Watch What Crappens - #282: Return of the Head Betch: Partying With Matt Whitfield

Episode Date: April 7, 2016

Timestamps below! Real Housewives of New York made a hilarious return this week, and so did our bestie and former co-host Matt Whitfield of Yahoo (@lifeonthemlist). We laughed so hard in a tiny apt on one mic (another party day with non studio mics, you’ve been warned) about RHONY, the final reunion of this season’s Vanderpump Rules, and RHOBH’s nonsensical fighting about nothing. Enjoy this very special reunion episode, and thanks for all the support! Timestamps: 0-10:55 Catch up chatter with Matt 10:55-23:00 Crappens Mailbag: The Fourth Wall, Producer Manipulation, Twitter changed everything, Vanderpump goes after the producers. 1:21:27 RHONY Returns! And shit’s goin’ DOWN 2:02:45 Vanderpump Reunion Part 3 ------------------- Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. For all our other links and extras, go to http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Do you feel like people are laughing about your oily ass face behind your back? Then they probably are, okay? And it is not your fault. Did you know that the United States has not passed a major federal law

to regulate the safety of ingredients used in personal care products since 1938? Who the hell even knows what we're putting on our face? Look, it is time to change. Beauty Counter is a fairly newish company that is selling natural products. They have extensive testing, and they will not fuck up your face and give you some weird third nose because you used some chemical that was never approved in the first place, okay? If you want to go there, my beautiful little soulmate cousin angel face, Jenna, is working with these guys right now. She's in Austinin so if anybody is

in austin you can go to jenna's april social and get some samples talk about this stuff to work with her one-on-one uh to get you some decent moisturizer y'all go to jenna beauty.com that's j-e-n-a beauty.com jenna beautycom. Do as a real housewife would suggest and fix your face. Good crap. Oh, well, you know what? It's a crap. Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? This episode, we are reunited with one of our best friends and former co-host Matt Whitfield of Yahoo Entertainment. You can find Matt at Life on the M-List.

I'm just making this little pre-note to warn you. We are doing this in my apartment with one microphone. So, of course, the audio sucks. This is basically us partying together, talking shit, and it sounds cuckoo bird. So, I know you don't come here for the professional quality of our podcast. But, yeah, this is another one that is super fun because we are just partying. One day, we'll get like a really nice professional setup. We'll have multiple mics all plugged in, no background noise, et cetera.

Today is not that day. Enjoy. We talk Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Vanderpump Rules, and the return of Real Housewives of New York City. We love and miss Matt, and it was great to have him back. Hope you guys have fun enjoy

hello and welcome to the watch what crap is podcast podcast about all that crap we love to talk about our problem i'm ronnie karen from fresh talk tv here i am with the lovely gorgeous ben mandelker i'm making it shorter whoa just for the day oh I only get two adjectives in a day. Because our triplet bitch is back. Yes. In our hood. Mr. Matt Whitfield from Yahoo TV. Or Yahoo. Yahoo in general.

Yeah, I'm not just on Yahoo TV. Oh, yeah. I'm Yahoo. He's Yahoo. He's big Yahoo now. He puts a... Yahoo. The B is back. Welcome back, Matt Whitfield. The B is back.

Welcome back, Matt Woodfield. Thanks for having me. So we're recording in my apartment. We're all using one mic, so there you go. That's your great sound. We're huddling around like we're in a throuple. I was going to say, I feel like we're in St. Petersburg during the siege of 1944 or whatever.

So you're in this right now. I was thinking we're like on spring, wild on spring break. Oh yeah, oh I remember that. Triple kiss. I remember that.

I remember that to be safe. I was in Delaware when I saw that episode actually. I remember I was on a trip to Delaware and I was in a hotel room

watching MTV spring break was it on Censored or whatever and the triple kiss spring break like 96, 97. Nothing was hotter.

Let's do it. Okay, we're back. Back from the triple kiss. Go to facebook.com slash watch what crap happens to talk crap with other listeners throughout the week about the live shows. Go to patreon.com slash watch what crap happens to become a premium subscriber.

Like the lovely Christy Doherty. We love you, Christy. Christy. Matt, do you have any social media that you'd like to plug? You can follow me on Instagram, Twitter, and what else is there? Tinder.

I'm not giving out my Tinder name, but at Life on the M-List for all of the applicable social media outlets. Okay. And by the way, I have a question for the masses. Does anyone know what the emoji is where it's a parenthesis? It's a parenthesis

and a lower dash and then another parenthesis. Anyone can answer that? Asking for a friend. Asking for a friend. It's on the Tinder everywhere, but I don't know what it means. I have no idea. Well, I thought I looked at the wrong thing when you showed me. I was like, oh, that's the symbol for Burning Man. But't know what it means i have no idea well i thought i looked at the wrong thing when you showed me i was like oh that's the symbol for burning man but then i realized it was not a dot it was like the burning hemorrhoid yeah the burning ass man oh that's on

fire um so excited to have you back matt thanks thanks for having me um i have a feeling that today we're gonna fight a lot yeah so this is really awkward because we're all right around this one microphone and I feel like there's going to be a lot of yelling and maybe spitting. Oh, that's your fetish. Okay. This is the tradition of a real Half-Size episode is that everyone gathers around and it's like all high and

nice and everything's fine and then someone just has to get something off their chest and then it's all hell after that. I love it. I love a good fight. Yeah, I do. I love a good fight. I miss it in the real world, that you can't say shit,

because then everybody gets all mad. They become like a housewife. Remember when you said that thing, and it hurt my feelings? And they're like, oh, shut the fuck up, okay? It's an opinion. You'll live.

You'll survive it. We're safe behind the microphone, so we're going to talk a lot of shit. I know. I'm very non-confrontational, so this is the extent of my confrontation, is confronting someone when they're not

in the same space yeah of course possibly never hearing it but if it was like a face to face I'd like crumble I would like reserve for past aggressive

whisperings later you know I'm a little sad by the way that we are not recording this in the food court at the Fox Hills mall

I know in Playa Vista which is where my new office is I went there the other day and it was just like a single like sad tear rolled down my cheek

because we weren't recording in a food court. I know. Well we could have gone to like Dinah's whatever The chicken place. Yeah the chicken place

over there too. Well we could just get down to Walt's if you want and watch crazy people eat salad with their fingers. They do have those tables.

We could set up a shop at a table and then just do the podcast. We can have that little massage guy come over and like give us some massage. Just so creepy, right?

My neighbor does that. Creeps me out. No, dirty. The Whole Foods massage guy? Yeah. And I saw that Whole Foods massage guy out the other day and I couldn't remember where he was from. And he was like, hey, how have you been?

I was like, oh, hi. And then I walked away. I was like, why is he so friendly? Don't engage. Why are you talking to him? I don't know. Now I feel creepy. Because that guy's going to say hi to me now when I go to the whole thing.

Forever. Now you're on a... There's a guy at the gym. No, I'm talking to this massage guy. There's a guy at the gym who's just started saying hi to me. It's like this 40-something guy who looks a little messy. And he's like, hey, how's it going? How was your workout?

I'm like, good, thanks. How about yours? Who asks each other how their workouts are? Well, this guy does. And now I'm like... My compulsion to be polite overrules my compulsion to push someone away like that. So rather than just being mean, I'm like, oh, this guy does. And now I'm like, my compulsion to be polite overrules my compulsion to push someone away like that. So rather than just being mean, I'm like, oh, good, thanks. How are you?

And I just walk. I'm like, why is this guy saying hi to me all the time? It's like we're friends. It's not like a hit-on thing. Does he slap your ass with a towel? No, no. I mean, is that a white guy? Oh, you don't watch Mr. Homebake. Sorry. You guys are so East Coast. You're like, what the hell? Who would talk to you in a jam? Have you ever seen me on the street?

I'm like, hi. Hi, hi. I just went to Starbucks and the whole fucking neighborhood knows you. I'm like, why is he talking to these people? Ronnie knows every single one of them. And there's a part of me that wants to be that way. Like, it takes so long for me. Like, when I go to Tiago, the coffee shop, and you still haven't been to that.

I know. It took about two years before they started to like know my name whereas another friend of mine was in there for like a week and a half like oh hey what's going on what's going on just saying his name and i realized it's me it's my fault i put up a standoffish vibe in some way and i hate that i want people to say hi to me and yet i don't want the guy but i don't want that guy at the gym to say hi to me. God, this is a new flavor. It's going to make me cough the whole time. It smells like French toast. It smells good, right?

I know. Yeah, blow that in my face some more. Well, that's why I'm coughing, because you're not supposed to inhale fucking French toast, okay? So, Ronnie, we don't have an ad, but I think you wanted to plug something. Oh, yeah. I put it at the beginning. Already done.

Gymbeauty.com. Do it. So, we have a big show, and we have we have to get going because Matt and I have a date after this. At the gym. At the gym. Actually. We're not asking

each other how their workout is. Yeah, we're going to the, well, I assume yours is going to come through. We're going to

the American Idol finale tonight. I don't know if my ticket's coming through. I'm very jealous if you get to go. I hope yours gets

to come through. I hate going to shit like that. I wish I could say I was jealous I can walk there for my place. I know, but you have to wait outside. I know. I don't really shit like that. I wish I could say I was jealous. I can walk there from my place. I know, but you have to wait outside. I normally need a tube.

I normally need a tube. But it's the finale. It's the last episode ever until it gets rebooted in five years. Right, and it's running on the internet so much. Yeah, that's all there will be. I got Hulu Plus. What the hell does anybody have cable for?

That's all you need. Yeah. Well, they need to get all the channels on there. Like, Bravo still won't put Housewives of New York or... They'll put New York and stuff. They won't put Atlanta. Because Atlanta is the cash cow. And they also only have a certain number of licenses that they could...

Licenses to put, like, online streaming for their shows. So they're not going to put Atlanta there because their shows. So they're not going to put Atlanta there because it has such big ratings. They're not going to put it on their website.

Because they can use that license to tour groups to get people interested. Exactly. Plus they can charge more ad dollars

when Atlanta runs on TV. Gross. Give me my shows. I know. Although I did just watch the entire Jennifer Lopez show.

Thanks to Luke Blass. It was terrible. And Jane the Blue. It just. Thanks to Luke Blass. It was terrible. And Jane the Blue. Wait, because... It just got renewed for a second season. It was terrible and amazing. You were the one who was telling me that. And also David Clark was talking about that thing.

How's her wig? How's the wig? Hair acting. Yes. That's all right. You have to watch it. The whole thing is Jennifer Lopez hair acting. And can I guess it's also...

It's very Amy Heckerling. And is it Ray Liotta playing Ray Liotta? Oh, yeah. Okay. And he gets that Ray Liotta accent like in some lines but it's not a real accent

it's just one he made up and so does she they both have weird things going on and what's her face from I'm blanking on her name Drea DiMatteo

yeah Drea DiMatteo this is how Drea DiMatteo acts that's the character she played on Sons of Anarchy she just that's all she does

for some reason I just love Dread and Mateo. I once went to the griddle, and she pulled up in a janky-ass old red van from the 70s. She and, I believe it was Gina Gershon, got out, grabbed pancakes, went back into the van, and ate them in the van in front of the griddle. Okay. The only thing that stuck out there was Gina Gershon, because she is the queen. I know. I want some more. Showgirls alone. All right. We have to get to these shows. Okay. Let only thing that stuck out there was Gina Gershon because she is the queen. I know.

I want some more. Showgirls alone. All right. We have to get to these shows. Okay. Let's do it. Lead on, Benjamin. Let's do a Krappen's mailbag question.

Okay. We have to improvise the song today. Okay. Ding, ding, dong, dong, dong, dong. Bad. Her mail's here. Mail has arrived. Okay. Of course, I didn't actually. Okay. Mail has arrived. Okay.

Of course, I didn't actually... Okay, so this is from Lori. She says, for each of my booze... That includes you today, Matt. Well, I was assuming so. Based on Bethany's criticism of Jules' thin bod, what are your two top least aware comments from the housewives of New York? Oh, my God.

That's really a tall order. Yeah. I wonder if it's... It has to be from all the time, right? Oh, yeah. I would say Dorinda asking for water from a black-eyed restaurant. Yeah, that was what I was going to say, too. That was hilarious.

I'm still cringing. Still. And we mentioned this one the other day, too, but Sonia not letting people take her luggage out of her trunk. She said something so ignorant. Oh, on vacation. Yeah. They typically are known for stealing things. Yeah. So she has to carry her own

luggage into villas wherever she travels. Yeah. I feel like Ramona probably has an entire volume of things that we're not aware that she said it. That's why you just can't even remember them anymore. Well, Ramona's

really writing that to the point where now she's just making stuff up to look stupider. Why would you do that? Like, who wants to look dumber on purpose? It's crazy. What? She's turning into Yolanda. What is that? A pop hair? It's a fucking paper, Romana.

Stop it. Kadoos. Kadoos to you, Ronnie. Riget. Riget. Riget. It's my favorite genre of music. Riget.

Lauren Grabowski asks, Hello, guys. Have you ever considered having a contest for your number one fan of the podcast to be a guest co-host for a very special episode? If so, I would like to nominate myself. Thank you for considering me. Is this a question from Lauren? Lauren Grabowski.

Dear Lauren, I am the number one fan and I am the guest host today. Sorry about it. Yeah, Matt already won. You're the dad. You know, who knows? Who knows what might be down the line? We're always trying to figure out other weird fun things. I want to start like a voicemail thing

on the Patreon lines because we're trying to come up with, we're always trying to come up with new Patreon features. I think that would be fun that you could call a line

and then have your, like ask us a question on the air. That'd be awesome. Or tell us off or whatever. Yeah, or tell us off. Right, you could have

somebody screening the call but then they really just get on and once they're live they just rail on you. Yeah. That'll be me. Yeah, I have a feeling I never would have The fake accent. they really just get on and once they're live they just rail on you. Yeah. They'll be me. Yeah.

I have a feeling I never would have been. The fake accent. Okay. Well, let's just stick with those. We have a whole bunch more on the Crap It's Now bag.

Let's just push them to next week. This week has been a little crazy with the watch and everything. We're just going to do the rest of the mailbag next week because we have a ton of questions and there's a big long one. Erica Wall has a big one.

I'm sorry. Is that a question or is that a question or is that uh it's like a multi-tiered one she is i mean maybe i should you know i'll read it because it's all about beverly hills maybe that'll be a good segue okay good okay you want to do beverly hills first uh it doesn't matter we'll do beverly hills first because that's i feel like we'll be fired up about that okay and uh i don't have no idea what erica... I'm discovering this as I read it. Love your shavers. Very consistent shavers, Ms. Wall.

So Erica Wall says, slash asks, As we can all kind of piece together, much of the drama between the housewives happens off-camera or because of what someone is saying on camera and not in private. Because the cast can't break the fourth wall and acknowledge that they are making a TV show, they have to find odd ways to bring up things that they are angry about. Yes. For example, I think Rinna was more enraged that Yolanda missed Erika's dinner party, not because she hung out with Kim and Brandy, but because she once again got out of filming.

Yeah, I would agree with that. Or Eileen getting so pissed that LBP was talking about her affair on national TV but couldn't really come out and say that that is why it bothered her. My question is, do you think there will come a time on Bravo where more acknowledgement of the cameras and show will be allowed? If so, how many seasons away from that kind of change do you think we are? Currently, the cast is able to address their off-camera issues on Watch What Happens Live, their blogs, and at reunions, but not on the show itself, which ironically makes it less real. Also, for an example of a show that does allow acknowledgement of the cameras, see MTV's Teen Mom, who changed the format recently through the producers being on camera and comments about filming throughout the show. Thanks. Love you guys. Erica.

Okay, very thoughtful. Yeah, very thoughtful. I'm not going to be like all these questions. I mean, I started. Erica. Okay, very thoughtful. Very thorough. I mean, I started to fall asleep like Vicky does. But that may have been my delivery. That was probably your delivery. No, that was very thorough and thoughtful. Yes, very thoughtful.

Because in the middle of it, I was about to say, well, they actually do call it out on the reunions. For example, recently, Kim Fields, when getting in a fight with Toral, what's Toral's getting in a fight with Toril, what's Toril's name? Kenya. Kenya was saying, play that fucking

tape back, because they're admitting what's going on. And they made it, and they were both wrong. And they were both wrong. So yes, that does happen on the reunions. Look, my whole thing is, we know it's fake. So I just don't foresee a change anytime soon well

one of the amazing things about the real house so i've seen various other reality shows at this time now with greens etc is this crazy i don't even know how to intellectualize or make it sound academic i feel like it's some sort of post-modern thing where you're watching these women it's supposed to be real life the whole point of it is like we're getting a peek into their lives and then they have to read and then all this stuff happens sort of outside the world the quote unquote world the show and like the press or whatever that's supposed to be like a different sphere right but that stuff in past happens on the show but they can't act as as Erica was

mentioning they can't like acknowledge it but it's this weird thing where like we're pretending like we're seeing them in a pristine state, a pristine housewife state, but they're not, and it's a weird push-pull between the audience and them. And I think, though, that they do break the fourth wall more than they used to, but I don't think they can break it

too much more. I think the way they're breaking it now that happened in the past two years is Twitter, because now they're mentioning Twitter all the time and Instagram. And so that's how they're bringing the real stuff into it because they found out that they can't get in trouble with that or they're not getting in trouble using that door. And so now they use it just to bring it into the show.

But some of it is just the characters won't film. The Rinna thing, Rinna, I don't even understand how they're still fighting about this, which I guess we'll get to that when we can. But she can't bring that up because those are two other people who are not paid characters on the show. Yes, they are paid. They are paid to play. They are not.

No, no, I'm saying the ones that she's talking about, like the reason she's doing all of this has nothing to do with Kyle or Lisa. It's because of her hairdresser that was the one talking about Munchausen. And then they got in another fight, supposedly. I mean mean I heard the city gay bar who knows but they got through last year's true a lot of it has been but they got in a fight last year about no or they're vegan they keep saying summer so I'm like oh is it but they were fighting because a lady that they all know who lives in Malibu was talking about it and they can't bring up this mystery Malibu woman so it has to fall on one of these three

also you can't if Lisa Rinna is in fact annoyed that Yolanda got out of shooting in Pasadena and she said she was not feeling well and yet was shooting earlier in the day and that's what annoys Lisa Rinna

that's a different type of fourth wall rena that's a that's a different type of fourth wall than some of the press that's like an actual pertaining to production fourth wall which really very few reality shows do although i i don't watch teen mom it sounds like maybe teen mom is starting to do that but like they would never address that on the house wives andy cohen does not want that happening he knows that we know yeah exactly there is an illusion there but there needs to still be some kind of facade up and they would never want us as viewers hearing like them bitching about well she didn't show up for film right that's fine for a reunion show that cannot play out as the regular season unfolds exactly

like the like the the drama is supposed to drive the production, not the production driving the drama, even though we all know production does drive the drama. I think on Real Housewives they don't even have to drive it.

I think that these women are trying to drive their own little things themselves and that's what's big. And that they all just start crashing into each other. You know, I always think back

to our Jill Zarin episode because Jill Zarin said something that always stuck with me that I thought was so fascinating about how they would always make the cars late. Remember when she said that? She said, there'd be an event, and you'd be sitting there waiting for your car. And you'd get grouchy, and people waiting for you would get grouchy. And then you'd show up, and then just like the fireworks would go off.

And I was like, it's just so brilliant. It's brilliant. That sort of shit happens all the time it feels like no one seems to even people it seems like all these women are aware of shit like that and yet they don't they don't and yet they don't find other ways to talk about it because i'm sure production production probably knew they're pissed off because i'm sure that there were phone calls beforehand from probably lisa renner herself this is my conspiracy theory being like you make sure that you're on the foster is there because I'm sick of filming without her being there she probably had some phone calls right and

they're like you know what you do we'll film earlier and make sure she's not there I mean that's like conspiracy but and you know the new but it also benefits Renna too because that just adds more fuel to her fire on why she is justified in hating stupid fucking Yolanda. We all agree. I think, I mean, I'm very pro-Elise Rinna. The difference is I'm pro-Elise Rinna and pro-Penelope. And I am anti- LBP and it's just like, I'm done. It's gonna happen.

Here we go. We need that voice because we're not. Well, I'm the voice of reason and that's why I'm here. You're the voice of treason! Between LBP acting like such an on Beverly Hills and then also is that her selling it is her selling point but also acting like an on the Vanderpump Rules reunion I am done with her well if she showed up with that to Beverly Hills I would be sorry right because that's her

just telling everybody off and saying well listen, I would be down because that's her just telling everybody off and saying, well, listen, yeah, I did do that because you cheated on your husband. Shame on you. I still love you, darling. Let's have tea. You know, that's what I want. I think she's being too much of a pussy. Did you guys, while we're just on this question, did you read that thing last week about her telling off evolution on Twitter? I love Twitter.

So she wrote, this is, I'm not quoting it, but she wrote something like, I love how they edited it to look like I'm being a bitch to go away. They made me go away. Yeah. Because they saw my passport and they said, oh, you have to have six months on your passport to go to Dubai if you only have five. And they were like, well, you need it. So you need to go.

They gave her the dates. They set it up. And she went. They sent her to London during the Lyme disease. Got Lyme Academy Awards. And Evolution actually tweeted back at her and said, you said yourself on the show that your passport was out and you had to go to London. And that's it.

So thank you for clarifying, at least on the show. Like, trying to get bitchy with her. Oh, shit. And then she tweeted back, yes, which you set up as production. Yeah. Don't be trying to push shit around with me. Lisa's tweeted back, yes, which you set up as production. Yeah. Don't be trying to quit shit around with me. Lisa's trying to, like,

push back. Okay, but why is she having to justify... Okay, now I'm starting to defend LBP. What is wrong with me? My only thing is... That's the joy of this show.

That is the joy of this show. I flip-flop constantly. Flip-flop. She shouldn't have to justify that to anybody. Anyone. If you want to go... And that's where you'll...

I mean, yeah, can we agree that Yolanda is the real problem right 100 yes okay because she is but yolanda is literally not doing anything to anybody at this point but the thing is though but yolanda making comments about like oh well you know my real friends don't want to show up for this things like that but make it seem like l Lisa's just being shady by avoiding it. And then Lisa's like, no, I had to go to London. I was, I would've gone. She's like, I would've gone.

How about this? Yolanda's an asshole, and maybe she shouldn't even bother to go, even if she could've. Yeah, well, okay. So why don't we go to Beverly Hills? Yeah, let's do that. Let's get on that yacht. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Man.

Okay, go ahead, Ben. I'm just looking at the time stamp. Dubai. I'm going to make me to Dubai. I'm going to pull up my notes. Okay, this is 20 minutes and 48 seconds. Okay. I'm pulling up my notes on my cell phone here.

Dubai. I feel like I'm DJ James Kennedy rapping off of the cell phone. Okay, don't talk shit about my boy. Oh, we are going to. You basic bitch. You basic bitch. So we are still in Dubai. Okay, so I have, you have to steer it actually.

I wrote notes, but you have, you have to do all the Dave things. So wait, is this, did the beginning of the episode start where the night before is when they had the awkward, fucked up dinner, and then they're trying to, like, brush everything off with a good old shopping trip? Well, yeah, that's, that cracked me up, that after this crazy fight, the first scene is, like, the, like, the happy Alan Lazare music, like, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, and they're, like, getting into roles, and Eric and Jane's like, I love a role twice. I mean, I don't give a fuck, I'm gonna get on the camera, but I love a role. Finally, it was that they didn't have a suck a dick to get into. Yeah. Meanwhile, her gays are, like, in a crate at the bottom of the lens.

They're like, take us with you. Okay, can I just say this? He's probably listening right now. Enough with Mikey Minden. I can't deal. I can't deal. Are you paying him? Listen, hunty, I agree.

I just feel like those guys are old queens from like six years ago. I mean, who says some of the stuff they say? Please stop saying fierce and that's everything. Thank you. Because now they're making Erica say fierce and I'm like, Erica, I like you, but your lingo is outdated. I just feel, it's weird.

I feel like there's like more to those gays than what we're seeing. I feel like they are just like, I mean, they're just so- Everything. It're seeing. I feel like they are just, like, I mean, they're just so... Everything! It's amazing! I'm like, are you guys just doing this for two weeks? Please tell me you're just doing this for two weeks.

Please tell me you're not doing this. They're doing it for a paycheck. You know they leave and they're like, that girl is a mess. She smelled like old people. She smelled like old spies. Like her husband. So they were not actually trying to

sweep anything under the rug. They were just going to go shopping in this gorgeous mall. And not talk to each other. And everybody is so typical. Lisa Banner, Papa's like, oh, here I am, all alone in a mall. Everyone hates me. You know what? I'm being a total victim.

Well, I mean, wait a second. But that was like entitled victimhood. If you just had a dinner party where everyone came down. Not everybody came down. Erica and Catherine stayed out of it and sat at the end of the table and said, we're not part of this. We don't know the history. But you said a dinner party where you had two or three people.

Okay, you are rounding up. You are rounding up. Lisa and Eileen, that's two. That's not a handful. That's two. Well, then Kyle was off the sanctions. Don't even get me started on Kyle. Kyle did not go after Vanderbilt the way she should have. You may have a point. I'm revising. Okay's two. No, well then Kyle was also saying shit. Don't even get me started on Kyle. Kyle did not go after Vanderbilt the way she

should have. You may have a point, I'm revising. Okay, two. Even so, if you're at a dinner party where two people come in, you're really strongly being like, you fucking did this, you did this, you're this, you're this, you're this, whether or not they're justified, whether or not they're justified. The next morning, you'd probably be

like, well, they hate me. No, they were too. You put on a moomoo and you whip out your anex. I think she'd probably be like, well, they hate me. You put on a mulu and you whip out your andex. I think she literally said something like, well, Aileen doesn't want to be my friend, apparently. Shopping. I think that's a reasonable takeaway

after a dinner like that, to be like, they don't like me. I don't like when she plays victim because I think she is a victim in a lot of this stuff, but I don't like me. I don't like when she plays victim because I think she is a victim in a lot of this stuff, but I don't need to see her crying about it. If she had more balls the way she does on Vanderpump Rules,

I would be able to be like, yes, bitch. Yes, I want her to just sit back and go, darling, is this a ganty? Do you have anything going on? I agree. I would have liked to have seen that instead. I would have liked to have seen that instead, but I'm you that. I would have liked to have seen that instead, but I'm just saying I don't think it's unreasonable

that she was like sulking a little bit. No. Licking her wounds. It's just weird to see her like that. I think it was validated that she's valid

for having hurt feelings. Hurt feelings, yes. But I just don't like seeing her have hurt feelings. I agree. Like, bro, especially with these two idiots coming after her,

they have nothing on you. And nobody, and I just have to say, nobody is even focusing on what they're fighting about. And they're all saying the same exact thing. And not only that, it doesn't even matter. Like, it's nothing. It is nothing. I've a great theory, but I can't wait for it to come. Are we going to discuss that now?

No, no, no. Once it comes. Once we get that part. So, basically, Erica basically says 30 times in this episode, I haven't had fun today. I just want to have fun. Like, these bitches are so fine. Like, Erica, how about being fun? How about trying that

for one day? Just fucking be fun, okay? Don't pay people to be fun for you, like the little gays with their crazy Muppet brows. Don't be trying to, like, G.I.O. flapping your ass cheeks on the ground to be fun. Get a like, G.I.O. flapping your ass cheeks on the ground. It'd be fine. Get a personality, bitch. Be fun yourself.

Stop demanding everybody else do it. You're the boring one. This was actually, believe it or not, I thought this episode showed the most personality from Erica

and it wasn't even that much. But, like, the first time we saw her sort of, like, laughing in the presence of the ladies. Yeah, she was having fun. She made, like, two jokes.

She did. I want to have, by the way, a golf cart take me around Blundell Galleria. I know. And with, like, a little man to drive me through the mall. It'll basically be one of those things they put pallets on, and someone's just going to drive you. You'll stand on it. Yeah, there'll be, like, little wheels on the bottom.

I'll take it. Or a red wagon. I'll take you around in a red wagon. Yeah, that was, I was actually surprised that when they were putting the little mall carts that we didn't get the typical footage of someone driving like crazy, like Lisa Venom and then like, people in the mall having to like scurry out of the way like crazy. It was so awkward.

You mean like that dune buggy accident in the Orange County? Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Drunk driving. We talked about that on the live show. Like, don't you can't feel bad for anybody on Orange County. Somebody was posting on Facebook and was was like, don't you can't feel bad for anybody on Orange Pound. Somebody was posting on Facebook and was just like, what if they had been seriously injured? And I'm like, what if they had been?

Oh, well, they've got like 30 layers of tit. Thank you. They could have been seriously injured doing anything. Like, what if Heather Dubrow took the chair out in front of Shannon and she fell on the floor and broke her neck? Then we probably wouldn't joke about it. But instead, of course we would. Yes, we would. Just like her broken cape.

God, of course we'd joke about that. I have to mention Eileen's hat. Okay, Eileen's fashion is terrible. She was wearing a Forest Ranger hat.

If you think Eileen's house is tacky, look at that bitch's closet. She cannot dress. Everyone shows up and looks amazing, right? Even Renna in like the casual wear, like the,

with the little business suit, with a business suit, with a, with a bright white sneaker. Fine. That hat, she wears the nastiest shit. And that hat,

all it reminds me of is, because I'm happy. It's like a Pharrell hat. Yeah. And she's always miserable. So it's like she's wearing the happy hat, but she's just complaining about something she has nothing to do with the entire time.

It's a fucking golf cart. That's nicer than her own car at home. God bless your car. I know. They go shopping, et cetera. At one point, Erica Jane found some bracelet that was like $700,000. She's like, well, you know, you can only get it in Dubai.

And I was like, if you buy that, I'm going to be so mad at you. I don't think she did. No, she can't spend that. She can't spend a million dollars on it. Mr. Girardi is like asleep at that moment. I don't even think she bought

that little Hello Kitty purse from Chanel. I think that that was in her backpack. She's like, look what I got. Yeah, the only thing, I think Renna ended up with a pair of shoes and like no one else,

no one was like going big shopping. Renna got kids. She got bedazzled kids. Like, you just went to Chanel and kids. Thank you. That's where you went. Yeah. And you know Kyle went to the Sbarro as well.

Bye, Sbarro. Bye. Bye, Sbarro. Hey, guys. Sbarro. So the next thing is going to the Burj Khalifa. Oh, yes. This was when, I think, my first around. This was important to the Burj Khalifa. Oh, yes. This was when I think my first around.

This was important to me because a couple of things. I know that because Tom Cruise did that Mission Impossible movie. He does his own stunts. And I was like, look at Tom Cruise clinging to the side of a building, pretending he's 20 still. You know, it was like desperate, but also really fun. And that's kind of where this show is right now. So what was significant about the scene on top of the British Glee Club? Wait, you're getting ahead of yourself.

The elevators? They had to split into two groups to ride the elevators. And of course, I'm saying this is always like back to like when you're doing dodgeball as a kid. Like, who's on my team to ride in the elevator? Yeah, exactly. I was a little surprised. I guess they had to put the camera people in there too

or something like that. I was hoping for Renna and LBP to be in the same elevator because that would have just been like, ooh, and then somebody can pull the emergency

brake on it. Yeah, but Lisa, Renna won't ever do anything on her own. So if she doesn't have an audience there to egg her on or I mean like buzzing

her little fucking do it, say it, say it. She would just be hi Lisa, I love you so much. I love you. She's done with that. What an interesting elevator. I mean, I've seen a lot of elevators, baby,

and this one's the farthest one I've ever been on. I mean, where's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory for this? And then Kyle, will someone come with me? I'm terrified of the horizontal stripes in the elevator. That's the only thing I saw in that elevator. I was like, poor Kyle. She has to go in a horizontally striped elevator.

I think that's sweaty feet. So then... So they get up top. And then, so this is funny. So then Lisa Vanderpump apologizes to Eileen. And finally someone, Kyle, had the sense to pull Lisa Vanderpump aside and be like, you idiot.

Do you not know how to apologize? This is what you have to say. And this lady, you know, she's like, just say, I'm really sorry. I didn't realize

it was going to affect you so much. And Lisa Vanderbilt's like, but, so I say, I'm sorry that I said the thing that affected you so much. No, no, no. Say,

I'm sorry. I didn't realize it would affect you. Okay. I'm sorry that you don't understand my other apologies. No. I'm just, I'm sorry that you feel

the need to victimize people who are 20 years older than you for no reason. No, Lisa, you just have to say, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that's all you have to say. I don't understand. But she just repeated and I think it's verbatim.

And Kyle is a perfect coach because Kyle apologizes in a way that she will say what you need and then she'll just go talk behind your back like she never means it either but she knows

but she knows how to knock it out she knows how to just make you say okay and then move on unfortunately Eileen is not going to move on because the bitch has nothing going on

so she would and Lisa's like darling you know whatever I'm sorry you're miserable about what I said well Lisa's got been yeah we know the thing is you know Bravo is you can tell that Bravo want to get in trouble because they didn't have to show the footage of how that was so funny I love it like he's finally

apologized banging the drum of she doesn't know how to apologize Yeah, so they show that because they know it's gonna make on the damage season and the reunion My take on it, I know people gonna be like that just goes to show that Lisa's fake about other but my take on it Is I think in no and I do apologize max. I am an LVP defender and apologist, so this is just what happens, okay? I have takes that are very complimentary to Lisa Vanderbilt. But my take is that sometimes in life, you do need someone to say, hey, you're not saying it right. Like, you can't say it like that. And I don't think it's fake for her to say her apology.

I didn't think it was a fake apology, believe it or not. I think she just didn't know. She doesn't know how to say it. Well, she literally said it. She didn't mean it. Well, no, she said that she didn't mean she just didn't know. She literally said she didn't mean it. She said she didn't mean, she didn't want her to be upset. Is she sorry that she said the things?

She just can't recognize that her delivery time and time again with this is offensive because it comes across cold and heartless. And it's British, as Catherine says. You can't give her a fucking pass on that for the rest of time. She has been told

year after year after year that this is a problem. No, I agree. That's what I'm saying. I'm glad that someone finally said to her, this is how you do it. This is how you say words. I come from another place because I'm the kind of person that if you say what the fuck you're going to say, and then you apologize because of that, even though

she's maintaining look i did say that but i didn't mean anything horrible so what you had an affair everybody knew yeah but i'm i'm of the opinion that you don't apologize you say that was my opinion that hurt your feelings i would never want to do that would you forgive me for hurting your feelings and we can move on but to like backtrack and be like oh they want her to admit shit that she's not gonna admit because she's not doing it like if you want her to sit there and say i was slut shaming you on national tv but i don't even think eileen cares about her bringing up the affair i think eileen only cares about lisa giving her a proper apology for being a bitch well i don't think it has to do

anything with the affair no it was it did have to do with the affair it did i don't i just don't the thing is she said why do you think she's a bitch because anything with the affair. No, it was. It did have to do with the affair. It did have to do with the affair. I just don't... The thing is, she said that... The reason why she thinks she's a bitch is because she brought up the affair. And that was... And I said at the time, Lisa did that on purpose, because I think Lisa was... Getting a date. He doesn't agree with me, but I do think Lisa was saying, oh, you've been married? Like, she didn't know.

Oh, three times. Oh, so it was an affair. As if she doesn't do full-on research before these women... My theory... My theory... Yeah. Oh, so it was an affair. As if she doesn't do full-on research before these women start the new level of joy in the cast. My theory is that I think Lisa was drunk at a party at the Hamptons all day long and she just wanted to get the dirt.

She's like, tell them about the affair. I think she just wanted to, like, come on, let's talk about it. Now we know each other for years, let's talk about it. And Eileen just didn't want, you know, she just didn't want the word affair mentioned on TV because it's embarrassing. I still do.

I think that Eileen cares more about Lisa saying to her, the way Lisa said, I think she said, like, if you don't want me to ask questions about your life, then I won't. Or something along those lines. She wasn't allowed to say affair because Eileen was offended that she brought up affair. So when she's apologizing, she can't say, I'm sorry that I brought up your affair because

Eileen wouldn't even say it. Like, Eileen did not want to talk about it. So she was saying. Well, then Eileen should not be on reality TV. Exactly. I mean, Lisa's, no, but don't get me wrong. Lisa's many apologies have been all terrible. Like, I was like, Lisa, you could have cut this off in the past three or four times by

now, but you're too proud. Like, just, you should have eaten this humble pie. You know, we all have to do this. Sometimes you just give. It's not that it's even a fake apology. Sometimes you've got to say things in a way where it's more important to make someone feel better than for you to have the last word. Well, she also should say, Eileen is never going to let this go. Nip this in the bud.

Exactly. Yeah, but Eileen's just like doing it so stupidly and she's trying to bring her down and she's winning and she doesn't even have to go into Vanderpump's rules mode. I don't, Eileen just needs to calm it. But Lisa needs to communicate too because if I were her, I would have just said, Eileen, darling, yes, I was teasing you about your affair.

I love knowing the gritty details of everything. And I think it's romantic that you left someone you didn't love and had a husband. I didn't know I was offending you. I'm sorry you're defensive about it. I won't bring it up again. I'm insensitive sometimes.

I meant it to be funny. And this is, you know. Yeah, exactly. But she can't communicate. I think she can't communicate. This is where her, like, that British cultural thing starts to happen, where it's like, you know,

one doesn't do that. One just says what one has to say. Well, that makes me then question all of the relationships in her life. Like, what is her relationship with her husband and her children? It makes me just think that if she can't communicate with these crazy women that are, some of them who are her friends and some are who just random fucking women, then she must be just twisted and messed up. I don't think so, because I think, again, you know, her husband's British. I think they communicate with each other probably just fine. And, you don't think so because I think again you know her husband's British I think they communicate

with each other probably just fine and you know Pandy's Pandy you know so Pandy was raised you know I just think

certain people you know there's a reason why it's a reality TV show they put oil and water characters together people who are going to explode

and certain seasons you can be the nice one and then in other seasons you can be the villain and this season in other seasons you can be the villain. And this season, guess what? She has to play the villain card. No, Yolanda.

I think Yolanda's the villain. It's starting to turn though right now. I mean, you guys love LBP and I get it and I think that a lot of what she's done

this season is justified. But you have to admit that a lot of people that are watching at home and that are listening to this right now are Team Brenna and Team Eileen.

I don't know about them, to be honest. I mean, I think they're all... But they're all listening to your bullshit. Well, I'm actually both Team Brenna and Team LBP. I'm straddling the fence big time. I like them both, and I can see... I feel like if they were both here, I could fix it. I could fix it for them.

Can you give me this? Like, if anything else, just give me this. Yes. Brenna, for all of her silliness, if she were not a part of this cast last season and this season, there would be nothing going on. That's what I said last week. Well, actually, I don't give you

that, because... She fought with Kim all last season, and it was heaven. Last season, yes. But this season, no, because it's made-up bullshit that doesn't have anything to do with anything. No, no, no. And she keeps bringing it up over and over, so nothing else can happen, because that's made up bullshit that doesn't have anything to do with anything. No, no, no. And she keeps bringing it up over and over so nothing else can happen because that's all she'll fucking talk about. No, here's the thing.

I think I mentioned last week or the week before how some people think that Rinna just piggybacks on storylines, doesn't have anything else going on, but she has been driving the storylines because here is a prime example of something small and petty that has now blown up into this huge thing which is very much like what happens in real life when this happens on a real house show i've always contended that the best seasons are when there's a small thing and it doesn't get resolved it's

bigger and bigger bigger and now here we are shouting in your bungalow right yeah and the main problem truthfully it all goes back for me to yolanda because lisa rena never said munchausen's first she engaged in a conversation where somebody else said it and she repeated it saying that she overheard this yeah if yolanda had never latched on to that and made this lisa rena said that i had munchausen's we would not be talking about any of this exactly yolanda could have just been like this is what i say no look the longer kind of just said oh that's ridiculous I appreciate you apologizing I know and please don't talk about my health situations with people that are not

impressed she goes around bench goes in chest Eric I mean I don't also play the role of this too because Erica went told Yolanda about like well Kyle Lisa was saying this value so then that that inflamed that situation with Lisa and Kyle and then the munch houseouts and then all of a sudden everyone's mad and they don't even seem to remember why they're even mad.

They just are mad and now they're feeling like pawns in the big game. And they're all giving fake hugs. People's memories are so short. I mean,

Yolanda came at Kyle and Lisa both and said, I heard you said this, which of course Yolanda repeated it in a way that was completely false.

Yes. You know? Is this when they're in the restaurant? And you way that was completely false. Yes. You know? Right. Is this when they're in the restaurant? When they went to town. And you're talking about my kids. Yes. Which didn't happen. Because that's what set Ren up.

That's what set LBP off. Yes. She's like, I have never talked shit about your kids. Yes. And then it went back to, and that's also, but then they were like, but then it was a cute thought. Just while we're still there. That's right.

But remember where you are tomorrow, right now. No, no. While we're still there. She came to the restaurant. Yes. She confronted them. Lisa said flat out, darling, the women have been talking about it.

Yes, we have. Because you do this, you act sick, then you're doing it. You're still on social media. Yes. Then you're taking like a glorious selfie. Then you say you can't run and then you take us on a scavenger hunt. Then you can't drive and then you say it while you're driving. So yes, we are talking.

She's like, yes, there are some inconsistencies, but we weren't being mean-spirited and coming after you. And I never said munch house. And nor were we ever questioning that you aren't ill. Yeah, so they are, and Kyle said, well, I just thought it's because my mom died, and maybe you were depressed about it. You know, and that's, I mean, you haven't gained 20 pounds yet, but you could,

and if you do, call me. And you know what, and don't forget what Yolanda's response was. I heard you guys talking about me. Lisa Rinna said you guys talked about me. And it wasn't what Yolanda's response was. I heard you guys talking about me. Lisa Rinna said you guys were talking about me. And it wasn't Lisa Rinna. So that gets Lisa Rinna mad. So now she's indefensible. She's angry.

But Loki didn't get mad. Vanderpump and Kyle never went after Lisa. They mentioned it to her, but they haven't made it a season-long thing. Oh, you told Yolanda we said it when you were the one who said it. Yeah, but the point is that Yolanda says, when Rinna gets pushed up against the wall, where she feels like she's being misunderstood, is when she starts to go cuckoo. And this is when she started to go cuckoo. And then she's been cuckoo the rest of the season because she feels like she's been... She's taking the brunt of it.

She's taking the brunt. Well, she was angry at Yolanda. And then Eileen starts getting into her head that, oh, well, you're you're really being manipulated by a piece of Vanderpump, actually. And then Miranda's like, well, I think they're both... No, she's going crazy because of this. Yolanda could have just nipped this, but she has... She has actually made... Took it to the next level.

And, again, as we said last week, during all this fighting in Dubai, they said, you did this. Guess who's not there? Guess who's at home, eating carrots with her feet up. In her bathrobe. I like that you said that. Guess who's not there? Guess who's at home eating carrots with her feet up? In her bathrobe. I like that you said that. Guess who's sitting

in her white bathrobe at home? Yolanda Foster. Changing her last name to Hadid so she can ride the coattails up her successful daughters. Yeah, exactly. But,

so anyway, so, virtually, but. Okay, virtually. I'm scared of heights. I would not fucking go up there.

That's true. Eileen gets her apology the way she wanted it. And then she tightly smiles. And she's like, well, thank you for saying that. And then she turned away. And then Lisa followed her and said, oh, darling, do you want to throw me up the building now? She's like, um, no.

Eileen, no sense of humor. I was not going to be nice. She was like, fuck it. I don't care. I can't believe she didn't see that. I would like to apologize. gonna be nice she was like fuck it i don't care i can't if she didn't see that i would like to apologize to insinuate that i have homicidal feelings virtually there's all places and then they take a selfie yeah they took a selfie so then um so then i think next we have is it brandy

is it when yolanda has a little thing okay yes mike bowman in the comments one of uh a beautiful listener said why does l does Lisa Vanderpump always have to apologize at like a humongous landmark? That's so true. That is true. She has to be high up with the threat of death. Yes, imminent death.

And another funny one is people talking about how Yolanda can only shoot in parts. Yes, I know. Where all the chicks are. She's like, she, oh, let me sit down in the grass now. Well, she said on Dr. Oz it wasn't even a tick. He's like, did you have Lyme? She's like, no, I mean, I don't even know where it comes from. I didn't get ticked by it.

I mean, one time, horsefly. And I said, oh, horsefly! It's like, you literally just read the definition of your supposed disease, please. You can at least keep it straight while you want Dr. Osborne. Or it truly is Munchausen's. So, yeah. I think it's just a plain out lie. I think she's depressed.

I think she was depressed because she knew that her marriage was falling apart and she just wanted to wear a bathrobe. I mean, look, I'm depressed and I just want to wear a bathrobe all day. Me too. I call it just being a depressed gay person. Thank you. What the hell? Well, the other thing is that... Where's my award? I wish Yolanda could see

that when Kyle and Lisa were talking about her illness at the beginning of the season, they were surmising that perhaps it had to do with depression or whatever. The point is, there's nothing evil about questioning the Lyme disease. It's not questioning whether or not you're lying and saying, you know, you've had this for

a few years now. Maybe it's been misdiagnosed. Maybe it's something else. Maybe it's something more. Maybe, you know, it's like, there's nothing wrong with trying to think about things. Like it's, it's okay to look at things critically. Here is me now going to defend LBP. She and Yolanda hate each other. And I love that that is coming up. And this is, we'll get to the, when we get to the yacht here in a second, where it's put out there. They hate each other from years past. Why can't Lisa Vanderpump just say, I hate her, and I'm talking about her behind her back, because that's what people do.

Because she has manners. And if you're talking about friends behind, if we're shit talking, like pretend the mic's not here, and we were shit talking about one of our friends and you went to dinner and told them everything you'd be the fucker I was the one doing it in private it's not

it's I shouldn't have to go up and tell somebody off all the time I get to have my shitty opinion with my best friend if I want to yeah that's true

she shouldn't have to chase that and Yolanda's so fake she's been coming after her for years and Lisa knows she's staying the hell away I don't think Lisa even cares enough to hate Yolanda

I think you're right she's cuckoo she stays away from her. After that incident with Ken, I think LBP was like, I'm done. She'll be in the cast with me for this season and no more.

And I will put up with it for one more go-round and then this bitch is gone. And you know what? Lisa, we'll get to it, but Lisa, I think, had a pretty good response about that situation

later on. Yeah, she did. Well, we're almost there, right? Well, where was I? I'm not Brandy. So Brandy and Kim. pretty good response about that situation later on. Yeah, she did. We're almost there, right? Where was Brandy? Brandy and Kim. Oh my god, this was like the picnic of rejects. This was just like the sad, broken

ladies. You know they offered Kim Richards a $50 Trader Joe's gift card. She's like, I'm there! I'm there! Please, it was not Trader Joe's. It was like, who's the'm there! I'm there! Please, it was not Trader Joe's. It was, like, food for less. They just told her Julia Roberts would be there. Someone's shooting Julia Roberts in a park.

You know, we wanted her to get better, but she was like, her eyes were, like, half-closed the entire time. She did a laugh like this. They were talking about drug use or something, and she went, like, her eyes were half-cl or something and she went like her eyes were out of blows

and her mouth was full of food and it's open and Brandy being so clever brought them all shirts and like Brandy's was sad

no fun being sober which they were famously photographed in that so I was like fucking Brandy at least now we know it was like a joke but like

she had that stupid thing she got Kim something that said medicated she got Yolanda something that said sick I was like yeah thing she got kim something that said medicated she's like you're long it's like sick i was like yeah and then hilarious did you love kim's little joke and she's like yeah but you should add the word never please yeah it's more like always escape to comedy now yeah um i thought kim looked halfway decent i thought brand brandy looks busted to me.

I don't know what's going on. She looks great, especially in her interviews. She looks great. She looks like, what was the name of Lynn Diamante? Lynn Curtin?

No, Lynn Diamante from Game of Thrones. Did you ever watch Game of Thrones, Matt? No, please. I have standards. No, no, no. That's why I don't watch

The Real Housewives of Potomac. You would flip your shirt for Game of Thrones. If I could, I would do it. If I had all the episodes. Is it up there with Gallery Girls? Yes. Yeah.

It's like number two. It's classic. It's classic. Pearl's Clutch. The only reason why I didn't win the crappy that year for best show was because it had to go up against like Vanderpump Rules season two or something. Which was legendary. Legendary.

That's iconic. You can't go up against iconic things. I think Brandy looked like a skinny Elton John dressing like Austin Powers for Halloween. Yes! And her mouth can't move properly, and she's talking about how much she's getting laid, which, look, as men, we understand because it's usually men who act like that. They're

always talking about who they're fucking. It's like ten years younger than them because it's their last wrap. It's like right before your face just goes to Michael Douglas town, you know? It's like right before your face just goes to Michael Douglas town. She's just holding on to that last one. And I get it, girl. You go. It's like the Great American Dick Buffet. Go get your dick, girl. But it's

hard to believe when she can't even make an O with her mouth anymore that she's given all those bullet drops. I don't buy it. She looks like she just came from the dentist. It's like that RRR off the scroller. Just not opening, which is why she was Diamante. And you want to talk about phony ass brands.

Yolanda's like, I love the Brandy's and the Kim's because you see what you see, you know, they are deceivable. You see them

and you say, look, I'm seeing them. I don't know what the fuck she's talking about. My takeaway was she just pretty much

called both of them stupid fucks. That was what she said. They're basic and they're easy to be friends with because they're basic and dumb.

Well, I did almost feel bad because these are three women who've been chewed up and discarded and literally on the curb. They're on the curb of Santa Monica Boulevard and stuff like that.

I feel for Kim because she literally was. But Yolanda and Brandy both started it. Yeah. In their respective chewed out of this. They put themselves on a plate and put a fork right next to them

so they can be chewed up. So fuck them. They deserve it. But it was sad. And Yolanda's like, oh, I think it's so sad when the people, you know, they always need a new toy, a new wife, a new car.

What happened to the old things? I'm like, you're on your second marriage for money. Yes. You just changed your name to your daughter's. To your ex-hus'm like, you're on your second marriage for money. Yes. You just changed your name to your daughter's. To your ex-husband's. Yes. To try and get more money. Yes.

You left your husband because he ain't paying for your vacations anymore. What the hell are you talking about? You dump people and change them in all the time. Trust me, if Bella gets one commercial, Gigi's in the fucking dust. Yeah, and how about stop being awful? You know why you get dumped? Because Brandy is starting rumors about her friends. Kim is being crazy.

And you are causing this whole professional Lyme guilt trip situation. Of course no one's going to lie to you. People will only come to you when you are sick the first week or the second or the third. I'm like, Yolanda, you vacillated between four years and 15 years, depending on the story. No one wants to sit in some David Sperm-smelling bachelor fuckpad to, like, comb your terribly oily hair. Okay. And did you notice that, like, three or four women flew to New York for your Lime Academy Awards? Like, people still hang out with you.

And she didn't have any friends anyway that she lost. Who did she lose? Lisa was never her friend. Renna was never her friend. Rinna was never her friend. Eileen was never her friend. Well, Eileen will show up. Maybe it was like those three tenor pieces. But she didn't lose her. Just the right.

Andrea Bocelli. Andrea Bocelli is the one. It's the one talking. And she compared it to Twitch's alcoholism. And Kim is like. Yeah, here's what you need to do, Yolanda. Okay? Sometimes people like, I'll make you feel guilty.

Don't do that. because if you feel guilty, then you'll get thirsty. It's like, Kim, she's not suffering from alcoholism, okay? I know. And then she spilled on Yolanda's Austrian first, and Yolanda was like, oh, you are such a mess, and whoa, whoa, whoa. Loved it. She's like, no more picnics for you.

Oh, and Brandy is so independent, you guys. She's like, I don't need a man for his money. Since when? You married a fucking hacker, okay? And you're still talking about him every day, so don't act like you're abusing a man just because he ain't paying you anymore. Yeah, exactly.

So, back in Dubai, the gays were let out of the basement. And for Catherine's birthday, they were, like, let out of their cage. I will say they do have skills because Catherine has never looked better. She looked, I mean, she looked better. She did look a little drag queen, but she didn't know her hair. Her hair definitely had a lot of volume. She had the bruised wig. I mean, totally it was amazing. But her lioness mane, it was working.

She's 51. She looked great. When the gays are trying to make her math, they're like, do you feel cunty now, Bats? Are you mad? She's like, no, I'm not mad anymore. I mean, was I mad? Like, Catherine was so stupid. I'm sorry, but was it, again, was it cunty like a thing like three years ago? That was like RuPaul season

one or some shit. Yeah, thank you. What was going on? I actually, it's funny with cunty. I've obviously heard cunty many times. I actually didn't realize it was funny and cunty together. What is wrong with you? I thought it was. I don't watch Drag Race, so I don't like These aging women look like men with lipstick and terrible

wigs and they're shocked at what drag queen say I know but it was it might should be about fun I hope nobody's fighting with each other because we're about fun right that is all she says I just want to have fun because you know me Erica Girardi miss fun

now don't touch my chapel the funnest place in the entire house in the house chapel I'm gonna chapel does anybody else

have a chapel with a printed canvas of their twat anybody so that's that you know what's the most fun of all looking at the

antiques that I put into my house so fun okay so then we are getting to the dinner on the yacht. It's Renault's first yacht experience. Right, which Kyle is appalled

at hearing that Lisa Rinna has never been on a yacht before. Kyle's appalled. How has Lisa Rinna never been on a yacht? You know she at least did dinner cruises or something. She'll do anything. I've been on scooters, baby, but never a yacht. I've never been on a yacht that I didn't perform on. Oklahoma. The yacht

version. And then Erica's like, oh, we used to have a yacht. We had a yacht once. I needed a plane. A plane for work. You know? It was a pleasure. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. I don't have a yacht. I got rid of that. I don't give a fuck. I'll give it up anything. I almost had a toy boat, too. Got rid of that.

I don't take baths in my toy boat. I'm trying to read all these to get, like, the basic gist. Okay, so then we go. It's Catherine's birthday party. We can just immediately start the fight, because no one's talking anyway. What Kyle does doesn't change. Well, the first thing that happens is that Lisa Vanderpump starts saying, True that.

True that. Oh, she got that from someone. Oh, because Erica was like, true dat! She's like, what is this? They're like, uh, it means like, you know, that's true. She's like, you can't say that. It's not appropriate. It's not true dat. True dat. And then later on in the episode, she's like, Zuzat!

What is it again? Zuzat? She probably listens to reggae music. Bueller, shut up. True dat. Don't make us throw you off the building, Bueller. So, yes. So now the big fight pretty much starts. Yes.

Round two. Rin is like, I just wanted to say this is all about Catherine's birthday. Okay, baby. Cheers. Cheers, everybody. Okay, Kyle, hit it. Yeah. Kyle's like, this awkwardness, let's talk about it all.

Let's just put it all out there. But don't talk about my sister. I can't talk about my sister, but let's talk about your shoes. Oh just put it all out there but not don't talk about my sister I can't talk about my sister but let's talk about your shoes oh didn't Catherine isn't this the time Catherine got a call from her mom

and her mom's like can I please speak with Ed McMahon and she's like mom I love you who is this oh my god my mom and then Kyle makes it

about her and she starts to cry yeah she's like I'm gaining another 20 pounds I need to go to bed they were all crying except for Lisa Vanderpump

who was like she can't cry yeah she's like I don't think she even pounds. I need to go to bed. They were all crying except for Lisa Vanderpump. It was like. She can't cry. Yeah. She's like, I don't think she even has parents. She's just born in an egg. You know? And Eileen, too. Eileen was like, well, my mother can't remember me either.

No, Eileen was crying. It's so sad. She was crying. I feel like she's so cold. I'm laughing right now. But she really did say it just like. That's how I felt. Dead.

Like, just like, look, when you're in your 50s, 60s, you're going to be shocked when your parents are sick. I'm not saying it's not terribly sad, but let's stop acting like, oh, my mother. Who's 43? What a shock! Yeah. Yeah. My mother, who's 43. Okay, so we go.

So Kyle, of course, Kyle has gotten off a little bit because she's had Lisa Banner pumped to kind of hide behind because Rinna's going after her harder, but Kyle is still the biggest fucking shister, and it's cracking me up. She's like, okay, well, it's really awkward. I think we should just have the talk. We all hate Lisa, right?

And then it's like, let's go! So Rinna starts trying to explain. It's Rinna who tries to explain it, right? Yeah, well, Rinna's trying to say, I think the issue is that you and Yolanda don't like each other, and we're just pawns in your game. I think with that theory, I think that's how she opens it. Okay, the pawns thing is a bit of a stretch,

but I do like that she brought up the fact that LBP and Yolanda just aren't friends. That is the crux of a lot of this. Yeah. And so what I liked, this is what I was sort of getting at before, what I liked was Lisa's response about how when Yolanda went off on Ken, because if I remember correctly, Yolanda being nasty to Ken was also on the heels of the whole tabloid gate in Puerto Rico, right? Yes. That's when they were trying to get Lisa.

So she started telling her off at that. So Yolanda started telling off Lisa at that episode. And then in the season finale, when Yolanda started yelling at Ken, being like, you're a stupid man, or whatever. Because he touched her arm. But Lisa had a good response.

She was like, well, I didn't like that. I didn't like it. And just the way you were Lisa Rinna, and they cut to Lisa Rinna throwing glass down. It's kind of like... Okay, okay, look. Lisa Rinna had all the right in the world to break a glass and want to cut. Agreed. Agreed. Agreed. We actually were starting to see

progress there because when Lisa Vanderpump brought that up with the Ken Yolanda thing, Rinna wholeheartedly agreed with her and she said, yes, I would have defended my husband the way you did. And Rinna was essentially saying, I understand why you hate Yolanda. Get it. Yes. The thing is, why does Yolanda,

I mean, Rinna and Eileen just sat in a corner right before this happened. And Rinna's like, my mom! And Eileen was like, okay, focus. Mom can't remember anyway. So focus on the present. We're going after Lisa. And then she started changing it. She goes, I actually feel sorry for lisa vanderpump i have empathy for her because she must feel like such an outsider i'm thinking oh my god because you've been for her all week of

course and instead she goes and that's why she feels the need to control everything i'm like oh what does she control you know what what does she control I like I should not watch these shows by myself because like I clearly see them differently now because really Eileen is the biggest shit stirrer of them and she's she's a fucking paid actress with an Emmy Award she is delivering yeah she does she is that she she just needs a ride I think I think your mom is that is I believe that Lisa Pompous manipulative I do believe that. But I just don't... They are acting like she's manipulating

to some awful, nebulous endgame. Like, to what end is she manipulating? Yolanda, though, I think, though... However, I think that what's good about Lisa Rin is she's brought to the fore the fact that Yolanda is perhaps the biggest manipulator. And Arlene, I think, is actually number two right now. I agree, and I think that we'll definitely

see more of that on the finale, because Rinna says it to Yolanda's face. We've seen that in the preview. But I don't know, I mean, as much as Eileen stirs the pot and she is egging Rinna on, she really just wants Lisa Rinna to fight Lisa Vanderpump for her.

She's looking for a tag teammate there. I do love, and I think I get wrapped up in this, I truly, truly like the friendship between Eileen and Lisa Rinna. I like that, and I think that's important. Listen, as much as we're talking about Eileen, I still like Eileen quite a bit. I just think that she has, she has, she's erred. She's a, errant,

errant. She's got all, she's like, she lost some of that cool reserve that she had last season. That's why it's not even about her.

Right. I mean, even if she was just going at Lisa about the other thing, fine, but I just don't get why they're going after

about this Munchausen thing where they've already said it to Yolanda Space what they had to say. We know from Lisa Renna's own blogs that it was her supposed hairdresser who said it to Yolanda's face what they had to say. We know from Lisa Renna's own blogs that it was her supposed hairdresser who said it. So it was literally nobody.

Why didn't Catherine just stand up at her own birthday party, raise a glass of champagne and say, Yolanda's not here. Fuck her and her lines and say, we're all in the hood. Because Catherine is like the newbie and she annoyed enough people in the beginning of her arrival that she's sort of just hanging out

and just trying to be accepted. It's just watching it. And I don't blame her. She's getting a fucking free, fabulous trip. I think she's having a fun time. I'm starting to like her more. I understand where she brought people. She brought people a little bit the wrong way.

She's kind of aggressive. I actually do blame part of that on her being a little bit deaf or deaf completely in one ear. She is enjoying her. I would want to be her right now. I'm sitting back. I'm going shopping. She is enjoying her. I would want to be her right now. I'm sitting back.

I'm going shopping. I'm enjoying this. I'm not nearly rich enough to really be in the social circle so I'm going to enjoy it while I can. Yeah, we were saying the same thing

that in the beginning I liked her more than mine did in the beginning but then we both got to a place where we both were like, ugh, Catherine. And now we're going to

get like, she's not so bad. You can like them all when they don't talk. I mean, that's how Camille won everybody over again. She came back and she shut the fuck up for a year. Shut the fuck up for season two. I like her. She's still so bad. You can like them all when they don't talk. I mean, that's how Camille won everybody over again. She came back and she shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up for season two, yes.

I like her. She's still an asshole. You cannot change that level of asshole or rave. So then the fight moved to, of course, about, well, what did Lisa say to Lisa? What did Lisa, what did LVP say to her? And then Kyle, Kyle's back, whatever. So this is where it's going to get, this is where my theory is going to kick in. Because the same thing again, like, Lisa's saying, I never

said, why didn't you bring Kyle to the concert? You said that, and Lisa, you said that. You're not owning up to it. No, she said, no, I said, I thought you were going to. She said, no, you said, I thought, what was the difference? Kyle, Kyle and Lisa, well, Lisa, Rina

said that LVP walked up to walked up and said why didn't you bring kyle and then kyle says yes that's what he said why didn't you bring kyle into it and that's what lisa van from says no i thought you were just gonna drag us all into i said i thought you're gonna bring kyle into it and that's when i had this aha moment which is the phrase the sentence i thought you were going to bring kyle into it those exact words can be interpreted in two totally different ways it can either mean like i thought you're gonna bring kyle into it like what the fuck or it could mean like oh i thought you're bringing kyle into it thank god so because everyone loves a much used joke like kyle it's totally possible she said that sentence and it was interpreted in two different ways because

it could be interpreted in two different ways. And I can see Lisa Vanderbilt saying oh god I thought you were going to bring Kyle into it. And if she did say why did you bring Kyle into it, why would she think that she was going to bring Kyle into it in the first place? So there was either some conversation where

she said you're going to bring Kyle into this right and when she didn't she was disappointed but Lisa has not said that.'re going to bring Kyle into this, right? And when she didn't, she was disappointed. But Lisa Rinna's not said that. Or, I mean, why else would she have said it? I don't understand that. Everybody knows it was Rinna. I think my whole theory is that she said, I thought you were going to bring Kyle into it. And Lisa meant it as like, oh, thank God. I thought we were going to get dragged in.

And Lisa Rinna took it as like, hey, why didn't you bring Kyle into it? And it explains everything. But LBP is sticking by that one extra word or whatever in there. And she won't let it go. Oh, it's intense. Well, Kyle lost her shit on her. Because Kyle is like, I can't be painted out as the liar. If anyone's going to be called a liar here, it's you.

And Kyle sees the tide turning. And she sees all the other women. And Kyle's joining now with rena and eileen going hey i'm not going to be called a liar if anybody hears the liar it's you well she just doesn't want to be called a pussy but kyle but kyle's role in it was wasn't it that her role in it was that lisa vanderpump came back and was saying like oh i thought that bruno was gonna drag you in and kyle said i said if you're trying to make this thing, don't you dare. I'm going to take you down. Yeah, because we all talked about it in the group text.

So Kyle didn't even hear this exchange. The fact that she's claiming what Lisa Vanderpump said or didn't say is actually kind of silly. They got so far away from it. Well, and the rest of the women think that Kyle admitting that is her corroborating the story. And because Kyle and Renna are both

on the same page and Vanderpump it's two versus one so all the women are going well it must be true Lisa Vanderpump must be terrible because Kyle corroborates what Renna is saying and like why is it that no one can just look at these two women three women and say is it possible

that Lisa Vanderpump said one thing and she meant it this way and Rinna heard it this way and now here we are why is like why can't they see why can't Lisa Vanderpump just say flat out I told you that day I went over the bridge and I told I told Rinna speak your speak say whatever you want to say girl but I for a there, I thought you were going to bring us into it, and here we are. Lisa Rinna has both, she's accused us both,

she's brought our private texts that have no place on this show into the show. She totally tattletales on us, and this is the bitch right here. I didn't do anything wrong. Kyle didn't do anything wrong by talking shit. Of course we're going to talk shit. We're best friends. Lisa Rinna does something wrong by hitting Yolanda's feelings.

I'm sorry. You really think they are best friends? They actually are friends in real life. I know that they are friends in real life. I'm questioning it because I think that Kyle is her bitch. I think that Kyle is always trying to stab her in the back and can't do it. So Kyle was finally like, well, I'll just be friends with the bitch. And by the way, I think Lisa actually likes Kyle. Yeah.

Lisa could have gone. She could have said, I didn't bring up your children. Kyle brought up your children literally 20 times. And you'll see it on camera. Kyle's the one doing it over and over. Yes. She could have sold Kyle out a long time ago. Yes. She won't even mention Kyle.

Do you think that's because Lisa Vanderpump truly, truly likes Kyle and wants to be her friend? I think she does. Or do you think that she needs an ally this season because she sees the tide turning? She sees herself being painted and edited into the villain role. I think it's the best. All we've seen, the only evidence I've seen,

like, this is not blind standing up for Lisa. I'll call her bullshit when I see it. But all we've seen from Lisa this entire series is Lisa wanting to be friends with Kyle. She stuck up for her with Kim. She did whatever she could. She tried talking to Kim separately. She tried sticking up for everybody that Kyle was against except Brandy in the first year.

And she did at first. Remember, she was really mean to Brandy at first. But then she realized that Kyle was lying. And so she was nice to Brandy. And then Kyle saw that and started hanging out with Brandy and then they all went after Lisa and Lisa never saw it coming. Like she was legit crying that season when they turned. She was like, what are you

talking about? I made a joke about magazines or whatever. So I've seen her do nothing but she wants to be friends with all these people and she thinks they're really her friend and then when they So maybe Eileen's right. Maybe Eileen's right. Maybe Eileen's right. Lisa is on the outside.

She is. I think part of it's because she's older. And actually, you know, I think that Eileen is right when she said that the relationship between, on Kyle's end, between Kyle and Lisa does parallel with sister because you know what? That when they were fighting there on the yacht and then finally Kyle says,

you know what? Let's just drop it. Let's drop it. And I was like, well, that's, that's been the problem. Cause you, she say, drop it. You're actually says, you know what, let's just drop it. Let's just drop it. I was like, well, that's been the problem. That's been the problem

because you say drop it, you're actually just... You know what, that's... You're still blaming me for it. Yeah. Why would I drop it? I'm getting shoved up

under the rug. And Lisa told her, if you still like me and you really think I tried to betray you, it's stupid. Why would you be friends with someone you think

is trying to betray you? I do like, though, that Rana brought that up and made that parallel and that connection because I do think that that is how Kyle operates in the like, though, that Renna brought that up and made that parallel and that connection because I do think that that is how Kyle operates in the majority of the relationships that she has. Yes.

I think, I mean, again, I still am like, I'm team Vanderpump. I'm team Renna. I think they are being pit against each other. And I think that there's a very obvious misunderstanding. And it's actually frustrating when you see an obvious misunderstanding and they don't see it, and so they just keep

doing more and more harmful things to each other. It's like, no, you guys are ruining a friendship. Right, it doesn't have to be ruined. Because, the greatest thing ever with this current cast, again, I love Rina and Eileen, but the best thing is the two Lisas going to get a baby horse and hanging out and being silly and being bitches

together against everybody else. Yeah. I need that to come back, so this shit has to get figured out. I think out and being silly and being bitches together against everybody else. I need that to come back. So this shit has to get figured out. I think that's where Rinna started getting a problem. Because at the end of that horse trip, she was pissed. Like when she came back she was exhausted. She's like, I've had to sit here for 12 hours in this fucking farm watching Vanderpump cry over a

horse. And I don't think she liked feeling like Brandi Lambeau, like her little sidekick that she was the one. I have to be brought around to be the funny one for Lisa. And I do think Lisa thinks like that, but not in a mean way. I think she's like, this chick's hilarious. I want to be friends with her and go do fun shit, you know? Right. And I think the

producer probably egged that on as well. Well, I mean, I don't know. I mean... Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's industry's Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by

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all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February.

And we are about to flip the script on all of that because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August, 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others.

Follow black history for real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. I don't know. Maybe that rankles her a little bit. These I don't know. I don't know maybe that rankled her a little bit But the truth was she was pretty much like team Vanderpump until I mean Really poked and fought of her and my lean kind of was the one Who was like do this do this to this say this I literally told her my fear right now is that you're just not brave

And that's when Rinna's in security. Because Rinna feels like she's, you know, she is brave. And like you said, when Rinna gets rattled, she starts acting erratically. And Eileen is just fucking lighting her on fire. I wish Rinna were like here. Just like, you're like, walk her through it. Let's walk you through this. We're not saying that LVP is innocent.

But like, just keep your mind open to the idea. Because people misremember things all the time. You know what I don't forget, though, is when Catherine and Eileen started to snap at each other when Lisa and Kyle were having their moment. I was living! We haven't even started with the whole thing.

So, Rina is trying, Kyle is trying to go, everyone's trying to go with Vanderpump. Eileen just breaks again. And she's like, no, that is not what we're talking about. The problem is that she felt you were manipulating her. She's like, but I wasn't. She's like, well, that is her truth, Lisa. That is her truth.

She feels like you were manipulating. Okay. Last week in your blog, Eileen, you said we don't get to all choose our own truth. There's only one truth. But now suddenly it's supposed to be Renna's truth. Eileen, this has nothing to do with you. And then she's like, that is bad! And she slams the table and runs, like, walks away.

This has nothing to do with you. Why are you mad? So then they all go downstairs and they're like, I don't want to talk about them anymore. And then they talk about them the whole time. And Erica's in the corner like, alright, stop sitting. People are fighting. I'll just stand there and watch. I'll just fucking their own fucking TV.

And then Eileen is trying to listen at the door. And Catherine's like, just let them fight it out. Like, who cares? Don't shush me. Yeah. And then she's like, shh, don't.

Did you just shush me? Yes. I was clapping at the TV like a fucking sea lion. I was waiting for Catherine to get her fucking buffet ass. She was lying down on that couch.

Hit her. The only reason why she didn't hit her is because I'm sure by that time she'd taken out her hearing aids. Yeah, I'm just tuning out. I don't want to hear

any more of these bitches on my birthday. And then we had probably the saddest, most awkward birthday cake since Big Brother. Since Big Brother. Keisha.

Keisha's birthday party. Hey, you want to celebrate a birthday eating cake nobody even ate the goddamn cake they just blow up the candles and then kyle was like i'll pack it up to take it home he's like i'm taking my cake cake to go yeah she took that to go um so basically they didn't win anything lisa never admitted anything although i did like that conversation with kyle because kyle's, Lisa, it doesn't even matter. Just say you're sorry. And she's like, no, I won't. Because I didn't intend that.

And I'm hurt that you would think that I intended to throw you under the bus. And the crazy thing is, they both make valid points right there. And I think actually sometimes when people are both making valid points on both sides, that's when you have to think, okay, there is a manipulator going on. If they're both being pitted against each other with legitimacy on both sides, that's when you have to think, okay, there is a manipulator going on. There is, it's not, like, if they're both being pitted against each other with, like, legitimacy on both ends, then someone... They were making fun

of Yolanda. They both admitted they were doing it. They were in a group text with Renna. Renna went and decided to get herself a storyline because she read on Twitter how much she sucks. And then she started using everything they said in private against them. Renna, it's all fucking Rinna's fault. And when she sits down under that boat, she's like, I want you all to notice, babies, that all of these problems, they all involve one person.

You, bitch. They all involve you. Every storyline that people are pissed off involve you or Eileen. So get out of here, yo. Yeah, you can't argue with that. Although I like to think it's Yolanda's fault just because I like her. She does owe me a... Yolanda's just too fucking stupid. I mean, I think

she gets her army of hoes, her Erica, her Brandy, you know, all these people who need her for something. And she's like, she gets all bitchy and then they go after her because that's what good cholas do, you know? Like, you stick up for your bitches.

Yeah, but now that David Foster's gonna be out of the picture and there's gonna be no more classy dinners in Malibu with Andre Bocelli, guess what? They're dropping yo-yo

like a hot can. Yeah, you know what's funny? Dropping her. Don't forget, when Yolanda first showed up on this show, you know, I loved Yolanda.

She was just like this beautiful, sophisticated woman. I remember we had Katie on the show, Katie Cazorla. And Katie Cazorla was like, Yolanda Foster? She is a cut fitness. She said that to her. She's like, she is. And she went through all these

reasons because, you know, Katie's fiance is major in the music industry. They used to be best friends with David Foster. And I think the friendship was, didn't she say it was like, I think it was altered because of Yolanda. She went through all these things. And I was like, it's funny that Katie's saying that. But I don't know.

I still really like her. And now everything that Katie has said has come to fruition with Yolanda. I just have never liked Yolanda's faithfulness. Because she's, oh, my love. Oh, my this. Get out of here. The guy has like a chicken skin hanging down on your nose while he's on top of you. How long does it

take to get that guy hard? I mean, get out of here with your, you've been in love forever. You've known each other for a year or whatever the hell it was. You keep saying get out of here. I guarantee you this. I know I can't stop saying it. I'm trying to stop. I'm not. It's annoying. It's not annoying me. I'm saying it's jogging my memory to just

say Yolanda has, she's gone. There's no way she's back next season. But now she's more famous than ever. Yes. And now she's on Instagram again in her bikini kicks, leaning on palm trees. Do you think that Bella and Gigi are going to be on the show next season? Because unless they are part of her contract, she's not getting another season. I hope not.

She will be friended up. I think Yolanda's going to be back. As a full-time cast member. To sit in the park and do nothing. As a full-time cast member. To sit in a park and do not simmering. It's a simmering feud now. She's trying to show on Insta that she's better. So she can get another job.

They start shooting next month. She's trying to get her job back, girl. I feel like we really got to the point. I feel like we saw it. We're excited, too, for the finale because Kim is back in a party atmosphere which means there's

an open bar and Renna goes after her. I think that there, again, I just need to say this one thing. I still feel like Lisa Renna has an issue

with her friendship with Kyle because of the fight that she had with Kim all last season and I think that that is still part of this season's issues, and I

love that she can't let the Kim thing go, and she's going to continue to fight her ass next week, and it's going to break her friendship with Kyle. Oh my, Rinna. Rinna, again. She's like, I think you're the biggest manipulator on the show, baby. She said that to you, Yolanda, and it's true. And then she tells Kim, probably, that she still thinks that she's a

drug addict mess. And then Yolanda comes after Lisa, and is like, they're telling me the truth. You say the much house and you do the this. And Lisa's like, Oh, darling. Cannot wait.

Okay. So Lisa's blog this week. I won't read the whole thing, but man, Lisa unleashed whatever manners she has been using this whole time. Not yelling at people like she does on BPR. And she just let it go this week. You guys pick your own paragraphs that you want.

But we have all seen the footage of Lisa Rinna avidly displaying the diagnosis of Munchausen's on her phone. I, in her defense, tried to minimize it, attempted to defend her actions to Yolanda EJ's barbecue. How she can attempt to pass the blame, deflect from her own actions, beggars belief. She says she is enraged by Yolanda socializing with Kim and BG. Enraged? That speaks volumes. What is a sentence like that? I don't know.

Totally, I love it. And her ellipses. Now then, we should now revisit and remind ourselves of Amsterdam. How she smashes a glass, goes to strangle Kim, tells her she loves her, then sends fuck you up texts. These are all the rantings of someone who is not playing the ball game.

That is not true. She was in all the right to go after Kim for threatening her to expose something about she and her husband. Yeah, I don't think that Lisa Rinna's crazy like that. Yeah, that's not crazy. But the real issue here is the importance of two words and how they can radically change the meaning and

inference of a sentence. It's like interference. I want to kill you. I do not want to kill you. I wish Kyle would have understood that. Blah, blah, blah. So two months later, two months, what the fuck? Brenna has clarity. She reiterates the conversation that at the time

was apparently innocuous, obviously propelled by somebody who has another agenda. Somebody that evidently no amount of apologies will ever suffice. She being ED. Not erectile dysfunction. I hate all these initials. I'm like, who's ED again? I apologize to her once more, blah, blah, blah.

The initial conversation in the Hamptons had provoked no reaction until 36 hours later. At the time, I liked Eileen, found her a little boring, and certainly didn't take her to task for leaving abruptly in the Hamptons, but it was never my intention to hurt her when I mentioned casually, the affair. Why is she using quotes around here? Because that was a big deal last week. It was all about, you didn't apologize for the affair.

It had been discussed last season, and I didn't believe it to be particularly sensitive. Now I have a vastly different perspective, as I have witnessed the venom that has spewed from this woman as she tries to manipulate Rinna to attack me. With hindsight, after seeing so much nastiness where I never retaliated, I would have asked her how she felt screwing some other woman's husband. That, actually,

in retrospect, speaks volumes. I can't begin to explain how those days felt. Okay, victim, victim, victim, victim, victim paragraph. That, wow. I have never seen this event about trouble draw blood like that Guilt of their actions with regard to

Munchausen and infidelity is their motivation I thank you for your indomitable support No, as Renner said, I didn't play the victim The victim would be better played by a C-list actress who would depart in floods of tears

Snap Is that Eileen? Yes. I think it has an Emmy. Oh. Well, she's still on daytime, girl. She actually has a job and makes money. Her big job last year was a YouTube video.

I bid you all good week. Life has moved on and focus has shifted to more important matters. Blah, blah, blah. Okay, I'm sorry. So is she allowed to slut shame Eileen? First of all, yes, Eileen cheated. Yes, this other guy cheated. And so, what? Why do they care? They don't.

Me personally... Eileen's the one who brings it up every episode. Me personally, I never would have written that. Because that's like, those are things that are put out there that cannot be taken back. But that being said, oh, that are put out there that cannot be taken back. But that being said, oh, that was

hilarious. I think Lisa Vanderpump was finally like, I've been playing nice with these bitches now for six years and

if they want me to call them out, she's been begging me to call her out all year. Fine, slut. You're my

third husband, okay? Fine. Don't do it in a blog. Bring it next season and do it to their

face at a dinner party. Stop being a bitch at a dinner party and don't just sit there and do nothing. Oh, shit. Well, the real problem is also... I'm with you there, girl. The other problem is that a blog like this gives Eileen admission.

All it does is that Eileen says, you wrote a good blog. You wrote a good blog. I swear you wrote a good blog. I printed it out. I printed it out. Well, Eileen's blog was, well, you all saw the truth, blah, blah, blah. And P.S., I told you she never meant that apology. She's taking that to the grave.

Yeah. But she's so dumb. It's basically what I said before. I think she didn't mean it. She didn't want her feelings. She never expressed properly. I think she should just say, look, yes, we were both married. And we fell in love.

We didn't mean to. It happens. We feel terrible about it. But we're still in love. And I'm not going to apologize for my affair. Thank you. So if you're trying to fucking slut shame me at a dinner, fuck yourself, old lady. Right.

And if she had said that on camera, there's nothing LDP could have said in return. Yeah. That shuts that bitch down. Yeah. She would have just said, I didn't mean that. She would have been like, yes, you did. Then it would have been a real fight. Yes.

That's a real fight. But Eileen just being like, well, you were asking me so many questions, and now it's like six months later. Shut up, Eileen. All right. So let's move on to New York, because it's already almost 2 o'clock. Well, thank God. Vanderpump Rules was just another herpy, ridden cast screaming at each other about nothing,

so that won't take long. Yeah, we'll end with Puff. Wait, I just had a New York City. Real Housewives of New York. Wow. So first of all, new music. Already back and low. New music. New music. New intros. Newwives of New York. Wow. So first of all, new music. Already back in love. New music.

New music. New intros. Yes. Yes. And let's start off with this. Does anybody miss, I tweeted about this last night and people gave me some shade.

Does anybody miss Kristen or Heather? I'm with Heather. No. I would rather Heather than this new guy. Oh, no, I'm down with the new,

I'm down with her because she's a potential potential for us for us I think Bethany just had that woman cast because she can say skinny girl

over and over yes good point yes I miss Heather on like a macro level hey mama because I love the way Heather

can switch from being like super fake like hey mama to just like raging bitch I love when she turns on her bitch switch. I love that. I hate Heather, but maybe I will end up missing her for that.

You were so pro-Heather back then. Not until last season. No. I will miss watching Kristen's marriage crumble on TV after the Ashley Madison scandal. Yes. I wanted to kind of watch that. I want to start putting like plastic wrap over dinner that her mate made. Yeah.

Those are some good scenes. But her asshole husband, Josh, was stupid. So gross. I wanted her, like, washed in rubble. I liked Kristen, but I won't miss her.

I will miss Heather. I think, I really loved Heather's, like, I had a lot of hate. You know, I flip-flopped with Heather a lot. Me too, me too. I did like that Heather was real.

She was not a funny bitch. Even if she was trying to be everybody's mom. But I loved her like, oh, you're not going to eat fish with a shell? Okay, do you want some mac and cheese? And Bethany was getting so mad. She's like, would you like some meatballs?

She's just trying to be nice, but she's being so overbearing and terrible. I had good moments against Bethany and Dorinda last season. Oh, and Sonia. Oh, and Sonia. Maybe. Oh, and Sonya. Oh, God. Maybe I missed Heather. I'm taking my tweet back.

I'm deleting my tweet. Well, the thing is that also, like, Heather was, like, the master of doing that. Like, do you want this? Do you want this? Like, no, no, no. Do you want this? Do you want this? Well, I guess she doesn't want it.

She didn't. She didn't. She was getting so mad. Like, she'd be like, oh, I don't really care about you. I don't really care about you. I'm a fucking bitch. I'm not doing this. I get it. Like, I get it like i get her i get her passive

but overly aggressive way so the episode opens up with uh we're in bethany's new apartment beautiful new apartment new york apartment one long hallway yeah the bedroom is off the floor the divorce is still going on. Still going on. Dorinda shows up. It's getting a tour. Bethany takes Dorinda into her closet. And Dorinda's like, well, yeah, it's a small closet. But, you know, it has a cool shape.

I'm like, it's a small closet. It has a motherfucking chandelier. I know. Well, it's Bethany. She's like, well, look, it's not as grand as it could be. No, no. Dorinda said it's small. Oh, she did?

Yeah, she said it was a small closet. Well, Bethany's was also bigger. And now Jason Hoppy is living in that house. Bethany just never shuts the fuck up. I mean, from the minute she came in, she's like, oh, hey, how you doing? Okay, here we go. Here's the house. I love this.

You like the light, right? You like the light? Okay, yeah. Here's the closet. Dorinda's trying to say something, but she just... My theory is that... That's why they're friends. Bethany couldn't run that show.

For now, my theory is that there's going to be a massive hit between the two of them. It starts next week. Oh, yeah. Oh, does it? It's bad. Because just based on all of Bethany's comments in the interviews about saying how she's competitive, about her white top, about John, whatever, I was like, they're doing the classic thing, which is that they probably love to frame two people as friends.

They always say something like you know I've been really getting close to so I just really treasure my friendship we've been spending time together in the Hamptons this summer yeah the tricky gets all going it's all going out the window right every time bethany was any confessional for a fucking 42 minute premiere episode every time she was in there something about Dorinda drinking yeah every time she was she was saying things that are the entire time so you know because you know the interviews probably you know films weeks and weeks later oh yeah under and it's typical like alcohol II you know like her personality is so

difficult shit I saw a martini in your hand last night. It doesn't matter. Do you want a drink? Yeah, I'll have a little glass of wine. Now that you've got the cameras on, we're not going to say make it a double. And I'll double fist as well. To a martini drinker, a glass of wine is like staying sober.

I fucking love Dorinda. Listen, if you don't want a sobriety sandwich, don't have a sobriety sandwich. That's all. She's the new dream actress. She is. So, yeah, I recommend her to this first server. So they bring up this new girl who Bethany's just met.

Oh, it was Cinco de Mayo. Yeah, that's what we met. Oh, that girl from Cinco de Mayo. I mean, I don't know. It's Santa. Oh, whatever. I don't know. Cinco?

I don't know what they're still called. Five de Mayo. It's the fifth of May. Why don't we just call it fifth of May? We're in America now. I mean, I don't know. It's like Mexico. I don't know. Mexico, I don't know. Mexico, America, North America. Is NAFTA on holidays now? I don't know. Tell me right now. Fair trade, I can't tell. I love her. God damn, I love her. She's back, like, last season, when the seasons are, I think with a lot of people, when she started. She came back a bang last year.

Well, I mean, I was like, oh my God, Bethany, like I wish I liked her, but now she's like totally back. I love Bethany. She's hilarious and during this, like, what did you,

what did you think of the new girl? She's like, I don't know, she's kind of sluggish. Sluggish? She was like, yeah,

she's like a pretty-ish Jewish person. That's what I thought. Nice. No, she said Carol was sluggish. Oh, yeah,

that's right. She might get back to me. Oh, yeah, that's right. Oh, because she doesn't text back because she's so busy nesting. How many times do I have to

hear the fucking word nesting and that dumb dog baby? Who names their dog baby? I know. How obvious was that? Hate it. She's like, I moved in. She's like, I moved in with him and then we got a dog named Baby. Because I have dead eggs.

No kidding. It's a little on the nose. Yeah. Clearly also, Adam, are we going there yet? Are we going to? I was just going to say. Back it up, back it up. Just slightly. I was just going to say.

The bold are the main scenes. You don't have to read all the crazy. But the bold are just the main scenes. I have to read it all. All I was going to say. Go back to Pretty Jewish Girl. Oh, yeah. That's just, Bethany was describing her in a completely unflattering way.

She said, ah, she's the Bethany was describing her in a completely unflattering way. She said, ah, she's the prettiest. No, too extra. Nice. She's young, she's hopeful, and she's kind. I have a theory that Carol's going to get a bad out of this. She deserves one because she fucking sucks. And the other issue is they're bringing Adam onto the show. Because why? Because Adam

now wants to be part of the show and up his fame factor. And now he will be in every fucking scene that Luann is not in. Yeah, oh, I agree. I actually loved it when Bethany talked about Adam's Instagram. She's like, yeah, we followed each other for a second, but then he had some Instagram thing where they were throwing herbs there and they showed

this ridiculous thing of slow motion herbs falling on his face. And Bethany was like, and then I was done. Yeah, I was like, yep, I am so back. Team Bethany right there. Team Bethany back like 100%. Like, was that ready to help? But my problem at the end of last season was like, yep, I am so back. Team Bethany right there, yes. Team Bethany back, like, 100%. Like, was that ready to help? But my problem at the end of last season was, like, I hate Bethany and Carol being friends because I'm anti. I've been anti-Carol from, like, get-go.

And I don't like Bethany and Carol together because it hurts. The best of them all is Luann, and I feel like Bethany and Carol were teaming up against Luann, and I want Bethany and Luann to be together and that season just needs to happen. They are going to team up against Luann. They are down.

No, I mean, Bethany and Luann. I actually love You love the characters. I know you do. Yeah, of course. I used to love I love Bethany

and Carol last year. I think they're both like I like Carol. I think she's like smart and funny, et cetera, and I love Bethany and Carol together.

I think they had a really fun relationship. But now that we're getting into nesting Carol with a boyfriend, I think she's smart and funny, etc., and I love Bethany and Carol together. I think they had a really fun relationship. But now that we're getting into nesting Carol with the boyfriend, I can already tell it's wearing thin, and I'm... I can feel I'm leaving to Carol. Carol doesn't have any more urns to go pick up,

so what is her fucking storyline going to be? I'm ordering fucking Chinese food with my boyfriend and sitting at home petting a dog? I'm ordering! Carol has already done two things in this episode that really bothered me. First of all, I'm ordering fucking Chinese food with my boyfriend and sitting at home petting a dog. What am I ordering? Carol's eight. Carol has already did two things this episode that really bothered me. First of all, she brought Baby into this, like, camera store. She's like, ah, don't worry.

Baby's a service dog. I'm like, so you're one of those people that gets one of these bullshit service animals. There are people who have, like, real service animals. Like Ronnie. He only replies on Southwest in my seat without a crane. But so there are people. I'm just going gonna ignore what ronnie is saying i know there are people that like legitimately need a service animal for whether like it's like a like a psychological stuff emotional shit but the thing is not real and i brought this up before there is actually a huge

racket behind the service animal thing. There are these companies that just make quick money where you pay $150, you get like a printed home certificate, and you can just fly around with your dog, or you can go on any public transportation, go to anything. It's like the golden age of flying with your dog. It's got to end soon. It's a big racket. It really is.

I don't know what DJs are going to do. Why are you so passionate about this? Because I don't like when people take advantage of the system. Well, my feeling is this. I like dogs, but if it was a cat, I would kill it. But here's the thing, though. So, baby... I'm sorry.

I have a hard time believing that baby is a service animal. Okay? I really have a hard time... And here comes Carol with her coffee cup full of poop and her big service animal going into... Wait, I can tell. Was that really full of poop? Or was she just saying that to Adam because she forgot to pick him up a coffee? No, it was full of poop and her fake service ad. Wait, I can tell. Was that really full of poop or was she just saying that

to Adam because she forgot to pick him up a coffee? No, it was full of poop as you put it on the counter. No! I didn't even notice that. One wrong move with one floppy hand

and there would be poop all over it. Truly baby poop everywhere. Truly baby poop. Well, the entire city smells like that. And then, you know what also bothered me

this is me being this is what I never know already I have the whole scene at the end Carol's sitting on the counter I'm like

why are you sitting on the counter like because it reminds me of like she's pretending it's the bicycle seat like I'm like

the cool girl I sit on the counter because I'm cool she sits on his handlebars all the time there was shit in that scene that was getting

like petty shit that was getting oh I hope she gets a bad edit I shit in that scene that was getting, like, petty shit that was getting on my mind. Oh, I hope she gets a bad edit. I love that for you, it was, like, manners. Like, her just, like, ignoring every social grace. Mine, the thing that's always killed me about her is the struggle to, like, maintain the youth. Because I'm an old shamer.

I say, getting older is so great. But she only has five good summer slaps. Oh, my God, when she said that. And then this whole scene was her trying to beat Carrie Bradshaw. But she's like sitting on the counter. Sitting on the counter? You know that young man is fucking you because he's getting more pussy in Ecuador. Wherever the hell he is.

He needs a new thousand dollar lens so he can go shoot in Bolivia. That's why the sitting on the counter bothered me. Because it wasn't just like, like oh one does not sit on counters There is like a thing that like the cool kids do no It's called desperate because she's trying to act like she's young She's being cool like you know like in middle school in high school like if there's a even if you go to a club now It's not one doesn't sit in the booth once it's on this table like you're higher up you're cooler like isn't this so cool i'm sitting on this so

her sitting on the counter and you know she'll go on the read and be like yeah there's these podcasts talk about me sitting on calendars it's bullshit so yes i take accountability i think petty as hell but to me it's like the body language of it all it's it just took me back to a place with the cool kids sitting on desks and sitting on things like they're like... Well, it's like hipsters are hard enough to take when they're fucking 25, lady, okay? Yeah! You're supposed to grow out of that. You're supposed to grow out of that. Stop being an asshole. If you're gonna be a cool girl, you need to do it like Bethany.

Or even Ramona. Like, she's the biggest nerd in the world, but in her mind, she's the ultimate. And you know what? She's the queen of boutique. And she's actually... She's probably gonna end up being the coolest this season. Because she doesn't give a fuck. Yes, I mean that's what it is to be older and cool. You're not supposed to give such

a shit anymore what everybody thinks of you and she's so worried about it. And I think that Luann maybe has actually let it go. Carol, I guarantee you this season will not let it go. Luann will still be mad about that dress that she was accused of trying to steal from Michelle Obama's good line. Luann will never let that shit that dress that she was accused of trying to steal from Michelle Obama's designer.

Luann will never let that shit go. Ever. On Evine Live. So speaking of Ramona, can we move on to Ramona? Yeah, go for it. Is this where she meets up with Avery? 80s keyboard music. Ramona, New York, it's another one

place to be single. What's up, New York? It's me, Ramona. Oh, my God. She was like, she was literally like taking up a host gig on the hotel channel. You know when you're in a hotel? Yes.

It's like, welcome to New York. It's the number one place to be single and to mingle. I would never leave my room. I'm sorry. Come to AOA, Avenue of Americas, on Avenue of Americas. Did you hear what I did there? Did you hear what I did there?

Lots of reggae music. I have a problem with Avery drinking and socializing on bar with wait also how did a return which you went to college last season and now she's 21 and yet Adam is only aged nine months like what's going on there's a some there's a rift in the um, I like, so Ramona's at a bar, and... Skating and skating! That's cool! What does that mean? I like that there's a bartender named,

like, Rokia? Rokia? Yeah, I remember I was like, Nokia? No, Rokia. And Ramona's like, what's her name? Radikio? Hey, Radikio! Hey, Radikio! Hey, better lettuce! I like that Ramona has stayed consistently every single first episode of the season. Ramona's like, I'm totally new.

Here's what's happened. It's a new Ramona. Everything's different about me now. Now I'm concentrated. I'm just dating him. Because like me and Mario, like I finally realized he's not coming home. And so I treated it like a business. I took money out of Mario's account. even care about area now and yet she mentions already

think 30 times yeah so are we okay so Ramona is now like hitting on guys they're my yeah Avery brings her friend over and was like oh do you go to college favorite like mom she was my childhood friend for 12 years we summer with her in the Hamptons I'm sorry I don't remember I'm sorry further proof that all those blonde girls in New York City look and act the exact same exact now I think there is an old tourist lady behind Ramona. She's like, Radicchio! And the old lady was like, Ugh!

Because Ramona's trying to flirt with that guy next door. She's like, Oh, hey. Do you know what Radicchi-Dicchi-Docchi-Doc? What is it? I'm crazy. What is it? She's like,

Oh, Radicchio. It's like, Oh! The old lady was like, Give it up, you old slag. Okay, so Ramona didn't admit to getting new breasts, did she? But Bethany, again, besides talking about Dorinda being drunk every time she was in a confessional, brought up Ramona's new boobs.

Did she get new boobs? She's got new breasts. She's got new boobs. I thought she looked great. I'm not a hater. I like that she's single and I want her to go out there and I want her to fuck everybody. Oh my God, Ramona flirting is my favorite thing to ever happen on this show. But don't you think she's one of those girls that just like she likes

starts to give a hand job and then she doesn't even finish the hand job she wouldn't get past that no I think she's banging oh yeah I think I think Ramona likes to talk to me I think she's the type who likes to do like a little flirting and then the guy flirts back and then she goes back to puts like oh my god she's like in love me he just like will not stop for me oh yeah I don't need it like whatever I could do better I'm like she sleeps with me no I'm saying that she likes to talk a big game there's there's certain friends over time I know right there's certain people who when they're out of a very serious relationship

they're really not ready to move on but they like to talk like they are. So they'll go through the motions a little bit. This is becoming like a therapy session for me, Ben. They go through the motions, and they do a little bit of throwing, and they look back, and they get this faux cockiness, this armor that they totally like me, but you know what?

I'm not into this, so whatever. That is me complaining about Tinder every day this past week. I'm not even going to lie to you. Were you just out of a serious relationship? Oh, no. Back on track. Back on track. Look at Matt.

He's here with his new tits. Are you sure? It's a new Matt. But if you go out with Ramona, you deserve what you get. Because this is how Ramona flirts. She's like... Like her head's moving everywhere and her eyes are bugging out. She's looking up and down.

Part of me makes that feeling. She might be great in bed. Oh, she probably is. Yeah, I'm sure she is. She's probably great. She's got those world-famous thighs. She knows she's got those famous thighs. Turtle time, girl.

Turtle time. Nutcracker time. So here's an odd turn of events. Luann and Sonya are like a duo. I don't like this because I love Luann and I hate Sonia. I like Sonia for it. It tarnishes Luann's brand. But is this happening foreshadowing

because of Luann's upcoming engagement and eventual wedding because her new fiancé used to bang Sonia? I think that's how they met. I think that we're going to get there. I think that's going to unfold the season. They used to be friends and then they

weren't after this show because Sonja went off the deep end. But now I think now that Bethany's back being the star, I think it's easier for them to be friends because they're not jockeying for positions anymore. Exactly. They know the pecking order. Yeah, they're like, we better save this money. We're lucky to have this damn job. Especially the two of them. So basically,

the land was like, well, my kids are out of the house, Rickard's are out of the house. Except the interns are still there. So Luann is basically doing sleepovers at Sonny's house. And that intern is 12. Which is a callback to when Luann was doing sleepovers at Jules Aaron's house.

Or sleepovers with Johnny Depp the Pirate. And Sonny's like, you're not going to bring him back to my child's room to do this bed, right? Oh no, you can pirate. Oh, yeah. And Sonya's like, you're not going to bring him back to, like, my child's room to do this bed, right? Oh, no, you can't. Right? Yeah, right. She's like,

and then her hair is set up. Whoever their Eskimos are, they're extra set up. Okay, how disgusting was the conversation about how do you get blowjobs? Oh, my God. And she said,

I've got to go to the dentist because the doctor told me I have, you know, these teeth. Like, right in the back. And she looked back and she looked and she's like ew how do you get her fingers in her mouth to find the eskimo bone when sonia explained a blow job she's like well you know you give a blow job to a guy and when you put the penis in your mouth the way that you guide it back and forth through your lips to your

throat is on the roof of their mouth so how do do you do that without a guy? I mean, they love my blowjob, San Tropez. I mean, John John, they ask her all the time. You know, I teach this little Irish girl. I taught her everything I know about blowjobs. Saw her on computer number three. And Luanne said, well, you'll get railroad marks on it. Cut. Right.

That's so good. I think Luanne is time for her to ease up on whatever cigarette habit she has. Because her voice is almost gone. She's like, oh, you just gotta, you know, get around rock box. I'm like, Luann, please. You have to save your voice here. She's European. She is sounding more hoarse than ever.

This three season old Luann who's dropped the whole Countess bullshit is so great to me. She's just being the hoe she is. She's fucking around. Married is. She's fucking around. Married man. She does not care. She does not care. And Bethany is going to come for her this season

100% which makes me sad. But Luann is finally ready to defend it by going, I'm wearing a chunky statement turquoise necklace and I don't care that I fuck whoever.

I'm fucking them all. I don't think Bethany's going for Luann. My theory is they show in the preview for the season that they have a fight. Do you think that's really for Dor fuck. I'm fucking them all. I don't think Bethany's going for Luann. My theory is, they show in the preview for the season that they have a fight. Do you think that's

really for Dorinda? I think it's Bethany repeating what someone said about Luann. And Luann goes, oh, because they do that all the time on Broadway.

They make it look like a competition. Well, what seems to happen, because Luann's obviously marrying for money. She's marrying a Dagostino. So she found herself,

yes, she found a rich motherfucker. And I think he's probably an asshole. Good for her. And Bethany doesn'testino. So she found herself, yes, she found a rich motherfucker. And I think he's probably an asshole. And Bethany doesn't like him because he's an asshole. And Luann's like, listen, bitch, this show is not going to last forever. It's called a job. Back away. It's like, nope, nope, nope. And so Bethany comes to tell her that

this guy's been cheating on her. And Luann is sobbing, like, please don't do this to me. Like, bitch, you're doing this to me on national TV, so now I'm going to be shamed when I marry this man, who I'm going to forgive anyway. You think I'm marrying him because he's going to be loyal to me? I'm not going to be loyal to him.

I'm marrying his bank account. Yes, exactly. And she's like, you're ruining my retirement fund, bitch. And Bethany knows. You know, Bethany is an awful fucking friend. God, I'm really loving her on this show. Well, so speaking of which, so then we have a scene of Bethany and Ramona getting lunch. and what cracked me up bethany is sitting there at the table and

ramona walks in this place called like sarah beth or whatever she's like oh i didn't know there was one of these downtown and then immediately this is so bethany she's like what what about downtown that's wrong what's wrong what's going on downtown what's wrong with it what's going on huh what's going on hi hi i'm sorry i got it i got it but yeah it's like there's so much things going on this restaurant right now like i literally can't deal with it because i don't get it like this menu it doesn't go with this it's like i don't get the brand i don't get the brand this restaurant i don't get it downtown i'm sorry if you ask me at this restaurant one more time you ask me about downtown i'll be on the front line okay my wall is up oh what are you

talking because you saw this is that my dress lol goose no i was just remembering oh because they started talking about balls. Remember? She's like, Bethany's like, oh, Ramona, you, because she made a joke. Yeah, yeah. Right when they sat down, she said, Ramona, is that my dress? And Ramona was like, no. Like, she takes it all seriously.

Like, I'm kidding. And then she said, oh, I, you know what, Ramona, you can take the joke. I mean, you've got big balls. And Ramona's like, you've got big balls. I mean, they're like huge balls. They're like so big. They're like goose balls. like goosebumps no they're like elephant balls they're the biggest they're the biggest which is lifted up i'm sorry that scene was terrible yeah it was a big nothing so then but they're pretending she doesn't know more words i know but then we also found that ramona was saying that uh sonia and the land were drunk like really drunk recently and that Ramona's not I am Sonia because I guess too drunk and it

looks bad yes so yeah she's a little girl and you know a woman with class they don't want to be seen with something like that you know because she's not to be a little loops you know she drinks a little bit too much I wish we still did video because I love doing Ramona. Ramona had going on in the shower. I love it. Sorry, it's day class A.

I'm sorry. And then they all started talking shit about John, right? They started talking about how John was like, was this when they were talking about how

John was hammered or whatever? I just wrote down a note that they're talking about John. Yes, Bethany started immediately. Again, all summer long

in the Hamptons, those two were out partying until all hours in the night, coming home drunk, blah, blah, blah. Like, we get it. They're talking about, they're drunk shaming.

Look, alcoholism, drug addiction, all of these things, obviously they're bad. Drug use is not bad, and neither is alcohol use. Okay, people? If you have a problem to the point where you're stealing out of your friend's wallet, that's a problem. Or you're lying about shit, or you're driving and killing people. But we're fucking adults. Get wasted if you want to. Luann and Sonia are not married. They are young. Well, they're not young, but they're

enjoying what they have left. Yes, they're younger. They're enjoying what they have left. If they want to go out and get shit-faced and party, who the fuck cares? Well, I think the problem is that, I don't think this is a Luann issue, but with Sonia, Dorinda, and John, they're sloppy. And no one likes a sloppy drunk.

And look, I am that friend. And I have friends who won't do that. When they know that I'm going to be going out and getting crazy, they won't do it with me. And I don't blame them. You know, I'm great to go to dinner with. I'm going to get sloppy there. I do it in the right place.

Usually. Moving along, we then go to... Oh wait, there's one thing I wanted to say. Hold on. One thing. I just wanted to point out, Bethany, as much as she judges everybody else, like me, I'm hateful towards everybody else. I hate myself the most. Bethany, I think, is the same way.

Did you see how she was making sure we all saw her eating really big that was like community theater eating she's like thank you I'm eating again it happened also when they were having the seafood tower and when the new lady walked in before she

made the comments about her being so thin she was like let me shove this crab claw in my mouth so when she was introducing herself to them she's chomping. Yes. Like, overly chomping. Yeah, because she can win a point. Yes. That she doesn't have a eating disorder. Which is bullshit. Of course, I mean, today it's called an Adderall prescription, but still, you go,

girl. So, speaking of the new girl, so now we just go to a scene. Whoa. Oh. Speaking of the new girl, just flop down like a penis that won't work anymore. How fitting. My girl just flopped down. We go to the, what is it called? The Flatiron District?

Flatiron District. I don't know what that means. What does that mean? Downtown, sorry. It's just a part of. Yeah, so. Does Kelly Killer and Simone live there? It's like around like 23rd.

It's where that is. But it's by the river, right? No, it's where the Flatiron building is. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know that one that goes down to the street? It looks like a corner. Like a beach. Is that kind of like the Culver Hotel? Yes. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know that one that goes down to the street and looks like a corner? Like a beach? Is that kind of like

the Culver Hotel? Yes. Sure, we'll go with that. So, playing the role of Kristen Tegman this season is Jules, who is, once again,

in a very similar apartment doing, like, some faux cooking. Totally faux cooking. Her kids come in. It's like Trader Joe's appetizers. Put them on a baking sheet.

I like that the kid, the only thing the kid says is, popsicle, popsicle, popsicle. Like, that's the only way he can do this. What are the children? Rio and Jagger. I mean, how fucking obnoxious. Jagger, you made your child after, you know. I'm a rant song.

And Rio is a hotel off the strip in Vegas. Yeah. I mean, come on. Off the strip. Hey, Penn and Teller, by the way. Exactly. Exactly. That was something we got. This kid refused to even eat his bagel.

I was like, you are so lucky to be a child and eat a bagel without worrying about the consequences. New York bagels, too? We can't get that shit here, kid. Fucking enjoy that bagel, you asshole. But this is a visual anorexic mom. Yes. This woman is a anorexic mom. This woman is an anorexic because she's giving him a popsicle. She's saying, you can have a popsicle after you eat the bagel.

What thin-minded woman gives bagels? Who's giving gluten to their children in 2016 when they're worrying about their weight and stuff? It was probably Anna's. Anna being the nanny, which is different from their live-in housekeeper exactly

and then afterwards the kid has like a popsicle and Jules is like you see what happened here look he's having a popsicle anyway and then dad's like

well hey he negotiated for this good negotiation so I'm like no that's you being bad parents your kid is not supposed to negotiate

you create the terms and then you he sits there and he eats his damn bag off yeah that's called Anna has a break too I guess. What an idiot.

She says, well, I have two nannies, but I wouldn't ask them to do anything that I wouldn't do. You literally are. You're not doing anything that they're doing because they're there. But it is funny when she said that. When she goes out with the kids, people assume that she's the nanny. I thought that was funny. Look what I wrote. Dog eats off table.

Ben shoots it. I did notice that.. Look what I wrote. Dog eats off table. Ben shoots it. I did notice that. At least the dog did. So then we go to Dorinda and John. Now, I don't know how they have hidden. They haven't really hidden it. But John has not looked as terrible as he already looks now. I mean, this guy, what a sleazeball.

Sweating all the time. Well, look, I'm a fat, sweaty person, too. No, please. But this season, they're like, okay, you'm a fat sweaty person too. Please. But this season they're like, okay, you know what? He had a pretty sleazy edit last season,

but let's show some more. So is this the scene where they're going out for their anniversary? This is when they get walking down the street. The homeless guy, she's like,

give him a dollar. Give him a dollar. And then he, okay, we have to break this down. This is so good. So she goes, give a dollar. He gives a five

thinking that he is so hot shit and oh, the camera saw me give him a five, not a one, so down. This is so good. So she goes, give a dollar. He gives a five, thinking that he is so hot shit. And oh, the camera saw me give him a five, not a one. So I'm not a cheap, gross bastard. He's like angling it at the camera. Then as they start to walk away, he goes, this is what we do. We're nice people or whatever. Then under her breath, but the microphones caught it.

Jarenna goes like, oh yeah, whatever. I mean, she said something like so. To be fair, she thought it was the maitre d'. Okay? She wanted to hand the coat over. You're out-tipped the maitre d'. Wait, so was she more appalled that a homeless person was talking to her

or that John was engaging? I think she was annoyed because she sees what we see. I mean, Dorinda, this whole show, this episode, we really see how Dorinda is feeling. And it's how we're feeling. The guy is just a wreck. Like, he's acting like he deserves a Purple Heart for giving money to a homeless person.

She's mortified. She's like, oh, God. And then they go to dinner and he keeps doing this dry cleaning joke where he's finding a spot on her boob and then, like, hitting her nose. Yeah, that was later. That was so awful. She wanted to fucking kill him. It was their, all right, John. It was their monthly anniversary.

It was their monthly anniversary. Monthly anniversary. Which, by the way, I'm single, painfully single right now. A monthly anniversary, I would kill myself if I had to fucking go

to a dinner every month like that. Especially if you had to have that on top of you once in a while. And he's like, why does he have to be on top? And the zipper, he's like,

it goes up, John would be good. It goes down, John would be bad. She's like, ah, dad. You know that he's on top it goes up, Johnny be good. It goes down, Johnny be bad. Disgusting. We know that he's on top and she's just waiting to be joined with her real love. She's like, baby, today I'll fuck with you.

Take me. Take me. He is the squeeze. Okay, so let me see. Boobs and zipper, Johnny be good. Oh, God. Johnny be good? Johnny be up? What are you even talking about, John? See, boobs and zipper, Johnny B. Goode. Oh, God. Johnny B. Goode? Johnny B. Johnny B. Up? What are you even talking about, John?

Please be quiet. Goes up, Johnny B. Goode. Goes down, Johnny B. Bad. It's just like one of those things. I think everyone vomited. It was a simultaneous vomit across America. Is this where, I mean, I kind of get the impression at this point, like, Dorinda knows their relationship is over. And she, like, the ship has sailed, so now she's just going to have to watch it unravel on TV.

Yeah. And she talks about, like, oh, well, Hannah, you know, was off at school or whatever, so maybe now it's time for John to move in with me. Yeah. We know that ain't going to happen. I think that she gets, she goes off on John. The sad part is that if he were just, like, really hot and kind of, like, a deep, sexy voice and just so sexy, if he said that and he was hot he'd be so

sexy he said it's johnny like you know that's total fadism it's like fadism balls and whatever it is just like the truth is but also he's really gross he is that kind of guy it's like that but it's like he was like the second hand of Kristen Tateman's asshole last season it was gross when they show no I love the show when they show when they show like evidence of the past

like you know John's a little bit of a stinker he's like I'm not gonna say you're like ew but if it was like Blair Underworth

or something like that he'd be like oh my god oh my god he was just on The Good Wife his wife got murdered and he was like

crying the whole time with like gray in his hair which I didn't buy I still had a boner is that weird I'm so sorry your child got shot but you're still hot on the good wife. His wife got murdered and he was like crying the whole time with like gray in his hair which I didn't buy. I still had a boner. Is that weird? I'm so sorry your child got shot but you're still hot.

Dorinda, I think that their relationship is that she just kind of abuses him. Because you know how Dorinda in every scene, well, this is her second,

but it's like in so many scenes when you see her lose it, she makes no sense. Yeah. She's yelling and drunk and she is vicious. And I think that he can take it. And she's like, okay, well, he can take my

terrible person. I'm never going to find someone to marry me like this, so I can't fix me and I won't try and fix him. We'll just go to dinner. I'm not an old single lady in New York, but I also have a feeling that with all these events that they constantly are going to, she doesn't want to be alone. She's one of those people who's like, I'd rather have a disgusting, slimy asshole than be Luann. Exactly be alone she's one of those people who's like I'd rather have

a disgusting slimy asshole than be Luann exactly and it's like I forget who said it it was Bethany or Ramona or whatever that like

every time she comes around it feels like she's always selling John on them which indicates that she is aware of what he is

and she's insecure about it the problem is she's going to have nobody backing her up on this this season because all of the women are going to be on the same page. I mean, Ramona fucking hates him. Bethany thinks he's disgusting and

those are the two stars of the show. John's the goner. Yeah. So now we go to a scene with Bethany at the Skinny Girl offices and she's giving like a pep talk. She gives a pep talk like next to every single type of skinny girl branding like one moment

it's like the skinny girl toast or is that the skinny girl I mean by the way have you tasted the lime popcorn it's delicious is it it is

oh my god it's amazing where's that bottle of skinny girl I still have some from last week oh yeah I see it it's over there the popcorn's fantastic

but I love Bethany's pep talk she's like you know I don't care what you do you can be you know snorting coke

off the desk you could be like fucking your boyfriend on the couch. I don't care. Literally, don't tell me. Just come up with an idea.

Literally, if you just do whatever you have to do, I don't care what's going on in your personal life. You could literally be murdering someone on the floor right here.

I don't care. Just come up with an idea. You know, the thing is, do whatever you want. I don't really care, but the thing is, new direction.

New direction. We gotta sell. So if you can sell it, sell it. Be great. But if you don't sell it, you're going to die. You're going to be out of here. Okay?

So that's it. That's all I'm saying. Okay, thanks. I was like, is that supposed to motivate people? All those girls just sat there just shaking. I was like, I don't feel like this is one of the most great ideas that's going to come from us. A skinny girl is the idea.

There is no other idea. You're naming basically bricks that you use in your home. Skinny bricks. There's nothing you can... There's no new idea. It's like guitar picks. There we go. Guitar picks. Make it happen. So then, Carol and Ramona then go have fun. And this is when Ramona starts babbling on

and on and on, and she mentions reggae. She mentions reggae bands for some reason. She heard a reggae band, but she referred to it as a reggae. And Charles was like, no, it's reggae. Reg, reg, rega? Reg, rega? I'm sorry, I don't get it. I don't understand.

Oh, whatever. It was Brazilian people. Brazilian music. So, stupid Carol. Why live in New York and stay that way? I mean, that's one of the most multicultural cities in the world. I mean, she clearly lives in a building. She just gets in a car to a building

to a car to a building to a bar. Carol complains at the end of this because Ramona just goes off on her fabulous social life. Carol is sitting there, though, complaining that she didn't ask her anything about what's going on in her life. Well, dear Carol, nothing is going on in her life.

No one gives a fuck, so why would there be any questions asked? That was funny when Carol was like well I spent the summer nesting she's like oh you know

birds I love birds you know one time I saw a bird some people say I'm like a bird you know really pretty

like a blue bird and you know that's my color and it's bright and it just goes on then I learned how Carol was like has anybody ever

told you to shut the fuck up or whatever she said she was like be quiet anybody ever told you to shut the fuck up? Or whatever she said. She was like, be quiet. No, she said, Is this how you act on dates? Yeah, with men? Yeah.

Yeah, why? Well, one time, somebody gave me some good advice. Smile more, talk less. My favorite line during Ramona's battle session was, You know, he has a great idea for an app. I was like, an app?

I like when Carol was asking her, like, how do you have all these houses still? And she's like, my cousin Jenna wrote me.

I mentioned Jenna a lot today, but she wrote me in text and she was like, did Ramona just say she had enough assets to earn the property?

Because that's how she talks, you know. She's like, well, Mario and I had enough assets to get the house in the thing. I was like, you know. She's like, well, Mario and I had enough assets to get the house in the thing. It's like, oh my god, she did. But I guess it was assets. And then she also slipped in the part that, you know, she kept the house in the Hamptons,

she kept the apartment in New York, and she still has plenty of cash. Thank you, Ramona. We know you're the richest of them all, except for that. Since this is on the night before, I don't get to wait for the torrents to come out, so I have to watch it live on Bravo and see commercials. Why is Jennifer Garner in a goddamn Capital One commercial? That is the saddest thing I've ever

seen in my life. Okay, that's all. So then we go to this restaurant, Catch, where we have Bethany meeting Bethany and her guy. Let's talk about her hot ass boyfriend. That's an upgrade from Jason fucking Hoppy. Yeah.

I thought Jason was hotter. This guy had like weird bloodshot eyes. I don't know. Like he's thin and blonde. I approve of that. The rest of it, I don't know. Jason Hoppy's face is not that cute. This boy was way hotter. He was? Way hotter. He kind of had like St. Bernard

face. What is that? Beethoven. He kind of had Beethoven eyes. But then, I don't know. Beethoven was cute, but you know. Bernard Beethoven. What is that? Beethoven. He kind of had Beethoven eyes. But then, I don't know, Beethoven was cute, but you know, his lover, I love your couch.

So they, so they, they walk in, they sit down, and Doreen is like, oh my God, love your, love your,

yeah, love your top. Like, you better back it up with that top. You better back it up. To Bethany in the confessional, I'm just wearing

a white shirt. What? She's trying to compete with me. I mean, look at her. She's in a feather diamond cape. I think that this goes back to what you were saying a little bit earlier. We are setting the tone for the way this shit is going down between Bethany hating on John, between

Bethany going after Dorinda. It's just going to be a bloodbath. And then Jules comes in and it's like immediate mommy one-ups and shit. And she's like, oh, you know, I take care of the kids. Like, you know, it should be a full-time job. Like, hey, wow. Like, that's great. Great original line there.

No one's ever said that before. Jules came in with this fucking script for her first, like, big group scene at a dinner table. And when she started going off about i'm you know the stay at home mom and bethany's like yeah i have a child i have a child too i get it i get it but then when she she continues to like go on and she just fully embarrasses herself and the husband i think is just sitting there going like oh my god i can't believe we signed up for this he's like well she is way too hot for me so i'll listen he's like at least i won't get dragged into it next you know bethany's like well she's princess land way too hot for me, so I'll listen. He's like, at least I won't get dragged into it. Next thing you know, Bethany's like, well, she's Princess Leia, and you're R2-D2.

It's hilarious. That was so good. And then Dorinda goes, and John's Chewbacca. And I was dying. I was living for that. Oh, my God. I was living for that. So this woman is too much.

Because Bethany was going to try her thing, like her Erika Jayne shame,'s like, so, okay, you're from here? Oh, you do work? She's like, yes, I work. I raise two children. Oh, okay, I get it. No, it is the hardest job in the world. And if I was paid for, you know, if I was paid for what I do for my children, I mean, I'd probably make more money than all of you. I know how hard it is to negotiate a Popsicle situation. And then again, cut to Bethany, I think saying something about like, oh, well she probably just has his credit card and doesn't know how to do a fucking job

to save her life. And by the way, she's anorexic. Oh, she immediately started, and of course, she even has to plug herself

while she's downing somebody else. She reminds me of my mom. Well, she's like, I wrote a book, and it's called Never Too Thin or something like that. And she's like, I wrote a book. Oh, that's right. And it's called Never Too Thin or something like that.

And she's like, that is too thin. That's what I mean. Yeah, that's what I mean. It's like she's plugging it while she's totally degrading this other woman. Exactly.

She knows what she's doing. I give her props for that. So I also enjoyed, this is when John did, like, five times, did a stupid, like, got a spot in your shirt, ah, no you don't,

joke to Dorinda, who's going mad. And then Bethany is living for it, because then again, Bethany throwing shade already, and the confessional is like, do I have to sit here for 20 minutes, and listen to jokes about fucking dry cleaning?

Yeah, she's like, all rosy to dry cleaning. Every joke is about dry cleaning, and they cut the jaw off, being like, oh, well you know,

you gotta, did you put your like, fabric guard down, whatever, I'm like, oh my god, she's right. And then she doesn't even look at him. She goes, you can come over and do it. Yeah. He's like, if you ever need anything in your

home. Right. Directly. And Dorinda sitting there next to her, just dying. Just going, this season is about my relationship going to shit and everybody giving me shit for it. And then Bethany starts with her again, too. Well, you remember? You know, the sink of the mind? I mean, you and John? I mean,

you guys drank. Like, you would like, like, you kept, she's like, okay, everybody makes mistakes, Bethany. Like, so what? What stays in the Hamptons? You know, what happens in the Hamptons stays in the Hamptons, Bethany. And then Bethany just starts hammering her. And you see Dorinda like, Bethany, please. Why? Why are you doing this?

Yeah, get ready. Because Dorinda is not going to take that shit. She will grab Bethany by the hair and just start bashing her into a telephone pole. It's not starting with her. I am so glad that New York City is back. To me, it's the best. It's best because I think the characters are... There's just no other cast that has these sort of characters. Beverly Hills comes close.

OC can come close. There's an argument for Atlanta, but to me, New York City has the best. If any one of these things happened on Beverly Hills, it would be a whole season. Bethany called someone, like, an alcoholic and an anorexic. Like, these are, like, their real thing. An entire season. And this is really 20 seconds of episode one. Yes.

And honestly, New York City has really hilarious fights on a consistent basis that don't feel like they're contrived. It's just like their neuroses come out. These women in New York are not acting. They are being, I believe,

more than any of the other cast, they're being their authentic selves on camera. Exactly. And it all takes place in the backdrop of, like, real, uh, sort of, like,

glamorous sophistication. You know, they're always at, like, nice restaurants. Everyone is generally on this cast, very well-dressed. They have money. They have money. They go always at nice restaurants. Everyone is generally on this cast very well dressed. They have money. They go to the Hamptons.

It's not she by charrette. Exactly. You just can see it takes place in a different more elevated world. They're just as petty as everyone else. The characters are just one of a kind. I always say this. Luann, one of a kind. Ramona, one of a kind.

Bethany, one of a kind. Sonia, as much as I hate her. Sonia, as much. It's not like just another version of a... They're going after so many people for being drunk this season. It's like the season of illness. Out of the gates.

And then Bethany's victimhood. Like, you know, I have a health problem. She was on Watch What Happens, and he said, so what about your divorce? And she's like. Like, you know, I have a health problem. She was on Watch What Happens and he said, so what about your divorce? And she's like, well, you know, my health.

And he's like, she starts going off and he's like, no, no, your divorce. Yeah. And he kept asking her over and over.

She's like, hello? I just answered that. Hello? Are you here? Are you drunk? Are you on drugs? Then she starts doing it to Andy.

So good. Ugh. Um, okay. So, Vander Peumpies. We don't really have all that much. It was the finale. The finale reunion. Lala eating ass. I love my notes

for Vanderpumpies. I love that Lala, she lost a friend because she ate his ass. DJ Jinx can't do it. Calm down, Lala. What were the big things in this? Let's just skim through because she ate his ass. I don't care. Calm down, Lala. What were the big things in this? Let's just skim through because this is so stupid. It's like Katie fighting about not inviting people again. It's all kind of the same shit.

It's Kristen admitting that she had sex with him. Let's see. I have, let's see. James. Oh, she cracks me up when she's talking about how when she first buried a hatchet with Stassi, she's like, wow, we were looking at each other so deep in the eyes, it freaked me out. Yeah, we were looking at each other, and it freaked me out. And then I was like, okay, we're friends.

But I'm like, the show stopped. And then I didn't know from her for like three months. And I was like, it's true. She was teasing me. And then you see Lisa going, yes. Yeah, I told you. Stassi is one of those girls that doesn't need you to reply immediately to a text But Shayna immediately needs Christmas. Yeah, which I actually believe I believe I know but I said well

I believe that she needs an immediate response I believe that stops me one too because if you don't she's gonna launch a new campaign like literally like I just She didn't text me back. How's that make me feel like literally? She's a little more needs to be dumped in a vat of acid. Seriously. It's going to be my birthday in two months. Okay? Fuck you. I think this episode, the big

thing was really about James, about how he was just such an asshole, and he just kept on making all these awful comments the entire time. Such as, I'm going to go, my dream life or my dream in life is to DJ at Coachella. Yeah, my dream in life is to DJ at Coachella yeah my dream in life is to DJ about Coachella and then you'd always say that's all thing and it's like you just act as our victims apologize I apologize you stupid basic bitch

who shot that I loved when he pointed to all of them on the other side of the aisle was just like asshole asshole asshole asshole because guess what he's right yeah yeah but he but he has a victim complex as if like he wouldn't be an if you were pushed to that degree by all these other people i'm sorry but kristen and katie are the worst people on tv katie is really you know i'm really sick of katie like a christian at least provides entertainment hilarious yeah katie is not only like a sack of rags and all she does

is like disapprove because you were like like thanks I was like trying to have a party for my vlog in that beauty store and I'm like thanks for making me

look unprofessional like when you crashed it James it's like whoa like what the hell she just wanted to start with the five it's like yeah well thanks

because now I look stupid I was even from the salon owner I'm like well that happened the moment you signed the contract with the socks on the hood so you were coming in with a camera girl with your blog launch party I love and you can't be coming asked the question to Katie that was so voted that I've

actually you laugh he's like so can you so why was your blog blog or such a tough ticket oh yeah I say that I remember because it's like it's just a blog launch and like you're trying to like, get interest, throw off interest. Why are you keeping the door closed for stupid fashion blogs? And that was such a Katie answer too. She's like, well, I was just like trying to be nice. Because, I mean, I didn't want people to hear about it and then it to be a secret. So I was just like trying to be nice by telling them they weren't invited.

You stupid cow. You are so rude and mean to everybody on this show. You deserve what you get. Why is she engaged? Well, I mean, what do you think of that guy? There's a lot of people who are like, he must be gay. I don't think he's gay. He doesn't come off as gay to me.

I think he's weak and he likes her enough. She's not even attractive. I think, well, I mean, she's not bugged. There's something wrong with that mouth. Well, the rumor is that she fell through a roof. Someone once messaged us and said that the real story with Katie is that one time she fell through a roof. Well, guess what? I'm not impressed because the girl on Last Summer of Big Brother got hit in the face by a train.

Yeah. So I don't care if she fell through a roof. That bitch got hit in the face with a train. Okay, I'm going to say something that's so snobby. I need Big Brother immediately. I'm going to say something that's so snobby, okay? I think Katie is,'s pretty she's nice looking but if you're gonna put her

on the scale of like reality stars or like quote unquote LA hot she doesn't really stack up the only reason that she's been an issue is because she the only reason that's even her looks are even an issue is because her and Katie are like sorry like if you wanna work at sorry you have to be hot

like we're models at the very beginning when the whole fucking show started she was a bitch like that and guess what now you've put on a few

you need to just get up she's still like that that's what kills me it's like her ego is still there for someone with a quote unquote fashion blog

she has what the fuck was she wearing she looks terrible so she has put on some weight, and we're not gonna, I'm not gonna fast shame her for that, but I am gonna shame her

for her terrible ways of trying to disguise it, like with crazy hair, with these weird flowing things. I don't know why she gets all those bad tattoos on her hands,

because she thinks it's gonna distract from something else, but the tattoos that she and Kristen have on their hands gross me out. My only ish with her is that she's mean.

Yeah. And she doesn't justify it. Like, she's a waiter. Not that waiters can't be mean, but she's mean. She shames everybody around her for all this shit. She doesn't have anything herself. It's almost sad, but she's mean, so I don't care. But she's engaged.

So we should also talk about Ariana. Who is my favorite on the entire show? There was a discussion about Ariana and this other comedian who Ariana dismissed. And so Ariana, I love when she goes, like, I don't buy a camera and call myself a photographer. And then Kristen responds, well, what does that have to do with my comedy? And that's the idea of Kristen's brand of comedy. By the way, if she ever has a show in LA, we are going. Yeah, we have to.

She's had a few. Are you kidding? Yeah, she does. They do sketch. Ariana does, too. I want to see Ariana, but I just... Kristen is so stupid. Kristen does stand-up and sketch.

Well, sketch here... But she doesn't take it seriously. Stand-up... Not stand-up. Improv got so trendy here. But she doesn't take it seriously. Stand-up, not stand-up, improv got so trendy here. All the hipsters are doing improv because of UCB. And it is, the agents make the young models go there.

And so improv classes, I've been to every school, you know, I love that shit. And improv classes are all filled with stupid fucking models slash actors who are doing it because they have to have it on their resume because their commercial agent made them. And I'm upset because

I've always wanted to take an improv class. But now you can't go. Well, now I can't go because it's, first of all, it's really hard to get into them.

They fill up like that. And it's also like, there's something... It's a couple thousand dollars too. Yeah, but how could you not be better than her?

Well, you never know. You'd be great at it. I can show up on the spot. Improv is like white nerds I know no offense no no I know but I mean in a good way like why you know like you're still better white nerd well it's a hot it's true though I don't like you'll get so much pussy in my bra I am a plus path of books listen I am actively trying to recruit you for a Southerners of Catan game. I'm a white nerd. I get it.

You and Lisa Rinna. I want to play with Lisa Rinna too. Don't get this guy. So then also... That's our whole game. So then there's also talk about James and Kristen

and Pump and everything. Is that when he fucked her on the hood of a car? Yeah, there was that discussion. I love it.

Like, was it in the car? On the hood? She's like, well, it was in the car. Like, that makes it so much better. And he goes, I'm sorry, you drive a 1 Series. So he couldn't have even fit in that. It couldn't even work out. So in addition to, like, fat shaming and alcohol shaming and everything, we're also BMW Series shaming.

Yes. Well, and on top of that, too, Gwen, she was like, well, I met him for dinner, for drinks, because I saw a lot of me in him. And he's like, and you still took your patches off of me, baby. I was like, oh, my God. Yeah, so gross. And then they fucked. And then all the girls were like, bleh. And then Stassi goes, that is so gross.

Like, I cannot believe you, James. And he's like, well, we couldn't go to the fair, Stassi, because you were there. It's all her fault. Yeah, it's Stassi's fault for being in her own bed. I cannot hate James. I don't know why. I don't either. I think on this show, it's hard for me to actually have hatred for the people,

because they're so young. I feel weird. To me, they're all... You can hate old ladies easily. They're all in different spectrums of the hate. Most of the housewives are at least roughly around my age. Yeah, I mean, at least I'm in the same ballpark. But these kids, I just feel weird sniping at them. I snipe at them, but I don't know.

I just have a hard time because when we met James, he was so friendly and so charismatic that he was cool. And then he really is awful. Like, whether or not you want to hate him, he's awful. Awful. He's been awful. Why? Because he talks about having sex with girls.

Oh, he's disgusting you know that he's a stupid bitch like yeah he really is and whores and like he really demeans him and then he acts as if like i didn't go on with i just called you that because you would mean to me it's just like it's really he tries to justify his disgusting behavior right here to be fair all the guys treat women really massage right sperm dates right it's because then jacks is sitting up there just like trying to throw shade at james like women yeah exactly jacks well then i love when jacks and james starts fighting and it's they're having like a pissing contest and then

the best line of the entire night is i want to punch you in your fat throat yeah i'll punch you in fat fat throat and then and then they were like you know really like posturing and then someone's oh they're not gonna fight but then they were like, you know, really like posturing. And then someone's like, oh, they're not going to fight. But then someone, I don't even know who says, yeah, but I do think they're going to have sex soon. I think it was Lala. And I was living for it. That was amazing. Because you just bang it out.

And then James is just like solemnly texting. And it's like, James, did you text? He's like, yeah, because you're not even asking about the album. Like, pump some. So it was ridiculous but then i got more angry when andy got angry at him because andy was like are you serious and i wanted to turn to andy and just be like we're at the vanderpump reunion part three are you this is your job are you serious yeah just just laugh it off like the rest of america

i'm just saying you just haven't talked about concessions. He's so mean to the kids on Madden or Pup Rules. It's hilarious. He has zero respect for them, and it cracks me up. I think the last notable thing that I wrote down was when they were... It's not C-Pesa, right? Oh, yeah, there was that, too, so we should talk about that after this. But when they were talking about Lala's reaction at the party and I was

basically like yeah that's how that's something how we were feeling to like she just said what you're all feeling and the kid he goes but what about how I was feeling shut up Katie I shut up with your free thing that you're only doing cuz you're on a TV show to a man I don't want to marry you most likely won't don't think I was Lala was such an asshole there even though I agree with everything she didn't said but her apology was, Lala was such an asshole there, even though I agree with everything she did and said. But her apology was somewhat genuine. It was like, I wasn't raised like this.

This is not me. I truly am appalled by my behavior. And I feel like she got all the digs in and then got away with it. She did, which is why Lala is the star of the show. I love her! Don't you poor ass girl. It's working for you. It's the hot new diet. Well, also, they're so mean to her and she had a right to say, shut the fuck up because those girls were mean and then crashed a party and then

talked for 20 minutes drunkenly christian was standing up there wasted too like why is law like it yeah and they're saying they're like well they were grandparents there there was family i'm like well then don't drag them onto your low rent bravo yeah i'm sure grandma signed a release are we really giving a pass to the people who created the cast of Banner Puff Rules? Thank you. Like, fuck them. If anybody deserves to get shot in the face,

it's those people, okay? Yeah. So then Stassi, I think the last name is Stassi. Stassi and Lisa. So what did you think about that? Well, it was interesting. I was surprised to hear that Lisa paid the $900 and then let the guy walk without getting the ticket. Yeah, so my whole thing there was i was kind of leaning towards stassi again i think

it's because i was having lbp hate from beverly hills that was like riding over for me but if lisa didn't have this guy sign some kind of paperwork when she was paying him off that makes me think like well she wants to sit up here and pretend that she's like this amazing business woman who's running this tv show and all these restaurants. Like, that's kind of stupid. Right. Yeah, but the thing that kills me with Stassi is she's like, why did you make him sign a contract? Who's going to write this contract, Stassi?

Yeah, exactly. She's going to have to hire lawyers that are a couple hundred dollars an hour, and then you're bitching at her for how she's paying the person off? Like, ungrateful little psychopath, dude. Just say thank you. And the truth is that the guy handed over the tape there's copies everywhere she talked about fingering herself in the back of the car like it was the funniest thing ever she wouldn't care if that thing was i mean now especially since you know like you know middle mid-30s have hit or whatever well she says she's

not she says she's not there but whatever. She says she's not 30. She's 37. But whatever young mom thing hit her personality this year, I'm sure she wants that thin tape for her finger and herself. Sorry. I mean, look, I wish I had an iPhone when I was 20 then. Oh, are you kidding? We'd be in jail. Stassi's problem is that she's truly never grateful. And she

is a spoiled brat at the end of the day. She admitted it, though. She admitted that she's selfish. She did, yes. But that's why she can't just say thank you. It hasn't gotten out. Lisa paid for it. Whatever.

Lisa has earned the right. If Lisa has, in fact, been saying, I paid this, she's earned the right because she paid $900 for your masturbating ass. And I love that Lisa

ends it by going, you're all a bunch of idiots. She's like, I love that Lisa ends it by going, you're all a bunch of idiots. Or whatever. She's like, I love all of you, even you, Stoney. And further through

what Kyle said on Beverly Hills, you always have to get the last word, Lisa. She does. She does. That is part of what, that is how she operates.

Okay, so let me ask you guys this. Vanderpump Rules has been so hot, I think, season one, whatever, two and three, and four,

I think they've been amazing. Lisa is clearly riding this wave. The ratings are great. She's having issues with a lot of people on Beverly Hills. Where do things stand? Obviously, Vanderpump is going to get renewed. Lisa and Ken will still be at the helm there. Is Lisa still part of Beverly Hills?

You just answered your own question. She always has the last word, and if she leaves, she's not getting of Beverly Hills. You just answered your own question. So where do you think the cast is? She always has the last word. And if she leaves, she's not getting the last word. That's what I think, too. Because I think she would have quit. Because now people are saying she must be quitting if she's going after Evolution in tweets. No.

Like if she's doing all this. She's saying, fuck off. You've fucked some married woman. Well, yeah. Look at that last blog. So do you think that she's done with Beverly Hills? I don't think Lisa will leave on a victim season. I think she'll leave

on a strong season. She'll leave when she's you know, because next year she's going to be the hero again. And everyone will love her again. And then she'll quit. Okay. I don't think she's even going to quit. Beverly Hills is in trouble though. I mean, Catherine, God bless her. She hasn't spoken. She's been fine. But she's an idiot. She's got to go. She has no life.

Erica, I know that people on the internet, I know that they like that she's doing her Proud O act. That she's an idiot. She's got to go. She has no life. Erica, I know that people on the internet, I know that they like that she's doing her Proud O act. That she's like a Proud O and they're like, yes, girl. You know, it's those people. But she's not funny. She's not interesting. She has

nothing going on. I think that she has secured her return. I don't think that Catherine has. I mean, Yolanda, Eileen and Rinna have nothing in their own lives. What is going to happen? I agree that it's in trouble. Look, they built a whole season

around this shit. People are really losing it now. Not because of any anger that they really feel, but they're losing it at the boredom of having the same fight about people who aren't even involved and things that everyone knows aren't even a real fight anyway. I think people, it's good when they're mad and they're really into it, but they're not. They're just like, you two are idiots.

You're fighting about nothing, like literally every single week. So do you think that with Beverly Hills ending next week, obviously Yolanda, I think she's in jeopardy for next season. Kim and Brandi will probably be making appearances in the finale. Do you think there's any chance of Brandi and or Kim coming back full-time next season? No. Well, Andy said no. Because of Kim's health?

I think Kim is probably too much of a liability. Brandi is... I think the audience hates her. I think Brandi shouldn't come back. But I think the audience I think Brandy shouldn't come back but I think what they really should do I think they should do

for the first time ever bring back everybody from season one I was just going to say Adrian, Camille and Taylor off the fucking deep end these days it's great because she has no money and it's like,

it's fun to see the juxtaposition there. You can have him as a friend of Exactly. Maybe add Kathy Hilton to the mix just so you can have,

really have someone to beat up on that one with the worst. And I think we've seen success in the past. Obviously Luann is back full time this season.

You know, Luann got bumped to friend of and she made a comeback. She learned her lesson. She learned her lesson. Sheree disappeared, came back as friend.

I guarantee you, Sheree is full-time next season. Because she is everything. She should have been full-time next season. 100% agree. Thank God she was there for the entire reunion.

So I think that really especially Taylor and Camille need to be back. I don't know about Adrian, but I would love to see all of them. I think that really especially Taylor and Camille need to be back. I don't know about Adrienne, but I would love to see all of them. I think that Taylor... Didn't we hear that Taylor was... I hated Adrienne, but I would love to see her. Taylor, the reason why she was not on board this season was she started telling people

she was going to come back as a housewife or whatever. And they shut that down. They're like, nope, you're not. Well, because she shot that one scene. Because she shoots like a scene every year. Because they get an eye check. They're like, look, I'm on again, but they're just a friend of her. Right, and Adrian's like sitting there drinking

an iced tea, like having a drink with Eileen. It doesn't mean, it means nothing for next season, but I think that the fans want the originals back and with the series in jeopardy, not in jeopardy of going away, but like no storylines, you have to bring that to the table. Because the original cast, what made it so

good, they're not only legit rich as hell they're right they're not they're very rich and so that made it fun to watch that part but they were also

semi real I mean none of that stuff was the only one who wasn't real was Adrian we watched Camille's life fall apart

yes and Camille was trying to be fake but she her real assholishness came through assholishness was coming. Asshole-ishness was coming through so hard.

And it all fell apart. It was delicious. Yes. I hope they do that. I would love that. I feel like they have a big... I think in Beverly Hills, I believe it's probably

have an uphill battle trying to find good personalities. There are so many star fuckers out here. I mean, everyone's going to have stars in their eyes when a

casting director comes in, regardless of where you are in the country. But here in Beverly Hills, oh my god, you have a bunch of star fuckers, skull diggers, people who want, or people who just want to promote their line of shopping bags. At this point too, I think that, and I think a lot of it rides on

Lisa Vanderpump and who these people want to work with. At this point, the show has been on long enough and with vanderpump rules being a hit for the network i think you've got to get some stuff cleared with lisa before this happens what about diana diana diana i'm talking to silo when he never says she told me to suck a dick to get a dick her line will be like diana i suck dicks that's right Sonia will tell you how to do it right I will never eat my words but I will eat a dick

here's a question here's a question a theoretical what if Leah Black joined Bill Housewives if ever it was why not that would be amazing

we all miss Miami we miss her from Miami she has real money and she's great on TV and she has a house in Los Angeles she and Vanderpump would they're already friends so they would laugh at that and Kyle would get depended She has real money. Yeah, she's great on TV and she has a house in Los Angeles They're already friends so they would laugh at that and Kyle would get defended or offended because Leo would be say something like Oh, you must get a lot of air in the brain

You know something like that and the child would lose it right? Well, I'm sure the burly's make her a friend of sort of like to work her to make fans may have a hostile reaction So a lot of people who have hatred towards Miami they don't even know why they're angry because they saw some of season one which should not be counted oh and season two was everything season two was one of the best seasons of all the house was yes agree so they can't be like oh Leah's the new house owner people would be like it's at Miami house you know what this show's got an opening but if they introduced her as a friend of and to layer layer in because she lives here

During the summer anyway, and that's when they shoot. I'm sure she would move here if they were But it's different shows so she doesn't have an in automatically with pot. I mean with evolution that most pop. Yeah Oh, yes, but who knows I mean I just I just Somewhat real I know that sounds saying that sounds so stupid because Lisa is so over the top, but she's real. She wanted them to call her Pinky. She's really that cuckoo. If anything, she's more normal on the show. Because this one isn't like Orange County, where you can just know they're making it up or know it's all a lie.

Know that this girl's just a hoe trying to sell Tupperware. It's not as fun here for some reason. This one struck gold in a different way. You Tupperware. It's like, it's not as fun here for some reason. Yeah. This one struck gold in a different way. You're right. You're right. Yeah. Oh, what a way to end it.

That's my favorite thing to hear. You guys did it. Matt, we love you. Thank you. Thank you for coming back. It's so great to spend time with you again. And also be all together in the same room, actually. We have to do this more often. This is really great.

I actually, really, I love the energy of when we're all together. I thought I was going to punch both of you today. I love that. We actually were all kind of on the same page. We were, and I kind of came around. I mean, maybe Lisa Remen does have some flaws. No, she has flaws. And Lisa Vanderpump has flaws.

But you know what? I think it boils down to a simple misunderstanding, a misinterpretation, and unfortunately there are people who have their own axes to grind who are putting these women against each other. Rin is doing it, though. Well, Rin is doing it. Oh, no, no, no.

I'm going to stop. I mean, I mean Yolanda. Because, yeah. I don't even... We all think Yolanda's full of shit, is the point. Period. We all agree. Like, on that, everyone who watches this show is like, okay, we agree. Yolanda's full of shit.

Yeah, at the end. At the end, they're on the same page. Rina, come on to the podcast and clarify everything, and we will give you a Watcher Craftsman's Therapy session. You bring the croissants, and we'll bring... And everything will be sorted out. And one request for Bravo.

Please, with these Bravo blogs, please bring back the option to comment. Because the most amazing thing used to be when they started these, people just being like, fuck you, Vanderpump, Vanderpump. Crazy.

Vanderpump, yes. I need that back. Yeah. In the meantime, thank you everybody for listening. Thank you. Watch What Crappens.com on Facebook, orWhatCrappens.com for all our links. Come to Facebook and Patreon.com

slash WatchWhatCrappens to subscribe for all the bonus episodes. Bye! Bye! with one of our best friends and former co-host matt whitfield of yahoo entertainment um you can find matt at life on the m list i'm just making this little pre-note to warn you we are doing this in my apartment with one microphone so of course the audio sucks this is basically us partying together talking shit and it sounds cuckoo bird so i know you don't come here for the professional quality of our podcast uh but yeah this is another one that is super fun because we are just parting one day we'll get like

a really nice professional setup we'll have multiple mics all plugged in no background noise etc today is not that day enjoy we talk real house Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Vanderpump Rules, and the return of Real Housewives of New York City. We love and miss Matt, and it was great to have him back. Hope you guys have fun. Enjoy. Hey, Prime members. You can listen to Watch What Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today.

Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.