Watch What Crappens - #2813 The Valley S2E02 Part One: UnJaxinated

Episode Date: April 23, 2025

This is part one of a two-part recapThe Valley boils as Jax checks into PR rehab and Britt outs his coke addiction, Michelle cries after being told off by her ex’ new girlfriend, and Scheana calls up to yell “CORNER!” You can watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens.  Tickets for our North American tour on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcha Crappin's ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. When a young woman named Desiree vanishes without a trace, the trail leads to Kat Torres, a charismatic influencer with millions of followers. But behind the glamorous posts and inspirational quotes, a sinister truth unravels. Binge all episodes of Don't Cross Cat early and ad- Watch What Crappens everybody. I'm Ronnie, that's Ben over there. How are you? Hi Ronnie, how are you?

Good, everybody welcome to the show. It's the Valley Day. So get ready for some toxicity, which is a word that was used 37 times today. But before we get to that, we are finishing up all two all. We will be in Austin and Dallas right in May. It's going to be so fun. And then we're going to be in Vegas in May as well. So get your tickets over at watchwhatcrappens.com. We're also announcing our two new dates, probably at the end of the week. So join us for that. Hopefully, fingers crossed.

Yeah. Fingers crossed. And they're gonna be quick. So listen, because you have to get tickets immediately to tomorrow. Also, our bonus episode is a trailer trash for Next Gen NYC, the new show coming up on Bravo. We had a great time recording it.

Check it out as well as video recaps that are out new every day, every day that we have a new recap. And those are on our Patreon. And you can also find ticket links and all that stuff. And watch what crap is adult a coma. So welcome to everybody. So right before we pressed record, Ben said, God, let's start recording the valley. That show is mean. And I said, yes, this is a very, very dark show. Very dark. It is. It is dark. I mean, it's not a criticism that it's mean. You know, sometimes these Bravo shows, when they get too toxic, there's like a need to kind of like refresh like after

Roni season four, or what's going on with New Jersey, sometimes like we need a little refresh. But I kind of feel like the toxicity on display here in the Valley, which is really toxic. Some of the most toxic stuff we've ever seen on Bravo. I think it's actually quite compelling. And I think it's actually, it's not too toxic for me because what's kind of brilliant about the show is that like it was established as a show last season of,

look at all these LA people trying to be adults in the Valley. They moved to the idyllic San Fernando Valley to have a suburban existence. And now we are a season in and things are just so dark and scary and it feels- And ugly. I mean, it just went to that.

It went to cancellation territory immediately in season two. I mean, normally you get five years and it takes a cast to really start hating each other. I mean, nope, this cast like refresh the valley already? Geez. But, you know, I've started to believe in refreshes less and less over the years because guess what? I'm a Bravo viewer and I have taken my medicine.

I've received my karma from requesting refreshes and getting them. I know what that can entail. And so now I'm just like, let them kill each other at this point. Although I do have some questions. Did Jack straight up like abuse Brittany and they're acting like they're playing violins

during Jack's scenes and making it sound like Jack's needs some kind of redemption from the audience because he's not getting it. He was throwing furniture and it hit her. So does that... What do we consider abuse at this point? Because to me, like, why is he even on the show? I don't get it. Jason Vale I mean, it's, it is terrifying to me. Last week, it just, it seemed like, I'm gonna say it just, quote unquote, it just seemed like he had flipped a coffee table, which was shitty enough as it is. This week we find out he actually threw bar stools around.

I mean throwing bar stools around is horrifying. I mean flipping a table is bad enough, but throwing something big heavy objects, damaging things that damaging walls, that is the sort of rage that I would not be comfortable around whatsoever. I mean, I think, you know, like whether or not he's on this show, I think that's like a question of cast safety. And if the cast feels like it's okay, because they want to tell the story, then the cast feels that way. I think that one thing we've, we've learned is that sometimes when Bravo, when Bravo is like too much of a custodian over what the viewers like should and shouldn't see, Like it sometimes doesn't work out so well. And so it seems like they're probably

all okay with it. But he seems I think that Jax is a I mean, this is the worst we've ever seen Jax and we've seen Jax be terrible, absolutely terrible. It's like disgusting behavior from him and watching him over the course of the episode, literally try to justify it, you know, and he says all the things that, sort of the faux accountability phrases that he knows he's supposed to say, like, it doesn't justify it, I'm not justifying this, and then he goes ahead and tries to justify things. Yeah, but what about me? Like, he literally was doing that. He's horrific.

What about me? The Jenshaw. But what about me?" Yeah, I just, I feel like he's abusive and he shouldn't be here. And that's not me being like, oh, I can't take it. I'm like, that's not me just being a wuss. Like, I literally think he's abusive and he shouldn't be here. I remember back in season two talking about Jax and saying something along the lines of, this guy, we see this guy in LA, this kind of guy who's already washed up, because at that point he was already washed up. Like, let's face it, he was like a washed up model, you know, used up, washed up, drug addict, user, abuser, narcissist, everything else. And I remember saying something along the lines of, yeah, we see this guy in LA all the time and this does not end well. This ends in a

death. This ends in a murder. This ends in his death. This ends in death. This does not just go away. This is not... Jax isn't somebody you can call. You know what I mean? That Jax is somebody that this ends badly. So, I don't know that I want to watch that on my TV. You know what I mean? I like it in fictional shows, which I guess is why it's in my mind, but I don't like it on... I don't want to watch anybody get killed on this show. I have to say like the thing that was running through my mind this entire episode was he is actually so lucky because if it weren't for this show, there would have been either like something tragic would have happened.

There would have been, he would have wound up in jail. Like he would have either beaten Brittany. He would have done something to that child. he would have either beaten Brittany. He would have done something to that child. I'm not afraid to say this on the podcast guys. He would have had like some sort of accident, like what something terrible, terrible, terrible was going to happen with, with Jack's. Like he was on a path and we've seen this for years, but like seeing him now that he was actually throwing barstools around because she, you know, sent a, sent a video to a friend. Now I understand why he was upset, you know, but also you're banging like someone as well.

And like that double standard does not fly with me, sir. Um, but it does not warrant any of that violence whatsoever. And I'm glad everyone told him that too. And I'm glad everyone was pretty, no one like let him off the hook this episode, which was nice. But what I'm not really so interested in is any sort of as you, I think what you've said is like, I'm not really interested in a redemption storyline where he goes to rehab and he comes back and he's a changed man, he's working on himself and he's better. Like I don't need the breaking Bonaduce treatment for Jack Taylor. Like he's just garbage at this point.

He's garbage with or without drugs. Okay. And you can give him whatever diagnosis you want to give him and it's not going to excuse anything. He's trash. Okay. What he's trying to already hide behind these diagnosis and it's not going to work, sir. You do not get the victim cloak, you know, fix yourself and do it off my screen because it's gross. And then I looked up during the show when, you know, how long did Jack stay in rehab? He stayed two

weeks. And then he had his PR person release that he stayed for 30 days. No, you didn't, sir. It was timed. It was timed when you went in and when you came out. And he still even lies in press releases about how long he was in rehab when it was on the calendar, sir. People saw how long you were there. So, I mean, just gross. Yeah. I mean, classic Jacks, classic Jacks. It's really, it's like, I'm really glad that Brittany has finally seen the light after all these years where we could all see it for her and she's finally seeing it. I just feel terrible that she got sort of suckered into this disgusting, narcissistic relationship.

And Brittany is no princess either, okay? Brittany's no innocent either, but she's still, nobody deserves Jax. I mean, my god. No one deserves that, no, absolutely not. Yeah, Brittany has plenty of shitty qualities herself, which we'll get into as we go along. Right, but it's not nearly as equivalent

to what Jax does. Yeah, Jax is just yikes, but it was funny in a way because it's like one of those shows where the mystery is solved at the beginning or you the audience knows the killer in the beginning and then you know, you have to go through the whole episode. I hate those, by the way. I'm sure I've said that a million times on the show. I hate those.

I'm so sick of those shows. Like, oh, we already know who did it. Now let's watch how the wacky detective figures it out. No, it's not interesting. So, El's Beth, I'm talking to you, Elsbeth. I thought you were talking to Natasha Lyonne. Poker face. Poker face, you too. You're no Tony Shalhoub. I'm just kidding. That shows I'm tricky, but I don't like that.

This toxicity is contagious from the valley because now we're taking shots at Natasha Lyonne. She didn't deserve that. But we already knew, everybody knows Jax has been a cokehead, but it took this long for the cast to finally say, and you're a cokehead. And it's like, oh my God, we already knew this mystery. Stop acting like you solved something. Natasha Lyonne, it's just Natasha Lyonne. You need to go to rehab, Jax. I think you're a cokehead. Like, duh, Natasha, catch up, poker face. I know. But it is kind of exciting to hear them actually articulate

it finally after like 10 years of watching Jax Taylor on this show. Yeah, but then of course now it becomes like, you all did Coke, which they're like, oh yeah, but you're like worse, you know? So, and also Coke gets a bad rap in this episode, just saying. Okay, let's go forward with the Valley Season 2, Episode 2, Checking In.

Ooh. Yeah. I'm all right. And you know, this theme song becomes creepier as the show goes on too, because the theme song is just like, because I'm all right. because I'm all right. Because I'm all right. Nothing is all right. No one is all right. None of you are okay.

No one is okay at all. I wish I do wish this theme song were catchier. Like I kind of feel like as a spin off of Vandermomp rules, it is we are owed something that we can all sing along to and just having what sort of sounds like Danny doing karaoke someplace in the valley going, I'm all right. Three out of three. I'm all right. It's just, we deserve better. Yeah, we really do. I think they need something that's like, it's hot. It's hot. Oh my God, it's hot. Because every episode they're like, oh my God, it's so hot. And then it's hot and it smells. You can rot in hell with the valley. They really do.

I mean, that is, I think part of living in the valley is that you have to walk into a house and say, it is so hot outside. Oh my God, the weather today. Am I right? But they're also all wearing sweatpants and stuff. Yeah. What was up with that? Like Zach comes in one scene and he's like, it was like, he's like, it's a zillion, trillion

degrees out. I'm like, you're wearing a hoodie. Okay, we will start this recap. But we got a good 12 minutes of judgment in there first. So that was fun. So opening credits and now this was different from last year. Yeah. Yeah, cuz last year I think we saw them as like duos kind of like doing silly things like pushing like lawnmowers and stuff, right? Yeah, I think last yeah last season I think was really leaning into the Jax loves to mow his lawn Yeah, and this season is more like Vanderpump rules style, where they stand somewhere and they, like, look at the camera. Yeah. Season four, it's gonna be Jax just holding a leaf blower

up to his nose and just snorting in whatever it's giving him. HE LAUGHS Yeah. So, we see... I guess the first one we see is Nia and Danny washing a car with a vanity plate that says, "'Three under three.'" "'Three under three.'" Now, by the way, I have to say I enjoy saying 303, but I think I'm not sure if I'm, he's really saying it a lot. He's really saying it. It's too much. Like I just, whenever time he says 303, I'm

like, you know, that's not, I'm not, when you say that. All I think about is macaroni flying places, fingers up noses, and just chaos. I think of Weight Watchers meetings back in the eighties when I was a little kid and they would weigh you in. And then at the end, the engine would be like, okay, we've got three under three, we've got three people under 300 pounds. We've got a couple of people in the 200s. Congratulations. And guess what? We've got one Wonderland people, one person who has made it into 100 pound territory. Danny, stand up. Give a bow, honey. You earned it.

Well, soon they're going to be four under three or maybe four under four because as I mean, we knew that Nia was pregnant, but Nia and Kristin were both on Watcher Happens Live last night with their big old bumps and they were even bumping each other, they're bumping their bumps together, which was really funny. And actually the big thing that like everyone was talking about on Twitter last night was that Kristin retired her iconic green dress to the Bravo Clubhouse, which I think it's just so funny. Like, here, Andy, here's the dress I wore.

Seriously, seriously. It's my subtle gift. That's not gonna take up much space. Don't you have a pamphlet? Something smaller that we could put in here. I'm not hanging a whole dress in here, ma'am. It's the clubhouse. Okay, so Janet and Jason are sitting under an umbrella

by the pool. I've never hoped so much for an umbrella to fall over on somebody. So I heard that, so Janet kind of made it on this show by stalking Sheena and becoming her assistant. And then Jesse dated, no, Jason dated Sheena first before Janet. So Janet just like gets all the runoffs. Wait, Jason dated Sheena first before Janet. So Janet just like gets all the runoffs. Wait, Jason dated Sheena? Mm-hmm.

Wow, that's surprising to me. I don't know why. Me too, I'm surprised too. I'm gonna look it up because now I don't know. Cause remember in yesterday's show, I said that there are chickens that are raised headless for chicken? Well, that was an experiment in 2012,

but they don't actually raise chickens. Just in case anyone was wondering around, wondering where to sign up for the chicken protest, I was full of shit. So I'm going to put Jason, Jason dated Sheena. Did Jason, Keperna and Sheena Shay hook up? Yes. Sheena hooked up with this cast member on the valley, Mmm, yes, Sheena hooked up with this cast member on the Valley. Leaving friends is shocked. Wow. Well, I mean, a hookup I can see. But it's hard for me to see that actually being a relationship, you know?

No. But I'd like that he's one of Sheena's discarded crusty socks, and now he ended up with Janet. She deserves it. No, but I mean, I don't know. I think that Jason's a catch. I mean, he's like a lawyer. He's attractive. He seems to have a generally okay personality, except I didn't like when he yelled at Zach last season at all. That's what I really didn't like. I think that Janet actually,

I think Janet kind of like was punching up, punching upwards, right? Isn't that what they say? Punching. She was punching. Yeah, she's punching up for sure. But Jason enables Janet. So there can be no Jason sympathy in my life.

For those who were not watching, Ronnie gave a little sizzle finger to that because he's like, I'm waving my finger. I'm very upset. No, no, no. No one name like I'm Janet. There was no, there was no Jason like, oh, Jason, he's like so nice and so supportive. He supports Janet, okay? You know, that's like, I don't know. That's like cheering on Marjorie Taylor Greene's best friend.

Like she's, no. That's a horrible human being and I don't support anybody who supports that, period. Wow, wow. I, the equivalency has been drawn between Janet and Marjorie Taylor Greene. I mean, are they far off drawn between Janet and Marjorie Taylor green. I mean, are they far off? Janet will become Marjorie Taylor green. That's my new prediction. Janet will run for Congress.

Oh my goodness. I could see Janet running for Congress someday. And like, I can't do she's got the rayon for it. That's for sure. Yeah. So, uh, for their first couple of years until they're worth $20 million from insider trading. And then they move up to better seats. So, uh, for their first couple of years until they're worth $20 million from insider trading, and then they move up to better suits. So anyway, opening credits, everyone's just standing around. Okay, well, whatever. Let's move on. So the we're, we started at Danny and Nia's house and Danny is still talking about how he wants to move into the deep, deep, deep valley where I don't even think it's still the valley. I think it's just a different valley. I think it's like Antelope valley or

something like that. It's not the San Fernando valley. I think it's just a different valley. I think it's like Antelope Valley or something like that. It's not the San Fernando Valley. He wants to go to Stevenson Ranch or Valencia. And you know, Mia's kind of like, Danny, do you still want to be on this TV show? Because this TV show is what's paying the bills, okay? Yeah, and also doesn't he work as like an under five zombie person?

I mean, he's got to be there for that. They're not shooting out in fucking Santa Clarita or maybe they are. I don't know. I work under five because I got three under three. Yeah. So maybe that's when he'll finally retire. When he's got five under five, I'd be like, you know what? Circle of life. I fulfilled my destiny. Also like I do believe that they can find a house that they can afford within the San Fernando Valley. It just might be in some place like Van Nuys, but like, you know, he wants to, he just wants

to get like a big McMansion, which is why he wants to move all the way up there. But like, you know, I think you've got to stay in the Valley. This is now your lot in life. You're on a TV show about the Valley, so you got to get a house. So get someplace in Chatsworth or Van Nuys or up by like Victory Boulevard somewhere. Like you can find something, right? Yeah, I mean, I guess.

We'll help. I'll go into Zillow, I'll find something for him. I had to drive to Calabasas a few times and that's like a luxury, you know, that's luxury town far away and it's far. That's fucking far. Like I don't know how to. Calabasas is a different, it's like a different state.

It's a whole different world over there. It's very far away. It's unpleasant. There's like a white fence, like a white, it's weird. It's pod. It's like rolling brown hills over there. That's all it is. Dry, like dry brush.

Like, it's like a very fancy place. Obviously people know it from the Kardashians, but when you go there, it's just like rolling hills and all the hills are brown. The hills are all brown from the sound of K. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappence commercial. At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me, and the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable

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Okay. So, um, he was like, come on, baby, we got to move out to Valencia. Come on. We got to go out to Stevenson ranch. We got to go out to Santa Clarita. All right. And marriage is all about compromise, baby. And if you do this for me, I'll give you a baby. I'll allow you to use my tiny person sperm to make another baby, another five and a five. I don't think that's a compromise at all. I think that's a negotiation and I think that's unfair.

And I don't think like moving all the way out to bumblefuck Santa Clarita is a reasonable like offset to her having a baby. No, I think of anything. Oh, sorry. Go ahead. No, I was gonna say having the baby is hard work. That's hard work. She deserves to have some-

Yeah, it's hard work. She deserves to be on like in the first valley, not like the second valley down the highway. Yeah, what does this let you have my baby? How about she just stays where she is and gets impregnated by a taller person? How about that? How about this, How about this?

How about you get a job? One child that was like five feet taller than the other children, reminding you of your insistence on moving to Santa Clarita. That's what you're gonna get. How about this Danny? So how about, why don't you supplement your zombie voiceover gigs with a job

at like Circuit City or something. Like find someplace, I don't know. Where in Costco? Get out of this find someplace, I don't know. Where did Costco, get out. I still have those. Yeah, that's the point. Like get out there, see what's out there. Get a job. Get a job.

Get a job. And now we go over to Jesse's house and he's voice texting about FaceTiming Isabella. It's like, what do they call Isabella later? Is that what he's saying? No, he was FaceTiming,ella? Is that what he's saying? He was FaceTiming, I think, like the mediator or something. And he was like, or maybe it was FaceTiming Michelle. He wasn't FaceTiming.

He was like dictating. And he was like, hey, when can I FaceTime with Isabella? And then it cuts to Michelle. This is one of the shadiest cuts of the entire episode. It cuts to Michelle, and she's driving along with Isabelle in the backseat and Michelle goes, Oh my God, Isabella, guess who is on FaceTime for you. So we all assume it's Jesse because he just requested to do a FaceTime. And it turns out it's Aaron, Michelle's boyfriend who's FaceTiming.

And he's like, Hey, what's going on? And I was like, Oh, that is, that is a shady switcheroo. That's like when Clarice, they made it seem like the police were coming to bust in on Buffalo Bill, but it was actually Clarice instead. And you know what I'm talking about? Okay, in the weeds, the point is it was a shady edit. Well, she's like, look at my mustache.

And then he said, yeah, that's a real something Saeed mustache. What did he say to her? Like, what the fuck did he just say? Cause I feel like I should be offended, but I didn't really catch it. Neither did the note taker. But I was like, how dare you? I reserve the right to be pissed at you soon, crazy eyes.

She had a mustache from her smoothie, right? Yeah, but he said, yeah, that's like a real something Saeed mustache or something. And I was like, who's that? Are you being racist? I don't remember him. I'm watching you crazy. I'm a geek. We'll keep tabs on that one. So then we go to Janet and Jason's house. Janet and Jason are the ones who need to move.

They keep serving people bowls of things in a closet. They need a bigger place. Yeah, and they have a very low hood for over their range. And it's in the way. Low-hooded, tiny living. They need to move to a different place because I believe in child welfare. And I think that nobody should have to grow up that close to Janet. You don't want Janet leaking all over that baby. I mean, personality. You don't want Janet leaking all over that baby. I mean, personality. You don't need, here's what I say.

We don't need that. That hood is okay. I, I, I'm just going off of my memory because I didn't actually write down a note of like, let me talk about this hood. But like, honestly, every time they go to her house, I'm always like, that hood is so low and so in the center of the shot all the time. Right. Am I correct?

That's in my memory. Correct. By that, that there's like a low, there's a low venting hood? Too much. They live like in Sheena's treehouse, like a cabin outback for Sheena, you know. So they've made Brittany and Jasmine a casserole, which it's just fucking rude, if you ask me. And so Jasmine's like, oh, casserole, great. Yeah, thanks for the casserole. Don't really love casserole. Okay so Jasmine's like, Oh, casserole. Great. Yeah. Thanks for the casserole. Don't

really love casseroles. Okay. That's a white person thing. So it's not a white person thing. I had no idea. I don't know if it is or not, but I'm going to give a tour on this one just because it's a white person who's lost somebody thing because that's when we always got casseroles when somebody dies or like your mom or leaves your dad for a few days, and everyone's like, oh my God, what are they going to do without the mom? And then they all bring you a casserole and you're like, oh God, now I have to eat your mom's shitty cooking? God, I finally got a break from my mom's shitty cooking, now I got to eat your mom's? Jesus Christ.

Pete Well, that's, you know, hence why Vicki was so upset that she didn't even receive one. Pete Yeah. Pete After allon Yeah. Pete Slauson After all of her trauma. Jared Larkin I was like, Dad, Dad, please apologize to mom. Bring her back. I gotta have another person's shitty mom casserole another night of the week. Pete Sparrow I know this may be shocking, but I did not grow up in a casserole household. I don't think my mom made a casserole a single time growing up. Not that I can remember. So, I have no – Jared Larkin She just wasn't into stirring eggs and milk and cheese into something, putting in the

oven and calling it a dish, because that's what a casserole- You can throw any damn thing in there and call it a meal. That is not a meal, people, okay? It's slop. It is slop. I don't care what any of you say. And I know casseroles. I grew up on them. My meemaw made them constantly. The only good casserole is a Frito casserole. A very simple. Wow. Okay. We're taking a lot of stands today. Frito pie, Frito casserole, anything with Fritos was good. I love Fritos. Frito casserole, no one died here,

take your casserole home, and certainly don't serve it to me in your home, gross. So she serves them casserole, and Jasmine is like, no. She's like, Jason, you eat this every day? I'm like, the fuck? And that was Jasmine's contribution for the day. Yeah, poor Jasmine.

They still haven't really found a good use for her. So they go to sit in the sitting area and the terrarium is there that Janet and Brittany made last week. And Brittany's like, oh, your terrarium, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, it's cute. She's like, yeah, it's wet, it. It's cute. She's like, yeah, it's what it's kind of gross. Okay.

So last night, I barely know what happened. And Janet's like, well, so last night, I just went downhill quickly, you know, because last night, Brittany had a party downtown and Janet tried to make amends with Kristin. And that did not work out well because Kristin is like, no, just because now you see that the audience is on my side doesn't mean I'm automatically going to take you back. So you missed your opportunity. I'm also supposed to never really apologize. And this is typical Janet, how she relays the story.

Well, it's both typical Janet and Brittany because then Brittany's like, I didn't even see what was going on or I would've interfered. There was just so many tall people there. But this is so Janet and how she relays the story. She's like, yeah, you know, I talked to Kristin and I apologized for, you know, the comments that Zach made. You know, I said something like they weren't supportive of my pregnancy. I don't know, something like that. No, you said that they didn't want your pregnancy to come to full term. You said that they wanted you to lose your baby, Janet. That's what you said. They said you wanted, they wanted your baby dead is what you said. Miss a man or okay, casserole, you low hooded casserole queen.

Low hooded. I feel like I really need to see an image just to back it up because what if we go back and it turns out the hood is at a perfectly normal respectable height, then I really have to eat my words. And I just, I just feel weird going out on such a limb, taking such swipes at that hood. So you're worried about it. Just remember there are chickens being grown without heads to make changes. So Brittany is like, so what did she say when you said those things? And Janet's like, well, she kind of went in a little bit more and it just felt like I

was talking to a crazy person. And Brittany's like, oh, well, I was like, there were so many tall people. I was like, gee, you're like a bunch of Redwood Forestry people, aren't you? This is crazy. I can't see you. So, Janet's like, I mean, Kristen, admit wrongdoing. I mean, grow the fuck up. Why don't you grow the fuck up, Janet?

Why don't you admit one wrong thing that you ever done in your life? So then Brittany's like, yeah, I mean, I just wish that, you know, you would have kept on partying with me. That's the only thing, you know? That's the thing that really upset me. I'm just going through so much. And Jasmine's like,

literally, I was like, ug. Jason Tucker Yeah, Jasmine's other contribution. So, Jasmine's like, I was just like really disappointed that it went so south. And like, I knew I was going to cry. And I was like, what am I going to do? Like, like, I'm what am I going to do? Stand in the middle of the party and cry? I'm like, it hasn't stopped literally any one of these people on this show or on Vanderpump Rules ever before. And we see a flash in the middle of the party and cry. I'm like, it hasn't stopped literally any one of these people on this show or on Vanderpump rules ever before. And we see a flashback of her at the party being like, Jason, we have to go.

We have to go. I'm going to cry right now. We have to go. Um, so, uh, yeah, she went through it that night. My baby could have died if it saw me crying. They tried to kill my baby again. Babies don't like upset mothers. Uh, so she't like upset mothers.

So she's like, yeah, I know guys, you know, I know it's just words, but like the shit Zach said, fucked up my head. No, no, no. You were being an asshole and you were trying to keep him out of shooting and everyone said, don't be mean to her, or she, you know, that's not good for a pregnant woman. And he said, I don't care.

Meaning you can't use your pregnancy as a weapon against everybody. Jam. That's what he meant. That's what everybody knew he meant that you're trying to make it sound like he's a baby murderer. And you took it in a very literal way and you ran with it. We all see it. We all know it. We get the context. Okay. So Jasmine's like, listen, last year was hard for you. And I know that being pregnant, I can't even imagine. And Brittany's like, listen, last year was hard for you. And I know that being pregnant, I can't even imagine. And Brittany's like, yeah, I get why they're mad and I love them all, but like,

I just can't be in the middle of it, okay? Cause by the way, I got a lot going on, you know, with JX, but you gotta like be strong and stuff, you know? Cause like dealing with JX, it's already like so much for me and I just want to be a good friend. But at the same time, I'm just like, we're adults. Like we can figure this out. That's fun. Brittany's saying that because Brittany kind of started all this as I recall. Brittany 100% started all this, right? And she's like,

I'm just going to get in the middle of this. What the heck y'all? I'm just a girl. Wasn't it? Wait, just to recap from last year, because it was a whole game of telephone, wasn't the whole story that Janet told, did Janet tell Brittany that Michelle might be like a Republican and then Brittany told Kristin? And then Kristin- She told Zach, watch out because she told Zach and Brittany, watch out because Michelle's a Republican, which probably, she said some things that maybe make her homophobic, which apparently what she said was like the don't say gay thing in schools was going on. Right.

There was something about that. And she was saying, well, I stand for the children. I stand for the children, which is problematic to say, sorry. Like if you say that, at least defend it. Like no one's asked her about it still to this day. And so then Janet, so then Brittany told Janet and then Janet said, Zach called you racist because he said you're a Republican, so you're a racist.

So, yeah, Brittany was there. Right. But like, Kristen is the one who just, but ultimately, Kristen is the one who like said it at that one party. Yes. And then they all came at Kristen. And then Janet was the one who did ultimately start this. And so for her to be like, I can't believe Kristen would say that it's a total deflection of her role in this entire mess that kind of got all of last season going, you know?

So that's why it's just so strange to me that that that Jana keeps saying like, Kristen has to own up to what she did wrong. I'm like, I don't know what she has to own up to that she hasn't she actually already did try to own up to it. Like last season, she apologized a few different times and you wouldn't accept it. And now she's over it. And now she doesn't want to hear from you anymore

because she's got like all of the viewers on her side. Yeah. So Janet, Jasmine's like, oh, so I guess you unblocked Zach, right? And she goes, oh my God, I don't even remember unblocking him. So then we go to Jackson and Brittany's house and Jackson is doing something I never thought I'd see, which is folding laundry. He's like, I'm different now. So then Kristen comes and it's awkward as hell. And she's like, Oh my God, it's like so weird in here. It's like so quiet. It's like so crazy without like that

feeling of like, Oh, someone's about to be murdered. It's crazy. Well, I guess I won't sit on that stool because that's when you broke when you threw it. And he's like, yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, I threw my chair, by the way, I have like a little bit of a cold. So like my stuffy nose works really well for Jack's really sort of speaks to that whole like, you know, cookie, cookie, nostril, cookie, nostril, Robert's situation. So Jack's like, yeah, you know, I threw my chair through a cup. I don't know. Like she made me do it. And Kristen's like, Okay, well, how are you? How are you doing? It's like, I don't know. I'm a mess. I'm a mess. Yeah, it doesn't look like you're doing

so great. What happened? So I don't know. I don't think I've ever gotten that mad before my life. And I'm not justifying it. But like, I didn't fly off for no reason. Wasn't my fault. Wasn't my fault that my wife is a slut skank bitch. Yeah, she's like, Yeah, that's justifying. He's like, No, no, I'm not justifying it. You know, but I didn't just do it for nothing. You know, like it wasn't just nothing. It didn't just come out of nowhere. You know what I mean? Like, who's

gonna apologize to be losing a stool? Like that's the only deserves apology. And she's like, okay, well, your feelings are valid. You can have feelings, but you can't, you know, you gotta do something, Jax. And he's like, I know, I know. Like she's upstairs, she's upstairs, like saying, I want to work on my baritone. Then I go on an iPad and I see these messages.

I mean, what? Then I threw shit. So you know what? Sorry, but that's what you do when you build messages on there. That's what you do. That's what you do. Finding out that my there. That's what you do. That's what you do. Finding out that my best friend was hooking up with my wife, I was just like,

like, again, just as a reminder, I mentioned this last week, just as a reminder, you and Kristen did this exact thing to set Tom's hand of all many years ago. Okay. So like, don't act like it hasn't been your first time at the rodeo. You, you have been Julian in this situation. You say, I just felt like it was like, I just felt like I was the Russian in Rocky IV. I'm like not trying to play victim here because I'm not saints in our marriage, but I thought we were trying to move forward.

I'm like, you are trying to play a victim here. So you saying you're not trying to play a victim does not negate the fact that you literally are trying to act like you're the victim in this situation. When you like, you threw stuff and you're also banging people. Wasn't the Russian the bad guy in Rocky IV? I never saw it.

I mean, I'm assuming. I'm assuming that it's an American movie made in that time period, the Russian would be the villain, right? We're a pretty predictable country, but I just thought, I wonder if that was the villain that he just compared himself to. So he's like, yeah, you know, I've gotten to the point where I'm just not happy.

You know, I'm just not happy. That's it. And, you know, it's like the last time I was happy, I think was when my son was born. You know, it was also the last time I got a decent fucking line, you know, fucking dealers, bullshit. It's a bunch of bullshit. And Kristen's like, well, do you want to be happy? And he's like, I kill to be happy. I fucking kill someone to be happy. Let's use different words, Jax. Also, this may sound super cynical. I don't believe that the last time Jax was happy was when his son was born.

I think that he's been jealous of his son and the attention that his son has gotten. And that's why he has struggled over the past few years since his son was born. And every time he tears up because he wants to do something for the son, do something for the son, I just don't believe it. I'm sorry. It's really callous of me. But I just, I don't believe the sincerity of it because we saw last year, like he just barely seemed to like give a shit. Like you know, Brittany was doing

everything for that kid. And I think it's just like, it's an easy card for him to play. And it's a humanizing card for him to play. And even if he does, even if it is sincere, I don't believe it. Because this is coming on 10 years of lies. So like whatever he says does not ever resonate as truth to me. Yeah, I think you're right when he when you say it's, it's repairing. It's like a reputation repair. He's using his child as like a human shield from people. As far as the rest of it, I don't know, I haven't seen them together enough, but I've seen how he treats everybody else that he quote unquote loves. And it's not great. So, that's all I'll say about that one.

I have no idea. So he's like, yeah, you know, I've got down this road before with therapists. Oh, really? How many therapists you've been to, Jax? Really? Liar. And he's like, yeah, you know,

I just have everything going for me. I have everything going for... Also, I love that he's wearing, he's having mental breakdowns after he just basically abused his wife and is getting thrown in rehab or else he's not gonna be able to stay on the show. And he's walking around in a Jax's sweatshirt and a Jax's hat.

Like this is how you choose to advertise your stupid fucking restaurant, Jax. This is how he's like, come on everybody abuse, abuse, abuse, come down to Jax's. We've scratched Mammal's Beer Cheese off the menu because Brittany made us. It's gonna be nothing but a peaceful experience. Come down. He's like, I just, I can't be happy anymore. Like I just, I'm just miserable.

I like, I don't need, I don't wanna live here anymore. I miss my sister. I miss my, why isn't my dad here? He should be fucking helping me with this. And I don't have a mom. I'm like, oh, you do have a mom actually. And I can't talk to her. And I've meant it.

And I take it out of my wife. Oh, it's like this moment of like faux introspection that he's trying to show here as if that makes anything better. And it doesn't. Chris is like, okay, seriously. Pete Slauson Well, also, the thing about his mom, and this was just something that was going around when he's like, oh, my relationship with the Babada dad is like, totally broken. Wasn't it that he went to the house, and this is allegedly, as I say later in the show, because I have no idea, this is just from reading Reddit threads back in the day, but wasn't his thing with his mom that when the dad died, he left the mom his stuff and then Jax went over and stole the dad's car out of the driveway?

I mean, whatever it was, no mother is just not going to talk to their son. Well, I shouldn't say no mother, but most mothers are not going to just cut off their son unless they've been really, really fucked up. I just always take everything that Jack says about his, whatever frayed relationships he has. I just take it with not just a grain of salt, like it's a full on salt quarry that I'm taking it with because I just, I just never really believe that's the true story. Like there is always more to it. And so, and I think what's actually strange to

me is later in the episode, Jack talks about how like he, like he grew up in his, like he said, his dad was basically violent, right? And, or had outbursts, et cetera. It's so interesting to me the way he simultaneously idolizes his father, you know, which is, you know, it's your dad. I don't take that away from him, but he idolizes his father. But then he also talks about how really kind of like his dad's behavior was really not healthy whatsoever. And I think that like the fact that he has not been able to kind of like, like he's, he has not been able to reconcile those things is, is actually very sad. The fact that he's like, I wish my dad's, he has not been able to reconcile those things is, is actually

very sad. The fact that he's like, I wish my dad were here to help. I'm like, yeah, but do you, you just, you're going to tell us about why your dad was actually incredibly toxic to you growing up, you know, just, it's dark. It's dark. It's dark. It's dark. And so Kristen keeps trying to remind him she's there to remind him about Brittany, right? So she's like, right, and this is affecting Brittany so badly, right? And he's like, no, like, what about me? What about me? Nobody checks on me. What does somebody check on me? Nobody checks on me. And she's like, Oh my God, Jax, but you're the one in the wrong. Okay. And he's like, no one cares about

me. She doesn't care about me. Like she checked on me. And she's like, Well, actually, I've been with her. And she saw me because you call her ugly and fat. And he's like, What? I never called her fat. She goes, Yes, you have. I've seen the text. He's like, But I love fat chicks. Like, I love fucking fat chicks. Like, there is nothing like fucking motorboating a fat chick. All right. Like, I don't know what you're fucking talking about. Like, look through my phone. Look through my phone. Everything I jerk off to is a fat chick. I love women that look like her. Meanwhile, yeah, every single girl that Jax has ever banged

does not look like Britney currently. Come on, shoes. Here comes one right now. Some people get a wild haircut or book a spontaneous trip when life throws them a curveball. But Molly? Well, she dove headfirst into a world of no-strings-attached sex, secret rendezvous, forbidden affairs, and unforgettable adventures.

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or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge the original series before anyone else and completely ad free on Wondry Plus. So Kristen's like, I have heard Jax say these things to Brittany, especially over the last three years. And even when she was pregnant with Cruz, so Jax, you're not going to win here. Which is terrible. That Jax is calling his pregnant wife fat. Of course, of course, of course he is. I also, I love Jax still saying no one checks in on me. No one checks in on me. And then later in the episode when like more people, more people check in on

him, like literally Kristen's there to check in on you. He's like, I've had this conversation so many times this week. It's like, so do you want people to check in with you or what? No, he doesn't want them to lecture. He wants them to come over and say, God, I'm so sorry you're going through all this,

Jax Brittney's such a bitch. Yeah, and no one's giving him that, which is great. So she's like, you have to control your impulses, the rage, the reactions. It's not fucking easy, dude. Jax is like, oh, you know, you've hit rock bottom when Kristen Doty shows up at your house before noon to talk about your fucking issues. Well, which here you are. You are you have you have reached it. So she's like, you can't even be around Cruz. This is so terrifying. You can't even be alone

with him because you can't control your rage. I mean, come on, dude, like, put Cruz first, you know, and if he were here right now, like what what would you or if he was there when you were throwing furniture around, what the fuck would you do? You know? And he's like, I know, I know, I know. You're right. You're right. You're right. Hopefully, I've taught him to catch well enough that he would have just caught the stool and thrown at his mom who I was fucking aiming at in the first

place. But you know what? You're right. You're right. I take full accountability, you know, for Brittany being a fucking stupid bitch. If life is like not easy, and I don't understand how rock bottom for you is not right now. So he's like, he just is like, what are you shrugs? Well, the thing is this, the reason why it's not rock bottom for him now is that goes back to what we said before, which is that like rock bottom for him would be him winding up in jail or him like, like, like having some sort of hit and run or something where there would be a fatality that to me is truly going to be Jackson's rock bottom. And I don't think we're there yet, which is morbid to say, but I think it's I think that's still like in the cards.

So then we go over to Brittany and Zach comes over to her Airbnb or whatever she's living in, which is actually really nice. And it's got to feel much better being there than in that fucking house with Jacks. So she's over there, Zach comes over with some Chinese food and he's like, hey baby, hey little baby, it's me Zach.

And the baby's just like, Oh God, please no. Oh wow. Yeah. Yeah. Cruise is like, it's a lot for cruise. And so they just, they have some like Chinese food and everything and Zach is like, Oh my God, it's like a zillion, trillion degrees outside. Like, I don't know why I wore this hoodie, but I had to also like cover up my sins.

So they go outside and Zach is like, so have you heard from Jax recently? And she's like, Yeah, well, he texted me this morning saying that he missed his son. He wants to see him and then he just wrote to me and said, all I ask is that you check in on me. Show me that you care if you have time to see in that asshole pics. You can check in on your husband who's going through a hard time. your husband is going through a hard time. Why is Jax going through a hard time right now? Please answer me that. By the way, why are they having this conversation in front of crews about what a piece of shit Jax is? Like, come on. Yeah, I was also confused about that.

Brittany's kind of trash too, sorry. But she, I just worry for that. I just want to show up in my van and put the kid, be like, get in the antivan, okay? We're going a few blocks, I'm gonna raise you. Okay, this is what I'm up to. Yeah, I was also wondering that This is right there in Amazon packages and unwrap them. Okay, this is what your this is what your life is gonna be until you're 17

She's like yeah, you know, I send him some pictures me was just my boobies And he's like, you know what? Like you're starting to send them because Stella got her groove back, am I right, bitch? You know what? Like I'm gay. We're like, here's my dick, here's your dick, boom, we're done with dicks, you know? Like, I mean, if we really want to get private with somebody, we show them our wig, you know, but otherwise, like it's not that big of a deal. Now, I mean, I think that Brittany is well within her right to get her groove back and she should be sending, she should be sexting guys and you know, being treated properly.

I don't know why she decided to dip in the same pool as like the Jacks circle. I think that was like maybe I don't, I don't know why. I think it was a, I think it was a terrible mistake on her part. She shouldn't, she should have just like steered clear of Jackson's entire area because you have a whole, you're dealing with a narcissist, you're dealing with someone who's going to be contentious and you, you, if it comes out, you just don't want to give him any ammo that he can use against you. And I think it was really bad judgment on her part to go down this path with

Julian. However, the, however, of course, the punishment doesn't fit the crime, anything that Jax does. I'm not saying that Jax is justified in anything he does, but I think that Brittany could have made a better choice in who she was gonna get her groove back with. Yeah, I mean, a friend of Jax is like class to class. Let's just keep out and keep on moving sideways, Brittany.

And also like send your titty pics, maybe not on your kid's iPad. Or the iPad that your kid's iPad. And that's fucking weird. So she is like, you know, I hope that she realizes that she's been walking the wrong path for a while. And she's like, oh, you know, I mean, and then here he is parading around girls who literally shake their tits for money. I mean, come on. Yeah, because she deserves the best. and she's been accepting the worst. That's Brittany. And Brittany is like, like, I just it's just like, it's so much going on. It's just like, oh my God.

And I just really want everyone to be able to have fun. And I just like even last night, like I haven't even had a conversation really with Chris in about her and Janet's conversation. But I didn't have a conversation with Janet today. And you guys got to figure some shit out. I had a conversation with Janet, then I had a conversation with Jason and then a and Janet's conversation, but I didn't have a conversation with Janet today and you guys got to figure some shit out because I had a conversation with Janet, then I had a conversation with Jason, and then I had a conversation with the Terrarium, and it was so good, it was a really good conversation all around.

I don't remember much of the conversation, but I do remember Casserole. That's real good stuff. So he's like, you know what, she's just as bad as Jax. And last year when she was saying I was aggressive, girl, you know, you know, I was not aggressive Okay, and I'd like when he gets mad because his eyebrows turn into like sideways triangles. He's like I was not aggressive you saw that Okay, it's because we were in a bar. That's why I was yelling. It was like so loud in there So like fuck Janet, okay, like what? Because like this is made such a wedge between us.

It's like a literal wedge and Brittany's like, okay, you gonna cry. You gonna cry now. Okay, get it out. She's not gonna apologize and she tells us she's like I did she goes I did put distance between Zack and her Because what what he said about Janet what he said about Janet, what he said about Janet, there had to be a wedge. And then that wedge was delicious cheese. So I melted it on top of some tortillas and put an egg in it and called it a casserole. Brandy wedge. Travis Mairis Yes, since last summer, there's been a little bit of a distance between Zach and I. And it's just all about the things that Zach said about Janet. And yeah, she's talking about that wedge. And Zach is like, she's talking about that wedge.

And Zach is like, also the other reason why I'm like kind of upset is because of like Bungie. And she's like, what? Yeah, well, he's my boyfriend actually. And like we broke up and she's like, oh, I completely I mean like he could get possibly deported and like his visa didn't get renewed. And she's turns out that he's in this situation, which I still don't understand by the end of the episode that he's got this boyfriend who's Canadian,

but like can't really be here, but is also married to someone else. But then like is gonna be deported, but somehow is able to stay with Zach over the summer. I'm very confused by this whole situation. He's married to somebody else? Who's he married to? Zachary Larson Someone else. Yeah, he's married. He's in the process of divorcing a guy, but he also is in the process of being deported, but also is possibly

going to spend the summer in West Hollywood. I don't know. Pete Slauson Oh my gosh. Yeah, that's a lot. It was just weird because he was like, yeah, like, Panty and I broke up because he's literally going to get deported, like, literally going to be deported. And like, he just doesn't want the stress, like, he's got to be deported. And so, like, he doesn't want the stress of dating. It's like, I think Banji doesn't like you, because it seems like I don't think that's a real reason to break up. All signs. All signs.

Stressful. I'm not taking away Banji's stress. I'm just saying I've never, I don't know. All signs for the rest of the episode indicate that Banshee may not totally love Zack. I don't think Banshee likes you, babe. Sorry to be the one to break it to you. But Banshee's like, sorry, can't go out this Friday being deported. He's like, what?

Yeah. Dirt. He's blowing you off. Yeah. So he's like, yeah, Bunge is Canadian and he's getting deported and he's still married, but he's also separated. And you know what they always say, I'm like, not dramatic, but like maybe like I'm choosing drama and like, I don't even realize it. I'm like, you were friends with Janet and Kristen and Brittany.

So I would say, yes, you do choose drama. And he's very, he's very this show and very LA in making someone's deportation about himself. He's like, Oh my god, like, am I just choosing somebody that's getting deported because I like drama? Like, no. It's like a terrible thing that's that's so that's like, it's a real thing going on in the country. It's a fucking horrible thing that's so, that's like, it's a real thing going on in the kind of just a fucking horrible thing. I'm not laughing about that. I'm just laughing that he's making about himself, you know? Yeah.

So he's like, he literally said like, he just thinks I deserve everything and a better wig. I mean, it was so nice. And like, I just want it back. So Brittany's like, now, if we're gonna both day, does that mean we're gonna be each other's wingman? Because I need somebody that wings with. Oh, I'm always your wingman. Okay, I should probably get into the pool because like, oh, no, but my spray time is gonna come off. Never mind. So they just laugh, etc. But but Zach does mention that he is he's, he's like wants to invite wants to invite Benji to like live with him. But again, if you're getting deported, I don't know how that, yeah, that's a reasonable request. It's like, hey, do you want to live with me for the summer?

It's like, yeah, but I'm not allowed to be in this country. You know, it's like, I don't know, I don't understand how those two things work together. Well, it sounds dangerous to go on national TV and be like, here's somebody in danger of being deported and here's their address and here's the cameras, you know. Especially in 2025. Yeah, exactly. So, but you know, you do you. So then I understand what it's like not having a boyfriend for a while.

I feel like let's do whatever we can. So then we go over to Jesse's house and he's making eggs for his dog, Malibu. And so Michelle comes over with her little suitcase and she's like, I wish I could tell Jesse to just bug himself, but we have a daughter together and I just want to what is best for her. So I keep it all to myself as you will see in the scene where I tell him to fuck off 20 different ways. So Jesse is like, so I want to talk about the schedule.

I redid it. And we see a flashback that they had come up with a schedule last season that was kind of like, okay, today's on two days off, da da da. And he's like, I just decided at this point, that we're not going to play that game of like, hey, I'm going away. So you take her. She's like, yes, but we haven't played that game because I haven't gone anywhere. She's like, yeah.

He's the one that keeps doing it. So basically he is calling her and being like, no, I can't take the kid today. I've got plans, I'm going out. And she's like, you can't just keep changing the date. And now he's being like, okay, well, now we don't change the date, so now here's your schedule. Since you always want to change it.

It's like, what the fuck, this guy's fucking crazy too. He is such a piece of shit. This guy's such an asshole to you. And did you notice in his confessionals, he looks totally glazed over and fucked up too. I mean, this whole show is just like what Coke does to you. That's what this whole show is. It's like, here's what addiction does to you.

Watch out kids. They should just have the opening being somebody opening a fucking egg onto a sizzling pan and say, this is your Ramon drugs. And that's it, the valley. including being somebody opening a fucking egg onto a sizzling pan and say, this is your brain on drugs. And that's it. The valley. They should like do some sort of like Wilford Brimley hologram CGI thing.

That's like kids don't get involved with drugs because this is your future. And then they just show this whole season. Because the thing is, what we've said before, we talked about in last season is that all these people, they're all our age basically, maybe a little bit younger, but when we came to LA, when I came to LA in 2001, and I would go out to bars all the time on the Sunset Strip, I used to live right on the Sunset Strip, like directly on the Sunset Strip,

and I would go to Cabo Cantina all the time, and I'd go to the Standard, and I would just go to all these bars, and you'd see sort of the same people, and a lot of these people are those people. Like I would see Jax out and about. I remember seeing Jax at the Standard. I remember, the reason why I remember seeing Jax

is because as we've also talked about, Jax in like the 2000s was, you don't even understand how hot Jax was. He was like- No, I know. I took a commercial class with him. Yeah, exactly. He was 28.

He was just a baby. He was talking about being an Abercrombie store guy and stuff. He was blazing hot. I mean, he said that they offered him Survivor. Like they He was talking about being an Abercrombie store guy and stuff. He was blazing hot. He said that they offered him Survivor. Like they walked up to him at the Abercrombie when he was like standing there in his underwear

at the Abercrombie and offered him the Survivor job. And he's like, no, you know, I'm an actor. So I don't do reality. I don't do reality. I remember, cause he also used to go to my gym. So I'd see him at the gym. So he was like the hot guy at the gym. And I remember one time going to the standard and he was there at the next table over see him at the gym. So he was like the hot guy at the gym. And I remember once I'm going to the standard

and he was there at the next table over. And I was like, oh, there's the hot guy from the gym. And he was with a girl. And I just remember the entire time he looked so bored. I just will, I always have this memory of him tapping his foot aggressively to be like, oh my God, like how much longer do I have to sit through this day before we can go somewhere and fuck, right?

He had that look about him even then. But the point of the story is to say that all these people, I remember, even if I didn't ever meet them, I remember this sort of like class of people, like when I say class, like graduation class of people who would party together. And now here they all are trying to adult, but they sort of have like kind of the demons of their party days still with them. And I think Jesse Lolly is a perfect example of that. Yeah, I mean, I got that part. I got that part of it. But wow, you just watch people age like milk out here.

So he's like, yeah, I'm not gonna play this game with you of like, hey, I'm going away. So you take her, she's like, yeah, I don't go anywhere. And he goes, well, you complained about New York. It's just, yeah, because you went on four trips in a very short period of time. That is why I was complaining to you. And he's like, but for some reason, you just can't grasp my life. And she's like, um, we agreed on a schedule and you said, forget it. I never said that. And that is not Drew. And this is what he does instead

of making a fucking eye cowl, which both people can get and both people can see the changes on, he does it on an erasable whiteboard. You see, that's who you're dealing with. Any person who comes up with a whiteboard instead of an eye cowl is fucking deeply psychologically disturbed. Like they're deeply fucking with you. Monster.

She should have taken at least a screenshot of that. She should have taken a picture of it and gone home and entered it into an ICAL and copied their attorney or who are their mediator onto that ICAL. Rob Reiner. So he's like, Michelle, Michelle, Michelle, Michelle. She goes, Jesse, Jesse, Jesse. Because, okay, here's the schedule now.

Okay, you will have her all day Friday, all day Saturday. Okay. And I'm sorry, I said it actually way too normally because he's being really condescending. He's like, you will have her all day Friday, all day Saturday. And then so now they're then he's like, and then you're going to drop her off to the nanny. And she's like, well, who is the nanny? Because it doesn't matter who the nanny is. Like, well, it doesn't matter who the nanny is. I'm her mother and you're going out of town. And she goes, you literally said to me, you're using my nannies that I hired. She's like, well, I found them.

Yeah, she's saying that because you're dropping your kid off and she has to pay for the nanny that you're not paying for. That's why she's saying it. Like instead of taking care of your kid, you're dropping it off with her nanny. So then she, who has to pay for the nanny, she does. Like this fucking guy, man, he's like, well, you didn't want me using her nanny. So then she, who has to pay for the nanny, she does. Like this fucking guy, man. And he's like, well, you didn't want me using your nanny. So I went on OnlyFans and I found a fucking nanny. What do you want from me, babe? Yeah.

So she basically says that like they hired a mediator that Jesse had recommended, but it's just not really working out. She thinks she'll probably have to hire a lawyer or something like that. Oh, you idiot. Hire a fucking lawyer. How in the world are you dealing with this person, this whiteboard motherfucker,

and you're not hiring a lawyer? I've listened. I'm trying to feel for you, but it's not really working. So he's like, you can say whatever you want about my parenting. And that's OK. It's just a reflection on how you are as a person. Excuse me, because I am a better father to Isabella. Really? Yes, I am.

I mean, they're so nasty to each other, these two. And he says, so he says this bullshit, he goes, Michelle's narrative is that I'm an absentee father who's just off doing my own thing, partying, going out to dinners, leaving Isabella with nannies and an iPad. But the reality is I am struggling every single day to try to balance my work life, my personal life and my single dad life. And that's the truth. Well, those things are not mutually exclusive.

You like if he had said she's accusing me of being an absentee father, but the truth is I'm there every single time from 6am to 11pm. That's one thing. But he's like, I am not an absentee father, but the truth is I'm there every single time from 6 a.m. to 11 p.m. That's one thing, but he's like, I am not an absentee father. I am trying to balance my work life and my personal life. That doesn't let you off the hook. Everyone's doing that. Yeah, he's like, I'm a father who parties sometimes. What do you want from me? And also, you have your baby two days on, two days off, but you're still needing to balance your personal life, which means you're still going out when you have the kid, which means you're still needing to balance your personal life, which means you're still going out when you have the kid, which means you're still leaving her with nannies and an iPad.

So, sorry, it's like he complains about one thing and then he admits to the same thing in the very sense. Like, dude, you're a newly single dad with a very young person. You shouldn't be worrying about balancing your fucking personal life. Like, that's the last thing on your mind. You also don't get a trophy for doing what every other human being is doing, trying to balance their work life and personal life. Okay? Everyone's trying to do that. Okay?

So, like you don't get any participation trophies for that. Now he starts crying because she's going to get, they're switching off holidays by the year, but she gets the first one. So she gets Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. And he's like, I just, I don't want Christmas and Thanksgiving newly alone being away from Isabella. I just don't. She's, oh, great. Now you are crying so that I look evil and you look like this good father. And he goes, no, no, it's not the truth. I just, ah. Manipulation is so fucking transparent. Oh my God. It's so transparent. It's like, it just depends on you.

It's like, but you treat me like shit. And he's like, no, I don't. You just told her she was a terrible person. Literally two seconds ago, you said, this reflects on what kind of person you are. Like, what are you? Yeah. Oh my God.

So she's like, yeah, she's like, she's like, I swear on my mother that you have said that on me, you know, because he said, because she, she says you have told me multiple times that you don't give a fuck that I'm the mother of your child. He's like, I never said that. I swear on my mother that you have said that to me. He goes, yeah, but you also sworn Isabella's life that you didn't cheat on me. And you did.

She's like, are you serious? I am 99% sure that she cheated on me twice. Michelle is just too short-sighted to say, hey, I screwed up. Just be like, hey, yeah, I cheated. I fucked up. Sorry, Jessie. Sorry, Isabella.

She's like, well, what about you? You are dating some random girl, you know, and actually I'm embarrassed for you. You should hear how she is talking to you about everybody else, okay? She has told people, including my friend, Skeena, that she is sleeping with other people. And he's like, what?

Who's his friend? I'm calling this friend. So they call up Sheena. I was like, hello. I'm like, hello. I'm like, hello. I'm like, hello. Okay, by the way, this scene was so toxic,

but the fact that it had like a twist of like, let's call Sheena, I literally giggled. Like, who said this? Sheena. I was like, oh God let's call Sheena. I literally giggled. Like, who said this? Sheena. I was like, oh God, of course Sheena's in the middle of this. Let's call Sheena. I was like, ah. Okay.

So he was like, so hey, it's Jesse. You okay to talk? Just want it noted for the record. I just cried because my bitch wife is trying to take my child away from me on the holidays. So. Noted. Okay. So the reason we're calling is Michelle is I just cried because my bitch wife is trying to take my child away from me on the holidays. So noted. Okay.

So the reason we're calling is Michelle is saying that my friend in Orange County, she's sleeping with other guys. Is that true Sheena? She's like, yeah, she said that like literally verbatim, like literally verbatim. All right. Okay. Well, and she even told me specifically who so if you want to get messier with this, I can actually get messier and volunteering more mess.

It's like, all right, well, so she's sleeping with other guys currently. Yeah, that guy from Baywatch, which I laughed out loud. What what does this even mean? That guy from Baywatch? Who is the guy from Baywatch? Hello there. This is a two part recap. OK, this is the end from Baywatch? It's the Foster and the Furious, it's Amanda Foster. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Ashley Savoni, she don't take no baloney. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Catherine DiBernardo has our harto.

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