Watch What Crappens - #2773 RHOA S16E03 Part One: Mommy and Mean

Episode Date: March 24, 2025

This is part one of a two-part recap! On The Real Housewives of Atlanta, Kelli throws a Mommy and Me event at Balmain, which leads to a flurry of ‘90s era pop culture insults. We honestly couldn’t ask for more. To watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Indeed.com slash wonder ECA. Terms and conditions apply. Hiring Indeed is all you need. Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the wonderful and cheerful Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how are you? Hi, how are you, Ben? I am just great.

God, it feels like it was just a few hours ago that we were all the way across the country hanging out. And now look at us. Now you're in Texas, I'm in California. How did this even happen? Plains crazy, crazy invention, planes, crazy, crazy inventions. Thank you to everyone who came out this weekend, uh, who came to our shows in Charlotte and Atlanta. That was so fun.

It was so great to go back to both of those cities, two of our favorite cities to go to. We always have so much fun. We had a great, great, great, great time. And today we're talking, we're recapping the Real Housewives of Atlanta, which is kind of funny because I watched it in the Atlanta airport this morning. And now I'm here in LA to talk about

Real Housewives of Atlanta, where I just was. And it feels like I should have stayed there to recap this. Feels wrong. But either way, before we dive into that. We were also at the Ponce Market. That's where we stayed. We stayed right there and they were showing close-ups of us. I was like, oh my God, hi, we're just right there. Our first Atlanta show was in the Ponce Market, the City Winery. So every time they showed that

sign, I'm always like, oh, our first one. And one of our listeners reminded us, she was like, I was there at the first show when you guys did a double, like a two in one night. I'm like, oh my God, we were both like, can you believe we did two shows in one night? That's- Yeah, we used to do that. We used to do two live shows in one night. That was, that was stupid. That's wild.

Yeah, it was stupid. So anyway, our tour is going to keep on going. We are going to the Lincoln Theater in DC this weekend. And then we're going to the Fillmore in Philadelphia the next day. That's gonna be on Saturday and Sunday. We have kind of a funky schedule and we, it's weird. We're going to do Southern Charms reunion part one in DC because we felt like DC is

like, let's kind of like borderline the South. So we felt like that should be in DC. And then for Sunday, we're gonna do the latest recap for Summer House. So that's gonna be several days after it airs. And so just, you know, for those who will not be at the show or just gonna be other parts of the country, thanks in advance for your patience.

We just really wanted to do Summer House in front of a live audience and it's really fun for us. So that is what the price breakdown is going to be. What? What we're going to do to make up for it. We're not going to make you sit around having no crap and solicit during the week. We're not fucking monsters. So we are going to start by popular demand and we know it's late.

We know it's late, but we are going to start doing White Lotus recaps for the final two episodes We're actually going to do a catch-up episode today because it was the big One of the big episodes that everybody's been waiting for a sword fight. That's all I'll say a skin sword fight We've been waiting for it all year and it finally happened. So we're gonna be talking about that as an extra bonus this week We've already released an airport snaps this week But we'll be doing an extra bonus to entice you guys to sign up because we just love signups. But also the final two episodes will be recapped fully on Patreon. So go over there for that. And then also to make up for those shows being late this week,

we will start recapping Top Chef. Top Chef is back, baby. We're doing it. We're going back into the world of Top Chef. Top Chef is back, baby. We're doing it. We're going back into the world of Top Chef. Our first Top Chef is actually just going to be kind of like talking about the cast, what's happened on the season so far. So that'll be happening later this week. So we have a lot of fun stuff happening this week.

If you want to come see us in DC or in Philadelphia, or if you want to see us in one of our future dates, maybe in Detroit or Boston or Chicago or Austin or Dallas or Las Vegas, go to watch want to see us on one of our future dates, maybe in Detroit, or Boston, or Chicago, or Austin, or Dallas, or Las Vegas, go to watchwhatcrappens.com. The schedule's there and ticketing links are there, and we would love to see you there, so come join. Yeah, we've been having a great time. It's been so great meeting so many people, and you guys are so sweet and so funny.

Just loving, we're having a great time. You guys are showing us a great time. I don't know how we're doing with you, but you guys are showing us a really great time. And I really had a career highlight, which is that someone brought me a Kia user manual to sign over the weekend. And that was a very special moment. And someone brought us key chains for our antevan,

for watch what crap is antevan. Girl Scout cookies. Girl Scout cookies. Girl scout cookies. You guys all treated us well. Yeah, it's been glorious. It's like gifts from people who really know us, the true us. I know, but it was like signing a Kia manual.

That was fun. That was like- That was pretty incredible. That felt like I had leveled up at that point. It also made me super proud because they brought a physical copy of Lonesome Dove, just the one book, not the four in the, not trilogy, what do you call that? A quat, a quatrgy?

I don't know. But I was like, damn, I'm proud of myself that I read so many of these pages, you know? Because I only see it on a Kindle. This really speaks to how little I am reading these days. Like, Ronnie, you just read a piece of literature that's the size of a yoga block. Ben, here's a user manual for a Kia. Because you talk about your Kia a lot.

All right, let's get going with Real Housewives of Atlanta season 16 episode three called High Notes and cheap shots. Yes, I cracked up. I was laughing in the airport. This episode was so funny to me. I'm loving the season so far. I'm so excited. And today the taglines are here. They have a ride. We have our new opening the music. It's the same music, but they've kind of remix it and kind of like spiffed it up a little bit.

And the background now is kind of like, ooh, the streets of downtown Atlanta, but it's like very colorful and vibrant and saturated. I love it. I'm just like loving this season so far. I feel like I've not loved Atlanta. Like, like I feel like this, this season has been the strongest kickoff in so many years for me for Atlanta. Well, there are a lot of small gifts for people who are paying attention in the show.

And one of them is that whenever the waffle queen comes on the screen, she has her own theme music. They play the succession theme music every time she comes on. I did not notice. The waffle succession. It's so funny. It is so fucking funny.

It's a version of succession they wrote for Karen. You know, when Karen had her, oh, who's gonna get Siri Palm? So they play it every time this chick comes on screen. And I laugh out loud every single time. I think it's so funny. Like my waffle dynasty, which kid is going to get the one who's going to get Nana's waffles? Well, I don't know if we discussed this and the season premiere. They also used my favorite bit of real housewives of Salt Lake City music that I feel like they've, they've taken it away from Salt Lake City.

It appears in all these other shows as never on Salt Lake City. Do you know what I'm talking about? It is a first jam. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They played it at Shamia's party and I was like, there it is. So anyway, the tag lens are here. Do you want to kick it off with Portia? Sure. I snatched my peach back, but now I'm bringing the juice. Yeah, that's pretty good.

I like that. I don't know, man. Like you just, you've still got Hot Dog Man in your storyline. There's some things I just don't like squeezing juice out of. That's both hot dog man and Simon. Keep your juices to yourself, Portia.

Your juices have been tainted by some pretty gross men lately, okay? Clean your juice before you spray it all over my television screen. Well, then we have, then we have Drew Sedora, whose tagline is very reminiscent of Countess Luanne's one season. Hers is, I'll always be upper level.

Everyone else is in the basement, which is a reference to Ralph being cordoned off into the basement. But Luanne had one that was, I rise above the drama and won't settle for the lower level, which you may remember as a reference to when Luanne was put in the basement at Ramona's house. She's like, there was a spider above the sink. I'm in the basement. Could you believe it, girls? And then it continued into, and now I'm in the fish room. Wasn't it bad enough? I got the basement. So now we go over to Shemia and Shemia is like, plus one, honey, I've always been that

one. It's a little generic. You know, also because Apple One raised their prices because, you know, they trick you and they're like, Apple One is $5 and you get Apple Music, Apple TV and storage and now they're like, $5 million. So every time I hear one, I just get mad. But I like Shemia for the most part. I like Shemia I have some thoughts on Shemia, but I like Shemia

She's trying not to be the wind beneath your wings. I think it's very difficult when you're the Barbara Hershey in a relationship You know, you've got that Midler. He's saying you're the wind beneath my wings and Barbara Hershey's like awesome I got to do nothing and get countered by Young So, you know, I didn't even get any attention for the movie and I never worked again very much you know but here's Bette Midler singing the song at every fucking funeral. Excuse you, Barbara Hershey didn't work very much. She was in the seminal ballerina film Black Swan where she was so evil and so scary and I remember seeing her at a, I got to go to a party once and she was there and I remember I walked up to her and I was like, you were amazing and she looked at me like,

oh God, it's another gay. But I mean, does she have the same, like she didn't have the same control over people. Like Bette Midler could be like, gays go out and clean up the freeways. And we're like, oh my God, I love cleaning up trash on the freeway. You know, Barbara Hershey really just never had that pull. And it's because she was the wind beneath the wing. And so I think she was the updraft. Yeah. So I think that Shamiah's, you know, she's trying to like put on the Bette Midler wig and she's trying to take over that role. And it's just going to take, you know, it's baby steps. It's, it's going to be hard because I mean, Shamiya came in as um, Porsche's friend like sidekick and then she kind of became candy sidekick.

And then was that my computer that just made that noise? Did I just think, I just beat my ass at dinner. I think it was, this is supposed to be Do Not Disturb. I guarantee that was my parents. Anytime it gets through, my parents have an ability to get right through Do Not Disturb. Does not matter what, what settings you have on. My parents will be like. They'll find a way.

We have a question about the Apple TV, and Apple's like, oh, there's an Apple TV question. We're passing this through anyone's Do Not Disturb. Yeah. But Shamiah, she became candy-sweet. Don't they have that thing which is like, Ben asked not to be disturbed, but do you want to disturb him anyway?

Don't they have that thing now? Now you can say like, disturb them anyway. I think so. You know what? It wasn't even my parents. Did you hear that one too? Or was that just not you? Yeah, no, the second, was there a second ding?

I heard it first. There was a second one just now. And that was, okay, you didn't hear that. Okay, thank God. My earphones, like I'm losing my mind. Okay, this is what happens when you fly across the country before your podcast. I cannot, this is what happens when you talk about

Barbara Hershey and the Black Swan is that you start to become the Black Swan. You're like, do you hear that text message? Do you hear that? Is that all of my head? I wish, go away. Oh my God, Black Swan. That's all I took from that movie.

I was like, oh my God, her eating disorder is so successful. And she looks so good in eyeliner. Well, all I was just gonna say was that Shamiah and Candy, I mean, Candy has that song, you know, I rise above. So that's literally like wind beneath, she's basically like Shamia, like you're the wind beneath my wings because I'm rising above and I can't do that without wind. And that's you. So Shamia is already in the Barbara Hershey role just by what Candy already sang.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. She's in the she's in the Barbara Hershey role and she's trying to be a vet, but it's going to take some time. We're going to need to give her some time to kind of warm up. I do miss Candi's... Candi was like, I like, you know, I don't know what hers was, but like, sometimes I sing and sometimes I fly. But Shamia is keeping the spirit of Candi alive because Shamia sort of has Candi's hair, like her Candi's like original hair that she came on with, you know, when Kandi had like that sort of short hair. Similar, but she doesn't feel the blonde.

Yeah, it's not as spiky as Kandi's original one, but sort of like round, it's very round on the top. So she is, she has kind of like the Kandi Burr's vibe, you know, going on with her. So then- Kind of like the Jocelyn, not Jocelyn Wiltonstein, that's the lady whose face is crazy. RIP.

She just died. Who did Halle Berry play in that movie, that old time movie star? Oh, Jocelyn Wiltonstein, yeah. Yeah. So. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Halle Berry is. Jocelyn. Jocelyn Wiltonstein just died like a month ago, and her, her obit, I'm gonna tell everyone after you're done listening, don't look at that obit, it is wild. Dorothy Dandridge.

Oh yeah, I saw that movie. Didn't Shonda Rhimes write that or direct it? I don't know. It's something for everyone to think about. Okay, here is Kelly. Okay, Jocelyn Wildenstein's, hold on, I wanna read Jocelyn. Jocelyn Wilden, by the way,

if anyone is coming here for a recap that makes any kind of sense, you're in the wrong place. We're not there today, so just come back next week. I kind of feel like our post-airplane recaps, the new late night recaps for us. I think so. We're just gonna be insane, and we're never going to stop. Well, while you look that up, I was going to make a comment about Barbara Hershey.

I feel like there is this like, um, class of, of actresses from the eighties, late seventies and eighties who are like respected and appreciated, but sort of forgotten about it's like Kate Jackson, Barbara Hershey, Sissy Spacek, Amy Madigan. They worked. Holly Hunter was sort of in that group, but I think she, to quote Candy Burst, she rose above. I think she transcended that group. We all know them. And I think us gays, when you mention them, the gays are like, oh rose above. I think she transcended that group. We all know them. And I think us gays, when you mentioned them,

the gays are like, oh my God, I love Amy Madigan. But the truth is they never quite got the gravitas of like a Bette Midler, you know? And I feel like Barbara- They're all wind. They're all just wind. But you know, we all need wind. Now I will say this about the Jocelyn Wildenstein obit.

They're doing that thing where they make you pay to read it. I'm sorry, something should just be free. Like if there's a natural disaster coming, I shouldn't have to subscribe to your fucking newspaper to read it. You know what I mean? Like you should tell me, like your house is on fire, but pay for a subscription to find out where it started.

No, tell me and if Jocelyn Wildenstein dying is important news, I'm not paying you for it, sorry. It is very important news. Speaking of, we'll be featuring that on our paid only Patreon this week. Okay. So who's next? Okay. I'm next for Kelly. Hers is, I'm a mom of four girls. Give me attitude and I'll ground you too. Wow. Well, first of all, I'm disappointed in this one because I feel like there should have been a waffle

pun. Like I don't know. It should have been like, I have strong opinions and I never waffle. Exactly. But she probably didn't want to say never waffle cause it was against the brand. Maybe something like, don't waffle with me. Otherwise I'll hit you with an iron. Maybe too violent. Waffle with me and I'll cook you. Yeah. Yeah. But I feel like the, I'll ground you too. It's like, it makes it sound like she's like,

I have four girls and they're permanently grounded. So now you will be grounded too. My daughters don't get to do anything. They're grounded. So yeah, I don't like that one either. And then we have Angela who's like, if you want to find the shade, just look for the oak. Like if you want to find the shade, just look for the oak. I feel like it's forced. I appreciated, like I think coming on the heels of Kelly's non waffle pun tagline, I was so thirsty for an appropriate pun that I was like, I accepted this oak pun, but, um, in a vacuum, maybe not the best. I think we could do better.

But I really like her. I'm expecting Angela to be the new star of the show. She hasn't really become the new star of the show, but I'm expecting her to. And I can see her really doing all the necessary things, having the necessary conversation. Like when she tried to talk shit with her daughter about the other ladies and she's like, why are you talking shit while dad's making, you know, 97 pounds of fucking broccolini or whatever, or Brussels sprouts, whatever he was doing. Oh, she's getting there, but she's just not there yet. So I expected something a little bit better, but you know what?

She deserved a better tagline, but I love her so far. I think she is so funny and she's shady. And I like that she's like older than the rest because I'm always going to gravitate toward the oldest one in the cast. So I am, I'm totally, I think I've like chosen her as my favorite so far, although I really like Kelly too. Okay, so now we'll go to Britt. Britt's, excuse me, let me put on my apparatus. I'm pretty and paid and of course there's haters trying to shade.

Pretty and paid. I'm pretty and paid, girl, that's not a way to outrun the hooker allegations. I know, that's not pretty and paid. What? Pretty and paid. Nobody owns me, but you can rent me. Like what kind of line is that?

Don't do that. It's also very like nursery rhymy. I'm pretty and paid. Of course there's haters trying to shade. I don't know, the rhyming. I don't know if I love rhyming in my housewives taglines. I feel like if they're all doing it, you can do it, but you can't just be the only rhyming one, you know?

What, like, why did she not incorporate insurance into it? She should have been like, like a good neighbor. I'll fuck your man or something like that, you know? I may not be very progressive, but my insurance is. I'm progressive and I've got good hands. Yeah. Okay, so those are the tag lines. It's time for a commercial.

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So follow Armchair Expert on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts and subscribe to Armchair Expert on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts and subscribe to Armchair Expert on YouTube. We start over at Britt's house and Britt's painful just honestly just I don't even think she's done anything all that wrong yet. It's just that that nose I just feel so bad I feel like someone conked her on the nose and it just Permanently flattened it like in a cartoon and it won't ever and it's not the look of it. It's just the sound. It hurts my ear. So, um, she's with Mike, the most interested husband of the season. Every time they show like he,

even if he's not chewing on something, he's doing that thing where he's like, like he does not want to be there. He's got an imagined, he's got an imagined toothpick in his mouth every single time he talks. If you're a disin, like if you're the most disinterested husband on this season, and this is the same season that has Charles Oakley and one guy like stuck in a basement, that's saying something. Okay. Like that shows you're really disinterested.

Yeah. But she, so they're going to have Mike's family over. And so this, what's, I also think that Britt and Mike are revealing themselves to be in like the Drew Sedora, um, sort of space of wealth, which is to say not that wealthy, but trying to act like they're wealthy because they have this like private chef there. But I feel like they've never had a private chef before because they invite over his family and Britt's assistant is there, this cute guy,

and he's wearing like a full on tuxedo and he's like, he's handing people like paper plates of scallops. And like, have you ever cooked for people before? Like, have you ever had people over? No, they're trying to make it like she has her parties all catered. Like girl, you just had a scene last week where you were talking about your husband not buying you like real marble on your finishes. You know what I mean? And this week she's like, look at us, we have catering every week. And you know she doesn't because the chef is wearing a t-shirt with his brand as big as possible on the t-shirt.

Yes. You know, she's getting this for free and that's fine, but I don't need a pretend rich person. You know, I prefer someone who's like, I'm middle-class, but I'm going to be richer than all these ladies. Yeah. There was something about like, it's like, Oh, we're, we're just going to have some lobster tail and my assistant is in a tuxedo right now. I was like,

but you're still in your like kind of suburban kitchen and it's like all casual. I just felt like they'd never done this before. And they were like, ah, maybe if we want to be like fancy folks, we'll put someone in a tux and, Oh, lobster, definitely lobster. What is this little meal? Because even the kid, one of the kids is like, lobster, don't you think that's a little too fancy? Even the kid knew. Shut up, kid. We do this every day. He's like on Yelp. He's on Kid Yelp. You're like, hey stars.

He does every day. He's like on Yelp. He's on Kid Yelp. Be like, three stars. And I always think of restaurants because I had a chef when I was working in restaurants one time be like, the funniest thing about lobster, they're the trash of the sea. Everybody knows it.

They're not the trash of the sea. That is a lie. They crawl along the sea and eat all the garbage. You know, rich people are like, oh my God, lobsters are amazing. The lobsters are amazing. Congratulations, so does every other animal. Every other animal literally eats garbage if they get given a chance.

Like I don't love poop eaters. There's one right behind me, look at him. Yeah, exactly. Back there, Beuler. We're all acting like all our pets aren't sniffing each other's asses and stuff. They're all down there. Well, the only ones who aren't crawling along the bottom

are those like, truly are just like fish You know like a tune is gonna stay right mid mid sea level to ocean. Oh, look at this guy He looks like a big portrait of a big plate of poop. He had a lot of today You like a coma? Starring Barbara Hershey For those who are listening at home Ronnie has moved out of the way and we can see that Bueller is pass out on the sofa from eating too much poop today No, he did like a common. He doesn't get it now, but he did when he was a puppy puppies are the worst poop eaters of all time

Well anyway, the point is this I was I was don't eat poop and point is this. I was, I was don't eat poop. And like, uh, this, this bill just cracked me up because it just was so put on. Right? So she gives us some backstory. Um, and she's like, I'm getting all these guys and they're just like super over the top, you know, stunts loss in. And I was like a huge video vixen in high school. So I was like a bad bitch and I was like in all the music videos. So I've been late since day one, but then when I met Mike, he was just very reserved and I decided okay I can stop having fun for the rest of my life. So I decided to get with him Yeah, I really I really am attracted to a guy who doesn't need to look cool

And he just like he doesn't even spend money on real toothpicks. He just says pretend once in his mouth while you talk to him and he's like Yeah, that's me. So, the big conversation here is we're gonna get a real ceremony soon because they had the Vegas wedding or the City Hall wedding. And he, listen, this man is not gonna spring for your real marble countertop. He is not gonna spring for a wedding. This man is cheap, okay? We know this man is cheap. And sometimes that's a great thing because I'll save your money, you know, and I feel like a lot of times on this show, nobody's saving their money, but this man is going to save that money,

but she is going to get that ceremony because now a couple of cast members are doing this. Now she's on reality TV and that's a storyline. You know, she wants her, she's already going to go for a wedding spinoff. And then Angela Oakley later is like, Oh, shouldn't we renew our vows, honey? And he's like, oh, for fuck's sake, no. Oh, I was so sad when she said that. I was like, but I like you two together. I don't want you guys to get divorced.

So the other thing about Britt that we learned is that she used to date Rick Ross, which, you know, that's exciting for her. And then now all the lobster comes out. And there are always a lot of lobster. Yeah and there are all these little lobsters. Yeah, there was a lot of bragging I didn't really understand. Well, Rick Ross was like, I mean, he still is.

Well, I guess it was when, I guess it was when you dated Rick Ross, right? When, imagine if it was just some guy named Rick Ross. It wasn't the Rick Ross. It was Rick who owned the Ross dress for less. Yeah. Now I would date that motherfucker, yes. Yeah. That's a man right there. it was Rick who owned Frostdress for less. Now I would date that motherfucker, yes.

That's a man right there. So yeah, she dated him. And then now they're just sort of making small talk at the table because basically Brit is, she's kind of just gearing up so she can have a scene with her sister-in-law. So she's talking about how she met Kenya and how Kenya was kind of shady.

But as long as Kenya keeps it cute, everything will be cool, you know? So eventually Britt out of nowhere in the middle of their nice lobster dinner is like, Hey, she says it to her sister-in-law, Natasha, Hey, do you want to go downstairs so we can talk? So in the middle of dinner, they just go down to the basement. So she has a champagne room or what she kind of refers to, like she kind of insinuates as her champagne room.

So they go downstairs and yeah, there's this whole other room because she's trying to do it to me. And now like I have a separate room where we can talk. I'm rich too. By the way, I have to just say Rick Ross is still pretty hot. I mean, he's still hot ish. Rick Ross is hot. I mean, not hot, but he's I figured time probably did, did a number on him,

but he still looks the same to me. Um, you know, he has nice furs and gold chains. I'm looking at him right now. Yeah, he, you know, um, he, okay. There was one time when I was an Uber driver, when I had to pick up someone and I had to like drive them like Rick Ross was like in a, he was like in a, like in a, not a van, but he was like in a Sprinter van or something, or like an SUV, and I had to like bring a musician

to his van. I think you're talking a lot. Man, God, the confessions. Isn't that so weird? Confessions of a trafficker. No, it wasn't, it was just like an aspiring musician who was gonna have a meeting with Rick Ross. And like, Rick Ross was-

That you picked up from Nickelodeon and took over. What the hell? No, no, no. But there were all sorts of, God, I'd loved being an Uber driver. There's just so many random things. I think being an Uber driver in LA is fun because you get to every now and then you get to like take someone to like a famous person's house like, or like a randomly famous person's house. Like I once brought someone to, um,

I'm in Cowell's ex-wife's house. What's her name? Terry or whatever. She's like a correspondent extra. And I was like, Ooh, I now know where that lady lives. The power of knowing where that extra correspondent lives in 2014. Very exciting. Infinity stone on the meaningless, the meaningless wrist of life. Knuckles of life.

And one time I picked someone up from Avicii's house, RIP. And it was like a Swedish guy. And he was just like talking. He's like, yeah, I'm staying with my friend. He's a DJ. He's pretty famous. I was like, oh really? He's like, yeah, his name's Avicii.

Do you know him? I was like, of course I know who Avicii is. Yeah. And now I can say, yeah, I picked someone up from Avicii's house and I will use this sometime in about 11 years on a podcast. Yeah, or as I used to call him, Avicii. Okay, so here we are.

Britt is talking about wanting a ceremony and the sister-in-law is like, he better give you one. He's sure cheap. And then Mike's like, can we use scallops? I'm paying, I'm not paying for those scallops. I don't wanna fucking eat them. Get up there. We need to eat strawberry shortcake.

And then we find out a little bit about Brett. And she says, my dad was a huge business professional in the orange industry. No. Did she say that? Did she say the orange industry? I just heard, I was watching this in an airport. So maybe I heard, I just heard, I was watching this in an airport. So maybe I heard,

I just heard her say that he was a huge professional, but I didn't hear the orange industry. He was an orange maven. I don't know. But I love, I mean, people do eat oranges a lot still. So there is an orange industry. Okay. It's not, it's just, it's called Tropicana not Tropicanta. Okay. It's a thing. Yeah. And so he worked really hard and he left behind when he passed away, he left the mom a

$2 million life insurance policy, but she didn't get it because he was in between jobs. So I guess it didn't transfer from- That's crazy. That's crazy, right? I mean, I get that health insurance is like that, but is life insurance like that too? That makes no sense. By the way, that's such bullshit that health insurance is tied to your job and you're stuck to your job forever because you can't get health insurance because health insurance is $9 million now and covers fucking nothing. Fuck you health insurance. How are we not riding in the street other than the fact that I'm exhausted? Okay. Well, yeah, I mean, there was, they got a little violent there in December. So then,

then we have only one person. Well, that's pretty violent. Someone got murdered. But like, because people are angry. People are angry about it. I'd buy his calendar after my last Dr. Bill. Yeah, I'd buy it. He'll be on Dancing with the Stars someday. So anyway, the point is that you know, what a wonderful pasta doble. God, you really, really earned this 10. So, uh, the point is that they were owed $2 million and I don't know what happened, why they didn't get it. That's absolutely crazy. And of course, an insurance company is going to like screw them out of it. And so then she decided to start her insurance agency, um,

because she didn't want this to happen again. So she started to go fund me when her dad passed away and she didn't want anyone to go through what she went through. And she's by the way, she's telling this to her sister-in-law as if the sister-in-law has not heard this story about 10 different times. And Natasha's like, mm-hmm, okay, great.

Yeah, okay, uh-huh, uh-huh, great. Love to hear the story again. She's like, I come from a hard background too. My brother won't pay for marble countertops. How do you think, how easy do you think that is to live down? She's like, I have a lobster tail upstairs. How much longer is this gonna be? Because last time I checked, I put some foil over it.

It's just not gonna be the same. So Britt tells us this kind of weird story about a business. So the dad passed, then she started to go find me and she doesn't wanna ever have to go through that again. So she decided to start her own family business. So she starts a family business with her two sisters, but then they got all pissed off when she decided to sell the family business. So was it a family business that you sold out from under them or was this a business of yours that you hired them to work at and then it was your right to sell it? Because the way she told it,

I was like, why'd be pissed at you too? You can't just sell their business. Yeah. Something there's more of this story. And I love, I love, uh, I love a stupid family controversy like this. You sold the family insurance company. So I definitely think there's more than meets the eye. This is like a Danielle Cabral level thing, you know, or Danielle Cabral's like, I don't know what happened. You know, I just was, I made a joke and now my brother won't talk to me anymore. I'm like, we know it was more than a joke.

Yeah. I feel like there's a larger story to be told and I'm excited when it, when it finally, bleeds into the tabloids. So Natasha's like, you know, you push family so hard. You know, we shouldn't even be having this conversation. We gotta fix that. Also, again, lobster tail upstairs and some nice sides. I'd like to get back to that, please. Yeah, so the husband, Michael, is like,

get up here and eat this strawberry shortcake. And he goes, it's even got a little lemon twist. And she goes, not a lemon twist. So I was like, yeah, just please at least pretend you've had catering before. Come on, man. But by the way, there actually is more, some more context of the story. Cause Britt actually says more. She says that, um, she brought her sisters into the business and she said that her older sister felt like she was too tough as a boss. So she left. And then her middle sister, she got very complacent. So Britt had to fire her sister. Their story is here. I can't wait to hear. Yeah, I want to see these stories too. Okay, so then we go to lunch with Portia and Kelly at a place called Lock and Key, which is interesting,

because I think Portia's been locked out of her house now like five times. So I would think this would be a triggering restaurant to take her to, but here we are. There's a joke in here about Ralph in the basement. I just haven't quite articulated it yet. So Portia is like saying that she's been refraining from drinking.

She's like, but I need whatever is strong enough to deal with whatever Kelly's bringing. So I need, I need Hanisha to come down and help me with this. Yeah. She actually says, I've been reframing from drinking, which it's good to see that portion still Porsche at the end of it. I'm reframing from drinking.

Yeah. Yeah, I got that too. So Kelly shows up and she's like, wow. And it's like the succession music. That's how you know Kelly's coming and she's like, well, and it's like the succession music, that's how you know Kelly's coming. It's like the pianos from succession. So, she's like, well, I'm not drinking today because this is a scene where they're supposed to hate each other. And so, she's like, you know, I don't know this girl at all, but I'm optimistic about seeing a different side to her. You know, I'm not gonna be mean to the only person

who actually makes fresh carbs. Kelly's like, yeah, the vibes are definitely off. However, I do have an upcoming event at Balmain, which she says Balmain about 45 times this episode. Like, sorry, got an event coming up later today at Balmain. I feel bad that even Balmain, or Balmain, how do you say it? I mean, I don't know, I'm too poor. I think it at Balmain. Going to Balmain. I feel bad that even Balmain, how do you say it? I mean, I don't know, I'm too poor. I think it is Balmain, but she says Balmain so many times.

I feel bad that Balmain has to do this kind of an event because it seems sad, you know? Balmain doesn't seem like it should have to do this, where they're like, we're gonna give 10% of your Balmain to poor people, how about 90%? Okay. Are you that desperate for sales that you're going to like turn this into a fake charity thing? Poor Balmain. It's just funny because it feels like fashion, fashion houses. Yeah,

they shouldn't even care about the rest of us. They should hate us. And so it's like weird that they're like, Oh, we're going to do something that's charitable. We're like, what? Yeah. They're like, we're going to give 10% of this to starving people. Just kidding. We love starving people. Well, you never know what's going to happen at Balmain. So basically, Kelly wants Porsche to come to her Balmain event. And so she's gonna play nice.

So Kelly, we see a flashback that Kelly invited her. She's like, I would love you and your beautiful daughter to come visit this mommy and me event at Balmain. And by the way, you can tell Balmain corporate was like a mommy, a mommy, a me event at one of our stores. Someone got fired over this. Someone was fired. Someone was fired. Yeah. Someone got by someone heard like a mommy, you're inviting children to a Balmain on purpose. Get out.

I have to say, no joke, when she said that there was gonna be a mommy and me event at a Balmain, I thought maybe I misheard this. Maybe this is a place with a ball pit or something like ball something. I was like, or a pizza place. I was like, this is surely not a mommy and me event at a Balmain.

I didn't know that that was allowed. Isn't that the first rule of fashion? No mommy and me events? a Balmain. I didn't know that that was allowed. And isn't that like the first rule of fashion? No mommy and me events. I don't know, am I crazy? I just can't imagine Kelly Catrone signing off on such a thing. No, she'd be like, cry outside. Okay, so they decide, Portia decides she'll make up with her.

So she's like, I mean, I don't understand that it's energy you're putting off today. I mean, I don't know what to expect. And she's like, what So she's like, I mean, I don't understand that it's energy you're putting off today. I mean, I don't know what to expect. And she's like, what energy? She goes, I mean, I don't know. You just have so many different personalities, you know? I don't know none of them yet. And she goes, oh really?

I have different personalities. Like she's trying to do this like bad bitch attitude. And Portia's just laughing at her the whole time, which is cracking me. And Portia's like, girl, I'm not giving you this. You are new. You don't get to have like some epic war with me the whole time, which is cracking me up. Portia's like, girl, I'm not giving you this. You are new. You don't get to have some epic war with me the whole season. No, go fuck with Kenya.

Yeah, that's exactly right. And you know, Kelly, you really missed a chance here because when she said you have different personalities, Kelly, that was your cue to say, are you saying that I'm waffling between people and personalities? But she missed it. So Portia's like, you know what, Kelly's a beautiful

woman and like, she has a lot of personality and they all start with L. Loud, loud, louder, loud ass loud. And she's like, well, I have different personalities and she has different men. So, what difference does it make? Don't slut shame her. She's making a living for Christ's sake. She's had a lot of big houses in the past two years. Okay. She has, but I did laugh when Kelly said that. So Kelly is like, you know, we honestly have so many things in common that we don't know. I mean, I feel like, you know, like we have kids, we're mothers, we have kids. She really likes to say that a lot. She's like, we have kids, we're mothers, we have kids. She really likes to say that a lot.

She's like, we have so much in common. We have children. So that kind of means, yeah, we're big. We're like, you're like a ball to my mom. So Kelly is like, okay, look, I just, I had dinner with Britt and Shamia and I was just trying to figure out what was going on with you.

That's all she says. That is not what was brought to me. Everything that was saying that y'all, that y'all said, I was like, that's a lot of stuff, you know, and, you know, to prepare to be this judge, you know, from people who don't even know me, who don't even own TVs. And Kelly is like, well, it wasn't, it was just very innocent. And I just said, you know, very innocently, why did she take that woman's husband? I mean, it was just like saying, could I have a refill? It was just, it was so benign. And you know, then she was like, well, and so Shamiah said, that's a question for you to ask her when you see her. So Portia, Portia's like, wait a second, my best friend told you to approach

me at her birthday party. I'm like, I don't think that's what that meant. I think it just meant like, don't put, if you have an issue with her, you ask Portia. Don't put me in the middle of it. But Portia takes it as, wait a second, Shemeah told you to set me up at a birthday party on our first day of shooting a group event? Well, it's very Portia, cause she's like,

listen, you're not important enough to fight over something stupid, but I will make something up. You know, I will make something up. I will make a reason up to fight with Shemia because now they're making her the star of my show. And she's supposed to just be my friend. So she's like, I'm gonna start shit with Shemia. Why?

No reason, really no happen. But I'm gonna make one right now. We have a reboot, we need to do something. I actually have to say, you know what? Normally I would say, you should always believe you're bestie from high school over the newbie who's coming in. But I think this maybe indicates that Portia's saying, Hey, we got to like kick things up here in Atlanta on this show a little bit.

So sure, if it means that I have to go fight Shamiah, I will do it. I will do it for the show. And I appreciate that can do attitude. Well, Shamiah gave her a little attitude when she showed up late and like got into her scene about the car, like gifting the car. And then Shamia was giving her attitude in the closet behind closed doors where she was like, not cool, Portia, or whatever. So Portia was like, oh, really? This girl thinks she's going to come on and take over my show?

Well, I'm going to start a fight with her now over telling me. Because in a normal episode, if Shamia didn't tell Portia that and this girl came for Portia, Portia would be like, you knew she was going to do that and you didn't tell me or you didn't tell me that she was, you know, so Porsche is just grasping, but I like it. Yeah, I support it. I think it's great. And Porsche is like, you know, Shemia knows that I'm going through a divorce right now and I just don't see why she would do that. I mean, why would my friend set me up to be ambushed by Toto? So Kelly's like, well, we can tell her we cleared the air. She was whatever, you're a troll. And she's like, excuse me. And she's like, yeah, you know, I was just coming to have a good time. And she was, oh, no, you like the ping pong with me a little bit. You'd like it. She was okay, at least you give energy. I like you. So they decided to be friends. But she said like, she said like, you're a troll, but you're like, what did she say? Like a glamour troll or something, golden troll or something.

She like, she like made like a nice troll name for her. Yeah. And then Kelly tried to keep up. She's like, well, can I at least be the pink troll? So yeah, she called her a treasure troll. Oh, treasure troll. That's what it was. Yeah. So then we go to Drew in her studio, which cracks me up every single time.

She's like, guys, hi, hi, studio people. It's me, Drew. Guys, you might've seen me on a lot of posters on Tubi. And I've been in Puerto Rico, okay? I've been in Puerto Rico. And I just did a whole movie of me screaming. We shot for a grueling three days. It was rough.

Yeah, it was called The Pass Out. And it was just, it was just a lot of work. Oh, God, to be a working actress is a blessing. And now I'm here with you guys. God, I just thank you so much for being patient with me right now. So she goes into the booth and she's like, I'm not too good at keeping secrets. Everybody knows I'm not too good at keeping secrets, everybody knows. I'm not too good at hiding weakness, you got me, it shows. Sausage comes in a casement, but you can't see it cause you live in a basement. Also they show her, we see her singing to track because, you know, she probably hasn't learned the song and can't find a key. So they play the track of her singing and the difference between the on key auto tune track and whatever is coming out of her mouth is, it's glaring.

It's a glaring difference, but she doesn't notice. So she's really happy. And she's of course invited all the girls to come over and watch her sing and act like she's, you know, doing her first country album or whatever. She's like, girls, girls, please, please stop the cameras. Stop the recording. My lovely girlfriends.

Are you here girlfriends? Please. Girls gather around. Hold on. Please. If Barbara Streisand calls, tell her I'll reach her later. Okay. Hello, Angela, Cynthia and Kenya.

Please sit down. Welcome to my studio. Sorry if I sounded a little hoarse, as I mentioned before, shooting so many movies right now. Oh, anyway, to be a singer. And Cynthia's like, well, that was a love song. And I know a love song when I hear this. I'm like, yeah, what part of the slow sounding music

and her singing lyrics like, can you fall in love for a minute, indicates that it wouldn't be a love song. I know. I love that Cynthia's like got her finger on the pulse. Cause like, Love for a minute. That's a love song. That's a love song. She's got it. She's got like the, she's got like the detective, she's got like the magnifying glass from like Carmen San Diego. She's like, I spy a love song. Yeah. And she was like, well, it's a love song, but for me, it really speaks to me like a falling out of love song, hence the basement

references and Cynthia's like, well, that must be healing because, you know, it's about your life falling out of love with Ralph. And she's like, yeah, this was really rough. You know, we have a whole song about having a dinner thrown on top of a dry cleaner. So comes from the heart. Soul album. dry cleaner. So comes from the heart. So loud. Yeah. And you know, I know when everything happened, Kenya was reaching out and I just, I feel the love and support, you know,

but I kind of go into a shell. It's just what artists do. And Cynthia's like, same, same, you know, I just threw myself into my career. All the, nothing I've been doing since you've seen me last. I've been professionally doing nothing. And I've just really thrown myself into that nothing since then. I did a TikTok dance and I did ride the escalator at the Beverly Center. But other than that, it's been great. I have cleaned my countertops. So that's been fun. I spent a lot of time in my kitchen on my career, my countertop career.

So fantastic. It really is fantastic. I just want to leave you with that nugget. It's a great, great. So they ask Angela, Angela's there too. So they're like, so have you been married? You know, have you been married before? Like what did you do after your first divorce?

And she's like, oh, no, no, this is our first marriage. And so they ask how she met him and she tells him the elevator story and she goes, but you know, we were neighbors But trust me. He was a bachelor and I had people at the front desk watching and she's like, oh, yeah I would go to the doorman and be like, have you seen Charles? Did he get any messages today or hose in his house? Yeah, and Everyone's like laughing that she did this and everything. And so then, um, Drew is like, um, Hey, Hey, Vlad sound engineer, Vlad, could you get everyone beverages? Thank you so much. They treat me so well. You know, they're so good to artists here.

I feel it's great. And Kenya's like, um, isn't, isn't any, a dentist supposed to be here? Where's Dennis right now? And just like, Oh, you know what? How about champagne? Do you guys want me to pop champagne? We can pop the champagne. Can I ignore that question? Yeah. Cause she even said earlier, she's like, well, Dennis is supposed to put, Oh no. She says later. She's like, he's supposed to be in the studio today. Uh, cause we're supposed to be picking my single, but you know, he can't come. Cause Portia just told him he's dead meat if he ever does this on camera with Drew, right? But yeah, she's trying to avoid it and they're teasing her and Kenny's like,

uh-uh, I asked you about Dennis. Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. And so Angela's like, so the Hot Dog Guy's executive producing albums now? She's like, oh yeah, he is, he's doing great. Let me tell you, he was the biggest support on my trip to Puerto Rico. Huge, huge support.

Three days of pure support. Did you guys talk about the situation with Portia? That was crazy. She was like, no, didn't talk about it, but we texted and Drew says that she that like she tried to talk. She says that doesn't answer the phone and they don't talk on the phone. And we're like, she goes, we never ever talk on the phone. And it cuts to her talking on the phone with that and that's be like, Hey, what's going on? And we don't look, we're not even friends. We are strict.

We have a strict business relationship. And it's just a closeup of his contact in her phone, which says Dennis bro. Yeah. So she's trying to play this down. She's like, you know, like these girls, they just want to attack me. I mean, it's just always everybody versus me. And Kenny's like, don't play victim. A lot of the stuff you brought on yourself. Okay.

I do love you, but this, you started working with him without speaking directly to her. Okay. And Cynthia is like, oh yeah. Oh no, Drew first is like, no, I texted her January 23rd. I said, hey girl, you wanna hang out? Then on the 26th, she said she's out of town. Then I reached her 23rd and she hit me back March 8th. So come on guys, come on guys,

who's tried and who hasn't tried? Yeah, no, yes, admittedly Drew texted Portia and tried to like set up a one-on-one moment with her. But also you could just text and say, hey, Dennis approached me about working on music together. I wanted to get your blessing because I think it would be really fun. You could just text that.

But instead. That's it, because she says they had a date at Nobu and I don't believe that either. I believe she was like, Portia, do you mind if I work, you know, is it gonna be okay with you if I work with Dennis? And she's like, no, boo. And she's like, see, we had a reservation. She totally canceled it. Yeah. She said she had reservations, comma, no, boo. And, uh, you know, I've actually just bailed on dinner. Cynthia's like, Cynthia basis, like, yeah, you can just pick up the

phone and just call her. I mean, it's not that hard. I did it. So, Cynthia's like, you know, when Kenya booked my baby's daddy, Leon, for Life Trolls On, which as we all remember, went on for negative three seasons on Lifetime, television for women, and we see this eclipse of Kenya's pilot that she did that one season. That was so bad. Yeah, Kenya's had a string of crazy businesses

on this show So I know. Hey everyone. This is the end of part one of this recap for part two. Keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half. Watch what crap ins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Our way is the Amber way. It's the foster and the to thank it's premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alice and King. Our way is the Amber way.

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