Watch What Crappens - #2812 Below Deck Down Under S03E12: Because I Said Sous

Episode Date: April 22, 2025

On Below Deck Down Under, the rift between Lara and Tzarina grows, with Alesia caught in the middle. Meanwhile, newbie Nic must fess up about his crimes against humanity. To watch this recap on video, listen to our Traitors bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcha Crappin's ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. When a young woman named Desiree vanishes without a trace, the trail leads to Kat Torres, a charismatic influencer with millions of followers. But behind the glamorous posts and inspirational quotes, a sinister truth unravels. Binge all episodes of Don't Cross Cat early and ad-free on Wondery Plus. Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelkirch and joining me today is Ronnie Karoum. Hi Ronnie, how's it going?

Well, hello. Hello, hello, it's Below Deck Day. Are you excited? Yeah, it was a good one. Yeah, it is a good one. Guys and gals and those in between, we have three more dates left on our Mounting Astereo Tour. We are going to Austin on May 9th and then we're going to Dallas on May 10th.

And then on May 15th, I believe we are going to Las Vegas. So please come and join us at those shows. They're going to be so much fun. We've had amazing shows all tour long. So let's go out with a bang. Okay. Go to watch our crap. It's calm to get your tickets.

That's where all the links are on the details, the times, everything like that. And then also join us on Patreon, patreon.com slash watch for crap and to get access to our bonus episode this week, we're going to do a trailer trash. And then also our crap is on demand. We can watch us not just listen. So go check that out. To it. That's it. That's it.

That's all I have to say. Nice work, buddy. Nice work, buddy. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. All right. Here we are with a little blow deck down under.

Or if you shorten it to BDDU is ba-da-da. Ba-doo. Ba-doo. Ba-da-da. Ba-da-da-da. Ba-da-da-da. Ba-da-da-da. Ba-da-da-da. So that's too many Ds.

So, here we are, it's the second day of Charter. It's at 6.57am. So we know things are very dramatic because it starts on the 7. And the crew is getting prepped and Alicia's texting Johnny. And it's interesting because he's got such emotion that she can text him and then she can hear his response as like a slow beating of the cabinets. Yeah. It's that Morse code. It's like boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. It's like, what does that mean? Siri, tell me what this Morse code means. It's like, it says, shusha, shusha, shusha, shusha. I have so much emotion for you.

I cannot handle it. Shusha, shusha, shusha. You're beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Yeah. So she's still texting with him and people are, people getting ready for the day. And Zarina is asking her to get some cream cheese and salmon out and Alicia is like a bit distracted because I guess she's

love struck and she said that Johnny's not there but also she sort of has her head in the clouds most of the season anyway so she's being a little slow and you can see Zarina is getting mad she's like all right so we can put out that salmon and she's like yeah but what platter shall I put on? The same one we use every morning, Alicia. Have you had your coffee? Please tell me you've had your coffee. She's like, but what would you want the fruit platter on? She's like, the same platter as you use every goddamn... I'm starting to see where your sister was coming from. I've got to say.

Yeah, seriously. So then Laura is struggling coming in and out on the deck because the doors are not working. I mean, Laura, I guess. And then Adair is like, good morning, why did you get up? And Nick, Nick is saying he's going to help with the slide and everything. And I love Nick. Nick is so great. I love the hot nerdy thing. It's great. Great combo. Yeah, he's gonna get the slide and it's like, all we need to do is the slide, the naughty boy get the swim ladder in. What time did you get to bed? By the way, Nick, he says six 30. He's like, Oh, God looks like everyone had a lot of fun. Didn't I? Didn't I? And

then we see a flashback of Nikita telling Nick he has to take a shot. So Nick has like hot nerd guilt. He's just walking around like, oh God, what do I say about this? This is gonna be absolutely humiliating to mommy and daddy, but I've got to do it. I must confess.

I must confess. Yeah, he's in a real quandary here. He's like, well, I know that Captain Jason drinking on tartar is an absolute no-go and there's a reality where I just don't bring it up and I leave it in the past and I try to do better, but it's not the right way to go about it. Oh, shit. I'll tell you what would have happened if there were not TV cameras around. He would have murdered that girl who saw him. What's her face? He's like, we have to talk about

this. Bree. He would have murdered her because you know that look she gave him when he was taking the shot was like wide-eyed, like, oh no, he's taking a shot. I must communicate this. Boom, that shot right there meant you're dead. Like if this was a Lifetime movie, she would have been over the side of that boat in two seconds, but it's not. So she got to live. Yay. So it's 9-11 a.m., too soon, and the guests are waking up for breakfast and Jason's like, all right, everybody, storm's coming in, storm's coming in, watch out, big storm coming in. Jason looks very bored this whole season.

I mean, he's got a storm. I feel like Captain Sandy would have everybody awake. She'd have Ike, Mike, and his cousin Larry up. She'd have everybody like, guys, guys, wind, wind, wind, everybody gather around the big screen and the bridge, wind is coming. But he's just... Yeah. I mean, it's like a full-on storm. He's acting like it's just like a buoy. They saw a buoy in the water. It's a storm. That's scary. It's dangerous. That cow flying around outside. It's like whatever. Helen Hump's flying in front of the boat,

whatever, everybody. It's just gather. There was a wide shot of that storm. It was like, like this wall of storm that was just coming towards the boat. I was like, why is no one panicked right now? This is very scary. Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

It wasn't. Yeah, just deep, deep thoughts. So Zarina is telling Lucy to clean something and then. She tells Marina, she radios Marina to come for service. is telling Lucy to clean something and then... She tells Marina, she radios Marina to come for service and this is actually a smart thing. I think Laura's still an asshole and she becomes more of an asshole today,

but this is a smart thing in never giving somebody what they want because once you do give them what they want, they act like, oh my God, I'm so lucky. She's like, Marina, Marina, can you come help with service? She's like, oh, fuck yeah, let's do this. We're doing service today. I'm service. Yeah, fuck yeah. Like, she wants to go to work now so bad because she gets the chance to put the forks out. Yes, the big fork placement moment. So, meanwhile, Lara is talking to Adair about,

they're going to like a rum tasting later. And so she's sort of arranging it with a dare that she Lara and a dare going to go and then, you know, do galleys. She's arranging that the whole day, day's plan and Jason's like, so he and he is going and she's like, I'm most mean the dad chefy probably is like, well, why can't you put Marina in charge and she goes, well, she can't do service on her own. And then it cuts to Marina literally doing service on her own, serving breakfast. Like, can I help anyone here? Tanner Iskra Yeah, especially when it's the picnic,

like it's literally uncovering salads and letting people serve themselves. I mean, Laura, so she's like, well, you know, she's never done it on her own. I mean, she's very good at housekeeping, turns out, which is a nice surprise, but how much can we push that, you know? She'll have a nervous breakdown any moment I see it coming. And he's like, well, you know, we don't want to change it up because it works so well, I know, but mix it up anyway, do it anyway. She goes, oh, God, just, maybe, I just thought maybe it's not as formal as I thought, you know, so maybe she can handle it, because, you know, formal, and she hasn't had blonde hair, you know, so maybe she can handle it because, you know, formal, she doesn't have blonde hair, you know, but on all the makeup that I require. I saw a theory in the comments, which is where I'm getting that, that someone was like, I think that she doesn't

want her up there because she doesn't like, put her hair back and makeup every day. I thought I never saw that coming. But maybe it is like a Faye thing. Because remember Faye was like that on Below Deck, great adventure or whatever, where she's like, yeah. All right girls, here's what I believe in service. Hairspray and lipstick. Yeah. I mean, the truth is that Laura, you touched on it right there,

but like Laura is kindest to anyone who has blonde hair and like anyone who does not have blonde hair, aka Marina and Zarina. So it's a cut way. It's a, it's a dual theory. You have to have blonde hair, and also if your last name ends with Ena, she's like not gonna, she's not gonna mess with you.

So Jason tells us Laura's such a great leader, but it's also being a leader is also letting people strive and grow. As you might notice, I'm letting the storm grow right outside right now. So this is, you know, just a picnic setup, you know, some Marina could handle it. But she's used on my trusting of that. So what do you can't tell me? I'm sorry, you can't tell me that the captain of any boat cares about whether or not Marina is on service. Like this is purely a, like production was like,

you have to advocate for this because it's the storyline that we're pushing. I don't think any captain cares how the chief stew delegates her staff. I think most captains are like, well, put them in the positions that you think are strongest, and then like, I'll leave it up to you.

So the fact that he's getting involved in this does not like, it does not ring true to me. It does to me, and here's why. Because I think it's the halfway point of the season or is below deck. So it could be the quarter point, never knowing how many episodes they'll have in a season. But it's to the point of the season

where he's starting to see things that are glaringly obvious. Like one, he saw Vihon way too late and I think he's like, okay, well, maybe I should have seen that sooner. And he's also seeing that things are still not completely peaceful there. And I think he's realizing, like the audience is,

is that Laura's just an asshole. And I think he's like, that's not cool. Like you had me not liking this Marina chick because she was like too casual and this and that. And I yelled at her for being too casual. And then I found out she was kind of cool. And now you're just still not giving her away and she's always working and she's kind of cool. Why are you being a dick about it? And she's like being a real stickler about letting

her do anything. And I think now he's like, you're an asshole. So stop being an asshole. I don't think he really cares about the service. I think he's just trying to get to the bottom of why she's an asshole. Yeah. Well, maybe he feels a certain duty of care ever since he had his conversation with Marina and was like, what's really going on with you? And she was like, I'm just stuck in the bowels of the boat all the time.

But I just, it's still surprising to me because I just feel like he just, I feel like most people just wouldn't care, you know? Like if you're good at folding the clothes, you're good at folding clothes and make yourself still complain about it. Like you're part of a team, yadda, the whole, the whole thing, right? So, but maybe he feels guilty from that conversation.

One, he's also a man who's expanding, you know, he's not like, listen, I'm not just a man who runs into docs anymore. I'm in a man who runs into docs when you can see his dockers because he's wearing his own designed kimono. That's right. Bring big. So, um, Lara goes up to Marina is like, do you feel confident doing the rum tasting? You'll be on your own doing service. You'll have to do something very complicated. Okay. You're going to take the tin foil with your fingers, clasp the tin foil with your finger,

forefinger and your thumb and pull back. And that will reveal the food. Are you able to do this? And she's like, I feel confident. And she's like, are you sure? She goes, yes, I'm confident. You can believe in me, coach. So she's like, all right, let me talk you through it. All right, listen, here's the pictures. This might look like potato salad, right?

You can't touch it. Do you know why? There's a covering on top. The covering is see-through. That's because it's made out of plastic. Do you understand? Have you ever heard of this? She's like, I got it. I fucking got it. Okay.

Yeah. So, but Marina does act like she has been like, she's going into the front lines of a war. It's like, well, our entire nation relies on you, Marina, to serve this potato salad. So, Zarina is, she's telling Alicia to cut some crudities and then, you know, Harry is bonding with Nate. Nate is the new boss and for those who forgot. And so Harry and Nate are bonding in a very like Australian way where Harry's like, well

Nate was the head of science and then Nate's like, oh yeah, and gives him like a high five. Harry's like, oh why don't you give me a high five? And then he's like, I just love high fives, dude. I need to make it clear on the daily high five credit. So I'm not sure what to think of Nate yet. He gives me kind of Australian Ned Flanders vibes. He's got like, he's got hotness, but he's a dork. Not that Ned Flanders was hot.

I mean, listen, it depends on your taste. But he's got kind of a dorky thing, which I kind of like. Like his eyes look, he does this thing where his eyes look kind of unfocused, like he's not wearing his very thick glasses. And I say that as somebody who used to wear very thick glasses, mine wouldn't get like that. I think that he's got like a nerd element there,

which we're not seeing quite yet. Yeah, yeah, well, there's something kind of like, there's like a golden retriever aspect to him, you know, it's literally golden. He's literally golden. He looks like kind of like Ryan. What's his face? You know, from the barbie, Gosling, Ryan Gosling, and I'm amending from last week, because last week, I said he reminded me of Detective Quimby from Inspector Gadget. Now it's like if Detective Quimby worked out and then started to look like Ryan Gosling, I think that's what he looks like. But he has the enthusiasm of like a camp counselor, which is not what you'd expect from either of those characters. And it's just sort of hard to

reconcile all those concepts together. Yeah. So then, Alicia is singing to herself not to take life too seriously. Because you know, it's been very difficult. Serena was mean to her about a fruit platter and a salmon platter and told her to get a coffee. So she's had a really rough morning, you guys. It's like, it's like hell working for Serena. So Lara comes in and she's like, Oh, look at you making a fruit tray. Well, when I think of fruit, I think of a strawberry for you. And she's like, do you? That's so nice. She says, yes, because you're always bright and you know it's nice to always see a strawberry, isn't it? It is. And you know, you grow in soil, which is poop. And Serena can be that, you know, just keeping you back here mired in poop. But still that little shiny part, everyone wants to just pluck you and take you out of the kitchen, don't we?

Jason Vale Serena is so angry in the back of the galley just watching this entire interaction happen. And she's like, okay, I don't think I can have two people from this department go to this rum tasting with the time that we have, we'll be leaving this place an absolute shit hose. So, you know, we can't go to this, this rum tasting. And I was like, well, no, well, but there's no heads of departments there. She's like, yeah, but I don't want to leave the gallery. She's like, but if it's just washing up that you're concerned about, we could do that while you're gone.

She's like, no, it's not just washing up. It's just, well, I mean, a head of department has to be there. If you're concerned about that department, why aren't you there? Why don't you take the hair off? And you go. You fucking go.

Yeah, you go. No, a head of department does not need to be there to sit there and watch them eat chicken salad, okay? Or say the chief, what's his buns? Chief, you know, the one we were just talking about, golden retriever face. Get him to go. Why does it have to be the one with the hardest job?

It's just bizarre, Laura's bizarre. And I think she's trying to fuck with her. I think she's trying to make her look bad by being like, oh, she had to go and then she's gonna have stuff late and then she's gonna be like, well, there's Serena always getting stuff in late. There's the manure chef, you know how it is?

So she's like, all right, well, Serena's just giving it. I actually don't think it's, I don't think it's actually as intentional as that. I think she's like, well, I don't wanna go and the Bosun's not going, so that'll be, Serena has to go. And that's just how it's gonna be. Like, I think that's like, well, I don't want to go. And the Boston's not going so that'll be Serena has to go. And that's just how it's going to be. Like, I think that's what Laura thinks, like, because someone has to be there, but I've decided it's not going to be me. And so she's just like, well,

that's it's just the way it's going to be Serena and Serena is like, what the fuck? Like, it doesn't have to be that way. And I would have liked Serena to have advocated for herself and say, why don't you go? Why don't you take a day off and you go also, Alicia, you go, etc. She's like, she should say, why don't you go? Why don't you take a day off and you go, I'll send Alicia, you go, et cetera. She's like, she should say, I have to cook stuff here. You know? Well, but she sees what Laura's doing

and I think she's got a very good call on what Laura's doing, which is really butter up the other chef that's in there and makes Irina look like an asshole, which she does. She's like, look at you, my bright little strawberry, what fruit you are. Laura doesn't talk like that to people, Laura's an asshole. So I think she's very smart when she calls it out.

She's like, yeah, I see what she's doing. She's coming in here to make herself look like the good guy and me look like the bad guy. And I think that Zarina probably is looking crazy to a lot of people by thinking that, but I think she's right. I think that is what Lara's doing. So she's like, I'm just gonna keep pushing her.

I'm just gonna keep pushing her. She's already on the edge. It'll be fun. Well, so I think that, yeah, either way, Lara clearly- I mean, basically, look, here's basically where we're at right now. You give Lara the benefit of the doubt, and I do not. That's just the opposite of the doubt and I do not. I give her, I give her, no, I give her, I just give her, I don't, I don't, I'm not as full

conspiratorial that she sent Zarina to the beach picnics that way Zarina would flop and then then Zarina would like that. Well, I'm not sure. I just think that's, yeah, that's, that's where I'm not. Everything else, I think she's purposely pushing her. She's pushing her. There's no reason that she needs to be there. That's just silly. There's no reason whatsoever. She's just fucking with her.

Yeah. She's doing some sort of weird divide and conquer thing. So the problem with Zarina though is that she, like me, sometimes can't help but cater to her dark side, which is uncontrollable passive aggression. And so she, Zarina instead of saying, No, why don't you fucking go? Serena's like, that's fine. It's fine. Okay. So that way she said this way. She says there's no reason for her to go and she should have just said I'm not gonna go. She's head of department. She's

as as much of a right to say that I'm not gonna go. Right. She's playing into her. She has as much of a right to say that I'm not going to go. Right. Because she's playing into her hands. Like I'm looking at it like she's playing right into her hands because now she's getting pissed. And so she's going to start being moody. And then then later, the hour gets to go, Oh my God, look at Serena, always moody. Look what I have to deal with everybody, which is what she does. So, evil. No, it's a total cycle. We see it happening. Yeah. So, Zarina is just saying, she just doesn't want to go there, but it's easier to just do it than to argue with Lara, which is funny because that fight over the plate for mob night, that really seemed to just destroy them, huh? She's like, I can't take it. I can't take another argument with her. The way that she railroaded me about white plates for mob night,

I can't do it anymore. It's just constant. It's like the timing of the food, the this and the that. That was just another tick on the box. That was just another box tick for that one. Oh, by the way, for those we have a correction to make, Zarina did prepare the fish last week table side as an issue of, it was a big discussion. Yes, that was my bad. Yes. So I was wrong.

We fall on the sword. There. We fall on the sword. No, that was me. You were not wrong. I'm not falling on a sword. Here's what I'm doing. I'm moving the sword over and I'm going to say this, stop leaving swords in the middle

of the road for me to fall on. Okay, so get the, remove the sword and I won't have to fall on it. I will not fall on it. So, but I'm sorry, that was wrong. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. Some people get a wild haircut

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They are lost. I'm Chico Felitti. You can listen to Don't Cross Cat on the Wandery app or wherever you get your podcasts. So Harry is immediately, he's not the one to tattle-tale, but Laura goes to the person she knows will spread the shit, which is Harry. So he's like, what's happening down there? And she's like, oh, just tension today, lots of tension, you know, Serena. And he's like, what's wrong with her? And she goes, I just don't

know. You know, it's just Serena and her crazy personality. So then, then everyone gets to the rum distillery and Alicia and Zarina are on their way. And it's, it takes a very long time to get there. And the meantime, we see Nick, he's, he's struggling. He's having an internal struggle because he knows he has to fess up to the captain that he took a shot last night. And he's like, staying out of your, your own head is a lesson that I still have yet to learn. Not the most experienced person on the grid by very far. Actually, my dad got me sorted in yachting. He's always been very adventurous. He was my professional windsurfer, then kite surfer,

then just land surfer. I don't know how he did that, but he surfed on land. He surfed everywhere. And now captain in the med. And I've never known someone to listen to as few rules as he does. That's the type of person I want to be. Unfortunately, I am the opposite of that. So that was his backstory, which by the way, his dad, we see pictures of his dad. What are the odds that his dad gets recruited

into the Below Deck franchise as like a captain of a boat? I kind of felt like this was a setup for something. Right? Yeah, that would be great. He's a captain in the med. You're hired. Let's see what you can do. Yeah. I would love to see any man at work who produced this handsome, nerdy fellow with

a deep voice. Bring it on. Yeah. Bring it on daddy. So now Laura and Dader are setting up the picnic and the guests are going to the rum distillery. By the way, I hope these guests choke on that fucking rum. You cheap Dubai bitches. I mean, how are you from Dubai and you're gonna be that cheap? Dubai is like the richest place ever.

They spend money, it's dripping with money ever, and you're like the shittiest tip on the entire season. Oh yeah, I was wondering where this was going. I was like, I was wondering where this was going. I was like, what was wrong with the rum distillery? Yeah, spoiler alert, they tip shit. I was pissed off. Yeah, that was a shitty, shitty tip, they tip shit. I was pissed off.

Yeah, that was a shitty, shitty tip. And they did so much for these people. People are terrible at job. I'm by Dubai bitches, I just mean rich bitches because you're from Dubai. How dare you? And I shouldn't even call you bitches, that's not nice. Dubai butt heads, how dare you?

You do, you know what you are? Pieces of shit. Yeah. Pieces of shit. Yeah. Pieces of shit. We have a posture somehow, but I'm still with it. There was no excuse for this. I hope your businesses fail. Cause they're like, oh, what's that CEO?

Oh my God, Marina, Marina, you're like number 23 CEO today. Just came out in this article. She's like, oh wow, really? I didn't even know. My PR person who set that up didn't even know. My PR person who set that up didn't even tell me about that. Let's see some $3 when we leave. Yeah, that was a shitty ass tip because it was not even just a, it was a, it was a multi-night charter. So yeah, terrible. So congratulations Contessa, you're off the hook from last season.

No this season. No, this season I think it's the same. I think it was 15, right? Was Contessa, I think Contessa was on below deck sailing. Oh, I thought she was this season. I can't remember. All I know is that there's a new bad tip for her. Maybe it was last season. I don't know, it's below deck.

It's all the same. It's all the same. It's a boat. It's a boat. Who knows? Yeah, so Marina is excited. She's like, oh, I have an opportunity to be back on service again. So now I'm going to work my ass off. I'm a valuable professional. I'm too charismatic

to be in the dungeon. Everybody's going to know how good I am. Look, put your napkin in your lap. Do it. They're like, Oh my God. Excuse me. The most charismatic people are the ones in the dungeon. Hello. That's where they, that's why you get thrown in the dungeon because you usually have too much charisma. Yeah. All the, all the dungeon. Hello. That's why you get thrown in the dungeon, because you usually have too much charisma. All the great... Pete Slauson We're podcasting. Jared Larkin We are literally in the dungeon of the entertainment industry. Pete Slauson I was going to say all the great martyrs in history, but also us. Jared Larkin I'm one of the great martyrs in history. I literally

compete with Jesus on Easter. I'm like, Oh, you rose. I rose to be here. Did you have to iron something? No, you didn't. You were a ghost, whatever. Listen, they don't make movies about people who were falsely put into a living room. They make movies about people who are falsely imprisoned. They're just more charismatic. That's what people are jealous. People are jealous and they're haters. Yeah, so basically the green mile. Like Tom Hanks just wanted to get out to like do proper dinner service. He was like, you know what?

I'm here to put the fork on the proper side. Okay, it's the right side of the plate and that's it. No, it's actually on the left, isn't it? The knife is on the left. Fork is on the left. Then he was sent back to jail. Green mile part two, Tom Hanks failed at service. He had some charisma challenges.

I wish I could think of other movies with dungeons, but I shockingly can't think of a single movie with a dungeon. I can just think of like Game of Thrones when they were in like the Martells, those people, like, I don't know, doesn't even matter. I think of Real Housewives of Atlanta. Talk about charisma in the dungeon.

The current charismatic person in the dungeon, candy. She made a show out of it. Okay, so the tour guide, there's so, you know, these turtles, at this point, these turtles are like old show queens. It's like you got Joan Rivers down there, you got fucking Mitzi Gainer. They're just like, come on, kids, give us a paint, give us a pet, would ya?

Come on, we do this every fucking day. Just tell us how young we look. I love these tortoises. They really are becoming a huge star. And then, by the way, something that was insulting, talk about, here's a, here's a good support for these people being cheap. So, although maybe it would say that they're actually very wealthy, I can't tell. You decide. But, uh, the, one of the guests starts using the rum as like hand sanitizer cause it's like

69% alcohol or something like that which I kind of think is like a I just kind of think it's disrespectful to just do that at the at the rum distillery itself It's like they made this rum and they're probably giving it to you for free because it's on TV and you're just like not even gonna drink It you're just gonna pour it on your hands and use it like I don't know. I think it's shitty. Oh I took it as I'm just like we're just like fun pour it on your hands and use it. Like, I don't know. I think it's shitty. Oh, I took it as I'm just like, we're just like fun girls. I know it was. All over my body. And also I don't think I think they'd be thrown in jail for life if they did

that in Dubai. So they're just like, look what we can do. We're such rebels. Well, I was like, does this speak to them being really cheap and that they won't get their own hand sanitizer or them being so wealthy that they don't care that there's pouring very expensive rum on their, on their hands. And I'm just, I'm gonna start with the latter. The point is assholes. So Marina is, um, tell she's like setting up the buffet, which is very exciting. And Zarina is like, all right, here you do.

Okay. So wow. Oh, I can't possibly do this without my head chef, right? Spinach, cool, get asparagus. There it is. Oh, congratulations. Red onions, red onions. We've done red onions.

Yes, you've, yes, actually an apple, you fucking moron, but whatever. All right, well, it's an hour round trip. So I guess I should leave now. It's been an absolute pleasure and definitely not a waste of my time to be here. Do you reckon the next time you can just do it alone?" And she's like, I mean, yeah, I can take tin foil off. I know how to do that. But why are you acting like she's yelling at you? You know she's yelling at Lara. You were in the galley when Lara was insisting

that she can't. Well, because now Zarina is viewing Alicia as like an extension of Lara. I think she feels at this point Alicia has already been brought over to the dark side. She can't trust Alicia. And so now she's mad at her too, which is kind of unfair, right? Because this poor girl has just been trying to do her job, even if she's had her head in the clouds. She can't help it if Lara has come over and called her a strawberry. So Serena leaves and Marina asks Alicia if she's okay and she's like, well, I mean,

I know how to take off cling film and set up a thing. Jeez, why am I being treated like this? So she introduces the food to the ladies, you probably smell absolutely drunk because they've been covering themselves in the room. And Alicia is like, so here we have a goddess quiche and some stuffed figs and potato salad and pasta. It has all been hand unwrapped. So then Nick radios to go meet with the captain. So he up to Jason he's like so last night on entertainment duty yeah the girls were having a good time and I do to report something on myself one of them came over and said do you oh do you have a drink and I I guess I got very carried away with myself and myself and I did a

shot and I wasn't insistent enough with myself and I fucked up and I took a shot and I just want to let you know and firstly if you need to throw me overboard and feed me to the sharks I understand tell my father I love him very dearly. He's like wow first charter not acceptable that's an issue. Now listen I have already been on the phone with Australian Norma twice and I'm not going to do it again. You can keep your job. Thanks for being honest. Take a kimono on your way out. Goodbye. Just let me alone. I'd like to take a nap here. It's exhausting. I'm watching a storm on television. Goodbye.

So yeah, he does the whole thing of like, well, but at the end of the day, you know, you get nothing for nothing. But also, you know, if you know what you did wrong, and coming up here doing this, this is exactly what I wanted of someone. So I think we could put this to bed. So good on you, you were honest. Yeah, and it's like, it will not happen again. That's not a normal thing for me.

I'd love to assure you, sir. I'm very, very, very sorry. And if you're on the radio with any captains from the Med, just please don't mention this. He's like, all right, please leave now. So then Zorita comes're on the radio with any captains from the med, just please don't mention this. He's like, all right, please leave now. So then Zarina comes back on the boat and Laura's like, so how was it the biggest waste of time this this entire season? I mean, I've got so much shit to do. You just got to take out and present it. I don't know why I have to do this fucking thing presenting it at the one. Laura's like, okay, well,

so you went before got taken out. She's like, what, what do you mean? Just like the food. She's like, yeah, it's fine. Nothing's affecting me at all. Nothing's affecting me at all. So Zarina is in like a furious mood now. I love that Laura still tried to get her. She's like, oh, so you left before the food was taken out. She's like, oh, fuck off. And also we saw a little scene in there of Laura, um, with Brie. Brie's cleaning the rooms and she's like, um, Brie, Mara with Brie, Brie's cleaning the rooms and she's like, Brie, we must make sure the pillows are flat. Please make sure they're flat. She's like, okay, God, okay, I will.

She's like, see, I can't do this with Brie. It's ruining my whole flow. And then they also showed, there was also a moment where Brie was like, I don't know how to turn the shower off. I think it's gonna run infinitely. She's like, use a different knob. Use a different knob. She's like, oh my God, it worked. You see what I'm saying? This girl doesn't understand showers. She must be in a higher position. It is the definition of failing up, right? Yes. You cannot put gorgeous blonde people

in showers. That's just not what we do. It's going against nature. So by the way, I think the reason why Zarina went on this trip, aside from the fact that she's, you know, she gets to be passive aggressive, I think she's building a case so that way she can say to Jason, well, it's outrageous. I mean, she had to go all the way out there just to take some cling wrap off and come all the way back. That was an hour could have been on the boat. So because she knows if she has something tangible that you could bring to the captain That that will be more effective than if it's just like her word versus Lara word Like if they both go the captain about why they can't get along

So I think she like took the L on this one solely so that way she had empirical evidence That Lara is mismanaging the situation. Yeah, but then she never does it. So that's the thing. It's like she doesn't do it. I think she's just trying to make Lara happy because by the end of the episode, of course, Lara turns it around like, see, Serena's crazy, everybody. I told you. And then she's fucked.

So now anything she says now is going to look like she's fighting back against the crazy claims. Well, I think she's still going to be, she's still building her case. I think she's good. I think she wants to get two to three pieces of evidence that then she can take to Captain Jason and say, I can't do this anymore. I can't work like this. She's too much, you know, but like one is not enough.

I just don't see her ever turning against Laura because she thinks that Laura's like, you know, Laura's the popular girl that she wants to be. So I don't see her like trying to turn her in because then she'd be dead forever in front of Laura and Laura, she's going to have to see see possibly on other boats the other boat they worked on together. I think she just wants the approval of this chick she's never gonna get it from but who knows let's see time will tell you know we've made our predictions let's see what transpires shall we? So Laura of course is already like well I wish Serena would have been more passionate about serving the guest lunch than serving me this shitty attitude. Like, what the fuck? You're an asshole. That's

what. That's what. Well, why don't you be more passionate? I would hear it through the TV. Yeah. Why don't you be more passionate about going and serving lunch? Like, she's not the only one. Okay? It's like, just like, there's no passion that's required and sticking a ladle into some tzatziki and slopping it onto a plate. Yeah, so then the guests come back and it's announced that 8.30 will be time for dinner.

And Laura is like, well, you know, in a perfect world, Marina would just want to stay in cabins forever, but I'm actually really impressed with her right now. She didn't even have to text me to ask me what the invisible stuff was on top of potato salad. And I was expecting that. So, well done. Cut debris, trying to figure out how to turn off a sink. That one on the other hand, needs a little bit of work. So Marina says they had a great time. She's like, it was great until

somebody lit a cigarette and they started on fire, which was crazy. So we had to put her out. But I think otherwise, she's fine. which was crazy. So we had to put her out, but I think otherwise she's fine. Everything was fine. So Alicia comes back in and she's like, how's it been in here? And Zarina just ignores her. Should I put this in the bin? No. Okay, well, hop me in. Let me know what I can do to help. It's all right. Okay, can I cut a carrot? No. Can I open the fridge?

No. Do you want me to stand here? No. Do you want me to be in the kitchen? No. In the kitchen? At the kitchen? Neither.

That's impossible, I have to be in one place or the other. So then we return to the original problem Serena was having with the first douche, which is when she just turns off and she won't say anything and she's just completely ignoring this girl She's like well, I want to be helpful, but I don't know what's going on. She's like So then Nick pulls every person on the boulder side, he's like, oh may I have a chat with you? Thank you That would be lovely. Listen. I just wanted to tell you that last night

I was playing a silly game with the ladies and they asked me to take a shot and I did it please Give me whatever lashings you need to give me What's like, oh, okay, it's horrible. I know there's like We were allowed to drink I would have done it a long time ago Did you take a shot while you're watching football on TV? No, actually? All right, it's still not attractive to me. So moving along. So then Lara goes up to Lucia. She's like, so sweetheart, little adorable strawberry. You're not a strawberry shortcake. You're a strawberry tall cake because you're tall and

proud. How was it? How was taking the tin foil off of those chafers? She's like, I loved it. Good, good. I'm glad you loved it because you deserve all the loving in the world. It was just nice to be outside, wasn't it? And she goes, oh, well, that's just such good news because that's what I wanted, you know. Strawberries can't grow in basements. They must be out in the world. So I'm glad I gave you that opportunity

to step off the boat and see the sunshine. You're welcome. You're welcome. If you'd like to call me mum and give me a hug, that would be all right. Now, you sweet, adorable thing, here's a little gift I got from you. It's a necklace. I found it. I found it on land and I'm giving it to you. So have a wonderful rest of your day. Now, hold on. I have to speak privately with Serena. Dinner's at fucking 830. Get it ready. Pete And Alicia tells her, oh, I really appreciate you fighting in my corner to go as well. She didn't have to fight her. Serena was the one who sent you in the first place. What is this bunk?

Alicia's pissing me off now, okay? I'm getting pissed. She's like too easily swayed. So then Serena's like, she's watching all of this and she's like, you know, I don't know if Laura's trying to mess with me right now, but it seems like she's grooming my sous chef to be against me. That's not my chef. She should be supporting me. What the fuck is going on? She hates you, okay? I know you haven't heard her diary rooms or whatever, but she hates your guts. Hope she dies. Stick a needle in your eye. You're like the kid's sister that she doesn't want to deal with. Okay. But like, unfortunately, Zarina, like the best way to combat this is that Zarina also grooms Alicia to be against

Lara. Like there's no reason why, just because of Lara's doing it doesn't mean Zarina can't do it. The worst thing that Zarina can do right now is to stonewall Alicia because then everything Lara says is going to feel more true and real. She's just sending Alicia over there. You got to fight for your Sue. You've got to sit there. You got to gossip and talk shit with her and like share special things and bond and make it

clear that Laura will never know what it's like to slice accruedite the way those two do. That's what you got to do. You don't, don't, don't give her the silent treatment. Yeah. But you're in a war right now. You're in a battle. Some people just aren't born with that kind of personality where they're like, Oh, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to remanipulate this girl to go against that girl. She just wants to be loved, Serena. I don't know. Literally by anybody. I mean, she doesn't care. Listen, does anyone know it's me?

She's probably down there at night begging for love from that clownfish that's always swimming by the boat. She's like, was that totter waving to me? It looks like it was waving to Lara. Well, leave it again. Should we discuss this week's fish, by the way, speaking of the con fish, there were some real beauts. There were some real beauts. I think my favorite one, there was like a yellow one. There's a long yellow one, but sort of had like some like 1907 Parisian makeup on her

face. I thought she was really wonderful. I think she was my favorite of the week. There was a big one that looked like a jug. Like it was just this huge fish and then it like shrinks down right after its face. And then it's like a horn. That's what I like. I like that. Yeah. But that was very nice. There are a lot of schools of fish, which was fine. But I feel like the schools of fish kind of lack personality, you know, like they're like, it was also slow down. Like when you

get, yeah, they were small fish too. So you're there, especially like, okay, you're just, you're just not bringing anything. You're just like creating chaos here, you know? Yeah. I don't like that. They're like, look, we can move at the same time. Look, that one turned left, I turned left.

Ah, ah, ah. Different part of the stuff. You're in the line school of fish. Why do I have to go 30 miles an hour because you can't keep your school of fish out of the road. Get out of the road. Get out of the road. They're also for the second week in a row, there was no sign whatsoever of our favorite Maureel who suddenly is relegated to the sidelines.

However, our sea turtle got like three or four different shots and even surfaced got an above water shot later on in the episode. So it was a really big episode for the sea turtle. But for me, I'm still going to give it to the yellow fish with the makeup. Okay, I'm going to go for the trumpet fish or whatever the fuck. Okay, we love it. It was great. It was a great turnout. There was also another moss colored fish that might be the same one I'm talking about. There are a ton. Not moss colored, but covered. And it looks, I like those kinds of fish because it looks like they just lie around all day and they just get,

it's like when I get up and I have like blanket fuzz all over me, cause I've been on the couch all day, but I try to pretend I haven't for the delivery guy. And they're like, you're literally covered in a blanket. So that's what that kind of fish, it's like a ding dong. And that fish just got up. It's like, the cameras are here. The cameras are here.

Look, I'm a fish, I'm swimming. Look at the schools. And you know, it was lying cause it's covered in blanket. Commercials, here comes one right now. At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours.

Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names, about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph. My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful.

Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Also, there was some good work by the Rays. You know, the Rays are always kind of like reliably there. I feel like we don't like point them out as much, but the Rays were sort of just like moving around in a very gentle way, which I appreciated. And we also

got there's that one fish. I really love the Rays. The Rays like, Karen wasn't drunk, she barely even drinks. I don't know why she's getting a drunk driving. Jared Slauson They're very supportive fish. They'll cover for their wives. Karen Slauson Ray! Jared Slauson Yeah. And then there's also some of those mid-tier fish, you know, like, there's those fish that are like, I kind of feel like they

coast on being pretty, but they actually don't have a lot of personality. So they're generally like yellow, but they have like, like, like four blue stripes along their side. They're like, look at me. I have pizzazz. I'm kind of just like pretty, but you're like, yeah, but you don't have like an it factor and you're going to need an it factor if you want to move ahead in this competition. Yeah, they just keep passing. They're like, gaga smack, gaga smack. They're all saying the same thing. You're like, oh, yeah, we get it.

You're curbs. You're a little unoriginal. Yeah, have your own thoughts for once. Yeah. Okay, so Harry checks in with Serena and she's bummed. So of course production was like, go start shit with Serena. So she's like, I mean, it's all good.

And he goes, so are you and Laura you and Laura getting on just random question, random question producers didn't tell me to ask this at all. But are you getting on? She's like, well, I mean, I think so. I just thought we'd be more like besties, you know? And I mean, now I guess for friendship with Brie, I guess maybe I'm feeling a bit pushed out. Do you understand what I'm saying? And he's like, Oh, that's so sad. You know, I will walk off this boat. I will walk off this boat. So now everyone's going to, um, everyone's going to, uh, change into blacks. Cause tonight the theme is lavish Dubai nights, which is, I don't know, like it's a little weird. I

mean, if you're from Dubai, why are you having a, why are you go onto a boat to have a theme of where you're from? Right? Like that's, that's like me going on vacation, being like, I want, you know what I want? I want an LA themed meal. Like, no, I could stay in LA for that. For a jankier, like baloney version of the city I'm in. Like, how about like, Paris or Rome? I've never understood that. When people, they're like, we're from Oklahoma. We want a barbecue night. Like, okay, so you're from the South. I don't know how barbecue is in Oklahoma. I would assume it's okay. I mean, the Southern. Pun intended. Pun intended. Yeah, I would assume it's okay, L-A-H-O-M-A, but who knows?

I would assume it's okay L-A-H-O-M-A, but who knows? But why would you go to like another country and be like, make us some barbecue? I know. I don't understand that. I don't understand that mentality of like, I feel like if you're going to travel somewhere or get something that's just a little different, you know? But they always do it on this show. Everybody does it. Because remember, even the gays do it. Remember the gays came and they were like, we want to eat something gay. And they were like, okay. They're like, yeah, just make us gay things.

That was their... Penis cake and flags every single time. They love it. That was their request. I died at that. And then they actually did a bunch of gay shit. They're like, okay, now we've got penis foods. You know, this looks like a little penis. Like, yes,

so Zarina and Alicia are still cooking. Alicia is making little, um, what do you call those? Mistakes. Mistakes. You know, there's a little meat, the meat, um, keffites, keffites. No, you know what I'm talking about. She's making a little meat dumplings. She's made a little meatballs. Meal. Meal. Like little torpedoes. They look like little kibble.

Kibble is kibble. That's what it is. Kibble. She's making kibble decks. And so at least it's like, Oh, they look like little pews. And Serena's like, I'm not going to laugh at that. Even though God, I would love to laugh at that. It's so true.

And, um, basically Lisa's just like, so any technique to make them all look the same? Just practice and shutting up. That's it. The more you shut up, the better they turn out. But it's important that they're all the same, right? Yes, I guess give them all blonde hair and some lipstick so Laura will be kind to them. Maybe. Maybe that'll work. She goes, what would you like some tea after this? She goes, no, I wouldn't like some tea after. Oh, but I'm so sorry. I just can't go the whole evening like this. It's very depressing. It's fucked. I'm just bored of this. Like, come on. She's like, well, I'm utterly, I'm just utterly exhausted. I've been a moody grumpy bitch

today and I will continue to do that. So this moment of self-awareness is brought to you by this moment of back to being moody grumpy bitch. All right. Make your gibbies. Marina is talking to Nick about French. She's like, Oh, you know French? He's like, Polly vu France. And she's like, Oh my God, Vasse-a-Tout. And he's like, Oh yeah, Marina. Adorable. Growing up, I didn't approach women really. I mean my first kiss was at 19 and she was painted blue It was hard actually Star Trek conventional my dad I think that wait for it. I was getting a hand job. She had eight actual octopi Arms coming out of her. I was actually very sexy. I just

don't know that anyone will ever compete with that. Turns out, uh, she was actually some sort of new age kind of rim fan. It was weird. So I was shamed. So Laura, um, so yeah, he he is he and Marina are flirting basically. And then Laura's like, Okay, Zarina, could you explain this dish that you made for me? And Zarina's like, I don't know, it's like burnt garlic dahl with a fusion of chickpea, eggplant, cinnamon, curry. And Laura's like, crazy. Look at that crazy dish you just made. Wow. Wacky poo. I've never heard of a more unstable dish to serve to guests. I should bring this up with tap-dum. So they serve it, the guests love it. And then Nate and Harry are chatting about tomorrow docking and Harry seems

to be kind of in charge of it. You know, he's like, you know, I know how to do this and how to do that. And Nate loves it. He's like coming in this late in charter season, there's a leader, you got to earn respect. And it's not there yet. But luckily, luckily, I've got no ego that was mostly bleached out when I do the highlights every year. So that's positive. That's positive. But I've got Harry and Harry's got a work ethic. He's got a passion for the job. He cries quite a bit, which is something we've got to work on maybe. Or maybe we don't. I don't know. Can you cry while you bring in a line? We'll find out.

I'm putting him in charge of everything. So then Lara serves the first course and everything. Everyone likes it. Everyone goes to sleep. And so then Alicia is talking to Zarina and she's like, oh, it's the next day. We wrapped up that evening quickly. It's the next day and Alicia is like, oh, that's- I would like to talk about corn fed chicken. I don't like when people brag about feeding the chicken corn. They're like, here's a corn fed chicken. Oh, wow. Were there no Snickers fed chicken available? Like, why are we bragging that we're not feeding the chicken crap? Like grass fed beef.

Yes. They're like, hello, we didn't feed. This was not, I just think it's a sad place we've come in this world where you never know what they're being fed. You know, it're like, hello, we didn't feed. This was not, I just think it's a sad place we've come in this world where you never know what they're being fed. You know, it's like this chicken was fed children, enjoy it. It was a dollar off at the market. But you know, that's what you have to do now. You have to specify, you know what? Does this have hormones?

Does this have hormones, chicken? Like what did this chicken eat? It is funny, because I feel like, isn't there a whole movement of anti-corn, an anti-corn movement like big corn, big corn's ruining everything, these corn farms, da da da da da da da. And then they're like, but God, we hate corn, but also we fed this chicken corn. Yeah, but it's good for the chickens. Yeah.

It's good. It's good for the chicken. It's good for the, it's good for the guests. And I know that movement is like mostly about like this wasn't raised in the headless in a cage and just fed, you know. Oh, I hope it wasn't raised headless. Yeah, they do that. Haven't you ever watched the food documentaries? Eat what? That's why I don't eat meat anymore because fucking Netflix.

I've watched so many of those documentaries. Yeah, they like engineer chickens to be just, I think they're headless. You look at it because now I feel crazy the way you're looking at me. I'm afraid. It's like these mutant crazy chickens in these little tiny cages, they never move. And I think they're headless and they just raise them and with all these steroids. So, I mean, I see where the movement comes from. I just think it's sad that we've come that far. Where we're like, can I just make sure this wasn't a headless chicken raised in a shoebox?

Okay, wasn't ever able to walk? It's just sad. It's just sad. That's all I'm saying. Pete But here we are with the corn fed chicken. My mom's obsessed with corn and thinks that box, okay, was never able to walk. It's just sad. It's just sad. That's all I'm saying. But here we are with the corn fed chicken. My mom's obsessed with corn and thinks that everybody is fat because of corn. She's like, you know why America's fat? Corn. Corn did it. Corn's in everything. Corn is the killer. So my mom like literally looks at corn as a murderer. So I'm with you, you know? why are we writing about feeding the chicken corn? You know, right? Except the truth is corn is so delicious and I love corn deeply. I was born for corn like Madison LaCroix and so I will never be able to be totally anti-corn because really did you ever see the corn documentary? Oh, that was another one on Netflix. That's like saying like it's like Ronnie,

that's like if someone said to me, hey, Ben, do you want to watch a documentary about all the awful things Ronnie has done? I'm like, I'm not going to watch that. No. The things that I love, I will have the other way. I'm looking the other way. Thank you. That's the secret to a friendship right there. Yeah. Oh. I would not be watching any slander documentaries about Ronnie or corn. Well, now I hope I've given you some nightmares. Corn is evil and chickens are usually headless that you eat. Okay, so the crew wakes up and Alicia is in the galley. What?

I said, but are they happy? I bet they are. That's one lesson they don't have to worry about. They don't have to worry about like, oh God, my face is so saggy. Like, you know, they're just like, they're like, I don't have to worry about your gene. I'm not gonna work this, I ain't looking at me,

I've got chicken neck, you know? Like, is that chicken, at this point, is that chicken neck or is that chicken face? Because isn't your neck kind of your face at this point? Quiet, Joelle. All right, so we're in the galley and Alicia is asking what to do quiet Joelle. Oh, all right. So we're in the galley and Alicia is asking what to do. And she's like, all right, well,

we need to have a bit of a chop chop. She goes, but I only started a minute ago. She goes, all right, well, separate the eggs. I only need 12 eggs separated, go. And she goes, okay, well, that's it. Anyway, I've done that. All right, now I can concentrate on the crew. So, oh, you're putting something together.

Is that for the guests? And she's like, no, it's for the crew. We, oh, you're putting something together. Is that for the guests?" And she's like, no, it's for the crew. We're going to do both together today. Crew together, then we're going to get it out of the way, then we're going to do the guests together. All right, so I'm going to need to do the egg separation now. I just I needed them right away is the thing, you know, and you didn't do them and now I need them. So she's like, no, I did do them. Look, there's 12 of them. I'm generally confused about what's going on because you haven't told me what you're planning. And she's okay. When I tell you to do this, you do it. And then you tell me they're done and you don't go and do different things. She's, but it was already done when I started doing other things. Like what's what I'm confused

with. Did you say that they're done chef? Well, they're done chef. But did you say they're done chef who's better than Lara? Well, I didn't say that last part. And there's the problem. There's the problem. She's like, okay, but what's going on with the crew breakfast? What's going on the thing? You've not actually told me what you've planned for the crew.

So you say we're working together, but I have no idea what you're doing. And so now she's at the point where she's basically like the other sous chef. And she's like, what is this lady thinking? You know, like, I have no idea what she's doing. She's all over the place. And she needs to just be a better boss, basically. And she tells her, I mean, I respect her for just telling Serena. She's like, look, I'm walking on eggshells around you.

And then it's, I don't know where to fit in and where to work when you've not told me. And I keep asking you. And I don't mind being shown, but you're not telling me." And she's like, okay. Well, first of all, first of all, let me just say something. When you separate the eggs, don't throw the shells on the floor. Okay. That's the first step. So that way you're not walking on them all the time. Okay. Come on, think here. It's very simple what you have to do here. But basically Zarina's like, she's like, just like, no, I'm not going to help. So now the guests are all- Don't are all strawberry.

I hate strawberries. So everyone is the guests are taking photos and Adair is revealing. We actually don't know. We don't like a little bit about Adair, but she has like not a lot of personality. But now we find out one of her fears, which is the anchor. She's afraid of the anchor because it could kill her. She's like, well, I always second guess myself on the anchor just because it could kill me and not in the fun way. Like if you're run over by like a four by four while you're chasing a gator in the outback.

I was going to say, didn't we see pictures of her on like four by four or four wheelers and stuff? A four by four. She's on a piece of wood. Hey, it's called the seesaw. It's called the seesaw. Where I come from. You put a four by four over a can of beer. The warfers fed it. Go to the ground. That's it. Oh, it's by far the scariest thing. Just think about how it's going to spin. So we want to stop it falling. So you want this bit touching that bit. She's like, okay. Which by the way, that does not sound precise at all.

You want this bit touching that bit and now you won't get killed. Yeah, that was a little scary. And she goes, okay, heard. And he goes, heard, dude. So food is served and we're seeing the steps climbed. 322 stairs climbed so far. And the guest is-

I'm gonna need those steps. Sorry, sorry to interrupt. I'm gonna need those steps to actually start to matter because it's been like 10 episodes and they keep giving us the staircase count and it has not had any impact on anything in a long time. So unless someone like gets like an Achilles' heel issue, you don't have to tell us how many stairs are going up.

Cause it's making sense. I need a straight butt hole or something. Like I need somebody to be like, I'm a butt hole strain, I can't do it, it was all the steps. Anger. Heard. So this is when the guest, this is when Nikki finds out, one of the guests is like, Oh my God, Nikki, you won another award. You won the number one most popular girl on this boat.

Congratulations. And Laura's like putting drips of like, you know, saline and not saline. What do you put into people's drinks to make them have diarrhea? Like it's clear. I guess it's like eye drops or something. What do you do? I don't know. They used to do slumber parties when I was a kid. Like salty, like a salty, like a saline. I think saline. I don't know. No, it's just salt. Just salt water salt water, which is basically saline. We shouldn't be giving people weapons for slumber parties anyway, Ben.

No, absolutely not. She's like, oh my God, you're on the 23rd Middle East woman's leader, okay? You're the 23rd woman's Middle East leader in excellence award, excellence award. What the fuck was this award? Okay, let me tell you what this is. Is this given up by the Penny Saver? What is this? This is the line as written, okay? Okay, let me tell you what this is. Let's give it up at the Penny Saver.

What is this? This is the line as written, okay? Well, at least as written for us. On the 23rd Middle East Women's Leader, you won the 23rd Women's Middle East Leaders Excellence Award Excellence Award. Now, I believe that sounds like a real award. You're like the excellent woman of excellence women of excellence in the middle east,

but you're number 23 and you're lucky because we only pick 23 people, which makes you good. That makes you like the Michael Jordan of excellence in the middle east leaders excellence award. Maybe bring up that she was number one or not bring up 23rd like you got 23rd. Maybe just say like you won a middle east women's leader award you got 23rd, maybe just say like, you won a Middle East Women's Leader Award. I mean, what kind of friend is like, wow, congratulations, you came in 23. I am, so I, of course I had to do a search. And so I did a search of Nikita Middle East Women's Leader Award. Was her name Nikita Sokdev?

I don't know if this is her or not. Nikita is M-A-K. M-A-K. M-A-K. Okay. So this is, I was about to rag on someone else because someone else named Nikita, she won an award a month ago and she was like so honored. She won Nikita Lord, she was nominated for

most influential woman in blockchain and crypto 2025 at the Middle East blockchain awards. Which means that there's an award for everything. That's what I've got to say. The Middle Eastern blockchain awards. Yeah, well that's a huge thing. I want to throw something there. You know the crypto.

25th Middle East Women Leaders Excellence Awards. They were April 9th. Oh, well, they're going to be April 9th in 2026. So who's the winners? I want to see who number 23 is. I'm going to fact check who's number 23. Kim Phuc won woman personality of the year. Kim Phuc from Vietnam. She had a Pulitzer Prize winning photograph titled The Terror of War. God damn, I'm actually interested in these awards now. Okay, this is why we should not be Googling stuff while we're podcasting.

I'm into it now. I'm like, who's in the race this year? Yeah. Can Nikita hold her chair? Sandy. Can you hold her? Can she hold her name? Hold, hold the throne or will the will someone else come for her crown? So she won this award.

And then Nikita is like, Oh my God. So they're now it's time to leave. So she gives a speech because everything was amazing. I couldn't have asked for a better trip, although maybe I could have, which is why maybe there's like a maybe there's like a trip that's worth like ten thousand dollars more of tip. But like for one that's on TV, this is amazing. My only criticism is that Nick needs to work on his beer pong skills. Thank you so much for having us. Oh, fuck off, you shitty tipper.

I hope you fall over under the ocean. So now clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean, clean. Marina and Adair are cleaning, doing some stuff. And Marina's like, oh, Nick is cute. And Adair's like, well, I know something you don't know. I know something you don't know. Bush is president. No, he's not.

Okay. Well, Nick has already started his party I'm you don't know Bush's president. No Well Nick has already started his party and he started his party with the guests I mean, there's like no fucking way. Don't tell me that. Yeah He goes up to Catherine was like I just want to tell you guys I don't want you find another way that I took tequila Shots with the guests last night. I'm like, oh, fuck. You scared the shit out of me. I thought you were saying that he slept with one of them. Oh, God. Thank God. Thank God. Well, if I knew I could drink on the job, I'd have been hammered yesterday. Just kidding. I'm hammered right now.

Um, so now it's time for the tip meeting. And so they all sit down and everything. And then Jason Horowitz like dollar, dollar, dollar bills, y'all. It was my money. So he's like, all right, charter six. Well, it wasn't as hectic, but we did knock out a lot. It actually showcased to the newbies what has to be done. And coming in docking was great.

It actually was good little training wheels. Anyway, the point of this, you all got $5 a tip. And I don't want, you know, I don't think the tip reflects what we got out of this trip. Because what we got out of this trip was a lot of tension and passive aggression amongst everyone on board. So congratulations, you all hate each other. And we're probably going to sink on the next chart. All right now if marinas, I'm sorry, if Serena's insecurity was actual currency, we'd all be wealthy. Unfortunately, it's not so you didn't make shit today. Hot new guy. No, not you. The one who did fan fiction of me as a Vulcan. He's the one who's going to get the helmet. Right? You've got the helmet. And he's like, Oh, thank you very much.

If this is the extent of the ramifications, consider me chuffed. So Harris is like, Oh, right. Nice and interestingder actually. Okay. You know, I like Nick. He's interesting. You know, he says everything so proper. He's like a great politician actually. And if I find out that he has a fake accent, I will walk right off this boat. I'll walk right off this boat. Yeah, because now they're all making fun of how he talks. He's like, what does he talk like that? He says everything so proper. He'd be a great politician. And then there's like, what does he talk like that? He says everything so proper. He'd be a great politician. And then there's like, yeah, he sounds like a cartoon character when he talks.

Where do you come from? Who are you to talk? Jesus Christ, big mouth. She's like a human banjo. So then Nate's like, yeah, he's a bit of a, he's a bit of a dork. And he's like, he's a bit of a dork, but he speaks like a prince. The funny thing about Star Trek and Spock is well you see indeed. That's like me at the beginning of every Bloodex season, trying to figure out what people's personalities are. So then Harry, he's like, so night post-chart for you, what do you think? And, and it's like, oh, you know, just have a dude. And, and Carrie's like, look, I'll, I'll, I know it was a lot.

I was, I know I'll, I'll step back into line. He's like, no, man, you absolutely crushed it. It was a good dynamic. And you know, you knowing everything and being capable and qualified qualified like between you and I, there's so much experience and capability on the boat. You've done all your years. I mean, driving, you could be a boatsman any day of the week. So thank you. It's like, and you know what? I'd say you're laid deck hand mate. Well, I like that Harry had to lead him there because he's like, Oh, you do

everything on this boat. You could do anything. I mean, it's the duty was ice skating. I bet you could ice skate. You can? You got tights? Good for you, mate. You could run it. I don't even know why I'm here. Rich dad, poor dad. Am I right? Rich dad, poor dad. But here we are, mate. I'd give you anything. And here he's like, well, thanks. You know, that's my goal. You know, it's a goal one day. Lead deckhand, you know, and then boating and then go from there. And he's like, oh, lead deckhand. All right, you can do lead deckhand, you know, and then boats in and then go from there. And he's like, Oh, lead deckhand, you can do lead deckhand too. So he finally got somebody that he can just be like, yeah, so I'm lead deckhand, right? He's like, yes, why didn't I come up with that?

You're even good enough to come up with ideas like lead deckhand. You win, mate. Lead deckhand, you are. Captain of the boat. You're the captain of the boat now. Let's go take it over. Kick kimono man out. No one needs to see those hanging bowls.

I mean, seriously, am I right? So then Brie is talking to Alicia, she's like, so how was your day? And she's like, well, so Rena is a really weird mood. I don't know what it's about. It's causing some really weird energy. And I feel like I'm a kid again. I'm like, well, you also have like her hair and like pigtails. And she's like, I feel like a little dot, a little girl again. So then they're just like talking. It's so annoying by the way, Brie does this. So Lara comes in and Brie's like, Alicia just came in.

She was like, what's wrong with Serena? She was just like really upset. What are we gonna do about it? And she goes, go grab her, go grab her and bring her in here because she doesn't open up and she'll open up to me. Go get her. So gross.

Yeah, so Brie brings Alicia in. So now the three of them, the three blondies are talking and Alicia's like, to be honest, nothing and everything at the same time is going on. I don't get told what's going on about the guest food with crew food. And I'm like, what have you done? And she's like, I'm doing it.

And I'm like, well, just tell me what the fuck is going on. And it'll make me feel really useless. And it's getting worked up. It's not what I wanted. And Laura's like, you know, I feel like Alicia's losing her spark. I'm like, she's the same. She's not losing her spark.

And she's not in your department either. The level of her spark is not up for you to fix. If you see that, it seems like her spark is going away, you speak to Zarina about it as a head of department. And I think it is weird to court someone to talk shit about another head of department to you. I feel like that's really bad. Like it should just be like you talk

in your own department about stuff like that. Well, she did it all the time with the other dude who got fired, Vion, but we didn't like Vion. We were like, it's okay for that. But she's doing, I mean, it's really the same old tricks. I mean, for me, like you're in it. Alicia, first of all, never really had a spark.

I like Alicia, but she's not like someone you'd meet and be like, oh my God, there's a fire burning in her. She's nice, but she's sparkless. Okay, that's just saying. She's sparkless, I said it. And second, it's not cool how Serena has been acting in there, so I'm not gonna stand up for Serena. And it is okay for Alicia to vent to people.

We all have that right at work. But Alicia knows that Serena is slightly traumatized by Lara, and by going and bitching to Lara, that's really uncool on her part. That's just bad, that's just badool on her part. That's just bad. That's just bad friend code. And she knows what she's fucking doing. And I don't like it.

She's like deciding, okay, I'm not on this girl's team anymore, now I'm on these girls' team against Serena. And I think it's uncool. I just don't like it. And I think that Laura, her role in this is that she should go up to Serena and say, hey, look, I don't know what's going on with you and Alicia, but she's kind of like moping around.

So I feel like you guys need to have a talk and you guys should fix it. Like that's what she should say instead of instead of like, like, yes, everyone's allowed to vent. But I think professionally, she should sort of say, Ooh, they are having an issue. And rather than just kind of like be gossipy about it, and sort of like foster more of it, she should like encourage the two of them to bond and sort of stay out of it and like get them back on track. Yeah, because from the building the case part of all of this, I think she's the one who's always building the case.

She's like, okay, you know, I'm going to drag her into this room. I'm going to get her to open up. Then I'm going to have all this shit against Serena. And it's just she's just an asshole. This girl's such a she's so mean. I don't like her. So she's like, well, you know, I feel like you're holding it in. And she's like, no, I mean, I just, I feel like I want to cry, you know, I want to cry and cry and cry. And Serena comes in, in her bikini, she's like, holla, hooray, we're gonna,

oh wait, am I, is this a private conversation then? Because she totally busts them. They all look at her like, especially Bree. Bree literally looked away. Yeah. Like, especially. Really look away. Yeah. He's like, oh. Like, be chill, Bri. Yeah. She's like, oh, so you said, and this is like, I'm bothered. She's like, are you, why are you bothered? She was like, I'm just hot and bothered.

So Zarina's like, fuck this. She's like, are you fucking kidding me? Of course, if my sous chef wants to talk to me, she can. Now I just cannot help herself, can she? This is just classic bitchy, squirreled attitude. And why was I so naive and stupid to put her on a pedestal just so she could look right down and be a laugh?

I thought we were friends. This is fucking ridiculous. Yeah, called it. Called it, Serena. I think she's calling it pretty well. So, Laura's like, well, oh God, that could not be with timing, am I right? I mean, I was ready to say, I think we need to air this, but I just don't know if you're

ready to say anything now. And Alicia says it's not worth it. You did say something, but you already did. I mean, I think she communicated it very well to Serena. So, I don't understand why she's acting like she never gets a chance to say anything. She did. And Serena didn't have a fit with you. She just kept working with you. And she's like, well, I'm not going to let it make my life misery. And she goes, yes, I mean, but you still need to respect and care for your crew members, you know, because we're together, all of us on a team, team strawberry, am I right? So then Harry and Brie are cuddling and Harry's saying that um, you know, like everything everyone's getting along well

He's like and by the way night said that I'm Lee dick and and Bree's like, oh Okay, is that like is that like an official title? Is that oh should I have a bigger reaction? Oh cool That's exciting for you. She doesn't care at all. I think every day you're so positive. It's so well-deserved Harry You want to make out now? I said no, no, not really. Time for bed. Go to your own bed. He's like, oh, God, we need to discuss this. So, Alicia is talking to Nate and oh, so they're in the hot tub. So, he goes to the hot tub and she comes out looking gorg and she gets in with him and he's doing that thing where he's like, Oh, I'm a confident man with my mind behind my head. And he's like, got his armpit beard and he's just got his, his arm hairs too long,

like trimming, you know? Yeah. Just try. I just wanted to go in there with some little scissors and just trim it. Yeah. And so she's looking at his tattoos and she's like, what's that fish on? What's that fish on your thing? Which by the way, thing also known as an arm. I know exotic word. What's that fish on your thing? He's like, Oh, that's a salmon. It's my life's name. I'm a very literal person. So since all since my last name salmon, I got a salmon tattooed on my arm, just in case I forgot what my life's name is. And he's like, what's that on yours? And she's like, Oh, I've got a tattoo of Suzy

Kurtz because she's the lesser of the sisters. I often said she was a top tier one, but that's all right. Well, I mean, there was Cela to contend with, wasn't there? Well, she's number one, obviously. I always thought the most lesser one was the lesser one was the one who used to be married to Bruce Springsteen, whatever her name was Well, I didn't want to come Julie and Phil recognizable tattoo. Did I I? Mean who cares about Julianne Phillips am I right? Exactly, don't even remember her on that television show, but you know here's to completely on the nose tattoos At least Patricia calendar works the vision show, but you know, here's to completely on the nose tattoos.

At least Patricia calendar works. So she gets out, she gets out and he's like, God damn, what? Oh, no, he gets out actually, he's like, enjoy your hot tub. And he's like, well, he has a marriage coming. Well, we also have his backstory. Hello. Which is that he used to be a ski person. He was a ski bum. And then he like crashed and he broke his leg and then he was in bed for a long time and got sad and then was like, well, I can either be sad or I could start watching sisters because one day I'll meet a girl who has a tattoo of one of

them. And I did. But on top of that, I thought, well thought let's also learn how to be a boson You're the master of your own ship and I've got to remember that swoozie Kurtz for life But we also find out we were joking around but when she goes, oh you're salmon. Well, hello salmon meet mrs. Bean That's her name Alicia Bean do you think she's related to Mr. Bean? That's what I love about it.

I mean, that would be amazing. Yeah. So, um. He doesn't speak much, but he's quite a joker. Lots of facial expressions, which is why I choose to have very few. It's a rebellion. Um, so then Nate's telling Nick, he's like, Oh, bro, Alicia came up red lipstick and little red headband looking like a pinup girl, you know, being tattooed on that thing of hers.

Her arm? Yeah, that. Go to danger zone. All the way to the danger zone. So then Alicia is texting Johnny that she misses him and she's not as positive without him here. And now everybody is getting ready to go out and party. Jason compliments Harry's clothes.

He's really stepping it up. And now we're in taxis to dinner. So Serena is asking Nate if he's a hopeless romantic and Nick's like, well, I've only had one proper relationship that was four years and eight arms long. God, I miss that girl. Oh, but I feel like you're not a one night stand kind of guy. I was like, no, there needs to be a correction there.

And also several limbs. Otherwise there's no point. So now at dinner, everyone's like, oh, Nick's sitting next to Marina. And she's like, Look at me, my feet don't touch the ground because Oh, your feet are swinging. That is absolutely adorable. And then there everyone's just like chatting and at least is wondering if she's a masochist, if she says she misses Johnny and Harry's like, Oh, there's nothing wrong with missing Johnny. I'm at the same time though, there's two new people and you know, if you,

if you do have any sort of interest in them, I would love that. Cause then I could call up Johnny and tattle on you. So, you know, have at it. I was like, Oh, I've got myself in a funk. I just need to go have a smoke. So Serena goes with her and Serena is asking if she's okay. And she's like, what do you think of the new boys? And she's like, I mean, they're okay, but I'm still missing Johnny. And Serena's asking if she's okay and she's like, what do you think of the new boys? And she's like, I mean, they're okay, but I'm still missing Johnny. And Serena's like, I mean, he just uplifted you, you know, you don't have to talk about

it, but isn't that wonderful when you've got a friendship or someone who lifts you instead of going to talk behind your back to Laura? Isn't that fun? Yeah. And Elisa's like, yeah, yeah, I haven't felt very bubbly recently. She's like, oh, is there a reason for it? She's like, um, yeah, I think it's hard when we're in that box together and by we're in that box, I mean, you're acting like a moody bitch and I'm just trying to figure out how many eggs I have to crack open.

She's like, well, you know, look, I can't always say thank you and say things nicely. All right, if I say, hey, grab that for me, just grab it. And she goes, but that's not what bothers me. I don't know. When I took the picnic and you were like, Oh, so you can do this without your head chef being here. Like it was just so condescending. And she's like, Oh God, I wasn't being condescending. I was just mad at Laura because she made me go, you know, and then, you know, and then you go Laura and then why am I there? Until she takes and covers off something where I'm like, why am I there? All we need to do is uncover stuff. Like, why is she incapable of doing that?

Right. And Lisa's like, well, I just guess I need to throw some gross and thicker skin. She said, no, I'm really sorry if I sometimes it seems passive, aggressive and overly sarcastic. I just cannot hide any of my emotions. Like, okay. So now they like they've mended. Not really. I kind of feel like they didn't talk about okay, so now they like, they've mended, not really. I kind of feel like they didn't talk about the court issue, but they've kind of mended for now and they hug.

It was like a nice moment of resolution. I was like, whoo, I was a little stressed out about their rift. So then Zarina- I think this was good. I think this was really good. They said that she said her feelings, but she was right about Alicia at the end of the day.

She was like, why are you treating me like that? And she said, okay, I was being an asshole. I'm sorry for being an asshole. And she didn't bring Laura into it, which I thought was pretty mature and professional. So you know what, on the professional scale, you guys, you are so professional. You guys are like a number 24 and 25

on the women's excellent scale in Dubai. So. They really did it. So Zarina's like saying, I've been focusing so much on trying to get Lara off my tits that I've been an asshole to Alicia. And now I, you know, and that's not how it works. So she's like, she realizes,

okay, I've been too mean to her. So now the boys are in the bathroom just talking about girls and everything, which girls they like and everything like that. And then everyone goes off to the next club to dance. And then Lara sits down with Zarina to talk and I'm sorry, talk with Alicia and she's like, so strawberry. Did you have a chat with Zarina? Which he has bitched you as usual. God, she's awful. Am I wrong? And yeah, I mean, she was just talking about, you know, the industry and just said it's

chefing and Laura's like, no, I hate that saying it's the industry. It's not the industry. You don't have to talk about people like that. You don't have to be like that. It's just such a dated thing to say. Like it doesn't have to be like that. You know, Laura, fucking Laura. Okay.

Laura's like, no, don't let her off the hook. Still be pissed off at her. Yeah. I don't like that. I didn't like this because everything was good in that department and now she's meddling, you know? Yeah. And so Laura's like, how we talk to crew members matters, period. Okay? Just because you're a chef doesn't mean that you can talk to someone like, like, shit. Like, it doesn't work like that. We're all adults. We're professionals. We need to respect each other. That's it. Oh, yeah. We need to be professionals and just roll eyes at each other and talk behind each

other's back and get factions of each other to not like each other. That's what professionals do. You're not rude to someone's face. Look, she's not wrong, but they settled it. They covered this. She settled it like a true head of department. She had a talk with somebody who she knew was annoyed. She apologized. They communicated about it and they fixed it. And you, the head of department. She had a talk with somebody who she knew was annoyed. She apologized, they communicated about it and they fixed it. And you, another head of department is gonna come in and try and trample all over it and cause more discord. You suck, you suck.

And you suck at your job. So- Shame on you, shame, shame on you. This is the point where I get too angry about somebody on below deck and my life starts to make any sense. And then I'm at the grocery store and I'm like, why was the Larson beat this arena?

And it just goes downhill. And that means the season needs to end soon because I don't like feeling like this way about people on TV, but I'm mad. Yeah. And by the way, in the middle of all this, Nick and Marina do make out on the dance floor. Just wanna say that and it's exciting. So now Zarina, he's like doing like really awkward nerd dancing. She's like,

Oh my God, you can move. I'm like, no, no, don't encourage us. But then they may, you know, it's cute. Awkward people. She's not awkward, but like, I feel like awkward love, awkward love is cute. Yeah. And she loves that he's a nerd, you know. So Zarina, um, Zarina's like, Oh, mommy needs to sit down. And Laura's like, Oh, so how are you feeling? She goes, well, I have the Alicia stuff on my mind a lot. And she's so with the fairies all the time. She's well, she doesn't get loved right now. She feels like you don't like her. And I'll be completely honest. Sometimes you can say something to me and it will make me feel stupid. I'm like, why?

See, here she goes turning it all around. After being passive aggressive all day, she's going to come in and try and start a fight with somebody else and make it look like she's the victim. So Serena's like, well, but I have exactly the same as you though, because in the last charter, that's the first time in my whole career I've ever had a stewardess tell me what to plate on and that absolutely shocked me. I love that this really all comes down to those plates. This was like the most, the plating of the mafia night meal was the straw that broke the camel's back here. So Laura's like, well, it should be a joint decision on what's best for the table. She says, yeah, but I feel like you wouldn't let it go unless I said yes.

But that's because I know that my vision is the correct one and your vision is the disgusting one. That's the way it always works. You're like the ogre in the clock tower and I'm the beautiful one that people love. That's just life. Yeah. I mean, as far as just taking my annoyance with Laura away, as far as that doesn't, don't they discuss that on every other one? Like, okay, what plate should we use tonight? Well, we're doing this theme, so let's use these plates. I've seen that discussion happen so many times on Below Deck that I'm shocked that it even

came to this. And I'm also shocked that a chef would be like, what do you mean I can't use these plates? Like, it seems kind of normal in a decoration thing but yeah I agree that Lara should have said earlier what to start they should have decided it earlier it just seems like a weird fight because we've seen this go on on a million below decks and it's never been a problem yeah I mean honestly I am team Lara and the plate choice I think that the white plates were the better choice in this situation but it is weird that it was not discussed ahead of time and like you know,

figured out the moment the preference sheet came out. Yeah. So Serena's like, she just doesn't give a shit about me. And that is how we end. This rift that will continue to grow and grow and grow. Well, thanks everyone for being here. I hope you all have lovely plates to put your next meal on. And I hope they do not cause as much strife as these plates caused between Lara and Zarina. Go check out our website, watchwhatcrappens.com to get tickets to our live shows and we will catch you on the next episode. Bye everyone. Bye.

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