Watch What Crappens - #2770 Denise Richards and her Wild Things S0105: You Put My Love On Top (Chef)

Episode Date: March 20, 2025

In this week’s Denise Richards and Her Wild Things, Top Chef winner Brooke Williamson swings by to help Denise cook while Aaron hides his boner.  Meanwhile, Sami gets to see her new nose. To watch this recap on video, listen to our Traitors bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Indeed.com slash wonder ECA. Terms and conditions apply. Hiring indeed is all you need. Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelkirch and joining me today, it's Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how are you? Ronnie Karam Hi. Ben Mandelkirch Hi. Ronnie Karam We are recapping Denise Richards and her

wild things season one episode five. Yes Chef is the name of the episode. Quick reminder, we're going to be in Charlotte and Atlanta this week. So come see us there. Go to watchfacrapins.com to get your tickets. We'll be recapping Southern Trump finale. And then in that's in Charlotte and then in Atlanta, we're going to be doing a classic Real Housewives of Orange County. And that is going to be the episode, season 11, episode 16, bringing up old ghosts. So we're going to have a great time in both cities.

Go to watchfcrapings.com to get your tickets. So now let us go on to this episode of Denise Richards, Wild Things, like a little frothy 30 minute show to dive into midweek. Yeah, so. A little bon mot, if you will. Yeah, Denise Richards is very funny. I mean, again, this, this, this, this is not the sort of show that I naturally gravitate towards, but she is very,

very funny on camera and she is, I'm definitely chuckling a lot more than I thought I would. Yeah. So we opened with one of her confessionals and she's like, no, you know, I'm not crazy when it comes to getting facial stuff done. I mean, I've done a little Botox here and there maybe like once a year or something But you know, I heard of this salmon sperm facial I thought that's the craziest fucking thing I ever heard, you know, who's fucked a salmon, you know I who even thought of that

But someone then saved up the sperm put in my goddamn face now Look at me. People were like, did you get something done? I said a sperm came on my face. The salmon came on my face. How about you? Makes you look at bagels a little differently, huh? So then we get the opening credits and then we're in Denise's bedroom and she and Aaron

are sitting together and he is in his gray wardrobe and Remind it's and he has like a little helmet on because of course like I'm surprised that I should took us this many years to finally see Aaron in a helmet like like This feels like it should have been part of like how we met him initially just a helmet with a red glow Coming out of it and 50 something years old, his head's still just too mushy. He's gotta reshape it every night, God bless him.

It's the 5G. Yeah, so he's doing like, he has got a hair helmet on, and Denise is like rubbing her face with some sort of, she calls it a face gym, which is supposed to stimulate the muscles that keep them tight and young and all that fun stuff. So they're sitting there with their devices in bed. I'm really susceptible to buying all of this stuff.

It's mostly on the Facebook, you know? And I only have Facebook really for works, you know, for reading watch what crap that's comments. But you know, I'm still on there and I'll still watch it for the animals, hugging animal videos and stuff like that. But I'm susceptible to all of this crap. I have so much of this crap,

so many of these machines and gadgets and red light this and like I just got a hair removal system which I've used once because it takes forever. I'm like, it takes less time to shave than it does using this thing all the time. Like, and I got one of these like face gym things that shocks your face and I put it on my face and it literally electrocuted me and then I was telling my friend and she's like, oh, you have to put this kind of like conducting fluid on your face or it'll shock you. And I was like, well, why didn't anybody tell me? And she's like, you have to read the instructions. Anyway, the point is I have all this shit that I just don't use, but I still was like, I want both of those things. Yeah. Well, I mean, look, it's doing great work for you.

Every everywhere we go, people like Ronnie, your skin is amazing. And then they turn to me and they're like, loved your work as the shepherd and babe. So she's rubbing her face with this dildo like thing. And she's like, am I turning you on? It's like, yeah. She's like, it's a face gym, which makes fucking sense. because there's muscles in your face and you've got a helmet on your head So between your gym and my my gym and your helmet were just two fucking hot people right now

He's like, yeah, the things you do when you get up there, huh? Yeah, that's fucking crazy So she's like anyway, so, you know Brooke Williamson from Top Chef, you know how obsessed we are. You know how you jerk off every time I watch her on a food mat where he has fun, you know? I will say, Aaron has given me a lot of facials, but he's nowhere close to the salmon. Hey, you know what, do you think they got that salmon to watch Brooke Williams?

God, Brooke Williams has actually made me look 10 years younger. I need to have her over to thank her. I couldn't believe it. So I couldn't, I was blown away that Brooke Williamson was commenting on my video and we see Denise doing another one of her shitty shitty cooking videos. I love that she's messing up. I think that's, I think that we should see more mess ups in the kitchen, but Denise is really just kind of like making play dough or something like that. Like things are flying out of the stand mixer. There's like a lop on the wall.

She's like, well, turns out I don't know how to make a cake out of lettuce, but I tried. And that's the most important part. Brooke is like, love your work. It's so great. Yeah. And she goes, let's do this together next time. I'm here for you. So she was like, well, you know, I commented back and she follows me on Instagram. That's amazing. She knows who I am, you know? He's like, yes, kind of funny. I mean, that's cute.

Who are we talking about again? The lady jerk off to on Food Network. He's like, the one with the blonde spiky hair and the knee socks? No. The kind of gargoyle style lady who's always really mean on the competition show. It's like, no, that's Alex Hornigelli, honey.

Oh, the one with the very big head, but the small body who's always passive aggressive to her sister when she goes on, no, that's Janet DeLorente, not her. Okay, well, to be honest, you do jerk off to the one with the blonde spiky hair again, too. She doesn't follow me on Instagram, so... Yeah, well, I can't help it.

When she gets her camp counselor voice on, I just get so aroused. Strange. So... But please just don't ever jerk off to Guy Fieri again. You know, we, we do have to have some lines that we don't cross. So Denise is so excited that Brooke follows her Instagram. What's so funny about Denise is that Denise is a celebrity in her own right and she was famous before Bravo and she'll be famous after and she's like starstruck that like some like that a top chef person follows her.

And later on when she mentioned that her hall pass is Brad Pitt, it's just it's so funny the way she talks like, like one of us, like if I ever met a celebrity, that would be my hall pass. It's like you are celebrity you're like, like you are people's hall pass, you know. So I just thought that was cute. So she's still doing her face gym. She's like, you know, I really want to get my own cooking show. I'm past trying to be subtle about it. I'm just going to be blatant. I want to get a cooking show because I've watched a lot of Food Network.

And even though I have holes in my pasta when I make it, I know I'm about 10 times better than anyone I see on that network these days. So come on, what does the girl got to do? Yeah, no kidding. She probably is too. So she's like, yeah, hopefully I can do. I don't want my show. I know I'm a disaster. He's like, you're not a disaster.

Stop saying that. Oh, by the way, my mom called up and said that her rent is late on the town, or on the house in Malibu. So get that paid. I think that people, well, first of all, fuck your parents, not literally, of course. Relax. Second of all, I think the people, well first of all, fuck your parents. Not literally, of course, relax. Second of all, I think people wanna see a cooking show

with someone like me. People wanna see mistakes, that's human. You know, like the time I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with KY Jelly, turns out not edible. But yeah, you gotta try it. How else are you supposed to know? You know, first I need to figure out my face, I guess. Hey, you want me to put my face, Jim, on your balls?

And he's like, actually, would you? That sounds stimulating. Guys, could you leave the room? We're gonna fuck now. He's just gonna fuck me with this face, Jim. He's like, we're kind of alone. And then he's showing like a wide shot of like a cameraman zooming, like just holding a camera up to them

while he's got like a boner is like rising. Like, all right, we're gonna have some sex now. we're going to do that. They're like, bye. This is one of the few times like this is a thing that happens on Bravo a lot where they film like a couple of films, a sexy scene together. And it's like, yeah, let's get it on. But you know, it's all fake. Cause there's like four people, there's like a cameraman, a sound man, there's a producer. This is not about to turn into sex, but in this case I actually fully believe that when they kicked out the crew,

they just started to blink. Yeah, yeah. Fucked with the face, Jim. Listen, you know, you've been together long enough that you need new shit to start happening. If face Jim on my nuts, it is. Let's get this going. So now she's driving Lola and Eloise,

and they're gonna go see Sammy because she's just Lola and Eloise and they're going to go see Sammy because she's just had her nose surgery. So she's like, so did you see your sister posted about her nose? Did you see it? And she's like, yeah, I saw it on TikTok. I mean, where else would I see it? She's not going to tell me about it.

So I saw it on TikTok. So Sammy, who is, was really all about being very discreet about having a nose job because last time she got so much input and she just wanted to be subtle about this is now on Tik tok and she's saying things like, Oh my God, like she has a bandage on her nose and she's like bruised under her eyes. She's like, you guys, I will say this, my eyes look so pretty. Like one thing I love about the bruising is that it really makes my eyes pop. I kind of love her. So I forget that. I thought that was so good.

So then Denise is like, Oh, does it hurt your feelings, honey? And she didn't share it with you? Cause you know, she could have told you and she didn't read her. No, why would I care? As long as she shared it with Jesus. Hopefully he was there to help me through it.

Oh God, you know, even though Lola already knew it would have been nice for her sister to be like, by the way, I just had my nose done and just wanted you to know, I mean, God, are we sisters or not? Hey, excited to see Sammy's place. Well, I just want my top pack that she stole. This is my favorite blue tank top

that she took out of my bag at a hotel and I never saw it again. Like, the color and the size fit perfectly. And I asked her several times to look at it. This is my favorite blue tank top that she took out of my bag at a hotel and I never saw it again. Like the color and the size like fit perfectly and like I asked her several times to look at it. And then we see like a picture of her in this tank top, like the special, special tank top of the gods. And she's like, you know, it just like, you know, it's like, it really means a lot to

me. Sam is like, I have no idea what she's talking about. I don't know what goddamn shirt she's talking about. Oh, you really want to make to about a blue team. So I mean, you really want my team's out back mom. I'm thinking, oh, stop. Yeah. And same is just cleaning. She's like, well, she's taking stuff out of a bag. She's doing something. She's got like a mess on the floor. And then he's like,

Hey, so Eloise and Lola and I are coming to drop off gifts. Like, um, yeah, well, I'm not gonna know. I don't want Lola up in my apartment. Like even though I know we shook hands at a fish shack, I just don't really feel comfortable having her in my apartment yet. So I'm gonna have to, I'm gonna have to deny her. So Denise is like, Oh, well, okay. Well, that's too bad. I'm like, if that were my mom, my mom would be like, now you listen here, Sammy, she is your sister and she's coming to your apartment, I don't wanna hear anything about it.

But I can't believe Denise is just like, okay, well, this is a totally obnoxious move, but I guess I can't do anything about it, oh well. Yeah, so Lola's like, see, I told you she wouldn't wanna see me, she's probably wearing my tank top. Why, hey, it's pretty rude, honey. I'm really sorry about, but I want my tank top back.

It's so cute. Where else am I gonna get a light blue tank top? By the way, she's wearing a light blue tank top right now in the scene. She's like, it's just like, I really like that tank top. It's just like really so sad. And I prayed to Jesus about it so many times. I was like, I'm praying about the tank top.

They will come back into my life. And Jesus is like, why are you so concerned about material things? I'm like, thank you for acknowledging it. It was a good material on me. And he was like, I don't think you got my point. I was like, I do get your point. I just want my tank top back. And she's like, oh, Lola, you have to stop. And she's like, mom, what? Just get my tank top back, please. Jesus. Finally, I'm converting you. So we go to Sammy's apartment and she says hi to Eloise. She's like, hi Eloise, what's on my face? Do I look scary?

And she's like, yeah. Eloise is in her thoughts. We're like, yeah, you fucking do, but I'm still traumatized for mom's only fan pictures being on my iPad. So we're good. I'm just trying not to make eye contact with any of you people. So so then like Eloise gives her flowers and seems like, Oh, thank you Eloise. That's so sweet. She's like, they're from Lola.

She's like, Oh, I thought they're from Eloise. She's like, well I'll tell Lola you like them. She's like, please don't. No, she's like, yeah. One of the main reasons I started my only fans was to have my own money to get my own apartment, a new car and my boobs done and a new nose. So I'm really checking off the list. You know, I love that Sammy is becoming a strong woman and she just, you know, she's a little stubborn, you know, and we cut to Lola sitting downstairs in like the lobby waiting for her mom to be done

shooting her scene with Lola. But actually, I mean with Sammy, but Lola actually seems quite content. She's just even having some avocado toasts. Yeah, she's just chilling with some avocado toast and coffee looking at her phone. She doesn't care. I mean, if you're gonna be completely

othered by your sister, at least she has a decent lobby to hang out in. At least give me a taco. Yeah. Am I going to have avocado toast after this lesson? As I said that I was like, I would love some avocado toast right now. So Sammy's like, I don't even know what fucking tank top she's talking about. Ask her about half the shit she stole from my closet.

Like I have like a light up corset, where's that? You know, where's my fucking neon thong? Ask her about that. You know, you know it was much easier when they were younger. You know, I could just like make the girls apologize. There's always something stupid, some fucking bullshit like clothing and jewelry. But you know, nowadays, still one tank top,

that's a goddamn World War III, I can't do anything about it You know, I'm it's a lot. I've got a juggle Aaron's balls my daughter's That's too much for someone Tanked out. It's time for commercial. It's time for a crap. It's commercial Have you ever wondered how a circus performer could become the most powerful woman in the Byzantine Empire? wondered how a circus performer could become the most powerful woman in the Byzantine Empire? Even the Royals is a podcast from Wondery that pulls back the curtain on royal families, from ancient empires to modern monarchs, to show you the darker side of what it means to be royalty.

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Expert on YouTube. So now let's go to the Barcelona bar where Kathy Hilton is coming to meet Denise for drinks and she's like, I'm on the Char-name, Char-name, something to relax my shoulders. Right? I just found out you're not supposed to be putting blush on your lips. I feel like a new woman. So then Denise, Denise and Kathy just like chatting about their kids and everything. And Denise is like, yeah, no, my daughters, they could not be more different. Okay. One's on OnlyFans. One is doing prayers for Taco Tuesday. It is a wild ride over there.

And she's talking about how she likes it. Kathy has fucked up kids too because she understands, you know, and she's like, you know, uh, Sammy was just so out of control and it started really affecting Lola and Eloise and Kathy's like, well, you know, Paris was like that. And I, I think now she's starting to realize that she was totally out of control. I mean, she would be gone for days, skipping school. That girl was a runner. You know, she was a runner.

She ran from so many schools. Finally, I had Dr. Phil kidnapper in a white van and take her away and I don't know, chain her up to something. And that seemed to help a little bit. She learned to DJ. So that was good, whatever that means. Yeah. You know, I am so proud of her. She has taken her pain and turned it into a purpose.

She is just, I guess, just living life doing not really much these days. But you know what, when it comes to Paris, just doing the bare minimum, I'm happy for her. Yeah. So then, a server comes up and he's like, oh, do you want some prickly pear juice? And she's like, oh, prickly, what's that? It's like a pear, why does it have, why has it got prickles on it? That doesn't sound right.

It's like, it's a kind of fruit, man. I don't believe that, fucking prickles. You know, I've had enough prick today, all right? Have you ever used a face workout on a dude's nuts? Good God. By the way, do I look younger? They don't particularly. Well, that didn't work.

I had to fucking try it. You do smell fishier though. I was wondering if there was, we were seated next to a dumpster. So the server comes by and he's like, and so he starts pouring these prickly pear shots like right from like out of this jug from the spout directly into their mouths.

I was like, can we use a glass? Have we forgot about infectious diseases? Because that spout full on touched Cathy's lips. And I'm like, now we got Cathy Hilton's blush lips all over the rim of that thing. And anytime you pour prickly pear juice into anyone's mouth, you're getting Kathy's blush. And I'm not down with that. And Denise is like, well, this ain't my first time

with this road you're going in. Katz is like, I'd like some more of that. So that was a wacky scene. So then we go to Denise in her kitchen, and Brooke comes over. And she's like, hey, it's me, Brooke. She's like, oh God, I was so nervous to meet you. I'm so starstruck, Brooks. Oh God, I love you. My husband has masturbated to you so many times.

Is that weird to say? He's gonna be here soon. Hopefully he'll keep it in his pants, am I right? Yeah, I don't know if you've heard this before, but I really want a cooking show. And like, I just learned so much from you and just like, you were just kind enough to comment on some of my videos.

Like, don't put the spoon into the microwave. That was funny. It's too late, but you know, it was funny. And I'm just so, you know, I'm so used to people saying negative stuff. Like if you don't cook the chicken, you're gonna poison people, or I can't believe you served that rancid meat

to all your friends. And you know, I'm just, I don't know, I get so insecure now from all the- I really like the one where you told me that lizards don't eat paella. It's given me a lot of cleanup. So thanks for that. You know, I watch all your stuff on, you know, all those TV shows and stuff that you're on, you know, husband gets so horny. And now listen, he's never been as horny as when he watches what he calls diners, drive-ins and dicks. He really loves that one. You know that guy, guy don't ever introduce him to Aaron.

Yeah. Yeah. Aaron, Aaron says he always talks about Triple D. Um, and, uh, it turns out it has a lot of meanings for him. So, uh, yeah, he loves it. And Brooke is like, Oh, that's, that's great. This is really exciting. I'm just going to work on keeping my enthusiasm high because Bravo wants me to appear on your show right now to help promote the fact that there's a new season of Top Chef. So yeah, God, I love that.

Those chefs, they really don't mess up on that show. Have they ever thought about having a show called Bottom Chef? Because I think I'm gonna be really good on that one. You know, let me tell you, I know a lot of Bottoms, they're good cooks. I don't know where it comes from. You know, I've worked you, I know a lot of bottoms, they're good cucks. I don't know where it comes from. You know, I've worked with huge movie stars. Okay, my first day on the James Bond movie,

I worked with Judi Dench and she threw an apple core at my head. She said, get out if you're a peasant. Oh, God, that was so fun. And I was just, I was peeing my pants, quite literally. I mean, Judy was, Judy, Judy was like, God, I'm Judi Dench, but you could be called Judi Stench, which I thought was that, that was a little on the meaner side, but it was an honor to be working with her. I say, hey, Judi Dench, why don't you talk much? And she said, because I have actual lines in this film, you stupid slag.

And then she threw me a sweater and told me to get off the set. So it was fun. It was a good one. Oh God, but I think what makes me feel vulnerable being with a celebrity chef is that what I watch on TV is that I'm just out on my comfort zone. She's not throwing a tuna sandwich at my head. She's not asking me where I went to acting school and then just give me a little chuckle

afterwards when I say I taught myself. She's just happy to see me and I don't know what to do with that. Yeah. So she's like, well, we're gonna make something out of your cookbook with figs, so that's gonna be fun. She goes, yeah, it's really fun, you know? Have you ever heard of a prickly fig?

Do they have those? Or are figs just not fucking freaky like that? I'm telling you, I had a pair earlier, they couldn't stop getting a boner around me. I'm telling you. Question. That's about it. Well, what? Okay, question. If we cut a fig in half and scoop out the inside and put the top of it onto my squirrel

friend out there, will he get more hair on his head? It'll be like a little squirrel hair helmet. I'm just wondering. I'm going to fuck Aaron with a prickly fig later. You got me on you? So all right, what figs? We'll see that. She's like, yeah, it's fun.

You know, it's relatively simple. Oh God, that was my first film review. Someone called me relatively simple. Was that a compliment? It was written by Judy Dench. I didn't even know she did film criticism. Oh, it did arrive on a sticky note on my dressing room door. Maybe it wasn't film criticism now that I think about it.

She also spray painted asshole on my car. Yeah, it's the last time I pay for a Porsche. Absolutely not gonna waste the money. So Brooke's like, all right, well, we're gonna do a spicy cucumber passion fruit mezcal margarita. I don't know what half those things are and it sounds like all right. Well, we're gonna do a spicy cucumber passion fruit mezcal margarita I don't know what half those things are and it sounds like too much Why can't we just do a shot of tequila? It's much faster, but whatever it sounds delicious

So we see them cooking and you know preparing this margarita stuff and saying oh, that's great Uh-oh boners here and Aaron comes in. He's like, hey guys. Hey Just taking all of Denise's clothes and handing them to my family back in Malibu. How's everything going in here guys? How's it going? It's great. We made margaritas. I know what you're thinking. Is this another one of my ecto cooler and vodka cocktails? But no, this is a real margarita and you're gonna enjoy it. Oh, Denise, I hope you don't mind.

Oh, my husband really wants to meet you. He's like, Oh, I've, I've know so much about you. I watch your show every night. You know, cause she has it on every night. It's like, Oh yeah, you like watching it too. Honey. Let's not pretend. Listen, he watches it one handed. You know what I mean? Yeah, I'm not gonna lie. I get pretty turned on. I jerk off with my left hand and I hold a magnet on my forehead with my right hand. It's pretty intense. So tell me, Verizon or Cricket?

Like, excuse me, when's 5G and when's not? What's your answer gonna be? Do not give me a softie right now. I'm basically tempted. I'm tempted and ready to go. She's like, is Mint Mobile an option? That, ma'am, is the correct answer. I knew I jerked off to you for a reason.

So he's like, what's going on? And she's like, oh, hey, by the way, you're my husband's hall pass. If you don't know what that is, that's when he can fuck somebody, all right? It's a celebrity. It's you, he's gonna fuck you. My husband wants to fuck you.

Are we getting all this on the iPhone? Good. I asked her, Judy Dench, I asked her, Judy, who her hall pass was. And she said Anthony Hopkins. She was actually very forthcoming about it. It was shocking. You know, it was kind of flattering me

because she told me that I'm her only pass. So that was nice. Every time I came out on set, she would just go, pass. It was nice. Nice lady. She's a real sweetheart underneath it all. Kind of looks like an owl in like a tutorial. You know, if they're teaching you like, here's the owl to tell you something. She kind of looks like that. But I like it. I need a tutorial.

Have you ever heard of owl sperm being used on anything? Try that out. Hey, Brooke, you can give an owl a boner. Hey, would you try it actually? You know Judy didn't really like it very much when I mashed up some salmon roe and tried to spread it on her forehead Yeah, she had to have a consultation with the producers and I got a reprimand but it was worth it because she had lovely skin actually You know has a crush on her and that's okay music whoops, he's a beautiful woman. Okay, here's my hall pass, Brad Pitt. You know what I really love about him? Not only is he fucking hot, he's just so good with kids. You know, I loved him in that movie about Upstate New York.

What was it called, Troy? Great movie. That was a good one. Watch your ankles. You know, it's got speaking of bottoms in the kitchen. You know, the thing is this, I love animals. I welcome every animal into my house. So when Brad did a movie called 12 Monkeys, I mean, I've had a lady boner ever since. Dad, you know, it's funny when Brooke went to rehab, she left 12 monkeys in a cage on my doorstep. Fucking bitch.

I built him a town. We put him in the master suite. And then I got a bunch of little little monkeys and I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the hospital. And I was like, oh, I'm going to go to the hospital. doorstep. Fucking bitch. We put him in the master suite. And then I got a bunch of little hats. I named one of them Judy. And then immediately, as soon as I did that, the monkey stopped talking to me. It was very, very strange.

She's like, all right. So Aaron's like, well, you know, I mean, it was my, so you got to hang out with her. She was lovely, babe. Lovely. Yeah. I I'm gonna go pee while you finish talking about your hall pass Probably gonna do it on a salmon or something return the favor Really gets up in peace So though Aaron's like Thank you for this margarita. It's delicious I can't even get the words out my mouth because I am so sexually aroused by

you right now. And Brooke's like, Oh, great. Um, well, I don't know if I've ever been anyone's hall pass. I don't know if I'm even my husband's hall pass. Oh, anyway, I'm really honored. Yeah. You really wanted to come. Did you come, honey? Did you come? Keep trying. Just through your pants. We don't want to be disgusting, but you know. Brooke, could you just stand there? What? Yeah, hold the prickly fig. Hold the prickly. All right. He's almost done. And Aaron? Aaron? Okay, he came. Aaron, don't wipe yourself off. Brooke, this was great. We like to collect a sperm. We use half of it to make our skins look better and half

it to make our own types of margaritas. God, we really need our own cooking show. We really do. Uh, so Brooks like, okay, now the real recipes. Now listen, I've spent so much time testing these and I'm going to make them user friendly. Okay. So how about you make these recipes? I would love that. So today is black mission figs with pistachio relish and warm honey chorizo. Black mission figs with pistachio relish and warm honey chorizo. I was, when she said that, I was like, this is so chefy, I'm like over it. So then Denise is like,

you know, just an everyman dish. Black mission figs with pistachio relish and honey chorizo. I was like, figs are like only good for like one week a year. This is a ridiculous recipe. So Denise is like, oh, okay, I'm gonna heat the pan. All right, all right, okay. So what piece of meat goes into the blender?

She's like, there's no meat and we don't need a blender. Are you sure? What if I put the blender in the oven? How about that? That's a nice touch, right? She's like, no, just preheat that pan. Can you do that? She's like, well, you preheat pan.

Is that a thing that people do? You preheat a pan? What if I burn it? Because I burn everything. Aaron Ross Powell Hey, this weird sausage casing looks like a condom. Aaron won't wear those. What do you think about that? Hey, Aaron, come in here and fill it up. He won't. He won't even for you, Brooke. Aaron Ross Powell How about we take, okay, how about we slice

open the sausage, take the meat, put it on some rice and be like sushi, sausage, that's raw, raw sausage meat. Yeah, like sushi, right? No, but you can't have that. Look, when I get my cooking show, this is the first recipe I make and I tell you, people are going to love it. Host 1 And Brooke's like, look at me just standing here drinking a margarita while you make the peanut butter and jelly sandwich of the chef world. Most simple dish of all time. Am I right? It's amazing. So she's like, my thing here, when I made this cookbook, I really wanted it for regular simpletons. So I'm just going to sit here and I'm not going to do a single thing because I want to see how well you can do my dish. It'll be hilarious. Okay. Well, you're not

chopping that right. Okay. I'll just take over. I'll take over. Cause then Brooke does everything. Yeah, she does. She's like, do you know how to mint the shallot? She's like, why would a shallot need a mint? I mean, what is that, bad breath? What is a shallot? Is that a type of animal?

What is a shallot in a mouse? What is it? It's like, okay, I'll do it. Is that like the girl who's on Shears, shallot long? No, no, that's, I'm not gonna dignify that answer. God, I hated that bitch. I almost kicked her ass to the club one time. I said, get the stick out of your ass. God, I'll tell you one thing. That's how Judy Dench and I finally bonded.

She hates her too. You know, fun, fun story. Christmas, Dr. Christmas Jones was originally supposed to be played by Shelley Long and she was such a B that Judy insisted that she get kicked off the movie. Yeah, Judy Dench called her Shelly Long-winded Seaward. That was pretty good. Oh, God, what a fun time we had. So they make this thing and I was like, this recipe is so chefy. And then when that was done, I was like, that looks amazing.

I want to make it. Yeah, it did look good. I was like, damn it amazing. I want to make it. Yeah, it did look good. I was like, damn it, it looks so good. Do I have to get Brooks's cookbook? Because no, I want to buy it. I don't need more cookbooks. But based on that recipe alone, I was like,

fuck, this promotion worked 100% on me. And Denise was like, you know, out of all the cooking videos I've done, this is the first time I've ever finished. And actually, Aaron finished too. You finished, right? Right. And it's like, this is great. Brooke is like, I'm highly disturbed. But honestly, for me as a chef, watching you pull this whole thing together and by you pulling it together, I mean watching me as I cooked for you, even though you were so unsure of yourself, it was just so wonderful and satisfying. And it's a real testament to how great my cookbook is,

which is available on Amazon now. So she leaves and then now Denise and Sammy are riding to post-op to check on her nose because she's still got her bandages on. So she's like, are you excited, honey? You're about to see your new baby nose. She's like, yeah, but I'm also nervous because like, oh my God, what if my nose is too skinny now? Like what if he took too much? I mean, we never should have trusted

a guy that looked like Steve Carell in the office. Like, why are we doing this? You know, I would spend hours every day just like editing my nose before I could post photos publicly. I just hate my nose. I hate that enormous massive bump in my nose. You know, with my boobs, it was like, fine, but like this, this, this, this changes everything. This changes my life. And Denise is like, really? You know, I loved your old nose. It was great.

I mean, she's like, well, it's gone forever. Thank God, mother. Yeah. And so they go to the doctor and he's like, hello. He does that real tight Steve Carell smile. He's like, how are we doing in here? Looking at the camera. Like, here we go, guys.

Yeah, let's do it. Let's start removing that band camera. Like, here we go, guys. Yeah, let's do it. Let's start removing that bandage. Like, oh my God, I'm so scared. What if my nose is horrible? No one's ever gonna wanna fuck my nose again. This is terrible. And so she's really happy and she's saying how she wanted it for so long.

And this is how she would, she's like, this is exactly how I would face tune it. It's amazing. I'm like pre-face tuned. But like, it felt, I mean, my instinct was to be like, this is so silly, they took like a fraction of a centimeter off of it, but that being said, you know, when you're insecure about a body part, I get it, I get it.

So I was actually happy for her. Yeah, Denise is like, oh my God, I'm crying. You know, you included me, that was so nice. You included the woman who ruined your life by having the most perfect nose on earth. Every day I would go to bed and I'd say, God, if you're there, one, please tell Emilio Estevez to stop sending me memes, because really. And two, just God, give my, share my nose with other people. It doesn't have to just stay on me and give other people the opportunity to have such a fucking amazing nose. Am I right honey? You know, it's so hard as a mom to see Sammy not know how other people see her and how

beautiful she really, really is. And I had to remember how I felt at 19 when I had my surgery and thinking how insecure I was, but knowing that someday I would cross paths with Judy Dench and I just have much bigger tits than her. And that really made me happy. You know, I told her, honey, how can you not know how much people love you? I mean, you've literally got thousands of people jerking off to you every day.

What do you want? You're like the Brooke Williamson of OnlyFans. So, so Sammy's like, this is literally the best day of my life. She's so happy that she starts talking like Lola. Did you notice that her voice changed her? Like her high, like the lilting voice that is somehow hereditary between like Denise and Charlie Sheen, like comes back at like, so Sammy goes from being like, oh, some Sammy

to like, this is literally like the best day of my life. Like I am so happy right now. I'm so happy. I became wholesome like Lola for one brief second, but it's gonna go away tomorrow. But for right now, I'm wholesome. It's just like, well, I'm happy you included me. It's just, well, I just didn't want you in my surgery

because you have so much anxiety about dying under anesthesia. She goes, I'm not afraid of dying. I'm just afraid they're gonna put me under and I'm never gonna wake up again. Mom, that's what dying is. She's like, ow. And then next week she's Denise Eyewind though, top 1% of creators on OnlyFans.

And then Aaron's doing a photo shoot for Denise and he's like, yeah, yeah. And then we see Patrick Muldoon and he wants to do some, I feel like we should not have seen Patrick Muldoon again. I like the image that I had of Patrick Muldoon and he... I feel like we should not have seen Patrick Muldoon again. I like the image that I had of Patrick Muldoon that was frozen in time. Yeah, Patrick Muldoon's doing that aging thing where he's just like dying his hair weird colors that only old men use.

Don't use that color. It's a terrible red, Patrick. No, Save it. You know? I wonder like us seeing Patrick Muldoon, was that like how it was like for people to see Eileen Davidson's husband for the first time in several decades, because he was like a child star or a teen star in the seventies, sixties and seventies. Right. And then you see him and it's like, whoa,

what was his name? Dickie van Patten or something like that. I wonder if like, that's how we feel's like, Whoa, what was his name? Dickie van Patton or something like that. I wonder if like that's how we feel when like that's how people felt seeing him the way we feel seeing Patrick Muldoon. Yeah, it's crazy. And it's not even an ageism thing. It's just like a proper age thing. Like, you know, if your hair is starting to look like that, then he old like strawy kind of thing. Don't be dying it like purple or red or whatever. No, no, no. Someone help him. He's still a hot man to somebody help him fix him. He's fixable. I'll fix it.

Yeah. Everyone's fixable. Hey, well, do give me a ring. I'll fix you. Big boy. Yeah. Anyway, that was it for Denise Richards. Fun times. Thanks everyone for being here. Catch us on the road this weekend or subsequent weekends, or just hang out here, that's fine too. Go to WatchWhatCrapins.com though, if you wanna get your tickets or to see the schedule, and we will catch you on the very next episode.

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