Watch What Crappens - #2831 Love Hotel 0102: Going After The Ralph-a Male

Episode Date: May 6, 2025

It’s week two of Love Hotel, and romance is brewing.  Everyone wants Ralph, which means that some unlucky lady will get stuck with Earl the Pearl. Shannon. It’s obviously Shannon. Also, who will survive the first elimination? To watch this recap on video, listen to our Traitors bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcha Crappin's ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. When a young woman named Desiree vanishes without a trace, the trail leads to Kat Torres, a charismatic influencer with millions of followers. But behind the glamorous posts and inspirational quotes, a sinister truth unravels. Binge all episodes of Don't Cross Cat early and ad-free on Wondery Plus. Well, hello and welcome to watch our crap in the podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the wonderful and lovely Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie.

How's it going? Hello. Hello, hello. Well everyone, we're getting down to it. Just a few days away from our big Texas shows. It's a double header, kind of. We have a show Friday night in Austin at EMOs where we are recapping this week's Summer House. And then the next night in Dallas, we are going to recap a classic Vanderpump Rules episode. It's going to be season six, episode five, sex lies and audio tapes. That is the episode where Brittany goes wrong. Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's gonna be a lot of fun.

Tickets are at watch what happens.com or I should say links to the tickets are there. Also then next week we're doing our very, very, very first ever Vegas show. So excited for that. Can't wait to finally give Vegas some love. For many years we talked about doing a Vegas show and now like six years out, I think, after we first hatched the plan, it is finally happening. So come join us next week for, I think we said we're going to be doing Summer House in Vegas as well, right?

So it's going to be a super fun time, uh, over there. And then in June we have just added a Seattle show and then the following week will be an LA show. So come join us for those. Uh, and that will be the grand finale of the mounting hysteria tour, which has really been so much fun to spend the first half of this year doing. So thanks to everyone who's come out to see us. And we can't wait to see the rest of you in these last few shows of the tour. So with that being said, also check

out our Patreon, patreon.com slash watch for crap ins where we you can watch us with crap is on demand and you have access to our bonus episodes. We do trailer trashes where we break down various trailers, but also starting June 3rd, Love Island is back. And you know what? That means it's going to be some fun times on Patreon. So get ready for that. In the meantime, today, I hope you're in the mood for love, Ronnie, because we are going

back to the Love Hotel. How are you feeling so far the second episode? Good. I thought it was really funny and fun. How'd you like it? Pete Slauson I think it's great. I think the show's really good. Jared Slauson I'm actually surprised. Pete Slauson Yeah. And I think the four women together

have a really fun dynamic, which I just, I'm really, really enjoying this one. Jared Slauson Yeah, me too. And I like that the guys are kind of crusty, you know? I've read a lot of comments like, God, I wish the guys were hotter. I don't. Because those guys are all like worried about Instagram followers and stuff like that. These are just crusty guys. I think they just want their minimum wage and their free buffets, you know? And I'm into it. It's a different breed than you would get on a normal dating show. Yeah, I think that they're like, they're, they're just right for this,

for this cast. Cause you do have some hot people you have, like you have Wale, you've got Jay, who I think are like certifiably hot. And I think that even Ralph as like a guy who's 61 is like a fairly hot 61 year old guy. And then you have like just decently looking men and you know, I think it's, I appreciate that these, it just feels like the proper casting and, and you know, maybe, maybe Nick is, I don't know. I didn't, I don't, I didn't, I've never really enjoyed the inclusion of Nick on this show,

but we also have a whole bunch of new guys coming through. So I'm excited. Which one's Nick? The Bitcoin investor crypto guy. Oh yeah. He's a cheese ball. Yeah. Yeah. But I kind of like to draw a little crusty

and I think it's funny that everyone's like, oh my God, they need hotter guys. When have these people ever dated hot guys? We've watched all of their shows. These are not ladies known for dating hot guys. Luann married Tom, okay? Shannon would have married Johnny J. Then you've got Ashley with Michael Darby. Giselle's had a

couple of cuties. Jared Liesveld Yeah, Giselle's had a couple of hot ones. Jared Liesveld Yeah, Giselle's had a couple of hot ones. But, you know, it's still 75%. Jared Liesveld Yeah. I mean, Luann's track record, I mean, Luann is, Luann has Smokin' Hot, but her track record is Tom, Jacques, and Alex, aka, and none of them are making the centerfold of anything that even has a centerfold. It doesn't matter what magazine or calendar, they're just not making it.

Jared Sautner Okay, so we start off with Wallet working out with Ashley, and that's Ashley's love language, you know, just a man to work out with. So, that's cute. And Gisele's doing the most romantic thing, I think, out of all the ladies. She is just eating alone in her room. Yeah. And Candice Luan is, she's trying to do a handstand and Mark, who is the older man with the beard, he's trying to spot her, but he doesn't do a good job because she just falls over.

She's like, you're trying to kill me. He's like, oh no, I had you. Skinny Santa, murder by Skinny Santa. So then Ashley is sitting at the dining table with Bitcoin Nick and the Santa comes over and like, oh my God, hi, whatever, good morning. And talking about their days and Mark's like, oh God, yeah, awkward times with Jerry, okay? God, that was a real rough time with Jerry today. He's like, what was he giving you awkward times with Jerry, okay? God, it was a real rough time with Jerry today. He's like, what was he giving you a hard time about? Luan.

And then we find out that Jerry confronted Mark because he asked out Luan. Yeah, and so we see a flashback to last night where Luan goes, well, Mark, I'm impressed by your yoga-esque, would you say? I would say you're very into yoga. He's like, well, thanks, I would love to do yoga with anyone who wants to do it. I'll do yoga. Let's teach a class. Okay, let's do it. This is the thing that got Jerry super jealous. Jared Sautner And then we see a clip of Jerry confronting

Mark. He's like, I think that's dirty. It's wrong. I gotta be honest with you. How dare you? And he's like, asking her to do yoga is not asking her out on a date. It's asking her to do yoga. What the heck? So that's the day where I come from. Put them up. Would you put them up?

And so Mark back to the president is like, yeah, the sequence of me talking to him first, you know, like I'm not talking to him first. And I did. That's what he said. I didn't talk to him. And I thought I did. And I said, dude, I'm not going, I'm going for your girlfriend. It's not like I'd said that or whatever. So, they're like all in a fuss over this stupid yoga thing. And Ash is like, wow, Jerry clearly has eyes for one woman, granted,

his eyes only come up to her navel. And then just show a shot of him just like being so much shorter. Pete So then we see Jerry and Luann walking side by side. And Ash is like, well, it doesn't matter. I mean, he only sees one woman. He's madly in love with her. It's only day two, guys. Calm down. Jared I don't think that he's madly in love. I just see him as someone who's just like territorial. He's like, I went on a date with Luanne and we sat in an oversized oyster shell and so therefore we're just connected and she's mine now. It's bro code.

Let's have an E-Trade off. You show your E-Trade and I'll show mine. We'll see who's better invested, mother trucker. So then Luanne comes down and she's like, oh, Lou, so Mark was saying that he had an interesting interaction with Jerry this morning. Oh, really? Were you guys seeing Cabaret? Some candor and ebb? That is interesting. Tell me more. No, they were they were fighting over you. Oh really? Let me see your face, Mark. Any bruises? Did you get punched in the nose? So I love that Luann doesn't even care. She's like, whatever.

What else is new? I leave them fighting wherever I go, girls. Whatever. What else is new? I leave them fighting wherever I go, girls. So Giselle comes in, she's like, good morning, good morning. Which you know Giselle's not comfortable with these people because she did not come in saying good morning. Good morning. Yeah, she did not. She goes, the block is hot y'all. The block is hot. Mark, did you tell y'all, who knows the tea about Mark and Jerry? So, then Jerry comes in and he's like, wait, hold on a second. Is he talking about me behind my back? Behind my back? Okay. Now that calm and cool Jerry came out, you know, like,

my calm and cool Jerry came out. Luann, you look beautiful, by the way. Absolutely beautiful. It's like, whoa, bro, you're coming in a little too hot about this whole sleep and yoga thing. Yeah. And, but, you know, as we learned last week, a lot of these people look at it as their last chance. Like the guy last week who was like, this is it. I've got, he was like the Carol Radswell of the cast. He's like, I've got one good summer left. This is it.

So I think they're a little more defensive, you know? Yeah. So Gisele's like, yes, at the pool this morning, Jerry was like, that's my woman. You don't have right to talk to my woman. And Mark is like, who the hell are you? And in my mind, I'm like, fight to fight to fight to fight to make this a good show. So they're asking Luan how it feels to be fought over. And Gisele's like, oh, she says this is an average Tuesday for me, honey. And that's like, oh, wow, you have two men

verbally fighting over you. Oh, my god, Luan. And she goes, oh, God, Jesus Christ and Captain of the Sea. I mean, you got to love it. Where they find these guys. Chuck E. Cheese next in line. God. Jared Well, the only one that's fighting over me is a potted plant in the corner of my room, I believe. I don't think anyone's really fighting for me. I guess there's Earl the Pearl. Congratulations to me, I got Earl the Pearl fighting for me. Oh, God, I'm happy. Pete Slauson Well, what would happen if guys were fighting over, what would happen to you if guys were fighting over you, Sanders? I would just feel so bad. I would feel terrible, terrible

for the man. So Joel comes out and he's like, hello, lovebirds. Can we come to the couch? Wow. I heard there's major rom-com moments happening for some of you guys. Yeah. Well, he had a fantastic date and then he sealed still today with a nice little kiss at the end of the night. He's like, I'm so glad you went back. And so Nick is telling us, he's like, I'm so jealous. I mean, I hope I get the chance to just fucking lay it all like a lay one on one with her and give, give Ashley like Ashley, like I just want one date with her and just, I can just show her what I'm all about. So Joel's like ladies on your itinerary today, you have a group date and there's a slight menage twist to this group date. You'll take out not one, but two men. And Giselle's like, how dare you? No one wants to go on a threesome except Ashley.

Now, gentlemen, you might get asked on multiple dates and the power shifts to you and you can decide which lady you want to have a menage-a-trois with. And Louann's like, ooh la la, menage-a-trois, ooh la la, menage-a-trois. It's, it rocks. I'm a musician. That's called art. I was married to a Frenchman, so I sort of understand that phrase a little bit more than everyone else here.

Shannon's like, oh, me and two people. I mean, I have never done that. I mean, Trace Amicus is one thing, but Trace, Trace, Trace Dos Boys and one Shannon, that's a bit much for me. I mean, there's no threesomes in my past or anytime in my future. Not that anyone, not that there's two men who want to be with me, but that's fine. I guess I'm just not Luan. That's okay. That's okay. I'm just so happy for Luan though. This is a big day for her.

So they're going to have two dates at one time. And Joel's like, do you think they can handle Ashley? And we see a flashback to Michael and I have been in other situations where we've been with other people before. And Wendy's like, oh, a threesome? Which that whole day was overshadowed because that was the big fight in the wine barn, wherever it's right, wherever they were. I recognize Ashley's pilgrim coat thing that she wore. Well, okay, Joelle, I would like to start the process. And I would like to ask my first person in my menage-a-trois. Menage-a-trois. We're not doing a real menage-a-trois. Okay, yes. Can we have a meringue-a-trois? I would love three meringues. Can I pick that?

Yes, my first one- Can we have a meringue-a-toie? I would love three meringues. Can I pick that? Bring me three meringues. I don't care what flavor they are. Ha ha, ha, ha, ha. The first gentleman, he is the one who, the supermarket version of him, I told my daughters,

they are not allowed to step into ever in their lives. Ralph, please, would you be honest? Come on my ménage-a-toie with me. I mean, I felt comfortable with Earl, but I need to spread my wings. I need to get no more people. I want some hotties on my roster. So sorry. Sorry, Earl.

My name is not Earl when it comes to choosing people. Okay. And Earl's like, well, I mean, we're all here to find our future partner. And if she thinks that someone would, someone else would be better for her. I'm okay with that. Look, there's a lot of fish in the sea, especially in hot Lanta. And I'd be disappointed, but I'll be happy for the other person. It's okay.

I'm just Earl. So she picks Ralph and Ralph's like, Oh, I'm incredibly flattered. You know, Shannon, what a beautiful woman. Let me tell you something about Ralph. I don't know much about Ralph. That man looks like a hemorrhoid, okay? That man looks like he's got a very sore butt and a very big hemorrhoid.

He just has like Frank Catania senior energy. I feel like he looks like DreamWorks animation. You know how like Disney animation looks one way? I feel like he looks like DreamWorks animation. Like a DreamWorks animation, like a DreamWorks animation. Like he should be in some cartoon where he plays like a sentient rock that helps someone on their journey. You know?

Yeah, okay. You don't have to know. So he's like, I'm flattered, Shannon's beautiful, but it's mixed emotions because Earl's smitten. I don't want to feel like I messed up Earl's life, you know. So she was like, well, also, Jay, would you like to go on a date? He's like, absolutely. And she explains, because I think we're all a little surprised because, well, I'm asking Jay because I want to get to know him more. Also, I did think he was the waiter. And so

I accidentally asked him on a date when I really just wanted a margarita. So anyway, I can talk to Gisele about him and, oh gosh, you know, he's like, I really want him and Gisele to be together because that means that she can lay her hands off of my Ralph. So now Ashley gets to pick and she chooses Nick, cause Bitcoin. And then she picks Jerry as the second and she's like, well, Jerry's a buffer, you know? I mean, he's a buffer on my Maldives, cause if I brought Wale,

I wouldn't have time to get to know Nick. So there we go. And poor Wale is left out. He's like, but I worked out with you today. Well, it's my turn, Cabaret star selecting. I feel like Mark and I had a yoga session this morning and not really a date date, he did drop me on my ass, which I was simultaneously disappointed by and harassed by. So I'm going to take Mark, Skinny Santa, let's see what gifts Santa baby, come and do yoga with me line at three. Okay. And Ralph, you can choose between loser Shannon over there or me. What do you want losers or winners? What are you going to pick?

Songbirds or house crashes? What is it? And he's like, uh, do I got to pick right now? She's like, think about it. All right, move on to Giselle. All right, shut up, Joel. I'll take over. Giselle, you go. Well, Phil, I would like to take you out, because I noticed you have some expensive clothes. Cause at this point Phil really hasn't talked

to Essence that much at all. Phil, dude, Phil just sits there with a smile and a big old chunky Luanne necklace. And he's like, I love to be here on the beach. What a glorious day. The sun's a shining, the winds a-whisping. Is this guy trippin'? What is it? At first I thought maybe he was kind of gay. It looks like there's always like a musical going on in his head and as gays, we know that look. But now I think he's just a Californian. He's just very like, I have a home in Valor, I'm rich as hell,

and none of the poor's can reach me. Happy as hell. He's just somewhere listening to Dave Kaas, you know, enjoying a nice afternoon. So Giselle's like, Phil is giving distinguished gentlemen dresses impeccably, Gucci down to the socks, and I think I like it. I've got to see if Phil can talk as well as he can dress. So basically she sends his money and that's all she cares

about because his personality is not there. He has no personality that we can see at least. Yeah, it's very like hosted a restaurant, you know, like welcome in, we've got your favorite wine being cooled. Please have a seat you lovely, gorgeous people. How are the children? You know, just like that service smile, that customer service smile. So then we see a flashback to Shannon and Alexis fighting over John Jansen and Giselle's like, well, however, every time Shannon has a man, one of her friends is like somebody takes her man. So I feel kind of bad for her, but not that bad. I'm taking him. Yeah. So because she has said that she's, she's also selected Ralph. So she's like, I've got to stay on brand for Shannon's. She's like, Oh, wow. That's just great. So Joel's like,

Oh, so it's going to be a mad dash to Ralph after we're done here. And Ralph's like, Whoa, this is really cool and uncomfortable at the same time. Whoa, this is wild. It's crazy. Oh, well, I want to have a one-on-one with Ralph from the get-go. So I, you know, I looked at Ralph and I said, That's my guy. I saw him. I said, That is my guy. This is a man who is going to be nice to me for a year and then will be terribly passive aggressive for the rest of our relationship.

He's mine, ladies. I sense that this man would possibly hear me having a drunk driving accident and ignore it, and I just find that so attractive. But unfortunately, he was stolen right out from under my wings. So take it, ladies. So now Ralph has to decide, and who's he going to pick? He's intrigued by Gisele because of those eyes, those beautiful eyes. And Shannon's like, well, I'll tell you what I don't like. No ice and iced tea. Why else would you call it iced

tea? Don't go to London. Also, Ralph not picking me. That wasn't great either. Didn't have that. So I was like, well, Giselle is gorgeous. And I don't blame Ralph for picking Giselle. I'm just kind of surprised because I thought he was kind of looking at me. I mean,, well, Giselle is gorgeous. And I don't blame Ralph for picking Giselle. I'm just kind of surprised because I thought he was kind of looking at me. I mean, not you, Shannon. You were never in the running. But like, honestly, me, though, I thought I had a shot. Well, I thought that I had some chemistry with Ralph.

No, you didn't. I'll just say to you right now, you're an Earl the Pearl kind of lady, and that's just so you're late in life. All right? But me? I'm a Ralph girl all the way. What the fuck is going on over here? I like that Shannon goes, well I got another pick then don't I?

Okay, well Ralph was my first pick that didn't work out. So I pick Earl. Alright I'll jump on the yolo grenade everyone. Pearl the grenade pearl! It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. Everyone has that friend who seems kind of perfect. For Patty, that friend was Desiree. Until one day... I texted her and she was not getting the text. So I went to Instagram and she has no Instagram anymore.

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so we can respond effectively without anger, threats, or even bribes. By embracing our role as respectful leaders, establishing both trust and boundaries, we can enjoy a loving relationship with our kids that encourages mutual cooperation and respect. So check out Janet Lansbury on Ruffold on Wondery or wherever you listen to podcasts. We can do this. So then Joel's like, everyone dated up and Wally is like, uh, hi, I'm the hottest one here and I'm actually not been chosen at all. Well, you're coming with me, whoever you are. I haven't talked to the entire time, but you've got a nice smile and I don't know. It doesn't

look like you can afford my lifestyle, but you can try. Get on over here. She's like, Wally, you're coming with me. All right, Wally world. So, um, and now we go on these cheap ass dates, which are more, you know, folding tables set up on the beach. And, uh, Giselle is first with Ralph and Phil and she's like, so do you know each other? Do you like each other? What's going on? And she's just making small talk. And then Joel's like, today I've planned a fiesta of love filled with Mexican cuisine and authentic culture. How spicy. Let's see.

So, it's basically a buffet on the beach courtesy of the hotel and they're all getting their food and Luanne's like, so Wally, were you scared of Ashley? And Wally is like, yeah, I'm, you know, like, he's basically like, oh, because she goes in and she's like, oh, hey, you've got like some food on your face or something like that. And she comes in like really close and it looks like she's going to kiss him. And he's like, oh, I'm glad you didn't do that because he's really, he's really into Ashley. It's like, were you scared Ashley? And Ashley's like, oh my God, I'm so well, it's like, yeah, you know, I was hoping that she wouldn't do that. And I saw Ashley, she cared.

She really cared. She really cared if she was going to lick that mango off my face. So, we go to Gisele sitting with Ralph and Phil talking about ages. They're 61 and 63. And Phil's like, what's your ideal man, Gisele? And she's like, ideal man? I like a nice gentleman that I'm attracted to. And you're both that, I suppose. And I need to laugh. You haven't made me laugh.

And money, money, lots and lots of money. So be rich and make me laugh. So far, Phil has the money, you are just a sound engineer, and neither of you made me laugh, so get to work. Giselle basically is like, yeah, you need to like, you know, if you want to take my panties off, you need to make me laugh. You get to work. Gisele basically is like, yeah, you need to like, you know, if you want to take my panties off,

you need to make me laugh. You don't have to be Dave Chappelle, but like at least be like a little witty, which I'm like, then why did you wind up with Jason Cameron? I guess just, he's just super hot. So Gisele's like, if you're able to laugh at yourself, then that just speaks to your comfortability as a person. I'm like, neither of these guys are gonna be able to do that

Just look at them Like I know and Ralph these are not guys who I'm seeing are like a barrel of laughs here Yeah, if you want a guy to make you laugh, why did you pick these two guys? They're like the two quietest guys out of all of the guys so then we go over to Luanne and Marks like well about our date today and second wasn't a date. We were were working out. All right It was a namaste get keeping in your pants mark and Wally it's like wait. Why are you minimizing the time you spent with mark? That's not cool She's like I'm not it was just a gym thing. You know, we're getting to know each other

We were doing handstands buy me something. That's a date I've been I remember when I went on my first date with Tommy June was he gay sure But it was still a date. It been a great time. We bought a champagne martinis caviar That's a date not doing corpse pose on the floor of some hotel gym. Am I right everyone? Mm-hmm, and marks like what a wise ass. I sure love that lady. We got a real connection She's always looking for action as so am I? So while is like well you do have a crazy core She's always looking for action, and so am I! So while Liz is like, well, you do have a crazy core, I'm sure you can do all those

stances, and Mark's like, yeah, good, strong, good legs, strong legs, boom, boom, that's right, Cabaret keeps you in shape, guys. So then Luan kicks her leg up. Aha! I'm 50, 50 years old. I've been married twice. I learned a lot from those marriages, and by a lot, I'm 50, 50 years old. I've been married twice. I learned a lot from those marriages. And by a lot, I mean very little.

Anyway, Mark kind of reminds me of what I had before, which is sort of garbage with a beard. All right, it's a dead end relationship. You know what I believe, never look back, am I right, ladies? So then we see a flashback to her with Tom and Tom talking about how he wants to haul the ass like when they were together for five minutes. And then we see Luan talking about

how she could be a real housewife again with Mark, but she's not going to do that. So she's like, you know, I don't know about you because Ashley's taken up all of your time, Wally. So I think Ashley likes you. what do you think about that? And he's like, oh, she's beautiful and who puts her outfits together? Like that's something he does not watch Potomac. It's definitely not Gisele's stylist. So it was like, okay, I've got an idea for you.

Okay, this is my way of getting you out of my hair because I have nothing to say to you. Why don't you write a note for her and you can deliver it to her and then we'll go hide behind a rock and we don't have to talk the rest of this date." He's like, well during the event, yes, there's only the now, darling, only the now. Also, by the way, to the Pope, rest in peace, darling. So he's like, okay, I guess give me some paper and you're going to give me some tips on how to write the note. Yes. Okay. Here's what you write. Fuck me at 3pm. All right, take it to her.

Here's what I want you to say. I want you to say, look over at Shannon, wink, and then run to Luanne and stick your tongue down her throat. All right, you got that? Go. So he writes the note and he brings it in and Ash is talking to Nick and Jerry and Nick is like, um, Hey, so have you done two guys before? Like, Oh no, I don't mean it like that. Lips. And she's like, um, yeah, let's maybe change the phrasing. So then Giselle is asking Phil and Ralph questions about if they get poured in relationships and Ralph's like, nah, it takes me a while to get in. But once I'm in, I'm in there, you know, between football, baseball, you know, the kids' games. You know, sometimes I'll have a little room for some romance.

She's like, oh, OK. Are you cautious? Because you guys are very mature men, and that's very hard to find these days. Most of them are dead. Men don't live very long these days. Dead of hemorrhoids. Right, Ralph?

I'll stick it in there. Yeah, you know, unless you've taken some lumps, you're not my people. Oh, Ralph, lumps is kind of a five-letter word when it comes to housewives. We don't like the lumps. We do a lot of surgeries to get rid of them, okay? Talking about lady lumps.

And she's like, yeah, well, if you've had this really nice midlife, you probably don't have anything in common. The people that have taken the lumps had, you know, had to bob and weave and build character and makes their bullshit easier to take and get to detect and get rid of. Okay, Ralph. Okay. Ralph's like, I need a lady with bootstraps, bootstraps that she pulls up in the morning and can take on the day.

It's like, okay, Ralph, oh God. Yeah. And these ladies have had their lumps. Don't you worry. Just watch the show. If you watch the show, you would see the lumps, okay, Ralph, all right. Yeah. And these ladies have had their lumps. Don't you worry. Just watch the show. If you watch the show, you would see the lumps. Okay. But you don't watch TV. So there's that. So Giselle's like, he's a cool back daddy. He's just so laid back. No drama. I like that. And Ralph's like, well, you've got to find, oh, Ralph, you got to find somebody with a similar past. You know, I mean, I'm on a double date. I'm talking to you. Why am I talking to this guy? Like, what am I hitting on this guy? Hey, guy, you taking any lumps? Probably not fruitcake. Am I right? No, this is good. Someone might be able to

chime in. Nah. So then meanwhile, Shannon's sitting with Earl and Jay. She says, Oh, so can I, if you mind, can I reach in for one of your tacos? I'll have the chicken please. Okay, thank you so much. I don't normally like to eat on dates, but unfortunately I cannot resist a good taco. Well, they normally wouldn't eat on camera, but Ralph didn't pick me, so I guess it's time to take medicine, a taco. Earl, have you ever- Five milligrams of chicken taco. Earl, have you ever watched a woman spiral on a date because it is happening right here past the tacos please.

Taco, Taco Tuesday. He's like, well, Shannon, if it makes you feel any better, I've got some fresh trauma for you. Oh, oh, do you? Okay, please go on. Well, I was married twice and the first one was only for about a year and a half. I didn't have kids. I've seen it in the kids. I've seen it.

I've seen it. No, no, no, no. This is new. This is new. This is a new one. I had a stepson and I loved him to death and when I filed for divorce, she never let me see him again. Oh, oh, oh, God.

Oh, oh, Earl. Oh, Earl. You're so smart, son. Excuse me with your pain. Oh, Earl. I've got more. I've got more. Wait, I can make this better.

Okay. So he left my life when he was 11 and I promised him my motorcycle. I'll be there for him when he comes back. Was it dangerous for me to let an 11 year old drive a motorcycle up and down the street unsupervised? Perhaps. But it was our thing. And I let him have that thing.

And to this day, that motorcycle sitting in my garage has been there for 15 years, unused and untouched. Oh, Earl. Is it under 350 cc? Because I can't drive a car right now. So I would love to borrow your motorcycle if you still got it. Um, Earl, that was a lovely story, but you have to excuse me. I spilled some coleslaw from this taco on my skirt.

So please put a pin in that motorcycle thingy. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know, Daniel Steele, and he's more of a Britannica encyclopedia that your mother makes you to read when you're very young and have nothing else in the house.

No one wants to read or all of it, kidding. Can I have another taco? He is an open book and his books make me cry a lot. So in many ways, he's like a Nicholas Sparks, although I'm not very attracted to him. So it's sort of like a Nicholas No Sparks, but that's fine. He's a very successful author and I'm very happy for him. So then Ashley is still with Nick and Jerry and she's like, all right, let's get to the meat of the matter. Have you dated a black woman? And they're both like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Who first? Did you? You first. Do we have our tacos? Yeah. Should we have our tacos before we talk?

We go, Hey, what's all the Pearl up to? I think he's talking a cool story over there. She's like, it's a yes or no question. Have you were having you? And then Giselle is asking the same question of her guys. And Ralph's like, hmm. And she goes, wow, you said that quick. Have you or not Phil?

And he goes, I am black. He's like, that didn't answer my question. Some black men don't date black women. And he goes, well, I don't know many of them, but I've seen them at grocery stores. Does that count? So, then Jerry, back to Ashley, Jerry's like, yeah, I did. I did a black girl in high school and her name was Angel. And she goes, um, and Nick is like, Oh my God, you remember her name? He's like, yeah, I'm not like a piece of shit like you. Does he remember the girls that he dated? And Ash, Ash is like, Oh my God, Mr. Nick. Oh, wow. Nick, you did live in West Africa, which I did not realize this. So Nick lived in West Africa and he's like, yeah, but I

never dated anyone from there. Yeah, I never dated a black woman. She's like, oh, okay, well, that surprises me a lot. Yeah. And he was like, so have you ever dated a white guy? And she's like, oh my God, that's so funny. It's like so weird because like I'm famous, like literally everywhere I go, so everyone already knows who I'm married to. But yeah, you don't watch TV. So that's cute. I'm huge. I'm a huge stuff. I've not only dated a white guy, I dated a disgusting white guy. Have you ever seen Lord of the Rings? Yeah. It's a pretty huge movie. Angela S. Martin I wouldn't classify Michael as white,

more like gray. I'm not sure. Dave So, um... Dave Have you ever been to a vet and seen a really old dog that's about to be put down with his eyes watering like that, confused and watering? Yeah, that was my ex-husband. So, that was fun. Angela S. Martin Have you ever seen a hairless cat? Pete Slauson So then, Giselle, Giselle is still talking to, she tells Phil that he looks like one of the Jacksons and she's like,

did anyone ever tell you you look like one of the Jacksons? And he's like, I think I've gotten into a few parties because they think I'm a celebrity of some sort. That's typical LA. I was like, why are you making, how are you making the, I was confused as one of the Jacks is into a boring story. Come on, Phil, come on, let's get some energy going on over here. Yes, like people think I'm a celebrity all the time being in LA.

I have a home base in Paradise Valley, Arizona, and I have a home in Bel Air. Yes, people think I'm famous quite often. Here's a question. How is Bel Air not the home base? Wouldn't you want Bel Air to be the home base? Taxes. Or do you think he just, he probably is able to get a larger place in Paradise Valley, huh?

Taxes. Taxes? Taxes, yeah. Okay. Pete Slauson Do they have small homes in Bel Air? Pete Slauson Well, maybe you don't have as much land. I don't think they have small homes unless you're like a service person. Pete Slauson Yeah, I don't know. So, Phil's like, well, you know, living in Los Angeles, there's so many ways to meet people, but how do I connect with my soul mate? That's been missing in my life. I've really focused on raising my son. I focused on my career. That's probably why I'm single. That's probably

why, right guys? Right? Well, also because you're all kind of like Carol Channing on Quaaludes, but I don't know, who am I to judge? He's such an odd dude. He is really odd. He just speaks very slowly and without any energy. I never stop that smile. He's just like, yeah. He's a little Crip Keeper-esque. So Giselle's like, LA is the worst. He's like, why is it the worst? He's like, because it's just like, what are these people doing here?

Does anyone have a job? I'm like, you're the one who has professionally walking around during the day doing nothing. I'm gonna say, what are you doing again? You're the one taking your daughter to the container store every episode, okay? And Phil's like, yes, that is it. You have to be in the right environment. I live in Bel Air. So, yes, that's different. It's gated.

So, it feels different. I'm not walking among the streets, among the unwashed and jobless. I'm in Bel Air. You've heard of it? Yeah, he has like such a casual flex. He's like, well, when I'm in my gated community, it's funny because when you go out into some disgusting place like Hollywood, you're like, what do all these people do for work? Does anyone have a job? But when you come to my gated community and you see everyone sitting around on their sofas eating bonbons, you say, ah, gainfully employed people at last. Do you even have an Arizona's in Los Angeles? What a crazy downer. He's like, I own a piece of paradise Valley Arizona. Over there we just called Zah's. So Giselle's like, Phil is like a whole man, a whole creepy

man. He's established. He's fancy. He knows what he wants. He's refined. She would not be giving this man one shred of attention if it were not for the fact that he's designed, wears designer clothing. And now that he's dropped Bel Air in there a few times and gave him a committee, he has, he has now found a toe hold on this. Yeah, admittedly she doesn't even hide it. She's like, well, he's a creep, but he's rich. So let's try and make this work.

And I like that he goes, oh, you know, Bel Air, beautiful view, you've got mountain views, city views. It's a different feel than if you're out in Hollywood or something like that. I was like, ouch. He just slapped Ben on the ass. Now that's what you get for all your Valley comments. I know. It just, it long lasts.

Well, no, look, the Hollywood shade doesn't come often on Brava, but when it does come, it comes on pretty strong. Let's not, let's never forget the moment when Lisa Vanderpump went to Hollywood. It was like, eww! Oh no! It was like the scene in Big Business when they get kicked out of the cab and have to walk, walk through like the scene in Big Business when they get kicked out of the cab and have to walk through the Bronx. Yeah.

It's like, we're in a hazmat suit. You want to go to rock and roll school? Why would you do this to me, Max? Yes, beautiful views in Bel Air, unlike Hollywood, where you look at a skunk standing on a dumpster being attacked by a crazy person. It's not quite the same. So then Gisele's like, Phil, my man, you are talking my language. You are telling me about your two homes. I can see myself in Bel-Air sipping margaritas,

going to Malibu. He walks and talks like a man with money and I sniffed him out. Duh. So then back to Nick and Ashley, Nick's like, you're four beautiful women. And I had to choose two guys to come on this day. Like, I mean, you had that connection with that other guy, Wale.

So why don't you choose Wale? And, um, Wale comes over. He's like, Hey guys, he's got his little note and Nick's like, God, motherfucker, come on, dude. And so he drops off the note and Jerry is Jerry's basically like, Oh, he's, excuse me. I keep on burping up. It's like, Jerry's like, he's, he's romantic. And Nick is like, wow, I would love to have a one-on-one with you. She's like, well, when's that going to happen? He's like, I don't know. Like,

wow, you're really, you're really spitting a lot of game there, Nick. You really know how to woo a woman. Absolutely. It's like, let me read this note. Okay. Roses are red, violets are blue. My name is Wale and I just fucked Lou. Wait a minute. Nick Hensley Suck it, bitches. So then Luan, meanwhile, she's now giving more tips to Wale. Luan has the... Luan, every now and then on these shows gives her, her dating tips and they're so over the top. She's like, okay, well, Wally, you just elevated

yourself. Good job. Okay. You sent a girl a note. So now next find her lipstick, put it on and kiss the mirror. He's like, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. That's a bit much. Put on some panties, do a couple of squats and leave them in her Kleenex box so she can sniff them later. It's like, whoa, whoa, Luann, Jesus. Do you have a feather bow by any chance? Do you know all the lyrics? Do you know all the lyrics to Ring Them Bells by Liza Minnelli? Come on, go for it.

Some people get a wild haircut or book a spontaneous trip when life throws them a curveball. But Molly? Well, she dove headfirst into a world of no strings attached sex, secret rendezvous, forbidden affairs, and unforgettable adventures. And together, we tell every juicy detail in Dying for Sex, Wondry's award-winning podcast that's now streaming on a TV near you, starring Michelle Williams and Jenny Slate. And to top it off, we're dropping brand new bonus episodes where I sit down with the cast

to spill all the spicy secrets. Desire, friendship, self-discovery, and the ultimate bucket list of pleasure. This is a story that had everyone talking. Listen to the original Dying for Sex and brand new episodes on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge the original series before anyone else and completely ad-free on Wondry+. At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours.

Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names, about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph. My hope is that people will finish an episode of reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to

and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts.

So now it's later and the dates are done and Jay comes to check in with Giselle and she's like, wow, Jay is checking on his girl. I like that. Other men should take note. This is how it's done. Now, if he was just checking on me from a house in Bel-Air, he might have a chance.

Yeah. So then, but then like, they're all, it's kind of like post-date, but they're all kind of hanging out and Gisele's like, well, Phil hasn't talked since we got here. And so it was nice to have a conversation with the brother. But then he was also like, Phil's just kind of like off like checking out the party and everything. And so he's like, this is lovely. Is this a beach? Oh, it feels so lovely between my

heels and the sand. What a lovely place. Is there a private plane I can get back to? Be there! He does sort of seem like he's kind of hosting a murder mystery party where his friend actually gets murdered. He does. He really does. You know whose energy he has now that I think about it, he kind of has Dwight energy from Real Housewives of Atlanta. Yeah, I think that's what we, I think we actually, I think we actually said that last week. I think he was very Dwightish. Yeah, he is very Dwightish. Yeah, he has, he definitely, he's

like Dr. Facilier. So then LeWan is like, Oh, Ashley, how's everything going with you and Wale? And she's like, Oh, he gave me a note. Oh, really? I don't know anything about that note. Please tell me what it said. And she's like, Well, it says from your favorite gym guy. You look amazing. I want to see you later.

Oh, he really does like you. I wonder if there might be some lipstick on your mirror later. Wink, wink. She's like, yeah, he likes me. So does this guy. And it's Jerry. And Luan's like, oh, he likes you. Huh? Wow. And Jerry's like, you look amazing as usual, Luan. Don't you fucking talk to another person. It's like I told Angel, you're mine now. So Ashley is like, okay, I'm gonna go. So Ashley goes off with Nick and leaving Luan with Jerry.

She's like, great, stuck with a fan. He's like, well, so Nick is talking to Ashley and he's like, yeah, man, I just need a little bit more time with you. And she's like, well, we don't have a lot of that. So what's going on? And he, they sit down, but before they get into their date, we go back to Luann and Jerry. And Jerry's like, listen, I do want to apologize if I went off on that breakfast with Mark. It's not my character. He just

needs to know that you belong to me and you're going to move to Puerto Rico now and you're going to sit on that island with me while I go fishing and surfing. She's like, wow, don't worry about it was charming really Mike. Oh god I'm I guess I like that guy fine, but he's kind of a creep in me I mean, what's he gonna do put lipstick on and kiss my mirror next? There's a difference between being attentive and overbearing and he's just starting to get overbearing I mean if he wants to buy a ticket to my show, fine, but come on, you're not going to be in the VIP section.

Yeah. Can't fuck a personality, am I right? Okay. So anyway, I was actually on my way to the ladies' room. Sorry to bug you, Jerry. Get out. See, you wouldn't want to be a sucker. I hear Earl the Pearl has a real good trauma story over there.

So anyway, I'm just going to, I don't know. Hey, look over at that palm tree. Bye. So now Shanna is talking to some dudes and Earl's there and Earl's like, you want to go up onto the hill as a group? And she goes, you know what? I love Earl. I love we can go up as a group. You're just such a giver, Earl. Come on. I also like that you create a situation where I don't have to be up on that hill one on one with you. So, thank you. Thank you for giving me an out. You know, although I was incredibly disappointed when Ralph didn't choose me, like really, really heartbroken, like wow, brought me back to some dark memories with David and John. Wow, it was just full

rejection. Just, oh, just jammed door. Always a bridesmaid. Just not even a bridesmaid. Just someone in the corner of the church who is ignored and people don't even realize that she's at the wedding. Oh, wow. What was I talking about again? Well, at least I'm starting over and I'm starting new. I don't let anything get me down. This is a new Shannon. Ralph is out of the picture now. I can't even see him. Oh, I can. He's actually over there staring at the WAN. Well, Earl's still here. So there's that. Hello, Earl. I guess I'll get to know Earl. Yeah, Earl. Yeah. I just love that strange strawberry blonde thing he's got going on with his thinning hair and his

very average physique. It's just, I love him. He's just so good. I hope he tells me another traumatic story. I'm just, get me out of here. So then, um, the guys are just, you know, making small talk and Ashley's making the small talk with Nick and asking him about Arizona. He's like, yeah, I live in Scottsdale. She's like, Oh, and you used to my diamonds. Do you still do that? What do you do now?

Are they blood diamonds? What kind of diamonds are they? I love diamonds. And he's like, is that what he was doing in West Africa, by the way? Like, I was definitely thinking blood diamonds. This guy is not ever going to give you an answer. That's not a little shady. He's like, Oh yeah, mining diamonds. And now crypto. I'm a crypto guy. So yeah, this guy has so many red flags and it's and like they start with the copious number of thin necklaces that he's wearing and they it ends with these blood diamonds

because when he said West Africa before I was like, oh, he did like a peace corps or like some sort of charity thing. But then it turns out he was in the diamond mining business. I was like, were you in the Sierra Leone doing some shady ass shit? I don't trust this guy You know She's just kind of staring at him with the crypto thing and he goes well listen if anything if anything comes out of this Do it for yourself do it for your kids

Get one full Bitcoin and she's like, what's that? He's like, it's like 58 grand She goes wait 50 bitcoins is a full Bitcoin and goes no And she goes, wait, 58 bitcoins is a full Bitcoin. And he goes, no, $58,000 right now is a full Bitcoin, which I got it, you know, I got to hand it to him. Bitcoin is at like $95,000 now, so. So it went up to $40,000. It's not the worst price. Yeah, but there's something,

I just don't feel like I trust this guy at all. Not at all. No, no, and then we kind of, but you know, this guy's tricky in that he's like boyish looking and he's like completely hairless, like a, I guess seals aren't hairless, right? But he looks like, like a dolphin. He's hairless like a dolphin. And he's just got this like next door boy look. And so you're kind of buying it at first, but then yeah, these flags start to come up. And so he's talking about digital currency. And then it moves to, so what kind of person do you look for typically? And he goes, a beautiful smile and a fat ass. It's like, whoa, okay. Pete Slauson Yeah, there he is. Pete Slauson I also, I also thought it was funny when Ashley said that, like, she's like,

oh, wow, he's like a diamond dealer and he's into crypto. I definitely think he's someone who can keep up with my lifestyle. Pete Slauson What's your lifestyle? Doing yoga and putting your children on a kitchen island? I think anyone can keep up with that lifestyle. Literally anyone. So anyway, everyone comes back to the main living quarters and they're all like hanging out and chatting and the Earl walks in with Shannon before they walk in, he plants a kiss on her and everyone's like, oh Earl the Pearl. It's like wow, you're going to do that right in front of everybody in the lounge Earl.

Wow Earl, I appreciate you giving me that kiss, but I wasn't quite done chewing my taco so let me just digest that. Okay, I hope I didn't get any cilantro on your teeth that was fun oh and he's like yeah well they missed the kiss last night so I had to do it for them she's like oh you are Earl the squirrel oh kiss by a pearl it says speaking of seals someone should tell him to rename the song that I've been kissed by a pearl in between tacos. So then we go back to Ashley and Nick and they're flirting and he's like, you know, normally I'm a very touchy feely guy. And she goes, well, then why haven't you touched

me? And he's like, well, I guess I got to step up my game if I want to win this prize. And she goes, yeah, because that's like the first time you touched me like ever. I'm gonna need more from you, Nick. You know, he's like, rescind that, I touched that booty, don't forget, because remember he accidentally touched it at work. They show that he accidentally touched it. She's like, um, that was like a graze. He got this guy, like, here's another red flag and be like, yeah, I'm really touchy feely, but he doesn't touch, you know? And like, he's not able to answer, like, give a straight answer about whether he's dated a black girl before. Just this guy's awful. Jared

Come on, that was just a graze on my butt. That was a church graze. That was like a graze that, that's a graze on the butt that people do in church. Pete I was like, well, she has been to Gisele's husband's church. Jared Here's what Pastor Holy Horror, she has been. Pete Here's what you have to do, Nick. Okay? Put some Vaseline on your hand and just smack her ass and leave a print there. That way she always knows. It's romantic, trust me. Nick Hensley So then, now Luanne's kind of uncomfortable with Mark,

because she's like, well, this isn't too terrible, right? He goes, no, it's really cool. And she goes, yeah, gorgeous. So then Jay goes and talks with Giselle and he's like, so I've been hearing because, you know, I'm in the streets and I heard it was all about day one, Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. But then day two, three and four, I hear with the land, it's not Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. But then day two, three, and four, I hear with the WAN, it's not Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. And she's like, oh, that's what the street said. Duh.

And he's like, yeah, that's what the streets are talking. So Giselle tells us, you know, I find Jay to be somebody I dated before, and then it didn't go past date three. Like Jay's a guy that's super nice, but where's the spark? I'm sparkless. Where's the spark? Like Jay is such a catch.

The fact that she just keeps on being like, well, whatever with this guy. He's got a good personality. He's super hot. He's attentive to you. I mean, I feel like she's actually trying to say there's no spark. I feel like she's trying to undermine it or sabotage it. Hmm. I don't know. But if there's no spark, there's no spark. What are you going to do? So then we go to Shannon and she's like, well, Earl, I'm going to show you something very important. Well, I've already seen the taco. You're going to show me that?

No, but I do have one in my purse. It's my room. It's my room, Earl. He's like, wow. So this is a whole separate living room. They really, that's really nice. They put us in a, they put us in a basically a closet with a twin bed. So it's nice that they give you in a, they put us in a, basically a closet with a twin bed. So it's nice

that they give you guys a nice, nice room. Yeah, well, this is, this is a living room and that's the bedroom over there. I can't believe this is wild. I brought you into my suite. That's the taco corner. Okay, open my purse or I'll just open it. That's my crying chair. I just sit there and cry sometimes. It's very nice. open it. That's my crying chair. I just sit there and cry sometimes. It's normal. That is my ankle mirror. I have it on the ground there. So it's like when you're trying on shoes, I can just see how my ankles look before I leave. Oh, and this is where I keep my ankle spanks in here. I'm just telling you everything about myself. Sometimes I just take the ironing board out and just prop it up against the wall and lie at it and say, here lies Shadamadour, killed by Ralph, who

didn't choose her. Oh, could you please turn the little sign on the door around that says pull for vor limpia. That means come in so they can find me here in case I die in the middle of the night from fat cankles. Not that Ralph would ever know since he doesn't even care to look my way. I could have all the cankles in the world or no cankles. He would never know. I'm happy. I'm so happy with my choice, Pearl. So now Nick walks Ashley to her room and Shannon hears them.

So she comes out and she goes, Hey, Nick, I was just talking about cankles things. What are you doing? Would you like to see my room? comes out and she goes, Hey, Mick, I was just talking about Kanglespanks. What are you doing? Would you like to see my room? I'm stuck here with Earl the Pearl and I'm trying to desperately end this conversation. And then Gisele pokes her head out. Earl, take off the Kanglespanks. Earl, stop putting away my tombstone. I left that ironing board out there on purpose.

Um. Earl, that is my taco. Okay, Mick, are you having a nice young, young Chris and night? Earl, do not touch the refreshments. They can tell when they've been moved and I'll get charged $45. I just got charged $8 from Earl moving a peanut around in the refrigerator. What are you doing, Nick? Nick Hickman So they all keep, they all wind up poking their head out the, the, into the hallway. And Nick is like, what? This is crazy. Oh my God. Now another one. And Louis is like,

I heard a man in the hallway. I want to see is there fresh blood for me. Oh, it's just this creepy guy. Nevermind. Nick's like, oh, why are you guys cock blocking me? And Shannon's like, I, first of all, I do not like the word beep cock block. Time, I said it anyway. Cock block. Did Joel Kim booster make you say that? That guy is really corrupting me, isn't he? I'm starting to grow some animosity towards him, just a little bit. Oh, God. Oh, God. So, they're all laughing. And so then basically Nick drops Ashley off at her room and gives her a hug, but there's no kiss, just a hug.

Yeah. You know, she's not going to like that because she was just telling him, you got to touch me more, you got to take more initiative, etc., etc. So then, let's see, everybody goes to bed. And now it's the next day, and Luann and Ralph are walking along the beach. And she's like, oh, I go to Tulum, do you know Mexico, Tulum, Mexico? And he's like, I've never been there. And she goes, really? Oh, you should, you're in the music business. I mean, they have the best DJs in the world to loom. Carl, he's a sound engineer. What would he be doing in a land where people just press play on a fucking DJ?

Have you ever heard of DJ Andrew Lloyd Webber? God, he puts on a good set. So Ralph, he's like, yeah, well, maybe I'll make it out there someday. So then Jay and Giselle are working out together, which is nice. And then Shannon and Earl are walking along the beach and Earl's like, so do you get waves like this at your place? Um, yes, absolutely. Oh, in Orange County, they look just like this. Um, Earl, I, I, why are you still walking with me? I thought we sort of ended our date. He's like, well, no, tell me more about the waves. Oh, okay. Well, they're just, they're much bigger up in Newport beach. Much, much bigger. Huge. Um, yeah. I don't know if I have anything

else left to say to you Earl. But one time I rented a house on the sand for the summer. It was so nice. It was like 30 grand a month or something. David hated that. That was fun. That was fun. I once told my stepson that I would take him to a beach. Unfortunately, I never got that chance but I bought a ticket. I bought a ticket to the West Coast and it sits in my dining room to this day and someday he'll come back and we'll go to the beach. Oh, okay. A lot of, a lot of open tabs with that step son of yours. Maybe you

should close up some loops. I don't know. Oh, God. But your ankles do look really thin today, Earl. He's like, I will give these back to you. Promise. So then, um, back at the hotel, Shannon has gotten everyone matching outfits so they can walk out like the Sex and the City girls. And, um, it's, they're ridiculous. They're like bathing suits with a cover up and then big Kathy Hilton bucket hat things with fluorescent colors and stuff. Well, as long as Ralph is looking at all the women, I thought, well, here's,

well, here's my strategy. I'll cover every single person up and now it'll be a personality contest. Touche, Gisele and Luan. Oh, really? Try picking one bucket hat over the other bucket hat. I dare you, Ralph. Ha ha ha. So Gisele's like, ladies, we haven't discussed it,

but we're very established women. We've made all of our money. We make more of our money. And how important are finances with a partner are. Well, can these guys afford our lifestyles? That's the question. I mean, if you can't pay for me to go out to a piano bar three nights a week, well, then I don't know if I want you around. How many of these guys have round houses? That's the question.

So Gisele's like, do you think Earl can afford it? Duh. Well, I'm not sure about Earl. I think he's devoted a lot of money to some sort of stepson he's waiting to come back into his life. Well, he could certainly afford motorcycles that he leaves in garages undrived. So, or driven rather. So I guess he's a little wasteful in the finance department.

Delores is like, wait a second, he just has a motorcycle in the middle of the house? He's a keeper. So Ashley is like, yeah, we have standards. Yes, and partners who need to have the same lifestyle and wanna go out and sing cabaret every night of the week. It's important. And so basically they're like trying to say,

yeah, we need these guys to be able to, we're not gold diggers, we just don't want to pay for everything for them. Yeah, and just I was like, well, I never thought on day one I'd be hanging out with Carol Channing with a napuka necklace, but here I am. And now she's like, yeah, what about Phil Peat's interests? And she says, bel-air-ah.

And Phil told me he has a house manager-rah. I like to call him the Krusty Prince of Bel-Air. So then Gisele is like, by the way, Shannon, so with Earl, what about finances with Earl? Because I looked and it looks like he's wearing some very cheap sneakers. And she's like, well, you know, I know his finances,

maybe not the top, like he might not be the wealthiest man in Atlanta. And he goes, really? So you're just going to go live in a two bedroom ranch? I don't know if I want to live in a ranch, but you know, he actually doesn't live on a ranch. He's actually very close to Atlanta. No, it's a house. It's a poor person house. It's not round. Sad. You see it on regular house hunters. You don't want to live in one of them. That's what I've got to say. Well, actually, I like that style of house, but I would say, I don't know. I don't really know. We're angry at ranch style homes. I really don't know what I feel about that.

Do we know if is Thousand Island an option for a house? Because I would not be mad at that either. Can I live in Gorkenzola? Creamy deal. Creamy deal. So Shannon's basically saying, you know, my last two relationships have been with narcissists and my picker isn't working very well. So I need to choose a different type of man. I need to attract myself to someone with a big heart. Or I could also go for Ralph again. I'm going to go for Ralph one more time. So now Joel's like, hello, my beautiful love hotel guest.

How are we feeling? How did it go last night? Well, next on the itinerary, a wise woman said, your husband is in the pool. She's not on this show, but it's a fun allusion to make. So we hope that your future husband is lurking somewhere in what we like to call the dating pool, where your husband might be, see, if you follow it through, your husband's in the pool and your husband's in the pool and your husband's in the dating pool is everyone following

Good one. Good one. Question. Is the artichoke on my artichoke dip on my bill because I still have not received it and I ordered that two days ago. Um, is, uh, wait, your husband's in the pool, sort of like my tortilla chip is in the artichoke dip. Right, everyone? No? I'll tell you where my husband was. At the beach! With a slut!

On slut! Uh, so he's like, okay, guys, stay vulnerable, okay? Stay bra, stay raw, because now new men are coming into the hotel to woo you. And I guarantee you, four out of four of them are going to be bald. And they're like, oh my God, oh girl, oh no, I worry about Earl. What's Earl going to do? What's Earl going to do when I inevitably drop him for someone who's just slightly better than him? Because honestly, that ranch house thing, weann kind of put a bug in my ear about that. So Joel's like, are you excited? Are you nervous? Are you a little overwhelmed?

Well, I am a little overwhelmed, but that's just how I wake up every day. Okay, continue on Joel. So new guys are coming, which means they've got to dump guys right now. And they're like, oh, that's uncool, Joel, you can't make us do this. And he's like, you must pick one guy, you will get a key. And when you give them a key, they can stay. So the guys are like, Oh my God, who's going to stay? Who's going to go? So now it's time to pick. So while he's feeling a little uneasy, because he's not sure if Ashley is like maybe start to get into Nick, you know, and

Jay Jay goes, um, can can Joel be eliminated? I'm joking. I'm joking and Joel's like, oh Jay's got jokes all of a sudden Joel like Joel did not like that at all It's like, oh, I see Jade's got jokes no personality, but suddenly you've got jokes Wow Wow, some sounds like somebody's a little nervous. You're coming for my job. Okay, Jay, why don't you be the host of the love hotel? It's like, okay, Joel. He goes online the next day. He's like, at least I'm not a piece of shit who thinks they're famous. You're not famous. You fucking loser. Jay, whoever you are, middling letter of the alphabet, good luck and scrabble. Barely being used. Oh, you're worth more points. That's because no one wants you.

All right, eight point J. Everybody's horrified that they pull out of a bag. Blue Jays more like blue ball Jays because no one wants to fuck you. Oh my God, everyone. the waiter is very upset. Please, please be more respectful to the staff. So now they have to give out their keys and Joel, let's see, so blah, blah, blah. So Luan starts, she goes, all right, let's start with Jerry. Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. God, is there a woodpile we can throw Jerry onto and light a match? Because Jesus Christ, no Jerry. Alright, now let's talk about Mark. Wow, Santa, the first Santa I've ever met that can fit down a chimney. I don't have a chimney, loser. Find a different house.

Alright, I'm keeping Ralph. Ralph's hotter. Well, it's a lot of people to choose from. I'm keeping Ralph because he's tall. She literally says that. I like how tall Ralph is. Jerry, you've got a nice personality. I like that you like to build things because you're a carpenter in Puerto Rico. That's fun for people down there, I'm sure. And Mark, congratulations on your beard. You're both short and stupid. Ralph, get over here, come to mama. Luke laughs Luan, nah, cause Ralph is tall. You have Jerry, you have Mark.

They're actually fighting for you. Ralph, ah, cause she still wants Ralph. Luke laughs So then Luan's like, well, I have a good radar when it comes to people. Tom, Tom, Tom. You know, well but there you go So then

Lillian's like yes, I've got Ralph suck it missy. That's a callback, but I know she's watching so Lillian's Lillian has Ralph and it's very happy and Joel Joel is now like Joel Joel's like, okay Shannon you're in the hot seat now and um we know that you've had some good connections since you started being in here lol that was a joke everyone has run from you oh well that's a little bit rude for a bellhop to say i feel like service people should be seen and not heard that's okay um well i've been on a date with Earl and i think he's a great person. He has a lot of trauma and I'm kind of turned on by that.

We laugh a lot. We laugh a lot. I can cry. There's crying. There's actually a good amount of crying, I would have to say. But you know, crying is like laughter for me. Okay, I'm giving my key to Earl. Yeah.

Shocking. I'm picking Earl the pearl. I mean, who else am I going to pick? Ralph. That boat has sailed. So, we have kissed. He's seen the inside of my room. He's taken every snack out of the refrigerator. And if I don't keep him here, who's going to pay me back? It's Earl it is. Jared Sarkissian That didn't sound right. That didn't sound right.

Sorry. Anyway, I'm looking forward to a future life in a small ranch home in a cul-de-sac in Norville, Georgia. I just can't wait for Earl to promise my girls a motorcycle that I'll never lay their hands on. It's not that sound. Jared Larson Oh, hey, maybe one of my daughters will leave their Parsons school and ride that motorcycle for Earl so he shuts up about it already. Okay. What are we talking about, Joel? Joel Soria So Ashley is like, you know, Joel was, Joel was going to have a big day with me because Nick said that we didn't spend a lot of time

together. So I thought we could have a pool date this morning, but then we would have had a date today at the pool, but he wasn't there. So my chemistry with Wale is insane. And he gave me a kiss. Oh no, he gave me two kisses. So I'm going to get a third kiss. I'm choosing Wale is insane and he gave me a kiss. Oh no, he gave me two kisses. So I'm going to get a third kiss. I'm choosing Wale. Nat, man, I mean, you didn't even show up for your pool day. Come on now. So yeah, she's going to Wale. I mean, Wale is hot. He's got a great smile. He's got a good personality. So she is into Wale. And then he's like, can we do a third kiss right now? So they make out and Joel's like, wow, number three on the kiss counter,

keep getting better and better. Giselle, we saved you for last. You keep your cards close to your chest. So let's see which gentlemen you have a spark with. So she's like, well, I'm going to say off the rip. This is very difficult for me. Yeah. If I had to pick, I was gonna pick This is very difficult for me. Yeah, if I had to pick was a big Ralph There's really no other choice, but Ralph everyone else here is garbage wouldn't want to date any single one of you But someone took Ralph so Jay

Today's like geez. I don't know how I'm supposed to take that and she doesn't reassure him and everyone's like well congrats Jay I guess yeah Well, I'm not sure how to take that and she still doesn't reassure him, which I loved. She's like, you are second choice. Is there a better way to word it? No. So just sit down, Jay. So she says-

I'm sorry, I'm going to hatch a small theory here, which is that, and this can be totally off base, I think that she likes Jay. And I think that she's scared that she likes Jay, which is why she is saying, she keeps coming up with excuses why Jay is not right. And I mean, she says there's no spark, which is literally like all one needs to say, but I'm still doing my theory.

And I think that now she is trying to intentionally like, I think that she was intentionally trying to kind of like push him away, like jab him, you know, Negging him. Negging him. Yeah. Or she just literally just doesn't want him to get the wrong message. trying to kind of like push him away, like jab him, you know? Negging him. Negging him, yeah. Or she just literally just doesn't want him to get the wrong message. And it's like, I have to pick someone,

so I'll pick you, Jay, but I'm not interested in you. So that's probably the realistic one, but I think- I mean, I'm not picking up on energy from her that she likes Jay, but you know, it's her, so you never know with Giselle. Because I never picked up on energy with her and Jason either. I thought that was so weird. And I guess I picked up a little with her and her ex-husband, like when they pretended to get back together for a season, there was a little bit there. But

yeah, it's Gisele. So you never know what you're getting with that one. Yeah. I think I just really am committed to my narrative. And so I'm going to hatch a theory that's going to work for me despite any signs coming from Gisele. Jared Larson That's great. I support that. Joe Larson I want them together. Jared Larson So, Joel is like, okay, well, as your love concierge, I did- Joel Larson Oh, is that his title? So, he still brings

dip, right? Jared Larson I did pull a couple of strings and I have one last key. So, you get to keep one last man, girls, who's it gonna be? So they have to vote. And Jerry's like, oh, I'd just like to say, had I brought my guitar, I would have written a song about Luann, Leann, Luann? Leann. Lewis. Lewis. The sandpapery one over there. And it would have gone a little something like this. Oh, I'll tell you how it would have gone. Love for sale. Get out, Jerry. You're done. Money, money, money, money.

So then Giselle is like, Leanna is not in the building. Jerry, there's Luanne, there's Countess, but there is no Leanne. Leanne Larkin just shows up. You bet damn right. Yes, sure is a Leanne right here. And I'm ready, sure I'm married already, but I don't care. I'm ready to come back on TV, okay? I'll poke out my husband's eye and I'll poke out yours. Okay?

Write me that song. So they're trying to decide who they're gonna take. And they're, you know, who do they end up taking? Oh, okay. So here it is, they're discussing it. And Shannon's like end up taking? Oh, okay. So here it is. They're discussing it. And Shannon's like, oh my God, my heart is pounding. It's pounding.

Did we already pick Ralph? It's Ralph. Okay, everyone, let's choose Ralph again. And I'll be the one to announce it to show that I really, really like Ralph. And basically, Luan wants to, I forget who Luanne wants to save, but, um, oh, she wants to keep Mark. She wanted to do another, give Mark another shot, but Giselle is like, no, Phil is creepy and strange and talks and talks and looks in the looks out to the distance when he talks

to you, but he's wealthy, no ranch homes. Well, I'm trying to be a team player here, but I'm outvoted, so there's not much I can do about it. God damn it. So they end up keeping weirdo Phil. And Ashley's like, well, you know, I'm all about getting my girl hooked up. I've been trying to get Gisele hooked up for 10 years.

So he gets to stay, and then we're gonna meet new guys next week. And we say goodbye to the guys who aren't chosen. And Mark's like, you know, my goal here was to be organic. And I did that. I'm still made of skin and bones. So and Jerry says, well, I'm feeling a bit surprised. I mean, Luanne does belong to me.

I thought it was a race between myself and Mark and now neither of us have her. And Ash is like, yeah, well, you know, I wish I could say that I have this like emotional, cerebral, psychological connection with Wale, but my Gucci picked him. My Gucci gave Wale the key. Yeah, I just, I wanna do nasty things to him. Yeah.

So then we see clips from next week and they are hilarious. Shannon, they're all having a great dinner and Shannon just turns to Earl and goes, what do you mean you don't need vegetables? I've never seen this side of you Earl. I can't believe it. She's furious. And he goes, how come every time you talk to me, it's like you're about to slap me? And she's like, I will not, I cannot, I will not, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, beans. He's like, wow, it's a big bowl for these beans.

Those are not edible, Earl. So he really doesn't know his way around vegetables. Dan is flying off the panel about vegetables. I'm in. Yeah, I'm totally in. And there was something I was going to say about this, but I don't remember, so who cares? But it's highly entertaining. And I, excited to see how this all shakes out. Oh, here's what I was gonna say. The one thing that this show, that's a little tricky with this show, is that ultimately, like Phil lives in Arizona and Bel Air

and Giselle lives in Potomac. And what's funny is that all these women are, the exception of Luanne who's not on a show anymore, but they're all geographically tied to their TV shows. Like their TV shows are rooted in like where they live. So Gisele can't just like go and have a relationship with Phil in Bel Air, you know? That means she has to forfeit her TV show

and she's not gonna do that. You're thinking of it too hard. These people aren't staying with these men. That's what I'm saying. It's like they should at least cast people who are geographically appropriate so that way you can at least maintain the illusion a little bit better. But that's like the bachelor, you know, they come from all over and then they try to make it work with their long distance relationship and then they see each other at cella.

And Nashville. Okay, well, this is fun. This is a fun show. I love it, and thanks everyone for being here. We will catch you on the next episode, and go get tickets to our live show. There's only a few left. Bye everyone! Bye! Ain't no thing like Alison King. It's always a party on Alison Block. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. She can run my country.

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