Watch What Crappens - #2778 Trailer Trash Bonus: The Valley Season 2

Episode Date: March 27, 2025

The Valley is back for season 2 and we’re here to trash the trailer shot by shot. Will Michelle get caught being a high priced call girl? Will Brittany finally rid herself of the Jax scourge? Will Janet ever wear anything other than rayon? Let’s find out! You can watch the video version of this along with all our other recaps and catch our White Lotus bonus episodes over at Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Indeed.com slash wonder ECA. Terms and conditions apply. Hiring Indeed is all you need. Watch what crappins! Watch what crappins! Watch what crappins! Who cares what happens when this Watch what crappins! Watch what crappins! Oh, I need more feed! Watch what crappins!

Who cares what happens when this Oh, watch what crappins! Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappins! I'm Ronnie and that's Ben. Hi, Ben. Hi, how are you? Good, how are you?

You know, just making our way through the week. All that fun stuff. Very special week. We are going to be in DC and Philly this week. We're so excited. In DC, we're going to be doing Southern Charm, the first reunion. And in Philly, we're going to be doing a summer housing, which is very exciting. So while you guys wait for that, we're going to do a very special bonus episode, a trailer trash of the Valley season two. Normally these are on Patreon. So if you like

this kind of stuff, go join Patreon. That's where they're at, okay? Patreon.com slash watch it crappens. It's also where you get our recaps for the end of White Lotus, which we're gonna do the next couple of. We just did a catch up recap of that. You'll find traders recaps there, airport snaps where we mock people at an airport,

stuff like that. It's fun. It's also where you get the video version of this, if you wanna watch along as we take this down shot by Shot moment by moments millisecond by millisecond What's he ready? You excited about the valve? How you feeling? Of course the valley was one of the surprise hits of last year Couldn't none of us could believe how good it was We all thought it was gonna be garbage and awful and just miserable to watch.

And it was so good. And I'm just really looking forward to it. We don't have banner pump rules coming back anytime soon. And we don't have any housewives on the radar, actually. So yeah, this is what we're going to need to get us through the spring. Yeah. Now, the big worry here is that Jax has come out of the closet with his coke addiction, you know, right in time to promote his new podcast and the season of the show.

And I cannot feel for Jax. I'm sorry. Okay. As someone with a coke addiction a while back, I know that it sucks. I know that it's hard, but Jax still sucks. And I'm not going to give him a break just because he has a coke addiction, but good for him for working it's hard, but Jack still sucks. And I'm not gonna give him a break just because he has a co-condition. But good for him for working it through stuff if he ever does that. But Jack still sucks, okay? Here's Jack's. Yeah. Right now. Yeah. On our screen.

I mean, I'm really wearing white. Just, he sort of is looking like a very fresh egg, you know? He's dressed like a co-condition. That's, he really is. But he's got what addiction. Let's really, he really is. But he's got like this white blazer on. I mean, why are you going for like kind of almost like a Miami look while you're trying to show that you're past your coke addiction?

Yeah, yeah, Miami vice. But here he is in his all white and his seemingly full head of hair. Ha ha ha, turn around sucker. So Jax, looking right into the camera and showing off, did he always have these hand tattoos? He didn't always have these, did he? I think those are new.

I don't know. I think those are relatively new. That's what I'm gonna say. Well, here he is. He still can't grow full facial hair. So, you know, he's still got that part of youth about him. So he's there. The next shot is Kristen Ugg, dressed like curtains in an old theater, like saloon theater that are closed.

Pete Slauson Yeah, she's definitely giving kind of like a bordello decor look for her dress. She's like, seriously, seriously? And then Luke is walking with her and he's filled out a bit since last season. So he sort of has got like kind of a different look as a result. His beard is longer and more square. His hair is more filled out. He's wearing for some reason this like fuchsia shirt.

It's not, I would not say it's like a great look for him, but it is a look for him. Well, you know, he's in some dockers and a pink shirt, you know, this bottom button kind of unbuttoned, but tucked, you know, another feeling, another feeling Luke. But you know, he's Luke, so that's good. And then we get Michelle.

Wow, I'm wearing sunglasses. Look at me. I am Michelle Lolly. I am going to be full of hot ticks because I'm single and ready to mingle for season two. And then we've got Zach with a fan that he's clinking shut like Kenya Moore. Mm hmm. And he's like, I've heard what everyone said about my hair. And instead of having it as a helmet, I'm going to have it like a helmet with hair that goes up a little bit in the front. So you can see it's my real hair. I'm getting like bangs. I'm getting like upturned bangs.

It does look a little more natural though, his hair. So that's good. Poor guy. He really got slaughtered over that hair. Why are they giving them prop sunglasses? None of these people own these sunglasses. Like they're- It's like a photo booth. Yeah. They're like, okay, here's a prop. You can do a mustache, a fan, sunglasses, whatever you want. Just have fun with it. He's also going for a skin-toned lip thing, which I'm not really sure what that's about,

but you know, bless his heart. And then we get to Brittany fanning herself, because you know, they live in the valley, it's hot. She's got her Botox going strong. She's also wearing kind of fuchsia, fuchsia top, fuchsia belt. She's wearing a bathing suit. Is she wearing a bathing suit with a belt? She might be.

She might be wearing a bathing suit with a belt? She might be. She might be wearing a bathing suit, yeah. And she looks like she's standing herself with a waffle. And then we go to... It's actually just a half a strip waffle. Then we go to these two. Oh, Janet and What's-his-face. Yeah. What's-his-face.

I want to say his name is Brian, but it's not Brian. I forgot his name. Jason. Jason, no? Yeah. Jason, seems like he's so nice, but he supports Janet. Who's an emotional terrorist. So I don't trust him either. And I guess the girls are like, let's pink. Let's get a lot of pink in.

So they're doing that. And the guys are just doing things that should go with pink, but don't like he's wearing like a fall orange. Um, which doesn't go with this. Yeah. I think everything is supposed to be like reds and oranges and pinks, but like, yeah, I feel like there's, the color scheme is a little odd. The palette is odd for me, but you know, yeah, the Janet is now, this will be our first

non-pregnant Janen season, which is exciting. Janet is a terror, but I sort of enjoyed that she was a terror. She was really, really, really bad. And I held on to hope that she wasn't as bad as she seemed, and then she was as bad as she seemed. But I enjoyed, I always like, I love a monster. She sucks.

So then, just basically the quality of the clothes, I have to say, you know, sometimes in season two, they get a bigger budget and come back in nicer clothes. Not this cast. This cast is very much like, you know, Friday night at the Cineplex Odeon in, you know, the $5 theater. And I'm sorry, I'm thinking of New York, not the Valley, but like, is this stained? Is Michelle's outfit, what is it? Is it stained? Pete Slauson She found it out of the closet. Pete Slauson Yeah. Pete Slauson Well, this will do.

Britney's bathing suit with the belt. And then this whole outfit is crazy. And then we go to three under four, whatever he says. What's this thing? Well, it used to be two under three, but now they're pregnant. So it's gonna be a three under four. It's Danny.

Danny also got props on glasses. He's wearing a fuchsia blazer. I wonder if he got it from the same cheap place downtown that I got mine two years ago for the crappies. Yeah, these are bad. And he's doing like the faux hawk from like what 15 years ago kind of thing. And kind of a Quaker collared shirt, which I think is really funny because, you know, he just wants to have a million children. And then- Is that what that's called? The Quaker collar? Because I have two of those shirts and I'm like, what are, he just wants to have a million children. Jared Nia? Nia. Nia who Ben is still convinced is evil. You thought she was evil in the first, well, you said she would be evil, but then she had to be really nice.

But will she be second season bitch? I don't think so. Who knows? I don't think she's evil. I really felt like I had a lot of good signals to say that she was evil. The fact that she would call Danny Daniel and she was very, she's very like surfacey. So I was like, oh, she's evil. Watch, she's gonna be the most evil one.

But she shockingly managed to be just a very nice person who was trying to have a sort of like mature experience on reality TV and I didn't know what to do with it. Well, she's the only one that looks kind of comfortable in this intro boogying down. She looks great. Yeah. She's like, oh my God, I'm not pregnant for five minutes. I'm going to enjoy this.

And I'm pregnant again. By the end of this, she's like, Oh, just got it back. I'm pregnant. So I have an announcement to make everybody. And then they give Jesse Lolley, they give him also the egg yolk and egg yolk and egg shell combo that they gave to Jax. Maybe it's the same shirt. Maybe they're just giving the douchebags this orange shirt. Like this is the color symbol for like the worst douchebags on the show. Cause here he is again, he's wearing this. The shirt is back again, I should say.

And he's got sunglasses as well. He still has his hair dent. I'm still impressed that he continues. Does he know not to wear that little band anymore? He loves that band. He just has that band. You wear a headband and it keeps your hair dented. That's just how it goes. He's looking a little bit better this year. I like that he insisted on wearing his own pants. He's

like, listen, you've already got me dressed like a magician, but I'm wearing decent pants. Okay. Yeah. I make money. So then we go to this beautiful lady for the bachelor. What's her name? Jacqueline. How did we forget her name? Jared Slauson Jacqueline? She really had such a bad, like, she had like, no, she was so wedged onto the show, she almost had no role. Although she did start shit. She got, she definitely was a

little bit of a bone carrier and she got some drama going, but she, her personal storyline was never really very vital to the show. Well, her and Zach were just there to start shit with everybody else. No, it's not, we'll get it in a second, but how do we not remember? God, I even recapped her on like two seasons of The Bachelor and I'm still forgetting her name. That's terrible. Jared Larkin I'll look it up. Pete Slauson And then Kristen's like, I have sunglasses too.

Jared Larkin Also, I like music, that's why I have music things tattooed on my arm. I've listened to music before. Sometimes when I'm being really fun, I put these sunglasses on Jill the dog. It's hilarious, seriously. She's so weird. She has a treble and a bass clef turned into a heart on her arm. But then up here, she's also got the treble clef again. Like, you already got that. treble clef again. Like you already

got that. Are you just so drunk that you're forgetting that you're getting the same tattoos? But this time it's a heart. She's also got a necklace with a K and an L. Oh. Jasmine is the name, not Jacqueline. It's Jasmine. Jasmine. Yeah, duh. Thank you for looking. You know what's so sad is if you do a search on Google for cast the valley It brings up all these headshots and they include everyone but Zack

So mean They also have this cast looks crazy in their photos that Google selects You know this picture that we're showing now is the the logo and it's over a shot of the valley and this really does Encapsulate the valley this is race. It's just freeways. This is like the part of the freeway. I've almost died 20 times like 10 freeways coming into one and then there's like oh you're the next exit go over 10 lanes in five seconds Have fun. This Laurel is this um, I'm sorry. Is this like the one on one and the one 70 when they peel off with each other? I think it is. It's like five freeways here. It was like a million freeways.

Yeah, this is what it is. And it's a nightmare. And what's, here's what's really terrible about, let me tell people about driving on the one on one going west or north, whichever you just, whichever you decide. What happens is you're driving on the one on one and the left two lanes peel off and become the 170. So you need to stay in the right lanes in order to be on the 101. But let's say this, let's say you want to get off at like Laurel Canyon Boulevard or

Vineland Boulevard. So you stay on those three lanes and you're in the three lanes You're on the right side of the highway ready to exit But then suddenly after you get after the two lanes peel off to become the 170 All of a sudden your highway the 101 mergers with the 134 and all of a sudden you hanging out in the right lane Something are all the way in the left lane And now you have to get to that exit and you were all prepared to go the exit because you're in the right lane But now suddenly surprise you're all the way on the left side of the highway and you had no control over it.

And I've got to speed over an entire highway to get to your exit. That is this intersection right here. Yeah, this is a, it's hell. It's hell. So then we go to some shots in the Val. Wow. What's it? There's Ventura Boulevard.

That's Laurel, Laurel, Terrace and Witsit. That's where all the good stuff happens. And here we are. People on a boat. Let's press play. This is not part of the valley. A boat. What's that? I guarantee. This is not part of the valley. There's no place for a boat or a body of water like this in the valley. Yeah. This was a drive. This was a drive for sure. Hey, baby. Yeah. What are you doing? What the f***? That is so Kristin. Okay, so they're on a boat. It's Luke and Kristin. It's beautiful. He goes, hey, baby. And she turns around and falls. She's like, whoa. And she falls into

a ring. And I love that's just so Christian to be falling during her proposal. So You want to get chicken nuggets with me for the rest of our lives? Seriously, hey, baby. Seriously, what the f***? Will you be the catch in my lifetime? Maybe Who would have thought if would you be the catch of my lifetime, baby, because they're fishing They're on a fishing seriously lifetime, baby. Cause they're fishing. Seriously? I didn't think that being on this boat here by Rancho's Palace Verde's would ever lead to the moment of my lifetime. Seriously. I never knew that he really would take my love of Wicked Tuna so seriously.

He proposed while we were fishing. I was like, wicked. Was wicked too though. I'm surprised they did not incorporate Jill into this proposal. Like have Jill come up with a little ring in a box, you know? Oh, the dog. I'm like his Joe. They left all those rose petals for her.

Then Jill is like, it's me. Jill's Aaron or Jill's Aaron. Who would have thought Kristen and Luke had the best relationship out of all of us? I think all of us thought that Kristen and Luke probably had the best relationship out of you two losers. I mean, you've got Jax and you've got Lolly sitting here. We knew your relationship sucked. You both seem like abusive fucking assholes.

And Jax in his stupid Jax hat. Oh my God. By the way, he's got fake flowers behind him that are shaped like his hat. What's his other shirt? He's wearing his Jax's shirt and something like Dad Life, Dad, comma, life. Dad Life. Dad Life. Yeah, Dad Life.

Or in his case, Absentee Dad Life. Yeah, no kidding. Dad kicked my child out of the house so I can keep living there as I screwed his mother up. Not helping. Not helping at all, dad life. Best relationship of all. Jack's been seeing people.

He had a girl staying here at the house again last night. There is a thong on my bathroom sink. Yeah, it's like, why was there a baby wipe on top of it? She wipes her vagina and it's on your f***ing counter. It's a new- Ew, okay so. There's the thong. Thong on my camcorder. There was a gaurl stained at my place last night. Brittany is just making up this accent now. Nobody talks like this, okay? Nobody says no. What do you like, the first act of My Fair Lady? Nobody talks like that. And why are you wearing a blanket for a shirt in the first act of My Fair Lady? Nobody talks like that.

Now why are you wearing a blanket for a shirt in the valley? It's 900 degrees. J-A-X! Yeah, this is a meeting of the minds over here with Michelle, Janet, and Brittany. And they are discussing what vaginas may or may not have been wiped over in the household. Brittany, it's season two.

Do your roots. How is this the first thing we see of Britt? Brittany, you're still a damn mess. But you're better than Janet because Janet looks like Janet. Janet's at like some banking convention in the Midwest. Like who dressed Janet? I don't think Janet wants to wear this. She looks unhappy in it.

She's like, I told my friend she's a struggling designer that I'll wear it on TV and I regret every single moment of that promise. Well, it's better than my friend who designs comforters. I'm wearing a Dubai on the TV. And Michelle Lolley is like, oh my God, I hate both of you. I'm wearing see Rob Reiner. What are these people? It's from'm wearing... Rob Reiner gave me this top. What is she wearing too? What are these people wearing? It's from... it's from Rob Reiner. It's just a... it's just a white thin lazy thing. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappence commercial. Have you ever wondered how a circus performer could become the most powerful woman in the Byzantine Empire? Even the Royals is a podcast from Wondery that pulls back the curtain on royal families,

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Like this is, Michelle Lally, you're finally freed from Jesse. Smile, enjoy it, be happy. Yeah. Well, you got a thong with the baby wipe. Wipes on top of it. You wipe her vagina and it's on your f***ing cabinet. It's a new Moby Dick for Brittany.

Zach. It's a new Moby Dick for Brittany. Zach is wearing a tank top that's got like Real Housewives of Orange County cutouts in it. And a new tattoo sleeve that makes it, wait. Oh no, is this a party where he looks like he's been run over by a car? What's happening? Yeah, well something happened because Brittany

has like a scuff on her elbow. Oh, there's Sheena. Sheena's there. And then Zach is, he has, I don't know, is this like a zombie themed party? I'm trying to understand why there's so much graphic body art going on right now. Yeah, but it's only him. And then she's got some on her elbow, but no one else has any of that on them. Sheena's like, well, I was going to look like I was, I wanted, I was going to participate in the theme of looking like you're involved by a zombie today, but then I was afraid that

summer moon would get really scared. So I decided to refrain. Oh, well this I think is a baby shower. Cause look, they have this balloon arch thing back here with like purples and pinks and then like some kind of big balloon here. So do you think this is like a baby shower? Yeah. Right. But then it would be a baby shower for Kristin maybe, but then they all hate Kristin. So I don't get it. Oh, I don't know. Well don't they have to make up? Well, she's not in any of these seeds. So maybe not. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know who this is for.

I pick for Brittany. Oh, so is this a party? I guess this is, they're all dressed up in something. Race car? This is them being wacky doing like a NASCAR themed event. So that'll be fun. Okay. $20 to snort this wasabi. Oh my God.

Don't wear weird as. You're mean to my friend. Okay, so this is the wacky fun and games part. They're having a group dinner and Chris is like 20 bucks to snort wasabi. So Luke does it, which is not his $20. And he was like, they're $20. Trying to win within the family. Also, so I guess Kristin is back in with the group. So, you know, we never got a reunion

last season, never forget. So there's so much that we don't really know where they stand. You know, we don't know what the vibe is with this group. Now is Jax there? Is there no Jax? Is this, well, Jax is in rehab, do we think? Oh, probably. Because at the very end is Brittany and then Zach. And so we don't see Jax. We do see a new douche nozzle right here with his head, we only get the back of his head here. Yeah. The comb over is comb overing. And then we, this girl's new, right? That's not Nia? I think that might be Nia with a strange angle.

Oh, okay. Well, that would make sense. She's sitting next to Jessie. Let's see. She doesn't look like Nia. Could be wrong. Maybe it is new. No, no, no, I don't think that's Nia. That's not Nia.

No. No, especially because we see Nia from that other shot is, I don't know who that is. She's an interloper. Yeah, I think this is Nia, this head right here. But let's see. Yeah, I think so. She was just like, this is what I'm doing.'s see. Yeah, I think so. Too short.

This one's on me. Don't look weird as f***. You're mean to my friend. I think you're toxic. I think you're a narcissist and I'm happy I don't have to deal with you. Well this- Well damn, who's that? Lala.

Lala coming in. Oh, this is Lala? Oh Jesus, why are they doing this? Come on man. Your show got canceled. Go away. Stop the fuck with Lala. Look at Sheena next to her being like, yeah, I'm just gonna say it with my eyes. I'm with Lala. I stand with her. I have a nose ring now.

No, I have a necklace this summer. So Lala's telling Lali, because he's mean to her friends, he's a misogynist, which is not inaccurate, it's just, it's Lala. Yeah. And Jesse, meanwhile, is trying to be like, stand strong, but he's got like fringe that's interrupting his hair, so he's getting really upset. He's like, hi, I've done ayahuasca,

which is why I'm wearing this necklace, and I have still healthy hair for my age, so fuck off. What is about that? And I'm kind of upset that this umbrella fringe is getting into my hair. Also I like that he's getting told off, but you can see through the reflection of his sunglasses what he's concentrating on and it's her rack. Yeah.

And just the boobs. Nothing but boobs. He's like, all I hear are your boobs. Sis, and I'm happy I don't have to deal with you. Well, this gave me a good laugh, so thank you for that. Scrotox. Let's trick and shoot your balls up. Woo! Woo! Woo!

Danny's getting Scrotox. He's gonna be fun. Danny's getting Scrotox. He's gonna get in there, maybe he'll do his video game voiceover while he's doing the appointment. What was it? What was the video game he did? Was it Walking Dead, the video game or something? Or was it?

Yeah, he's played, no, he's done the show Walking Dead. He plays a zombie in Walking Dead. He's got a never ending job where he walks around and he's like, that's funny. So he's going to get Scrotox, he's going to be wacky. Okay. So this is Jesse Dunnington sort of screen therapy. Hi, Mr. Cotcher, you've been served. I already told him. Oh, now it's Jax getting served.

Done. How special? How special that, you know, anytime that someone gets served on camera, I always feel like we are so blessed. And look at Jax. He's giving, he's posing with his head down in his hands in prayer motion. And then he's slowly bringing his head up like, guys, it's me, Jax. Getting served, sucker. He's me, it's number getting served sucker.

He's been through things. Yeah. I already told him filing restraining order and custody. It's like a very low end version of receipts proof timeline. Filing restraining order custody. Filing restraining order and custody. Andraining order and custody. And custody and chicken fingers. Do not forget chicken fingers. What is she eating?

What is this? Is this like a noodle bowl of some sort? Yeah. I'm trying to think. It's like some sort of fat. Like Chinese food to go or something. Jade noodles or something. She's got a big ass knife for it, whatever it is.

But I like whoever's eating with her is having a bowl. Yeah. Someone ordered sweet greens and she's like, I think I'm going to get jai noodles, but he has a knife for it, whatever it is. But I like whoever's eating with her is having a bowl. Yeah, someone ordered sweet greens. She's like, I think I'm gonna get jai noodles, but I want a big knife for it. And is there cake here on the side? I love this. These people order like me.

It's what you get when Uber Eats will go to five places. And also off cake. And also a bowl. But don't worry, I got my own steak knife, because in LA they don't give you that shit. You know? You have to take that. Trevor Burrus I got my steak knife. Those noodles are real crunchy.

I got my steak knife for it. Peteus In LA, they're like, we're saving a treat. Eat with your hands. Trevor Burrus I'll do that. Peteus Sorry. Trevor Burrus Oh, no, that arrow tattoo, that's to remind you which hand uses the fork and which hand uses the big steak knife. Peteus She's like, and by the way, I was stupid. Wait, hold on. Let me stop saying the word.

What's raising point? She's having a big meal. I'm at the point where I'm so in love with the man I want to become that I'm just not satisfied with who I am anymore. Oh, so Jax's addiction is rooted in his aspirations to be a better person. Got it. Jared Let's see, this is what I'm saying about Jax. He's like, I'm going to do, I'm going to do a very touching drug addicted video in my Jax's studio city hat.

Peteus But also, I'll also promote my bar. Jared At the same time. Peteus Gonna go viral. So, I'm going to promote my bar. He's just so,'s gonna go viral. So I'm gonna promote my bar. And he's just so, I just don't believe a fucking thing from this guy. You're in love with a man you could become. You're in love with the man that you are, Jax. Okay, you just think that nobody else is on board

and you just need to do the right things to make them get on board with it. I also love how we're in the year 2025 and it's been probably a solid like decade or two since we've used camcorders and still they're like, let's put the recorder with a little circle up at the top there just so everyone knows this is a home video. And we know this is fake because it's fully charged. That would never be Jack's camcorder.

It would always be like blinking red, you know, like must charge, must charge. He'd be snorting the battery charge out. He's like going up to the pictures. He's like, Jack, because no bar at it. I'm so in love with the man I want to become that I just am not satisfied with who I am anymore. Michelle.

The infamous male on Bravo. I'm going to cry into a camcorder so people believe it. Also look, he doesn't have the tattoo here. Oh, on his hand. Well observed, well observed. And he doesn't have them here. Yeah. Where'd they come from?

So he must have gotten them in rehab. He got them in rehab. He realized the man he wants to be. She's basically quoting Jerry Maguire. I love you for the man he wants to be and the man you already are. I love you. I love you, Jerry. It's like be and the man you already are. I love you. I love you, Jerry."

He's like, the human brain weighs eight pounds. My battery is so charged that I'm just not satisfied with who I am anymore. Michelle admitted that she cheated on me. I have got a little situation. Well, I don't blame her. Michelle admitted that she cheated on me. I have got a bit of a situation. Well, I don't blame her. Michelle admitted that she cheated on me. First of all, you didn't cheat, Jussie Lolley, my asshole. You didn't cheat. Yeah, come on. Yeah. Michelle deserved to cheat and Godspeed. I am proud of her. I am

proud of her for cheating. I like this look she's giving. She's like, sure did. Meathead. Unfortunately, I stained my dress right afterwards, but you know. I cheated on him 100 years ago when this dress was first made. Nailed it. Cheated on him. OK, let's see who she cheated with. Michelle admitted that she cheated on me.

I have evidence that she's sleeping with a billiard. I've been watching her an hour tonight. What the hell? So now you're going to call her a hoe on TV? Michelle admitted that she cheated on me. I have evidence that she's sleeping with a billionaire for $1,500 a night. What the hell? So now you're going to go on TV. Oh, that's Danny. So he's saying that she's like a hooker. Danny from Luke. Wow.

Wow. What the fuck? I have evidence that she's sleeping with a billionaire for $1,500 a night. Who the fuck tells some walking dead extra their business? I want to see your evidence, sir. I'm not telling some under five zombie what I'm paying somebody to sleep with them. Bullshit. Bullshit. Also, in the background, there's a book that says Mexican Today. I don't know whose apartment we're in. Um, if this is Kristen's though,

I like to think that Kristen found the book. I was like, I'd like to know what's going on with Mexico today. I'm buying the book. You guys know what's going on with Mexico today? Hold on. Let me get the book. I think that this is someone who's just like, let's just get red books. You know, let's just get books that are the same color and put them together because they're all with red. It's with other red books. Yeah. I think it's probably Danny and Nia's house actually, because I knew Nia is the sort of person who organizes books by the rainbow. And she's like,

I saw this on the complete edit or whatever that the whole medit. Remember we watched that. We've recapped the whole medit once. Yeah. She's like, we read books go together. So suppose that now if she is getting $1,500 a night, I mean good for her, that's a lot of money. God damn. Yeah. Why not get paid for the things you enjoy?

You know? $1,500 a night. Did you not keep me? Whoa. So he's saying, did you not cheat? And she throws a full, damn, that's a full glass. That's a lot. Look at all like liquid.

Peteus Good thing he had his hair already in a band because otherwise his hairstyle would be ruined. Peteus That's why he always wears headbands because he gets so many drinks thrown in his face. So, this is on a vacation, right? Peteus I think so, because there's like a tap in the foreground. Peteus Yeah. Peteus And it sort of looks like a vacation rental. I feel like so, because there's like a tap in the foreground. Yeah. And that makes it sort of looks like a vacation rental.

I feel like she went and got a pint glass and filled it all the way up so that way she could just so she could do it to him because that is a huge amount of water to come from a cup. Yeah, just to be prepared in a Jesse scene. Okay. You know, when Jason goes out, he takes his wedding ring off. Oh, Jason. This is the storyline I wanted. This one right now. Jason goes out, he takes his wedding ring off. Oh, Jason goes out and gets this.

This is the storyline I wanted. This one right here. Now I just think it's gonna hit you, Jason. Now it's gonna hit you. God, I love pregnant Mariposa. I feel like she just wants to sit somewhere and listen to Fleetwood Mac. Well, also Janet's trying to fuck with Kristen.

Like, Janet's never watched these shows. You are barking up the wrong tree now, I'm coming for Kristin. I hope Kristin ruins this chick's life for all the shit she's been trying to do with Kristin. Now, I point this out, I feel like in every episode we do of every show now, but these eyebrows stop. This trend has to stop, you guys. Stop magic-markering on your eyebrows.

You look crazy and they're all doing it. Even Jacks' are like this now. Stop it. You look nuts. Okay, so she's saying that Jason is going out without his wedding ring. Meanwhile, Janet is dressed like a catering napkin. Like who folded her?

Janet is so happy in this shot. Look at her, she's like, I did it. I finally got to kiss my husband. He takes his wedding ring off. There's been back. Okay, so who are these two bald guys? I don't know, but they're clearly not supposed to be there because look at this random woman just laughing.

She's like, who the fuck invited these guys to the party? She's like, I'm the one he told. I'm the one he told. They're like, yeah, bro, wedding ring. He takes it off. I heard. We got into the valley party, bro. Can you believe it?

Jenna's like, who are these men? Why are they in my party right now? I am disgusted. Does Jenna have one outfit that's not terrible, please? I'm not even a fashion gay. Like I don't sit here and stare at everybody's fashions, but come on, you guys. Like I live in the valley now.

I'm gonna need some more effort put in me. And I'm an old Navy gay. And even I'm like, girl, come on now. Why? And this, I don't expect much from the men though. I have to say. I love the girl on the right. I mean, she's one of us. She's like, I got into, I can't believe it. I got into the show. I'm here. There's douchebags around. Janet's wearing something terrible. I cannot wait to tell my friends. She's like, how is this on television? Who is this guy? He looks familiar though.

This bald guy. He looks like he should be one of those Sonic commercials. For the drive through. He looks like the old guy who dances for Six Flags. You know those old commercials? Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. Or like Michael Darby. Like the old guy who dances for six flags, you know those old commercials Or like Michael Darby Hmm, does that these two guys definitely have Michael Darby energy? Yeah, okay

There's been background of danny getting wasted and pansy and inappropriate Oh, there's a background of danny getting wasted and handsy and inappropriate Oh, so now she's like, we knew that would happen. How could you get wasted and alcoholic and inappropriate Danny? And he's like, it's because every time I go try to read a book, they're all red. It just makes me drink and get handsy with somebody. I don't want to know what's happened with Mexico today. Yeah. Do you know what happened with Mexico yesterday? What's happened with Mexico today? Yeah, do you know what happened with Mexico yesterday? I'm sorry, babe.

I love you. Put your hand right in my boobs. That's what I wanted to be. That's what comforts me. Brittany, there's no other option. So Brittany is hugging Zach who's sitting down and she puts his boobs in his face and she's like, come here, hug mama. She's like, hey, you got your boobs in, you got your face in my boobs.

Where else are they going to go, Britney? Your boobs take up half the room. And she's got some sort of like some sort of kerchief in her hair, like a ribbon of some sort that then her ponytail. I don't know what you call it when you do your ponytail like that, where it's like a bunch of different balls dangling down. But then she's in a bright orange dress. She's definitely giving a lot of different looks and patterns all at once.

She is. I think they're going to Mexico for July 4th. And so she just put that red, white and blue thing in there. That's my guess. That would make sense. Yeah. And he's like, I'm not going to wear red, white and blue, but I am white, so I'll wear teal or like a dark aqua. And I'm halfway there. Yeah. It's just such an honor to finally be invited onto the cast trip. Brittany's like, I'm going to dress like they dress in America, like a pumpkin. I'm going to wear American flag in my hair, but also wear a little bit of light blue too,

just because it's fun. Yeah. You're exhausting. You give Karen energy and I'm done with it. My husband's not the one. Good for her. Jasmine telling off who I'm assuming is Janet my husband's not the one good for her Jasmine telling off who I'm assuming is Janet because she says you give Karen energy right yeah oh I thought she said you

give parent energy I was like wow like Karen energy that makes much more sense let's see energy and I'm done with it oh missed it let's go back a little more you're exhausting. You give Karen energy and I'm done with it. My husband's not the one out here grabbing asses. Wow. Wow. So that means that Janet, they're this year, my God. So Janet sitting in front of a Casamigo sign is like, yeah, well, my husband's not the one out here grabbing asses. And Jason's like, could be. I mean. Is this, have they turned, well, it looks like the big sign in the back says Brits. Have they turned Jacks into Brits? Is that the whole thing? And there's a-

No, he still has Jacks in the vowel, but she has Brits now in the Lisa Vanderpump Disneyland of West Hollywood. She opened a place called Brits on that strip. That's right. Yeah. And look at it. There's this Casamigo sign and then like a poster of her like printed out from like a Hewlett Packard and taped onto the Casamigo sign.

So great on this bar. I'm like, God damn it. I can't be everywhere at once, you know. You know, commercials, here comes one right now. The one out here grabbing asses. Uh oh, so Mia's like, how dare you? They're like in the El Compadre. She's like, how dare you? Like, do you know how hard it is not to eat the shell

on this taco salad without listening to you talk about my husband. The fact that you're talking about my husband when I put so much research into finding out what's happening in Mexico today and here we are in Mexico, I'm ready and now you're going to ruin this moment. Mexico today, people are being mean to my husband. Britney's roots just keep getting longer and longer in every episode. I love it. Okay. You're drunk.

Well, she's okay. So I love that she tells Janet, fuck you and leaves and look at stupid Janet. She's like, um, uh, it's supposed to be my birthday at the bank today, but I guess we're just going to ignore that. Here goes Janet. Got birthday at the bank today, but I guess we're just gonna all ignore that. Here goes Janet. Not getting her birthday at the bank again. Michelle's like, is anyone else disturbed that I match all of the plates on the table?

This lady by, I decided to dress like shredded iceberg. What? Wait, what'd you say? Sorry, what were you saying? You got, I was saying that Michelle's like I decided to dress the same color palette as iceberg lettuce today. I Was saying this lady's walking behind them like I'm not clearing that table these fuckers aren't tipping me Anyway, they never fucking definitely not yeah, definitely a lot. Look how messy that table is

Okay Definitely a lot. Look how messy that table is Okay, so let's see Drunk well, she's a hiker so it's fine. Oh my god To watch You're fucking drunk and Jesse says well, she's a hooker. Whoa, oh my god Yeah, these two are gonna be like the Edward Albee duo of the season. They're just gonna be doing going low blow They're really going there this year. She's a hiker, so it's fine. I'm the mother of your child.

This is why I well, I mean, damn. Wow. Wow. It's getting darker. She's like, I'm screaming behind my goal weight. How dare you? How are they getting this whole shot of her from behind an umbrella, an umbrella pole? How do they, yeah, how are they not, how did they not swiftly just like get around that,

but like, how do they center that umbrella pole on the shot? Come on now. I am the mother of your child. I am the pole of your child. How dare you? I keep this family sheltered from rain and sun. Yeah, these two are a disaster. It's great. I just love that this show's like, okay, congrats, you had a great first season. We're giving you even less money for the next season. We're giving you a cameraman who's in film school, freshman, and five dollars to shop at the Joann's Fabrics for your costume for the rest of the year. The clearance, since they're going out of business.

I'm the mother of your child! This is why I feel crazy 24-7. I've never blacked out and hurt my friends. I can't. That's all we get of like and now Zach hair. Zach has more natural in life like than before and he's like, this is why I feel fucking crazy. 24 seven. That's it. So now he is he has now he has an even newer look. He has like a pompadour going on in the shot There's a pompadour there and then And then he goes right to like backwards cap, which is I don't know something is that's a lot of hair to cram under That cap I have to say it's a lot does have a lot of hair

His hair actually looks really nice here in this one. I'm so jealous. It's nice It's like very like Alan thick, right? Yeah, very thick hair. Okay, so. I've never blacked out and hurt my friends. I can't see. Oh, okay. So now we're judging each other like on how shitty we are.

Okay. So you are fine for now, except your beard is going to get out of control. I'm telling you right now, Luke. Although then- Although, is he wearing a shirt? He's taking off- Is he wearing a shirt that says Valley Crew? Yeah. He's a little on the nose. He's stupid. He's branding what we're already watching. He hasn't figured out like you're supposed to brand another business, but he's wearing that. And then, Jason,

you're taking off your wedding ring to flirt with other people. Don't blame you. I mean, you're married to Janet. And now we're going to judge somebody because he blacks out occasionally. Come on! He's like, I'll go to church. I've got four under five. Pete Slauson 4 under five. I'm trying to figure out where they're eating. There's a lot of these like little French fries on all the glasses and the paper wrappers. Is that a place that we should know about? Jared Larkin H&H? Pete Slauson Is it H&H? HH?

Jared Larkin Well, I don't know. Is that what it says? I can't tell. I want to go there. It looks delicious. Johnny Rockets? No, what is it? I want to get a basket of fries and like a beer and a little condiment in those little containers on the side. Who's stopping you, buddy? Who is stopping you? And I want to have a glass of a cup of water that because it's free they give you a really tiny cup for it. So you have to go back.

I thought that was a shot. I think that's just like a, that's just water on the side. So, you know, you're like, Oh, I've got to go refill it 10 times. Cause they will only give me the smallest cup. I know bastards. Okay. And Jason's like, listen, I make a lot of effort. I've eaten the least amount of fry sauce as all of you. So I don't know why I'm getting trouble. Yeah. He has a lot of fries left in his basket. Everyone else went all through theirs, but his is his are so high there. You can see them above the paper. Yeah. He's the best body here.

So he's like, I'm not eating these fries and I'm only having a sip of beer. So he is suck it. Fry sauce. He's like, I see Jack's, I see Jesse. I'm not going to become sip of beer. So, suck it, fry sauce. He's like, I see Jax, I see Jesse, I'm not gonna become one of them. I will only have one friend. Blacked out and hurt my friends. I can't take it, I wanna scream. Ah!

God dang it. So we talk in the valley, like, God dang it. I don't wanna scream. God dang it. And he is like yeah me too me too me too especially oh look who's here oh other logan lala is gonna ruin this show i'm calling it right now why would they let lala on here britney just won something and uh david busters it looks like. Point crash. Okay, so this is not as classy as the Dave and Busters,

wherever this is. No. Okay. Listen. You don't know what I come from. We had to like get cans out of trash cans to like pay rent. I had to stick my car in the parking lot where I work. Oh, get in line.

Just kidding. But I love that they're getting, she's like crying. She's like, you guys don't know how poor I was growing up. And they're getting a private chef catered dinner with like coupons. Well, also, they're in the dessert course it looks like, and this looks like it's some sort of fruit bowl, like maybe like an ice cream element. And they're all like, Nia, this is nice, but our ice cream is melting. We have to start eating. Oh, I thought this was like a Caprese. Cause see all the pretty.

Oh, you know what? I think it's a Caprese. Yeah. Yeah, it's a Caprese. I think it's a Caprese. Either way, they're, they want a big A. Could you please wait till we get to our dessert? I mean, God. I'm going to have to cry about being poor.

Give it a second. And Jen, it's like, I wore another terrible outfit for this. So why do we have to concentrate on you being poor? Okay. All right, let's see. Michelle Lally is like, Michelle Lally is like, I just climbed out of a well

and attacked someone through their television. How was your day going? So like, she ran, I had to stick my car in the parking lot where I worked. He has people watching me. I'm going there me. Oh no. So we go to Brittany's house and first of all, this the way they transition, she's like, I had to sleep in my car after work.

And then it transitions into Brittany holding her baby. But that's cold. Yes. So Brittany standing by a box that says bread. I was gonna say, I wonder why they keep the bread in this house. And she's holding the baby who's I think got a mullet, which I don't approve of. And then it goes into that recording TV filter and she says, Jax has people watching me. So he put cameras in that?

I mean, that doesn't look like a hidden camera. So he's just like tapping into the cameras and watching them. I guess so. Day X is watching me. Meanwhile, there's a camera crew there. Yeah. like tapping into the cameras and watching them? I guess so. Jack is watching me. Meanwhile, there's a camera crew there. Yeah. So much my husband to rehab.

To attack me because you're going through stuff. Michelle and I are the most sane people in this whole house. Yes, I'm. Oh God, this show really goes off the wire. So, Jack is watching Brittany through the cameras. He's pulling a Ralph and Brittany is still into rope art. I'm not really sure what this is. Yeah, they're a big rope just hanging there in the back.

Yeah. And then she comes for Mia, and Mia's like, oh, oh, you don't get to cry about going through a hard time, and that's why you're coming for me. Except I think that that's probably why Nia was just crying over her Caprese, like trying to get them to stop coming for her because she went through hard times. So it's going to be like a trauma Olympics, which Nia is very, very nowadays. It's a little draft. It's drafty in this house because she's wearing a blanket and then we go to Jesse and he's also wearing a blanket. So maybe they're like in Big Bear or something like that. There's some more cold because he's wearing the same blanket. Although no one else seems to be cold. Just Jesse and yeah.

Jesse's just hanging out with the camera crew watching. Yeah, exactly. Just watch the women how to shoot their scene. Yeah. It's like, we're the most normal out of all these people. Michelle and I are the most sane people in this whole house. Yes, I'm going through some I just want you to be there for me. That's all I want. Kristen. Oh, it's always the, it's always the dudes when the wife is pregnant, the dudes are like, I just need someone to be there for me. You don't have a child inside of you right now. Yeah. She's like, I'm holding a baby with a beard inside of me and I've had this braid on for like an entire year or so. I put the braid on it. Cause Nia said that's what was

happening in Mexico today. So now Luke's like, I'm going to walk around the hotel in my underwear. I'm very upset. No, this isn't Montana. Cause your ass back inside. Nobody's in this nice hotel to watch you walk around in your fucking Hanes. Yeah, put on a robe. Come on now.

For some reason it's crazy Christian, not crazy Janet. For some reason it's crazy Christian, not crazy Janet. Oh, Janet's going to be a victim this year. Now who's this? Hey, there's that new girl. That's that same one from that dinner party. Remember? Really?

Who is that? Where I thought for a second it was Nia? Yeah. Why aren't they telling us who she is? That's so weird. She Was she the girl who's smiling at us she wasn't the girl who was smiling at us was she no Okay, this is a different girl. So then on a boat Britney she's like I I got a knife. This knife isn't as good as the knife I got at home to eat my takeout, but it'll do. And Zach looks crazy. He's making that face of the Kravitz neighbor always spying on Bewitched.

What's going on over here? He's like, I can't take one more fucking second of this shot. I can't take a dumb with them. Don't make me knock your ass out. Knock me out. He's wearing a little sailor cap. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, first of all, what? Britney's wearing a little sailor cap and and a lay. She's just like, but she's also like got her fork and a knife. She's like, ready to eat her meal, too. And then there's some random dude next to her also like got her fork and a knife. She's like ready to eat her meal too.

And then there's some random dude next to her. I don't remember any of them stop eating her meal to fight. She's like, I'm in the middle of a bite, sir. So then Janet is about to get in a fight with, who is that that's fighting with Janet? I can't tell who it is. Hold on, let's listen to it. It's very important.

Don't with them. Don't make me knock your ass out. Knock me out. You're a fan, bitch. Oh, someone says, don't make me knock your ass out. Knock me out. Fan bitch. Oh, someone says don't make me knock your ass out. Whoever's in an orange dress, it sounds like Michelle. Kristen, I think says you're a fan. Okay. So she's like, don't knock me, make me knock you out, bitch. And Janet says, knock me out. And she goes, you're a fan, bitch. Which is true because she got into all these people

by being a personal assistant to Sheena. That's where Janet came from. And then she just kind of like kept climbing her way until she ended up badly dressed on this show. I've never seen someone climb a ladder this high and stay in Rayon the whole time. I've got to give her credit. And also clearly no Jax on this trip. J is really missing from a mutt a bunch of this entire trailer. It's wild. Yeah fan bitch Terrible husband good father great father terrible husband. Yeah You're not a great father. How can you be a great father if you're a terrible husband? You are not a good father sir. You had Brittany and your child move out of the house so you could stay

there. That's not a good father, I'm sorry. Pete Slauson We saw how hands-on you were. Pete Slauson Say it again? Pete Slauson We saw how hands-on you were. You were not, you were barely doing anything over there. Pete Slauson And look at what sweatshirt he's wearing while he says that. Violent. It says violent. It's probably violent or something. But still.

And then of course, Tom Schwartz, a little dollop of Tom Schwartz and the entire thing. He's like, yeah, bro, yeah, man. Yeah, great dad. Yeah, what's your daughter's name again? He's like, I don't know. Do stuff with your daughter. The Valley, all new season, April 15th.

Wow. Great. We'll be there. Absolutely we will be. I can't wait. It's going to be, it looks like a really good season. Oh yeah. It's going to be fun.

I'm glad Janet's going to get hers and all the men are going down. Damn. All the men except Luke look like they're going down this year. All right. Well, this was a fun one. Thanks everybody so much for being here. We will talk to you next week. Okay.

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