Watch What Crappens - #2819 Top Chef S22E7 Part Two: Pizza Party Behavior

Episode Date: April 28, 2025

This is part 2 of a two-part recapTop Chef: Destination Canada, it’s time to improve on pizza. Is that even possible? Probably not, but it’s fun to watch a bunch of James Beard stans make a go of it! To watch this recap on video, listen to our Trailer Trash bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcha Crappin's ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. When a young woman named Desiree vanishes without a trace, the trail leads to Kat Torres, a charismatic influencer with millions of followers. But behind the glamorous posts and inspirational quotes, a sinister truth unravels. Binge all episodes of a two part recap. If you're like, Hey, wait a minute, I didn't hear part one, guys, it's because we put out a lot of recaps, go back and listen to part one. Okay, it's before this one. Bye, enjoy the show. So Henry has no flour and everyone,

he's, as a result, one thing that we also hear in the midst of all this is that pizza dough is very finicky. I think it was Bailey who tells us this, which is like, if your ratios are wrong, your pizza dough is just not gonna rise. And so he doesn't have as much flour as he needs. So he's just concerned he's not having, he's just concerned that his shit's not going

to work. And spoiler alert, it definitely does not. It does not work. And Lana even helps him by giving him some flour, but yeah, it doesn't work. So Shoa is doing a scallion pancake pizza. He's just going to make a big giant scallion pancake and put stuff on there. And then Henry's still failing miserably. And Cesar is like, they wanted weird pizza,

so I'm gonna hide under it. And then when they eat it, I'm gonna go, I'm a rutabaga. Wah! And surprise rutabaga from under the bed. Tristan, meanwhile Tristan is going to make a like an Armenian flatbread pizza because Tristan is like amazing. Like every week he's like, yeah, so like last week it was like I was working with these crazy Swedes.

So here's, I hate this food, but I know how to cook Swedish food. And this week he's like, guess what? This week I'm going to cook Armenian food because I also know how to do that too. I'm like, what does he not know how to cook? Yeah, he really does know how to cook a lot. Paula is going to do a fugazeta dough. You bloom the yeast on milk and sugar and making a faster fermentation. Okay. So then Vinny is he's like mixing it and he's like, I just try and develop the Nomad as much as possible. And that's just, I just keep beating it and beating it, you know?

What we do in the Nomad is that we, we take Hyundai sauce and we freeze it in a disc like shape and then we toss it in the air just what looks and feels like pizza. And we just put red sauce on top. It's wonderful. So Lana is like, you know, I'm from New York City. Cause now they go to Niagara, Niagara city cruises. And so they put on ponchos to look at Niagara falls. And she's like, I'm from New York city, but I still like nature. Thanks for the insight.

She's getting a lot of like little like the softer side of Lana. She likes nature. Yeah. Yeah, they get close to the Niagara Falls and they all get rain in their faces. And then the next day, it's a really inconsequential trip to Niagara Falls. The next then we go back home and see if there's more impressive. I'm sorry, Ben, but Niagara Falls is more impressive than I thought because I feel like people who go to Niagara Falls are like, oh, big deal. I thought Niagara Falls was going to be this great thing. It's just like a little thing. It's like nothing. That's what I've heard a lot, but I actually thought it was very pretty. Yeah.

I think Niagara Falls is amazing. Oh, I've heard a lot of people are like so unimpressed with Niagara Falls is amazing. I went there. I've heard a lot of people are like so unimpressed with Niagara Falls. Ew, ew. I'm unimpressed with people who are unimpressed with Niagara Falls. I went there in sixth grade and I literally had my mind blown. I thought I actually liked it more than the Grand Canyon.

That's my hot take. I literally, I could literally sit there and just stare at those waterfalls for hours and hours on end. Like I love Niagara Falls so much and I think they're big and beautiful. Whoever is shitting on Niagara Falls, you need to find out who hurt you that you feel compelled to shit on Niagara Falls when you know they're majestic and wonderful.

Yeah, that's a fail take anti Niagara Falls So then back at the apartment, Cesar gets on the phone with his mom and his mom is so cute because no matter what he says, she just goes, I love you so much. That's her response to everything. He's like, Mom, I've been kind of nervous, but everything's okay. I love you so much, but I'm kind of scared, but I love you so much. And the other day I made ice cream with pickles in it. I love you so much. I was like, this lady ice cream with pickles in it. I love you so much." I was like, this lady, is that all she says? It's cute though. I like it.

She's basically like on her end, it's like, you know, it's just him frozen and she doesn't hear anything. So she just is like, I'm just gonna say I love you so much until it'll fit one of these times. So it's like, guess what? It's the next day and Henry's dough is dead. It did not rise. So he's gonna have to make sushi pizza at the last second. He's gonna have to do this. He has, he has rice that he brought from home and he's like, well, I guess this is what I'm going to do. So when he did this, come on, man, you're going to make the literal thing that they showed you. This is so uncreative. Henry, I've been rooting for you, Henry. I know, but the other thing is that his original pizza

was gonna be like a pho pizza. So he had the flavors of pho, but it's gonna be on like a sushi rice pizza. So I was like, this is doomed, even if it does work. I don't mean to be normal, because it's Henry, let's be honest. Yeah, I mean, this was if it does work. I don't mean to, because it's Henry, let's be honest. Yeah, I knew this was not gonna go well. I think everybody knew.

I think we all knew this wasn't gonna go well. So meanwhile, Lana is doing oxtails and a tamarind barbecue sauce for hers. And then Tristan is doing his crazy, amazing looking flatbread thing. And Shway's got some lamb going and he has made the mistake of doing something with a ton of vegetables and people don't really think about this when you go vegetarian or something or you just

start eating a ton of vegetables as I have recently that takes long that takes a really long it takes a long time to make a good salad and cut all that shit I'm sorry it's too much It's so much easier just like fucking throw some cheese on some tortillas and call it a day. Yeah. It's a lot of chopping. So Massimo tells us that he's like, I got into cooking accidentally by getting a summer job at the pizzeria. I ended up falling in love with the craft this way. His wife is like, yeah, I know, you spend more time in that fricking pizza parlor

than you did with our kids. That's why I left you. So Bailey is- Someone else I'm not surprised that is kind of not impressive is Bailey. And I thought Bailey when she came back with her new attitude, but Bailey's like the past few things, chicken parm pizza, I can't come on.

Maybe that's not an innovation. Yeah, it's not. What are you innovating? That's like a California pizza kitchen kind of thing. Like I half those ingredients are already kind of on the pizza. So you're just adding essentially fried chicken to a pizza, right? Yeah. Yeah. You're putting chicken on top of a pizza. It sounds gross. So she's doing that as basic. I'm sorry, you are basic. And then Tristan is deciding that he is going to use the inside ovens because they're allowed to use outside like what, brick ovens or whatever or inside ovens. Yes. And I'm also here to say it's totally inconsequential to this episode. Evans. Yes. And I'm also here to say it's totally inconsequential to this episode.

They just have to mention their pizza oven sponsor, the Grozny or the Gosney or the Kate Gosney. Kate, Kate, Kate, Cosme. So the Caesar, meanwhile, he's discovering that like the cocoa powder in his dough is causing his, um, his pie and I sort of like stick to the peel. So he's got drama going on over there. And then Paula is just got too much stuff going on on her. So everyone's kind of like flopping right now. Everyone is falling apart across the board. Um, except maybe Massimo, Massimo has got his all right and everything.

And Vinny also is doing well because he makes pizza all the time with his brother. So, uh, you know, they're doing that. But meanwhile, they get people start showing up. And basically, it's time to serve the people. Yeah. So let's see who's here. Guest judges, et cetera. I have to say, Gail looks great today. Love her outfit. No patterns. She got a pattern-free top. Leather dress, like leather skirt looked beautiful. Good for you, Gayle. It's a rare thing, but it's great to see when it happens. And so, you know, we've got someone named John there.

I don't know. Spike is there. Wiley's there. You know, they're all there. And they're making framing order jokes about Spike because Spike's like, wow, why'd it take you so long to invite me to this pizza party? And Wiley's like, oh, they had to wait for the restraining order to clear. So by the way, John, I think he runs the vineyard that they're in, that's who John is. He's like, John also has a pretty aggressive comb over,

I just wanna also add, I noticed it. So it's a pizza. Our innovation is that we took one part of the pizza and combed it over to the other part. spaghetti called the so Lana's having issues with hers, etc. And Henry is saying he's like, you know, there's no time for testers. You only get one shot at this and my pan is ripping hot.

Like actually I think you do have time for like a small tester. Can't you make a teeny little ricey, little little rice pizza and just see the texture? Cause you're gonna wanna test that out before you send that out, that situation. Yeah, I gotta test people, gotta test, always test him. Ha. So then Eden's there. She's like,

I feel like this is like a really difficult challenge because pizza means so much to us guys, doesn't it? And all in different ways. Like to me, it's a good snack. To Kristin, it was a good dinner with her mom. To Gail, it's an outfit. You're doing great. Hire her. Hire her. Specifically her wedding dress. She didn't have a flower girl at her wedding. She just had a little girl who threw pepperoni down the aisle. Um, Gail's like, everyone has a point of reference for pizza. Yes, that explains why Gail's always like, please point me in the direction of pizza. I need a reference. Gail's entire Apple Maps is filled with little pizza shops dotted along the way.

Her phone is actually just a small slice of Sicilian pizza. That's why she always needs quote unquote to upgrade her phone. Well, you know what I like? I like a Sicilian pie. That's what I like. And girls like, I mean, personally, I like a thin crust. Oh, that's funny. That's also how we describe your hair.

Thin breasts. And Kristen's like, the dough is most arguably the most important part. And so Tom asked Wiley how long he works on his recipes and Wiley's like, I'm still working on it. Well if it takes you as long as it took you to cut your hair, I guess it'll be a while before you perfect your sweet recipe, huh? So back in the kitchen, the scallion pancake's coming along, but Shwe is worried that it's not thick enough. But it's still a great vehicle for toppings, so let's see.

Oh, and yeah. So now we have our first batch of pizzas. So there's what's space Tristan is going to makes like an anchovy ranch to go along with his and Kristen's a home. Tom, are you in? Are you a ranch fan? And he's like, I've never seen it with pizza. I've never been offered.

Actually, Tom, you have been offered. Unfortunately, Gail gets there before you. Sorry. Come on, Tom. You have been offered. Unfortunately, Gail gets there before you, sorry. Come on, Tom, you've been offered ranch. Do you remember that time you were thirsty and Gail offered you her flask? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. How does Tom Gliccio never had ranch with his pizza? That's wild.

He's wild, but here's my question. Why do people like this even own restaurants? Like, is it just an emperor's new clothes kind of thing or their restaurant really sucks? Like Vinny from Nomad who doesn't know how to make Indian food or has never eaten it or has to put Holland in. Are this just like rich people restaurant stuff? You've never had ranch with your pizza.

Why would I ever eat anything that you cooked? Why? Ever, ever. No, I don't trust you anymore, Tom. No. All right, Shawai, can you tell us about your pizza? And he talks about this guy and pizza thing and everything. And Tristan talks about his Armenian pizza. And so and then Lana talks about hers.

Hers is a pizza with a honey nut squash sauce, tamarind barbecue oxtails, buttermilk dressing, and fried plantain chips. So they all start eating. And they like- That sounds crazy. Everything in this sounded crazy to me. Yeah.

But not terrible. Except the squash sauce. Not terrible, but- But at least she's using the squash as a sauce, so it's already wet. Yeah, because squash already kind of fucked up a lasagna earlier this episode. Yeah. So, you know, they like Schwa's scallion

pancake situation. Um, and, uh, they thought that like, uh, the Lana's was baked well, you know, but like, um, yeah. So I think they like it. They like it there. They like it. I thought that Tristan did a great job and it's definitely more of a flatbread in the style of a dough. Very thin, crispy, it was spicy. It had tang. Come on, someone jump in here. It can't be all me. Wow, Philip Tang had a cup of peanut butter sandwiches

to that and we've got Gail in the morning. The scallion pancake goes over very well. They kind of like that. And Tom's like, well, we're using the term pizza fairly loosely, I guess. So, but you know, he played to his strength, which is a scallion pancakes, I guess. I mean, I don't know.

Someone want to take this over. Sometimes in life we have scallions. Sometimes in life we have pancakes. This is a journey. You get to put both together. All right, Badmah. Badmah? Hi, this is Eden Greenspan here.

I just want to add, ew. Okay, so then Caesar. Caesar's working on his things and now it's time for the next batch. Okay, everyone, by the way, before the next batch comes out, I just, you know, I love an exciting pizza party conversation.

So everyone, Chicago deep dish, how do you feel about it? And John's like, that's lasagna in my opinion. And they're like, yeah, they can have their deep dish, boo, deep dish. Yeah, to me, it's like a pizza. Yeah, deep dish is like the pizza. What a hot dog is, to a sandwich. We're like, okay, wait, let me do this. I can do it too. Because my dear friend, Ali Wong is a sandwich. All right? We're like, We're like, okay, wait, let me do this. I can do it too.

Cause my dear friend, Ali Wong is a comedian. Okay. Deep dish is the pizza as Gail is the deep dish. The same thing, right? Wow. Deep dish, otherwise known as Gail's wedding china. Am I right Gail? Deep dish, also known as Gal's favorite spa treatment. By the way, I will not handle any of this deep dish slander.

Deep dish is fucking amazing pizza. Who doesn't want more bread on their pizza? I don't know. I don't feel like it's not more bread. I feel like it's just like a lot more tomato sauce. It's very tomato sauce. It's a lot more dough. Well, yeah, you can tell I'm light sauce for it. I mean, you can perfect it, but I mean, come on, get the fuck away from my deep dish. I like deep dish. I like it.

I do like it quite a bit, but I think it's probably on the lower end of my favorite pizzas. I think classic New York style's my favorite fall by Detroit. And then maybe Sicilian, and then probably deep dish. Tom says, it's a deep dish is like to pizza what a hot dog is to a sandwich.

I don't get that. Did you get that? Everyone laughs like that. Hot dog may technically be a sandwich and that there's a meat and bread but it's not really a sandwich. He's like busy saying, Yeah, I mean, okay, here we go. Pizza is to hot dog. Okay, deep dish is to pizza. When a mixologist is to a Michelin star winning chef. Joke. Why would you do that? Pure disappointment. It's like a son who has this entire world set up for him. It doesn't be mixologist. I don't understand it. One day someone said hey Tom, it's a take your take your son to work day, and I said my son doesn't have a job He's a mixologist. They said no Tom. That means you take your son to your job, and I said oh hell no

No one respects a missalage mixologist. Nope. Nope. Nope. He's a hot dog. He's a hot dog He's like a hot dog compared to a sandwich. You know what? It's like the beginning of a, you know, when you're making a deep dish, you're rolling out that dough and for a moment you have a chance to make it thin crust. He said, you know what? I'm gonna be deep dish. He already had a chance. My son had his chance. Good luck making my good luck making tequila sunrises the rest of your life. So, um, Henry introduces his chocolate pizza. No, no, Henry introduces his chocolate pizza. No, no, Henry's not chocolate pizza.

I'm sorry. He's the sushi pizza. So he's like, I fully embrace the sushi pizza. Walls down, guys, $110,000 today. Nothing can bring me down now. So I made a pho version of pizza, which really doesn't make any sense. But it's brisket marinated in pho flavors and topped with herb pesto and hoisin and sriracha. So hope you like it.

And Spikes like- Got some leftover oatmeal broth if you want me to spread that on top. I'm sorry, please don't serve Gail's mouthwash with this. This is dinner. Spikes like, you went for it, man. It's like, yes, just like you, pushing that tiny little hat on us for 15 years.

Like, it's gone. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours.

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I'm Chico Felitti. You can listen to Don't Cross Cat on the Wandery app or wherever you get your podcasts. So then Cesar introduces his, which is the mole negro chicken pies, black bean salsa with crispy chicken skin pizza. And Spike is like, what was your dough made of? Which is, excuse me, excuse me. Hi, I just have a note from the afterlife. I believe the proper question is, did you mean to make

such a disgusting brown dough? What is wrong with you that you think this is acceptable to serve to me? Hi, I just was speaking to Joan, Joan of Arc, and she says, what is that gross? You know who needs a miracle? You to get through this competition. Joan of Arc just heard your description for pizza and set herself on fire again. Thanks a lot.

I also was just haunting Joan Van Ark's house and she says, remember me? And I said, no, who are you? That's it. She said, I'm the lady who was sitting next to Gail when she scratched and sniffed. And then I died and went to heaven. By the way, I spoke to Marie Curie and she said she'd rather die of radiation 10 times over than eat that sad crust. So they're like, okay. Caesar's like, it's standard pizza dough and I put a bit of cocoa powder into it. Don't yell at me.

And then Bailey comes out. She's like, hi everybody, It's me, new Bailey. I did, um, chicken parm pizza with, um, bread and I just, you know, I made a chicken thigh and a quick sausage. Yeah. I hate long sausage. I love quick sausage. Quick sausage. Yeah. I use some AP with it. So just, okay. So I decided to take the standard thing with pizza. You know, pizza is always just like dough with tomato sauce, cheese, maybe some sort of, you know, spiced meat.

And I said, well, here's what I'm gonna do instead. Pizza with a tomato sauce, mozzarella. Yeah, I use mozzarella. Provolone, haven't heard that on a pizza before. Sausage on a pizza. I know, I know. Let's just, like, everyone just hold just, and I put hold your chicken.

So everyone can consider yourself innovative. You've been Bailey to Bailey out. He just got Bailey suckers. New Bailey out. So spikes like a lot of bread. Maybe that's what she was going for. And while he's like, yeah, but it's not cooked, unfortunately. And she put cornmeal on the bottom to stop it from sticking to the ovens, but she put way too much on there. And Kristen and Keaton don't mind it. Wow, it's like watching Gayle get up from her seat

on an airplane, so much cornmeal there. I mean, it is nice to see Gayle exfoliate every once in a while. Well, I hear that when Gail wears her jorts, she needs to put some cornmeal under her thighs. Otherwise, it's sticky, sticky, sticky. So, Kristen and Eden don't mind the cornmeal, but Gail is like, I find that way too grainy. And Spike says it tastes like mass-produced pizza. And Kristen's like, that's why I like it, maybe.

So funny guys. Listen, even though I like it, but we also spent the day licking tough stains. So we went through a challenge sponsored by Finnish. So at this point, we're happy for any cornmeal. Anything that's not stuck to the plate, we're happy with. So Finnish, I actually adopted a son from Finland. we're happy for any cornmeal we have. Anything that's not stuck to the plate we're happy with. So, um... Oh, Finnish. I actually adopted a son from Finland just to pen pal with. You know, I donated some money to his family just to make up for the fact that my son's a mixologist. So,

he hasn't written me for a while, but I think I'll be... Finnish, Tom. It's a dishwashing liquid. God, I wish my son was a dishwasher. We don't have all day. I mean, I guess technically I have eternity because I'm dead, but listen, there are things that are happening. I don't know if you know this, but Susan Sontag is having a reading at 4 p.m.

So get to it. Wow, you know Blanche from the Golden Girls called me and asked if we brought up her name on the show today and I said yes, everything's over Blanche. She's still crying. Oh God, did you hear that Paula had Blanche trauma? Wow, haven't we all? Oh, like, sorry, I guess you guys aren't in the afterlife yet and having to sit next to Rue McClanahan while she picks her teeth.

Well, my good friend Liberace says, bring out the next pies. They don't like Henry's sushi pizza at all, which I don't know why we're still calling it sushi pizza because it's not really, is it? Isn't it, Fa? I'm so confused. So yes, so they can't pick it up.

So I don't I don't know about sushi pizza itself. OK, one thing I do know here's something there is like there are like ramen burgers where people make patties out of like ramen noodles, you know. So I kind of feel like that could have been an opportunity for a pizza choice, you know, because he had all those vermicellies. That's a good idea. Last night I ordered, my family ordered Thai food and so I had, I just order a side of plain noodles because they all stick together in the container once they get there and they come out like a little noodle cake.

Yeah, that's fun, right? So delicious. Yeah, and then you can just pour your own sauces and stuff on there. So maybe something like that, but I think it still wouldn't hold up like a crust. The rice was just falling all apart. And they also said the pho flavor wasn't strong. And it's weird because like pho, I feel like when you drink, when you have pho, it does have like a certain kind of like warming flavor with like, like you get a lot of like, like anise, like star anise and like, or, or maybe like,

you get like those warming spices, but I can see flavors getting completely overpowered the moment you put it in like a pizza situation. So I just think this was doomed from the beginning. You're doomed. So let's see. So Gail's like, it's a tartar with extra herbs. So let's talk about Caesar's pizza. And Spike's like, well, there's such a thing as a good burn. Thank you.

I wasn't talking to you. I learned that from my dear friend, Joan Rivers. And then there's bad burn. Hey, girl, walk a mile lately. So Wiley's like, yeah, we learned the hard way making donuts that cocoa powder burns really easily. Hmm. Didn't stop Gail from reading your collection though. Am I right? So Eden's like, well, I actually, I actually like the whole mole sauce. But like when I picked up the pizza, I just, it just felt like I was holding up the sauce. It was really soft dough. It was like disgusting.

Get me off this show. Get me back to the Canadian version already. I love the idea of mole sauce on pizza though. So it's a shame that this didn't work out. I love a mole. And Tom's like, there's my son there. That's a shame that this didn't work out. I love a mole. And Tom's like, there's my son there. That's a flop. That's a flop there. So Paula is getting nervous with her fugazetta because it's too soft. She thinks it's too soft. And now there's too many fillings and now the pizzas are cooked and she can't do anything about it. And here we go. So back at the table,

Gail's like, I have a conversation piece. When you have a night off of pizza, what's your go to Wiley? Gail wants to know because she never takes a night off of pizza. Am I right, Gail? So Wiley's like, well, I always like a plain and a classic. Really? You could have fooled me, given that he had the plain classic pizza of haircuts for a long time. So he's like, he's like, yeah, a classic New York slice is a good place to start. And Spike's like, yeah, I'm really simple. I like tomato sauce, fresh matz because I don't say the full word and a little bit of

basil. Tom's like, I'd rather try mozzarella. I'd rather have raised that, honestly. Better learn something. At least mozzarella tries to see what his dad's doing at work. Yeah, it melts better. Dried mozzarella melts better. Yeah, Gail knows, since that's how she draws a bath.

since that's how she draws a bath. You don't even have to do it. You're like forcing yourself. I can't help myself. I'm stimulated in heaven. I just got a text from my friend Tricia that says Padma and Martha, wait, it says Martha Stewart has a new cooking show called Yes Chef. Is that the one that Padma's in? No, Padma's on CBS, but I did see a promo

for the Yes Chef thing. And I'm like, I may have to watch this because it's Martha and Jose Andres. And you see them like deliberating. This is the clip. Martha looks at Jose Andres, goes, oh, I just hate sending people home. And he looks at her and laughs, he goes, do you? And she laughs. He goes, no. I'm in. I'm so in for this show. Okay. So Masamo starts

off. He's like, I started my career as a pizzaiolo. Anybody? Anybody? Applause? And I started my story as Lord. Wow. Pizzaiolo over here, pizzaiolo hair. So, yeah, so then they, I'm sorry, I got lost there. So he does a So then they, I'm sorry, I got lost there. So he does a, a, a, what is that? What is that? Percelot, I think. Is it a percelot? Isn't that like with the, like Spanish sauce?

Oh, okay. With some- I think it's like a, I think it's like a parsley sauce or like chopped parsley. I don't know. I'll look it up. So this is the one with potatoes, mussels and clams. And he's like, ah, you could probably have this

at Una Pizzeria Napolitana in the Lower East Side. And they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's not pat ourselves on the back there, Hare. Okay? Back away. So Paola has made some pork with pineapple, caramelized onions, chimichurri, amornet, whatever that is, maybe it's a reference to Rebecca.

Yeah, Rebecca. And then finally, finally some Gouda. Okay. Gouda on pizza. I'm not sure if Gouda is a pizza cheese. I mean, I like to think every cheese can can work in this in a perfect world, but Gouda, a Gouda pizza? I don't know. I'm not usually for a fancy pizza. Like I don't want you to fancy it up for me. You know, just give me some cheese. Let's stop with this. Reinventing doesn't mean fancy.

Yeah, I know we have to innovate, but like Gouda, I'm just not seeing it. And so hers is like... Gail is, because that's what she uses for her contacts. Gail, please take out your Gouda so you can actually see the dish before you judge it. Gail just has two circles of Gouda in her eyes. I guess, I know we gave the disclaimer last week, but I feel like it's never a bad time to remind people we love Gail. This is just what we think Patna thinks about Gale. Why don't we just make a little thing that we put at the beginning of Top Chef that we

can just like throw on there like an ad that's like, no Gales were harmed in the making of this podcast. Viewer discretion advised. Yes. If you or anyone you've loved has been harmed or traumatized by a Gale, here's a number you can call. No celebrities were actually involved in gal's life. No celebrities were in the making of this lunch out with gal

because she's never had a celebrity lunch before. Okay, let's get back into this. Oh, sorry. I just want to give a warning to all. No, I just wanted to give a warning. The following program features many references to Gail Simmons. All of my dear friends, Lena Waits, please be advised. So let's see.

So Paula talks about her pizza. Then Vinnie comes and he did his brother's Reuben pizza. And he's like, and a Reuben is not complete without a pickle. So, I put a Nomad pickle right there on the top, as you'll see. Sauerkraut, Thousand Island, Whipped Ricotta, some Nomad Greer. So enjoy that, enjoy that. So they start to eat and first they start talking about Paula's Gouda pizza and Tom's like, you know, the dough's too soft. I mean, that's milk, you know you use milk? It's gonna be soft.

Everyone knows, who uses milk? It's gonna be soft. Even my mixologist son would know that because he deals with liquids for a living. Who would do that? Who would use milk? I know that milk makes you soft because it's all we fed my son for the first few years of his life. And look at him. Toss and drinks around for a living, soft as they come. You know, they say the milkman always brings, knocks twice. Guess what? He has to do that because he does it too

softly. Milk makes it soft. The mailman, the milkman could have been a chef if he had just followed his father's footsteps. But no, have fun driving around the truck all day. Have fun being worried that the thing you're gonna sell is a ghost boiled before you even get there. Congratulations. You're stupid. And Chris was like, yeah, it tastes like milk bread. And

girls like yeah, it feels like brioche. What are you taking a nap, Gale? Gale's mattress is made out of. Unbelievable. Sorry. My dear friend, Ali Wong, said I should venture into mattress material. I'm not quite there yet. She said it's a new frontier for comedy.

So Wiley liked the pineapple braised pork shoulder on Paula's dish, but wasn't into the chimichurri. That's where it started feeling a little murky for me and it had too much on it. So now let's move to Massimo. They liked the lightness of his crust, but Spike's like, okay, and he's got a bubble here. I see a bubble. Largest bubble we've seen so far. Look next to you.

Largest bubble you say? Stick the landing, ghost Padma, stick the landing. So Gale's mad that the potatoes weren't crispier and Spike's like, so what do we think about sac, do we think it's sacrilegious to put cheese on any seafood? Well, Gale puts it on his lingerie, so I don't see why we should be mad at pizza. It's pretty controversial. I mean, as long as you can find enough cheese to cover that large bubble, if you know what I'm saying. So then they're talking about the Reuben and they like it. They're like, you know,

Gail likes that. It seems like Vinnie is having fun. And Tom's like, yeah, I mean, it tastes like a Reuben. If you like a Reuben, it tastes like a Reuben. Well, I don't know. Like I can imagine like that. I actually think a Reuben pizza sounds like a great idea. But like there's also a part of me that's like, well, if you're just making a Reuben, it's just a Reuben, but it's a different bread, right? Right? Well, Reubens aren't made on white bread anyway, aren't they? Aren't they made on? I know, but like, I don't know. Even when I eat meat, I've never had a Reuben. So Reubens are delicious. I don't know. I kind of feel like you take a whole

sandwich, you take the sandwich and then you just swap out the bread component with the pizza bottom And then I don't know I think I just don't like Vinny because it's a good idea and I really shouldn't be trying to scrape around for a bad For for criticism. It's a great idea. Oh, it uses rye bread. That's what yeah I bread and yeah, so did he make like a rye crust? I Don't know if he made a rye crust, but I think he just he basically put like I don't know if he made it right across, but I think he just, he basically put like, um, pastrami war corn beef. I think it was pastrami and thousand island and sauerkraut and Swiss cheese and melted

it on a pizza. Like kind of sounds perfect. I don't know. So then, um, Mossimo is, uh, having a glass of wine with people and he's like every now and then our careers bring us to beautiful places yesterday,, we're in paradise. Look at my hair. You are all in paradise right now. It's a good hair day for me. So now the judges are judging and Chris is like, chefs, we asked for our top chef pizza party. Tom, do you think they delivered like our friends at Domino's? They're not a sponsor of this. They're not a sponsor of this episode.

I know, I just love sponsor talk. Okay, well sponsor lingo just really gets me going. Well, you said delivered. That was pretty funny. Listen, we did get some tasty pies. Maybe some not so tasty. Padma? Well, maybe some not so tasty. Padma? Padma? Well, no, it's Kristen. Listen, I know we didn't get not everyone delivered, but does that mean they're di giorno?

All right. Well, our friends at di giorno will have, we're going to send each and every one of you home with a pizza crust. No? No? I just said that on spec. Okay, that's fine. Vinnie, Tristan, and Shwe, can you stay here? So Vinny, Tristan, and Shwe are at the top and they have the best pizzas. And Shwe is talking

about how he's not good at making doughs. So scallion pancake was something that he felt would be a really great vehicle. And Tom really liked the toppings. And Gail's like, you know what? There was acidity in that salad. There was a spiciness in that lamb. It challenged our idea of what pizza could be. And I think that's what we asked of you. You were magnificent with the scallion pizza. All right, Gale, if you liked it so much, stop wearing it as a hat for crying out loud. Let the man have his moment. You know, you used a scallion pancake as your vehicle. Gale was the first one to try that. Drove right to a tree. It was embarrassing. Wow, you should have seen the looks she got when she tried to plug in a Chevron with Techron nozzle into a Sky and Denki.

So Tristan's pizza, he says, you know, I took all the things that I wouldn't do on a pizza, you know, like ranch and, well, I had ranch today, everybody. Big step, small step for ranch people, huge step for Tom kind. I had ranch, almost house my day. Thanks for asking Tristan, you can go. While I liked the idea of like the kebab flavors

and that worked well, it was clever and Spike's like, I mean, you spoke to my Greek heart on this one. That ranch anchovy dipping sauce, I mean, that took it to the top for me. If I could have put a tiny little hat on that pizza, I would have. And now Vinny's up and he's like, you know, my brother made this pizza for me. So this is me eating my words because I said, what a stupid idea. But people liked it. So I copied it and you liked it. So you're suckers. But I didn't steal from no man today. So that's something I stole from. Yes, brother. Yes, brother. Yeah. Well, you know, it was a great idea. It was executed well and I could close my

eyes and if I close my eyes while I was eating that, it was like I was eating a Reuben. Wow, Gail said the same thing when she took a bite out of the wall yesterday. And Wiley liked it. He's like, oh, such a lightheartedness. God, that was the pie that made me smile. God. So Spike gets to amount to winner and the winner is the chef that really brought the flavors forward, the balance and the textures, it's Tristan. Dun dun dun. Wow. I didn't think Tristan was gonna win

because they said it was more like a flatbread than a pizza during the judging, but maybe just tasted really good. Yeah, I don't know. I didn't get like a clear idea of who was going to win this one. Who do you think was going to win? I thought Vinnie was going to win. I felt like they were setting that up. But Kristen's

like, Kristen, congratulations. Not the first minute. How many wins is this now? Um, three. Okay. Well, uh, that's definitely three more than Henry's ever gotten. That's for sure. Hey, Henry, remember when we used to give out immunities for quick fires? You won today, right? Oh, that's too bad. Oh well You're screwed. So, um, Tristan's like I beat the two Italian guys. So that was a win And now they can step to the side and Henry Paula Cesar The three of you had our least favorite pizzas and one of you will be sent straight to hell least favorite pizzas and one of you will be sent straight to hell. Okay, so Henry, why are you standing here? And he's like, Oh my God, I had my walls down this morning and then I just want to back up, I guess. Where are my walls up? He fucked up his dough,

basically. Yeah. And so she's like, so what was the original plan? He's like, well, it was supposed to be just the flavors and I, you know, I guess the original plan was an actual pizza instead of a mound of rice with toppings. What do you mean? What was the original plan? The original plan was clearly pizza. Yeah. I mean, it's like, you know, but then I decided to do the sushi pizza because they told us about sushi pizza. So I was like, well, I'll just copy that instead. And so, and they're like, so you did a rice criss crust. And they're like, so did you try to crisp that? Or did you mean to serve a soggy rice? You fucking moron.

How many times have to crawl back from beyond the grave to tell you how to ask a question? Also I could have gone for what a good old classic Henry. How did they go for you? Because from the way it tasted, it must have been a shit fucking awful day. Ah, hope your day cooking was better than our day eating Henry. You fucking loser. Means like, well, I'm sorry. Go me. No, I'll leave this one. You should probably talk.

We've been talking a long time today. So Tom's like, I couldn't pick it up. You know, I couldn't do anything with it. Like what am I supposed to do with this? I picked it up and fell apart. Picked it up again, fell apart. What is this rice? He's crazy. What are you going to do? Just put some raw beef on top? I mean, what the hell was this? This is absolutely ridiculous. I took one look at that plate. I said, go to college, do something with your life. Why are you wasting your life? We raised you better than this rice. Talk about not getting up. Wow. That cross was like, Gale after two bolsons. It's like that old song, I get knocked up. I mean,

I, I, nevermind. I must go back in. I get knocked down, so I stay down again. Ain't nothing gonna get me up. Right Gail?

Right Gail. Hey, you know what's funny? The lights are flashing behind me for some reason. There's like a carnival in my room right now Ronnie Let me see. Hold on. Look come back over to your window. Look at my lights. I think that's my my lights way of saying Five minutes left to this recap you idiots It's the red light the red lights blinking So I know that because I work in comedy now in the afterlife

Cesar's pizza is new and he's like, well, this was a new challenge for me. I know you guys wanted something different. So I was like, maybe chocolate with pizza. So I tried it and Spike's like, yeah, here's where you lost me on your first bite. Yeah, unfortunately. Yeah, I got a sense of bitterness. It just, it wasn't pleasurable. Okay. And then, you

know, burning on the bottom. I just, you did not do pizza any favors today. People thought I was nice now. Nope. Tiny had his back. Tiny had a rage. Yeah, they basically said they didn't get any crunch. The cocoa really fucked everything up. Paula, did your pizza turn out the way you wanted it to turn out because it was awful. And Paula's like, no, no, I think I put too many toppings on it. Timmy Churi had a lot more fatness than I wanted.

Once the cheese was all melted. And I'll just say this between the lasagna and the pizza, I don't think I'm ever cooking Italian food ever again. You know, these milk doughs, you know, they're softer doughs. You know, it's gonna flop, you know, they're softer doughs, you know, it's gonna flop, you know, because it's milk dough. Tom, let's stop, let's stop giving away Gale's 23 and Me results. Swan TV.

23 and Need, more like K-N-E-A-G. It's wordplay. So, yeah, Spike is like, he's plays like, yeah, there's too much, too many toppings, too wet, et cetera. Okay, we'll call you back in a little bit while we pretend to act like there's no one going home other, I mean, like there's actually a chance that someone other than Henry could be going off. All right. Thank you, everyone. So they do that. They talk and they repeat a lot of the same stuff. But guess what?

Henry, please pack your shitty rice and go. And Tom's like, oh, we'll see you at last chance kitchen, Henry, which surely you will fail. So it'll be fun. We'll see you there at last chance kitchener or Simon to call this episode waste of my time kitchen. Obviously you're going to lose to Katiana who I assume is going to be standing there facing you. But listen, you know, we know that you're upset and you've had a very insecure time

with your walls up. So we're going to have the nicest woman to ever be on this show. And she only says the words I love you honey. And that is Cesar's mom. Cesar's mom, do you have anything to say to Henry? Rice pizza? That sucked. Get the fuck out of here. And he's like, womp, womp, womp. Oh, well.

So he's gone. He seems so nice, but yeah. He seemed like he just, I think the competition was too much for Henry since the beginning, poor guy. Yeah, poor Henry. I feel bad for him. Cause yeah, he is a nice guy. I'm sure he's really good, but it's just a lot.

It's hard. I mean, he made it pretty far. This is, there were what, seven people in this one? He did. So he made it like halfway through. So that's pretty, well, more than halfway. Cause don't they start out with like 90 chefs now? Yeah, well, next week is the restaurant wars.

And I have to say, that's probably a good idea. They got rid of Henry before restaurant wars because that I just I just didn't want to see Henry have to go through that Yeah, I couldn't take the second hand stress But yeah, are they bringing back the person next week from last chance kitchen because they didn't mention that I don't think so because Katiana the let's see, Katjana went last week. And then I think it's only been like, this is only the third week of people going to Last Chance Kitchen. So I don't mean-

But didn't you say this is the last, oh no, he said this is the last immunity. He didn't say, he didn't say it's the last, okay. It's not the last Last Chance Kitchen. Yeah. Okay, okay. All right, everybody. Well, thank you so. Okay. Okay.

All right, everybody. Well, thank you so much for being here. This was super fun and long. What a long one, my God. But really padded that with some pad. Pad. Pad. Padmington bear.

All right, everybody. Thank you so much for being here. This was super fun. Get tickets for our Texas shows and Vegas shows next week in May over at Watch What Crappens. Thanks for being with us on video and Patreon, everybody. We sure love you. We'll talk to you next time.

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