Watch What Crappens - #2835 Summer House 0913 Part Two: Soft Headed Live in Austin

Episode Date: May 10, 2025

This is part two!We are live in Austin to recap summer house! Carl has secured a 90 year lease for his possibly pointless business and things are looking … soft? Also, Jessie is now dating Lexi’s mom and sister. You can listen to our bonus eps and participate in live episode threads at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens.  Tickets for our North American tour on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcha Crappin's ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. When a young woman named Desiree vanishes without a trace, the trail leads to Kat Torres, a charismatic influencer with millions of followers. But behind the glamorous posts and inspirational quotes, a sinister truth unravels. Binge all episodes of Don't Cross Cat early and ad-free on Wondery Plus. Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. This is part two of the recap. If you missed part one, go check out your podcast feed.

It's right there. And without further ado, let's get right back into the recap. Yeah, this is I crunched some numbers this afternoon because That's what men do is a number crunching bitch this guy I crunched some numbers 159 million you do this on PowerPoint. Oh, that'd be great. I pulled up my good guy calculator. I Know this plus hugs plus ladies equal good night Compliments plus hugs plus ladies equal goodnights. Good guy calculator. Well, I did some research for 45 seconds and it turns out to run a bar, your rent should

be 10% of your overall revenue, which means that at $10,000 a month, you have to be bringing in about $100,000 of revenue on top of the $600,000 build out, which is my way of saying this sounds like a great idea. You're fucked. You're fucked. That's what he's saying. That's a good guy for you're fucked. You're fucked.

So also he has like a, why am I kicking? You know I'm wearing boots today. I've already got gigantic feet. Oh, show everyone your boots. He's wearing Texas boots. Because you know we're still recording at our desks, like the true fucking pros we are. And I'm kicking my... Okay, sorry about that. Okay, so he has a GoFundMe or whatever for this bar, and he's like, all right, we just want to raise $19 trillion.

We're just... It's just a soft bar, we just want to raise $19 trillion. It's just a soft bar, no big deal. Possibly a space station. I don't know. Donate $9,000 and we'll give you a hat that says soft. No man wants to wear that. What man wants to wear a hat that says soft? It's already written all over my face.

No, everyone, it's okay. I actually believe that Kyle knows the answers to all these questions but doesn't want to humiliate Carl so he's pretending he's like oh tell me what you need to do I mean Kyle is an entrepreneur okay so that because that one because Carl's like yeah also we have a six hundred thousand build out and Kyle's like which means it's gonna be nine hundred thousand dollars okay keep on going bro. Sounds good. Yeah sounds great and Kyle and Carl's like, which means it's gonna be $900,000. Oh yeah, keep on going, bro. Sounds good. Yeah, sounds great. And Kyle, and Carl's like, no, no, don't worry. We have a really good business model.

And Jesse's like, you gotta sell a lot of drinks to make $600, bro. He's like, oh yeah, we have a good business model. I mean, look, it's risky, I know that, but I was engaged to Lindsay, so. I'm still here, I'm gonna take that as a sign, and I'm doing it. Like, look, here's gonna be naysayers.

I mean, look at me. I'll just finish it there, really, as long as. People said I only had five sperm left, but I got 159 million bitches in here. I don't know, there's gonna be people taking jabs at you, bro, all right, there's gonna be people, probably Lindsay, what a bitch, am I right? You wanna talk about Lindsay?

You wanna talk some shit about Lindsay? That's more fun, because I'm getting depressed hearing you talk about your business, that's gonna fail. So, he's like, by the way, how are you handling that? How are you handling that with Lindsay and everything? He's like, well, I mean, you know, I didn't expect her to, I mean, I don't know, if you want my honest opinion.

Oh, yeah, I've gotta be honest now. Hold on. Let me clutch all of my chest. Good guy honesty corner. Good guy honesty corner. I gotta clutch all my chest because I'm giving you my honest opinion? So my honest opinion is, I think that deep down,

she's not her. She's embarrassed. She's embarrassed. Still. She's really embarrassed. Aw's embarrassed. Still. She's really embarrassed. You know, in like deep down, there's a part of her, you know, with the jabs, these comments that she makes at me. It's her trying to feel better about the embarrassment I'm feeling.

You caused it, stupid! You dumped her! She's not embarrassed, she's pissed. You're lucky you have a nut left. You're her. She's not embarrassed. She's pissed. You're lucky you have a nut left. You're lucky. So then it cuts to Lindsay, who's in the throes of embarrassment. She's like, yay, I'm having so much fun. Girl's time.

Listen, I don't know Lindsay personally. I only know Lindsay from this show. And I can tell you one thing. That girl is never embarrassed. No. That girl has never been in her life. She is not. OK, so did you guys catch the extra Sushal Madia

tea on these guys? I hate that I'm saying tea. OK, so she posted. Wait, who posted first? So there's a screenshot. Yeah, she posted on our internet. There's a screenshot of this scene where Carl just said that Lindsay is embarrassed

and Lindsay had some choice words about whether or not she was actually embarrassed. One. What are we in middle school? Embarrassed is not the word here. This man, my best friend of eight years, slash finance, slash partner, parentheses, blindsided me and publicly humiliated me on national television, capitalized, both words.

With less respect than you would have your enemy. Why on earth in caps? Would I need to go to a soft launch for his bar that wasn't even opening yet, which brings me to number two. I didn't attend said launch not because I was quote unquote embarrassed but good try. I didn't attend because why would I go three hours and deep into New Jersey? Oh ouch. In the middle of rush hour traffic,

on a summer, on a Thursday, for a bar that that time didn't even have a location. I would just like to pause the social media post to remind people it's got a big rush. Okay, continue. Aww. And now you're talking about the opening in Brooklyn, the complete opposite direction of New Jersey.

Like, call me when it's actually launching, but I'm not gonna go waste eight hours of my life to go celebrate him talking about potentially doing something at some point, maybe in the future. Call me when it's opening and you have a sandwich for me. God damn. Whoo. Whoa.

Ho, ho, ho, Roboto. Robo-good-guy Roboto. This has nothing to do with their coming to New Jersey or the soft bar event, which was in New Jersey, which is beautiful, 10 hours in deep or not. I was asked a question by Carl about while she's making jabs, ow, jabs, ow, ow, and I responded with an opinion in the moment, and I regret even saying anything about her, because here we are with the post-episode story rant and the bullet points about something that has nothing to do with that conversation.

I would like to have a rebuttal. Hey, Carl, if all you're getting from me are quote unquote jams, which is more than I got from you last summer. After the insane disrespect and gaslighting that you showed me the season before, you should be thanking all of you guys, because it seems like someone is a little soft. I owe you literally nothing.

I shared a space with you all summer. We are not friends, nor will we ever be. Lindsay out. Yeah. Yeah. I like when she was like, you're worried about jabs? I could have cut your dick off on national TV and ate it. And I would have still been in the right.

Lindsay doesn't make jabs. Yeah, Lindsay does not make jabs. She will, she just, she makes stabs. Yeah. She makes stabs. She, she takes your stomach lining out. It out was like she disembowels your ass. Okay. Okay. So back to this. He's like, she's just embarrassed guys. And so they're like, well, yeah, I mean, it was kind of recent, Carl. And he's

like, yeah, she's already pregnant. It's like someone's baby. So when we cut to Lindsay and say, Oh, my god, Lexi, I can't wait to hear more about you and Jesse. Can someone please get my baby a drink? She's kicking. Hey, Mr. Sullivan, fellow good guy. How are you feeling? He's like, oh, it's funny.

I really thought it was all over. Oh yeah, well, you know, I messaged you. Is it maybe Sunday night or Monday night? I forget which day of the week it was, Beast, but I was like, how you holding up, Solomon, Beast? And you were like, eh, Beast. So I was like, uh-oh, Beast. Guys, there is a mail on Bravo in need of some vulnerability. please, let's give them a monologue moment. D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d- He was an upside down mop in a static storm. I was like, what? Why did that look like it was from 1985?

That was from 2016. I can see why this man is taking all the ass he can get. He just started getting it two years ago. I mean, they showed him three years. He's like... He blossomed. Let him get all the ass he wants, I say. Okay, so they show, and it's a prom picture.

He's with this cute girl or whatever who was doing him a favor. Let's face it. Like, where's her medal? Okay, so he is like, you know, I was 18 or 19. I was really in love with this girl. As you can see, I could feel true love. You look like a child, you're a toddler. But it was true.

And then, you know, my best friend slept with her. Vulnerability. Thank you. So I guess that scarred me. Like, OK, Jesse, all right. So now he has trust issues. And so that's why he can't be in a good relationship because of a fricking thing that happened in high school.

Got it, got it. He has trust issues, so he has to fuck over every girl that he's with in case his best friend tries to do it first. I'm not really sure what his point is, but. Last I checked, you were the one who was kind of making the moves on Sierra after the whole West thing. So I don't know how that works out.

So, Lindsay's like, um, Lexi was filling me in because I was very nervous and her and Jessie were done though. And Lexi's like, yeah, but you know what happened this week? We had conversations. And like I was talking about how I was feeling and then he was like, whoa, that's a new part. I didn't tell you that part before. But he was like, whoa! And then he told me what he was feeling, and then we had conversations about it. She goes, am I like really gonna like fully break up with somebody because he's bad at communicating?

Yes. Yeah. 100%. You answered it, congratulations. When he said last week, he's like, look, I just don't like, I just don't want us to break up because of actions that I may have took. Why else do you break up?

Specifically when he said, look, I mean, if you take the toe sucking out of it, if you take the threesome that I decided to join in on with my foot, I mean, that's just an isolated thing. Other than that, I was great. So what I said that Lexi just said, that is what she said, except it's this long. Yeah. It's it's literature. It's like, who wrote this? It's long. I'm reading

that whole thing. It was basically what I just said. She said if you did a word search for communicating, it would show up 30 fucking times in this one paragraph. Yeah. She does that and she's like, but you know, like he says it's not his intention, but I'm like, but it happened. And you know what? Like, I need to have boundaries. And I was telling my mom and my sister while we were in bed, boundaries are important, you guys. And then my sister said, I totally agree, which is why I draw a very strong boundary around my lips. It's like a Mario Kart track.

So Lindsay's like, why was he lying talking shit about you? Oh, sorry. Because Sierra was like, yeah, I got my own shit. And so Sierra's like, I'm just saying, like this arm touching situation, like I'm just like, he can do have whatever boundaries he wants, whatever, but like it's totally fine. But like you're flipping, you're flip flopping like fuck. She literally said flip flopping like fuck.

That's really hard to say. Like a fucking fish. Anyway, Sierra's mad at Jesse. Yeah, she's like, I got an ear load for you. I was like, yes, Sierra. So then we go to dinner. Everybody's going. They're separating to have kind of boring dinner separately,

which is nice. So we go to West, and he's like, I'm just really trying, guys, to be open and honest. Vulnerability. I wasn't super open last summer, but hopefully I can work stuff out with Sierra and everything's going to be vulnerable, vulnerable, and vulnerable, and vulnerable, and vulnerable. So they go, he's going to be at dinner with Sierra and the gang. So he's terrified.

And he should be. He should be. So he's like, you know what? I'm going to do to show her that I'm really serious. I'm going to wear Duck Dynasty shorts. And I'm going to keep a scarf in my pocket really serious. I'm gonna wear Duck Dynasty shorts And I'm gonna keep a scarf in my pocket just in case I need to wrap it around my neck later Yeah, I'll just dress like a bro, but Bushka so then Just so at one group we have

Jessie and it's and Paige and others and so Jessie orders a Martini with blue cheese olives and the restaurant actually doesn't have them, which is surprising, I've personally thought. Fucking monsters. So Kyle makes- How am I supposed to live like this? This is the third world, I pay taxes. Give me some fucking blue cheese in here, Jesus.

You're in the Hamptons, okay? Countess Luanda Lesseps lives down the street. You better have your blue cheese ready for her. And Kyle's like, you know what? If they say they don't have blue cheese olives, her. And Kyle's like, you know what, if they say they don't have blue cheese olives, you should be like, I'll take American cheese. And then, you want to see some man cheese?

Sorry, sorry, mom. Paige is like, so I love what Page says. Page is like, oh, I will say Craig hates on me all the time because I fucking love a Kraft single. You know what else I love? The idea of me being single. I want to model my life after my favorite cheese. Single. I'm like literally jealous of my favorite cheese snack.

So they're all like, I really honestly, I really support a page in this because she's like, honestly, it just makes good grilled cheese. And I firmly believe you don't have to have American cheese every day, but you need to have it on hand because when you need that grilled cheese, I'm sorry cheddar will not do it.

I am sorry it needs to be American. It needs to be American, we're in Texas. You're talking to a bunch of southerners, we know. Everyone has that friend who seems kind of perfect. For Patty, that friend was Desiree. Until one day, I texted her and she was not getting the text. So I went to Instagram, she has no Instagram anymore. And Facebook, no Facebook anymore. Desiree was gone. And there was one person who knew the answer. I am a spiritual person, a magical person, a witch. A gorgeous Brazilian influencer called Cat Torres, but who was hiding a secret. From Wandery, based on my smash hit podcast from Brazil, comes a new series, Don't Cross

Cat, about a search that led me to a mystery in a Texas suburb. I'm calling to check on the two missing Brazilian girls. Maybe get some undercover crew there. The family are freaking out. They are lost. I'm Chico Felitti. You can listen to Don't Cross Cat on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

Some people get a wild haircut or book a spontaneous trip when life throws them a curve ball. But Molly? Well, she dove headfirst into a world of no strings attached sex, secret rendezvous, forbidden affairs, and unforgettable adventures. And together, we tell every juicy detail in Dying for Sex, Wondry's award-winning podcast

that's now streaming on a TV near you, starring Michelle Williams and Jenny Slate. And to top it off, we're dropping brand new bonus episodes where I sit down with the cast to spill all the spicy secrets. Desire, friendship, self-discovery, and the ultimate bucket list of pleasure. This is a story that had everyone talking. Listen to the original Dying for Sex and brand new episodes on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge the original series before anyone else

and completely ad free on Wondry Plus. At 24, I lost my narrative or rather it was stolen from me. The Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting

with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph. My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. So we also find out during this scene that when Craig has been visiting Paige, he has

basically been using Daphne, Paige's cat daughter, for content. As a prop. Fucking content stealer. And you know Craig has done that since the Naomi days. He's like, come on Gizmo. Yeah, Captain Gizmo, you're right. You see? He does that.

He dates women with cute cats, he gets some followers, and then doesn't follow through with anything else and ends up getting dumped and then spends the next year going, vulnerability. I got dumped and I was best friends with her cat. Now what do I do? So then in the other place, so West is talking to a man and everything. I literally thought this was my nipple. I'm West is talking to Amanda and everything. I literally thought this was my nipple. I'm wearing this embroidered shirt and I went like this. I was like, oh my God, they've fallen another two inches. I'm so sorry. I just spoke to my doctor. Got two nipples, bro. So, West is asking Amanda about Kyle's results. And Amanda's like, yeah, I just don't want to have a baby.

And she gives a totally reasonable thing about how she's just finally starting to feel like herself again. And then being pregnant will knock her on her ass. And she doesn't want to deal with postpartum. And she also just, she already has a child and his name is Kyle. You know? Yeah. Don't need to go down this path again.

She doesn't even need to say anything. All she needs to do is just point at Kyle. Like, Commander, why don't you want to have a baby now? Well, now I've got this whole Lexi thing sorted for the moment. And Paige is like, for the night, I'm going to destroy it. Like, guys, can I get some Sierra advice? Because like today, like Sierra was like, you're a two faced liar.

Like guys, what? And I was like, ow, please. I've asked you not to touch my arm. I love Pages like, her delivery was impeccable. Yeah, Pages like, I'm sorry, you're in the wrong crowd. But this audience does enjoy it. Please keep going. Please keep going.

It's like, dude, I just want to apologize. But if she can accept my apology, what if I smile even wider? He's like, well, you know, like, this is the same thing that she did to Wes. Now I kind of feel bad for the guy. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. As a defender of women, as the one defender of women here.

As someone who's possibly got about 80 million women, Chinese version inside of him right now. I think you'll say, I think that's, I don't think you should blame the woman for that shit bro. All right, please buy Limoncello Loverboy ladies. It's out now. Lindsay is shocked. She's like, oh my god, Niles, therapy is actually working on you? Who are you seeing? Because I've been doing it for 20 years and I'm still like this.

So Paige is like, um, West hasn't even talked this summer. Like I don't even notice, like, it's not just to Ciara, it's literally to everybody. He's speaking in scarves. And it's sad. So now the other group, it's sort of like a sad scene. Lexi is like, hey Wes, I saw your Instagram story I saw about your friend who passed away last year. Like how are you doing? So Wes sort of has this like tortured moment We're just kind of trying to share but he kind of can't do it

And he's like that was an anniversary and he's very sad and they're all being like considerate and Wes is saying how like it's just So strange because like a year ago. I was crying on Sierra's bed and Sarah's like I'm out of here. Bye. No, bye. Bye. You can't pull this card on me. I was there comforting you through the first time of tragedy. I'm not going to sit here and cover your ass while you're using that tragedy for sympathy in front of me at this dinner table. Goodbye, bitch. Vulnerability. Bye. her table. Goodbye, bitch! Vulnerability! Bye! That was great. So that was sad. That was sad, actually. It was a sad scene, but I also applauded Sierra. It was a sad scene, but I loved that Sierra

was like... She's like, have your sad scene without me, okay? And everyone was like, damn, he had his vulnerable scene and Sierra just got up and left. She's doing great work. And then she comes back and they're like, are you okay? She's like, yeah, what's going on? Just had some Kraft singles back there. So now...

By the way, this is really cool because Emeril was at this whole dinner and they literally show him sitting next to them. They cut him out. How could you even cut him out at a dinner? That's crazy. So, Sierra comes back and she's like, you know, look, I was that guy's friend and that's why it hurts so much or whatever. So, Lexi's like, but I feel for you.

Thank you for having a conversation because you have that conversation and I had it, and I'm going to go to Jesse and we're going to have a conversation about it. So then we go back to the house. They're able to enter very easily because the door is fixed. And the big news is that Paige has picked up, Sierra has still turned on curling iron. And I'm like, how do we not see this? I would have died to see in page be like ow. And my favorite part my favorite part is that she kind of spends the rest of the episode trying to get Sierra to be like oh my god I'm so sorry I left that on.

Sierra does it. The rest of the time she's like, oh yeah, no, I was up really late because I picked up Sierra's curling iron because it was still on. Anyway, I'm going to go back to the city now because Sierra's curling iron was still on. Did you hear there's a new pope? Yeah, they elected a new pope because Sierra

left her curling iron on. Sierra's just laughing. She's like, yeah. I sat at dinner listening to Wes trying to get sympathy. So who's hurting more in the end? Sierra's going to burn down a house one day. It's not just because of that curling iron. This is how Sierra comes into her bed.

This is how Sierra comes to the house. She's like, OK, I have my suitcase. Bzz, bzz, bzz. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Just shit everywhere. And then she's leaving fire things on. You're all going to die. I'm surprised there already hasn't been an inflakoration. Okay, so now Paige gets home and the girls have been separated for the first. I think

the producers are like, girls, you have to get out of bed and talk to other people in the house. Like, no! No! All right, you can go to that party, you can go to that party. So Paige comes in the door and she just like looks up the stairs and runs straight up the stairs. Oh my God, I'm so glad I saw you guys because I don't know if you guys heard,

but I picked up, see I was curling iron. So then they were, Lexi and Jesse are cuddling in bed and he's like, oh, I missed you so much. Ah-choo! You just sneeze snot on her face in the middle of your makeup sex? Okay, so then the girls are talking about, the girls are in bed and Amanda's like, you guys,

like all I could think about this week was like that you guys were mad, all I could think about this week was like that you guys were mad at me. And they were like. She's like, it really hurt. And Sierra's like, yeah, sounds about right. It's like, I'm like. And most importantly, most importantly of all, we got one of our favorite traditions

on the show, which is Kyle coming home drunk and having a late night binge. He goes into the kitchen, he pulls out a box of like sad muffins. He's like, oh man, who eats muffins? Who eats muffins? And then he just like opens up the box and sits down with a fork and a knife. He's like... He does that thing where he's portioning and he's like, I'm gonna miss over. I talked a lot of business with him. Five seconds later, he's like, I demolished that whole fucking thing.

I had a muffin, but I gotta feed all those boys down there. It's my job. They're my job. They're my sperm. So let's see. So he's trying to play music. Everybody just goes to bed at summer house. Like, what are you going to do? They go to bed.

What are you going to do? What are you going to do? Huh? They go to bed. What are you going to do? So the next day, Amanda is telling the girls how Wes started crying at dinner and Sierra was like, yeah, you know, like I thought it was going to be something else.

And Paige goes, yeah, I thought it was going to be about his dating life or something. Like I would be crying. Like, wouldn't you be crying? How is he not crying about his dating life? Did you guys talk about Kraft singles? Because I totally did. Also for the record, I felt like there was something very symbolic about Paige waking up with her hand on an actual chicken for the first time.

Yes. An actual chicken. She actually went to her own room because her hand was so hurt and she went down and got the raw chicken from the thing. That's the first time she's actually gotten comfort from chicken. Hi, chicken, I want to speak to you about something. I have now experienced the real thing. And in the spirit of craft. This is the turning point in Paige's relationship.

She's like, oh my god, a chicken I can count on. Wait, I can have a chicken that doesn't try to one up my career? You're coming with me, Purdue Farms. Wow, a non-hater chicken. It's amazing. So Paige is like, so Sierra, do you think you'll ever be friends with West? And Sierra's like, like, who cares? Like, there's like a billion people on the earth. Fuck that guy. Yeah, they're all in my crotch. Yeah. Eight billion more riding here. Watch out,

better get a sneeze guard, otherwise you're next. So then Carl's big story from the night, he's like, guys, I took down a whole fucking muffin. Ha ha ha ha ha. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm.

At least change the story to make it seem more impressive. Be like, guys, last night I got drunk and ordered two pizzas. But like, don't be like, guys, last night I got so fucking wasted I ate a muffin. I ate a muffin, a whole fucking muffin. It's just funny to hear a straight guy do that, because gay guys, that's all our conversation. It's like, what'd you do last night?

Oh my god, I ate a muffin. The whole muffin? The whole muffin. Girl, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. You're going to be fine. You're going to be fine. No, I'm not.

I gained five pounds from that one goddamn muffin. Now, all week I'm going to think about muffins, because now I'm addicted. It's back inside of me. They You're gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine. No, I'm not. Okay five pounds from that one goddamn muffin No, I'm gonna think about muffins cuz now I'm addicted. It's back inside. They're gonna be fine You just have to be positive. I had a piece of pizza. You got a piece of pizza Why don't you open with that? Why do I have a muffin monologue? What about you you fat bitch? Jesus Christ Ronnie Straight guys are like, I had a muffin. Walk a mile, bitch. Walk a mile. So they're gonna get ready. There's gonna be a beach day. There's gonna be a fun beach event that Gabby is organizing. I was like, Gabby's coming? Is Emeril coming?

Emeril's like, I'm right here. They're like, ding! You see a little arrow pointing to off the screen. I looked down and there were two sets of footprints. I don't know if that said the footprints friend. Oh wait, the footprints have stopped behind this bush. The footprints are fucking another pair of footprints. Wait, here comes some more footprints.

Wait, why does the toe on that footprint look so wet? Active Beach. Oh, God. OK, so Carly, give me the deep dive on what's going on with the girls, guys. And Jesse's like, yeah, you know, Lexi was like, it's over. You're the worst. And then she was like, giving me all reasons, like why I was the worst. And then one day I just picked up the phone and she said, are we getting back together or not? Like, what the hell? What mixed signals, right? She was waiting for you to fucking make an effort.

Jessie, Jesus Christ. I mean, she was like, it's your decision. And I was like, I don't even know that was on the table remotely. And then after Alexi and I talked, her mom and sister came to the apartment and we all talked and we decided that we were all gonna get back together.

So it's just quiet. And he's passing this off as normal. Like, yeah, when my mom came, the sister came on me and then the dad came. And crowd's like, wait a minute, there was like three ladies there, three of them, the makeup ladies? What are they doing there? Was it a debrief? What was going on there?

And Wes is like, yeah, that's like a lot. He was like grinding on Lexi in front of her mom. That's really weird, you guys. And Paige is sitting there and she's like, what? Ew. She's like, I couldn't even touch Craig in front of my dad. I would feel so fucking weird.

Like I don't kiss him in front of my parents or actually I don't kiss him at all, really. But still, theoretically, he's disgusting. And Jessie's like, well, I wouldn't do PDA with Lexi in front of my mom, but she just like goes for it in front of her mom, you know? Like she's just like... And Wes is like, guys, she was at the bar with us till 2 a.m. Yeah, and then they went to a club after that to see her friend DJ.

And Wes is like, yeah, I'm trying to figure it out. And Paige is like, wait, I can't tell if I'm disgusted or so impressed because like, that would be my dream. I can have kids and then go to the club with them and not hang out with Craig. Oh my God, Amanda, get over here. Did you know you can do this? And Jesse's like, yeah guys. Like, and then after the bar, we went to a club.

We went to the box till like 4 a.m. Like the box? You went to the box with somebody's mother? What is this box? I need to know what's going on. I looked it up. It's like a kind of faux burlesque, erotica kind of trendy bar.

Ew, Tiffany and her mom like, yeah! a kind of faux burlesque erotica kind of trendy bar. Ew, Tiffany and her mom like, yeah! Yeah! Apparently it has a very, it's like a very difficult line, like you wait in line for a long time, but we know they were like, huh, we are the line. Literally on our lips, come on, let us in. My sister's on Instagram, motherfucker.

Heard of it? Huge app, huge. She has velvet ropes on her upper lip. Okay, let us in. The sister's like, do you wanna rethink that and tell this knows no? The bouncer's like, I thought it was the cast of The Lion King.

Okay, just come in, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum It's not normal, you guys. It's weird. It's weird to be doing that stuff in front of your parents. It's fair. It's fair. It's a fair point by West. I just like her thirsty ass family being like, yeah, hey, honey, want to go to the box? All right, Tiff, do you have the selfie camera? Go into the box. Get it. Jesse, ready for some content? We're boxing it up, baby. Going to the box. It's time for the box. Three for the box. Get it. Jesse ready for some content. We're boxing it up. Box is time for the box. Three for the box please. So

Wes is like, Yeah, I feel bad about ripping it but like it's not normal. Like I'm still kind of reeling from my shit with Sierra. Human posse. So if I can help Jesse and give him advice, that's what I'll do Yeah, he's like, but can I be honest? I love that they're both fucked up They're both fucking crazy I Love that. Hey, uh Quick question quick question. Does anyone know if Luxie's sister has tan lines or?

Got room for one more? Good guy. So now Amanda is talking to Jesse and he's like, yeah, you know, now I'm feeling good about Alexia. I just need to feel good about Sierra. I'm like, oh my God, talk to Sierra. Surely it'll work out. Surely it'll work out with Sierra. Cut to Sierra like. Amanda's like, whatever you do, do not make any jokes.

She's like, yeah, okay. So then Amanda is like, you do, do not make any jokes. It's like, yeah, okay. So then Amanda is like, you know, cause honestly, like we were all under the impression that that one day, like you and Sierra were fully gonna hook up that night. Yeah, like I was fully convinced that Jesse and Sierra were gonna be dating by the end of the summer. Like it's nuts.

And everyone was convinced. Craig was, like Craig was so convinced. Craig was. Like, Craig was so convinced. It was crazy. Like, Craig's literally hurting right now. He's upset. He's upset. Call Craig. Tell him I'm not calling him back.

I'm like so convinced. So basically, they're like, just be transparent. Don't bullshit her and just say you're sorry, right? So now they all go to the beach, because beach day. Yay, beach day. Yay. Beach day. And so Gabby is like, she's like, oh my god.

I'm so glad I'm finally back on the episode, and I'm so glad that no one wore shoulder pads to the beach. [? CHUCKLE.?] As someone who wasn't cut out of this episode, how do you guys like tea parties? Because I'm having one today. So the girls are kind of talking, and Lindsay's like, I'm pregnant.

They're like, we know, Lindsay. OK. And she's like, OK. So I'm like, you guys, let's talk about the boys. I heard Sierra said that Carl apparently did something with somebody. Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh. No, he didn't.

I do not believe it. That man could not get it up for years, and now suddenly he's uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh. No. No. I know that slut knows magic, but not that trick. Uh-uh, uh-uh. By the way, this is also the two-year anniversary slut nose magic but not that trick. Mmm. By the way, this is also the two year anniversary of their proposal, which means we get,

I was actually upset that they didn't do the full flashback of oh. Oh. Oh. Oh my God, oh my God, people, get out of the bushes, you're not getting the shot. Oh my God. Oh. Okay. Aww.

Okay. Lindsay Del Hubbard. Oh my god. Will you give me the honor of being the biggest good guy in your life? Oh my god. Aww. Here. Softly.

Softly take the ring. Softly, softly take the ring. Softly. Ha. A thousand times yes. You wore shoulder pads to the beach. Lindsay Delahobard. Oh, how fast things change. Those shoulder pads were bad luck. We all knew it. Paige called it. She was like, you Those shoulder pads were bad luck.

We all knew it. Paige called it. She was like, you wear shoulder pads to a beach. I just love it. Two years ago, will you marry me? And now today, he hasn't fucked anyone in a year and a half again. Get his dick up. So now everybody comes and calls like, hey, part of you guys, let's have some guy talk,

all right? That was kind of weird, mostly because I found out my sperm is like 18 countries full of sperm. That was kind of weird. I was like, do we need to do any city planning in here? What the fuck? I went up to bed and Maddox was sleeping, and I was like, what? I don't know.

She got mad, but I just needed to do it because I like to wake her up because I wasn't acknowledged the whole day. Amanda's sitting a foot away. This is why your sperm are gonna shrivel up and be used never, okay? You wake my ass up one time, you're dead. I'll remove the sperm glands.

So Amanda's like, they're like right next to each other. So she's like, okay. So she goes over to Kyle, she's like, okay, Kyle, I'm sorry I didn't congratulate you on your sperm. Hold on, hold on. I didn't give everybody the good news. Guys, I talked to my doctor. I came three times. And then the doctor told me, your sperm is dope.

And the best part is the sperm all look like little cans of Leverboy Limoncello. So I was like, I don't want to talk about your sperm, Kyle. It's just like I'm proud of you for having good sperm. Can we just concentrate on Sierra chewing the fuck out of Jesse's ass, please? So Jesse and Sierra have the big talk. He's like, will you talk to me? She's like, where do you want to speak, asshole? So they go walk away.

Meanwhile, Kyle, while they're setting up their scene, Kyle is self-conscious because it's a nicer setup and he's wearing a tank top. He's like, ah, I'm underdressed. So he decides he has to change his clothes. So then Wes holds up all these umbrellas, but during like a weird burlesque gay sex moment. And caught it. What was that? That was really weird.

It was like, because- This is not how you change your shorts. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. What the hell were they doing back there? Down to 134,000. Jesus Christ. But then when he has the reveal, he's just in a different bathing suit. I was like, what?

Did anyone else see that? I was like, I don't understand this costume change. So Jessie's like, all right, Sierra, let's have a talk. She's like, okay. You know when Sierra's so pissed, she's got like a piece of candy in her mouth that's invisible that she's like... Yeah. And listen, she's still dealing with rage from the traitors and I don't blame her.

I would be angry also. So Jesse is like, hey, I just wanna start by apologizing for you touching me so much. I'm sorry that I'm so attracted that you can't stop trying to hump my arm. No, it's just so hard, you know, you being so upset with things that you say I did. I just wanna apologize for those things that you think happened, maybe, possibly.

Am I doing this right? I'm sorry you weren't able to control your emotions enough to stop flirting with me. And she's like, yeah, I don't need you to feel bad for me. And I don't like even nurture friendships like this. So, he's like, so I'm forgiven and you're forgiven too for all the climbing you've been trying to do all over me and stuff like that. I mean, it's just a joke, right?

Like I'm exploring a new relationship. What should I have done? Said, hey, it's really upsetting Lexi that we're so close. So maybe we should back off. And she goes, yeah. Yeah Yeah It's like oh not act like i'm arm raping you at some fucking Cancer event. I know the fuck was that and he has to feed people with with cancer and he's like, oh damn

He has the biggest frown on his face now. He looks like a grouper. He's like, oh. Oh, I don't think I should have done that. He still does the smile. He's like this, then it's like this. It's like the most perfect trapezoid you've ever seen. He's like, oh.

So she's like, you should have sent me a text or called me. Like, you could have been like, our relationship makes her uncomfortable Like cool. Okay fine, but you know what? I'm just like I'm not even upset. I'm just over you guys I'm just like I Just love I just sort of dismisses that many like yeah, but you're up to view just shut up Just both of you be quiet. She's like... You've dated for five minutes, why is this every episode? 40 minutes of YouTube, like, how are you feeling?

She's like, honestly, I have one week left to care and then I'm good. That'll get me. We can wrap up this season now. And he's like, I'm sorry, did you not see the picture of me getting my heart broken at 18 years old? Vulnerability! And that brings us to the end of summer housing!

Thank you Austin so much, you guys are awesome! This is amazing! We love you guys! Happy Mother's Day! Happy Mother's Day! Goodnight! Alright! amazing we love you guys happy mother's day happy mother's day good night watch what crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors ain't no thing like allison king it's always a party on allison block

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