Watch What Crappens - #281: Black, White, and Periwinkle

Episode Date: April 6, 2016

After our live show at the Improv, our brains our dead, but the show must go on! Here are the timecodes for what we talk about on today's Watch What Crappens: 00:06:49 - Crappens Mailbag! 00:24:51 - Southern Charm Season Premiere! THOMAAAAAS!!! 01:18:54 - Real Housewives of Potomac Season Finale! Come to Jesus lunch! 02:03:06 - Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion! Subscribe at https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Support us at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Follow us at facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Visit us at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Try Texture for free right now when you go to texture.com slash crappins. Texture.com slash crappins. Texture.com slash crappins. Watch what crappins. Watch what crappins.

Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappins? Crappins. Crappins. Crappins. Crappins. Crappins. Crappins. Watch what crappins.

Watch what cra when there's so much that happens. Today's episode is brought to you by our premium subscriber, Christy Dougherty. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch Your Crap. It's a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsadblog.com and The Banter Blender. And joining me, as always, is the lovely and happy and talented and funny, super funny, Ronnie Karam from TrashTalkTV.com. Hello. Hello.

Wow. If we sound like we are dragging ass today, it is not. It is because we're dragging ass. But man, we're still having fun. We just recorded that bonus and laughed our asses off. But we're talking like this. We're very NPR today. We are very NPR because last night We did Watch What Crappens Live

At the Hollywood Improv Thank you to SciJet Network for setting that up for us It was so fun So amazing What a great show It was so fun and it's posted So go listen to it if you haven't heard it It's a free bonus episode

Everybody, come on over there That's free Did you put that in our... Did you put it in our feed or is it just on Patreon? It is everywhere. Everywhere. So it should be in your iTunes and everything. On top of the fact that it was just like a fun episode,

like the actual episode that we did, we had so much fun with, it was so great to meet so many fans, so great to meet people like Brandon and Craig finally, and then also finally and then also tara and tina from also from newlyweds um everything was just so so wonderful oh and you know we went to pump afterward and saw lisa vanderpump and joyce so uh little yoisy and we had tacos so those were delightful little tacos i normally don't approve of a midget taco

I don't like it How do you even make corn tortillas that small? But I mean just lovely at the end of the day Just lovely So if you want We talk about our extended thoughts On the whole evening On this week's bonus episode

The other bonus episode The proper bonus episode for our Patreon patrons That's a lot this week yeah we were rolling this shit along y'all i was i was so excited after the show like i mean i literally like it's like two hours i just was like buzzing i couldn't focus so um anyway i did too it was so fun and thank you to everybody so so much for coming and just for being such rad people i'd love that we have so many people who listen that are just snarky, but also lovely at the same time. I mean, that's a very hard mix.

Yeah. And by the way, thanks to everyone who bought us drinks. That was really cool. Holler! Oh, and Christy, I didn't get to say goodbye to you last night because when I went to leave, you were, I think, I don't know where you were, but you were nowhere to be seen. I was in a parking or something.

Oh, stupid, stupid Christy. No, Christy is wonderful. Stupid parking. Stupid parking. Parking's the worst, am I right? Who does that? So, anyway, it was great. Go listen to it.

If you weren't there, go listen. And in the meantime, go to facebook.com forward slash Watch What Crappens to get all of the Watch What Crappens news and updates. See, that's where things get posted. That's where everyone posts all their fun, hilarious links. We learn about everything from there. It's a great online community. Go there.

Go to WatchWhatCrappens.com to find out where you can follow us on Twitter and Instagram and anywhere else. And then Patreon.com forward slash Watch What Crappens is where you can go to support us. And our supporters get access to things like the bonus episode, which is not the same as the live bonus episode. But the bonus episode, monthly hangouts, ringtones, which Ronnie just put up. And also you get to submit your questions to the Krappen's mailbag. So that's that. That's that, everyone. That is that.

Put it to bed. But you know what, though? We know a lot about Bravo, I would say. And when it comes to magazines, you know what you like and what you know, right? Yes, of course. And with Texture, you can get all the magazines you want in one super convenient place. Yes.

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So for those of you who want to hear more about that, another plug for our show. It wasn't really Gwen Stefani. Yeah. So try Texture for free right now when you go to texture.com slash crappins. That's texture.com slash crappins. Crappins. Crappins. Crappins.

Do you know how much Ken and I have done for Texture? Okay, let's get on with this show. This is a Humongoloid show today. Humongoloid. We're going to talk about Southern Charm. And we're going to talk about Real Housewives of Atlanta and Potomac. But first, you know what we're going to do? Oh, my God.

I can only hope. We are going to open up the Cuckold's Mailbag. Oh, mailbag. What you got for me today, Bert, my mailman? Well, of course I don't actually have anything queued up. So I have to navigate. But while I do navigate towards this, by the way, we had a special leak of Erika Jayne's new song that we played during the live show.

So everyone go, what's that? Oh, wow. That's on Patreon. Look at you, Ronnie. Yeah, I got all my posts indeed. Yeah. You got all your posts indeed. Okay, here are the questions.

Oh, wait. Do we have two Kraven's mailbags No I didn't do one Oh okay I got confused Oh there's more comments Oh my god I was confused I was like where did all the comments go This is what the episode is going to be

I'm sorry Just put it on speed You know you can play play podcasts at twice the speed. Yeah. This might be a good one to use that feature. Yeah. So Betsy, remember how Betsy lost her? We didn't ask Betsy's question.

We had to search around for it. We finally found it, and I lost it again. But it was something along the lines of, I think we're OBGYNs. Did we answer this one? I thought we did this one. we're OBGYNs. Did we answer this one? I thought we did this one. We're OBGYNs and like Vicky has a rash, I believe. And how we describe it.

Wait, is that what it is? I'm sorry, Betsy. We're just totally destroying your question. Get the next one. I'll, I'll do it.

Okay. Here's Betsy, but Betsy has a new question. Okay. It's like torturing Betsy. We made her post it twice and then we're like, sorry. Sorry, Betsy. Um, you can, wait, why don't you look for Betsy. We made her post it twice, and then we're like, Sorry! Sorry, Betsy.

Why don't you look for Betsy while I read her new one? It's a double Betsy day, guys. Double bets. Double bets in the mail, Bets. It's the crappin' mail bets. Double Betsy. She says, Hi, guys. Hi, Betsy. Hope you found my question

posted in last week's mailbag. Insert goat noise here. This week, I don't have a question as much says hi guys hi betsy um hope you found my question posted in last week's mailbag insert goat noise here um this week i don't have a question as much as a request for some throwback watch for crappins uh mass and hilda brand's laugh martin lawrence ballard shopping at fresh and easy and maybe it smells like redux thanks for indulging me oh ronnie you were the you were the king of the mass and hilda brand. I don't even remember how it went. There it is. Meanfully laugh.

I've never trust somebody with a laugh like that. Now, look. I laugh like Satan. Like a satanic goat. I know it. You shouldn't trust me either. Do not trust someone who laughs like... They're not nice people, okay? martin lawrence billard for those of you who weren't listening to the podcast back in the day uh when million dollar decorators were

on was on uh martin lawrence billard was one of the designers on it and i used to see him shopping at fresh and easy which was hilarious because he'd be sitting there being like oh i'm here putting wallpaper on the walls the woman woman who created Jimmy Choo. And then you'd see him, like, purchasing, you know, plastic wrap red peppers, you know, in the discount aisle at Fresh and Easy. Good old, good old Barnard's Ballad. Fresh and Easy. Oh, I do hope that they have some more tomatillos available. Canned would be just fine.

I saw him at the Abbey one time and he was sitting in front of that gigantic fireplace and I said, hey, I love your show. And he went, thank you, darling. The way he said it, he turned to me and the fire was licking on

his face. It was like that fire light on his face. He was like, thank you, face he's like thank you jesus christ like you sucked your soul out of your body in that one moment he's like a vampire who just drinks the filler out of your body i was like thank god i don't got fillers that shit would be sucked out by now i could fill her vampire he was probably just trying to like hold all his rage inside that there weren't more patterns and couches and ottomans in the abbey at that moment true this this place is too sparsely

decorated i need more things that remind me of injar or at least the frozen isle at fresh and easy do you know they sell gelato there gelato it's like cream, but without the cream or something. I don't know, I found it in Italy. Have you tried their pre-made Mexican salad? Simply divine. I'm installing a gelato machine in your home. It's $30,000. I'm hoping that this way I won't have to use so many Fresh and Easy points when I purchase my hot dogs. Could you imagine him arguing with the machine at Fresh and Easy? This will not take my bell peppers.

Can I get someone? Someone? Anyone? Why? Why, yes. I am using my own bag. Why do you ask? What scanner should I put this on?

It keeps asking me to put it on a scanner. I don't see a scanner. I found this bag in Italy, but I didn't buy it. And when I got home, I was so upset that I had it flown to me. Are you still checking out? Fine, if you don't want to hear my story about Italy, then that's fine. I don't have to buy your strawberries. Would it help if I used my bag from Russia?

You know, I was perusing your house with items, and I couldn't help but notice that you seem to be out of all, or as I like to call it, A-L-L, that's all. I love eating here at Islands. I've just come back from Islands. I thought it would be the same. It's not. But I love your burgers. One of my favorite restaurants is the Elephant Bar. It reminds me of

Inja. Oh, Martin Lawrence Ballard. Yeah, so the question from Betsy is from 315, and it's the OBGYN thing. Did we do it? I thought we did do it, but she says we didn't. So why don't you ask it again? Okay.

Well, we'll do part of it. We won't do the whole thing because it was like five questions, right? No, it's just one. She's an OBGYN. Okay. One of us are going to be the OBGYN because she's the OBGYN. Remember? I remember this. I remember talking about this.

El Paso forever. Chewy's tacos forever, girl. Yeah. You have to see the following patients in your office for a gyno visit. How would the interaction go? I swear we did this, but I don't remember what it was. I swear we did this also. Yeah, let's just do it again. I think Betsy's gaslighting us. I think she is. She she is like i wonder if i can get those idiots to do it again thanks a

lot betsy they'll pass their humor right there they'll fuck with each other there you guys didn't do it do it again well we can just answer it really quickly because i think i have a better question okay these are the problems uh vicky has a pesky rash after a night at Andalais. Rinna has a troublesome discharge. Bethany's having hot flashes. Adriana comes in for a standard pap smear. Brittany and Kristen come in for STD screening. And Catherine is pregnant.

Again. Thomas! If I was the OBGYN for every single one of these cases, I would whip out a packet of sandpaper and a caulking gun and say, go take care of this yourself. This is not something I need to see. Bye. I would just hand over my medical license

and go to Fresh and Easy and help my nurse pull hard at the machine to your new job. I've seen things like that. This bell pepper is on sale and there's a leaky discharge. Worth it or not? He's like, I can't believe that you would sell produce that has a leaky discharge.

It's just absolutely abhorrent. Listen, Mr. Ballard, if you'd seen what I've seen in my medical practice, you'd be thanking the days that all you had to see was leaky red pepper discharge. No kidding. Are you sure? It's ruined my bag from ninja yeah um okay so kate a asks i have one question and one comment for you guys this also kind of feels like the end of survivor you know when someone says i just have a question for you and a comment for you um what was it like winning so many challenges and why are you such a bitch?

Kate A says, question. Ben, did you know Mindy Kaling when you were both at Dartmouth? Comment. I recently listened to your Munchausen Hunters International episode. I forgot about that. And I thought it was hilarious when you brought up Rebecca De Mornay and wondered what you've been up to. Because I had just seen an episode of Law & Order as few guests are on Rebecca De Mornay as a lawyer with Munchausen. A lawyer with Munchausen.

Oh, my God. Love your show. This is why I love the podcast. Objection. I have rheumatoid arthritis. So the question, did I know Mindy Kaling? I did. I did.

I still know Mindy. I mean, we don't hang out. But like if I ran into her on the street, I'd be like, oh, hey, what's going on? We'd say hi. We'd hug, whatever. You'd be like, why didn't you invite me on that trip? Why? Why did you not invite me?

Maybe Mindy Kaling was in your frat. Mindy, yeah, no. Yeah, Mindy was in my frat. Mindy and I were both in the Humor Society together. I was in the Humor Society freshman year. She was in that too. We sort of just knew each other from around. And then we also interned for Conan together.

I was actually, I interned for Conan after my freshman year. And I became, the thing is with Dartmouth is that um after sophomore like the summer after sophomore year sophomores are required to be on campus it's called sophomore summer it's kind of like sleepaway camp but uh but jerking off jerking off out in the open it's because because what happens is then since you're there for the summer then you take off a term it sort of helps their housing so what would happen is there would often be Dartmouth people who would be off for a winter term let's say and so they're always looking for internships etc so I interned at Conan after freshman year so it's in the summer and so then I became kind of like the the uh the Conan internship link

because they needed interns in the winter when it was like low intern season and then people who were off needed internships. So I totally hooked Mindy up with an internship at Conan and then I also went back and interned a little bit more. So we were interned together. I wouldn't say call that bitch for some payback, but you're staying with me

So that's enough of that Well you know I'm sure I'm sure our paths will cross again I run into her like every blue moon out here So you know So the answer is yes I do know Mindy There you go Oh last question

Because we have so much to talk about today Um let's do this one from ruth ruth ruth messaged us so by the way we haven't seen the message we're really bad about checking messages on patreon so just everyone if you want to leave a message in the crappin's mailbag make sure you leave it in the comment section of the post because we're not we don't always see the messages it doesn't notify us oddly enough and then it says notifications with a little red dot on it even if you check the notifications yeah weird get it together patreon get it together okay you do not have an angry swan at the top of your website oh we were talking about patricia's

website on the phone yeah okay i'm sorry i'll be quiet no it's okay and sleepaway camp which is why i mentioned it and why i mentioned jerking off out in the open okay there's like a lot of right we've just been talking for a long we just't know. We don't know what we talked about last night or an hour ago or right now. So Ruth, the Ruth, the Ruth, the Ruth is on fire. She's like, I'm an OBGYN. God damn it! I'm Spartacus.

I'm Spartacus. I'm an OBGYN. She says, do you think Lisa Vanderpump will quit if these bitches are actually successful in their unveiling of her manipulation of drama? Heart you guys, Ruth. Heart you too, Ruth.

No, she won't quit. No, she ain't going to quit. Because they ain't ever going to be successful. And Lisa is doing that for her restaurants and her other show. So she, I think she's probably got one more year. I think when she goes out, she's going to go out on top. She's not going to go out on a victim season. I think she's going to get people fired.

She's going to pull her nini out and get some people fired who need to go. And then of course, she wouldn't manipulate it, darling. I think she'll just flat out say, get rid of her! And then she will be back and be the champion next season once again, and

then she'll probably leave. I think she's starting to see that it's like every other year now. So she's probably going to go out on top. I would imagine. Who knows, though? Yeah. And, you know, you're right. You know, this is like a big moneymaker for her for her restaurants. It really, I mean, it's just people go there.

We went to Pump last night. It was a Monday night. The place was packed. The only place on Monday night in WeHo that was packed. Mickey's had some people in it. But, you know, the place is packed. And she and Ken were there, obviously with Joyce. And honestly, almost every time I've gone to Pump or Sir, she's almost always been there.

You know? She's smart. She knows where the money is. She knows what she has to do. Yeah. You know, I mean, remember when Heather Dubrow wanted to start a restaurant? And they were like, well, you have to be there every night. And she's like, well, I mean, claw hands, Dubrow wanted to start a restaurant? And they're like, well, you have to be there every night. And she's like, well, I mean, clients, clients, clients.

And, you know, I think Lisa is smart. She knows what she has to do. She knows she has to be there. She is an attraction for her things, her places. Because people go, they see her, and they go home. And they say, oh, my God, we saw Lisa Vanderpump. We go on our podcast. We say, we saw Lisa Vanderpump talking with Joyce.

And more people want to go now because they know they could see Lisa Vanderpumppump so yeah and i think she just loves that the fame of it and being there and just being darling darling darling darling i think she likes that there's something about that to her and also it's the only place she can go to get some warm fucking potato salad so she's definitely keeping that restaurant open, no matter if it even if that goes broke. She's like, darling, where am I going to warm my potato salad? You know, we heard some stories about Ken last night as a boss. We heard that he pulled aside a waiter who I think used to work there and was like,

I don't like your attitude. You have to smile more if you're going to be working here. He gets real tough and Guy Ritchie-like. And apparently the guy had to spend some time with Richardson learning how to smile while he serves. That is hilarious. He also, the story, that's funny. Who was telling us these? Because I heard a story.

It was our friend. Our friend who joined us. He said that Ken walked up to one of the new, I think it was one of the new bartenders and he pinched him in the stomach like he pinched his fat and he said we don't have that here people here take better care of their bodies like damn boy and he's got some minks on what the hell are you talking about spanks get out of here he's right i saw uh like two days ago i saw one one of the pump bartenders at the gym in the locker room, and his shirt was off. There's no fat. There is no fat to be seen.

Well, they can't have it. Those shirts are tailored. I mean, you see their belly buttons. You know who's an innie or an outie. Those poor little whore bartenders. I love it. Do you remember when that bartender, he was so gorgeous, by the way. Not as cute, but reminiscent of Brad Pitt in Thelma and Louise.

Like that type. Oh, my God. You mean at Pump? Huh? You mean at Pump? Yeah. That was the one where I saw shirtless. You saw him shirtless?

Oh, my God. I'm getting a boner through your memory. Is that weird? I certainly did. I'm telling you, everyone who works at the Savannahpump Restaurant comes to LA Fitness first, okay? That's where I saw – I've seen Katie there. I've seen Kristen there. It's like in Grand Theft Auto where you start with $10 and you have to go to the poor gym first.

No offense, Tony. Yeah. No, it's your Jacks used to work there. They all come through LA Fitness first, and I check them all out, and then they go off to big, wonderful things at Crunch. Yeah, they all go to Crunch. But you know they're still reality people because i ain't at equinox yeah stop trying to be all fancy with your gym moves reality people you have to work your way up to that uh but terry one day you'll afford a gym that doesn't smell like feet someday equinox man i wish i could afford that that is

just like that gym is set up have you ever been to that Equinox? Just on a guest pass or something I went there once on a guest pass And that locker room is set up, it's like a runway And the guys just come down in itty bitty towels If at all, with their beautiful Muscle clad bodies They know everyone's staring at them

It's like heaven I would just pretend I'm Yolanda Foster Sitting in the front row of my daughter's fashion show. You look wonderful. Like holding up tens. Just talk to people like Ken. You're too fat for this gym. Get out.

Well, my friend used to be a waiter at Villa Blanca. And Ken did that thing. He's like, I don't like your attitude. And by the way, way he's like a totally nice guy i don't know where the attitude came from so he got fired actually and then uh i think that my friend tried to like do some sort of racial discrimination thing but it just didn't i don't think anything happened with that because i don't think it was it probably was not racist it was probably just ken being like i don't like your attitude he like doesn't like anyone's attitude he realized he didn't have a case when there were like 30 other waiters who had been fired because ken just doesn't like anyone's attitude. He realized he didn't have a case when there were like 30 other waiters who had been fired because Ken just doesn't like their attitude.

That's Ken's way of saying you're fat. Bye. By the way. You had two weeks to get rid of that muffin top. It's still there. No one's drinking. Goodbye. And by the way, have you seen their house?

Not every restaurateur has a house like the Vanderpumps. They know what they're doing. Okay. If they don't like your attitude, there's a reason why. Because they know how to earn their money. All the waiters with attitude have been how to earn their money all the all the waiters with attitude have been fed to hanky in the villarosa park all right let's move on to some real news y'all Murphy's Mailbag. Thomas Mailbag. Thomas.

Thomas. Thomas. What do you want to, you want to start with Southern Charm? Well, Southern Charm, God bless this show. God bless America. And God bless television for giving us something goddamn new to watch. I was so excited to have a new show. Not only that, what an intro. I mean, Southern Drum really, they went for broke with this.

And this is akin to New Jersey season three. We start out with them walking into like a christening and all of a sudden fighting and punching and then disaster. This one was like, oh, I knew something was up because the tone was too fast. It was like we were just dropped into something. I knew that Bravo was going to do something crazy. I was not expecting that, though. Man, it was the waspiest version of the christening ever. It was like wasps reenacting the christening.

How dare you? How dare you? It was the waspy version of fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. You're cool. Fuck you. Fuck you. That's what it was. fuck you fuck you you're cool fuck you fuck you that's what it was darmus has gone off the rails and that's uh i guess the season finale that they were showing um where he's just telling everybody

off uh and it was so good shep looks disgusting in this scene he's all it's not shep no beard yeah beard bad bad on shower you cannot pull that dude. You look like you have dentures. You look like an old person with, like, you're just an old sloppy man. Go shave, buddy. Shave, fix the plaque situation, and then, you know, he looks like he just got off a raft. Like, he was fully, like, Robert Redford in All Is Lost or whatever that was. You know, he had been in the Indian Ocean for about two weeks. And they plucked him off and put him in a dinner party i couldn't watch that movie i already sat through that tom hanks talking to a damn basketball all his loss was amazing oh my

god such an anxiety inducing movie i loved it thomas would be like telling off the sharks you classless whore what do you do in so many of these waters except other than being beautifulless whore. What do you do in swimming in these waters except other than being beautiful, you whore? So Thomas starts with one of his famous speeches. I love how people talk on this show. They're like, Thomas and his famous speeches. Really?

It's like the bridge speech written down in some museum. I don't remember any of Thomas' famous speeches except like, well, I lost again and this was fun. Bye. I have a speech. Too long to sleep with me. But his speech telling everyone off, it looks like he's going to be nice. He's like,

thank you everyone for coming to my home. Cameron looks like a god. Her little judgmental face, which I've missed so much. I know. Her judgmental face is like the little judgmental face which I've missed so much. I know. Her judgmental face is like the best judgmental face there is. It's so good

because you always have it on your own face at what she's looking at. I mean she speaks the truth almost always. Yes. And she is a snotty bitch but who cares?

She's never been wrong. She's a pretty nice snotty bitch. She has never I'm sorry. Oh no. I was going to say that she's never been wrong

not even when she was on Real World San Diego. Oh, no. I was going to say that she's never been wrong, not even when she was on Real World San Diego. Oh, Cameron. So he starts giving this speech, and he's like, thank you for coming to my new mansion, plantation, and visiting our young family. I'm like, what? Shut up, Thomas, your young family. You haven't even married to that girl yet. I know. and then he starts

telling everyone off he goes to ship stop trying to fuck every girl in charleston yeah like look at cameron that's who you want cameron's like with your squinty eye she doesn't talk like that but her eyes talk like that yeah i thought you're talking with landon landon was the squinty eyes oh landon that's who i mean because yeah he's like like landon you're deceitful she's like what what i don't understand what thomas by the way did you notice in that scene that craig's girlfriend was sitting next to shep not cra Craig? Or was that me? Was that crazy? Craig's girlfriend was sitting next to Shep and not Craig. I'm going to look at it again.

I didn't even know who that girl was, so I don't think I paid attention. I'm going to look again because I could have sworn. I was just writing a diatribe against Shep's beard, which is so weird because I only shave once a week. But, you know, I love being a hypocrite. But still, I'm not rich. It bugs me um so he tells then he moves on to cameron says cameron you're just like my sisters judgmental self-righteous and sanctimonious the only thing cameron says is why do you think i'm sanctimonious yeah yes i'm

judgmental and self-righteous but how how dare you? Sanctimonious. I didn't get that either. I'm like, Cameron's never sanctimonious. She's just purely judgmental. But I love that she's so in-ming of her-ish. She's like, I won't even argue that one. But come on, dude. And then Squinty, you have been catty and disrespectful towards Catherine, the mother of my child.

I'd love you to be friends. And she's like, I've trained to be friends with her. She's been telling me to fuck off. She's like, she's the one who started it. I'm like my car. Every time I try to start my car, it's like. So everybody gets up and starts leaving, which is basically like throwing a baby across the room on New Jersey. We are leaving.

Yeah. Way to go. Action. So they all start leaving. And he's like, get out of here, you disrespectful, sanctimonious bitch. And then he starts calling the women bitches and stuff. Oh, my God. And Landon starts.

And Catherine goes, stop yelling. You sound like a fucking dolphin Catherine Thomas is standing behind the gate with his face like he's looking through a jail cell yeah yelling at everybody yes stupid bitch that's so good I know clearly he's getting ready for another another Shina in the black

eye and meanwhile also Cooper was there. You know, the whole gang was there. It was a total disaster. And I'm looking at the opening right now. Again, it's on mute. And Naomi, Craig's girlfriend, is sitting with Shep. And I kind of think that when

Shep goes up to leave, that she leaves with Shep, which may be a problem. I'm keeping an eye Shep goes up to leave, that she leaves with Shep, which may be a problem. Oh. I'm keeping an eye on it right now. Keep an eye and make sure. Because that could lead into something. That could be shady on Shep's part if he steals Naomi.

That would also explain why Thomas would say to Shep, stop sleeping with every girl in town. If he sleeps with Naomi. I'm putting it out there. Well, that's a good prediction. I didn't even notice any of that. Okay, we have to remember you said that later when you're writing. Yeah, we're going to remember. It's a theory that Shep steals Naomi, but we'll see.

We'll see. Well, I mean, Craig. God bless Craig. He's very cute and stuff, but he talks like this all the time. I'm a changed man coming back from Delaware. Now here I am back in Charleston right in time to film things. Oh my god.

Please talk faster. No, I'll air it. By the way, no evidence that Naomi left with Shep, so who knows. Yeah, Craig is like, yeah, I'm going to go back to Charleston because that's where I just really, really, really want to live in Charleston.

It's like, also, you want to be on a TV show, just like Whitney, who lives actually in Bel-Air. This time he finally fessed up. He doesn't even live in Charleston. He just comes back to do a TV show. I've proven that I'm strong enough to be back in Charleston. What kind of strength do you need to live in Charleston? Darling, you held up a whiskey cup all last year.

That's all you did. What kind of strength do you need? What's your next job? Is it going to be like designing your own line of oversized collared men's shirts? He would never put that much work in. Although, I do love that he wears them. And I like his multi-tonal dressing this year.

He's like, I'm going to wear five shades of pink. Yeah. And five different patterns, too. I could not stand that. I love your new personality. Please, speak through the clothes. Please. You know, this is hashtag new Craig, but should we really be?

Is he really new Craig, but should we really be... Is he really new Craig? Like, is it any surprise that, oh yeah, there happens to be this girl, Naomi, who is totally loaded that he just so happens to have latched onto? Come on, that's not new Craig. Well, it's at least new enough that he is keeping a girlfriend that's rich. I mean, look, when you go find a

rich girlfriend to take care of you, that's actually making an effort in life. So I have to at least give him some points for that. You go, boy. Why should only women get to do that on Bravo? Makes me feel bad for Cooper because he has no one that he can marry up into. He wouldn't anyway. He's like, why would I marry you? I can't take you to my own

ball. That's true. So anyway. I'm just moving my leg, darling. Oh, get that leg moving Southern charm crap Okay so yeah Craig's boring So Craig's still boring

Hashtag new still boring Craig Yeah Fishing Cameron and Shep go pee in the water Talk about Craig You know that Shep is still just mad because Craig got more bids last season. At the end of last season.

Kelsey Ballerini. Yes, that country star paid higher to be with him. And then Shep, I think Shep, they gave him like $20 or something to be with him in that man auction last year. And he is still so mad. Hilarious. God, I can't believesey ballerini would go with craig gosh he even did a vanderpump rules thing in this one where he told craig you know it's just you keep thinking like you're the guy in this town like you're the best most popular guy in this town

it's not true yeah it's not it's just in your head god you're so stupid with your stupid head it's like a jacks without a gym membership yeah it's like a wealthy like a wealthy smart jacks basically let's see southwest airlines i was like figures craig and by the way i take southwest all the time but i'm like you know he woke up late he forgot to print out his boarding pass now he's in group c yeah yeah i just i'm curious as to what craig is going to do in charleston now now that he actually it seems like he's abandoning law is i mean is he still like holding on to the dream of being a model because that's that you know as many doors as cooper's fashion show certainly open for him i still think he has a little bit more work to do. The red velvet suit industry was knocking at that door.

They can only knock so long before they move on to another red velvet suit fashion show. Now that he has conquered bellhop fashion, it's time for him to move onwards and upwards. Let's see. Catherine's parents.

Let's see. The's parents and let's leave oh the thing is this is good so he meets this girl he's met this girl ashley okay so we've kind of talked about this already and he say they walk into the house because her loaded ass parents have this gorgeous house that they're just letting them live in wait her name's ash i thought it was naomi i you're right it is naomi i wrote down ashley at first I don't even know why. Later I was like, remember that this is... but of course I know it's too late to read it now. Remember, her name is actually Naomi. Yeah, it is Naomi, sorry. But this chick, you know, pretty and stuff, seems nice. Yeah, very pretty, yeah.

She's polite enough to not have a personality. Very good, very Southern girl. Jesus. But you can tell she hates shep by the way because when they're talking about putting together a party i'm sorry i just totally interrupted you no no go ahead yeah you can tell from the same scene but you can tell it's like yeah i'm gonna have a party to be like i'm back and she's like so you're gonna invite shep and which was a very loaded way of like you're not gonna invite shep right yeah because you know the whole time he's like shep ruined ruined my life. He was so mean to me.

He lectured me all the time. He's basically the little robot from that TV show. Small wonder, if you will. Yeah, that Vicky thing. He's like, except he's like, not a wonder. He's like, small. Small. He's a small thing.

He's a small thing. Okay in every way Edie McClurg doesn't even care enough to be nosy in his life she's like I don't feel like coming through the window today who's the lady next door she never even comes outside no one knows

ruins the show. She moves to more interesting people. So this girl, they get to stay in this beautiful mansion. And she's like, look, it's like we're adults. You're not adults. You're staying in your parents' house. Jesus. You know, part of me doesn't want to rich shame people

because that's not fair i mean it's not their fault they're rich the other part of me is like seriously burn the house down i want the house to burn to the ground how dare they this is not fair i know totally um like totally uh i was gonna say another line but I think it's later in the episode. So next up is Catherine. Speaking of parents living at your parents' house. Catherine. She starts every season like she's out of some 18th century or 19th century novel, right? Like alone on the plantation waiting for the man to come and help her move on to a different home in the city. Like, every time she's like, Irm, Irm, Thomas, he's like, Irm,

doesn't care about me anymore, so Irm, whatever. Thomas promised me the wind. He promised me the moon. He promised me a mall. He promised me a Bentley. He promised me a new home and a good part of town. And here I am. I took 30 home pregnancy tests, and it's official.

And guess what? Thomas didn't pay for one of them. Tommy. It's like, woman, when are you going to stop listening to his promises? He's a politician for crying out loud. Well, he knows how to keep a crazy woman because he's just going to keep. That's basically his rental oven that he keeps on some plantation outside of town so he never how to keep a crazy woman because he's just gonna keep that's basically his rental oven that he keeps on some plantation outside of town so he never has to see her and

the only time he comes by is to put some more sperm inside of her so we can have kids you know while he can still fuck around the guy is a sleazebag but he seems to know what he's doing i mean he does she just has to tamper her expectations she She has to hold them to small promises like painting the nursery pink. Oh, wait. We'll get to that. Oh, periwinkle. You promised pink Thomas for Kinsey. Only on this

show would there be periwinkle drama. I don't think periwinkle has been uttered this many times ever on a TV show. I wrote periwinkle gate. I wrote that in caps with an exclamation point. And the funny thing is that the first time... Craig Hunt's like, wait, a Q rating for Periwinkle's gone up.

What the hell is happening? Change the colors! Meanwhile, we'll get to the first instance of Periwinkle in a moment, but I wrote it down the first time. We don't even have to go. We don't even have to leave i mean we don't even have to

leave because catherine is so fucking interesting to me i don't even care if she talks like she's always on marijuana i mean her and craig can you imagine dinner if those two ever got married jesus christ battle of the bulls darling it's kind of an amazing cast because you have like a group of people who are sort of on the sidelines and they just are watching it all and they're being shady and making snarky jokes to each other and to us you know and they sort of are like us and sometimes they sort of interact with the story but they don't really interact that much and then you have like a bunch of crazies right in the middle you've got thomas and katherine and you got craig's not crazy but he's like a problem and you have these people

and so it's like this oil and water situation with this cast where you have the crazies in the middle and the other people just observing. And it's kind of genius. It really is. I just love it. This whole scene with Catherine, she's explaining how she could possibly. Well, first she has a window unit. She's like, that is so ghetto. Which is funny.

While mine was a Warren. I was like, ah, fuck off. And she explains why she got pregnant again. She goes, well, we were broken up, but we had a brief whirlwind romance. And four days later, God wanted me to have a baby. Another baby must mean something, but it didn't. Stupid. And then she's telling Thomas off, but on Siri.

She's, like, texting him and using Siri to tell him off and she's like listen here Thomas comma I do not care what you do with your own life comma broken heart

emoji just leave me alone period oh damn it that was not god damn it Broken heart emoji. Just leave me alone. Period. Oh, damn it. That was not. God damn it. God damn it. It wrote down comment instead of writing a comma.

Jesus. The status of me and Thomas right now is nothing. It's like, well, she's not going to be a mathematician. It doesn't even make sense lady i just don't understand why there's no contraception involved in any of these tomfoolery like the pill condom is it really that hard people is it really that hard apparently it was that hard well he's too hard i think that he just wants more babies now so that's his reason and she wants more babies now, so that's his reason. And she wants more babies to control his ass. Impulsive and reckless.

And feckless. You've taught nothing, young lady. Please never do, because I love you just how you are. Next up is the grand doll. Oh, yes. Which, of course, means footage of her reaching for her little perfume jar. Whatever you call those perfume things. And

she's up in her lair and with fur collar and fur everything. And I thought, where is her martini? It did seem weird because it was like 10 o'clock in the morning, which, you know, martini breakfast. I was like, why is there no martini?

Is this bitch sober? Because I will quit watching this show immediately. Yeah, and then she's like, then Whitney comes over and they meet and she's like, did you notice anything strange about the here? Doesn't it feel weird? Yeah, no, so you had to open the door yourself, don't have a martini. And I thought she was going to say,

I had to fire him, I had to downsize. I was like like no i don't want patricia to become unwealthy but then she's like hey went on vacation i was like oh phew i was like thank god she needs to stay rich i'm sorry yeah she really that's someone who i do not need to see them for some rich people i want to see them poor i do not want to see her poor she's a nightmare enough in her own house imagine if she was unleashed on the world stay home i do not need to be behind your ass at target yeah i like she's like when michael's gone i was a lot of drinking of wine and whiskey because i do not like to drink inferior martinis i have no interest in an inferior martini. So good. Did you notice I had to get my own shoes?

Did you notice I had to yell at the black people all by myself? Oh, this woman. And she goes, what was she saying? How's the restaurant? He's like, oh, it's going great, mom. She's like, hmm. That's what she does. She sips her wine.

Yeah. She sips her wine and goes, hmm. It was amazing. That has to be a gift. Like, someone has to make that a gift. I want to make gifts of everything. I wish they had a full shot of her saying that. Yeah.

There was some line that was so good, and they didn't have a full shot of her saying it. I hope it wasn't that martini line, because I need to be sending that to everybody. It was amazing. Well, Whitney, by the way, first of all, his wig is looking great. I think this wasn't that martini line, because I need to be sending that to everybody. It was amazing. Well, Whitney, by the way, first of all, his wig is looking great. I think this is the best his wig has ever looked. It's not as floppy. Whitney has gotten it together in the wig store and the filler store and the bait store. Yeah, he looked great. He looked great. The first time ever, Whitney's

hair looked proper. He got rid of the Kate Gosselin man toupee. He has a proper wig. He had a little tan going on. And he's still his usual asshole self. He's like, yeah, the restaurant's a million and a half over budget, but I'm very laissez-faire about it

because I just don't care. Yeah, I just bought a mansion in LA in, not Beverly Hills, but where was he? Oh, Bel Air. He's like, this way you can stock up on some more uh body shop t-shirts you know crazy poor guy i like his surgery because he's always trying to pretend he's a teenager which is so sad i mean we live in a town of that so we see it all the time and of

course it's fitting that he's here yeah but we see it all the time like this peter pan syndrome where they're trying to look like little boys and it has looked creepy but now he's still acting like that but he actually looks his age ish yeah he looked he changed in a good way yeah he changes style just just enough that's like okay see now there you go there you go whitney you did it you got he got you you got into your lane and now you look good well he probably started getting nipped and tucked in la i mean if we know how to do anything i mean you don't want to get nipped and tucked in charleston if you can do it here but his practice his still his problem is that he still wants to be all like hipster and like rock and roll and playing my guitar and yet he's still a full-on stuffy southern conservative

man you know like no he's like through level one of Rocksmith. So. So, yeah. So they're they're just being, you know, I love Whitney and his mom because they just are like two cat queens. They are so good. She is so good. And he's such a little bitch. Like he's his mom's little bitch.

I know. But they have the best gossip sessions because, you know, it's like what we want to do. It's like because, you know, they just they're so shady. They just sit there. They be shady. You know, they act shady and um uh i love is this when patricia starts talking about katherine's pregnancy because she has the best quote here she does she goes i'm not going to get into katherine's pregnancy i mean they're both morons what else can i say and then talks like for ten minutes about it. Yeah. She's uneducated.

She's unintelligent. She has no future. She has two babies. I mean, what can they expect? I have no interest in anything to do with Catherine Dennis. But she has a morbid obsession with me and Whitney. And when something happens like that, the guillotine comes down and that's it. The guillotine comes down and that's it. Damn, lady.

You're gonna behead her? She's right though. And you know, I think actually everything that Patricia says about Catherine and Thomas has always been 100% true. I know. It's just that it's so hypocritical and as Catherine points out, because this scene is intercut with Cooper

going to visit Catherine. Oh, yeah. Just in case I have a ball and my second woman date falls through. He goes to see Catherine. We gingers have to stay together. It's a weird friendship because he's like besties with Patricia. And so she's like, I thought he was here to be a little soldier for Patricia. But, you know, he has my back like someone should it

must hurt by now girl damn you're either on it or carrying something with it yeah uh yeah cooper cooper well i think cooper realized he's like hmm it turns out that last year uh i tried to be everyone's sidekick and no one wanted me so okay i'll just be katherine's sidekick and no one wants me. So, okay, I'll just be Catherine's sidekick and this will get me on the show more. Yes, exactly. He got sick of doing the windows at Patricia's house. She, when they're walking over to have their little discussion,

she's like, yeah, this plantation, whatever. I mean, it's so big. I mean, there's literally a slave cemetery right over there. Oh, let's go sit on those slaves and have some tea. It's like, this is the most tacky thing I've ever seen. Please tell me they're not sitting on the slave cemetery. Was that what she said? I reminded a few times, but she mumbled so much.

I all heard her say, and that used to be a slave cemetery. I was like, I don't know what it was, but it involves slaves. Yeah, she didn't say, let's go have a drink on the slaves, but that's what she did. She's like, look here, the slave cemetery. Oh, my God. Shall we sit on a blanket? I knew whatever it was. It couldn't have been good.

It started with slave and ended with a mumble. And I was like, whatever it was, she's treating it like Disneyland. And I'm like, here's the slaves. I love that we got to see slavery. Oh, sorry. Comeback slavery. I love that we got to see Slavery Oh sorry Come back slavery I love that we got to see Catherine getting

Wacky with her imitations I get that she doesn't like me I mean that's fine but why does she have to be like Who are you When you get down time Don't look at me. Is she doing Mr. Belvedere? What is she doing?

Well, even Cooper's like, I like how you made her British. She's like, I know. But I mean, I do that shit all the time, too. I'll impersonate someone and they suddenly have some strange Danish accent. It's like, where did that come from? They're from Milwaukee. Her impersonations are bad enough to be on the show i know she could basically be our third host now her version of vanderpump rules will be like i will not eat the best he does that

Sir Sloth I'm going to buy you boobs Stassi Come back But she totally called it out correctly When she said Whitney is a loser His restaurant's a failure His music career's a failure

He's never done one damn thing He just got a wig that fit last week His girlfriend's fake No one ever sees her So what the fuck is she judging And you know she's right but a mother will always be fine with her son just a mother and her son and i like when patricia's back at home and she's like well as much as i'd love little grandbabies i'm glad it's not you because it very well could have been yeah it could have been it definitely could have been. Patricia deserves that.

I mean, that woman has got to have terrible children. She's got to have terrible karma. And not only bastard children, but bastard Dennis children. The horror. She would have Michael drown those things in the sink the second he got back from vacation. Well, let's be honest. If there was a good baby, she would fully swoop in, push Catherine out. Like she would somehow take control of the baby entirely.

And she would just raise it herself. Michael, please bring me my shoes. Now, Michael, stand at the door. Michael, when Catherine Dennis comes in, hit her on the head with those shoes. Here's a net I found. Put her in it. A net? Here, just wrap her up in my caftan.

She's like caught up in a tree. Let me down. This isn't funny. I'm a cat. Room two. Catherine and the child underneath Patricia's mansion So Thomas of course Is not going to do anything

For the rental oven His Catherine Dennis Instead he's Putting in a new oven in his brand new Home in the center of town Thomas has An insane black eye Instead, he's putting in a new oven in his brand new home in the center of town. Thomas has an insane black eye. Like, it's not just a black eye.

It's not just a china. It is a full-on, like, baby eggplant sitting right there on his eyeball. It is insane. And so he has a new house, and Landon has come over to look at the new house, because Landon lives in the same neighborhood, and she says very suggestively, Thomas and I have been hanging out with a smile and a wink, which made me feel a little uncomfortable. I mean, Landon. Landon?

Come on now, Landon. Didn't you learn anything from your first husband? Well, at least that one just ignored her. Yeah. Well, I guess that's kind of what Thomas does, too. But Thomas is vitriolic. That guy will scream. It started out with him calling everybody bitches. yeah well i guess that's kind of what thomas does too but thomas is thomas is vitriolic that guy i'll scream think he started out with him calling everybody bitches do you think that landon actually

hooked up with thomas i feel like she's smarter than that academy is a new scripted podcast that follows ava richards played by hbo's industries my holla herald a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top ten, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society

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collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey.

And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less

In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus

starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Darling, that's your first mistake. No one on Bravo is smarter than that. That's how we always get in these traps. Like, they trick us every fucking time. They're like, so not, she's in season two, so here we go. You know what happens in season two.

I know, bitch flower. You find it all out. You find the real them. She spent too much time in her houseboat. She's getting her sea legs, and they walked her over there. I love that, though. I love some good old-fashioned hypocrisy. I would love

if she's been judging Catherine this whole time for putting up with him, and then she's boning him. So good. And it's also such a stab at her, you know, at Catherine. I love a Southern smile while I'm fucking your husband. Yeah. Well, I mean, if there's a love

triangle, I'd be very thrilled. I mean, they're pretty much setting it all up already. So, it's going down that way. So, Thomas is... Thomas, by the way, he got his... He got his black eye from... He said he was at a club

and some guy came up to him and started sort of talking shit and Thomas told the bodyguard to get rid of him and then the guy went and head headbutted Thomas in the eye. Does that happen? Does that happen in Charleston? How rude! Can't wait till Patricia hears about this. A headbutt?

I'll tell you who's a butthead. Is that Thomas? He actually just called him a butthead and then Thomas like ran into a door. Yeah. It was a hit, but. Huge two-story baby room. Jesus Christ. He is building mansions for these children.

They each get little mansions while Catherine is sitting in front of a window unit. You know, I don't love that, obviously, because I like Catherine, but I think I love that it's on TV because let that be a lesson to people. Do not, if you're going to use a baby

to make a relationship better, it does not work, okay? He does not spend that money on you, and he never will. It will always be on the children. Yeah, exactly. A little sex ed class from Thomas Ravenel. What I love, though, is as he

showed Kinsey's nursery, and he announced, little did I realize that this would actually become a major plot point. What I love, though, is as he showed Kinsey's nursery, and he announced, little did I realize that this would actually become a major plot point. He's like, we're gonna paint this all periwinkle. I was like, for some reason the idea of Thomas boasting about the future periwinkle state of a room

just really cracked me up. And then begins the periwinkle trams. Periwinkle is said, I think, 30 times. Yeah. That's what I thought. When I took that note, I thought it seemed like such a throwaway. I was like, oh, I wonder if anyone else noticed that he mentioned Periwinkle and how funny it is that Thomas Ravenel is talking about the color Periwinkle.

I was like, ha ha ha. Surely I'm the only one who saw that. Little did I realize Periwinkle Gate was on the horizon. Periwinkle Gate. Yeah. Thomas Ravenel thinks Periwinkle is like a mystery show rerun on tv late at night periwinkle i do want my child to be in a periwinkle room he'll sure know how to argue sorry that was like my brief and aborted attempt to do the perry mason

theme song do not say aborted when when Catherine is pregnant for the second time. They do not like that on this show. Periwinkle! Her least favorite color now. Come back, Periwinkle! Come back, pink color options. color options. So then Craig's party, his

I'm back party, is gearing up, right? Yes. And so they're getting ready at the house. He wanted to make fresh spinach and artichoke dip and Naomi bought it, which is already a reason why she's on my shit list.

Just kidding. But then what I loved was that beforehand that Shep, Cameron, and Whitney got together to drink wine. And all they did was talk shit about Craig. They were about to go to Craig's party and they just were like, Probably just having this party to show off that he has a house. Gosh. Okay, there's one of you in this conversation who has a job. Okay? Are we supposed to believe that Squinty has a job? I'm not buying it, gosh. Okay, there's one of you in this conversation who has a job. Okay?

Yeah. Are we supposed to believe that Squinty has a job? I'm not buying it, lady. Yeah. Were they to talk? Yeah, that's true. What is her job? Oh, she's an interior designer.

She's an interior designer. Remember her pop-up shop? That's right. I get things, and then I put them out, and then sometimes people buy them, and then I put them back in the U-Haul. She's pushing her periwinkle agenda. That's what she's doing. But I just love how shady these people are. I mean, they're so shady.

They are. And they're really going for the gold this year. I think everybody was told, just be more of a dick. Okay, we'll do it. We're in. They are. Because they are totally being worse this year. Because I think they just don't care now.

Now they're like, okay, we're on TV. Yeah, people are going to hate us even if we're nice. Just beatings. They're intercutting this back with Catherine. I love that Catherine's in this show so much more now, by the way. But they're intercutting a lot with her. And she's telling us that she's heard that Thomas and – or she's telling somebody, that weird friend that no one ever knows her name.

What's her name? Actually, I want to make a comment. I think her name is. Was that Jennifer? I don't remember. I never remember her name. God bless her heart. One thing I love about this show is it's actually very much like The Simpsons or maybe 30 Rock, whatever, in that there's like this ever growing cast of characters and they don't cycle through.

It's not like, you know, a friend of the housewives one season that you never see them again it's like this ensemble beyond the main cast it just grows and grows and grows vanderpump rules has it too but i feel like it's even stronger it's just all these little characters that collect season after season and there's sort of like this you feel like there's like a world that's what i love about the show it's a world first season friend the married guy even came on with his wife this season like i like it she's been around before and then so this girl jennifer jennifer was i think her name is jennifer she was last season when it was like that she and thomas used to be friends or something oh yeah she used to bone thomas yeah katherine's always hating somebody who's boning thomas because everybody is boning thomas at some point in

this town. It's intercutting with her talking to this Jennifer chick and she's telling her about Landon. The rumor is that Landon is sleeping with Thomas and she goes, I mean, I just got pregnant. I thought the five second rule was only for food. It is for food, right?

Because I just ate that tortilla chip off the floor. Thomas! When I first squatty-pottied that baby out, I'll tell you, it dropped right on the floor, but I picked it up and it's still fine. Meanwhile, Landon was shady on her own because her response in the interview was that,

she's like, I don't think that Catherine understands what a platonic relationship is. I mean, I don't know of any guy she hasn't slept with. She fucks them all. Shady Landon. True shade.

True shade. The story in this shade is all true. Yeah. And then meanwhile, Craig is like getting ready for his party and he's like, babe, he's like, man,

I'm going to wear this. Look at this. Check out this shirt. And like the collar is open. Like, it hasn't been ironed properly. So the collar is like splayed open.

And on top of that, the actual collar itself is like out of proportion. It's huge. And on top of that, the collar has a whole different crazy pattern. It was like everything was wrong. I hated the entire collar. It was driving. And on top of that, the collar has a whole different crazy pattern. It was like,

everything was wrong. I hated the entire collar. It was driving me nuts. I like that Cameron said he's dressed like an Italian mobster, but at least it doesn't smell like Tito's. Yeah. I was just like, that's an improvement.

I was like, they are so shady this season. So shady this season. And she says, I'm not rich. I've no, she says, I'm not stupid.

I mean, look, here's Naomi. She's this rich girl. He comes right in the town. He's with this rich girl. I mean, come on No, she says, I'm not stupid. I mean, look, here's Naomi. She's this rich girl. He comes right into town. He's with this rich girl. I mean, come on. But, you know, she does at least give him credit.

Yeah. Nice job. Yeah. I mean, and Craig said that he knew, I guess he sort of knew her a little bit in college. And out of the blue, she texted him. And then he was like, and that's when I got my crush. That's when I was feeling all this love inside. It's like, no, you're like, oh, I always wanted to get with that rich girl so I could get her money.

And all of a sudden she realized I was on a TV show. So she texted me. And now it's perfect. Yes. He's like, I'm an adult now. You are staying in somebody else's house and screwing some girl for her money and still are not even looking for a job, fool. Yeah. Please don't change.

You're still hot. Keep running. Keep running. Whitney, blah, blah, blah. This was not that exciting. I'm trying to think what else was exciting in this. I'm looking through really quick because, of course, I'm writing down every damn thing. Oh, no, at the party. At the party. Well, there was a black guy

at the party. There was? There was a black guy at the party. No one sound the alarms? This is big news in Southern Charm. Catherine's like, it's a zombie from my backyard! Oh god. Jeez. That is how this show is, though.

So bad. Yeah, there's like no black people on this show ever. There was one black person who appeared last season. He was someone's date, right? Yeah, at the Founders Ball. And he was fine. He was. And a model.

He was in the model show, wasn't he? That's right. He was, yeah. It's probably that guy. They just fly him in for this show. He's like the extra. He plays everybody. Dorinda walks by.

Hi. Can you bring me some water? He's like, that was my other role. I forgot when Dorinda asked the black guy for water or drink or whatever. So let's see here. It's amusing to laugh behind his back. Looks like you're a trash. Everyone ignores Catherine.

Okay, the girls. My God. I like that they're like shadier I don't like that they're just flat out mean and Cameron's like well she's pregnant again and you know I just don't know what to say I mean am I supposed to say congratulations or am I supposed to say are you okay I don't know so where I come from if you don't know what to say you just don't say anything yeah that was that was that was bitchy she was hiding behind like faux etiquette on that one yes and she's standing there with landon and no one will talk

to katherine of course katherine has proven herself to be crazy and they probably just all want to stay away from her at this point yeah um but they're basically icing her out and trying not to shoot with her obviously and so she has to sit there all alone and she's like i'm not gonna sit here for this mean girl shit and i'll go girl yeah it's so funny with katherine because she is so crazy and you're like you're such a lunatic you're so like ridiculous and so pathetic and then she has these moments where you just are like so like passionately on her side you're like oh no like because she's crazy but sometimes she's just sort of you feel like she's been pushed into the crazy corner and she has no choice but to be crazy but then you think well she's been pushed

into the crazy corner because she is crazy it's like it's hard to tell where the causation is you know but but but um you know when yeah when when cameron's like i didn't know what to say it's like cameron just go and say hi that's all you have to do is say, hi. But to be like, well, I didn't know if I should say hi, how are you? Or hi, how are you doing? So I just didn't say hi at all. That's not cool. Congratulations on getting another load.

I mean, just say something, anything. Yeah, exactly. Or just say, you know what? I think she's crazy. I don't feel like talking to her, so I'm not going to talk to her. That's fine, too. Yeah, but I mean, they're all about manners and politeness. It's like, yes, she got knocked up. Who cares?

Go say hi to her. You can't catch it. And it's good you'd all have it because you've all fucked Thomas. But to be fair, also, Catherine is the type of girl who would show up at a party and stand in the corner until someone says hi to her. You know, she's not like, she won't go be like, oh, hey, how's it going? She'll be like, she'll walk and intentionally sort of stay to the side and then when no one says hi to her then she'll be mad like no one said hi you know so it's a little bit too it takes two to tango yes and katherine has been horrible like there's been times where she's just horrible and also she

says things like it was a whirlwind romance and i guess god wanted me to get knocked up that's a girl you just don't want calling you every day because you know it's always fucking something she always crying about something comma comma boohoo comma boohoo comma boohoo period i squirt tear emoji i squirt tear emoji. I squirt tear emoji. Oh, shoot. I did the laughing tears. Oh, shoot. Tom ass.

I like JD's wife saying, well, I have tried to be friends with her. I have kept calling her and calling her. And then there was just no response. And I think she has blocked me from her phone. So good. I love her drama. God bless you, darling. Darling. uh so craig and have their talk and uh shep who's been on craig for what it's over a year now about being an alcoholic and quitting drinking and this and that it's like hey i got you a scotch yeah it's like

nice but but sip it be sophisticated don't do it as a shot Craig you're not rich you can't get drunk Mr. Shep Yagi when you're rich it's buzzed when you're poor you're an alcoholic you understand you know I mean Craig just wants to go back to being like Shep and Craig

like best friends poor Craig never seems to realize he may have like hung out with Shep a lot and best friends. Poor Craig never seems to realize that he was never he may have like hung out with Shep a lot and they may have like been buddies, but he was never going to be in a circle with Craig because with Shep because Shep is from a different social class. And that's just the way it is. Well, Shep, I think, saw this young, hot guy and thought this guy is going to be a pussy magnet. And so we started going out and sure, maybe he got some hotter girls, but then he realized

money is more powerful than good looks and I have more money and he's getting so much pussy that it's making me mad. And then when he got outbid, he is so mad at that he's not going to be normal

until he wins a woman over Craig. That's true. And I think that's where your prediction comes in. I can't wait to see if it's true. I know. If that's what happens, that would be amazing. Because it seems very strange.

It was the seating order, Shep, Naomi, Landon, and then Craig. And that just seems very strange, I think. Especially in that town. I think anywhere else, it would be like, ah, what? Maybe they want to look across the table at each other or something. But in this town, it means a lot. Like where you're sitting and what you're wearing and who you talk to on the way over here. Who your parents owned.

So Thomas and Catherine, this is the good climax of this finale. Big periwinkle fiasco. He comes over and he is trying to talk to her. And, of course, she is still mortified that she has to use a window unit. So she's just being a total bitch. And he's like, well, how you doing there, Catherine? Great to see you, darling. You look great.

I think I'm going to paint the baby room periwinkle. You want to see it? And he pulls out the periwinkle, and she immediately looks over to Landon. Gives Landon a death stare. And Landon's over there going, talking to somebody about a pop-up shop. And she's wearing a periwinkle dress. Yes. And that was a good call on her part, because I didn't even notice that.

She's like, wait a second. Now he's saying periwinkle, and she's wearing periwinkle is this to get me what are they doing is this a fucking joke you could see the coffee mug falling in slow motion to shatter on the floor usual suspect style she's like wait a second landon's limp goes away periwinkle periwinkle is cause or so say. Well, the funny thing was, even before the periwinkle gate, Thomas is like, how are things? She's like, oh, well, you know, I got the baby and the baby this and that, and I got my doctor. And then Thomas is like, yeah, I got to figure out my HVAC situation

and thinking about different tiles to put in. It's really just the worst. I'm really going through it myself. Well, that's great for you thomas i'm still living on some plantation outside of town he's like listen here what's a place called what cove it's like listen here poor cove oven i can't be driving out there every time i need to deposit some sperm i've got a new oven in the center of town she's so pissed yeah yeah so anyway once you to get back to what you were saying though like once she puts two and two In the center of town. She's so pissed. Yeah.

So anyway, to get back to what you were saying, though, once she puts two and two together, and she realizes Periwinkle, Landon, then she starts to see red. And then she's like, okay, get to it, get to it. What's the point, Thomas? What's the point? You said you're going to keep it pink. Why'd you change it from pink?

Who helped you? Who helped you, Thomas? Well, Periwinkle helped me. He's a very good lawyer on television. Called for his advice. He loves britches. So, respects my father. Periwinkle fight.

And she tries to talk about the baby. And he's like, Periwinkle. She's like, God damn it, Thomas. You haven't talked to me in months. And I'm pregnant. Now you want to talk about Periwinkle over and over again he's like sorry well can i at least touch the baby and she's like okay and so they just sit there with him rubbing her stomach i'm like they are gonna fuck that baby in the head right now behind a tree it was one of the most

disturbing tummy touches i've seen it was just like what is weird cold hand on this and she looked like she didn't want to be touched. It was like this weird hand violation. But she's so easy. She gets mad and then he's nice and rubs her tummy, fucks her, buys her some jewelry

and then sends her back to the plantation. Yeah. Go look at the dead slaves now. Yep. And she keeps acting like, it's all this new drama. It's the same shit, girl. Just like one of your girlfriends. I'm about to hang up on you girl yeah so so good so entertaining really great season premiere

oh southern charm i'm so glad you're back and that was a good show to start with to talk slowly. Because so many of them do. Yeah. Yeah. What you want to talk about now, Benjamin? It's up to you, my little tiger. All right. I don't care. Atlanta or Potomac.

You know what, though? Before we even do that, you know what I think we should really do? What? I think we should... How lucky are you to have me teach you about me? We are the Flem. We are the Flem. We forgot to do it all last week. I know.

What the hell? I'm bringing her Insta up, so you start. Okay. So, I am... Oh, for those of you who don't know what this is, this is a segment where we make fun of Caroline Fleming's stupid Instagram account because it is just rich. How lucky are you?

I know. I'm looking at her. I'm looking at her ridiculous Instagram right now. She has a lot of, a lot of. There's a lot here today. I know. She put up a lot. There is a lot here today I know she put up a lot There is a lot going on here

I kind of want to look at that vegetables That she put through that you know shaper thing What do you call that She's got like two pictures of it I have one okay Where it makes ridges on the carrots What are those called A ridged mandolin let's say

So there's one of her So she's been in Thailand recently And there's one of her. So she's been in Thailand recently. And there's one of her on like this little truck. And her kid is in this little truck. It's like a weird, it's hard to describe. It's this, like something larger than a golf cart. But it's not a real truck. But she's sitting in it.

And she's just looking lovely. It's like a mini tour bus type thing. She's looking lovely. She's smiling at the camera. And the caption is, life in Thailand. She's smiling at the camera. And the caption is Life in Thailand. Happy. Hashtag April Fools. And lots of love. X. X. I'm like, what about this is April Fools?

You're sitting in a truck. Where is the prank? It's like, this was supposed to be an original sized van. But it is a little van hashtag tiny van tour hashtag red hashtag april hashtag fool um so the one i is there more there i don't know you do yeah you do yours um the one i like is just her first one i mean it's the easiest but also i start staring

at her page so i'm'm like, how did she ridge those carrots? That's all I can think about now. The first one is a tiny pony, little mini pony, and she's there in a bikini with her fucking rockin' body, my god, woman. And her adorable, my adorable

child, hashtag sand, hashtag adorable. So there. It's last little ride on the beach this time around. Dash. No, period. Dash. Thank you. Hashtag

lucky for being such a gorgeous hashtag pony. Dash. Nico has cherished every minute. X space X space X space. I have to do one more because since we missed last week. Okay.

This is from Easter. It's a picture of various Easter eggs. And she goes, Happy Easter. Time to hide the eggs. This is the most lovely hashtag tradition. At Stephanie Almeida, the eggs are hidden and each color has a reward attached. The search is for everyone in the family,

extended to all in the household. I cannot tell you the excitement in this house. The children are about to pop. Hashtag Bangkok. Hashtag Thailand. are about to pop. Hashtag Bangkok. Hashtag Thailand. Hashtag Easter. Hashtag 2016. Hashtag I popped my children.

Hashtag police. Hashtag help. I just like the way she describes Easter eggs. In case you haven't heard, there's a wonderful tradition that we've invented, the Fleming household. You hide eggs and there's rewards. How lucky are you to have me teach you about yeast eggs?

I'm sorry because we said one more, but I couldn't stop clicking. So there's one. And also it's worrying me that she hasn't tried to sell anything yet. Because normally every Insta is her try. That bitch will sell a bath towel she doesn't care she's like how lucky am i to find a towel in this hotel room hashtag towel caroline fleming official towel but this one uh i figured it was probably her selling something because it's like her gold legs and it's just like from her vagina down to her legs in a bikini it's's an odd shot. She's like, make sure

to get the money maker in there. It's probably her one paparazzi standing over her with an iPhone. But she's got this tacky pink and blue bag that has, I don't know, I can't read it, but some tacky bag. Working hard

on that tan, comma, tough life, dash. So, so lucky, I know, and so very grateful. Drinking up a winter's worth of vitamin D and feeling restored and refreshed and grateful for such

a glorious week of pure bliss and relaxation and goodness, X, small X, no space. Personal, small x, no space. Personalized beach bag. Hashtag Caroline. At Koku Accessories. Can be ordered from at Salt Official.

At Stephanie Almedia. The styles, shapes, and sizes are perfect. Whatever your needs may be. And the upcoming summer. X space X lady. Great insight. Jesus. And I love that she hashtags it Caroline. Oh, Caroline is trending.

How lucky are you? How lucky are you to have my name trending with me? Someone is going to be so mad if they're trying to look up Caroline in the City or something. They're like, what the fuck is this? It's trying to sell me an ugly bag. Feels so good to clear the phlegm again. A Caroline in the City reference. I mean, come on.

Can't beat that. Come on now. Come on. Come on, guys. Clear the phleg guys. Clear the flam. Clear. Cleared. Okay.

Let's go on to the next three hours of the show. I know. Meanwhile, all that talk about wall units, that's what's in... In case you hear a hum on this podcast, it's actually a wall unit, like Catherine Dennis's. How? Ghetto. And I am actually, considering the fact that I'm, like, sweating in here, I am empathizing greatly with her ordeal at the plantation. I am like, Thomas, get me a new air conditioner for now, how?

I don't have one on because it keeps knocking out my power. Okay, you want to talk about ghetto? I can't even use that thing. So I'm just going to be sweating. Sweating it out. Sweating out the Tito's. You guys, I just pulled a muscle during that Catherine impersonation. Like I was at Thomas and my

back muscle just totally seized up and I'm like oh, I hate that. I didn't tear it, but I pulled my back muscle one time pooping and it like it was like a simple poop. I know that's too gross. Sorry, but it's true. And I was like I couldn't walk for two weeks i mean come on go to the gym yeah okay so real housewives of potomac yeah potomac because that was an actual show as opposed to reunion um i have an opening that i need to discuss i have an opening comment okay wow what a fucking idiot i am okay we have been talking

about bravo now for four years you would think that by now i would know better especially what a judgmental prick i am you would think that i would be i don't know that i would have the foresight to know that they were fucking with me this whole time i've been ranting and raving about this huge race issue that we're supposed to get in the last episode where Giselle stands up. She says, she doesn't want to be black. And they made it seem like this humongous thing. I've been on

the defensive every single episode of this. I mean, I hate Giselle for legit reasons as well. But that was mostly it. Like that. What I thought was coming. These people totally fucked me. When she was getting up, she was going to, like, get a fork from another table. She was not even angry.

What a fucking idiot. All these discussions that we've been having. All of the comments that have been coming at me. You know, the good side is that people have actually sent me some really good shit that has educated me. Oh, yeah. So I guess it was a learning moment, even though it wasn't from this fucking show. But you know what? Fuck you, show.

I totally fell for it. I will not do it again. Bravo. Well, honestly, you know, because last week we talked about we had a big, long talk about race and being biracial and being light-skinned. And, you know, like who better to pontificate about it than two white guys, right? But what was cool is that we had a whole conversation. And we were trying to really talk out as sensitively and as properly and as dignified as we could about the topic. And, you know, I think we tried our best.

We may have missed the mark in some things. We may have hit it in other ways. I think we tried our best. We may have missed the mark in some things. We may have hit it in other ways. But what was great is that when people responded on Twitter and on Facebook, it wasn't internet rage. It wasn't like, you fucking racist. You're so ignorant.

People were like, actually, you didn't really get it right. But here's my experiences. Or some people said we did get it right. It was like people had different responses, but it was never like some ridiculous finger pointing, whatever it was. Like everyone seized it. They were like, Ronnie, a little ignorant, so read this link whatever it was like, everyone sees it. They were like, Ronnie, a little ignorant. So read this link.

I was like, okay. And I did. And guess what I learned. So I already said this, but thank you, Jezebel. Cause again,

very good article. Really good. So it was about the biracial, the biracial fight and all of that. And a lot of stuff was explained to me, which I'd never heard before. So I've never heard the word colorist or color. Well,

I've heard that. I mean, you know, gays who do your hair, but I've got to say 50 gay men in Beverly Hills just fainted. You've never heard of a colorist. I've paid so much money for those cards. Um,

colorism, which is, you know, you black people use it against each other. You know, it's like their own ignorance within their community, their own fights within their own community. I also learned that when people say biracial, I was saying last week, if someone is light skinned, then probably there's someone white in their family tree at some point. But people were saying, no, that's not true. And I thought that literally makes no sense to me. And I did not

understand why people were saying that was untrue. So this article explains that it's only considered biracial if it's your immediate descendants, meaning your father, your grandfather, or your mom or your grandmother. And the reason that is is because tracing roots is very different because of slavery obviously yeah and so it's not considered

biracial in the same way that uh me as a lebanese person i'm half lebanese and half you know this because that's my family but if it's like four generations down, what they're not going to maybe they'll say Lebanese, Mexican. They'll mix it all together. But it's different for whatever reason. OK, sorry. I had a phone call I had to take. So, Ronnie, this is a very important topic. Please hold. No, I was talking about being Lebanese and the difference between being biracial. It doesn't even,

it's basically, the article's very good, it's Jezebel. It just explained a lot of terminology to me that I did not understand in the context of the arguments. I still think that Giselle and Robin are fucking bitches,

and I still think that they shouldn't, I still think they're mean in saying the things that they are. But, you know, I'm just more well-rounded knowing all of that stuff. I had no idea. Yeah. No, I mean, you know, say what you will about this show, say what you will about these women. But it has brought up a really interesting discussion. And there have been several people who've said this is the first time that these sort of conversations about being biracial or light-skinned, etc., have really come to the fore in a mainstream way in terms of TV. Yeah.

Or at least as far as I know. What I watch is different from what everyone else watches. So what do I know? So what? Who cares? So I think it's valuable. And I've actually really enjoyed the conversation and like I said before I love

the way our listeners are engaging us in this conversation it's not a finger pointing thing people see this as a teachable moment as they say they're using it that way having mature intelligent

conversations and comments about it on our Facebook page and on Twitter. I want to thank our listeners for being like that. My main issue with that in general is just this show is one of the dumbest fucking things I've ever sat through. And so talking so seriously about such a stupid fucking show kills me. So please, let's just start making fun of it. Well, we can start right now because the episode begins with Charisse in bed and guess what she announces she's starting a goddamn new chapter for coming out loud i'm like brushing your teeth is not a new chapter okay going pretending you're waking up with like a full face of makeup yeah it's not a new chapter okay

you do that every day hitting the snooze button is not a chapter every single time okay she's like i did four chapters this morning they all say the same thing but you know those are books for you no they're not yeah there's different things on every page the the uh i wrote down the the title of this episode was rules of enragement and i thought man that actually sounds like something that charise would say well you know you gotta follow the rules of enragement no no stupid with your chapters stupid no stupid the first shot we

got by the way guess what it was golf okay yeah I have I have things to say about the b-roll later so then Giselle and Robin go to the stables they're just like talking the only the only thing that I really wrote down was you know me, I have this reputation

mainly because I say it a lot about how kids, I'm like ugh kids but sometimes kids do things that are so cute that I'm like aww and for some reason I thought it was so adorable that when Giselle and Robin were sitting on the side talking while the kids were on the horses

that Robin's little son was just sort of sitting next to her, just sitting right there. For some reason, I thought it was so adorable. He refused to ride the horse. He's like, I don't want to get on a fucking horse. Fuck that. I was told there would be no men on this horse trip and therefore I will not participate. God, Karen flies overhead.

Yeah. That horse is high so robin and jizz taking their kids to the horse um they started talking and of course robin's robin's riveting storyline now that i know know that Juan is staying here, now it raises the question, will we be together? Ugh! Is that what's raising the question? For crying out loud.

Pay your mortgage! Yeah. So then we go over to Karen. There were a bunch of scenes where nothing really happened, so then we go to Karen. She's packing Raven up for college. Well, we have to say, I have to add this one thing from this scene. I'm so sorry. I will speed through this, but I had to say Robin.

It's like, you know, it's really good to be poor because rich kids, they go to private schools. They don't even know who they are. Yes, they do. They're rich. Rich people are not just all robots okay i get you're trying to make yourself feel badder about or better about being poor but come on lady well i think she was trying i thought she was trying to make a comment about like you know they don't like like rich kids maybe i read into this but wasn't it about like how they may not

totally understand like other facets of the black experience in terms of the black kids that are poor and have to deal with racism? Well, she started by saying there's very few black families in Potomac. So to know other black families is very important so that kids can see people that look like themselves, obviously. I mean, God, I wish there were a bunch of baguito burritos when I was growing up. That would have been amazing. There's a lot of stuff that was inferred in that statement yeah for sure well she said that flat out before but then they started talking about money so i don't know i just took it the other way who knows so then karen speaking of school karen's packing up raven and it's the typical you know real

housewife sending their child to college scene um but then we learned that net with raven out of the house that karen and ray are now they're dating again. She's like, I bought Ray a feather. I'm like, So the update is that she has a feather. She bought a feather for Ray. And handcuffs. But to be fair, it was probably like a feather pen because they're that outdated with their technology in their house.

I'm going to do some calligraphy on Ray tonight. Forget about the papyrus. We are now moving on to quills. I just gave her Countess the Land voice. Well, she's trying it. Bless her heart. I know.

You sound like her trying to do that voice. In Katie news, Katie has a zit. So that's her news. So Karen bought a feather. Katie got a zit. So this is like what's going on in the season finale. Riveting. Charisse has a zit. So that's her new. So Karen bought a feather. Katie got a zit. So this is like what's going on in the season finale. Riveting. Charisse has a new chapter.

So Robin still is wondering. About one. One singular sensation. This whole finale episode, I thought, where are they going to have their finale episode? Because this show is so broke down. You know it's going to be in the parking lot of a Sizzler or some shit. Big lots. So Katie is hanging out with...

She and Andrew are driving to the farm that Katie had bought at some point. I bought it in 2005 as a model. And I bought it because as a model, I'm just sick of people touching me. I just bought it so no as a model and i bought it because like i was just you know as a model like i'm just sick of people touching me i just bought it so no one could touch me you understand and and she's like uh yep i will not be touching you in this house how romantic i i like i like the irony that like katie said when she was a model she then bought the farm because she's basically like yeah then my career died after that just like the farm um uh so anyway uh so katie was you know talking about like being the farm and this and that and how uh she says there's more to life than just sitting around and gossiping and then it cuts to

her gossiping sitting around and gossiping like shut up katie okay like we understand like you know we understand you have a legitimate bone to pick with Giselle, but you are also a gossip. Yes, and there isn't much better to do because you don't do it. This charity she runs, have we talked about those articles that came out talking about her phony-ass

charity? They donated $3,000 last year. It's been like a pittance over the course of the past how many five years it's been. Now, to Katie's credit, though, there's been no fraud. It's just a low-functioning charity. And they interviewed her, and she's like, yeah, we're trying to do better. Like, at least she didn't shy away from it.

At least she didn't try to be like Karen with, like, a gala that's in her foyer. You know, at least she's like, yeah, yeah, we're not doing well, but we are hoping, you know, to improve. Yeah. But how much did they raise? That's the real question. Because a lot of those charities,

they don't have to get, I think they only have to give something like 10 or 15%. So a lot of these charities are bullshit tax shelters and people take a paycheck and then that's it. You know, they go to, they throw these huge balls and that's how they live. So I don't know if there's no fraud yet.

It wouldn't be technical fraud, but it would still be some shady shit, lady. Yeah. Oh, I'm sure there's that. So then Giselle calls up, invites Katie to lunch, to this come-to-Jesus lunch. And Katie is rolling her eyes, making these suck-my-dick faces with Andrew and everything. I was like, you know, I mean, I understand why they're doing it. But at the same time, you can't act like you're above all that shit, and then you're sitting there pretending like there's a dick in your mouth.

Well, stupid Giselle is so mean, and then she's like, we need to have a come-to-Jesus lunch where everybody realizes that we have each other's back. How many lives have you tried to ruin in this show, Giselle? How many people have you fucked with every single person on this

show except for Robin? And I'm sure she'll get her turn next year like she's the worst she's the biggest it's like a Kenya trying to have a let's all make up moment or Nini throwing her big let's all go to therapy lady you need therapy more than the entire hospital Giselle is nowhere nearly as near as bad as Kenya I mean that's like

I mean Kenya is I think that Giselle I mean I think she's nosy I think she pokes the bear sometimes. But I don't think she's like... Kenya is... She's a different level. I just don't think Giselle is there. I'm sorry. Not that Giselle acting like she's going to be

the peacemaker when she started most of these problems her damn self. She definitely is in the midst of these problems. I'm not going to lie. And if she's not Kenya, trust me, it's not because she's not trying. It's just because she's not very good at it. No, I just don't think she's like it. I mean, Kenya, I think, is like certifiably like...

Kenya is just in her own league with that sort of shadiness. Not shady. It's just like... How do you describe it? Being manipulative, instigating, you know, all that. Starting fights. All that. Starting fires.

Evil. Evil, yeah. What's that term? Evil? I'm like, gross. Okay, moving on. So then we have Ashley and Andrew having sushi on their roof. And Ashley, like, wouldn't let Andrew come up the staircase before she, like, moved a few of her hairs in the right direction.

She's like, wait, don't go upstairs just yet. I'm not quite ready yet. Hold on, I got some sushi in my hair. Wait, I'm not quite decent. I am fast forwarding through my notes. I'm sorry, am I zooming?

No, no, I like it. My notes are ridiculous. I take so many notes. I mean, I put I did put, am I zooming? No, no, I like it. My notes are ridiculous. I take so many notes. I mean, I put, I did put though, P.S. a butt grab is a white guy thing. I've noticed it because I looked at it this weekend and that really is a white guy thing. It really is. I see it, I mean.

But we'll get to that. Guys do it to me. Okay, so straight guys. Yeah, that was just something I had. That was just something I had earlier earlier but I also like that Katie said why would you invite a nice Jewish girl to a come to Jesus yeah I know I thought that too I thought that was funny

but she actually seemed to take offense to it she didn't you know she was like I'm Jewish yeah yeah it's a term oh I thought she was just kidding I thought she was serious look at what we project onto these people. Yeah, who knows?

They could be terrible. They could be wonderful. Who knows? Yes. It's just holding a mirror up to ourselves, really. Not on this one. I have to say on this one, I do not feel a spiritual mirror with any of these people. I really don't.

Thank God. Maybe a little bit, Ashley, but I think just because I like her voice the most. Yeah. Andrew is going to Scotland. Where am I? What did I mess up? I forgot. I skipped over that because it basically said he's going to Scotland and then Katie got upset.

But we all knew it's the season finale. When he says Scotland, she gets upset. They're going to a farm. Obviously, there's a proposal on the way. It's a classic. And he's in a terrible shirt. What else could it be? Yeah, exactly.

So they go to Katie's farm, which is very pretty, and they walk up to this area called the Vortex, which is, quote-unquote, an energy center where you feel connected to all things in nature.

Yeah, basically, it's five big plastic pots from the Home Depot with some fucking flowers in them. I mean, that was just sadness. Yeah, it was. I'm like, if this is where you feel all connected to nature, then we really need to help the planet.

Because there's not a lot to feel there. Here's the carnation field. It's like a little pot. Here's where you get to feel all the wonderful energy from bouquets from Ralph's. $9.99. Unless you're a Ralph's member.

$7.99. So everything's wrapped in plastic still. So they go up there. It's obvious a proposal is on the horizon and sure enough, Andrew gets down on both his knees because apparently his jeans were too tight

and he proposes this whole season, she wants a ring. She wants a ring. He proposed, and she's like, yeah. Katie, you're supposed to cry and gush and be like, oh, my God. So she's like, okay, cool. It's like she finally wore him down, and it was so not romantic. She's like, wow, by the flower pots at my own house.

This was great. In the vortex. You proposed to me in a vortex. He's like, will you marry me? And I'm still not taking you to Ireland. Yes, okay, fine. I'll do it. And then they kiss, and then Andrew's like...

I'm like, ew. I'm like, give me Karen and the feather, please. They, let me see. Okay, so here's one thing, because I never say anything nice about Giselle, because I hate her guts. Yeah. But the only time I ever like her is when she's with her kids. I love the scenes with her kids.

I think she's so funny. She's so different when she's around her kids. Yeah. She's not overly mommy-y. She seems like she's being herself, I guess. I think she's funny with her kids. I think she's funny when she's not with her kids But we can have this argument until the cows come home Not that there are any cows out there

I wish there were For some reason I would love a cow to walk in right now We just saw a bunch of cows over at that farm Flies all over their damn face Or cows Even the cows thought that was the worst engagement They've ever seen We've been sucked into this awful vortex.

The vortex! Vortex of terrible engagement. Never leave. The cows probably all started wandering over because they heard Andrew laughing. The cows are like, what? Is someone calling for us? The flies eating the shit off of our face is more romantic than that engagement. At least they're contributing something.

Yeah. So let's see. The farmhouse looks like it's. You're talking about Giselle and her kids. Oh, Giselle with her kids and looking up in her Betty Crocker cookbook how to make macaroons. Good Lord. Okay. So this is hilarious to me.

This what happens in this scene. She's like, well, things with herman didn't really work out but he did pull some strings to get my father honored in congress like he's getting some special honorary award in congress yeah look we've seen a lot of fucking for a lot of stupid shit usually a car a music career a lot of things on this show but an honorary fucking shout out in congress you go girl yeah way to use your van way to go way to go nice work though really i mean that's some important strategic hodom right there yes well done giselle although i i tend to think it probably was not as as hoey as it sounds but like um uh yeah that was cool but just so giselle's dad came in and told like a really nice story

about Martin Luther King, who he used to work with back in the day. And yeah, so basically Herman got Giselle's dad, Curtis, honored. And so he told the story, the daughters were listening. They're like, that was a long story. And when he said,

when the dad said, someone found out who I am and they're honoring me. I was like, oh, good. Way to ruin it, Giselle. You know, you just had to stay on TV. Like, I basically made this guy want me so I could get my dad an award. And your dad thinks that someone was going through some old papers and was like, whoa, we should honor this guy.

He's going to be so pissed when he watches this. How mortifying. Yes. All those accomplishments just destroyed by someone who wanted to get a proper reality show pretty much to push this i don't even know what i'm saying anymore they were doing some weird home cam thing i was gonna say i thought man is the is the fucking camera people are they bored enough with this show that they're like okay guys just shoot yourselves i know this this cracked me up because then all

of a sudden it was like giselle cam and it was like her just getting honored and then it was like ashley cam it was like welcome to us our new restaurant and it was like karen cam and it was like footage of black bill gates shooting her and it was like oh so it was karen cam is footage of bill gates cam okay i was like where's fawn cam where's the fawn cam he's terrified that gopro is like miles away it's been sick of being terrified I know It's probably run over It keeps running into the damn street

When those women come out of the house We had someone from Potomac At the show Not like someone who lives in Who's from Potomac Was at our show last night And afterwards he was like Every time you guys mention the fawn

It's hilarious because It's a real problem We have deer everywhere It's crazy. And the funny thing about that was, A, he was very passionate about it. But B, we had a totally separate person on our Facebook page be like,

you guys, the deer are a real problem at Potomac. It's like, this is like a raw nerve over there. But the thing is, I get it because I'm from Westchester, New York, where it's the same thing. If you talk about deer, people are like, oh, the deer. The deer. Yeah, we've got a bunch of them over in old Texas, too. The thing that cracks me up about the deer is that it seems to be the exact same one always being terrified.

It just seems like the same little fawn. They're following the fawn around. It's a fawn or a golf ball. And by the way, when I hung out with Matt on Saturday, he was like, oh, I hung out with Matt Woodfield on Saturday, everyone. Oh, and he is knock on wood, unless

something falls through, he's going to be our co-host on Thursday to talk about New York and Beverly Hills. But Matt Woodfield was like, those bitches, they're not from Potomac, they're from Silver Spring. It's like, I love Matt. Like,

Matt and I were playing board games, and I don't know, I fell in love with Matt Woodfield all over again. He's so funny. Lori tells us good stuff about that. She's like, they are totally faking it. Lori is a listener that we've known for a long time, and she's always telling us shit they're faking on this show.

You know what's funny is that obviously all these people, all these different casts, the term, the location that they're from is always very loose. I mean, look at Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. You have someone in Malibu and someone in Pasadena. It's like crazy. They're so far apart. But it's the people who are

from like, it's funny, it's like Jersey, Orange County, Potomac, Atlanta to a certain extent. People from those cities or those regions get so mad at these shows because they hate the way their areas are being portrayed. They're like, they do not represent my

town. No, no, I'm sorry. Because Beverly Hills were just like, okay, cool. But I love when they dress up like real housewives. They wear their Bravo, you know, ball gowns and then they go to like the Crab Shack. So good. So speaking of good shit, they're arriving, I don't know,

at a Denny's or whatever. It's a place called like O.A.I. or O.I.A. or something like that. For the Come to Jesus brunch. And they're walking on gravel. Robin and Jizz are there first. And they're walking over the gravel. And Giselle goes, oh, these cobblestones.

I was like, God, you are a fount of stupid. That's right. That's right So they are She's like We are not getting up from the table Until everyone airs their petty little differences I'm using the reserve sign as a talking stick Two things

I have two things to say about that A, when she said that I was like Oh, she doesn't know She's never seen Bravo This never works I mean, has she ever seen one of Dr. Jackie's lemon squeezes? It does not work This whole we're not getting up until we're resolved It doesn't know. She's never seen Bravo. This never works. I mean, has she ever seen one of Dr. Jackie's lemon squeezes? It does not work, this whole, we're not getting up until we're resolved. It doesn't work.

But B, when she said you can only talk when you hold the reserve sign, I was like, thank you. I feel like all these shows, whenever they have their Come to Jesus lunches or dinners or lemon squeezes, someone should be like, you can't talk unless you hold this thing. Unless you hold the conch. Talking stick, darling. Did they have something they had to hold this thing. Unless you hold the conch. Talking stick, darling. Did they have something they had to hold at the lemon squeeze?

I don't remember. I don't remember. There's been a few talking sticks. We've seen a few talking sticks on Bravo. A few conches. A few conches. But yeah, I like that it was a reserve sign because, you know, there's a reserve sign on the table. And it just looks like these women are just coming in and stealing someone's table.

I know, I was about to say. I can't wait until the real people who are supposed to sit there show up. So Karen shows up, and the first thing, of course, that she notices, she's like, oh, Giselle in the center again. But it's appropriate. I'm like, oh, geez. Such an idiot. That woman's an idiot, too. You know, listen, I... I have a problem with Ashley because Ashley has really shown her ass.

What? I know. She's like, I have tried over and over again with this child and I can't get through to her. I'm like, Karen, it's not like she's going back to jail every five days. It's not like she keeps going back to the pipe, alright? You are not rehabbing her from the streets

and you just can't seem to put her on the straight and narrow. All that's happened is that she invited, like her husband surprised her at a beach house. And then she said she wanted to get to know your daughter. Those are the only two things that happen. So just calm down. There are people who have real issues with performing people. You know?

At least Karen's phony outrage is hilarious. Oh, I agree. I mean, I love it. I love it. It is ridiculous. When this fight really gets going and she starts waving, going crazy, she's talking so straight. I love it. And it's all stupid.

And then Ashley just sits there and laughs at her the entire time. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, when Karen is like, she's like uh she starts talking she's like well you you and you and michael do the pull-up method right well i suggest that you let him stay in ejaculate procreate and get a baby of your own i was like oh karen god like someone wants your child lady no one is and ashley you make it sound like i'm trying to like date your daughter or something like you're always making remarks about my relationship. Like,

my husband was coming on that trip to try and get in your panties. I mean, give me a break, lady. Well, she's right. I mean,

just inappropriate. Oh, appropriate. Inappropriate. Inappropriate. Inappropriate. It's almost as inappropriate as Giselle singing

the center seat again. Them cutting back and forth between her talking about manners and that fucking dress she's wearing that goes down to her belly button, like the slit goes down to her belly button, and two human adult-sized heads as her implants.

Those look like wig heads under there. Yeah. I'm sorry, Karen. You know, you just, you can't talk about appropriate behavior and then simultaneously be, really speaking vulgar ways about pulling out and leaving the dick in and ejaculate it's like you know that's i mean i

think robin was the one who was like i don't think that's the polite way to speak in potomac you know but i love it i love it whatever pulling out did you remember when ashley was talking to michael earlier in the episode because they had a pullout to you, but I'm not sure what it meant, because she's like, well, you know, I have the little doggie, and I have you, and I have the restaurant, but, you know, those are our babies, but, you know, my biological clock's ticking,

like, you could die any second, I want a baby. And he goes, well, how about we break even? And she's like, well, I don't know, okay, so if we break even, then you promise that you'll give me a baby? He's like, yeah. You're not going to pull out?

He's like, no. Did she mean you're not going to pull out? I guess so. Or did she mean you're not going to pull out of this deal? Because at first I thought she was talking about pulling out of the deal. And then after this scene, I was like, why are they talking about pulling out so much? What is the obsession on this show? Everybody needs a goddamn condom.

That's two Bravo shows that we've talked about today. I know. They mentioned the pull-out method also. Shep mentioned it on Southern Charm. He's like, you know what Thomas needs to do is learn how to pull out. I'm like, do people know that, by the way, the pull-out method is really considered an antiquated

form of birth control and STD prevention. It's really wrong. It is. I think part of the reason... Oh, I'm sorry, Benny. No, I was going to say that. The fact that they keep on mentioning it in this way

is kind of wrong. You know it's a gay thing. Because we're... We have to wear... work i mean you gotta wear condoms like yeah just being gay not wearing condoms is just fucking stupid i'm sorry and i'm so used to it i it's totally gross to me thinking oh my god it's like if you do your dishes with the gloves for a long time and then you stop using the gloves you're like oh i'm touching all that sliminess gross give me the gloves for a long time, and then you stop using the gloves, and you're like, ew, I'm touching all that sliminess. Gross. Give me the gloves back.

That's how it feels with my penis. My penis is like, why would I want to be inside of a human without a condom? It's just disgusting. Yeah. It's like not washing your hands before you go back to work, darling! I know! Jesus.

Jesus. Okay, enough of the pull-out method, because now everyone's going to go, fuck Bearback tonight. We're saying the word so much. So anyway, here comes Katie. They didn't know she was going to come because she's mad at Giselle, whatever, but probably her desire to brag

about her new engagement ring overruled her desire to stay away from Giselle. So she shows up. She grabs the reserve sign. She's like, I'm engaged, and everyone claps. Everyone's happy for her, justifiably so. It's very good, it's a lovely thing for you, Katie. And then it's like, okay, now we can go in on her.

So Robin's like, I think I want to give you a black history lesson. Yeah, how about you guys learn what cobblestone is first? You're going to teach me shit. Well, I mean, so I feel like Robin, first of all, that's not the way to start that conversation because it was in a condescending, snarky way. So immediately Katie was on the defensive. But Katie was also a little extra on defensive. She's like, oh, my God, are we going to talk about this again? So then here comes the race fight you know and the thing that was

strange to me i found was that i felt like everything that the women were saying on both sides were correct but they just it was weird it was weird because i agree with everything everyone was saying but they just didn't correspond so like when robin says there's a difference between black people and white people's experiences it it's like yes. And when Katie says but what does that have to do with being on a dance floor and grabbing people's butts, it's also like yes. Oh, and then Giselle, I was mad, not because of

race, but because your husband was disrespecting you! Oh, please lady. Well, I mean, the thing is this. Like her husband's openly cheating on her with some man on the middle of the dance floor. Here's really probably what really happened,

okay? Giselle saw Michael grab Andrew's ass and was like, oh my god, that's weird. I mean, it is weird. It's like, okay, it's a little strange. Like, what's going on with Michael? And you've seen Little Again in the past, like, what's up with Michael? Which I think all of us would have done, right? But now she's cornered on it, so now she has to sound like past like what's up with michael which i think all of us would have done right but now she's cornered on it so now she has to sound like more uh like like it's more

intellectualized a little more thoughtful so it's like i it was disrespected the space but it's like it wasn't because andrew wasn't bothered by it so it's really none of your business so shut up yeah and i think um they're not being honest yeah about what they're fighting about, Robin and Giselle. They're changing their stories now. Robin's like, what? I didn't even mean anything offensive. I was just saying there's different experiences. So I don't know.

I was just asking. She hasn't been making little snide comments every episode of this entire season. But by the way, we both agreed last week. We thought it was just a harmless joke it was just like a harmless joke. And it was a harmless joke. And now that she's been called on it, now she has to be like, now she has to be like,

oh no, I really want to know, is this part of the white experience? Which is so ridiculous. It's like rapping, yeah, it's part of the white experience. And like, and Katie was right, well, why don't you ask a white person, you know? But, you know, I mean,

I wish Robin had just been like, oh, sorry, I was just making a joke. I didn't mean to yes and Katie isn't mad about that either the fight is deeper than that at least she said it you know she kind of said it but here's of course

I'm going to go in on Giselle because come on Giselle she says it oh wait where was I was just going to do the Giselle wasn't a straight gay thing it was disrespect okay so then is when she tells her Oh, wait, where was I? I was just going to do the Giselle wasn't a straight gay thing. It was disrespect. Okay, so then is when she tells her, it seems like you don't want to be black.

Like, she starts that. Am I skipping ahead? No, no, I just wanted to say, no, there's just one thing I wanted to say before you got into this section of the argument with Giselle. I just want to say that Robin also said about the, what he talked about with the white, like, I want to know if white guys because because black men don't do that

I was like now that I was like no no no I guarantee black men do that too I guarantee there are black men who grab other black men's asses of course man they've just fuck with each other who cares we fuck with each other in every way it's part of being a man grabbing each other's butts isn't it

how much do you work out tiger michael okay michael is a little gay but he's a little gay um back to your adding she giselle totally rewrites history as usual and says uh katie's like you're always asking me about my race and my this and that it's annoying and. And she says, yeah, but remember that day I asked you and you said you weren't black. I mean, that is not what happened at all. I agree. She told her very, like, I mean, kind of rudely,

but teasing her. Who cares? It was a joke. So who are we today, Jewish or black? Yeah. And she said, well, I don't know who I'm going to be today. I could be either one. She said something like that.

But she was basically like, oh, she said she wasn't black. And that's ridiculous. Yeah, because Katie was basically like, I think you could see Katie was actually a little uncomfortable with the question. And she sort of politely demurred. You know, is that the right word? Am I Karen-ing it up right now? Yeah, she was. She kind of like said, I'm just being crazy, mate.

Like, she's like, I don't know how to answer this. I don't know if it's like a safe way to answer. So I'll just give like a neutral deflection yes and it was just a fun kind of snarky opening at a party it wasn't any big deal that anybody needs to get in a huge fight over but for Giselle if anyone should be mad like if anyone would have any inkling to be mad it wouldn't be Giselle so her acting like completely changing everything that said and screaming that she's pretending she's not black it's just stupid well but it but it got to an interesting point i thought because then

you know they were saying ashley ashley then says like you know you know i didn't care about the butt grabbing so it should have been like it should have just been over and giselle said well it would have been over except katie came in and started making these comments about biracial this or that whatever and then Katie responds at this lunch and in an interesting way she said well I wanted you to see what it was like you know to have someone come at you racially and make

these labels or whatever or say these things now you know what it's like for me to feel it which I thought was an interesting point you know and although I do wonder was that really her intention at that time or is it more like after the fact that oh that's probably what i was doing either way i think i think i still stick with what we said last week i think that she's been pissed and she's wanted to say you guys are being mean about race with me and it's not cool and instead of

doing it at a proper time she did it on this stupid butt grab thing so none of it makes proper yeah it's not in context it's, it's like when you're mad, it just all comes bubbling out in the worst ways, which is why, you know, Giselle wound up saying like, you're a stupid woman

who says stupid things. Well, you gotta still, I mean, this Katie goes, I was just showing you your own hypocrisy and Ashley's like,

oh, wow, Katie, that's a deep word. It's a deep word. Hypocrisy. It's my favorite kind of government hypocrisy. It's my favorite kind of government hypocrisy.

It's my favorite animal in the zoo. But, you know, I think that Giselle also made an interesting point, which I think it was good because it, at the very least, it showed where Giselle, at least where Giselle's insecurities are.

Let me back up. Giselle said that she doesn't have a problem with Katie being biracial, but that she feels like Katie acts like it's a problem to be black sometimes. Now, whether or not that's true, I think it's an interesting comment because I think that lends insight into everything,

you know, and I think it probably gets into insecurities about maybe feeling marginalized in society or feeling like marginalized by other people um so i think when she said that i feel like that you know that probably was a like an important thing to make because i'm sure that maybe because maybe katie does act like that and she doesn't realize or maybe giselle well she says flat out she doesn't feel the need to identify her entire personality based on yes either side like it's like she's just like i'm just a person why does it have to be a question why does it have to be a deep discussion every fucking time yes but then at the same time like

i can imagine someone like giselle says but like why is it like why is it so wrong to be called black but then kitty probably says but i don't think it's wrong so that's but i never was important so it's like giselle's basing it all on a false argument in the first place so exactly so i can't even take this seriously but i think what was good was that it exposed on the deep level the insecurity that all this is hitting for giselle so at least then they can start to fix it right i mean i don't know why i'm talking like a therapist like i'm so glad that giselle is only gonna fix anything she's like just a lot of breaks something else to be awful about that won't be as like a touchy subject to talk about but she's just always gonna lie and make up shit and then try and fight and turn it back on the other person i mean it seems to be her pattern

so far the only one she hasn't really totally gone up against like she came down a bit with karen but i don't think that'll last very long. Karen better watch her ass next year. Oh, yeah. Because they all look like a bunch of little minions. And what are you following this woman around for? Like, she's talking on some landline and pretending she's calling her husband upstairs when he's in the next room on her, you know, YouTube TV. I love me some ridiculous Karen. They are going to take that bitch down, and I'm going to laugh.

Well, what was amazing to me was, so katie called giselle a stupid woman who says stupid things which is pretty much is what the only thing that katie's wanted to say for the past like 10 episodes now she's finally said it she finally got it out it was sharice and karen who were the voice of reason sharice was like she's like okay like you guys do you talk about race a lot so i want you to cool it because we're starting a new chapter and we're not talking about Wraith in the chapter. I want everybody to know this, that my husband is not here, and I'm okay with that. He wasn't invited.

I'm okay with that, too. She's looking through the menu. She's like, I'm going to go from the appetizers to the entree. That's a new chapter in the menu. Speaking of new chapters, I've brought a projector, and now it's a slideshow of what I look like at my 50th birthday party. There's 20 chapters, though. Enjoy.

But then Karen was the one who finally was like, you know what? We all need to respect each other's boundaries, and that's what none of us are doing, including me and Ash or whatever. And then they had this moment. It was like the fog lifted, and they all realized how ridiculous they were being and so they all apologized and then all of a sudden everything was good and then we got to Katie is screaming over and over again you are a stupid woman who says stupid things you're a

stupid stupid woman I was cheering in my house I was like you I knew you were so happy I loved it because Giselle was being such a liar and just the fact that she's like I ain't even gonna fight with you. You are stupid and you say stupid shit. Stop being stupid. Stupid.

She said stupid I think 20 times and then at the end she's like, okay well I'm sorry I said that you're a stupid woman who says you do stupid things. Well the first five times. I'm sorry for that. And oh also Robin, I'm sorry I called you a bitch. Okay, great lunch guys. Who wants to help chair my miniature golf fundraiser?

You know, I have to say, I mean, I was actually happy for Katie because I knew, you could see, it was just like, she finally got to say it. So I was, like, happy for her. I was happy for you, Ronnie. But I actually, I feel like Giselle, though, I didn't think that the things she was saying were totally idiotic. I thought they were, like, legitimate. I thought they were legitimate feelings to have. And the problem is that everyone's wires are all crossed and everything is all, like, nothing is communicating properly. They're arguing different things. They all have their different insecurities about these things.

And instead of recognizing that they all have different insecurities and boundaries, as Karen noted about the boundaries, they're just attacking each other instead of just like just dealing with their own shit. She lied. So it's not even about her feelings that she can't even be honest in the argument that's supposed to be, you know, about her feelings. It's something she's totally making up. It didn't even make

sense. The way she told that story was not at all how it happened. And they showed the clip of her lying her fucking ass off so she can suck my dick with your feelings well i wouldn't say that she she lied i think that she she remembered it completely incorrectly i think there's a difference you know i don't lying is to me a deliberate thing you know i think that she saying she said you weren't black she interpreted you said you weren't black. You said you weren't black. She misconstrued it for sure. Because I think, as we saw,

I think it's exposed an insecurity that she has and she's going to have to deal with. But I think it was good that that insecurity was exposed. I don't know why I'm taking this so seriously. I'm literally like a therapist right now. I know, I get it. But, you know, the conversation aside,

Giselle's just an asshole. That's it. I hate her. You like her. We're never going to meet in the middle just an asshole. That's it. I hate her. You like her. We're never going to meet in the middle on that one. And that's what makes it fun. It's fine. No, I like her as a character on the show. You know, just the way I like Karen.

I mean, Karen's an asshole, but I like her on the show. They work for me. They're entertaining to me, so I'm down with it. So now as this season finale ends, we got our little updates. Most of them were pretty standard, but Sharice had the saddest one it was like eddie lives in new jersey and trees can doggy paddle now and robin got downsized and now has a new kitchen uh katie is still engaged but then they broke up but then they got back together again and uh i hear they're broken up again. Yeah, according

to the reunion preview. He let her keep the ring. Oh, but it doesn't mean a thing. Oh, God, that song. God bless that song. God bless it. I hope it gets released. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, the ring didn't mean a thing. That was a handy demo, not the Kim Zolciak.

The Kim Zolciak one was obviously, whoa, whoa, whoa, the ring didn't mean a thing. The ring didn't mean a thing. Oh. And now you can go into a Sephora or a Kmart, wherever you buy your makeup, and get you a nice jar of jizz to spread all over your face. Wow, thanks, Giselle.

Thanks for your contribution. What is it called? It's called a hue something. I think every hue or something. She should have called it human nature. I'm sorry everyone. She should have called it hue don't want to be black.

I would have named it Huey Lewis in the news. Bye bye now. How many reunions can there possibly be for a show that was 10 episodes long? How many are there? Do you know? I don't know.

All I know is we now have to go into the Atlanta reunion. We have been podcasting, it feels like, for 12 hours straight because we had a last night show. It has been like, I am interested to see

how this next segment of this podcast goes because my brain is fully flatlining. Well, this is reunion number three. I don't really think we've got to go that in-depth with the Atlanta reunion. There was not a whole lot of newness here. They made Portia apologize, I think, 70 times for getting violent. Yeah. And she's going,

I'm going to anger management course. Oh, God. Now I can't get Ashley out of my head. She's going to anger management course. And, of. Now I can't get Ashley out of my head. She's going to anger management course. And, of course, Kenya's like, because of a show. Kenya's just sitting there trying to start shit with everybody, lying like she does. Nene's trying to pretend like she's nice, which I don't know. I guess she just thinks if she keeps telling us, we're going to believe it.

But she's pretending like she's your just friendly neighborhood Nene, just being real real nice to everybody and she doesn't understand why people just give her so much crap i like that when nini showed up that candy's body had a physical reaction like her breasts were about to explode she's like she's like see now time to pump get out of there she can't deal uh nini and porsche wow both dressed like ice skaters. Yeah, I was going to say, I wrote down something somewhere about figure skater, businesswoman pantsuit. I don't know. Moosecapades. I have all these notes that are all just all over the map. They asked Nini, what is she thinking about Kim Field being on the show?

And Nini was basically like, she didn't like that Kim would just get up and exit a scene, which was basically her way of being like, listen, we're getting paid, so you better put in the time. And then Kim's response was like, well, I'm not a night owl. I'm not a night owl. How many scenes have we seen Nini walk out of, by the way? Yeah, hippo.

Well, to be fair also, carpool does start early in the morning. There's no way I'm'm gonna sleep through carpool i mean this is the highlight of my day this is kim feels they really were all over kim this entire reunion and she did literally nothing the whole time like why would everybody be so mad at kim come on people leave her alone right what do you think about nini saying that their housewives of atlanta is her baby i was like there was something really revealing in the way she said that. There was a certain amount of ownership that she took over that,

which I thought was fascinating. Well, it is. She started the... She cast it. She was the original. She was like the Kyle. She went around and cast all the people she liked. I mean, it kind of was hers. The best part of that was Kenya rolling her eyes and being so bittershmitter.

When Kenya is sitting there giving her dirty looks and they showed a flashback to last year, Kenya was wearing a very similar dress. It was like a white C3 doily dress. And I thought that's kind of odd that Nene's kind of wearing a pant version of that dress and talking about how much she's not threatened by Kenya. Yeah. dress and talking about how much she's not threatened by kenya yeah i think um uh that one of my favorite parts was when they trotted out a clip package of shiree and nini's greatest hits i mean watching those two fight they better get fighting next year because those two are just gems when they fight and the way that they're just like oh oh, that was fun. Remember those days? I know.

They were. They were acting like it would never happen again. If I'm wrong here, I thought this was kind of sad because Andy said, and now, miss, fix your face. NeNe leaks. Andy's always clever intros. Yeah. And she comes out. But then they showed the clip.

Then they showed the clip. And I'm pretty sure in the clip, Nene said to Sharae, fix your body. And Sharae said, wait, she said fix your body. And Sharae said fix your face. And Nene said fix your whatever. Whatever she said.

Fix your house. Whatever she said. But that wasn't even Nene's line, fix your face. And Andy kept giving her credit for it. Like that was the best line of the world. He repeated the line, I think five times

and it wasn't even her line. Darling, so sad. I know, I know. Poor Shreya getting, getting gypped by Nini. I also liked when,

so when Nini said, well, Kim said that, you know, her friendships with the women on the show were just not as organic as other ones. And then Nini was like, I think it's very organic. And Shreya's like, not organic.

Not organic. Nini never eats healthy because she just can't find organic products. She's looked everywhere. She's like, where's the organic? I know. And I love how also at a certain point, I started to believe that Phaedra and Portia were just full-on drunk. They were just sitting there giggling. Like, every time

people would be like, hey, why weren't you guys happy for Nini when she showed up? And they're like, we're happy on the inside. And Phaedra's like, ahhh. She's doing her Budweiser laugh. Ahhh. Yes. So this turned good. A couple of really big things actually happened in in this reunion which never happened phaedra got her ass caught yep straight up caught just lying her ass off

she tries whipping out her phone and todd's out here like whatever man i can't believe you would do that to me i don't even care man whatever shut up with that get out of here get out of here of course she whips out the phone she's like well i remember writing you this email on this date and candy's like whip it whip out your phone then candy's killing it whip out your fucking phone then go ahead she whips it out and she's like naming all the dates she wrote these letters. And she's like, oh, wow. A week before the season started. So you could whip out your phone at the reunion and say that you sent us these emails before the show started airing. You fucking lying bitch.

This was a year ago. And then Faith was trying to turn it around. Like your husband went with my husband to the strip clubs. Why didn't you just ask him then? And he said, you told me this was all between you and me, and not to involve him it's like he was in it he was at every meeting how was he not involved yeah i i mean i think vader had a good point like why didn't you ask apollo but then todd was basically like well it it was our contract it was our responsibility to do whatever but the thing is this though don't ever come for Candy in her businesses.

Because when it comes to Candy's professional reputation, she will not suffer any fools. And you saw she got – when Candy gets mad, she's like, but she's like talking. She's like, no, Phaedra. She gets mad. Like you don't mess with the Candy factory. Yep. And Phaedra started whipping out her guilt trip. Like, well, you think that I would call the feds?

Then that's what you think of me. She's like, oh, please. She's not falling for it. Phaedra got nailed on this. But when they brought up the feds raiding homes, Cynthia got caught. And no one even called her out. What a fucking liar that girl is. So the feds came over.

And Peter tells a story. He's like, well, they came over to my house and, you know, helped me tape on some stuff to coffee cans. And basically was saying that they told him at that time, we know that the property is here because it was talked about on Watch What

Happens Live. And then they show the clip of Watch What Happens Live. Cynthia knew that and she still didn't tell anybody, and let even Candy think that Phaedra is the one who did that, and Phaedra actually didn't do that. That is not fucking cool. Yeah, that is a good point.

That's really, really good. The other thing that was significant is that the husbands came out, so this was Matt's first reunion, so he comes out with a bunch of flowers for the ladies, and then, like, he basically has, like, dad jokes up his sleeve. Because, like, Andy's like, so is everything good with Peter? And he's like, who's Peter?

You know, who's Peter? Oh, Uncle Ben. Get it? Uncle Ben. Get it? All right, man. Oh, shut up. Like, that awkward dad delivery of a joke.

I'm talking to you, son. Yeah. Whatever you're saying. And'm talking to you, son. Yeah. And then Andy's like, are you in love with Kenya? He can't even look up and say it with a straight face. He's like looking down the ground. He's like, I'm in love with Kenya more. You know how phony this shit is? They always joke on the internet that Kenya's always got a rental man.

And I mean, obviously, since season one, her phony ass Walter, who said he was hired. Yeah. She's such a phony. She's such a phony. He's such a phony. I'm not buying that for one second. So this week on the old Internet, someone posted a DM of him. I think it was Insta because you can see him there. So they posted a DM like the week after this was shot, this reunion of him trying to get into some models pants being

like i followed you for years but how do i get a date with you baby oh wow and then he wrote that was a year ago and this and that and i'm like uh you know it's dated right there's a time stamp on this stupid um stupid stupid matt um but he's still so hot to me um so then then they started talking then they started talking about the whole gay thing with Chris and everything. And I love, so apparently there was this incident that we didn't see where on the bus he apparently flipped out about air

conditioning, much as I'm about to do to no one because it's so hot in here. And apparently when he did it, he got real sassy and then someone said, like, is that a read? And he's like, that is a read. He got like, he did like a faux sassiness or whatever, which is why they started. And he like quadruple snapped. Theed and he's like that it's a reed he got like he did like a faux sassiness or whatever which is why they started like quadruple snapped yeah he said he was like wave quadruple snapping so that's why so that's why they thought he was sassy so apparently he actually did something that was sassy so that that clarified some things but then he started

asking kenya he's like who which of our mutual friends calls me Chrissy? Who calls Chris Chrissy? Who calls Chris Chrissy? And I had a realization that Kenya just must be confused about Chris Chrissy. She must have been just watching too much news. Chris Chrissy. I was watching my friend Donald Trump on the presidential debates. You know that Kim's husband shuts down bridges, okay? He's not trustworthy, okay?

They've been calling him Chris Chrissy for, like, all his life. And he, I bet you didn't know this, he's like the governor of New Jersey. And he doesn't even tell any of us. Kim's husband is too fat to be president. That's all I'm saying. I mean, all I'm doing is repeating the rumor that he's the governor of a state. So notice that during this fight, Chris was going after Kenya and he goes, look, I'm an actor. I'm a performer.

I'm not. I'm used to people calling me gay, but I am secure in my manhood. OK, which wrong answer. Wrong. You know, gay men are men too. Okay, fucker. Yeah. And he's already learned that because he got in a fight with Porsche's best friend on the

internet, on the Twitter, a couple weeks ago, going back and forth. And he said the same thing. And this guy was like, gay people are men too, jerk. So he's already heard that. And he's still repeating that shit. Yeah. And then they... Well, but I think there's a flip side to that

when you say, I'm securing my manhood, meaning that, like, I'm not going to get upset because I don't take it as, like, oh, my God, like a threat the way someone who was insecure about their manhood would. So in a way, it's like it could be taken as an insult. But even saying that, like, insecure in your manhood, your manhood isn't the

point yes you know yes yes um i mean i don't get defensive about shit like that i don't care i just thought it was interesting that that's still how he phrases it but then he's like but i know a lot of gay people and i love them all and there is nothing wrong with it they're just not as manly as me um but uh then fader i think was the one he said well let's face it everybody's husband on this everybody every man on this show has been called gay i think except greg yeah and then andy said what about you peter have you been called gay and cynthia said oh no he's the great hope he's like the oh i didn't he gives everyone hope and so everybody started laughing and they're like ah and andy was just looking at the ground, touching his temple like, I am about to fucking.

Well, before you get to that moment. It's a fit all over these people. Before you even get to that moment, just backing up just a little bit to feed into this. What was funny is they were all talking about, like, you know, this Chris, all this stuff. And then, you know, Portia gets, Peter calls out, oh no, someone calls out Portia about gay, like, you know, participating in this discussion when she was married to Cordell Stewart, who also had gay rumors around that, whatever.

And she's like, it was all Kenya, it was all Kenya. And then she's like, back in a corner, just talking about the lot, like she's, you know, in the clips you see her talking about Chris lying down delicately and she's like mocking it. And then she's like, no, he really was lying down delicately. He really was lying down delicately. And Peter's like, well, why don't you show us how he was lying down. And then Andy Cohen goes, let's not.

Let's not. And I'm like, you know what, Andy? You're the one who stoked this madness. You're the one who creates the situation you're the one who okays for okays it to be on tv and you ask them the questions about it and then this happens and you're like no let's not be day class say come on no this is ridiculous come on andy you're the one listen andy you created this circus okay let her let her portray it but what but what i also thought was funny was when phaedra said every man on this show has been

called gay. And Todd's like, not me. And Phaedra's like, no, not me. And everyone's like, no. I was like, it's really only been Apollo. Sorry. I think so. I mean, I thought Matt was gay.

Now I don't. Because I believe his insta-flirting more than his relationship with Kenya. And I think it was with a woman. I don't think it was specified who it was. But I'm assuming the way he was talking seemed like he was talking to some stripper or something how a man would talk to a stripper like hey honey um but then this leads us to the point though this is cordell and apollo i think are the only yeah but then andy so to get to your point what you were leading up to that's when andy was like actually you all sound kind of gay bashy andy, and you're all laughing about it, and it's, like, really not cool.

And they're all like, oh. Not a good look. It's not a pretty look. Not a pretty look. Which is good for him for saying that, by the way. Oh, he always does. He gets so... He's, like, very sensitive.

Convenient righteousness. Convenient righteousness. Yes, and then, of course, Nini continues to make shit comments all the time. She makes some of the most homophobic, shitty comments about people, and she's still sitting there right next to him. Yeah. So please lecture people when you fire that bitch. And then Kenya, like,

they press her to apologize to Chris, and she's like, if it is somehow offensive to you, and he's like, that's terrible. Try again. Nope. Try again. like, that's terrible. That's terrible. Try again. Nope.

Try again. Okay, try it. Fourth time. Give it another try. No. Okay. Oh, my God. And then the fucking gigantic gigantor behind her.

Chris is like, yeah, I'm talking to Kenya. I'm talking to Kenya, son. I'm talking to you, son. And Andy's like, no, let her just answer the question, please. And he's like, no, I'm going to talk to her. That's what I'm saying, son. And Andy's like, no, let her just answer the question, please. And he's like, no, I'm gonna talk to her. That's what I'm saying, son. And Andy's like, no, no. Be quiet. Just be quiet. Okay?

No one's talking to you. Rent a date. Shut up. Whatever. He's like, okay, finally. And Peter's like, I gotta pee. Hey, man. When we get a break, okay? Peter gotta pee. New batch of fitness brew coming right up and then he goes how drunk are you yeah because how drunk are you today and he's like not at all he's like this

is you sober and he's getting a lot better with this i think i'm loving how he's calling people out and then so then there was this thing about Portia finding her assistant and anger management, blah, blah, blah. And then Nini offers up this advice. She's like, I have been doing this forever. I have been torn apart and I have never touched anybody. And Portia's like,

didn't you choke somebody? Oh, that was hilarious. And everyone started laughing. And then she's like, did you ever see any footage of it? I was like, uh, that's not the way that works nini that's like and she's like your brand you have to be careful with your brand like be careful with your brand i was like oh i mean she's savvy she knows nini knows i like that she literally said if you didn't see it on camera it's because i'm not stupid enough to let it be filmed you You were. And that's the point. And I was like, oh, well, at least that's honesty

right there. Yeah, it is. But so the issue is not, like, you gotta control your anger. The issue is you can't be seen being crazy. Exactly. You can't be seen that way on TV. Which I guess she's probably learned, because she kept talking about, oh, this show just got so exhausting. And it's like, no, you got

way too big for your britches. Yeah. And now you've finally realized, oh, this is the show just got so exhausting. No, you got way too big for your britches. Yeah. And now you finally realized, oh, this is the Nini that we love. And the world hated you because you were acting like that. And it was all caught on camera. Not beating anybody up, but just being an awful human being. And she's literally telling everybody her game plan. She's like, you cannot be seen this way on camera because brand.

So thank you for explaining your obvious fakery and then of course kenya weighs in kenya weighs in this is like my favorite quote of her she goes i can only speak for myself but i know some of the other girls are uncomfortable being around you i'm like that's exactly the opposite of speaking for yourself i can only speak for myself but cynthia says stupid and then they all start lecturing porsche look i get it like porsche did hit kenya but then kenya did have a bullhorn in her face kenya deserved that shit i'm sorry like you should never lay hands but she should never have been allowed to use that bullhorn in her ear and use all those other stupid props yeah and kenya's like yeah there she goes again blaming everybody else yeah

but you did start it you literally did start it and then the next one was cynthia getting in her face and doing all of that shit she kind of started that one as well but they're saying if we can't even fight on tv without kicking you know you kicking our asses so i get that too it's just they're being they're going really overboard. I think with Portia when I don't know, I don't, I don't see, I can understand her motive is what I'm saying.

Her motive. Absolutely. I agree. So, um, hit people, et cetera, et cetera.

But I love when they all start lecturing people on this show. And these are like some of the most horrible people. I mean, you've got Kenya, Nene, Cynthia, who just tried to make someone look terrible and lied about the feds. You've got all these people doing

all these things, and then they start getting all high and mighty on poor little old Portia. Just leave her alone until she hits people sometimes. She's 10. So on that note, we put Atlanta to bed for the season. Goodbye.

We are now... It is done. I'm glad it's done. Atlanta was really getting exhausting to me towards the end. As it does every season, I always think the first half is good and then the second half sort of struggles along. This one was, wow. This one was really good one episode then really stupid

then really good and really boring they're really great and really dumb so anyway thank you all for listening um thank you again to everyone who came out last night we want to do more of those shows i hope that everyone bought enough booze so that way the improv invites us back to do another one of these happy hour shows or maybe even a non-happy hour show that if we could work our way up to like to to something like at like a time like at 8 p.m instead of like 6 p.m that would be amazing so uh uh thank you everyone for coming by thanks for listening everyone facebook.com forward slash watch for crap ends patreon.com forward slash watch for crap ends watch for crap ends.com for social media. And is there anything else? No, that's it.

We love you guys. Thank you for everything. Yeah, bonus episode will go up on Wednesday this week. And we'll see you on Thursday. Bye. Bye. Try Texture for free right now when you go to texture.com slash crap-ins. Texture.com slash crap-ins.

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