingers like she's running for office. I love when she does this. She's like, you see what you did there? You tried to get a reaction out of me, but you really got a reaction out of Lisa. And Lisa's like, yes, yes she did because it hurt when i

heard that i spinned webs who would say something like that explain yourself i was like it's over lisa stop talking about it yeah exactly so lisa like lisa's blame is that she needs to just sometimes she just she has to give up the grudges like she brings stuff up you're like oh here she goes again you know she has to stop that and then erica you know she also has to take some accountability for what she said i mean she thinks she's taking accountability but like yeah i said it i don't give a fuck but really it's like she should take some accountability for the fact that what she said has obviously upset lisa in a certain way and whether erica believes that lisa is manipulative or not if it was meant to be nice whatever erica should be like oh i'm sorry i'm sorry that like it came to you that way i'm sorry that you're hurt and i you know i

shouldn't have said that whatever you know it's like erica's pump is totally pulling in eileen she's like okay if you bitches want to drag me over the coals all season long for one thing fine then i'm gonna make you say web over and over again and try and backpedal in front of your husband who loves me and so erica's like, well, all I really meant was that, you know, like, silk comes out of your ass. And then John Rickles is like, listen here. I think what she's really trying to say, Lisa, it's a good thing. It's positive.

And she's like, spinning webs, that's positive. Is it then? And he's like, yes. You know, it's a good thing because you own this town, baby. You own the game, baby. And she's like, well, you're adorable. Lisa Rinna's like, hey, stop stealing my town, baby. You own the game, baby. And she's like, well, you're adorable. And Lisa Rinna's like, hey, stop stealing my baby, baby. That's my phrase, baby.

And when he says, you own the game or you run the game, baby, Erica went, oh, that's bullshit. She said something that they bleeped out. And he went, pardon me, Erica. And shut her up at the table. I think he shut her up at the table like three times. But I don't think, I actually don't think that that was like a moment of like misogyny or anything like that. I mean, what else are you supposed to do? If you get interrupted, you say, pardon me, you know?

Yeah, but he is totally, go to your room, Eric. I mean, I get that he's like 100 years older and it's just different and he's grumpy. But still, she's married to some gross old man who's grumpy and yelling at the table in front of her friends. That is not cool. Everybody looked embarrassed. Yeah. I think also there's a thing with like lawyers. Sometimes they are like making their case when they're stating things.

I think there's a few things. I think sometimes lawyers, because I see my dad do it too. Sometimes if you interrupt him, he'll be like, excuse me. Because he's like making his – my dad's a lawyer. He's like making his case. But part of it also is that the amount of frustration he probably was feeling watching these women be ridiculous and also not communicate properly when he and Ken can obviously read the entire situation.

And he's just trying to explain it for these ladies like, everyone chill the fuck out. This is the situation situation and then they're interrupting him before he can get i can understand why i'd be like pardon me oh i look i can understand shutting erica up i've wanted her to shut up since she came on but just yelling at your wife in front of people it's not even saying excuse me let me finish he's just so gross and rude and then she acts all like offended but then my thing is she's not even offended that her husband has this habit of just yelling at her in public like a grumpy old ass she's offended that everybody else made her husband mad it's like oh my good that i thought

was more offensive that was ridiculous i don't i actually don't think he's like old and gross i think he's like fine i i like him um i think that i like him too but i mean come on he's 40 years older or something that's just nuts yeah that is a little nuts and i do think it's weird that she's like she's like they made tom mad i'm like you know that's that's that's it wasn't coming from a protective like you come after my husband you you coming after me too it was more of a like you made like the boss mad i mean she calls him the boss yeah that's weird that's like an like it seems to suggest a a certain amount of i get in their relationship yeah i get owning your hodom and i'm for it but you can't say like

i own it and i'm i'm marrying this man for a zillion dollars because he's nice uh and all of that everybody knows it makes fun of it and then you call him the boss, et cetera. And then you act totally subservient when he's around and yells at you in public. And then funds your career acting like a total hoe because that's, like, what women are supposed to be. It's, like, basically it's just a fucking punch in the vagina of feminism, this woman. Yeah, it is. And also, you know, so now Erica's really mad at katherine rightfully so but then she's you know again i just i feel like she like she you know she said something that

upset lisa vanderpump and lord knows lisa vanderpump said a million things that have upset other people too but uh you know erica seems to be also mad that lisa is upset and it's like you know erica you did i mean at the end of the day though you still did say it you know um and if you are so concerned about your relationship with lisa why don't you just like go take her coffee or something yeah but she needs it last week i like when she told lisa i think that the reason i say you're manipulative or whatever i think i like when she did that so if lisa brings it up at the dinner party because lisa's obviously bringing it up again because now she wants to discuss it in front of don rickles who's like a huge fan of hers so lisa you know yes of course she does manipulative things but they're so transparent of course that's why this is the first yeah although i have to say

this is the first episode like you know later on we'll get to it but you know lisa it's funny lisa eventually put the brakes on her own grudge i I was a little shocked. She actively told Kyle to stop. I know. Because part of it, I think, is just that she loves watching Erica squirm. And now she's making her squirm in front of the old man. And she's loving it. She thinks it's fucking hilarious. And Don shut her up, too.

He's like, I'm not done. She's like, you're right. You're right. I do also. She's met a million of these guys. Yeah. right you're right i do also she's met a million of these guys yeah so um i also have to say one other thing about lisa which will probably annoy the people who who hate lisa because i'm always defending her but i actually do think that one thing that we're overlooking in this entire thing

a little bit is that there is some cultural differences she is british which doesn't mean it gives her a pass but i think there's a certain amount of like ribbing that goes on when you're British I think and we see it later on when they're painting the house I think that Lisa's making jokes about the cobwebs thinking that she's now like it's just like now it's a joke

you know and it's like this British you know the way Lisa gives everyone the business I think it's sort of this crusty British thing to do and Erica's not having it and that's when she's like oh okay. Like no it's sort of this crusty British thing to do. And Erica's not having it. And that's when she's like, oh, okay. Like, no one's going to be crusty at my toast party. My toast is crusty. That's it.

Erica. Do you know what I'm saying, though? Yeah, no, I totally get it. I feel like some of it is British humor that is just lost on these ladies. It is. But she also just keeps saying web over and over. And I think she was just trying to get erica to fucking stand up for herself and grow a pair in front of the husband because all she wanted for erica to say

was lisa i already told you last week i said it because i feel like you're coming between me and whatever just shut up shut up stop saying web over and over then lisa would have been like oh that girl's got fire in her but instead she's like well i think you just misunderstood what i meant because and then she's got don trying to make it into a positive thing and all this stuff. And, you know, like you can't say you can't say that someone is manipulative and fake and phony is doing everything behind the scenes when she confronts you right to your face. And you're still trying to backpedal. Like, right. Stop.

You know, it's not that Lisa has so much power because you don't have power you don't have power on your own get your own goddamn power it's not her responsibility to empower you as a woman you dumbass speak your mind yeah i don't give a fuck i don't give a fuck so i think around this time then lisa was like well i have to go right and she's like time out and erica was like thank you for stopping by and she's like no er out. And Erica was like, thank you for stopping by. And she's like, no, Erica, I really loved coming here, all right? And I can't wait until the future when I can get inside that mind of Erica Jane. Erica Girardi Jane.

Yeah. But what made me mad was that then Selyse has to go, so Don Rickles stands up. He's like, well, you have to go. For, like, the entire season, Bravo has been making it look like he kicked Catherine out of the dinner party and that's like not even remotely close to what happened he just politely was like okay well you have to go thanks for coming by I was like how dare you Bravo

that was real manipulation and I do not approve pardon me Bravo pardon me Bravo and I think also Erica needs to calm down she's like I would say that on a scale of 10 this dinner party Bravo. Pardon me, Bravo. And I think also Erica needs to calm down. She's like, I would say that on a scale of 10, this dinner party was a negative five. I'm like, listen, we've seen the negative five parties on Bravo before.

We've been there for Camille's party. We've been there for Lizzie's party in O.C. Those were plus 15s, darling. Yeah, we've seen bad dinner parties. This was nothing. This was fine. Yeah, this wasn Yeah. We've seen bad dinner parties. This was, this was nothing. This wasn't, this wasn't like one of those disaster dinner parties. It was just bad. Yeah.

So you're serving toast to people who won't eat carbs. It's like, so it's such a fuck you. You're serving little trays of fuck you to people, lady. Yeah. Also, how many parties has she had at her house that have been fun?

It's like 80 year old lawyers, you know, exactly. You have a chaplain in your house and your decor is like faux had at her house that had been fun. It's like 80-year-old lawyers, you know, bumbling about stuff and silently farting at the table. You have a chaplain in your house and your decor is like faux Renaissance era. That's not a fun party house. That wasn't even talked about by

Prince of Cabasus. Oof. I don't give a fuck. This party sucks. I don't give a fuck about ratings. Like, whatever. It's negative five. I don't give a fuck. Some parties are positive five. Some are negative five. I don't give a fuck. This is a party. Just show up. Have fun. I got drunk. I don't give a fuck some parties are positive five some are negative five i don't give a fuck this is a party just show up have fun i got drunk i don't give a fuck they make everybody leave i love that so everybody leaves it's like seven and uh rena is outside stuck with katherine poor rena is always stuck with the crazy drunk always

always and now rena has to take an entire drive back from Pasadena to wherever in Sherman Oaks Rinna is. It's like, I don't even want to be in the car with you. You're crazy. I literally want my own car. I'm not kidding. Catherine's like, am I that bad? Yes, Catherine. The entire audience wants to be in a different car, darling. Yeah. You're terrible. Okay, so enough with that. Next is Habitat for Humanity. Well, there are some scenes in between.

Weren't there some scenes? Oh, Kyle and Erica. Sorry. There was like a ton of scenes. There were? Oh, yeah. I guess they bored me because I skipped right over it. Oh, I got to Kyle.

Well, yeah, it starts with kyle playing pick off or whatever with erica god forbid they play a game with normal balls erica's like pick something phallic i'll come over pick a ball so yeah no so they everyone was like rehashing and you know there was like the rehash scenes which were fine that's when erica was like it was bad um but then kyle goes and visits yolanda well after announcing that she wants to open a store in dubai because her clothes will do well well there yes they will darling habib kyle by habib or not habib what is she called hajib kyle by hajib too yeah um yeah her new line of burqas has got floral prints on it it'll do very well

play well in dubai but um uh so then she goes over to yolanda yolanda's like lying on the couch daisy the health advocates there and she's like look at the color I'm wearing today. Lime green. Get it? Because I have lime disease. If only disease had a color. If it did, it would be green. Like lime. Oh, Yolanda. And puke. Yolanda, God bless her heart.

White jeans of doom. Still in those goddamn white jeans. So it was a pretty, it was actually a pretty nothing scene. Kyle came over and was like you must get a lot of flowers and then I was like why did you email everyone and Yolanda was like well everyone was at the table she's like well what about Lisa Renner she's like well

I knew you were going to go talk to Lisa Renner so I thought I would just email her first and Kyle's like oh yeah that makes sense my quotes on batshit is crazy enough coming from me okay I do not need to be misquoted from my batshite's crazy notes. And then she's like, oh, you know, I'm going to New York for Lyme disease. So I want you to come and see me get honored for my Lyme's.

Sounds so fun. I'm going to be honored for bringing notice to something that millions and zillions of Americans are dealing with. I'm like, no, they're not. You are suffering from chronic Lyme's and there are not millions of people suffering from that. You stop it, Yolanda. So, Kyle's like, okay, great, bye. So,

Kyle just leaves. Oh, I like it this one-on-one. This is how I like to have to convo. Because you come to my house, I don't have to change, and I sit here and look sad and then i tell you off and you go home you understand i was like okay got it see you later so then um and then let's see katherine she went shopping with donnie then she also why are they always pretending they so rich if you're shopping in a store where you're prominently displaying the

brand that means you're getting free shoes stop Stop bragging about your money, idiots. And then they went to the doctor so that way Catherine could get a hearing check because she's deaf in one ear. Although I would say she's socially deaf in all ears. Yes, sir. Sometimes people hate me because they think I can't hear them and they think I'm being a bitch. Also because your mouth. Just get your jaw wired shut. Leave your ears alone. They're fine.

Also, you're a bitch. Sometimes people hate me because I can't hear them when they respond to me being a bitch to them. Unfortunately, I can't hear people calling me a bitch all the time. It's really terrible. Fix my ears. You do not want to get your ears fixed. Trout, trout, trout trout trout trout trout so um so

this is zuma beach zuma beach so now this is an interesting scene this was surprising so eileen and lisa rena go to the beach and i thought this was gonna be another scene of like well eileen you just missed a dinner party last night it was was crazy. Wah, wah, wah, wah. It was crazier than the time I went to a dinner party with Courtney Thorne Smith in 1993. Wah, wah, wah, wah. Poor Rinna has to drive at least an hour to get to every scene. Everywhere. By the way, Rinna, since you're driving all over the city, I'm still waiting for my croissant. I'm still waiting for my croissant.

Please. Wah, wah, wah, wah. So anyway, so eileen here i think eileen wants to get dirt on the dinner party but instead eileen's like hey remember the other night when you said that lisa vanderpump isn't manipulative when we both know she is like what was up with that so then lisa was like oh yeah you know it's funny i really like lisa so i thought like i was gonna protect her by saying she isn't manipulative but you know what she's a manipulative bitch and she manipulated me and all of a sudden it was like craziness started coming out of lisa in his mouth um i totally obviously believe her because that's what i thought that lisa and and Kyle sat there and pretended to be innocent

about Munchausen's and talked her into bringing it up on camera and then let her flail in the wind when she brought it up I totally believe it I'm so glad she said it out loud because I like being right about things however she didn't throw Kyle under the bus as severely she made it just sound like Kyle well Kyle and Lisa were texting each other

about Munchausen's and they were laughing like they were joking about it by the way just for the record I can see I can see people Kyle and Lisa were texting each other about Munchausen's and they were laughing. Like they were joking about it. By the way, just for the record, I can see people laughing about it. Again, I don't think it's wrong to laugh about Munchausen. I don't know. I defend the laughing of Munchausen. I feel like Munchausen should not be considered a curse word.

And another thing happened. Yeah, the whole world was laughing. I mean, but another thing that happened that I get to say, yeah, I was right, was Rinna very clearly says in her talking head, I had told Lisa Vanderpump that I was talking to somebody.

I was in a conversation about the Munchausen with somebody, and she suggested blah, blah, blah. It was not her hairdresser. I do not care what she says on Watch What Happens Live. They are talking about another rich lady in Malibu who is going to get dragged into this shit at some point. Yeah, because Lisa Rinna said she already had the conversation about Munchausen.

And they talked her into bringing it up which well she says vanderpump uh called her and she's like and vanderpump suggested i bring it up which sounds weird i mean vanderpump probably said on the phone it doesn't sound weird that she would do that just the way i feel like vanderpump probably it was like uh you should bring it up that would be interesting she probably said something like that yeah she's like well if it's bothering you because you know rena was googling that shit every day emailing kyle and lisa back like well it what it do you know what my child since it's maybe she does have it maybe she's hurting maybe we should just reach out maybe she just needs a hug and lisa's like all right darling well if you need to talk about

it so much bring it up you know i believe that i think that's probably something what it was which still probably passes manipulation but But I think it also totally. But I don't want Lisa to bring it up. So she didn't have to on TV. This also gets back to what I was saying before, which is that I don't think it was a Machiavellian thing like, oh, here's what you do. You bring it up on TV and then we'll all laugh about it. And then we'll have your back. I think she probably was like, well, you know, if it's balding, you bring it up just like that.

Oh, I think she tried to like go to her into bringing it up so that she didn't have to get in trouble for it i guess that's where we probably but i think it's like what lisa runa said also she's like yes i believe that i believe that lisa vanderpump has been manipulative but i think others have been manipulative and of course when she said that she then then it sounded like she was just referring to kyle too but i think they're all manipulating they're all posturing the thing The thing is that it's Lisa Vanderbilt's just the best at it, you know? And she also said Yolanda's the worst out of everybody. And Eileen was like, I will not join you in this. Because Rinna was like, give me a break.

I mean, here's Yolanda. She's just doing this for attention or sympathy. Like, I don't think she needs attention. But I think she needs sympathy, which is so funny. And, you know, just saying what everybody in the world is thinking. Like she's obviously making shit up and just doing it for attention. I don't care. There, I said it.

So she's, this is what bothers me about Rinna. So she's on the beach going off saying, and she literally said, yes, I own saying it, but would I have said it had Lisa Vanderpump not called me and suggested that I say it? No. Okay, so you're not owning it if you're still blaming somebody else. The fact is the whole world was talking about it. Anybody could have brought up that Yolanda is full of shit for the past three years and no one did. You did. So what they talk about, what everybody talks about off camera and whatever. Okay. But if

you're dumb enough to be that somebody can suggest something and then you're like a robot and you repeat it, then that's on you. Yeah, I agree. And I think what was surprising to me was where did this turnabout come from? Like all of a sudden, Lisa was like, I had a come to Jesus moment. Like I decided I don't want to be manipulated anymore. But where did this come from? Did we miss a scene? Like it just was strange that the editors didn't even try to like assign that

come to jesus moment off of something fake you know like guessing and this has no basis in reality well a little because you remember how they announced that they're paying housewives differently now they're not just paying them by the season they're renewing contracts during the season as it goes like weeks at a time so i think this must have been like here we go we're in the last quarter of the season and people are just trying to get their contracts together i'm just i'm just surprised went crazy for no reason and then rena's starting this like i mean listen this is gonna turn out to be a humongous deal so she's starting this at the last minute which she really doesn't have to. Well, you know, I just think that normally

what would happen is the producers would put in a scene of Lisa and Lisa doing something, and then Lisa Vanderpump would make some sort of joke, and then they would frame it, they'd put on serious music, and they'd get a shot of Lisa Rinna not laughing,

and they'd frame it away, and then Lisa Rinna would be would be like you know i don't appreciate this barb you know and i don't appreciate lisa vanderpump it's making me realize she isn't like they don't they didn't have like that typical transition scene yeah they could have like made off of like going to get frozen yogurt because they can make they can build that scene out of thin air you know but they just were like oh okay so lisa has just totally changed her mind and now she is just going to blow up you know lisa and kyle's spots and that's just the way it's gonna be and eileen was like whoa she was like this is crazy i just wanted to talk about the hamptons again oh yeah exactly i just wanted to talk about how that apology wasn't real fucking eileen but eileen of course acts like well i would

i'm not gonna say that i mean the woman six she gets a pass i'm not i'm not even touching it i mean why would lisa renna go after vanderpump and kyle is she nuts i'm like eileen what what shit have you been stirring eileen is the typical one to make shit brownies and then you know when the dean goes off try and make someone else get them out of the oven you're the one starting this shit over and over, lady, for no reason. So stop acting like you're so innocent over there. I thought it was great that Lisa Rinna was like,

basically said that Yolanda's the most manipulative of them all. Because if you noticed, when Kyle visited Yolanda, Yolanda's like, the thing between me and Lisa, it's over. I can't get mad about some crazy lady calling me something or another it's like see right there just that just that phrase calling you just she's called lisa a crazy lady you know i can't argue

with a bipolar person who am i arguing with with am i arguing with winter pole or am i arguing with spring pole i don't know there are other sides of the world come back to the middle of the world crazy lady but that just shows you know it's just an example that's a subtle example of manipulation so yeah yolanda's totally manipulative and and lisa arena is like you know what fuck this like like eileen has eileen has no horse in the race you know for the situation that yolanda like so of course it doesn't – she'll support Yolanda because she has no reason really not to. She doesn't have a problem with Yolanda. Whereas Yolanda has now like gone for – she's turned the whole Munchausen thing, the whole thing. She has attacked Lisa Rinna.

She's calling her bipolar and she's – even though it's like quote-unquote squash squash she's still going around calling her a crazy lady so lisa rena's like you know what i'm sick of playing nice i like she's not in the same position as eileen she's gonna say you know what you're manipulative you're doing like you're sick but you're milking it too and i'm gonna call you out for it if you're gonna keep calling me bipolar and crazy and when she says i sure i want to love yol. I want to be her best friend. But my gut says, run for the hills, lady. I'm terrified of her, which is so silly. But, of course, she's thinking like a housewife who has to deal with people on Twitter, too.

So she should be terrified because now she's got zillions of people calling her the C word and saying that she doesn't believe in sick people. And how dare she treat a sick woman like this? So's right she should be scared she should have been scared and when she said she's just doing it for sympathy and eileen said uh well you know i can't say that i give her a pass because she's sick and ridden went exactly that's what i'm saying and then eileen is very sure to say, I do not. She says, I do not support this or believe this even 0% or something. Like she was very clear. Like, I do not believe this.

Okay. I refuse to say I believe this. That's the end. So that's pretty interesting. Then we go to Habitat for Humanity. Oh, God. Which is also called Give Me Back My House or something. What is it called?

Give a house. Take a house from somebody. What's it called? Maybe it's like take a house, give a house, give a house, take a house. Oh, I found it. It's called Give Back Homes Day. So funny that Kyle is organizing this event. I mean, come on. Kim's like

first in line. He's like, well, where is I? I've been in Watts all day. I didn't even know where Watts was. I thought it was a light bulb. I can't find the bulb store around here. This whole town bolts on light bulbs. You can't find a single bulb.

How can a town be called Watts and not sell one light bulb? What the hell, Kyle? Give me back my house. So this was a first. A bunch of these real housewives going to Watts. Watts, California. To build a home. Where they go to paint a home

of terrible shade of teal. Can I decorate? I started laughing so hard when Lisa was like, do I have to work, darling? Can't I just decorate the home? Lisa, there is not enough room in the living room

for one of your giant ass pots. She's like, I brought a miniature donkey. It'll do well in Watts, I think. Can we just replace the bars on the window with wrought iron, darling? And maybe a gigantic lamp that hangs from that tree or something. I mean, come on, then. I brought a vase with $500 worth of white roses.

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your house your house and watts with a giant thing of roses in the front so um so now it's like you know all the fun stuff you know katherine is annoying everyone once again kyle's being annoying too she climbs up on the roof to help paint and then she's like i don't want to come down it's scary i don't want to go down the ladder i'm like oh my god guess what else is scary poverty bitch get on the ladder ladder and shut your trap you're a wats i broke up a shingle so um so then like um so then lisa and and erica are painting and this is when lisa's making these jokes like oh look spider webs look out for the spider webs and erica's like ha ha i might paint over this spot should i paint over this web or should i spin a new one right in front of your face?

And Erica's like, oh, they ain't funny. And then Erica, with her nonsense of humor, asks and tells us, that's not cool. I don't think she's being funny and I don't deserve to be treated like this. Oh, good, darling. You deserve what you get. You do. I'm sorry. You do.

And unlike you, you you know at least she's saying it to your fucking face and making a joke out of it it's like she's trying to she's trying to kind of like she's trying to have fun with Erica and Erica won't do it this is the elephant in the room that there was this

weird this weird moment whatever Erica's like I don't give a fuck about yours you know what I mean I like about yours you know i like the cobwebs i think i like the webs on this i think she's trying to just have fun with erica and erica's refusing it and treating it like she's been assaulted and then she goes over to paint with other people and of course eileen the biggest even before even before that like then kyle comes over he's like oh look spider webs oh no kyle, I don't want to go over there because I'm afraid of spiders. And Rinna goes, well, don't come over here because Vanderpump's here.

And then Eric is like, buddy, I give a fuck, okay? There, I said it. I give a fuck. I hate all of you. I hope you all die. The spider's opening for me on my next tour. So, yeah, that's when Lisa pulled Kyle aside and was like, I don't think she likes the spider jokes.

I think we have to ixnay on either spay. Yeah, I don't think she gets it, darling. Kyle's like, why? And she says, I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't think she's got the same sense of humor as us, darling. As in, I don't think she has a sense of humor.

I can't be sure but she's just very serious all the time and erica fuck this i hate these ladies yeah fuck all of them i hate this this sucks look here i am stuck here with these stupid ladies i'm miserable little cow so she goes over to eileen and the girls and eileen's like well hello erica i heard no what'd she say oh yeah she's like tell me about your party oh my party sucked sucked ass okay like sucked out if if a human being sucked ass as much as my party did it would have like five plates by now and uh eileen's like well let's why don't't we speak to Catherine about it right now at this poor person's home? Classic I mean. Totally.

She's like, just talk. Just talk about it. Come over here, Catherine. We want to talk to you. Catherine, come here so we can talk to you. Yeah. Well, Erica seems to be upset that you were rude about the thing at the place. Well, yeah, because you said something.

And now, look, now you've made it difficult for me to be friends with Lisa Vanderpump because she has a lot of time for me now. There's an immediate delivery for sliders for MJ. MJ's like diving out her window onto the slider track. She's like, I'm not gonna miss it again.

You've made it difficult for me to be friends with Lisa Vanderpump because now she doesn't want to be friends with me because you told her what I said. And then, then, then, this is all you. Now you've come between my relationship with Lisa. Okay, look, bitch. Catherine's an idiot, yes. We've all agreed that she was wrong.

You said it, and you said it on camera, and you spent every scene, not a group scene, behind Lisa's back talking shit about her. So stop pretending like you're just trying to have some damn friendship with Lisa. You cow. You are not. Just be honest about your hatred. And she will too. She'll knock you down every goddamn party. Maybe that's why you got to be so secretive about it.

Don't be so fearful. If you're going to be going up against the queen, go up against the queen, you pussy. Yeah. Pat the pussy. Which she didn't even make. That was some choreographer she paid to make that up yeah so then i mean they eventually just hugged which is just like it was a bullshit truce and uh you know order has been restored for now but it'll it'll fall apart it'll just all fall apart i did love seeing erica just tell katherine off though that was refreshing

yeah she will never do that to someone she's afraid of but she'll do it to katherine katherine's like but that's not what i meant i mean your husband was lovely how'd you know you talked the whole fucking night love it and then katherine does her usual don't speak to me like that do not speak to me because katherine word police and she goes or what or what what are you gonna do diversion tactic of every housewife or any reality star like don't put your finger in my face no no you're getting off topic yeah oh what that was good prison fight um and then catherine i don't want you guys not to trust me i just don't want it i just don't want these girls to think

that they can't trust me i mean come, come on, girls, trust me. Get out of here. Yeah, good luck with that, Catherine. Good luck with that. You shat the bed before you even got into it. Yes, ma'am. All right, that's that. Let's move on to a little tour group palate cleanser, shall we?

What did you say? Let's move on to a tour group palate cleanser, shall we? What did you say? Let's move on to a tour group palette cleanser, shall we? Yes, I'm all for it. Well, what'd you think? Ben? You know, it's fun. I'm enjoying it. I think there's a bunch of

kooky, stupid people on this show and, you know, and I have... I'm enjoying seeing what they're doing and where they're going and they're ridiculous drama so far so i'm like uh i'm all for it uh i'm liking it as well this week at first i was like oh really but uh i kind of liked it more this week because of the crazies as i've already said but i also like little things about these people like i like rachel the tour group leader who can't stop moving her mouth. The Bond girl.

That is killing me. Yes. It's so funny to me. She can't stop moving her mouth. She's not talking, but she doesn't lip thing. Like, her lips are like this

all the time. I'm kind of pursing them, but just making sure her new teeth are still there too. Yeah. So why don't we go through the cast and go through the things that they did this week?

All right. Go for it. I'm trying to find my notes. Oh, here they are. I'm on their page. By the way that they did this week. All right, go for it. I'm trying to find my notes. Oh, here they are. I'm on their page. By the way, Bravo has this really, their website's really annoying. If you go to their show page,

you scroll down and the cast is there, and then just as you're about to click or whatever, then all of a sudden all this new content loads in and pushes everything down. I hate, that just drives me absolutely nuts. Yeah, they suck. Well, my first note was, I love that this show

opens with little village african children running away from the cast yeah like that's that's the most fitting opening that you could do on good instincts so um we have amy grice who amy is the one she is like the uh um she's like a dental hygienist from vegas she's the she's like a dental hygienist from Vegas. She's the blonde one from Vegas who for some reason is friends with the awful Heather girl. And basically Amy just kind of like shat and

threw up all episode. But they're starting to build in this arc that like she came on this trip with Heather and they were going to bond and everything they were going to do they were going to do together but now heather is becoming friends with the awful model who is like attacking randy glanville on twitter these days so so funny so they are so they are definitely setting up a big like friendship divorce between amy and heather over the course of season so i'm excited about that. And also, Heather, the dumber one,

is, is, wait, is she the one? Oh yeah. She doesn't get self-service because they go on this African safari even though she's afraid of ISIS.

It's like, wow, how brave of you. No, Amy is the one who's afraid of ISIS. Amy's like, no, I have some concerns

like traveling in the Muslim world, you know, because I'm concerned about like insurgents and ISIS. And then Heather's like, yeah, and I'm like concerned because i need a hair dryer yeah i need good hair like i need a blowout i'm afraid of not getting a blowout um heather she doesn't have cell service and so she's not getting all the texts from her barfing friend and then her

barfing friend is like i just don't get it. She's not even texting me back. And that's not cool. When I'm in a friendship, I'm all in it. And she's obviously not. Yeah. Who doesn't text back a friend when they're stuck in the middle of the Kenyan bush? That's crazy. They have cell towers there, don't they? Speaking of Heather, so they go on this African safari.

And this girl is so stupid. It was cracking me up. Oh, no. The camel ride was first so they're going on this camel ride and heather's like i will not ride on that camel okay because like i love animals and so i'm not gonna ride a camel and they're like oh yeah you know that we're not gonna torture them and eat their brains after right well still like animals like i love that like animals make blow dryers so i'll sit this one out that there i said it

yeah she she i you know one thing i hate is when like stupid bitches like this or or man bitches too when they just take an arbitrary stance on animal cruelty out of nowhere you know like again she has all the leather gucci bags etc she was eating shit in the in the souk but then when it comes to all of a sudden riding a camel no it's crowding no to be fair i won't sit on my purse either okay because that's cruel like skin them kill them turn them into things fine but sitting on them while they take you places that is cruel yeah actually it would have been cruel to put heather on this camel that camel has endured enough in its life to have someone like heather on his back she'd be like oh my god your hair sucks like who styled you you look like shit like tarball but

then after the camel after like everyone goes camel riding and she's like they're on her smartphone they come back they're like okay now we're gonna milk the camels and she's like and so they to prevent the camel from kicking people they tied its back legs and so then that's when the model chick forget her name i can scroll through here she's like no no that's cruel that's cruelty i won't do that that's just fucked up that's fucked up yeah you're tying you're tying a camel's legs together those camels don't look happy okay show me a camel that looks happy is there one is there a smiling camel somewhere that i've missed i've never seen a camel looking happy because they don't smile you dumb ass she's like those camels don't look happy we're capitalizing on the cruelty industry like you're a fucking idiot how big of an industry is tourists milking camels how big yeah what are you talking about you

fucking idiot both you shut up so those the model and the idiot bond because now they have this this phony cause to fight for you know these women don't do shit for anybody else exactly get out of here with your non-charity doing ass yeah the fact that this woman michelle is even linked to brandy glanville in any sort of way is a huge demerit well they share a dick yeah they do share a dick that's that was the guy and apparently darren's been on beverly hills like you've seen him in the background so brandy brandy fucking her ex-husband but i think that i don't know one of them cheated with the husband with somebody i'm not sure which one it was but who so this guy is michelle's ex-husband and then he and brandy

got married over the weekend like they drunkenly got married in vegas and so then michelle starts like tweeting all this shit it's just it's stupid it's just like stupid trashy hoes just going at each other who didn't brandy marry on vegas or in vegas on the weekend yeah you know that's happened like 20 times exactly so then so when they they when when So when the group flies from Morocco to Kenya, the luggage gets lost. And this Heather girl is freaking out. She needs her – they're going to go on safari and she doesn't have her hair. She's like, I don't have my hair dryer and I blew out my flat iron. I blew out this. I blew out that.

I'm like, you didn't bring a power adapter. You didn't bring flat iron. I blew up this. I blew up that. I'm like, you didn't bring it. You didn't even bring a power adapter. You didn't even bring a universal power adapter for all these countries. You stupid bitch. I was laughing. I'm trying to find this. Cause I was right.

Writing down exactly what she was saying, but she was killing me. She's like, I don't mean to be a diva or anything, but I have nothing. You're standing in like this poverty stricken fucking place. You fucking first world idiot i have nothing my air dryer is blown my flat iron is blown but i did like the model for being

like oh shut the fuck up you're so you're ridiculous exactly it's not like you're a camel with tied feet like come on last last week i was like saying how i was hoping that heather would be like this diva that would turn out to be the coolest one that we think would be awful but turn out to be cool. But no. She's actually just awful. She's hilarious. I'm so glad she's on it. She's hilarious.

Oh, no. She's hilarious. Because she almost did not go on a safari. She almost did not go on a safari because she couldn't do her hair. The gold. Pure gold. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

So she and Michelle are bonding amy's feeling left out speaking of triads we then have uh jenna jared and the twins and the douche yeah jenna jared and misty oh god so the douche just wants to get pussy okay that's all he cares about he's got two desperate women who also want dick so unfortunately they're twins and unfortunately also they don't talk to each other but fortunately for him they'll always hate each other so he can play them against each other and fuck them both for the rest of his life exactly his game is so transparent like he's totally playing the nice guy it's so it's hilarious so he is after jenna because jenna's the one she's like i need to have sex every day and if i don't have sex after three days i have a physically emotional experience and that's the swank that's the swank one i was like ew she's like so uptight and

bitchy like she probably never has sex and she's like i need it five times a day so they are bonding and they they're getting they're getting close to Fuckville, but it hasn't happened yet. And so then they go off for a little hike at one point. I think this is when they're still in Morocco, which leaves Misty. Misty was like, I was supposed to go on a hike with Jenna, but now she's doing it with Jared. And now I'm like, I don't know. I feel left out because Misty has a crush on Jared, but Jared's interested in Jenna. They're both so pathetic it's just the only available random guy on the trip that they're trying to fuck

and they don't even care about the guy they just want to win over each other they've got this weird competitive thing and it's so gross i mean come on get some self-respect the one the hillary swank twin is one minute like i'm crying because my boyfriend sent me a breakup letter. She tells the dude. She was like, yay, pity fuck. I'm in. And then the other one is like, well, I'm really uncomfortable with letting this relationship with Jared continue. Because if he's closer with my sister, then she's always going to come between us forever.

I'm like, welcome to your life. You guys are going to come between each other and your husbands for the rest of your lives. Exactly. It's giving me flashbacks to this show that was on MTV about 10 years ago that was so good. It was by the producers of The Hills and Laguna Beach. It was called 8th and Ocean. It was on for one season. No one really cared about it except for me.

And there was a set of twins on there twin models and they had such a rivalry it was great because one twin had bad skin so she wasn't booking anything and the other twin was like a superstar and she was booking everything and she was super popular but then the other the other girl cleared up her skin and then she started booking everything and the and the first twin like started messing up and so then she stopped booking entirely so the ugly twin the quote unquote ugly twin started like dominating and they had it was such an amazing pretty girl twin rivalry so this is like it's this is really taking me to a happy place because it's reminding me of that show i love a pair of mediocre twins i mean what are these two gonna fight about they

fight over the dumbest things like they're fighting over each other's scraps there you know what else while we're talking about this stupid relationship crap it really bugs me that we've got two women on this show who don't even care about the guy they know nothing about the guy the only thing they like is that he's nice to them exactly come on I mean, come on. Have some self-respect. You don't know anything about him. You only decided to like him because he bought one of you a gift, and then he pretended to cry in front of the other one about 9-11 or some shit. Yeah, that was such a bullshit move because they're, like, sharing things. Because Jeff and Jedha, this is, like, the only thing that Jeff and Jedha did all episode.

Jeff starts talking about how he got into a scooter accident and he got hurt and now he's like trying to like live life again or he's trying to learn to live life again etc whatever that guy is such a dope and then I said well that really makes you appreciate life huh and he goes well I don't know that it makes me appreciate

it but it definitely makes me see that it's short it's like wow way to learn nothing from that scooter accident god caused exactly so then jared starts like like cheering up during it and they're like what's wrong jared no nothing i don't want to i don't want to talk about you know like you know just you know 9-11 i don't know i just i've lost friends and i don't know i don't want to talk it was like this like i don't take away that he lost friends from 9-11 but he was teasing it out in this way using 9-11 for pussy 15 years later is just sad

yeah something felt very showy about like this guy but my favorite thing with the with those twins was that they have a conversation and they they clear it out and then the girls tell the camera like the jenna is like you know i have no interest in him sexually like i don't see him that way this is after she told us that she needs to have sex every day yeah and if three days go by she like becomes a crazy person so she's like no i don't i don't know i don't see him that way like it's like it's not a thing i don't see him that way and then missy was like well in the beginning i did see him that way but now i can't so i definitely don't seem that way either and they both like look at the camera you can see they're both 100% lying and i love when the editors just leave it there

they're like okay just leave in this footage of them staring at the camera totally non-convincingly for like a full 30 seconds this guy is the luckiest guy because i guarantee he's never had girls fought on over him like this before well you got to get people in you know spaces that they can't escape it's like who are you gonna fuck there's eight of you or whatever like there's nobody else literally except these two girls how fun yeah so then let's see jay ward uh he had pit stains that was like his only contribution to the episode um and he's gonna try and fuck one of those hicks who you know I can't blame him

those guys are so adorable those brothers I want to make out with the tall brother who won't stop talking and is obviously kind of stupid and way too positive to survive I want to marry him I love a man like that that guy Michael Cook

the taller one He's cute and he tells this whole story About how he like Accidentally overdosed on painkillers And then like almost died But then he's alive and he appreciates life And he hugs his brother or whatever But everything else out of his mouth is like

Oh my god, look Now I see why camel toes are called camel toes Because look at the camel toe, it looks like a vagina i love him i mean that's so adorable you go from camel toe cut to i played with jesus i can't leave my brother jesus and then jesus saved me so i could take care of my brother hey y'all ever notice that there's a twat on Campbell's feet? By the way, I have to interrupt this. I'm looking out next door, and people are doing a photo shoot on this roof. And this girl is on the edge. I guarantee she's going to fall off and die.

And this is really stressing me out right now. How are you having this photo shoot right now? And now they're taking a picture of me. God forbid. Let her fall. I'm rooting for the bitch to fall. I hate a model shoot on a roof. Go rent a space, you losers.

Fall. I'm going to take a picture of them taking a picture of me. How about that? How about that? This is some good photographic revenge, these idiots. You know they're going to copyright that shit and sue you later because that's what poor models who shoot on roofs do. They're like, oh, I was in that picture. You owe me a million dollars.

It was on your website. You know what I don't do? I don't go near ledges in California when an earthquake can happen at any moment, okay? That's what I don't do. Oh, God. I'm just, like, flagrantly disregarding earthquakes. Everything is hung from the ceiling in my house. I got lamps hung. I got a TV hung.

I will die in an earthquake. I will. I have a bookcase that could possibly fall over. So, anyway, so, yeah. So, they all go to, on saf safari and it's fun. And I don't know. Did anything else really happen? I think we covered everything.

The straight fat guy tells a giraffe to eat a sandwich. That was cute. He's all thin-shaming giraffe necks. Fuck you. Giraffe is tweeting Brandi Glanville. Yeah, I think that's basically it for this show. All righty. Let's move on to the big finale, Vanderpump Rules. Can we take a break?

Sure, let's do it. I could use a pee. Let me get my notes. Aha, okay, pee is over, and we are on to vanderpump rules vanderpump rules which began with a cameo from faith i know faith got a table yeah you're you're working your way up the salt and pepper chain girl good for you good it's like thanks for that eight top mullah's like yeah you get it girl you go you're my you're my bitch bitch whatever hey babe got you an eight tabletop babe i learned from an rand

babe i'm learning to distribute the eight tops more fairly because that's what ayan told me you gotta work for your money that's's what you got to do. Get the ATOPs. Oh, Lord. This show, I just have to talk about the last week on because it really displays the idiocy of everyone, no matter your age, on this show. It's James's mom. Oh, you're going to lunch with Kristen? You got me fired, bitch. Let's have lunch. Because that was Kristen's fault.

And then you've got Jax going, my fate is in someone else's hand right now. Because of the sunglasses you stole! Okay, just had to say that because this whole show is about not ever taking responsibility for anything ever, even though you're 40. I agree. I agree. That's what this entire, entire, entire

show is about. And it's a lifestyle I can get on board with. As someone who takes responsibility for nothing and is 40, let's a lifestyle i can get on board with as someone who takes responsibility for nothing and is 40 let's do this uh so it starts katie and lisa katie is asking for an engagement party at lisa's house which i'm telling i mean was the glendale zoo busy yeah i know why would you want to have it at lisa's house like just go rent uh i guess it's free i'm like you should just go like a, I don't know, back room at Olive Garden

or something. I just wanted to be near the pony house because I want Tom to see that there is such a thing as affordable housing. Aim higher, girl. When I close my eyes, this is what I dream of. I'm like, you need to close your eyes and start thinking about a degree

in something that will make you money. Because you cannot carry salt and pepper around for your whole life, okay? Yeah, I know. Katie needs to get some. I know that she gave up on her dreams of modeling. But she shouldn't give up on all dreams. Like, time to get something better. Google AdSense money does not a pony house build.

Yeah, exactly. So Lisa is, of course course totally begrudging even though and by the way i like to say that when she's talking about how she was dreaming of lisa's house they totally threw in a close-up of hanky i just want some violent swans there that's what i want all i want is a home that i know there will be an animal that will bite kyle as she tries to go over a bridge that's all i want it. That's all I dream about, Lisa. I just want a big bird there that's going to shit everywhere. I think that's the perfect metaphor for our future wedding.

And what a wuss and a terrible friend, okay? She just made up with Stassi, so she doesn't really owe her anything. But she's been friends with Kristen for a while, right? And Lisa's like, all right, darling, how many people for an engagement party? Three people, right? No. My mom, my grandma, maybe some of Tom's family if he's told them yet. How many is that? Alright, you can have

eight people. Get out of here, lady. It's your show. You're going to have a cast party at your house. Get over yourself. Well, Lisa's probably like, listen, I just threw a party for your Judah for crying out loud. How many more parties do you want me to throw? right inflate the flamingo in the pool you're not bringing blow dryers to this one are you no that was the other one all right then fine but no stacia kristin all right if it's a barbecue we can roast stacy katie just like throws everybody complete

she's like okay fine i won't invite. I won't invite my best friends. Well, I mean, it's Katie, so it's probably true. I won't invite my best friends to my engagement party. Sounds great. Yeah, stupid Katie. Terrible. Stupid. I would never do that.

If I had to choose between a venue and my best friends, best friends. Yeah, but Katie's entire arc this whole season is not inviting people places. Yeah, that's true. That's all she's done. It'd be very inconsistent if she invited them yeah it's like the evite just never works properly oh poor katie a free invitation system even that was more thought out than your life katie evite look so then tom and ariana will go and get a facial pre-video. With their Madonna gay. I like that Madonna has come back to the younger gays.

Like, she's still here for the older gays, but the younger gays don't know about it yet. So they're like, remember Madonna hats and, like, guys in, like, Boy George makeup and one glove? I don't know if he was—well, that was Michael Jackson. But you know what I mean. Madonna gay. Yeah. No, it's great. It's great to see a new

young generation of gay kids learning to love Madonnas. That way they can then be angry at her and then say that she sucks. Yeah, totally. Because that's what gay guys do. Yeah, so 20 years apart from the older gays. My heart's warm.

A couple things about this. Tom number one is hilarious to me every single time he's like well yeah i mean here you know like we're getting facials because i take music seriously you know like what musician shows up and has bad skin on a music video uh janice joplin just dig her ass up and kill her ugly ass again like no people did used to have homely faces and still sing yeah i was like yeah i mean it's like that's why you have a makeup department you know i mean why do you think there's so many proactive uh commercials with katie perry and celebrity they have bad skin i hate this i hate that singing has to be about what people look

like sing something decently okay just worry about that part and worry about the facial later yeah you know i mean there's a there's a lot of things that makeup and some proper lighting can do to fix your skin. And besides, you're already on TV. So, like, why is it like this? Yeah. You're already, like, TV ready. So why are you concerned about being extra TV ready for music video

that fewer people will see than you on Vanderpump Rules? My art is my skin, man. Don't disregard my skin. It's my art, Jax. I really liked also that Tom talked about his other band he's like yeah so my band like my other band before this band being in bands was like my band hobby because band my band my band jack's head's exploding across town jack's hates that this is jack's biggest pet peeve is when he talks about the band my other band was called Pierce the Arrow.

I'm like, really? Pierce the Arrow? How are you going to pierce an arrow? Arrows pierce things, stupid. Well, they probably named themselves that because they played at Lake Arrowhead. We had a big gig at Lake Arrowhead. Pierce the Arrowhead. Pierce the Amy Grant.

Pierce the Amy Grant. Tom's good old amy grant cover band now that i would see a tom sandoval cover band of amy grant i think that that would be heartbeat there's your name christine i think that and clear they say it would totally fit in in today's culture the the culture of turtle races. I mean, that's when an Amy Grant cover band can flourish. Yeah, exactly. I will remember you. Hydrating oxygen infusion.

Is oxygen wet? A lot of things on this show are wet. A lot of things on this show are wet. Well, that's a nice change from Beverly Hills. So anyway, so James and Kristen meet for dinner. Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen. Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen Kristen

So they meet for dinner Because I miss you love I miss you babe I miss you I miss you And then James has been blowing my phone up

Like Ding I love you Ding I love you Yeah Cause I'm a catch Der

You know I'm a catch Like a disease So So So Kristen is you know i'm a catch like a disease so uh so uh kristin is she's like she's like whatever because she's she's happy with carter right now in fact she says the best thing about carter is that he's smarter than me well that's not a very high bar a lot of people bust like is he the local bus driver i mean you could literally name anybody to fall in love with at this point, you dumb dude. I know.

I mean, the turtles, for crying out loud. The turtles are smarter than you. You know what I love about the turtles? They're so smart and they're racing. I would just go in a circle, but they know to go straight in a line. They're so smart. Seriously. Kristen, she's like, I don't want to disrespect Carter.

Like, I like you, but I'm not going to disrespect Carter. I'm like, what if you dated this guy for five days? Shut up, Kristen. His name isn't even Carter. It's Samuel. It is? Why do they call him Carter? I'm just kidding.

I'm just joking. She doesn't even know his name. I'm so stupid. She's like, well, Agent Carter was on TV, and then I met him, so I don't really know his name. I just call him Carter. That's a totally believable Vanderpump's rule storyline. Yeah. So she's saying, why are you even calling me?

Like, you lost your job. And he's like, yes, Kristen. I lost my job as a busboy and as a musician. Now I'm only a busboy. No slash in front of it. You know, babe, it hurts. It hurts, babe. And she goes goes was that rock

bottom like you hit rock bottom he goes yes that was totally my rock bottom well i love that like the waiter keeps interrupting with plates because james is like you broke my fucking heart i was in love with you broke my heart and the waiter's like and here we have some oven roasted vegetables thanks carter would like these i think i mean i haven't asked him what he likes to eat yet, but I guess he would. I'm respecting him. My favorite thing about Carter is that he fucking eats everything. Such a catch.

Not more of a catch than that. I'm like the biggest catch, but he's like a little catch. It's like if we had like two hauls of fish, he would be like a pound of tuna, and I'd be like three pounds of tuna. Fresh catch, but bigger fresh catch. You see what I'm saying?'m saying gosh he's so smart if we were red lobster right now and there were a bunch of fish in a tank carter would be one fish and i'd be another fish and then people would be like let's watch a fish race and i'd be like i'm not racing carter i respect him so i just love the idea that james is sweating out meth half the time on this show his eyes

are crossing from so much cocaine and he's always wasted but his rock bottom was getting an ipod pulled out of his hand in front of a pizza oven that was a big career i could have i was about to headline coachella but then they found out, oh, you lost your pump gig. We're not sure we can have you anymore. Oh, Kristen. And then Kristen, so romantic. Yo, well, you're calling me now. What about that ratchet ho-bag, Lala?

I don't love Lala. I don't love Lala. Did you sleep with Jenna at that party? Remember we were at that fight, and you were like, I'm going to fuck that girl. And I was like, you better not. And then you, like, fucked that girl. But did you fuck her? Andna at that party remember we were at that fight and you're like i'm gonna fuck that girl and i was like you better not and then you like fuck that girl but did you fuck her and he's like yeah yeah she's like oh well that was great because he you messed up his own lie he forgot that he told her that he that they only had boned and they didn't actually have sex and he's like yeah we had sex and she's like and now she's crying he's like oops and then now he's like and then now she's crying. He's like, oops.

And then now he's like, and then they go outside. Then they're like, I'm leaving. Okay. I'm walking away. I mean, not so far. The light won't be on me, but I'm going to walk away. Like she's acting like she's storming out, but she's standing right on the edge of her life. And he's like, I just want a hug.

Can I just have a hug, Kristen? I just want to hug Kristen. No one touches my shoulder blade like you do kristen and i love that when james says i miss her when i see that little glare in her eye now i think he means glimmer but oddly enough glare also works when i see her glaring at me i miss her so much when she gets that look of a devilish drunk yeah you miss me because I'm a catch. Fucking catch. And he's saying, I love you, Kristen. I can't get over you, Kristen.

All I think about is you. Meanwhile, he's looking behind her head at everything else in the world but her. While she fake cries and blows cigarette smoke all over him. So romantic, these two. You deserve it. You deserve each other. Yeah, exactly. Kristen Stassi.

Yeah, I have this t-shirt line it's called james may really james may is the name of your t-shirt line the guy that you're not in love with and may he what it's like she's giving the guy that she wants to be in love with manners she's like james said may i maybe she's just dyslexic maybe she meant to write james yam you know because i love james i love yams and i thought how about a t-shirt line that celebrates both but then i spelled it wrong i've got a t-shirt line called yams samaj it's great you know i know this guy who is like total douchebag and you know i'm friendly with him but he's a total douchebag and he's like skeezy and all this stuff and his nickname is yams what a nickname yams how appropriate first for a douchebag people only go out to inviting places on thanksgiving i would be

in real trouble if uh someone uh someone catherine's me i was like well i was listening to your podcast so i told yams that you think he's a douchebag oh yams you may be very nice your name is stupid maybe pick a sam sam sam sam pam anything but not yams james may works better than yams no one's named yams get out of here whipped yams yeah i'm anyway yeah my name is giblets no thanksgiving food no get out of names so anyway stassi and kristin uh are looking at kristin's t-shirt line and kristin wants to go turtle racing she probably thinks it's the same as mario kart well if you know what does she know yeah like i've totally played it before i've totally seen that like turtle in the car and it goes drives around and like it throws itself at mario it's like so great yeah these turtles

like they just try and get in mario's way of selling over 100 t-shirts in a year so like take that turtle you have to throw a banana in front of the turtle otherwise it's totally gonna ruin mario sales when she said we sold over 100 t-shirts a year like she just started running hewlett packard she's like we've sold a hundred t-shirts in a year like that's something and then they show they show one of her t-shirts and it's like get over your stuff because like sometimes you get stuff and you just like need to get over it because today's day and it's a new day and today's different than yesterday i'm like who's gonna read that on a t-shirt jesus christ lady meanwhile cut cut to nigeria where you see like a hundred kids running around in kristen's

t-shirts along with all the t-shirts of super bowl teams that didn't win but but the the good ending is that everyone in nigeria is all happy they're like we learned to get over our stuff and wasn't it great when car won the Super Bowl this year? Christian's t-shirts changed Nigeria forever. Come on, send it to Africa. You know they do that, right?

What? So every year, like when it's like the Super Bowl or like any big sporting event, they'll make t-shirts for each team being like,

congratulations to champions of Super Bowl 50, you know, but they have to make it for each team being like, congratulations to champions of Super Bowl 50. But they have to make it for each team so that way they're ready immediately. And so whichever team loses, they send all those t-shirts to Africa. It's like no joke. That's not very nice. Have fun, losers in Africa.

I think I should clarify this before people think I'm just being totally condescending to Africa. We already did terrible things to Africa by sending Bravo there with a tour group. Yes, no kidding. No one's ever going to forgive us for that one. Sorry, Africa. They're like sitting there in a loser t-shirt team just waiting for the game to come on just to be disappointed.

God damn it. Anyways, for James. Okay, yeah okay yeah go ahead yeah move move on i could talk about kristen and her t-shirt forever i just think it's funny that i'll take over this part well we were we were like i was in a partnership with someone for my t-shirt line but like we got into a fight so we don't speak anymore like imagine that imagine that okay that's all i had to say move it on i'd like to see her on shark tank that's what i'd like to see her on um well i could sharks well i'd be really good on shark tank because i'm like a catch i'm a catch catch things i fucking killed the shark game last night um i want to put inspirational paragraphs on sharks that's my idea like who is mark cuban to say he doesn't want to fund me?

He's, like, not even American. He's Cuban. Like, we don't even like Cuba. Ugh, go back to your own country. Ugh! Ugh! I really want to respect Yams right now, okay? I'm going to call up Yams and tell him what Mark Cuban said.

He was all, like, trying to speak English, but I i'm like you know that it's your second language right seriously seriously yams and i were gonna go out on a date and he's like do you want to go get a cuban sandwich and i was like you're gross i'm not a whore fuck you get off my couch barbara corcoran she was like do you want a wine cork or do you want to run i was like like, I don't get it. Why do you keep saying cork or run? I don't get it. I love wine. God, my t-shirts are never going to ask questions on them. And you know what? I don't get it.

Mr. Wonderful, he's like not wonderful. So what do they call him, Mr. Wonderful? Like seriously? Seriously? Here's my third t-shirt. Kill the game. Fucking kill the game. I'd like $2 million of VC funding, please.

You know, by VC, i mean vaginal condition funding lord knows she could use it she slept with jacks and james that girl is like a planned parenthood lobby yeah seriously seriously so anyway so james is now at at uh sir and he's talking to lala about christian you know james and lala have this weird like brother sister fuck mates flirtation flowers in the attic yeah so he's telling lala about christian he's like so i pulled up to the garage and started making out with her and then basically we learned that they had sex on top of the car because Carter was upstairs. So here's Kristen, mad at James for having sex with Jenna. When what she's doing, she's having sex with James while Carter is upstairs. I know that she'll probably say, well, we're an exclusive.

But this is Kristen who spent half the season or season and a half being like, I wouldn't fucking cheat on anyone. I learned my lesson with Jax. And she's having sex with james downstairs from carter so good and kristin's like okay we were definitely boning she looks all grossed out and then it cuts to james yeah we banged right on top of at least mercedes that's right babe and mama's like you were disgusting what are you doing with your life have you read a book yet? It will change everything, James. Atlas isn't the only one that's going to shrug.

I'm shrugging too. At you. I need my mama. Mama. The common denominator here in the trouble in your life is Kristen. No, it's not. It's math. Okay?

Kristen's a side effect. You can't blame the side effect for the drunk but i like how now lala's jealous because and she like knows she's like i hate it now i'm jealous i don't even like him but he's made me jealous because i just can't help but be jealous oh it reminds me of this time that like i was invited to this party as a little kid and then they were like um all our penises are small so it's like i'm not gonna sleep with you and i left and i waited on the curb but then there was no penis and all the small penises are small. So it's like, I'm not going to sleep with you. And I left and I waited on the curb, but then there was no penis and all the small penises were inside laughing

while I waited for my mom to get me. And then I went and sat by a fountain and I was like, this would make for a really good book. Call it The Fountainhead. And then like, I never realized that there was already a book called that. And like, no one told me. And I felt so left out from the literary world.

It's about pens. I love pens. You know what pen's my favorite? Pen 15. Get it? No, what is that? Pen 15. It is.

It is? Oh, pen 15. You kids and your texting. I just learned about the freaking eggplant emoji, okay? I'm still traumatized from that. Darling. Darling. the freaking eggplant emoji, okay?

I'm still traumatized from that. Darling. So now Katie and Tom and Sheena and Shay are planning the menu for the engagement party. And Sheena's like, I hope it's better than my... She's like, I hope it's better than my engagement party. And I love the producers because they cut to the big fight

that broke out at their party and then it cuts to Sheena crying and Lisa Vanderpump's arm going, he knocked me over. Well, Lisa didn't knock you up darling usually in my day when we had an engagement party that's why so yeah so the the uh menu planning i forget what they what they were want i forget they want just like frozen tacos from the fucking cost that's what tom wants tom's like he's like bubba why can't we just have tacos like it's just simple tacos from the fucking cost that's what tom wants tom's like he's like bubba why can't we just have tacos like it's just simple just tacos like what do we need like

stuffed breads and christine like just tacos bubba oh yeah we're gonna have tacos like what if we had steak but then like but wait instead of steak what if we had chicken bubble like why do we have to do this like we could have a buffet or we could have like waiters to make up your she's like tom can't make up his mind so i automatically win in every argument yeah and i love how as the scene ends as they're like panning they're zooming out from like the exterior you just hear shay's voice go food's important poor shay poor fucking shay and tom too what is this like it's an engagement party but like i don't get it like why do i have to pay for a party like i have to pay for a party for all my friends to come like they should pay shouldn't they pay like what are you pretending you're paying for

katie is paying for this with money she made marrying catch-ups okay and she's not even and she's not even paying for it. Bravo's paying for it, so come on. Yeah, exactly. There's no marriages in the off-season on Bravo. Yeah, so now Jax, he asks Lisa for some time off because he has to go to Hawaii for his court date, and so Lisa's

like, I hope you've learned your lesson. There are consequences. He's like, I have. I have totally learned my lesson. Sometimes it just takes a moment for it to sink in, but I've learned my lesson. Like, like no he's not so he's basically like a trained little like animal you know the animal knows if he does something wrong he has these certain lines like certain things he's got to say like yes i've learned my lesson i have to be responsible i have to grow up i have to grow up he just knows to say that stuff so people think he's growing up i don't have feelings but then like i do have feelings later i just realize it later that i have feelings

so like later i'll be like oh shit i feel like uh you're an idiot it's called sobering up and then i like lisa's trying to be a hard ass and she says well darling i hope that this free trip to hawaii all expenses paid teaches you a lesson she's gonna learn now yeah yeah exactly that there's more sunglasses to be stolen and then it seemed to it seemed to suggest well maybe this is this is later on but he like packed sunglasses like yeah i could bring those sunglasses bane of all evil i'm like did you keep the sunglasses that's kept the goddamn sunglasses and now you were right you know when he went on his big uh apology thing last week and he said he's about to fuck someone over? Oh, Britney.

Now he's not speaking to Britney like everything is her fault. And then he's throwing everything in the bag and he's like, yeah, I guess I'll take these fucking sunglasses back. She's like, well, be careful. You don't want to break them. I don't give a fuck if I break them. Oh, really? The things that you just went out of your way to get for Britney in the first place? Yeah. charmer.

Stupid Jax. Stupid, stupid Jax. And then he kind of blames her. He's like, yeah, all this stuff, like, I feel like I'm in jail in my own house. And, like, it all started going bad because, like, Brittany moved in after three months. I'm like, no, you did not steal shit and lie and cheat and everything else because

of your innocent little hooters waitress over there shut up jack yeah shut up kristen carter sheena shea stassi turtle race turtle racing so it's interesting because i've driven by this bar like a million times and they have a sign that says turtle racing i was like i'm like what is that so now i got to see it and um so they're all like in the back of this bar sitting on little bleachers it was like a forgotten scene in greece too or something and we learned that uh katie and carter once hooked up so once again yes and then katie says yeah me and carter like we hooked up we had a one-night stand so thanks a lot kristin taking all the guys i like she's flirting right in front of tom too who honestly doesn't give a crap yeah

it's so sad he's like whatever and then um so i guess the way it works with the turtle racing is that you sort of like you pay to like have like a stake in the in the turtle whatever so stassi, of course, to me, has the line of the episode. She's like, I can't even rent an apartment, but I'm going to try to rent a turtle. Cool. That kind of sums up the show in many ways. Yeah, pretty much. Or Kristen. I don't like that Carter brought me to a dive bar to watch turtles raise, but I did just fuck James.

So I guess I'm not one to yell. Yeah, wait. That's the line of the episode i forgot there are so many it's so hard to pick it's the lazy what about kristen saying what about kristen saying i used to have a turtle i love reptiles she said that i didn't even catch that she said that i love reptiles i was probably just repeating i'm a cat over and over again myself it's probably why she was drawn to james in the first place i love him i love a slithery british boy reminds me of my iguana so katie tells the girls like she's like oh i'm so excited for my engagement party unfortunately lisa won't let me bring you so have fun not coming um but you know like it's a free

space so bye and then kristin goes god i don't even understand lee savannah pump like like i'm her scapegoat like i don't even work there anymore bitch you were just in there a week ago screaming and yelling drunk and throwing shit at people like that's why you're still bothering her dumb dumb yeah dumb dumb big dumb dumb stassi who's changing i have so many hateful, like, totally non-chic feelings right now, but, like, I'm new, so I'm gonna keep the C word inside and just pretend it's not happening.

Stupid. So, um... Jax and Brittany. Jax and Brittany go to dinner. Romantic dinner. So, um, she, they're eating a meal and she's like, i hope you enjoy it could be your last free meal and he's like i'm sick of the jokes i'm sick of the jokes and then he gets

he's just like being all how he was mad he was doing that thing where he's just gonna be mean so you'll break up with him like typical guy move exactly he's really doing that for no reason to her she's sitting there with a pair of heavy ass rubber tits that you made her get in the first place then you ordered for her and ordered yourself five entrees and when she said it might be your last free meal she just means that she's not going to be in hawaii to pay for your food yeah exactly and then you know somehow marriage comes up and he says he doesn't oh i guess he's talking about probably like the engagement stuff get married and he's like he says i don't want to get married which is also i think a way he was trying to push her away and uh she's like well i do i want to get married and so she's she's

basically like well i just you told me you love me you had me move in you bought me tits and you know like i kind of think like i want to get married it was like it makes me like i'm sorry if i if it's like bad to just like mention the idea of marriage you know she starts fake crying i love that this girl is acting so stupid and she's obviously playing the smartest bitch who's come on tv in years i mean and he's how far she's come from instagram yeah she's she's really come up in the world literally groups have come up, but you know, is, and then Jack's like,

is this going to be an argument now? I'm like, well, you're being an asshole and she is just upset because you seemed, you know, you, you rushed this along and now like, and now you're acting like it's crazy for her to even think that marriage

might be on the horizon someday. Yeah. He's just trying to start a fight. So when he fucks somebody in Hawaii, that'll be be his excuse well we were fighting i thought it was over okay i forgive you bye and then and then later on tom and jacks are tom schwartz and jacks are golfing he's talking about this whole situation and he of course being the pig that he is he's like i just took you to hawaii i just bought you some fucking tits calm down or when he when you already said this but when he said is this an argument now this is a romantic dinner really the romantic dinner where you're basically shouting her down because she

wants to get married how romantic yeah jacks so yeah so tom too is being you know i love that these guys are such pussies but also such pigs at the same time it's like the pussification and over glorification of men right at the same time god bless 2016 yeah um but tom too who's the biggest pussy whipped idiot is like oh you better be careful because now like she's gonna like be asking all these questions and nagging you all the time because you guys talked about marriage. And then she's going to be asking you until you're finally worn down enough to do it, bro. So, like, start asking around for free rings because sooner or later you're going to have to get one.

God, you're both fucking poets. The both of you. Exactly. I feel like I can't breathe. Because you do coke in your nose still. Start injecting it like a civilized human being. Yeah. It's time to move a civilized human being. Yeah. It's time to move on to something harder, Jax.

Am I kidding, darling? Heat up a spoon, darling. Stop your whining. So meanwhile, it's time for Tom Sandoval's music video. And I don't know why he said it, but he said something about like, he was talking about how important the video was. He's like, this sets the precedent for the rest of the band. I was like, oh.

It says the president. Is that what you said? Yeah. It says the band. I was like, oh, poor Tom. It sets the precedent. Is that what you said? Yeah. It sets the precedent. Oh, darling. So it was funny because he was talking about why, you know, Lala was there and Faith was there. And he's talking about why he didn't invite Sheena. And he's like, you know, one might think I would invite Sheena, but I didn't because.

And I thought he was going to be like, you know, because she's not really talented. But instead he's like, you know, because she'll want to pull me to the side and talk about feelings and create a drama and i'm like yeah that's pretty true it's also because her ass will be poorly dancing off the beat and be right in front of the camera because you know she'll just replace herself wherever she's choreographed she'll move right to the front and dance badly with her ass in the camera yeah it would not work out well so then thirsty but yeah so then there was the music video shoot um that was boring but yeah it was fine it's like nothing happened it was good it was like professional dude in the band they're like okay you're an

equal in the band and you play really well but just like stand over here to the side and then we'll end with tom staring straight into the camera sorry other dude yeah here's a dildo guitar you can hold that oh the dildo guitar this show's so silly i like that they know they're so silly and they do things like that but then at the same time they don't know how silly they are that's what makes the rest of it so beautiful i know it's amazing you know there was an article in the new york times i can't believe we forgot to talk about this. But last week, the New York Times wrote an article, like, recommending Vanderpump Rules. And it was this great article about how what's wonderful about it is that nothing really goes on in these people's lives. They're not, like, aspiring to anything too major.

They're not really going anywhere. It's just a great show to celebrate people in stasis and how it just's comforting in that way like did you read the article about me it said stasis right in there like they pronounced it wrong but still where's the turtle i want to race it i'm literally new york times as fuck right now okay yeah i am literally like a new york times catch catch the day. New York Times. Seriously? Red Lobster Race. So let me see here. I just have a couple of screenshots pulled up and I'm so sorry to do this. I'll make it really fast, but I love literal signs

coming up in these shows. Brittany and Jax when she's pretend crying because she's trying to marry a douchebag who just made her get new tits, etc. She's sitting under an exit sign. I was like, look up it's telling you what to do and that scene in real housewives of beverly hills where lisa is in the limo with katherine there's a scene there's a sign right above them in the back window of the limo

that says dead end listen to at least don't even try with this woman listen to the signs people read the signs they are talking to you. Bravo. Signs, signs. Everywhere there's signs. Fucking up the scenery. Yes, sir. So then we go over to Villa Rosa where Hanky, lots of Hanky time. We saw Hanky swimming around. And Schwartz just sort of like wanders in.

And then he sees the donkeys, the little miniature horses. So he walks over to them, but he doesn't close the door behind him. And they start walking into the house. Diamonds and Rosé, that's their names. And Lisa is, like, in a bathrobe. She has to come in and, like, get them out. He's like, I don't know what to do. Like, I don't know.

They just walked in. Like, I just, I don't know. They're horses. I don't know. Should I, like, touch them? Should I not? I don't know. And Lisa, why would you let a horse in the house?

They're horses, horses darling i'm like really now you have animal boundaries yeah you like walked a llama through kyle richards house now jiggy is tasting your tuna tartar darling once he spits it back up you can eat it all right as long as the horses aren't here have a seat and i also love that he obviously wants to bone her he like has a fetish for his vanderpump and she comes out in a bathrobe and gorgeous done hair and diamonds and a full face of makeup yeah that was great and then he's like well it's gonna be like a leather and lace theme but you know you don't have to abide by it if you don't want to she's like what the fuck are you talking about leather and lace darling you just described

the entire cast of real housewives of bever Hills. Did I say leather and lace? I just meant mylar and plastic. Mylar. I love a good mylar joke. I've been waiting for that one. They don't come around enough, damn it. Stassi and Kristen are making a plan to crash this party they're like she can't keep like she can't keep like her best friends away from katie

uh katie disinvited you herself okay she could have done this in griffith park like everybody every other poor person yeah exactly she could have literally done it for free she could have gotten one of those nine foot long subway sandwiches and called it a day the subway catering yeah she'll be like this is my favorite sandwich she always eats half of these bubba i didn't want the grilled chicken subway i wanted the italian oh do i have any say in this marriage no tom no you don't no be quiet go clean up that horse shit you don't have to abide by it if you don't want to kristen's so stupid she's like lisa vanderpump

thinks she can keep me out of this party she's gonna need backup she's gonna need seal team six like you know that seal team six went after osama bin laden right like yeah you're comparing yourself to the worst terrorists of our time you fucking idiot and it's an engagement party just calm down jesus uh why don't you throw the engagement party stassi and kristin and just save all save everyone some money and some time st Stassi, she's like, okay, everybody convene in the parking lot of the Ross Dress for Less. This is my fucking engagement party, bitches. She's like yelling at Katie.

I hated your vow rehearsal. Terrible. Terrible. Literally not chic as fuck. I can't stop saying literally chic as fuck. I say it all the time in real life now. Literally? Seriously?

Who does that? Literally, we were driving on Melrose but it like wasn't even like melrose it was someplace else and i was like literally chic as fuck literally that's so chic as fuck like like who does that who says who does not even say chic as fuck it's also chic as fuck that fucking chic and fuck last time i was fucking i was like oh my god this is so not chic but i say chic and fuck. Last time I was fucking, I was like, oh my God, this is so not chic. But I say chic as fuck, but like fuck's not even chic. So like I'm confused, but still chic as fuck. Like I don't care. Yeah. Like sometimes I feel like a peasant, you know?

Do you ever feel like a peasant? Because I'm not chic as fuck. Yesterday, if there was any miscommunication about that, given the fact that my head was so inflated from Mardi Gras, well, it's not anymore. Okay. Someone took a needle to that. When's the next goddamn parade? When is the next goddamn parade so that I can build myself up again?

I also just saw on Twitter someone tweeted me and it says at fat Stassi. Oh, my God, her podcast is That is amazing That's hilarious But more things keep happening I don't know if I ever told you, but when I was Chanel for Halloween She commented on my Instagram and started following me

She's like, you are the perfect Chanel I'm like Why don't you Why don't you, stupid, why don't you? Why don't you, stupid Cristina? Why don't you call her? That's another broke bitch. It's not the perfume calling.

It's the drag queen. Oh, my God. What an amazing show. Season finale looks great. Ostassi? Was that her podcast season finale looks great ostasi uh her podcast season finale she's like i'm gonna confront somebody about something bitch and that's it uh let me see that's it right kate oh katie tries to be shady with uh tom and ariana she's like so sorry you can't come to my engagement party ariana but you're working and ariana brah bah she's like i hope you're gonna like have some

like i hope i hope you won't have to pretend too hard to have fun at the engagement party and i was like real clever and then jack spends the rest of the episode being mean to his girlfriend who's driving him to the airport yeah piece of shit i think she goes to hawaii with him though because they were because someone posted something from his insta or her insta like we're having so much fun it's so great to get this time away together in Hawaii and they're like he was there to get thrown in jail

wasn't he oh this show god bless you Vanderpump Rules please never end god bless ya god bless this show I want it to be on every day all the time it will be soon I'm sure why don it to be on every day all the time. It will be soon, I'm sure. Why don't we just go to Sur all the time?

Oh, no, it's not the same. It's too expensive. I like not spending money on stuff. Yeah, me too. It's not fun when it's like a $30 salmon and like a $30 drink that's half punch. Get out of here with your Kool-Aid, Lisa Vanderpump. Still love you, darling. All right, well, thanks for listening to the Watch What Crappens podcast. Find us at watchwhatcrappens.com, facebook.com slash watchwhatcrappens.

And our bonus episodes and all our other extras are over at patreon.com slash watchwhatcrappens. We love you guys. Yay. Bye, everyone. Bye. Hey, Prime members. Thank you.