Watch What Crappens - #277: Practice Galas, Bros, and Carpool Woes

Episode Date: March 22, 2016

Timestamps below! The Real Housewives of Atlanta kicked off their month long reunion tour, Top Chef crowned a bro, and The Real Housewives of Potomac had a living room non gala. Also, Ronnie plays with Lea Black (RHOMiami) and Brandi and Julie from The People’s couch on a weekend Bravo tour through West Hollywood. Enjoy! Timestamps 0-40:50 Chatter, Ben’s trip, Ronnie’s Big Bravo Adventure 40:50-56:05 Crappens Mailbag: GirlScout Cookies and Bravo songs 56:05-1:32:10 RHOA Reunion Part 1 1:32:10-1:37:20 Clear the Flem 1:37:20 RHOP Gala time ------------------- Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. For all our other links and extras, go to http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Texture is offering our listeners a free trial right now when you go to texture.com slash crappins try texture for free right now when you go to texture.com slash crappins texture.com slash crappins let me test my voice yeah sounds good watch what crappins would like to thank its premium sponsor, Ms. Christy Doherty.

We love you, Christy. We love you, Christy. All right, welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast, the podcast gorgeously skinned Ben Mandelka of the B-Side blog and the Banter Blender podcast. Hello, Ben. Hello, and thank you for saying that I'm not oatmeal skinned. Who says that? I've never heard of oatmeal cake skin. What was that? It was like, you little Debbie oatmeal cake skin. What the hell yeah yeah how rude and how delicious kenya has never looked more attractive i just want to pour some syrup in here

get a little ice cream on that and i'm married yeah um syrup and cinnamon and Kenya Moore is delicious. Welcome to the Watch What See. Here we are. It's a different day, as you can tell by my slurry, drunk-ass voice. We're not doing this in the morning like we normally do. Not even doing it in the afternoon. Yeah, this is Monday night, and we're doing this a little early because Ben just got in from New York, and my sister Carly, my little sister, my bestie, is visiting me. Carly Rae Jepsen?

Thank God, no. No, that would be an honor. No, this one, way better. My God. That's true. That's true. You're a double honor. It's the goal me.

My little goal me is visiting. But we're at the end of four days. And, you know, it's her vacation. So I've been drunk for four days. Like, I'm a drunk, but I'll do that, like, one day a week. You know, I'm 40. I've learned how to do it. I'm excited. You know, after we go through our housekeeping,

you have a story to tell that I, myself, have not even heard. This is like, you know, when you watch the real housewife shows and there's like a big fight and then the next episode the husband always says the wife so he's always like so uh how was your dinner last night by the way and i'm always like how do they not how of course she like told him right away when she got home why are you asking this again but now i see maybe it just didn't happen like because right now i still don't know about this crazy night with you and leah black and lisa vanderpump so i'm excited to hear that but first are some housekeeping first the house go to watch what crappens.com for all our personal links our instas etc um facebook.com slash watch what

crappens that's where we all talk about the shows as they air their live threads and stuff facebook.com slash watch what crappens and also post your own links there and hello to everybody there because you're hilarious and give us great poop reading and then also patreon.com slash watch what crap happens that's where we do our bonus episodes every week this week is our video google hangout chat party BYOB thing, and there's ringers. The bonuses are so fun. Sometimes they're really well thought out and planned, and sometimes they're just me drunk and Ben coming home and being tired

and talking about airplanes and babies and me talking about, you know, I don't remember. But, you know, there you can get that. So that's that, right? Yeah. This is going to be an interesting show because I landed from New York just a few hours ago. So it's basically 2.30 in the morning for me. And you're drunk and high.

And I am drinking coffee right now trying to give myself the energy to go through the next two hours. So this is going to be – it's going to get loopy. It's going to get crazy. It might get a little testy, but it will be entertaining. Please. Always, as usual, feel free to be that with me. I mean I'm like this because I need people like you. I'm halfway through my – see, I only got a grande at Starbucks.

I wanted to get a venti, but I was like, well, is that smart to do before bedtime? But now I'm kind of thinking I should have gotten the grande. Oh, you should have. I can do this from Skype on my phone and bring you some big-ass coffee. No, I will survive. I am going to power through because, as you will hear on the bonus episode, I'm also in the process of moving out of my apartment because it's being renovated. And so it's just like a lot on my brain right now. Thank God we have Bobo.

My vodka is like what really makes me feel good when I just get shit-faced and high and stuff like late at night like I am now. I feel like that's your stress. and stuff like late at night like I am now, I feel like that's your stress. Like if you have a lot of stress and you're up late and you're going back and forth, I feel sometimes like that's when you're best, you know? Yeah, that's what that's. Is that rude?

No, no, I work well under pressure. I really do. Unfortunately, the other thing that happens is that when I'm under pressure, I eat bad things like pizza. And you know what? Thanks to pizza, we're all binge eating. Thanks to Netflix, we're all binge watching. Thanks to Netflix, we're all binge watching.

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and now I have to reopen Dropbox and find the texture. It's a surprise texture ad. It's a surprise texture ad. You know I don't learn lines. I would do community theater. I only remembered it right now. By the way, you'll have to go back and add a pre-roll to this episode i'd be playing tevye right now if i could remember lines you think i'd just be sitting here in my house drunk no i'd be like if i were

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Thank you, Gap Corduroy Sale. Okay, so as gross and drunk as I am, and by the way, if you hate drunk faggots, you might as well just stop this podcast right now because you're over. Ben, what if you hung up don't hang up okay but the worst thing like so the drunk part i'm sorry it's the end of a four day weekend i got drunk kind of on purpose because i know it's really late and for ben it's really late and i figured my sister in town and my sister is like my ben like she's my innocent sweet gold person and every time she's here I just annoy her as much as possible.

So welcome, Ben. I'm projecting onto you. Okay. Well, that's okay. Just call me a movie screen and project onto me. Yeah. Oh, my God. Could you imagine me in a movie?

No, it'll never happen. Texture.com slash crash. Texture.com slash it'll never happen. But in my defense, I'm drunk right now. But when I took notes for these shows, I was not. So you can I can just tell you things and you can talk about them if you want. I've got like full on it. I took notes on Potomac.

Well, we're talking today. We're going to talk about Potomac. We're talking about the Atlanta reunion. And I assume some of the Top Chef finale, correct? Bro. Bro. Bro. Bro. It's like how many accents can you say bro-ing? That was Top Chef finale, correct? Bro. Bro. It's like, how many accents can you say bro in?

That was Top Chef. Italian, Hispanic, surfer, every kind of bro. Yeah. Top Chef served it up. But before we get to any of the shows, Ronnie, you posted some interesting stuff on our Facebook page. Our Facebook page in general, we always, of course, we always try to pimp it out.

We always try to get everyone to go to it. But I think actually both of us have been posting a lot of stuff on there. It's like our Facebook page has actually become like a journal for us. We're posting photos of ceilings. Because you did post that ceiling. Thank God. I mean, I love that you posted that. I love that you. Thank God. I mean, I love that you posted that. I love that you, like, identified with that popcorn ceiling.

Well, I like that you thought that, like, you know, like, you were afraid to tell me about my popcorn ceiling. Not afraid. Just, like, it's so rude. Who says that? I just figure you know, but it's still a great apartment. Your apartment's amazing. It overlooks MJ's house and the entire city, you know? I mean, that's a good apartment.

Yeah, so what? You're going to, like like rip apart the one thing in the great apartment but yeah that was funny that andy was like oh fuck popcorn ceilings well andy cohen was like by the way we're talking about the uh vanderpump rules season one uncensored which we'll talk more about on thursday but andy cohen was like we didn't know what we're gonna do with this I mean, they all had like popcorn ceilings and old couches. I'm like, that was most of my life. No kidding. I'm like, I'm 40. That's still my life minus the popcorn.

So anyway, while I was in New York this weekend, I go on to Facebook and you posted something and I immediately got FOMO. I suffer from FOMO easily and my FOMO is the charts you do i kept telling carly i said carly i know that you don't give a shit and that's so amazing and that's why i'm making you do all of this stuff because she doesn't know who anybody is she doesn't watch a

bravo she doesn't care which is so refreshing and wonderful but i was like ben is gonna shit himself i almost posted all because i don't post that much stuff on Facebook and the watch what crappens Facebook is so good for me because my friends in real life don't know what I'm talking about most of them they don't listen to this that's why I can talk about them my family doesn't get it like they don't watch all that stuff so knowing that you were gone and I posted it that's a huge thing like having a facebook page i can post that shit on is so good where it's appreciated watch what happens what happens saturday night saturday night well carly my sister's so chill she'll do whatever

and leah black's in town and of course we know the le Black. Yeah. Because of talking to her a few times on Watch What Happens. How fun is that? And has a great sense of humor about herself. Makes fun of everybody. Including herself. Yeah, including herself, especially. And so she has a summer home here in the Hollywood Hills. Yes.

So we go sometimes. She has these big parties. Because on Housewives of Miami, I collect people. home here in the hollywood hills so we go sometimes she has these big parties because on housewives of miami i collect people i think that was the first episode she like passes a homeless guy who's like hey leah she's like i collected him he'll be eating sushi at my place next month and she did that to us we're two of the weird internet freaks. Every time she has a party, I always have a significant obligation that I can't get out of. It's not just like, oh, I'm going to see a movie. It's like, I'm out of town.

I'm going to this or that. It's like, I can't. It's like, once again, I should have known she was going to have a party. Well, you know there's like a 150-person list or something. And then I feel like there's like a star system or a scoring system like this person said thank you this person brought me a gift you know like she she's a point keeper that one well i was sure you remember gracious but when i when i declined the invitation because at first because you got the invitation first and i thought like

oh i didn't get one but then she actually emailed me, which was really nice. And then I graciously said I was going to New York for my mom's birthday, so I couldn't make it. And she's so polite. And that's what, like, when I say she's a point keeper, it's not because she's just sitting there judging every little thing. She works for that shit. Like, when she's friends with people, the first thing she said when I walked in the door, this must be your sister. Poor Ben had to go out of town like she knew everything yeah she remembers every little thing

she's so polite and my sister i know like he had to be sent away we were so close um and uh like close to each other i mean East Coast but yeah she knew who Carly was she's so nice and Carly was like she said 7pm it's now 7.15 you are so rude you're going to show up to this thing late it's not a sit down dinner there's going to be sushi

and hamburgers like she knows how to do it she's got her places the first tour of the movie theater has barely even started. Yes, exactly. So, we, you know, we get our Uber up there or whatever. And we're the first ones there. It's 7.30. So, and I said, I'm sorry I'm late.

It's like, oh, whatever. I told some people 7, some people 7.30, and some people 7.45 on accident. I was like, you know know we're trying to stagger. And, of course, it's the podcast person and someone you don't know showing up first. Because that's always how it is. Anyway, we had so much fun. I was so glad to have my sister. Because she gets all my insecurities, you know.

And Leah is so nice. And then she starts buzzing around. And we talk to Roy, her husband, who's so nice. to roy her husband who's so yeah telling us about all this stuff and like i was asking questions about how hard it is to be a husband on these shows because the husbands never know what's about to happen he's like yeah he knew you know well i'm sure he's he's a lawyer okay and he's like a high really high profile lawyer that's a justin bie And he's like a high, really high-profile lawyer. Yeah, that's a Justin Bieber lawyer, yeah. Yeah. Oh, he reps Justin Bieber?

Yeah, he represents anybody who's on the losing side of... Who would be representing OJ right now if OJ was there? He's so smooth. You'd be like, oh, he's so nice. All right, thanks for the sushi and the burger. Who would have thought? Yeah, no, I think that, that like i think when you're dealing with with seasoned lawyers like roy black and like uh gerardi what's his name uh they they don't know

yeah erica's husband yeah yeah except roy doesn't yell at you yeah huge difference huge i don't think that gerard what's his name tom whatever ronnie it's not that he's mean he's just grumpy he's like 90 years old i'm yelling at people at 40 can you imagine at 90 fuck yeah don rickles i love that dude tom yeah oh i took a picture today at don rickles star did you know we had one it's one? It's in front of the Forever 21. That's the best part. Okay. That's true. So you get at the party. Yeah, so we're

just alone and just bonding with my sister and this, to her, it's just this crazy atmosphere. She's like, what's happening? There's all these Marilyn Monroe's and mirrors and just Leah being cute. So once people started coming, I told Carly, I go, watch.

People, I have this talent where I can make anybody walk away. I can make the nicest person walk away in horror. Okay? I did it the entire night. And I'll put, just look at the pictures on the Facebook. Name the person. I've seen it. I've made them walk away. There's like an aura of fear around them.

Flashback to Tom Sandoval at Pump, December 2015. Flashback to everybody we've been in public with when I'm having fun and drinking. Literally. Is there anybody who didn't act like that? They know. I'll stand by your side, Ronnie. You never do, Literally. Is there anybody who didn't act like that? They know. It's scary. I'll stand by your side, Ronnie.

You never do, but you understand where they're coming from, too. That's why we're going to be together forever. Jeff Lewis, Gage, even the girls from the People's Couch were like, and they're crazy. They're like,

wow, you're crazy. I'm going to go talk to Jeff Lewis. It's like, and they're crazy. And they're like, wow, you're crazy. Can I go talk to Jeff Lewis? It's like, motherfuckers. And I said, but watch, we'll all be out at the end of the night. Because I'm the one you're embarrassed to be with in public. But when you really want to get fucked up and go till four in the morning, I'm your girl. They all immediately flocked. They're like, where are we going?

But yeah, during it, i just scared everybody so i met the girls from the people's couch i went up to brandy first and said hey i'm ronnie i'm from watch what crap ends let's talk and she's like oh yeah we've been you know getting added at on the twitter like she said something where i was like really come. I don't know what an added ad is. I knew what she meant, though. And they were so nice. They're so cool. Julie Crazy. The Crazy Dyke. That's the me. Mr. Julie Goldman?

Yeah. Mr. Julie Goldman. Alright. That's me. And then Brandy is you. Okay. It's crazy, man, because I don't really watch anything but the Good Wife and Bravo shows. Like, that's it. Or like Breaking Bad, you know.

I watched the Bravo shows, OJ, Survivor. Yeah, someone a long time ago when that show started airing, The People's Couch, started saying, oh, my God, you're similar to these girls, but they're girls. And I was like, that's dumb. I'm not a girl, neither is Ben. So I didn't care. care but i googled them just to see and it took me back to their youtube uh they were you know they've been partners for a long time and they have really funny youtube videos making fun of tv shows but they just sit there and get wasted make fun of tv shows

and it was like us it was like girls us yeah they have a very similar energy i wish i wish our audition tape for the people's couch would would be unearthed what a hot mess that was i think that's a lesson to me and to us when when we all hang out because you're gonna see right away i think they're a lesson and that they just they're more calm like than we were at that time confident in the audition and not trying to like well so what happened was this if i remember correctly they were like yeah like just pretend like you're just watching you're gonna watch this and just like act like you would when you would watch a show but little did they realize that when the three of us because matt whitfield was part of the audition too when the three of us are watching a show

like we are like rapid fire because we were also being on because we thought we were doing our podcast basically so we were like everything would be like oh look at that moth on the screen like nice moth that's a big moth how about this one go kill that moth you know and they're just like it was like we did

not leave like a moment like they would not have been able to edit that and we talked so fast and so incessantly about everything and then like they gave us some notes like oh let me just be more yourself and i was like okay they want us just to like sit and watch and like comment they'll edit that together yeah they literally told us that we couldn't do it though we couldn't i can't do that you can't either band we're not built like that we can't just sit there and watch something can't either man we're not built like that we can't just sit there and watch something i mean my notes are 10 pages long like they're about bullshit the whole point is that i'm trying too hard like it's not that i'm trying too hard for you darling i'm

trying to impress myself you know and i just can never do it there's like a neediness that makes this three hours long instead of you know 20 minutes speaking of which so you yeah so you so you met them and then you guys went all went out together is that what happened so nice i started going because i started drinking so i started going to my like junior high in security which my sister's my best friend so she's like no you know whatever shut up but i'm like watch they're all walking away they all hate me They're all standing on the other side of the glass mocking me, which they probably were. And, you know, with good reason. But at the end, I was like, let's go get fucked up.

So we went to pump. Of course, the girls were like, let's go to pump. Who was with you? Well, it started just Brandy and Julie. And then there was a guy from someplace maybe I shouldn't say that. What? You're going to get fired from entertainment tonight? I'm so sure.

Like he works at Kensington Palace. That's for you, Donnie. That reference. So this guy from entertainment tonight who was so cute and gay. Like an on-air guy? No, a producer. Oh, a producer, okay. Yeah, but just, I mean, for all intents and purposes, no offense.

I know he doesn't have the attention span to listen to this, but, like, you know, just, like, really flitty gay, very pretty, very pretty flitty gay, you know? Okay. Perfect eyebrows is all I could talk about. But also, like, bitchy and, you know, like 20. My sister was like, no, put it in your drunk pants. But of course I loved him.

She's like, have you seen the slap? It's him, but nobody disagrees. It's even more boring to like slap him. It's a one-sided version of the slap. It's a reference to our bonus episode okay so it was them so it was those three but leah julia's like hey leah because uh julie gets like me so julie and me embarrass every everybody around us but for fun and some people get it and some people are horrified no one walked away from her but in her defense she's on tv you know they knew who she was

yeah okay so leah and also she really is so fucking funny so she's like we're out of here hey leah you wanna you want to go to pump and leah's like sure she goes well how are you gonna get there she's like oh i'll drive us but i don't want to take my car it won't like me driving she's like well take my car i've got like a range rover land rover whatever they're called and he's like i'd love to i was like yes so i ended up of course because uh my insecurity projects us into the universe i have to sit in the way back. Okay. Yes. Dodging the wooden spoon. Then literally I was sitting in a dog bed in the way back of the Range Rover. I'm not even kidding.

I guess she has a dog. So I was like, perfect. I'm going to be sitting in a dog bed. And my sister will totally understand why I'm crying all the way to pump. No. So Leah's driving. So Leah's driving. So Leah's driving. There's construction on her street.

She's like, we're going to have to go around. So she like knew all these tricks. Good invoice. You have an extra mile. Yes. She's like, hey, how did you guys get up here? Did you figure out the back way? Which way did your driver take you?

And we started during the L.A. talking about which twists and turns. And Julie was like, me and Julie yelling. started during the L.A. talking about which twists and turns. Hmm. And Julie was like, me. You know, me and Julie yelling. Me out the way back window and her the side window. And Brandy and Carly like, shut the fuck up. So we went to Pump. Pump, everything we say about Pump is times 100.

Those pots are so goddamn big on a Friday night. How am i supposed to walk to the goddamn bar if the pots are half the bar lisa how i'm tripping over shit scraping my knees there's all these people trying to be in pump but they can't even stand around because there's pots and wrought iron in your goddamn face and lee is like oh my you know she's like hey everybody and it was very busy those people in the pump were all over those people's couch girls they were like yes yeah you know i feel bad i haven't actually watched the um uh phantom pump rules after show that they host i feel bad it's so good is it really it's good yeah i can't watch it it regularly because we talk about the same show. Exactly.

That's the only reason why I don't because it's like it's just we watch so much Bravo that I just can't take it. I can't read recaps about it. I can't listen to other – I can't even watch What Happens Live. It's why? You're watching a show. You're writing notes. Then you're watching a show about the show. Then you're talking about the show about the show while you're talking about the – I mean, come on.

Too much. So everyone was all over Julie and Julie's. Yes. And also it's like tourist. It's not tour. It's not like, oh, it's so bad. It's tourist. It's that it's the bottom of the barrel D list.

And I'm not talking about Julian. Oh, my God, Brandy. I'm not talking about those guys. Everyone's just looking. They're like 20 years old. And not that that's bad. I'm editing. But it's just gross.

Bottom of the barrel. It's not like they're out there waiting for Sean Penn, you know, to, like, get an autograph from his performance in Two Left Feet or whatever the fuck it was. But, you know, same thing. Like, a really good male streepy type actor. It's like, I mean, I don't know, a busboy they saw one time on Vanderpump Rules. You know that guy's getting more pussy? That's the best part about Vanderpump Rules.

It's actually like a zoo. Like, you watch it on TV, and then if you want to see these people, it's like Stassi said in the uncensored thing. She's like, you know where to find us. You just go to Pump. You just walk in. You can walk into the TV show.

It's the craziest thing. There's nothing. It's not hard to get in. You just can walk in, get a drink. There's no barrier to entry, and all of a sudden you're in the TV show. It's so weird. But in the zoo, it's so weird but in the zoo it's

monkeys throwing shit at each other which is similar to this but in this version there's no fence between you and the monkey so there are other like random monkeys who aren't even cute enough to be in the zoo that are trying to throw shit at the monkeys in the zoo you know like those kids you're like excited when they get eaten by the monkey because they like look too close to the cage. It's like the bobcat that recently snuck into the LA Zoo and ate the koala. Did you hear about that?

No. It happened a week ago. It happened a week ago. It happened a week ago. A week ago, a bobcat, there's this one bobcat that roams around Griffith Park and it jumped over the wallcat there's this one bobcat that roams around Griffith Park and it jumped over the wall and there's this one koala

that at night gets out of its safe place and wanders around the outdoor part of its area. It's the only koala that does it. And the koala went out on its normal nighttime routine and the bobcat jumped in and the bobcat

killed the koala. Killed the koala. It's really the perfect analogy for Vanderpump Rules. Something slow that eats its own poop, getting murdered by a dangerous predator lurking that it should have seen a long time coming. But no one's really dangerous. It's like just one of the dumb monkeys throwing poo,

eating another monkey's head off suddenly he's like whoa i thought you were just throwing poo at each other oh that was a deep braining anyway let's invite some more monkeys in here i'm sure it won't happen again and other monkeys are paying to be there it's like monkeys can't even aim they're like breaking their elbows trying to throw the poo because the pots are too big in the monkey cage. The gorilla steals some sunglasses. That were worth more than the zoo. He's like, what? I hardly did anything.

Those were worth $750 million, you stupid gorilla. And then the giraffe walks in and is like, you know, I just have all these insecurities because one time I was invited to a savannah and then I was invited there explicitly so that way I could be disinvited from the savannah. I had to wait by the end of the watering pool until my mama came and got me before the alligators came. And all the shorter animals are like, what? I couldn't hear you. Did you hear that that bitch said something mean about you? It's like the deaf Catherine. And then a water buffalo walks up and like seriously seriously and then like some idiot shark like marisol patten

like tries to eat you but they just keep bumping up at the against the glass you know like getting a bloody nose like marisol why are you at the zoo instead of the aquarium? You're so stupid. It's like, I am buried to a beekeeper. That has nothing to do with anything. Such a misuse of power. Go back to the aquarium. Hang out with your jellyfish friends. So, the point is,

we ended up over at the pump with the giant pots and the wrought iron. Guess who's working his ass off as always? The little thumb-headed guy who had to come train everybody how to make like a pomtini goat cheese whatever face. Yeah, that guy. So cute. We have a picture with him. A 40-year-old bald guy who works really hard, like literally sweats.

I'm like, I'm down. I'm sweating. I'm not working, but I'm sweating. Marriage, you make tips. Just looked at him, though. The girls were like, oh, Lisa's over there, der. Which I guess everybody knows that. I don't know that she sits on Saturday night like Caesar.

Like in her little side booth looking over the peasants but she does I mean free drinks and she's not above she's on the same level just under one of those tent side tables like it's 5 million trillion dollars darling are you worth it

no one was she was the only one in there so they were like let's go say hey to her people now granted there's no pathway to this tent palace yeah it's the one that's in the back because you've been there yeah it's in that back patio of course you know i'm gonna smoke something out there yeah so it was this uh pathway you know between the tables so you're moving between fat-headed like plaid tourists i mean i am one actually i was literally in plaid and a big fat bald head and then you know just people's hair and it's

tight i guess what i'm saying you know just people tourists everywhere you know and walking through very tight so they went in and did their thing lisa so i get up i stood in the line and now you know i don't do that but i stood in there because i was like i have to see it so you get in this little tent thing lisa is i mean she's my queen but yeah she's gordon like she's more gorgeous was this the first time you'd met lisa no i mean i've met her like hi but I've never literally kissed her ring Ben I kissed her ring and I told her I'm going to kiss your ring well I said hey my name is Ronnie I'm from this podcast

that makes fun of you called Watch What Crappens and she said oh yes darling feel free to take the piss I'm like yeah thanks four years later but thanks it still feels good I mean I didn't say that I was like yeah yeah done it and then I said I'm going to kiss your ring. She's like, all right, darling.

And so I kissed her ring. And I have to say, she was surrounded by, well, Ken, I mean, obviously, in his fifth Jiggy wig. I mean, how many Jiggies have had to die? He's holding Jiggy in a matching outfit. Well, I don't know if it was matching. In my mind, it was matching. And then next to him is some other old queen holding another Jiggy's twin. Was it Martin?

Martin Lawrence. No, no. You know they have their... Oh, no. Old fartin' Martin who was trying to fuck Kim, but they were both too drunk for each other. No, not him. Worst setup of all time. Yeah, a gay.

Martin and Kim. There were like three or four actual older gays. Ben, I swear to you. We'll ask Brandy and Julie. They were all holding tiny dogs of Lisa's. It was hilarious. Was the horse there? You know it was in the kitchen.

You know it was in the kitchen, like yelling at Kristen, horse face number one, for being late to work again. Like, listen, I'm horse face number zero zero, uncensored. You wouldn't listen to me, horse face number one for being late to work again. Like, listen, I'm horse face number zero zero uncensored. You wouldn't listen to me, horse face number one. What was the other horse? Rosé Diamonds and Pastry Cream, darling.

Rosé Diamonds and Pastry Cream. So she was really nice, but she's surrounded by literally a wall of old gay guys with weird plagues holding tiny dogs that belong to her hilarious and uh i you know i kissed a ring and like made her laugh and got the fuck out of there i was like i'm grossed out by myself bye now did you feel manipulated oh by everybody else though she's like of course you're gonna wave waves of adoring delish shit darling just cover me and like she it's almost like she understands how gross and that's why she surrounds herself with all these gays holding dogs you know the inside she thinks that's just hilarious she's like i've got four old queens

including my husband in terrible wigs holding tiny dogs i had to get out of there before i became one of them you know i'd have like shoulder length i wish she became one of them i wish no never darling um but she was did you ask the hanky no no i feel like i feel like that's the thing to do. You know, it's like, that's the person who poses with the Marilyn Monroe wax figure, which I just did today.

Or the, I don't know, the Liza star. You know, it's like, I'm the person who takes a picture with the Arnold Schwarzenegger star or the person who takes a picture with the Meryl Streep star. You know, I wanted to be the person taking the picture. I like i don't care about you lisa vanderpump i just kissed your ring and now i'm leaving approved you showed her yeah i showed her she was like oh man

the next day her insta was like cure burn disease she's like someone left a glass slipper. I need to find my cinderfella. Hashtag, he could have used a wig. He has a dog here for himself. Basically, Leah drove us there. We laughed our asses off. Finally, she was like, okay, it's two in the morning. You're all stupid. Bye.

And she just left. And then I lost kind of everybody else. And my sister was like, I don't know who anybody is. This was hilarious. Bye. I'm leaving. So we got an Uber and we went home. But the next morning, Carly was laying in bed watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

She's never watched them before. And she watched three in a row, I think. And she's like, these people are fucking ridiculous. And I was like, that's welcome to your new life. Wow. Well, that sounds like an amazing Saturday night. My Saturday night, I made soup.

Well, so did someone in the kitchen, darling. Cheers! Chef Penny, get Ben's soup on the table right away. It was a really magic, oh, and I have to say, walking away from the table in the tight little pathway of bald-headed and straw-weaved creepy tourists, Josh Flagg.

Wait, is that his name from Million Dollar Listing? The cute, like, when he had the cute grandma, like, always in a suit, very conservative. I've seen him out a few times. He's not conservative. He's always in, like, Forever 21 flared jackets with, like, studs on the collar and shit. Get out of here with your conservative. He was waiting in line, and I said, you're not waiting in line. And he was like, well, I can't just walk over there I was like yeah you can

duh I just did it she couldn't back away she was already in a booth Josh Flagg I think it's amazing that there's like a line of people going to pay their respects to Lisa Vanderpump that's crazy and I kissed her ring and I'm the biggest bitch there is and I was like

darling alright well done bye wow well that is that that's kind of like an amazing night i'm i had you have some serious serious film though but i'm gonna work my way through it oh no you're gonna you're gonna win at the end because i think if you were if you were with me we i would have been looking at you too much. The insecurity that I feel if you're not by my side makes me talk to people that I never would talk to. Jeff is there all the time. You probably were very extra, and I probably would have been getting uncomfortable. I'm too much.

You know I'm too much, Ben. Like we said earlier, you're the only one who doesn't walk away, darling. Well, here's the thing, though. I think you're the only one who doesn't walk away, darling. Well, here's the thing, though. I think you're hilarious. But then when it comes to when we encounter celebrities or people that we may want to someday ideally have on the show, that's one for me. It's like, okay, I can't do this. This is like my professional world mixed with my fun, drunk, and crazy world. And I'm like, this is a potential person that if we're going to be trying to woo them onto a show,

and, you know, that's when I start to, I can't deal. Yeah, I don't woo. That's why I'm a podcast person and not a TV person, because the whole point is I don't give a fuck. Ghost telling Carly, I walk away from people, and I feel all guilty, and then I feel bad, and I'm like, why doesn't anybody like me? Why can't i be myself

and then i'm like that's the point you know the whole point is that i'm supposed to say fuck you that's who i am you know and then i'm supposed to walk away and feel insecure like that's how i have fun it's my hobby you know it's your hobby yes i make the awful things happen to myself and then i feel terrible about themselves but then it's like a warm glow over myself because I feel terrible. It's like a sick pattern. I know what it is, and I love it. And there's no better town to do it. And if you had been with me then, I couldn't have because I care too much.

I don't care what they think, but I care what you think. So it's better if I don't care what they think because they don't like me for most of the night but then we had the most fun i mean ben you're gonna see that brandy and julie they're gonna they're like our little bizarro twins away from us i'm excited i'm excited to meet them and you're gonna love it and i know rumor has it i'll be meeting them very very soon and julie might have booked something big and um one of us has booked something big and so i was like wow we're twin we're like bonded in a weird it's almost like dating like fate i was like welcome we're each other's substitute lovers nice to meet you here's the condom we can go to we can go on a double date

together oh yeah well i mean i went there you know i go deep okay so that'll be some other day ben thank you for letting me talk so much i've been wanting to tell you that always it was so hard for me not to call you well um that was a really fun story um and i think like what better segue or lack thereof then why don't we do a quick crappin's mailbag on the heels of that epic story how about that if you tuned in to hear recaps today just fast fast forward another 45 minutes. That was a recap. I mean, of horrible childhood issues. Hey, you know what? This is a Bravo podcast. We have

been talking about Bravo. They turned it off 200 and something episodes that they were annoyed with crap talk when it doesn't belong. Speaking of Bravo, Mike Bowman. Michael.

Handsome. Mike Bowman. Loves cheese. Or is it Mike Bowman? Mike, is it Bowman? Get out of here with your Bowman. No, Bowman. I don't know.

I never address him as Mike Bowman. I refuse. The reason why we say this is because Mike is an active member of our Google Hangouts. So he has a hard-hitting question. He says, favorite Girl Scout cookies, since I know you care mine, are peanut butter patties. What's your favorite? That's not what they're called, those peanut butter things. It's like the –

I don't know because they've renamed something. Okay. I'll answer this first. There was peanut butter and then there was like peanut – there's the peanut butter, which is between two cookies, and then there's one that's like a cookie covered in peanut butter covered by chocolate what's that one is that this is that this one no they're different ones are wet well one of them is a similar it used to be called a samoa and then it was no no the samoa is that coconut one yeah different um i don't really know the names of too many of them i I recently had the lemon one for the first time, believe it or not. Wasted time.

Oh, I liked it. That's called an empty calorie. Okay, let me tell you. Okay, so this is actually a very important topic. And Mike knows it's important, which is why he asked. So obviously my favorite is Thin Mint. I mean, that's like a go-to, right? Well, yeah, of course.

However, if we were to like just take Thin Mint out of the equation because it's such a classic. Have the Girl Scouts die. Okay, next subject. Bury them in the planters. No. My next favorite is a more obscure one. It's kind of like the indie of the cookies. Oh, good.

It's called Thanks a Lot. That is too much. No, fuck off, Girl Scouts. No, It's called a Thanks-A-Lot. That is too much. Fuck off, Girl Scouts. The reason why I say this is because it's not available in all the regions because they're different regions of Girl Scout cookies and they

are supplied by different factories or distributors. I wonder if they get points for who delivers the most. Yeah. Well, not every distributor carries the thanks a lots. Well, yeah. I don't think we had those in El Paso.

Well, yeah. There are a lot of times I'll say to someone like, oh, my favorites are the thanks a lots. And they're like, that's not a real one. It is. It's a real one. It's a real motherfucking cookie. And it is good. It's kind of like a, it's in the same realm as like a fudge stripe, a Keebler fudge stripe, except the shortbread's a little thicker. They're so good.

So much fit into a box. Nice try, Girl Scouts. Plus, I also like that it has the most passive aggressive name out of all the cookies. Perhaps any cookie. It's called Thanks-A-Lot. Give me a Thanks-A-Lot. You're not sharing your thanks a lot seriously thanks a lot seriously are we ready to order thanks a lot i'm sorry that you all can't be a thin mint like me that's why we work at sir

seriously seriously i'm sorry i'm a hot motherfucker have you ever ordered those cookies i'm sorry i'm a cookie catch i'm a motherfucking cookie catch we sold 10 boxes in a year thanks a lot okay uh sarah josie f wait what was the question? Was there one? The question was, what's your favorite Girl Scout cookie? Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, sorry. Did we answer? Thin Mint? I answered.

And then the thanks a lot. Ben, you can't say that's your favorite Girl Scout cookie. After Thin Mint. Yes. What is wrong with that? That's my favorite. I don't even know what it is. Okay, describe the cookie.

You just don't know. It doesn't mean it's... Oh, now you're waking me up now, Ronnie. Now you're waking me up. I love some Girl Scout rage. I've been sleepy for the past, like, two, we've been doing this for two hours already, actually. We did a bonus episode. We're now two hours into this.

I'm so sorry. And I was like, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. And now it's like, oh, you're going to challenge me on the motherfucking thanks a lot cookies? Oh, you woke me up. It's midnight. I would Google it, but I don't want it to. I turned into reverse pumpkin. I went from pumpkin to chariot just now.

You went from pumpkin to thanks a lot. Thanks a lots are good. Google it right now. Wake up, Carla. No, because you know what's going to make the Skype go out or make my mic go out. We've got like six recordings tonight already with my stupid drunk ass thanks a lot cookies I'll do

I want to pretend that this isn't real tomorrow I want to wake up tomorrow and not know that there's something called a thanks a lot cheers thanks a lot has a page called meet the cookies and yes it is confirmed if you look at a thanks

honestly ronnie if you just look at a thanks a lot you would see how delicious it is you know what i'm looking at right now i swear to god this is the truth your skype picture because i'm sitting at desk desk and i'm in front of this gigantic screen and my skype is up and it's your beautiful face and you just keep saying thanks a lot i'm like you know what ben you're welcome it's a picture from like five years ago telling mine is 10 years ago like winking back at you all right so we have to move forward we have to move forward do it you gotta drive i'm trying to drive you're just like i'm responsible i will not drive like this sarah joseph, other than blogging and podcasting

and watching Housewives, what do you guys do? IRL. Also, where do you hang out so I can stalk you? Well, obviously, we hang out at Pump sometimes. I mean, that's like Disneyland

that you have season passes to that you go too much. And it's creepy. Yeah. I don't know where I... To be honest, I don't know where I hang out at. Tiago, 24 Hour Fitness.

X. What's that stupid martin lawrence blood grocery store fresh and easy easy i walk around the empty fresh knees um other than canyon yeah runyon uh-huh um i uh uh in terms of bars that i like in la my my favorite local bar is The Woods on La Brea. Old classic. Yeah, you can find me. There's a restaurant I like called Pocanometry. What is that? It's pokey.

It's so good. That sounds like a goddamn board game. I don't like pokey. You know what? Wrap that shit in some rice. Don't give me a bowl of guts. They're like, here's some fish innards with some blue cheese and some

chopped vegetables you're talking out of your ass it's not what pokey is it is it's just the chopped fish it's like sashimi but it's a bowl of it tossed on stuff I like the rice I need the rice

so other than blogging and podcasting for me I actually am a I'm a writer Okay. So, um, other than, so other than blogging and podcasting for me, uh, I actually am a, I'm a writer, all pretentious sounding, but, um,

I am in the process of, of trying to, uh, break into the writing TV for Hollywood. I was, I, I will be creating the web. Um, I have been, i have been writing features but i've switched gears to tv so it's been like everything's had to like uh it's it's different it's a whole different it's

a different ball game to a certain extent so i had to get new reps and had to like start changing like my portfolio of writing and everything so i'm sort of positioned myself and now I'm in the process of getting myself out there and going on some cool meetings and stuff. Yeah, you're working it out there on the streets of Hollywood. Yeah, hopefully I'll have some cool stuff. I'm so excited you're doing that because it's so nice

to live vicariously through you with that stuff. Thanks, Ronnie. Yeah, it really is. I like listening to those stories what about you uh but you i go to target i go yeah my full-time stuff is like writing real housewives recap running a website about recaps and then making like stuff that i don't ever put out there like little acapella songs by myself or cartoons and then playing with my dog and really just getting high and feeling lucky that I can live like a crazy person. Yeah, I do musical improv and stuff like that.

But the places I like going outside of here are just bars around my house and Whole Foods and occasionally Trader Joe's. Just bars around my house and Whole Feeds and occasionally Trader Joe's. So Sammy Suleiman asks, of all the Housewives and Housewives adjacent music, are there any songs you unironically like? Personally, I really love Sheena's single Good as Gold. Oh, how does that go? Do you know it? I have no idea. God, it's gold. I look it up.

My foot. Sheena, good as gold. I'm looking it up. The Housewives song that I like the most is Chic C'est La Vie. Chic C'est La Vie. C'est bon. C'est bon. I think the ones you can remember are good.

You have arrived. Oh, good. I don't know. Are you playing it now? Oh, no. That's how Chic C'est La Vie arrived. Oh, good. I don't know. Are you playing it now? Oh, no. That's how Sheik's C'est La Vie begins. Oh, yeah.

Oh, wait. How does it begin? I do have the Sheena one. Okay. I predict it's going to sound like this. Let's see if I'm psychic. Okay.

I'm pressing play on Vimeo. Watch it be an ad. Oh, Vimeo. Get out of here with your Ford ads. Get your Ford focus out of my face. Here she goes, Sheena Marie. I like the chord change. It sounds like...

You are too much. I'll open Pandora's box for you. I like the chord change. It sounds like... Lisa's daughter. Ass kisser. What is that? One of those. I can't believe that Shay was driven to Trinidad. You know, it's actually not a terrible... On the housewife scale, it's not terrible. She says that, though.

It's like an old person saying good is gold. She would do well to take some more money. I gotta tell you, I'm feeling good. This party's got me all charged up. This is how she talks. I'm all charged up. Oh my gosh, I was taking such fun. Okay, I said, old person talk, good as gold.

Who says that? It's like, home again, home again. Jiggity jig. home again home again jiggity jig she's like charged up and juice on i mean come on jungle juice pour some jungle juice in my cup heidi montag's musical career how dare you sir heidi montag is a seasoned professional i did like one of heidi's songs believe it or not i really did and then everyone laughed at me when i said i thought it was a good song and then guess who covered it lady gaga or actually i think that lady gaga actually wrote it and then heidi sang and the lady gaga was like i'm gonna take this back and i'm gonna sing it hey when huey lewis takes interest call me

and I'm going to sing it now. Hey, when Huey Lewis takes interest, call me. Okay, what songs can you remember, though? I remember that. Chic C'est La Vie. I don't know Good at School. Get out of here. I already forgot it.

Tardy to the party. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Tardy to the party. That's the one I actually paid money for. I actually bought that one. All right, then that auto wins. You had something to do with her, like, fifth cheeks. Congratulations. Oh, oh.

I mean, it's a candy burrish joint. Oh, oh. You know, I also like tightrope, and I want tightrope to be released. I played this, according to my iTunes, I played this song 32 times. That is like a Gaga song, actually. Yeah, it's Candy Burst. I mean, that's probably the only song

of all the Housewives and all the Bravo stuff that was actually produced by a real producer. Candy. Candy. And with tongue firmly in cheek yes exactly so by male people sort of rushed through it a little. Although that was not rushed. What time is it? Poor Ben. You wait. Okay, what do you want to talk about first? Atlanta's? Let's talk about the Atlanta reunion. We'll do Atlanta, Top Chef, Palette Cleanser, and then Potomac.

Oh, God. Yeah, you'll have to save that later. Oh, I bought this new keyboard. It takes like five seconds for it to warm up. I'm writing time codes. Like a Casio keyboard? Are you going to play something for us? I wish. Party for the party.

Oh. Siren noises. Lasers. I put $555.52. Tomorrow I'm going to be like, what? Okay, so Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion

Andy I like that they are showing all the backstage stuff they're doing that consistently now Andy's not even pretending that he's trying to be Anderson Cooper anymore it's just like hi I'm Andy Cooper

this is gonna be a shit show welcome um kim's first reunion phaedra prays with andy and portia i just wrote lol oh yeah i have nothing to say about that but poor jesus andy was just doing that for the story you know he was like telling all his friends he's like oh my god i was an old prayer circle jesus is like i'm trying to turn water into wine, not just water into Uncle Ben's, darling. Just bowls of carbs lying around. My future is gone. Maybe they were just praying that the passion would be over soon.

The passion. Did you watch The Passion? No, I didn't. Can we please agree to watch The Passion once you're in your new place? Yeah, sure. He's trained for a long time. We have to watch it. Tyler Perry's The Passion.

Tell us about it. It's going to be on Netflix. It's going to be on Netflix. All right. Well, I'll wait until next year then. No, no. It's going to be on Netflix in like four days. Here we go with the beginning.

Aunt Portia. Hi, Cynthia. Oh. Hi, Cynthia. Hi, Kenya. Hi. Hi. Hi. beginning aunt portia hi cynthia oh hi cynthia hi kenya hi hi yeah it's every every reunion always starts that same way that shit eating grin but he's not just saying hi anymore now he's adding stuff he'll be like hi kenya kianse yeah i was afraid i was concerned that he hadn't asked anyone about their boobs but then he did he did have Candy stand up and twirl around and show everyone her body. So I was like, okay, that's good.

That's nice and demeaning. Yeah, he had someone show off their five pairs of Spanx. I mean, it costs less than a body lift, but still. She's like, see? No. Weight loss. How does Candy look? She actually looks better than before she had the baby.

I know. You know, I thought Andy... She gave birth to Brussels sprouts and mac and cheese. Andy was like, wow. He's like, this is like escape Candy Burris. I'm like, well, you're... I was like, I know he was meaning that as a compliment, but it was kind of actually implying that she's looked shitty for the past 10 years.

I was like, nice one, Andy. Also andy's trying to pretend he listened to escape get out of here ain't nobody believing that you're bruce all the way you're bruce and barbara all the way ain't nobody falling for that uh mostly barbara um kenya calling herself kianse was the most hilarious thing i've ever heard like that bitch is more arrogant than Jay-Z Beyonce would actually fuck her she's that arrogant Aunt Portia hi Cynthia candy

post-pregnancy yeah offensive five spank lines she did though she had five spank lines Phaedra I called Jesus on the main line child Andy's school was in session. The Shady Bunch. Shamaya drinks shampoo.

Shamia. Shamia drinks shampoo. Candy. Greatness takes time. Been two years since we shot Reunion. I don't know what she's talking about. Who gave best shade? Shadra Parks.

Oh, okay. Oh, sorry. Yeah, no. I'm just going trying to spark something. So I seem to remember what the first thing that happened, the first significant thing that happened was that Todd came out, right? They talked about the baby, and he's like, they're like. Oatmeal pie face was the first thing. I'm trying to find Todd.

Oatmeal pie face. We already talked about that. Oh, yeah. This one. Phaedra called Kenya oatmeal pie face. Oh, because they were talking about shadiness. And Kenya's like, yeah, that wasn't funny. And then Phaedra's like, oh, well, you know, I was just saying. She's like, that was

my looks. You're talking about my looks. She's like, well, I was talking about your skin. She's like, my skin and my looks. She's like, well, technically your skin. I'm like, Phaedra, there's no way around it. You were making fun of her looks. Just own it. How are you going to pick the best person in this? Because

Kenya's like, that's my looks. And then she's like, you're pretty, but got bad skin. She's like, that's not fair to make fun of girl skins. Girl, you don't even have. They just start getting so mean and shallow. And Pedro's like, I would never say that. You don't even have a husband. Bye.

Girl, bye. Yeah. This show, they will always top each other for the worst yeah absolutely and kenya kenya's argument vedra i left you alone all season yeah like a little i could have been really shitty to you but i i took the high road yeah i didn't throw shit in your face for one season okay i earned this yeah um congratulations you went after kim fields whose greatest achievement in life is going to carpool and when they show that clip again by the way when they were talking about when andy's like there's a new girl on town and then they showed they showed page talking to kim fields being like so what

way she's like so kim fields what makes you excited for the day she's like i don't know carpool and pager goes not a carpool and kim that was like kim's big crying moment she's like going to carpool i don't know making lunch for. Those who made that up are just exaggerating. That was the clip that it was from. Phaedra's saying, what gets you through the day? What makes you excited to see the day? What makes Kim be excited?

Phaedra's thinking of a triple chocolate dildo. She's like, carpool. She goes, going to carpool. Phaedra's like, have you ever set a firework off up your vagina tell me the truth she's like have you ever gone to a crosswalk but still just the way that phoenix goes not carpool like like no no no no phoenix rain having even ever carpooled the nannies to get to the right place. Trying to open up some medical... So, anyway, so soon Todd comes out, and they're asking Todd...

Ah, I've got a beard now. He's like, it's hard to raise a kid, but, like, you know, he's got a good head, and, like, you know, he's a handsome kid. And, you know, I've got to make that coin. So, you know, it's hard. He's got good arches, four platform heels. He'll do great. I've got a beard. Todd. You know, Todd's not, as husbands go, Todd is far from the worst.

He's fine. No, he's the worst. I hate his arrogant attitude. As husbands go, Todd is far from the worst. He's fine. No, he's the worst. I hate his arrogant attitude. And every time they cut to him, he's in something more awful. Like, one, I'm outside my wife's pregnancy meeting, whatever they call it, with the doctor. And he's outside with his sideways hat sitting above his head to look taller. And his quilted northern shirt with something that says Hustler on the front. And a gold chain that weighs more than his platform shoes.

Get the fuck out of here, Todd Tucker. Get out. Every time they talk to him, he's more obnoxious. But then just when you're like, ugh, Todd, then you remember that there's people like Peter, and you're like, you know, Todd's not so bad. You know what? At least Peter is just trying to fuck somebody.

Todd is trying to prove something that he's never going to be. It's like he's trying to be, I don't know, I feel like Who is it? Tom? Tall. Tall. That's it. It's platform shoes and heads on top of hair. That's all you need to know about Todd. Thank you for condensing that.

So basically Andy asks some questions to Todd. It's like a nothing segment. It's basically like, how's the baby? How's everything going? How's the restaurant? Yada, yada, yada, yada.

I don't know, man. It's really hard. Yeah. Oh, I should have listened to Cynthia. She realized owning a restaurant is hard. We don't even have an underpass to be under um kenya starts her victim thing right from the beginning she has these bitter evil awful looks like she's being attacked but also like ready to fight but nothing is being said and he's like how

do you like church and they're like we love church. And Kenya's like, God, fuck church. Church hurts me. Just an evil look coming out of her face. And Andy's making so many non-things that happened this year huge things. He's like, Portia, why would you rip Kenya as fellow women entrepreneurs? How could you do that to another woman who started a business? Portia's like, because it was fun. That like she's like well i didn't know shimmy was gonna do that but it killed me it's funny yeah shimmy drinking the water listen shimmy could not have drunk water or drank drunk or drank drank water had can you not put water in there. And then Kenya was like, yeah, there was water

in the shampoo bottles, but only on the table. In the gift bags, there were real products. And then Pedro's like, I tried her shampoo on a friend's pet. And then Kenya comes out with these nonsensical arguments. She's like a

quad with better English. She's like a quad with better English. Yeah. She's like, my product is good for people with edges. Try some. Evil look. Yeah, for people having trouble with their edges. Okay, does Kim wear granny panties? Who cares?

Yes. And she's like, wouldn't you like to know? Actually, no. Yeah, no one knows. This is a question that I don't think anyone cared about, except for maybe Andy coen and i'm not even sure why he cares i don't want to go under there he's asking her about granny panties while she's sitting there in a dress that's umbrade um from the waist down like a shit stain she's wearing a cream colored dress but in her entire waist section it's brown Kim Fields you are

sitting in a pile of shit at your first reunion girl have some self respect I mean that's how you know her husband ain't gay the man wears mom wasted dockers and doesn't tell his wife she dressed like a shit stain sitting on a

couch Candy pregnancy. Hey, Candy, next year don't be pregnant. You're boring me. You really told her. You told her. Wow, I thought there was going to be more. Be non-pregnant.

I was like, okay, here we go. Hashtag RHOA Planned Parenthood Stand with Women. So, hold Todd's even the shortest person on the couch. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries, Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends

to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real.

I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many

stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more.

She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. You go. I'm sorry. What happened? No, I don't.

I just keep writing Todd over and over. Can't be breastfeeding and Todd drinking breast milk. After Todd came out, then they pushed him off. They're like, we'll have you come back. Then Sheree came on the couch. And this was my favorite because Sheree And Abby repeating things from Bravo, like the announcer

guy on Bravo. He's like, Sheree, have you been served by Sheree? Get out of here, Andy. Well, Sharae spent the entire reunion muttering commentary off the side. The entire time she was like, oh, good to hear that. What do you say? What do you say?

You say that? Do you hear what you're saying? Can you believe this? I'm living for this daydream. Why was it Kim Fields? Why was it Kim Fields? Did you sleep with Bob? Did you sleep with Kim Fields? Why was it Kim Fields? Why was Kim Fields? Did you sleep with Bob? Did you sleep with Kim Fields?

Why was Kim Fields? Can I tell this? Can I do it live? Sharae, I cannot believe Sharae is not a full-time cast member and a new star. I'm sure next season she will be. I need to see what's happening with her. I like that she's doing, she's not getting paid for it or being recognized, but she's the real Mimi you know she's like

actually holding court the shit she has to say about everybody is on point it's true and it's judgmental but like lovingly judgmental she's like you go Kim Fields where was Kim Fields it's like when Andy read Kenya Moore

when Kenya was when they were talking about later on when they were talking about Kim Fields' career and Kenya was being shady, she's like, you know, Kim had a big – it was a child star. And they're like, well, also living single. Well, she was – so she worked in the 90s. And then Andy's like, well, you were Miss USA in the 90s. And then Sharae was like, who had to give you a read? Who had to give you a read? sure I was like I was living for sure it's back because trades reactions were my reading? Reading Bob-Bob? Hey, do you know what my favorite movie is? What about Bob?

What about Bob? Did you sleep with Bob? Did you sleep with Bob? Did you sleep with Bob? Did you fall asleep watching What About Bob? Did you sleep with What About Bob? What about Bob? What about Bob?

What about Bob? What about Bob? Hey, Candy, so you had a baby. Baby steps. Baby steps. Baby steps. Baby steps. Baby steps. You got baby steps?

You got baby steps? I pity the person who plays this podcast and decides to fast forward and arrives at the part where we're just saying to each other. That's the word. And arrives at the part where we're just saying to each other. But I feel like at some point in the human experiment, we all have that point, whether it's the flu, cancer, whatever awful fucking disease you're laying there from. You're forced to watch shit like all about Bob. Like that's when people are going to see Party of Five for the first time. You know, it's like some awful disease.

Like there's Party of Five. You'll get the jokes later. Wait it it's the point i'm just imagining you know because because we keep on tweeting at like casey wilson and danielle schneider and other people too like you guys they have to do like a crossover with watch what happens this is gonna be the episode that casey wilson's gonna be like you know what i'm gonna listen let's see what this podcast is about i'm just gonna just fast forward to like right in the middle let's see what this podcast is about. I'm just going to fast forward to right in the middle. Let's see what they're saying. It cuts to her listening to us going, Is there a water leak somewhere? Darling, it's like real life.

If they need to back away from you, they cannot do that on the podcast. It has to be people. It's Kate Chastain and Leo Black and people who are just the same. They ain't going to back away. They like that shit. And so are the people listening.

Hey, Bravo. Hey, Bravo. Please give us a job. So there was a big question about does Kim Fields fit in on Real Housewives of Atlanta? I love that it becomes a focus group. People are like twisting knobs left or right. Yeah. Yeah, because there were like, you know, some people are being more diplomatic.

Some people are saying, well, you know, it's just that like we're a confrontational group and she's not. Actually, that was Sharae. Oh, it was Sharae? I don't even know. I'm not looking at my notes anymore. We're a confrontational group and she's not confrontational. Actually, that was Sharae. Oh, it was Sharae? I don't even know. I'm not looking at my notes anymore. We're confrontational, and she's not very confrontational. And then some people were saying, well, it's just that, like, you know, she's a little judgmental.

And then it became a thing. Well, Kenya's evil. She's judgmental. And then the other ones I thought were going to come in and be like, no, you know, she's great. It was her first season, but it was rough. No was rough no even candy like the nicest one there was like well see she's like not knowing the show she like you know even her she was like she was great but uh she doesn't fit in.

She doesn't get it. Yeah, but I actually think that's what makes her fit in, is that she's different from the rest, and there's a huge disconnect, which causes the friction, and she gets really passive-aggressive, and she does get condescending, despite what she says. She's lost it a couple times now but when she clarified what she meant about like if i don't fit in with this click i'm okay with that i understand what she

what she meant she clarified it i i got it i get it but i can also see how it was totally condescending to people who didn't understand it no we all knew what it meant and she was right with what she said if i don't fit in with you bottom-feeding, desperate bitches who are trying to tear people down just for screen time. I mean, Kenya is shameless. Kenya is coming at people with shit that has nothing to do with reality. She goes below the belt, and all of Kim's shit was with Kenya. And when she said, if I fit in with you, bitch, I do not need to fit in. And she's right.

But the fact is, bitch, I do not need to fit in. And she's right. But the fact is, bitch, you poor. Kenya was right when she's like, I don't have lanes, which is a lie. She still hasn't paid a lot of people who are working on her house. She's an in-debt liar. Well, the thing is, what was funny was that Kenya's like, well, here she is. This is my stage. This is where I'm the star. And then they cut to candy

and candy gave this look like can you yes five spanks almost popped off of candy at one time like bitch she said where are your spinoffs bitch i've had 10 yes she is almost gonna reach across the table and strangle her. Yeah. I think Kenya trying to compare herself to Kim Fields. And Andy was like, okay, Andy was pretty good in this one. I felt like there was some Fagito Burrito in his ear who's like 22, who actually watches the shows. It's like, Andy, say this mean shit to Kenya. Because he was calling everybody out the whole time.

Which I loved, by the way. Nice work. And they can't say anything about it. They're like, okay, Mr. Bosman. Kenya even said, okay, Mr. Bosman. Kenya did. She tried to go at Andy a couple of times. And he was like, I'm not Kim Fields.

Yeah. And he was like, no offense. Yeah. I hate car was like, no offense. Yeah. I hate carpools. No offense. I do not. I have not seen Little Mermaid 4. No offense. Little Mermaid 4?

No. Wait, which part 4? I said I have. Never mind. I'll go to sleep trying to think of what you were talking about. I was saying Andy pretending like he's not Kim Fields. He's like, I have not seen Little Mermaid 4. No offense.

Now you've made me explain my joke. Kim is like, I was on that. Ariel is gay. Trust me. I've done a lot of work with Ariel. So then, you know, there was also discussion about Kenya versusya versus phaedra i'm not kenya i'm sorry uh candy versus phaedra about apollo's stuff and their friendship and their you know they want to go back to where it was but what and and kenny was like one of them did i didn't know

it was a secret that was holding up to apollo's motorcycle i didn't know it was a secret. Really, Candy? You didn't know it was a secret? Yeah. When Apollo showed up at your house and was like, hey, do you mind if I keep an ATV and a sailboat and, like, my kids fake BMW, like teeny tiny golf cart BMW here? Candy needed to

be checked a little bit this episode because, you know, I still think that's shady you know i know that's terrible disregard the entire conspiracy theory still i still think it's shady if there is like even if there's yeah the conspiracy theory has nothing to do with this yeah but like candy and phaedra are friends and she's holding on to apollo stuff like i don't care what todd's relationship with apollo is candy was friends with Phaedra first, and Todd should respect that and should say, sorry, Apollo, but can't do this.

I mean, this bro thing. Candy's that girl who always, she's like, I'm girl power, and everything she talks about is girl power with this, girl power with that, but she's always single. And then she decides, fuck it, this is it. I'm going to's always single and then she decides fuck it this is it i'm gonna get a husband and she finds some asshole and then everything every choice she makes is based on that fucking asshole and her whole life is about girl power but she's gonna do anything she can do i don't even think it's because that was his friend that was todd's

friend he's like i think it's not a big deal any girl knows that you don't keep your felon husband shit in the garage every girl knows that that's bullshit yeah i think that uh i think ultimately candy beats marches to her own drum i think that's why she's actually successful marches yeah but not on her own drum she i think that like she does what the fuck she wants she does what she exactly she does unless it comes to her mom she's under her mom's spell but in terms of friends i think that candy is like a mama joy's kryptonite i think that like she's there for her friends i think she's actually probably like a really good friend but at the end of the day well shady lying bitch too yeah so candy it's not like Candy's stupid.

She's smart. She can't breed a bitch. Anyone with a crazy mother can breed a bitch. You have to learn how to do it. And she knows that Phaedra is constantly lying, trying to manipulate shit. That's what I'm saying. I'm saying regardless of that. Yeah, I'm on her side still.

That's the conspiracy theory I'm talking about. Regardless of that, based just on the fundamental fundamental like if you're supposed to be friends you know but i think that candy i think that she is pretty much out for herself and um well girl code candy did wrong but girl code also fatalized candy a lot and she talks shit about her so she's not good either so you both suck now when they were when they were pressing Candy about, like, do you have, like, a click? And first she was like, no. But then she's like, yes. But, like, Candy also, I'm sorry.

She's seen the footage now. She has to have seen that it was a total overreaction. And Phaedra got Candy. I think Phaedra, Miss Lawyer, finally lawyered it up. Because Candy was like, don't be talking about todd you know like outside she's like don't talk about todd to shamia and and person like well we're just like it was like a not even like a gossipy thing yeah don't bring my man like candy and then she was like well you she's like well you know but then it's okay for todd to be talking about me to peter inside yeah exactly

that like you're like the men on this show are so not classy now you're gonna tell me i'm not classy because i'm talking shit about a man fuck you they're men like they're supposed to actually have manners even your gays are mean to women like that's terrible candy and candy i think knows but she's gonna on side of her phaedra i'm sorry if phaedra is allegedly your close friend well no phaedra has already proven that she's not candy's friend i mean candy is wrong but phaedra is also wrong so i don't get candy for doubting phaedra because she's doubtable i just think that i think that in this case i do think it was unprofessional that someone who was working for her would mouth off on tv about like an alleged friend well it just reveals that the

friendship is really not that great yes the phedra between candy and uh phedra has been over for a long time because they're both the type of person to once once you fuck them over, that's it. There's no second chance. Because once you've fucked me over, I can't trust you. That's the end. You know? I'm kind of like that. I don't, like, cut it, but I'm nice and that's it. There's, like, that's a wall.

That's a wall up. Yeah. I get it. And I get them both. They're both wrong and they're both right in their own ways. But Candy, I like that Candy this time time said it's not that they're employees it's that they're my best friends and phedra said yeah but you you're a clique and i felt like it was a clique and she said that's right i click up yeah and that's right you know that is my click

and if if you're not going to be my best friend i know that they are they've been around a long time and you haven't so if you're already untrustworthy bye now yeah so that being said though don juan totally overreacted i mean don juan's horrible but that's why i love candy she'll stand up for joyce she'll stand up for don juan she'll stand up for carmen you know i'm all those people right like i'm every person i hate so i'm every candy click i'm every mama joy so uh so then the final big fight of the night was that all during the entire episode kenya kept on interrupting especially kim and kim was getting she was getting angrier and angrier and finally she, she just lost her shit. She's like, would you stop interrupting? And then Kenya's like, what's my right to interrupt?

And then Kenya's like, Kim's like, don't interrupt anymore. She's like, I am not a child. You act like a child. Classic mom to child. You are taking up your DVD tray, sir, young man. You put down that salt you will not watch

big business these these socks belong in the hamper you're in the backpack with the dog seat and so then then i love how how kenya in her attempts to show that she doesn't always interrupt keeps on interrupting and then finally Kim starts to say something and Kenya like blanches or something. She starts to move her lips and that's when Kim's like, say something. Say something, I dare you. And that's when Sheree's like, ooh, what are you gonna do?

What are you gonna do? But not even a mean way, like so excited. Sheree's just sitting there like, ooh, Kim P.S. What you gonna do, Kim P.S.? You gonna hit what you're gonna do it was good that was a good moment overall charade i don't know why you people are abusing charade i know she's's terrible probably as a person she's like we're letting it you got letting I don't got letting

like she's probably awful but Sharae could be better than Nini if you just show her just show her doing that cause she does it all night you see her doing it in every episode Sharae's in she's like I want makeup did you want, I want makeup.

Did you want makeup? I want makeup. Listen, Sheree, they just need to put Sheree back on the show and give her someone to go off on. And we will be happy. Because when Sheree gets mad, that is like manna from heaven. Sheree was the only person. Claudia Jordan did a fantastic job although i hear that she's a horrible human being in this other show she's on the next 15 what a perfect title yeah what a

beautiful poetic title but um she told nini off but no one has done it like charie fix your face no one has done it like charie i mean that face no one has done it like charrette i mean that was the first time literally ran away well she ran she ran to her car and then charrette chased her out you pay for that car fix your seat when when is the next episode of the reboot? Are they doing a thing where it's like... Darling, it's like Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Wednesday, the 5th, the 7th, the 11th. It's like a leap year, but like four times a week. No, it says the next one is...

I'm on Bravo right now. It says Sunday at 8. No. Oh, well, that's not bad. A whole week. I hate when they're like Sunday, Thursday, and Sunday. Yeah, they probably want to give the tankards a good lead in. So why don't we talk about Top Chef?

Do you need to mark down the time code? The time code is 6 hours and 33 seconds. Oh, thank you. Longer than lame is. Top Chef aired its season finale this past week. It was a showdown between Amar and Jeremy Bro. Amar. How dare you?

Amar. Amar. But not that deep. I just want to cook food that makes me happy. My father died and I love to make these things because they make me so happy. I'm glad they make you happy, faux hawk. Get out of here

with your semi-faux hawk. So it was interesting. So first, my favorite part of the episode is that Amara and Jeremy are up in their room and then Tom comes in with like a little cart. He's like, hey, in all the

years of doing Top Chef, I never cooked a meal before. So be my guest and sit down and you'll be my guest. This is the season finale and you guys deserve a meal. Four courses. Made by me. Umami. Sea urchin.

He cooked every weird thing. Dog poop. He cooked once before. I think he cooked every weird thing. It's like dog poop. Because he cooked once before. I think he cooked in a quick fire once. But it was sort of cool to see him actually cooking. I think he realized that people think that he doesn't actually cook. So it was cool to see him cooking. And it was also adorable because he put on these little spectacles.

He was like, hold on, let me put my bifocals on. You know, I love that an old white bald guy who's really short does the same thing that like a hot 20 year old blonde girl skinny as hell does to look smart put on glasses so he so he makes him a little meal and i was like my heart was like singing i was like it's tom in the kitchen and then bro's like yeah great meal bra great meal bra both of us he's like yeah man that was a good meal. Great meal, bro. Both of them. He's like, yeah, man, that was a good meal. Yes, man. Good meal, bro.

Get out of here with your double accent, bros. Once enough. So then it was, what did you say? Pick a chef. Yeah, now it came time to pick a chef. And not only did they do the traditional picking a chef where I guess Amar took Kwame and then it was like Kwame and

yeah it was like the dodgeball thing but I like in this one that people like Marjorie get picked in the dodgeball round and she was second but she was not last and there's like a hundred chefs there you know I like when they show all the chefs.

It's like, look, lesbian with pink hair. Look, the really young, crazy girl who's like all upset and insecure. And I think that, um,

that, um, Jeremy chose Angeline or whatever her name is. Angelina, the, the, the testy, like 21 year old who's like,

I'm going to show, I'm going to show them all. I can cook. Yeah. She shows us like an, like an 1920s Yeah. You don't boil broccoli like that. They're like, oh my god. Now's not the time to rebel, little lady.

But interestingly, their mentors came out. So Jean-Georges and Charlie Palmer. It's like the head of Chili's and the head of Applebee's coming together head to head. How dare you? I mean, for all I know.

I'm like, who are you? Get out. But what was interesting was... You created the awesome blossom. You automatically win. So Amar all of a sudden reveals that Charlie Palmer was my mentor, although we had a falling out because you know

i was cocky and i may have said some things i'm like may have said some things you just glossed over clearly a dark chapter because then charlie palmer was like yeah i used to bring him around my family and he was basically like my child and you know then we had a dark period i hope you learned happened and you know what was missing from that whole story an apology that was so shady of top chef so omar opens his own restaurant fucks charlie palmer over tells him off probably drunk and like full-on french fries because you know at the end of the day you can make a foie gras in two minutes but a french fry will always win he's like binging and drunk on something he's like

fuck you charlie palmer and then leaves and opens the chili somewhere up like a chili's two like the airport chilies yeah and then never talks to charlie palmer again and then they're like hey hey chili is palmer do you want to come be a mars guest contestant on Top Chef. And he's like, oh shit. I told that guy off one time. I haven't talked to him again. And then meanwhile, cut to the meal, the final meal, and

Palmer's like, oh, she's like, the sauce is delicious. And Charlie Palmer's like, yeah, I made it. I'm Palmer. that's my cousin. Have you ever had nice tea where lemonade floats on top? Call me, bitch. Charlie, your Arnold Palmer wins Top Chef.

Please unpack your knives and stay. So the final meal looked actually super delicious. I mean, everything that was coming out of that kitchen. I didn't know how they were going to choose. That was like catering a hometown buffet. I mean, that was like 20 things that came out of there. I couldn't even keep up. It's like toast, sashimi, pancakes.

Well, that's when Amar went wrong. Amar, he did another Crudo-esque thing. I like that Amar was saying, fuck you to Jeremy with every meal. He was like, Jeremy's always in trouble for Crudo. I'm making a kind of Crudo. I like how every time Jeremy won a competition,

he'd always go, fuck! Yeah, fuck, bro! Shit, fuck! I'm like, jeez. Try to contain yourself there a little bit everyone is a pornhub cumshot like everyone he's like yes like really you've done this 5 000 times get over it jeremy telling so it looked like an absolutely amazing meal i was kind of rooting for mar because jeremy's bro thing kind of like annoyed me but uh you know it looked like it looked like two delicious meals when i can

get a boner at this age just randomly watching the cooking show you win jeremy could literally strangle a puppy on tv and i'd be like boner great you win i don't care what you cook i didn't understand what either one of them were making amara's making crudo. Jeremy is making some, like, aspirin-dipped fish in a sauce cultivated from a tree in Africa. It's like, what the fuck are you doing? And then he made, like, a honey. It's an enchilada. A honey ball. Yeah, a honey water.

And Tom even laughed. Tom laughed while he had to criticize that dish. He was like, really? A honey water? You pour some honey in some water? Why you got to call shit emulsions? You put some honey in a water. Get over yourself, brah.

And Tom knows. He's a stoner brah. You're wearing flip flops under that table. It's been in the news. Amar tried to do really good tasting food. But what killed Amar is what kills so many of the second place people. He was trying to beat the other person in personal ways. He was trying to get Jeremy, like, remember how Jeremy always does crudo?

I'm going to beat him with a crudo. You know how Jeremy got in trouble for risotto? I'm going to do risotto, but I'm going to flavor it better. They said that risotto, though, which looked amazing, Gail said it was the best risotto they've had in years on that show. Well, Gail said it was the best risotto they've had in years on that show. Well, Gail wears mesh tops. I mean, like, she doesn't... Insecurity never will taste as good

as anything else. Like, if they feel like competition or insecurity, it tastes gross. You know, confidence wins. And Jeremy is a bra, but he's still trying to do some science shit. And they were like, well, Amar's tasted way better,

but Jeremy made more effort in the scientific artistic department. I think they were basically like, well, you know, we saw Jeremy's brother with the sunglasses on his head and like the 1994 tie and the black shirt. And we thought, you know what? This could have been a lot worse for Jeremy. And he's come a long way. So we're just going to give it to him. We know how it could have turned out for him. mark can eat better but jeremy can cook better and plus he had to put up with that tie oh god bless him give it to him jeremy basically he was he was on a guy

fieri track so the fact that he went up with jean george is a miracle unto itself so yeah he does deserve the win also he never just never called john george back like i'm our fuck off you can pretend you're grateful and you're all happy for everybody else but at the end you had a bitter dinner that was full of emotions after being a dick to your mentor chef and the other dude bro was like happy with his single father life and his mentor who taught him everything and surfing and jerking off like you know alone because you know jeremy does so omar you know confidence you little bitter fucker get out of here clear the amad i don't even know what i literally don't even know what you're mad at right now. Me neither. It feels so good.

You're just talking yourself into circles until you're angry about something. I like it. You see? I've learned to just like it. It feels so good, Ben. But, you know, since you just talked to Loogie, maybe we should. How lucky are you to have me teach you about me? You have a friend. you to have me teach you about me i love that no matter what we make fun of or all the songs

we make fun of you will always make the ones that stick in my mind the most baby you know that i didn't i did an alternate version of that of the i originally now's the time alternate version of that of the i originally now's the time what now's the time to bring it on oh yeah no i had i the original version of the clear the phlegm thing was was it was actually a little it was like a little ditty and then i realized that it didn't quite didn't quite hit the mark but i don't have it now do you have it right now oh no i do have it i do have it here it's really silly who have never listened this is caroline fleming from ladies of london amazing instagram account follow it we hate we'd love to hate it okay play the thing

bin okay so you already heard the normal theme this is the theme this is the one that did not make the cut this is the theme. This is the one that did not make the cut. This is the second place theme. Look over there. Who could it be? The most beautiful woman in Denmark. What are the lyrics? The lyrics are, look over there. Who could it be?

The most beautiful woman in Denmark. Sorry for all my photographers. Look over there. Who could it be? The most beautiful woman in Denmark. I feel like that version could be an entire musical. Yeah, I realize it didn't really get to the core of who Caroline Fleming was. How lucky are you to have to have

me to teach you about me okay so here this is when we look at caroline fleming's instagram account caroline fleming of leaves of london so the picture that i've chosen it's just a bouquet and it says hashtag no filter how lucky to come home to these hashtag flowers, saying it with such beauty. You know who you are. Thank you so much. X space X. So I'm glad that she didn't hashtag like a company. That's nice.

I mean, it's bad that she's not making as much promo money because most of them are like, hashtag flowers for sale. Hashtag flowers rent a flower. Hashtag it's Mother Day, rent a flower. So that's good that she's like doing something for real. Yeah. Do you want me to read Yoga?

No, say it again. No, I the no i can say you should do the one the most recent one where she's in sort of like smiling oh fuck off yoga smiling yoga but she's really just doing like a lunge with outstretched spirit fingers on opposite sides caroline fleming official at true b app okay well you go. At least she's plugging something. By the way, your head is right by a light switch and a heater thermostat. Congratulations, you classy bitch. At Truby app and at Chelsea underscore Seagull Ballet. Left my life many years ago and here's to it coming back with vengeance.

Just love this season, and can't wait for the next time! Exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point to all of you wonderful people out there. Ballet touches every muscle and molecule of your human body. I can't recommend it more. I have a muscle I haven't recommend it more. I have fair muscle I haven't even know existed. It's great x dot

x. I love her. Well, true be up. They made her put her further up to the... Okay, Ben. Okay. There's a thermostat, a light switch, then on her other hand, spirit fingers, a triple pronged, I think electrical outlet, and then below it, a fader next to a door with like one, two, three, four locks. Where is she living?

She's royalty, right? Some place where bookcase dining tables are in high demand. Gotta keep them out out i have a suitcase that is also a side table ben there's another triple outlet by the suitcase look at it are you looking at it right now i'm not making this up no i see it i see this is so crazy i like how alarmed and excited you got there's another one ben look there's like seven allow electrical outlet type things and like five locks and she's trying to pretend she's relaxed get out of here there's 10 locks all right well

that is today's clear the flame all right late night watch what crappens continues now with The Real Housewives of Potomac. And I took notes. Oh, thank God. So this will only take two more hours. So the breaking news is that this week's episode of Potomac opened with nary a shot of the faun. I don't know where the faun went. The faun was not featured at all this entire episode. There's only so long a faun can be terrified before it just runs the fawn. I don't know where the fawn went. The fawn was not featured at all this entire episode. And I was,

there's only so long a fawn can be terrified before it just runs the fuck away. There ain't no fun left in Potomac. So we had, um, shots. It was like that, like opening montage thing where you see the women doing things.

And it's like, Robin wants like a live musician for something. Robin's like picking the shit out of her toenails. Lame ass Robin. Hey, Juan, look at my shit in my toenails one this one smells like carpet and poop weird where'd the carpet come from one this is from a ponzi scheme um so then uh so giselle meets with a skincare chemist because giselle decided that she wants to start a makeup line. It's like just another real housewives shark tank experiment. A woman named Jizz trying to figure out the perfect facial.

This show may be terrible, but at least it's fitting. Yeah. So Giselle, so she's, she's going to be, she's going to be arranging a focus group for her line of skin care, not skin care, but like makeup. But she's meeting with a chemist and the chemist is like matching her skin tone and they're doing all this stuff and they finally get it. It's like perfect. It's just like her skin tone. And Giselle's like, she's like, I will meet the need of all women of color. I'm like, yeah, as long as they have your skin tone.

I don't understand how you getting a match on your skin is gonna meet the needs of all the women so then giselle starts she's sitting there with this chemist and then she starts floating branding ideas she's like how about if i call it this or how about she's like how about how about like this font or something i don't know what it but but the chemist is like uh i'm like you realize you're chilling with a chemist not a brand expert. The woman just wants to get to her like 4 p.m. where she can make soap for, you know, the woman down in Silver Springs. She's like, whatever you say, I've already laid out eight little jars of the exact same powder. So nothing you're going to say is going to make me reformulate a powder.

Put whatever you want on your face. Tell me what it is. I'll mix them and put your brand name on it. Stupid. So then we go on to Katie's terror children, which are like screaming and throwing tantrums. And so Katie's at home and Andrew comes in and Katie's talking about how crazy

the women were and Bethany Beach. And I will say, so I do think that Katie is generally just kind of a spoiled like just a spoiled girl you know i mean how many people has she tried to like bully into marrying her and they won't she's like but i won't leave your house until you do and then she gets those garfield like half closed eyes and just gets mean and she's like i'll write a blog about you yeah but that being said even

though i do feel like she's sort of you know i think that she's like nice but spoiled um but uh i i do agree with what she was saying when she when she was saying how like during the sister circle they were like now you share now you share and she didn't really want to share and they got upset that she didn't want to share and she's like well why can't we just go and have fun why do we have to do sister circle and i get that you're there for like a beach weekend why do you have to do sister circle sharice yeah like you just got look sharice just wanted to complain about her divorce and fake cry with her terrible pointy nails and her terrible eyelashes and her wig like these women are so fake look if katie doesn't want to share that after she

was just called a drug addict or on national television by Giselle and then supported by everybody else, would you want to share? Well, so now this gets me to my next point. I know what you're going to say. Who cares? So Katie then starts saying how Giselle was so mean and so nasty to her. I honestly don't think that Giselle was mean and nasty. I think Giselle was being nosy perhaps. You could say nosy. No, no. She

said three episodes in a row that girl's a drug addict, basically. She called her out on being a drug addict on National TV with four babies at home and trying to land a gay person. She just got a Mrs. sign up on a guest room that she redecorated without permission with someone else's credit card,

and she ain't even married. I mean, that's sad. Yeah, but you know what, though? Katie was acting ridiculous at that one party, and if Giselle wasn't going to say it, we were going to say it, okay? Oh, yeah, she was. Yeah, she was.

I agree. Yeah, but here's the thing. Here's what I want to say about Katie and Giselle, et cetera, et cetera. So I think that when Giselle said at Bethany, like, were you on something? Like, what was going on? It probably was indelicate for her to ask that. It probably was.

You could say it was rude. You could say it was nosy. I don't think it was mean, though. It was. No, I don't think so. I really don't think it was mean, though. It was. I don't think so. I really don't think it was cut-fitnessy. I think maybe if you have a guilty conscience, it was cut-fitnessy.

And the thing is that Katie right now is at a moment where she's primed to really dislike Giselle, because what happened was two or three episodes ago, Katie sat down with the girls and was like, hey, can you guys all chair my event?

And by the way, it's going to be in two weeks and I want you to help me put it together in two weeks and I haven't started doing anything for it. And Giselle was like, uh, no, I don't want to do that. And then Katie got all mad. She got mad at Giselle and at Robin and was like, they don't want to help me. This is the Ross Foundation. We're going to do things.

They don't want to help me. So now she's like mad at them for that. I'm a fan of Giselle. I know you're not a fan of Giselle. But the truth is, I think that basically when Giselle said no to that charity thing, and you know, Giselle does it in a way where she's like, no, no thanks. Like, not like polite, no thanks.

Like, no. Katie then, she then wound up on Katie's shit list. And then anything that Giselle has done since then Has pissed off Katie no matter what Because Katie So when Giselle read the blog That Katie wrote Which was also cut fitness-y

But it wasn't though Because I can imagine If you're on a road trip And someone goes oh yeah The breakup was bad I wrote some really crazy blogs about it so it's like oh my god i want to read let's let's read what you wrote and then someone reads it and then she's like i can't believe you read what i wrote when you're the one who introduced that you wrote those blogs

okay here's the difference if you did that to me okay because you will one day i mean come on we're us so if you're sitting in the back seat of my like rented ford or whatever they were in and you were like hey um you wrote a blog about your feelings? Okay. Ha-ha. Ronnie, this is so funny. Blah, blah, blah. And then you stayed in his room.

Ronnie, good job. Like, you'd be supportive because you'd, like, understand my fitnessiness and make fun of me in a good-natured way. Yeah. Where she was just being mean. She's, like, pathetic thought, fucking clinging onto this man. She was laughing at him. That's what Katie got mad at.

She got hurt feelings. Here's the thing, though. Because you already really hate Giselle. And Katie right now is the place where she hates Giselle. So when Giselle reads this thing, I think people who don't like Giselle are going to project that onto her, that she was reading it to be cut fitness-y. I think she's reading it because she was like, oh my god, you wrote this thing. I want to read this.

This sounds funny. And then she reads it. I think she thinks it's just a funny thing. I mean maybe there was some past aggression in it. Maybe there was some, but I don't think it's as nasty. I don't think it's certainly not at the level of being our cut fitness. Yes, like when you say you hate her or whatever. But I don't think it's as nasty. I don't think it's certainly not at the level of being our cut fitness. Yes. Like when you say you hate her or whatever.

Yes, I do. But it's not because she wears a color I don't like or I just don't like her dye job. She's a hateful cut fitness. Like to me, everything I see her do is hateable. Like I'm not just coming up with some random reason to hate her. No, I know. But I'm saying my judgment may be completely unfounded. her do is hateable like i'm not just coming with some random reason to hate her no i know but i'm saying but my judgment may be completely unfounded that's the thing though if this is a woman that

you've been feeling for a long time is hateable and yes she's awful of course you're going to bring that to the fact that oh yeah to everything that and i'm saying that's what katie does too because katie is still angry about that charity thing so speaking of the charity thing this is what's funny about all of that so now while, while Giselle's putting together her focus group, Katie goes to D.C. Swim Week. I love that that's a thing. Washington, D.C. is where you go to find the latest swim trends. You know, the famous beach city of Washington, D.C. You could walk around your living room with it or your living room with it.

I was like, is Ebon going to be modeling at this event? It was the funny guy from Empty Nest. What was the funny friend's name? Oh, his name was Charlie. He's like the cheesy guy on every show in that time period. He was Joe Isuzu also. Yeah. So the funny thing is, so Katie goes to, like, DC Swim Week, and she's like, you know what?

I've decided to put the Ross Foundation event on the back burner. I've decided, you know, I have to get out there and work. And she starts saying how, like, going to like dc's swim week is she's like this is work this is she's work she's she's doing her doing her job right now by going if she had a charity that was actually about something like fixing spinal cord cancer i don't know like something important but her charity is raising charity money for other charities randomly it's not even a specific it's like the middleman charity it's like when when you check out at ross dress for less and i'm like would you like to donate a dollar to the children with like

you know brain old fluid you know aids or whatever and you're like no i don't want to because i don't even know that that money's going to them. That's what Katie's charity is. Fuck off, Katie. Well, and this is why no one wanted to participate, you know, because everyone was like, okay. Oh, yeah, because Giselle's classy charities and the sidelines.

Well, no, but like, well, because Katie is like, okay, I decided to do something in two weeks. I don't know what it is. I don't know where it's going to be, but I decided I'm going to do something and I'd like y'all to help me at a high level. And then she just puts on the back, I've decided to put on the back burner because, you know, there are i'm going to do something and i'd like you all to help me at a high level and then she was and then she just puts on the back i've decided to put on the back burner because you know they're they're more important things to do like you know go to dc swimwear

week whatever this was the episode of potomac proving what it is poor ass bitches trying to be rich she had to back out of her charity because she just couldn't do it no one's going to come to your middleman made up charity okay, okay? And guess who else? Ronald McDonald-browed drag queen Dwight with a wig, Karen. Her assistant, Annie, she's raising funds for Alzheimer's. Yeah. So Karen had told Katie a few weeks ago she couldn't help out because she's putting together a gala for the Huger.

Is that the Huger or Huber? I forget. But she's putting together a gala. So Karenuger. Is that the Huger or Huber? I forget. But she's putting together a gala. And so Karen is, it's one of these ridiculous scenes. An Alzheimer's gala, darling. So Karen and her assistant, Annie, are organizing this. Make non-memories. It's like the blind leading the blind. I mean, you want to talk

about Leo. It's funny if you, we were talking about Leo Black at the top of the show. For those of you who remember season one and maybe it was in the other seasons yeah the black gala but that's where like you know leo black's like all right well flow riders are having a three you know and you have to say leo black's gala that's a copy storyline everybody does that storyline after that but the difference is that they had it in this one. Yeah. But Leah Black throws, like, a legit charity. I mean, like, Flo Rida's there, and, like,

I don't know who else. She's like, Gloria Estefan! Come teach me Spanish! I love it! I love a bean burrito! People are in black tie. People are, like, there are, like, a few hundred people there. So then you have Karen and her assistant, and Karen's like, all right, I need to have some cherry blossoms.

And oh, we, and then Annie's like, we're going to an opera singer. Cherry blossoms, get the fuck out of here. What did you go to like a sushi place? I like that Annie is like, and what about an opera singer? And Karen gives this look like, are you being ridiculous? But then she's, but then she kind of was like no to opera singer but uh i am open to praise dancers and he's like okay well how about praise dancers or like an r&b band or how about someone to play the harp and then black bill gates walks in and is like what are you ladies

doing he's like we're doing a cocktail party for crying out so now So now, I messed up the timeline a little bit, but now we go to Giselle's focus group where there's a hot Turkish bartender. The biggest talk of the show? That man might have just saved the show. Not for me. He didn't save the show for me,

because I already love the show. Doesn't need saving for me. I've never seen so many people comment about one thing other than Karen's tits and her eyebrows hanging down to her tits, which are enemies. Potomac is great for a hot guy cameo. I mean, where is Uncle Gilbert? We have not seen Uncle Gilbert in forever. Who needs him? Turkish bartender moved in.

Give him a spinoff. Now, a catering bartender? That's a show right there, catering bartender moved in give him a spin-off now a catering bartender that's all that's a show right there catering bartender yeah so um uh let's see so giselle said oh so i guess giselle was talking to ashley and she's like oh so this is where giselle has some bullshit she was talking to ashley about the whole bethany beach and's like, I don't mind that your husband was there, but it was how you handled it. I'm like, no, you care that he was there. Come on, Giselle. I stand up for you, Giselle, but you're wrong here.

You're wrong. You just freaked out. If Giselle was confident in her cut fitness, I would be okay with her. I would like her. It shocks me that you don't see the entertainment value of Giselle. I think she is hilarious. I love Giselle. What's the old one from the census with the pointy nose he's always trying to be mr burns and smithers okay uh karen is mr burns and giselle is smithers so anyway so karen shows up at the party and you know actually you know karen of course is still mad

about the whole thing that happened with ashley but Karen tells us – see, this is what I love about Karen. Now, Karen, I do believe is – I mean, Karen is awful, but she cracks me up too just in a different way. And she – of course, she always talks like she's doing everyone a favor by doing anything. She's like – so she says she's – I'm going to speak to Ashley because that is what a woman of my quality does. What quality is that? Like cheap nylon? I don't know. Your nipples are barely covered.

They're five times the size of your head. You're in like knee length, tight ass spandex jeans with a crop top. Fake hair that goes back to the middle of your head. You've got fake diamonds down to your goddamn elbow waddles, which are down to your rink. This is Exhibit A. Ronnie is less angry these days.

Fuck all these people. Meanwhile, while during this focus group is going on, Katie is now at Swim Week. Katie skips the focus group, because she's still mad at giselle and so just she goes to dc swim week which is the hottest fashion show in the entire potomac region didn't those models look so sad yeah they were i wonder if they were from linda azur calico whatever her name is agency she's like hey remember me from dc hey i got models anyone need a model hey e-bong show

everyone the new models i love that like katie i love that katie acts like going to swim wake like she's doing god's work she's like she's like this is what my foundation is for the best thing i can do for my foundation is to go to dc's swim wake she literally is like well while everyone's at the well put on makeup she goes i'm doing real work dc and then there's like this guy vincent de paul or something like that from emptiness like or i feel like he's larry from 30s company he's just the guy who's on everything all the time he's just something and he's like so proud that he was on the cover of washington life magazine we've both been on washington life magazine she's like yes yes we have hey remember when we shared that spread in the penny saver wow we really are two of a kind if time daily were here it'd be a trifecta um and so then this like shitty event where there's

like five people who are cold. It's like they're around a swimming pool in a Marriott. That bright bluish white. Not even a Marriott. It's a courtyard by Marriott. So then the emcee is like, I'd now like to introduce our emcee. I would like to introduce Katie. Katie, you are so, so radiant. And then the five people in the audience are like.

Nice moisturizer. so radiant and then like the five people in the audience are like nice moisturizer there were fewer people there than when Tamara talked about suicide at the women's expo oh god Tamara's like why weren't my friends there when I was talking about suicide while I was getting my fifth boob job and becoming a crescent bitch

Vincent DePaul is so excited he's just like you know he really is acting like he's received an Oscar. He's like waving to the crowd, to the five people. He's got a full-on pit stain in his blazer. I mean, that's bad when you have a blazer. God bless his heart. And then Katie takes this moment to congratulate herself.

She's like, you know, most models last for a season. I had a career for a decade. You can check out my WordPress blog about Russell Simmons from 2012 at 2 12 in the morning i'm in the mervin's fall circular hall of fame do you remember the commercial where a woman tapped on the glass mervin's door open open open i knew her so uh let's see. So Karen and Ashley are still fighting at the focus group and they decide. Karen

says that the men are going to figure it out. That it's not up to her and Ashley. And Ashley's like, this is so old-fashioned. I don't understand it. And then Who asked a woman to talk to the man in my turnpike? I mean, to me, that's just like

old lady matching. And then we have a scene talk to the men in my turnpike. Well, if they mean to me, let's just think, well, maybe not changing. And then we have a scene with Juan and Robin. Yeah, you remember that time, like, I saw you play sports? Yeah, I remember when you stalked me. I didn't! The end.

Like, remember when we watched Yoga the Restless? I love Robin's whole thing about, I don't know if I'm going to follow Juan because it's a huge decision. Lady, you already divorced his ass, so he has permission to cheat and still come sleep at home, smell like someone else's pussy. Are you really going to sit there and pretend this is even a thought? What are you going to do? Stay here and work in and out? No, honey, you're going to follow Juan. So then we go to the golf course.

And this is when it's like this is the meeting. This is the meeting of the minds when Karen and Ashley and their respective husbands meet. And, you know, Cash, of course, she's like, oh, golf is so phallic. Look, balls. I'm like, balls technically are not phallic. It's. You want to golf? Or if you get this one in the hole you win

and if i get it in the hole i'll win double plus a blow job from ashley and a donkey and he's like all right and so they both like shoot i don't even know what you call i'm so dumb at sports but like shoot the ball to the golf thing neither one of them gets it you both lose you fucking they're like we're both losers and they shake hands they go home and then karen's like now i accept ashley again well they both also like both men like had this notion that they really gave each other the business you know ray was like yeah i really let him have it when he's like hey my wife was uncomfortable and then mich Michael was like,

well, I still don't understand why she's uncomfortable. She's like, yeah, I really gave him the business. I really gave him the business. I was like, I don't know what this is. So then we go on to the exciting world of Charisse, who's learning to swim. And every Charisse scene always begins with, I'm starting a new chapter in my life,

and this one's going to involve swimming. I'm grabbing life by the balls i'm like this is girl teresa's trying to prevent she doesn't know how to swim when she's got a giant pool in the back of her goddamn house she was learning to swim in her own house pool that's four feet deep that pool so then karen goes flower shopping and she's looking for a cherry blossom cherry blossoms and the bad news the gay who's working at the flower flower shop is like i'm sorry cherry blossoms are unavailable they're out of season and karen's like oh this is not a huber sort of party without cherry blossoms can you import them he's like no because they're out of season all right so can you get them for no

because they're out of season you can't get them anywhere they're out of season i would like to talk to mother nature's manager because this is not how we do things is mother nature married to a man what would the man think aunt dot would never a huger about gala seems like it's going right off the rails i'd love to see karen yell at the time change this is not how the hubris do it 8 p.m is not in the daylight how dare you not save time that is a tactless thing to do um But I love how Karen always tries to sound super educated and professional. And then they go

find some roses and she's like, and what's the name of this particular rose? It's like, it's called Freedom. Freedom. It's like, thanks a lot. The girl's got cookie. What are they called? Thanks a lot. Thanks a lot. The rose's got cookie. What are they called? Thanks a lot. Thanks a lot.

The rose. I will have lots of freedom at my party. Get me 88 freedom roses. So then it's finally time for this event. And this gala turns out to be a cocktail party with 14 people. I mean, it's literally like just people standing around having drinking cocktails. And like people from the cul-de-sac. It's not like Hillary Clinton flew in for this.

Yeah. And Karen's like, this cocktail party is a call to action. That's right. We're going to make cherry blossoms grow all year round. Enough of this madness. Cherry blossoms only for one week in the spring. We're doing them. You want cherry blossoms in November?

You get them in November. Now, Ashley, this is how you have an open bar in your living room with your own Costco vodka. So then Katie comes in and Katie is like, you know, Katie's being all shady. She's like, this is the this is the gala that she said she was working on that she couldn't help with the ross foundation this is it i'm like well at least she put something together katie at least she didn't skip out to dc's swimwear week glad no one had new thongs on the market i think karen starts giving a speech and then ash and michael show up during the speech start ringing the doorbell and no one will answer so they just keep on ringing it like it's not working ding dong ding dong ding dong ding dong ding dong and karen's like we would like to thank you

all for coming to the future at dot t not warm enough thank god that bitch is dead pre-gala ding dong so then then the band lets ashley in and then she walks in and she walks up to a waiter. She's like, oh, hello, me, baby. This glass is so phallic. So then, like, Ashley's gossiping with everyone. And she's like, oh, did you hear? You know, Karen won't let, like, Raven hang out with us because she thinks we're all bad influences. So then everyone's, like, mad.

Like, how could you think we're bad influences? So they ask Karen. Ben, wait, wait. Before we get there, I have to ask you a question because I literally just wrote down a question mark. They cut to the scene of her in the car or whatever. Dumb one saying. Or no, Karen saying, I don't even want my daughter to hang out with blah, blah, blah. Who did she say?

Did she say you girls or just you? No, she was only talking because what happened was Ashley and Karen were talking in the car. And Ashley was like, yeah, I really want to get to know Raven. And then Karen was like, no, you're not going to get to know Raven because she's a teenager. And she doesn't need your influence because you're too close in age. And I think Karen was absolutely right, by the way. But did she say all that or did she just say, no children are off limits she said i missed the clips she said children are off limits she basically i mean yeah something like that because i mean tell if she was really

saying like i don't want her to hang out with you but then when i don't know she's saying like no she's like oh hell no yeah like my daughter's like no you're not hanging out like you're my friend you're not hanging out my daughter which i think friend. You're not hanging out with my daughter, which I think is 100% reasonable. It's bad enough I'm trying to be friends with someone 30 years younger. Yeah, exactly. So then Ashley tries to make it sound like Karen. So Karen got really mad and was like, no, I don't want Raven hanging out with you, which I agreed with. And then Karen starts explaining it. And she's like, I don't want you hanging out with Raven. i agreed with and then um and then then karen tries to then karen starts

explaining it and she's like i don't want you hanging out it's a preference it's a preference i just love how karen just tries to wrap everything up in some sort of high-minded academic way much like i am trying to do it but you know what the difference is? Huge ones, by the way. But you know the words. She doesn't know what she's talking about. It's a preference. She went way too far on Ashley for that. She got so mad at her, like she's in the middle of a ballroom.

And Ashley really didn't say anything that mean. I think that Karen could have just said, no, that's not what I said. I said I didn't want you because I don't think it's, she could have just been like, no, you just misheard it. But Karen, of course, is crazy. Well, to wrap it up, to wrap it up tightly, because I know, you know, it's the end of a long time, Ben. God bless you. And I'll wrap it up like the most patient sister in the world does when her child is going crazy. One time when I met the baby, she's two years old, one of her babies,

I was fighting with the baby in the back seat and Carly had to say, Ronnie, that's a baby. You're yelling at a two-year-old. And I was like, you know what? You're right, Carly. And to Ben, I say the same thing. You're right, Ben.

I know. But those fuckers gotta be yelled at too. How else are they gonna learn? I'm talking to you, Karen. I know. But those fuckers got to be yelled at, too. How else are they going to learn? I'm talking to you, Karen. Baby 80-year-old. Anyway, it's 1.30 in the morning, which is really like 4.30 in the morning. And if you were a baby, you would have started crying a long time ago. Thanks, everybody, for listening.

I know, darling. But you're not on the outside. That's called maturity. Everybody, thanks for listening. Watch our crappins.com, all you're not on the outside. That's called maturity. Everybody, thanks for listening. WatchYourCrapIs.com, all our links. Patreon.com slash WatchYourCrap. Ben, you know what? I feel confident that you do.

And I love you so much. And I love you guys for listening. We're going to be back with such a fun show on Thursday. And guess what? I'll probably be drunk again. Ben, take an aspirin. It's a surprise though. No, no. You're coming.

That's a special event. You're actually coming to my apartment for the first time. First time. Oh, Ben. Everybody, we'll see you then. Ben, I love you. Love you guys. Bye. Bye.