Watch What Crappens - #2772 Southern Charm S10E15: Soirée For Your Loss - Live in Charlotte

Episode Date: March 23, 2025

On the season finale of Southern Charm, Venita confronts Ryan about barbershop rumors, Molly makes a move on Shep, Salley and Taylor sort of fight, and Craig bares his soul about the breakup that no one ever ever ever could see coming. To watch this recap on video, listen to our Traitors bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Indeed.com slash wonder ECA. Terms and conditions apply. Hiring Indeed is all you need. Crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab crab So good to see you, Charlotte, you gorgeous people. Yes. Good to see you guys. We're here at the same time as a cheerleading conference. Yes. Fitting.

It was a glam-off at the Starbucks. Guess who won? I was like, get out of here, you nine-year-old little B. This is my town. So we're the three ladies who I ran into at the hotel. There you are. Hi. I was informed today by these three lovely ladies, which I did not realize, and you just echoed right here, that tonight we are competing head-to-head, March Madness style against Countess Luanne de Lesseps here in Charlotte. So thank you.

We love Countess Luanne, but thank you for, we know you have a lot of choices and you chose to be with us tonight. We won. We won that one. I have to apologize to whoever's getting my ass cracked. There's people on the sides today. Yeah. I'm a very short-waisted person, and I should know better than to wear a goddamn button down to a shirt. Did you see me come out? I was waving like this. I was like, hi.

The butt crack is fully out. So we're here at the same time as this cheerleading competition. I was at the Starbucks, and I'm learning that coming to nice cities is turning me into a nicer person. Because we were in Canada last week. I mean, that's pretty nice. You know? We've been to Minnesota, they're pretty nice.

You guys are lovely. And I was in the line and I did the pre-order thing, you know? And it's like five to seven minutes. So I wanted seven minutes and 30. So I just want to go in there. I want to get my fucking drink. You know what I mean? Love the precision.

So I go in and this nine-year-old cheerleader is there with her dad. And the dad's like, hey, what do you do? Where are you from? Talking to the lady, making the precision. I go in and this kid nine-year-old cheerleaders there with her dad and the dad's like hey What do you do? Where are you from talking to the lady making the Starbucks and she's so nice She wasn't making my drink. She was holding my cup Uh-huh, she's talking to this fucking dad Okay, so I'm stewing, you know and The girl you've seen the cheerleading girls, right? My niece was a cheerleader cadence so I know the drill but it's like toddlers and tiaras

On crack times 10. I mean it's terror like his makeup the makeup the eyelashes the hair you know the glass the diamond backpack and It's literally Real Housewives of any city. It is it is a tiny little terrorist in training, you know, and It is, it is. Tiny little terrorist in training, you know? And so the guy was like, yeah, you know, we're here for a cheerleading conference. Yeah, no shit, dude. I just wanted to say really,

because I thought RuPaul was like starting a child version in your city. But instead I said, that's so great, you look beautiful. So I think it's rubbing off on me. I'm just laughing at the idea of Countess Luan being here at the same time as a cheerleading competition and her being simultaneously triggered by all the youth on display,

but also horny by all the dads. Like, hey, give me a V, V, give me an A, A, give me a V V give me an a give me a G what's that spell it's down there boys it's a long word just fuck me just fuck me right here she just comes out drunk on stage while they're doing their formations like all right you little girls let me show you how it's done. F is for the where, you'll fuck me tonight. Whoa. I was just asking Ben in the airport, is human trafficking like every... What is it in airports?

Every airport we've been to is like, watch out, human trafficking. It's like, don't get trafficked. Don't drop your bag or you'll be trafficked. And I was like, what is going on? Is human trafficking like that huge in airports now, like in Charlotte? Like, is that a thing? But then I saw all these little girls

and Luan's in the same town. You know. You know Luan is picking off those little girls and just taking those stem cells. It's like the substance. She's like, I've come for the substance. It's the origin story of that movie. Watch out for human trafficking, darling.

It's just Blue Ant's picture. Cabaret traffic, more like it. Yeah, by the way, another thing that's funny, just being here, I remembered something very, very important, which is that the last time that we were here, this was the first live show that we did since Scandival. You guys, who was here that day? Was that like the most, when we did, this was the first place we came to after Scandival

broke. And so it was like, we all had this pent up, it was like a big town hall meeting. We were like, Harry, Harry, we're passing a wall. Wait, I just called these people nice now I remember you are not nice people. Yeah. That was murderous. I've never seen so much murder in people's eyes. I did it! Kill it! Kill it! It was great. I'll always remember that night. But anyway. That was so good. The rest of that tour we just did Scandival everywhere. Like by the end that all we had left was a secrets revealed episode

We're like, let's do it We're like and then Kristen went to the bathroom, you know, we were we were recapping some really intense scenes for those because really Yeah, well, I mean Kristen going to the bathroom is pretty intense. Oh seriously a Lot of a lot of work to get on that toilet. If you tinkle when you sprinkle, don't fucking giggle when you sprinkle! Anyway, welcome to Watch Our Crap, and it's a podcast about all that crap on Bravo we'd love to talk about. So tonight we are recapping the season finale of Southern Charm.

And yes, I have a question. So I watched this off of Peacock. Did anyone else watch it off of Peacock? Because, okay. I wish Peacock were here to see that. I was like, yes, Peacock! No, but- Peacock!

Yes, Peacock! Did anyone else have this thing? So I watched it on the airplane and maybe I downloaded the wrong version. I had the audio description version. Did anyone get that? No. I didn't get that either.

I did not. Okay. So I did not know about this. So audio description, it's a very good service. It's for if you're visually impaired, that it will tell you what's happening on screen. But I had no idea that that's what I was listening to. And I was on the plane and so it was opening up and it was just like, you know, they're talking and JT's like, but Vanita

I really like you and then all of a sudden I heard out of nowhere a voice go Vanita looks down and I was like How accurate was it because it should have been going like and Shep a disheveled, you know douchebag He probably smells like two days ago enters Everything was like that. There was a lot of commentary about Venita nodding. Every two seconds that voice would come on and say, Venita nods. And the best was when it got really intense, when there was a fight at the party later

on and went to commercial. There was an exterior shop before it went to commercial of the place where they were having the party and the guy comes on and goes exterior iron gates i like that it's an excitable queen doing it he was just like he like put on his angry voice to be like i'm gonna sell this scene for someone right now iron gates yeah Could you be the person doing notes for that? I'm sorry, we didn't get enough from Iron Gates. Can we bring somebody else in for that read? Anyway, it's a very disorienting watch if you're not expecting the audio description,

but I also highly recommend it because it's an experience. Interior, white people, lots and lots of white people Sienna looks down at the Megalodon necklace and sighs previously on this season of Southern Charm JT had an accident on his Hummer Hot Wheels. Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah!

Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah!

Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! Baaah! didn't have any in the first place. Hey! Then he got off on the wrong foot. Oh, my foot!

The wrong teeny tiny baby foot. Hey! With nearly everybody. You know what? Patricia didn't take, didn't. Sorry, I got my balls almost crushed Patricia didn't take the cane I offered her Brett called me up and asked me if I banged his wife which really ticked off Craig in a douchey strip mall golf joint

I am furious there was once a very handsome man in a golf place that raised an objection your honor Craig why are you talking like that? I'm a lawyer a lawyer and a storyteller Don't worry he wasn't the only person Craig was mad at. Craig! You don't come out and hit on barely legal teens with me anymore. Hurts my feelings, bro. Austin, I'm not gonna be an alcoholic anymore. I only drink alone at home. You can swim or leave. Meanwhile, two homogenous white girls hired for the men on this show to emotionally abuse before they get fired without cause like every other woman to ever be on this show. Except for me, of course.

Sally and Taylor agreed to disagree about new homely douche they're kind of fighting over. Gaston. No one fights like Gaston. No one smocks like Gaston. No one fires up the feminine white's like ass down. I get off my ass, I just kinda blew the guy in the Great Royal American, okay?

It's not like I tried to marry him or nothing. Over at Vanita's, she and JT hit a stag over a brandzino dinner. Thanks for the whole fish. Ugh. But, uh, I got a girlfriend. Wait, did you just propose to me? And over in washed up modelville, Molly was getting her groove back by blowing a tuba. Hi, I'm Molly. I like playing tuba, pretending I'm obese and pretending I have an interest in Shep.

Beats waiting tables. Unfortunately, while she was pretending to be in love with Shep, Shep was pretending to be in love with a beauty pageant girl from the Bahamas to improve his key writing. Gosh! We're in love, right? Did someone fart? But I got you a Megalodon tooth! Just stab me with it or fucking fucking let me out of here your choice Meanwhile Craig and Austin made up. You can't be mad at me. I said the word addict on national television Craig Greg! Want some?

Greg, you are so brave, it's insane right now! And right when it seemed that Ryan would be named the least talkative gay person to ever appear on television, he dropped a barber bomb. Venita, I go to the same hair plug installer as JT, and he said that JT referred to you as some black girl trying to ruin his relationship. Wait till I tell Charles about this. Tell me after I've had my dinner woman I'm sick of the drama.

Papadoo! Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum Spend space and talk to me about it. Sure, let me just throw on my ball gown. Charles, look after the house for me. For Christ's sake, should I cook you dinner too? Woman, I'm busy. I've got a life. So we open up. We're in the middle of this random scandal that just drops at the end of the season.

And you know, Leva and JT have just spoken to this barber and they have forgotten on good authority from the barber that the barber never said this. Because why would the barber ever lie on national TV? Barbers don't lie. They're not called liar Sams, it's fantastic Sams. It's not like fantastic liar Sams. Trust your barber. So, Vanita is saying, you know, like, you know, JT telling his barber, you know, quote, some

girl likes me, some girl this, some girl that. It's just like, I'm just like some girl to you. And that girl has a name. But this is not JT. I don't buy it. I kind of buy it. I buy it a lot. I kind of buy it.

So she's like, so how are you doing? Your new plugs look really good you know not trying to gas you but you look fucking hot right now you look really really good I'm so mad at you I'd still fuck you right now you want to should we do this on bunny's couch or not bunny's couch listen you know what here's the thing it wasn't the barber's fault I spoke to him it's's not his fault, everyone. It's Ryan's fault, you know? He likes this game of telephone.

It's causing real emotional pain. Not just with you, and now with me, and Leva, and Poppy, and a chair somewhere. Yeah, I mean, like, I was just racking my brain around it, you know? and a chair somewhere. Yeah, I mean like I was just rocking my brain around it, you know? Like, why would he say some girl? Like, it just doesn't sound like you. It just, it made me feel like I didn't matter to you. No, that's only because I don't, you don't matter to me. That's all.

Can I make you dinner? I'm gonna make you dinner. Listen, I would never say just some girl. I mean, I know what I said. I was like, there's this beautiful girl. And I told him what kind of, like kind of what we're going through as friends, as friends, just relax there,

hold your horses there a little bit, okay. And he was like, cool, got it, totally understand. Okay, well now that I've got a little bit more of a level head, and you've agreed to marry me I just I just really I Just really don't see you saying it. You know you know I mean this makes so much more sense the way you're explaining it You know it's just not you right. It's not how you talk no. I never said you were all over me I just was like there's this girl who wants to marry me, yada, yada, yada. Pretty simple stuff.

Yeah, it seems a little too close what he described that's what's happening on the show. Like there's some girl on the show, she's flirting with me, and my girlfriend's gonna be pissed off. I mean, it sounds like he said it. Otherwise, where did the barber get it? Yeah.

You know? So, Vanita's like, well, I'm still JT, Team JT. And he's like, oh, and this gay, some gay dropped a nuke about me. And I'm like, he said it. He said it. We are going to Confronzman tonight, and by we, I mean you, because I'm not going to go. And she's like, well, it's a season finale, so I've got to be mad at somebody. I'm turning on the gay. I'm turning on the gay. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a commercial.

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You can listen to Even the Royals early and ad-free by joining Wendery Plus. Hello, I'm Dak Shepard. And I'm Monica Padman. And we are in our seventh year of hosting actors, musicians, athletes, presidents, CEOs, scientists, and professors. Monica and I do three weekly shows with celebrities on Monday, experts on Wednesdays, and crazy stories

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We love it here. We're chatterboxes and it's a good excuse to talk. Also, we're friends. Barely. Hanging on by a thread. We're so excited to officially be a part of the Wondry Network. So follow Armchair Expert on the Wondry app

or wherever you get your podcasts and subscribe to Armchair Expert on YouTube. So now we see a very thrilling scene. We're with Madison and Brett at home and Madison has an important question which is, are you excited for the party tomorrow with all the betas? Yeah I think it's gonna be fun. Cool. I'm gonna wear a red dress. Wow. So that was fun. I like this show because, you know, so many of the voices or whatever, they're all so stupid but it's so helpful when we can do the exact same thing for two characters because

this is her husband. Hey. And this is Taylor. Hey. Hi. Are they the same people? But I do like Madison with her Google. She's like, Hey Google!

And it just turns on bright pink lights. He's like, Why do we have to do that? Cause I can't pay to shut up and bathe in the pink. So now we go to a place called Islander 71 fish house and deck bar. Mixed response on that establishment. They're like, we went to Charleston, we went there, it was terrible. So excited any scene we get to watch Shep E. Yeah.

So it's a lot of horror movies. So Shep is there, Whitney joins, Whitney, I'm just gonna have a snacky poo, mother. Little snacky poo. Whitney's still fucking wasted. If anybody has a- Yeah. He has been wasted this whole year. If anybody has an alcoholism storyline, it's Whitney, you know? They'd kick him out of those meetings.

He'd just be like hey my name my name is Whitney and I can't say it I can't say I guess I won't say it and I'm a wealthier well so a shepherd's a gosh it's been an interesting couple weeks for me he's like oh you, you've loved and you've lost. Emphasis on lost. It's just unrequited love, you know. It's been so hard. But I'm certainly not going to be crying in my Cheerios every morning like Othello.

We're not allowed to have Cheerios in our household because every time we buy them, Mother just throws them at Randy one at a time. Mother's just opposed to the name. Doesn't believe in that as a personality trait. Every time I said, Mother, can we have some Cheerios, she said, no, pussy's allowed in this house and smacked me. Oh, Shepard, I've never seen you be that emotional. It was hilarious. I mean, it was out of character.

You gave a girl a tooth. I like that Whitney's kind of implying that this is all bullshit. He's like, yeah, I've known you for a long long time I've never seen you actually care, Shep. He's like, I know right? Did you buy it? I'm a changed man ever since I had Ayugarshka. Well listen, you can't just sit around like you need to prove your virility so there's a school bus stopping right up. They just left. All right. Just call Molly. Call Molly.

Gosh, should I bring a date to the summer house? Yeah. Should I bring a date to the Southern Charm formal? Yeah. Well, it seemed like Molly was a little sweet on you. Little sweet on you. Chef and Whitney talk like they're in some 50s movie, you know? That girl's that damn sweet on you. They're like in Guys and Dolls all of a sudden. Shall we have a nibble?

Shall we have a nibble? Oh, good. It's like the idea of Molly dawned on him, and there's fireworks of carbs coming out of his mouth. It's just like... These two have so many crab cakes coming out of their mouths. It is just the entire table just covered with like breading and crab bits and corn kernels. I just wouldn't want to treat a woman badly, you know?

And I'm not really looking for anything serious after that whole other not serious thing I've been doing for the past year, so. I just wouldn't want to lead her on. That would just be so unlike me. Gosh, what if she doesn't have a pretty little freckled lip? It's kind of my kink. Hopefully she's just down to ball. Gosh. So they decide that they're talking about Molly some more and you know, which I was

like, well, Molly did say that she hasn't had sex in two and a half years, which makes her just desperate enough to find the both of us attractive. Haven't been able to get a proper boner for two, but I've still managed. What's a boner? I thought that was called renop. Gosh. So I know they should have seen it coming. So they call Molly and she's like, hey Molly. That's what I said. So what are you guys up to? Just eating crab cakes.

I know there's a piece of red pepper on my FaceTime right now. And chicken fingers. Are you coloring the coloring book? Yeah. Well, we're talking about the random party we're gonna have and I don't know if you're not going with anyone, I heard you're sweet on me, so I'd love for you to accompany me. Hold on, let me see if my tuba still want to, but you still wanna, no, no, alright, I'm free.

I'm free. Oh gosh, and Whitney's like, she needs to be picked up in a limo, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Yeah, I hope it's a stretch limo, I'm huge, I can't fit into a regular car, so. What if I pick you up at an M151 Mutt, just like the Jeeps they had in the Vietnam War? Oh! He's gonna, I, Shep, Shep's gonna be your escort.

Wow, what a mediocre night you're about to have! By the way, I did look up the model of the jeeps that they had in the Vietnam War. Did you? Yeah. Was that the actual model? It was the M151. Thank you for the scattered applause on my researching. We make, we put a lot of effort on these shows.

That's what you get when we perform in an actual theater. Research. So now we go, oh, I love this scene. Craig and Paige in the car. This is the final days of chicken and chicken. What would be the sound of all of this? It would be like the deserved it all. What would you call it? The, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the a ball scandal for the chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken chicken bull loser loser chicken schmoozer loser loser chicken boozer I don't know we're gonna workshop it yeah yeah so Craig's like wow chicken I wish you could stay one extra day you know like, like you just, we just need a bonus day, you know. And then she gives him a look like, you fucking moron, I came an extra day for you. Oh yeah, that's right. You did come a day early. So I guess our bonus day was on the front end of your trip. Wow. What a win. Are we sure it was just a bonus day? It kind of felt like a bonus year that I was here.

Well, what if we run out of gas on the bridge? Wouldn't that be terrible? Well, that's about when our relationship ran out of gas, so it would be fitting. I will literally throw myself off the bridge. And swim to the airport, if that's what it requires if Paige wasn't so lazy she would have jumped off that bridge she would have her her face this whole car ride is like so she's like yeah okay you know remember that time when we were in we were in the car on the way to the airport, and I went, no, no, I don't want to go to the airport.

Ha. Yeah. Yeah. But I was, like, late into the drive, and so you were like, I'm really sorry, and I was like, what? Yeah, that was, like, one of those days I just couldn't bear to get on a plane. I mean, they're disgusting, they're horrible, they're uncomfortable. And then I looked at you.

And the plane won. That was a fun day. By the way, what happened to TCBY in the airport here in Charlotte? Nobody knew what the fuck it meant. At some point, kids are like, that doesn't even make sense. They only know the text version. I could have sworn there was a TCBY there, wasn't there? Thank God it's not, what is it?

The country's best. This country's best yogurt. The country's best yogurt. This country's best yogurt. That place had too big of a head. No one likes arrogant yogurt. The way everyone responded to that just now, like, oh yeah, we don't talk about TCBY anymore.

Yeah, there's like some scandal happening in this audience. They're like, don't don't talk about TCBY anymore. Yeah there's like some scandal happening in this audience. They're like don't you dare talk about TCBY. There's like a blood pact in Charlotte like what goes on on TCBY stays there. It's a Starbucks now. Anyway. You're not from here you can't comment on our goddamn TCBY. We've already had enough of Parker Posey's accent. We don't need you talking about TCBY. Hopper no! Hopper no! Tsunami! Okay.

Paige was like, yeah, I was having one of those days where I just really couldn't get on the plane, but I was also having one of those days where I was saying everything seven days too late. So sort of like a New York response. So she's like, yeah, you know, it's just terrible getting on a plane. You know, there's so much riffraff here in the South. You get on a plane, everybody's like, Hi, how are you? What's your name? What are you doing? What are you here for?

Where'd you get all that black? Did you go to a funeral? Why do you have bangs? How's your tour competition going? Just like in the North, we say, zip it, shut up. Craig's like, it's called humanity. Gross.

Gross, Craig. All right? Just get me back to New York where I can order something to my door and not have to see somebody. You don't even have Door Dash in the South. Where's Paige? She can't get Door Dash anywhere. Why does she always say that? She's at Craig's house.

I can't wait to get home where food is delivered. Unfortunately on DoorDash, I can't say that my delivery address is at a little desk next to a cricket machine in the garage. I would call DoorDash, but I'm embarrassed to be having my food delivered to a gift wrapping room. Yeah, I hate it here. Craig's like, so when are you, when am I going to see you again? Oh, oh, um, hold on. Let me go through my iCal. What are you doing on the third of never? Never, never, never, never, never, never, never. Oh, there's only 28 days in this month. 28 never's. Never, never. Oh no, it's, oh, I forgot it's days in this month 28 nevers never never oh no

It's oh, I forgot it's daylight savings time which is different than relationship savings time Well I'm going to LA and then I'm going to Italy with my family no you're not invited You're not part of my family. We all hate you and never Then I'm going on tour. Okay, so did you guys watch the after show of this? I don't, but I do love some clips. Okay, it's how I get my news, headline reading. So I've been watching the Instagram clips of this after show where Paige finally opens up.

I was actually surprised Paige opened up on the after show. Get yourself an Us Weekly article. I mean, Jesus Christ, Lindsay had one for literally everything. Lindsay came out of a bathroom stall, according to us. Come on, Paige. I believe in you, Paige. So anyway, she was talking about her breakup and she's like, yeah, it's like he never really supported what I was doing. He got mad I was going on tour. And Amanda goes, yeah, remember he made you watch that documentary about people going on tour?

And Paige goes, yeah, it was about some band called Abba. I mean, it's like some Norwegian thing. And it was, I was mortified. I was like, how do I stand up for this woman week after week? Honestly, it's like, yeah, some Norwegian people and they have a whole documentary about how all of their families broke up because they went on tour. I just love that Craig's like, watch, watch Abba, see how it ruined their life. And that's when she realized me why waste time let's just end it now before the tour instead of after yeah Now I guess as long as we're talking about after shows. Did you see the other clip of Shep?

No, what was that one? Oh? You have forsaken me Instagram. I thought that's what you were about to say So Shep went on to I think another Bravo after show and he's like So Shep went on to I think another Bravo after show and he's like, "'Course, Paige never went on one single vacation with Craig for the show. That's not fair. If she was a good girlfriend, she would go with Craig on the show to the Bahamas, to any place, any vacation. That's fucked up, man." I'm not getting paid for this show. Why would she go? It's not her show.

She ain't getting paid for that shit. I wouldn't go either. Have you seen your vacations? We, the audience, are barely showing up for them. Yeah. No, he was really spicy about it. So there are monsters on those vacations. I wouldn't go either.

Just like Craig was to his girlfriend. That's how he would have been. Oh, Paige, why aren't you marrying Craig? Arrgh! They would have... Yeah, they have a huge cast. They would have all sat down and put Paige in the middle of the table, like they do with the sienna and been like, so what's going on with you and Craig?

Are you going to give up your tour? Are you going to give up Giggly Squad? Are you going to move here to Charleston? Are you going to put on Lily Pulitzer? What are you going to do? She'd be like, ew, where's DoorDash? Hold on, I want to dedicate this slow dance to Paige and Craig! You can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance,

you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance,

you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you can dance, you This might be one of our longer times of not seeing each other. Usually it's like, I don't know, every five days or so. Yeah, yeah. This will be the last time. Are you trying to say that we're usually more in sync, Craig? Yeah. Well that band is more together than we'll ever be. So he literally says, so, and he's not that big like puppy dog smile

He's like so when am I gonna see you next and she literally says never Is the last time you're gonna see me you just don't know it just kidding Not kidding she's not kidding So I love a mixed crowd stop You guys know what, Craig? Stop falling for it. Suckers. Suckers. The chicken has blown the coop. Suckers. Last week, people were booing because I said, Shape, what the fuck is wrong with me? It's that cheerleader girl. She fucked my whole day up. I should have kicked her

like I wanted to in the first place Oh myself always kick. I was saying that chef was faking his whole relationship and people like Suckers So now we're going over to you know, every season of Southern charm has to end with like a stuffy formal at a random house. So now we're at one and this time Madison and Ryan are setting it up. And honestly, like Ryan has said three words this entire season. So this is the first time he actually gets to say like multiple sentences, which is weird because it's the first time I noticed he has his accent. And also it was the first time I noticed that he has a deranged opinion about feathers because he was like, I like it all, I like everything, not those feathers.

Can we get those feathers? Can we strike the feathers? I just can't see the feathers. No more feathers. No more feathers. I know. And the party planner who did everything, like this people did nothing for this party. It's like, okay, well, I set up this old prison.

So that's why I made this Place it's in a prison You know Patricia was mortified to walk in here like well I never Only time I come here is to get Whitney out and pay the chief They did have a room that was dedicated to Thomas Ravenel which I thought was nice That was very nice. One way lock. Yeah, so in this prison, and Ryan is- It was a restroom stall.

With many smooth surfaces. With a little mirror table on the- Thomas. The Thomas Ravenal scent of a smell. You know, I do think that like Catherine yelling

Thomas Don't go Thomas Don't Go walked that way Piper No could run. Thomas Piper No could run. I always felt like Katherine was kind of a Parker Posey character anyway. Like she kind of is like she's from Waiting for Guffman, you know? So it's all full circle. Okay so party party. This is the

only place in the south I've ever seen it turn summer and people put on suits. Who does that? Where I'm from, you get out your little short jorts, throw on a thong and hit the town. It's summer, wear a three piece suit and a ball gown. So everyone's getting ready at different places, trying on dresses, Charles sits on a gown, or something like that.

Taylor's getting her makeup done with Penny, which is exciting. And then- I don't know if this is only editing, but every time they show Taylor with Penny, Penny's just laying there looking at her, and she's like, hey Penny, what do you think? And they just show Penny, and Penny's like,

mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm. I feel like Penny always wants to pee on something. Penny is ready to pee on the gown. Penny is ready to pee on the bed. Penny's ready to go. So we wind up, we land with Craig going over to Austin's place and Craig is like, I think life and friendships, it's always gonna be like a roller coaster, but you gotta keep the ride going because there's so many stories to tell. Hashtag storyteller.

So, I got a text yesterday from Taylor. It was just like, hey, FYI, you know, you know all the girls were talking about you trying to see Sally's boobs. I mean, what the hell, man? You sin right there. And we see a flashback of Sally being like, yeah, he was like, show us your tits. And Leva's like, oh my god. And Taylor's like, oh my god. And Taylor's like, oh my god.

Yeah, and like he was just saying it in front of everyone. Oh my god. Oh my god. Leva earning that paycheck. So basically Taylor called Austin to say, hey, Sally's talking about how you want to see your boobs, and I think that she's coming for your relationship with the girl from Charlotte. I was just trying to shamelessly get the Charlotte people

to be like, yeah, Charlotte. Oh, that girl is from here. You guys are like, we don't want to claim her. We don't claim her. We don't claim her. No, that girl seems super nice. I actually like when they show her today. I mean, she seems like so nice and so young.

You know, I want to pull up in my auntie van and be like, get in, get in. I know he seems nice, but no. Get in the car. We're having a talk around the block, man. But I like when they showed her in this episode every time they show her he goes hey hey Pookie he's like hey Pookie how you doing Pookie how you doing today and she's like tired I just want everyone in the front row to know that we were thinking about you and on the off chance that Austin was gonna come to the show, we did have ponchos ready for you to wear.

So you could stay dry. Wonder why I didn't want to come. So weird. Insane. Insane right now, Ronnie. This ass crack is like on its own journey today. God damn. It needs its own frequent flyer miles.

That's because your ass crack is a storyteller. So we get to Sally on our way to the summer s'more, and she's with her fuckboy Andrew. Formerly Grace Lilly's fuck fuck boy it should be noted It's important to tell the whole backstory I'll take him I mean that guy is hot listen That's the kind of fuck boy this show needs we're following the wrong fuck boys get on that one a Man bone in a prayer run him like there's no tomorrow So Sal is like me and Andrew were very hot and heavy in the beginning. I talked him to Applebee's, she gave him the nod of his life. We were best friends, turned into lovers. It was like a rom-com, but with like little fried onion peels, you know.

It was fun. We've been trusting each other, dating each other for over a year. Yeah, I've never had this with any of my other relationships. She tells him, wow, I've never seen you with the shirt on. I was like, yeah, girl. He's like, you know what? Tonight, I just want to hang out with me. Craig. Just trying so desperately to get on this TV show.

commercial's here comes one right now So then we go to Molly's and Shep shows up in some velvet what is What was this outfit was he like did he like Parliament? It was like the Revolutionary War I don't know what the fuck Shep was doing was did he like hear that Oasis was back together like There was like velvet had buns I was like what Civil War reenactment are you going to after this? Yeah, he was fighting for the other side of that war. He was in the blue coats Yeah, it was um wait am I I'm really stupid with history. Sorry We were When we were in Canada the lady who lady who works the theaters and stuff in Canada,

the Booker, she was like, Oasis is so huge that we had to build a new stadium for Oasis. Isn't that crazy? Never underestimate the power of a dad. You know? God damn, for Oasis. Yeah. Yes. That's what I said. It's a wonder. You go dad Okay, so chef arrives and some Oasis by the way is such the Craig band because they they literally were doing Craig voice before Craig was doing Craig voice like It's like if you ever imagine Craig singing, it is literally Oasis? Okay.

So, he picks her up, he's like, hi! She's like, wow, you look so handsome. She's got a big knocker that's like huge nuts for the hanging now. Shep is a little uncomfortable with the process. He's like flicking it with his finger. He's like, I don't want to get too many fingers on those nuts. Gersh. Like Tom Girardi nuts just like hanging all the way to the grass. Listen, that was a knocker. Molly says that her brother gave her that knocker, which is exciting.

And Shep is like, gosh, I'm gonna use the bathroom. It's not gonna be like something about Mary. You know, when I get, you got the balls in the zipper, stuck in the zipper, remember that? Remember that? How old are you again? I shouldn't get that. Something about Mary's girl's like, was that in black and white or? Yeah, well you know it gets us not stuck in the zipper. She's

like, gross. Don't you remember the part? That girl combed her hair with spooge and then she had like, whoa! That's hilarious! She was like, I'm going to practice my tuba so I don't have to hear you peeing. I feel like that's like an old man long pee. And I can say this as a 50-year-old person, almost. The pee gets longer and longer. You know Shep was in there for a long time. Yeah.

I could have watched something about Mary in the time that it took that man to pee. What's the opposite of I'm not here for a long time, but a good time? It's like, I'm not here for a short time, but for a sad time. Shep peeing. So he's like, oh, it's just gonna be like prom.

She's like, well, I'm not like a big dancer. Like, you know, prom is like not really a big deal for me. It was like super stressful, you know? It's like tonight, like I'm just terrified I'm gonna be stuck out there dancing with a fucking dork. Oh, gosh. Well, I feel like it's really soon to be dating, but I'm all for it." And she's like, yeah, I think it's really soon after his heartbreak with Sienna.

So I'm not trying to be like, hey, you want to get married, but then on the other hand, it's like me and a tuba. So maybe, I don't know. So we go to the party and Messy asks Rodrigo's there trying to make a mark for Rodrigo. He just tries so hard. He's literally running around and he comes up to Austin and he's like, hey, titty choke. Remember because you said that thing about her and now you're in trouble for it. It's going to be a great season finale.

And I feel like his partner knows it because every time they cut to his partner, he's always smiling like mmm He tries. I feel like they every time they show his partner They show the gayest shot ever because it's never just his partner being like hello. How are you? It's always him being like Every time I know they have to have normal shots of this fucking guy. I love Tyler. I love Tyler because I feel like I could like sit down and talk about Ina Garten with him for about two hours.

So Leva arrives in a leopard dress. She's like, hey, nice place. What is this this a jail? So yeah, I heard about the barber on the phone. Yeah, I don't have a long time guys Can we just get to the fucking barber scene? All right, I've got things to do at which point on my airplane I heard Lava yawns rolls her eyes And sits down collects paycheck So she goes up to Vanita and she's like, you know what?

Oh no, she's just telling us. She's like, you know what? If you heard JT saying that, fucking JT can call like a man and be like, I feel like you've disrespected my friend instead of like whisper, whisper, whisper. I'm so sick of everybody and everybody else's business. I cannot wait to confront somebody tonight about this when it's none of my fucking business So Austin walks up to Sally and he's like Sally I Just want to clear the air with you perhaps

Clear the air you're adding saliva to it She's like she's pulling out an umbrella. Yeah, the air is a little thick tonight. Jesus. She's getting like the COVID mask over her eyes. She's like, hold on one second. Okay, now you can talk. Well, it kind of came right back to me. You know, I was saying things in the Bahamas about- My boobs.

Yeah, your boobs. My boobs, yeah. Yeah, because they're so big. Can I see them? Can I see them? But I mean, it wasn't like a thing. You were just talking about my boobs. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, like, you know, I like to dismiss it. I didn't want to cross like a line or something, but like, it brought to my attention. It was insane. You were talking about my boobs. Yeah, I remember you were talking about them. Remember that? Yeah. That was fun.

It was fine. Who cares? Who doesn't talk about my boobs? I love them. You know, and I was just saying it in a fun way because everyone was talking about how, you know, I was getting rid of them. And then we see a flashback to that scene last week with the doctor or he's like whoa wow wow god damn did someone get married because a pair of cans just jangled down the street Jesus Christ wow wow those are... Blblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblblbl I mean, I don't want Pookie to get napped, so... So she's like, Who told you that I said this?

And he is like, Taylor did! Which is funny because Austin always rats out Taylor every single season. Anytime, anything, Austin rats her out. Well, you know, it wasn't really that big of a deal. I don't know why Taylor's trying to make it one.

And we see Taylor, she has like a shell of some sort that she's serving champagne out of. I don't know what's going on in this jail Yeah summer swarming not drinks So he's like yeah, I mean just got brought to my attention. So she's like I'm gonna have a talk with Taylor Don't don't don The big boob confrontation. I can't wait season finale. They're a fire around on all seven and we're gonna have a boob fight

Yeah bah bah do Bah bah boob so then chef and Molly arrive everyone's like shepherd shepherd looks like a general right now Shepherd shepherd shepherd What are you, Sergeant Pepper? Oh. Molly's like, who? What are these fucking old guys talking about?

So like, is there a jello stand in here for these men? Jesus Christ. Patricia and Whitney show up. Patricia's like, fine, I'll do my five minutes with the cast, and then wheel me back to the house. I know. He just rolls up with the dolly.

She's like, I'm going inside. I'm not standing out here. Who stands out here is ridiculous. I'd rather go into the prison than talk to these losers in the sun. Get me in there. So Molly and Shep are having banter and, Gersh, now's the time where we can have banter. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

So Molly's like, I really want to be with someone that's larger than me because it makes me feel more feminine. She's like, yeah, and you can have sex standing up. Or that. She's like, yeah, and you can have sex standing up. Or that. So Patricia is sitting with Ryan and Ryan's like, wow, this is a great party so far, right? It's all going real well except for those feathers. Yeah, you should have that woman murdered.

I like that he's so mad about feathers and he's talking to Patricia who is covered head to toe in fucking feathers. Yeah. Ryan is going to go to sleep tonight and he's going to see feathers on his ceiling, like a little baby with feathers. Or is going to be offed. Read this note before you're dead. You fuck with feathers, you fuck with me.

I brought you on to this show, Mary. I can take you off. So she's like, look, Austin, look how many single women there are. And this guy's like, Austin's not single, remember, he's dating that young girl out of town, so he never has to have in town accountability about everything, so, oh, okay.

Oh, that's right. So then Austin is now, he's talking to Patricia and he's like, so I'm really rooting for Molly and Shep. I really want that to happen. She's like, oh, I don't even know who Molly, who is Molly? Was she on our show? I wanna have a conversation with any woman that joins this group. And I wanna tell her, one, stay away from Whitney's money, you fucking harlot. And two, caution.

Caution. Ha, ha, ha. I don't think you're wrong. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, Sally and Taylor are like, all right, time to have a scene to see if we get on to next seasons. Hey, hey, Taylor. Hey, remember my housewarming party? We agreed to keep our names out of each other's mouths. Yeah. My name's in your mouth.

How so? Well, you were texting Austin and telling him that I'm coming after him. I did. Why? I mean, I've never in no way, shape, or form come after him or with him. But you told the girls.

To this party, I did not come with him to this party, Popper, no. You told the girls he wanted to see your tits. Well, I never, no, I never said that. I said that my tits were on me and he was like, let me see those, but I didn't say he wants to see my tits were on me and he was like, let me see those, but I didn't say he wants to see my tits. Well, I don't know how you phrased it to the girls.

No, I don't think you do. That's not how I phrased it at all. But it was told to me. You. You. You. Guess. Tits.

Don't. You. Guess. Tits. Tone. Uh, one second, can we give some more juice to these girls? Keep my name out of your mouth. You. I'm not taking this.

I don't have to do this. I'm walking away. Taylor, you are not important enough to walk away every scene. Okay? You have not earned this. I'm addicted to your charisma. You stand right there. You finish this like a grown turtle.

That's what she always does. She always walks away. So Taylor, uh, Daler then goes over to the guys and is like, she was like a chihuahua. I was like, no, I'm pretty sure it was just a very dull fight you guys just had. Most docile chihuahua I've ever seen. Ryan's the chihuahua. Ryan's over there like feathers. Feathers. Feathers. Feathers. Feathers in here.

We're gonna find him curled up in like a bathrobe. Like, feathers now. Feathers now. Feathers, feathers. Feathers in here. We're gonna find him curled up in like a bathrobe. Like feathers now, feathers now, feathers. Is your dog cold? For two hours or what it's like. So Leva goes up to Vanita cause Leva's like, hello, I've gotta get back to my shift at Zachary's Dacary's. I need to get back, I need to get back and make sure nobody in Nike's is getting through the front door of my bar.

I heard they're trying to figure out how to spell birthday on the sign at Republic. I gotta go back there. So can we get your, Vanita, can we get your little scene on the road here? Aren't you supposed to be confronting Ryan? He's like, oh, I don't like confrontation. Vanita, you're on a reality show come on so she's like come on Venita you need to confront Ryan do you want me to go with you she goes yeah I'm scared I'm scared Ryan is a very scary person did you see what he

did to those feathers so they pull Ryan to this like side room and Ryan thinks it's just gonna be like a fun k kiki like, hey, we're just gonna talk about things. But they get in and immediately he's like, oh my God, girls, I am so sorry. Who left those feathers there? He's like truly mortified. Like this is the most embarrassing thing that happened to him all season.

He's like, I don't even know where my manners are. I had you come into a room when there was a vase of feathers. It is just so underneath me. You know who would do that? Northerners, but not me, not me. Isn't this a nice little side room? Finally we can kiki. Oh my god, thank god we're in a prison because Belinda's going to be stuck in it. God damn it, Belinda, there's feathers in here. So they sit down and Venita's like, so I'm just here with Leva because she's my support. Thank you Leva so much for being here. You know, the information you gave me about the barber, you know, and JT saying something derogatory, you know.

I mean, it's just confusing. I just don't think JT's capable. I just don't think he's capable of saying anything, you know? And then I learned that there's no facts behind what you said. Zero facts, Ryan. Let me jump in here, I'm Leva. I heard the barber, and I'll tell you this right now, there's no way that barber ever said it.

I spoke with a barber on FaceTime. Case closed. Case closed. Case closed. Case closed. Someone call Kathy Bates and say, Matlock, don't bother coming down. Figured it out. I'm on the case, and it's closed. So Ryan's like, well, I believe in telling the truth always when it's your truth to tell. And this is a moment where I've seen my friend telling me

that she's in love with this short person, and she's caught feelings for him. And even though they're never gonna get her on a ride at Disneyland, because he can't even ride the fucking T-car, I mean, this is a short person. And, you know, and then, you know, there's paragraphs, you know, from JT,

and that's, I have to tell my that's I have to tell my friend, I have to tell my friend. So this barber is clearly running a business, and he's obviously gonna want a clean house, and I get why it would've been him. Then we could've flashed back to the barber, being like, girl, I don't know what he said. He said something like, some girl, some show,

maybe she's black, I don't know. I mean, I didn't really say anything. I think she drowned at one point, might be a ghost. I do remember you didn't buy any extra conditioner like I offered you. That wasn't nice. But you know, I would never repay you in a terrible way. You know, it's just that I'll make a little more conditioner commission than I do want anything else in this place. But listen, you don't support me. Doesn't mean I'm gonna throw you under the bus, does it?

So Madison slinks in. Get that messy barber on here immediately. I know, next season, messy barber. We need a good gay on this show. I need the barber. Yes. Girl. Shep came in here the other day.

He said, I don't want a haircut. I said, get the fuck out of here and send Austin. Austin came in and asked for the Lindsey Graham. He asked for the Lindsey Graham. I gave it to him straight up. He's fucking four women, I'll tell you that right now. So Madison comes in, she's like, hey, I just want to check in on Ryan, Belinda's crying out there, something about feathers. He threw a dish at her face.

Okay, now we have someone else in this room. Okay, you know what, Madison, he's okay. It's not like we're jumping down his throat or accusing him of stuff that he didn't do or anything like that, Madison. We just want to get to the bottom of it. And I just feel like, you know, we're all friends. And I just think it's a matter of like, passing this sort of information can be very damaging.

And rather than like calling someone up, you should just go directly to JT and tell him to his face. Rodrigo's like, did someone say bottom of it? Oh, excuse me here. There's room for you in here, Rodrigo. Get on in there. They're yelling at Ryan. It's fun getting in here.

Well, what I said was not my subconscious. I said JT and he said everybody. And then Patricia's like, oh, hi, excuse me. Do you know how many sweating poor people are in there? I can't, I can't take this. if I wanted to spend the night of abuse I'd be at home with an electric rod and Randy which is where I'm gonna end up Ryan's like okay well I'm just trying to make a point here it's like my one time to see he's not tried to make a point and love it's like listen what happens in this group is that there's a group of people that say things and people pile on to it. And he's like, well, I'm gonna be very direct with you.

He's like, um, let me finish. No, um, um, no, no, because you're not finishing. I was like, yes, listen, I don't know what Ryan's doing right now, but I'm team Ryan. Shut up, Leva. And what are you talking about? People gang up on other people. That's you, Leva.

You're leading, you're holding the torch every single time. It's Leva. Brian's like, okay, okay. Oh, that was good. I just sort of, I That's you, Leva! You're leading, you're holding the torch every single time, it's Leva. Brian's like, okay, okay, oh that was good. I just sort of, I clap back at Leva. Okay, you can do this, okay. Here's what I've gotta say. It's really important. Take it down a notch, Ryan.

Take it down, take it down a notch, gay person. Okay, I will take it down a notch, but I have something really important to say and it is the following. Excuse me, I just wanted to say bye to everybody. Oh god, another person's in there. Something's going on in here, what's going on in here?

I just, I'm just, okay, Doreen, you just be quiet. I'm just trying to say, this is a very important thing for me to say right now. Well, I've seen better parties at the goddamn carnival, all right? I'm outta here, fuck this place, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you wanna mess with the carny? You're gonna pay, bitch. I'm outta here! Fuck this place! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! You wanna mess with the carny?

You're gonna pay, bitch! Leva! How are you? How are you, Leva? Leva! Whoa! You know what? This is a better party than the party out there!

That's it! What are we all doing in here? Oh my god, it's a man. A man in a suit. Whoa. I heard that there's a gay man in here who hates feathers. Sabrina from Tenafly told me all about it. What's going on, Huns? What's going on? Excuse me, but this party everybody's wearing a suit. It's so Persian! Top of the morning to ya! What's going on? Are you all happy?

I'm happy, I'm so happy! You know what, look at all these people at a party. Get a job, get a job. Everybody in this party, get a goddamn job. My turn, my turn. I am here in Charleston to talk to this gay man who is afraid of feathers. Alright everybody listen.

Still me. Still me. Just get out. I want to have this conversation with just us. I don't need all these little voices. I've already dealt with feathers. So everyone's like fine we're trying to help you have a varsity level fight. Whatever.

So everyone sort of shuffles out. So he's like, I just don't need any more opinions in here. Okay, Leva, this is between us. And she's like, um, listen, I'll let Vanita decide that. Vanita's like, uh, Leva, I love your support, but you've done a lot. You can go. She's like... Leva's like, excuse you, I was a consultant on Sir Wieners.

So she leaves, and she's pissed. So Ryan's like, okay, Venita, I'm listening. So Venita's just basically like, what's going on? So meanwhile, Madison's outside as everybody gets kicked out. It's like, oh my God, Dorinda Medley just slapped me, called my husband ugly and left. What the fuck's going on in there? So, Rodrigo's like, yeah, like Ryan's just like

running his mouth, I'm like, back it up, girlfriend. Whatever. Yeah, well, guess what? I'm going to trust Ryan all day over JT. Sorry. So now we go back to Vanita and Ryan, who we've had this whole big thing that we've been waiting to get to the bottom of. And Vanita's basically like, well, sorry.

She's like, you know, when JT said that Ryan was lying, I was like, why would Ryan lie? And he's like, I wasn't lying. I was activated by feathers. There were so many feathers in here. You don't understand. I was calling everyone, just saying all sorts of crazy things, but I'm off it now. Everything is okay.

So he's like, well, I'm allowed to say what my barber said to me, and I'm allowed to say what my barber said to me. And I'm sorry that it hurt anybody, but I'm allowed to relay my own barber gossip. So they love that she bought that. She's like, you know what? You're right. You are allowed to. You paid for those plugs.

This is all your story. Yeah. It's not called okay cuts. It's called super cuts. And you paid for that. So they hug because they realize it's not as fun to fight when it's just the two of you. So they love each other.

And then we go back to the party, and we see Molly and Shep there dancing. He's like, gah! Shh! I have to say, everybody on this show keeps saying, oh, my god, they've got such chemistry. They literally don't. Like they show them standing against this back wall

and she's just kind of like leaning there and like looking around at people, kind of rolling his eyes. And he's like, this is real velvet. I got it off Amazon. It came with a little parrot, sewed to the shoulder, but I took it off for the party.

Sienna said that when I wore it, it just proved that I wasn't rich enough. Oh well. So all the gang is like, I should make out, make out, make out. And Craig's texting, you should make out. There was a man, a man in a hot suit, who looked over at his friend

and wanted more romance for his friend's life. Sustained. He's like, no. Craig wants us to make out. She's like, all right. So meanwhile, Austin and Craig have a moment because they have to finish their storyline. So Austin's like, I don't want to be weird, Craig, but I feel more connected to you than

ever before. It's like someone froze all my saliva and now there's a bridge of spittle between me and your face. Yeah, it was so rough during that whole time. We just kept getting our lines crossed and now we're just both back on the same line. It's great having lines together so he's like bring your own straw though I don't like shoving the years at mine now by the way um remember when I said our friendship was good and then I was surprised when

you said that our friendship wasn't good and I was like no our friendship was good well turns out our friendship wasn't good because I never even knew you had a girlfriend I was so how's that going he's like yeah maybe 2024 if you're engaged if you're engaged and he's like yeah maybe like we're both gonna get married this year. I'm 99% confident that I'm gonna propose this year. Me too, me too. Paige is like, so you're saying there's a chance that you won't.

So, let's see. So we get some small talk between Shep and that girl I don't care. Okay, so basically the party's over, right? Okay, let's just leave this party. Okay, because now's the good part. Picking up the cameras for a storyteller. They say two hours later and then we see fireworks and I was like is Shep eating again? Shep is like, gosh, I was in the Caribbean and I got a message from Rodrigo and it said,

hey girlfriend, sister friend, have you seen the news? Holy shit. And I said, what, is there going to be a sequel to the seminal documentary, The Vietnam War by Ken Burns? And Austin's like, wow, I guess they broke up. I guess we could see that there were some cracks. There were cracks there. Yeah, maybe like when Paige said, this is the last time you're gonna see me, you just

don't know it yet. Don't go aww. It's funny. It's funny that they broke up. I'm sorry, but especially knowing that that man told her to watch the Abba documentary because tours ruin lives. Fuck that fucking guy. Okay. That is.

And then his when when scandal happened, I was like, Oh my fucking God. When this happened, I was like, it's just funny. It's just funny because it was there all along. We've been talking how long how many years have we been saying how much time is left in this relationship, it's never gonna work out. And then it happens, people are like, oh my god. Yeah, I mean look, it's just things that Craig's saying.

Like that, and then when he told her, yeah, I guess you could just take the kids because you make your own money, honey. Or, you know, I know that you're working now, but eventually we're gonna have kids and you can't do that anymore. Fuck that fucking guy. I don't care what happens to him.

And I'm not buying this, sir. His whole like, ooh, like he got a special haircut for this scene. And I think this is right when he did his whole bullshit thing, where he went on Instagram and he's like, guys, I've been so blindsided by Paige after it was like three months since she dumped His ass and he's that he's like, oh, it's just me charming Craig. It's the same haircut I don't buy the same sweater too. Yeah, I clock that as well. It's been clocked and recorded and observed

Girlfriend so Trust your barber. I Wonder I wonder if Candice Luan's talking about this right now at her show. Well, well, well, Craig. Turns out I have kind of a track record with Charleston guys if you know what I'm saying. Joey Moe's.

So, Craig is doing his whole, wow, you know, we had, and I'm actually proud of Craig here because I really thought Craig was gonna to do like a come in guys, where he's like in sweatpants and acting all sad, but he's not. He's doing like a running for mayor thing where he's like, well, you know, I'm not, you know, we had a great Thanksgiving together. Like everything was normal at our parents, you know. And then a couple of weeks later, she said, we got to talk and chef goes,

Oh my God, I hate that! Wait, prior to Christmas? Craig's like, yeah, it's like, I knew. Like, I was like, I can't believe this is happening. And it was like really calm. And she's like, I need to like find myself and I'm sick of eating kangaroo with you. I have to take control of my life again

and we need to break up, you know? And the only people I wanted to tell was you guys because, you know, we were crossing lines, right, Austin? Yeah, I was saying. Yeah, but the truth is I couldn't get it out yet. You know, it was so hard. He's like, were you waiting to go public with this Why would you wait? He's like cuz what if it wasn't real, you know, like she asked me to buy her a ring

No, she didn't. Mm-hmm No, she did. I don't believe it one second. That's for a page. That's like saying hey Craig Would you do do me a favor? Come inside my bedroom at night holding a knife to my throat and say boo. Craig, she didn't want that. That's like the most terrifying thing in the world. She's not going to ask for that. She's like, hey, Craig, I got a new ringtone.

When you call, it says, don't answer, don't answer. She launched a ring. So Craig is like, yeah, I wasn't going to say anything. Well, Austin, to be real with you, like I was- Sorry to interrupt you, but he goes, she asked me to buy her a ring and I did. And then he goes, like I went to New York, designed the whole ring and she said to hold off. So you didn't buy the ring.

You fucking liar. You can't make it through two sentences Craig so What is it first of all the ring didn't mean a thing or a teller yeah but what part of She told me hold off on that ring says that everything was hunky-dory told me, hold off on that ring, says that everything was hunky dory, to quote Kathy Hilton. But looking back, maybe that was her starting to panic or freak out. Yeah, maybe, maybe.

Hold on, Craig, don't get that ring because I fucking hate you. I think that maybe she doesn't like me. We went to karaoke and she sang a Beyonce song, but I don't remember the words being, if you like it, then you should have put a ring on somebody else because I'm never going to fucking marry you. Please get that fucking ring away from me. It didn't really even match the music. So he's like, well, I wasn't going to say anything because like, by the way, like Austin,

it's just like, if I had told you, like no offense, you probably would have told everyone, that's fair. That's fair. That's fair, that's fair. That's fair, that's fair. It's just really weird to mourn someone who's still alive. No, it's not. Do you know how many people I have imaginary funerals for in my head? Every day! This morning I got back on the elevator with a Starbucks in my hand and said, that poor

little girl. Full face of makeup and already dead in line to the Starbucks. And the big TCBY in the sky. And that brings us to the end of Southern Talk. Thank you so much, Charlotte. Thank you for coming. Good night, everyone. Watch what Crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors.

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