Watch What Crappens - #2762 Denise Richards and her Wild Things S0103-04: Mother Nose Best

Episode Date: March 13, 2025

In this week’s Denise Richards and Her Wild Things, the girls plan a funeral for a gila monster and one of them gets their nose fileted to look more like their mom, who is spending most of the time arranging pans on her boobs for a cooking show shoot. To watch this recap on video, listen to our Traitors bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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I'm Ronnie and that's Ben over there. Hello, Bannoonie Tunes. Hello, how's it going? Good, welcome to the show everybody. Today we're doing Denise Richards and her wild things, episodes three and four. But first come see us this weekend in Cincinnati where we'll be recovering, we'll be covering Summer House

and then in Minneapolis we'll be covering Southern covering Southern charm and then in Toronto on Sunday where we will be doing the classic Real Housewives of New York episode December Berkshires County for all of our ticket links and Schedule for everything else go over to watch what crap ins calm We're gonna be on tour the next few months and we're excited to see you guys We're going to be on tour the next few months and we're excited to see you guys. Also on Patreon, you can get our traders recaps, our airport snaps recaps coming to you soon and all that good stuff and also videos which we're on today on Crappin's On Demand. So what's going on with you today?

Not much, just getting ready for a big weekend and having excited for all that that entails. What's going on with you? Getting ready for all the different climates, I know climates across this great land of ours. It's a lot of different styles of old Navy to pack this weekend. Jesus Christ, people. Packing shorts and a puffer jacket because, you know, it's gonna be like nearly 80 degrees in Cincinnati and that's gonna be down to like 20 in Minneapolis. It's gonna be a journey for us. It's gonna be be like nearly 80 degrees in Cincinnati and that's going to be down to like 20 in Minneapolis. So it's going to be a journey for us. It's going to be a hard nippled weekend and I'm very excited to see you guys out. All right, let's get to Denise Richards and her wild things.

We open with Denise and she's like, yeah, you know, I've never said no to taking in an animal. My friend calls me Snow White because the squirrels all come around, but I think we can all agree. I got better tits. The squirrels say so anyway. And we see her just like leaving all sorts of peanuts out for the squirrels and everything. And she's got like a little like, she has like this like faux picnic table. She's like, I hope the squirrel sits at this and has a nice little picnic and maybe the squirrel can get its little squirrel bag caught in the slats just like I did. So she's like any dog, any cat, whatever.

And we see like just all these animals that she's had over the years. And we see Lola talking and she's like, we've had sheeps, we've had rabbits, we've had cats, we've had dogs, we've had iguanas, we've had camels, we've had lions, we've really had everything. Yeah. And all the pictures, that's so cute. I like that in a person.

Now, I don't want to go hang out at that person's house because it usually smells, but I love that there are that kind of person in the world. Cause you know who those people are? They're the people who make Dodo videos. My favorite videos. Yeah, yeah. So they're talking about, they've had,

Lola says at one point they had nine cats and then Sammy had a couple of chameleons, they had horses, they had pigs. I mean, we even see a flashback all the way to her original show, Denise Richards, It's Complicated. That was on E, right? I think that was E, which is why they had the rights to show it here on Bravo.

So Denise is like, well, the squirrels are my pets without actually being my pets. I call one Fat Fred. And I know that's nice and people will think I'm, you know, I'm fat shaming him, but he's Fat Fred. And then there's Skinny Joe, which is funny because there's a rapper named fat Joe. So this is skinny Joe. I just didn't want them to be confused because, you know, one does sick beats and one eats peanuts and you know, fat Fred is the first one to get the food. So, you know, it all makes sense if you really think about it. If you look at the lore of the squirrels, it's, it's, it tells a story. I was stuck on the pigs. So it's such a cute pig. And I

still have such guilt about spanking my pig for two days. I miss him. Spanky, wherever you are, I love you. I love that little pig. Even when he charged me and tried to murder me, I just loved him. So cute. I love an animal like a pet that's like, stomp their feet and then comes charging at you and tries to knock you down. I was like, that's my child. Please don't make me get rid of him. Yeah. So then we go to a rock climbing facility and Denise meets up with her daughters. This place is called Boulder Dash.

Get it. And Denise basically is hoping that, you know, she's still trying to work on her daughter's relationship because at the last time we saw them, the daughters shook hands after feuding over some boy. So now Denise is trying to get them to climb together and bond together. Yeah. She goes up to the, she goes up to the climbing instructor and she's like, all right, here's why we're here. Um, I did a show called special forces. You heard of it? Have you

heard of it? Have you heard of that? He's like, I'm just like, no. Okay. So someone without a TV, wow, we got a reader over here. Good for you. So anyway, super physical. And one of the things I did when I started training was the rock climbing. So I want to do that again. You know, do you have a Jojo Siwa here to carry Tom Sandoval through the rapids? That would be great. I did not remember. I was like, what is special?

I didn't realize special forces was that show on Fox that like Sandoval was on everything. I didn't realize she was actually on that show where they have to go through boot camp and climb around and everything. Yeah. Yeah. I thought it was like JoJo fan. I thought because it just, you know, once that show, I remember when it was on, it just like once it was gone, it's such a generic name, special forces. I just assumed special forces

was some like syndicated TV show from like 1997 that she was on, you know, like that show birds of prey or whatever. So, I don't know why people would do that for a reality show. It just sounds too hard. Like maybe special skills, like you put on your resume when you're an actor, you know, like I tap dance or I roller skate or I can hold a peanut M&M in my belly button for four days at a time. But some people love that shit.

They love doing like the faux military thing. So, you know, but I like, it sounds like a nightmare for me. So yeah, so she was, so she's like, she did some rock climbing for that show and so now she's into it. She got the taste for it. So they're putting on their shoes and Sam is like, I feel like I'm gonna get like an ingrown toenail

from these shoes. I went, all right, it's just a short period of time, okay? I'll pay for your paddock, your dumb little bitch. So they get, they're starting to go up and the climbing instructor's telling Denise, so, okay, just as nice and easy, think of dance. And Sammy was like, oh yeah, she can't dance. So she tried it, but didn't work.

That's why she had to become an actor. No dollar bills, zero dollar bills. So- Fun fact, I signed up for Special Forces because I actually thought it was a dancing show. So that was a bit of a surprise when I arrived with my ready to do a pas de doble and they made me jump off a bridge. So what can I say?

It's life. So now it's Sammy's turn and the climbing instructor is like, I haven't seen a lot of climbers wearing hoops, but hey, I guess it's a new adventure. And she's like, yeah, I don't go a day without my hoops. And Denise is like, yeah, I thought, hey Lola, I thought she said boobs, not hoops. Think about that. So now they climb and then they-

But then they do show a shot of Sammy and it does look like she's climbing with her boobs. She's got big boobs, so it looks like they're grabbing onto the thing. And so they climb it and they still hate each other. You know, she's like, well, I'm so glad you girls are talking again. So listen, I need your help, because you know,

Brooke, she wants to plan Godzilla's memorial. No, you can't, no, it's crazy. Well, it's like, what? No one told me you was dead. Well, I didn't know what you said, though. And so Sammy's like, yeah, Godzilla's dead. We should get a custom cake, like a cake that looks like Godzilla.

And like, where should we do the memorial? Maybe like a nice park, like we bring other lizards there. Denise is like, she says, well, okay, so here's the story. Brooke, Charlie's ex, had this dragon lizard for 20 years, but then had to relinquish him to my care because she was going to rehab,

so just left Godzilla on my door and was like, here, take the fucking lizard. And I didn't even know how to take care of this dumb thing. But you know, he was cute, I liked him. So we put him up in the penthouse. Yeah, you know, he's scary when you first see him. He's a fucking huge, he looks like a dragon. But we got him for nine months and then he passed.

I didn't know what I was doing, but I learned I made him a general store, a mall to go around in. He didn't really get along with the squirrels too well, we don't talk about that part. But he had a primary suite, a balcony. Yeah, I made all sorts of little miniature buildings so we could walk around and step on them,

be all Godzilla-like. So then, so we see that, flashback to two days earlier, where Denise and Aaron have given Brooke ashes of Godzilla. And Brooke is like, in a way, he was like my little soulmate, would you guys, you guys wanna do a memorial? Maybe plan something? They're like, sure.

Brooke, have we not done enough? We took care of your fucking lizard while you were in rehab. The nerve. So now she's like, yeah, guys, you want to do a Memorial, like plan something for him. That would be great. Brooke's an odd cookie too. I'm glad they included Brooke on there. I'm not really sure what her mouth is doing while she's talking or what her deal is, but I like her. She's like, throw me a memorial, okay? All right, just tell me where to go, bye. Yeah.

Yeah, but you know, at this point, Denise has taken in so many animals, which on the flip side means you've had to bury so many animals that it's like, wait, you just move on, you get another animal, right? She's like, a memorial, okay. So no one wants to do this memorial, but they're going to do it. Denise wants a project for the daughters to work on together. So she's like,

it's going to be a happy thing, a happy thing where we celebrate the life of a lizard in a public park. So Lola's like, but like, I don't even feel like I'm meant to go because like I didn't ever hang out with Godzilla ever. And he's like, but you care about broke, don't you? Yeah. Well, that's her kid.

So like, when's it going to be? He's like Saturday. Yes. Yeah. Three days to make a memorial. You can do it. Well, I can't do it on Saturday. I've got work mom.

She's like, well, if it were a person, you can get off of work. Yeah. But obviously if it was a person, I would go, but this isn't a person. No, just don't say it's a person. Just say it's a memorial and you gotta go. Come on. I mean, they're not gonna tell you you can't go to a memorial. You know, what kind of cookie hut is this? You know, with Brooke, I pray that she's okay. But like, I think she was like married to

my dad. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Who is this woman who always hangs out with me? None of the kids, neither of the kids even remembers that Brooke was married to the dad, Charlie Shee. She's like, wait. And then Sammy goes, yeah, wait that Brooke was married to the dad, Charlie C. She's like, wait. And then Sammy goes, yeah, wait, was she married to him? And she goes, yes, you didn't know she was married to your dad. Come on. And she goes, you were there. She's just, how old was I? You were young. I don't know shit. Clearly, honey, clearly you don't know shit. So they're going to have to go shopping tomorrow for this lizard memorial.

And then Lola's like, so by the way, Sammy, did you have fun with the climbing? No. Me neither. So Denise is going to have these wacky kids put a funeral together and that's going to be their bonding thing. You know, she's like, well, you know, they're negative kids. Give them a death. Maybe that'll bond them.

I don't know. She's like, you know, any opportunity to work together will help them get over their shit. So good luck. And Aaron's like, but hey, how come whenever we have to help somebody, we're the ones that get stuck. Hey, why don't you stop your bitching, sir, when your whole family is living in her Malibu home? What the hell? That's right. So she's like, well, when she was crying, she said she wants her help with the memorial. Did you think she was serious? He's like, no.

I'm like, you know, but to be fair, like anyone ever think Aaron's serious about anything that he's saying, like with magnetic healing and Big Pharma coming after him. So Denise is like, well, she was, but then she didn't even take the box of this shit. He's like, yeah, well, you know, she left it like that can't be, can't be that important. We really have to do this. She's like, well, we'll give it to her on Saturday. So by the way, yeah, I'm sure she's gonna love that. She's like, wow, my lizard's dead.

Okay. Now I get a trailer full of this fake Western town that you guys built him in a penthouse. Great. Also, um, Also, polite golf clap to Aaron for, he's like, I'm gonna do this scene, I'm gonna show some chest cleave. He's like, he like had his robe perfectly positioned so that he could show off like the best features of his chest. He's like, yeah, I'm just gonna sit here in the scene

with my robe at a perfect V right now for America to see. I was like, you did that on purpose, sir. Well, yeah, gotta earn that money. So Sammy and Lola are driving and Lola's like, Sammy, can I borrow your hair brush? She's like, um, no, but I want to fix my hair. No, but my hair is not dirty. She's like, um, it's a Mason Pearson brush. So so then then Siri's like, sorry, I didn't quite catch that. And they all laugh. And then I was like, you know, I've never heard of someone having a memorial for a lizard.

Like we never even did that for one of our dogs. And she's like, yeah, it's not weird coming from mom. She's like, let the she like let that lizard sleep in her bed. That's really disturbing. Once you slept with Charlie Sheen, I guess, it's like, more than Mary, am I right? So Sammy's like, yeah, you know, mom had this like weird habit of accessorizing Godzilla in all her pets. She makes them wear wigs. See all these pictures of this lizard in little tiny wigs that she had made for it? Sunglasses. Yes. The little lizard withigs that she had made for it. Sunglasses.

Jared Ranere The little lizard with a hat on. It was ridiculous. So then, Lola gets a phone call. She's like, Oh my God, why is a no-caller ID calling me? Is it God? And then, the answer, and this guy starts saying, Yo, I'm not trying to apologize. And she just hangs up. And she's like, Oh my God, I've like blocked him everywhere. Just like, I made it clear that I just don't want to, I just want to be friends with him. Like he doesn't follow Jesus or make him the center of his life. I just like, just hung up on this guy who's like, I'm just trying to talk to you. No, follow Jesus. Sarah Boudreau Your first call should have been to Jesus our Lord,

okay? And your second call could have been to me." And Sammy's like, well, I think I'd like to have a word with him then. She says, you don't need to do that. And Sammy's like, yeah, I'm very overprotective of my sister. If any guy doesn't respect my sister, I'm going to knock him in the nuts. And I just want her to do that for me. Okay, but that was her friend first. So, I know that you're trying to make this huge, like, I'm the better sister because I stand out more, but no, that was her friend first. So I know that you're trying to make this huge, like I'm the better sister, cause I stand out more, but no, that was her friend first. Sorry.

Yeah. And we also don't know the full context of why you and that guy broke up because as far as we can see, Sammy, you're maybe not the best decision maker in this group here. So I'm not saying, I'm not going to take sides, but I also would like to hear the full story before I start going hard in the paint. Team Lola.

Yeah, Team Lola. I, Team Lola for sure. I'm Team Lola. So now they go to a frame store and they have had a picture of this Gila monster thing blown up and they're, you know, gonna get it framed for this thing. So then the store owner is like, oh, an iguana. Did he pass? They're like, yeah, but he was around for like 20 years.

He's like, wow. Okay, well, how about this and this? I'll go get that done. And so Sammy's like, so do you wanna do like a prayer? And she goes, oh my God, really? You think I should do a prayer? Me, a prayer? Oh my God, I could never do a prayer.

I should do a prayer? Oh my God, it's my first prayer solo. Na na na na na. Na na na na na. Prayer, prayer. Oh, am I gonna do a prayer? I'm gonna be so alone. I'm going to have nightmares about this for days." She's like, oh, Jesus Christ, read something off your fucking phone. I mean, you did a prayer for Taco Tuesday last week. I think you can do one for a lizard.

Yeah, she's like, but there's no like, there's no like prayers in the Bible for like lizards, but like I could still do a prayer for a lizard. And it's like, yeah, there weren't prayers for tacos either. He managed it, he'll be fine. Peteus People find a way to pray for a lot of things. I think you can find one for Godzilla. So then Sammy's like, oh, I just noticed you copied my hair. She's like, um, I wear clips in my hair every single day, Sammy.

She's like, okay, whatever. And they do have the exact same hair. I like the part in the car where she Sammy's like or Lola's like I just got my nails done. She's like, let me look at them. Not my favorite She's like well, it's just because you don't like bright colors. She's yeah, I do look at my nails She goes through the middle finger. I love these two kids these wacky kids. It's time for a commercial It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappins commercial. In the 1980s, a rose swept the country.

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So then we go to the Henry restaurant and Denise is saying, you know, I think people are surprised I can get past stuff. I mean, I don't hold grudge with people. I mean, did God still eat half of my calf? Yes. But you know, it wasn't really his fault. And I moved forward. I'm one of resolution, you know? And so then we see the unmistakable sight of Erika Jayne's legs walking into the restaurant, also because we've seen the trailer. And she's like, ah! There she is. Hey, lady.

Denise is like, oh, God, fuck. So Erika, you'll never forget my first year knowing you, which is kind of a lie because I've forgotten most of it. But this part I do know. We had so much fun Erica, didn't we? It's like, Oh yeah, we just, we just, oh yes, I think. But you know, I was upset after your barbecue because we were talking and you said, Oh, my kids are there.

Don't you remember this? So we see the flashback of Denise calling Erica into a coffee shop because she was talking about threesomes where her children could hear. This might be why Sammy's not OnlyFans for all we know. Yes. So, you know, I just felt loaded judged because we were all talking about sex, but I was the one that got taken to coffee. So Denise is like, well, I wasn't mad. I just wanted coffee.

And at that time you were actually wealthy. So I thought I could get a free cup of Joe from you. So anyway, I just wanted you to know, I don't wanna be talking about threesome. So that's it. She's like, but I felt called out. She's like, well, I really am. I really am sorry for that.

And you know, I'm sorry too. Like, oh wow, it's only took like five years to bury the hatchet on this one. Five, with four different attempts. This is how you make up. You just forget that half of the stuff happened, right? Cause the way they retell the story, it's like, oh, she was talking about threesomes,

Denise didn't like that. But what Denise really didn't like was she said, please stop talking about threesomes around my kids. And Erica said, they're already having threesomes, honey. How old are your kids? They probably already had them or something like that. And that's why Denise got all pissed off. But they just leave that part out so they can make up.

Yeah. And yeah, like Erica probably was the old one called out because the producers were like, okay, Denise and Erica, you guys need to have a scene. So they're like, okay, we'll talk about this. And then it turns into something that has haunted the two of them for five years. So they're like, okay, we'll talk about this. And then it turns into something that has haunted the two of them for five years. So Denise tells us, um, you know,

whether it's something with your dad or something with, with Erica Jane, I want to show you and your sister, Sammy, that you can get past it. You know, it just takes five years of holding onto a grudge that happened in a coffee shop and maybe a really awkward weed party where I accused, where someone accused me of wearing my coat upside down. Now that bitch, I'm not forgiving. So, um, then they, they basically Denise and Erica are like, okay, we're gonna, we're gonna be friends now. And then Erica said, by the way, Denise,

thanks for reaching out to my divorce and my, you know, my legal issues I had and I'd like to add what about me? Why didn't anyone ask me about why? So you know, you went through all this stuff with a lizard. Where was the, where was the sympathy I got forward for my lizard? You got a lizard? No, but I could have had one. Where was my messages? Yeah. And she's like, Oh yeah. You know, we're having a memorial for, you know, Godzilla. She goes, who's Godzilla? A lizard. Oh jeez.

And I was married to a lizard. I'm not going to have a Memorial for that motherfucker. Do you know what he did to me? So now we have this montage. It's like a work cause we're going out. We're going to go over to the Memorial now and we see memories of Godzilla played by like, then we hear like the Requiem in the background, which is funny because at the Oscars this year when they did the end Memoriam, they also played the Requiem, which is the one that's like, it's like a very serious piece of like scary church music. That's like, it doesn't feel like morning to me. It kind of feels like you're like going into church to be like, I don't know, to do something

very serious to have, I don't know, like kneel down in front of a priest and have something done to you or whatever, not sexually, just like, like some sort of churchy thing. So we hear this music playing and we are seeing flashbacks of Godzilla's life, Godzilla in a cowboy hat, Godzilla with a cake made of Fig Newtons, things like that. And all these photos, my favorite is there's a sign in table and it has a photo of Godzilla and then next to him is a photo of Stevie Nicks. And Brooke shows up, she's like, oh my God, this is amazing guys, thank you so much. And Denise is like, ah, did you guys get around my Brooks Jewish? Oh My god, wait a minute. I'm about to do something for a Jewish person. Oh, no. Oh my god

so They have this little ceremony and Lola Lola's like, okay, guys, here we go, big moment. So, we gather here today to remember a lizard and bless the beasts and the children. And here's to you, here's to me, may we never disagree. If we do, fuck you, Godzilla's dead. Yay. Wait, was that a prayer or was that a toast? I don't know. Lola- Rub a dub dub. Thanks for the grab. Yay, God, I'm done, nailed it. And Aaron's like, I'd like to say something, you know, this guy, he was a, he was a fucking lizard

and lizards are, you know, badass. So I was like, wow, you're like badass, because you were lizard. So thanks. And Brooke's like, yeah, you know, he was a lizard. And there were days that I just felt so bad. And the only thing that would make me feel good was him and heroin. But you know, heroin is not dead. So we'll get to that when we get to that. But thanks, God's loved your body. Brian Smith So now we go on to the next episode, episode four called only pans. And Denise is like tells us, you know, people always say,

you know, that I've had plastic surgery on my face, which I haven't, you know, I just got bit by Godzilla a few times. I mean, talk about the original nip and tuck, Lizard bites. But I've had my boobs done, which, you know, and I have to have them done again, because the show I did, the last that special forces show

you seen that have you seen that if you see these they can't answer you their TV audience I just assume they've seen them under unlike my motherfucking Boulder dash cocksucker I really thought I really thought Carrie Ann and Napa would be on there I mean they kept saying Fox Trot and Tango so many times I mean who would be you can't be, you can't hurt a girl for being mistaken there, huh? Or blame them. So she jumped off a bridge in special forces

and popped her implants. So she has to get new ones. Why have you not gotten new ones since? Did they just take the implants out? What happened? Aren't you just allowed to walk around with popped implants? What the hell, what the Yolanda Foster is this? I know, what does that, what does that mean? What does that like? So Lola's like, um, you didn't tell me that.

I would never jump off a drip. Lola's always the last to find out about something like Godzilla dying. Did he just drop jumping off a bridge? Sammy getting a nose job? What? I didn't know about that. I would go skydiving. I really would go skydiving, but I would never jump off a bridge. I mean, that's scary down there. But I think it's funny that she doesn't even bother watching her mom's shows. She's like, why?

That happened? She's like, it was on TV. God damn, well, what God. So then we go to kitchen number one, townhouse studio number one, and Denise is turning her kitchen into a studio. Because I'm going to make cooking content.

My mom would laugh if she saw me being filmed cooking because she wasn't a cook when I was younger, but here's me. And everyone's like, yeah, she can cook. Her videos are charming. I've ejaculated to every single one. So, two days out. Yeah. And she's basically like, I've cooked a lot of stuff, but the one thing I haven't been able to perfect has been pasta, mainly because I don't follow any recipes and I don't know how to make it. But I just put a bunch of stuff in a bowl and hope for the best. But yeah, I come really close. Am I really close? Not close at all.

I think I actually once made paper by accident. I actually somehow made paper. You know, I just want to show people like I'm like you, you know, you just have to keep trying. I got the most expensive flour scent from Italy. And I mean, I still haven't gotten it right. I mean, look, you don't have to get the most expensive flour from Italy, but you can keep trying and that's the point. Every video is gonna be a mistake that's never really fixed. So will you know how to cook by the end of this video?

Probably not, but you'll feel better about yourself. Look, I'm just like anyone in their home, drop a few thou thousand some imported flour, buy some cameras, set up an entire, you know, filming rig, and, you know, make some pasta without knowing how to do and just burn through that flower and just waste all that money. And just like any other normal person, I'm saying. So now she's making her video and her kids are cracking up at her and she's like, Sammy has to be the egg cracker. And she's like, oh, hey, Sammy, get a couple of yolks in there.

So like, oh my God, is that like the yellow part or like the orange part? Oh my God, I've got salmonella on my hands. And then we see the bowl of yolks and it's like half filled with whites as well. This is not gonna go well. This is like an odd, this is like an odd, I just like that Denise is, I, I appreciate

that she's just going to try to, you know, eyeball it like the, like the no-no's did in the back when, when the before there were like cookbooks and video, YouTube videos and food network. But also we have all those things now. So at least like read the recipe beforehand and get like a general game plan. Cause this is just going in such a disastrous way. But it's funny though. So they're, so they're cracking the egg. They make this, they make this dough. And then, um, she's like, we see this like the recipe on screen as a sort of unfurls out of Denise's head. She's like, okay, so we, four eggs, four more eggs, one cup of flour,

one cup of mainly flour. Maybe, I don't know, maybe two cups, maybe four cups, maybe like three cups. You know what, here, do we have any nicotine we can just throw in there? I don't know, just give it, perk it up, make it exciting. Just a chopped up cigarette. Look at some of the, the peanut squirrels things, throw them in there, you know, maybe at least they'll like it.

All right, we're supposed to rest the dough for a bit. One hour, two hours, three hours, I don't know. Something like that. Like mom, how do we do this? So they wrap it up and then they put the dough in the fridge and she was okay. Resting was done. It's like, mom, I just put it in there. She's like, well, we're going to fake it because it's a cooking show. So that's what they do on the cooking show. They just throw it in the fridge and they bring it right back out. Right? Yeah. I thought what she was gonna say was, here's something I made earlier today

that has been resting and now we're gonna put it in. She forgets that part. No, she's like, no, I'm gonna put it in and I'm gonna take it out right away. I was like, wait, that's not how the cooking shows work. So she just started sending this like unrested dough and it comes out just holes and goopy. Now I don't know if this was a fault with the recipe

or if it had rested, if it somehow would have gone through the pasta machine better. I don't know what it was, but it was a very rustic noodle. We'll just say that. Yeah. So then she is driving Sammy to a pre-op appointment in her Corvette, and Sammy's like, oh my God, Mom, I like seriously have car sickness.

I'm gonna die in this car. I hate this fucking car, Mom. Why do you have to drive a stick shift? Car sickness. Why does everybody that age have car sickness. I'm gonna die in this car. I hate this fucking car, mom. Why do you have to drive a stick shift? Car sickness. Why does everybody that age have car sickness? I don't get it. I've asked this before on this show, but it's like an epidemic of young people

who have car sickness. The hell? Yeah, they're weak. They're weak. They're weaklings. So Denise is like, yeah, well I drive stick. And people are surprised that I drive stick. But I also know how to ride stick,

if you know what I'm saying, Aaron. See you tonight. So then is like, yeah, well, I drive stick and people are surprised that I drive stick, but I also know how to ride stick if you know what I'm saying, Aaron, see you tonight. So then she says, she's like, are you excited to meet your doctor? And Sammy is really excited because she's gonna get her nose done and she's wanted her, the things that she's wanted to get done the most

are her boobs and her nose. And she's like, oh my God, I've wanted to get my nose done even longer than my boobs. Yeah, and life goals. So she's like, you know, I just, she said that she was like really insecure about being flat-chested. And then she got bullied in school. And then people would say that she looked like her dad and she just didn't want to look like her dad because, you know, she's,

and then people would say that she's not as pretty as her mom and people are such monsters. Jeez. Seniors are terrible. Yeah. She said someone commented just the other day that she'll never not as pretty as her mom. And people are such monsters, jeez. Teenagers are terrible. Yeah, she said someone commented just the other day that she'll never be as pretty as her mom. Like, okay, well then stop paying for my OnlyFans, you fucking troll. So Sammy's like, you know, I just think with my nose done, I'll look like more feminine,

because it's like a really hard feature on my face. And Denise is like, oh my God, my daughter wants to get her nose doesn't feel perfect. Cause like she just wants her nose to be like my fucking nose. Like sorry for having a fucking perfect nose. I can't believe my nose did this to my daughter. I'm just going to get my fucking nose cut off. And Denise is like, well,

I'm also a little nervous cause you said you don't want me there for the surgery. She's like, yeah, you just make me anxious mom. And I'd rather have like my best friend there who's not going to stress me out. Um, so by the way, I'd be like, you little brat, I'm paying for this thing. So I'm going to be there. Um, so they go to the doctor's office and, um, Lola. And so they sit down and meet with him basically... He's like, hi, welcome. Hello.

His eyes are so frighteningly wide. He's terrifying. This guy's fucking terrifying. I don't know what's going on with this guy, but he's like, welcome to my office. Everything's going to go great. We're just going to fillet your nose. I know. He's like, I'm going to make my splash on TV.

I'm going to do it. I'm going to wear a big tie and bulge my eyes out. I'm ready. I'm the new Dr. I forgot going to do it. I'm going to wear a big tie and bulge my eyes out. I'm ready. I'm the new doctor. I forgot his last name. Yeah. So then, um, uh, we, meanwhile we cut to Lola at home and she is, she's at this house and the three golden retrievers are running around everywhere.

There's poop everywhere. She's cleaning up. They were like tackling each other. They're like playing on the sofa and she's losing her mind and trying to set up a crate. She's like, Mom, what do I do? This is like too much. You know, I could do all things through Christ, but like, I think I'm actually a builder. Look, I made crates. So she's going through it over there and she basically leaves them voicemail like when you're coming back, mom, because these dogs are too much. Yeah. So then back to the office, Denise is like, wait a minute. Does dad know not to tell anyone? Cause he'll tell people. She's like, um, I don't know mom, but if you tell Lola, it's like telling everybody. Okay. Cause she tells

everyone everything. Like when I got my implants done, I told so many people, I got so many opinions. Like some people said, go bigger. Some people said, go smaller. Someone suggested I get like hot wheels put in my boobs. Like what the hell does that even mean? I almost did it. I don't want anybody to know about my nose. Even though I'm on TV. Yeah. And she's like really upset because the source of this is that when she told everyone she was going to get implants, she got a lot of input from people and they were like, you should go smaller instead of bigger. You're going to like, you're going to regret going bigger. And then she went smaller and she wants bigger. And she's like really mad that people got into her head and like told her to go smaller when she wants to go really big.

Don't trust the village. You know what? It trusts a village to fuck up your boob implants. They don't. You have to be careful. So this was when the doctor was like, we're going to fillet the cartilage on your nose. And Denise is like, oh, wait a minute. Let me tell you, someone with a cooking show, what do you mean you're going to fillet her nose? I don't know. It's like, well, you know, just we're going to fillet the cartilage.

We're just going to shave it off the top like a layer of sushi. And they're like, uh, bedside manner. All right, let's work on that. Fuck. And they show- Better bedside manner and fucking special forces. You know it. You know it. You know what I'm talking about.

You seen it? No. It's really good. We filet things there too. Mainly fish. And then they show, he shows like, here's the nose before, and this is what it's gonna look like after.

And it's like the smallest little difference. They're probably going to charge like $40,000 for it. It's like this tiny little thing. And Sammy's like, oh, that's already such a major difference. It's like, I was like, it's so small, but you know, people have, you know, everyone has their thing. So then we go to townhouse number two, and we have Denise making a snack for Eloise.

And Denise is asking if she's ready to go to school because her tutor comes over or her teacher, Ms. Angie. And Denise tells us about raising Eloise and how Eloise has his special needs and she's mainly nonverbal and that they had her in a classroom for a while, but kids are just brats, as we've already seen earlier in this episode. Kids are mean and they saw that she came home wanting smaller boobs.

I mean kids, am I right? We got our homeschooled after that. So she's been working with this teacher and she's really starting to blossom and she's mainly nonverbal, but she can speak, she can speak about like 10 words and when she says them, she says them very quietly, but she clearly can likebal, but she can speak, she can speak about like 10 words. And when she says them, she says them very quietly. But she clearly can like hear, like she, she hears, she processes, and she's starting to learn how to respond over text, which is really fascinating.

Yeah, so the teacher's like, okay, you're gonna answer with a yes or a no, okay? Eloise, do you wanna paint another pumpkin? Okay, why are you sending me an eggplant, Eloise? You're a very bad girl. Very bad girl, Eloise. And the previous is asking Eloise if she gets along with her sisters

and she's like nodding and smiling. She's so sweet and so cute. And Denise is like, well, I definitely think that Eloise brings out the best in Samuel Lowell. They just light up with her. And you know, she's very savvy with the phone and the computer. Oh, we did have a little mishap

where I didn't realize that some of my only fan pictures were synced up to her iPad. So that was a little bit of an oopsie moment. The teacher's like, well, that explains the eggplant. God, I'll swell the dense well, am I right? So then we go to- These were just only fan pictures popped up

on Eloise's iPad. And the producer's like, well, what'd you think of those pictures Eloise? And Eloise just starts cracking up. She's like, aww. Okay, so then we go to Denise and Aaron setting up a backdrop because now she's such a good cook. She's proved that she really is ready for a cooking show by not being able to make pasta two times in a row. So now she's like, all right, I came up with another idea. I mean people think Denise Richards cooking show boring

So well, okay. Here's what we're gonna do is gonna be called only pans, right? So I got these little pans I'm gonna put them over my boobs. All right, so then we'll be like, oh, you know, maybe if we pitch it They don't like it. We can say but pans over booms. Who doesn't want that? Yeah. You know, you know, you have to do things over the top to get someone's attention. After a while things people saw me as a sex symbol. So I had to dial it down a little bit, do something different. So I started cooking and I do a lot of Christmas movies, do a lot of conservative movies, but now I want to embrace my sexuality. So I thought, you know what, let me do this project that'll appeal neither to the people who want to see me as a sex object neither to the people who want to see me

as a sex object, nor the people who want to see me in Chris movies, just me, pans over my boobs, making bad pasta. So they do a photo sheet, a photo shoot, and Aaron's just saying things like, Oh yeah, turn up the heat. Am I right? Fuck yeah. Yeah, God. Some reason right now I want a fucking omelet. Babe, I'm sucking my gut. So now we go to Sammy in pre-op and she's in the waiting room and her friend Leah is there.

Leah is her friend who went to the rave with her. And it's so funny because like Sammy is now out of makeup because she's going to surgery and she looks so much, she's like a kid again. And like she looks like she is 14. It's just crazy. Right. And like, Oh my God. So she is, uh, she's like, well, maybe I should have had Lola here. So she could have said like 85 stupid prayers for me. She's like, yeah, I'm glad my mom didn't come. And then it cussed it and he's holding pants over her boobs. She's like, yeah, I'm glad my mom didn't come. And then it cussed at Denise holding pans over her boobs. She's like, yeah, you know, it kind of hurt my feelings. I mean, what mother, what good mother doesn't want to be

there when their kid's getting filleted? All right. So I was like, yeah, if my mom was here, she'd be asking a bunch of stupid questions. Roll the tape of stupid questions. We've seen the doctor, she's like, what do you mean by filleted? All right.

Do you have a computer that does that? Do you do it? Do you ever blink? Because I haven't seen you blink. It's just weird that I'm not there for her nose job. I mean, I was there when, you know, Godzilla got his facelift. So you think I'd be there for Sammy,

but I guess I've just got too much anxiety. So- Godzilla didn't mind when I was watching him get his waddle cut off, so I don't have to fucking deal with it. You know, when Godzilla got his lipo, I was of great support to him, but it's fine if, you know, she's an adult, she can choose who she wants with her. So Lola and Denise are driving together and Lola's like, I'm really excited to get some stuff for the dogs. They're really out of control. I tried to say a prayer for them, it just didn't work, but I did build a cage. So, well, I need

your help for them with all the dogs. She's like, well, we can. I was like, yeah, why can't Sammy wash them? Well, you know, she's got her nose job. Oh no, did I just say that out loud? Oh God, I'm so sorry. Why, she's getting a nose? That's crazy. Like, why can't she just be happy with her nose? I just don't get it.

It's not even a big deal. It's your fault, mother. And she's like, I have no problems keeping secrets. That's why I'm shocked. I just slept. And Lola's like, yeah, telling secrets to my mom never ends well. She's like, but you can't tell anybody. She's like, I don't care enough to tell people. I mean, the Lord knows and that's all that matters. She's like, okay, well, now I feel horrible. I'm really, oh God, I really can't believe I fucked up. Well, I won't tell anyone. No, I'm talking about the pasta. I'm just back on that. I really should let it rest.

Pete Slauson And then we see Sammy go under for her nose fillet and don, don, don. Will Sammy come back looking like he who shall not be named from Harry Potter? Or will she come back with the nose she's always dreamed of? Or will the doctor give her what she really wants, which is just a big tit instead of a nose? Who knows? Yeah. We'll find out. So it's gonna be a pressing question

that will carry us all through the week. So thanks everyone for being here and for listening. And hopefully we'll see a bunch of you this weekend at our shows. And for everyone else, we'll catch you in the next episode. Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney! Put your hands together for Carly Clap! Catherine DiBernardo has our harto! Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offa! Dana C, Dana Do!

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