Watch What Crappens - #284: Own it, Back it Up, and Cut the Chicanery

Episode Date: April 14, 2016

Timestamps below! Real Housewives of Beverly Hills had their finale this week, and the non issue is now more confusing than ever. Southern Charm dissed the disinvited, and Real Housewives of New York went at each other really hard for episode two. Dang, girls! Slow your roll! Timestamps: 0-1:09:05 RHOBH Season Finale 1:09:05-1:38 Southern Charm: Cameron’s first dinner party 1:38:12 RHONY Bra Party Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. For all our other links and extras, go to http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Go to JennaBeauty.com. JennaBeauty.com. JennaBeauty.com. Watch What Crappens. It's for the people who need to know what happens Who cares what happens when there's so much that happens Hello and welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast The podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on the old bravs I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV And as usual I'm here with the gorgeous, handsome I never said he said anything

Ben Mandelker of the B-Side Blog and the Banter Blender podcast. Hey, Benjamina. Ronnie. Oh, no, you haven't. I never said that, Ronnie. I was only joking, darling. Own it, baby. Thank you, Ronnie. This reminds me that I had a dream last night with Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin. And they. Oh, darling, I hope you didn't get pegged. Because I know she has some male dildos up in there.

Listen, I'm owning my dream, baby. Basically, they were like, we thought we were friends. But then we were listening to your podcast and we were reading your blog. And the things you said were just so mean. They mean they were so mean like we thought you were friends i'm like no no you have to understand it's like it's blog it's like blogging and like podcasts it's just like snarky in general and like but it was so we just thought you were we were friends and i was like devastated you should have come back as a real fighter and said where's my fucking croissant rena yeah i did in the dream in the dream i i cracked

a joke about it to try to like to dissolve the tension and it did not go over well harry hamlin was not happy with that oh harry hamlin i would love harry hamlin being mad at me like try and chase me down the street holding your stupid guitar douche all the themed la law plays and also you're really not mean to them i think because even if you have something um to say that's not in her favor you're like but i love lisa i said everything i'm like she is a fucking bitch but i love her so much and i'll by the way spoiler alert i'll be saying that a lot this episode um yeah you're that's like a real housewife fight where you're really just mad

about the croissant like who's the master manipulator here you got me to be nice to you on my podcast by promising a croissant i didn't get the croissant you are the master yeah well we are going to get into some talk about manipulation very very soon very quickly uh so before that just a quick rundown of our links go to watch what crappens.com to find all our personal links our links to the shows everything is there also go to facebook.com slash watch what crappens that's where you can talk to other listeners and us we have live show threads for every show that we cover on the night that they air and man that shit is funny to read the beverly hills one this week was gold it's like a hundred and something comments of just pure gold

yeah thanks to everybody posting there there's a ton of stuff in social media today uh involving The Beverly Hills one this week was gold. It's like 100 and something comments of just pure gold. Thanks to everybody posting there. There's a ton of stuff in social media today involving these dum-dums. And all of it I got from that Facebook page. So thanks to everybody who's posting. Also, if you want our bonus episodes, this week's bonus, we do one every week. This week's was almost an hour and a half, which is crazy long for those. And it was a breakdown of Brian Moy's uh rankings of every housewife ever on the thrill list so go check that out that's a fun one and we're going to be doing our live video chat google

hangout with you guys are like byob party on google hangouts i think the 28th is that what we said it's like yeah 28th the 28th at 6 p.m. Pacific. So come on for that. And that's all of that nonsense we have to get through. Now we've got some big ass shows. Today we're going to be talking about Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, which is limping to the end. Oh, I'm fired up. Although I believe that that reunion will make up for it because it looks amazing. Then we're going to talk about, I mean, who knows?

It's not in this order, but Beverly Hills, Southern Charm, and Real Housewives of New York, who are already ruining each other's lives in episode two. Already, already. And I think we have a very small Krappen's mailbag this week, so we might as well. Let's get on in there. I love some mail, man. Yeah, if only I had the music queued up. Here we go.

It's quiet today. It's a small mailbag because we're actually still using entries from last week. And then we'll get new ones for next week. I think the only one we didn't do was Lauren Grabowski saying, Hello, guys. Have you ever considered having a contest for your week. I think the only one we didn't do was Lauren Grabowski saying, hello guys, have you ever considered having a contest for your number one fan of the podcast to be a guest co-host for a very special episode? If so, I would like to

nominate myself. Thank you for considering me. That actually is a really good idea. The people who listen to this show are effing hilarious, at least the ones that talk back to us on the social medias. Yeah. I'm down. Yeah, I'm down. Sure sure why not um i think we got all the rest of these questions so i think i think that was mailbag ever we didn't even need

a mailbag what the hell just an excuse to play the music sorry i think there were like a few more questions in there that we hadn't gotten to but but um today 4 4 14 4 14 tomorrow yeah right extension i do that in the summer i don't know why everyone's so stressed right now i'm like uh it's not summer yeah i'm sure that shocks everybody okay i was just checking to see if we had ads today and we don't we don't so go over go over to JennaBeauty.com, damn it, and fix your face. I'll add that one at the beginning. Fix your face. Fix your face at Jenna Beauty.

Okay, so we could get into some of this gossip, but since it is all relating to the shows we're actually discussing today, I'll just save it for that. Okay. And let's get into the shows. What do you want to talk about first, my little Benjamoons? I really have thoughts to say about Beverly Hills. Can we dive into the Beverly Hills season

finale? Let us please. So, I was amused that we basically went from one desert to another, from Dubai over to Palm Springs slash La Quinta, because Kyle is having her season-ending party, which is not a white party. It's

more like a beige sand colored khaki party. And so she's doing a big party at the end. So she's getting ready for that. And then there's like a little like this montage of all the housewives and Lisa Vanderpump was in some sort of Chez Lounge

that she was it just sort of like collapsed all over like she sort of got sucked into it and it was collapsed. And I thought this is a great visual metaphor for her life right now just being sucked into and eaten alive by something sort of flimsy and rickety do you know how loyal i've been to this chair here she thought she was just gonna be able to lay this thing out and relax on top of it and it's folded up on top of her so funny and they were talking about the lisa rena you know all this stuff and then boom the chair folds right in on her that was that was beautiful it was like surprise little shop of horrors moment uh sydney three um i'm really proud of Kyle for having a party in a house that she didn't steal from Kim.

I mean, she bought it with the money that she, you know, stole the house from Kim, the proceeds of the house she stole from Kim. But I was glad to see, you know, she owns this one. That's good. And then just to remind us, she's like, the only people who have seen this are Kim. None of the other ladies have seen it and then we cut to kim last year seeing the house for the first time and just yelling you're a liar it's like you're lying kim you're a liar you are you're lying to be fair she probably tore down the original house and used the scraps to make like some sort

of decorative wall piece. So that way, Kim would never forget. Do you remember all the... Do you see all the toilet flushes? Do you recognize those? Those were all the knobs from your dresser as a child. Yeah, damn you! And this mosaic is

made from chopped up refrigerator magnets, the ones that were given to you every Christmas. It's like a K and an I. Who the m no one stole it kim so let me see i'm i my notes are of course my recap so god help us i'm gonna i'm skipping through all this on purpose because i i will literally talk about a dog sweater for an hour. I, I, I, I took some notes also.

I, um, I have Yolanda was asking Erica about the jet lag. She's like, Oh, so how's the jet lag? And Erica's like, well,

you know, I just have jet lag, you know, Dubai. And Yolanda's like, Oh, you know, so Yolanda,

she calls it flying lime. She's like, Oh, I have, I always get the flying lime. I have chronic flying lime. Every time I fly somewhere. Stupid Yolanda.

Cut to a picture of Yolanda's music video for her wedding in an airplane. Yeah, exactly. So this, it opens up with the montage of the ladies. Lisa being crushed by a chair was definitely the best. And then we skip to Eileen. You know, Eileen is taking, like, she's really getting a lot of heat on the internet eileen and rena both are just basically people are tar and feathering them um i don't think what she's done is hateable i mean she's obnoxious as hell to me i know you really like

her but yeah i don't think it's hateable i think it's just more it's like tiresome it's just like we get your we get your frustration but what we want you to do, we want your reaction to be like, you know what? She didn't apologize to me. Whatever. I don't need her anymore. That's what we want. Not, well, I'm going to go in for another. I'm going to ask again and again and again, you know, and ask indirectly.

So I'm not going to get what I really want by not addressing directly. And if America is feeling exhausted, imagine how Vince feels. And guess what? You don't even have to imagine because we just see his face bored as hell. Bored. That's what I wrote down. Vinny looks so beyond bored. While she is just going off like, and can you believe?

And then this happened and that happened. She's like, are you listening? Yes, I'm listening. Yeah. Do you want my opinion? No. No. God bless it.

So Eileen and Vince, then we go to Rinna with her gageant. I love Rinna's little teenager gageant. Has this guy been working since he was in junior high? He looks 12. I know. Yeah, he was, I guess, so Serena has a talk show in development, which she already had a talk show once, I believe.

But she has a new one. What do you think that her new talk show is going to be called? You're lying. Own it. Like, she's just going to get people on there, pretend to really like them, and then halfway through the show,

she's going to twist everything they say and throw it back in their face, like they're the wrong ones. She's like, halfway through, she's going to be gonna be like wait a second you're manipulating me now and i you know what this is this is interesting this is interesting because what you're saying to me now it doesn't make sense just own it baby just own it i want you to get better baby fix yourself okay get help baby this is gonna be her she's gonna be like dr phil but not make any sense she'll be on both sides well she'll start yelling at the audience first that's what's gonna happen she's

gonna start yelling at the audience because the audience is like not on her side and then she's gonna realize that she's been manipulated and she's a healthy guest well what a lovely segue into today's gossip about rena so rena like like i said rena's been taking a lot of shit on the old internet and look people who give you shit about Housewives on the internet, they are not fucking around. I mean, these people, they have fans that will go crazy for them. But, man, when they hate you, you do not want a Housewives fan against you. It's hideous. So there's a couple of things.

There's her blog, which we'll get to later. But then there's today's news. Rinna goes on the attack on instagram this is from all about the tea it's from a writer named beach spin she writes a lot of beverly hill stuff she's really good uh but this is from all about the tea the the headline is lisa rena attacks on instagram slams beverly hills fans wait and looks in vulgar rant. Oh no. Oh no, Rinna. What did you do? What did you do, Rinna? What have you done?

So people are going off on her or whatever and I'm just going to read the ones that Beach Spin highlighted here because why go through the whole thing? We'll be here all day. But I'm convinced that the haters trolls are all fat hoarders with 50 cats, baby. With no teeth and they couldn't find their vagina if they tried.

Well, all you nasty people need to go. So get the fuck off my page now. Meow. I'm going for it. I got nothing to lose, you sick fucks. Girl, you got a show on NBC to lose. Yeah, seriously. No, I mean, that's going to get her show greenlit.

She's going to be the new Morton Downey Jr. Just calling everyone a sick fuck. Today we have Michelle Obama. Oh, your garden. Oh, fuck off, you sick fuck, you fat house. Get out. Own it, baby. Own it.

Look at you hoarding all those statues of dead presidents. How dare you? Get out. Lisa Rinna. I do love when she's unhinged, but I like it when she focuses her unhinged fury on something more productive

or someone who really deserves it because she is so twirled around right now she has no idea I mean we're going to get to it but the fact that she rescinded her Yolanda's manipulative thing when Yolanda is so clearly the most manipulative is so

frustrating to me. Oh my god, brainwash. To me, this episode reminded me of watching an episode of Survivor when you have issues in the tribe and people are turning people against each other and you want someone to be voted off and instead the person you want to be voted off manages

to cast a spell on the swing vote and now everything's a disaster. Lisa Rinna is the only person on Survivor to never get hungry. She's like, I'm not going to do shit for an Outback challenge. I'm throwing this one. No, it's a steak. It'll kill you. Baby.

So meanwhile, so Erica, when she's not talking about jet lag, she, of course, the very first thing she does is she spills all the beans to Yolanda about everything that happened in Dubai. She starts, you know, telling her, well, well, Risa, Rina,

and the big fight. She's like, and Yolanda's like, are they still talking about my munchenhausenflasen? And she's like, no, no, they're talking about

who said the munchausenflasen. Yolanda's like, oh. You know, she has this look like, it's silly and so petty. Meanwhile, she's like, lapping it all up. She's like, cracking up behind her.

She looks like she just ran. Because Erica's like, and then they caught the, Rita just told Vanderpump, you're a liar! And then Yolanda's like, oh! Like, she gets so excited. It's hilarious. Yolanda is so fucking transparent, know so she's loving

this that they love you lisa vanderpump a liar it's like she went on the price is right and found a legitimate deadly disease diagnosis behind door number three i want everyone to notice this is something i noticed last night during the episode and once i did it boiled my blood the rest of the episode and i almost want to go back and watch all these episodes to see if my theory is true. Anytime anyone compliments Yolanda, she never says thank you. Ever.

You know what she does? Usually she just sort of smiles, just smiles at them and like nods. Like that's supposed to convey a thank you. Like it looks like she's just said thank you or she's about to say thank you, but she never convey a thank you. It looks like she's just said thank you or she's about to say thank you, but she never actually says thank you. Or she'll just say something else

or she'll just sort of add on to it. What is this to thank you? What is this word? What is this word? But she never says thank you. And I think that is actually such a hideous trait that it actually really pisses me off. You know, there's certain things

that make your blood boil, idiosyncratic things. This is my thing. And I own it, baby. I own it. Well, I think one of the things that really makes her mad about the compliments is that they're calling her pretty. And, you know, we learned on that Dr. Oz. She does not like that because she feels like it's devaluing her illness. No, no, because they also complimented her daughters.

They were like, oh, you know, Kim said, I saw your daughter in a commercial. And then Yolanda just sort of smiles and says something like, yeah, well, they're doing great things. She sort of adds on, but she doesn't ever say, oh, yes, thank you so much. And I think it really is a good insight into her, the way she operates. She is

rude. Egotistical, manipulative lady. lady yeah she really is she's like i'm the biggest star here does anybody else have daughter on magazine no i don't see pandy on magazine like congratulations on all that work you didn't do jolanda uh so uh what was i gonna say okay so then the best part of all of this this rehashing between switching to the ladies back and forth besides lisa getting crushed in a chair was lisa vanderpump retelling this story to ken because yes she's like she's fixed the chair now she's back in the chair with one of her 18 dogs or whatever yeah she's like ken i mean i didn't

even understand what they were saying darling it's like there's lisa van i mean there's lisa renner and she's just saying you lie own it you know own it baby you know whatever like what does any of that mean darling and then ken ever so classy when it comes to talking about the other women is like oh fuck her she's a goddamn twat you know fuck that stupid twat oh my god he's a laugh at the silly cow she's a stupid bitch oh that's not gonna work out well oh just laugh at the silly cow what a wanker i just love that lvp's impersonation was basically like ours like you're a liar and own it you know that was her version which is the voice was really weird i love she also own it you know i mean darling i already own everything what else do i have to earn um and i love that when she's truly pissed she'll do a scene right in front of

all of those tombstones in her backyard i'm warning you you, darling. Here lies Lisa Rinna. So let's see. What else was here? So then they go to Palm Springs, right? Yeah, we can skip Eileen because it's just more of her husband. I did like that Eileen was telling Vince everything in Panama.

She's like, well, first she threw her quote unquote friend under and then she moves her hand down like under a bus because poor Vince is falling asleep. I'm like, man, poor Eileen can't even make her husband pay attention to her terrible Panama. Shut up, lady. I know. Well, it doesn't help that. I mean, her hair, her makeup, everything.

I mean, she's just – poor Eileen's so stuck in 1992. It's terrible. And the whole world is hating on you right now. The last thing you want to do is add mime to your resume. Like, there's nobody more hated than a mime. Well, someone needs to fill the gap left by Marcel Marcel, whatever his name is. Monsieur Marcel. Marcel Marceau, darling.

Marcel Marceau. I'm so sorry. Oh, I knew him, darling. What an odd little man he was. Always stuck in a box. But he always spoke to me, I'll tell you that much. That box reminds me of Cedric's childhood home. Marcel Marceau manipulated me into being manipulated by Lisa Vanderpump to say much, how's that?

He doesn't say much, but he speaks with his hands. And he manipulated me. He put me in that box. And you know who was in there? Not Kristen Taekman. You don't own that, Marcel Marceau. You're just miming it. Okay. Show me something that you own. Like he has nothing. Come on. Speak up, Marcel Marceau. This is your time. Listen, if Marcel Marceau would just say he manipulated a little bit and said, I'm sorry, then we would all be like, that's okay. We'd hug. But instead, he's just silent.

I don't get it. Own it, Marcel. Let's face it. Marcel Marceau is a pussy. I mean, how many escalators are there? Oh, God. So Yolanda has the nerve to say, I'm just skipping through this. I know we're trying to go to Palm Springs, and I'm sorry.

I'm just trying to skip through this recap. But Yolanda actually had the gall to say, I look at these fights. You know, you have the Lisa versus the Kyle. And then you have Brandy versus the Lisa. And then you have me now, or Lisa Rinna versus the Lisa. There seemed to be one common denominator. Besides you, bitch. Yeah.

Because you're also in all of those. And there is, and okay, so if you want to look at the common denominator, okay. So here's what happened. Brandy is Lisa's sidekick. Brandy tries to become the star of this show, so she turns against Lisa, and she fails miserably. Kyle tries to be the star of the show, and she turns against lisa and she fails miserably kyle tries to be the star of the show and she turns against lisa and she fails miserably and she's also semi-egged on by brandy who is already failing and have to add the reason kyle was mad at lisa in the first place is because

she felt like lisa wasn't sticking up for her against brandy when she was being true to brandy exactly exactly so now you have lisa rinna who is is going against Lisa Vanderpump loses a close friend. But there's no pattern to why, except usually that they are frustrated by the fact that people still love her regardless of what they see as flaws in her. Yeah, pretty much. Good summation.

Thank you. I mean, I think if you're going to go after Lisa Vanderpump, let's go after her for trying to fuck with Kim when she knows that she was on meth. Or, you know, there's, like, a lot of stuff that she's really done that if people yelled at her, I wouldn't be mad at that. How would Yolanda feel also if someone said, as we have actually many times, well, you want to look at patterns. Why don't we look at the pattern of your illness from when you were, you know, 12 years old or whenever it was? Lord, I would say that, but I don't want to see them trapper keepers coming out.

But then she would say, well, that's totally different because if it was a different situation, well then, yes, exactly. That's the point here. Just because something happens and it looks like a pattern, it's not... Just because you might see a correlation does not mean that there's actual causality.

Yolanda. Oh, I like it. I like your lawyerly talk. What is this, the causatality, violent, clout, and food indality, whatever? He's accusing me of having the causatalities, okay? So then are we ready to go to Palm Springs? Yeah, we're at Stolen House. We're at Stolen House House.

And everyone checks in. Proceeds from Stolen House House. and then everyone checks in at the parker and this receptionist had got a lot of screen time for his hot pink blazer wow like everyone came by i was like oh i love your blazer i love your blazer i love your blazer i love that he has a different answer for every single one of them i know i'm feeling sporty today oh just trying something new today and fourth thing uh and then kyle is in her bathroom getting ready for this big party and her back is to mori and he's like oh yeah look at that butt yeah she's like mori come on it's just my butt and he's like yeah i don't know why i thought that was so funny i totally missed that um i did see that faye resnick was there i was like oh god faye resnick is going to love this she's gonna just sit back and eat popcorn while all the like

for once she is not involved in the disasters yes because faye is on her camille grammar run where she's just like i'm gonna just be quiet now until people like me and then i'll come start more shit later yeah which is smart by the way we got a lot of people tweeting at us and sending us messages that when carol radswell told ramona last week to speak less and smile more apparently that's a reference to hamilton so well it's also a very old saying the tate used to say to women all the time well then there's that too i mean i don't know but i'm glad hamilton's brought it back for us all to relearn have you seen hamilton no i haven't ben how dare you you're in new york all the time you have to tell me how amazing it is i haven't gone to a broadway show in forever and hamilton's like

impossible to get tickets to and let me tell you something right now everyone everyone who gets to go see hamilton please enough with the selfies with the play playbill, and the stage in the background. It's just, like, I personally don't care. It's like a Beyonce concert. Yeah, I don't care. I don't care that you're at Hamilton, because you know what?

You know what? So what? Who cares? You know, if I wind up seeing Hamilton someday, that would be lovely. But generally, I don't care about Hamilton. I'm an audience member!

I own it! Own it, baby! Own it. I have this playbill. I actually literally. Own it, baby. Own it. I have this playbill. I actually literally own the playbill. Own it. So I'm skipping to the next page because the next is just a two-paragraph rant about Kim just going, You're a liar, Kyle.

Well, what's funny is my next note is that before the party is about to begin and and kyle is hanging out with um with fay and i think fay was like oh did you tell rena that kim is going to be at the party and kyle's like oh no i didn't i mean she should assume i'm like you are such a shitster kyle oh you are such a shitster not telling rena that kim's gonna be there but at least kyle is fair and she's awful to all of her friends because Because remember when she had Faye over and then kept pushing her into fights with people? She's like, are you sure you don't want to talk to Faye? Are you sure? Are you sure?

And just kept pushing Faye in the way. Like, remember Faye's playboy? Remember? I was like, Jesus, Kyle. At least she's equally as awful to everyone. I love that Kyle lives in a place called La Quinta. To me, that is hilarious. You live in some

like low the name you share the name with some low rent hotel and you can't get invited anywhere by helton like come on kyle and it has a passing uh sound resemblance to cut fitness if you know what i'm saying um don't say there i said it it. Lisa Vanderpump is a La Quinta. Well, I just wanted to put a mint on your pillow, darling, but I couldn't find the proper key. So Kim Richards shows up, and it's funny. She says that the party makes her feel uncomfortable, and I thought, oh, because she's in recovery,

and there's booze, and people are drinking, and she's like, no, because I just don't want to see Lisa Rinna. I'm like, oh, okay, so the booze does not make you feel uncomfortable. Okay, well, once again, I question her recovery. This doesn't make people feel uncomfortable. People giving them shit about drinking booze gets them uncomfortable and that would be Rinna.

Yeah, that's true. Of course she's allowed to be uncomfortable. I just thought it was funny that the primary reason why she's uncomfortable has nothing to do with all the booze pouring out of every spigot. I'm really uncomfortable in this house. Kyle took the locks off all the bathroom doors. Who would do that?

Liar. No mirrors in there. This is where they all surround Yolanda with her oh yolanda your daughters are famous and stuff and then and then like her hair looks amazing yes yeah she just i mean everyone look at her she just stands there and gives sort of this like blank stare like yes i know like yes yes yes kim goes oh thank god for our kids am i right okay really kim one of your kids just dragged you on the mother-daughter experience or experiment on lifetime of all things darling okay who's thanking who are you to be thanking

god for your kids those kids they took you on dr phil and now the mother-daughter experiment yeah thank god for those kids i mean mine's on tv too begging you to behave yourself she's like oh you know what's so great about them is that they just still want my big old-fashioned chicken salad. So I just every day put my hands in a bowl and make them what they want. They're such beautiful children. I mean, Gigi's on a magazine,

but can she make chicken salad with her hands? That's the real question. What a spoiled brat. You must have so many picture frames you have to straighten, Yolanda. So, Renna walks in with the B group. I call them the B team because they just keep losing over and over. And the funniest part is they actually think they're winning.

Because there's no scoreboard until the show starts airing. And these bitches really think that they've won. And it is hilarious watching them walk in with such senses of pride and arrogance. It's like the friendship on Big Brother 6. Oh, Ben. Remember? Did you watch that season? Yes, I sure did.

Yeah, I remember the friendship that they were loved by America. For anyone who doesn't know, the friendship was an alliance, and they thought they were loved by America. They thought they were the good people. They thought they were the heroes, and America hated them. And America kept on fucking with them in these amazing ways they would like this one woman wanted a phone call from her husband who she hadn't spoken to in like two or three months and america gave it gave the phone call to janelle so that way she could speak to michael who was the first guy voted off and and then she said april started to cry upstairs he's like why does america hate me

i think if we're gonna stick with big brother i will choose frankie grande because frankie grande really thought he was the most entertaining person in the world and then when he heard one of his teammates get booed he went oh they hate us just watching his baseball yeah that was great never forget so reno walks right in doesn't even put down her purse yeah and walks right up and she's like oh hi yolanda oh do you want to have a talk we need to talk okay i have something to get off my chest and uh so many things up to get off your chest at all times yes about other people that have nothing to do with her which is what cracks me up but in her defense i know that seemed a little hasty but she knows yamana gonna leave that shit in five minutes

yeah you gotta lock it down she's gonna sign her she's gonna sign gg's names on every calendar in the house and just leave yeah so rena pulls out her typical i have something to confess i used to think you were the biggest master manipulator and then I really got to know Vanderpump and now I see it's her and Galonda's like okay crazy lady anything else? But she's also loving it she's like you know she's

pretending to be shocked by all this but no she loves this whole thing. Yeah she's loving it and as you pointed out a million times this whole season is about her and she's barely had to show up so she loves it it's almost like she's loving it. And as you pointed out a million times, this whole season is about her and she's barely had to show up. So she loves it. It's almost like she's asking for autographs for having someone called her a Munchausen head. It's crazy.

Yes, it is me. You've all heard of me. People have lied about Munchausen. Can we have your autograph? Shut up, Yolanda. Sit down. Yeah, so Rinna starts telling Yolanda about how it was Lisa who started the whole Munchausen thing. You know, Lisa was the one who was showing me the photos of you.

She would look at the photo and be like, what do you think about this? I'm like, listen, Rinna, that's not the same as saying she has Munchausen. It is totally reasonable to be like, you know, I thought she's sick and yet here she is on Instagram. Like it's totally feasible and totally allowable to question it because it's so bizarre how this woman could claim to be bedridden in a bathrobe and the next day she's you know running around picking up coconuts doing whatever i don't know and especially since lisa admitted she was the one who said it yeah she said we had questions now sometimes i write just like we do

in these recaps these spoken recaps and the written ones i just write down a bunch of lies because i get frustrated so like i make a scene something else and so i can't remember the truth but i wrote who was the one who started to talk about the munchies okay is that was that her question like who actually said munchausen first and then she said vanderpump right am i getting that wrong um i think she said said that Vanderpump put her on the path to it I don't know I didn't write down the direct thing but the point is though she said that Lisa Vanderpump

was showing her photos and being like what do you think about this what do you think and then that put Lisa Rinna on this path and that's why she had the conversation that's why she mentioned it. You know, it's just... It's like getting mad at a map

when you get lost. She's like, she put me on the direction and I ended up at a gas station in Arizona, baby. I mean, what the hell? You know, it's okay to question things. You know, that's what friends should do. And we saw Kyle and Lisa

at the beginning of the season in Tuscany questioning it and wondering if maybe there was something else going on. Maybe she's depressed. Maybe there's something else at play. And that's not saying Yolanda's journey. It's not discrediting her journey. It's saying, well, maybe you should rethink your journey. Maybe there's something else going on and maybe there's a fix for it that you don't realize that's all yeah i mean that's just the stuff that they're they're basically all

lying about now because rena leaves kyle completely out of this conversation and we'll see why this is important when we get to her blog but she leaves her out and then yolanda's leaving everybody else out because she just wants to go to vanderp. And Rinna keeps saying she won't own it. And at the risk of sounding like I'm beating a dead ass horse, she did own it and told Yolanda right to her face that we were questioning, darling. I mean, the Instagram, she already did own it. So let's just like, shut up, move on.

So Vanderpump enters. Now Rinna for her big private conversation is of course sitting right next to the front door. And I think it says a lot when Vanderpump enters and they immediately stop talking like scared and they're like hello lisa oh hello honey and she's like all right whatever you know just keeps walking on and then yolanda's like oh we almost got it to court it oh my god i feel like a butterfly who saw one of these netsets of Poots and scum and got it. You know, whatever the word. I think their fear is hilarious.

It's like they're going to try and make this huge mutiny and rebellion, but they're too much of a pussy to actually keep talking. Exactly. So now Lisa Vanderpump is in the party so now yolanda goes up to talk to lisa vanderpump right isn't that what happens next yeah um yes uh yolanda yes pretty much i mean kyle and vanderpump talked to twitch i'm trying to see if this was before or after but they're talking to kim and lisa's like darling you look great are you getting shagged and poor kim like if kim is sitting there talking to vanderpump you know she is really nervous to be at this party because she hates yeah that's true i forgot oh so they talked then yeah yolanda

was like enough of this i need some alcohol which i thought was hilarious yeah i thought that was pretty questionable for someone who is like, I don't know. I just think that like if I'm ill, I don't want booze. But, you know, whatever. Someone who's all about like keeping the toxins out of her body. Alcohol seemed like a strange choice. Well, in this group. Yeah.

And then again, I can understand why she needs it. I can understand. So she's talking to Lisa. And Lisa's like, darling, how are you? She's like darling how are you she's like well you know the girls i just went and talked to the rena and rena says you are the one who said much i said like and of course yolanda takes i mean look renna's already twisting shit to a grand degree then yolanda takes what rena says and retwist it to make no sense and like completely says it wrong and Lisa's like no way so they can call her a liar

but she did not bring up Munchausen so she wasn't yeah exactly and then Kyle walks by and Vanderpump says to Kyle like did I bring up the Munchausen and Kyle's like no no no and then she's like thank you thank you and she kisses Kyle on the cheek

but of course the people who are hating on vanderpump that looks like the most obvious you know master manipulator like like rewarding the the peon with a kiss on the cheek so they're all like oh what a big surprise what a big surprise baby well you know what it wouldn't be a surprise if you've watched his show because for kyle kyle is the one you do call over because if Kyle's going to stab you in the back, she'll do it right to your damn face. She'll throw it. Well, actually, you sort of said this. She does do that. You're right.

Yeah. If she can't even come up with a lie to confront her with, then you know that she's telling somewhat like some kind of version of the truth or whatever. So at this point now, Lisa rena and eileen are like shooting daggers across the room at this whole this whole thing and yolanda's saying no i don't something is not adding up something is not right i'm like yeah you know what it is it's it's because you're getting all the wrong information and i love that there was an actual honest conversation with vanderpump and yolanda because of course they don't like each other like everybody's known that from the beginning it's not like they really hide it,

you know, especially Yolanda. But when Yolanda's like, look, I would never come to you about my illness because I met you because you were best friends with Muhammad and I know that your loyalty is to him before me. So I would never come talk to you about that. And that's just how it should be.

It's fine. And Lisa's like, yes, darling. Well, you know, I like the family so I wouldn't say these things. And so they basically agree to just keep hitting each other from afar and pat each other on the head and move on, which you think Yolanda is fine with. But meanwhile,

Lisa and Eileen, like you said, are behind them shooting daggers, pissed. And Rinna's like, oh, there, there goes Vanderpump trying to save her ass.

Well, so now it's bad that she's talking to Yolanda. Like, what do you want, lady? If you really wanted her to confront Yolanda, you had her at the front door. It's not like you're going to wait for her to put down her purse. You didn't put yours down. You could have just pretended to be the damn coat check. Yeah, yeah.

I don't know. Rinna was really off the rails this episode. You know, I'm trying still so hard to maintain my love for her, but she's making it really, really difficult. Well, I think you loved her more than me at first. And as usual, I think we're switching because I just love

that she's a Looney Tune at this point. I like that she's a Looney Tune, but I don't like that her Looney Tunes-ness is based off of distortion of facts. I don't like that. Yeah, well, I don't like it either, but she's at least entertaining me. Like, as long as I don't have to watch her, you know, pretend to get her ass

waxed or whatever the hell she's doing. Like, this is better. I like seeing people when they're being their true selves, and I really believe that she's a Looney Tune. Yeah, she kind of is. Meanwhile, speaking of Looney Tunes, at one point Faye Resnick walked up to Yolanda and was like, you look spectacular. And you know what Yolanda's response was?

It wasn't thank you. It was, I do? I was like, shut up, Yolanda. Say thank you. Say thank you. And, of course, Kyle, too. She's like, whoa, Yolanda, you feeling okay? Huh?

Who cares? You're hot. Am I right? Like, you can feel bad, but at least you're hot. Oh, God, Kyle. Trying to be funny, but, you know, pissing her off even more. Exactly. And then, meanwhile, Erica.

So then Erica is, you know, she's like Yolanda's chief deputy. So Erica's on a couch with Catherine. And I forget who the other person was with them. Catherine just eating meatballs or whatever Catherine's there for the food and she's stuffing her face and Erica's like so what do you think about Vanderpump and Catherine's like well I don't have a problem

she never did anything to me so I don't have a problem with it and then of course you're still having the Kool-Aid you still have the Vanderpump Kool-Aid I'm like well you have the Yolanda Kool-Aid and you know what I bet the Vanderpump Kool-Aid. I'm like, well, you have the Yolanda Kool-Aid. And you know what? I bet the Vanderpump Kool-Aid tastes a whole lot better. No kidding. There's actually sugar in that one. It's not just like lemon rind. Like, oh, I just

had a fucking C. I don't give a fuck if I can C broke my tooth. I don't give a fuck. All right, put that in the budget, would you, hon? Yeah. I mean, what speaks of more manipulation than you have your peon? I'm saying peon a lot today – but you have your peon in Erica than sort of trying to make Catherine hate Lisa Vanderpump? Like, it's just so obvious to me.

It is. Also, Erica – look, I know at this point everybody has taken sides and they're getting mad. And frankly, it's a point where we have – like, I know it sounds like we've always taken a side i'm pretty i think i can turn against anyone i'm fair like that but this is just ridiculous erica's sitting there and she has the balls to be like oh hello lisa oh your bracelet is just lovely lisa did you get that in dubai oh it's beautiful lisa and lisa's like oh yeah thank you j Tony. Oh, that was perfect. Everything, Lisa. What do you think about Lisa? Without even moving,

Lisa's still there, and she's just kissed her ass, like, rubbed her nose all up in her ass, and then is trying to turn Catherine, which, what kind of stupid army do you need? You really need Catherine on your side? She doesn't do anything. Like, what, is she going to show up and eat all the meatballs at Vanderpump's house? What do you win?

Poor Vanderpump needs her. At this point, I actually feel bad for Lisa Vanderpump that she's actively recruiting Catherine and Faye Resnick. Well, she always takes the broken ones. She's really friends with Joyce. We saw her last time at Pump having dinner with Joyce and her husband.

Saw them in person, yeah. Erica keeps having this conversation with Catherine, and Catherine goes, well, look, if anybody should be mad, it should be Kyle, and Kyle's not mad, so why should I be mad? And she goes, you could be Kyle next. Yeah, she fucking wishes. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And that's me saying that, and I hate Kyle. Well, and who do you think you are, Erica?

You're Kyle to Yolanda. Darling. So, let's see here. The only really thing other that I said about Erica is like, look, I get that you're living your life by feeding off of some senior citizen. And you know what? Good for you. I'm not going to be ho-shaming you about that. Housewives doesn't work the same.

You don't just get to pick the old rich one in the room and feed off their storyline, bitch. Do something, okay? Because Yolanda is not going to be there much longer. So figure something out. Yeah. So then, like, everyone comes and sits down on the couch. It looks like it's going to be another big group conversation to rehash this for the umpteenth time. But then, basically, Kim and Rinna wind up on the same couch which means

we are headed to some serious but did we get there no not really what a fizzle this poor finale i felt bad for this finale it just kind of fell on its face nothing happened rena was trying to spin her plates eileen was just giving everybody dirty looks and then nothing really happened you know yeah so kim and rena started talking and like kim's like well you know last time we saw each other you know it was not a good place or whatever yada yada yada kim makes rena talk this was rich actually this was very rich rena's uh kim is like let's talk rena she's like ew gross no why why would i want to and rena has so much anger towards kim i really don't get any of this do you

i do yeah i don't get it so she's still so mad at kim so they go talk and kim you know god bless her heart just kim's trying you know to like make sentences and stuff yeah it's like well i just don't get like you're enraged i have friends with a thing and then you like get raised like what she's like i don't have to explain myself to you kim those are my personal feelings and i don't need to explain them oh really misown it yeah she won't discuss anything with kim yeah meanwhile she wants everyone else to discuss everything that they ever said to everyone and put it open, to be honest. I mean, here's what I thought was funny. It was that, you know, I thought Kim was going to be say something about like where they were a year ago and be like, listen, this, you know, things have gotten better.

You know, I didn't like how you treated me, blah, blah, blah, blah. Or maybe, I mean, I knew she was never going to say this. I knew she was not going to say, you know, I've gone through recovery and I apologize because I understand you were reacting to how I was. I knew she wasn't going to do that, which is what she should have done. But instead, she's just like, hey, I heard you were mad at that photo that Yolanda took with us. Like, why are you so mad at it? I was like, really? This is what's on your mind?

Not like the months and months of acrimony? Yeah, well, i don't think she owes lisa rena an apology especially seeing how lisa rena is now and just imagining how she was last year i mean i get if someone's an alcoholic it's not your right to like be mentioning their issue and trying to make them own their fucking alcoholism at every dinner like who cares people have the right to be alcoholics that they want to. You don't even know her. Why are you trying to go off on her alcoholism? It's bullshit. People do.

But then Kim was basically like, shut up. I'm not an alcoholic. Don't, like, why are you bringing this up? Trying to make Rinna seem like a total crazy person. In this case, this is a situation where, you know, people were getting upset at Rinna, like, Oh, like, why would you bring that up? And I was like, Whoa, but she is like, how are we like, she needs help. She needs help. Yeah. But she did it at every dinner. It's like, okay, now we're back together and now we're having dinner. We're going to have fun.

She's like, well, what about your alcoholism? Jesus Christ lady. She doesn't even know. But she tried, but she, I think that think that Rinna was trying to like ease off I remember she was saying like listen I'm not gonna I don't want to I know you don't want to talk about it the only reason why I mentioned it was because it wasn't coming from a bad place I just had this is why

and then Kim kept on saying she brings it up in a way that she's the victim so she's like I'm not I don't want to bring up your alcoholism anymore but you know it's affected me because of this and she brings it up again and then they're supposed to all sit there and talk about it again i mean i loved when she threw that glass and tried to strangle kim that was amazing like no but i don't think totally pro kim you know that yeah i know i i just don't i

don't think that rena's motivations during that entire arc was i don't think think they were like, I don't think they were really that malicious. I think it was basically like she saw something, she thought it was crazy that no one was mentioning it, and finally she's like, okay, I'm not going to, I'll stop bringing it up. I just want you to know, the reason why I brought it up was not, I wasn't trying to be nasty, I just, you know, I've seen this

before, and I was concerned, and then that's, you know, that was unfortunately, she'd already been told two times to shut up so then Kim lost it but the point is this though you know Kim never really has any accountability for anything and I'm not trying to like

I'm not trying to kick like someone in recovery someone who is trying to improve themselves I'm not trying to kick her while she's down but it's been a few years now where she'll go off to recovery, do whatever, and she comes back, and she holds these things over people's heads.

She did it to Kyle after her first rehab stint. She's like, I didn't like the way you treated me. I didn't like the way you made me feel when I was going through my thing, whatever. It's like, you know, I understand you didn't like that, but really, you have to understand why she was acting like that. What did you contribute to the situation? If we're going to talk about Kim in every relationship,

yeah, I can't stand up for Kim. I'm just saying with Rinna specifically, Rinna doesn't even know her, and she just took it too far. And now, if you doubted she was being mean then, which I was with you then. You know, I flip-flopped like crazy. I could never be a mayor. But the way she was at this one where she's just like, why would I even speak to Kim and this and that?

And Kim is like, well, I just don't appreciate you doing this. She's like, you know what, Kim? You need help. And, like, I hope you get some help because I just hope you fix your life. Because your life, I mean. And she's like, like well why is this about me being an alcoholic I'm asking you why you're so mad that I'm having lunch with my friends and she's like well do you need help and then she just gets up and walks away like basically

saying you can't say like you're trying to help somebody who needs recovery own it and then just refusing to talk to them and turning every conversation back on like well you're an alcoholic and you need help you know yeah well did she say you need help or did she say she said you need to get uh you need to get uh well get well yeah but she but what she was i think she was saying like we don't have to like i don't want to discuss this like you focus on getting well right wasn't that that like the gist of it? Well, she was like, I'm not going to talk to this. You've got a lot of problems.

She said, last year we had some stuff going on and people didn't understand what you really had going on. Suggesting that, you know, I was mad at you last year about things you were doing when you were drunk. But we didn't understand you were drunk. When, of course, they all did. Everybody knew. And that was her whole storyline last year. Renna's was calling her out. So,

you know, the other thing that was funny though, was that Renna said something about like, listen, you know, it was a comp, you know, your life has been complicated and Kim's like complicated. It has been complicated.

What do you mean complicated? I'm like, see, this is, that's the thing that drives me nuts in that situation was Kim. You don't know about my life. It's like, well,

actually Kim, it was all over the news. You went on to Dr. Phil, you were arrested. That's complicated. your life has been complicated okay yeah but it shouldn't even be about that she's just saying Rinna why are you talking shit about me all the time and why are you so enraged that I'm having lunch like are we gonna get to a point where it's gonna be totally not awkward at a damn party we're gonna see each other and then it starts making it

like you're not you know she's like turns it on whatever kim's problems are because she can always win when the other person's an alcoholic and that's what makes me crazy i don't think her points against kim were necessarily wrong last year it's just like the woman's trying to talk to you and rin is like well i'm not going to film with her why would i do a scene with kim you know i mean i don't think that i i don't know i don't have quite a cynical view view of it I just I mean I was surprised I think I was also surprised I thought Kim was going to talk about some of the stuff that had gone down between them and not this stupid photo

but I guess it's I mean you know you make really valid points I guess I just felt like Kim though simultaneously was still playing the victim you know and that was a dart that was a dart you just thrown darts at me that was a dart and it was a dart but you know like but it was like a dart that was like but you should you do kim you do have to you do have to get better though yeah

it's like you're in recovery you do yeah it's not a bad it's not a judgment but it is coming from her like if it was if you were telling me r, look, your drinking is to the point where people are, like, you've got to do something. That's different. But then every time we have a discussion, if you're like, Ronnie, oh, well, you're drinking. Like, you've got issues. So, of course, you're mad. Like, your issues are whatever. But, you know, you've got issues.

So, you know, it's like never arguing with me on a real argument or having a conversation that doesn't revolve around my alcoholism. When Rin is just not that close. I don't I'm all for calling out people all the time, as you know. But in real life, you don't get to just go up to people and be like, you're an alcoholic. Own it, Missy. Like, who are you? You don't get to do that. I don't know.

I feel like you don't get to go up to any random person. But I think if you're shooting on a show like this and if you've suffered a terrible limo ride to Malibu. Well, that one didn't bug me. That one when she was in the kitchen being all passive aggressive, like, remember, Kim, how you were in that car, baby? Like, the thing is, I'm worried about you. So I just want to make sure you're OK. And Kim was like, blah, blah, blah. Am I right?

I was totally with Raina on all of that because that was bullshit kim couldn't admit to it it's just that it's still being rehashed and rena's anger level is so out of control when kim made one comment like oh what if i said you see your husband's secrets and then she went crazy like why is that off limits but you're allowed to like drag her through the mud she's got kids too she's got i don't know i'm flip-flopping because kim hasn't been on tv and so now i'm like totally nice to him again yeah i haven't had 20 episodes to grow to hate her yeah you've actually flip-flopped within the past 10 minutes i do that's going from like you know i'm really loving who uh lisa i mean lisa rena for being uh like a like a

cockadoodle whatever i do and now but that's lisa rena being cuckoo and saying i own it but this she wouldn't she was just like you're drunk basically and kept walking away that's not owning it you know yeah no i i agree i think that it was an opportunity to have like a like a constructive dialogue and and rena was not open to it at all which i thought was which i thought was unfortunate um but i also feel like it was still also kim playing the victim oh yeah they're but i guess they both are they both wrong how about that how about they both it's like you can't even choose a side on the show because they're all dum-dums um speaking of dum-dums i love that yolanda went back to the group of you know the, the B team. And they're like, well, tell me how it went with Lisa Vanderpump. And she's like, oh, how do you think it went?

She denied everything and she didn't do anything. And I thought that was a very funny shot to get at Yolanda because she's always trying to stay, act like, oh, I didn't say anything about Lisa. It's everybody else doing this, this, this. Like to see her foiled. Loved it. Yeah. And this is also the woman who like 20 minutes ago in the show is like well i don't have much energy left you know the the little energy i have

left i don't want to concern myself with this and then meanwhile she's there still now like from like 10 conversations later still gathering evidence and still displaying plenty of energy for this nonsense so vanderpump's basically like, okay, bye, I'm done. Ken's like, can we leave this trash heap now? She's like, all right, darling, if you want to go, I'll go too. And then Yolanda's going to leave too. No one's winning anything.

And Irina and Eileen's still on the side fuming. I was dying. And Eileen's like, how is this even happening? I mean, everyone is mad at her. Everyone has an issue with her and she gets to just walk out. Yes, Eileen. Yeah, I've noticed that's what Yolanda does too, by the way.

Eileen, have you noticed that? At the exact same time. Yolanda's like, I'm taking private plane home. Goodbye. Yeah. So now we go to the Yolanda divorce party. So now it's like two months later two months later aka like a day before real housewives of beverly hills premieres and did you recognize any of these

scenes because the this is exactly what they did when russell killed himself and yeah no i agree they like gathered everyone together get on the white couches at lisa's house and pretend everybody gives a shit yeah so um yolanda suddenly starts babbling about, David and I couldn't live together, so I need to have a safe condo space. You know, I got a condo because it was safe in my family. I was like, what are you talking about? Like, don't act like you had a choice to continue living with him. Like, you've been kicked out. Well, I'm still not sure on what's happening

here because everybody's saying they'd been separated that whole season so i get if you don't want to bring that shit on the show and she's gonna lie about it i'm not gonna be like that liar but i mean i just don't believe a thing coming out of her mouth i didn't believe her marriage when she was walking around with her oh my king my king i didn't. I didn't believe it. I just don't believe Yolanda. She's a waste of my fucking time. This woman cannot be real. And then speaking of, her little best friend comes over.

She's wearing an earth tone, like gray, shade of gray with skeletons all over it, which was hilarious to me. I'm like, you wore the death poncho. And Yolanda, the first thing that she, you know, one of the first things she says is that like, you know,

you're the only one I'm confiding in i'm like well guess what you know what more manipulation like i'm gonna make you the special one i mean it's crazy to me it's crazy she's so manipulative when she didn't confide in her at all this is all after it happened i'm confiding in you after i got a new apartment and this has gone on for one year. Oh, wow. Thanks. Hugs. Yeah. And then I liked how Rinna and Eileen got together to talk about it. And they were talking about how they reached out. They texted her.

And everyone's like, well, you know, she didn't write back anything. But I did get a prayer hand back, an emoji. Well, thank God for that. And then Eileen's like, I got one of those, too. emoji well thank god for that and then he's like i got one of those too what about when yolanda told erica well you know if you're if you are in a marriage and you are not making each other happy you should leave and erica's just like looks like a deer caught in the headlights that's not the advice to be giving to a woman married to don rickles okay i don't give a fuck and erica just kept finishing her sentences. Well, I feel like, oh, you feel terrible because you got divorced.

Yes, and you know divorce, it's final. It's the end. Like, it's done, right? Yes, and you know the outside. Oh, the outside's amazing. I love the outside. I don't give a fuck what anybody's. I'm not afraid of skin cancer.

It's like, shut up, Erica. I know. I know. And then meanwhile, Eileen and Rinna, so Eileen says, well, now that it's out of the bag, I bet she'll feel real better. And Rinna says, I think she'll feel better real quick. So I'm like, aha. So now, you stupid ladies, you know what you just did?

You just accidentally owned it, baby, about questioning her disease. Because if she's going to feel real better now and if she's going to feel better real quick, you know what the implication is there? That what was going on with her health was more than Lyme disease, which is what Kyle and Lisa were saying all along. That she's sad. She's depressed. So for you guys having this bombshell revelation like, oh, wow, she's going to feel better now. Well, you have confirmed everything that you just got all mad about and dragged us all through. That it's an emotional issue going on with Yolanda

in addition to whatever Lime stuff is going on. That's a good point. I didn't put them all together like that. I was just like, is this woman nuts? Because Renna's like, yeah. Do you remember when I said there's something else going on here? I mean, I knew it, you know,

and that's heartbreak. That'll break your heart. Her head wasn't connected to her heart and that's why she felt sick. Yeah. So you realize you're just saying in a different way what Kyle and Vanderpump said

and you're totally confirming this idea that there's more going on. When that happened, I got so mad. I was so mad like you just basically destroyed your friendship with lisa vanderpump over nothing yep but they still don't even see it that way that's the funny thing they keep twisting it to like make it some other thing at least this show ended in a good note it ended on a good note i should say with yolanda zipped

up in some big silver turkey bag. It looked like a Capri Sun bag. She was actually in a life-size Capri Sun bag. I think it looks like one of those things you put the ham inside so you can bake it in the oven properly and keep the juices in there. And, of course, Gigi calls up and she's shopping with Kylie and Kendall Jenner. I was like, ugh. Just awful. Just awfulness. Everything about that was awful. And then Rinna

goes on and she says, she goes, I wrote this down because she contradicted herself. She says, she said that she doesn't like being judged. She didn't like being judged. I don't like being judged. And then she goes,

listen, love me, me hate me i am who i am well if you are who you are then why do you care if you're judged which one is it rena you're not owning it baby well i'm judging i'm looking at this picture of yolanda in the ham capri sun bag um at more length and i have to say this is so beautiful on so many levels she surrounded herself with medical jars filled with god knows what there's like eight jars there a bottle of sparkling water then behind her is like a horse a horse statue which you know that's how you got the fucking lime in the first place bitch yeah then next to her are the books that she said are just

she didn't even buy them because she likes them they would just look pretty on a shelf so she's got these fake books behind her next to a lime academy award yolanda fuck off lady i know you know it looked like she was in a contraption from the movie sleeper you ever see sleeper which one was that it's a woody allen movie from like the 70s where he he's like this guy from brooklyn who wakes up in the future and all these people in the future have these bizarre gizmos and gadgets and strange outfits and that's exactly what Yolanda looked like.

She was in a rejected costume from Sleeper. Well, before we put this show to bed, I mean before reunion time or whatever, I have to read you some of Renna's blog because you're going to love some of the stuff that she says in here. I think I read some of it and she gets real nasty about Vanderpump, right?

Like this friendship is fucked. Yeah, well, she's going because we read Vanderpump's blog last week where Vanderpump finally loses it. And it's like, maybe I should have, maybe I should have asked her what it felt like to sleep with a married man. And they're like, oh, how dare she? You know, they're acting like oh my god uh so she still references that she's she opens uh for a woman who works 18 hours a day has 250 employees three shows on bravo three restaurants eight dogs five swans two tiny horses two grown kids and a 70 year old husband to take the time she took to write that mean blog last week. Wow, baby!

Eileen is such a solid, good human being and friend and she absolutely does not deserve any of this. Sorry, but yes she does. Okay? Dish it, take it. Okay, okay. I already know. I already said this. I'm as sick as you are with the same shit being hashed and rehashed, blah, blah, blah.

But here's the thing. I watch along with you and when I see this whole game of telephone spin wildly out of control we watch someone tonight being yolanda relay incorrect information i feel like i need to bring it back down to the basic facts and truth she's going after yolanda again now yes because yolanda twisted that thing and said when i said that you're the one who said month thousand this is why i'm loving it you just like point her. It's truly like we said last week or whatever. Sally Field in Soap Dish.

And you. And you. I had nothing to do with it. And you. And you. That's pretty much. And that's why this is so good. Because now it's about Yolanda again.

And Yolanda messed up the information. Now listen to how much Lisa Rinna's story has changed. My longtime hairdresser, Faye Woods, and I had a discussion about Munchausen. She told me she knew someone who had Munchausen, and given what she'd seen on the show and online, she felt Yolanda's actions were quite similar. That was when I first looked up the M word. I passed this information along to Kyle one night when we had sushi at SHU.

We spoke of the conversation I had with Faye Woods, and we discussed Yolanda's Instagram pics. There was no ill intent on either of our parts, and again, I'm telling you, I'm the one who brought this topic to the girls. I have not and will not pass blame about this within our group. I was the one to bring up the M-word, not Lisa Vanderpump, as Yolanda said at Kyle's party. What? All right. Okay, Rinna. Rinna, you could have just,

if you had just stopped bringing this all up over and over again, you could have avoided having to write this blog to clarify all this bullshit, but go on. I mean, okay. She's never said that Lisa was the one to bring up munch-hasms. I don't think she has said that.

But she has said Lisa is trying to make her talk about... She can't even keep her story straight. Okay. I passed this information along to Kyle one night when we... Oh, I already said that. At some point, the conversation Kyle and I had at SHU was relayed to LVP because she knew Kyle and I had discussed the pics and the M-word. Okay, so Lisa, Rinna, and Kyle go to dinner.

They're discussing the M word and making fun of the Instagram, basically. Kyle tells Lisa about it because that's how Kyle rolls. Okay, so now do people see why Lisa would say, thank God I thought you were going to bring Kyle into it. Because you were the one having dinner with Kyle and talking about Munchausen not me thank you for not fucking bringing Kyle into it like Lisa Rinna do you not understand

that you are just showing what a dodo bird you are Lisa we're trying to save you in this okay we know we come down on you but like please you are burning a bridge with the queen right now for no reason. She has not manipulated you.

You have misinterpreted her. Okay? Just own it, baby. You misinterpreted it, okay? So the next is last week, this clip was leaked or whatever leaked. It's like politics. But of the reunion where Lisa Rinna is just going off on Vanderpump and doing her little dance in the air and brings out phone records because Lisa Vanderpump says, I barely call you anyway. Like, I hardly ever call you.

And she's like, you never call me. I've got phone records, baby. And she starts dancing around in circles or whatever. And Lisa's like, are you all right? Okay. So Rinna responds to that with this next paragraph because, of course, the internet went crazy on her last week after that. So she goes, well, we were at dinner in Malibu at the Malibu Farm the night Kyle invited us all to Dubai. Lisa Vanderpump said she had never spoken to me on the phone.

And I can say without a doubt that she has indeed called me many times. Let's break that down a bit in one phone bill cycle. I spoke to LVp on the phone 10 times and within a specific 24 hour period she called me five times to infer that others knew i had brought up the m word and further hinted that in her opinion i should sooner or later admit this okay all right um that sounds like good advice to me. Wouldn't you rather have somebody tell you? Kyle is probably going to bring this up, which is basically what Lisa's saying. Kyle's basically going to throw you under the bus.

So I would say on camera before someone else has a chance to make you look like a goddamn idiot that you brought up Munchausen. Yeah, exactly. That's pretty good advice. Yeah, exactly. That's pretty good advice. And if you're going to take down Lisa with phone records, then I suggest you look into some other evidence because, okay, so she did call. Fine. That doesn't do anything. It doesn these messages where they were all three making fun of the Instagram and this and that. When it turns out, Lisa wasn't even on those. It was just Kyle and fucking Rita. And now they're bringing Lisa in. It's like she's making it.

She's just making it so much worse for herself. We need Dean Strang and the other guy to come and wade through all this this evidence and present a clear case because it's just getting too much. And the keys fell out. Just like that. I shook a bookcase. That's where they came from. It's like, lady, you're not. They're going to write a whole. You're right.

They're going to have a whole Netflix documentary about this shit. Yeah, exactly. Darling, I just was looking in the lot and I I just happened to see the car there underneath some trash. That's all. Darling, am I going to miss WrestleMania? Yeah, yeah, yeah. To me, it seems like Lisa Vanderpump really wanted Kyle to take the heat along with me. But why?

Maybe because it was your two fucking idiots fault for bringing up Munchhausen then telling her about it and getting all worried that you were going to bring her into it on national TV. You dope. You just answered every question of the season. Thank you. I really really wish we could sit down with her and just straighten

her out. And it wouldn't be a mean thing. It's just like, no, no, no, Rinna. Here's the situation. This is wouldn't be a mean thing. It's just like, no, no, no, Rinna. Here's the situation. This is how rational people are viewing it. And if you just look at it, you'll see how it makes sense. And you're all worked up over nothing. Now go fix your friendships before it's too late.

Oh, and then while she's talking about being shallow, she's like, meanwhile, back at the disco, Ken had some real choice names to call me. In one conversation, he managed to call me a fucking stupid bitch, silly cow, not the full ticket, and a winker. I actually find this rather amusing because, you know, I googled the definition of winker. Go ahead. You do it, too.

I promise you'll get a good laugh by the first definition you see. What? What? What? What? What? Oh, whatever. Okay, so bye until reunion time, you stupid show.

All right. Jesus Christ. Oh, yeah. Fe, so bye until reunion time, you stupid show. All right. Jesus Christ. Yeah, feisty, feisty episode. I hope you guys are not as annoyed with us as I am just because we had to regurgitate this shit for an hour and ten minutes. I know, and I hope that everyone goes and looks at footage of Yolanda not thanking people, because to me, that's a real character flaw. That shit is hilarious, and I'm going to watch that from now on

in every scene Yolanda's in. Well well it's annoying because it could be a reunion so there won't be a lot of compliments but i wish i wish i picked up in this like six episodes ago because you know everyone always says oh yolanda you look so good oh yolanda's and you know no thank yous oh yoli doll on the yoldle okay let's take a pee break shall we Okay, let's take a pee break, shall we? We're back. What do you want to do next, buddy? You know, your choice.

Lady's choice. Oh, I will say Southern Charm, just to have a little break from these housewife idiots. Yeah, sure. Why don't we go from Beverly Hills to South Carolina? I know that they've always had Cameron opening the show by being a total bitch, but I love it. I love her previously. She's like, previously, Thomas was a loser. You see?

Previously, Catherine was a slut. Yeah, always good. This episode was a little different from most in that they tried to give Cameron something to do in this one, which normally they don't. Yeah, she decided that she's going to throw a dinner party. Because normally she's rarely in her house. This is the most we've ever, I think, even detected of her husband.

We got to hear his voice on the phone at some point during the episode. I didn't know he was pissed about that. yeah he had to like steer away he's he was on call quote unquote on call aka like hanging out at denny's until the camera crews cleared out pretty much so she doesn't know how to give a dinner party or whatever so this is like cameras being wacky and trying to figure out what goes in the kitchen she's like a pan what so stupid but it was enjoyable it was and you know we got to see um the etiquette lady uh i forget her name pollock suzanne pollock she came back uh because as we remember from last season she tried to help katherine be a lady and then, now that Catherine got knocked up a second time, Suzanne's like, I really need to improve my repertoire here. Move on to an easier case.

I've completely lost a single woman, darling. Give me another chance. Here, how about Cameron? She seems like she's pretty easy. What's a pan? Oh, Jesus. I didn't even register for things. I mean, I didn't know what to get.

I just told the lady at the register counter, just put whatever I should have on there. She did a good job. I got a pan. Is a saucepan a pan that's made of sauce? I don't get it. Salt? What am I going to do with salt? She's like, what kind of salt do you have, honey?

Well, you know, just salt. No. What's this thing in the OXO box? i thought that was just a box of hugs and kisses oh it's a fan you pulled that thing of water came out i mean what is that a sink in a kitchen that is crazy if i'd known i would have washed my hands in this thing is this a thermometer i always thought it was a straw that was blocked. It was like desperately cloying and annoying, but also funny. I was there. I was actually laughing. I was laughing.

And I was glad that Cameron was making an effort. You know, I think at some point they were like, look, if you're not going to put anything in your real life on camera, you have to do something other than just be mean to people in the previous lease. She's like, oh, okay. And Patricia immediately knew that this was going to be a problem. She's like, all right, I'm going to donate Michael. Otherwise, it's just going to be a terrible dinner party. That scene with Patricia, what the hell, Patricia? Okay.

I love Patricia. That scene opens. Cameron's like, well, I'll just ask the Grand Dom. Patricia is like, well, hello, darling. Welcome to my home. I mean, would you look at this little thing? Did you get a dog? No, an intern.

God. With a hedgehog. With a hedgehog. Can you believe this? She's like still going after her LVP things with like a ton of dog shit in her house and her caftan and her fabulous life. But she won't get the hedgehog she makes some intern do it it's like telling the intern is just like poked to death with quills it's like that's like that's like what intern horror stories are made of oh one time i had to go

get a hedgehog and i came back my fingers were bleeding oh like someone was saying do you want to talk to sonia's intern who went crazy on... Did I tell you this, by the way? I should probably be saying this while we're not recording, but someone said, do you want to talk to Sonya's intern who went crazy on the internet and outed her for being such a horrible woman? I was like, yeah, of course.

Yeah. We should get on that. Yeah, we should find out what the story is. I should have gone on it earlier, though, because now I'm just like, do you have a hedgehog? Because otherwise you're useless to me. I do like that Patricia is really filling that void between LVP and Sonya Morgan.

You know, like, findings were the best of both worlds. Is there going to be a computer number three? I won't hold the animal, but my roof does leak, so we've got that. Dropped a blackberry in the toilet, so it's been clogged for four years. No one knows how to get rid of antiquated technology. And I love that Cameron is the biggest, you know, Cameron is Patricia's dream. Like, this is the kind of girl she wants.

She will listen to everything. She knows all the rules of the South. And Patricia is even so rude to her. I love it. girl she wants she will listen to everything she knows all the rules of the south and patricia is even so rude to her i love it she goes i'm curious as to how you're gonna pull off a dinner party well call suzanne she can help you and we'll just send michael over if you have any questions you can go to patricia trisha.com and go to the bottom of the page to ask Michael a question. All the kids are doing it. Yeah. She's like, I don't understand how you're going to do a dinner party without a butler.

You have a butler, right? I'm assuming you have one by now. You are over the age of 17. Is that one of those things you make eggs in? Oh, you're hopeless. Get out of here. Is that one of those things that holds up a church? Darling, that's a buttress.

I have big buttress and I cannot lie no darling guest list run down patricia just giving her those dirty looks and i like that patricia gives her this sound with the dirty look she's like from wondery this is black history for real i'm'm Francesca Ramsey and I'm Conscious Lee what do most people think about when they hear the words Black History Rosa Parks Reconstruction MLK February Black History Month exactly exactly there are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less.

In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th.

Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Harold, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top ten, curated by the headmaster himself. Bishop Grey's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at the list on her own,

she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Yeah, sipping her wine.

She makes some weird sound like a motor that just can't stop from being a bitch she's like i'm idling i'm idling darling well i mean the big news here is that cameron's basically inviting everyone except for t-rad and katherine because she doesn't want any craziness at her party which i think is a lie i think she actually would love craziness at her party i think it's that her husband said, I don't want them fighting in my house. So she did invite them, which of course we know is going to lead

to total disaster. It's like, darling, we've never used these folks before, and I don't want the first dinner party, someone to be stabbed with one. Is that so wrong? Okay, honey. She didn't invite them. By the way, Cameron was on the by the way camera was on the real world san diego she can handle drama okay that was the season where robin was arrested for slapping a marine on the shoulder no kidding if you don't have somewhere someone there who you're

going to be able to give bitchy comments about later you're going to have no role on this show cameron yeah no her her husband clearly said I do not want these lowlifes. I mean, her husband obviously has standards. He refuses to appear on camera. So he's clearly like old money, waspy, whatever. So he does not want trash like Catherine and T-Rav in his home. And she seems to have that fight within herself because she has that part of her. She's on a reality show again with Cray Crays.

She's got to love it and she keeps walking around like well i'm not the perfect southern girl and this and that but then you see her house it's like the perfect southern house everything is in place her hair is perfect her clothes are perfect her husband is too perfect to be on tv yeah but she's still a mess like she wants to be a mess but she just can't and i like that struggle yeah i think it's funny um but uh what else was okay i need to move on i know let me see drama oh i did like that she said re thomas and katherine drama doesn't just come into your life you either start it or you're a part of you allow yourself to be a part of it and i thought that that was

true sage advice yes that i need my own life but then i thought why did you just write that You allow yourself to be a part of it. And I thought that that was true. Sage advice. Yes. That I need my own life. Mm hmm. But then I thought, why did you just write that down when this bitch is on a reality show? Like you allow yourself to become part of it. You signed a contract for season three, Cameron. Exactly. Exactly. Well, so meanwhile, you know, the bad news for Catherine is that she is not only not invited to Cameron's party,

but apparently there's some manner of a flamingo party on the horizon. And Catherine did not get the invite for that because she was driving with her friend. What's her friend's name again? Jennifer. Jennifer. Jennifer who did her lips all of a sudden. Now her lips are plump. She looks different.

Jennifer's like, hey, you're going to Patricia's Flamingo Party, right? And Catherine's like, well, no, I didn't know about it. Oh. Oh, that's too bad. Are you sure? She's like, no, I didn't hear about it. Well, maybe you need to check your spam folder. No, that is it.

Catherine gets all pissed. Can someone tell me what I have done? Can someone tell me what I have done to these people? I'm like, Catherine, look. I'm with you so far because so far you're normal. You're knocked up again, which, you know, if I was Dr. Laura, I would say that's your own fucking fault, stupid. But I'm not.

So I'll say, okay, I'm with you. It's your fault. You're fucking stupid. I mean, it is. But still, I like her you know but let's not pretend that there's no reason that people don't want you here

she says that they're choosing Thomas aside no they're not he's not invited either yeah they don't want either of you two because everyone else is more or less well adjusted the biggest drama is like a bow tie goes missing, okay? And then you two are actually full-on having babies, like babies that you don't want.

And then you're using it against each other. You both get drunk. You both yell. You both fight. You're also like 23 years old, Catherine, and the rest of them are in their 30s or even their 40s, okay? So there's an age difference. You just don't fit in darling well 90 of the time we've seen catherine at a party she's making it all about her screaming and

yelling at everybody screaming fuck you to people like yeah let's not pretend you're confused as to why and she's yeah you're just like crazy stop associating me with my past lady it's not like you have a past as like a bank heist person that's 10 years old this was like a month ago yeah and you also by the way like you have on more than one occasion gone off on whitney and yelled at him and made fun of him and you have not necessarily been wrong i think i've actually supported you in all those moments but this is whitney's mother and she is during the flamingo party so why don't you just pour yourself a mint and julep non-alcoholic and just sit by

the slave cemetery well here's where I flip flop again because of course Catherine I mean Cameron what an asshole this is not just a dinner party where you don't get to invite people she's icing her out of filming you know so those are two people those are basically here we go

again with these women ganging up to ice somebody out of shooting. Again, you can't do that. You're on the same show. This is not a regular dinner party at your house where you get to be all snotty about it. You're icing someone out of filming, and that's not cool. It's her job too. Yeah, but it's going to lead to some delicious drama. This show always has like light fizzy drama

there's not never anything too serious but when once people start denying camera time that's when the real claws are going to come out and look like it's going to happen this season for sure oh yes um we also got to see in this episode this show really knows how to surprise us while being the most unsurprising show on tv it's pretty pretty simple, but they can still shock us. I mean, they brought J.D. in, and they're like, hey, congratulations, J.D. is a total shifty douchebag who's about to rob somebody on national television. Yeah, I mean, he could not be any more out of, like,

a Coen Brothers, you know, Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? redux. She's like, oh, come on, Craig, and come invest and be a partner in my hotel group. Welcome. Welcome, Craig, to the big leagues, brother. Take a look at these papers now. You brought cash, didn't you? You brought cash.

You brought cash, didn't you? Well, you know you don't have enough cash to get out of your sweat equity. So he has to pay $15 15 grand and work for free. Stupid Craig. Yeah. And Craig's like, well, I have to work for sweat equity because everyone else has more money than me. And then JD, let's face it. Craig was shit in the bed last year.

I can relate to that. My friends got my back, too. Sign this paper, Craig i was like oh god what a slime bag i know i'm like haven't i feel like i've seen this in like a million different musicals you're signing with the devil jd is clearly the devil by the way right yes he's the devil in that stupid musical about baseball what's it called the damn yankees he's like you want to sign this paper dancing around with baseball bats. By the way, we just have this Ishka Pomeroy, one of our Twitter followers, says Catherine doesn't know how to act.

She made her bed outside of being preggers. Needs to hashtag stay in her lane. I love that. You got Ishka. You got Ishka. That's another that's another stay in your lane reference, because Kim said that about Rinna. She's like, she needs to just mind her own business and stay in her own lane. Like, you drive drunk, like, every day. Listen to yourself. So the other, what else did we have here?

Kim and Suzanne, we already talked about. Patricia, Whitney, and Thomas. Wow. We already talked about Patricia, Whitney, and Thomas. Wow. So they go to the quote-unquote best French restaurant in all of the town. Now, I know that Charleston has a great food scene. They're doing the next top chef there. And they go into this French bistro, and it was the most hilariously American version of a French bistro. They had the poster of the black cat

on the wall. A Chat Noir or whatever. The shit that you buy at Ross. It was all Ross French decor. I love on the way it's Patricia and Whitney in the car

and they're laughing about inviting Thomas because Whitney still hates his ass. And he's like, well, we have to shoot the show, so mom made me invite him or whatever. And I don't know who said it, but one of them was like, well, this should be hilarious to watch him whip out his terrible

French accent. They knew. They knew what was coming. And that's exactly what he did he's like i don't think that's how you say duck in french it's not do connie whitney's like uh that is pepe le pew french okay yeah also the the language in the show cracks me up it's the only show on bravo where you'll hear somebody say i've had enough of his chicanery and then patricia's reading the menu in these opera glasses what the fuck with this

show i love i i also just love how patricia sees whitney as nothing but just just the most wonderful successful young man. They're talking about, I think they were talking about how Catherine was using the baby against Thomas. And I guess she's talking about child rearing. I forget the context, but she goes, you know, Whitney has turned out to be absolute perfection.

His father and I had no acrimony. There was nothing pernicious for Whitney's sake. And it worked. Whitney has turned out to be absolute perfection. I had to write the whole thing down. I was like, you said in one scene, you said chicanery, acrimony, pernicious. And perfection regarding Whitney. The only thing we've seen your son get right is his Botox this year.

Okay. It's been three years and we get credit certainly is not the uh read knob latest album now I love to laugh with Patricia I think she's one funny bitch but man she is a bitch and if you if anybody doubts it this scene I do not understand a woman who is such a woman hater when she's such a hypocrite so they start talking about child raising and thomas of course is like i'll give her plenty of money i don't know why i only get to see my child once in a while i give her 2500 a month which for a rich person is fucking nothing like that is nothing nothing so he's giving her peanuts and she goes patricia goes so she's so she's using the child as a bargaining tool. And Thomas goes, don't most women do that?

And Patricia goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, they do not. Now, that is self-serving and manipulative. It starts judging Catherine, of course, which I don't think she's wrong on that. But then she starts going into her, into dinner party, which I don't think she's wrong on that. But then she starts going into her in the dinner party, which I guess we can just skip. We're not going in order. But at this dinner party, she starts they all have to, Craig

does the big, you guys should be inviting Catherine. It's not cool that Catherine doesn't get to come. We're going to get back to Craig in a moment too, by the way. Yeah, we can go back. But just while I'm on stupid Patricia. So Patricia starts going off and lecturing everybody on what a terrible person Catherine is, which too by the way uh yeah we can go back but just while i'm on uh stupid patricia so patricia starts going off and lecturing everybody on what a terrible person katherine is which again not necessarily wrong but how gross for an older woman to be sitting there dissing some 23 year old who's

not there then going off and then going into her own history she's like well the first man i'm married after a few months and that lasted a second then the first man i'm married after a few months and that lasted a second then the next one i'm married after a day whatever she was saying poor whitney is like sitting there his mom is laughing and bragging about her fucking terrible life that she gave him you know it's just gross and she's sitting there judging someone else on their southern behavior like what woman marries someone then dumps them then marries again for like a second and then laughs about it when they're bragging about southern tradition because i guess she never acted like a damn mess while it was happening

well you know some of us are smart enough to get all money when we go dig and then she says then she says women make themselves so available. You can email somebody an emoji of a glass of wine and they come over and they have sex and they go home. I mean, it's the end of Western civilization as far as I can tell. I just like that she knows what emojis are. And who's been sending her emojis of glasses of wine? Michael. Everyone knows it's the eggplant.

The eggplant. Michael's like, ma'am, I've got another eggplant emoji in my inbox from your website. Now get over here, tiger. Then leave. And then he just leaves the next day until he has to come back and make them more martinis. Before all this. So before this, Craig and Naomi are getting ready for the dinner party. And Catherine calls up.

Oh, so because by the way, Catherine is she's looking for homes. You know why? Because she wants to be more independent. She wants to show that she could be more independent. So you're going to buy a house. That's not how you're going to be more independent. You'll be more independent by getting a job. You got to work.

Got to work. Get a job. Yeah, that's ridiculous. She's totally got her priorities wrong, if you ask me. But then, and by the way, the same goes to Landon. Landon's like, oh, money's pretty tight these days. I'm like, well, why did you rent a three-story building? Landon, artist. I've noticed that this show, and I don't know if it's a Southern thing,

but this show kind of gets on my nerves because it's all these women basing their lives and their opinions on what other men think of them or how other men regard them. And I don't like that. Like, be a strong woman. I mean, I get that we're in the South, but Cameron's like, this is what you're supposed to do in the South. Get married, have two babies. Landon, I get that we're in the South, but Cameron's like, this is what you're supposed to do in the South. Get married, have two babies. Landed. Well, I was

marrying that money, but now I'm going to try and do something else, but man, you know. Then you've got Catherine, who's basing everything on her budget that Thomas is going to give her. And you've got Patricia, who just based her whole fucking life on what she can get out of men. It's like, come on. You know, is there any independence here at all? Yes.

Her name is Naomi. And she's living in her parents' house. Yeah, in the parents' house. Exactly. So Catherine is shopping for homes nearby. And she calls up Craig. It's right before Cameron's dinner party. And she's like, can I come over?

And he's like, okay. And then after she's like, I don't know what to do. He's like, you know, it's going to be weird because we have to go to Cameron's party. I don't know what to do. I'm like, well, how about you tell her she can't come over? It's that simple. Yeah, we're busy. It's not like Catherine calls to come over all the time.

They both look horrified. I just happen to be in the neighborhood. Yeah, right. Yeah, I mean, if this is the way you're going to, this is the way you're gonna this is the way you think on your feet craig i'm a little concerned about your impending legal career well first he's got the hotel business or whatever the hell he just bought into stupid yeah so then um then when when katherine finally does come over naomi is like the the funny thing is that Naomi was mad at Craig originally, being like, well, what are we going to tell

Catherine? Like, I don't know. So then she comes over, and Naomi is smart. She says, well, we're going to Cameron. Cameron's making some food. She keeps it simple, and Craig's like, yeah, she's having a dinner party. I'm like, Craig, you're such an idiot. Have you never had to

cover? Have you never been in an indelicate situation before gosh craig so dumb because naomi can see what katherine's doing katherine is so obvious she's like well you know i'm just gonna show everybody i'm independent so what are y'all up to tonight all innocent so then stupid craig fucks it up of course and then she's like everywhere i turn the door is shutting on me i mean i'm also not invited to the flamingo party she has an actual quote i'm not invited to the flamingo party just a funny thing to ever have to say in your life a bunch of crustless tuna sandwiches being passed around by some old dude you know while terrible music is playing in the heat because you know it's hot as hell in there so then the dinner party

finally does happen you know catherine's upset but the dinner party does happen cameron almost falls over when she gets tangled in a rug which was really funny um she by the way this is like this is the typical like again this is a classic ben comment of something so small and insignificant so she pulls out the roast that she made uh and it looks beautiful and she sticks her thermometer in and she sticks it all the way through so pretty much pops at the other side and she's like oh it's overcooked i'm like no take the temperature from the middle from the middle the middle what is that is that something you make salsa in and for the record it was cooked perfectly i was like oh my god that looks amazing yeah that lady has some good advice she's like

salt and pepper throw it in the oven for two hours okay i can do that i was like jesus that is the most beautiful roast i've seen in years jesus i'm scratching my homeless beard oh especially considering that was cooked on a pan that still had soap suds on it oh i know i was like fumes i wrote that down too okay so we are the same because i was like enjoy that fucking soap fume that you're marinating that thing in gross it's it's yeah i was like um and then patricia i love also patricia bring brought place cards she's like don't worry I brought place cards because I loved it because to me it wasn't an example of her being bossy or pushy

it was this woman's just so bored you know because she has all these little crafting supplies she's always crafting and making scrapbooks and she's always like well it's not a party unless I bring some sort of crafting supply I got these at Michael's and found a pen at Joanne's so I mean,

it's a dinner party. Why not bring it? She wants to be a mom of a little girl, of a girl, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I actually thought it was oddly enduring

that she brought the place cards because it's like that was the highlight of the week. She was like, well, I brought these place cards. Look, they have little devils on them.

Oh, it's so funny. I put one outside in the dog poop area in case Catherine decides to show up. A new girl. Yes, sorry. Oh, no. No, go ahead.

I was going to say there was a new girl named Chelsea there who already Shep has his eyes on. And he already earlier in this episode invited two girls he's boning to the bar. And then they've sat on either sides of him. And he acted like nothing was wrong i just want to be one of them guys i'm just a guy who wants to make people laugh i'm made to hurt anybody's family that's stupid shut up who is believing this with shep okay those girls are all over shep because he rich yeah stop pretending it's something else like all these old dudes on this show have all these 20 year olds following them around

Like in this scene There's Danny, the hot 12 year old model That Whitney's dating That woman just needs a place to stay in Bel Air Whitney's not dating Danny Isn't that the model from last year? Oh no no, Danny is Shep's ex Who always hangs around, she's like a sommelier

And the model Whitney's model is off in france oh i'm so sorry danny for putting you in bed with whitney yeah that's the most offensive thing that's ever happened to her on this show baby you're all mixed up baby i own it except that it was ben's fault for writing that down in my notes i owned own that Ben's an idiot. Okay, there. Martini for Pat, Shep and Whitney, blah, blah, blah. A lot of this is fast-forwardable, right? I'm just looking through this

like, meh, don't even discuss it. They just bash Catherine. Because, by the way, that's their version of Netflix. That's what they have to do in that town. Go somewhere and bash slut pics. We'll just go down the list of every slut in this

neighborhood who's doing things incorrectly and opposing the southern tradition. She gives them a lot of material. I'm sorry. She huffs out at parties. She sulks at parties. She yells at people. This is what Patricia said, what you said before.

She does all these things. Of course they're going to talk about it. I would talk about her. We are talking about her at this very moment. Here we are! Yeah, she seems like she's so sweet and then she just unleashes. I loved that they were eating the food. They were going through the buffet line or

whatever. And this is a boring party, let's face it. Everybody's like bored and they're going through the buffet line and patricia goes where's my end piece and cameron's like oh someone took someone took patricia's end piece he's got it like what no one even knows what an end piece is yeah and then she finds it on someone else's plate takes it with a fork and then shoves it on patricia's plate and patricia instead of even being offended just goes why thank you dear you just ate meat off someone else's plate well to be fair danny was never going to eat any of that food anyway i know i took the end piece because i thought it was

disgusting nobody would want it sorry uh let's see so then yeah craig tries to get her re-invited and cameron's like well you cannot reason with an unreasonable person. And then it became about how awful Thomas and Catherine are, and my opinion stays the same. You're on the same show. Get over it. Yeah, but I'm okay with, like, an early season disinvite because then it sets the stage for anger for the rest of the season. Oh, yes. And it's going to be good because Catherine's trying to act all nice again.

And you know that that's out the window by week three. I just hope that Thomas is Sandy Duncan campaign manager shows up again because everyone shows up. Like once you appear on Southern Charm, you just continue appearing for the rest of the show. I mean, I mean, the fact that that Suzanne Pollock is back just shows that once you're in the fold you're in it for life. Yep. So give us the campaign manager. Yeah, we probably need her again because Catherine's delusional enough to make Thomas delusional enough to run for something again because

Catherine goes, he's good at manipulation. I mean he's such a good liar. That's why he's such a good politician. I'm like he got 4% of the vote or some shit, lady. He's not good as a politician good politician. I'm like, he got 4% of the vote or some shit, lady. He's not good as a politician. Yeah.

You're barking up the wrong tree, girl. And I can't wait to watch it. Yep. So let's go to New York City now. Let's go from the south to the north. Let's go to those Yankees. Those damn Yankees. That was a weird Lisa Rinna meets JD laugh.

I'm dancing around with baseball bats and singing musical songs just to make this all make sense. We're a team, damn it. Damn, Yankees is the place to be. I really don't like that musical. That's one of the only ones I don't. Oh, no. You know what's from that one? That was Green Acres.

I was going to say, whatever the loss loss You were singing the Green Acres theme song Yeah, I was Green Acres is the place Speaking of Green Acres We start off At Jules' apartment Where we get to see the crazy morning rituals Of getting two spoiled children

Off to school And I say that really It's not an indictment on the kids. It's more than it's an indictment on their parenting. Cause Jules is like, she's like, well, you know, waking, waking up the kids in the morning is really hard. You know, you know, it takes them forever to wake up and then they always want a jacuzzi. So they're always, you know, an hour late to school, but whatever. It's private school.

I'm like, are you, are you serious? We pay for that. So they don't have to follow the rules. Fuck off. I was like, your kid wants a jacuzzi. You're running late kid does not get that get the jacuzzi okay well she's obviously lying about all of this which is cracking me up like she's one of the most transparent people that's ever been cast i'm normally it takes me a while i like to warm up literally literally transparent She needs to eat more. She's such a faker.

She's saying, oh, I do this every morning for my husband. Doesn't know how to use the coffee. Doesn't know how to make coffee. Doesn't know how to cook. When she's giving her kids a bath, she gets soap in one eye and then sprays the other one in the eye. I'm like, you've obviously never done this before. Stop pretending. never done this before stop pretending she's like i'm always confused at the filipino nanny as she like does her kids like right off into like a pond in their stroller as she's checking her phone like

yeah i don't think i think they know that you're not a nanny the nanny's standing right off camera shaking her head like all these poor children trying to shield them from this kids are fleeing dog poop from the park at each other totally realize jules is one of those idiots that brags about how idiotic she is she's like i don't know how to do this i don't know how to do that why are you expecting people to impress with your stupidity woman like why brag about it yeah yeah is this bitch for real hate that was yeah she's not making a good impression on me just to start with hater hater uh So next is Bethany. It's my birthday, okay?

So like on my birthday, I do what I do. It's my birthday. So, you know. Shut up! Yeah. How was it the first week? Last week when this show came back on, I was giddy watching it. I was laughing out loud.

I was like, I am so excited. By the end of this one i had a literal headache oh yeah i was i was still excited i was still giddy listen listen when you have a scene of when you have a scene of dorinda bragging about how she likes to narrow john's back and how there's rituals involved i don't know how you can't be giddy and also bethany who's spending all of her time calling dorinda an alcoholic, is like, oh, it's my birthday. Here's some champagne. Yeah. To us.

What a bitch. Yeah. So she's buying herself gifts from this jewelry store, which, of course, she's put skinny girl all over the jewelry store. Right. Of course. And Dorinda, I don't know why this made me laugh, but Dorinda going, hey, you know what? I love pearls. What?

going hey you know what i love pearls i don't know why that made me laugh but it did because she's so nervous you know she's like oh god what is this bethany bitch gonna do to me she's already called me an alcoholic what's coming what's coming yeah and then bethany read with everything so bethany i have to point out bethany is an evil human being okay i know that we go back and forth on this but she is the worst this is her first scene in the show she's handing someone she thinks is an alcoholic a drink yeah then she's skipping over to mock said woman's boyfriend right then she's dissing ramona and dorinda's like well maybe john should stay at ramona's house you know because she doesn't love john all that much and she's like who cares like what you're still with ramona i mean i've never been with ramona like i trust ramona and then

what does she say i'm trying to find it i don't remember i don't remember what she said there i was like this this for this one scene only I was only I was half watching I was distracted with something this is when I was running around this morning I was like trying to do a million things so this actually specifically this scene was one that I tuned out of she made oh Bethany and Carol so later I guess they're wait I don't know Carol's there somehow oh yeah they start talking about Ramona yes and then Bethany's like whatever with Ramona I can't with Ramona like I give her a chance and then boom she like ruins everything like she ruins my life or she does

she says something like that and then she's on Ramona's side again like Jesus Christ you have one person that you're true to anywhere well I mean Bethany I'm interested to see what the public reactions to Bethany because like two days ago she got into some serious hot water

because she was speaking at a entrepreneurial something another keynote speaker and uh she basically was saying well yeah you know if you're uh if you're a minority if you're a woman in business you have to hire a white man to negotiate deals otherwise you're not gonna get your funding you have to have a white man so that the internet is going berserk yeah so and then and so then on top of that later on this episode when uh when jules is trying to to wash the wash the the unkosher shrimp off her hands and bethany is like i don't know how you say that in japanese like uh no i see oh not smart oh i'm like oh god bethany you are gonna need some sensitivity training very soon no kidding i mean we're furious at watching this fucking twit wash our hands on the ice bucket it I'm like, oh, God, Bethany, you are going to need some sensitivity training very soon. No kidding.

I mean, we're furious at watching this fucking twit wash her hands in the ice bucket. It was disgusting. I'm kosher. Shrimp. Yeah, because you just touched everything on the plate. Why did you do that? How could you not see that they were shrimp? How could you not see that they were? Who goes and puts their hands over all the food and then their face and then their hair and then washes their hand like gets lemon and squeezes it all over the floor and then puts her hands in the ice bucket

disgusting and most people on a housewife with housewives fans they would have gone ape shit over that for a month but then bethany has to top it off with racist bullshit it's like what the hell bethany can be even worse than the worst Well to be fair when Jules was touching the shrimp That is her version of eating It's like a fly A fly just has to land She absorbs something Yeah it absorbs through her feet

One of those people who won't vape Because she thinks there's calories in it Moron I have to read this though since you brought up this thing It's on Jezebel I won't make it the whole thing. Don't worry about this was a tweet because there's no video of Bethany at this women empowerment bullshit that she was speaking out. But she pissed people off. This is one of the tweets from somebody who was there. I was stunned when Frankel implied that women should have sex with men in exchange for capital. I was offended when she expressed some kind of kinship with black women because she's loud. And I was taken aback when she advised those of us in the room to get business advice to hire a white man as the face of our companies.

Ouch. Yeah. Girl. Yeah. And in fact, even the woman said, like, I don't disagree that there's racial bias when it comes to VCs and funding and business, et cetera, et cetera. that there's racial bias when it comes to VCs and funding and business, et cetera, et cetera. The way she said that and what she

said was just really, really, really bad. Yeah, and Bethany's tweet to argue it all, where is it? It's here somewhere, but she wrote something that was like, eh, black or white, I say, oh, I don't care if you're a woman, man, black, white, Hispanic, green, or purple.

Biz in life, be better than everyone else. Don't complain. Don't explain. Okay. Wait, did Bethany just say don't complain? Because I think that's sort of what she does, right? Yes, pretty much. She doesn't ever explain, but she does complain and ask other people to explain constantly.

So, meanwhile, Luanne and I believe luann and sonia were hanging out and luann is just being totally shady about carol she just keeps on luann is like she's this season of luann her character is in this very strange place talking about how um who was she saying oh it was saying how bethany crawled up carol's ass etc it's gonna be a nasty season oh yes yes so luann's going for it and meanwhile carol is over at this jewelry store or whatever going in on her too yeah um and i was kind of liking it i think it's funny that dorinda is trying to play the peacekeeper and everything she's trying to make everyone be nice to ramona because carol and uh carol of course is

like oh i didn't tell you about the lunch with ramona two hours passed and she never took a breath she wouldn't shut up and dorinda's like well she's not being harmful you know it's just ramona like it's exciting like you know how ramona can be oh she's being funny you know she's a good person and then that's when bethany says every time i invest in ramona i get burnt which i love that bethany to her friendship even that's an investment you know yeah her terminology yeah exactly don't complain don't complain dorinda says in 20 years of being ramona's friend that has never happened to me oh never happened to me. Oh, Jesus. Never happened. I was like, warning. Yeah. You just jinxed it.

I like, by the way, how Luann was cross-cutting back and forth. She's like, well, you know, when Carol and Adam got together, it was very hurtful to me and my family. But I'm over it now, and I just wish Carol and Adam the best. I'm like, oh, please, Luann. I love you. I love you, Luann. But you cannot lie for shit yep and then she's like well you know bethany i mean i've i saw bethany quite a bit this summer i saw her at a fourth of july party i sang at it yes yeah yeah i sang there you know

one of my gigs i saw bethany there you know she's like oh to come like luanne's on the mic everyone start the fireworks start the fireworks aim them towards the drag queen and then sonia goes luanne finds something on the table she's like what is this she goes oh you know i saved my kitchen for demons it's like oh god you do that right right? She goes, not really. It obviously doesn't work. There sits Luanne. Exactly. The demons are my friends. The demons wrote my first song. Demons can't buy you class.

We changed it. Chic c'est la demon. So next is Dorinda Ramona For the obligatory Ramona I don't need Mario, I mean what the heck Look, it's my apartment, you know I got my apartment redone because, you know Mario, it's not Mario anymore

I do what I want, this is a new me Okay? Okay, this apartment It's like, you know, I got rid of Mario's stuff It's like he was never even here, and you know what Now it looks like me. It reflects me. So you see, you can see all the warped angles. And you see all the strange colors. And it's like a funhouse on crack.

And sometimes a clown walks through. It's just like me. Oh, did you hear a creak in the floor? Mario used to make that creak. Is Mario here? Mario? Never mind. It's just me.

It's all me. I don't care. Yeah, no more blinds. Okay? Because I'm not blinded anymore. See? It's just like me. And there's a table. Because I love anymore. See? It's just like me. There's a table, because I love

eating at tables. It's just Ramona. It's a Ramona table. I've always loved furniture with four legs. There, I said it. Take that, Mario. Okay, my mother always said you have to get a table that has at least four legs. Otherwise, it might fall over, and you don't need a man to pick up your

table, okay? The only time we had furniture with two legs was one time we were eating dinner and my mom told my father, you look nice today, honey. And he said, fuck you, bitch. And then he kicked the legs off the table and spaghetti fell on her head. This one time, I remember, this is crazy.

Whoa, whoa, it's all coming back to me right now. I remember going into the Berkshires, okay? We were in the woods. And I said, this would be a great place to put up a table. So I brought out a table and it only had three legs. And Geraldine Parsons-Smith came out of nowhere and said, hey, where's the fourth leg? And I said, there is no fourth leg. And she said, oh, I can tell because watch what happens

when I do this. And she touched the table and it fell over. And I cried all night long. And to this day, I can never have a table with just three legs, okay? Oh, wait. A helicopter's above me. That's my friend. Bye. I'm putting this helicopter in my apartment. You see, Mario never wanted me to have a chimney.

And I got one, okay? Welcome helicopters and possibly Santa, okay? Doritos is like, I love Santa. Let's sit on the air conditioner. I want to nail Santa's back. Yeah. And then meanwhile, Bethany and Carol.

So this is, again, it's classic Bethany entrance. Carol's just sitting there. And instead of Bethany going, oh, hey, how's it going? She goes, wow, you have black mascara on. You have sex? What's going on? You crying?

What's the matter? What's the matter? What's the problem? What happened to you what someone else died you're crying again you need another urn going to london how many what's happening i don't get it okay no one died okay and people wonder why carol doesn't talk yeah it's friends like that carol's like uh carol's like i'm so excited to tell bethany about how ramona just railroaded right over me and here she comes hey bethany well what. What's wrong? What's wrong? Your mouth is open.

You about to eat something? You want something? Are you hungry? All right, we're in a restaurant. Order something. I don't care. Get something. I'm not going to have anything right now.

I might have it because it's later. You know what? You know what? I love food. All right? So sue me. I like food. Okay?

You're going to say something? What were you going to say? Okay, tell them to me right now. I'm not right here. I'm listening. Okay? Come on. You know what I want to know?

How's Adam? Oh, how's Adam? He's great, right? I mean, he looks great. Like, you know, he talks great. He looks great. You know, that's Adam. He's great, right?

You know, God thinks he's going well with you and Adam. That's so great. It's like you know, he talks great. He looks great. You know, that's Adam. He's great, right? You know, God thinks he, thinks it's going well with you and Adam. That's so great. It's like, Jesus, let her say. Carol's like, well, actually, okay, well, okay. Well, actually, it's like love, actually, you know? Like, love actually is like a movie, you know? But like, not everyone gets love.

Okay, that's what happens to me. I didn't get love. Okay, so what? Like, literally, if you ask me about love one more time, I'm going to be on the floor crying. I'm going to be crying. I'm not going to watch a movie with a comma in the title. That's it.

I said it. There. There, you said it. I said that. There. There. You said it. I said that movie. No. Go away. I don't even know what happens in that movie. Is it good?

Did you see it? Did you watch it with Adam? Adam loves that movie, right? You know what I call it? I call it Love Actually Not because I'm not going to watch it. Okay? So not actually love. All right?

Laura Linney. I don't even know who Laura Linney is. Who is Laura Linney? Is her name Lynn or is her name Laura? I don't get it. Like I don't understand her brand. Is she an actress? Is she just someone with two names?

Like, what's happening here? Like, literally, my wall is up. That movie poster for Love Actually? Too thin. I just can't with that. It's too thin. It reminds me of my mother. I could go on for, like, another hour.

Just, Carol's like. Well, Adam's doing great. But, unfortunately, in five summers i'm gonna be dead and then all right so what okay that's fine okay you're dead you know what this is no you're my summer was it's my summer of zero fucks like that was a full and no fucks like come up with a different title clear evidence that she was hanging out with Erica Jane over the summer. Yeah, exactly.

It's the fullest skinny girl no fucks. Branding every damn thing. And Bethany started bashing Luann. It's really interesting seeing the battle lines being drawn. Bethany starts going in on Luann. Saying how, like, you know, Luann, she just keeps on like, she's like very aggressive. She wants to know

when's the party, when's this one? She's a user. Luann's a user. You know, she's needy. It's just not natural with her. It's calculated. I don't like that.

Like she sent me this text and she was like, what's your deal? Like be cool. Like don't be all uncool. And then Carol goes, like she invented a new word. Meanwhile, Bethany is the one who's hawking these T-shirts that say, get off my jock.

So, you know what? Let Luann have her slang. Yeah, exactly. Is she really? Is that true? Oh, yeah. It's like always on Instagram. These shirts.

She gets these hot guys and they have a T-shirt that says, get off my jock. Like, why would I wear that? Why would I wear it? You know what? Because I hate aggressive T-shirts that are like, fuck you, I'm sexy. Or like, I don't get on your jock. I was stupid, Arrow. I hate that.

I'm a good little fuck. I think those t-shirts are stupid. So if someone had a t-shirt that said, get off my jock, I would get on your jock. How about that? Yeah. I'm up for like Mike of Shazza's Sunset t-shirts. Like a Don Dooley t-shirt in gold. Yeah.

I'm for it. Yeah. So Carol goes, well well you better be careful because luanne holds grudges and eventually it's all gonna come out i keep a list of everything she says bad to me what do you think holding a grudge means carol it's all going in my book. The book is actually called So then Dorinda, guess what? Dorinda's doing a bra party. She's going to do a bra party

because I've had the same bra since Grace Jones was performing at the Planet Club. Isn't that crazy? Women our age, they don't understand bras. Women our age are used to discomfort. You know what I mean? So I'm like, women, like, bras, you know? Because, like, women our age are, like, used to, like, discomfort. You know what I mean?

So I'm, like, women, like, bra. You know? I'm, like, we all have Oprah. Like, did you just get this on your TV? She's, like, one time a red balloon floated in my room. I was, like, oh, it's a red balloon. I looked below. It was a bra.

I thought, all right, time for a new bra. If Kyle Richards isn't here, it's a waste of everybody's time. So then we cut. Oh, we have to get to the John joke. He's like, you know what, baby? Like, the best part is you make a mess, and I'm always here to clean it up. He's like, yeah, yeah, John, I get it. Dry cleaning, okay?

You're making the messes, okay? I don't care if your mess is wet or dry because I can clean dry things because I'm a dry. Yes, John. You're so beautiful. I want to put you a hanger and wrap you in plastic and just like buzz you around the carousel a few times for my friends to see. All right, John. All right, John. Like a murder threat.

All right. Real name, John. And then we cut to Ramona calling Bethany. And this cracked me up because the way that ramona said she calls up and says happy birthday bethany but she's like happy birthday bethany may you have a year full of the best okay bethany okay on your birthday my gift to you is me being renewed oh my god i God, I rhyme. It's crazy. It rhymes like, you know what also rhymes?

A-O-A. It's like A-O-A. It rhymes. It's like, I don't know where I get these things. I'm divorced. I'm free. Bethany, this is not your old friend Ramona calling for your birthday. It's the new Ramona calling for your birthday, okay?

The best thing for this, this whole scene, Ramona is standing in front of a mirror. Yeah. And she's trying to talk to Bethany, but then she keeps shrugging at herself in the mirror and laughing at herself and agreeing with herself in the mirror she's like she thinks she's like another person on the other side of the room that she's talking to the weirdest thing she's like hey are you going to brazier party my friend here and i are we're both going her name she looks just like me we're both going to be there i might bring old ramona she's still in my bedroom, right? Oh, she's smiling at me right now. She just shrugged.

I love your jewelry. She loves mine, too. She just said it at the same time. Jinx. Oh, my God. There's going to be a lot of cokes to be bought, okay? Can you believe that you're going through a rough patch? I mean, you got a divorce.

Like, I got divorced. I was like, Jesus Christ. Between Ramona trying to make it about herself and Bethany trying to make it about herself. Do these women know anything about each other? So the big news is that Ramona had previously told Bethany that some of Ramona's friends were at a party, okay? And they were outside. And John was taking a smoke break and John started telling people that he needed to go home and take a bunch of Viagras and fuck Dorinda for six hours it wasn't very nice okay and then here's another Bethany another evil Bethany thing okay after she's just dissed Ramona by the way she's pretending to

be Ramona's friend, and she goes, yeah, I would bring that up. Yeah, you should totally bring that up. Like, if it's uncomfortable, like, yeah, you should totally bring it up, right? In the middle of the Brizia party. Ramona, well, I call it Brizia party because I was born in the 50s, so I say Brizia,

and you were born in the 60s, so you say bra. Okay. Okay. My mother always said never say bra because the people who say bra are just commonplace broads okay but not you bethany you're a very special broad even though none of your relationships work out okay this is so good because it wasn't even a party that ramona was at and her friends

weren't even at it there was like some other other party and they saw him smoking. It's like he was from someplace else. It's so weird. This show is so weird. They were attacking each other so hard. So now it's time for the bra party. And it's being held at the Gansport. And what I love is that Ramona shows up. She walks in and she just walks into an elevator that's open.

And she turns around and she goes, it's not going. You have to press a button. elevator that's open and she turns around and she goes it's not going you have to press a button like did did were you like do you have like second hand aviva drescher elevator trauma do you not have to operate these things anymore it doesn't just like it doesn't just like you know divine your ambitions here you have to press the button that was so good I just want to watch that over and over. It's not going. It's not going. Go. Go.

Go. It's not working. Go. I'm here. So they get up to the bra party. Jules comes in. Who cares? She's horrible. Jules is touching shrimp.

Yeah, she's touching everything and getting her nasty hands into everything. She's disgusting. Jacuzzi hands. Jacuzzi hands. And then Bethany walks in like, oh, look at this. It's a bra partyuzzi hands. Jacuzzi. And then Bethany walks in like, oh, look at this. It's a bra party. I went to a bra party once. I knew someone who owned a bra company. They used to have

these all the time. Great. It's a bra party. I mean, here we are. What are we eating? There's boxes of booze in the hallway. What are we eating? Dorinda goes, just once I'd like Bethany to walk into my house and be like, wow, I've never done this before. Yeah.

I love their simmering competition. I love that Dorinda is, like, low-key competitive with Bethany, and Bethany is low-key sensitive about being competed with. I like that. Yes. I do, too, because I don't even know what Dorinda's trying to win. At this point, in this, and we'll get to it,

but at this point, Dorinda's just on the defense the whole time because she's done nothing but talk lovely about every single person on here. She's like, wasn't it lovely?

Bethany, wasn't that fun when we hung out in the summer? Like, that was lovely, wasn't it? Well, I mean, it was lovely. You know what? So then,

Carol comes in, she meets Jules. I don't wear bras. So congratulations. And then so then they start talking about how Jules, you know, she's got small titties. She didn't breastfeed or whatever. Jules is like, I made a valet. A for effort, whatever.

She made a joke. But I don't know if you heard this in the background when they're talking about how Jules didn't breastfeed. Ramona starts going, got milk? Got milk? Did you hear her doing that? She was like cracking a joke. Because they were joking about it. They were joking about how she didn't breastfeed.

Hey, guys. Got milk? Got milk? Did anyone hear my joke? Got milk? Got milk? She doesn't have milk. You know what?

You know what? She doesn't have milk. Okay. I'm sorry. Got milk? No. That's a commercial. Like, you got to add a no to the end.

Am I right? Ramona just kept the joking up because she goes, when she's introducing her, she's like, oh, look. Oh, my God. You look great. You're so skinny. Oh, my God, Kara. You're almost as skinny as Jules. Look at Jules.

Jules. Jules. You haven't met my other skinny friend. Look, you're both skinny. And then they start talking about the mosquito bites. And then Ramona goes, yeah, Jules, Jules, you haven't met my other skinny friend. Look, you're both skinny. And then they start talking about the mosquito bites. And then Ramona goes, yeah, Jules, Jules just has mosquito bites, okay? I have quadruple bites. What does that mean?

Got milk. I have quadruple bites. What does that even fucking mean? No, it's too much Ramona Blue in the brain. It's not going. So then what's funny is then, again, conversation comes up about Luann. No, it's too much Ramona Blue in the brain. It's not going. So then what's funny is then, again, conversation comes up about Luann. And what was so fascinating, someone said, like, oh, Bethany, you and Luann are pretty close.

And Bethany's like, I would say that we're friendly. I was like, ooh, that's cold. Yep. She's coming for everybody already. Yeah. That's harsh. We also got a clip of how bethany acts on her birthday sobbing in the back i don't like thinking to be about me i'm sure um in the bathroom so then they get the the bra size thing which is which was kind of weird it's like these two

overweight women just looking at your boobs and telling you what size you are like no i'm not trusting you yeah i think everybody wears a bra that fits on this show i've never noticed otherwise yeah i never noticed that either it seemed like an it seemed like an odd odd choice of a party so then uh what was funny is then everything starts to unravel in ways you wouldn't expect so ramona is sitting with like on the same ottoman as carol and carol's making jokes about how she couldn't get a word in edgewise with ramona and i was like actually you know uh there's something that you did i love that carol's like you know it's always a bad sign when you say actually when the moment

you say actually i know it troubles following i was like well actually it's funny because you know uh i was going through a trauma over the summer and and you didn't call once, okay? Okay? And Carol's like, but I did. I called you like five times. I'm like, I sent you a text on your birth. What are you talking about? It was like the worst time in my life, okay? Like, how could you do that? It was like the worst.

I can't believe you, Carol. She's like, uh, uh, whatever, Ramona. Even Ramona said, okay. No, actually, I'm sorry. Carol at one point even goes, okay, back it up. Back it up. I was like, uh-oh. Well, then speaking of back it up, Dorinda just laid it out plainly.

She goes, I don't understand why you guys are going to lunch anyway. I mean, like, look, Ramona, you should stay where you belong. On the Upper East Side, you have lunch with some, like, fancy people. You talk, Carol, you should stay downtown where you get your gluten-free and your, free and you're like children today to whatever like you shouldn't even be having lunch like that's the truth like just look i'm just saying the truth and who said who says it bethany's like i love the truth i love it no no what happened was yeah because dorindo says something let's not pretend let's not pretend but the thing is dorindo was actually making a joke i think she was just just trying to be funny, making a joke.

And Bethany was like, oh, good. Here's a way in. Okay. All right. We're not going to pretend. Okay. I don't want to pretend. I don't like to pretend.

You know what? I hate fiction. There's a whole section in the bookstore for fiction. Why? It's stupid. It's made up. It's not real. You know what I want?

Nonfiction. That's what I want. Okay. You know what? Here's some nonfiction. All right. My wall is up. Nonfiction story.

My wall is up. Berlin wall, except it's the Bethany wall in my face. Bridges of Madison County. I mean, what is that? It's some nonfiction, all right? My wall is up. Nonfiction story. My wall is up. Berlin wall, except it's the Bethany wall in my face. Bridges of Madison County. I mean, what is that? It's some bridge, some imaginary bridge. Where's that going to get you? Nowhere, okay? You know what's going to get you somewhere?

The Brooklyn Bridge. You don't got to read it. You just walk over it. It's done. You're done. I mean, what's the big deal? I'm not going to read fiction. Fiction's stupid.

Brothers Karamazov? Who are the Karamazovs? I don't even know these people. Why would I want to read about them? Who are they? They're from Russia? I don't even like Russia. I don't even speak Russian. I don't even like Russian food. Why would I? Who is this? I don't even know these people. Like, why would I want to read about them? Like, who are they? They're from, like, Russia? Like, I don't even like Russia. I don't even speak Russian.

I don't even like Russian food. Like, why would I? Who is this? I don't get it. Dr. Seuss? Toothpain. Toothpain. I'm a cat person, okay?

I'm sorry. I don't want to read about a cat in a hat. Like, why is there a cat in a hat anyway? Like, it shouldn't be in a hat. That's someone's hat. Like, that's disgusting. It's actually, you know what that is? That's disgusting.

I'm sorry. How could you bring me a cat on my birthday? What's a Lorax? Like, it doesn't make sense. A my birthday? What's a Lorax? Like, it doesn't make sense. It's like a man? Is it an animal? What are those trees? I've never even seen a tree like that before.

I'm sorry, I don't get it. I don't understand it. Well, look, the Lorax should have lunch downtown, you know? You should just, like, have lunch uptown. That's all I'm saying. Let's not pretend. They're trying to work it out with everybody between the Lorax and Bethany. Bethany would get into a fight with the Lorax.

How do you know where I've been? You don't know. You don't know my friend. I'm friendly with Dr. Seuss, but I'm not friends. You don't know where I've been. You don't know what I've been doing. I don't get it. It's a little rude. I think it's a little rude, personally. I think it. You're not my friend. Like, okay, I'm, like, friendly with Dr. Seuss, but I'm not, like, friends. Like, you don't know where I've been. Like, you don't know what I've been doing. Like, I don't get it. Like, it's a little rude.

I think it's a little rude, personally. I think it's weird. Like, I'm sorry. Like, how do you say in Japanese, it's a little rude? Like, it's a little rude-o. Sorry. Arigat, rude. Green eggs and ham.

That's all I know in Japanese. Arigato. Who wants green eggs and ham? Like, I don't get it. Who would eat green eggs? I mean, they do make you throw up, which makes sense. Skinny girl, green eggs. There you Like, I don't get it. Who would eat green eggs? I mean, they do make you throw up, which makes sense. Skinny girl, green eggs. There you go.

Found it. My idea. My idea. It was mine. She's trying to sue Dr. Seuss for coming up with green eggs first. So, anyways, Bethany uses this as an opportunity to mention that she didn't like that John was trying to hit her up for business when Dorinda was in another room. So here we go.

Bethany has now been with Dorinda alone twice or three times that we've seen. She has not said one time. This is something that happened over the summer. She just keeps waiting to hound Dorinda or pound her over the head in public. It's so fucking wrong, man. I hate that she's doing this. If you have a problem with John, you've been with her twice. You were with her this morning, Bethany.

Why didn't you say that then? But she has to wait until everyone's gathered and then suggest, you know, which he is a sleep spot. It's not like you can stand up for John, but Dorinda's not. She's being nice. Leave her alone, man. Yeah, I kind of felt bad. I felt like Dorinda nice leave her alone man yeah I kind of felt bad I felt like Dorinda sort of got

ambushed I kind of think it's a weird it was a weird attack too like oh you don't want pretend like John's going behind your back and everything's like and then she's like well I feel like you're always trying to sell him you're always trying to sell him which is true and then I love that then Dorinda starts yelling like I'm not trying to I'm not hey

hey I'm not selling him I'm not selling him. I'm not selling him. Oh, he's a good man. He's a. I'm like, you're kind of selling him. Well, she's selling him because they all hate him so vocally. She's always like, no, you know, he's a good guy. You know, he's really nice to me.

And like, like there was this time, like I was crying and then he was like, it's okay. And I was like, that's good. You know, it's a good man. And you know what? Screw you guys. That's my man. And then Dorinda's just goes on her like crazy drunken the hulk yeah meanwhile bravo i loved every second of and of course bravo totally undermines her by showing like minutes and minutes and minutes of footage of dorinda selling john to all the ladies yep but so what so she does so

just say i don't like selling him but now you're mixing in i don't like you selling him and also he comes up to me at a party like he's trying to ask for my business information and get my number and i was like get get my number from your girlfriend like what are you insinuating bitch i don't like it bethany back off bethany has now attacked every single person in this this cast except for carol because carol's heads up her ass and of course carol on cue goes well i mean she is right dorinda does make excuses for his odd behavior it's very practiced which isn't false but again get your fucking life lady it's true though uh she does she does make a lot of excuses for john but that's probably also because the woman just never accepted him,

so she probably feels she has to. And Carol, who's dating a child, the one person who said something about it, it's, like, unforgivable now because someone had the nerve to say something about Carol's relationship. That's true. Good point. Good point. Well, then Ramona, you know,

decides that she's going to, like, throw some gas onto the fire, and she's like, well, you know what? I heard that he was at some gas onto the fire and she's like well you know what i heard if he was at a party talking about wanting to take viagra and wanted to fuck you for hours and then that's when that's when dorinda just goes nuts she starts yelling talk to me separately about it do you hear me do you hear me who does that ramona well i was just saying because you know like you can and then you talk to me it's a friend of 20 years you talk to me separately ramona what don't you get and then jewels with her stupid shrimp smelling ass next to her going oh it's okay durinda jules shut the

fuck up get jules out of here what what do you people bring jules jules to a bra party for anyway get her out how did jules even become a housewife? I don't even understand yet. She threw her off the balcony, that woman. But then eventually we did get some classic Dorinda. She stands there and she's like, Back it up! Back it up and stop the bullshit!

I buried, I married, and now I'm choosing the man away. You don't like it? You don't like it? You don't like it? I don't like it? You don't like it? I don't give a shit. Okay, now back it up and stop the BS. And then she takes a deep breath and like, then she's like completely calm again.

It's so weird. And Bethany adds to it by being like, well, I mean, look at you. Like, this is what you want. How about you stop the BS? Like partying all hours of the night. Like you guys had to be carried out of my house i mean that that was that was terrible and she's like i left because i felt insulted what about that bethany and bethany kind of looks scared

well the funny thing was then became an argument about who she who during this should be angrier at she's like bethany's like you should be you should be mad at me you should be not at not ramona i want to be mad at ramona you should be mad at me yeah you should be mad at me. Not Ramona. I want to be mad at Ramona. You should be mad at me. Yeah, you should be mad at her. No. I want to be mad at you. But Bethany, God, Bethany. She goes, you should be mad at me because Ramona, you're legitimately friends with her. Well, yeah.

You've got something with her. I'm just some girl. It's a part of me. Yeah, I'm just friends on TV. She's like, look, look at Ramona. She's not trying to be malicious. They cut to Ramona with that look. I'm like, yeah, that's Ramona.

She's always trying to be malicious. Yep. And that was with that look. I'm like, yeah, that's Ramona. She's always trying to be malicious. Yep, and that was her point, which Bethany told Ramona earlier in the day. You know, if Dorinda, I mean, told Dorinda, if Dorinda was really a vindictive bitch, she could have been like, really? Well, you were telling me today that Ramona was an untrustworthy piece of shit, and I didn't listen to you. And here you are, because then she could have sicked Ramona on Bethany, but she didn't. or you are because then she could have sicked Ramona on Bethany but she's not she didn't and that's like people who are hating on Dorinda I get like Dorinda

is a weirdo and completely a loony tune and out of and probably a drunk like who cares but she's not mean she's not doing mean shit to people yeah I don't like I just think it's odd that Dorinda is now throwing away a 20 year friendship this is the

thing this is what it's going. Well that's typical Ramona though. Because in Ramona she didn't do anything wrong. She doesn't understand. I think Dorinda is like just one of those people where she'll take all your shit. She'll take all your faults. But then the second she can't trust you she's done with you.

Mmhmm. You can't. Someone doesn't just suddenly become more trustworthy you know yeah they stay they get worse and worse so this commercial came off for there goes the motherhood just i didn't see it i didn't see the commercial funny to me um so then um dorinda you cross the line and it changes things and that's okay okay. Ramona was a sanctuary of safety for me. That's done. So, okay.

I get it. You're right. It's weird that they're dumping her. Now, Dorinda, to call Dorinda crazy from watching this show, you would be right on the money. Because she acts like a lunatic. Well, then she went on Twitter. She was also on Watch What Happens Live. And I watched a little bit because it was also Donnie and Marie, but just Marie, which was really weird.

And I wanted to see how Andy would handle that, and it was awkward and gross. And he was like, okay, I'll name one star you've worked with, and then you say something about them. Fast. He goes, Tina Turner. She's like, oh, well, yeah, I did work with Tina. Well, I worked with Tina and Ike. And he goes, oh, really? Well, what's the story?

She goes, well, I could hear them in the next dressing room. So glad she got away. I was like, wow, funny story, Marie. Thanks for coming on. Jesus. So Ronnie, concentrate. ADD. Dorinda.

So these are not in order. And I didn't even look. Because you know Twitter. You have to hit the tweet and see all the replies. I didn't do that. I'll just read her tweets. Really? Reading is cheaper than actions, said Ramona Singha.

At least get the phrase correct. Oh, yeah, because Ramona was saying... What did she say? Actions speak louder than words, but words are louder. She said something so stupid. What the fuck, Carol Radthewill? But thank you for your cases of Skinny Girl Margarita, Bethany. I would have preferred you come and and Dorinda. What the fuck, Carol Radthorwill? But thank you for your cases of your eight cases of skinny girl

margarita, Bethany. I would have preferred you come and celebrate with us since we're friends. Here's... She just basically went off yelling at everybody. She's a disaster on Twitter. She's always been. She went on just a drunken crazy rant on Twitter.

I think while she was at Watch What Happens, which is hilarious. The commercial, I'll say, fuck you to Bethany again. That's right. Yeah. God bless her.

So at the end of the day, all these bitches are crazy, but Bethany seems to have some evil in her heart. And me knew likey. Like at least be nice to somebody. I'm okay with it. I'm okay with Bethany right now. I think that they're all,

yeah, they're all Looney Tunes. She is, you know, she's just frustrated with all of them because they're all, they're all're all Looney Tunes. She is, you know, she's just frustrated with all of them because they're all drunk older women who don't know how to handle their booze and won't shut up, and she's sick of it,

and so she's just going to call everyone out on their shit. That's basically what's happening. Oh, well, good. I'm glad that we have something to disagree on, because at this point, I'm like, take her down! And I'm loving that Dorinda is coming at her like a drunk Cujo, and she is not afraid of this bitch. We have not seen somebody come after Bethany this hard, I don't think, and not even be afraid.

Bethany actually looks scared, and next week, John comes in to the party, and he's drunk. Yeah, he's a disaster. And he starts telling off Bethany, and then Bethany, you know, stands up to him because he can't hit her. He's a man. So she starts going after him, and then it gets really good. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.

Well, let's see. That's it, eh? Yeah, I'm going to be broadcasting next week from New York. So that should be fun. I'm going to Toronto tomorrow morning. Wish me luck. Oh my God.

So I'm excited. I am going to ground zero of Real Housewives of New York City. Not actually to ground zero, but going to... I am going to ground zero of Real Housewives of New York City. Not actually to ground zero, but going to... I was going to say, I was like, that came out really wrong sounding.

I already made a joke about... Look, they make 9-11 towers. Look at the new towers. Like, here they are. This is where Mario first proposed. They would do that. Like, bring some fucking new ground zero shit onto the Real Housewives

to get their own attention. Little bastards. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly. We'll have a safe trip. You will still be here next week on the show. Yes, I will be.

I will be on the show from New York. And the following week we will have Ms. Heather McDonald here to talk some shit about the Beverly Hills women. I'm excited to hear what she thinks about this. Cause it's, you know, it's always, we,

we, we are so on the same side. Generally, like we, we have this all, we've know it's always we we we are so on the same side generally like we we have this all we've got it all figured out it's nice to hear other people's perspectives on this whole situation yes agreed and i love me some hitha so it'll be fun to talk to her everybody thank you so much for listening it's been a really fun week over here we will talk to you next time watch what crap is.com for all our links patreon.com slash watch what crap ends for our bonus episodes and facebook.com slash WatchWhatCrapIs for our bonus episodes.

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