Watch What Crappens - #2821 Love Hotel 0101: Time to Check In

Episode Date: April 30, 2025

After much hype, The Love Hotel finally made its premiere this week, and we really like it! Will Shannon, Luann, Gizelle, or Ashley find love? Maybe. Will Earl the Pearl wear white boots? Most definitely. To watch this recap on video, listen to our Traitors bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcha Crappin's ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. When a young woman named Desiree vanishes without a trace, the trail leads to Kat Torres, a charismatic influencer with millions of followers. But behind the glamorous posts and inspirational quotes, a sinister truth unravels. Binge all episodes of Don't Cross Cat early and ad-free on Wondery Plus. Watch What Crappens. Oh, and you know what? Watch What Crappens. Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens? Well, hello, and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap we just love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me today is the lovely and wonderful person who doesn't

need the love hotel because he has the self hotel, and that's all you need in life. It's Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie, how are you? Well, hello, how are you, Ben? Mmm... Good. I hope that didn't sound insulting. It sort of sounded a little insulting.

It wasn't meant to say... Who cares sometimes? If you just have yourself, that's all you need in life. Because I know you don't, you're like, you're like, you've said many times, you just want to be with Bueller. I'm digging myself in the hole. I feel like I'm insulting you and I didn't mean to.

I didn't feel like that at all. Anyway, the point is, we are here today to talk love hotel. But before we do that, we are going on the road next week, going to Texas, not so much of a road for Ronnie because we're gonna be in Austin and then the next day in Dallas. And then the following week, we're gonna be going to our first ever Vegas show.

So get your tickets at watchworkrapids.com. That's also where the dates are and also, uh, all the important ticket links that you might need. And of course, check us out with patreon.com slash watchwacrapins to watch us, not just listen with crap that's on demand. Get access to our bonus episodes like trailer trashes. We did one for our next gen New York City last week.

We'll have one up for the new Below Deck this week, probably. And that's all the good stuff. But we have to talk about this Love Hotel, the new premiere, the much hyped premiere, which aired on Sunday night. Ronnie, what did you think about the show? I liked it. I thought it was really good. I was actually surprised.

They got guys in a good age range, I thought. They got a bunch of guys that don't watch TV, which I think is very helpful for a show like this. Trixie Monical's doing great work on it. I think it's pretty good. Casting pretty decent, you know? It's a cheesy love show, so in general those kind of make me sick to my stomach because I recapped The Bachelor for a long time until it made me like sick. But this I believe it, you know, because I feel like you really have to have people who are looking for love.

I don't believe that Ashley necessarily is. I don't believe Giselle necessarily is. I do believe that Lou wants to bang a bunch of people. And I definitely believe that Shannon wants to find love. So I feel like there's something that I can believe there. Yeah, I totally agree. I like the show actually a lot. I was afraid it would be highly scripted

and it actually worked very well. It was well presented. I was into it. It was breezy, it was fun, it was funny. I agree with you. I think Ashley and Gisele are a little bit of a strange choice. Not Ashley as much for me, but Gisele,

I just don't believe Gisele really wants to find someone. I see Gisele as kind of cool. I believe Gisele is like me. I think she's just like wants to be alone. I don't believe that Gisele has, I don't think Gisele has any like real intentions with dating. I just don't get that vibe from her. I don't know what it is.

I get the sense that she went, she did that, she's been there and she just wants to do her own thing and live her own happy life. Yeah, she's been through enough, is how I'm taking it. Um, but yeah, I did like it. Also, you know, Joel, the host of the show, there was a huge controversy after the show wrapped, because he got allegedly coked up out of his mind and went off on what a bitch Shannon is

and wrote a Twitter thing eviscerating Shannon and being like, you're not a star, you think you're famous. You're not even, you're nothing. And treating people like you treat them is disgusting. And people are like, oh my God, did Shannon treat everybody badly? Like, what is this? And then he kind of apologized a couple days later after he'd severed up.

And so that was a big controversy. So of course it's fun to look and see how much the host really hates Shannon. I don't get a lot from him though, like as far as what he's thinking or feeling, which he's a host, so that's normal, right? Yeah, he's surprisingly a little stiff, I thought. I thought Joel Kim Booster, he's so, like,

used to being in front of the camera. He seemed a little, like, he seemed a little ill at ease on this first episode, but maybe he'll kind of settle into the role a bit. Yeah, I think he does a fine job. I don't think he's bad or anything. It's fun to see Joel up there doing it. So I think he's doing fine. It's just, I don't know, I was expecting a little more.

Luann Giselle, Ashley Shannon expecting a little more, Luann, Gisele, Ashley, Shannon. Hello, Shannon, you know, or something. I want like a clue of what went on. Well, I think at this point right now, he still likes her, because he just met her. So he's still actually being like, oh my God, Shannon, so cool. So we open up on the hotel,

and it starts with kind of like a skit where Joel is kind of talking to the staff. He's like, good morning, staff. It is a very exciting day at the Love Hotel. As the love concierge, I'm about to welcome, perhaps, our most challenging guests for Real Housewives. And so we see it's Shannon and Ashley, Luan and Giselle are arriving.

Yeah, and he says, as a super fan and Bravo expert, I've watched them go through it all when it comes to love. And so we see past dating stuff happening. Giselle having a picnic with Sherman, putting a strawberry in his mouth. And Luan and Sonia getting a photo taken with the pirate before the butt sex in the greenhouse. And all that good stuff.

All the classics. John Jansen and Shannon having an awkward kiss. So, and then we see in Joel saying how they all got, we've seen them all get married and we see Luanne dancing with Tom at their wedding. And then we see, of course, Luanne getting divorced and Shannon crying last season about John Jansen and everything, or I guess talking about,

sorry, crying about David first, and everything, or I guess talking about, sorry, crying about... Heh, heh, David first. And how her marriage is falling apart. So we're seeing all the ups and downs of these relationships. Yes, and then it ends with Luan saying, how could you do this to me? Also, I like the new Luan voice,

because over the years, she has just really leaned into singing properly, improperly, let's be honest, and just smoking whatever's in front of her. I mean, I swear to God, if a duck passed in front of her, she would grab it out of the lake and smoke it. Whatever she's doing, she talks like this, and she's like, hello, girls, how's everything going? Oh!

Oh, girl, it's amazing to be here. She's definitely like, now that I've decided to commit to singing as a career, I've decided to destroy my voice even more by smoking more than ever. BOWEN LAUGHS Yeah, so, Joel has recruited top-shelf eligible straight men. Top shelf? I'm questionable.

But they're on the shelf. And they're willing, you know, these are people who searched the backstage for a chance to come on any reality show for any reason, really. I don't even know if they know why they're here yet, you know? But they're here, they got some breathing men, and they're here, so there's that. And he's like, but just because they check into the Love Hotel

doesn't mean the ladies can't choose to check them out. Yeah. So then we see, um, we see a bunch of keys. This is the opening credits or we see keys and key holders and like, uh, we see like a little bit of a teaser of what's to come of choosing guys, et cetera. Using a lot of keys as props around Luann. And then you wonder why she fucks every guy here, you know? She's like, it's a key party. What did you think I was gonna do?

Ha-ha! So we get, like, lots of montages of stuff to come this season, and Joel's like, if I've done my job right, by the end of this romantic luxury retreat, I will be yelling at one of these women on a rage on social media. And maybe they might kiss someone. I will be coke raging against somebody on Twitter.

These women will find lasting love and we will put the wives back in Housewives. Well, I don't know about lasting love, but you'll get something maybe. Yeah, so Giselle tells us, we start with Giselle and she's like, men need to know if you want to take my panties off, you have to make me laugh. Okay. It's like, okay. So how's mall cop doing for you? All right. Get in here, mall cop. Get on Giselle.

And then that's not the only comedian I could think of. What's his name? Oh, Kevin, Kevin James. And then we see... Why is that the only comedian I could think of? What's his name? Oh, Kevin. Kevin James. Get in here, King and Queens. Do your work on yourselves. Hoo-ah. So, Ashley gets out of an SUV at the Love Hotel, and she's... We see her in her interview with her, and she's, like, in a chair, and she's, like, putting her legs one way, and she's like,

isn't that the lady-like way to do the legs on the side thing? Because like, if you're really preem, you sit like this, but if you're like a hoochie girl, you sit like this, that's what they used to say, huh? And so she arrives and Joel says hi to her, and she says that her current marital status is divorcing. Yeah. And then we see a flashback to divorce stuff with her.

And then, uh, she's like, I have two amazing sons, and, you know, they love sitting on counters, or standing on counters, or throwing fire trucks at each other on counters. So that's fun. And now I'm reestablishing what dating looks like. You know, currently I'm dating a guy that looks like Beavis from Beavis and Butt-Head,

and we'll see if I can find better. Yeah. Um, so, Ash is like, so, do you have any nice men for me? He's like, oh, I have plenty. Plenty of... strange men who are ready to leer at you. Plenty of odd backstage men. I hope you're ready. So, um, then, um, Giselle's coming, and everybody gets their own theme song as they come in. Like they really gave Trixie a budget on this one. I didn't catch Ashley's,

but I was cracking up at Giselle's. This is Giselle's song. I feel right. No, I feel right. That hot vibe, that self care, that good life. I love that self care. I feel so hot, I've got self-care. I woke up and threw myself a party. But that's not the point. Giselle's like, okay, Cabo. And she goes, and Joel's like, oh, here she comes, Miss Giselle Bryant. And the producer says, well, describe your relationship history. She goes, Jesus Christ, where should I begin?

I'm like, it literally began there, your husband Jamal. Yeah, well, I was married to a preacher who cheated on me all the time. Then I dated a married guy, married a guy, no, then I dated a guy who was getting blowjobs in a park. Then I went back to the preacher who I think impregnated, possibly a teenager at my church, not really sure,

but he is on CNN doing good things a lot. So there's that. Yeah. So Giselle talks about, yeah, all that stuff. Jamal, they got back together, it wasn't good, and then everything since. And Joel is like, so you are the word on the street in Potomac, but are you ready to be the word on the beach

here in Cabo? She's like, absolutely, yeah, that's how she does it, da! And I think this is a problem for Joel. And I feel bad for Joel because Joel's kind of gotten stuck with Watch What Happens writers. It's like, you really have to be Andy to pull that off. Like, you're the word on the street in Potomac, but are you the word on the beach? Like, everyone's used to Andy's idiocy. But I think asking anyone else to say things like,

you are the word on the street in Potomac, but are you ready to be the word on the beach? You know, Joel went home every night and called his agent. Like, what the fuck are you trying to do to me? I was just in a decent movie this year. I'm on a sitcom on Apple TV. How fucking dare you? BLAIR LAUGHS

So Giselle's like, well, I have successfully managed to get all three of my daughters off to college. Would you like to see some footage of that? Let's roll that for 30 minutes. Oh God, I thought, thank God they're not showing us footage of this. Thank you so much for avoiding. Here's the only footage I wanna see from Giselle. Giselle making pop tarts or pop, popovers.

Cause Giselle got me on my pop-over kick. That's what I want to see. Uh, so I'm officially something called an empty nester. Someone dropped off a giant dog named Dryfus. And Christy McNichol came over. I was really confused. But I just went with it. But I don't like that word. I think it's a little weird, even though it's technically two words. Ah.

But however, I am that thing. Empty nester. Ah. Ah. So then it's time for Luan to come, and Luan's song is, fuego, fuego, fuego, ma, ma tequita, fuego, fuego. She's like, hello, everybody.

Does anybody have fire? My cigarette. Go ahead and fence it in edges, ultralight, you ever girls? And he's like here She comes real housewives of New York. Oh gee Luanda Lusseps Countess they say you are a countess, but can we count on you to be? Countessy on up. God damn it. Give me off this fucking show. I can't I'm gonna get me off this fucking show. I can't do this anymore.

Bonjour. Oh, bonjour, bonjour. Or as they say here in Mexico, bonjour. Oh wow, I'm so happy to be here. You know, I can't believe that I've been single for seven years. I mean, I fucked a lot of guys. But I don't wanna settle for somebody

who doesn't make me happy. I just wanna settle for someone who's got a penthouse and a cookie jar, you know? Someone who I have to bend backwards for in all the ways that it means. If you know what I'm saying, yeah, that sounds weird. Not gonna say it.

Well, I know you have fallen into a bush in Mexico, so we see a flashback to that. And he's like, but are you ready to fall head over heels in love in Mexico? He's just like making slight tiny little cuts on his outer thighs. He's like, oh. No wonder he was furious by the end of this shoot.

He had to take it out on someone. I would, honestly, I have so much sympathy for him right now having to say these lines. I do too, I really do. It was rough. Ah, well I'm ready for love. I mean just look at me, caper star coming through in a bikini.

Did I think I'd be dating at this stage of my life? No, I didn't. I've been married twice, divorced in 2009, been to prison, been to jail. Married again in 2016. Someone threw a salami sandwich at me between the bars with a mustard packet on the inside. It was disgusting. But here I am. Divorced in 2017, fucked Liza's driver 2018. Spin to go, girls. Spin to go around. Saw Carol Radd's will steal my fuck body to be. That was great.

So Joel's like, if anybody can handle a whole pool full of men dedicated to her, I think it's you, Luan. And then Shannon comes, and her song is David, David, David, David, David, David. David, David, David. David, I will politely refrain from that cocktail, not because I am more sober these days. It's just I'm not sure where you've sourced those ice cubes and I don't want to get a pathogen.

Thank you very much. You've sourced those ice cubes, and I don't want to get a pathogen. Thank you very much. Well, I've been single for a year now, and for me, that's a very long time. The man in my life is Archie, who's a golden retriever, who still sometimes won't bring me a ball, so. It's great, feels good.

Archie has been mad at me ever since I tried to blame him for my incident, where I happened to drive a car into a little potted plant on the side of the road. I mean, it was Artie's fault. He was driving. It's not my fault, but that's okay. I'll take the fall for my dog. Um, so, Joel's like, are you ready for this? She goes, I've got me, but what do you mean by ready?

I'm nervous. I've got some new dresses. It's always Easter in this world where I'm living. Anybody had many eggs? It's I'm a little girl at Easter who dressed me. Why am I here? I can't date. Who are these people?

Are these real men? Are they from the internet? Please don't hurt me. He has risen. By he I mean my glycemic index and my blood work. A lot of sugar I've had. Oh God. So we see. By he, I mean my glycemic index and my blood work. A lot of sugar I've had. Oh, God.

So we see. If you want to say what's your relationship history been, I would say I'm 60, I'm single, and not the best. I was married for 17 years, and we divorced after my husband was seen walking with a slut at the beach. And you know, that's where I'm at these days. That's great. I'm very happy.

If I live the rest of my life out traveling to visit my daughters, which they absolutely love, I'd be good. But can you imagine having a partner that has your back and isn't constantly fucking blonde people from beaches behind your back? Oh, look, it's a beach. Oh, there's a blonde lady on the beach. It's just... It's so glad you brought me here. By the way, can you check in to see if my room is ready yet? It's just, it's so glad you brought me here. By the way, can you check in to see, check to see if my room is ready yet?

Joel's like, I don't work here. Okay. I will have a Caesar salad if it's available and matitos on the rocks, thank you. Still don't work here. Could you just hand me a washcloth, dear? I just. It's like it makes sense now.

(*JULIE LAUGHS*) All right, ladies, welcome to the Love Hotel. I'm Joel, and I will be your love concierge for the next few weeks. And Shannon, that is just a ceremonial title, it's not an actual position. I see you're about to ask me about where the New Year's bar is, and I can't answer you.

Uh, here's to finding love, girls! Luhann. So they cheers, and, uh, she's like, oh, I'm just so ready, especially after they checked my bags at the airport. Girls, get this. I was in the airport, have a little black bag with a dildo inside. Can you believe it? They opened it up, they said, what's this? I said, I don't know. Put it in meildo inside. Can you believe it? They opened it up.

They said, what's this? I said, I don't know. Put it in me. Let's see. Am I right? Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe We've got Countess Luan. Fernando, take it away. So the lady- Who needs Rosetta Stone when we've got Rosetta Bone? All right. Let's introduce someone named Fernando who we'll never see again.

Because this, Fernando was, I feel like their choice to be like, you know, not Love Island, bachelor, not bachelor, what's the bachelor one on the beach? Love in Paradise. Bachelor in Paradise. Yeah. They need like a little sidekick like that. But they didn't.

They wasted Fernando. Okay. Fernando, I'm sorry you've been wasted! Um, I don't know who Fernando is, but Alfredo, you're doing great work. Okay, just wanted to say that. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. It's time for a Crappence commercial. Everyone has that friend who seems kind of perfect. For Patty, that friend was Desiree.

Until one day, I texted her and she was not getting the text. So I went to Instagram and she has no Instagram anymore. And Facebook, no Facebook anymore. Desiree was gone and there was one person who knew the answer. I am a spiritual person, a magical person, a witch. A gorgeous Brazilian influencer called Cat Torres, but who was hiding a secret. From Wondery, based on my smash hit podcast from Brazil, comes a new series, Don't Cross Cat, about a search that led me to a mystery in a Texas suburb. I'm calling to check on the two missing Brazilian girls. Maybe get some undercover crew there.

The family are freaking out. They are lost. I'm Chico Felitti. You can listen to Don't Cross Cat on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. listen to Don't Cross Cat on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and

ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names, about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph. My hope is that people will finish an episode of reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus in

the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. So they get their rooms, it's all nice. And we brought the most frigid person to ever appear on Housewives to actually break up with the men for you. Heather Dubrow will see your men off. Heather, take a bow. You know that Heather probably wanted that role that Joel Kim has. As someone in a successful marriage,

I am here to teach you all how to have love. Okay, Alfredo is here to take your bags, so follow Alfredo. And by the way, if you are thirsty, you can also visit Alfredo at the bar who is serving drinks. Thank you. So we see their rooms and they're acting like,

wow, not one of them can act like, oh my God, look at our room. Cause they're not really big rooms. They're kind of small rooms, right? Why don't they have like big fancy rooms? Yeah, they need like big glamorous rooms. Why'd you give them just like a regular queen? Yeah. Like a pullout couch?

Like, what is this? This is a holiday? They were not unlike the rooms in Panama when Potilmuk went there last season. So then, um, Shannon's like, um, I'm sorry, uh, one of my suitcases is missing. Does anyone know where my suitcase? Okay, that's fine. You don't...

No, do I need my suitcase? No, no, I'm fine. I don't need to have... I don't need to have a dress to make myself look pretty. I could just be a frumpy mess. That's okay if it goes missing. I'll just... I'll just be the undesirable one like I always am. That's fine. It's fine. Fine, just bring a frumpy mess. That's okay if it goes missing. I'll just be the undesirable one like I always am. That's fine. It's fine.

Fine, just bring me a paper bag. I guess I'll just put that on with a little belt. So they go downstairs and Joel is at the bottom staircase. He's like, hello, ladies. You all look gorgeous. Well, that's a bit forward, I believe, from the waiter, but that's fine. All right. It's nice to be flirted with, even if it is the staff.

That's very nice of you to say. Do you know where my avocado dip is, please? I called down for that earlier. Um, and have you seen my luggage? I'd like to speak to the manager. I'm suspicious that this gentleman here may have stolen my last bag. Just wondering.

Well, take a seat, ladies. Not to go all Dr. Wendy on you, and the ones that have been here may have stolen my last bag. Just function. Well, take a seat, ladies. Not to go all Dr. Wendy on you, but I pretty much have a PhD in your love lives. Ah. Good Lord. Free Joel, Free Joel's a booster. Fucking Free Joel.

So he announces that they're gonna have men today, and I hope you're ready for the real thing because they're established, they're successful, they're adventurous, they've got great personalities. Some of them are possibly pooping their pants already, and they're all hung like Bolo, and they're like, ugh. Oh, so they're going to be wearing Texas ties. That's very lovely. Yeah, I enjoy a necktie switch up.

So then Gisele's like, that's a little bit much. Don't over promise darling. So he's like, okay, how are you guys feeling? And Ashley's like, I'm really gonna lean in and really try to be present as best as I can. And by present I mean, I'm gonna do a lot of TikToks on that beach, so. Well, I wanna know these guys,

do they know what they're getting themselves into? They better, and they better get into it quickly too, if you know what I'm saying. Mama's horny, they took my V-bratos. Well, it would be nice to be on a show with somebody who says, oh, it's a reality show. Well, that's fun. Please don't ever let me on the reality show.

You know, it's not fun when they end up dating some whore who was fired from the show 10 years ago and comes back to ruin your life on national television. That was fun. Cool. What am I doing already back here? Fun Shannon. I'm so happy. Yeah, I want someone who doesn't want to...

someone who wants to date someone on a reality show, but doesn't want to be on a reality show. So that way when people question you about him, I can say, please, I can't betray him in this way. He doesn't want to... he's a very private person, and that always works out really well for me. Yeah. What's really important for me,

I've just been through so much I've been through so much. That's just this morning. I mean just getting here. It was up a hill I mean I was in a car, but still have you ever been in a car driving up a hill? My blood pressure I've been through a lot, but uh, I really just want someone with a kind heart and a good shaker Kind heart and a good shaker. You know what, you need somebody who you feel like has got your back when you just can put your head down on somebody's shoulder and be like, you know what?

I'm safe, I'm safe. And hopefully when you put your head down on their shoulder, they've got a little cigarette in their breast pocket. You can just sort of get it with your mouth, be like, then you're smoking, you're happy. I just want a guy who's not gonna fight for me in the mirror, know what I mean? I need a guy who can rest your head on their shoulder

and someone throws them a pastrami sandwich with a mustard packet in it, it hits their head instead. That's it. Listen, the last guy I was married to was bald, he didn't have any hair to do, he got the right the fuck out of the bathroom. He poops and leaves.

Uh, he knows how to lock a door, so when the feds come, they don't barge down, you can finish your night. Uh, so we see the men, um, assembling on the balcony. And, uh, they're like, oh, my God. So come meet your ladies, gentlemen. And Giselle's like, whoa, I'm checking out some silver foxes. That's never gonna work for me. I'm sorry. Why are there old people here?

Okay. Wait, so what now? You want to date a guy that's like a little older? Well, I'm open to older, you know. That typically means he has more money in the bank. So at least when we have our fake relationship on Potomac, he'll at least pay for our dinners. Well, he has more money in the bank, So at least when we have our fake relationship on Potomac, at least pay for our dinners. Well, he has more money in the bank,

but he's got more children in the sidelines waiting to take it after his ass dies. So it's a bigger battle, you know? So the guy's come downstairs and a guy named Mark, you know what, I actually have to pull up a cast. I wanna see if I can find photos of these guys. We should, yeah, we should. Because the only name I know is Earl the Pearl.

Love Hotel cast. Love Hotel. Meet the cast of Bravo's Love Hotel, okay. There we go. Please have pictures of everybody. Okay, we see Shannon. We see. Okay, there's Wale, Earl.

Okay, Mark. So Mark is the guy who- Where do you see those? Are you looking at the peacock one? I'm on bravotv.com. I'll send you the link. I'll send you the link. Oh, who are the eligible bachelors? Okay, I've got it. Sorry, everybody.

You have to wait for that. So we start with Wale, right? Yeah, he's cute. He's like, uh... He's like the... I feel like he's the only young one, right? He's young, he's cute, love his hairstyle, love his attitude. Maybe I don't trust him because he's on a TV show. Finding love. So I have a look. I have a general distrust for any guy who comes on these shows. So I'm just going to start there.

But he seems to be the best of the bunch so far. But OK, so I guess we don't have to go through them all right now. But we'll just have a reference. So Mark. Mark is this guy. He's the one that turns out he doesn't watch TV. So he's a Silver Fox. He's from, he's a real estate, I keep on burping, I'm sorry everyone, I don't know why.

He's a real estate. You're like one of the guys on this show. Okay, everybody here, this is Mark. He's the Santa Claus of the bunch, okay? Here he is. He looks kind of like Santa Claus on a diet. And he's 61. He's a real estate developer from New York City,

which may give him an edge when it comes to Luan. Hi Mark, how are you? He's like, hi, nice to meet you. And they're all saying hello, and then Wale comes up and just like Wale, like the rapper, he's like, yeah, like the rapper. And then Earl, we all remember Earl. Earl goes up to Shannon and says, oh, Earl, oh, it's Earl.

Oh, Earl the Pearl. It's a rhyme, see? I don't know if you know this, but I have a touring comedy show where I go to various clubs and put on a sombrero and then do the three amigos dance from 1985. It's very current work and people love it. So, Earl the Pearl, you're in the bit.

Yes, I basically do a comedy show where I take people's names and then I find a rhyme with them. So, that's fun. Um, so, hope we get along, Earl. And Earl's like, oh, that's fun. Nice to meet you. I'm like, oh, no, Earl. For me, Earl's... I feel like Earl cries too much in Tom Cruise movies. Earl seems like the kind of guy who's just like,

oh, my God, Tom Cruise saved a child in the movie. You know, and he starts crying. He's like, this is what America's about. This is, that's what Earl is. I feel like Earl is constantly telling his daughter that he loves her no matter what. Like, his daughter's always coming to him with something that she's done, where she's like,

Dad, I've decided I'm giving up my corporate job because I want to make it as a radio DJ. He goes, doesn't matter. I love you no matter what. BLAIR LAUGHS Okay, so we like Earl then, because that's a good thing, right? And then, next up we meet Jerry, who's Reed's cheesy. He's kind of an Aaron Fipers type of guy.

I believe he drinks like a lot of silver. He's got like his haircuts a little too like, ooh, he's fancy. Yeah, he's a good looking guy. I feel like he's a player in a cheese ball. He's kind of like if, you know, and leave it to Beaver, the older brother, what's his name, Wally? Wally?

Oh God, I've been leaving Beaver for half my life, over half my life, three quarters of my life. It's like if the Beaver's brother kind of like retired down to Florida Keys. Yeah, Wally, could be this guy. I'm getting Aaron Fipers, which is not a compliment. Yeah. So Jerry is the surfer guy and just like, oh, the surfer guy. Yeah. Did you meet Shannon?

She lives by an ocean. Shannon, Shannon has surfboards and she's like, I don't have surfboards. I don't have a surfboard. Ow! Ow! Giselle, how could you? Giselle, how could you even? Giselle, where did Giselle go? Just like a, it's just a dust cloud of Giselle after she hands off Jerry to Shan. And she's like, bye, I don't want to talk to this guy.

And Luan's just looking around. She's between two guys now. And she's like, wow, the ocean is crazy here. And one of the guys says around. She's between two guys now. And she's like, wow, the ocean is crazy here. And one of the guys says, oh, we're not allowed to go. And she goes, well, I did. I know the ocean. I know ocean like I know music.

I'm a boater, I have a boat. Do you like boats? And he's like, I have a boat. I've got a Boston Whaler, which I love. It's a vantage. What about yours? And he goes, can you sleep on it? And she goes, it doesn't have a cabin.

I don't need a cabin, I have a home. Loser, loser alert over here. Boat sleeper. They say my boat is like my voice. It's flat and bottomed. All right. I love boats. So another guy comes up and it's this Jerry guy. And she's like, oh, come on over here, Jeff.

I got a brother called Jeff. And he's like, oh, it's Jerry. She's like, ha! That's what all Jeffs say, am I right? Get out of here, boat-liver. Would you be open to renaming yourself to Jeff? Just be a lot easier for me, okay? So, then Gisele's talking to this guy, Jay. Jay's cute, too. Would you be open to renaming yourself to Jeff? Just be a lot easier for me, okay?

So then Gisele's talking to this guy, Jay. Jay's cute too. He's sort of... He's got like nice arms. So she's talking to him and she's like, so, did you know the ladies... Did you know who the ladies were gonna be? He's like, no, I had no idea.

She's like, great. So, So, I'm gonna do it. My reputation is se fiora. Now, Jay is deceptively hot. I didn't, Jay doesn't look like he's a big worker outer to me here. He's hot, he's secret hot. He's secret hot. He takes off his shirt later and I was like,

okay, Jay, Jay came to play, Jay's back. Yeah. Jay, Jay didn't expect this Jay. Jay's hot. Yeah. Jay's got those glasses. He's got a nice face. He has secret body. Yeah, we like Jay so far.

Well, at least physically. So Shannon's talking to Earl still. She's like, oh, so, Earl, so you're not a Housewives fan, Earl. Oh, tell me, what are your thoughts on cream cheese stuffed inside a salmon? And Earl's like, well, I don't know about Housewives, but I'm becoming one. I think I'm going to become a Housewives fan. How about that?

I'm a fan right now. I just saw a lady almost have a nervous breakdown because someone suggested she had a surfboard. So I think I'm a pretty big fan. Oh, oh God. How? Oh, so you overheard that. Okay. Um, Mark, meanwhile, is still talking to Luann. This guy, Mark, is talking to Luann. Because Luann's between Mark and Jerry.

And so, Luann's like, so he's saying, so you're a... So, are you Manhattan Housewives? Ha! New York City Housewives, get it right. I'm a legend over there. Literally was on a show called Legacy, which I think has something to do with legends. I don't know. You should know who I am. Listen, Santa, you should know the show because you say ho, ho, ho.

And someone literally came with a t-shirt that said ho, ho, ho, because she was always calling me one. So, that's we are. It's a glamorous show. And then there's a guy named Ralph. Oh, and Ralph is the one. Ralph tells us, he's a guy who's been in. It's a glamorous show.

And then there's a guy named Ralph. Oh, and Ralph is the one, Ralph tells us, Ralph says... Oh, fuck Ralph. I hate people who say this. Go ahead, Ben. Tell him what he says. I thought this was Mark. I thought this was Mark who had said this, but it's Ralph who goes, never watch Tell Housewives. I don't watch television. Oh, fuck off, Ralph.

God, go read a book in hell, okay? Get him off the show, okay? Fans only over here. I'm not above it. Ralph is a sound system specialist from Nashville. Okay, you are barking up the wrong tree talking to Luan. The last thing you want to be doing is getting stuck in a booth with Luan's voice piping into your ears all day.

Okay? No. Run, Ralph. Go to a TV store. That's my suggestion. Yeah. Ralphs don't do so well on Bravo. So his bio says that he ran around the world with rock bands on tour, and now is the proud father and parent of sons, which means that when you talk to Ralph, he spends a lot of time being like, oh, yeah, Pearl Jam, those guys were great.

Yeah, no, I remember 1997, I think, what was it? Saratoga Springs, New York, I don't know. We had a great time, those guys, those are good guys. Let me tell you, you have not lived until you've watched Kurt Cobain order a tuna sandwich from a 7-Eleven. I mean, that was something. What times we had Oh, man. Yeah. Oh, oh, God.

Candle box? The candle box, more like... solid champ box. That's what those were. It was a box full of solid champs, those guys. So, Wale is saying that he's only seen one episode of Housewives and they were fighting all the time, so he's not sure about that show. Yeah, well, welcome to your life if you get chosen

by one of these women, okay? Think this will work here for fun and games, sir? No. And then we have the producer talking to Philip. This guy, Philip, I believe he's sort of... Philip seems like he's a little bit out of... out of his... out of his depths here a little bit out of his depth here a little bit.

He's just trying really hard. He's like trying, I think he's wearing like a blazer maybe or something and he just is a little, he's awkward. And the producer says, have you heard of Shannon? And he goes, oh, Shannon Baddouie? Baddouie? Baddouie? Baddouie?

Shannon Baddou? Yeah, I'm calling Philip no chance. No chance. There's no chance Philip. He kind of looks like a straight Dwight from Atlanta. I don't think he's straight. I know we're not supposed to talk about that, but I'm gay and it's my right.

I pay my gay taxes. So I'm gonna go ahead and say this is one of us. And the reason I say this is because look at the pursed lips, first of all. He's like, mm-hmm. He's got that like, I told you. He's got that I told you so face, which we purse lips, first of all, he's like, mm-hmm, he's got that, like I told you, he's got that I told you so face,

which we often make as gays. And then later he comes in a statement necklace that just says, I sucked it. That's it. That's what the statement said. Sorry, Phillip. But he's an investor in LA. And then Shannon is still talking to Mark

and finds out that Santa lives in New York City in the West Village. My daughter just moved to the West Village. Do you know Andy Cohen? Have you seen my daughter? Have you been to a park? I love New York and I come visit. I wanna see my daughter.

Could you call her? Here's my daughter's number. Put it into your phone. I'm gonna put you down as my daughter's emergency contact. Okay. So since you live in New York City, it's a small place. You know Andy Cohen? Put it into your phone. I'm gonna put you down as my daughter's emergency contact. Okay? So, since you live in New York City, it's a small place. You know Andy Cohen? He goes, the broker?

No, no, he's part of the network that we have our show on. This right here. He's watching. He's kind of the boss. Okay. Well, that's fine. Okay. All right.

We'll find the next one. So, Ashley is, you know, sitting with Earl the Pearl, which is a hilarious sight to see, you know? She's just like, well, you know, I guess I'll try. Try another, Michael, let's see. And she says she's from Hotlanta. He's like, oh, look at that, Hotlanta, hot. Gosh, never thought of it that way.

That is funny. I had never thought about that, but I guess you really could put those two, that adjective and that city together. It is quite funny. That is clever. That is clever stuff. So Earl is a legal consultant from Lawrenceville, Georgia.

And Ashley's like, get down at the get down. And he's like, oh down at the get down. And he's like, oh, yeah, hot Lana, huh? Wow. That is, I'm still thinking about that one. I think I like it. And then Nicholas, which one's Nicholas? Can you bring up Nicholas onto the screen? Yeah, let me find him.

Because Nicholas says, look at homie shoes. Show your shoes. Is he the young one with the necklace? Nicholas is the one, he's like the Peter Pan one, who still kind of looks young. I mean, he's 45, so it's not like he's some old man, but yeah, he's got this like goofy young person thing, but he's 45.

He's in that transitional period between young and old. So he's still dressing like he's like 32, but his faces are into segue into, you know, his 50s. And so he's kind of like, we're all there. We all go through it. And he's just caught in time on this show right now with this. So he's like, yeah, look at homie shoes. I'm definitely 45 though, yeah.

Yeah, he's like struggling to be a teenager, and it's awkward. But I feel like Ashley's gonna make out with him. I'm getting that vibe. He's kind of Ashley's type. She will. She likes her age and her men. They're making fun of Earl's shoes because he's wearing white alligator shoes

with eyes on them. They've got like gold eyes on them. She's like, "'Guys, we're staring at me.'" So Nicholas hasn't been... Oh, so Ashley goes, So if you guys been married and Nicholas goes, Oh, I haven't and Earl's like, not to each other. Atlanta. Earl the pearl out. I'm gonna see myself out of this conversation. Okay, Earl the pearl it out.

And Nicholas is like, never married, no kids. I just you know, I just didn't think it would be hard to find this, my person. I didn't find it would be, it wouldn't be this hard to find my, you are such a liar, Nicholas. You're a player and you're a man hoe. And I don't believe that this is

cause you can't find your person. I believe that it's because you're still hot enough to pull tail and bars and you haven't settled in yet and you're never going to. That's what I say. Let's see Nicholas, let's see. pull tail in bars and you haven't settled in yet, and you're never going to. That's what I say. Let's see, Nicholas, let's see. Commercials, here comes one right now.

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episodes where I sit down with the cast to spill all the spicy secrets. Desire, friendship, self-discovery, and the ultimate bucket list of pleasure. This is a story that had everyone talking. Listen to the original Dying for Sex and brand new episodes on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge the original series before anyone else and completely ad free on Wondry Plus. So Nicholas says, you know, I do struggle with trying to find my soulmate.

I don't want to be like George Clooney, you know, but you know, stop it like single and fun. Like tonight I'm just looking to spend time with Ashley. It's like, okay. He's a crypto entrepreneur from Scottsdale, Arizona. That's just like one big red flag wrapped up in many little red flags, wrapped up in a larger red flag.

Let's just, no, goodbye. Every word in this is a red flag. Crypto, red flag. Entrepreneur, red flag. Scottsdale, red flag. Arizona, red flag. You're flagged. You might as well just be a red flag manufacturer.

Like I produce red flags in Arizona. Well, that would actually be a real job, which I would take over Nicholas. But actually he does seem nice. And he's like, I come from a big family. My brother has four kids. My sister has three kids. So I'm like the Funkle, right?

But like George Clooney. I'm like if George Clooney was a Funkle. No. So then Shannon's talking to Ralph, and Ralph is like, yeah, I'm old, but I've got two young guys. I got two boys that are 10 and 11, and I love it. One's playing baseball right now.

One's playing football. I'm like, this is... Please don't impress me with the fact that your child is playing baseball at this moment. We played sports, we raced motocross, we raced BMX, whatever they want to do. And she's like, oh, okay, wow. That's interesting. You know, um... I don't know what motocross is.

Is that, like, a church with, um, for cars? Anyway, Ralph is very handsome, and, you know, he's got kind of, like, an edge to him. I don't know. It's like that cool part. Like part like he's cool I mean who's that's cool a 60 year old that's me oh god I'm getting flustered oh god motocross am I right I still don't know what that is can someone tell me yeah Ralph let me give you a hint uh no real housewife of anywhere is gonna want to hear I love having boys and going to baseball games and racing motocross.

No, what are you, are you trying to get dumped? Also, this is what happens when you have babies at 50. This is your man. He's like, I like going to baseball games. You know this guy fights with the referee every week. Like, get off my son's ass. How dare you deserve this? It's like drunk, drunk in the back.

Like get your drunk old man out of here, please. Also, so Ralph is 61, which means that around 2002 or so, that's like 23 years ago, which is crazy. That'd be 41 minus... When he was probably about 37, 38, he probably just had the worst faux-hawk of the early 2000s. Just look at his face. This is a man, I guarantee he had a big old faux-hawk and it was just probably really mortifying.

He does have faux-hawk face for sure. Like, I could see that face. I could see that. I say that as someone who also had a faux-hawk. I wore a Central Perk shirt at least once, you know? Yeah. So, let's see. So Giselle is now talking, she's still talking to Jay,

and, um, Jay is saying that he was married for a while. Mm-hmm. Oh, man. Oh, sorry. I removed the wrong face from the thing. So Jay was married for a while, and he's asking about her kids. She's got three daughters. Thank God we don't go into footage of that. And she's like, you know, I like Jay. He's a family man. He has kids. Check, check, check. And he's been single for five or six years.

So he's hoping that he can connect with someone for real, not just for fun, but for real. Yeah. He's a marketing director from Boston. So Giselle is like, well, I have the house to myself, uh, which is scary because it's basically a labyrinth. I added different rooms to it at different times and I get scared that without my daughters there, no one will find me in one of the many warrens in the basement. Dah.

So I just walk around naked, dah. And he's like, whoa, naked, huh? Wow, you're living the dream. She's like, yep, I can walk around naked and paint any wall in the house maroon just because I feel like it. Meanwhile, there's a garbage truck picking up some garbage. Oh wait, it's Luann. So, boys, have you been married?

It's like, Mark's like, well, I was married for 12 to 13 years and I've got five kids. Oh, wow, so you have five children? Yeah, that's what five kids means. Wasn't sure if it was goats. You know, I was raising my own four kids when I was growing these things. Have you cut them off?

Are they still in your will? Is there a trust? Is the trust available to me? How is this working, Santa? Just tell me, tell me straight up now, tell me. Do you really wanna love me forever? Or do you want me to have to deal with five fucking children?

Let's be real. Is it too late to put them up for adoption? Tell me. Put that in the act. Call Paula. Say, Hey, it was Lou from from the Midwest that one time. Tell her I want to put her song on the act. I'm sure she'll approve it. Hey, what about you, Jerry? Jerry's like, well, I was married for 18 years and I've got two kids and I moved to Puerto Rico and I've just been dating and surfing. Oh,

and now you're just living your best life in an island far, far away from the Cabaret. Get out of my sight. So by living in Puerto Rico, you're telling me you have a lot of crypto you don't want to pay taxes on or so. Um, now Mark and Jerry are gushing about Luanne, like what a hottie, what a hottie she is. Yeah. She's so tall and beautiful. What power she has. What a hottie she is. Yeah, she's so tall and beautiful. What power she has. And then we go to Jerry again, who's a retired carpenter in Anguilla, Puerto Rico.

And, um... he loves her hair, he loves her makeup. He loves the way that she sounds like a cat has just scratched a tin roof. Raw of all of its tin every time she opens his mouth. It's very sexy. And Mark tells us that he also likes her hair, big head of hair, and he says, I mean, bang,

she's from New York City, so we're sort of neighbors. Yeah, well, you know who else we're sort of neighbors with? Liza Minnelli, who I like to call her my coworker, because we're both in the cabaret, just saying. Some people like going to Pier 27, I go to Pier Lysam and Alley, we have tea, we talk about the good old days, Judy, et cetera, what a bitch Lorna is, you know how it goes, Jer.

So Luann's like, so you know what, I'm gonna go to the ladies' room and I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere. Please stay exactly on these sofas. And I will be back in about five minutes. See you never, suckers. Ha ha. BLAIR This was so good.

She literally leaves these guys alone. And they're like, she's not coming back, is she? Like, no, I don't think so. And then Jerry's like, yeah, let's go take a walk. I'm gonna leave her shoes here. She just did, that's his revenge. So Philip goes up to Luann now and he's like, so, do you need a cocktail? Is that what you're gonna say? That's the only right answer to that.

And let me tell you something, Philip. I can see it in your eyes. You've got a statement necklace and the only one around here who can do the statement necklace is me. So don't even try it in my presence. Otherwise you're out of this hotel. You're gonna be like, oh, I'm gonna leave my shoes here. I'm gonna leave in your eyes. You've got a statement necklace, and the only one around here who can do the statement necklace is me. So don't even try it in my presence.

Otherwise, you're out of this hotel if I have anything to say about it. I won't date you, but I will let you move a chair around to my cabaret show for free. BOTH LAUGH So, um, Mark and Jerry, I love that they're, like, still waiting for her to return. So they finally get up and leave,

and then Ashley is sitting with Wale, and they're talking about jumping in the pool, and, oh, my God, she looks so much younger than she's saying she is. And goes, 36, that's crazy. I would have gave you like 34 for sure. Wow, what a compliment. Two years? You don't have to go two years.

You go a decade, sir. Come on. That was one... You were 1 17th of her life off. So Ash is like, so have you ever been in a long term relationship and how do you feel about children on counters? He's like, well, I have, I was in a relationship for five years and we lived together and everything. So why didn't you marry her? Well, it didn't work out.

I grew from that situation. Like the first year it was nice to heal and I went to therapy to be by myself. You went to therapy? Yes, I went to therapy. So she's won over by this guy. Yeah, she's just like a man that's gone to therapy winner. So have you ever tried to make a significant other

try to make kangaroos sound appetizing to a customer base, no? Okay, let's get married. You look great for 65. Well, I'm actually like 38. No, okay, you're like 57. 38. So you're like age appropriate. Yeah.

Well, it was lovely to meet you. It was lovely to meet you. BOTH LAUGH It was lovely to meet you, well-balanced young person. BOTH LAUGH Person who's perfect for me. BOTH LAUGH So, Ralph is talking to Gisele about how beautiful her eyes are. And, um, he's like,

well, my eyes are a little red right now. She goes, why? You been drinking? And he's like, no, I'm just tired. And she goes, so, where eyes are a little red right now. It's just why? You been drinking? And he's like, no, I'm just tired. And she goes, so, where do you live, Mr. Ralph? And he's like, Nashville, born and raised, boy dad, you know, hashtag boy dad. Ran around the world with rock bands for a long time,

making records, doing tours. You know how it goes. BOWEN You know, it's like when you're on the road with an Izzy Iggy Pop tribute band? It's a lot, a lot of long hours. He's like, you know, I got some really great advice just before I went on my first tour a long time ago with Slash from somebody who said,

don't stay in your hotel room. Go out and see and do everything. I believe that was my good friend Liza Minnelli who said, you gotta ring them bells. You gotta ring. Sorry, continue with what you were saying. Well, that's how I live my life. I wanna find one great love, which is why I'm here. Just I was like, mm, okay, so you control sound boards. Could you do me a favor, tell Ashley

you're going to record a song for her and don't press the record button, thank you. Thank you, you're going to record a song for her and don't press the record button. Thank you. Thank you. You're hired. Oh, well, meanwhile, hi, this is Shannon Medora here, reporting for duty. It's my turn to sit with the very plain man, Earl, Earl the Pearl. Oh, so, Earl, do you do the dating apps? Do you know what apps are? He goes,

well, you know, I have, and man, are they disappointing, especially in as they call it, hotlanta. You know, there's so many bots out there and liars and scammers. You got to be careful for about all the bots on them on the app. You're right. I mean, I open my apps and I try to get in there and it makes me spell all these words before I can even get in there. Look at this. I have not been able to get into a dating app." And he's like, that is a wordle. Oh, that's wordle. I hate these bots. I mean, what are you, what are these bots doing? I mean, what are they fake people? I mean, what are you going to go on a date and then they're not there? It's a robot? I mean, why? Who? Who? Why? Who? Why? I mean, with the AI these days and the deep fakes, it's, it's actually,

it's, it's very terrifying. Are you real? Are you real? I mean, you the AI these days and the deep fakes, it's actually, it's very terrifying. Are you real? Are you real? You know what? Hold on one second. Joel, could someone please, could someone please get the bellhop over here, Joel? I'm concerned that this is not a real person. Is this an AI person? I'm very concerned. It's very scary.

Okay. Well, have you ever been married, Earl, to a robot? And he's like, I've been married twice to a robot?" And he's like, um, I've been married twice to flesh and bones ladies. And then, um, she's like, oh, well, how old is she? I'm guessing she was in her 20s. Was she a slut in Newport Beach? Because there are a lot of them, you know. Wow, aging white guy, I'm guessing you just must have dated a 20 year old. And he's like, actually, she was one year older than me. She goes, oh, Earl, one year old.

I apologize, Earl. Are we sure this is not about, this is, hold on. Do you, okay, I'm gonna bring a knife over. This won't hurt that much, but I just need to draw some blood. Wow, I apologize, that was cold. And then he tells the story about being seven years and then he met his last wife who got leukemia twice and she didn't make it. And so he starts crying and but he does say something is so it was so mean for me to almost giggle at this but I was like poor Earl and then

he goes, yeah, And I wanted to have kids in, but I didn't remember to save her eggs. I was like, what? Who says that? I don't remember to save her eggs. But this is really sad. So he had a wife who got leukemia and then she was fine. She went into remission. And so they had a great time and they traveled and they did all this stuff. But then she got cancer again and she passed. So this was really sad. And it's also crazy. I actually got choked up.

I can't, I can't believe I was like... It's also crazy to share this on the first meeting because Bachelor style, you save this up until you're about to get dumped and then you put your trauma, you know? And I know that's cynical, but it is how it works on TV. So I thought it was nice that he put that right out there. Listen, I think that Earl knows he has to lead with that.

Okay, there are a bunch of really... There's some silver foxes out there. You know, no, you know, he... This is gonna be a strong card. Guys don't compare themselves to each other like that, though. Yeah, you don't think so? I feel like guys don't compare each other... compare themselves to each other like that. I mean, there's nothing like the confidence of an aging man.

Like they don't know. I think he thinks he's just like the same amount of hot as like Wale. That is actually a very fair point. Straight men have like strange confidence that just powers them through any situation. Gay guys are like, oh my God, I like awful. But he's, yeah, so he drops this story,

and of course Shannon's like, oh wow, that's, I'm so sorry to hear that. When did that happen? And she's, you know, now she's of course, he's made her basically cry and made her feel bad for her assumptions, which is the weight of Shannon's heart. Well, I cried and he made me feel like a terrible person, so I think I'm in love.

Ha! Wow. She says, "'Earl knows what it's like to be completely in love. I don't think I've ever truly been in love before.'" Well, there's Dr. Moon. He's pretty great. And David did put his finger up my butt to remove psychological debris that time. I felt pretty in love that day,

but we're not talking about David. So, now Giselle's talking to Wale, and she's like, so my mom lives in Houston, nah. And he's like, really? I love Houston. Houston is such an integral place of my makeup. And she goes, oh, is that where you went to jail, lah?' And I was like, "'Mm.'"

BOWEN LAUGHS Yeah, he's like, "'I'm not, that's not attractive for me, for you to say that.'" She goes, "'Well, yeah.'" She said, "'No, I didn't, I didn't, I've never been to prison, I'm not like Luan over there.'"

"'Hard times in the prison.' Sorry, that's a song I learned when I was incarcerated.'" She's like, "'I just profiled you, wah. And he goes, yeah, you did. And she goes, well, you have an accent, where are you from? And he goes, Rhode Island. And she says, Connecticut?

Oh, no, that's a state. Oh, I'm embarrassed, sorry. HENRY FRIENDLY LAUGHS Well, I'm all down with the map on the United States. So as we get past Connecticut and Massachusetts, I'm done. I have no idea what's up there. It's Canada, basically. After Delaware, it's all Canada.

So Gisele's like, so have you ever been married? He's like, no, never been married. Children? Nah. He goes, oh, she asked if he wants children. He says, yes. And she's like, well, I don't have a universal. So that means we are not compatible. Goodbye, Wally.

So he's like, yeah, she's fine, but it's actually your best for me. So she asks where he's from and he says Nigeria. And she's like, oh, that's why I said you have an accent when we sat down. And he goes, you're profiling again. She goes, oh my God, I am. So then Joel comes back and he's like, hello, folks, how are we doing tonight? And they're like, oh, it's Joel. And he's like, okay, don't worry guys, I'm not a regular host, I'm a cool host.

Ah. Be cool, don't be uncool. Sorry, I had to slide that right in there. It's kind of my thing, Mark and Jerry. He knows my music. Ralph doesn't have a TV, so I've got to give him all my taglines. Here, wait, hold on a second.

Hey, Ralph, I made Alex Dela-Francise. He'll look at it. He'll like it. He'll like it. I never apologize for being privileged. It's Mrs. Dela-Seps to you, Ralph. So Joel says that they have to ask guys out on dates, one-on-one dates. And then in the morning, that's when they're gonna do it. So Shannon's like,

I've never asked anyone out on a date before. God, the last time I asked something a date was milk. I said, is it... What's your date? When do you expire? And then I got to the checkout. I said, can you read this? I can't tell when this thing... What date, what the expiration date is on this? And I said, how dare you let me buying milk?

I told you to never let me walk out of the store with cow's milk again. Send me back to the oat milk, or I'm calling the manager. Oh. By the way, Joel, do you know when happy hour ends? Because I would love to get some of those mini egg rolls. No. I'm not your waiter.

Oh. Okay. If you insist, the artichoke dip will do. She's so hard to get good service anywhere. So the ladies, the singles go inside and the ladies are gonna like talk about things. So Gisele is saying that she... They're all kind of upset that they have to ask the men out

because it's like they've never done that, you know? So they're not used to it. And Gisele's like, I mean, who do you want to go on a date with, Ashley? Yah! And then she's like, well, there's this guy Nick who I'm trying to figure him out because he wears like puka shells and he looks 23 but also looks 63.

And I just, I can't tell if I'm turned on or turned off at the same time. Yeah, and then the men are grabbing a drink and talking over at the bar, and Jay's like, so, anyone connect? And Nicholas says that he connected with Ashley, so, dun, dun, dun. And then the late Shannon's like,

well, you know, I don't know, but you know who I'd love to death? Earl the Pearl. I mean, I feel bad because his feet were so mean to Peter Pan, but at the same time, he's had such tragedy in his life. He's a genuine pearl. And you know, he rhymes.

I don't know if anyone else here rhymes, but I guess we have a long stay here. I feel like Jay must rhyme with someone, right? J, J the way. Ha, ha, ha, okay. So Earl's like, we see, cut to Earl and he goes, well, I think I'll get invited on four dates tomorrow. I would say no, pick someone else, right? I'm just kidding, guys.

Just Earl the Pearl to you guys. Catch me in Atlanta. So yeah, that joke came from Atlanta right there. Okay, guys. So Giselle is asking if she's physically attracted. And she goes, well, I mean, I, I, yeah, that joke came from Hotlanta right there. Okay, guys. So, Gisele is asking if she's physically attracted, and she goes, well, I mean, I... Well, there's something about him. You know, I'm attracted to his trauma.

That makes any sense. Can you cuddle with someone else's trauma at night? That's what I want to do. I just want to snuggle up to his trauma and watch a mystery on television. And now she's like, yeah, and the physicality could grow. I mean, you just focus on that trauma long enough and he'll become really hot. Just wait. It'll happen.

I didn't think Michael was attractive, and then I couldn't stop masturbating to Gollum after we divorced, so... -♪ EARL LAUGHS SOFTLY? -♪ Yeah, I just keep saying Earl the Pearl. Earl the Pearl. Um, Ashley is saying that, um... Um...

But Shannon also says... Shannon says, though... Yeah, well, you know, the thing is, I also do enjoy Ralph because he's a good-looking man who looks like he's emotionally unavailable. He doesn't want to be on TV, and I feel like after the first few months of our relationship, he'll probably treat me very poorly. So, I don't know, kind of a win-win situation.

Ralph has a haircut that says emotional abuse, so I think I'm gonna ask him out. HE LAUGHS So, Ashley's telling us that, yeah, it makes sense that Shannon likes Ralph, because he's the tallest and the hottest of the group. And Luann's like, yeah, he's got a good face. For me to sit on.

So Ash is like, yeah, he's like a guy you could take to the country club, I guess. He goes, well, yeah, I mean, Ralph is definitely my number one, definitely my number one. So then Luann's like, oh, look, here's Earl the Pearl as we speak, girls. So Earl comes over with the drink and hands it to Shannon. Now, if that doesn't win Shannon over,

a man bringing her vodka. That's it. What more do you need? Do you need the man to run into a house for you? Come on. Earl the Pearl, for some reason, I can't explain it, Ronnie. When Luan said, oh, it's Earl the Pearl as we speak, for some reason, it made me crack up.

I don't know why. There's something about Luan saying Earl the Pearl as we speak. For some reason, it made me crack up. I don't know why. There's something about Luanne saying Earl the Pearl that just like, I just guffawed. I wish I could explain why it was so funny to me, but there's just something about like Earl the Pearl, like that phrase just landing on Luanne's radar, and then she decides that she's amused by it,

and then she's like, oh, look who's here. It's Earl the Pearl, everyone. Come on in, Earl the Pearl. So I wish it was really Pearl. I wish it was Pearl. I wish Pearl was hosting the show. She could just be like, hello, everybody. Welcome to the show.

I picked some names for you. I hope you enjoy them. Just Pearl sitting up in a window on 227. All right, who wants to pick Earl? Earl rhymes with Pearl. You get him, Shani. He brought you vodka. You're gonna ignore Pearl? Bachelor number one, Lester.

. Oh, Lester! What was Rose's son's name? Curtis? Was it Curtis? No. I don't remember. I remember Lester, Jackay, and Mary. And Pearl, of course. Okay, so they're like, okay, well, who are you gonna pick? And Luann's like, well, I like Jerry.

And they're like, oh yeah, we could tell Luann. And so Ashley's like, well, you don't have to just pick one. You should ask Mark. And Gisele's like, well, you don't have to just pick one, you should ask Mark. And Gisele's like, uh, let's talk about Wale. So, Gisele likes him for Ashley. And she's like, he wants someone with a uterus, so that's not me. You get him. Gisele does not have a uterus.

And then Ashley's like, well, um, yeah, okay, well, well, how are you feeling? And Jenna goes, yeah, how about Roy? She's like, who's Roy, yeah. You know Roy, you talked to him for a flippin' hour, it was just like, there's Gisele and Roy. Everyone knows Roy. Oh, Jeff?

Was that Jeff? Roy the boy. It was Jeff, Jeff. Roy the boy, come on. Gisele, I mean Gisele's like, Jay. Yeah, oh, oh, Jay, yes, Jay, yes. Yeah, yeah. Roy. So they start laughing and they're making fun of Shannon. So then the men come cozy up to the women and Shannon asks Earl,

so Earl, are you an exerciser? And he goes, yes. And she goes, oh, you are? This is so rude. I don't you are? This is so rude. I don't need to. This is so rude. And he's like, yeah, but I don't need to, though. Just look at me.

Have you ever thought about, Earl, would you ever consider being emotionally withholding? I mean, I could do it if you need me to. You're supposed to say, that's none of your business. Such a turn on. I mean, I could do it if you need me to. That's, you're supposed to say, that's none of your business. Such a turn on. So Phillip, Luanne is now between two men again,

and Phillip and Jerry this time, and Phillip's like, you gotta take a shot with me. She goes, take a shower. Is that what you said? Sounded exactly the same. Last person who asked me to shower with them was the guy at the airport who found my vibrator in a black bag.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Giselle's approval means you must be special because she's, you know, Ashley's homegirl because they have a clothing line together, GNA. Like... You do not. And also Giselle's a bit of an underminer, so I don't know if it's as much of a thing of support, but that's what I... You absolutely do not have a clothing line.

And so then she's like, yeah, you know, she really showed up for me after I gave birth to my son after my separation. And at the end of the day, you get nothing for nothing. And she'll always be my home girl. So then people are going to bed and everything and Luann is like, all right, Jeff, will you take this for me, darling? Thank you, sweetheart.

Please, please take this drink for me. Well, my name is Jerry. Jeff, Jerry, Bob, whatever. Just a penis with legs at the end of the day. All right, have a great evening. So they're like doing flirting while they think Ashley's fine as hell. They're really bonding, because they talked about

jumping in the pool with their clothes on, which was hilarious. And he's gonna really try for Ash. And so she's like, I mean, it's the first night. I was expecting to meet somebody. I owe it to myself to play the field. So then we hear sex noises the next day coming from the gym, but it's just Ashley working out with Wale.

Silly, silly. Don't stare at my booty. He's like, I was though. And Giselle and Jay come out of the pool, and they put towels on, and she's like, I think I. And Giselle and Jay come out of the pool and they put towels on and she's like, I think I've learned a lot about you. You're a morning person. You're speaking my language, but you're also very boring. She's also kind of speaking my language a little bit.

Do you have daughters that have gone off to college for two years straight? Ah. So, Jerry is like, so, hello, Anne. How's your Spanish? I can't have a conversation, but I know what they're saying. And she's like, no hablo muy bien. Cumprindo, masomenos, todo.

That's what she just said. That's what she just said. Do you want me to sing it for you? Well, that was me singing, so. Tricked you. So, Jeff, what do you think? You wanna go on a date tonight? He's like, I do, I'm honored, name's Jerry,

and I would love to go on a date with you. All right, see you somewhere, by a rock with hopefully some oysters, bye. Giselle asks Jay on a date, and then we go to Ashley and Wale, and she's like, I really enjoyed our talk last night. Remember how we said that we would both jump in at the pool with our clothes?

I mean, that was meaningful. And then today we went to the gym and that's like important to me. So I wanted to take the time to ask you if you'd like to go on a date with me. And he's like, um, what? Yes, yes. Oh my God, is that a Nigerian accent?

Oh my God, I love that. Yeah, he does a full on accent, which is great. And then Shannon is like, Oh, um, Earl the Pearl, so did you enjoy our party last night? Because I loved it. You made me cry with trauma. And I was like, it was the best time I've had in three months for sure. So he's like, yeah, no, I enjoyed hanging out

and getting to know you. It was like, I felt like I was hanging out with my friends in Hotlanta. Oh, I don't understand what Hotlanta is, but I want to preface this with, I never in my life have asked someone to go on a date. I mean, the fact that the bellhop came over here and said, I've gotta ask a man out on a date,

what sort of hotel is this? Woo! So I hope you don't mind because I'm a little nervous. I brought a little carton of milk. What's your date? Oh, I'm not your baby. Oh, that's a little humor. Oh, do you drink this as a bottle?

I do that in my show sometimes. I'm working that in. Dos Amigos. Earl the Pearl, I apologize. Turns out this milk I just drank from is actually a bottle of Clas Amigo. Clas, so sorry about the class class Azul, I should say, who class and class Azul hidden hard already. So anyway, you want to go on a date

with me or what? Yeah. And he goes, wow, you did a fantastic job. So they hug and check, but please don't bring your pets. Your shoes are cute. You can bring them. So, um, she goes, well, at 60 years old, I'm no longer a virgin of asking people to go on a date. Ooh! Oh! Oh! I'm also no longer a virgin of having to pay back $75,000 to my ex, which he has given to me as a gift.

So she asks if he's gonna wear the white shoes, and he's like, well, I have a variety of things. And she goes, well, I think you said you have 12, 12 white shoes. This, bring all of them. So Giselle and Jay's- I'm gonna have to buy another man's shoes. Oh, geez.

This is a very low cost show, as we see because all of the dates are on the beach. They just set up little tables on the beach. They're like, here, this table is for agave tasting. Have fun. So, well, cause I think they blow their whole budget on Jay and Gisele's date because they are having a tequila tasting, and they're tasting things and everything.

Oh, they actually get to go to a place. That's true. You're right. They go to a place. But it's still on the resort, you know? And then the chef brings out these tacos, and he's like, well, everyone, let me present the finest taco in the world. It's at $25,000 for each taco because it's covered with lobster, Kobe beef,

and caviar and also gold leaf. Which by the way, as far as I can tell, that gets you up to like $400, not $25,000. But it's just also like all those things on top of each other, why? That's just gross. They don't go together. Yeah, it's not good.

So they eat it and just I was like, oh, caviar, I'm falling in love tonight. Caviar is my jam. So that's kind of boring. And then they go over to Jerry and Luan and they have a clam shaped bed on the beach, which is, wow. Some tacky shit going on here. Yeah, Jerry's like, well, I got you some flowers.

Oh, that's so sweet. I was hoping you'd have a yacht instead of some flowers, but that's okay. He's like, yeah, you could put them in your hair. No, nothing gets put in his hair for less than $25,000, like a taco, okay? But I'll take it. She's like, all right, let's find a little bit out

about Jerry. Jerry, what is his day like? Surfing, surfing, surfing? And he's like, well, yeah, actually, that's what I do. She's like, oh, gross. Then you spill champagne on her. Oh, sorry, guys. Yeah.

Well, I was going to say, then, well, there's like a moment where she is looking at their clam bed, and she's like, oh, wow, I feel like the Little Mermaid. Let me sing as much of this song as I'm legally allowed to before Bravo has to pay some rights. Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! We actually did Luanne as Little Mermaid for a very long segment in a recap years ago, and I love that this came back full circle for us. I love this for us as a mermaid.

That's hilarious. Yeah. We have often done the, ah! So then they're served oysters and everything, and he's like, well, I'll try not to eat these on your white pants. I mean, what do I care? You already spilled champagne on them like a common poor person.

I'm just busting your balls. If you buy a ticket to my cabaret, all is forgiven. She goes, life is a cabaret. Choose to that. He's like, oh. So then while I and Ashley also have a beach date and they are at a cacao chocolate making class. So they do that. And she puts on a little apron and he's like, she's hot. Then Shannon and Earl meet up for their date and she's like, wow, I can't wait to meet Earl more. I want to know him better. He's wearing

white shoes again today. So hopefully he's going to tell me about what happened to those poor alligators. I don't want to hear their trauma. Am I attracted to alligators now? Depends on their trauma level, let's face it. Oh, well, hopefully we are going to do an activity that is approved of by Dr. Moon, something that ideally does not involve any sort of dairy or pathogens. Oh, oh, it's a tray of cheese. Great. I'm going to go on. This is great. I'll just like it's a tray of cheese. Great. I'm not that, I'm not.

This is, oh great. I'll just like fill me up with lactose. I'm very happy with this. I'm very happy with this choice. Oh. Yeah, just. Lactose on top of glutinous crackers. This is gonna end well.

Hey Earl, I hope you're ready for a farty party. Because that's what it's about. Hey, hey, hey. Dr. Moon says I'm allowed to have one cube of cheese per month, so I guess we're gonna bust out this quota today, so please choose a good one for me. And he's like, well, I don't know what we're supposed to do with this bowl of seeds or whatever.

We dip chips into them? She's like, oh, you're not supposed to eat those, Earl. I'm wearing this, ma' man. I am marrying this man. The fact that he thought for a moment you're supposed to eat the decorative seeds. So, um, Gisele and Jay's taco. Why do I feel like they're getting married? Does she stay with Earl forever? I hope so. I want Earl in her life. So Jay is asking what Gisele looks for.

She's like, transparency, accountability, sexual proficiency. He's like, absolutely. Oh, my God. Did you just do the ah thing back to me? He's like, I didn't really mean to. I just got caught up in it. He gets stuck in it. So, she's like, well, he was thought to put his shirt off, but he's very boring. So, do I wanna bang him, or do want to get to know him? Uh, boring. He's not turning on just

little juices. Um, so, uh, she asked him if he has a one that got away. She goes, every guy has one. He goes, no. Okay. Yeah, I do. What about you? And she goes, well, I'm the one that got away to all the guys that I talked to. So then on the beach... Oh, so you're a heartbreaker. Whoa. Yeah. So then on the beach, Wale and Ashley are doing this thing where you have to take a skin off the bean without breaking the bean. And he can do it, but she can't.

But he did. So I don't know what that means, but he's open to marriage. It means that you're ready to get married if you can peel the skin off of the cacao bean. And he can do it. He's open to marriage. Okay. It means that you're ready to get married if you can peel the skin off of the cacao bean and he can do it. He's ready for marriage. So she's like, that's cool, too young. And then Shannon and Earl are drinking wine

and Shannon's like, well, I want to say cheers to you. And I really appreciate you coming here and making yourself vulnerable. And even though the seeds were not part of the meal, the fact that you ate half the bowl is very impressive to me, Earl. Congratulations. Earl, I've been looking for a man

with extremely strong teeth for a very long time, and here you are. Well, I have a laundry list of stuff about me that I think you should know. I haven't had the best year. I went down a rabbit hole path. I was miserable. I would drink all the time.

I would, and I never drink and drive ever, but I lost control and I hit a planter, knocked over a pansy. And you know, it was just a minor infraction, but it was all over the news. Oh wow, lady drives over a flower pot. Whoop-de-doo. You did not just hit a planter, Shannon.

That house is caved in. And so we see a newscaster like, wow, Shannon Bedor, what a drunk ass, driving her house into a house, driving her car into a house, leaving the scene, pretending to walk her dog while she's bloody faced in the middle of the street. What a drunk fucking idiot, am I right, Earl?

He's like, is that news clip talking to me? Earl, do not pay attention to this. They're trying to get me, Earl. I think there's something in these seeds. So she's like, well, I was gonna keep this close to my chest for a little while, but you know, after I had that second cube of cheese, I wasn't sure how much time I had left on this earth, so I decided I'd let it all out.

Frankly, these things are so tight I can't get anything closer to my chest. Something's gotta be left out. Yeah. All right. Well, I just don't know. Earl, you just made me so comfortable I had to share with you. And I, hold on. If tiny fingers in my eye,

I've just been such a good example for my girls. And so to go through something so embarrassing and publicly like that, at my aid, at my aid, Earl! Oh! Oh! Earl! Well, for you to think about how it's impacting your kids tells me a lot about your heart.

That you have the base level instincts as a parent. So that's really wonderful to hear. And hearing about your drunk driving accident makes me realize that you're basically pickled. And I'm a man who loves pickles. So I welcome you, Shannon. You know, I felt honored that she felt comfortable enough to talk to me about her DUI,

and she was going through a rough spot, and I don't know one person that hasn't, and you know, that's, we all know that's hard, but you know, it was 10 years ago. It happened about six months ago. Oh! Oh shit. I can't happen again today.

I have my eye on a golf cart that I'm gonna give a spin a little bit later. Okay, well, oh, Earl, you have such kind eyes, Earl. They're so kind. And he's like, oh, thanks. God, your eyes are looking right through me there. And they're in love. Do you mind if I put these two cheese cubes in your eye sockets?

I'm uncomfortable with the male gaze. Now that I've seen Bree, I just want to gaze into it for the rest of my life. Earl, Earl, you wheel of cheese, will you marry me? You know what, I can't, this cheese is too tempting. Where is that waiter? I know he was all over us talking about our dating lives. Now suddenly we can't find him.

Can't clear this cheese away. So now Lou Anne and Jerry are still sitting inside that big foam giant clam on the beach, which is awkward as hell. So Luan is already bored with Jerry, but she's like, all right, well, Jerry, tell me about your day, a day in the life of Jerry in Puerto Rico.

So he's like, well, I surf, I'm retired. She's just, don't you get bored? He goes, I mean, if there's no waves, I get bored. I'll put you on a board. She goes, yeah, I'm terrible at surfing. All right, Jerry, so what else do you like to do? Wow, you're so boring. Bravo won't even show clips of me surfing on girls' trip.

Wow, that's how bad you are. So will I work on my house? I like to tinker. She goes, wow, you're a homebody. You might as well be a homo body. This one's a dud, have him removed. All right, can we leave him in the clamshell? I've got other men to talk to.

I'll even talk to that weird guy with the statement necklaces. He's looking better every single passing second. Yeah, she goes, I don't know if I can retire on the beach, Jerry. All right, know what I mean? I'm an action figure, Jerry. It's like, I don't know what that means,

but beaches are great. You can relax, you can unwind. All right, should we go take a walk on a beach? And by walk, I mean you walk and I run, bye. This is so fucking funny. So she goes, you want to walk on the beach? She goes, sure, I'd love to. So they get up and they start walking. And she tells us, yeah, I'm not into Jerry. Fuck this guy.

Fuck this loser who does nothing. So then they're walking on the beach. And she walks five steps and goes, OK, I'm done. Did you get the shot? You got us walking on the beach, right? I'm going back to my room. Fuck this guy. Don't let him follow me.

She tried to get a kiss. And she's like, no, not in there. Bye. It's done. All right, do you need another one for safety? Okay, otherwise I'm going back to the room. Oh, okay, so then now people gather in the little living room area and get drinks and stuff. And Ashley's like, does anyone have Earl's number?

And Earl comes in dancing with Shannon because they're missing. So everyone's like, "'Does anyone have Earl's number?' And Earl comes in dancing with Shannon, because they're missing. So everyone's like, "'Oh my God, where's Shannon? Is she okay? Let's call Earl. What happened to the tiny reptiles on his feet attack Shannon?

What happened?' But they come in and they're dancing. Earl the Pearl. Here comes Earl the Pearl. Speak of the devil. Here comes Earl the Pearl. So they all come in. They dipped their feet in the hot tub

and Jerry's like, hey, Earl, Earl the Pearl, you're not putting the alligators in for a swim? He's like, no, hell no. So then Ralph escorts Shannon to the bar and he's like, so do you need a drink? That's what they do call them, right? I don't know, I don't have a TV. He's like, oh, well, you wanna get a drink?

I'll get a drink with you, Ralph. Wow, wow, handsome and handsome and showing no emotion. Kind of my kind of guy. Oh, Ralph is here, the sexy one. Oh God, I hope he's run over somebody or had a tax issue or oh God, I don't know, please just say there's trauma running through this man's veins. Lou Ann, I never dated someone more than one person

at the same time, I mean, how do you do that? Do you do that? Date, date more than one, heck, I've got 15 going at any single hour, am I right girls? I like that she goes, do you do that? And the one goes, well, yeah. you do that?" And the woman goes, well, yeah. So Shannon and Ralph go to the bar with LuAnne and she's like, hello, darling. Listen, you don't know we're all anything, Shannon, all right? We're at the Love Hotel. This is the place where you can fuck whoever you want.

Just like you're supposed to, right? It's not really cheating if we're at the Love Hotel. Where's that handsome desk agent? Could you get me another key? I'm not an employee of this hotel. Someone have that artichoke dip. Okay, well, while we wait for that order to come through, the service is terrible. Ralph, why don't you share with me some trauma? And he's like, well, I took a year and a half off of dating, you know, because you go,

all right, look, I really want to find somebody. But at my age, time becomes precious, because as soon as you realize you're mortal, for me, it was 60 years old. That's when I realized I was mortal. Oh, and that's when you found out that you were going to die, because, because I, well, I lost my Guns N' Roses collection.

I was like, wow, life is short. Oh, oh, I thought that was a, okay, well, that is traumatic, I guess. Yeah, it was rough, you know, because being old, you know you're ready to die, you hit 60, and you know it's time. She goes, oh, well, I just hit 60 as well, so I guess I'm gonna die.

Yep, you're gonna die, I'm gonna die. And at this point, you just look around and you say, do I even wanna invest time in another person? And Shannon goes, oh, I say the same thing. I just wake up every morning and I say, Shannon Bedore, you've got one more shot. And then I squeeze a little piece of my stomach and I shoot it inside of me.

And I say, God, I better call those those Osemic people again soon. Get that refill. Four weeks really passes in a hurry. Am I right? And he's like, yeah, I'll be dead soon. So I need to choose correctly. The next person in my life is going to be dead.

It's a race to the finish line. You know what I mean? She's like, I just, I, I, I, I, well, this has been a, I've got very depressed now. I didn't realize, I, I, I, well, this has been a, I'm very depressed now. I didn't realize that I was gonna be the drama. BOWEN LAUGHS So then Jay's talking to Ashley, um, uh, about Giselle and saying that Ashley has to put in a good word.

And she's like, I'll do it. I'm gonna do my best. And then Giselle is saying, listen, there's Jay and there's seven other men, so I'm not putting all my eggs in Jay's basket. I just met the basket. BOTH LAUGH So she's like, whoa, so you have been to 49 states? I have not been to 49 states, but I can name 47.

BOTH LAUGH 47, I don't know. I don't know which the other three are, but I'm pretty sure they're in New England somewhere. She doesn't even ask what state he hasn't been to. What's the state he's missing? So then Sharon sees that Ralph, Ralph is now talking to Giselle and Sharon's like,

Oh, oh, wow. So what, what is he doing? I thought he was, I thought he said that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Did I miss you or that? Was that the thing that I heard there? She's barely a blonde and this isn't even a beach.

What is happening? Huh, so Ralph's like, yeah, so I was in a relationship. We were set together for 17 years, but we tried to have kids, we couldn't. So then my next wife after that, we had two boys. And Gisele's like, oh, okay. All right, well, Ralph's a cutie pie. I didn't see him coming, but you know,

he's semi-interesting. So she's like, so you got divorced again? And he's like, yeah. I mean, why do you think I'm here, dumb-dumb? Am I right, guys? Oh, jeez. He's so weird. So you got divorced again, and you're not really

doing good with this marriage thing. Hello, who are you again? And he's like, well, yeah, why do you think I'm here? So then we see Ashley talking to Nick and he's like, oh, we had such an amazing mini date yesterday. I would hate for it to end at that. I'd love to take you out on these spectacular dates. Oh, I hopefully we get that opportunity, Ashley.

I really hope we do. I can skateboard. She's like, oh, yeah, I think so too. Uh, yeah, I mean, age-wise, Nick is sort of the sweet spot for me, where he sort of dresses like he's in his 30s, but has a face like he's getting his AARP card. That's like a really good thing for me.

So I'm like really intrigued. But I also like Wale because intellectually, I know he should be perfect for me, but sexually he does nothing for me. So I don't know, I don't know what I'm gonna do. So Wale is walking Ashley to her room and he's like, you've been missed and she's like, by who? By me.

Oh. Yeah, I appreciate our time together. It was just so good. She goes, yeah, it's so romantical. And he goes, yeah, it's very romantic. Are you correcting me? In a romantical way. Only in the most romantical way.

So. Could you just pretend that you're 70? Just say it. Just say that you're 70 and black down crack. That's really all I need. Ss-ss-s-s-s. So they're going up to her room and she's like, oh my god, it's coming. He's l all I need. SHERIFF Womp, womp. And so she's like, oh, OK, God, kiss me, Jesus. And then Wale's like, yeah, I fumbled it.

Oh, man, I fumbled it. You know what? No. And he comes back down the hallway, and he's like, he knocks on the door, and he's like, I wanted to give you a proper goodbye. Is that OK? And then they kiss.

Yes. And so that's it. That's the end. We see a preview where Giselle's like, what am I stealing Shannon's man? You bet your ass I am. And I was like, oh my God, yes. And then we just see Shannon having breakdown after breakdown. So it looks like it's gonna get good.

I really liked it. I really, I thought it was really good. I didn't think casting was spot on, turns out. Yeah, I thought it was a fun one too. All right, everybody. Thank you so much for being here. We will be back with a lot of stuff this week. So just keep coming back. Go over to watchwhatcrappens.com for ticket links for Austin, Dallas, and Vegas coming up

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