Watch What Crappens - #275: Fed Up Strays

Episode Date: March 16, 2016

Timestamps below! The Real Housewives of Atlanta finished the season with a green Kenya and a Fed raid. Over on RHOP, the arguments over manners continue. Spoiler alert: no one has them. Top Chef named the top two finalists, and we also got to look at David Copperfield’s oddness. PLUS: Camille Grammar tweets and Ben gets trolled. Timestamps 0-36:45 Chatter and Crappens Mailbag: Real Househusbands, Real OBGYNs of Everywhere 36:45-1:22:20 RHOA season finale 1:22:20-1:35:25 Top Chef Finale Part 1 1:35:25 Clear the Flem: #Ryebread 1:39:40 RHOPotomac Ruined Trip ------------------- Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. For all our other links and extras, go to http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com ---------------------- Ronnie on the Web: http://www.trashtalktv.com Ronnie on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/trashtalkteevee Ronnie on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/trashtalktv Ronnie on Tumblr: http://trashtalktvrecaps.tumblr.com/ Ben on the Web: http://www.bsideblog.com Ben on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/bsideblog Ben on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/bsideblog Our Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/watch-what-crappens On iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crappins would like to thank its premium sponsor, Ms. Christy Doherty. We love you, Christy. Oh, I live on the edge of a crappin'. Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, the podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on the old Bravo.

I'm Ronnie Caron from Trash Talk TV. And I'm here with the gorgeous, talented, rich in spirit and in skin face, or face skin, Ben Mandelker of the B-Side blog at the Banter Blender podcast. Hey, Benjamin. Oh, hello, Ronnie. Welcome back home. Thank you. I do feel rich in the skin face.

The face skin. You're rich in face skin. It's golden and beautiful. I actually, I just came back from, as detailed in our bonus episode. And I'm sad to report that I didn't get a tan except for this one boxy area on my chest. It was like an inverse tan. That's like 80s porn tan. So welcome back from spring break, Bean.

Thank you. Our bonus episode was Ben's spring break trip, my lesbian mom weekend and politics and OJ. OJ. More importantly, OJ. I got to scream and yell about some political idiots. So that was always fun.

So if you want those bonus episodes, just go over to patreon.com slash watch what crap ends. Those are where all of our episodes are our bonus episodes are kept there's 76 of those now suckers wow and uh you can also get ringtones and stuff like that that's also where you go to put your questions in for the crappins mailbag which is coming right up also go to facebook.com slash watch what crappins to talk crap during the week as the shows air with other listeners that's a fantastic page so many good links are posted there so go post your links over there and uh if you uh if you listen to the bonus episode and you want to see at least two or

three photos from my spring break excursion i did post them on our facebook page just just the ones that were bravo relevant and i say that in the most tenuous way because they really were barely. White jeans. I posted white jeans to make Ronnie mad because of Yolanda's white jeans. And then I also posted a picture of our inflatable swan that went in our pool and was then later defaced with many penis drawings. Hanky, be nice to Hanky. We were not nice to Hanky. Oh, no one would mess with

Hanky. That was Panky. Yeah, that was definitely Panky. Panky was defaced. Don't worry, everybody. Yeah, I did get mad, actually, because I looked at your white jeans photo. You're having fun in Mexico, and I'm stuck at Boring Lesbian Night with a baby. I need to change. I need to change this up.

So, everybody, thank you so much for your support. We love you! Yes, we do. And we need to announce our Google to change this up so everybody thank you so much for your support we love you yes we do and we need to announce our google hangout actually our group hangout for subscribers you want to do that next thursday a week from um sure this will be very exciting the night before i have to move out of my apartment temporarily oh no yeah should we change it to a different day oh no it's it's fine Okay, so what day is that? March 22nd, right? Oh no, March 24th It's the second night of Purim So Thursday, March 24th

Second night of Purim Come on over for the subscriber video chat We just party For an hour or so with you guys And laugh our asses off at you Maybe I'll set the camera up in my living room and you guys can watch me pack boxes. You should. You'll still have a game night on your packing night, I'm sure. Probably.

Pack up some Catan. So what do you want to start with today, Ben? Oh, today's show is Real Housewives of Potomac, Real Housewives of Atlanta, and the mailbag. So obviously mailbag first, eh? and the mailbag. So obviously mailbag first, eh? Well, you know, actually what I want to talk about, Ronnie, is how, you know, a lot of people might think, me? A web designer? Hardly. But I just created a fantastic looking website using Weebly. And I still can't believe how easy Weebly makes it. Yeah, Weebly was created for people with the courage to start their own business and the dream to be their own boss.

Again, you don't need to be a web designer or know how to code to create a beautiful website, blog, or online store. Sweet! We're all including those of you already on the weebs. We are all impressed with the wide variety of professionally designed, mobile-friendly themes to choose from. Then you just simply drag and drop to quickly build and publish your site. Too easy. And you can customize it. It's not just a form that you're stuck with forever.

Customize it, update it, change it anytime you want to on any device. Yeah, any device. So join over 30 million people who are already dreaming big with Weebly. Get started today for free at weebly.com slash watch. That's W-E-E-B-L-Y dot slash com. What? What? What am I saying?

I broke W-E-E-B-L-Y dot com slash watch. Weebly.com slash watch. Yes. And thank you, Weebly, for using us. Thanks, Weebly. Weebly is the long lost daughter Weebly. Weebly is the long lost daughter of Dawn from Real Housewives of Cheshire.

I want to name my new daughter Weebly. She can play with Darby. Was that Darby or was it Weebly? Can't tell. We miss you Cheshire. Cheshire is about to start its third season over there. Magali free, by the way. Not okay.

Where's Magali? I don't know. I guess she just got fed up with those dumb betches. To that I say, whoa. Whoa. They say, Magali, come back. I say, no. No, no.

This is the sound of me not coming back. Boop, boop, boop, boop. Slam. Magali don't take sides. Magali's Magali. magali almost crossed the street okay wait for car sound of magali walking away no i say magali walk right down the street because magali don't take sides magali's magali hey bravo or whoever is in charge of this shit stop holding back on the other housewives okay this is now Shusher we're missing And we're missing the season of Melbourne

Get with it I need to talk about These wenches please bring them back To America Get them on the air Or else I know that you're an intern working for Bravo You person with your headphones on Just listening to see what nasty shit we say

That's all we care about okay tell your boss yeah go you in fact take off your headphones not right now you have to finish listening to what i'm saying but you walk you take off your headphones and you walk right into your boss's office and say hey i'm an intern i have ideas and the very first idea I have is to bring Melbourne back onto the air. Okay. Okay. And then Ramona walks in. And then Ramona walks in. Whoa. Whoa, this is crazy.

This reminds me. This one time when I was a little girl, I remember I got lost in New York City and I wound up walking into NBC and I walked into a development meeting and I said, whoa, this is crazy. There should be a TV show about all the taxes outside. And they said, okay, we're going to make Taxi. But then I think it was on CBS. So I don't know whatever happened to it.

But Geraldine Parsons Smith came and said, no, that's a bad idea. So she canceled Taxi and NBC for me. And it never got made for NBC and went to CBS. I can't even listen to it. Like I can't even look at a taxi anymore. Because one time at dinner, it was my parents' anniversary. And my mom said, happy anniversary, honey. And my father threw a pearl necklace at her head.

And so now I can't watch any show where Danny DeVito is married to real Pearlman. There. Okay? I said it. Okay? This one time I saw Judd Hirsch. And I said, hey, you look like the one from Taxi. And he's like, I am the one from Taxi.

I said, that's so crazy because I was the one who came up with that TV show. And he said, that's crazy. And I said, no, it's not crazy. It's Ramona. So to this day, every time I see Judd Hirsch, I get mad that he doubted me. Okay? I don't know what I'm – I'm going to NBC today to tell them about this show called Uber, okay?

Could you imagine Ramona? She's like, okay, let's try taxi again. This time, it's in a regular car, okay? Okay. Bethany's going to star in it, okay? It's not going to be Mary Lou What's-Her-Face anymore, okay? Mary Lou Henner. I'm still afraid every time I eat dairy because Mary Lou Henner's like,

that will make you fat for the rest of your life. I'm like, goddammit, but I love milk. I think of afraid every time I eat dairy Because Mary Lou Henner's like That will make you fat for the rest of your life And I'm like god damn it but I love milk I think of it every time She said it on like Oprah I think a zillion years ago I know I remember it was like 1998 She had her book and it was like If your shit sinks to the bottom of the toilet Then you're not eating right

What the hell lady My shit is exhausted okay It doesn't have the energy to float That's the best part is when they sink down Like if it's a good just falls out easily that's the best part mary lou henner don't you know anything about shit that's easy cleanup i hope mary lou henner doesn't listen to this because she's gonna be like yeah that's true and now i eat dairy again and now i'm dead like something awful is gonna happen she's gonna barf on herself oh good oh by the way if you're wondering why we're already

looney tunes it's because we're recording later than usual which means um our brains are already gone yeah exactly i think we all we all know that when we don't record during our normal hours things go crazy hence uh me rambling about ramona developing taxi for nbc before it went to cbs well how many podcasts does mary lou Henner end up on these days? We did a good thing. That's true. Was Taxi on NBC or CBS? I don't even remember. I couldn't with that show. It's a bunch of poor people walking around a garage. Fuck that show.

I hated it. That was a funny show. Excuse me. Hated it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's Declasse. That's my show. To her, she just looks so sad all the time. I mean, I guess that's the point. Oh, my show. She just looks so sad all the time. I mean, I guess that's the point. Oh, you know what?

By the way, it was on NBC. It was on NBC. There you go. Now we can continue. Now life goes on. One less mystery in life. You know what wasn't on NBC? La, la, la, life goes on.

Patti LuPone singing Life Goes On. That's what wasn't on NBC. I don't even get that reference. Patti LuPone in the show On. That's what was on NBC. I don't even get that reference. Patti LuPone in the show Life Goes On with Corky. Oh, she was on that show? Yeah, she was the mom. And she also sings the theme song. Life goes on.

I only saw that show once. Patti LuPone's amazing. Just listen to anything Patti LuPone. Life goes on. I almost have to wake up now. Life goes on theme song. I have to hear it for myself now. The life goes on.

It's too long. Too long for this podcast. I'm sorry. But anyway. I'm waiting for everybody's waiting. There's so many people waiting to hear the life goes on thing. We're already a minute ten. We haven't talked about Bravo even once. I know. That's why I feel bad. I don't want to play the life

goes on theme. Two minutes long. That's too long. It's too long. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You know one other random thing that I'm going to say to make this podcast way longer than it needs to be? Last week, this is really old news, but I had the screenshot saved to my computer and just never brought it up. Camille Grammer last week. I think I mentioned, like, you know when the finale's coming because all the old slags start coming out of the woodwork to get attention, you know? Yeah. Like, the fired ones. They're they're like oh but i'm also selling lipstick it's like

you're fired like three years ago shut up but camille grammar of course did that last week and she started going off and she posted an article from the hollywood reporter uh talking about attorney roy black uh this is like i guess a gossip section it's talking about bieber but then it moves into black has represented rush limbaugh for whom he was able to get charges of doctor shopping dropped following the radio host well publicized battle with prescription drugs kelsey grammar after the actor was accused of statutory rape and race car driver and dancing with the stars champ helio blah blah blah so posted that, and then she went on this tweet tear of Kelsey, and it was so, so good.

She said, someone's like, I hope you're okay. And she said, oh, yeah, he was represented by at Leah Black Miami's husband. I was like, you're really going to go up against Leah right now on Twitter? She'll rip you to shreds. You can barely spell a tweet. This woman writes books. So she

started to respond. Leah didn't think Leah's smart enough to just be like, fuck her. I thought Leah did respond. Oh, not in what I read. What did she say? Who told me? I don't think, no, it wasn't anything. It was like nothing. It was like nothing. It was like a look, but I don't think it was anything.

Thanks for your support, Camille. How fun is that? She's going to invoice her for that tweet. It was like a look, but I don't think it was anything. Thanks for your support, Camille. Roy is a great lawyer. How fun is that? She's going to invoice her for that tweet. So Camille went on this tear about Kelsey, and these are all out of order, but they don't need to be in order. It's just Camille babbling. So going through the house and cleansing, releasing energy. He's up to no good at the moment.

Trust me. Can't say much more I'm excited to see Beverly Hills support gynecological cancer awareness next week on Beverly Hills thank you Bravo Evolution Andy Hart and the Housewives Hart

wait where's her Kelsey stuff yes a couple of years before I was married I didn't know until a month before we got married made me take a pause or made me take pause except. I didn't know until a month before we got married. Made me take a pause. Or made me take pause. Except you still married him. This is a statutory rape thing.

I almost... I'm almost completely moved out of the house that we had together. Rather freeing. Girl, that's because you can't afford that house. That's like $50 million a month. Shut up. Yeah. Slaw acting proud. You earned that house from sleeping with somebody you knew boned a babysitter who was underage uh this info was in an article that was published when justin

bieber hired ray or roy also kelsey had a sexual encounter with his daughter's babysitter the girl was a young teenager he was in his late 30s he hired roy black small world um and then she i don't need to go through all these, but you get the gist. And then Kelsey said some conservative... He made some conservative tweet, and she's like, Really? Does your god like you sleeping with teenage babysitters, Kelsey? What does he think about that, Mr. Morality? I love you, Twitter.

I know, I love it. Sloppy fights. Exactly. And so far, I can't really find anything that Leah had responded to Camille with. But she did ask her, she did tweet like yesterday and said, Camille, DM me. With a little flower. Wait, she said what? Camille, DM me.

DM me. It's hard to do a short phrase this is ridiculous why don't you just send me a direct message why does everyone have to hear how angry you are just direct message me yeah that's the big that's the big camille graham's news yeah but don't worry about her you guys guys, because she also tweeted, Don't be read for. I don't know what that means. Don't be read for. I'm empowered.

I am women. Hear me roar. So Camille is not only woman. She is women. Okay? She's multiple women. Roaring. You go, girl.

She's every woman. She is like Chaka Khan and Whitney Houston. She is every woman. No, she's every women. Oh, Camille. I's every woman. She is like Chaka Khan and Winnie Houston. She is every woman. No, she's every women. I am every multiple of women. It's only me. I'm woman squared. Leah Black just trying to get in on the women empowerment.

Sisters are doing it for themselves. You don't have to tell me about power. I've been selling makeup out of my trunks until I was 30 how fun is that what a wonderful world alright let's move on to Krappen's Mailbag

Krappen's Mailbag we have so many questions do it well let's start with um let's start with daffy1227 who we already like because she's got 227 in her username i love the name daffy it is you what? A lot of good things happening in that username. Double Fs, 227, Daffy. Yeah, and she made 227 number one. Yeah. Miss Jules the Daffodil, honey. My number one show is 227.

That's what 1227 means. Oh, Paul. So Daffy says, she goes, Krappen's mailbag. I just moved up from $2 to $5 just so I could ask questions. Yay, thank you, Daffy says, she goes, Krappen's mailbag. I just moved up from $2 to $5 just so I could ask questions. Yay, thank you, Daffy1227. She goes, I have two questions. I see so many places to eat on Real Houses of Beverly Hills. Name five places a person should eat or visit based on locations used by Real Houses of Beverly Hills or Shaw's.

And then second, if the real house husbands were created, which five men would the main cast be? So let's start with the first one. Places based on locations on Beverly Hills. Well, obviously, one must always go to Sur and to Pump, right? To get the full experience. Yeah, of course.

Because you've never seen a planter as big as the planters at Pump. True. You don't know how awkward it is eating on the floor in black lighting until you go to Sur. You just don't understand. You just will never understand how wonderful electro-Argentinian tango sounds while eating goat cheese balls at Sur. You will never understand what it's like to be 300 pounds eating on your knees with a bunch of tourists who look like they're about to call the hospital in pain. You will never understand what it's like to see one or two of the Toms from afar at Sur and get excited and want to say, look, there's one or two of the Toms.

And then you see a bunch of tourists doing the same thing, and then you're really embarrassed that you're just like all the tourists. Unless you go to Sur and Pump. Unless you're mean, you're just humping their legs and calling them idiots to their face. Well, you're trashed. That's how to do it. Okay, whatever restaurant you pick, just get sloppy and make fun of them.

That's what they're there for. Yes. I can tell you some places not to go to. There's a place called Xai Veranda and Lounge on Sunset. How's that spelled? It's X-A-I. The Shahs love going there

and every time I walk by it just smells like stale hookah. Disgusting. So don't go there. It smells like MJ's mom, that place. The Shahs go to some of the worst. They're like, does it have fluorescent lighting? Because that's what Persians need. Lights that are fluorescent

and really bright. Everywhere they eat, there's like fluorescent Home Depot lighting in there. There is like a trail of closed down restaurants everywhere they've gone. Like as soon as the Shahs go to a restaurant, you know it's only got two more months to live. It's like the rings. They're like the ring for restaurants.

MJ trying to crawl out a toilet. Once you see the Jaws, you last two more months and then you die if you're a restaurant. MJ. Someone help MJ get out of the toilet. She can't kill anybody in there.

The only way to have your restaurant survive is if you show us to a new restaurant. That little girl from the ring. Well, that's so white, okay? Okay, homegirl? Like, Persians, we get stuck in the toilet. Like, only white girls can just crawl out of a toilet, okay? That's so Persian.

Like, white people, they just love, like, bursting through your TV. But Persians are like, we'll just show up on your couch. That's so Persian. So what other restaurants are there? I'd imagine they're like Ro-Ro's Chickens fans because any Middle Eastern person loves that. That's fast food Middle Eastern. But I haven't seen them actually eat there. But if you want a Shaw's style place, go get you some Ro-Ro's, y'all.

Yeah, Ro-Ro it's really good um yeah i don't i feel like they generally don't go to good places they usually go to places that need the business right so it's hard to do you have a patio completely open with no other customers for four hours that lisa rena can talk about an egg white omelet in. We'll be there. Actually, the Real Housewives, I believe that Catherine and Lisa had lunch at Sweet Butter in the Valley. And that place is good for brunch. And my boyfriend loves their chicken and waffles there. So if you want good chicken and waffles,

aside from Roscoe's, which is what I love, you can go to Sweet Butter in the Valley. Roscoe's which is what i love you can go to sweet butter in the valley goes is a bit dry really yeah i don't like their fried chicken it's too dry for me i love their waffles i actually mainly go there for their waffles oh waffles i love a waffle me too their waffles are so good all right what else you got on here so what um uh if if the real house husbands were created which five men would be in the main cast peter peter peter's bro and i think mauricio perhaps maricio yeah mauricio would take kyle's role where he just everything has to be advertising something he's selling yeah and you know they all have to wear hats that say the agency on it yeah and lies so

that he never has to talk about his real personal life and how much the hilton's hate his ass for stealing their business i would like it if david were on it because he would just be skittish in the background his eyes darting left and right to see if shannon's gonna show up david would be so good we're basically well maury's not a cheater but so far we've picked two cheaters yeah well i think they're all cheaters. That's why none of these real housewife relationships never work out. Okay, so that's three. Who else would be a good househusband?

Oh, well, Tom Girardi, Don Rickles. Oh, yeah. That's one right there. Shut up. I'd like to see him take down Peter. Go to your room, David. There. Here.

I'm sorry. Go to your room david there here i'm sorry go to your room be careful there's a erica jane uh like super fan who was trolling my blog and i had to i actually had to block them because i mean i don't mind if they troll my blog but then they started saying racist shit and i thought this probably oh they were what were they leaving comments on different recaps? No, I posted a picture on Facebook of it said someone left a comment pretending to be Erica Jane. It was from the Netherlands and it

was tempting to think it was Yolanda, but it was not. And the comment was saddest blog ever, which is kind of funny. And I was like, yeah, it is pretty sad these days. So I posted that on the Facebook page because I thought it was funny because obviously it was not Erica. But I thought it was funny to think that Erica could be trolling my blog. And using her real name.

Yeah. But then the user then started leaving comments under that one with different usernames. And they were like, I totally agree, Erica. This is such a shitty blog. What a boring game. Bored games? board games and then they use another username and they were like you're just a black dick lover you just love your black why don't you spread your ass cheeks for some black oh my god just only like the black dick you're just a black dick fairy what it was like really i'm like okay that may be true but you're saying it from a place of hate

i like when people use true stuff against you they're like oh yeah you like muffins muffin lover i'm like yes actually thank you but you could you use less vitriol that would be great yeah they're like you're the lamest gay ever you love love board games and black cock. I was like, okay. But it was actually, it was like nasty. It was like pretty nasty. And also, by the way, all from the same IP address in the Netherlands. So I blocked them. Yeah, well, what can you do? What can you do, Erica?

If that person were actually an astute listener of the podcast, they know that we actually like Erica. Yeah, somewhat. I'm ready for her to be completely hateable, but she hasn't really gotten there yet for me. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah.

I know she's going to be an asshole, though. I don't love her, though. I don't love her. You like her more than me, I think. I don't love her. I don't think she's great, but I don't hate her. I like that she's on the show. I think she's super entertaining to watch, even though she has zero sense of humor.

Yeah, exactly. But i like that about her i like that she tries to like act like this cool girl but she's really like a stuck-up no sense of humor dum-dum i love that i love a fault you're gonna get trolled okay so uh betsy asks ben ronnie long time listener since the matt woodfield days love that ronnie and i share an El Paso past. And she says, Trees, tacos, pepper. Love ya. What? Sorry, I was just saying,

Betsy Luna, I love ya. Oh, yeah. And, oh, that's Betsy Luna. Betsy. And she says, And that Ben is just so stinking smart with his esoteric references. Yes.

Like when I made a reference to Taxi. If you need an intelligent Billy Ocean joke, Ben Theroux. Listen, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going. Am I right? She's so... Betsy goes on to say,

I'm an OBGYN physician. Pretend you are me. Then she goes, how lucky are you? And you have to see the following patients In your office for a gyno visit How would the interaction go So start with

Orange County Vicky has a pesky rash After a night at Andalus Pretend you are an OBGYN Ronnie Okay you want me to be your Obgyn and you be Vicky Oh actually I should be the OB-GYN because you would do a better Vicky than I do.

Well, I'd do a terrible Vicky, but I'll be glad to do it. Glad to see you have a job. You know, that's good. You know, positive things. Vicky, can you tell me a little bit more about what you might have been doing at Andalais that could have led up to this rash situation? Were you grinding on any objects?

No, of course not. I'm a mother. I did not have sex with multiple bowls of chips. Did you have any unprotected sex? Look, all I did, you know, some people in the blogs, you know, they're saying that I, like, grinded on a table and did this and that. I didn't.

I was trying to pick up a chip with my hoo-ha, and it got caught in there. That's all. Stop accusing me! Okay, now we have Beverly Hills. Rinna has a troublesome discharge. Oh my gosh, okay. So that

paper towel is just for now. I am going to prescribe you some medication though. Do you have any idea maybe how you got this, Miss Rinna? Well, listen, I've been around a long time, baby. You don't even know the things I've rubbed my you-know-what down onto. I mean, I wear a diaper for crying out loud. I actually do know a lot of the things because I just ran a pap smear.

And there's bits of Diet Coke can in here. Can you explain that? Oh, well, yes. smear um and there's bits of diet coke can in here can you explain that oh well yes so uh harry hamlin asked me do you want a diet coke can i said do i want a diet coke can i need it as much as i need it up in my vagina and he laughs so i just shoved it up there okay um this is so bizarre Bethany is having hot flashes Okay I'll be the doctor again No you're not dying

It's just a good old fashioned thing called menopause I mean it's just It's crazy it's like it's hot and then it's cold And then it's like hot and I'm like Does the temperature need to go up? I don't get it Is it a temperature thing? Is it the room? Is it me? What is this temperature anyway? What is hot? Is it hot or cold? I mean I'm from Florida Everything it the temperature need to go up? Like, I don't get it. Like, is it a temperature thing? Is it the room? Is it me? Like, what is this temperature anyway? Like, what is hot?

Like, is it hot or cold? I mean, I'm from Florida. I mean, in Florida, everything's hot. It's humid, okay? It's so humid. But it's like, it's cold in New York. So it's like, I don't get it. Like, I don't understand what this is all about.

Like, what's the weather here? It's like, when things are hot, am I hot? Or is it hot, like, temperature? Or if I have a hot flash, does it mean I'm sweating? Like, I don't get it. I don't see it. I don't understand the brand. I mean, like, if we have to talk about this weather, like, this temperature anymore, like, literally, my walls are going to be up. Like, I'm sweating. I don't get it. I don't see it. I don't understand the brand. I mean, if we have to talk about this temperature anymore, literally, my walls are going to be up.

I'm going to be on the floor crying. Seriously, just kill me right now. Kill me now. You know that I charge by the hour, right? Literally, if you charge by the hour, I could sit here. I could talk for hours and hours and hours, and I'll pay for it. Honestly, I'll pay for it. Don't worry about me. I'll pay. I'm good for it. I just want to get off get off my jock

okay let me explain this in a way that you can understand what you have is branded very very well it's called old age okay deal with it lady get the hell out of my office get out of here bethany frank i'll take a lollipop okay okay i'm seeing it right now. Okay, so, okay. Aged Skinny Girl Margarita. Like, old-aged Skinny Girl Margarita. Vintage barrel. Great. Okay, like, see this I get. This makes sense. Like, I understand this. I don't understand, Doctor, where are your buyers? I don't understand. Where are your buyers? Where

is your medicine going to go in Macy's? Like, what part of Macy's is it going to go in? I don't see it. I don't understand it. That's just questions. Because I care. I care. So I'm just like, shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Please clear her from the office. Clear her. Literally, I'm going to be on the floor crying. Okay, literally. Walls are up.

Walls are up. I'd just be pouring hydrogen peroxide all over your head until you were clear. Yeah. Oh, Bethany. I don't know if we have to do any. We did three of these. There are many more of these. But we can do this for another two. Should we do one more question?

Let's see. One more question. One more night. Give me just one more night. Oh, this is a nice, easy one. Lorraine Andrews says, dearest R&B. Once again, I love that we're a musical genre. A pretty generic question

but if you both won the lottery would you still do the podcast and she says um side note i got my mom christine addicted to your podcast and she's in love with both of you we're in california a lot and she wants to take you out to lunch next time we're there i told her you most likely weren't into random women from baston taking them out eat. However, Christine thinks otherwise. I told her I would ask. She's actually pretty funny. Hi, Christine. Christine. You don't get pisser.

So, wait, what's the question? If you won the lottery, would you still do the lottery? Oh, if I won the lottery, yeah, short-term memory is gone. If I won the lottery, I would find a better drug than weed because it's eating all of my brain cells. Gone. They're gone. If I won the lottery i would find a better drug than weed because it's eating all of my brain cells gone they're gone if i won the lottery yeah i would still do a podcast i was doing it before for no money yeah i'd do it again i love to talk shit yeah i would totally do it too i need to get these feelings off my chest me too i got i get to yell about really really serious

things in a stupid stupid genre i love Yeah, plus I'm a total narcissist. So every time you guys tell us how funny we are, like all the good things we do or how your mom, Christine, wants to take us to lunch, like that honestly just like makes my day. You're like a real housewife.

You live for the likes. I do. I do. I do. It's not for the money. It's for the Insta likes. It's so sad. But what can I say?

I've got low self-esteem. No, Ben. I love when hot people have low self-esteem. I'm very supportive of that. You go, Ben. Well, thank you for suggesting that I might be hot. But I just had a double cheeseburger in WeHo at Five Guys. And I watched people, like these guys with rippling muscles walk by and i'm

really in a state of self-loathing at the moment someone asked me why do you live in west hollywood if you don't want to work out and you want to wear crocs and socks every day and look like a bum and i said that's why i want to live in west hollywood it's like an it's the ultimate fuck you like i'm a walking fuck you to all these queens and i love it it feels amazing you see i would do a podcast about anything. I'll stand in front of the 7-Eleven and just make fun of the queens going back and forth. See, I am easily shamed. Like, I got shamed by a machine yesterday or on Sunday.

What happened? Well, when I was coming back from Mexico, when you go through customs now, there's, like, this little kiosk where you have to answer questions. And then it, like, takes a picture of you and spits out a Wall Street Journal sketch of your face. And the sketch, first of all, it was such an awful, awful photo slash sketch thing. It was so terrible in so many ways

and I was like, oh my God. I have to go back to the gym. I have to fix my hair. I have to shave. I have to do all these things. This is terrible. The machine has shamed me. Oh have to fix my hair. I have to shave. I have to do all these things. This is terrible. Like the machine has shamed me. Oh, I will not be shamed by a machine.

I even threw my scale away. I was like, bye. Bye-bye. I'm constantly shamed by machines. Like that's how Terminator will happen because the machines will, they don't have to even aim a gun at me. They just have to shame me

and I'll be like, you take over now. Take over. I feel the same. I gave it up it up spent my whole life worrying about everything and then one day i was like who cares fuck it and then i found little caesars five dollar hot and ready he's gained 100 pounds and i've never been happier well i do have to say when i was eating my five guys cheeseburger i was extremely happy especially since shake shack the first shake shack in california opened up this morning like a block away from five guys and there are like 500 people in line over there and i'm like you know shake shack is really good but you can come to five guys and it's pretty much like like negligibly like maybe if it's not as good as shake shack it's like negligibly less

good la is so stupid they're like look it's shakes and a burger wow you guys wow have you ever been out of your fucking house do you remember when i love the cream opened here and there were lines around the block for months it wasn't or dunkin donuts yeah by the way i love that you just used the gonzo voice to describe shake shack fans you know why because i was in the car the other day with my bestie, Tricia. Tricia, who talks like that. And her boyfriend goes, oh, my God, look, there's a Shake Shack opening. And she goes, wow, that's, like, awesome. It's like a Shake Shack.

I was like, yeah, that's what he said, Dunning. Damn town. Everyone's so excited about a milkshake. Go to McDonald's, fucking idiots. Well, I'm excited to go to Shake Shack. But, you know, my one fear is, I'm like, well, I'll just wait until the line goes down. And then I remembered, I don't think the line ever does go down at Shake Shack. Aren't there still epic lines in all of New York City?

Yeah, I think you still have to wait in line because, you know, a $10 milkshake, that's something. What are you going to Instagram your $10 milkshake? Shut up with your stupid expensive milkshake. Put some ice cream in your blender. I want a milkshake so badly. It probably wouldn't be very good for my brat diet. Who cares? No dieting allowed.

You're back from spring break. Eat something. No, no. The brat diet is bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast, as recommended to me by Angie Thomas, our frequent guest host. Because that's what you use when you come back from Mexico and you have diarrhea. Oh, darling. Get some resolve and throw up like everybody else. Listen, I can't complain about feeling overweight while I am shitting my brains out at the same time.

My body is reacting on its own, so it's we're so different it's hilarious when i sat down to do this episode i unbuttoned my pants because i gained weight and i just unbuttoned them because i was like i'm not buying new pants and i'm not gonna go on a diet so i'm just gonna walk around with unbuttoned pants maybe it'll solve itself maybe it won't i don't give a fuck okay i don't give a fuck i'll give a fuck uh so uh what do you want to talk about first oh oh wait we're gonna have to save that segment till after a show because we're like 35 minutes in we got to talk about something well we're gonna well we're gonna talk about well don't we have to do officially our closing sounds oh yeah, mailbag. Bye. We must close up the mailbag. So why don't we move on to the season finale of Atlanta, right?

Atlanta. Why do I have notes for Pump Rules? That is not till next week. I mean, till next episode. Let me close that up. Close it. Close. Clear. Atlanta. Atlanta. I cannot believe this was the season finale of Atlanta. How is it already over? It was episode 20. So I guess it was.

It's true. Yeah. Girl, you know it's true. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. I want you.

Was it I love you? I thought it was I want you. I don't know. I don't know words to anything. I just know that. I don't listen to lyrics. Okay. Real Housewives of Atlanta Are you saying you want me to leave for notes?

Yeah because when I was watching it I was running to the toilet every five minutes So Rat diet What a great time to bring up the fact that this episode Opens with Phaedra cooking a stick of butter That is a great time That's how it opened Phaedra putting a stick of butter. That's a great That is a great time. That's how it opened.

Phaedra putting a whole stick of butter in a pan. I was like, yes. She's going to be having a party with Dwight, who is skinny, anorexic Karen without a wig for a holiday party. Winter wonderland. Fabulously

freaky Phaedra. I don't even know. Even when I'm writing down Phaedra notes, I don't know what the fuck she's talking about. Like, what? What now? Wonderland, fabulously freaky Phae. Phae? Phae Resnick?

You look beautiful, by the way. If I've offended anybody, I sure am sorry. Do you feel better now, Pha sure am sorry do you feel better now major do you feel better now dwight uh so she calls dwight to brainstorm and come up with new ideas i just wrote lol i have nothing really to say about that i just imagine that like this is what i imagine when she calls up dwight i imagine like the introduction to the Tales of the Crypt. These things moving out of the way. And then the Crypt Keeper answers his phone like, Finally, they want me again.

I think this is how Dwight answers. He's like, ring, ring. And he's like, hello. It's like if Dracula met the Crypt Keeper, you'd have Dwight. Dwight has that gay journey voice. Like, everything he says is a journey that you have to go on with him. Even if he's just saying, like, it's hot outside. He'll be like, it's hot outside.

Well, he lilts, you know. He does a lot of lilting as if he's from some movie from 1956. Don't you worry. This party is going to be the most amazing talk of the town. Jitterbug, fidderbug, doodity-doo. She's like, that's what I wanted. It's like two nonsensical idiots talking to each other. Stupid Dwight.

Oh, what were you going to say? No, nothing, nothing, nothing. nonsensical idiots talking to each other. Stupid Dwight. Stupid Dwight. Oh, what were you going to say? No, nothing, nothing, nothing. No, I want it. Give it to me. I was going to do like a run about Dwight getting nine birthday cakes, but it's not worth it. Get like nine snow cones or something for the holiday party. But I got baby Jesus a cake, of course, because it was his birthday.

But what did the shepherd get? They traveled all that way, and you know I love a shepherd. I'm going to get 26 different cakes, and we're going to put them all into an advent calendar. This is 2016. If you give somebody frankincense and myrrh, especially as a baby, you'll be run out of town, girl. Girl, I'll have your partridge and your pear tree. You know me, I love a pear. Okay.

Okay. Candy and Todd in Todd's giant tiny penis truck who's next uh todd last week candy insisted that todd has a big one and this week we're watching todd try and get into that little fella trying to get into his giant tiny penis truck penis trick yeah now todd's penis it's pretty big riley riley look at your stepfather's penis riley he's not overcompensating for his penis see he's overcompensating for his height okay like i won't start candy kills me i don't know they were wearing matching clothes i don't know why i care about this stuff but they were both driving in navy blue which i thought was weird and he had to lift candy into the truck and she's like i'm walking my body back

i mean i'm walking my body back candy which You mean last year, two years ago body? Season one body? What body do you want back? We've seen you eat three entrees a meal. There is no body you're getting back, all right? See now, Riley. She got the right idea. She has a good body, but I want to have Riley's body.

But see now, I don't know if I can get to that body. I'm starting to veer into Aaron Neville territory. She gets like that, especially when she's, I miss her crying. I wish we've seen her cry because I like her goat cry. Like a straw coming in and out. I don't want to have just like two flapjacks for breakfast after this. Two flapjacks for breast happiness. So next up is Portia and Candy.

Oh, why am I talking like Phaedra? Every time I see Portia, I say Phaedra. What the hell? So Portia and... No, wait, who is this? Yeah, Portia and Candy. I don't even know what I was doing when I was writing this. So Portia and Phaedra. Because Phaedra's making, like, sweet potato souffle.

Oh, by the way, I saw a Patti LaBelle commercial today in the laundromat and laughed my ass off. Oh, yeah? Oh, she's so funny. She's like, ooh, you want some cornbread? I'm like, oh my god, Patti. Calm down over there, Patti. You're like, calm down, Patti. The answer, of course, is yes.

Deliver it or shut up, lady. So I might, Sig, I don't know what that means, that Riverdance shit. Oh, she's like, at my holiday party, I'm thinking of having a dance. I might dance for everybody, because she's trying to top herself in her stupid parties.

And Portia's like, Riverdance? Is that that Riverdance shit where they kick themselves in the butt oh so phaedra starts hinting around she's like i'm gonna ask chrissy to dance with me because you know you know how he is he's a dancer he's like yeah he's a dancer you know he dances i'm like he literally dances where are you trying to make it sound like a criticism? I know. It's just like, he knows how to put one foot in front of the other in rhythm, if you know what I'm saying.

Now, you know what I heard about Chrissy through the grapevine, which is a dance move, honey. Yes, we get it. Ooh, be careful with my hot potatoes here, which is also a dance move. A hot potato. Portia's like, I got those put in my chest at first, and then I said, a deal's not worth it. So I paid for boobs. I made a deal with the devil. Deviled eggs.

Deviled eggs. Candy and Todd again. So blah, blah. They're kind of boring, right? Yeah, they've kind of faded to the background of the show. I mean, I get that she's hugely pregnant, so I don't expect that much. But please keep Todd away from me and stop spending your entire season talking about some old lady gang spinoff. I know.

You know it's going to come. It's going to be like, they're opening up a restaurant and having a baby. This week on Candy's Restaurant Baby. Don Juan's going to be telling off Cracker Barrel waitresses. You got to get to your post! Chef Betty, get to your post! Coke had Don Juan as the manager. I already brought you your potatoes.

What else do you want from me? You only get customers. We don't have bread baskets here, okay? And you don't need the carbs anyway. That's so going to be a Cracker Barrel. They're going to even sell, like, quilts in the gift shop and, like, books on tape that you can take on your cross-country drive and return at the next old lady gang store. It'll be Don Juan reading books. Call me Ahab.

Bitchy readings. Bitchy readings of literature by Don Juan. I said, Scarlet A, what the hell are you talking about, bitch? It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. I mean, what type of times was it? It was the best

or the worst. I don't get it. Please, sir, can I have some more? I said, please. Don. Please, sir, can I have some more? I said, please. Darn. Okay, so they're going to visit the dead mom. Hilarious. Sorry that this all led up to a dead mom, but there you have it. She's still dead.

Yeah, Sharon, Miss Sharon. But I like that Sharon is so tough that even her headstone is hands coming up, and it looks like they might be praying, but they could also smack you right in the face, those hands. Oh, yeah. She's just waiting for Mama Joyce to come visit. Then she's going to totally carry her ass out of the grave with her hands going to stick out and grab onto Mama Joyce's weave and just slam her into the tombstone. That's one last for me. I love her. I miss her voice.

Todd was saying, well, I miss my mama because she was my mom, which of course he does. And then they cut to this scene. He's like, my mom wouldn't take shit from nobody. And then it cuts to her. And I was like, please let it be telling off Mama Joyce. But it wasn't. It was just like, I hope that I'm alive for a long time or whatever. And then I was like, thanks a lot, depressing editors.

This is a perfect moment to put in about how she almost cut Joyce. Bad edit. Yeah. You know, my mom was always the life of the party. No one wants to remember Todd's mother not hitting somebody. Okay. Portia and Candy. Why do I keep saying this porsche and phedra

back together again okay so now the gossip which porsche at least tries to do subtly even though she's not subtle but she's like i was at dish nation today and we got these emails and this story about the fed season motorcycle from candy uh. And Phaedra's like, well, I haven't even heard anything about that. I've been out of town, girl. Really? What a coincidence. Yeah, she's like, I've been out of town. And by out of town, I mean, you know, talking with federal

prosecutors and telling them where the rest of Apollo's stuff is. But you know, this episode, they tried to make this into a thing. Like, oh gosh, the Feds came and got the stuff out of Candy's garage. And Phaedra may have sent them. I don't think either woman really cared. Candy was like, no, they came.

So I had to be like, run, get out of the garage. Here come the feds. But Candy did say that she thinks Phaedra did it. She's like, what? But I don't think that Candy cares, though, that much. I don't think that candy cares though that much right i mean can you just like i don't think candy even liked having that stuff there in the first place right wasn't it todd who put it there yeah but she's always gonna stick up for apollo because um of her husband because she's always gonna take her own husband's side and also because she has family

members in jail and she doesn't like that phedra's like he's my kids aren't going to jail so candy kind of cut her off i think even if she's nice she'll she'll always be nice but i think she's done with her yeah for a role yeah you know i think last week someone in the crappins mailbag asked like do you think there are any um times when we're not seeing the real story on tv like uh like like and we talked about like Bethany and Jill, et cetera. Probably Candy and Phaedra, there's probably some stuff that's not on there that's contributing to their distance for sure. Yeah, because you never know with Phaedra.

She's really good at that whole Phaedra thing. Yeah. So Portia was cracking me up. Can you believe that? Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. And then she said, it's like they knew something yeah maybe they have bravo because we saw this on the air last year i mean what the hell it's not like it's a big surprise everybody with a tv knows that candy is holding his shit yeah um and phedra probably did look it's not beyond phedra

to call the feds but i don't even think she would waste that time. She was probably being questioned about assets because she's still married to him. And was like, well, if you want him, go get him. They're in this garage, which I wouldn't blame her for. Yeah, I don't think. I think it's sort of like a whole. I think it's like a non-issue, you know? I think people were trying to make it.

Yeah, she tried. Kenya's the worst. Okay, we'll get to that. We'll get to Kenya's the worst. So I was out of town. So, and then porsche i don't know if i told you but peter and cynthia have some stuff too i'm like oh jesus porsche she's like trying to make it i just love that apollo just has all his junk at everyone's houses i would never honestly like that's that's ridiculous he's like going to jail i'm not gonna hold your stuff put it in storage and phaedra's response is well i wonder what candy would think if i had todd's

stuff over here well probably that you robbed him because they're still married so if todd was in jail and you still had his stuff yeah that would be different but you're comparing uh apples to oranges that are in jail yeah Yeah. Jailed oranges. Moldy clementines. You're comparing apples to orange jumpsuits. Kenya and Matt, this relationship, I am not buying for one damn second. I do not believe it. I think it's completely fake.

They don't even seem to know each other. Yeah, I mean, I do think it's all for TV. But I think even as a made-for-TV romance goes, I think it's pretty cute. Oh, look what I gotcha. I got you a dog. I got you a dog. Whoa, look, surprise. It's two. And then Kenya with her little girl voice to offset his growly, you know, overly hetero growl voice.

She's like, dogs! Like, why does she talk like that? She's like, dogs! She talks, she tries to talk like a little girl. It's so creepy. I know. She's like, I don't know if this is... King and Twirl.

King and Twirl. Yeah, she named one Twirl for obvious reasons and the other one King because that bitch has to compete with everything and a King trumps a president. Stupid Kenya. You're trying to, like, compete with a dog over Phaedra's baby name? Come on now. None of them will ever be able to reach the heights of Velvet. Never.

Velvet was everything to me! Didn't Velvet get killed by, a dog like another dog or like a coyote or something i don't remember or was velvet ran oh maybe velvet was run over i don't remember but i like that she got two more velvets to replace the one velvet because they're like little velvet twins exactly exactly and she's really just driving that twirl thing into the ground isn't she at this point yeah it's over. But Beyonce said it, so that's just probably on her fucking IMDB. Yeah. Kenya invited to Phaedra's party.

Okay, Kenya, did we know that she grew up Jehovah's Witness? I actually think we did. I don't think she's made a big point of it, but I feel like we actually did know that. Girl, now we know why those people need to be so silent are they all like her no she probably was kicked out after she terrorized too many people by showing up on their doorstep she's like hello i really don't find it appropriate that you close the door on me mother how could you how could you get mad at me showing up on your doorstep this is what you taught me so i don't know whose side of the family i'm guessing her dad's because she was raised by laurie and laurie doesn't seem like a jehovah's witness and then she

was wait no first she was living with her dad and then she ran away to live with laurie right yeah so i guess her dad is jehovah's witness i don't know but i'm just i don't know why her mom's side seems more like messed up and i kind of feel like like the like the oppressive elements of being a jehovah's witness could engender some of the uh dysfunction on that side of the family is that just me or is that well i mean she's definitely good at not talking if she doesn't want to that's for sure i don't know if i'm just being jehovahist what is. Is there a term for when you're being racist against Jehovah's Witnesses? A religionist?

I don't know. Religious? Witness-ist? I don't know, because I think I would mostly be ignorant, because I don't think we even know about it. I grew up with some Jehovah's Witnesses, and they were always cool, but it's not like we had to party a lot. They weren't missing a lot of crazy ragers in the fifth grade. They always had to go home right after school, but that's really i knew i was like wow that sucks that religion sucks your mom won't let you go to the park and they're like no i was like whoa that religion's not for me yeah all i

know is that um jehovah's witnesses don't really celebrate holidays and i don't think they like the gays that much but it depends depends, I think. Does any religion? Yeah, exactly. Is there one? So I grew up Jehovah's Witness, so no holidays, et cetera, et cetera. I don't know why she was talking about this, but she's talking. They just probably told her. They just didn't want her at any holidays.

Like, oh, yeah, guess what? We're Jehovah's Witnesses. You can't come. Yeah. We haven't bought you presents again this year, so we're still Jehovah's Witnesses. You can't come. We haven't bought you presents again this year, so we're still Jehovah's Witnesses on Christmas. Our religion says that you need to go to your room

and shut up. How about that? Oh, I hate this religion. So, in case you're feeling bad for Kenya right now, please don't, because immediately she says, well, I don't know how this party at Phaadra's is going to be like i'll go but you know it's going to be uncomfortable because you can't just be dropping

the dime on people in the hood that's not how people like it in the hood and he said i don't really think phadra lives in the hood does she and she's like well he's in jail her husband's in jail so that's hood adjacent i was like you're such a fucking judgy little bitch, Kenya. Honestly. Like, you've hired someone to play your boyfriend. At least she had a husband to go to jail. She, you know, Kenya would be the first person to tattle on someone. You know, if Kenya were in a patriot position, oh, she would say where every single piece of Apollo's stuff is. Like, she would talk about the hamster he buried when he was a child.

Oh, totally. she would be calling jail trying to start fights yeah she would never let it go and then she says i'm lucky i don't have anything because phaedra would send the feds to my house i'm like what are they the feds are going to come to your house and then they're going to take a bunch of shit that you still owe money to at floor chimes or whatever and then they're going to have to go you know then floor chimes is going to have to repossess shit from the feds. It's not worth it repossessing from somebody who doesn't pay for anything in the first place, Kenya.

Apollo's best move would have been hiding his stuff at Kenya's because the feds have been like, oh, we don't want to deal with this woman. We're just going to go. We're just going to keep it. Keep it. It's fine. We'll take the loss. This woman has her straw weave on every piece of furniture. We don't even want it back just keep it

yeah just just go we'll just go enjoy your fondue so over at cynthia's house mallory's over what a fun season finale yeah nothing says fun like mal let's move some furniture that sounds great now we're moving furniture together. Well, do you have the edge of the couch? Maybe we should work more on the edge. No, just move it. Well, maybe we should flip it on its side. No, just move it.

All right. Well, what about the coffee table? I'm like, please say this is not the season finale because this is making me sad. Oh, my God. We knocked over the massage table. Oh, no. What was that noise? Oh, it over the massage table oh no what was that noise oh it was massage table this was the most awkward thing i've seen on bravo in a long time i have to say what this

scene turned into so cynthia is telling us oh it's awful now so i i didn't have sex with peter for a long time because in a you know when you when you're in a bad relationship, the last thing you want to think about is sex. But when were you in a good relationship? When you were in a good relationship, you were in fibroids not having sex mode. And then before that, you were in you won't commit to me not having sex mode. I mean, when have you ever been in the mood to have sex with your husband? Never. But now she's trying to make it like, oh oh he's doing so good because he planned this trip

to jamaica bravo plan that shit eric paid for it that is so sad i know cynthia it's so so sad and the scene where she gives peter a massage i mean i actually had to stop looking at the screen it was so disgusting this was worse than tamra and eddie in the bathtub this is one of the worst scenes we've ever seen worse than ramona walking around a shirtless mario and poking him in the chest to have sex what do you remember oh yeah when she when she was okay poke poke okay i'm gonna oil oil i'm gonna oil you up now okay sorry you're gonna get oiled up i'm sorry i mean in cynthia's defense she did get to go on a trip with her husband even if he didn't pay for it it's not on her credit card so i can see how she would get horny for once thank god at least capital one's not calling let's fuck

so peter comes in she's like peter i'm gonna need you to disrobe so peter gets out of he gets him down into his underwear which is already like really unpleasant i'm just like thanking god that the only light in that this entire scene was coming from a few candles scattered about it was so dark this was some uncle ben porn this was like the guy from the cover of the uncle ben rice coming in and taking off his clothes and then laying there going, oh yeah, I'm gonna get it, babe. Thankfully, it's done in five minutes. That's all I can say about Uncle Ben porn.

Make it stop, darling. So he's under a sheet. He takes off his underwear and then he flops over onto his front like a beached whale and she gets on top of him and starts massaging and she's like, is there any particular area that I can help you with? And he's like, I got an area

in mind. I was like, oh god, please just stop this. And then she starts giving him a handjob on camera. What the holy frick. She's literally giving him a handjob. She turns him over, she's giving him a handjob. I'm like, this is, please. And then, to make matters worse,

there's like some footsteps. And here comes Noelle, who has not left the house. Noelle is there because her hot dad, Leon, has shown up. Oh, poor Peter. He's like, that kind of took the fun out of it. I'm like, yeah, because you just saw what she used to have. How do you think she feels trying to give your old Uncle Ben ass a handjob when Leon, the hot ass Leon, comes in? Yeah, why do you think the lights are all off, Peter?

Poor thing. Next year, Cynthia's storyline is going to be her blind daughter. She's probably poking out her eyes in that car with Leon right now. And I was going to say, poor Noelle. She just saw things that no daughter should ever have to see. Nobody in the world should have to see what we just watched. You gave your husband a handjob on TV? Are you fucking crazy? And then your daughter walked

in? Oh, good lord. I mean, I ain't a prude. Give him a handjob, but I don't want to look at it. Oh, no. Gross. No, it was truly an awful, awful moment. So speaking of made-up things about people's private parts,

Porsche is at the doctor trying to talk about babies again oh god those things you're full of fucking mylar has been yeah i'm so sick i laughed about that last week for like an hour after i thought that was hilarious i just think of a junior prom when i think of her mylar implants but like i'm so sick of the fertility doctor or obstetrician storyline like how many of these women on bravo have to visit the ob-gyn we've seen like we don't we i don't care no one cares anymore if. If you're going to have a baby, if you can have a baby. This scene was all just like, I want to have a baby.

But what about the fibroids? Oh, guess what? You have fibroids again. But guess what? They're small fibroids. You can have a baby. I was like, ugh, no one cares. No one cares.

Even the men putting their penises inside of you don't want you to have a baby. I mean, come on, lady. Take a hint. Yes. Jesus Christ. Get you some Tetris on your phone or something. I mean, come on, lady. Take a hint. Yes. Jesus Christ. Get you some Tetris on your phone or something. Pass the time in a different way. The world does not need your spawn.

Like, you're very funny and cute, but you're all we need. Yeah. You're all the lady we need. Could you imagine how jealous she would be of that baby? Oh, my God. Why is everybody looking at the baby all the time? The baby gets a job on dish nation the baby's twerking at age three months twerk twerk i love my thought baby so moving on doctor hi not jackie doctor okay wait phaedra why did i put wait oh i think i meant to write write dwight phaedra that's rude

note taker dwight phaedra so he's clearing out his beauty salon i guess her budget has been minimized i'm about to say when they showed when they showed like uh clips of her previous parties you can see there's been a noticeable decline because originally the first party with the ballet and all that was at some sort of mansion. And then the next party was at a public swimming pool. And now we're just at Dwight's shitty-ass salon. He's clearing salon chairs into the back and covering mirrors up with snow. It looked terrible.

I hope that Dwight comes out with a Christmas Carol album where he doesn't know any Christmas Carols. Because this is him. He's like, it's beginning to look a lot like christmas it's like do you even know this song how do you not know it's beginning to look like they told me look there's a santa slain the feds can't even take it it's bolted to the ground here's an elf on the shelf girl he's slowly turning into Martin Lawrence Ballard Oh ravishing what a ravishing Christmas party this is a million dollars did you find this earth on the shelf in India in india in india they sell they they celebrate short people

oh look i found a bunch of christmas stockings at fresh and easy it was part of the clearance sale oh come back to us fresh and easy or martin lawrence martin lawrence ballard fresh and easy was i can't have a package of bell pepper. I just don't understand that. I understood it very well for five years. And those sales were so good because the next day the vegetables were all rotten in the fridge. Like, oh, what is this, dollar store vegetables? Buy a Fresh and Easy. And then asking me to bag my own shit at the end.

You know at Trader Joe's they look at you to bag your own stuff, but they don't make you. Let me tell you where I never had to stand in line. Fresh and Easy. Even when it was crowded. You go through there so quickly. People who go shop at Fresh and Easy, they get it done fast. I think I had bad luck because people are so dumb at those machines. Like, wait a second, it's not working right.

And then they have to have someone come over with the key. Someone's always trying to insert their credit card into the screen like it's not going in well don't put it into the the animation of the card going and put it into the slot oh well we could go on about the stupidity of people but we already are because we're talking about the real housewives of atlanta i just want to say by the way if you think that the self-checkout at a grocery store is bad, talk about the machine. The machine that shamed me at the airport. Those things. Oh my god. You want to see old people get confused by machines. Those customs machines. Terrible.

Bloop, bloop, bloop. You're fat. Bloop, bloop, bloop. You're bald. Bloop, bloop, bloop. I have to say also that Jimmy Graham, I don't actually have to say it, but I'm going to say it also, that Jimmy Graham, who is this very famous football player, was on my flight. Because, you know, part of my ongoing series of celebrities on my flight. And he's tall and gorgeous.

He is a gorgeous man. And he was checking in on the machine just a little bit ahead of me. And that also contributed massively to my shame. I want you to come out with a coffee table book called stars on planes, but it'll just be huge pictures of the top of celebrities heads when you're behind them. Well, the best part about Jimmy Graham was that I was wondering as I got on the

plane, I was like, I wonder if that's Jimmy Graham or not. And then he was actually wearing a hat that said Graham. And actually it was, he was like, it was like, Oh,

okay. This has made it. This is the easiest celebrity debate I've ever had. It is actually Richard Graham. Hey, call me when you're on a plane with Billy Graham, okay? Now that's a celebrity. Yeah. My meemaw would shit the floor. I don't know.

Who cares? Hopefully not. Okay, party. Isn't he 700 Club or am I mocking the wrong person? Is that Billy Graham? I think that's Pat. Oh, sorry, Billy Graham. Billy Graham's probably really nice and I just shat on him. Sorry.

Pat, what's his face? Take it back. I don't really care enough to make a statement like that. Pat Robertson? Oh, that 700 Club? Oh my god. Okay, so, and I've watched a lot of it. I have a meme all. Party. Kim gives food dirty look. Now that is the

first batch of mac and cheese that kim fields has ever looked sideways at she was giving that food shade she's like look at this mac and cheese how i was like get out of here you've still got like milk crust on your face from this morning's breakfast yeah how how dare she how dare she shade her hair inspiration mac and cheese this is so dumb let's just drop the mic she does look like she has mac and cheese hair oh kim fields i just loved the dirty look at food i was cracking up then dwight is djing but there's no music yeah that was funny to me like he's djing the oh jesus dwight dwight really is soaking up his moment he's like i'm

only on one episode i gotta make the most of it this season yeah he's like kind of raving raising the roof with one hand but then also kind of waving by but then also kind of like waving his head and there's no music it was the worst coachella ever the elf on the shelf is mortified darling congratulations yeah so speak of elves on the shelves um how aiden was so cute as a little elf on the shelf he is i like his little attitude that he's getting i like when kids do that thing where they realize that everybody's stupid that's my favorite part of childhood i love seeing it dawn on children when they're like, wait, that's what I'm supposed to turn into? Oh, fuck me.

It's called humanity, darling. Welcome to the club. He had the right idea. He just kept handing out coal to everyone. But what was that coal? It was like red feathers? Yes, like coal wrapped in like a red cloth or something. I didn't get it really

yeah i don't approve of your coal aiden yeah make better coal um and also the the real elves like the little the little people this is so offensive and of course it's phaedra she's like i need some elves get some midgets phaedra miss juicy and little late little lady bit so everybody can stop and take pictures with little people. Yeah. Shame on you. And then there's like some acapella group standing outside on the sidewalk singing totally off-key. Yeah, totally off-key.

Not your best work, darling. I mean, not to jump ahead too much, but what was weird was that when Nini walked in, she was talking to the little people. It seemed like she knew who they were. She was like, little bit, little bit, what are you doing? Why are you doing this? It's weird, right? That's how Nini is when she's trying to be nice. She's like so Hollywood and everybody's best friend. Little bit.

Yes, girl. Look how you're so little. That is so good, little bit. Stupid fake ass nini um so candy oh so candy now is oh aiden bob enters dressed as santa across poor cross-eyed santa with some weird porn music playing behind him he looked like one of the bears from the Charmin commercials, dressed up for Christmas. Cross-eyed Charmin bear, sweating. Yeah. As Santa, coming in. A little bit of toilet paper

hanging off the back. Toilet paper on his shoes, Santa. He eats all the cookies and the mattress. He eats everything. Yeah. He eats the cookies and everything out of your fridge. And then takes a bed frame so your children are left to just sleep on mattresses on the floor. It's the worst Santa ever!

Darling, he's Krampus. He's Krampus. No, he's too lazy to even take the housewives out of there. He wouldn't even drag any children to hell. He'd just be like, I'm just taking your bed frame. If there ever was a party for Krampus to crash, it was this one. But not even Krampus has that low of a standard. Krampus doesn't have a bus big enough to take all the idiots

from this party. Krampus was about to go in and he was like, uh, no, never mind. He saw Dwight on the turntables. He's like, you know what, I think I'm just going to go to the Red Lobster. He's like, I cannot listen to that queen all the way to hell. No way.

Leave him. Dwight's like, I cannot listen to that queen all the way to hell. No way. Leave him. So it's like, Krampus. Krampus. How wonderful to see you. You look wonderful, Krampus. Krampus, I haven't seen you in quite some time, but I'm just so happy for you. Oh, what's next? Candy.

It was odd. Okay, so Candy starts. She tells us that the feds showed up at her house and stuff, and she's like, see, things are going good with Phaedra, but then I think, and sometimes you do me right now! And sometimes

I'm like, Phaedra! I thought we was good! Phaedra! Simultaneously patting her weave and doing that one finger scratch in the middle of her weave she's just sitting on a seat somewhere just waiting for the baby to pop out at this point uh sheree and bob bob you trying to get back in my life bob are you trying to get back in my life bob you trying to get back in my life tammy you sleep with bob you sleep with bob basically charie's voice eventually turns into tivo sounds

she's like the incredible somebody just said a season pass around here oh it's just charie talking charie's telling off bob that's what she does when Bob says something he doesn't like. So funny. Is somebody fast forwarding this party? No, shrey's just a little happy right now here comes tammy i'm a heart attack laughing at this stupidity bob's like there's no mistletoe but oh that shit was hilarious okay so tammy okay so shamia and porsche coming in little hot pants and kim frowns again this bit this whole episode for kim fields was basically just she frowns at mac and cheese she frowns at hot pants hey kim is there anything you like anything one thing what is it carpool oh my god i know she does not like seeing an empty sleigh

that's not in a line of other sleighs she's like she's trying to figure out how to get the dvd player to work in the sleigh yeah she's like that sleigh isn't in line for anything what's the point that sleigh doesn't have children i see i don's the point? That sleigh doesn't have children, I see. I don't believe in Christmas because I don't like how Santa Claus used the sleigh all for himself. There should be other people in there. So Sheree approaches. Oh, wait. First Nini and Greg.

Okay. Oh, crap. Tammy bringing her damn nephew. How is he allowed anywhere ever again? Well, this was a different... No, that was a different nephew. Oh, I just saw some hot young black guy. I assumed it was the same.

I don't know. I don't remember the other guy. It was definitely not. Although I was wondering how he was stopping himself from attacking a woman in the middle of a party. I was like, I guess he's medicated today. Yeah. So Tammy comes in looking crazy as usual.

She's like, Merry Christmas! Go, go, go, go, go, go. yeah um so tammy comes in looking crazy as usual she's like merry christmas ho ho ho merry christmas am i right duck the holes so we see her for a second but first is nini and greg dwight nini's fake hi dwight's like we haven't seen each other, but I just wanted to say hello. Is your drink too sweet? She's like, well, hello, Dwight. Now, this drink is good. It is a bit sweet, though. And then Dwight scurries off like a little mouse to fix his queen's drink.

That was so poor, Dwight. He wants to get back in with Nini so badly. Not going to happen. She's got much better gays now. She's come up she she can get the creme de la creme of gay gay sidekicks and she doesn't need dwight she will kiss ass to the other housewives because she wants to be back on the show next year but you're not one of them dwight now go get a drink and he did so sheree approaches bob and tammy uh oh you know you know probably by the way you know who was that Tammy probably brought?

Probably her nephew who has that song. Remember there was that shit nephew who's like, now Candy, what do I gotta do to get my nephew in the recording studio with you? I don't know what my voice was right there, but whatever it was. I thought that was the same nephew. No, that's not the same

nephew that started the fight. Oh, so the future rap star nephew was not the aggressive nephew? No, no, no. That guy was like a former basketball player. Oh, for Christ's sake. How am I supposed to keep up with this woman's children's children's siblings' children? How do I keep up with her? I'm just speculating, by the way.

I have no idea if this is the guy who has that one dance song that we show. Come on. You know, if you want to be famous, come to this Christmas party for the Real Housewives. It's in a hair salon. You got to show everyone your new Christmas song called Deck the Halls. Oh, wait. You didn't come up with that? Oh, I've been telling everyone you came up with that.

Oh, but if Deidre Hall is there, please don't deck her. It's going to be so embarrassing. These people are never going to invite me on another trip again it'd be awkward awkward so sheree approaches bob and tammy and tammy's looking super awkward because you know she's terrified of sheree because you know she's up with bob sure it goes what's wrong boo slug out your tongue i know sheree is coming in for the kill slug out your tongue and then we get a flashback of you sleep with bob and this made me really like tammy when she said uh bob no tell the truth did why did you tell chara that we slept together and chara just looks him and he totally gets caught

in the light starts sweating bullets yeah uh tries using the Bill Clinton, I've never had sexual relations with that woman, but she makes him be honest. And then Sheree's like, you see? Nah, we're back together. What? Okay, he didn't sleep with Tammy, but now he's just a compulsive liar. Sounds great. Have a happy

life. Yeah. Have a great summer. See you at your next divorce proceeding next fall, you cray cray. Yeah. Have a great summer. See you at your next divorce proceeding next fall, you cray cray. Yeah. No, he's a low life. He's a low life, and he knows that Sheree is on the up and up, so he's hitching onto that wagon. So Kenya comes in dressed as the Grinch. Yes.

She's doing some Zoe Saldana green makeup. Kenya comes in as Zoe Saldana green makeup. Kenya comes in as Zoe Saldana playing Nina Simone. Oh, that was on the bonus episode where we're talking about Zoe Saldana and how she always has to be covered in some sort of color for her to get onto the screen.

Even when she's playing a black woman. They have to cover her with body paint. Any fan of Nina Simone should be protesting that shit. Of course, we're probably all home getting stoned and crying at sad songs. But, you know, if we ever get that energy, let's protest together, you guys. Yeah.

But Kenya comes in dressed like the Grinch, and then he goes, The Grinch, girl! the grinch girl from Wondery this is Black History For Real I'm Francesca Ramsey and I'm Conscious Lee what do most people think about when they hear the words Black History

Rosa Parks, Reconstruction MLK, February Black History Month exactly, exactly there MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more.

She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a

secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app

or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining WANDERiE+. And then Kim takes a picture all by herself. She's like sitting all by herself, taking an Instagram of Kenya, her enemy. So, so weird. The show is so weird.

We should have been done talking about this an hour ago. Nini and Candy, Candy gives looks gives looks nini i wanted you there so we could talk okay so nini and candy have a talk because nini's on her you know toilet lid teeth apology to her get your teeth out of my face first of all yeah those things jump right into your face she's like that alien from aliens how they have one head one big head that's scary but then they open their mouth and there's like 10 other heads that are scary that come out. That's exactly right. So yeah, so Candy and NeNe

kind of bury the hatchet for now. They're like, I guess we're sort of like oil and water. And of course, they cut back as they do every season to their very first fight where Candy's like, but you're starting to die.

You know. See? Get out of my face you need to go sit down yeah Nini Nini is trying to be nice and it's very funny and I also like her when she's like this

I don't even care if it's fake I agree I think when she's like this she's totally entertaining and charming and even if it's fake it doesn't matter because it's like you like her again you're like oh it's nini yeah i like when she comes back and the evil one has been replaced for a little while but i love how she acts so stupid about everything like nothing's ever her fault she goes i don't know what happened to me and candy really you don't you have no idea you you happened and happened! And then she goes, Candy, I just want to

press the restart button. I'm like, ask Putin how that worked out. Lady, pulling a Clinton over there. So Kim and Shamia, who's out of here? What? What am I saying? Kim and Shamia, why do I care? Why is Kim talking to Shamia? Did this happen? Uh, I don't remember.

I will not call Phaedra by her real name today. I call phaedra something else so kim and phaedra so kim is just saying i know you've been through a rough time and it takes a village to raise a child and i'll be part of your village and phaedra's like well thank you now please stop talking to me because you're pulling the life out of it she's like thank you girl and then just walks away. Now this is time for Kenya to start her shit. Because it's the finale and she's in green makeup.

You know, last bit you did that got a Tony. Congratulations, Idina Menzel in Wicked. So Kenya starts her, have you heard? Have you guys heard about Phaedra calling the feds on so-and-so? And then stupid Cynthia goes to Portia. I don't know if I told you this, girl, but they came to my house, too. Oh, she says that to Kenya. Really?

You didn't tell your best friend in the world? This shows too much. We need to recast this whole show. Yeah, exactly. They're all just faking it. Yeah, like I said, I thought this whole thing was sort of this about i don't know i just was not to me did not seem like a very scandalous thing they're trying to make it so scandalous but look if she did call the feds good on her they shouldn't be holding

his shit and she shouldn't get taken down because she's hiding assets for that idiot so good for you girl i hope you did call the fed. I love that the feds are just sitting around, like, waiting for people to call them. Like, oh, it's a real housewife. What? An RV? Where is it? What do you call those? Not an RV.

A three-wheeler. What do you call those? ATV? Oh, yeah. They're like, an ATV? We'll get right on it. The feds are busy. Yeah.

And feds. I'm sure. So then, did you say that Phaedra walked up to them? Or no? Yeah, I don't know if they bring her over or if she just walks out. She walks up and they're like, oh, it's funny. This is what we were talking about, whatever. But how the Feds came and da-da-da.

And Phaedra's like, uh-huh. Anyway, I'll excuse myself. And she just walks away. But Phaedra, they go, so we heard that the Feds came to Candy's house and seized all of Apollo's assets. And she goes, well, you can't believe everything you hear now, can you? I was like, what does that even mean? They did do it. You stupid.

And then she goes, I need to go. And then she literally tap dances her way out of it. She's like, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na. And then starts dancing with Chris. And then that's it. And then it ends. Yeah. I mean, pretty much, yeah.

There was like, it kind of was like a pretty whatever finale. You know, Atlanta finales are never that strong. I think last season, or it was the last season, it ended with them watching Kenya's pilot. You know, it was like, whatever. They just were sitting around watching the pilot. Yeah, this has to be one of the most uneven ones because it's usually my favorite one but this season i swear half of these episodes were painful and then the other half were amazing yeah that's the way atlanta always is for me it's like there's some really fun episodes and then there's just like a lot of filler so now we'll have like three crazy

reunion episodes because they always do a crazy reunion and then it'll be gone for a few months evil nini's coming back for the reunion for whatever reason she was in two damn episodes but she's back and she's now she's evil nini again yeah well the reunion looks like it's gonna be crazy so well you can always count on that with with uh atlanta all right you want to do a little palette cleansing cleanse with elos? Yeah, let's do it. Let me get over to my Top Chef notes, y'all. Well, it was the season finale. It was the finale part one, and it was in Vegas.

How lovely of Padma to show up in her underwear for the— I know. They, like, arrive at the MGM Arena or whatever, the Garden arena at the MGM Grand or whatever it's called. And they have to do this. First, we find out that Amar has returned from the Last Chance Kitchen. And he's back. And the four of them have to cook stuff based off of cards because

spades represented royalty and hearts represented the clergy and diamonds were merchants and clubs were peasants and so they each got a card and it was like this whole sort of a convoluted challenge.

We are going to give you cards and on each card is a color and the color corresponds to a class and the class corresponds I was like you guys are giving Padma two god damn much to say just tell one you're poor you're rich you both

are in the middle work wrap it up Padma so it was like they had to um it was like if you were like the the peasant which is what amar was he only had access to the peasant pantry but if you like but if you were the merchant you had access to the merchant and the peasant pantry and then clergy so on on and so forth, clergy moving on up to nobility. So which seemed to me a little odd. It seemed like for a finale, it was strange to restrict one person so much.

Even though one can make the argument that Margaery, whose royalty was also a disadvantage because she had, like, so many choices, right? I think the main disadvantage is that they had to make a hundred, they had to serve 150 people in three hours. Okay. Yeah. Look, I know that every, probably the majority of people who listen to this cook, right? So you cook, you cannot make food for 150 damn people in three hours. That is just bullshit. Don't these judges want good food? Why would you give three hours to make 150 dishes? in three hours. That is just bullshit. Don't these judges want good food?

Why would you give three hours to make 150 dishes? That's crazy. I know. That is absolutely crazy. So they got to choose sous chefs and stuff. But the thing is with this challenge was that whoever won would move on to like, would go straight ahead to the finale, basically, like, this week's episode coming up.

And then the three losers would then compete head-to-head to move on at the next, to meet the winner of the first challenge. Right. So, basically, so the winner was Jeremy. Jeremy. And he made chili grapes. Yes, that's right. He made pickled grapes. And they were like, this is a revelation.

But I swear to God, I've seen and perhaps had pickled grapes. And I feel like maybe it's been on Top Chef before. Am I crazy? I don't remember. I do know that you can't pickle something in three hours. That's not how you yeah but you don't just pour vinegar on something and call it pickled pickles means like it's a process pickled you don't just pour vinegar on a cucumber and it's a pickle yeah jeremy and i was i just so

hot though he's really hot he's he's so bro i'm like a little over his bro-ness um i like when he said i'm a single dad because at the beginning they have to do their victim thing like because it's a reality show so marjorie's like i've never made anything before and i don't know anything except for today or whatever and then uh amara's like everybody's dead that's like his story and then jeremy's like i'm a single dad and then they show a picture of him next to his little bald baby and i'm'm like, you guys look exactly, you look exactly like that newborn. Yeah. Big old bald Charlie Brown heads.

And you know that Jeremy is like the person who still loves talking baby shit. Like every time, every time that like Ameritrade commercial would come on with a baby that would talk, you know, he'd be like, I love this commercial, bro. Bro, you gotta look, you're talking babies on. It's like me. His screensaver is that weird dancing baby thing whenever i miss my daughter brawl i like turn on the computer and watch the baby dance while i think of recipes man yeah bra yeah bra um so then uh so anyway so he won and so then the next challenge uh involved david copperfield david copperfield came out with a big black wig. And he and like Copperfield looks like Dr.

Oz with an eye job. Like age really takes us all to the same place, doesn't it? There's like five types you end up when you're old. And I guess Dr. Oz is one of them because he looks like Dr. Oz with a Bert and Ernie wig. I think he looks like the dad from Dharma and Greg. Oh, I'm trying to remember who that was.

I couldn't with that show because Dharma. Jenna Elfman, the worst. Well, either way. She was on damages and I was like, kill her! I was so glad when they killed her. I hate her. So for the next challenge, so this is the challenge before the finale. And they had to, so Isaac and Marjorie and Amar had to do like a magical thing.

It was like they had to bring an element of magic into it. They had to sit through that David Copperfield show. He's like, look, I'm chopping someone in half. I was like, really? Is this still what magic shows are? He like making a nickel disappear but behind his ear get out of here dr so i i i kind of thought this was a little gimmicky for um like for for a finale challenge they did it on top chef masters they did something i think it was in the magic castle where they had to do something that involved illusion.

It was really, really cool. But I kind of felt like this is something that would have been better if there was a pool of six of them still left or five of them. I just felt like, Marjorie even said it herself, to do something that's kind of gimmicky, that's the only thing that stands between you and the finale, just felt a little wrong to me. Well, yeah, because she has to perform and she feels so awkward and she's not comfortable and so now she has to go out there and like make a show you know that's i mean i can see how that

would be unfair but at the same time if you're going to win top chef you're going to have to be on those web shows and those five minute the top chef teaches you how to make bacon in the microwave in five minutes you know they have it life. It's not just about the presentation. It's not about that. It's also about, like, you know, you have to, like, make food that has, you know, there's, like, magic in it. Like, there's something magical that happens. And her dish wasn't actually magical. Although, apparently, the only flaw in her dish was that there wasn't enough orange sauce in it. Because she burned her tongue. On liquid nitrogen.

Marjorie's droll ass. Kills me. I was rooting for her to win this whole thing. I love me some Marjorie. And she was killing me in this. She's like. Well I've never used liquid nitrogen before. But here you go.

I've never made duck all over orange before. I've never done this before. I've never used a mirror to play it on before. I've never seen someone get so much mileage on how much they've never done before it's weird i know that's very true she does that all the time she's like marjorie's that girl who swims in a t-shirt i love her i i love her too i was really really rooting for her but she obviously was sort of a little off her game and so what i was surprised at was that i i guess i wasn't listening carefully i didn't realize that only one of them was moving forward i thought just someone was gonna get eliminated so i thought isaac was gonna get eliminated so when they were like padma was like amar you're moving ahead and then she's like

the rest of you may pack your knives and go i was was like, what? Marjorie? No. I know. But the other two did well. They all did fairly well. I mean, what did she do? Well, Tukala Orange, I don't... They liked them all, but she was boring. But then Isaac was super entertaining. But he made a steak with crispy chicken skin wrapped around it, which to me sounds gross.

And then is he the one who made the onion rings but made out of potatoes? No, that was Amar. Oh, yeah. Amar won with some wind shit. Yeah. Well, that's one thing they all should have done. They should have done some shit that looks like something, but it's not. And that's where I think they definitely lost.

Well, I thought that Isaac was a shoo-in to win this one because the challenge is David Copperfield and he put aged meat with old chicken skin pinned onto it. Which is, I mean, nothing says Copperfield more than that dish. That's true. He also did a suspended hollandaise sauce. Suspended hollandaise. I love their words for things. Pickled grapes. You did not pickle a grape.

Suspended hollandaise. Well, because he put it in the thing and then turned it upside down, so it was like up in the... It was stupid. It was like... That's a mayonnaise in a bowl hung upside down. Guess what else does that? Frosties. Yeah, I... It's funny because I was trying to remember. There was something that I cooked recently

where I was like, oh, I bet this would be great for one of those Top Chef challenges where you present it as one thing, but it's really another. And now I've since forgotten it. And I was, I'm like embarrassed. Oh, I want to know. I know. It was so good.

I was like, this would be great on a Top Chef challenge where you have to cook something that looks like one thing, but it's really another. I felt so bad that Marjorie had to start this challenge. She came out and she was like, hi, I'm Marjorie. Here, here's some duck. Oh, no, wait. It looks like duck. But I went to France once. I am a child.

I was a child. I love to eat duck a la orange. And Gail and Tom looked, like, mad. They looked mad at her. And then Padma was so stoned. Padma was obviously stoned. She's, like, staring at a table. And then she started just staring at a light.

And then she saw Marjor at a light and then she saw marjorie acting crazy and just started kind of laughing but not knowing where she was i was laughing so hard marjorie's presentation was so bonkers and she's like uh it reminds me of when i was living in ukiah we used to drive down to san francisco and sometimes we'd drive by a gas station sometimes we'd stop at the gas station but sometimes we would go past the gas station. All these things would happen, and I would donate things to things. Anyway, here it is. And then at the end, they were like, Marjorie,

you had a great showmanship. Really, this is the best showmanship you've had. I was like, that was terrible. What are you talking about? The most rigid magic trick I've ever seen. This is so unfair. They're like, welcome to the Top Chef finale. Today, you're going to make eggs and sing a show tune. What?

Why are you going to make them sing? Well, I also liked Amar's quote-unquote showmanship when Pam is like, whoa, she's like, those are interesting close-ons, Amar. And he's like, thank you. And Pam is like,

he's not even going to talk to me oh well at the end when uh amar won i guess i was kind of happy i don't really feel very close to amar i like him as a person on tv i like him i don't have any hate for him but i just don't i don't know i've never rooted for him i don't care he's boring i was i was rooting for marjorie and karen and so but i like him i want amar to win over Jeremy. I think Jeremy's going to take it. Jeremy's going to take it. I think so, although they do like to do that,

where there's one who's the frontrunner the whole time, and they give it to the other person. That's what happened last season when, what's his name, Jeffrey or whatever? Gregory? Gregory. Remember the tall black guy? He was doing so well all season long. And then he kind of started to fall apart. And then May took the win.

Was May last year? No, that was two years ago, wasn't it? No, it was last year, May. Oh my gosh, I loved May. Yeah, I liked her too. I liked her cold, bitchy eyes. And then they're like, say your last piece on why you should win top chef.

And so they start going through their whole thing. Omar, it's so sad that everybody died. He's like, and then this person died. And then that person. And then I knew a chef and he's dead too. And then my dad died one time. And then also this guy died. And then myself one died. It's like, oh my God.

Okay, you made an onion ring out of a potato. That is unforgivable. Suspended Holland days. How did he win? Isaac had the suspended hollandaise. Oh, sorry. Okay, go, Omar. You go.

You go, Omar. Poor Isaac. Well, why don't we... He's got the dark horse. Yeah, you're dead. That's what happens to dark horses, Donnick. They put you down! So why don't we shift gears to Potomac,

and do you want to take a pee-pee break? You know what, man? I sure as shitonkers do. Okay, we are back. You know what, Ronnie? Before we go to Potomac, there's something really important that we have to do that we forgot to do all of last week.

What is it? It's time to clear the phlegm. How lucky are you to have me teach you about me? Clear the phlegm. All right. So I will... Do you want me to start or do you want to? Yeah, sure.

You start. Okay. I'll start. This is from Caroline Fleming of Ladies of London, her Instagram. By the way, this show is listed as canceled on the Bravo Watch TV site. I'm not approving of that. I've not heard it was canceled. But clear that.

Clear the cancel. But anyway, still love to make fun of her. So Caroline Fleming official. No glee can't glee and it is a vast leap to have let the best day today. Say it made him glee after clear twenty-five

at Canal de Canal but on this in all glee me goer denny's saison dd program XX. Sometimes the best decisions that are the hardest to make are the best. Hot. Hashtag Baroness Enogmilg. X space X. What?

I don't even understand what that was. That was a lot of a language I don't even understand what that was. That was a lot of a language I don't speak. But how is the language five lines, but then the English version is one line? Y'all need to shorten that language down. Here's one from her Instagram that I like. It's a picture of a little avocado salad on a white plate with a little of like a little blue, blue and white game trim. And she writes, and now this yummy breakfast,

hashtag breakfast, hashtag avocado on toasted, hashtag quinoa, hashtag rye bread with hashtag olive oil, hashtag dried, hashtag chili and hashtag pink Himalayan sea salt. At Royal Bach. At Donald's. I mean, hashtag Donaldson collection from my teenage years. If anyone knows where I could find this wonderful hashtag Mickey Mouse collection, please let me know.

Thank you. My few pieces are very few and deeply treasured. Thanks. For all those people searching the hashtag rye bread. Or hashtag dried. I have to add, I didn't mention the picture of the one that I was talking about with all that language. But she's crouched down in the grass wearing all white. A white turtleneck, white pants.

Which, you know, I'll forgive her because she's somewhere else. But she's crouched down. And then she's looking at, I guess, some lady who's a baroness. And the baroness has this depressed look with her hand over her face like she's really sad. And she's also scrunched down. And they're looking at a wadded-up piece of paper on a bench with a twig and a 2x4. What the hell? Well, what I just love about this avocado one is that it's really just a picture of an

avocado salad and yet then when she's the way she talks about this i guess it's a plate that she really likes and the way she talks about it where can i buy this wonderful mickey mouse collection please let me know thank you my few pieces are very few and deeply treasured. I deeply treasure my Mickey Mouse. Does this Mickey Mouse plate not have the most wonderful sheen to it? How lucky is Mickey Mouse right now? How lucky is Mickey Mouse to have me purchase his own plates? What do you think the people, like, what do you think the one weirdo that was searching the hashtag rye bread today thought when she came across this? She's like, what the hell?

I wanted to know. I like that she is, like, reaching out to the public to find out where she can find Mickey Mouse plates. Does anyone know where I can find some? Mickey Mouse, Disneyland batch. Now, what are you burning on your bench that you're making this poor baroness with stringy hair look at in the grass? Crazy. Clear the phlegm. Clear the phlegm.

Clear her, darling. Clear the phlegm. Cleared. You know who else needs to be cleared? The laundromat I did laundromat at today. This homeless guy came in with like a cart of shit, took off all of his clothes and put on a bathrobe and sat there and

coughed the whole time while he did laundry. What the hell, Los Angeles? That is ridiculous. You should have complained to management. She sat there and talked to him. Oh, jeez. I'm sorry I had to get that off my chest because i'm still itching like i keep feeling like i'm itching because now i'm paranoid i'm like god damn it okay so not that i'm against homeless people doing their laundry just i don't know maybe find a fountain or

something i don't want to be doing my blankets on the day i know some homeless guy is in there coughing all over the place and stripping down to his bathrobe yeah hell out of here laundromat yeah that's you my beautiful laundrette okay i'm talking to you speaking of dirty laundry why don't we move on to potomac no that is bad etiquette in potomac we do not do dirty laundry that is inappropriate. Oh, that was so good. I love these people using words to judge things, but they don't know the words. So, this week's episode begins where our last one left off, which is at the Sister Circle. Sharice's Sister Circle is very important for MBA wives, so we're going to try it here in the beach beach of delaware otherwise known at the time i get to cry about my divorce yeah so as you may remember robin's

crying because um her friend uh her closest male friend stole all of her and juan's money in a ponzi scheme this is harder than my divorce it was like even harder because like my divorce yeah like that was hard but like our best friend stealing our stuff it's like yeah it's harder than your divorce because your husband's still at home it's not like you lost him this is like somebody breaking into your house but not stealing anything then it would have been okay but this time they actually stole something doesn't she realize how lucky she is because now her hot husband has to rely on her he's never gonna leave her except they already broke up well oh they did again they're divorced oh yeah yeah yeah i was like again can you double divorce somebody he's like that's it i'm divorcing you times two so um so they're sharing everything

and then and then uh sure dried charise up though she's like at least i'm not poor yeah i'm not from southeast do you see so um so then uh katie then they asked katie like katie do you have anything to share to the sister circle she's like nope because she's mad at giselle so then giselle's like i I just want to know, like, were you on drugs? Like, I was really concerned. Were you on drugs? Were you on something? Because, you know, Brene was saying you were on something.

So were you on something? Man, Katie was about to beat the shit out of her. I'm loving this evil Katie that's coming out because she's been like, I'm sick, Katie. But now you see that she's pissed. Like, she gets her Garfield half-closed eyes. And she's nervous pissed because she's, like, pulling on her earrings. But then Giselle is also nervous because she's pulling her weave. So you've got, like, this fight between Giselle pulling her weave and Katie pulling her earrings.

And I'm like, someone is going to die at this beach house. Well, that would be inappropriate, though. Yeah. One does not murder someone near Rehoboth Beach. So, Katie is mad. You want to share all your dreams and all your stuff, Katie? She's like, no. I don't really enjoy going to the deep end sometimes with people.

And so that's how I feel. So you're a drug addict? Actually, well, I just want to ask you directly because you said you were clean that night. And then she says, well, that night we were dirty. So maybe not that night. So Giselle's obvious. It's like flat out saying, are you on drugs? And then Katie is answering in a way that is basically saying yes, and it's none of your fucking business.

Yeah, exactly. Did you get that too? That was the weirdest answer I've ever, over the course of the show, she was basically not saying, don't say I'm on drugs. She was saying, don't say that stuff on camera. Exactly. She seemed more angry about that. I totally got that vibe also. It was weird. She's like, we were were out we were having fun in an adult environment i was like so you were on drugs

yeah you're on you're on drugs kitty you're rolling you're rolling and then karen oh no i backed away that can be misconstrued i'm like uh no she basically just called her a drug addict there's no misconstruing there oh god well you know i mean i mean giselle's been coming for katie ever since katie kicked her off the committee of her stupid charity thing and then when once she did that then then giselle's been hitting katie with all the barbs well she's been coming after her since episode one or two well i guess that's true at least like she's because giselle comes after everybody giselle's a kenya she doesn't even care.

She just wants to start shit so she can keep a job. She's so much funnier than Kenya. I don't. I hate her guts. I think she's the worst. I love Giselle. Usually I have a love-hate thing where I hate really hard, but I also love really hard. I really do not like

this woman. I think she's an awful human being. There's nothing redeeming about her to me. I she's like really funny well i like her kids her kids are funny yeah that's true too so then they all go out but katie stays behind and then the next day it's uh it's raining and so um i'm so sorry but can i please add one thing before we move on to the morning? The girl, so Katie goes upstairs pissed off because I guess that's how she deals. She's like, I'm going to bed. So she goes upstairs and then, Ashley, Katie, do you want to talk? And so she starts following Katie up.

And then Cherie starts this weird, awkward dancing thing because the whole thing is just awkward. So they all start dancing to no music like dwight's they're djing and then uh they say well where jazelle says where where katie and ashley go and robin goes the white girls went upstairs i'm like listen you know this is like we were talking about last week with the newlyweds boys how a lot of gay anger comes from self-hatred and that's how i feel about robin like you are light-skinned, and now you're always going to be giving shit to people who you consider too white. Oh, go fuck yourself, lady. I'm so sick of that. Okay, next.

That's all. That's all I wanted to say. I mean, I don't know. Was she giving shit to them? The white girls went upstairs. Why are they so much whiter than you? Like, one of them is blacker than you. Like, why is that a thing?

Why does it always have to be a thing with her about someone – like criticizing how black or not black somebody else is. That just bugs the shit out of me with her. I don't like it. Yeah. Especially when she's light-skinned herself. Like who the hell are you talking to? I just thought it was a joke. I didn't see it as a –

I think I wouldn't have even – it wouldn't have bothered me if she hasn't already said something about it a million times. Yeah, I wasn't paying too close attention at that part i have to admit but it was just a little thing but i'm still curious it's fine so the next morning was like raining super hard and now it's like the day after so it's like the post game report so karen goes and talks to ashley and she's like you know karen right now sees a great opportunity to turn everyone against giselle so that's what she decides that she's gonna do this morning pretty much yeah so she's like, you know, Karen right now sees a great opportunity to turn everyone against Giselle. So that's what she decides that she's going to do this morning. Pretty much, yeah. So she's like, she goes and sits down with like Ashley and she's like, she's like, I just can't believe that Giselle was telling a shit story during the sister circle, you know.

I'm disappointed. That's not how we do a sister circle in Potomac. I'm that's not how that's not how we do a sister circle in Patona, which is funny because it's just her. She just wanted to egg Ashley on into saying something about Giselle and she wanted to start a hate campaign against Giselle. Although she's kind of right. I mean, it was pretty it was pretty stupid of Giselle to sit there and be like, I had this tea that made me want to shit all night long. I'm like, was it a Subway sandwich from East Hollywood? Because I have that, too. Well, she was right. But why are you going to the child's room to talk to her about it it's like what it's so weird it's like some old lady gossiping with a child it's creepy

i know well and then i i then like meanwhile like downstairs katie is talking to um charisse and brené it's all about the same stuff about giselle and blah blah blah and how giselle was acting and katie felt like she was she felt like she was attacked during the sister circle and then charisse charisse is so annoying she's like that's not what sister circle is about shut up what is sister circle about okay well we can only talk about your divorce for so long okay how much do you get to cry in one sister circle what's the difference between giselle talking about having the shits and you just having verbal diarrhea okay and making sure your diamond is in the frame at the same time shut up lady this scene

was killing me though because brin uh brené and charisse were just staring at katie like she was an alien they were just looking at her not letting her get away from anything. And Katie's like, well, you know, I felt like last night was a little unnecessary. And it was a little bit rude. And it was a little out of left field. I'm like, why is everything a little? She's just nervous because these women are staring her down like a couple of crows about to eat a worm or something, you know. And they're just staring at her.

And Katie, I'm sorry to say this katie seems high as hell yeah to me like she's going up to her room and mad about drugs but then not denying it and then come coming down acting all weird and then going back to bed again yeah way to dispel those drug rumors stoner well i loved also that when giselle came by like sat down and then she's there like she's confronting giselle about like how she felt last night and she's again she said she felt attacked and i love kitty goes well well i didn't feel the need to ask you why you have multiple sex partners while you're walking around the laundry and having sex with people in lobbies like what was that she yolanda fostered her i know she did first of all she yolanda fostered her and second of, she did. First of all, she Yolanda fostered her. And second of all, it was like really sloppy.

It was like this big, long, run-on sentence of accusations. I was like, wait, you're accusing her of having like sex parties and walking around in lingerie and having sex with people in hotel lobbies. Like, what's happening here, Katie? Yeah, that's a lot. That's a lot for us to digest. Good comeback, Katie. You need to drop one of those per episode so we can Google that shit. How are we supposed to Google sexual partners walking around lingerie fucking people hotel lobbies?

Too much. Yeah, exactly. Even Giselle was like, well, you didn't have to because none of that happened. She wasn't even offended. She was like, what? Giselle just was like, okay, okay. And then Katie's like, bye, I'm going back to bed so she goes upstairs and then Brene and Sharice just stare at Giselle dying and Giselle went okay okay and

they just stared at her okay I said okay yeah well the other thing is that well Karen I think actually joined them at one point before Katie went upstairs. Because then Karen, you know, Karen was just like ready to pounce. She's like ready to eat this all up. And I loved, this is when Karen says, you know, she tells us about Giselle. She has overstepped her bounds and is totally inappropriate. Katie in bed again brene comes in about jizz again um and okay katie so you run up to your room after a drug addict conversation now you got a nose red is rudolph the red nose reindeer and then brene starts telling her you gotta read to read her. Do you understand? You don't just stand there and take it.

Giselle, you need to tell Giselle off because a showman needs an audience. And you need to stop being her audience. I'm like, she's in her room quarantined. She's not being anybody's audience. What are you talking about? This show is crazy. I do like Brene's advice, though. She's like, tell her off and don't yeah make it cute

or something so she's yeah bernie was right bernie was like just like what you always say punch a bully in the face yeah so so then so then this like this most exotic of vacations they get in the bus they go to rehoboth beach which is where i went when i was a little kid once i remember my parents took us there we stayed at a place called the Sandcastle Motel or something. And I loved it because it was like a big old boardwalk and you could get like sundaes at like 10 p.m. And there was like tchotchke shops, which when you're a kid, tchotchke shops are like the most exciting things ever.

My parents were in hell. So they go to Rehoboth Beach and they go to old time photos where they start putting on all these like gowns from different era. This poor low rent show. Like your group, your group trips. It's some barely owned house with children beds. And then your big group trip thing is a shady drag show. And then a tchotchke shop oh embarrassing those are those

little pictures you get taken at the olin mills where you have to dress with guns from the old days you know yeah it was like this was like the high point for their vacation that's the worst part of all actually we're all getting along now so like i really feel like all the girls are really bonding now i'm doing a really good job as a hostess. It's not easy! One of my first things that we ever did here was come to this old-time picture shop with Michael.

The girls are gonna love it. Michael loved getting into the dress. You know he did, too. He's like, oh, just like, putting on the dress. Oh, getting into some some old timey drag so not much happens here they all look like a bunch of fools as used but then katie pulls uh giselle over to tell her off and this was fantastic i thought did you what do you think

i would well i was surprised i mean uh giselle i mean to me it was sort of surprising i was like okay well there's no better place to clear the air than at the old timey photoshop but okay so uh katie was like hey um i didn't like what you're saying i didn't like what you were insinuating it bothered me um like don't do that like don't question my parenting because really that's what it was about that she didn't want to be accused of being on drugs on camera when she has little kids and she doesn't want them to be taken away from her or whatever and um i just loved robot katie i don't like how you've interjected yourself into my life i'm not going to be cute about it do not criticize my parenting and giselle i didn't she's like yes you did you're saying disparaging things about my

character uh i'm coming direct i was like you go robot katie she was and then and giselle apologized yeah you can't argue with that stupid yeah and then just turned around and said all the same shit again off cam you know when she wasn't in the room on camera and oh and then katie katie's such a bitch she's like giselle acts like she's the queen bee but i don't even know who she is or where her or who her people are what'd she say or where her people are where her accent came from yeah where her accent comes from or who her people are or whatever it's like yeah this is gonna get dirty it's gonna get real old yep so then um Yep. So then... Me and Michael love the drag show with the blue moon. You know, whenever we're in the area.

I'm like, girl, I'm gay and I don't even go to drag shows whenever I'm in the area. Drag shows are for straight people. Yeah. It's like gay people falling all over themselves for straight people. I mean, they are at gay bars too, but... Gays love them too. Gays love them too, but... I feel like they're kind of a tchotchke shop for straights.

Sorry, drag queens. Yeah, I kind of agree. I don't know. I'm in... It's kind of like a zoo. It's like a Griffith Park zoo for the straight people to go to and laugh at all the silly, you know, overweight queens who are lip-syncing badly to songs that never even bothered learning the lyrics to. Yeah.

Yeah, I have yet to really be entranced by a drag show but um maybe where they sing i like ones where they actually like seeing or like they have a talent or something but i really am kind of sick of fat middle-aged guys just putting on bad dresses that don't fit them and terrible wigs and lip-syncing badly i don't like it i don't get it well And I hate really bad drag queen humor. It's like, honey, where are you from? Oh, I'm from here. Oh, you don't look it.

It's like, great. That was hilarious. You look like you're from Southeast D.C. I mean, I'm guessing that's shady or whatever. And then Sharice is like, does this rock look like it's from Southeast? I know. Just calm down, Sharice. It was a joke. It looks like something really heavy for a single person to be wearing i'll tell you that much yeah so anyways they're gonna go out to the um the drag show and but first they go to dinner uh which looks super humid because i noticed that katie's hair was like full-on frizzing out and uh talking about katie getting a ring

eating dinner in the middle of a field. What a wonderful view five blocks away. That picnic bench was still wet from the rain. They were like, you ladies are not allowed in this restaurant. You can go, this is where the staff used to eat there. Like, this is beautiful. What a beautiful view of a marsh. Oh, did it rain? What a lovely

puddle. Now this is etiquette. One always compliments the puddle. So, yeah, Ashley starts talking about Michael, and she's like, I feel like I've made it to the end of the rainbow, and he's my pot of gold. She's like, literally, he's my pot of gold. Like, he is my money bags. At least she doesn't hold back. I work so hard doing nothing, and then I whine. So, you know, I mean, I don't take it for granted.

I appreciate the gold. Okay. Well, I mean, at least you know who you are. You don't need a hello, my name is strapped on your shirt. Exactly. And so Giselle starts complimenting Ashley for being a good hostess, even though they thought she might not be good at first. And she's like, and Karen, great work taking her under your wing. And Karen's like, no, she was already there when I saw her.

And then Karen's like, you know, Ashley's come a long way. I'm like, what has she done? Did she get a Fulbright scholarship? I don't think. I mean. She's done nothing. You've taught her nothing. You're a snotty bitch who has taught her nothing.

All you've done is turned up your nose to everything and said no. That is not teaching something, you dumb slag. Get out of here. The only thing that Ashley ever did was give you a queen size bed. That's all. That's all she needs. She has not cured polio. She has not anything okay i love polo it smells so good why would you want to hear it um i bought michael some polio for christmas he loves it i love ralph lauren polio don't vaccinate your kids

how else will they get polio um karen what was i gonna say oh karen earlier when her husband called she's like well today we're going to the beach and he's like well i don't want you surfing and hurting yourself get out of here could you imagine karen surfing who does he think he's married to karen's like well if i'm gonna hurt myself i want to hurt myself with some eye candy you know what what I said? I want to hurt myself with some eye candy. Hey, ladies, can you hear about my idea? If I get hurt, I want to have some eye candy. Like, yes, you may have eye candy.

I love this taffy shop and a strip mall. Now, is there any eye candy in this candy shop? I don't know what you mean. Eyes don't eat. Oh, you have a long way to go. I still have so much to teach you, Sensei. Like, that's the teacher, dumbass. Learn the phrases.

So Katie has gone off about how she doesn't want anyone questioning her. So, of course, Karen is like, so what about Andrew? And Katie, delusional-ass Katie is like, you know, I really think that Andrew's ready. He's just waiting for the right time. You know, maybe someone should take him ring shopping. Okay. Poor, sad Katie. Darling.

And Karen. She should cut off the milk supply. Especially as a mother of three. Awkward. This is so bad. These women are so bad. At least on the other shows they're bad but they still like each other this show they just came out stabbing each other for no reason what the hell so then so then uh

it's time for the drag show so we see all the drag queens come out of the minivan oh i'm sorry that was the cast of real housewives of potomac comes out of the minivan and goes into the gay bar where they take seats and it's like you know gay dancing and gay and gay and all that um and then that that's when the drag queen was like really from southeast and that's when of course charise takes that personally i love that she's like you know this is my ring this is my ring i don't think i'm from, so I don't get why you're joking, drag queen. So you're not part of the sister circle, so. Oh, by the way, just because I have to point out every time this happens,

because it's making me so mad with Giselle and what's her buns? Robin. So Ashley is talking about her prenup, and she's like, Oh, I have one, but I've made it a long time, so I have gold pools. Thank you if I make it to this time i get a new a new outfit and if i make it to this time i get a car like she's explaining prenup goalposts and katie's like yes i want a goalpost as well like that's what i want like you know i don't mind a prenup as long as there's goalposts

i'm like these fucking gold diggers and then it switches to her saying how she doesn't understand these these white men who have all this money but they don't understand anything going on in the black community and then giselle's like i don't understand why she just doesn't get it white people just don't like you boo like you want to hang around them all you want to but they don't they just don't like you and so now it starts getting into this whole thing and giselle so since when does black lives matter to katie uh she just always wants to check the other box yeah i thought that those were some questionable comments as well and you know i'm pretty like open mind about all the

stuff and usually trying to like give everyone the benefit of the doubt but i thought that was uh i mean in certain ways i knew what she meant that, like, you can try as hard to try to be part of it. But just remember, there will always be they'll always see you as black. I think that's what she was trying to say. But to say that they don't like you was I don't know. That rubbed me the wrong way. She just rubs me the wrong way in general. I just had to point that out again because it's a recurring theme in this that's really pissing me off with these two women.

It is pissing me off. Why does Katie's race have to do with anything? Why is she less black than anybody else? I do not get it. I don't like it. It makes me furious when she acts so snotty. I mean, if you're going to act snotty with Katie, there's plenty of reasons you know well but her i mean her issue was that katie seems to want to um like be like embrace this like mixed thing like that she's mixed

or she's jewish you know and then all of a sudden she's talking about like the you know like talking like as a as a um as a mouthpiece for the black community. And I guess that's probably what rubs Giselle the wrong way, but I kind of think that Katie is allowed to sort of have it all, to be honest. I think she can speak about black issues because she knows that experience, and she can want to be mixed because she is mixed, et cetera. Yeah, just be who you are.

Why does it have to be some weird picking side thing due to race when you yourself are light-skinned, too? It's just weird. It's like criticism from the light-skinned girls that someone's not black enough. I just do not like it. And that's enough of that because, you know, I'll go for 20 hours about the same thing. But I just had to add that in there. Okay, back to the drag show.

So Michael shows up at the drag show. Michael shows up and he, like, taps on Ashley's shoulder. And then he just starts frenching her it isn't even like oh hi there's not even like a hug it's like a it's actually disgusting it's way worse than anything that katie and andrew were doing although it's close yeah but it's also you know ashley who they also don't like so yeah it works out now they can lup them together in all ways since they're already doing that but so they're making out and then karen gets so mad his ass is not gay

and he is not a girl well yeah the jury's out yeah on the recipe is that on this one of those things um so where is he staying so they start getting pissed immediately they're like group fight it's a group fight and of course karen and sure and her mini me uh giselle jizz jizz and karen uh going off like so inappropriate blah blah blah i don't feel comfortable i don't feel sick we're gonna go home and then that's when ashley ashley was kind of like uh okay like well whatever bye see you at home like i really don't care it's my husband when she's like i hear what you're saying karen it's just saying i don't really care so and karen goes i don't care is a bad indicator of a hostess it's a yeah it's an indicator of a bad hostess i don't care it's like in her book. Yeah, look at it, Ash. It looks like you're going to have an etiquette

picture frame coming towards you. You're going to have a really badly printed picture frame coming your way. In Zapf Chancery. Comic Sans. A hostess always says she does care about her guests.

Well, here's the thing. I mean, like, yes, a hostess should not say I don't care if their guest feels uncomfortable but Karen was being above and beyond ridiculous about Michael being there it wasn't like he came there with a bunch of like ropes and plans to like tie everyone up and rape them I mean he was just there

he was there to surprise his wife he shouldn't have gone because it's just stupid for him to go it's the girls trip but it's not also not just her it's she gets everybody to fight with her so it's just stupid for him to go it's the girl's trip but it's not it's also not just her it's she gets everybody to fight with her so it's everybody kind of yelling and especially giselle her little yappy chihuahua over there so they're both going on about the manners and this and that and finally i don't think that katie i'm with her for saying i don't care because i like that she's like i'm not going to be controlled by you bitches you can like me or not like me yell all you want.

Go home. Enjoy your ride home in the minivan or whatever the hell they had to ride in. I love that. I thought that was so fantastic. And then Giselle acted like talking like a preacher. Suddenly she's like, I was invited to a girl weekend. It's like, okay, you need to sit down there. I mean, it sucks.

I mean, if you are there for like a girl weekend or a guy's weekend and all of a sudden like her girlfriend is there or a guy it does change things like you can't have that sister circle you can't have the sister circle but um but it's also like not a big deal i mean you're at like a beach house in delaware okay this is not a circle that giselle refused to participate in the night after she berated the hostess the entire night for being terrible for giving her a little bed like fuck off giselle refused to participate in the night after she berated the hostess the entire night for being terrible, for giving her a little bed. Like, fuck off, Giselle. If it was coming from anybody but those idiots, I would be with them. Well, it's one thing to say.

They're so rude. It's one thing to be upset because the dynamic has changed and they didn't know husbands were coming. That's one thing. But for them to not realize that he surprised her and that there's nothing that ashley can do about it and that it's not a big deal that they're only there for like one more night and they're already like at the end of the night anyway and it's like it's like for them to say oh it's inappropriate they're uncomfortable that is where it's ridiculous my husband would not appreciate me staying in a home with another man what the hell does your husband think is going to be happening

at this house, Karen? Get over yourself. You can dress like a teenager, but you ain't one. No one is chasing your flappy ass vagina. Sit down and be quiet, lady. Yeah. That is ridiculous. Especially Giselle. What a hypocrite. She's so rude in every scene, and then she's all getting up

on manners. I did like that they go home, and Katie's like, well, fine like that they go home and katie's like well fine then just go home i'm gonna go out with my husband then so they're even more furious so they leave without her and then they're sitting around what are they talking about still the same thing oh i can't believe she would do this and then it cuts to the dog licking its own vagina and i was like that's so fitting for the scene well karen was like we are victims i feel like a victim you well you've made yourself a victim but doesn't mean you actually are one and then ashley and michael come back and instead of going out because i'm sure michael's like well i guess you should smooth things over

they have a little less okay so they go home like what are you doing here i thought you were gonna go out well i guess i am still the hostess so i'm gonna come home now and they're like well we don't appreciate this we're having an ashley moment and she's like this is it's his home he will go sit in the other room if you want him to and then karen starts going off on her in front of the husband which was mortifying so i said i'm not comfortable and you clearly said to me you don't care that speaks volumes to me i'm like what what what and what language is that speaking volumes to you i mean you're being so ridiculous karen and michael is just red as hell standing right behind them and then uh

giselle you didn't invite us to this like all up in arms and uh michael goes look i came here to have a good time this is drama i don't understand i'll be watching tv it's like poor guy but then he doesn't leave like an idiot and then karen miss polite is going off about manners and this and that she goes i thought i knew you i thought i had taught you something well note the motherfucking self like okay yeah miss etiquette yeah when i lend my type of support i expect that respect given back to me like what sort of support did you give you just shamed her on it on a on a ferry boat and then you came to the to the beach that's all now you're suggesting her husband is

some kind of sexual pervert who's trying to get in your pants please and then karen karen tells her off in front of michael about him in his home which in a housewives show that is the ultimate sin telling somebody off in their own home so miss manners you fucking hypocrite michael's standing behind them totally mortified and she goes well no disrespect and he said well it feels like disrespect to be honest she goes well i wasn't disrespect like storms off and she goes that's what i get for taking it astray they piss all over your carpet anyway well how many have your carpet probably does smell like piss and what do you think you were karen what do you think you are miss miss farm girl okay you were astray exactly that's probably how dot feels every

time you serve her lukewarm tea. Yeah. Stupid lady. So they're so stupid. So they end up, Giselle and Karen righteously fume off and tell everybody off and lock themselves in their room. Meanwhile, the other girls are like, fuck it, let's just party. So they have the best night they've ever had on this show. Yeah, they look like they had a great time playing beer pong. It was great. Yeah, they get wasted, party all night.

And then the next day, Karen and Giselle are mad that they didn't get the support of their friends because they were mean to somebody. But then their friends weren't mean, too, which is unsupportive. These people, honestly, what a bunch of assholes. Karen and Giselle, what horrible fucking human beings. Both of you. They cracked me up. They both cracked me up so much. fucking human beings both of you they cracked me up they both cracked me up so much i did like that ash that the next morning katie's in dark glasses and she's like have you seen my keys have you seen my keys and then it cuts to ashley going now i haven't seen them and like wiping her nose i was

like this is so good so the two bitches went to bed and Katie whipped out her drugs for everybody. Hilarious. Love it. You go, girl. Well, good times. Good times head by old. And then it ends with Ashley saying, Bye, everybody. Because they're leaving.

She's like, bye. I'm like imagining the Looney Tunes circle glowing around her face. That's all, everybody. She gets the line wrong and then karen's like she's like me too goodbye to me too what did she say something like are you saying goodbye to me too you're saying yeah okay whatever you too and like just waves her off and then karen's even more furious because now this bitch isn't kissing her ass and she gets in the car all mad she's like this car smells like crabs it's like ah how fitting what a fitting last line go wreck into something wreck into some awful human being

okay that'll do us for today it'll do that'll do everybody thanks so much for listening thanks what is that what happened that's that must be be emergency delivery of sliders to MJ. Emergency delivery. Oh, my God. They're just dropping like 50 gallons of Halo Top on MJ's house. The Shake Shack did open today. The Shake Shack. It opened on MJ.

She was in line. She was the whole line. You have to climb on top of MJ to get to the Shake Shack. Thank you for listening. Thanks for the support. We will see you next Thursday night, the 27th, I think we said. Is that right? I don't know. Next Thursday, the 20-something.

For the live hangout. Yeah, for the Google Chat hangout. Oh, yeah. We'll talk about it on the next episode. We have a St. Patrick's Day episode coming up. Oh, my God. Oh, the same week Kenya was green. Oh, drips.

Talk about the morning to ya. Watchitcrappins.com for all our links. Patreon.com slash Watch What Crappins for subscriber stuff and bonus episode. We will talk to you guys on Thursday. Bye. Bye. Hey Prime members, you can listen to Watch What Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today.

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