Watch What Crappens - #2806 Summer House 0910 Part One: Can’t Touch This

Episode Date: April 17, 2025

This is part one of a two-part recap!This week on Summer House, Jesse Solomon chides Ciara for touching him, and Ciara chides Imrul for turning the house into a bordello. Paige, meanwhile, has anxiety when she realizes she’s going to have to dump Craig at some point.You can watch this recap on video, listen to our White Lotus Recaps, and participate in live episode threads at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens.  Tickets for our North American tour on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcha Crappin's ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. When a young woman named Desiree vanishes without a trace, the trail leads to Kat Torres, a charismatic influencer with millions of followers. But behind the glamorous posts and inspirational quotes, a sinister truth unravels. Binge all episodes of Don't Cross Cat early and ad-free on Wondery Plus. Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm the Ben Mandelkart. This is my last episode of the week here in my childhood bedroom.

Everyone take a look at the air conditioner bonnet, take it in, in all its glory. And joining me today is the wonderful and beautiful Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how's it going? Well, hello. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Hello.

I'm so excited, because today we're talking about Summer House. I just love this show. I was watching it last night and I was like, I love this show. I just love it so night and I was like, I love this show. I just love it so deeply. So I'm excited to talk about that. I'm excited to talk about it with you, Ronnie.

Also excited to tell everyone, to remind everyone that for right now we only have three shows left on the Mountain King Hysteria Tour. It's been a wonderful tour. I would actually argue to say it's been our best one yet. Like no joke. It's been so good. Audiences have been great.

Bigger audiences than ever before. And we have three shows left. We have Austin, Dallas, and Vegas. Those are all going to be in May. They're all going to be about within Austin and Dallas the same weekend. And then the following weekend is going to be Las Vegas. The dates, the links, the places, the times, the information, it's all at watchwhatcrappens.com. Come join us. Let's send out this tour on a high note. Let's have a big, fun, wild time. We'll announce what we're recapping as we get closer to the shows because the Bravo

schedule is always changing. But we really hope you join us for that. That's so much fun. Also patreon.com slash watch what crappens is where you can get bonus episodes. We did the white lotus last few episodes of that. We recap that traders. We just have a lot of great fun stuff on there and there's going to be more fun stuff to come. And you can also watch us with crappens on demand on Patreon. So you can not only listen, you can actually see the bonnet on my,

on my air conditioner. If you're wondering what the hell I'm talking about, a bonnet on an air conditioner, you have to see it to believe it. Huh? Um, also today we are talking summer house and I got to give a special shout out and thanks to Vulture, specifically Rebecca Jennings, who included us in her wonderful article about summer house that came out yesterday. You all should read it. It's a great article about sort of how summer house came to be and how it went from being this redheaded stepchild to really a huge hit for Bravo. It's a cool article. Really so grateful to be quoted in that several times. So super cool. Check that out. It's on Vulture. And I

think that's about all the cool stuff I have to talk about. How many quotes did you get? Did you count them? about all the cool stuff I have to talk about. And how many quotes did you get? Did you count them? How many what? How many quotes did you get? I think I got like one. Cause you said I was quoted several times. So it's like a dream.

No, no, between both of us. No, no, between both of us that we had multiple quotes in the article. I think I have one, maybe two. That's so cool, I haven't read it yet. Oh yeah, no, you got, you definitely got like, I think you got two or three, something like that. Either way, really cool. I've been busy reading old Russian classic sci-fi.

Why? That's basically Vulture. They're like, you know what we need to get to comment on Summer House? Some old man, some old queen who's reading classic Russian science fiction. Let's get him. What is classic Russian science fiction?

I guess it was just written in the 50s and Russians have to disguise everything that they're talking about politically by making it science fiction because they can go to jail for talking about their government or whatever. And so it's that. I don't know. It sounded interesting. I read a lot of science fiction. So I was like, why not try some good old fashioned Russian science fiction?

I think you should follow their lead just how the Russian writers had to mask their political beliefs in sci-fi. I think you should mask your summer house beliefs in sci-fi as well throughout this recap. Okay. I'm giving you a challenge. Okay. I don't know how that works.

Well, we'll see. I guess. You're like, honestly, Ben, I have no opinion about this. And then you'll segue into a discussion about some wretched alien that's gone sober. It's gone sober. This alien is opening up a cafe for soft drinks. Yeah, it's Carl.

Carl's the old Russian alien from classic literature. I come in softness. Ha! Okay, this is season nine, episode 10, flirting with disaster. We open with an overhead shot of the Hamptons. There's a slight smog over the city, but it's not the color of a slight smog over the city,

but it's not the color of a regular smog. It's blue. What could it be? Wee. Are we in the sci- Did we just start the sci-fi? Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha. Um, so we see everyone dancing while Kyle is playing his remix of Journey or whatever he's doing. How did that old man get the energy to DJ? He's like, oh! Journey, I wish it was Journey. I would love some age appropriate DJing. I love that shit.

Like I like when you go to a gay bar and they're like remixing show tunes and with other show tunes and dance beats. Like that's, yes, do you, you know? Yeah, it is funny to me, because in my mind I always think that when he's doing his DJ music it's always a remix of like Journey or Foreigner but like I guess I'm just always assuming he's doing a remix of Yacht Rock but Kyle is younger than us

but I just assume his musical tastes are much older and of course I'm lying acting as if those are not my musical taste when they are 100% my musical taste. I just assumed they were Kyle's also. I'm like, bring me some Sarah Vine mixed with some Adele crying all the time. I would have, I'm very sad when he makes music. Just somebody left me, you know? So they're dancing, they're at a club and Paige and Sierra are sitting, you know, talking

and they're still talking about Craig. Enough, get rid of him, you know? I think Paige is that person who's overthinking like everything and we learned, especially in this episode, I mean, we've suspected it obviously, but we learned pretty much in this episode, the reason she hasn't broken up with Craig yet is because she's terrified of Twitter.

She's terrified of Southern Charm fans coming for her ass and they do exactly what she predicts. Yeah, she's like, I'm just afraid that like, next thing you know, all these people are gonna say, it's my fault. And then like Patricia will be on TV saying that I'm mean to Craig and all those things, like it literally all happened.

Everything that she was afraid of came true. Yeah, but was it so bad? Cause you still have the people rallying around you too. You know, you still have the other army, around you too. You still have the other army. But I mean, I get why she would be so scared, but it's funny that that actually is the reason. She's just like, I'm terrified. I'm terrified of fighting with an 83 year old woman

on the internet. It's like, okay, valid. She's like, I just want to do my 600 city tour because if I push something off to the end of that, surely I won't go crazy over 600 nights of a tour. I'm like, how is that going to help your mental state? You're going, first of all, I don't even know how those two ladies did 62 gigs.

I don't know how that's physically possible. And I don't know why she thought, like Paige thought like, oh, I'll just like deal with this after the tour as if like the tour will not like wear her down to the bone emotionally. You know, like I think that's probably the, she should have done this before the tour, to be honest. Well, yeah, because then you're going to 60 cities and you still have that fucking barnacle on you. Exactly. But are we, are you pregnant yet?

I've sent you some frozen sperm in the mail. Have you injected it yet? I can't crack in you alone. Have you injected it yet? Thank God, Craig, leave me alone. I'm in Ohio, for Christ's sake. I'm looking at all the parts of the country that I would move to before Charleston. Quiet, Craig. You are- I consider every city a person

that I would rather have a child with. So, that's been fun. How are you? Congratulations, Craig. I've now been to 62 cities, and I can now affirmatively say that Charleston would be city number 63 that I'd move to.

Yeah. So Sierra and her talking about that and she's like, well, you know, I've just said to him so many times, like if this isn't what you want, you know, a girlfriend in 61 cities, then Sierra tells her good advice, I think, which was like, don't put it on him. Like if you don't want this, you don't want it. Don't wait for him not to want it. I loved that she said that. I feel like this was

a great episode of Sierra being just like an awesome friend. Like she was like a friend and a half today. Like she really just like showed up for Paige. Like Paige started to cry and then Sierra just started to cry too, just cause she knew that Paige needed that as well. She knew that Paige needed a fellow crier, so Sierra cried too. Like, you know what, Sierra's like a great friend, I think. Yeah, it's like when one of us cries, the other one. Well, we don't cry, the other one does this.

I've cried a few times. Are you crying? Okay, do you want to take a minute or should we just do this tomorrow? Okay, just call me tomorrow. This is a comedy show where we mask our emotions with jokes. This is really weird. Yeah, Sierra is a good friend, but she's also that friend. She's like me where she gives you good advice, but she never takes the advice.

No, that's what it's like. Like she's got the good advice, but she doesn takes the advice. No, that's what it looks like. She's got the good advice, but she doesn't live by good advice, if that makes any sense. So yeah, she's like, you know, it's easier to give the other person an out and make them break up with you. But you know, if you don't want it, you have to say. And Paige is like, oh my God,

I just feel so guilty that I'm not so happy, you know? Like I literally wish for everything I have. I manifested the apartment I live in, which is amazing. I manifested, you know, someone with kind of an always stuffed nose who's obsessed with me and has like worse skin than me, you know, so I'll always be more glowy, got that.

I manifested this little brooch that looks like it's pinching some of the fabric on my dress. Looks so chic, manifested that, great work by me. Yeah, I really always wanted like one of those really old leather briefcases, you know, those aged scuffed leather briefcases and now I'm dating one. So that's nice. I manifested someone who's like, just like a man whore in our house that I could yell out later this episode.

That was like so that was a great manifestation for me made me feel great. And she's like, so why am I so anxious? Well, one, as Ben just pointed out, you have someone trying to pinch your nipple and missing, which is the worst because then they're constantly trying to pinch your nipple. It's like a little Jesse lolly hand. It is such a weird pin.

I don't like it. It's like, I love it. I hate that fucking pin. Get your hands off of me. You know, I love it. It's like, I love it. I love it. I hate that fucking thing. Get your hands off of me. You know, I love it. It's like so, cause it's also so page. It's like, Oh look, my brooch is pinching my fabric. Guess what?

It was designed that way. You stupid person. It's just where it is. It's like right above the boob, like just kind of lifting up. And I just feel like, you know, when someone tries to, gather fabric.

Cause I'm a low nipple person. And so when people try to titty twist me, they go where your nipple should be, which is here. But then they can't find it, so then they start pinching me all over the place, and I just feel like I'm being attacked by those little fish that take off the dead skin in the salon.

This could be the end of crap ends. If you're a pro hand broach or anti hand broach, you're great to die. Just don't like it, it feels like a threat. Like whenever I see that, it feels like a threat, that pin. I love it. I love that it's whimsy and chic and cool. I love it.

Cause you know what the thing is this, the fabric is gonna be gathered no matter what. Cause that's the design of the dress. The design is that like the fabric is gonna be gathered. So why not put an optical illusion with it too? Why not have a Trump-loy? Is that what it's called? Girl, I don't know. Trump-loy? What the fuck do I know? I am in sewing class.

But I do like that she wears clothes that like make it look like she just got out of bed. Like she's really embraced the whole like I'm in bed all the time. You know, she's embraced that and so now but she's wearing something that looks like, you know, it's scratched out because I out of bed. Like she's really embraced the whole like I'm at bed all the time. You know, she's embraced that and so now, but she's wearing something that looks like, you know, it's scratched up because I'm in bed. I think one thing I just think is so funny with this show, and I think this was, I don't know, like, obviously the, the, the moments where they get, they sit in bed and they talk about things, it's always been like a curiosity. People always talk about like, oh, they're there in the bed again et cetera. But they've just leaned more and more into this, where it feels like with Summer House, you watch the show and then you watch sideline reporters about the

show. And that's like Paige and Sierra. Things happen downstairs and they go upstairs and they talk about it and they go back downstairs and more stuff happens. They go upstairs, they talk about it. And it's like this weird dual show that happens. And I happens. And I just have just come to really, really enjoy that aspect of it. Broach or no broach. We're like recapping a recap. Yeah. Okay, so they go back to the party, Kyle is still intensely, yeah. And we get a chiron that says Kyle, entrepreneur, which I don't know why that made me laugh,

but it did Not that he's not an entrepreneur. It's just that the chiron person's like he hasn't paid his dues yet I'm not calling him a DJ. He's not nor is he a founder nor is he a CEO So then we go to they go to a different bar called just a bar. Oh, it's just a bar and The cast goes in together because it's like a dual birthday weekend for Kyle and for Lindsay So they arrive and cross a hole ladies first Let's see. Let's see. Oh, go on in. I'm a gentleman. Ha we are and this is an actual odd episode Because we get to see them in the club because normally we only get to see that through phone cams And this time they've been like here's a tiny little corner that you guys can sit in with the prego.

Yeah, it's just a ball. So they do that. And Lindsey's like, I'm going home, it's our birthday, yeah. And then we get a Chiron of Carl that says, Carl, entrepreneur, don't tell John. Little bit of a stretch. I wish they had one that just said, Ronnie, get a job.

Get a job, get a job, of a stretch. I wish they had one that just said, Ronnie, get a job. Get a job. Get a job. Does your mother know you're doing this? Get a job. Bethany's doing the chyrons. Bethany and Vicky are in charge of chyrons in Bravo now. Get a job. Good job.

What is this? Carl, comma, what is this, huh? That's Bethany's chyron thing. Chyron description. Entrepreneur, that's what you're doing. Entrepreneur, okay. What are you, an entrepreneur? Like someone who only works at night?

Like what is this? What are you doing? Let me give you some advice as a business person. Okay, you're not an entrepreneur. That's just Chiron. So Lindsay is in her confessional and she's like, um, here I am in club, pregnant, celebrating my 30th birthday. Like you can write this shit.

Lindsay is just gay. You know, the old, the old meaning of it, she's just in such a good mood. She's just gay. Yeah. Yeah. She's having a great time. I do think it's funny when she says, when she does say I'm here, I am with my ex at a club, pregnant, celebrating my third year birthday. You can't write this shit. I think it's actually very easily writable. Apparently you haven't been to Texas. You haven't seen really many, many TV shows. My mother, she was hanging out in the back of Satellite Lounge, the bowling alley bar, you know, pregnant with me. She's like, oh, you can smoke more freely in here.

So then we go back to the club and some people are leaving at like 10 52 p.m. Dun dun. And then at 11 11 p.m. They're trying to open the door. This is a big episode for that door. This is the biggest, I would say this is probably the door's biggest episode of all time.

And by the end of the season, someone's gonna die because someone's gonna be chasing them. It's like a horror movie when the door is stuck and they're like, oh, who cares? The door just sticks sometimes and you're like, someone's gonna die because they won't be able to open that door. That's how I feel about Summer House.

Someone's gonna be chasing them. Probably an Uber Eats person that doesn't get tipped or an Amazon person that's sick of delivering like 97 packages a day that aren't ever even taken inside. Yeah, this is like Saturday night, the boxes are still out there. Here's my message, the owner of the house, okay? We know you do updates on the house between seasons

because we see it every season, there's like a little tweak or whatever. Fix your goddamn door, okay? You're wealthy, you live in the Hamptons, you have a house the house between seasons. Because we see it every season, there's like a little tweak or whatever. Fix your goddamn door. Okay? You're wealthy. You live in the Hamptons. You have a house in the Hamptons.

You rent it out to a TV show. Please fix that door. Because this has been going on for like three or four seasons now. And I've had enough. I've had enough of this door. Me too. So they go, they go in. And then we see Chiron, Amanda, graphic designer.

Why are you guys reminding us who everybody is and what they do? But they are. So she's squeezing her Vijayjay, and she's like, these sprinklers? And then she runs in. That's her storyline for the, no, her storyline is her Vijayjay hurts,

and then they're sprinklers and she makes breakfast. Which is really nice, by the way. She, things looked a little burnt because she had to make like French toast en masse. So I think she did like a baked French toast, which I think maybe like, is that like an Ina Garten recipe? Like I kind of sense some Ina Garten there. And I'm curious how that French toast turned out

cause it did look a little dark for French toast, but at the same time I also appreciated the thought of like, this is, I appreciated the approach. So anyway, I mean- She's lucky it wasn't rat poison. That's true too. So over in Paige's room, they're all like, Sierra's getting ready for bed and Paige's, you know,

getting into bed and there's like a pile of like, like an entire Apple Store's worth of contents on their bed. And Paige is like, oh, hi Amanda. Like, how was it? She's like, I'm not okay. I left alone. Kyle was like, I'm waiting for my friends to get here, Amanda, I'm not going home with you, Kyle.

Cut to the club, they're like, yeah, journey, yeah. And then we come back and they're just laughing and they're like, oh my God, no one said happy birthday to the old person, oh Jesus. We should do that, she's not gonna have many left, you guys, All right. Should we go into her room? I don't know if I wanna smell all those mothballs.

Let's just FaceTime her. Yeah, we could go into her. You know what? I do love butterscotch, but I don't wanna go. I don't wanna go. Do you think if we go into her room, we might startle her while she's in the middle of watching Wheel of Fortune?

I just don't wanna give her a heart attack. Let's just FaceTime. So they FaceTime her and Lizzie's like, the fortune. I just don't want to give her a heart attack. That's just phase time. So they FaceTime her and Lizzie's like, Oh, hi. What are you calling me for? And I give you a happy birthday. And you go, Oh my God, that is so sweet. They don't even do the full happy birthday song. They only do the last part of it. They're just like, happy birthday to you. And Sierra goes, cha cha cha. And they're like, sorry, that's all we,

we're only gonna do the last part. She's like, that's okay, that's fine. I think we should normalize bringing a cake into the room and then everybody going, happy birthday. And that's the end. Nobody needs, nobody likes to hear it sung to them and nobody likes to sing it. Let's just cut that part out.

Happy birthday. Yeah, so they hang up, they're like, gross. And then Sierra's like, Oh my God, it's so crazy that she's like pregnant. And Sierra said that in her page impersonation voice. And then page says, I love her pregnant. Like I want her to be pregnant forever. Literally forever. Which she probably will be. Let's face it, because old people might have to gestate for a really long time. I wonder if her baby's really old. I wonder if she's gonna give birth to an old person. Can you do that?

Is that possible? Could like, would Jessica Tandy have been able to give birth to like Ellen Burston? She's gonna give birth to a baby that comes out riding a bicycle around a small town solving mysteries where her neighbors are accused of murdering people. Sarah's like, gross. Sarah's like, I don't even get that reference.

So they just love that Lindsay is pregnant and therefore knocked out of commission for all the craziness that she normally gets up to. But meanwhile, Paige though is going through it. She's like, my anxiety is already fucking hitting. Like, oh my God, Craig is going to kill me for having that conversation where I said that I don't love Charleston and I don't like eating kangaroo. And Ciara's like, oh my God, he's going to hate me too. The difference is I don't really care. Yeah. It's time for a commercial.

It's time for a Crappins commercial. At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names, about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph. My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming

and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Some people get a wild haircut or book a spontaneous trip when life throws them a curveball. But Molly? Well, she dove headfirst into a world of no strings attached sex, secret rendezvous, forbidden

affairs and unforgettable adventures. And together we tell every juicy detail in Dying for Sex, Wondry's award-winning podcast that's now streaming on a TV near you, starring Michelle Williams and Jenny Slate. And to top it off, we're dropping brand new bonus episodes where I sit down with the cast to spill all the spicy secrets. Desire, friendship, self-discovery, and the ultimate bucket list of pleasure. This is a story that had everyone talking.

Listen to the original Dying for Sex and brand new episodes on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge the original series before anyone else and completely ad free on Wondry Plus. So at 1 31, a van slowly rolls through the gate and it's like, we just see behind a van an arm flying up and then an ankle flying up, somebody's being eaten. And then Lexi and Jesse get out of the car and they start talking and they think they're not on camera because they're talking behind a van and secreting, whispering. But Jesse's like, Oh, you just can't come up with anything I did before the sides of the fucking toe

shirt. I mean, that's way less intense than everything I saw tonight. All right, Lexi?" She's like, "'Um, I was holding West up. I wasn't flirting with him.'" He's like, "'Yeah, you were hanging out with him all night though.'" "'No, I wasn't.'" I was like,

"'You know how I am about that.'" She's like, "'You know how I am.'" He goes, "'Yeah, I do and I love that about you. All right, let's go to bed.'" Okay, so of course now he's gonna gaslight her into thinking that she's at fault for flirting with his friend so that he can get away with everything he's done and they can call it an even. I mean, he's just so

transparent. Of course Lexi still doesn't see it because she's Lexi and she's kind of a twit, but yeah, wow. This is like so on the nose. He even admitted that freely. And honestly, even if she were flirting with West, that still, honestly, that doesn't even compare to basically entering a menage a trois and sticking your foot in there and getting your foot sucked. And then you also get a boner out of it as well. I mean, I just think that that's like way worse.

And on top of that, you were flirting with one of your housemates too. So like if anything, if you're gonna do the tit for tat thing, then Lexi flirting with West, I guess theoretically cancels out Jesse flirting with Sierra, but then Jesse still has an outstanding toe debt. So he still isn't the wrong more.

Also it was right in front of him. It wasn't behind his back like he did with Sierra where he waited for Lexi to be gone and then was like, yeah, I totally would have been with you if West wasn't here. I mean, give him a chance, all right? Seriously. So yeah, whatever.

Not the same, which we know of course it's obvious, but he's gonna try and pull this shit. He gets grosser with every episode. And also when they show the clip of the toe thing, they just show the outside of a window and you hear him clearly saying, suck the toe. Oh yeah, I'm hard. Which he's been blaming on Emeril. And he's a good gas lighter because I've started thinking, oh, maybe it was Emeril who said, suck his toe. But no, it was Jesse who said, suck my toe. So weird.

Yeah. But like Emeril saying, Emeril saying, even if Emeril did say, suck his toe, that would really not be an option unless Jesse put his foot right up next to the girl's face in the first place, right? Like no one's gonna say suck his toe if his feet are just sort of like in a, if he's like sitting there watching and he's far away, I don't think suck his toe is gonna be like the first thing. But like if he puts his foot up onto the bed,

it's kind of like having, he's kind of like, he's putting himself in proximity of everyone. It's almost like saying like, yeah, I kind of wanna be involved, but I don't wanna have to say that I'm involved, you know? If you try putting the things that you walk with close to somebody's mouth, you can't be surprised when they start sucking it.

That's why I try walking with my wiener. Walking with my wiener. So anyway, they go into her room and they're cuddling and Lexi tells us, on the way home in the Uber, Jesse was like, by the way, like how are you in West tonight? Like that was like way worse than like the way I was when you were away.

And I was like, I'm sorry, what? I'm sorry, what? And he was like, yeah, like, well, you were like flirting with West, like West was drunk. I was like holding your best friend upright. Okay, get out of here. Why are you holding him upright? That's not your job, let him fall, okay?

Yeah, let him fall. Let him have the drunk whether you're there or not, just let him fall. Also, nobody's fucking West. I don't care what anybody says. Everybody's like, oh my God, West is probably getting laid. No, he's not, okay?

West is like a sweet guy that you don't fuck. He's just the weird drunk guy with a dirty mustache in the corner, you know? I'm sure because he's on TV he gets plenty, but they're all acting like West is this like chick magnet. I'm like, the guy is wearing a scarf on his head. Okay. We just stop pretending that West is like Tom Cruise in the night. He's like a muffin in a non bakery, you know, like like you go into bagel shop, but they have like a muffin there and no one gets the muffin. It's just sitting there.

I'd fuck the muffin. It's just sort of sitting there. Why do you have to ruin it? I'd fuck the muffin. Damn it. I'm just saying that the muffin in a non-bakery setting, it's just sort of there. No one's there for it. You can put a muffin in the middle of a toilet filled with poop, and I'd be like, I'm hungry. It's a muffin. If you're going to the bagel shop,

you're going to the bagel shop for the bagels, and then if there's a muffin there, chances are you're not there to get a muffin too. Oh my God, I can't believe we're so different. We're so the same and so different. Because you know what I get at Bagel Broker? A bagel with cream cheese and a chocolate muffin. They have the best chocolate muffins.

Well, chocolate muffin's different. He's not a chocolate muffin. A chocolate muffin's like dessert. I'm talking about like your standard blueberry or just like, just some blonde muffin. Like one of those generic muffins, you're not really gonna get that with your bagel. You will get it.

I have also gotten a chocolate muffin, but Wes is 100% not a chocolate muffin. And no way is he a chocolate muffin. He is just a generic blueberry muffin that's just there. And you say, why do they have this muffin here? I mean, look, I'd rather fuck a chocolate muffin, but I would also fuck a blueberry muffin. And I just wonder if that makes me a slut.

Like, is that a West thing or am I? Does that mean I'm attracted to West or am I just a whore? Chocolate muffins are, here's the thing. Chocolate muffin is like so divine. And then like a blueberry muffin. I mean, first of all, I don't really like blueberry. So there's that. But they just feel like they just don't hit on any level.

You know, they're just like there, they're fine. But like a chocolate muffin, that's a muffin. That's a muffin right there. And West is no chocolate muffin. West is no chocolate muffin. Although, before this I said, I'm gonna have weird opinions today, and this is my opinion.

West is growing on me again. Damn it. If this hasn't happened to me since episode two of last year. He's likable. If this hasn't happened since episode two of last year. He's likable. He's just like, you know, it's okay. I excuse that. I don't think that's a weird thing.

You know, he's, he's like, you're in trouble. It's like if you're on probation with me and you go two weeks without gaslighting or wearing a scarf on your head, like suddenly you're okay again. I'm basically Jesus. Well, he's got, he's been out of trouble. He's been doing the things he needs to do. You know, when you're in the dog house with Bravo, you know, listeners, he's been, he's doing the things he needs to do. So I think that's okay. I haven't fully welcomed them back yet, but I know I will cause I do like him

honest. I think he's great on the show, but um, he is very self-sufficient. He'll do something soon to reset you. Don't worry, he'll probably do something really soon. Okay, good. Yeah. It's uncomfortable feeling so positive. Well also, I mean, the thing is this. He has, West has been taking the punches, which has been great.

You know, in a way that Sandoval didn't, because Sandoval spent that season after Sandoval being like, dude, I've been going through so much, everyone hates me. He just does that over and over and over again. But here, Wes just gets tortured. He really is kind of like a punching bag. I mean, when Paige drags that bag down the stairs

while he's lying, that was honestly, it was so hilarious and it felt so satisfying. And you're like, you know what? He's taking his beatings, you know? So he can come out of the dog house soon. Yeah, I mean, he does add the obligatory, but you know, I'm sorry, she's just upset that I broke up with her. He still does that. But I don't know, he's scarfless and he hasn't gaslit in two weeks. So I'm like, you're back in, okay, you get to go to heaven. So we're back to Lexi's room and Jesse's

back to his tricks. You know, he's like, I just had such a fun night with you. You know, I don't know why we have to like feel like this negative energy I don't bring up shit like I didn't do it. She's like, um, you said the boys grabbed me too much That's what you said. So I Hate this gaslighting. He's the one who brought up this like drunk and jealous, you know Like emotional reaction that he had and then he says I don't know why we have to have this negative energy It there was no way it was you. Don't put that on Lexi.

We'll put other things on Lexi, but this one is squarely on you, Jesse Solomon. And then he gets to his point, which is, that's not what I said. Look, I said, it made me so happy to see you flourishing because it reminded me of myself, like how I like to be when I'm out, you know? So you're a flirt and I'm a flirt.

So we're just both allowed to basically be open in bars. She's like, Um, that's not really what's happening. I don't know what's happening. I need my mom and my sister. She's like, Oh. So she says, I mean, you got your toes sucked by a stranger and apparently you're saying that like,

you would have dated our friend that we like live with. I was like, not flirting with her ass. Like that's not the same thing. And like what are you talking about? And like the hypocrisy and the jealousy going on right now is like mind blowing. Yeah, so he's like basically I'm just obsessed. I love you, I love you so much.

And she goes, he goes, don't you love me? And she goes, so much, so much. You two are gross. This is like week three or four. Gross, stop. So guess what? 3.42 a.m. Emeril comes in and he's brought a fresh new arrow

to have fun with tonight. Yeah, welcome to another arrow. Oh yeah, new friend number five. And then Paige, so Paige is having extreme anxiety. So she's so anxious she can't even sleep in the same bed as Sierra. Yeah, it's like I can't even sleep in Sierra's sock tour tonight.

I've got to go to a different bed. That room is beyond. I'm sorry, we say it all the time, but it is just getting worse and worse. What do you do? Do you just let the cleaning people deal with that every single week? That's so nasty.

It looks like my trunk after I've gone to Costco. I can't sleep under this box of cans and almond milk. Okay, I'm going to the other room. So she goes into Gabby's room, since Gabby's gone this weekend, but, and she's saying that she just needs to be by herself. I think that basically what it is is that she wants to be on her phone

and she wants to scroll and she wants to maybe like, I don't know what it is, but she just, she wants to be alone and she just wants to deal with her anxiety alone and she gets in there and whatever tranquility she's hoping for is not there because Emeril is, is bang, not only is he banging friend number five, but friend number five wants to be loud. Yeah, well, he's loud too. I mean, he's doing the whole like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, like the whole bed is shaking. And like, he's doing it as hard as he can, brah. And so she wakes up to it and she's like, Oh my god, I want to kill him. You know what? I'm anxious. I do not need to hear this. Okay, I don't need to hear two people having sex. You know, I'm trying to survive right now. This is not good roommate behavior.

I kind of agree. Listen, people have the right to fuck. Like it's a normal part of life. Like what are you gonna tell somebody don't poop? But I don't know, poop quieter. You know what I mean? I think that when, well, cause while we see friend number five says, can we make noise? And he goes, make all the noise you want, baby.

That's where I think it's actually more of an infraction because it's like you're in a shared home. And, and I, and like, like be respectful of the fact that there are people who are trying to sleep like you're in a shared home. And like, be respectful of the fact that there are people who are trying to sleep and they're more famous than you. So like, like you have sex, but like try not to like make it as much of a pandemonium as possible. And I think the thing is, I think with Emeril, the problem that he faces that we're going to get into in a little bit is that it doesn't seem like he's really developed many relationships with the people in the house

or we have not seen it. So he hasn't really earned the social capital to be noisy while he has sex. And it's just annoying. It's like regular stuff. Like if you're playing music, that's okay. You're entitled to play music, but why do you have to play it at top?

You know, like you don't have to play it that loud. I had a roommate once and I was walking down the street and I was walking Zena, my dog, at the time. And walking down the street and I was walking Zina, my dog at the time, and from down the street I hear like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. And I was like, is my roommate being murdered? Like I literally ran home thinking, I was like, did I lock the door?

Is she being attacked? No, she met some guy at the coffee shop, you know? I don't care if she's fucking, like especially then at that age, like what do I care, you know? But I was like seriously, and then I was in my room just like covering my face because she was being so rich.

She was like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, you know, making those noises. And I was like that guy from the coffee shop has never made anybody genuinely sound like that. I can guarantee you that. The man can barely pull a fucking decaf espresso out. You know what I mean? I doubt he's doing this to a girl.

But, and then sure enough, after three times, it went just normal. They would close the door and do their thing. Now, like you have to like make the man think that they're the man. Maybe that's why he fucks so many people, cause he always gets that first time where they're screaming and yelling

and acting like they really want you pounding them like that. No, he fucks so much because he lived, he was an undocumented immigrant for several years. You guys, I'm undocumented. And when you're undocumented, you fucked super hard. As we all know, Fievel, as we all know, once Fievel found his family in Americandale,

he then went out and fucked like crazy. He's like, I would've lived with- I was saving that part until we got to it. But when he said that, I was like, okay, that's enough of you. I know, I was saving it too, but it's just, it's here. It's, it arrived here. It came, it came, it truly arrived.

What the fuck was that? It's just super important for me because I was always so shy, you know, being undocumented. But now I just fuck everybody up. I couldn't live without it. I see. I was like, well, you know, that mostly, I don't know if that matters that much anymore. You might have to be quiet anymore if you've read the headlines. Unfortunately. Yikes. Oh my gosh.

So sorry to be a literal boner killer for you. So anyway, he's making a lot of noise and Paige is mad and Paige already has anxiety and now she's gonna channel her anxiety and to rage against Emeril, which will be great. And Amanda meanwhile- No Paige doesn't make any noise. I feel like when Paige and Craig are together, it's like, be quiet Craig, Jesus Christ,

like putting a pillow over his head. Just quiet. So now Amanda's texting Kyle at 4 a.m. to be like, where are you? And he doesn't respond because, you know, why would you ever respond to your wife? And then now it's 5.30 in the morning and Kyle and Wes return and now the door puts on its greatest display of door stubbornness we've

ever seen, which may not be door stubbornness. It may just have been that the door was locked and we were blaming the door, but these guys literally almost destroyed that door. I thought the door was going to get broken. I thought this was going to be like a swap. This is like a swap team busting down a door. like this was gonna be the end for the door. Yeah, they were really running back and then running at the door and then throwing, well, what's his buns? West was like running back

and then throwing himself up against the door. And the door was not having it, but it would like curve in. I was like, they're gonna break down this damn door. They're gonna break it down. I was like, and this door, like this was a test to the door. This was, this was its moment. the door. This was its moment.

This was like its Braveheart moment, you know? It's like it can't take away our freedom, this door freedom. This door was like, we are going to stand, we're gonna stand strong. We're gonna stand tall, stand proud, because voices that care are crying out loud for this door right now.

Well, and also the door might be a viewer of the show because it's keeping the right ones out. You know, it's like now, they're like bam, now bam. You shall not pass. In order to pass, you must fill out this riddle. There is power in taking a, I don't know, shower. Take a shower. You can come in.

One does not simply walk into the summer house. I think the door, the door was doing, I like the idea that the door was curating who gets to come in. Like, sorry. This is genting. You're not good enough. I've already led a filthy arrow in this house. Unfortunately, West, you still have deli store muffin energy, so you shall stay outside. The only bath I've seen you take has been in the pool, so you will not be allowed in this house, sir.

Wait a minute, why did a bar of soap just drop from the arches. Up in sesame. So Lindsay, they're making so much noise. So Lindsay finally goes downstairs and 5.30 in the morning and Link lets them in. All she does is just like, say, opens the, just turns the knob, opens the door. She just looks at him like, what the fuck? Like, oh, thank you.

Hey, hey, hey, Lindsay. Thanks, pregnant person. And Wes chases her back up the stairs. We're like, thank you. She's Wendy, thanks, pregnant person. And Wes chases her back up the stairs. We're like, thank you. She's like, uh-huh, uh-huh. That was a very nice of you. She's like, yeah. So then, predictably, Kyle eats drunkenly late at night

and then finds a chair and then just goes to sleep. And he passes out with his neck back, which is, by the way, I just wanna say, he has um, that's a lot of sleep privilege that he has because if I fall asleep, I've like for the past 10 years, I'm just at that age where if I fall asleep with my, my head back like that, I choke. Does that ever happen to you where like a little bit of like spittle or like post nasal drip or something falls into, because the angle, it falls into my lungs and then I wake up coughing, like choking, gasping for breath.

And like, I'm just so jealous of people who can just pass out with their head back like that because I can't do it anymore. Yeah, I just, I don't think about how I pass. I pass out in so many ways. I sleep a lot. So I just don't judge how I sleep. I just do it, you know? If I choke, who cares? You know, I choke while I'm awake too.

Everyone has that friend who seems kind of perfect. For Patty, that friend was desirée. Until one day... I texted her and she was not getting the text. So I went to Instagram and she has no Instagram anymore. And Facebook, no Facebook anymore. Desiree was gone. And there was one person who knew the answer. I am a spiritual person, a magical person, a witch.

A gorgeous Brazilian influencer called Cat Torres, but who was hiding a secret. From Wandery, based on my smash hit podcast from Brazil, comes a new series, Don't Cross Cat, about a search that led me to a mystery in a Texas suburb. I'm calling to check on the two missing Brazilian girls. Maybe get some undercover crew there. The family are freaking out. They are lost. I'm Chico Felitti.

You can listen to Don't Cross Cat on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. That was fun. So yeah, Zipper's open and he's just binged, which is my favorite, Kyle. Zipper open and a binge. That's my kind of guy. So then the next morning, Amanda is like, I can't with him. And she finds Kyle snoring.

And she's like, you know, I know he was home, but I didn't know where he was. And that's why I've put a tracker on my husband. So I can't really change things and he knows he's wrong. So that's all I need to say. I'll take whatever she's taking. What the hell? What happened to Amanda? She doesn't wanna move to New Jersey anymore

and she's chill with Kyle passing out in a chair at 5.30 in the morning. Well, she said she's been working on her medications, which maybe that's helpful. I mean, is there a medication called just settling? Because just giving up? I've given up. Settle Rizzi. Nothing is everything. God, I love this guy Rizzi song. You know what I'm talking about? Oh yeah. It's great.

Oh. Yeah, cause they make it sound so fun. Nothing is everything. I don't even know what Sky Rizzy does. I think it's a funny name for a drug. Everything has such a serious name and then it's like Sky Rizzy. I'm like, what's Sky Rizzy?

Everything is, you know, Claritin or Allegra or like Zoloft or all serious. They sound like kind of like they could be like medieval war like fan. And if you're reading like Lord of the Rings, they all could be warriors. And then Sky Rizzy comes on, Hey girls, Sky Rizzy over here.

What's going on? Nothing is everything. I don't know what Sky Rizzy does either. Let's look at that Sky Rizzy. I also, I, what I also like about the Sky Rizzy song is it sounds like Becky G is singing it. And I just feel like it would be funny if they're like, you know what we need for Sky Rizzy? Let also, what I also like about the Sky Rizzy song is it sounds like Becky G is singing it. And I just feel like it would be funny if they're like,

you know what we need for Sky Rizzy? Let's get Becky G in here. Let's get our singer jingle. Sounds like the sky has Riz. Sky Rizzy. Discover Sky Rizzy, a treatment with proven results. It can help deliver symptom relief in four conditions. So what is it?

Oh, okay. It's for plaque psoriasis, psoriatic arthritis, Crohn's disease, and ulcerative colitis. That is the most fun Crohn's disease treatment I've ever heard about. I know. Do you have Crohn's disease? Nothing is everything.

Scare Rizzy. Scare Rizzy is like the Lexi Wood of drugs. Like, oh my God. And their image is Jill Zarin running in a bathing suit, a one piece. It's like, it's one shoulder. Nothing is everything. Hi.

Jill Zarin doing, Sky Rizzi Island. The rub karaoke. It's just a party of people with Crohn's disease and like, oh my God, thank God we finally have time to rest. You just hear, hi. Oh no. Nothing is everything. She's on The Masked Singer next year.

They're like, nothing is everything. Who is that person? Who is that bumblebee? Why does she sing the same song every single week? Why does she only sing a tagline to a medical commercial? Lexi and Jesse are waking up now and he's like, you are such a good partner, Jess. Lexi, wow, we had such a good time. And so this is where he admits what he's doing like it's so smart. He's like, yeah, you know, last night, West was like massaging Lexi's shoulders and dancing and touching her. And like, I like even for me, that was maybe a little bit too much.

But you know, given what happened with Sierra and the toe thing, I'm excited, you know, because now we can just both be flirty and you know, Lexi doesn't think it's apples to apples, but you know, she didn't see how flirty she was being with Les. First of all, that's Wes' problem if he was massaging her shoulder and everything else. Talk to him. Also, did you not realize that you were the one flirting with Sierra who is like Wes X, you know?

So like you're kind of also a little sloppy. Well that's why he's including West, because West can't be upside either. Exactly. So he's like, yeah, I'm not interested in having the same fight again, I just wanna be on good terms. It was your fight, you brought it up, she didn't care.

She was like, what the fuck is this? You did this, sir, don't act like this is her fault. He's just trying to make everything, make all of his behavior okay, which is hilariously, as we said before, transparent. Good luck with that. And by the way, it's going to work because it's Lexi and she's a Dodo bird. So then Amanda is now setting the table for Lindsay's birthday brunch and Lindsay comes in with Starbucks. She's like, oh my God, Amanda, I heard you were cooking. So I went to a fast food place. Thank you. I know. So then Paige, Paige goes back into her room where Sierra is and Paige is like, my anxiety was like so bad. I just had like visions of me and a

Lily Pulitzer gown in Charlton. I was like, ew, gross, disgusting. Anyway, but then Emeril was like having sex late at night. It was like keeping me up. I'm like, disgusting. And she's like, I wanted to be like, ma'am, you can stop fake moaning. Okay. And how many girls has this been so far this summer? Part of me is just like, okay, have some respect for the house. Have some respect for the house.

This house, does this house earned any respect yet? I'm just wondering. This house has been around for several years and it's been nothing but like decay. I know, I know she didn't mean the literal house, but if she did, that would be funny because later she's like torturing the house. If I was the homeowner watching this show, again, I would be making little ticks in a notebook every single week. Her dragging that suitcase down the stairs. Oh hell no. And it's just funny when she's like, have some respect for the house. There's like,

you know, as much of as much of a manslet as Emeril is like he has every right to bring home whoever he wants on the weekends. But I think the reason why it's like gross to people is because I get the sense that he's just like, I feel like he hasn't really developed a lot of connections with the women in the house. And so as a result, it probably feels almost transactional. Like he got onto this TV show and now he's like, hasn't really bothered to get to know the women very well. And he's just using that so that way he can get more punani on the weekends. And it kind of feels like, ew, gross, just like using us that way you can have sex. Yeah, it's just using kind of like a hostel room

or whatever. I mean, I think you have the right to have sex in the summer house too. I'm sure other summer houses that aren't televised, there's probably a lot more boning going on. Like there was a lot more in the beginning of this show, for sure. But yeah, I think that, I'm just saying,

I think that's why she's having a negative reaction because I think that like, they're all like, it's that you'm just saying I think that's why she's having a negative reaction because I think that like they're all like It's that you're out there for a summer house You're like have as much sex as you want bring in as many strangers as you want but I think that they're having a bad reaction because they're just like You're like you're gross because you're not even like you don't really interact with us very much although maybe they don't interact with him, but either way he got in the way of pages anxiety moment and She will never forgive him. She's like I he got in the way of Paige's anxiety moment and she will never forgive

him. She's like, I'm trying to have a scene. She has not cared. It's always been fun and games until she was woken up. And that's the bottom line. You know, if you, if you want to fuck whoever you want, great. If you wake me up while you're doing it, not great. That's it.

Hi, I was trying to have a scene where they played in the Eyes of the Angel, in the Arms of the Angel by Sarah McLachlan while I sat there in the bed with anxiety and you kind of ruined that. So I'm mad at you. Yeah. So she's pissed now. And then Emeril meanwhile has like a half boner

and he's walking around the house in his underwear like, hey guys, trying to find my girlfriend's shoes. Yeah, trying to find Aero shoes. Are any of these to fit on an arrow anybody seen them and she's like oh my god put some pants on gross she is fully half-staffed and that's like okay like and that's the that's the other thing about having a slutty roommate we get it like you're sexually viable congratulations your penis works put it the fuck away bro, because he has definitely that underwear that highlights your package, where there's almost a little pocket.

So when he gets a half- It's a stick in there. Yeah, and so when he gets a half-boater, it becomes almost like a little bird beak, and it's like, bro, we're all, we can all see it, we get it. And Paige is like, ew, put on some pants gross disgusting anxiety, anxiety scene, ruin her. So he like sends the arrow off and everything.

And then he walks into the kitchen. And Paige is like, you need to get several STD tests. I'm not even joking. He's like, I wear condoms. She's like, no, I'm serious. I am serious. So I think you have a stupid transmitted disease. That's why that's what XT stands for.

Outside by the pool, Sierra's laying there in the sun and Carl goes out and he's like, hey, like I just, it was great last night. I was at the club, the clurb, as we say, the youthful people say, I was a club beast. Yeah, Lindsey came up to me and she was like, hey, I know it's not easy since my brother passed yesterday. I don't know if you remember,

but that was like the day that my brother passed. And she's like, well, that's nice. And then we see a clip of Lindsay doing it and it was so fucking funny. It's so awkward, they're in the club and Lindsay's like, um, hi, I'm not a real, I'm not normal, and I'm really glad and Lindsay's like, um, hi, I'm lonely baby, I'm really on a normal day and I'm really glad that you're like, taking it like a man, girl.

So loud, just yelling at him in the club and he's like, oh, thank you, thank you, Lindsay. Yeah, and then I like, wished her a happy birthday and she said, well, my birthday's tomorrow. It's like, come on, like I'm working really close. Why not? Lindsay's biggest moment of sensitivity of the year was screaming at the top of her lungs. At the club.

You can find me at the club, bottle full of bub, but it's soft bub. Okay, very soft bub. It's a mindful functional bub. You can find me at the club with it. I don't even like going to clubs anymore. I like going to the foam bats now because they're softer than clubs. Staying on brand. Still going to bring the soft

bub though. Soft bub. Kind of like Jesse come outside and see Carl and they're talking about brunch and etc. He's like, I want to be close with Sierra again, because I was really close with her like back in 2020 when we were in the house. BL before Lindsay, BLTM before Lindsay terrorized me. Okay, or it could stand for before Lindsay traumatized me. Or DTT, which was during the time of traumatization. You know, I'm a DTF with Unzi, down to flee. So he's going after Sierra. Well, listen, Sierra is like drop dead gorgeous.

And then of course we also like then like Sierra and Carl are talking and she's leaning back and she's like, she's like a 10 out of 10 and then she's just basically showing like big time under boob. So all of a sudden Karl's like, yeah, I think I like Sierra. I was like, you don't say. You have like a goddess in front of you who's showing you under boob and now you're like, oh, I think I might give her a shot. Yeah.

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