Watch What Crappens - #2798 Summer House S0909 Live in Chicago: Shabbat Sha-homies

Episode Date: April 13, 2025

We’re live in Chicago to cover Summer House! Jessie hosts a Shabbat dinner as an excuse to sing for too long, Lindsay confronts Carl with a wonky Lil timeline, and Paige talks herself out of the Craig of it all. To watch our video recaps, listen to our White Lotus bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.com See you soon Austin, Dallas and Las Vegas!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watch Your Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Guess what happens, guess what happens Guess what happens when there's so much that happens Hi Chicago! Hello darlings! Oh! So good to be here. We were in Detroit yesterday and they tried that pizza shit. And then we came to Chicago. It's like, pizza war! Pizza war!

There's really no night like Chicago night for us. And you guys, I've made sure this is going to be a good one because this is a sold out show. Thank you you Chicago. And Luanne has been in this building. I don't know if you know. Sure you've been here to Luanne. She's putting little stickers everywhere. I went to the bathroom she wrote her fucking phone number on the stall. This is a particularly special night, especially for me, because this is our very first ever Watch What Crappens Passover Seder.

Huge night. And normally at Passover, we do something called the Four Questions, where you say, why is this night different from any other night and I would say the answer to that is that Normally on Passover. I would be with my family eating matzah and instead I'm gonna talk shit about people in the Hamptons tonight Is that Well tonight you're still with family and you're gonna probably eat pasta later so that works out I Would like to congratulate the couple getting married in our hotel.

Oh yeah. Do I have to be part of this? I just want to sit in the lobby. I came down there. This is, they were taking their photos in the lobby. Get the fuck out of here. I paid for this. She's like, her veil, her veil was out. I was like, girl, you're in a hotel lobby. Yeah.

Have some respect. How do I already have to be annoyed by your marriage? I don't even follow you on Facebook. Yeah. I went into the elevator and there was someone from the wedding that was just dressed in a tux, just this older distinguished gentleman in a tux. Just this older distinguished gentleman in a tux and like I instinctively was like, hello there.

It was like he was like too handsome and too tuxed up to not be like, yes whatever you need from me sir. I felt like he was my boss. You found out their names. What are their names? Oh um Madeline and Hunter. Madeline and Hunter. Madeline and Hunter. They sound like assholes, don't they? Not individually to any Madeline's and Hunter's, but you know together they're assholes.

We're having our wedding on Coachella weekend. Yeah, we're like anti-coach. So I got in the elevator with the violinist and she had like a big wagon of stuff and I said What do you do? Like why do you have a wagon and she's like, oh, I'm a violinist for the wedding And I was like fucking Madeline, huh? She was like, yeah I'm trying to get her to talk shit. I'm like, we've got four floors Madeline's a slut go I had someone just someone just yelled out,

that's my name. Sorry, Madeline. She's like, I'm the bride. I left my own wedding. He sucks. Love your cookies. You know, I went to lunch someplace in a neighborhood that I was told, is this a real thing?

I was told it was called the Viagra Triangle. Wow. Horny. How is that not a show on Bravo? I mean it kind of is. It's like the origin story of Erica and Tom. That is a neighborhood I do not want to live in. Fucking old men with hard penises that never go down. Keep that shit out of my face. Do they have a just make it go down pill? Give me those. Why date an old guy if you actually have to fuck him? Happy Passover. All right, well this week we're doing Summer House.

Summer House? Yes, yes. Which we're doing Summer House. Summer House? Yes, yes! Which we're so excited by. You know, it's been a very busy week in Summer House News with the ladies. I went to Lil's Instagram. She's getting sawed in half at the moment. By the way, magic is dope. So I went to her. and last week she was like, you guys, Summerhouse doesn't define me.

So if you're coming to my page to talk shit about Summerhouse, I'm telling you right now, this page is about yoga and free expression. I'm not talking about, it's like post every day about Summerhouse. And they're going downhill, you know, because she had kind of the Joe from Vanderpump rules thing of like thinking that everyone was gonna love her and then everyone's like, yes, what? Really for no reason, Lil did nothing, okay? So people are like, fuck you, let Carl go.

So by the end of the week, Lil's just like, she has a voiceover like, stop bullying yoga teachers. And then so I went over to Lexi's and also let me just say also Lexi has not done anything either, including wearing pants anywhere. Like put on some pants girl, It's 20 degrees in New York. So I went to hers and she, this is my favorite one. Sabrina Carpenter has taught me a lot this year. Me too, girl, me too. Okay, so, okay, this, I'm gonna play the sound

of Sabrina Carpenter and then I'm gonna do, I'm gonna enact her video, okay Carpenter whilst and then I'm gonna do I'm gonna enact her video. Okay You can't see you can't hear that That's the quietest we've ever gotten here. I know. So Sabrina Carpenter talks a lot lower than I thought because she sings like, Oh, pay me, pay me.

And she's like, to not cry on. Here's how you don't cry. When you cry and you're wearing makeup, tilt your head over. And then the tears just fall out and they hit the ground. And meanwhile, in the video, Lexi's like, I'm like literally crying right now, you guys. Look at me. I'm like literally crying. I was like, Kyle already did this.

Do you remember the COVID season when Kyle's like, love her voice, try to leave me out. I can't walk in there. Straight into the webcam, we're like, girl. Try harder, Lexi. I just love Lexi crying to try out this tier management innovation. And it's like, lean forward and tilt over so that the eye drops fall directly out of your eyes.

And just imagine Lexi walking around like, oh. What's wrong with that girl, and why is her posture so bad? Why does she keep running into walls? I can't see! It's worth it! All right, everybody. Welcome to Summer House. Previously on Summer House. Uh, hey guys, Emerl here.

Hope you don't mind. Brought a couple of rando arrows to bang. Those bagel bites. Oh my god. Two chicks. Emerl Beast. Uh, Luxie's not here, so... You know, I'm trying to fill my time with positive stuff. Mind if I jerk off to you banging randos?

Yeah, man, I mean, if you don't mind getting your toe jam sucked off, like it's in the tub of a tiny fish thing in a footspot, you know, bro? I'm in. I'm in. Um, Jesse, how was your weekend without me? Oh, you know, I toed the line. Did you miss me? Well, you know, I mean, getting through the weekend was a feat.

Aw! Were you a good boy? Well, you know, I mean, getting through the weekend was a feat. Oh! We are a good boy. Hmm. Something's afoot. I suspect you're possibly gonna get mad at me over something I definitely didn't do, so... Wanna be exclusive? Oh my god! I'm so lucky! Promise? I'm so lucky. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe hehehe heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Pinky toe promise said that she slid into Carl's DMs after fucking her parents at a soccer game last summer.

Oh, really? He was engaged to me, and he's such a victim that he hasn't been able to dare talk to anyone since I broke his sad little victim heart. Beat him. Such a victim. I'm gonna get pregnant with another man's baby. You already did that.

I'm gonna animate the with another man's baby. You already did that. I'm gonna animate the sonogram on the fireplace in my mouth. You're such a fucking liar, Carl. Leto. Eviscerate him. I'm gonna attack him in front of everyone the night before the anniversary of his brother's death.

That's it. That's the one. Roll with that one. Roll with that one. Show him who the real victim is. Paige, I just want to make sure that like, when you go on tour, you know, you don't forget that it's the last time you'll be outside before you're chained to a pool heater.

Popping out babies for the rest of your life in Charleston, in Charleston, in Charleston, in Charleston. Gross. Ew. I just wanted to make sure we're on the same page. Ew, you know, I don't even read. I love you so much, Page. Sierra Craig is like such a hater.

Jesse, you sucked a toe! Yeah, I mean, we weren't exclusive. We've been talking for like three weeks. In dog years, that's like 21 decades. My bad. Want to meet my mom? Oh, my god, you're like so romantic. And scene. Sorry, just got to catch the husbands up a little.

Hot husband alert. It's like Dylan Efron over here. Viagra Triangle. Suddenly I love that neighborhood. I'm like, come on, you can do this. So we start this episode in New York City. It's August 9th at 2 32 p.m. So in case you thought it was 2 30,

you're two minutes behind the show. So Lindsay pulls up in the key of death to pick up Paige. And they're being so nice to each other. It's so weird. It's like one of those dodo videos where you see like a hamster hugging a chicken. Or a hamster hugging a cat. Just anything that would eat the hamster normally.

Yeah. And this is not gonna end well. And I'm not even sure which one's the hamster and which one's the cat, honestly. Oh my God, like hi honey. Wow, that felt so weird to say that to Lindsay. Um, hi, do you need help with your luggage? No, you're pregnant.

Like what am I gonna have you do? But if you could lift my bag into your trunk, that would be very nice. Thank you. You've already got enough baggage to deal with. We're going to see Carl. Think about it, Lindsay. Think about it.

So Paige is telling us, like, you know, my friendship with Lindsay has like changed so much over the years and like, you know what I love about Lindsay? She could be wrong, like dead wrong. I mean, she almost always is. But everyone in the room could be like, Lindsay, you're wrong. And then she'll be like, no, I'm not.

And I'm like, I used to get so frustrated with that, but now I realize, you know what? Old people need to have their thoughts too. Then we get a flashback to five summers ago, which is crazy. And Paige's like, fuck you, Lindsay. I like when Paige gets mad and all of a sudden she has an accent. She's like, fuck you, Lindsay.

All right? And now you're trying to say I was a bad friend and now you're just going to shut this shit down. And Lindsay just goes, I'm not even going to talk about this. Let's just go out. I don't know. Yeah, and now that I'm getting deeper into my 30s and Lindsay's getting deeper into Social Security, I'm just like, you know what, I don't owe you shit.

Even if I'm wrong, I'm not apologizing to you. You were like that in your 20s too, I saw it. Can we roll a clip, just a montage of Paige apologizing for think, don't have one? Do you have one? Do you have one? No? All right.

I love Paige saying, now that I'm getting deeper into my 30s. I just looked, she turned 32 this month. So she's like, yeah, even if I'm wrong, like, I'm not apologizing. I got that from Lindsay. Like one day I'm going to show a picture of an angry raccoon in the trash to my grandchildren and I'm going to be like, this is who raised me. Her name is Lindsay.

I was raised by Lindsay Hubbard. So all you women who are entering your seventies, you can do it. You can raise a child. That's Lindsay. She was always Activia-ated. Oh, God. So, Lindsay. You caught this lovely lady by surprise down here, and she's just trying to get it together. It's been a long time coming for Paige to like me.

She used to push me down in crosswalks and trip me with canes. But we're best friends now. She helps me walk to my car and gives me hard candy. That's sweet. And we have a flashback. I totally forgot about this scene, but I used to love this scene where Lindsay, like it's Paige's first season I think, and like Paige and Hannah and all like the young girls were like talking on a couch because they were

scared to be out in the backyard and Lindsay comes out like, oh is this a committee or something? I don't need a fucking committee anymore. Like, no, fuck you, Lindsay, fuck you. She's like, um, I don't need a gangbang. It's the only person to say that this season. I know. Don't go in Emberl's room. So, Lindsay's basically saying, yeah, look, it's been a long time coming, but they're friends now, so now they're gonna share. So, Lindsay's like, my emotions are like insane

and I just feel bad for like anyone in my line of fire, which is why I exclusively kept all my emotions in so that way I could have Carl in my line of fire at dinner tonight. So you didn't say anything to anybody? She's like, well, no, because I don't want anybody to know anything that I'm gonna say anything to Carl because like I wanna ambush Carl.

Like you can't ambush Carl if he knows that it's coming. And it's like, and you didn't check your facts before any of this, right? It's like, mm-mm, of course not. Love that for you. Lindsay's like, look, it's probably gonna be my last season on this show. Let me just have like one good evisceration.

Let me just, let me just fly off the handle one last time, okay? Just let me have this. This is not gonna be Lindsay's last season. Cause remember when Wes was like, how's she even gonna do this show? She's like pregnant, guys. And then Lindsay went on Instagram and she's like, how dare you?

I founded this show. I will come on here with babies hanging on every fucking thing that they can hang on if I want to. She will, I don't know why here with babies hanging on every fucking thing that they can hang off of if I want to. She will. I don't know why I would ever say that. She's gonna come with a minivan full of kids. She's gonna fill that key up and get them wasted. Those kids will just be selling Loverboy on the side. The guy with them to work. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial.

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So we go to, we go back to the city and Jesse is picking up Lexi for a date and he goes, hey. Yeah. You know. Your makeup almost blew off. Poor Lexi. So she's like, um, after kickball, I went home and cried for like two days straight. But luckily it all pulled on the floor.

Thanks, Sabrina. I think like being a loving person is also like learning to forgive somebody. I mean like Jesus went exclusive like immediately with people. That's why he was like such a baller, am I right? I forgive Jesse. He didn't mean anything. So they pick up West, which is as exciting as it sounds. He's dressed like he's in fucking what's the one where the two girls like steal the car and go over

the cliff? Thelma and Louise. Yeah. He's dressed like the Grand Canyon. So what's wrong with me? I can't remember Thelma and Louise. Love to hear, coming here making Lindsay old jokes. I'm like, hey, what was that movie with that lady and that other lady? Just came out two years ago. So they're like, here comes Bubba. And he's like, hey guys, no making out while I'm here, okay? Come on, guys. And he's like,

Wes is asking like, so what was it like meeting Mama Sal's? And she's like, um, yeah, and I also met his dad and his brother. I was like, really good. I cried the whole time. And Jesse's like, yeah, you know, it's not normal for me to like introduce someone to my fam so quick, but

she was desperate, my toe was clean of skin, and I thought it might be time. Might be time to take the plunge. So then we see a flashback to yesterday dinner, and Jesse's mom's like, So, what exactly do you like about him? Three things, one thing, one thing. Just give me one solid thing. And Lexi's like, you know, he's like very silly and like he's just been able to go through so much and he's just so much of what the best part of life is. He's like so special, he really raised a great and just he's just he's so much of what the best part of life is like especially really raised a great boy he's just like wonderful and then they showed Jesse's brother who is admittedly like not as

attractive at all he's like I was like oh this poor guy they're like Rob or whatever his name is Rob picks out good yogurts at the store. But he's never committed to anyone, okay? What do you have on my son? Do you wear pants? Ever? Do your knees ever get cold? So then Jesse, back to present, Jesse's like, Oh, did I 100% want her to meet my parents?

Nah, no. I didn't. But you know, I didn't just put her through some stuff, so I figured, you know, I'll lead her on. That's what girls like. Yeah. Thorough her bone, yeah. So Jesse's saying, yeah, it was like a super,

chill, chillax, casual dinner, you know, with me and my brother Rob, who's almost got his first date the other day with someone. Anyway, I just think that coming off kickball day, I was like, hey, why are we rushing it, you know? But Lexi felt really strongly and kind of held a knife up to my throat and said, let me meet your parents.

So here we are. She felt strong, I was kind of forced into it. She was wearing thighs on, bombs on her thighs, you know, innocent little threats, you know. So I did it. And Wes was like, well, I mean, look, I gotta stand up for my bro. You know, being forced, that's not good.

And my wisdom in this situation is like, if he's not ready, it's not time. You know, I introduced Sierra to my parents so I could fuck her and... Didn't really work out for me. So God, I was just hoping this guy would learn something, am I right? Lexi looks like she wants to push West

out of the moving vehicle. Yeah, like who the fuck says that? Like she's like, uh-huh. He's like, yeah, you know, like torturing a guy like you're doing him, like demanding some respect before he sticks it in you. She's like, hmm. And Jessie's like, hmm. Come on, babe. High five, babe. High five, babe.

Yeah. So then we go to the Hamptons. It's 5 16 p.m. Some shit's gonna go down soon. So the girl, Paige and Lindsay arrive and Paige is like, boop, boop, boop, boop. All right, the handicap thing is coming down, Lindsay. Just tip your tip toe out of the car, Lindsay. Be careful. Can, be careful.

Can stop elder abuse. Gonna put the sticker on the back of your car. Can someone get our bags? We are both pregnant right now, thank you. So then, everyone's showing up. This goes on for like five minutes, people showing up. Which for me, the highlight of it is Emeril and Jessie and West, or Emerilerald showing up and the only reason why this is

A highlight for me is just because you hear Carl trying to be like down with the young Bro Sup you fucking beast. Yeah Want to gather for a little front door hello? Yeah, front door hello. Front doors are for the boys. Softer. Softer, softer.

A little harder. Softer, softer. Okay, Jesse, you're harder, Wes, you're softer. Okay, now Wes, you go hard, and Jesse, you're soft. Aw, aw, aw. Says like, oh my God, it's Paige. Paige Beast, get over here. Hey, Paige, you wanna have a soft tug?

And she's like, um, hi Carl, nice shorts. Poor Carl. This guy can't win, he comes in white pants every week and I hate your pants, Carl. And he's like, I'm gonna try shorts. I'm like, no. Gross. So then Kyle and Amanda arrived because they were in Italy

and Amanda just comes in like, hi. Oh wait, no, ciao. I'm like a different person coming back from Italy. I'm like a different person coming back from Italy. And Jesse's like, oh, ciao bella. And poor Lexi's like, I'm really insecure with guys that I'm talking to, like talking in Italian to other people. How awesome.

Whenever you cry, tilt your face down so the tears just drop onto the floor. It really does, actually when you speak it like that, it really does, I do feel like Sabrina Carpenter will be saying that when she's 75. On this very stage. Yeah. It does feel like something like a wise and old like lounge performer would say, Hey, kids, don't let them see the tracks of your tears on your cheeks. Cry on the floor.

Happy Passover. How was the wedding? It was phenomenal. It was fucking amazing. It was like a four day fucking bender. Amanda finally got wasted, which is all I've ever wanted for her. So we're in love. We're in love again. That's the only time he really loves Amanda

because every other weekend he's like, come on Amanda, fucking A. But every time she gets drunk, he's like, I fucking love you baby. I really made an effort you guys. I even peed the word guacamole into the snow. There was no snow. Oh, the snow. Got it.

Yeah. So Lindsay's like, hello, what are we doing tonight? And Jesse's like, well, guys, it's Shabbat. So he's all happy because he's going to cook a big Shabbat dinner. And he's like, guys, I'm going to do broccoli and then I'm gonna have all the brisket and every single other thing catered. I was like... You don't trust them with your broccoli?

How do you trust a caterer with a brisket but not broccoli? How do... You're not getting hero points for roasting broccoli. If I remember correctly, this is a broccoli household, okay? Everyone knows I do that. Remember that one season where they're like, um, this is a broccoli household. He's like, yeah, Shabbat, that's like a Jewish tradition. It's amazing. Growing up, we would do it every Friday, pretty religiously. I remember one year when my brother Rob got caught on fire by the Shabbat candles. That was hilarious.

So the producer's like, oh, why would you do this with these non-god-fearing heathens? The last thing anybody needs, we need a baby in this house before we need religion sir, okay? And he's like, well we're family you know, and plus religion's a great way to springboard my music career. You know what, with Shabbat, it's just a great time to get together with the family, put the phones away, talk about the week, get your toes sucked, eat some good food. Come on guys, shabam.

So, Sierra comes and you see her just get out of her car and she's like, I can't even bother with the fucking bags right now. What's changed? I love that Sierra shows up exhausted and she leaves exhausted every time. Sierra's just always like... Uh... So, Jesse starts...

Jesse's like, Oh, hey, guys, I'm making a TikTok. Gonna make a TikTok of Amazon packages. Oh, hey, Sierra. Goddamn. Look, everybody, Sierra's here. Fucking 10 has arrived. Am I right? Am I right? Hottest fucking woman on the planet.

Mother of my future children. Lexi's say... Am I right? Am I right? Hottest fucking woman on the planet. Mother of my future children. Lexi say, Lexi the au pair, say hello to your future mom. Oh my God. She's like, I think that Jesse and Sierra thing is kind of sketchy. So she's like, Jesse says nothing's going on and that's it's all a lie.

But like, am I being like stupid? Hold on, I gotta cry over my knees. I like that they gave her a pause. She goes, am I being stupid? And then it just paused while she was like, the answer is yes. Yes, you are. So then we see a flashback to the kickball game,

the hardest sports we've ever seen on this show. When Lindsay's like, I'm so, I heard that Jesse got his toe sucked and asked Sierra to marry him. And she's like, what? So then we cut back and she's like yeah, but like Jesse says there's nothing going on and then it's all like yeah, so.

So then Wes is like guys, since I know we got Shabbat tonight, I'm gonna do some cheeseburger sliders. Oh, at least they have pork. Well, dairy and meat. Not a great start to Shabbat, West. So Paige is like, girls, can we sit outside? The guys are, like, working. It's disgusting.

So they go, and meanwhile, Kyle's like, yo, yo, Jesse, what the the fuck, like two weeks ago, you know, you were like, maybe this week I'll sit down with Lexi and we'll like go exclusive. He's like, yeah, but you know, my penis is so dry. Called the parents, okay, called the parents. You guys are like exclusive? Oh, high five, high five, Jesse Beast, bro, yeah.

Oh, oh harder Oh, do you heart soft Have a more mindful high five a functional high five So s is like, yeah guys, but he like got bullied by he got bullied into doing it You know typical storyline on this show a woman bullied a man So, Wes is like, yeah, guys, but he, like, got bullied by... He got bullied into doing it, you know? Typical storyline on this show, a woman bullied a man.

Oh. So, Wes says, like, oh, well, you know, they FaceTimed on... Well, I was FaceTiming with Jesse on Wednesday, and he was like, I don't think, like, I should ever introduce her to my parents ever, ever, ever. And then we see this FaceTime where he was like, I don't think I should ever introduce her to my parents, ever, ever, ever. And then we see this FaceTime where he's like, are you gonna introduce her to your parents? And Jesse's like, hell no.

There's no chance she's meeting my parents. Just saying. So he's like, yeah, you know, I told her I wanted to meet my parents, but that was before kickball. Why do you make it sound like she did something bad at kickball? It was you, sir.

So then Lexi is, Lexi is of course flexing in front of Sierra. She's like, I met Jessie's parents. Which is her way of being like, lay off. And Sierra has like the most emotion she's ever shown. She's like, holy shit. Why? And Paige is like, so did you go to dinner?

She's like, yeah, we went to dinner. Okay, like it was exactly what I needed because like, you guys, I left kickball crying. Don't let the tears run down your face. Bandova. Bandova. Don't let the tears run down your face. Bend over. Bend over. She's so proud of the fact that she left kickball crying. She said it like five times already, you know? She takes fright and crying, you know?

Though she did it on her TikToks. She's like, guys, watch me cry. And then she laughs off to the side like, I'm literally crying right now on my phone Her sister's in the back like you need some lip liner. I know like with a paint roller. Lip liner Olympics over there So she's like yeah, and then he took me to my favorite restaurant Bahama Bucks. It was so romantic It was so romantic. Ah! Amanda's like, what? She's like, yeah, there's like a lot of things that I get missed because like I wasn't there the weekend before.

Like the toes sucking and stuff like that. And then like everyone was saying that like you and like Sierra, you and Jessie were like flirting and stuff. And like I feel like I know both of you guys and you guys are like brother and sister. And Sierra's face is like this. Just looks at her. She doesn't deny anything. She just looks at her like, ew. So Sierra's like, um, yeah, but like, I've just like never

seen it, so like, it's not happening, right? Sierra's like, right? I couldn't think of two people less like brother and sister than Jessie and Sierra. I don't think that brother and sister touch each other like that. White Lotus has not aired yet. So Paige summarized, we see then of course,

a montage of Jessie being totally handsy on Sierra. And then, Paige just sort of summarizes it by saying, yeah, Lexi's being a little bit too Canadian. Gotta open those big blue eyes. Lexi, something's going on, okay? So lean down. And Sierra's like, yeah, Jessie was like definitely times 10. Like it probably was because you weren't here.

So do you want to leave? They say this by the way, like 10 times to her. She's like, they're like, yeah, yeah, Jesse was acting some way because you weren't here. So maybe you should think about the fact that he acts differently when you're not here. And she's like, ah! Paige literally goes, look,

if you're gonna become his girlfriend, he needs to change his behavior for when you're actually in the room. And she's like, yeah. Yeah, so like, maybe like when you're not around, he like cranks it up. Ah, yeah. So you should yell at him.

Oh. So Amanda's like, oh my God, you guys, I feel like I missed so much. Like, what? What is that girl talking about? What happened? How was Carl's launch? And Paige is like, I mean, it was in New Jersey. So, ew.

Thank God. Amanda's like, did anything interesting happen there? And Lynn's like, oh yeah. I mean, he was like, he's trying to eat this girl. Her name is Lil and she likes magic. Katya, by the way, magic is dope. So now the boys are in the kitchen and Jessie's like, so you seen your girl since your event, Carl?

What's up with that? And Carl's like, so you seen your girl since your event, Carl, what's up with that? And Carl's like, oh, yeah. Oh. I saw Lil, who I've been leading on since, as we find out later in this episode, October of last year. So we go to this one pathetic date. Let's take a look. So we go to their date.

And Lil is like, Carl, I got you a gift, here it is. It's a representation of you and Lindsay's relationship. A lemon. Oh, Carl's so offended that he just got a lemon. He's like, this is disgusting. It's like, yeah, like I got you a lemon because you always make lemonade out of lemons. He's like, oh.

You always make lemonade out of lemons. He's like, oh. Oh. Is this a reference to some mindful beverage we can serve? But also you could use it. And he's like, oh. Oh. For what? I just need to, I need just like a little bit of time

to think about how I'm gonna use it. So let me get back to you in like two months to never about this lemon, okay, thanks. He lemon okay thanks like yeah so you know some parts of her personality are a little zany so any bees still a little much a little much so I think just like being friends with her parents right now it's for the better and West is like well you know a big part of this dating process is um learning experiences Cuz you know like we're not all engaged and you just gotta get out there Why are they talking like Carl hasn't gone on a date in 25 years?

Carl is he's like I have not been able to touch, talk to, or be around a woman since Lindsay terrorized my heart. I can't even go to farmers markets because I'm afraid I'll run into someone selling medjool dates. Oh, too soon, too soon. I keep the calendar closed. I'm terrified of dates.

Commissions. Here comes one right now. We go to Lindsay inside. Oh, back to the girls talking. And Lindsay goes, okay, here's what happened. We've got this magic girl going around telling people that she's sliding into his dance and possibly his parents' private barns

while we're engaged to be married. And at that time, every post is like, oh my god, I can't wait to get married to Lindsay in like 100 days until I'm walking down the aisle and he was doing this the whole time, talking to a magician. Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Lindsay came ready and she's like, Yeah, and by the way, that girl is a homewrecking horse. Poor Lil. I know. Lil. She could only wish she had it as easy as Joe. Seriously. So she's like, Um, but beyond that,

like I've always said something happened in those last two weeks because he was acting like a person in a hostage video. So then she's like, yeah. She tells us, you know, Carl is weak as fuck. And I don't think that he would have done it if he didn't have somebody giving him confidence and security.

He never would have broken up with me unless there unless there was another option and here she walks in Like that's not a terrible point. Yeah, I I was kind of convinced by that I was like, yeah, it seems about right. So I'm gonna give this one to Lindsay I'm the same way don't take away my appetizer until my dinner is there. I can lick the plate while I wait You're gonna leave me here on bed? Fuck off. Lexi's like, so you're gonna ask him? She's like, yeah, I'm waiting for the right moment. Directly after the Shabbat prayer.

So, Jesse, yeah, Sierra's like, oh, so Jesse, I guess we're married now. You wanna carry my bags up? So he does. And he's like, I would sit next to you on your bed, but you know, like psychos out there, you know, ready to boil a bunny, so. Sorry.

Don't put me near toes. So everyone's changing, getting ready for dinner and everything, and Kyle puts on sunglasses because you guys what you may have Forgotten is that Kyle is on a very important emotional arc right now He's going to be performing an original song a la DJ Maddie Reese in the Hamptons See you and he's scared. He's very scared right now. So he's putting on sunglasses So he feels safer

I glasses so he feels safer. He's like, hey, do I look good? He's up and coming. Do I look like an up and coming DJ in these glasses? These are my glasses. He's got like these little tiny glasses. Up and coming, more like down and went. So Jesse's like, sounded way more salacious than I meant it to be. More like a blow job, right?

So everyone's getting ready. Jesse is making his broccoli really hard work, salt, pepper, oil in the oven. He's a hero. So, Sierra's like, Sierra says something that I fully support for her. She goes, you know what I'm thinking, Paige? It's time for me to date an athlete. I'm like, yes. Oh, okay. Sounds great. When you're like, you know what I want? Like a guy to stop fucking around and just show some commitment. I feel like dating an athlete.

Listen, as long as she's getting the fuckery, why is she stuck with like a Weston and Austin? Might as well get- Get a rich one, yeah. Get some abs and some pecs and go to town. If you're gonna date a loser, date a rich loser. Yeah. So Paige is like,

oh my God, so the Giggly Squad tour is about to start, and I'm so excited, except it makes me sad that Craig's reaction is immediately like, oh my God, I love you. Do you wanna settle down? I mean, disgusting. Gross. So we see a flashback of Craig

at Dress as a Pirate being like, what about me? I expect my boyfriend to be like, oh my God, I'm so proud. Do what you need to do. You know, you do it. But like, that's not the reaction I'm getting. Also, it's kind of like, whoa.

So everyone goes downstairs for to gather around the the table and uh Kyle is like stressed out still about like his upcoming big DJ gig at like a winery off a country road in the Hamptons. off on Country Road in the Hamptons. And he's like, It's like zero. Right? That's like a dirt road. I'm so nervous to perform at this lover boy event under that tree that I hired.

Bro, bro, what if Ina Garten shows up? What if she replaces me with like a store-bought DJ? So. Yeah, you know, I'm a little stressed out because I'm playing all new music tomorrow. You know, writing music, you're gonna still bust out some Kylie Minogue in her- I don't know, settle down, Chapel Roan. So he's like, Kyle's like,

I'm stressed out, it's new music. And Amanda's like, yeah, he's been practicing with sunglasses. You're really a sick fuck, Kyle. He needs like a thunder vest. So Kyle... Just imagine him on like that Netflix show,, where they send the little Japanese children doing errands and they have the little flag that's like, don't run me over, I'm on an errand

for a reality show. It's like him being like, I'm here to do a DJ set. It is cute, it is. I'm really excited for this because I've been lugging speakers to the Hamptons for like nine years, you know? I've been lugging a man down for that long too. She got the commitment first, so I'm really ready for this. So we see nine years ago, Kyle lugging speakers to the Hamptons. I love Kyle's arc.

Once I was just a fuckboy, carrying speakers. Like once I was just a fuck boy, carrying speakers. It just ends. The whole thing. So yeah, he's basically saying that he's been doing these, he's been like bringing speakers around and hosting these parties for a long time, so why not kill two birds with one stone, exactly. But enough about it, Merle, am I right? All right, everybody, welcome to dinner. Welcome to dinner, all right? Shabbat shalom. Am I right? All right, everybody, welcome to dinner.

Welcome to dinner, all right? Shabbat shalom. Am I right? You see? We're going to do phones. We're going to put our phones in a bin, guys, because Shabbat is a time to unplug, be present, so nobody can talk while I'm singing my song. I'm gonna sing it. Do get your content first.

I love that he was like, guys, this is your moment to get your content for Shabbat. If you'd like to upload it to your social networks, this is the moment. Okay, and now in the bin. So it's like boys versus girls on the other side of the table. And he's like, is this right, all boys?

This is Shabbat thing. Is that how you do it in Shabbat? So he's like, all right, guys, we're just going to do a quick prayer right now. Hand me that microphone. That'd be great. Thank you. Baruch Atah Adonai

Eloheinu I'm Hey Hello I'm so crazy Kid you say But me too Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And then the red she parted am I right?

For for reference the actual prayer goes the actual prayer goes, Baruch atah ha'anoy elhineh me'el halam Asherah gideeshan ha'anum mitzvah ve'tzivan lechad v'ner shal shabbat Also, by the way, I have to say, so, I would love to congratulate Ronnie that he read that, sang that prayer beautifully. I had some training. I was like, I'm giving you the words.

I'm giving you the words. I love that in this religion, it's totally fine to jerk off at the table. This was the first time that I was like, I could join this one. I could join this one. Just kidding, guys. I don't jerk off at the table.

Underneath the table, guys. Keep it classy. So three hours later was Jesse finally finishes up this prayer. And Lucy's like oh my god did that make your fanny flitter, Loxy? It did, my fanny was crying for two days straight. So they're all like talking passing food around and stuff and Jesse Jessie's like, hey everyone, so Shabbat is a day of rest. So the tradition is- He's just like, perfect, I'm in. Bat mitzvah my ass right now.

She's just a dust cloud and just in her bed. She's like, the tradition is just to get together your family, talk about your week, and think about what you wanna leave in that week and what you wanna bring to the next week. And Kyle's like, I'll go first. Yeah, dude. I wanna play some sick beats from Garage Band

and not get scared. The best thing to happen this week was Amanda got so fucking wasted on the plane that she held my hand. Oh man, that was romantic. She kept whispering my ears, get me the fuck off this plane, I'm gonna my hand. Oh man, that was romantic. She kept whispering in my ears, get me the fuck off this plane, I'm gonna fucking barf. It was amazing.

I thought your hand was a Biscoff cookie. And then West is like, wow, on a plane, dude, that's fucking hot. Yeah, I was like, we're in economy and I'm fucking half mass. You were in economy. Amanda, leave this man. The speaker was in first class. Economy to Italy. The man's driving an M7 and he's flying your ass economy. No. Yeah, that's bad. That's bad. So, Sierra's like, guys, I've got big news. I babysat a cat. You know when someone's worried about their paycheck on the show,

when they bring a cat story, she's like, I babysat a cat. Next season, here I come. So then, now it's turn, it's Carl's turn. He goes, oh, okay, I've got some news. I went on a date last week and I realized I'm gonna keep dating. Wow, what a lovely thing to hear from a 42 year old man. I heard about a place called the Viagra Triangle. I'm a little scared but I'm gonna lemon or an orange or any sort of citrus,

but I'm just gonna go into it and just hope for the best. Wait, wait. So does that mean you're gonna keep dating that girl or does it mean like you're gonna keep dating other people after that? I'm still kind of drunk to be honest. No, no, no, no, I'm not gonna date that girl. I'm just gonna, I don't know,

try to find people who are also into magic, but like don't call me a lemur. I don't know, it's scary. I'm looking for people to support soft, but not necessarily make me soft. So I'm gonna. But she brought me a lemon. She brought me a lemon on the date

and is like, oh, you're turning lemons into lemonade. And after five minutes, I got it. And I was like, cool. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Page discuss, a lemon? Yeah.

She brought me a lemon because it was like, you're turning lemons into lemonade. And I was like, ooh. Started drawing Lindsay's face on the actual lemon. I thought, that's not cool. Not cool. Emeril's like, that's so cringe.

Cut to later tonight, Emeril bringing the lemon back to fuck. It's not cool. Not cool. Emeril's like, that's so cringe. Cut to later tonight. Emeril bringing the lemon back to fuck. Well, you know. Emeril, you're not the person to be calling out cringe right now, sir. Okay. So, Lindsay's like, oh man, was that your first date with her? was that your first date with her? Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr She didn't message you last summer Carl really? You didn't meet her parents at a soccer game? Carl? No, I met her parents at a soccer game. That much is true, y'all. Oh, and then why? You set her up with their parents' daughter?

No, no. Softer, please. Really? So after this soccer game where people play soccer, you started messaging her? No, well, this past fall when she messaged me, I would like to get messages. So last fall, like last year, fall? I was like last year, cause fall's before Christmas when the New Year is, girl. I'm gonna ask you a question that a lot of people have asked me when I've asked them to invest in soft bar.

What are you getting at? Oh. Your little whore of a girlfriend, girl. Why are you calling her a whore? She's going around saying that you guys have been messaging since last summer before we ever broke up. Case closed, girl. Case closed.

Roll up, case closed! Oh, case closed! Oh! I wasn't messaging her when we were together. Oh, oh, show me one person that's ever heard of softball. Never shows. Proceeds, proceeds. Do you want the truth? Do you want the truth? Prove it. Do you want the truth? Do you want the truth?

Prove it. Do you want the truth? Prove it. Because you can't handle the truth. Prove it. Give me the phone. Go get your phone right now, girl. Go get it right now. I want receipts, girl. Go. Go. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. My phone's charging Okay, okay, let me go let me get my chair, okay Guys just like an announcement. I'm gonna go up the stairs. I decided I'm gonna keep going up the stairs Okay, I'm gonna go to the stairs. Okay. Let me get my phone Um, let me go for a girl who messages me while I'm engaged to be married in fucking two months. Like, that's what he fucking did. Like, seriously, you're gonna go for a girl like that? And then you're gonna try and hide it into the diner? Like, seriously, huh?

Seriously? I, uh... I fell down the stairs. That was the best part. Carl was so shocked by his own text, he's like, oh. He literally stops on the stairs and is like, oh, will she see if I deleted this? Will this be in the deleted delete? I had a soft landing.

Foot bump, foot bump. So he comes back in. And he's like, oh, OK, I got the phone. OK. And like, none of this has anything to do with us. He goes, it does, because you have a terrible judge of character. And he goes, well, maybe I do. Maybe I do.

He's like, oh, I pray for you. I pray for you. I worry about you. I pray for you, ugh. I pray for you. I pray for you. I worry about you. I pray for you, Lindsey. I pray for you. I pray for you. He is killing Lindsey right now. It is so hard to watch.

I pray for you. As someone who hates to see Carl win ever at anything, I'm like, oh my god, he's slaughtering Lindsey. And how she didn't jump over the table and throttle his ass when he said, I pray for you. I'm gonna pray for you. Oh, fuck you. I pray for you. I'm gonna pray for you. Oh, I'm ready. I'm ready. I pray for you.

Yeah, I pray for you. That was low. But good, it was good. Gotta give Carl credit where he deserves it. It's not often, but I'll give it to him today. So Lindsay's like, I got him now. Now, now, now, now, now. So we see, this was so disappointing.

We see the time stamp was October. I was like, ah, I'm so ready for this to be a thing. But it wasn't. So she's sad, so now she's changed it to like, well, she shouldn't be going around giving the wrong timelines. What sort of slug gets around wrong timelines? Yeah, you haven't been on any dates

and you haven't hooked up with anyone. Poor Carl, you're such a victim and now look you talked to somebody on October 23rd which is last year after we broke up. Fuck you Carl, how dare you. How dare you talk to somebody else while I'm pregnant. Oh, that is not my baby. That is not the point. I actually do think it's still a little weird because if you met the parents over the summer, why all of a sudden she arrives and the DMs

as soon as he's broken up with Lindsay, like what vibe was put out to the parents that they said you should call, reach out to this guy, Carl. I don't think it's totally, I don't think he's totally in the clear. And I want you all to think about that. Yeah, I'm guessing that he met the parents,

was like, oh, weird fan parents, oh. And then she followed Summerhouse. So she was like, oh my God, they broke up. Immediately got on there. I was like, remember when you met my parents, magic is dope, come on, come on. And they're like, okay, I'm gonna string you along until I need to look virile. Because that was in October, and then he didn't ever call the girl until July.

This is also, that's also kind of fucked up. He's like chatting with her for like nine months, then finally brings her onto the show just to dump her. I don't know. Yeah. I don't know. I'm just saying, I'm not gonna let Lindsay lose this one so easily. I won't let her go down on flames.

I mean, I'll give her the part where she says that Kyle's been walking around acting like such a victim and she doesn't believe he's dating and all this. I'll give her that. But this was just so good. She's like, oh really? Give me evidence? Fuck you anyway, Carl. You look stupid in shorts. And everybody is dying at the table. The girls are just dying to each other. Because you know those girls told Carl, Lindsay's coming for you.

Be ready. She does try to grasp at things. She's like, oh well, why don't you tell me you met the parents? And he's like, I don't go to soccer games and say, hey, I met the coolest parents. I'm like, do you, Carl? Cause I can be like, hey mom, and guess what? I met the coolest parents.

He's like, but I like, wasn't trying to like play games. I wasn't. She says, okay, well I care when I'm being told or when it's coming to my attention that things were overlapping when we were together. And unfortunately, that's disrespect like it's fucked up and I'm going to bring it up. Okay, but you were wrong. But still. Thank you for giving me your seats.

And then everyone at the table is like, wait. That's it? It's over? And they're all like, okay. Nice. Well done. Lindsay is still yelling and Carl is not bleeding and we're all still at the table. Good job, guys. We're growing up. Danielle burst into the door.

Did I miss it? The train was stalled! So, Carl's like, oh well, that was awkward. Emeril, any thoughts? So Emeril says he gets to spend time with his cousin's kids. Well, no one cares, that's boring. But thanks for trying. Thanks. Thanks for trying, Emeril.

And then they're like, do you speak Bengali to them? Because I don't think they've met anyone who's like, wow, someone who speaks another language. I speak Bengals to anyone who will listen. Amanda's still drunk, everybody. Sorry. I cried into Bengals. So Jesse's like, all right, and Lexi, what did you do this week?

Oh my God, it sounds bad, but normally, if I got into an argument with a guy, I'd be bending over crying my tears into the carpet. But I get immediate ick, but I never talk to them again. So I'm really proud of myself for like dealing with those feelings and talking it out with Jessie. We had snow cones. Kyl's like, is this toe gate? And she's like, yeah, there were some other things too.

And Sierra's just sitting right there and like Lexi just knows not to even touch this topic. So they just sort of like move on back to Shabbat dinner. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I knew about the show. What else did he do? What else did he do? What else was there?

He's like, no. No. So Paige, how's your week? She's like, I'm terrified. I'm basically dating a guy from a Lifetime movie who doesn't want me to go on tour. So that's great. Do you know what he said to me the other day?

I love you. Ugh. By the way, this broccoli sucks. So they basically wrap up Shabbat. It's very nice. They clean up and everything. Everyone gets up from the table, and Emeril announces that he's like, not gonna really go out tonight, which is shocking.

Although I think he does still go out, and Wes is like, honestly dude, I'm okay with an early bed, and then tomorrow we just absolutely shred our dicks off. So Paige and Amanda are in the room, and Paige is like, oh my god, that was wild. I've never seen an old woman shut down like that. She hasn't cried that hard since they cut Social Security. I haven't seen an anger older woman since they said

they were out of Ovaltine at the supermarket. And so then Jesse is back in the kitchen. He's like, yeah, you know what? Like, I'm just so glad you weren't lying, Carl, because if I made you get that phone and then like there were Dians, I was like, whoa, is he using Shabbat as an excuse to sing, because I've already got that number covered.

I know. So then Lindsay, so she calls up Turner because she basically, you know, she has to lick her wounds. She's like, yeah, I had this conversation with Carl and he like showed me the phone. I was like, cool, tell your little fucking girlfriend to stop telling me the wrong time and try to do magic tricks in my DMs, you know? But anyway, anyway, what's new with you? Turner's like, I haven't been this stressed since I was married to Jane Fonda.

I wonder if that's a clue. So then we go back to the kitchen and Lexi turns to Carl and she's like, so, Carl, since I was married to Jane Fonda. I wonder if that's a clue. So then we go back to the kitchen and Lexi turns to Carl and she's like, so Carl, how are you feeling about the dating life? I just need to go on dates, just like practice a little bit and just try. It's like really scary. Yeah bro, Emeril's like yeah bro,

but this is when like dating more than one girl can come in handy, man. Here's what I say, insecurity about dating, get a sling. All right, get a sling and possibly like a glove. And just start working your way through there until you figure out, Emeril. Lexi does not like this response from Emeril and she tells Emeril that she's on her shit

list, which apparently means nothing if we see anything based off of her relationship with Jesse, but yeah. She's like, I have boundaries, nowhere in my relationships, but at this table, I have them. So he's like, what do I do? And she goes, um, how about when you said suck his toe? I dare you. Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh. You know it was your boyfriend who barged in uninvited

into the threesome, right? Yes, exactly. What else are you supposed to do? When someone walks in, you're supposed to feed them. Yeah, it's called being a good host. So Page upstairs is like, okay, we're done with that. Done with that Shabat business. Now we can get down to gossiping.

Like, seeing Jessie are weird as fuck, right? I mean, let's just say it, it's totally fucking weird. She's like 10 years old, okay? And then, like, last time I tuned in, they were like crying and there was a toe involved. And now they've met the parents, like they've set a date, she's picked a dress, what the fuck is going on? What the fuck is going on? And Sierra's like, also, did you also feel like she didn't wanna be, she's picked a dress, what the fuck is going on? What the fuck is going on?

And Sierra's like, also, did you also feel like she didn't wanna be like Jessie's with Sierra because I was like sitting right there, and Paige is like, ah, that's so good. Such good goss. So they start going to bed, and Lexie's like, oh, I got a toe cramp. He's like, good night.

She's like, oh. So then we go to Carl and Kyle talking. Carl's like, yo, yo, what, what, what? How you doing after that outburst from Lindsay? I was fucking crazy. Pass that touch. Pass that touch. Pass that touch.

Honestly, it's like confusing beyond belief, because she clearly hasn't healed. I'm like, you dumped her, by the way. You lied so many times about my mother and the media saying she didn't reach out to you. Like, she fucking texted you. Like you really want to go there? She's like obsessed with me. Clearly.

Clearly. She's obsessed with me. I just, but I'm like, you dumped her. I think when you've been dumped, you're allowed to be like a certain amount of bitterness for like three years, right? Yeah. I mean, look, I think after your breakup,

it's totally fair for both parties to be like, I wish that person was fucking dead. Every day of their life, really forever. Why not? Yeah. But shut up, you started it, Carl, with your whole season of like, ugh, this just been like so,

I need to like take baby steps, because like I can't walk, ever since Lindsay decapitated my knees. And it's been like really rough. So now, Jesse goes to bed singing in Hebrew. Just stop. Just please stop. And then it's the morning,

Kyle and Carl go off their respective runs, et cetera. And then Paige is like, what a night, am I right? God, I was so funny in this bed last night. You know, there's one thing I'll say about Lindsay and Carl, they really just get to their beef, and they get to it quick, I really respect that. She's like, it's 2025, no one has time for filler, let's just get to the fight.

Yeah, so she's like, oh my God, and you know what Craig keeps telling me? He's like, oh my god, Paige, I'm not perfect. I'm like, no shit. And Sierra's there being like, well, clearly he thinks he's pretty perfect. Clearly he thinks so. So then we go to Lindsay, Lexi, and Jessie talking in the kitchen. And Lexi's like, so do you have any big plans this week?

And Lindsay's like, um, tomorrow's my birthday and so that's as far as I've gotten. Possibly poison Carl or maybe run Carl over. I mean, I don't know. Lexi's like, I love birthdays. And Lindsay's like, me too, I'm turning 38. And like Lexi nearly passes out. Like, I didn't know numbers could go up that high.

us out. I didn't know numbers could go up that high. Did it start a new clock? When you become zero again. Literally nothing worthwhile. But it's my last birthday before becoming a mom because next year it's going to be my but I'm gonna it's gonna be like a mom birthday is like totally different from a regular one and Jesse goes correction it's your last birthday before becoming a mouth okay like she's like oh my god it makes me so insecure when Jesse talks about mom's he'd like to fuck. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe he he'd over. He's reflecting. It actually is like, it's like serious guys. It's like, it's the anniversary of his brother's death and he's reflecting and he's crying and it's very sad and it's something we're not very comfortable with

because we're not comfortable with everything on the podcast so. Yeah, I don't like talking about death and people crying and stuff. Do that at home, okay? You took off last weekend, take off this weekend. How do I feel? Think about how I feel, Carl. God.

It's all very sad. They console him. It's nice. So he does that and all the guys are like, hey. He's like, oh my God, you're my best friend. What the fuck is wrong with Carl? And then he's like, um, hello. This is the anniversary of his brother's death, which is why I was respectful enough to tell him off right before it instead of during it. So he's going through it because he says in the past, he's always had Lindsay's support on this day, and this year he doesn't have Lindsay's support, so it's extra hard for him. That's true, and I'd like to remind you of that.

Sharon, who's like, Lindsay was so mean to me. Who picked your son off the ground and helped him get sober and supported his stupid ass while he did so? Shut the fuck up, Sharon. I'm always, I am always. No one respects the person standing there with a mop. I have to say, I am always shocked

when Ronnie goes off on Sharon I'm always like not Sharon So I'm not gonna blame you for making an asshole, but I'm gonna blame you for enabling one and that's what you're doing So then they all leave they all go to do things Carl, oh, boot camp, or whatever they're doing. Kyle has to go to the hotel, the Rockmeyers Hotel. Yeah, because it's time for Kyle's big moment, his big DJ debut. So he's brought-

Does anybody really fuck the men on this show? Okay, this is how the men walk in. This is like literal dialogue. It's vibin'. Whoa, the vibes, dude, the vibes. It's vibing. Whoa the vibes dude the vibes It's like 90% women in here and rules getting horny. I'm taking a week off vibes It's like don't you have some fucking golf to play get out of your dad they are now fully AI generated So the girl Amanda and Sierra are talking and Paige is giving, who's she giving a death glare

to? She's giving a death glare to Amanda because Amanda said, Paige is hogging the whole chair with her wide ass hips. Bold statement to Paige DeSorbo. She's like, die, die, die, die, die, die. All right, we're going to bring the energy tonight, right? We're gonna bring the energy tonight. This is a backyard party.

It's my biggest fear is that everyone's like, blah, blah, blah, blah, bring the party, all right? I'm gonna do a remix. This is for my friend Jesse. We're gonna remix Jesus Loves Me with Shabbat Shalom Friday. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. I do wanna point out that on the Shabbat Shalom Friday. I do want to point out that on the Shabbat morning, they fully made a giant sheet pan

of bacon. I clocked that. So Kyle's like, all right, everyone, here's a song. Go like this. Just a small town girl living in a girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl,

girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, girl, So they bond and she wipes her tear with her hair and everything. And they're having this moment, they're actually like, they're having this very lovely sharing moment and they're crying and bonding and then it just like cuts to Paige and Amanda staring at them with their sunglasses on like, ew. They have emotions, gross. So West is checking in with Jesse, he's like, what's up, bro? Anybody ask to meet your parents yet? He's like, oh, there's like quite a few birds here. Birds, yeah.

I watch Love Island, there's birds. You're gonna have to stare back for the both of us because I'm really trying to get through today incident free, it's so hard, so many vaginas. But I'm doing it, I'm doing it. I should be able to go with my friends and have fun, you know, right? I've heard so many vaginas, but I'm doing it. I'm doing it. I should be able to go with my friends and have fun, you know, right?

So then Carl is like, hey, by the way, Lexi, I'm Carl, by the way. I don't know if you've actually met on the show yet, but. Oh, I thought you were like a scarecrow that they just brought around as a novelty. Yeah, I just wanted to congratulate you on your development. She's like, thanks.

No, not that development. Oh, about the crying. Yeah, it's so much better when the tears are on the floor, right? He's like, no, I mean, like, you and that guy, Jesse, like, you guys, are you like boyfriend and girlfriend? She's like, um, like, we're just like in the phase of like, you know, like when you're in that phase. Yeah, yeah.

Is this the phase when you put up like a neon sign of your name together in the house? So back to Jessie and Wes, Jessie's like, oh, you know, we're like in such a great place, but like she mentioned like, oh, you know, you've been following girls on Instagram. And I was like, how do you know I follow on Instagram? And her voice changed really deep.

And she said, I look. Damn. So Jesse's like, yeah, I was trying to be in good graces with her. And I like unfollowed a bunch of girls and she's like I'm so happy you unfollowed all those girls and I was like, why are you keeping tabs on who I unfollowed? Hey, I wonder what Paige thinks I feel like I'm being watched. She's like you are because I'm bored of you and you're stupid And he's like is that my normal or weird well when someone's like Considering the fact that you're probably fucking 30 other people while she's meeting your parents, it's normal. I would say it's normal. And they

say something like, wow, you know what? That's what 26 year olds do. Like I would literally follow people home and open their door and be like, what the fuck are you doing in here? I would too. I'll do that at 50. I will continue to do it and I'm not gonna apologize. It's good that she has that six-year perspective. I've like really limzied up. Yeah, I just thought I was taking all the right steps to be like mature and respectful and unfollow a bunch of girls and the ones I didn't unfollow leaving comments like, you're so hot as fuck, I would rail you any night. But it's like I keep getting caught up in this stuff. It's like I can't be good enough for her, you're so hot as fuck, I would rail you any night. But it's like, I keep getting caught up in this stuff.

It's like, I can't be good enough for her, you know? Yeah, and Peta's like, you've known her a month. That's I think we all need to remember, especially Lexi, because she's like, oh my God. He's like, yeah, you've known her for a month, and the fact that you're even saying we made up now and it's good, that's like a little bit crazy now, right? I mean, has she used any emotional abuse against you like has she for example said I love you

I'm gonna debut my new song. I'm really nervous about this. Okay, it's gonna be really hard. Here we go I'm just gonna press play. I did gonna press play I did it guys I did it I did it I pressed play wasn't as scary as I thought it'd be I'm gonna remix a little bit of Jesus Christ superstar with Fiddler on the roof Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda. So then Paige and Sierra sit down to talk shit about Craig. Dun, dun, dun. And Sierra's like, my tits are sweating. So they start talking. She's like, how tits are sweating. So they start talking.

She's like, how's it going, bitch? Like, I wanted to check in with you because, like, you know, Craig. And she goes, yeah, Craig. The more I think about this, the more I'm like, oh my God, he rubbed my back. And I was like, are you just waiting for a spot to put a knife into? Like, I don't want him to, like, steal the shine from your tour. And like, sometimes shit that he says or refuses to acknowledge is giving that like hater boyfriend energy.

Like why should you have to dim your light to make him feel comfortable? Like it doesn't make sense to me. Like will it just be like that? Like even if you guys are married, what will it look like? Can you be married and be on the Giggly Squad at the same time? So strange. I feel like do you ever even want to live in Charleston? She goes, no.

Disgusting. I've said it every day on television. Absolutely not. I don't want to have children in Charleston. I don't want to raise them in Charleston. I don't want to see his mother near Charleston. I don't want anything to do with Charleston. If I even meet a person named Charles,

I'm like, change your fucking name. What's the opposite of house hunters? Is there, does HETV have something called house runner-wayers? Like the, like you look at three houses in Charleston, you decide which one you want to run away from first, and it turns out it's a three-way tie with every single house in Charleston. And then she goes, you know what?

I'm the breadwinner. Why would I move? I love how Paige fits it because now she's just making Craig poor. She's like, why would I move for someone with no job and no money? What's wrong with my sewing? Wait a minute. I stopped serving Loverboy in my entire empire of two stores, how dare you? So she's like, I love Craig,

but like when I think about it, like when I think about us breaking up, I get upset that I'm so not upset. You know what I mean? I started crying the other day, just looking at how happy I was thinking about it. Yeah, I don't think you want to go deeper or further into this one if it's not, it's what you don't truly want.

I think it's like not really compatible with how you see your future. And it's going to be like a lifelong hustle. And she's like, I just don't know. That's a lie. I completely want to dump him as soon as possible. I don't know if he's a lie. I completely want to dump him as soon as possible. I don't know if he's my person. Hold on.

Uh-huh. Pete. When you're crying, bend over so the tears roll off your eyes and onto the floor. All right, thank you. And that brings us to the end of Summer Housing. Thank you Chicago for being a wonderful crowd as always. And that brings us to the end of Summer House! Thank you Chicago for being a wonderful crowd as always!

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