Watch What Crappens - #2782 RHOA S16E04 Part One: Bank of Trymerica

Episode Date: April 1, 2025

This is part one of a two-part recap!Brit reveals herself to be a true tryhard on The Real Housewives of Atlanta when she throws a fit at a bank party for zero reason and announces that she��s got a pistol. Meanwhile, Drew records … something with Hot Dog Dubin and Shamea records something with someone who most likely doesn’t specialize in weiners. To watch this recap on video, listen to our White Lotus bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watch Your Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Watch What Crappens! Watch What Crappens! Guess what happens when there's so much that crappens! Oh, hello everybody and welcome to Watch What Crappens! A podcast for all the crap we love to talk about on Eel Bros. I'm Ronnie and that's Ben. Hi Ben, how are you? Oh, I'm just absolutely fabulous. How are you, Ronnie? Good, darling. We just arrived back in our homes from Philadelphia and Washington, DC. What a weekend. Such a great time out there, you guys. Thank you so much for coming. So good to talk to

you. So great to hear from you. So great to hug you. We are not on the road this coming weekend, but the following weekend, we're back out. We're going to be in, are you ready? Because this is the last... Ready? Well, it's the last... That's not really the last leg, but we're going to be in Boston, and then Detroit, and then Chicago. Chicago sold out, sorry. And then we're going to be in two shows in Texas, one in Austin, and then in Dallas, that's May 9th and 10th. And then the 15th then we're going to be on two shows in Texas, one in Austin and then in Dallas. That's May 9th and 10th. And then the 15th, we're in Las Vegas. We've got two new show dates. We will confirm them to you once we get them. But for now, that's where they are. Boston, Detroit, Chicago,

Austin, Dallas, Las Vegas. So go over to watchwhatcrappens.com for your ticket links and calendar. And also that's where you'll find links to our Patreon, which is where you find our white load is no, recaps as well as our videos like we're on right now. And every day that we're not doing a live show. And then tonight, it's too late for you to hear it now, but tonight we're doing Crappy Hour every other Monday night, it's live on YouTube.

And we try to stream it to Instagram too, but YouTube is the most reliable, so go there. And that's that. I just wanna say with Chicago, Chicago I think is sold out, but they may release more tickets, I'm not sure, but they may. Oh.

And just keep, I'm not, that's not an official line, but I just, our experience in the past is that sometimes they will release some things So just like keep an eye on that if you wanted to go to Chicago keep an eye and we'll try to Announce that they're released if possible But hopefully we can get some more people in there because we're gonna have a great time there Yeah, as always use the ticket links from our website because they are the actual ticket links Don't just search tickets because you'll get step up or some bullshit.

Well, they'll try to charge. Yeah, there's like vivid seats. Yeah. Don't get scammed. We're Beyonce girl. OK, we're not Beyonce-ing you. OK, here we are with Real Housewives of Atlanta season 16, episode four of The Vault on the plane on the way home. I was watching this and there was a teenage kid sitting next to me

and very Lachlan-esque, like string bean, string bean kid or whatever. He was listening to Star Wars soundtracks, like all of them. I mean, he listened to a lot of Star Wars. I kept looking at his phone and I was like, wow. And he was like rocking out. He was like beating his fingers to it. He's like, yeah, fucking yeah, fucksie, fuck yeah. And he was watching, my. He was like beating his fingers to it. He's like, yeah, fucking yeah, fucks, fuck yeah. And he was watching my Real Housewives of Atlanta. I had the

captions on so he could watch it. I think this is the first time this man has been exposed to Housewives. He was trying not to laugh, but he watched that whole episode. Oh yeah. So in front of Real Housewives of Atlanta, you're reaching out across the aisle to children, children from Texas and who are now love you. I was really hoping that I would connect with my flight attendant. I felt like she might watch Real Housewives in general. And I thought like she might be amused that I was watching Real Housewives of Atlanta. So like if she was starting to approach and like Porsche was on the screen, I'd like pause a little bit because she's the most, you know, I don't know if she's just seen the new episodes

yet. Like she may not recognize Kelly, but she'll definitely recognize Porsche. So I'd be like, and I'll press play as she gets really close. So she sees like Porsche playing on my screen and then she'll like probably bond with and like, I don't know. I don't know what I expect out of those things. I do it all the time. I expect to become friends with the flight attendants, just like anything like some snack.

I'm like, can I get like a little snack? And it was a swing and a miss like nothing. She wasn't like, Oh my God, God, I love Porsche. I was hoping there'd be like a moment like that. Nope, nothing. So now you, it looks like you found your, you found your whale. Yeah. I got some laughter, uh, you know, at the screen, but I also just like the idea of Real

Housewives of Atlanta in this kid's mind playing to the theme, you know, at the screen, but I also just like the idea of Real Housewives of Atlanta in this kid's mind playing to the theme, you know, to themes of Star Wars. The galaxy far, far away. I know something about Carol's Oakley. In a city far, far away. Darth Portia. Oh, no.

Darth Portia. That's just Candy. Candy's doing the score. She's like, wait, I'm singing on that. Don't come for me. Uh, wait, I'm singing on that. No, no, no. I played on the death star. It's like, Drew, that blew up. No, no, I played on it. Drew, you're lying. It doesn't exist anymore. No, I'm pretty sure I just played on the death star. Well, I have to say, um, it brought me back to a lot of Star Wars music and all of it had better vocals than Drew's song from this. This is a funny...

What is Drew even doing? Drew will walk into a studio and they'll play one song and she's seeing something, singing something else, like, or she'll talk the lines. She'll be like, and then I pass him by. What are you doing? Can you sing the songs? Can you sing one note out of these songs please ma'am? She in the recording booth hilarious. The whole episode was hilarious. I am absolutely loving this season so far. I hope people are loving it too. I don't want to be an outlier. I hope that like people are feeling it. I don't know. I haven't like taken the temperature of the room just yet because it's only been four episodes a little early, but I think

it's really good so far. And I was cracking up and the thing that surprised me the most about this episode was that it looks like this was our episode. Um, uh, leading up to Kenya's big flame out where she liked something to Brit that like has rumored to be at worst revenge porn at best, just like shady nude shots over there on the internet. I don't know what it was, but like we all coming into the season,

we're like, ah, Kenya, she just goes too far. And yet I found myself at the end of this episode being like, fuck Brit. I was like, she's trying so hard. One of the most interesting things about this episode is that it's kind of turned people on revenge porn. Now people are like, fuck yeah, what's wrong with revenge porn? Bring back Kenya.

I know. Yeah, I was totally on Kenya's side about this. Well, let's ride the streets. There's revenge porn. And now they're like, yeah, what's wrong with revenge porn? Who cares? Because this girl is so fucking terrible. And she is terrible. She's so thirsty. The worst. She's trying so hard. And she's just like... Congratulations. You're a terrible sister and you're a terrible real housewife.

We don't know about wife yet because we haven't gotten that far into the show, but it's only episode four and you're already a terrible housewife and a terrible sister. I mean, that's a lot. Like, how did you turn the… How did you get people on Kenya's Kenya slash revenge porn side? How did you do that so So quickly and so easily. Like she wasn't really like, I wasn't anti Brit coming into it. I was like, okay, Brit, Brit's doing her thing. She's trying to, you know, do whatever. But by the end of this

episode, I was like, Kenya, like you were so thirsty. You were trying it so hard and you were going up against the legend. And like, you don't even know. Can you didn't even like, Hey, you're like a mosquito to Kenya. She didn't even bother really coming for you. Cause if she really did, she would have railroaded you. But unfortunately next week she goes too far, I guess. I guess we'll see. Maybe the best.

Depends. She's a mosquito with the H1N1 or whatever, because Kenya, it ended up taking Kenya down in the end. So. Well, we'll see. Yeah, it does. And I'm sure. Is that a mosquito virus?

No, I don't think. What's the one that mosquitoes give you? West Nile, malaria. Yeah, she's a mosquito with the West Nile virus there. Just as a... Yeah. Yeah. We are not going to sell you the name of H1N1, but we'll see.

Obviously next week the pendulum could swing right back. It probably will. But for right now- It could, but it's pretty amazing. It's a miracle that you... And as I get older, I don't believe in miracles as much. Well, that's right now- I could, but it's pretty amazing. It's a miracle that you, you know, and as I get older, I don't believe in miracles as much. Well, that's not true, I do.

But I'd like to say I don't believe in miracles as much, but I'm team twirl, me. It's been a long time. And you're also making Kenya look reasonable, which has not happened on this show in a very long time, where Kenya looks like the reasonable, sane person in an argument. She's like, what are you even fighting about lady?

She asked you about a wedding band. Oh no, oh killer, get out of pistol. You're an idiot Brit. Why didn't they fire Brit right away? Let's not even wait till that moment in the show. Or should we just wait? Should we just wait till the end? Then I'm not even sure what you're asking it.

And are you saying we as the broadcasters- Why are they firing Brit for kind of threatening gun violence or whatever? firing grit for kind of threatening gun violence or whatever? And I say Kenya because she didn't technically threaten it, but she did say like, well, I have my pistol. So I mean, if Kenya is going to get fired for putting some boobies up there,

she should get fired for threatening murder. You know? I mean, according to Married to Medicine, it's attempted assault and battery. So if Dr. Gregory had any say, you know, he would come out and sing his solo. There's some bullshit. If he had some say or if he had some song, he and Dr. Scott should really do a duet together.

Andy was like, do you guys want to start a band? Of course, Scott was the first one to be like, I'm down. I'm down. Well, with the court of Ben and Ronnie, the Ben Ron court, the ninth district circuit of Ben Ron court is in recess and will return or adjourn or unadjourn after next week's episode, and then I'm sure we will then have more adjudications to dole out to everyone. But before we break for recess, I will say Revenge Porn is bad, but Threatening Crime and Violence is worse. So, team twirl on this one. And I would like to see Kenya continue to pretend she has a beauty shop that's open. Because everything that I've read says that

beauty shop is not open ever. So, I want to to know is this just a set piece? And she's like, I dropped 400k into it. I'm like, well, you dropped more than that into Mark and you married him. So I don't know what to tell you, but I'm glad you paid for that house. Jared Siena Yeah, and then she got fired not long after. Yeah, well, we'll see. I forgot what I was going to say, but you know what? That's okay. You know what? That's okay. Um, just to say the D master over here because, and then I literally just walk about taxes. No, I don't think people realize it's not like, oh, we,

we flew in before. Like I walked in my door. I, I, I got off the plane. I went and got a sandwich and a coffee, and I ate my sandwich, I walked in the door and sat down and here we are. Like I have not even entered, I have not entered the depths, I have not seen my kitchen. I don't even know what's going on in there. There could be ants from the weekend. I don't know. So I'm not saying this to be like, look at me, I'm a martyr, although I am, I am always

a martyr when given the chance. Well, no, that's the Jesus story. Jesus was basically crucified because he was talking about Housewives of Monstop. They're like, we're gonna make you talk about Housewives. He just died for your podcast. But it's more to say that I'm Looney Tunes right now, because now I'm fighting the twin impulses of like food coma, airplane stuff, but also extreme caffeine. And I'm like, I'm ready. Let's dive in. Let's dive into this because I've got a lot of opinions and I'm just going to let them lose throughout the podcast instead of before the podcast. Yeah. Okay. So let's get going. Here we go. The vault episodes called the vault. I'm calling this bank of Trimerica because of- It's an episode about Keri Strug, the vault.

Let that sink in. Let that sink in. Oh, I was like, hey, didn't she hit that girl in the knees with a bat? Oh dear. No. That was Keri Strug. That's Tanya and Nancy. It's Keri Strug won a gold medal much like Sonia Richardson Ross, former cast member of this

show, but in gymnastic, remember she did the vault and she like had like a broken leg and she like, she like, whatever, did it in Atlanta, no less, I believe, I believe that was the Atlanta Olympics. I'm still better than all those Olympians get on cereal boxes. I'm like, what about bloggers and podcasters? It's about time someone said it. And now we've got it. Care about Carrie Strugman. Well, you can jump. Okay. So, um, here we are. We start with Angela Britt walking with a mimosa.

Oh no, with mimosa the dog. Oh, and this is another reason I can't with Brett. Let the dog walk. I mean, the dog is stuck in your house all day listening to you complain about granite instead of marble, okay? Because your husband is too cheap to let you get the finishes you want. And now we have to watch you carry the dog. She has a baby stroller for her dog. The dog's outside, let it walk around.

And then when they sit down, she's like, okay, now you can come sit on my lap, dog. I'm like, oh my God, just let the dog live its life. Yeah. I just, for some reason, it really bothers me that the dog's named Mimosa. I can't explain it. If you told me, if literally anyone in their audience said that they had a dog named Mimosa, I'd be like, oh, that's funny. But for some reason, Britt naming her dog Mimosa, it bothers me. I think I'm still like feeling the aftershocks of that catered dinner she had last week where she had her assistant dress up in black tie for no reason. And then they sort of like the lobster tails. So I think that she has like this thing where she tries to be fancy, but she doesn't quite know how to do it. So she's like, I'm going to be my dog.

And you're like, okay, sure. Yeah, she's trying. She's trying to sound she she and she's just she sounds kind of trashy, you know, because mimosas aren't good. And I'm sorry, I don't care what anybody says mimosas and everyone's like, it's the healthy drink for bread is the healthy alcoholic drink. Just pour fucking vodka in your cocoa puffs like the rest of us. It's a fancy ass drink. Yeah, I've gotten out of my vodka. I've definitely gotten to that place in my life where like mimosas are nice, but why not just drink champagne? Which by

the way, it sounded very much like it would be a tagline. That's like definitely a Heather DeBrow tagline, like in the works, right? Mimosas are nice, but why not just have champagne? Well, if your name was champagne, that would work. Yeah. Otherwise it really has no, it's like, it's just like a strange assessment. It's a strange, strange declaration. It's not so much a tagline as a declaration and it's like, but like how did the program do that? But I like tourniquets better. This season, we're just going to have them take stances on things.

But the opening credits. Sometimes sunny, but I prefer clouds. Clouds are great. You know what's even better? Shade. That would be good if someone was like a weather lady. Yeah. Okay. So, um, they're catching up, you know, and Angela's just working so hard because she bought five damn houses to redo at the same time. I love Angela. I love Angela. I really, I, I have not taken the temperature on this too. I don't know where people stand with Angela, but I'd love her. I also love that she has like that bubble

voice where it's not like there's a permanent bubble in her in her throat and I don't have an I haven't tried my question of Benson and hedges. Yeah I don't know how to do her voice. Yeah, I haven't tried it yet ever like that This is that's just coming out right now, but I just love listening to her talk. it's like a little one. So Britt tells us, they talk about how much they love Home Depot and Britt's like, Yeah, Home Depot is such a vibe. And then she tells us, Yeah, I want to know Angela, because you know, I don't have a lot of girlfriends because females didn't really love me. Like they love me or they hate me. I'm just, you know, I'm that girl that everybody wants to be. So we know she's an asshole.

I mean, we already knew she was an asshole, but this episode is really the Britten asshole instrument. You know, congratulations. You got your asshole on the walk of Mimosa. God, everyone wants to be her, an insurance agent with a dog named Mimosa. So Angel's like, I really wanna be that insurance lady in a dog named Mimosa. Uh, so Angela's like, I really want to be that insurance lady in a denim top.

Somebody please. What do I have to do? So Angela asks how the husband is. And then Britt just starts coughing. She's like, um, something like flew into my mouth and it's so rouse, which was funny. And then angels like, breathe through your nose, you might want to have that looked into just metal straws. I mean, anything at the her nose is literally concave all the way to the back of her face on this

part. They just took out this whole they took out the whole bridge of her nose and just left a little part with holes. It's just traffic. little time with holes in it. It's just traffic. So Angela's like, let's get out of the, let's get out of the wilderness. Let's get out of the wilderness. Sounds nothing like her, but I'm going to have to commit to it

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You can listen to Even the Royals early and ad-free by joining Wendery Plus. So they like sit down and everything. And Amber's asking like, how's everything going? How's everything going on with your family? And she's like, family is everything. Yeah, and she goes, yeah, family is everything. And then she's like, yeah, I hate my sister too.

She's a bitch too. I fucking hate my family. You hate my family. You hate your family? Yeah, family's everything. Yeah, we should have known she was about to talk about some shit going on in her family when she goes, family is everything.

You're like, uh oh, shit's going down. So she's like- Both of them hate their families and just keep saying family is everything. It's very real house-like in New Jersey, or my family actually. My family was like that. My whole life my family was like,

my family's everything. And then they fought over money and whole life, my family was like, my family's everything. And then they fought over money and now they don't speak. They haven't spoken for like 30 years. Good job, guys. Turns out Ronnie is actually related to Angela Oakley. He's like, this is my aunt. I have the nerve to ask Charles Oakley to clean a countertop.

Oh yeah, because we're in a relationship. This made me so happy, this part. So she's like, well, my sister and I, we're not seeing eye to eye on a lot of things. My mom was in the middle and here's the thing, you know, as a married woman, we shouldn't include our family, the dynamics in our marriage, but I made that mistake. And then she bits these. What? Nothing.

What? Nothing. Just listening. Laughing. My mother has an opinion. She was brave enough to share that opinion with Charles. And she's like, Oh man, not Charles. And I'm like, yeah, they had a big argument about cleaning up. Man, Charles really wants those counters clean because remember he almost disowned his own daughter in the first episode. He's like, remember when I came home and the house was dirty, she's like, I cleaned the kitchen dad. He's like, no, you didn't. Not enough. Don't fuck with Charles Oakley's countertops. Clean them off.

That was my favorite. When I thought like, oh damn, this is probably a really bad argument. And then you find out that it was just about cleaning things. I was like, this is great. And she's like, well, it just imploded. And you know, even though they've apologized, my husband feels like, you know, what happened yesterday. So basically mom has a lot of opinions on how things should be done.

Charles has a lot of his own opinions and how things should be done. And he holds grudges. That's what that is. Your mom doesn't want to clean the kitchen. Just say it. Your mom doesn't want to clean the kitchen and Charles Oakley is too rich to argue about it. And you're like, clean the kitchen or we're not going to support you. And she's like, I'm not cleaning the kitchen. I'm the mother. And she's like, okay, well, he's not going to support you now. And

she's like, what am I? What the hell? You have five houses. She's like, all you had to do was clean the countertops. I think it's that I think the mom is not that the mom didn't want to clean. I think the mom weighed in on what the best practices to clean something. And Charles is like, no, I clean it this way. And the mom was like, well, you really should do it this way. Because that's more of what a mom would do. That's what a mother-in-law would do. Say, oh, you do it that way? You know, when my mima passed away, my mom, one of her greatest angers that it was hard

for her to let go of was that my grandma would come into the kitchen after this big long dinner and she would insist on doing dishes. And my mom was like, I don't want you to do dishes. Stop it. Just go relax. Because my mima insisted on taking the iron pan, what is it? The cast iron pan. The cast iron pan and scrubbing it all the way clean. And my mom would spend like months getting this thing built up with all the shit you

have to do on those things. And then she insisted, she's like, no, this is clean and this is the way it's going to be. I'm not eating out of a dirty pan, Rhonda. I'm not doing it. And that was one of the things my mom couldn't let go of in the end. It's not crazy. So I get it. That's totally, by the way, that's a totally valid thing to not give up. Like that's a valid, like, oh yeah.

I think I told you that like, there was some- My mom was buried in a pay less shoe box. It was not cast iron coffin. Um, no, I, it was one of those like, uh, like really cheap Ross dress for less stick stickless pans or whatever. Someone's someone's day with us recently and, um, they use the cast iron skillet and then they like like I was I was out and they used it and then they like let it soak and I was like I

Was like first of all who told you to use the cast-iron skillet? But second of all you don't like cast-iron skillet. So I came back I was just like soaking with like suds in it and I literally Who I'm getting triggered right now. Just think about it. Get out of my house. So Angela says, you know, and I take care of my family financially and that comes from Charles. So Amber, think. Yeah, I get it. You know, sometimes we try to send our help or like resources and it like backfires

No pun to the gun. I bring up later in the episode. This is Chekov's backfire I just said backfire so you know someone's gonna be gonna be threatened to be shot later I'm just like how old buck for and Brits like well Also, okay, my sister needs some help and then my sister when she's mad She's like, oh, he's trying to be my daddy. And I'm like, no, my husband's not trying to be your daddy. No one can replace my father. So, yeah, a lot of tension between Brit sisters and Mike is what we're learning here. Yeah. And she has a middle sister, Cher, and her older sister is Tiara. What a name of three sisters, Brittany, Cher, and Tiara.

Definitely sounds like a girl group. I'm sorry, go ahead, Ben. I was going to say that she says the dad was like the focal point for all of them, which makes sense. And he died suddenly because he got a blood clot and they were all surprised. And so Britt says that her sister Cher took it the hardest and their relationship has just never been the same. Yeah, which we find out later is kind of bogus. So then not that they didn't take it hard, but that this is the reason that they're not talking. She's like, she died because my dad

died of a blood clot. It's like, I think something's missing here. So then now they walk on and they're talking about the party. There's going to be a big party. It's going to be in a bank vault. And Angela's even going to include Shamiah, even though they got off on the wrong foot. So then we see the flashback to them arguing and Shami being like, Oh, whatever. I'm cool with your 90s nose. It's like, whatever, flavor, play. Which is still great. So then Brittany's like, or Brits, like, she's like, so what do you think she meant by that? And then just like, you know, she just felt like I was acting and I'm like, no, that's just who I am for my friend. Like, you know, I just like, I just like to show up for my friend. You know, show me after her jabs and I threw mine and I'm open to hashing it out

and moving forward. So Brit is hoping that they can, they can, you know, settle it and Angela's just like, you know, you know, you know that mean energy when you see it. And so of course this now opens the door for Britt to talk about Kenya. Yeah. She's like, um, well, I like Shemia, but you know, um, you know, Kenny is mean, you know, she was really snooty and, um, she's still mad because Kenya said, what about your wedding band?

And now she's going to make it the biggest storyline in the world. You're trying too hard. you're a try hard. You need to like find something else to do. You're exhausting. And not in a way. Yeah, I mean, if you can't deal with Kenya's light shade, what are you even doing on this show? I think that she's trying to be like,

I'm a new generation. I'm gonna stand up to these aunties. But she's just coming off like a kind of a bratty kid, right? So she's like, Kenya doesn't have a problem. All I see in my mind when she's talking like this is like stop elder abuse, you know, those buffer stickers. I'm like, yeah, stop it. Leave us alone. We've worked hard. We went to war this generation. We did. So Brits like, could like probably ruffle a couple of feathers, but

like, who wouldn't have a preconceived notion with a personality like hers? So basically, she's like, yeah, I've watched this show. And Kenya thinks she can just be snobby to anybody, but I'm going to take her down. And she kind of did the end. God, I hate when bad people win. I hate it. I mean, Kenya kind of took herself down because she went too far as usual. But still, this girl was the impetus. Impetus. Get out of here, impetus. Oh, Bueller, I wasn't saying that to you. Bueller just walked out of his town between his legs. Bueller's like, huh? So, then we go over to Shamia's place and we hear her song playing. It's like, baby, go on, relax, back, baby, you know, I'm gonna handle all of that.

Never had, they never had somebody that can relax, relax, put yourself on this table. You'll get a massage and relax. Put your feet over here. Put some oil on that feet. Relax, light a candle and relax. Put on some Yanni and relax. That's a great song. Yeah, I like a song just telling you to sit down, you know,

because I feel like most songs are like, get up, hit the dance floor, everybody dance and put your arms up. I like one that's just like, sit down, you fat bastard. Your feet are swollen, you had too much salt today. Sit down, you fat bastard. Your feet are swollen, you had too much salt today. Sit down, you fat bastard. You're swat going up the stairs. Snooze eight more minutes. Was just eight more minutes.

Go back to sleep. Don't dance. Put up your feet and stay in that chair. I like a song just called Don't Dance. So then Shemia's sister comes, Tawana, and this is so us, by the way. I was like, was this produced by Watch It Crappins? Because they go have this beautiful, they do this whole camera set up by the pool. And Shumia is ready to give America her new song, Don't Dance, Sit Down Instead,

you fat sweaty bastard. And Tawana's like, I can't wait to hear it. And then it's like, fucking leaf blower every single time. It is the whole scene. And they're so committed to that outdoor setup. They're like, no, we are gonna continue shooting this. We're not gonna take it from the top outside. We are doing it here. She's like, I wanna show everyone my pool. And an entire scene goes by with brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr one for it. Shamiah's like, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna door dash some olive oil. Hold on a minute. I'm gonna try an Instacart. Because it's so loud. It's so loud. And so Shamiah's talking about how music has always been a big part of her life.

She started off at a choir and church, and then she sang in a group with Carrie Hilsen. and then she sang in a group with Kerry Hilsen, and then she was in a group called Co-Ed, and she did all this stuff, and she just loves singing, singing, singing, singing. God, she just loves to sing. Which is all a setup for when later on, when Portia is a total asshole to her, when she plays her song.

This is what this is in retrospect. Music has always been very important to Shemia, but Shemia hasn't always been very important to to music is basically what I got from this scene. But I wish her luck with her new solo. Rain, rain, go away. Come again some other day. I really like the remix went like this. Here, sing the song. You do it. I'll do the remix part. Rain, rain, come again for the day. So she's decided she's going to apologize to Angela because it was not nice to go after her terrible physical appearance and she should be going after her terrible physical appearance. And she

should be going after her soul, like most people. She wants to be more Death Eater and less like Joan Rivers. So she's going to make this up by door dashing or Instacarting some olive oil and somehow turn this into a prop, which she means doing a lot of things I really don't like, which is multiple singles and... Olive oil humor. Just bad props, you know what I mean? Wasting a full bottle of olive oil on a prop, because olive oil is expensive, okay?

Well, she's right. It's gonna get more expensive. And at the end of this scene, Tara, so great! And at the end of this scene, she's like, oh, I hate that damn wind, that leaf blower. Maybe I'll buy the house next door too. So they can't do that anymore. And it's like, oh, yeah. Shamiah at one point, it is funny though, because Shamiah is like, you know, I was a smooth criminal for telling her that she looks like Latoya Jackson. I mean,

and now how am I going to moonwalk that back? Am I right? Your nose is mine. Oh, I'm just playing. So then we go to Portia and she was by the way, she reached the number of legally acceptable Michael Jackson puns before they actually owed the estate something clearly. They're like, Shania, you're gonna have to cut it out. That's it. There's blood on this dance floor. Okay. And we're going to clean it up. Hold on. Oh my goodness. Look, here comes my cleaning lady. Diana, why are you so dirty? Head dirty, Diana. Am I right? I'm so bad. She has a...

I'm looking at the Shamiah in the mirror. I'm asking her to change her ways. So then we go over to Portia who's at a WeWork or something pretending she has a whole building dedicated to Portia's line. Now I was a little worried because they keep calling her line Pamper and I was like, that's taken. You know, cause I was like, who wants, who wants to have a line named after Pamper? It's like, come on now, but it's called pamper. And I was like, that's taken. You know, cause I was like, who wants,

who wants to have a line named after Pampers like, come on now. But it's called pampered pampered with Porsche. Isn't pampered take it's gotta be. She's like, it should be. Sure. Bronte. Just names after different items. Um, pampered. Let me see. Pampered, pampered, pampered. Um, pampered by Porsche is the first one. So, you know, Porsche serious.

She at least got the first Google search. It's pretty good. What about pampered chef? Oh, pampered by Porsche is number two. Pampered chef comes up first and then pampered by Porsche. But the next one for me is pampered tails, which, Oh, I get pampered auto care and then pampered chef stoneware and then pampered by Portia. But the next one for me is pampered tails, which. Oh, I get pampered auto care and then pampered chef stoneware and then pampered chef pizza stone. I still have an image of Keri Strzok on my screen

because I looked her up and it's her looking like, Keri Strzok is giving an image. She's giving a look at the camera, like why are you looking at my picture right now? It's kind of amazing. She's like trying to be polite, but she's also like really um like fuck off perv She is she's definitely giving like a like who the fuck do you think you are? She's like um hi I'm trying to move on with my life. I put it up on screen so everyone can see she's like really upset to be on the podcast Right now it's a little exclusive for crap then demands members. You can see Carrie the podcast right now. It's a little exclusive for Crappies and Demands members.

You can see Keri Strug right now. Oh yeah. She's like, Oh, could somebody straight out of my hair? That would be nice. Thanks. How about less picky picky and more irony irony? That'd be great. How about more blow outy blow?

She's like, does Porsche have any pampered products for gymnasts? Is there a specific line for that? She's like, I am a top gymnast and I have static cling. So somebody's talking to me. I was told this episode would be about a vault and now I'm hearing there's no gymnastics involved. So what am I even doing here?

Okay, so we're at Porsche's place pampered by Pampers. And she's like, hey y'all, I just wanted to make sure we can get together, you know, because, you know, there's been a big change because I've been focused on anything I could do home, you know, and so that's what we're going to do now. And Johnny's like, you're going to be Martha Stewart from Decatur. And she and she's like, Oh, Martha Stewart was run out of prison because she had to come out and then come out and go get it. Okay. So she's basically says, um, she's been selling sheets for the past few years, which I had

forgotten about, or I think I knew about, I think we knew about that, but I'd forgotten about it. Sheets, you know, sheets is low key. Um, one of the most popular, um, real house of apostles. Don't forget that Countess Luan also had some sheets, the Countess collection. She also sold, I think, flatware. So, which is also what, you know, flatware is also

how her singing voice is described. So, Portia- It's also what Brittany asked for when she went in to get a nose. So, Portia is talking about building my empire. And then when she goes, we're building a billion dollar empire here. And it goes, it's a lot of this. The producers kind of hate Porsche this year because she's like, you know, her agents like, so are we talking about ambassadors? Because Drew reached out to me and she wants me to

sit down with her and talk to her about doing work for her and Dennis. So I was like, wow, Drew, really? Now you're going to try and come for Porsche's agent? Really? Yeah. Yeah. And so of course she doesn't, uh, Porsche does not like that. And she's like, she's like, yeah, well, we're always looking for ambassadors, but they have to be serious about their

content. Sort of implying that drew is not very good at doing what she's doing, which is not a surprise. So yeah, he, uh, he says that, uh, that she reached out with, with Dennis and she, and he said, he's like, well, you know, he says, Dennis says, well, you're well connected and trusted in the music business. And there's like a lot of things you can do to help us out with Drew's music career. And it was just like random because I was like, when did Dennis become Quincy Jones? Which is a question I think a lot of us have been asking. Where did he get qualified to do any of this? Aside from a children's album he produced three years ago. Yeah. And she's like, well, as far far as true there are some other things that she's not done according to her contract that go naked corporate will handle and

She tells us go naked hair does have a full-blown team attorneys We have admin we have HR and then as she says each of these things the editors keep popping up Porsche HR or KK Porsche, but then they keep spelling the name different. I didn't even notice that the names are spelled differently. I saw I did see that as Porsche Porsche Porsche but it was definitely giving like a Porsche aka Porsche we have HR aka Porsche. It was definitely very Karen Huger in that moment. It was very much like she was acting like this was like a Fortune 500 company. It's all you. Yeah.

So, um, Oh, really? You're trying to serve much today as well. Well, someone's copying me. The original must seller. But now we go over to Drew and Ralph. So this is Ralph's first scene of the season because he's been living in the basement. And of course, they rolled that clip again where Drew says, Ralph's been living in the basement. She tells Kenya that. And they just had that shot going down the stairs into like the darkness.

It's a Ralph's domain, which is just, it cracks me up every single time. Why is Drew trying to get this thing out there that she's always outside with her children? Like every time we see her with her children now, she's like, look at us out in the front yard playing ball. A, do you have a backyard? The front yard is very dangerous

to be playing ball in all the time. And why are you always outside? I don't believe very dangerous to be playing ball in all the time. And why are you always outside? I don't believe Drew's always outside. I don't believe it. In a lot of fake Drew storylines, I will believe that you pay your chef before I believe that your ass is outside throwing a ball for your children. I think that's fair.

Ralph is doing football drills with the kids and they start running and everything. And then Drew tries to be funny and she tries to run as well. And Ralph was like, don't tear them killies. And we see like footage of Drew tearing her Achilles by doing nothing except running like three feet. So she's saying that like, you know, Ralph and I are better co-parents than we ever were parents or, and we see, uh, we see this flashback to the therapy session. Yeah.

When there were a couple and we see a flashback to their therapy session. And I When there were a couple and we see a flashback to their therapy session. And I forgot about those line, but this line was amazing. But Ralph was like, Oh man, everything's a problem for her because she's like insatiable. I tried to get her steak and lobster. She deserves a lunchable. So he's like, you know, all this stuff that you're telling, all this stuff that you're telling them to, you know, the magazines and stuff like narcissist, he goes, you are a narcissist. He's like, no, I'm not. Do you even know what that means? And then the producer says, do you know what a narcissist is? She goes, you're going to make me look up narcissist. Okay, well, how do you spell that?

By the way, Ralph has shown up for his, we've seen his interview look. He's just wearing, he's wearing a blazer with no shirt and producers are like, why are you wearing no shirt? He's like, ah, he doesn't have any good answer for it, but he's like trying to pull off a look and he's definitely can't do it. We also see that he's been really leaning into his basement life. He did like an MTV cribs for his basement and it turns out the basement is actually really awesome.

There's like a movie theater down there and there's like a whole man cave. So he's happy as a full kitchen. He's fine. I'd live in the basement too. If Drew was upstairs, I'd be like, could you please take off your heels? That would be my, that would be my thing. I would just be on a little radio going, Drew Drew, Ronnie Ronnie, please take off your goddamn heels. Okay, tell your slam team to take off their heels

too. I'm trying to watch big business again. Thank you. So yeah, she's basically, she's saying that he's a narcissist, which seems about right. And he's like, Oh, well, I mean, if that's your experience with me, then that's your experience. But like I did, and I do apologize for that. Ha, see, well, I mean, if that's your experience with me, then that's your experience. But like, I did, and I do apologize for that. Ha! See, look, guess what? Nurses can't apologize. So, ha, ha.

I think you really got one there. Then we find out that it's part of their divorce decree that they can't talk to the kids about the divorce. So no one's telling the kids anything. They're just like, are you getting divorced? They're like, mmm, lips are sealed. Okay. Can't really-

Dad's just living in the basement for no reason. Just go throw a ball in the front yard with your mother. Okay. Yeah. So, yeah, they can't talk about it, but someone brought an article to JoJo. And so now they have to kind of like navigate it and they're not really sure what to do. Yeah. And so she tells him, look, take the kids whenever you want, what the fuck do I care?

And he's like, oh my God, we're a great couple. And they are kind of like, they still have their chemistry. I mean, it was terrifying chemistry, but they've still got it. I don't know, maybe they're pulling a PK in Dorit, you know? Yeah, I mean, Ralph was doing his like, like trying to charm America thing where he had his big smile out

because he has that enormous smile. So he's got the smile and he's being all silly and kind. He's like, I'm just Ralph. Everyone's Ralph. Everyone loves Ralph. So I don't know. Isn't he just wacky? This is what I call fun sliver. Isn't he just fun? Fun sliver. Sliver, a comedy. The screwball comedy America has fallen in love with, Sliver. The fact that Ralph got in trouble for spying on his family with cameras now has an actual screening room in his apartment, which is kind of terrifying. It's like, why is Enigma playing so much? So Kelly...

Tell our dog man to wear better underwear. So Kelly goes over to Kenya, more hair spa, Kenya, more hair spa. And you know, they say hi and everything. And Kenya is really nice to Kelly, because Kenya is also smart. She knows she's going to be mean to Brit and she'd be nice to Kelly. And then Kelly will be like, Brit, you're crazy. Kenya's also smart. She knows she's going to be mean to Britt and she'd be nice to Kelly. And then Kelly will be like, Britt, you're crazy. Kenya's so nice. It's a great game. And she's chosen Kelly to be her little deputy. And by the way, she also chose Kelly because I think she knows that Kelly is worthy of it. Because I think Kelly has been great and Kelly

is kind of fearless. And she does like baby shade, she's like a good like baby version of like, she's like Muppet Baby's version of like the Real Housewives of Atlanta. And I think that I say that in the best possible way, right? Like, cause we love Muppet Baby's version of Kermit, just as much as regular Kermit, but he's just like the Muppet Baby's version. And so I think like, Brit is not a Muppet Baby's version.

Brit is just like, she just wanna be. She's a garbage girl version. Yeah. So Kelly's in there and the premise of this is that Kenya still hasn't opened. But I can't wait to open and I want Kelly to be here because she has a waffle restaurant. Which doesn't really make a lot of sense, but.

Ha ha ha. But she's doing her like sweet Kenya voice. Like, okay, do you like my hair washing station? Kelly's like the hair washing station is great. Now, where do you make your waffles? We don't do that. Okay, well, you're gonna need a waffle iron in here for this pot to be successful. That's that's my key to my suggest waffle curls. Sheree walks in.

Just want to say waffle curls. They're just putting their hair through the waffles. That's probably going to become a thing on TikTok. Guys, instead of spending all that money on an unnecessary thing, ditch the flat iron and get a waffle iron. Yeah. If you guys see this happening, I came up with it. Okay. Grandpa Rod came up with it. It's like the weirdest crimp of all time. Yeah. The waffle crimp.

So Kelly is saying Kelly is there to give advice, you know, business owner to business owner. And she's like, you know, I'd love to really be able to witness Kelly as an entrepreneur, as a girl boss. I mean, Kenya, as a girl boss, as a business owner. She reminds me a lot of myself, just of course with 90% less maple syrup, but either way, love her. 100% more working businesses that are open.

It's also slightly different. So Kelly's like, oh, I'm wearing one shoe that's a different color than the other shoe. It's a very Sarah Jessica Parker moment. I mean, I know you love Kelly. I think Kelly's a little try hard too, but I think she just needs some time to kind of work hard. You know? Yeah. She's trying hard, but I think she just has more upside.

I think that she has, I think that she has something there. She has more upside too, but I mean, we're comparing her to it. So, but I, but like, yeah, this whole like, I'm having a has something there. She has more upside to, but I mean, we're comparing, you know, right? So, but I, but like, yeah, this whole like, I'm having a Sarah Jessica moment. She's like, we also sometimes serve different color waffles at the restaurant just for Sarah J. Um, so Kenya's like, wait a minute. Sometimes we just throw waffles out a window. Sometimes we just throw waffles out a window.

Let me say why remember the time when waffles used to be fun. So, uh, window riding on a waffle. Remember? But her pen is a waffle also. I broke my fountain pen again. I couldn't help but wonder in a city where I'm always waffling, maybe a waffle is what I really need to do when I sit down in a city. Like, well, she's young. She's working on it. She's working on her Sarah J. How are you supposed to date in this city when you don't have any holes, but you have so many divots? You know.

That episode's called just the tip. Just. I couldn't help but wonder, was this a waffle? That's it. I couldn't help but wonder, was this a waffle? That's it. I couldn't help but wonder, is this a waffle? It's the shortest version of sex and the waffle. Is this a waffle? Sex and the waffle. So she, they sit down and Kenya's like, um, wait a minute. Why do you have a bodyguard?

And we see this like guy, the size of a wall at the door, like, and there's a waffle guard and turns out, just sells just outside waiting for her ride. Don't worry. So it turns out that Kelly Kelly's ex, she's like, you know, you have an M.A.R.K. and I have an M.A.R.K. meaning that she also has her ex is also named Mark and he is a dipshit and he was abusive and he made physical threats in court. I mean, this guy's a real idiot. He threatened to kill her in court, on a court record. My God. Can we get some subtlety with our threats of violence? My God, whatever happened to the poetry of violence? I mean, my God, whatever happened to the poetry of violence? I mean, Jesus.

What happened to have it breathing on a phone? But, um. This is really bad, but this is, sorry. Get ready before you. Waffles. Welcome back to the news, guys. I'm all right, waffle news, welcome. This is also why sometimes Kenya just,

if you don't know how to take Kenya, this scene could have gone very differently if this was someone else because Kenya's like, wait a minute, you're saying Mark? I'm spelling his name because I don't want to say his name. Oh, so Mark, okay. So you're saying he was abusive? And she goes, well, I've had some situations. And she goes, were there physical threats? And she's like, yeah, I have a restraining order. Do you have proof? She's like, yeah. I'm like, Kenya, I mean, Kenya, to a lot of people, I think that could sound like Kenya's kind of questioning

the veracity of these statements, but she knows how to take Kenya. And she's like, no, no, yeah, he threatened me. He fully threatened me in court. And she's like, you know, we were in court and they actually held him in contempt and he threatened to kill me. And she says, unfortunately, he can't see the girls right now because of the threats towards me. And the judge awarded her a restraining order. So, God, that's insane.

So that's why she has the bodyguard. It's like, actually, it seems like the first really good use of a bodyguard ever on the Housewives. I know. Because normally it's like, Yeah, you know what she, uh, she threw out my burrito. So I've got a bodyguard now in case, cause I do not stand for that sort of activity with a burrito.

People misbehaving in a wine barn. But yeah, this guy sounds like a real piece of shit and he sounds awful. It's ridiculous that she has to have a bodyguard and it's not even a funny bodyguard. The bodyguards are usually here for petty reasons and she has to have a legitimate bodyguard and that's so fucked up and this guy sounds like the worst person ever. So, because he basically wants the business. And she started the waffle business when they were married, but he like, she always ran it. And now he wants in on it because, you know,

I guess she brought in the money or something like that. And so he said, if I don't get to have the business, I'm going to close everything. And you wouldn't have anything without me. And Kenny's like, he tried to color purple you you do right by me the color waffle um so you already waffled already been waffled to me And I am here. So she says that, yes, by way to to exhale him, which is funny. It's a Kelly is basically saying, like, I really like Kenya. I don't know what the deal is with Kenya and Brit, because I haven't experienced anything that Brit was talking about. Is this the same

person? She seems great. So, you know, it's smart. Kenya's shrewd though too. Kenya knows how to, Kenya knows when she's about to go into war, she senses it already with Brit. She's gonna bring in a newbie, cause a rift, get her allies.

This is like child's play for her. Yeah, she knows she needs some newbies on her side. She can't do it just with, you know, the other half of the cast. So she's like, okay. So she's like, well, am I doing the right thing? Because I put 400K into this. This is my daughter's college fund.

And Mark is being evicted from his Brooklyn place I read today. So he's not gonna very much help. Not that anybody expected him to be. But so she's like, I actually like this moment. Yeah, it was nice. She's like's like, you're doing the right thing. Yeah, it was nice. She's like, no, you're doing the right thing.

And Kenya's like, tear, tear, tear. She's like, you're doing the right thing. Don't worry about it. All you have to do is open it at some point. Yeah. Well, I like this because normally the house has fake, this kind of shift. Like I'm opening up the most luxurious and wonderful day spa that this city has ever seen. And we are already

booked for weeks and weeks and weeks to come. It's like Caroline Brooks, you know, with the toilet falling through her floor. But here she's like, um, I don't have anyone coming in here. And I blew through my daughter's college education money. I am fucked. And I was like, I kind of liked that. She just was like open about it. And she's like, just give me some advice. Question, will putting up posters of revenge porn bring people in next week? I was thinking that might be a good tactic. Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two part recap. For part two, go look for the recap that says, part two.

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