Watch What Crappens - #2748 Southern Hospitality S03E09: Kitty Cornered
Episode Date: March 5, 2025The gang tries to rescue some stray cats and Joey Marbles is creepily obsessing over Maddi on Southern Hospitality. Oh and Will is still being accused of banging people in the bathroom. To wa...tch this recap on video, listen to our Traitors bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours.
Something you possess is lost or stolen.
And ultimately you triumph in finding it again.
Listen to Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky wherever you get your podcasts. Well hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast for all the crap we love to talk
about on Ye Olde Braves.
I'm Ronnie and with me is the gorgeous and talented
Mr. Ben Bantelka, hello, Ben.
Hi Ronnie, how's it going?
Good, have you been working out?
I can tell this part of your neck is very strong right now.
Really?
I think it's just because I'm leaning forward.
I'm just like, I'm like normal.
I'm like the normal. You look very strong.
Really?
Well, thank you.
Thank you, I've been trying to work out more,
but I don't think I've been growing my neck.
Well, Ben's getting his tour body ready
because we're on tour.
We're going next month, well, this month,
because it's March now.
So we're going to be traveling like in a week or so.
We're going to Cincinnati, Minneapolis, Toronto,
Charlotte, Atlanta, Washington, Philadelphia,
Boston, Detroit, Chicago, Austin, Dallas, and Las Vegas.
Get tickets for all of our live shows over at watchwhatcrappens.com. We announce what we're
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except live shows, but all the other recaps and Traders recaps over on our Patreon. You can also
find links to those on watchwhatcrappens.com. So what do you think about that? And here we are with some Southern Hospital. We did not, we're doing this a
little late because we guested on a show yesterday. So it kind of took our time for this. But we did
not forget our little Southern Hospitality. I just tried to put Charlson up in the background
and so busy that I, I'm just- Oh, I have another one under there that I got.
We're trying to change our background picture
for all this stuff today.
And just for fun, just to do something.
It was underwater when it started
because we had done a blow deck beforehand.
So this is the one I found.
I had put one up.
I had downloaded one that was very similar.
But it'll be similarly, I think it'll
be also very, very, very busy.
I'll try it.
Here we go.
I'm gonna add this Charleston picture
and it's uploading, right?
It's gonna be busy.
It's not gonna look great.
Yeah, no.
Well, that's good.
That one's fine.
Okay.
So here we are in Charleston.
We get overhead shots.
We get the Riven Owl bridge
and we get a song that nobody is singing on this show,
which is all alone, cause I'm better off without you.
That's like the anti-Emmy song.
No one's singing that song on here.
Everybody's like terrified of being alone.
So they're just going to be with someone they're not right with.
What the hell?
Where's that song Trixie?
How about on settle, settle, settling like the forefathers
of Charleston. That's it. Yeah. So, um, then we go to Dunes West golf club and Will and Joe Bradley,
Will, I'm sorry, Will and Joe and Bradley, uh, all arrive at the golf course together. And Will's
like, Oh, I don't think I've swung golf club in like four years.
And Joe's like, yeah, you should like enter,
you need to enter like bigger tournaments.
Oh, so Brad shows up and they go golfing and everything.
They're all like, bro, end it up on the golf course
and be, and joking around.
And Joe's like, it's pretty moist out here.
Oh, here you go, tiger.
Here's a club.
So then they're, they So then they're having fun.
Then we go over to Charleston into the city
and we go to the Nails So Dep,
or is it Nails So Deep?
Nails So Dep?
What does that mean?
I don't know.
Maybe that's the name of the person who owns it, Dep,
or maybe it's a typo and supposed to be deep,
but either way it's a nail salon.
Yeah.
So, uh, Maddie and Mia are going to Goss at the nail salon and, um, they're
talking about how much fun they had together in Vegas.
I mean, it's like, yeah, but actually like I worry for you when you do get married
and Grace Lilly is invited to the actual wedding and then we get a flashback to
Grace Lilly just saying,
exalting in the fake wedding. And Maddie's like, I am actually exhausted by that girl. Like I'm like literally exhausted by her. Yeah. And Mia's like, then like, why do you let that
friendship exhaust you? Is that not a sign that it's time to cut the friendship loose?
exhaust you. Is that not a sign that it's time to cut the friendship loose?
And then we see, no, it's not time for that, ma'am.
Stop bringing in, letting go of Grace Lilly. Don't get Grace Lilly kicked off of this show. Excuse me. Yeah, I like you,
but no back. Yeah. Back down.
I agree. We see a flashback to them fighting in Vegas and Matt is like, well,
I don't know. I feel like one-on-one like me and her, she'll take accountability.
But the moment she's in a group her, she'll take accountability. But the moment
she's in a group setting, she goes on the defense like L-O fucking L.
Yeah, it's weird. It's like being confronted by 20 people is different than being confronted
privately by one person. I wonder why that is. So then we go back to the golfing and Will's like, should we get our balls out?
And Brad's like, that's a different kind of party, Will.
Hey, I'm more Tiger Hood than Tiger Woods.
Get it?
Joe's like, you're such a douchebag.
So then they're taking swings and everything.
And Brad's like, it usually takes me like three or four holes to warm up.
Will's like, that's what she said.
So-
Yeah, you don't need to be warming up any more holes, Will.
Okay?
Joe's like, it's usual golf etiquette.
Like, I don't know how it is at the law office,
but like you don't talk during people's backswings.
Do you do backswings at the law office?
Yeah, but with highlighters.
So I'm pretty busy.
Are you allowed to talk while you're using your highlighter?
Because golf you're not allowed to.
So back to the nail salon.
They're talking about Maddie's DJ life.
And she's like, I just came back from Miami.
It was like crazy.
And Joe didn't come because he was at a wedding.
And so Mia's like, are you really going to marry Joe?
And she's like, well, we talked about it. But like, I'm just like trying to kind of pump the brakes on
his Uber, you know, it's like just pump it. And then we go back to the golf course. And
they're giving Joe shit about, you know, being fake married. And he's like, we're good. It's
just like, you know, like, I'm at the point where like, I live with Maddie, like six out
of seven of the days now, and like, I to go to Daniel Island and it's like starting to like take a toll on
me, you know? Like I love the girls she's living with to death, but like it's like super,
I could have a Lamborghini like for all that I spent on Ubers. And it's like, it's just
like ridiculous. Like I'm just thinking like if I lived with my boys 30 minutes away, like
how many nights a week would she come spend the night at my house?
Yeah. I'm like, it's like getting like really hard for me to like show up at their house
and then Cloris Leachman opens the door and then she like shakes her head and then nods
up to upstairs and just like rolls her eyes.
Like that's like not a nice way to walk into a place.
I wish she lived there.
I wish that waitress lived in the house.
That would make it 10 times more interesting if you know, Hey, it's you honey.
All right, come on in here.
You're just waiting here. It's the lobby. It's really the living room. Funny. I just call it the lobby. So
what you doing today to it's Hey, Maddie, you piece of meat is here. Hey, you want to
make tattoos with toothpicks and food dye. Wait, what do you want me to make on you?
So Joe's like she's sleeping zero nights in my house downtown,
which is like literally three blocks away from Republic. So,
and Brad's like, well, why is that? I don't know.
I'm going to whip this too, by the way, this ball. So just stop talking. Okay.
So Brad basically is saying that he understands why Joe's complaining,
but he also thinks that Joe does whatever Maddie says. And like, you know, if Joe said, if Maddie says jump, Joe says, how high mommy
and he's going to go. So who wears the pants in the relationship? I think we all know.
And so then we go back to the nail salon and Maddie's like, I mean, he's like ready to buy
a house together. And I'm just like, Whoa, like, Whoa, this moving too fast, you know? And then I'm like
looking at houses and he's like, but if we go in on that together and he is just like,
no, no, oh, no, no, no, no, no, don't ever depend on a man. And she's like, exactly.
Cause like, he could like, fuck you over or leave you like at any moment. You know what
I mean? I mean, you know, the last time I was able to ride a bike
attached to like a box with wheels on it,
like it's really hard, it's really been hard.
She's like, yeah, like don't put all your eggs in one basket.
And Mia's like, wow, your DJ career must be doing really
well if you can afford eggs.
She's like, yeah.
So Mia's like, it's outrageous that Joe and Maddie
have been dating for four months.
I mean, he wants to buy a house, get fake married, and it's just like, not too much. So then Maddie is
like, I just, I also just like, don't have time to like move or like buy a house or like go house
hunting right now. Like I'm about to go on tour. Do you know how busy I am? Do you know how hard it
is practicing pressing play on my CD player? It's like really hard
And she's like wait, are you taking him on the road and she's like, oh my god
Well, um, there's definitely gonna be times where like he's gonna have to like hang back, you know
Not burning words in anyone's mouth, but do you think that like maybe he's a little bit jealous of your career?
Oh my God, LL fucking L.
I feel like he's ready for his career growth
as soon as he finds a career.
And Maddie is, I'm sorry, Mia is saying like,
Maddie's pumping the brakes, but I need to hear her,
I need her to pull the emergency handle
because Joe obviously sees Maddie is rising
and he's got nothing going on.
So Joe's like, well, I don't wanna say
that Matty's being selfish,
cause I just think she doesn't know she's being,
she's being selfish, but she doesn't know about it.
So it's like secret selfish, she's like a secret selfish.
And Brad's like, maybe you could meet in the middle.
Maybe if you go to Daniel Island,
then she could spend three days downtown or something.
She doesn't want to.
She doesn't want to stay in Joe's apartment downtown.
She wants to go home.
Yeah.
And Will's like, yeah.
I mean, you just need to ask her to spend more time
at your place if driving is the problem.
I mean, you can come stay with me and Emmy.
In fact, if you crash with me and Emmy,
you could literally sleep directly in between me and Emmy.
Like just be like a wall.
You're like a human wall in our bed.
Like we'll totally be down with that.
Then if I get up in the middle of the night
to use the bathroom, you could just like keep guard.
Yeah.
Also, I don't think that Joe,
I don't think it's the driving.
I think they're missing the point.
Joe doesn't like going out there
because she's with five other girls.
He doesn't like sharing her with all the people in the apartment. You know, at least it's also it
is effort. It is time and effort. And like sometimes you just want like if you if you
could just go home, it's three blocks away. But you have to get an Uber and drive for
30 to 40 minutes. Like that's I mean, if someone made me go out to Santa Monica from
Hollywood every single night of the week, I mean, first of all, I would never date that person.
That's an awful, awful person, but that's the point.
Like, at some points you wanna say,
hey, can you come to Hollywood instead?
Because you're too far away.
You're graphically undesirable, is what they call it.
Okay?
But I think the deeper issue here
is that she doesn't really want to be with him when online.
She'd rather like go hang out with his girlfriend or her girlfriends, I think.
She's just not that into him.
That's I think even the bigger thing that's come out of this.
Yeah. So then they're like, so how's how are you and Emmy doing well?
And he's like, it has not been an easy summer.
And then we just see a flashback of me being like,
shit all over her face.
And so great bulls like, um, you know, mistakes were made, lessons were learned. You know, no, you made mistakes and you learned no lessons.
That's what you have to say. It's like, so for me, I mean,
I'm entering a new chapter of my life.
I'm going maybe from yellow highlighter to pink. I don't know. We're thinking things through,
but just more professional and stuff. So my highlighter is going to have to wear a tie.
And I kind of want to get a house and settle down and have a yard and a dog and prove to people that
I'm mature by doing mature things without actually growing up. Maybe get some kids with someone. I
don't know who, but I want me to live the housewife life. So I'll get her like a back house
for me and my wife. I don't know. Something cool like that.
Pete Slauson And then like, so do you actually want the housewife life? He's like, yeah,
because like, she's like good at like, I don't know, taking out trash and making charcuterie
boards and cleaning my underwear and stuff like that, you know, like'm not a big fan of that. I mean, I'm not a big fan of that. I mean, I'm not a big fan of that.
I mean, I'm not a big fan of that.
I mean, I'm not a big fan of that.
I mean, I'm not a big fan of that.
I mean, I'm not a big fan of that.
I mean, I'm not a big fan of that.
I mean, I'm not a big fan of that.
I mean, I'm not a big fan of that.
I mean, I'm not a big fan of that.
I mean, I'm not a big fan of that.
I mean, I'm not a big fan of that.
I mean, I'm not a big fan of that.
I mean, I'm not a big fan of that.
I mean, I'm not a big fan of that.
I mean, I'm not a big fan of that.
I mean, I'm not a big fan of that. I mean, I'm not a big fan of that. I mean, I'm not a big fan of that. I mean, I feel like she's really been supporting me through school and I need to pay her back. You know, after all this bullying I've been going through with,
with Biff at law school, it's nice to have someone who can make you a charcuterie board at the end
of the day. So romantic. And Rad's like, so you're going to pay her back by marrying her? And he's
like, yeah, because you know, like having a live together being like all work and cheat, you run
logistics of our thing and pretend I'm not cheating.
You know, it's like, it's just, it sounds good.
You know, she'll be like a car and I'll pump it full of fuel
and then I'll rent other cars and pump those as well.
But she won't really care
because it doesn't affect her mileage.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, like, you know, when you've got like a,
like a plugin hybrid, like sometimes you get your,
you get your fuel from like the,
from the socket in the wall and that's like Emmy,
but you only get 30 miles out of it.
So then the rest you have to, you know,
use a different power source, that's the gas.
And that's what happens in the bathroom.
So it's pretty cool.
So Brad's like, yeah, we're not talking about a car.
This is your girlfriend.
And I like that all the relationships on this show so far
just brought down to car analogies.
And just like, what is this a business deal?
This is the most unromantic shit I've ever heard in my life.
So then he does like this robot thing where he's like,
we can have platonic family, I will give you a ring.
It's fucking weird.
I'm like, yeah, but you're also asking
for the exact same thing from Maddie. So, relax.
And also, Emmy is kind of into the Stepford wife thing.
Like, that's her goal.
Yeah.
So, I don't know.
It's like, what happened to Vicky, you know,
the robot when she grew up?
And it's this.
She just wants that.
You know, she just wants to be like,
welcome home, honey, I made charcuterie.
This time there is prosciutto from Terris Eaters.
And a larger question, whatever happened to Vicky Lawrence or Lewis?
All the Vickies, where are they?
I was going to say,
I think Vicky Lawrence is doing a one woman show called like mama and friends.
Is she?
But the other one, I don't know.
Vicky Lawrence, one woman show. What is Vicky Lawrence up to? Wait, I'm wait. Wait, wait. I put Vicki Lawrence from Wonder Woman 7.
What is Vicki Lawrence up to?
Wait, I'm gonna ask AI, what is Vicki Lawrence up to?
She attended Pensacon where she met fans
and was interviewed by a digital reporter.
She also enjoyed her time in Pensacola, Florida,
which she described as a charming small town.
Well, thank you AI for that very specific reference.
According to Ticketmaster, she has a show called
Vicky Lawrence and Mama.
My kind of role right there.
Okay, so Joe's like, you need to like,
to a little higher though, cause like Will,
like is like, what do you even tea?
Like, come on man, this isn't a lot of time.
It's like tea time.
I'm like, figure out how to tea bro.
And Will's giving him a dirty lick.
And he's like, God, he's like, whatever.
Like most condescending prick ever.
But like when I do it back, he's like, oh, oh, oh, fuck.
I don't really know the word for hypocrisy,
but you guys fill in the blanks, fill in the blanks.
So then Will mess up his swing and then they all laugh.
And we'll like, I should have teed it down.
Damn it.
So yeah, now we go to, it's now it's nighttime and we're in the Republic back room and everyone's
coming in to change.
And now the back room is like a dressing rooms.
They're all like doing their hair and stuff.
And Brad is, he's like, he announces that he has to fart.
So Joe opens up a locker for Brad to fart into,
which he does.
And then, whatever it was.
It was like a beer fridge or something.
It could be all of your pub.
I'll fart in my fridge, like put a C on that restaurant.
Put a C at the door, please.
Molly is doing her hair.
And so her hair is up high.
And then they're like, oh my god.
She's just like, you look like Leah. You look like Leah CEO.
And then we see like a side by side of Molly and Leah and Leah's like, damn right she does look like me.
Genuine rock star 100%.
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At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me.
And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives,
callous jokes, and politics.
I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours.
Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in
finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable
and unrecognizable names, about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph. My hope is that
people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected
with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that
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So Maddie comes and she's like, ever since Vegas, I feel like Joe's like hitting fast forward.
Like now he wants to get married.
Like now he thinks we're good.
I just wish I had like a remote control and I could press mute
or like pause or like end series.
I mean, I don't know anything,
like anything on the remote control other than play.
And so, um, that means, that means like, um, okay guys,
like, uh, I have an announcement.
I couldn't go to the Will's law school prom,
which is technically called the barrister's ball. So yeah,
just think about that.
And I thought what a fun idea to have a Republic fun prom,
but with legal elements. So it'll be full of lawsuits
and torts, but the torts can actually be like a dessert tour. And we'd be like, that's a tour.
And the lawsuits can just be a stack of papers. Anyway, I was just thinking out loud,
law prom at Republic guys. What do you think?
So I guess it's going to be like a prom, but it's going to be like adult theme,
which sounds like a porn site, but it's not a porn site.
Not that I would know.
I don't look at porn either as well.
Like if we looked at porn, that would be like so traitorous, which he would never do to
me.
He would never do that.
You guys, are you suggesting that Will looks at porn?
Because that's bullshit.
Okay.
Now, if anyone wants to figure out who they're gonna ask their dates, you know, you gotta
ask your dates.
Like make it cute, you guys.
Like ask them in a really, really cute way.
Yeah.
I hate cutesy prom invitations.
Growing up, this was not a thing for me, by the way,
growing up in Katona, New York in the mid nineties.
Like if you wanted to ask someone to prom,
you just walked up to them and awkwardly said,
will you go to prom with me?
But like, I swear, I don't know if this was something
that started in the 2000s or maybe I was sheltered from it,
but I feel like it started with Laguna Beach on MTV,
where they would like go to a freeway
and like dangle a sign over the freeway that said,
prom, question mark.
And I just feel like ever since then,
everyone does these ridiculous things.
Was this a thing, did you go to the prom?
Was this like part of your prom culture?
Of course I didn't go to the prom.
Hello, who are you talking to?
No, I did not go to the prom.
Well, I thought you were gonna be like,
well, there was like this lesbian
who would wear suspenders and we'd go,
we just had to go to the prom
and just like curse at all the people or something.
The only lesbian I knew in town was my aunt Josie
who ran the bowling alley
in my dad's property management company.
And she would walk around with this gigantic chain of keys
on her polyester suit pants.
And she had like a big gray fro and she wasn't asking anybody to prom.
I'll say you that much.
So no, there was no problem for me.
There was no problem.
My theoretical situation still remains.
You and Aunt Josie going to the prom in front of people.
She's like, get over here.
I'm going to show you what fucking prom it is.
But no, I didn't go to the prom.
But yeah, I do think that people asked each other
in creative ways to go to prom prom. But yeah, I do think that people asked each other
in creative ways to go to the prom.
I just never liked it.
I just feel like it's so ridiculous.
So I was like, that is so heteronormative.
Even though I'm not gay,
I don't know what heteronormative means,
but I was like, gross.
Knights in white satin?
No.
How about Ronnie's in bed watching facts on every runs?
Cause that was our three days in life.
Knights in white satin.
No, my favorite movie back then was Carrie, you know?
Except I felt like I would have been the one
covered in blood, but it would have been awesome
to make everything fly around and hit people.
Yeah, you still haven't seen the substance, right?
No, but you told me the ending in yesterday's recap.
So thanks.
What did I say?
I didn't say the ending at all.
I'm not repeating it
because it spoils somebody else.
I said nothing in the recap about the ending.
Yes, you did.
You didn't.
It spoils.
It's dead to me.
I'm never watching that movie again.
So then we go to,
we go back and Emmy's like,
okay, get creative about how you're gonna ask your date.
I'm gonna write,
will you go to prom with me and mascara all over my face?
But it's not really going to be big letters until I start crying.
It's going to work. Can I just fucking win? Can I just fucking win?
So Molly's like, why are we celebrating this man's accomplishments? Give me a fucking break.
And like, it's like, yeah, like if Pram is like as fancy
as like he says it is, then like she should hire
a bathroom attendant and maybe some spies for Will.
And then we go to the Republic back room back again
and Brad is like, can we vote on prom king and queen?
Yeah.
And then he's like, that's brilliant.
That's so smart.
Okay. I'll just say in advance,
Will and I do accept this honor.
Thank you very much, everyone.
It's so great being a king and queen,
but we will treat everyone like,
not like our subjects, but like we're equals.
Okay. Thank you so much, everyone.
Michael's comes in and he's like,
hey everybody, everybody looks so pretty.
We have a big party coming in tonight.
It's Joe Bradley's friend.
So watch out, because you know this is going to be douchey.
So I'll get on the floor, okay?
Wear gloves, wear gloves if you got them.
The rubberer, the better.
Well, the big group coming in guys,
they're actually like my good friends from Atlanta,
and they're all very successful lawyers.
So like, I know about lawyers also.
And then he's like, ooh, do they go to prom?
Mike's like, okay guys,
so let's try to keep the vibes up and have a good night. And they're like,
okay. So now it's like party time and people coming in,
but Tommy Bahamas, cargo shorts, all the fun stuff. And Joe's like, Hey,
look who it is. Successful lawyer friends. Hi everyone, what's going on?
Hey, that's my boy from Atlanta.
He's a legend.
Yeah, yeah, he's good, he's cool.
Yeah.
Welcome legends.
So they all go in and they're like half hot.
I mean, I could use a lawyer.
So I didn't got a problem.
So then we go to, we see Allie is there too.
And she's really pretty and that's Austin's girlfriend.
So of course TJ is just behind the bar like shifty eyes,
like, hmm, so I see that someone has a girlfriend here.
Hmm, interesting.
A girlfriend.
He's vacuuming the top of the bar.
He's like, hmm.
So Emmy's like, hi, hey, what's going on? Hi Allie, you look so good. She's like, hmm. Huh, hmm, huh. So, Emmy's like, hi, hey, what's going on?
Hi, Ali, you look so good.
She's like, so do you.
And TJ's like, huh, hmm.
It's extremely weird that Emmy is butting up to Ali right now
when both of her and Will believe her brother
is the one starting all these quote unquote rumors.
Hmm, hmm.
And let me add to that, huh, hmm, hmm.
So the producer asks Emmy if she's met Ali and she's like, um, well, huh, hmm, hmm. So the producer asks Emmy if she's met Allie
and she's like, well, yeah,
her and my mom have been bottle study friends for years.
So yeah, we know each other.
And so she hugs her and she's like,
good to see you, babe, good to see you.
And Allie's like, you too, you too.
Dun, dun, dun.
We just cut to TJ size like, hmm.
So then in the kitchen, Joe's like, okay guys, it's our last big table.
So we need like all the girls in here.
Like I want all the girls in here.
It was like, it was like lawyer bag.
Okay. Those are like icons.
Those are legends out there, not the gateway.
They're not like mother icons.
They're like legend icons.
All right. They're the men.
They're the men.
Joe. Okay.
Here's the thing, Joe.
Leah CEO said that there should be a girl
out on the floor at all times.
So I sent Siobhan out there.
Okay, Joe, relax.
Oh my God, too much Joe.
He's like, well, the highest spending table is like $3,000.
And like they need the most servers.
That's how we're, Joe, we are giving you a 12 year old
to go to their table.
12 year old say hello.
And he's like, hi, I'm lighting sparklers.
Just like this little baby.
It's that they've tried to work at this place. I love it.
They got him out of the old Navy factory and shipped him to this restaurant for a
night job. He's just like, Joe, stop being a dick.
I'm not. I'm just saying how it works.
So Austin is watching and he's like,
it's funny watching the newlyweds bicker a little bit.
I'm going to get the popcorn going. Whoa.
I'm just like listening to the boss
and the boss wants someone on the floor at all times, Joe.
So then-
Chibahan is out there on the floor
like Leah's request, okay?
Sorry she can't be back here catering to you
and cut to Leah out there like, that's right.
One on the floor or one out the door.
Do you understand what I'm saying?
I'm Leah motherfucking CEO and I'm not playing.
Look, I'm not like catering to me. I just like need her catering to my boy from Atlanta. Joe, Siobhan needs to be out there per Leah Ailer, who is above you. So fucking chill,
girl on the floor. Okay. And he's like, yeah, Leah would be like, hell yeah, like get all the
service back at the table. She'd be like, absolutely. And meanwhile, like, yeah, Leo would be like, hell yeah. Like get all the service back at the table.
Like she'd be like, absolutely.
And meanwhile we cut to Leah and she's like,
if I see one more misspelled sign,
you're fucking out of here.
Do you understand?
I'm Leah, motherfucking CEO, not Leah.
She don't fucking know.
I'm watching you.
Ah.
So Joe's like, well, here's a sign, but it's been spelled on purpose.
If you're in pain, make it rain, you're spelled you are, which is kind of like Egyptian.
So then I was like, Joe, okay, you can take it out by yourself because Siobhan needs to
be on the floor.
By the way, Siobhan also needs to be on my television screen.
Why are we not seeing Siobhan?
I almost put her on the back of a milk carton the other day in my fridge. Where's Siobhan also needs to be on my television screen. Why are we not seeing Siobhan? I almost put her on the back of a milk carton
the other day in my fridge.
Where's Siobhan?
Where's she been?
Why did we dump Siobhan?
Yeah, I agree.
So she comes in to help with sparklers
and Siobhan is like, why is no one else back here?
And just like, I don't know.
It's just like weird.
You know what?
Joe Bradley thinks he's the owner
and I have to humble him.
That's like the typical fucking thing.
I don't know if he has some resentment with me or what,
but it's like not a good look at work.
Joe, I don't know why you're so mad.
I sent Cloris Leachman out there and we cut and Cloris Leachman saying,
Hey boy, so lawyers, huh?
So what do you take care of?
Elderly people getting abused.
We're in accidents, fall down at work.
What kind of lawyers are you?
There's many different flavors.
And everyone gather around.
Who wants to hear some stories about Gene Hackman?
So Joe is like, okay.
Too soon?
Is it too soon?
Too soon, it's a memoir.
Listen, we're remembering.
So Joe is like, he's like, well, we only had one server come back
to the $3,000 minimum table
and like you and the other servers like refuse to come out.
And it's like a horrible look.
And they all deserve a VIP experience.
And I'm just like, I keep telling everyone like,
why do you keep like,
like while you keep making money from them,
I'll just keep serving you.
Like that's like not a good look
as like a leader of the company.
And we just cut to TJ going, well, I guess the honeymoon's over.
It's not a good look as a leader of the company
to take us away from our tables, Joe.
And he's like, I'm not taking you away.
It was like two sock ons.
I was like, socks in the hand, Joe.
Trunks in the hand, Joe.
And Michael sees him and he's like,
what's going on here?
Why are we fighting at work?
Like, Leah CEO is over there.
I don't need the king and queen of Republic
fighting on the floor.
You know what I mean?
Like, Leah is here.
Do you not see Leah?
She is currently doing a line of Coke
off Chloris Leachman's ass, which is probably not,
probably not by the rules, but anyway,
can we just concentrate?
Probably not by the rules, but anyway, can we just concentrate? So then the child server asked Maddie where Joe is.
I don't know, child.
I don't know where Joe is.
And we're like a little like behind right now.
So it's like, what the fuck?
Can I ask you a question?
Is Joey my father?
No.
Do you know who my father is?
No. Do you know who my mother is? Who put me here?
Where am I? Is there a school here? The child was like born out of like, out of like the bottom of
TJ's Sir Wiener's cart. Like the chemicals came together and created like the kind that is like
you saw like a head like emerge from the water. It was like, it was like, it was like species.
So, so Joe's like, I think we're sold out.
I think I saw all the tables.
And so then they're like, whatever.
And they go out to help and smile and they sell things.
So now we go to a tequila bar during the day
and Michael's goes and has a lovely little lunch with his
stepfather. So they sit down and his dad, his dad is a stepfather, but really considers
him his dad, et cetera. And Michaels explains that Reeve, well, he calls him Reeve. I think
his real, his full name is Revelle, Revelle, you know So, talks about his dad was, you know,
no longer with his mom anymore,
and that, Michael talks about being raised
in an Afro-Latino background, coming out as gay,
it was hard, because there's so much machismo
in the culture that he was raised in,
and that his stepdad was the only consistent figure
that supported him unconditionally.
Yeah, he's like, so have you talked to mom?
He's like, no. And he's like, so have you talked to mom? He's like, no.
And he's like, yeah, you haven't talked to her?
And he's like, no, he goes, you haven't called her?
And he goes, she's called me, but I don't ever call back.
So apparently this lady is just a terror to everybody.
He's like, no, no, I'm not calling her.
So then he tells us basically how his mom found out
he was gay, and it's because she went through his phone and found an Instagram DM between DM thread
between him and this guy saying, I love you.
And she wouldn't speak to him for a week and then she never would talk about it after.
And so, um, Reve tells Michael's like, only pers, you know, only pursue men for you.
Don't try and find someone to please your mom because nothing is going to
please your mom. So don't, don't even try that. Okay.
So Michael's is like, thank you for the support.
Here's a picture of Preston and the, and I know his dad is like, okay, oh, whoa.
Okay. I mean, yes, I fully support you. I fully support you.
No, his, his,
his stepfather is really very sweet
and very supportive.
He's so cute too.
He's just smiling the whole time.
So then now it's time to go to bourbon and bubbles.
That's right.
Cause Lava sits down with Joe and Joe is like,
I don't know why Lava asked me here,
but like maybe even if I'm in trouble, it's okay.
Because anytime Lava calls me, I'm like, hell yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Just like Leva says every time they ask her
to shoot a scene on the show, she's like,
hi Joe, what's going on?
He's like, not much, it's been a really good summer.
Like I got extra pop in my stop
because like Maddie's helped me a lot with that.
You know, Maddie's helped me a lot.
Yeah, cause my wife, it's like really good
to be paired up with someone who's so helpful.
Okay. That's great.
By the way, Lamar told me last night
that you want to take a month off to go on tour with Maddie.
So I knew we had to have a chat.
You know, her DJ career isn't real.
It only happens when we're shooting this show, right?
Yeah, no, but like, I don't want Maddie to travel alone.
That's like the love of my life,
but also her dreams are happening. So I want us to be the support system. Yeah, I know like like I don't want Maddie to travel alone. That's like the love of my life, but also her dreams are happening
So I want us be the support system. Yeah, I know like her dreams are happening. But while her dreams are happening
Tables need to be bust. So don't sacrifice your career. You're really good at wiping down things
yeah, you know like Joe like your career is going to a certain place like me and
Lamar like we both know if the ice machine's broken,
like you're always there to kick it and make it work again.
So I just really could really need you to think about that. He's like, um,
I don't like Maddie being alone. So like that's like really rough.
Love is like,
I know Joe has a bigger idea for himself because he's like not motivated at the
door anymore. He's kind of getting mopey and you see him being like,
come on in, come on in.
Oh wow.
But you know, if you really want to run a space,
you cannot follow Matty around.
You got to chime in, you got to clock in.
You can't take the whole month off.
I'm like, look, he tasted,
he got a taste of the sweet life, okay?
He banged Countess Luanne de La Seppes
and he knows he could be somewhere in England right now
being introduced by Tilda Swinton.
So it's hard, it's hard to go back to major man.
The sweet life.
He got a taste of Benson and Hedge's mental breath life.
He knows, he knows what it could be.
And he's like, I just wanna build something
that I could be impressed by.
I want her to hook me up. The other day I carried an ice, she didn't say anything.
How do you think that makes me feel?
So now it's another day and the Republic of garden and patio has been turned into like
a kitty, a kitty spot because we've got big yarn balls.
Love it brings in a big yarn ball and we see signs that say, live, laugh, meow. Actually, that's just
a joke. So then there's kittens and Leva tells us there's a problem in South Carolina because
there are too many kittens. There are so many kittens that even the kill shelters are having
trouble euthanizing. I mean, that's what they always said on Southern Charm that Charleston just has too much pussy,
which is why the men get to have all the choices.
Hey, yo.
That's terrible though.
All the kill shelters are even having to kill now.
I mean, my God.
The non-kill shelters, yeah.
Yeah, the non-kill shelters are having to kill now.
That's crazy.
Oh, those sweet little kittens.
So they, you know, there's cats every place, which I don't know, sounds bad for a restaurant.
A lot of people are allergic to cats. I don't think you want cat dander,
but whatever. It's not like it's a sparkling clean place to begin with,
but no cat shame, but you know, damn. So Michael's comes and he's like,
Oh my God,
I can get my face painted like a cat. I'm so doing that.
Yeah. So he sits down and he gets like a little, like little nose and whiskers,
which is good because he spends the rest of the episode being very somber and like pulling people
for advice with a little cat face on. So Michael's is like, so by the way, um, uh, Lake, can we have a talk please?
So I had a chance to talk with my dad and I like kind of want to tell you about it. So I can maybe
give you some advice to do the same with your dad. She's like, um, what do you want me to say to my
dad? Well, it's like not really what I want you to say. It's just like what I want, like it's just
what you know, what you want to say. So basically I don't want to say this to my mom, but I want you to say this to your dad. So
I'm just gonna let you know what you have to say. Yeah. I mean, look back off. This is her fucking
business. Everyone has the right to come out how they want to come out. I don't like, I mean,
I get that he's just trying to be helpful and being like, you'll feel better once you've actually,
you're living your truth, but that's up to her.
Yep.
And you're also like, you have a cat face up.
He's like, meow, can I tell you what you should say?
It's like the one thing your mom would be happy,
you're covered in pussy.
Like, it's like, why is everyone so concerned about my dad?
Like, I'm glad you had a conversation with your dad. I just think it's great. But like, and is everyone so concerned about my dad? Like, I'm glad you're in a conversation with your dad.
I just think it's great.
But like, and I want to hear about it,
but I'm just like not ready.
So now people are like, adopt, not adapting kittens,
they're adopting kittens and stuff.
And then people are like walking in, et cetera.
And TJ is like, Joe and Maddie come in and TJ is like,
oh, I didn't know you guys were coming.
Guess, I guess, I guess the old TJ doesn't get text messages
anymore saying we're coming.
So great, thanks so much for that.
Well, it takes like two hours to get here
from Daniel Island, so we're late.
Sorry everybody about geographically fucked, am I right?
Maddie, come with me, I wanna talk with you.
So Michael takes Maddie to the side
and he's like,
what the hell was that? She goes, yeah, Joe and I were fighting and like he was talking shit about grace and I feel like he was like trying to turn her against me. And then we see the fight.
And he's like, I mean, it's just like hard because like you're giving like 99% to a friendship and
you're only getting like 1% back. And it's like crazy. 1% is generous. And she's like, I can assure you,
there have been times in our relationship
like where she's been giving 90% and I've been giving 10%.
So you know what, Joe, it's just how it works.
Until you've really like spent time in Mexico with somebody,
you really don't understand.
Oh, I've never seen Grace give you 90%.
So, oh yeah, well last year, but you wouldn't know
cause you weren't fucking around Joe.
So now back to President,
Matt is like, now my friendship is being affected
because he's trying to defend me.
It's borderline suffocating and I can defend myself.
He just needs to trust my judgment.
And Michael's just staring at her like,
do you feel like you can be more open with me
now that I'm dressed like a kitty cat?
And now Grace and her mom, Tracy are there and um,
cats. Oh my God, honey, maybe this is your big moment.
You have a song about cats you could sing. I believe in you.
So, um, yeah, they're, they're there. And I just love,
I'm so glad they brought, uh,
Grace brought her mom because I love Grace's mom cause she's basically like Grace and her mom just kind of try to
look like each other, which is like my favorite thing. Like, like Tracy tries to be like the
cool mom, but then Grace is the kind of daughter that's like, my mom is just the best. They're
just like this power duo, power duo of an anony.
How many people can say they've danced on tables naked with their mom in Tulum?
So Joe is saying in a confessional, like seeing you succeed as, by the way, sorry, TJ, just
want you to know, seeing you succeed as an entrepreneur and like seeing Maddie killing
it and like Bradley like doing something just makes me realize like I need to focus on my career path because I never thought that like loving
someone too much can have so many repercussions. I'm just like too nice of a guy.
Well, you know, you have to have your own things, right? Like it can't just be the
relationship, right? I mean, you know, like for me, I have to think beyond relationships,
which is why I started a hot dog company because I used to call my ex-boyfriends Sir Wiener.
I used to call his penis Sir Wieners.
I'm realizing how fucked up this sounds actually now.
Hey, at least I'm almost paid off.
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Grace, Grace, are you gonna get a kiss.
Grace, Grace, are you gonna get a kitten? I don't know, you know, they're not like purebred
and I'm still kind of grieving Fergie.
I only want a purebred, stupid purebred kitten.
And we are reminded of the kidnapped cat storyline
where she kidnapped a cat from her ex-boyfriend
and I guess he got that cat back. I guess so.
She's like, hashtag, hashtag free furry.
I'll be honest, like after Vegas, I was like super hurt.
She goes, not genuinely apologize
for being late to your set.
She goes, no, but on the real,
like I'm not mad about you being late.
I'm like happy that you even showed up to be honest.
I mean, do you really think I'm that bad of a friend
that I was gonna miss your set?
It's like, yes, actually, yes we do.
And she's like, I haven't seen you at your best lately,
Grace Lilly.
Well, then you haven't been watching my TikTok
because I've been hula hooping my hookers off, okay?
Get on over there, girl.
Who's stopping you?
Did I not tell you that I went to dinner
with Bob Marley and Jesus?
Did you know that Jesus doesn't even know what a roller blade is? I said,
I like the roller blade. And he said, roller skate. And I said, blade, what kind of Jesus are you?
Rehang him. I said, you made this. So Grace is like, we don't even hang out outside of this
group together. And Maddie is like, yeah,'t even hang out bits out of this group together.
And Maddie is like, yeah, because you fucked O'Sheen.
I mean, I wish I never did that because, you know,
he was wrong.
I'm like, it's hard.
Now I put myself in a corner
and I just want to get out of the corner.
I never should have fucked O'Sheen,
not because it hurt someone,
but because now no one wants to talk to me.
So that was bad.
I still get sick every time I smell day old milk.
You know, hooking up with O'Sheen was not worth what has transpired and what it's cost
me. For instance, do you know that ever since I hooked up with him, I have not been able
to find my Subway Rewards Card? That's a whole free Subway sandwich I'm now not getting. That's costing me a lot.
You know what you need to do, Grace Lily? Swallow your pride.
Haven't I swallowed enough?
All right. Take accountability. Haven't I taken swallowing enough? Okay, you can only
do it once. It only works with one of the words.
Okay, sorry. I was trying to make it a thing.
Okay, I want to apologize to Eva, our friend.
No, Perone, because I met her when I was doing
Iowaska once and that is one bad bitch.
You know, there's a musical written about her.
I did cry for her and she got real mad about it though.
So then, so Maddie's like,
well, the group has given me a hard time,
but they haven't seen the times, you know,
you give me 90% and I give you 10%.
But I sometimes, you know, and I give you,
sometimes I give you 10%.
Sometimes I give you 90%, you give me 10%.
Like that's what we do.
We're girlfriends.
I'm a DJ, you're the talent.
Let's motherfucking hug, LOL.
So they hug and make up.
And then now Michael's just sitting with Lake
and petting kittens and stuff.
And he's like, you seem low energy.
It's like, uh.
Yeah.
You, you're saying that?
I know Michael's.
Michael's, Michael's who came very close
to being unmonotone once,
you're very low energy.
She's like, yeah.
That Afrito calling a leg corny.
There's like a lot of expectations
that come with being a rocker.
I mean, you know, when you're related to the star
of Hootie and the Blowfish,
just like there's a lot of pressure on your shoulders.
And if respecting my family and grandparents and their legacy, I just, I'm going to be more conservative about my
conceptuality and my fluidity. And he's like, well, even if you don't have a conversation now,
your family will come around if you do have it in the future. She's like, yeah, I'm going to have
a conversation with my family when they're dead and I have my money on my inheritance. How about
that? How about grandma can get a conversation when I'm spending
her money and she's in the grave? Thanks. I love you. I love you so much. I love you. I love you.
I love you. I love you. So then Lake leaves with Shelby, her lady friend. And then it's another day,
the sun has risen over the Ravenel Bridge, a bridge that was actually shaped
in the form of Thomas Ravenel's tenting fingers.
So Maddie and Joe are doing their morning routine and we see TJ and he goes into his
mail room, his package room to get some packages, but he leaves his phone in there and then
he's like, Oh my God, I left my phone in there, can't get back in.
And then we just, we don't get any resolution.
I want to know how that was,
I want to know how he got his phone back.
So then we go over to Austin's house
and he's having date night with Allie.
And he's like, yeah, this relationship has started again.
I'm like so happy to have her back.
Cause like I made some mistakes, you know,
like I said mean things, yeah.
Actually I like lied about a few things, so.
Tell me more, sir.
Just to get an emotional rise.
Yeah.
I'm like, what, what, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
what?
Excuse me?
That is the most toxic thing.
He just skated right by with that one.
It's weird, because there's so many stories there,
you know what I mean?
Like, what do you mean you lied?
So are you saying that you,
I'm getting like you cheated on her,
but then you said, no, I was just saying I cheated on you
to get a rise out of you.
Or like, I don't know what his deal is,
but he's a fucking weirdo and I can't wait to find out.
Yeah, seriously.
He's like, I've got some work to do
before I make things right.
And so then pizza arrives and there's like, I've got, I've got some work to do before I make things right. And so then a pizza arrives and there's like, um,
Austin's like he's, he's got like, uh,
the pizza has like pepperoni on it and it just looks like a strange arrangement
pepperoni. But if you look at it closely, there's like maybe a P and R and,
and like, you know, Ali doesn't think anything of it. So he has the leader.
He's like, Hey, look, look at that pepperoni.
Is that a P and an R and an O?
And she's like, no, I don't know what this is,
I don't know what this is leading to,
but I'm not gonna accept it.
I'm gonna make you have to spell out the whole thing
because I refuse to accept that you're asking me
what the problem is.
But I don't know how to accept my limitations.
Is that the prom invite?
So the most, look, I think this is real love
because they're eating carbs in front of each other.
So the gay people that's like marriage.
So then we go to the Republic patio
and TJ has his Sir Wieners stand up
and he's making hot dogs and Mia comes in to visit
and he's like, yeah, after the success of launch,
like I get to come here like once a month.
It's amazing.
Almost paid off.
Yay.
So Mia comes by and she's going to have, she's like, this is my only meal of the day.
It's a Miss World competition somewhere.
So he's like really happy to grow.
And he presents Mia with three hot dogs
and the mustard on it says prom with me,
which, you know, I really enjoy this.
We have a pizza, a pizza prom and a hot dog prom invitation.
And I'm gonna give it to the hot dogs
cause the pizza one was sloppy,
but hot dogs also sloppy, but more legible.
So good job DJ, you win.
And Mia says, I mean, if there were rumors circulating that my boyfriend cheated, I would
not be throwing him prom. I'd be throwing him a left hook. That's right. I'm back, bitch.
So then Mia and TJ are talking about Emmy and he's like, well, she's been like blowing me up
the past few weeks. I mean, like she wants to hang out. And Taylor told me that she said bad
stuff. So I'm not really sure.
Like she'll text me nonstop
if I don't text her back right away.
I'm not a peep from Will, not a peep.
I can't understand, because we're such good friends
as you'll see in the next two minutes in the next scene
when I try and reignite his cheating rumors again, yet again.
Yeah, seriously.
So he says it's been like very surface level,
borderline guilty vibes since Vegas.
So then Will enters with a bouquet of balloons
and they like one balloon has a P on it,
one has an R, one has an O, one has an M,
that he's written out in Sharpie,
but since the balloons are going in all different directions,
it's like unclear
what's going on. And they have on the screen, the thought of the letters scrambling and
swirling around. And he's like, I want to lean into the cheesiness of this. And you
know, you've been working so hard to put together this problem also was a really good use case
for my highlighter.
To say, Oh my God, you guys, I just got balloons and they say something and it's amazing, I'm going to prom, I'm going to prom with Will.
So then everybody's like, wow,
Will's putting effort into this relationship?
What the hell?
And TJ's like, I mean, he could have just showed up
with like roses and she would have said yes.
Ugh.
He's like, to be fair,
I was just trying to write the word romp,
but she read it as prom.
So it means like, it's the thought that counts.
I love it.
I know you think about me all the time, right?
That's why you cheat on me because you're thinking of me and that's the thought, the
thought that counts.
Huh?
So then everyone's just side eyeing Will and that means like, he just asked me to prom.
Oh my God, guys, he just asked me to prom.
I can't believe this happened.
So then she's telling customers they really don't care.
So now we're at a running path,
and Brad is leading a running group called
Let's Run Charleston.
And he's basically, it's like his,
because his side gig is doing fitness stuff and everything.
So TJ and Austin are there,
and Brad is saying that it started off
with just like a few 50 runners,
and now it's like a huge thing, you know? And we see that Austin is, does not have sneakers on.
He's going to run barefoot, which is like.
He's like, yeah, you can be like really close to the earth
by running barefoot.
Oh my God.
You can also be close to tetanus, you stupid.
You can get close to the emergency room
with those stitches you'll need soon.
He's dumb.
Once he step on broken glass.
He does it and he runs it.
He's like, it's like soul fulfilling.
Yeah, just what Buddha wanted, running over dirty needles
and condoms, sounds great.
So after, we're really here to talk shit, of course, right?
So TJ, Austin and Brad sit down and they're like,
let's talk about prom, okay?
So are you gonna bring Ali and make out with her
in the bathroom?
And Brad's like, I thought that was just a Will thing.
Yeah.
Well, thanks to all the rumors,
Stitch is like being, like thinks it's because it's like,
Will thinks that like he's saying that he's being bullied
by Ali's brother.
And Austin's like, I don't personally believe that it had anything to do with
Ali or her brother.
And to hear that Will even had Ali's name in his mouth
immediately pisses me off.
I mean, her and I are like trying to rekindle things.
And the last thing she's going to do is bring some drama
into our dynamic.
I'm currently not on good terms with any of Ali's family.
They do not fuck with me.
So I'm not having like conversations with any of Ali's family. They do not fuck with me. So I'm not having like conversations
with any of Ally's people right now.
So we'll just jump to conclusions.
This isn't high school.
This is law school.
No one cares that much about you, Will.
Then that means that Will lied again.
Let's get him everybody.
I'm gonna find out who this girl is.
I can't just sit on this.
I know I'm not gonna know how this is gonna end
until I end it. I'm getting it."
Geez, what the hell? Just a minute ago, you're like, why won't Will be my friend? And now
you're like, I'm going to ruin his fucking life.
Now, look, I believe Austin, I believe that Will is cheating. But that being said, while
you're building your case, don't have an aside where you talk about how
you made some shit up during your breakup with your girlfriend.
You lied just to get a rise out of her because that's not going to help your case on this
show when you're telling the story about how Will was fucking in law school.
Because now you've just admitted that you actually are willing to lie to achieve a goal.
So that's not great.
But I don't think anybody expects anything different from this band.
I don't think anybody is going to be surprised or really care that Austin is a
liar. Yeah. Um, but that was it. Now we have,
I'm still so upset about that. Um, now, so that's the end.
That this week is actually going to be the season finale. That was quick. A 10 episode season, I think, but, um, we'll see what happens at the prom
at the law prom.
All right, everybody.
Thanks so much for being with us today.
We will see you tomorrow.
Bye.
Bye.
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