Watch What Crappens - #2742 RHOBH S1413 Part One: Caviar Taste on a Doritos Budget
Episode Date: February 26, 2025This is part one of a two-part recapThere’s a Caviar and Caftans party on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and Sutton rips Dorit for being poor after another comment on her alcohol int...ake. Who will end up with fish eggs on their face? To watch this recap on video, listen to our Traitors bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
You just realized your business needed to hire someone like yesterday.
With Indeed, there's no need to stress.
You can find amazing candidates fast using sponsored jobs.
With sponsored jobs, your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates,
so you can reach the people you want faster.
And just how fast is Indeed?
In the minute I've been talking to you, 23 hires were made on Indeed, according to Indeed data
worldwide.
There's no need to wait any longer.
Speed up your hiring right now with Indeed.
And listeners of this show will get a $100 sponsored job credit
to get your job's more visibility
at indeed.com slash wonder ECA.
Just go to indeed.com slash wonder ECA right now
and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed
on this podcast.
Indeed.com slash wonder ECA.
Terms and conditions apply.
Hiring, Indeed is all you need.
I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours.
Something you possess is lost or stolen.
And ultimately you triumph in finding it again.
Listen to Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky wherever you get your podcasts. Well hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast for all the crap we love to talk
about.
Honey ol' bruvs, I'm Ronnie, that's Ben over there.
Hi Ben, you gorgeous man., Ben, you gorgeous man.
Hi, Ronnie, you gorgeous man.
How's life with ya?
It's fantastic.
Just enjoying another sunny day in Southern California,
enjoying this, you know, just having a nice,
easy day of nothing, oh, oh.
Oh, oh, oh.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa. News break. Alexia News Network. Welcome to the Alexia News work. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Wow. A family of mourners has just arrived. They've gathered outside the courthouse.
Guys, that's old Blue Eyes, the driver over there sobbing. Bless his heart.
Wow. So, yeah, Karen was sentenced to two years in prison, which is crazy, with one year suspended
and I think five years of probation. Is that what I read in here? Crazy, crazy stuff. Karen Hugo was
back in a Montgomery County Circuit Court. This is from People Magazine's Dave Quinn. Wednesday,
February 26th, where she was officially sentenced to two years in prison with one
year suspended for her ongoing drunk driving case.
We have clips from Karen arguing her case in the court today.
Well, I was only Flintstones vitamins.
I'm very, very addictive and I only took them because my dear parents have left this world
and I'm so sorry that Fred Flintstone has done this
to me.
Please jail Fred Flintstone and Big Pharma.
Your honor, I would like to appeal to the court and to the jury and say that I am innocent
and it is the median that should be investigated.
You know, and I will not rest.
I understand I have to do my civil service and I will go to jail like so many martyrs
before me. But when I get out of this facility, I will spend every waking minute
wondering who was the median that did this to me and how can we stop it from doing it
to other people?
When I got out of that cop car and I said I am lit, it was because the camera was on
me and there was a light on it and I was thanking the kind police officer for lighting me.
Now, when are we going to get tests?
For deer running into the street. Who's alcohol testing the deer?
When when the officer the kind officer asked me to say the alphabet backwards
Well, of course, I didn't do that correctly because it is as an artist
It is up for me to interpret what an alphabet even is.
And I refuse to be jailed for having artistic integrity.
So yeah, this was crazy.
That's a long time to be in jail.
People were saying it was gonna be like six months tops.
And so when people say six months,
I thought, oh, she'll probably get like a month, you know?
But no, she got six months.
And someone on Reddit, I mean, she got two years,
and someone on Reddit named purple,
wait, purple panda pants, purple panda pants on Reddit,
went to the courtroom.
Now I love a sloppy, ass, messy, bravo viewer
going to the courtroom to cover this shit on Reddit.
And by the way, their icon is Archie, I believe.
Their avatar is Archie.
So the best is that it's like Archie is at the courthouse giving updates on what has
happened.
Archie, who's already been through the wringer.
You know what I mean?
Shannon Bedore is drunk driving and he was actually walking through the streets because
Shannon had pretended that she was walking her dog Arch Archie, at the time of clipping the house.
So it's fitting that Archie is now reporting
from the courthouse.
He's heartened, he's experienced.
Yes.
So we have, so Purple Panda Pants is at the courthouse.
And you know this because they have like a little headline
with everything that they post saying,
Karen Sensen, I'm at the court.
So first-
Yeah, that's like your tagline on Reddit.
You can come up with your own tagline.
My tagline is, that's my housewife's tagline,
Karen sentencing, I'm at the court.
So she was updating this whole time.
So you have to scroll down a little bit
and to see where she started,
because obviously this goes backwards.
Pete Slauson 11.49 AM.
David Kline But basically, a bunch of people, you know,
the judge comes in and she says the judge seems a little bit lost, both side sent sentencing
guidelines or whatever, requests.
And then we get to judge read a letter from Morningstar Baptist Church, read
a letter from the director of Rehab B, and a statement from MAD. Oh my gosh. Well, I'm
mothers against deplorable discographies as well. I do not appreciate children listening
to terrible music either. Set me free.
I don't know where you are in this.
You'll just have to read this because I can't see.
Well, basically, she's just updating as it goes along.
Karen was sentenced to two years in jail, one year suspended, has to serve one year
in jail, five years probation.
And then she says at 1129, Karen just got taken away by the sheriff to start.
I mean, she started already.
I thought that was something they're like, okay, you better report to jail in a few months.
And then maybe she could shoot a couple of scenes, but no, they took her ass right to
jail.
Yeah.
Go directly to jail.
I personally enjoy update.
I got yelled at by the judge for live tweeting.
So please, please await my next live tweet.
I love it.
You are now part of the court record.
Purple panda pants is my new hero.
So it's some friends and family here gathered around her and said, we're praying for you
and you've got this and she's gone.
Apparently on her way out, she told Ray, you've got this, you've got this Ray, God
will take care of you.
He's like, that's right. I do have this and I am going to Florida to golf.
I'm going to be golfing in Florida. Yes.
He's like, woo!
Ray has reported to his recovery center in Florida, the golf, the golf course. So,
so wow, that's crazy. So we're going to get a year, at least a year without Karen
on Potomac, which I know, I know there's bigger things to worry about than my television schedule,
but name them. Name them. I think that she will be out. I think she will not serve a full year.
She'll be out probably in six months, if not less good behavior.
I'm sure there'll be a very strongly worded character witness
document that will be sent in from the Tally Ho.
And I think that it'll be OK.
She'll maybe she'll like transition to house arrest or something like that.
But I think it's it be okay. She'll maybe she'll like transition to house arrest or something like that. But I think it's, it's all very scary. I mean, the truth is this, whether it's one year or just like three nights, Karen Huger in prison, I don't, I just, I don't
even see how that works. Like I can't, they said this on the, on the reunion. I don't
understand how Karen survives a prison situation. The food, the lack of glam, just everything. I don't see
Karen. I don't see Karen being a, she's coming back a changed and broken woman. That's what I see.
TGP Oh, no, she's going to come back stronger than ever. She's going to have a huge hero story
coming back. I hope she learns to make ponchos, you know, like Martha Stewart, and she comes back
out with a poncho line or some shit. I think she'll be fine.
Or placeless plates.
I think she's gonna do great in prison.
I don't think it's like real prison, you know?
It's like Karen Huger prison.
I think it's gonna be like Home Goods prison,
where it's like kind of nice, you know?
Danbury, Connecticut, you know?
Yeah, I feel like it's gonna be a nice prison.
But I don't know, I have no idea, because you know why?
Because Purple Panda Pants has not told me,
so get on it, Purple Panda Pants! All right, so that's, you know. You Because purple panda pants has not told me. So get on it, purple panda pants.
All right, so that's-
You better get yourself in jail.
Do a crime, do a crime.
And then get yourself thrown in jail
and then report from inside the jail, please.
That's what a real reporter does.
That's called going undercover.
Karen's making the worst shanks ever.
She's like, I made a five-wick shank.
It's got five blades on it.
It's just five blades.
Like there's nothing even sharp on there.
They're like, uh.
It's toilet paper that I rolled up.
You know, started on fire.
It's a wick.
So anyway, welcome to Watch What Craps, everybody.
Today is Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Day.
But before we start, we're gonna do another 10 minutes.
No, just kidding.
We're on tour, so go get tickets. In March, we're gonna do another 10 minutes. No, just kidding. We're on tour, so go get tickets.
In March, we're going to be at Cincinnati,
Minneapolis, Toronto, Charlotte, Atlanta,
Washington, and Philly.
Get your tickets, links, and other show dates,
because we're gonna be going through May.
Get your city over at watchwhatcrappens.com.
Also, Patreon is where you find videos like this one
that we're doing right now,
and it's also where you'll find our traders recaps.
So go check those out on Patreon.
Thank you to everybody who supports over there.
Let's get on with some Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, shall we, Ben?
Yeah, I'm just trying to adjust my mic.
I'm trying to have an aspirational microphone moment where if I raise my mic up higher,
I won't slouch in my chair as much because I'll have to rise up to the microphone. So don't mind me over here making tons of noise
and fiddling around here like, the mic is up high. I'm going to say hi. I'm going to
have really good posture during this entire episode because this is an episode that requires
good posture. A lot's going on. It starts off with Dorit and Jagger playing basketball at their home court.
And Jagger throws the ball through the hoop
and Dorit's like,
oh no, I can't grip this ball to save my life, Jaggy.
And he's like, stupid mother.
And he's like, no, it's just not easy with long nears.
So in the long, you know, the tradition,
let me just say in the tradition of parents who speak,
well, at least a mother who speaks
with a fucked up crazy accent,
Jagger speaks with, did you notice Jagger's accent?
Yeah, he's also a class of British.
He's very Osborne child, yeah.
Yeah, I don't think I've ever heard Jagger with an accent
because I remember him not having an accent,
but I think he went to school and was like,
fuck these people, I'm getting five accents.
Because now he's like,
it's no ho,
I'm just quit the blue.
I was like, wow, this kid's traveled a lot.
He's got, he's got a well traveled accent
that his mommy has.
I wonder if they're still,
I wonder if they're going to school with other children
or they still use in that classroom in the house,
because if they're not socializing with other kids,
then their primary accents are gonna be PK and Dereed.
So they're gonna wind up sounding like they're from,
you know, Lichtenstein or something.
They're gonna look at that.
Poi is 3.14, baby.
Like, okay, Jackie, all right,
go out and play with your biscuit bowl.
And then Garcelle is at some rooftop pool
with someone named Stacy Mandelberg,
which I was like, hey, is that my family member?
And then it's like, no, it's Mandelberg, not Mandelker.
And it's very like...
It's your old neighbors, the Mandelbergs.
Mandelberg.
Stacy Mandelberg from Mandelberg Films International.
So...
We never had a challenger in the family potato sack race
until the Mandelbergs came along.
Mandelger versus Mandelberg.
Don, don, don.
Stacey Mandelberg is like, all right, everyone,
we have a new script coming in, Richard Grieco's attached.
We think we can sell this one to Paramount, go.
Supposed to be, your mom's like,
it's supposed to be a potato, potato sack race. So,
so gross. I was like, all right, here's what I see.
Ruining another potato sack race.
Wait, what about the potatoes?
The Mandelbergs, they're your neighbors. They were trying.
They were your first real competition in the neighborhood, the potato sack race.
Yeah, they were, it was, I blocked it out because it got bloody.
So Garcelle is talking about her new film,
Black Girl Missing, part 19.
And she's like, well, here's what I'd like to talk about.
The opening credits, here's like,
I feel like I need one beat,
because all we really have is a closeup of the school,
exterior school.
So I'm gonna need more than that. Flagpole. Car parked out front. Mailbox with french
fries in it. Sounds great. That's it. Print. Print. I've got an idea. Why don't we have
a shot of the sign that says HBCU so we know we're at an HBCU. This is why I hire you, Mandelbaum. It's Mandelberg.
Whatever. Now, listen here, Mrs. Mandelker, you might have lost the last five potato sack
races your family entered, but you're good with exteriors. It's Mandelberg. We don't mention the
Mandelker name around these parts.
So Black Girl Missing Part 19 coming soon. So then we go to Erica's house and she's on the phone with her mother and people are unpacking, flurry of unpacking, you know, very inexpensive things
around Erica's house for her remodel. And she's like, you're going to call my mom because everything's
still in motion. Look over here, just gaze, gaze in a flurry.
All right, you're gonna sleep in the bed with me
cause I'm not sleeping on my brand new couch.
You understand me, mom?"
She was like, okay.
You excited to come, ma?
Sure.
Sure.
It looks like a lot of patterns have been installed
behind you and it's sort of like vaguely kind of like
some sort of quasi British person version of India,
but sure I'll come.
Thanks, mom.
How many mothers get to say they slept in the bed that Armie Hammer threatened to eat
their daughter's flesh in? Can't wait. So now we have Trixie Monacle going,
all I know is we gonna get it. We gonna kill it. Off we do it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna sleep
with it. We're gonna beat it. Come on, Paul. Come on. Give me some more verbs that we can do with it. We're gonna do it. We're gonna sleep with it. We're gonna be it. Come on, Paul.
Come on. Give me some more verbs that we can do with it. Come on, Paul. We're running out.
I just want to leave the audience confused, right? I want to just kept talking about doing
it, but we're never going to talk about what we're going to do. Right? So the audience
perplexed. I want Mrs. Mandelkerr to potato sack race with the losing metal. To understand.
I want Pennywise the clown to get mad, be like, stop saying my name. I'll be like, it's not your name anymore. It's my lyric. So, um, we,
the past two weeks or so, two or three weeks,
we have not seen anything from Jennifer Tilly and we've been wondering where's
Jennifer Tilly. So they made up for it with a super, like a super dense,
Jennifer Tilly episode, lots of Jennifer Tilly.
So she shows up at Caviar Caspia and she's looking fabulous.
She's got sunglasses on.
I mean, I cannot emphasize enough how much I love Jennifer Tilly.
And she's like, hello everyone.
Hi.
Oh, so I just call me Miss Glamorama.
I hear you guys have been, you guys have some
ideas for the caviar. So please let me know. You know, Caviar Caspia is like the perfect
place to have a party. I love, I love caftans and I love caviar. So I love caviar caspia.
So they're like, well, our first order of business is how to arrange the tables. I love
that she's acting like she's coming in here planning this whole party. They make a table of straight lines and serve caviar and a baked potato.
Okay, that's it.
How do we do that? Wait a second. What if we turn the tables over and have all the legs sticking up?
No, John. Oh, God, this arranging tables is tricky.
I thought it would be a really fun opportunity for the girls to put on caftans with lots of jewelry.
In the invitation I said, think Talitha Gathe.
I don't know if anybody knows who that is, but they don't understand caftans like me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You know, first of all, we are going to do a table like put a bunch of tables close together.
That'd be great if you could do that.
Thank you so much.
I kept the tapes.
Oh yeah, that's wonderful.
And like, okay, I'm not really a caveat connoisseur and I guess this is really crass of me, but
I tried to order the most expensive caviar in the menu because I figured it's probably
the best.
Yeah, this is that Simpson's money, by the way. That's Simpson's money. I don't know what it tastes like, but it's expensive.
So whatever.
That's Beverly Hills right there.
They're just like, it's expensive.
Send it over.
Send over the most expensive one you have.
It'll be delicious, I'm sure.
So I'm looking at, you know, I'm sorry.
I seem distracted, but it's because I'm looking up Talitha Getty.
And I don't know, I'm gonna look at some images
and see if she has a lot of captain.
She does love a captain.
Oh my God, she's my favorite one on the Golden Girls.
I love on the Golden Girls when she would like
go into salons and tell people how to redeem them.
Oh my God, I wish I would have loved to have had Elizabeth Montgomery as my mother.
So now she's talking about having a long cohesive table.
Tell her the Getty needs to relax. I'm looking at photos of her. Every photo she's dead.
So I would call that pretty relaxed. Okay, she's taking an eternal nap then.
She has a lot of photos of her flopped up against a wall.
Like that's her, no wonder why she's like a Captain Queen.
She is like a human Captain.
Every photo is her like propped up on some structure.
Relax.
You were so right, man.
You were so right.
Every single thing she's leaned up against something
like she's falling down. She looks, she's leaned up against something like she's falling down.
She looks, it's like if you took like a towel
and threw it against the wall, like that's,
she's like, that's my pose.
Even when she's holding her baby, she's just like,
ah, it's baby size.
She is the most floppy person, RIP,
but look, I mean, every single photo
was her flopped up against something.
It's wild.
Talitha Getty, the model who made
headlines leaning on things.
It's like, it's not even, it's like every photo.
Does it ever just like, there's like one of her,
like she has a lot, she has a lot of photos
by like, like, like, like stone,
kind of like stone walls or structures.
I'm showing people on demand video, look.
She's just leaning.
So this is very exciting because StreamYard has just debuted
the ability to share photos and this is the best.
Wait, look at the one there.
Wait, yeah, this one on the right.
You can't see, yeah, it's one over that one.
Look at her.
Look at her.
Look at her.
Look at her below.
She's sitting down, kind of cross-legged and leaning,
and then her head's also leaning.
That's pretty good.
She is not a freestanding woman.
RIP.
It's time for a commercial. It's time for a commercial.
It's time for a Crappin's commercial.
In the 1980s, a rose swept the country.
Hey Mike, I really like this white Zinfandel.
Well good, good.
Now put it down, we're gonna try another one.
White Zin became America's top selling wine.
But most don't know that this sweet drink
has a sour history.
What began in 1986 with counterfeit bottles,
A big fraud. A multi-million dollar fraud.
sent investigators chasing one of the most powerful families in the business, the Lacharties.
But the closer the feds got to them, the more dangerous things became.
It's a story of deceit.
At the time I was paranoid. Threats. You touch my kids, deceit, threats, and murder. What started with a scheme
to mislabel wine spilled into a blood-soaked battle for succession.
Welcome to Blood Vines. You can binge listen to Blood Vines exclusively and ad free on Wondery Plus.
Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app, Apple podcasts, or Spotify.
At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me.
And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives,
callous jokes, and politics.
I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours.
Something you possess is lost or stolen,
and ultimately you triumph in finding it again.
So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting
with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names,
about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph.
My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming
and feel like they filled their tank up.
They connected with the people that I'm talking to
and leave with maybe some nuggets
that help them feel a little more hopeful.
Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky
on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.
You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad-free right now
by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus in
the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. I just told them model after talent as a model known
for leaning on things. So I hope everybody listens. Yeah. The only thing I don't like are the little
orange caviar. They always remind
me of the fish bait and coincidentally, I think they're the cheapest caviar on the
menu. So as long as I order the most expensive caviar, I'm actually fine.
I just don't like roe.
This is where Jennifer, Tilly and I will diverge because I am a caviar slut and I'll eat the cheap stuff,
I'll eat the expensive stuff.
I love it all.
I will eat the cheap stuff.
I love the cheap orange shit.
I don't like it and I'm not gonna pretend to you
just to sound fancy.
I think it's gross.
I don't wanna eat fish eggs.
Have you ever seen them getting caviar out of a fish
and just squeezing and just caviar spurting out.
I mean, it just looks like poop.
It's like people have memorized nasty fish poop.
I'm not into it.
I don't like it.
I'm not doing it.
Way to really tell the Getty up this moment.
Okay, womp, womp.
I'm like flopped the caviar onto the wall.
Yeah, fuck caviar.
I'm not gonna pretend.
I feel like I would be more like a Jennifer, you know?
I don't really know, but it sounds fancy,
so I had a party about it.
So now Sutton comes over to visit,
and Jennifer has just come back.
She tells us that-
I just got you a little cheap thing.
I got you a cheap thing from Optimova.
It's just a little thing, you know, so look at it.
And so I'm like, oh, it's just, oh really?
Just a little thing from Altamoda?
I'm sure it's just gonna be a little thing.
Oh, well, it is actually just a little thing.
It's a little plate.
Wow. Wow.
Thanks.
Wow, is this a thimble?
Why did you get me a thimble?
I can't wait to chew off a fingernail
and place that in this plate. That's all this plate is good for.
So I just got back from Sardinia.
I was at the Dolce & Gabbana Altima fashion show.
And so Sutton and I used to go all the time, but we love Dolce & Gabbana guys.
And they are, they're just sort of like family for us.
And I have a lot of Dolce & Gabbana jewelry, but then I can't pick it up until, until I get paid off. So I always have
a little bit of a layaway plan. Aren't they super problematic Dolce and Gabbana? I mean, which,
which fashion person isn't? I think they're like, we love them. You know, I don't know. I think they're, she's like, we love them. They're.
We love them.
You know?
I don't know.
I think what's his face was a really problematic.
The guy, the white hair guy with a ponytail, you know,
not Helmut Lang.
Listen, the only designer I care about is Oneveh.
Oneveh?
Oneveh.
Who's that?
Like the best designer in the world. O-L-D-N-A-V-Y. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,. They're literars. I'm sorry, has Talitha Getty ever modeled any of Old Nova? Because until she has, I'm not sure if they really count.
They're sleepwear, just models on the ground. So Sutton has decided that I need to find me a billionaire.
Good luck, girl. Please, I can barely find a tenure. Like, can anybody at least just like pay for a Starbucks?
Well, I'll get you a Starbucks, Ronnie.
Don't you worry.
That doesn't count, we ain't fucking.
If you just want the free shit though, who cares?
You get the, you get the, all the upside.
The Starbucks, I'm telling you, I'm not getting it though.
I'm not getting a Starbucks. I'm not getting anything.
So, she decided that she deserves a billionaire and she's like, I'm gonna go for money now.
That's what I'm gonna do. And I'm, you know, I need to find a man. I need one.
He really spoils me.
Sutton, you couldn't even find one that shows up more than twice.
Well, Jennifer Chilly then says, Jennifer Chilly Well, I think that would be very nice.
Remember when Christian gave you that Cartier bracelet?
I was so jealous.
And the earrings that you have too.
This is my way of reminding you that you were with a billionaire and it was the worst time
of your life.
Okay, so moving on.
David Kuhn And it's funny because when she's saying this,
she's looking at Sutton's actual things that she's wearing.
She's like, remember that bracelet?
Oh yeah, and those earrings, well you've got them on right now actually.
I love that Sutton is like, I'm going to see Jennifer today.
I'm going to wear those earrings she's jealous of.
Suck it.
Hold on one second.
Caviar, your most expensive caviar.
Hold on.
I want to just speak to my mother.
Hey mother, why aren't you proud of me being able to start my own little business?
Okay, as I was saying I need a billionaire to fund this lifestyle
I've had a hemorrhoid that's less painful than you as a daughter. Is that all?
Thank you mother so
Sun saying she's like, oh well Jennifer you missed the wreaths fourth of July party, you know, I was reluctant to go and
Well, Jennifer, you missed Zareeth's Fourth of July party. You know, I was reluctant to go and
mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.
He seemed a bit traumatized.
Well, it was a bit traumatic, okay?
Okay, first of all, she's, yeah,
you seem like you have a little bit
post-traumatic stress syndrome.
Yeah, I got it the first time when you said
I seemed traumatized.
You don't have to elaborate.
Okay, so Garcelle sits down and is like,
Sutton, what are you drinking?
And I said, it's the watermelon drink.
It's light and refreshing, which's the watermelon drink, it's light
and refreshing, which for the record was neither light
nor was it refreshing, but I was being polite
because that's the way my mother raised me.
Actually, the way my mother raised me was to say,
this drink sucks, but I learned not to act like my mother,
which is sort of like my mother raising me, anywho.
Then she goes, Garcelle says,
is there any alcohol in there?
And then she goes, then we see a flashback
of this
incriminating moment.
Yeah. Didn't you ask Sutton what she's drinking? And you asked, is there alcohol in it? Oh,
she really laughed in 13 accents? She did. So annoying. And I was like, no, I'm not leaving.
I'm leaving. I'm not gonna let you perpetuate the myth
of some sort of drinking situation.
And I'm taking this drink with me.
And as I left, I rolled the bar cart out
and had Avi Carey at home on his back.
Now, did I swerve into the door jam five times
just trying to get out of the house
because I was so wasted?
Perhaps, but I still met my point.
Wasted off? Why not? Know what I'm saying? I'm gon' go. I still made my point. Wait, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, week that I realized- You didn't get it? It was being sarcastic saying,
wait, you're asking Sutton what she's drinking
and if there's alcohol in it,
like, of course there's alcohol in it.
But I didn't get that for a whole week.
And so- You didn't get it?
And what did, well, that was a nine hour recap.
What do you think we were talking about?
You don't have to understand these things
just to be silly about them.
That's what I've discovered over, it's been 13 years.
I don't even know why half the shit I'm talking about.
I love you.
I don't know what I'm talking about.
Well, yeah, that's what they were talking about.
I still don't find it that offensive.
I'm sorry.
I know people online are like going crazy over it.
It's not.
Like it's so, I know that it was shitty
and people have pointed out that
because of what Sutton has gone through with her dad
and his, you know, obviously we went through that last week.
That, I can see how that would make it darker and someone insinuating,
but Sutton's reaction is just so kooky. I mean, to me,
it seems like Doreen's like almost trying to be your, I don't know,
like trying to joke.
Sutton's reaction had nothing to do with, okay,
there may,
maybe some of the groundwork was laid by the fact that she just went to Augusta,
but her reaction was solely rooted in the fact that she waited 30 minutes without being greeted downstairs. And then on top
of that, Dorit took her bag and then was like not like when the joke was over, Dorit still
held onto it and Sutton felt uncomfortable about by it. So it was purely Sutton was just
waiting for an opportunity to explode. And that's and she chose this one. That's all
it was. Yeah, she was already ready to go for Dorit and she chose this one and that's all it was.
Yeah, she was already ready to go for Dorit
and Dorit just kept fucking with her
and that waiting 40 minutes, that's really shitty.
That's shitty, I'm sorry, it's shitty.
That's waiting and then completely kind of ignoring you
while you talk to Kyle or whatever, that was shitty.
But the like, you know, and I get that the little,
you know, the little barbs or whatever,
but Sutton's reaction is just so fucking crazy
and granted, I would not suggest you change it
because it was amazing.
I love it.
Sutton is one of those few people
who can be a total, total asshole.
And I like to say one of those few people,
it's like all my favorites.
I'm like one of those few people who can be an asshole
and I like it.
I'm like, no, I like all,
I love Sutton just being totally unhinged
because it's just her, she can't control it.
It just comes bubbling out of her.
Like she can't, she's not producing in that moment.
She just is full of emotion and I love that.
So basically, Doreen, you know, we see why she's mad
because she made this rumor about her, which Kyle did it,
which we'll get to later,
but Doreen was perpetuating this rumor and saying,
this Sutton's a drinker.
She's somebody I would not be surprised
if she pours a little vodka and a coffee in the morning.
Which wasn't nice to say, but would any of us be surprised
if she poured a little vodka in her coffee in the morning?
I wouldn't, no.
So Sutton's like, well, I understand what she's doing
and I understand her insinuation completely
and she is not that clever. So Jennifer's like, so, I understand what she's doing. And I understand her insinuation completely. And she is not that clever.
So Jennifer's like, so what did you say in response?
And you're such a fucking bitch, Camille.
Oh, okay.
So then you just left.
Well, I didn't just leave.
I did sort of like plunge right into the kitchen island.
I mean, I was seeing all sorts of things.
It was a lot.
It was a very strong drink,
but then I eventually got out of there. The last person who called me a peach in my own
home was an employee and at least she had the decency to do it in Thaiish. Taiwanese.
Thaiish when these. So Jennifer asked if Sutton's talked to Dereed and she's like, no, she says,
so the first time you're going to see her is at my caviar ca Dereed, and she's like, no. She's like, so the first time you're going to see her
is at my caviar caftan party.
And she's like, yes, at your beautiful caviar caftan party.
She's like, oh, I guess we'll see how that goes.
Ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha ha.
So we go to Kyle's house, and there's another break-in.
It is the treehouse house.
There's been another break-in in Encino, you guys, and it's the dollhouse, the tree house house. There's been another break in in Encino, you guys.
And it's the doll house, the tree house.
It's this doll house in the backyard.
And the door's, Kyle's like, why is this door open?
Who went in here?
And we see there's like disarray, everything.
Here's the bigger question.
Why do you still have this thing in your backyard?
Your children are like 16.
What's happening in there?
And why is PK cooking a pretend pancake?
And why are there so many printouts of memes on the walls?
All right, sorry, I left the door open.
Yannoub told me not to do that, babe.
I'm just like, PK!
Ah!
I... This... Honestly, I didn't know what I was more annoyed by.
The fact that we're seeing another scene of Kyle running after her dogs,
or the fact that she had this miniature cottage.
Like, the cottage, like, really annoyed me. Like, why is or the fact that she had this miniature cottage.
Like the cottage like really annoyed me.
Like why is this here?
Why do you have this miniature cottage?
Why is, why does this exist on your property?
This doesn't make any sense.
This is stupid.
The kids were too old for that even when they moved in, right?
Because they don't live there since Portia was like a little kid.
They moved in there when she was a teenager.
It's like Portia, it's just go in there when she was a teenager. It's like, poor shot. It's just go in there, poor shot.
You know, in a household full of stupid objects, i.e. the neon art in her foyer,
this is probably the stupidest thing on Kyle's property,
the stupid cottage.
Fucking burn it to the ground.
So she was blaming Storm for it.
You know, Storm gets a lot of blame in this family.
What does Storm ever do?
And then they cut to Storm and he's just looking at her
like, fucking change it.
Good luck.
Ooh, I'm so scared.
Storm's like, you won't give me a dog house
but you have a cottage for some invisible child
that's gonna come in here someday.
Grow up.
He's like, sorry, I'm still not jiggy mother.
Like, pees on the dollhouse.
Storm definitely had like a melodramatic 1970s movie moment. There's like,
Oh yeah. Like so I'm smoking a cigarette,
knocking everything off the counters of the cottage.
It's like, wait a minute, what is, what is my mother's ring doing in here?
This was stolen five years ago.
Storm's like, God damn, she finally came in here.
He's got all of her old stolen Birkins in there. It's been stormed this whole time.
Ah, Matt, it would be very Kyle if like all her robbed stuff
was just in the backyard in that stupid cottage
that no one went into,
because there was never any need for anyone to go into
because everyone aged out of it.
Yeah, it is kind of creepy to have that back there.
So now somebody comes over and let me tell you,
I have the last Jamie that I saw come to Kyle's house
with Jamie Lee Curtis and she didn't look that excited.
Like she was like really trying to work herself up for it.
This guy looks miserable, this Jamie.
He's like, oh God, I have to go to fucking Kyle's house
today, he's like hi.
He's like twitching and like scratching.
He's like, hey, I's like twitching and like scratching.
He's like, hey, I was just sleeping in my car.
What do you need me for?
She's like, well, I just, I feel, I felt so un-relaxed.
I have to take a breath.
He's like, okay, take a breath.
Okay, more space.
How's it feeling?
Well, I felt really weird in the beginning,
but like I'm getting used to it.
And it's just like, it's been like really quiet lately because Porsche is in Europe
and like, I don't know how to turn on the music.
So it's just like really, really quiet and it's really cold in here because I haven't
been able to figure out how to close the French door.
So cold, no music, bugs coming in.
It's really bad in here.
Here's the thing, life coach doctor slash Jamie Lee Curtis.
The girls have been saying I don't share anything on camera, so I brought you over
to share a bunch of manufactured stuff.
So please have a seat.
I'm very lonely because Mauricio is out living his best life and traveling all over and having
fun and I'm stuck here.
Kyle, you're traveling all over the world living your best life too with Morgan Wade.
We see the pictures that you pay for in every fucking magazine that you pay to get them
in.
So stop pretending you're just stuck there with like a Ross dress for less, not even close.
Kyle, you just went to Augusta, Georgia.
Okay, that's beautiful.
You just went to a very small airport.
You just got to eat it.
What was the family restaurant called?
I forgot.
It's called Eat It.
Eat it.
Eat it.
Eat it.
Eat it, but it. Eat it. Eat it.
But in Augusta.
So, Kyle's like, I mean, like, the first summer, I mean, the fact that he took Portia alone,
I've never been away from Portia like that.
And then he's like going to go and do like a guy's trip and he like goes and lives his
life and just like having fun.
And it's just like, I don't know.
Like does Kyle just not know how to book herself an airplane ticket?
Yeah, she does, because she travels all over the place.
Now, part of this was sad, you know,
because Kyle's always made me crazy, but I fall for it.
You know, I'm very easily manipulated.
And even though I think Kyle's full of it
and faking most of the stuff she does,
I'm still like, oh, this is so sad.
And, you know, I kind of felt bad that she's lonely and she's,
and then I remember that she's got a really hot girlfriend and kind of kicked
her husband out. So what do you want me to say?
She did, she did, she did do that. Now,
the other thing is that like what the real story here is Kyle is saying, okay,
we have to work on our images, right? Like, like a divorce is not just a divorce.
When you're in the public eye, it's like,
it's also a battle of public relations and her public relations,
like her angle is I'm just home and I'm alone.
And I'm just trying to like, cause people think that she cheated, right?
People think she cheated and she cheated with Morgan Wade.
So she's just going to be like the healing and working on myself,
doing that whole thing. And he's just like, woo, skiing,
banging hot girls, going to parties, going off to the Riviera.
And she's like, this isn't right
because I have to do the sad thing for my public image
and he gets to do all the party stuff.
Like I wanna do the party stuff too.
I'm liberated from this guy.
I get to live my best lesbian life now.
I don't get to.
Yeah, that's true.
She should be able to be living her best life.
And it also sucks because, you know,
while I do believe that she probably was cheating
or whatever with Morgan, I also believe the stuff
about Mauricio, you know, DMing people on Instagram
and all that stuff.
So I don't believe that she's like,
I don't believe that he's some victim in all of this.
You know, I totally-
She's not the first cheater.
Yeah, and I believe the stuff where she's like,
I needed him and he's not around.
Like I do, you know, I feel for her, I guess,
and all of that stuff.
But I also believe that you never tell a man
who you think is cheating,
you know what you should take?
Some space.
No, that's not what you say.
You cut, you change all the pin numbers
on all of the bank accounts and you get everything frozen.
You don't just say, go, go.
Listen, any man who is worth, what are they worth?
Like tens of millions of dollars at this point
after the agency, I mean, they're rich, rich.
You never tell a man with a new lease on life
because he's newly rich, rich to just go explore
and have fun.
No, it's not what you do.
Tie him down, break his kneecaps, that's what you do.
You find out that man's been DMing people on him down, break his kneecaps. That's what you do. You find out that man's been DMing people on the Instagram,
break his kneecaps.
Yeah, Kyle's just like, I wanna be out there.
I wanna party, but if I do that,
everyone's gonna get mad at me.
So that sucks.
And she's basically just pretending on the show
that she's not doing that.
I guess, cause she's kind of grounded on the show
because they're shooting right now,
but she's the one who puts out all these pictures
of herself partying all the time
and going all over the place with Morgan.
So I'm not believing her like, I don't even leave town.
I'm just working so hard on all that stuff that I'm doing.
I'm doing a film version of Kyle by Shahida.
And it's been really, really rough.
Origin story, okay.
It's called Kyle-Lea Perez.
Commercials, here comes one right now.
Imagine this, you help your little brother
land a great job abroad, but when he arrives,
the job doesn't exist.
Instead, he's trapped in a heavily guarded compound,
forced to sit at a computer and scam innocent victims,
all while armed guards stand by with shoot-to-kill orders.
Scam Factory, the explosive new true crime podcast
from Wondery, exposes a multi-billion dollar
criminal empire operating in plain sight.
Told through one family's harrowing account of sleepless nights,
desperate phone calls, and dangerous rescue attempts,
Scam Factory reveals a brutal truth.
The only way out is to scam their way out.
Follow Scam Factory on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.
You can binge all episodes of Scam Factory early
and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus.
So Jamie is like, she said, well, why can't you live your best life too? I can, but there's
like a little part of me that says like, you know, like I move on. What happens if I move
on with somebody new? And then like, what if he's like, okay, I went and sold my wild oats
or like whatever that expression is.
And you know, and he wants to come back.
Yeah.
Why would you take back someone who says,
woo, I just sold my wild oats.
Okay, I'm back to you.
Back to the old reliable Pontiac, 1983 Pontiac.
No, if someone said that, like, oh, sorry,
I went and sold my wild oats. Now let's get back together. But like, oh, sorry, I went and sowed my wild oats.
Now let's get back together. Like, yeah, well, guess what? Keep sowing your wild oats. Go
see how those wild oats grow. Because you lost this harvest if we're going to continue
our farming metaphor.
I'm going to squeeze those oats until they're oat milk, but I'm going to throw it in your
face, you son of a bitch. But I can see why she would be sad. Look, I think she's been
with him for a long time. That was the love of her life. She never thought this would happen. And then she was like,
fine, you're not there for me, then move out, hoping that he would kind of, you know, be like,
no, babe. And she says that in the scene where she's like, he never fought for me, you know?
Like, he just acted like everything would eventually be fine. Like I was just going
through something and it would all be fine. And so I think that he did think that
and she thought, well, fine, he's not reacting.
So I'll give him something to react about,
get the fuck out and do whatever you want.
We're separated, see how you like that.
And he's like, party, party.
You mean I get to go fuck whoever I want
and get my own place and still not lose all of my money
in a divorce?
And I'm not the bad guy.
Thank you, it's not worth it. money in a divorce. And I'm not the bad guy.
Yeah.
And that's what I'm saying.
Like, don't hold out hope that he'll, like, don't, don't put your life on pause in, in
hopes that he might say, okay, I'm done sowing my wild oats.
I'm coming back to you.
You don't want that.
You don't want someone who, like you want someone who wants you, like you want those
oats to have been sown.
Those oats, those oats should have been growing for 20 years back when he sowed them in like
1995, you know? Uh,
so you don't want them to have to go off and have a midlife crisis and be like,
Oh, you know what? Actually I do like you. Like, no, you don't,
don't relinquish your power that way.
Yeah. I think that she's just, you know, lonely. I get it. You know, I mean,
I don't get it in a way that I've ever lived it, but like, I get what she's just lonely. I get it. I mean, I don't get it in a way that I've ever lived it,
but I get what she's talking about.
I can see how she would be sad and stuff.
And a lot of it too is just everybody bugging her
because what she's really saying in this is like,
I'm fine, but people keep bugging me
and telling me I need to get divorced,
I need to do that.
So like, do I need to take action?
No, you don't need to take action.
Like you're fine.
If you're fine with how things are going,
don't take action just because other people
are telling you to take action, you know?
I mean, if it works for you,
there's so many different kinds of marriages.
And I don't know if it's just being gay, but I don't know.
I know a lot of couples like this who are like best friends
and they still live together,
but they, you know, do whatever they want,
kind of at the same time,
they have their own independent lives too.
So I don't know, maybe that could work,
but don't feel the pressure.
I don't think that's what she wants.
I don't think she wants that.
I listen, I think also like I still firmly believe
that like the root of all this was that Kyle went through
like really rough tragedy last year
and Mauricio was not available to her
the way that she needed him to be available.
And that caused a rift. And I think it's probably really hard when the person that you love
is not there for you when you need them the most. And then, um, and then they go off and
then just party and they have a great time. And then you start to realize like, Oh shit,
like, did I ever mean anything to this person? I think that's probably what she's going through
right now. And she should get, just move on, move on
and like live your best life is what I'm saying to her.
Yeah, just keep annoying us in your finance.
Yeah, like in a full throttle, full voiced annoying way.
You know, don't leave around the room.
Yeah, but we knew when they were doing
that gun range thing a few episodes ago,
when she got up there
to sit next to him and he immediately jumped off that bench,
I was like, oh no, he's dating.
She like went into the gun range.
She like was like, I'm not pissed off.
I pissed off Kyle already.
I'm not also gonna piss off my girlfriend.
Like what kind of idiot do I look like?
So yeah, it was just.
So that's that.
So she was like, I don't know what I want.
Do I wanna move on or do I not wanna move on? And the she's like, I don't know what I want. Do I want to move on or do I not want to move on?
And the therapist is like, I know this much.
I want to move on.
I got a pillow in my car.
I'm going to go back and sleep in that.
Okay, bye.
Also, it's been 20 years and I need to broach something with you, which is my name is not
Jamie.
My name is actually Curtis, Curtis Lee Jamie.
Yeah, it's been really annoying.
So let's go over to Bows's home.
She's cutting flowers for, she's cutting yellow roses.
And she's like, this is why we've got florists.
Take me tall like me.
I love a tall flower.
Me and my future babies.
I mean, me and Keely's future babies.
Ding dong, ding dong, ding dong.
That's her, that's her doorbell. And she's like, oh dong, ding dong. That's her doorbell.
And she's like, oh, someone is here.
And it's Dr. Cindy Duke.
She's a fertility expert.
So she comes in and Bose is like, well, I've actually been a little nervous, but we're
going to talk about it.
Dr. Cindy Duke, welcome.
Welcome to my talk show.
Come to the Bose's living room talk show.
We're going to sit down and talk about babies.
So she says that Dr. Cindy is a leading fertility specialist.
They call her the baby doctor.
She says, I think she's a magician.
Is it a little on the nose?
It's a little like,
are most fertility people called baby doctors?
I mean, it's kind of on the nose,
but it's also confusing in the same way,
because like, if you had a sick baby,
you'd be like, oh my God, call a baby doctor.
And so your dumb husband's just Googling
and finds baby doctor and you get there
and she's like, I only count eggs.
So.
Or maybe she just got her degree
when she was really young, like 18 months.
She's a genius.
She's a baby doctor.
Like remember Boss Baby?
Baby doctor.
She's like, stat. Like remember Boss Baby? Baby doctor.
She's like, stat, wah wah, stat. So she's like, do you want to set up in my bedroom?
Would that be a good idea?
And so there's like this little, there's this guy,
this quiet man who just like goes upstairs
to set up something and she basically says,
well, this baby doctor brought her whole team.
She brought her equipment.
She brought her baby rattle and she,
because I simply need my services in my home. I mean, my nail person comes to my house, my hairstylist comes to my house,
my on-staff bedazzler comes to my house, heck, even my waxer comes to my house, so why would I
not have my fertility doctor? Like, well, because I feel like you should go to a medical office,
but that's okay. If they're willing to listen, when you're rich in Los Angeles, they will bring
everything to your house.
That's one thing that we have learned over the years.
Yeah.
But also I think it's glamorous to not do everything in your house.
It's glamorous to go get services.
Who wants a waxer in their house?
I don't want that smell in my house.
Smelly.
And then you get little hairs left everywhere.
I don't know.
I feel like for this, you should go somewhere sterile. You know? It also like teeters a little bit
into Miss Haversham Tower territory.
Like at certain points, like step outside the house.
Yeah, go outside.
Yeah, exactly.
Go outside.
I don't need my hoo-ha working in my house.
I barely want to look at that thing.
You know, get someone else to do it outside of the house.
Then I can go home and pretend it never happened, you know?
Can I tell you something?
Like, get my work done.
Like, I don't want to look at that thing.
Just do it outside the house, and I can come home and just,
I don't know, I'm like, I never got that stuff done.
What are you guys talking about?
I, to sort of, to echo what you just said about the little hairs,
there was one time where my barber had left his barber shop.
And so he was doing house calls instead,
because he didn't have a new barber shop yet. So I was like,
cool, actually this is great because I don't have to go
anywhere. So we showed up and then like we like,
he cut my hair in like the kitchen cause there was tile,
there was hair everywhere.
Even with like a little blanket down, it was awful.
Like some things should not be in the house.
I know that a lot of people get their hair cut in their home.
Like that's a thing, like especially barbers come to our homes,
but it's messy. It's messy. Those those little hairs they find a way to get everywhere yeah they really do uh so she doesn't care
she's gonna get in her house she's like i get a car wash in my living room what are you gonna do
i can afford it well dr cindy duke you'll meet keely very soon he's on his way in okay uh hello
eyes up here start playing with that tower
of rings over there. Okay. Thank you. We're thinking about starting a family together.
And you know, we're both very mature. I'm 47. He's 48. And I've been pregnant twice.
I've lost my first daughter and I had complications when she was born. Preterm and lair. My living
daughter was also preterm. So I am nervous.
And you know, she's talking about how it's scary,
but it's especially scary at this age and stuff.
And then Dr. Cindy's like,
do you have any peas to go with my mashed bananas?
Because it was a long flight.
Dr. Cindy's like, before we go any further,
I have on my schedule here that at 1.12,
a plane is supposed to be coming into the hangar.
Okay and the hangar is ready for the plane.
So my mouth is open wide.
So Keely comes over and you know, they make niceties and those are like, well, here's
what I need to know today.
Are the eggs up in there?
Are there eggs?
And are they up in there?
Tell me about them.
How many are there?
Are any of them talented?
Do any of them show business acumen?
Get on out.
Have any of the eggs created a PowerPoint
for this experience?
So Dr. Cindy is like, well, as we age and as we cross 40,
which as we know is 39 years.
Board, board, faster, faster, board, board,
losing my interest.
Okay, well, you know, eggs, okay.
Pie chart, pie chart.
Old age, low eggs, not a lot of eggs, odds are low,
but not zero, you're probably not pregnant, I don't know,
what do you want me to do?
Great, I'm having five children, thank you,
thank you for coming over.
So basically she does this thing where she puts the sonigra...
I don't know, she puts the sonigra...
She does an ultrasound and they say,
look, she's like, now look over here.
This dark circle is an egg house.
One, two, three, four.
Please stop playing patty cake on my stomach.
Sorry, it's just a habit.
Wow, I've got four eggs.
Do you know how expensive those things are now?
I'm rich, I'm rich.
Now, can you please tell me about these egg houses?
Are they mid-century modern?
Are they colonial?
I have a certain style that I'm going for.
Also, tell them this.
I'm coming for you and I've got wallpaper.
So she has egg houses and she's excited because-
She's got like four eggs per house or something
and you're, you know, usually you only get zero eggs.
And so she's like, yes, four eggs, we're doing it.
All right, but now before we go any further,
let's talk about, Keely, let's talk about our egg houses.
House number one, it was a little bit over budget,
but I did love the view. Egg house number two, it was close to my work, but you know,
that noise from the traffic, it was too close to the main road. And house number three,
it was, it was nice, but I didn't like the kitchen. What do you think Keely?
He's like, whatever you want. And then she's like, okay, doctor, thank you for coming over.
Why aren't you getting up? I pooped myself.
God damn it.
Why do we keep hiring these baby doctors?
So now we go to Kyle and she's getting ready with glam
for caftans and caviar.
And she's like,
caftans and caviar, all that's missing is the yacht.
And the glam person's like, quiet luxury,
which to be fair, they probably say that with everything.
Like guys, did you guys see the latest episode
of White Lotus?
Quiet luxury.
Actually, that's an appropriate use of saying quiet luxury.
Quiet luxury.
I just know that Shahida's somewhere fuming
watching this episode.
Like, oh, now she's willing to promote caftans.
Great, great Kyle, thanks.
So then over at Dorit's house,
she's also getting her gland done
and they are doing that stuff on your nose,
that contouring stuff.
Like, I'm like, are you purposely getting a carrot
for a nose?
Why is your nose a pencil?
Garrett knows.
Why are you shaping your nose like that? It looks cray cray. So they're like, hey, Dere, so what are you doing today? Where are you going? She's like, oh, so Jennifer Tilly,
she's hosting all the ladies at Caviar Caspia.
They're like, oh my God, fun, quiet luxury.
Wow. Quiet.
It's very quiet.
Exhausted, quiet luxury.
So then she's like, I'm just not looking
for conflict right now.
It's what I'm not looking for.
So, she's like, oh, I'm just not looking for conflict. So, she's like, exhausted, quiet luxury.
So then she's like, I'm just not looking for conflict right now.
It's what I'm not looking for.
I can't wait to fight with Sutton.
I'm in.
Does anybody have bottles of alcohol I can take in?
Meanwhile, over at Sutton's house,
she's talking to her glam team and she goes,
well, Jennifer and I have been going to Caviar Caspia
for a long, long time.
And we see a photo of them going there in 2020.
And she says, Caviar Caspia is best known
for its twice baked potato that has a ton of caviar on top.
And then we see her with a potato.
And so one of the few ways you can get people
on Beverly Hills to eat carbs is by loading caviar on top.
I prefer the Ocestra, but the most expensive one.
But somebody like Porit would get the cheapest one,
which would be one of the red row caviar
that you get on top of sushi sometimes.
Not even the good sushi, like the sushi stop sushi.
You know what I'm talking about.
Oh wow, you get the most expensive one.
Wow, that's so impressive.
Porit would get the cheapest one.
Porit. I don't mind it. I don't mind Porit. Wow, that's so impressive. Port-Rite. Port-Rite. Port-Rite.
Port-Rite.
Port-Rite.
I don't mind it.
I don't mind Port-Rite.
I like it.
Even though I too enjoy that sushi roll, I am here for the Port-Rite shading.
That's, I like a good wordplay.
Hello there.
This is a two-part recap.
Okay?
This is the end of part one.
So thank you so much for listening to this.
Just come back a little later for part two
Watch what crap ins would like to thank its premium sponsors
Ain't no thing like Alice and King our way is the amber way. It's the foster and the furious. It's Amanda Foster
It's always automatic with Ashley Otto Ashley Savoni
She don't take no baloney! Put your hands together for Carly Clapp!
Catherine DiBernardo has our harto!
Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offa!
Dana C, Dana Do!
We never miss her call, it's Diane Call!
Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trickle-us!
Jamie, she has no less name-y!
You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones!
I go, you go, we all go for Hugo!
Hava Nagila Webber.
We could all learn from Jennifer Kearns.
She's our kind of mess, it's Jennifer Messer.
Sip some scotch with Jessica Tratch.
Knock, knock, knocking on Katie Manox door.
She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock.
Kristen the Piston Anderson.
Get a B in your bonnet with Lacey B.
Rigging the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett.
She gets an A from us, it's Lindsey B.
Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino.
Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry.
We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox.
Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg.
This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian.
I love a ya, Olivia Williamson.
Tastier than Flandersen, it's
Rachel Manderson. She sure is swell, it's Raquel. Yes we canna, it's Sedana. Cast a
spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. The Bay Area Betches,
Betches. And our super premium sponsors. She's VVIP, it's Amanda V. Somebody get us 10 ccs of Betsy MD. She's got a leg up,
it's Beth Ani. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Kaitlyn O'Neil. Don't
get salty with Christine Pepper. Can't have a meal without the Emily sides. Who, what, why,
where and Gwen Pentland. It's our queen, it's Queen Laifah.
Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall.
Know your worth with Jason Curran.
We got our wish, it's Jen Plish.
She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch.
She's a little bit loony.
Junie, my favorite Murdo, Karen McMurdo.
We love him madly, it's Kyle Podshadley.
We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder-Baron.
She's a whiz, it's Liz Sorthy. Always killing it, it's L Pod Shadley. We're ride or die for Lisa Rider Baron. She's a whiz
it's Liz Sorthy. Always killing it it's Lola Alcolani. The incredible edible
Matthews sisters. She eases our woes it's Melissa St. Rose. Give him hell
Miss Noelle. She's the queen bee it's Sarah Lemke. Shannon out of a cannon
Anthony. Let's take off with Tamla Plain. She ain't no shrinkin' Violet Coutar!
We love you guys!