Watch What Crappens - #2824 Summer House 0912 Part One: Lex Appeal

Episode Date: May 1, 2025

This is part one of a two-part recapLexie is not taking Jesse’s BS on Summer House, which means this 5 week relationship may be done and dusted.  Meanwhile, Kyle suddenly wants a baby, and Carl has a very courageous admission. You can watch this recap on video, listen to our White Lotus Recaps, and participate in live episode threads at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens.  Tickets for our North American tour on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcha Crappin's ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. When a young woman named Desiree vanishes without a trace, the trail leads to Kat Torres, a charismatic influencer with millions of followers. But behind the glamorous posts and inspirational quotes, a sinister truth unravels. Binge all episodes of Don't Cross Cat early and ad-free on Wondery Plus. Hello and welcome to Watch Our Crap In, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we truly love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today, of course, Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how are you?

Guess what? I will be exclusive with you. I will maintain my be exclusive with you. I will maintain my exclusivity with you. But does that mean we're boyfriend and boyfriend? We're work boyfriend and work boyfriend. We're work husband. Let's be honest. We're common law work husband at this point. How are you doing today? Welcome to Watch What Crap Is Everyone. We're talking summer

house today and we have so many exciting things to share with you all. Okay. First and foremost, today is Thursday when we're recording this. Tomorrow on Friday, tickets go on sale for our LA show that's going to be on June 19th at the Henry Fonda Theater, or just the Fonda Theater, I should say. And that's going to be tickets on sale everywhere. Go to WatcherCrap It's.com to get tickets. We have another show that's also going on sale tomorrow at 10 a.m. Pacific. Both are going to be 10 a.m. Pacific. But we can't announce what the show is until tomorrow.

So keep an eye on our social media. It will be announced on social media. What our second city will be. It is going to be on June 12th. I can tell you that much. So get yourself ready. So we're so excited about these two final dates. These are the final shows that will be added to our tour. And watch our crappies.com is where you can get that. And speaking of the tour, we also have two shows next week that we're really,

really excited about. We're going back to Austin, which is where where Ronnie is based. And we are going to be recapping Summerhouse in Austin. And we're going to be Austin, which is where where where Ronnie is based. And we are going to be recapping summer house in Austin, which will probably be, that'll be wild because this summer house season is really just like bubbling and bubbling and bubbling. And then, um, the next day, we are going to Dallas,

we are returning to the Texas theater where we will be recapping a classic Vanderpump rules episode. Ronnie, which one is that again? It's episode six? Season six, episode five, it's called Sex, Lies and Audio Tape. I'm going to write this down. You know what's so funny, Ronnie, is that like, I think was I telling you yesterday that I got like a pad and I'm like, I'm going to have a pad to write things down. And then as soon as we decided what show we're gonna recap I didn't write it down at all. I have a pad. I'm looking at you reading it off your pad. I'm like this is why I have a pad to write down things so I don't have to ask and it's by the way thank you to who sent

it. It's the Heather Gay pad that says receipts proof timeline. You know who has pads? Adults. So um we have I feel I feel very grown up for having a pad. That's why I say that. I'm like, Oh, let me write something down. I feel very adult. It's great because years later you can go through your pads. I went through one when we started, watch what crap is it. Just to have them all on a shelf. And I was just thumbing through them, you know,

as old people do like memories, I live alone in the moonlight. And I read one and it was like the same. It was like recap, Real Housewives of, or like take Real Housewives of Beverly Hills notes. Go see Ben for bagel. You know, it was like, it was shockingly similar except the technology was different.

And it was like finish your blog on Trash Talk TV and don't forget you have, you know, later it was like, don't forget you have a, what was the thing before take a seat? What was it called? Before the happy hour, before take a seat. It was the TV party?

Yeah, I was like, don't forget, you have to edit the TV party video. That's like a nice little time machine. But yeah, those live shows are coming up. We're gonna have so much fun. And then we're gonna be in Vegas on May 15th. So that's our first time in Vegas. It's going to be a great time. Also this week we did below deck trailer trash

for the new season of below deck. That'll be up tomorrow over on our Patreon. And that's also where you get all of our crap and on demand videos like the one that we're on right now. So for all the show links, tickets, links and all that good stuff, just go to watch what crap ends. Oh, and the last we do have a little treat for you all tomorrow. Tomorrow we are talking to Dorinda Medley and Kiki Monique on podcast. So get excited. That's fun. So yeah, that'll just be a free bonus for everybody. And then also I would like to congratulate my friend, Ben Madelker for making such another funny cartoon of last week on Bravo, which you can find over

on his social, our social, our Tiki-Taki, you know, go give Ben a follow on his social and also our TikTok and you'll see all that. And you're animating all that shit too, which is great. Oh, geez, crazy. Oh no, oh no.. Oh, geez, crazy. Oh, no, it's falling apart over here. I could do real things with my time,

but, or I could animate. No, the animation bug came back to me like a month ago, and so now I'm just playing around and wasting hours of my time to make a video for social media. Why is that less of a real thing than anything else? Well, I wrote a book instead. Ooh, I'm so hours of my time making a video for social media. Why is that less of a real thing than anything else? Well, I wrote a book instead. Ooh, I'm so much smarter.

No, I mean, it's your art, your arting. Okay. Yeah, no, it was fun. Just don't do it in an elevator. Ultimately, thank you. Thank you for that, shout out, Ronnie. I appreciate that. Of course.

Okay, let's get on with a little below, not below deck. God, it's Friday for us, you guys. Okay. I'm still writing on my pad. Welcome to No Sense Being Made. This intro has been 97 minutes. Oh, I didn't even press record. Okay, I'm pressing record now.

It's been a 97 minute intro and I've transcribed all of it on my new pad. So everyone, get ready. You can self edit with the pad work. You don't have to do everything. Okay, well, we have an exciting episode of Summer House to talk about because it was, the pad work. You don't have to do everything. Okay. Well, we have an exciting episode of Summer House to talk about because it was, I really, you know what I have to say, I'm very proud of our sweet young Lexi because I think she's

doing actually a great job with this situation with Jesse. You know, she came onto the season, she was sort of giggly and one dimensional and like an influencer model. And I just really just wrote her off as like a nonentity. And you know what? She is holding, she's being really good at just completely dismissing Jesse Solomon in a way that I just appreciate so much.

I didn't know she had it in her and she's doing a great job. I think her pivot from being giggly to having absolute disgust is great. It's like she remembered that she's actually in a totally different tier than he is and she's like, wait a second. I'm a hot one. It's not that he's old, but yeah. And she may have seemed three dimensional when she first came on, or two dimensional, but her lips have always been four dimensional. That's helpful. Her lips have always been giving us a sign

that there's something deeper there. You know, they jump right off the screen. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And, yeah, good for her. And, you know, I hate watching people in love, in real life and on the show. I just hate it. I hate like the deep looking like, I don't want to see that, you know,

like make out making out in the mall. Like I don't want us to do it at home, you know? But I do love that turn when people get the ick. That's the part I really like. That's when my friends start calling me again, you know, because like when they fall in love, then you don't hear from your friends when they're in love, right? You only hear from them again when they want to talk shit about their boyfriend. So I'm like, Oh my God, my social life is back. Lexi's got the egg. She really has the egg in a way that I'm,

I'm so impressed with how, how, how committed her egg is. You know, we're so used to these shows where the guy, the fuck boy does the fuck boy thing and then the girl gets mad at him and then he pleads for forgiveness. And then she says at the end of the day, like, I want to fight for this. And then they get back together and you're like, why do we even bother getting invested in this moment for you? And then we sit and watch that for like two years. But instead she's like, no, no, I date celebrities. I date the Gerber kid. I dated the Gerber kid. I was attached to a Beckham at one point.

You're just Jesse Solomon. I don't know. No, no, I'm, I'm a proper climber and I've stayed on this lower step for too long. Okay. I'm going back to social climbing. You're ridiculous. I just feel like watching girls like her get the egg. It's like I'm Pavlov's egg, you know, like I watch a girl get the egg and I know that it's time for lunch. It's like a daily ringing. I think you want to go to lunch and talk about how shitty my boyfriend is. I just come running. Like, Hey, I'm like, I feel like there's also a check off something in there too. It's like, it's like, Jesse is like check off dimple and she's Pavlov's ick and together. Because you know, you know, when you see a fuck boy on summer house that this is coming

like you can't put a fuck boy on summer house and then not expect this moment to come. It's gonna go off. So he was Chekov's fuck boy. Chekov's dick baby. You know, it's gonna, it's gonna cream badly in the end. Okay, so we pick up where we left off at the bed party, snooze fest. And it's 9.09 p.m., which means there's drama. And in case anyone's wondering, it's Saturday, August 17th. Oh, where were you?

What? August 17th, so close to your birthday, Ronnie. Yeah. Maybe they'll have an episode that's on your birthday. Well, let's say your birthday is the 25th, which means it was a Sunday this year. Is that what it was? Do you remember? No, I barely, I barely paid attention to my birthday on the, when it actually is here. I don't remember.

It means it was on. That means that next week with any luck, we will see what they're doing on your birthday. Yeah. Um, huge time, huge, huge moment coming up. So then, uh, I'll tell you what I was doing. I was in Yeah. Huge moment coming up. So then I'll tell you what I was doing. I was in bed. So if this party continues, I will be doing the same thing as the summer house cast did on my birthday. Just lying in bed all day. Though the guests are partying and the girls are talking to Lexi about Jesse. They've decided to

turn on Jesse and tell Lexi everything. So she's like, oh my God, you guys, thanks so much for being like girls and like having my back. Amanda's like, yeah, we love you. Paige is like, yeah, now that you finally started talking shit about someone, we have welcomed you into this household. Congratulations. And even though we've known Jesse longer, he's a guy, so we will kill him. He's dead to me. And now Kyle is drinking from an ice bong, which I love. It's the same episode as Kyle tries to cry about why Amanda doesn't want to have a baby with him. It's like you're dressed like a sloth drinking shots out of an ice loose.

Okay? That might be one reason. We see Ciara, she's mingling with people. Amanda and Paige are just standing around and Paige is like, if you just stay still, they'll think you're a prop for the party. And then we don't have to talk to anyone. And Amanda's like, don't move. Don't move at all.

Literally, it's like Stan sleeping. It's like I'm in a bed, an invisible bed that's vertical. This is actually the best thing we've ever done. Stan still like you're a prop. I know, Paige. I'm Amanda. You think Amanda doesn't know how to stand still and act like a prop?

What do you think she's doing at these DJ gigs? So then Lindsay and Gabby are dancing, and dancing at each other through the window. And then we go back to Carl and Sierra. Oh my God, talk about just grinding my teeth. You know, my dentist gave me something to stop grinding my teeth at night and I don't wear it, so I keep grinding my teeth, but never as hard as I do watching Carl in scenes like this. I need to wear my night guard right now.

I need a Carl guard for my teeth. Because ouch, this hurt watching this. Yeah, you know what? Because your teeth, you need your teeth to be a little bit more soft. Oh, God, soft teeth. Whoa. You need to be careful about your teeth.

Hey, do you have Carl at home? Production, production. We have a Carl night guard. It's a functional night guard. Guys, oh, this is another scene of Carl pretending that he's a real living feeling human boy. Let's get to it. Hey, what's up? Any guys through here?

Maybe a tall one who wants to drink something that's soft? Anyone? She's like, well, I never kiss and tell. I goes, yeah, well, I think I've already said too much. Oh, oh, I mean, I was touching the guys, you know. And the lights go out and she's like, did our generator go out? Our generator?

Oh my God. So the lights come back on and he's still there. And she's like, damn, I was hoping he'd be. I was hoping it was the theater kid and just thought that was a natural transition to move to a new scene. So, okay, well, do you want to sit on this little ledge? Oh, well, it's a little risky. I'm sorry, taking baby steps. It's been like a while since I saw a little ledge, but I lost a lot of confidence, but I think I could do it. I've been on an emotional ledge ever since Lindsay. I mean,

I was just destroyed. I was like spoon in a garbage disposal, like just ledge. My whole life has been ledge. Let's have a seat. Oh! It's a hard ledge. Yeah, when I got Lindsay, I was like, I don't know if I could ever go near a small ledge ever again, but here we go.

Oh, I'm doing it. Okay, sat down. Scary. I just feel so brave. I'm so proud of myself. Go for it. I finally sat on the little edge again. I just think I can do it.

I told Lil I could never do this, but here I am. Must be something about you, Sierra. And she's like, so have you guys been have you been chatting and stuff or was it just like fun? That girl that you had sex with and he's like, oh, yeah, well, we had a good time. I mean, I feel like we're like friends. You know, it's like really cool meeting her parents at a kickball game and I can say this to you, but like I have to say, when I had sex,

I don't really perform. Like I don't think at my optimal level. Just so- We know Carl. By Lindsay. We know you don't perform Carl. That's, that's her whole plot line for like four years now.

Okay. We know. Your brand is literally soft. Yeah. And he does. Okay. We know. Your brand is literally Soft. Yeah. And he does kind of blame Lindsay's. Your brand is Soft. Yeah. Soft actually makes a lot of sense as a brand for Carl. So he's like, yeah, I just haven't been like anybody. I haven't been with anybody like that since Lindsay.

So, you know, I'm just walls have to come down. Major, major walls. And she's like, well, are you going to see her again? He says, oh, I'm trying not to push too hard because I'm Carl. I push soft, you know, and I just, I can't even get a door of a bank open. It's like really, very soft pushing, you know, I'm trying to calibrate that. I'm trying to calibrate that. I'm deeply afraid of fires now because if we have to run out of the building,

I don't know if I can even open the door anymore. She's so soft. You know what emergency exits are, don't you? They're hard. They're hard. Hard actions. I'm not good for that. I used to be able to go through an emergency exit so easily. I'm just working on my confidence to do it now. But Sarah's like, so you're switching up because, um, by the way, guys, you had a blonde, like at you and now we're like going for brunettes or you're doing brunettes. Now it's like, y'all, I really need a brunette. You know, like brunettes sort of like the softer of the colors, which is weird. Cause my full like it's blonde. I don't know. I'm kind of mixed up. It's, it's hard. Yeah. Maybe you need to tell a blonde from brunette ever since Lindsay. Oh, I haven't been able to

tell hair color that well. Hopefully that'll come back to me. Oh, I'm follicully blind. It's like, I need a brunette Sierra. You need a brunette. Oh, look who's here. Even my arms are brunette. Look at them. Long bristly hair. I got a lot of brunette all over me. If you really want to look. She's like, yeah, well, you're not wrong. I mean, I've been telling the girls, I'm kind of done with white men, right? He's like, whoa, whoa.

I was hoping that wouldn't be the case. I was, cause it's just about to soft launch a concept for you about maybe you and me. Maybe, but, whoa. Hopefully my teeth are so blindingly white that I actually look darker than I am. Is it working? Is it working?

What about white men with yellow teeth? Are you still white if you've got a lot of yellow in your teeth? So he's like, oh, there goes my chance. Oh, let's be honest, Sierra, can I just say something? Can I say something, Sierra? Okay, I think you're beautiful. You're an incredible person.

And I just, like, I have to know, I have to let you know, like, I have a crush on you. Okay. I think you're beautiful. You're an incredible person. And I just like, I have to know, I have to let you know, like I have a crush on you. Okay. I've got a crush. Like you walk into the room and I'm like, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Or you're absolutely like, drop dead gorgeous. Oh. But like when you drop dead, you land softly, which I like. But also like inside you're incredibly emotionally intelligent. You're obviously very smart and you have good morals and you take care of shit that matters. Okay. I'm sorry, but stop it. You have good morals. If anybody said, you know what, Ronnie, you're beautiful and you've also got such good morals. Let's get together. I'd be like, fuck off. Who wants to fuck somebody that says that? I know that you would join me in praying for Lindsay.

I think it's good news. I know if you had a dollar in your pocket, it would like go into Santa's like little red tin in front of a grocery store around Christmas time. Ring that bell, ring it. Wow. Hey, you know what? You know what's great?

When I look at you, it's like reading Aesop's Fables because you have so many morals. You care about shit that matters, right? And you're a nurse, and that speaks so much more about who you really are. Okay, Carl, stop. Do you like this lady because A, she's gorgeous, and B, because she's listening to your emotional bullshit over and over again. You're looking for a service animal, not a girlfriend. He's just like, wow,

you're a nurse. You take care of people who are wounded. Well, guess what? I'm a gaping wound. Still please, please cauterize me, Sierra. Cauterize me with your good morals. Like she doesn't need to be taking care of you, Carl. Yeah. He's also Carl, Carl famously is not adventurous and so he's always going to go the easiest path, the path of least resistance every single time. And in this case, it's like, well, there's a hot girl in the house. And she talks to me. Think I'm in love. So

like, like, get out there, go out there into the world, Carl. It's okay. Like you're, you are a good looking man. And you by all, despite everything, you do seem relatively nice. And so you'll be fine. Get out there, stop with this act of like baby steps, whatever. Just go on dates. It's not that hard. You're a celebrity.

He's never had a problem finding dates. He's just had a problem not emotionally abusing them. You see? So I don't know if you need more strength to date. I think that women need more strength to date you. I think it's a population thing, you know? You know what, the sad truth is he probably knows he's flawed. He knows he's flawed.

And so it's probably scary to go out dating knowing that his flaws are probably going to undermine something. But with Sierra, she knows all his flaws. And so he knows that she will accept him for the flaws. So he's like, okay, well, this is the person I should date because now I like, like, I don't have to be, I don't have to worry that someone's going to find out something about me and then decide that they're going to leave me. She knows everything, everything wrong with me, but I get that. But't keep the label look at nurse like she teaches my emotional bedpan like twice a day

Every time I shit the bed emotionally there Sierra the clean and I there she is my yeah I got a burly these days. So give me my Florence day and go. It's time for commercial It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes and politics. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours.

Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph. My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to

and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Some people get a wild haircut or book a spontaneous trip when life throws them a curve ball. But Molly? Well, she dove headfirst into a world

of no strings attached sex, secret rendezvous, forbidden affairs, and unforgettable adventures. And together we tell every juicy detail in Dying for Sex, Wondry's award-winning podcast that's now streaming on a TV near you, starring Michelle Williams and Jenny Slate. And to top it off, we're dropping brand new bonus episodes where I sit down with the cast to spill all the spicy secrets. Desire, friendship, self-discovery, and the ultimate bucket list of pleasure. This is a story that had everyone talking. Listen to the original Dying for Sex and brand new episodes on the Wondry app or wherever

you get your podcasts. You can binge the original series before anyone else and completely ad free on Wondry Plus. So he's like, yeah, I mean, yeah, like, I mean, look, obviously, I've always thought I don't have a shot with you. But do you ever like walk into a room and look at me and be like, oh, Carl, oh, oh, I don't know. Do you ever think that she's like, uh, well, can we turn out the lights again? Turn out the lights so I can make an exit. Oh, wow. All these beds nearby is making me sleepy by car. She's like, Yeah, well, maybe maybe before you were engaged to Lindsay. Oh, fuck it.

I took the wrong lazy path forward. Oh, stop me by Lindsay again. God, now Lindsay ruined my life and now she's ruining my future life. This is terrible. I knew I should never have sat down on this ledge. It's so scary up here. This is so bad what she tells him though.

She tells him, you know, I think what's meant to be will be, are you quesar-a-serahing Carl? Yeah. That is so out, that hurt. That even hurt me and I don't like Carl. I was like, out. You just got quesar-a-serah, bro. Oh no, back out of the room, back out of the room.

Whatever will be, will be. Like Olympia Dukakis starred started a movie with this song. That's so sad. Okay, sir. Rod's rod. Yeah, you've been case of Rod's rod. And she's like, well, also, I feel like me and Lindsay, Lindsay have so much history and if I did, she would just say, Oh, you're doing it for Lindsay.

Oh, you don't like it? You don't even like Lindsay? Oh god, this hurts. Also I just don't like stepping on people's toes and you actually have enormous toes. I just don't see us dancing together. I can't have, I can't have, I also can't have the opinions of everyone in this house. I'm just not willing to start a storyline with you is what I'm saying. I just feel like they're better people to start a storyline with. I've already, I'm already dealing with West, I can't deal with you. Yeah, and he's like, oh, well, you know what,

it makes me sad, it makes me sad, you know what I mean? Regardless of whatever, I just love having you around. Maybe you could just go date around a little bit and then realize how solid I am. You're not solid. You literally are building your life on a brand called Soft. Solid.

Solid as a Carl. Ha. Solid as a Doc. Oh, well I guess Docs are very solid. Back to the drawing board, Sierra. Sierra, I will get hard for you one day. He's on a quest to get hard. Carl saying that he's solid when his entire storyline is,

Well, everyone, I just want to announce I bought a go-gurt. I was a little scared, but I'm taking some baby steps and I finally did it. I got the confidence up to get a go-gurt. I haven't had a go-gurt since Lindsay terrorized me, but I did it. I did it. Everything about him is like, everything in his life feels so shaky, like it's about to fall apart because that's the narrative he's, I think he's leading with is like, oh no, life is scary now. I'm solid. Solid. Yeah, I'm solid. So try other people and then when you get desperate, I'll still be here

with a full bedpan of emotions. So she's like, uh-huh. Okay. And he goes, God, I really feel like a loser. She goes, oh, okay. I mean, I called you a loser one time. Okay. We don't have to, we don't want to ever will be, will be. It's like, oh, I just confess my love for you.

And it's like, oh, fuck my life. Yeah. Carl, you don't get like Brownie points for like finding a model hot. You know what I mean? Yeah, congratulations. You think that Sierra's hot. Okay. Yeah. Well, well, guys, I'm healed. I made a pass at a fucking gorgeous model.

One of the most gorgeous people on Earth. Maybe I'm healed. She's like, well, I really appreciate this. Yeah, well, I got unleaded fuel for you. So let's go. Oh, God. Oh, my tooth is literal. My back molar is literally turned 360 degrees.

What does that mean? I've got unleaded fuel for you. I don't know, but I don't want to know. I don't like it. Who said that? Like we're talking like, like gas station talk now. Like what? Get your get your chevron references out of here, okay?

Shell yeah, so she's like I appreciate it. Yeah, I got him let it feel for you. Let's go. Oh god so um West's You know, huh? Let's always says, what I feel like West is always saying like wacky silly things from like, is that slang or is that just West saying something? Cause I don't know. And I feel like he's like, y'all. It's just that they're learning on tick tock, but no, not Carl. West is like stuff he's learning on tick tock.

Carl, I don't even know what or Carl is getting that. I run leaded fuel for you. I don't think kids talk like that. I don't think they think in terms of fuel yet. I got unleaded fuel, so come see me at the Carl NPM. So, he has a monologue now. He's like, well, I know I don't have a chance now, but at least I put it out there.

Show slow burns, come around. Kisara, Sarah, that's gonna work. And if you look back in the last year, I 100% lost a lot of confidence after I dumped someone. And finally, after facing some uncomfortable things like dating a strange girl who likes magic, I'm feeling really confident again. And by really confident, I mean really not confident at all.

I just sit on a ledge, it was scary. Yeah, I don't trust anything that comes out of Carl's mouth. I don't care how sweet he pret of Carl's mouth. I don't know. I don't care how sweet he pretends to be as the seasons go on. Carl 8.0, Carl 9.0. You know, I like him a little more now because he's not being actively evil, but I still see that manipulative little guy in there where it's like, okay, here's the end of the season.

It's time for me to start going out and getting randos to hook up with me, you know, because I'm on TV. So I'm going to put out the whole like, oh, with me, you know, because I'm on TV. So I'm gonna put out the whole like, oh, I haven't dated anybody, but I'm still victimized by being terrorized by Lindsay. And now I have the confidence to try again. Does anyone wanna try with a broken man who just needs to? It's like the same thing in a different form

every single year. Yeah, put him on the Love Hotel. We'll watch that. So- I'll watch Gisele just decimate him. He and Shannon would be actually very funny together. But yeah, Gisele would destroy him. I mean, Lindsay's currently just doing it casually on the side here. Because every time Carl does something, she's always like,

really? Like she didn't really hear about any of this, but you know next week she's going to hear. And she's like, oh really? Like she didn't really hear about any of this, but you know, next week she's going to hear. And she's like, Oh really? Oh wow. Garles and Randall. It's great. So they hug and he's like, she's just like, Oh, you're so sweet. Okay. Um, I'm going to go this way. That's, that's my favorite thing. When someone just doesn't even have like even a simple excuse to make, it's just like, I'm gonna go this way. With the unspoken and you are not. It's like the unspoken and you're gonna go the other way.

Got it? So he's like, okay, but I'm gonna watch you walk away. Whoa, there she goes, there she goes. The greatest love of my life. There she goes. Oh, cauterize me. I hate to see you go, but I'd love to watch you leave. That took a lot for me to say that.

Now we're with Lexi, Tom and Kyle taking tequila shots in the kitchen and West is talking to some rando at the bar and she's like, oh my God, you're like that, like that poem at Christmas, like there once was a mouse and then it was, what is it? It's the night before Christmas and all through the house. And he goes, not a creature was stirring, not even a, not even a mouse. Oh my God. She remembered it.

So it's like the equivalent of shooting me in the face five times a night. of shooting me in the face five times a night. It just sounds like, ow. No. Oh, it really is. Yeah, because he has like old timey pajamas. And then he's somehow, somewhere along the way, he procures a candle and then is able to like go dancing around with the candle, even do limbo with the candle, and he keeps the candle lit.

I was like, what? This is, I feel like this is an untapped talent, keeping that candle alive. You know, it's, yeah. Well, hey, you know, we also some at some point in life, I'm glad, I'm glad that he's showing one. So we go to Jesse Page and Lindsay and so Amanda's like, how are you doing, Jesse? Have you been drinking your feelings away? He's like, Oh, I'm drinking like a normal amount of a party

that I'm expecting to have fun at. Bah, oh. And he's not happy with Amanda for what she did to him. She turned on him, turned on him. The Jesse frown is just like my favorite thing. Because, you know, he's got that super cute smile with the dimples, but when it turns into a frown, I think it's just the funniest look on someone's face.

Because as big as that smile gets is as big as the frown gets. It's like a full on cartoon frown and I just cannot stop giggling. And his teeth are in the same position. He does this touching his teeth thing and he frowns it down. So funny. It's like his face is in the same contortion as his smile, but it's just slightly like. And it's like, he doesn't know what to do with himself because his smile is a superpower.

So when he doesn't have a smile, you can see he's like really out of sorts. He's like, I'm in a frown mode. I don't know how to stop it. So a man does like, so Jesse's like, I just feel like my friends are taking like the worst of anything I say and saying that directly to Lexi. And it's like shifting the energy of every conversation that we have. And Amanda's like, yeah, you're probably upset with us. She's like, so happy. She's so

happy right now. And by the way, no one is happier than Paige, who has a front row seat to all the Jesse stuff that's happening. She's like, Oh my God, I can't believe is this really happening in front of us? Like, we're having Jesse drama in the middle of our bed chat session. This is perfect. Yeah, so she's like, well, Jesse, you can't exactly like come vent to us and then be like, oh my God,

I can't believe they said something. I mean, it's us, Jesse. Of course we're gonna say something. You're an idiot. We have to talk about it. Yeah, I mean, it's like, yeah, it's not us. It's your words. Like, yeah, but I feel like I'm putting my best foot forward.

Oh, bad pun, bad pun too soon. Yeah, too soon. Literally putting the worst foot. At every single thing on that foot. I feel like I'm putting my best toe forward and I'm not being overly flirtatious and then things are like being getting brought up from like weeks ago. Yeah, but if you're in a five week relationship, things that are weeks ago, that's a big deal. Okay.

It's one thing in like a multi-year relationship, but you only have five weeks to go off of. So if something went bad in week three, that's like, proportionally, that's a big part of your relationship. Yeah. Yeah, and you're still not, nothing's fixed. And you still keep lying about things every single week. So you're the one keeping this shit fresh. Like if you weren't coming in here with lie after lie,

and then like, okay, well now I'm gonna try and guilt Lexi into flirting with West. Okay, well now I'm gonna try and guilt Sierra into flirting with me. You're the one keeping this shit alive. I don't think anyone else even really would care at this point, you know? And everyone else would just like to forget, you know, but you know, also he's just kind of like, like the easiest thing for him to do was with the toe gate thing would have been like, Oh my bad. In that moment,

I thought it was a funny thing, but I can see actually that that was, you know, like that was inappropriate and not not the right thing to do at all Instead of saying like what you're being crazy. The toe thing wasn't even that bad. You're crazy You know what you do with West is way worse when you were flirting when you were basically giving West a blowjob Invisibly on the dance floor. That was way worse than toe thing. Like he's kind of like It's just instead of taking accountability. so he's already poisoned the relationship. Yeah, so Paige is like, all right, let's just call a spade a spade. Or let's just call a chicken a chicken.

You know what, I'm really ready to say the word chicken and just mean chicken again. That's gonna be so good for me. I love that. I love my future for me. So if Lexi was here that weekend, you would have gotten your balls, your other ball chopped off, okay?

Sorry to make a one ball joke. Sorry to pluralize it. I will still be respectful of your testicle. You would have been full all starring in Cry to Heaven by Anne Rice, castrato, it would have been gone. Completely gone. He's like, why? He's like, no, I would have been gone. You would have completely gone. He's like, why?

He's like, no, I would have fucking killed you. He's like, but I wasn't touching with anyone. So then of course we see a flashback of him literally flopping his entire body on top of Sierra. And she's like, okay, if I was trying to date you and I want that, I would have fucking killed you. I mean, how much worse do you want that? I already chopped off your ball.

Now I'm killing you. What else do you want me to do? What else do you want me to do? I will kill you with your dog. I will, how much worse do you want that? I already chopped off your ball. Now I'm killing you. What else do you want me to do? I will kill you with your dog. I will kill you with your dog. Your dog. And Lindsay's like, I'm saying that you met Sierra last summer first before Wes, then it might have been a different story with you and Sierra. Like that wasn't great. That just happened. I love Lindsay just being all sober and messy. Cause she just has so much fun. She doesn't even care.

She's not getting dramatic. She's just laughing how stupid everybody is. Cause we also have like all the varsity level girls there now. It's like they all are lined up and they're all there just to take down Jesse. And he has no idea what he has gotten himself into this group.

It's like nine, that movie nine. The scene was shot in black and white, which was so surprising. Because all the women of your life are suddenly there like, you're wrong, Roberto. Fergie is writhing out a chair in the scene. I hated that movie, I just want to say. I just want to put that out there. I just realized I never saw that movie.

I listened to the Broadway recording years and years ago, but I didn't even watch a movie because it looks so stupid, but I saw it being recommended somewhere the other day, and I was like, oh, that looks kind of good. Maybe I'll check it out. It's so boring. Actually, the only good part is the Fergie part. There's a part where Fergie does a number

that's really good, but everything else, it is so drop dead boring. Oh, maybe I'll watch it. Because I started The Handmaid's Tale last season, this final season, and I was like, I don't know if I can take this right now. Because I just watched all of season five in a week, and I was like, ah, I need a break.

So maybe I'll watch something else depressing and terrible. Nine it is. I still want you to watch The Substance. I still think you'll really, I think you'll be really amused by it. I'm waiting for it to come streaming. It'll come out. Oh, it's still not free? I don't think so.

So Paige is like, you put yourself in a pickle, Roberto. And he's like, it was just a joke though. She goes, oh, a joke. A joke, is it? He goes, yeah, you know, to make Sierra feel better about it. Yeah, it was just a joke. It was just a joke, you guys. I'm like, uh-oh.

Well, first of all, it doesn't even make sense. It's just a joke to make was just a joke, you guys. I'm like, uh-oh. Well, first of all, it doesn't even make sense. It's just a joke to make Sierra feel better about it. I don't understand what that is. And Sierra's like, what? Sierra's hiding behind an ice sculpture. She's lucky she didn't pick that thing up and throw it at him. Because he's like- She's trying to wake Carl.

She's like- I'm just gonna hide behind something hard. She's pretending to be a prop. She's just being still. She's like, I heard that going to hide behind something hard. She's pretending to be a prop. She's just being still. She's like, I heard that this is what you can do. And so Sierra's like, what? You're trying to make me feel better about it. Like, what, like, what does that like, I don't even understand what it, wait, by the way, when, when Jesse said this, what do you think he meant by that when he said I'm trying to make Sierra feel

better about it? I was being too comfortable with her. I guess I don't know what he, I don't know what the fuck he's saying. It didn't make any sense to me. I couldn't make any sense of it. Actually, you know what? Luckily, Paige asks, and she goes, make her feel better about what? And then she's like, yeah, make me feel better about what?

Make me feel better about what? He's like, well, we were still trying to clear the air with you and West. So he was trying to get the air with you and West. So he was trying to get her to be nice to West by saying it could have been us. It doesn't, it's like, I guess he's doing the thing like, well, you know, I was flirting with her because she was upset with West. So maybe I was buttering her up. I mean, I don't know what the fuck he's saying.

So Sierra's like, oh, so you think that would make me feel better that you giving me some pity? Like, oh, if I was here first, it would have been different. Like that would make me feel better. And he's like, well, I just thought it was a good conversation. She goes, um, you're a weirdo. And that was a weirdo statement. You're a fucking weirdo. And actually, fuck you. Fuck you, actually. Fuck you. I have to say, I have really grown to enjoy when Sierra just puts someone in the doghouse because I think that's what she learned from Austin because she did not put Austin in the doghouse enough, but now she's learned that the moment that someone is showing Austin

like behavior, you just immediately just cut it off and that's done. And she, cause now I think that like when, if you are on Sierra's bad side, she is done with you. And there's like, I think there's like literally no coming back for Jesse now. Yeah, I think they're friends now in real life, I think. But who knows? Because now they watch all this and then go to the reunion.

So we'll see, we'll see how it works out for the poor guy. So she walks off and then it's parting, parting, Lindsey's shooting a bubble gum, bubble gun rather. And then there's line dancing. Wes is making an Instagram story because what the fuck else would he be doing? And then we go to Paige and Sierra and they're like, oh my God, look at our party. It's so good. This party was a lot of money.

Okay. This party, I want to tell you, this party costs more than Craig makes in a year. Okay. Breadwinner speaking, Breadwin costs more than Craig makes him a year. Okay. Breadwinner speaking, breadwinner speaking, go back to party. Wow. Wow. That was so insulting. I'm going to remove every single bedtime thing from all of my stores. Um, nasty stores and everything you do is about bedtime. It's pillows. at time it's pillows. No.

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I'm Chico Felitti. You can listen to Don't Cross Cat on the Wanderer app or wherever you get your podcasts. So then they're talking about Wes with his candle and they're laughing and then Lindsay's getting tired and Kyle's peeing and we get to see the stream. We get to see nice urine on TV. Oh, God. I have to hand it to his wiener. It's just it can perk up when it wants to because that stream was high. It was like the Bellagio fountain.

It was like, What is to tell me? And let me play. It was like I did it my way. So my favorite one is the Andrea Bocelli one. I swear. No, no, no. No, no, no. There are certain musical artists who I think they like, okay, I think their goal when they sign up with like a record company is I just want to make music for water fountains.

So, so sign right here, Michael Buble. Yeah, but Michael Buble is like a fountain for you. Yeah, Michael Buble is like a copycat of a fountain because they never play the Michael Buble version. They, you know, Frankie was first, baby. That's true. They play Frank. They'll play some Josh Groban.

I think you're there. Yeah, Josh Groban is one. Josh Groban became famous by selling his own albums on late night TV for old people. Do you remember that? He would like, is that your CD? Yeah. He put his CDs late night on the like, uh, now Josh Groban and be like, ah, and then old people bought it. And he was like, he became like the number one artist because old people still bought CDs.

You know what? I love that. I love that for him. Also he seems like he has a great personality. Isn't that so funny? Like when he first, yeah, when he first came out, his music is so cheesy. Although I secretly do love that one song that's like, you raise me up. Oh God, it's so cheesy, but I secretly like it. But, um, all his music is just like cheesy pop opera. I was like, oh, stupid Josh Groban, but like literally every interview I've ever seen of him, he just has the best personality.

He's so funny and he's quick and he seems so nice. I love Josh Groban now. I have to warn you, you're old. You're officially old. That's what, that's what that means. Yes. I have not accepted Michael Buble though. No, he sucks.

And he's like weird. He's like, he's a weirdo guy too. Like they, I will never forget that video that came out a couple of years ago of him doing some interview with his wife and he just gave her that look like, shut up. Shut up honey. And everyone's like, oh my God,

he's being emotionally abusive to his wife. And I thought so too. I don't like that guy. And I don't like his like, is it Pouplet or bubbly? The water thing. I'm like, here's what you are. You're a flat water. You're a water that stays bubbly for five seconds. And then you go flat. Long live Topo. I always think of, I once went to a wedding and they played that, he has that one song that's like, did it, did it, did it, did it, did it. It's almost sounds like, um, it almost sounds like islands in the islands in this train, whatever.

But it's, it's, but he, he has a song that's so he has like one stupid, really stupid song that's very popular. And I just remember all like the bride and all the bridesmaids were like singing it. And then the mom of the bride came over, like joined the group and was singing it too. And I was like, the whole, the, the, it just made me so sad that the mom came over and was trying to connect with all the younger women by singing this Michael Buble song. And I was already inherently sad that the women were all singing the song and they're all doing it. And I was like, I could never embrace this artist.

Oh yeah. Michael Buble sucks. So then, um, and hopefully Michael Buble is driving around somewhere just randomly listening to watch what crap happens. Wouldn't that be funny? Or it's like, why don't we, no famous person listens to us. It's like Michael Buble, our one famous person is like, fuck you guys. And then I'm going to fold because I can't help myself. And he'll be like, guys, that was, like, you guys were hilarious the way you made fun of me. I'm like, oh my God, we were just joking.

Come on the show, Michael Buble. Next week, you're like, oh my God, we were just joking. Come on to show Michael Buble. Next week you're like, oh my God, I had lunch with Michael Buble. You guys, he is so funny. He's so talented. He should be in Fountains. You know what I love? I love that song that he plays

that like people sing at weddings. Yeah, I'm like that. I saw the Mother of the Bride do it one time. It was so touching, Michael. It was so touching. I am not, I hate people until I find out that they've heard anything I've said and then I am not. I hate people until I find out that they've heard anything I've said and then I love them.

I'm just like that. I can't help it. I'm sorry. Well, we love our audience. That's why. Okay. So then let's see. They're making fun of, they're still talking about how good their party was.

And Amanda's like, dance, dance. I mean, I know West isn't our favorite person, but I mean, he is doing a good candle dance. And Sierra's like, yeah, dance. I mean, I know West isn't our favorite person, but I mean, he is doing a good candle dance. And Sierra's like, yeah, I'll give him funny. I'll give him that. He is funny. And then we see West doing his splits with the candle. What about you do a bottle dance?

Then I'll be impressed, okay? How about you get together three men, do a bottle dance on the lawn, maybe get up on that roof. Okay, Fiddler. That's what I'm talking about. So Lindsay has to go in because she can't dance, Kyle's peeing and then Lexi is like, Oh my god, I love this song, which is

funny because all we hear is the regular Michael Buble. It's a Michael Buble remix. And Gabby goes, um, Lexi, here's the thing. You love every song. I love that. Here's the thing. You have to stop declaring this because you love every song and we can't track your tastes anymore. But Lexi is that white girl who like wherever she walks into is like, Oh my God, I love this song.

And then it starts moving her mouth. Like she's mouthing the words, but she doesn't know the words. Oh my God, Rufus del Sol. So then Lexi goes up to Tom Schwartz, who is still here, just sort of, you know, doing his thing. She's like, Tom, can I ask you a question? From your perspective, what's the most polite way to lock someone out of your room? Hehehehehe. He's like, um, I don't know, but you can call Katie. She's sucked me out a lot of times.

Hi for number. Tell her I said hi. Madden and Sierra are getting into bed and like giggling and Paige comes to join them and they're like, oh my God, we're in like a party, but we're in like a bed in a party. This is amazing. And also I had a bed party and did not bring out one Craig pillow. So I don't know if that gives anybody a clue as to my future, but there you go. Wow. Yeah. I got these pillows from a company called Assembling Up North. So I must...

Yeah, there was no... It's just coincidental. It wasn't a message. Glue gunning up north. Great. Using thread up north. There's not a lot of synonyms for sewing, are there? So... Yeah, I got them from a company called Sewing Down to North North one get over it So they're sitting there and they're still watching West because now he's doing the limbo with the candlestick and They're amused by it and Sierra's like this is like so on brand for us Yeah, this is like the only party we should throw like I'm not interested in any other things

The car wants to have a moly theme. No, I mean Carl wanted to have a baggy clothes party because he likes baggy pants. That's so Carl. So you're just like, wait, also, uh, I'm not even going to dignify that. Let's just get onto this part. Speaking of Carl, Carl admitted that he has a crush on me and page goes, I'm not even going to dignify that. Let's just get onto this part. Speaking of Carl, Carl admitted that he has a crush on me and Pidgey goes, I'm dead.

I literally can't. I literally can't. I'm dead. No, like seriously, I'm dead. I'm literally dead. Yeah, and he also said- We'll have a game party, because I'm dead. He also said like, what if, you know, like, could we,

could we work out? And I was like, you know, case of Ross or, oh my God, you case her at him. Oh, geez. Oh God, I'm grinding my teeth. Dead. Dead. My molar just came out. I ground it 360 degrees.

Hey, when they find my corpse tomorrow, just say she died doing what she loves doing best. Dying in bed. I'm dead. Cause my body's right here. Yeah. Like, I mean, like I love Carl and like, I loved having a relationship with him this summer, but like, I mean, I'm going to jump off a bridge if I date someone else in this house. And also like Carl, it's Carl. Yeah. Please don't do that. Let's just push him off a bridge instead. Amanda's like, well,

I think it might be, he might be confusing, like your kindness and friendship for like something more. Cause you're like one of the few people that have really stood by him and cared about him. And he's like, that's what I need in my significant other. It also explains why he also told Kyle, he wants to date him. So he told the Uber Eats driver that he wants to date him because, you know, he brings him food when he's sad. It makes sense really if you think about it. I have it under good authority that he wrote an email to Barry of Barry's boot camp and asked him to go on a date.

I'm dead. I'm literally dead. Dead. Literally dead. So Amanda's like, I mean, and you're beautiful. So I mean, he's confused, you know, he just gets confused, are you? And Sierra's like, am I confused if I wanna date Carl?

And she goes, oh, I mean, well, it's me and Kyle. It's just me and Kyle. I don't know what that meant. I got lost in my own note. It's fine. No, Sierra's like- Pages of notes. Yeah, so now they're talking about Jesse Solomon, how he's learned nothing tonight, and they

want to get into real bed so they can debrief the party. And Sierra's like, yeah, fuck Jesse Solomon. He said he was doing what to make me feel better. I'm like, you think that I need you to pity me? I mean, wow. And he said he's trying to make me feel better about Wes? What the fuck? mean, wow. And he said he's trying to make me feel better about Wes. Like what the fuck? Mm-hmm.

No, no, that was him trying to get out of something and then he thought he was saying something nice, but it's like, I don't need someone to make me feel better about a guy over there holding a candle. Just Wes with that candle. He's literally holding a candle. It's like more pathetic than Craig. And then literally anything Craig has done.

Craig owns bees now, and that's still worse. It's a candle, a man with a candle. Jesse's embarrassed that he shared his real feeling, so that's the only out he had. When chose to lie, you know? Hello there, this is a two-part recap, okay? This is the end of part one. So thank you so much for listening to this. Just come back a little later for part two. Watch what crap ins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. It's always a party on Alison Block.

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