Watch What Crappens - #2843 The Valley S2E05 Part One: Notes of Bitterness and Acidity

Episode Date: May 14, 2025

This is part one of a two-part recapWith the wine flowing, The Valley gets nasty on its cast trip. Michelle and Jesse have a dependably vicious argument, and then later Brit and Nia clash over Danny’s drunken snoozing. You can watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens.  Tickets for our North American tour on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcha Crappin's ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. When a young woman named Desiree vanishes without a trace, the trail leads to Kat Torres, a charismatic influencer with millions of followers. But behind the glamorous posts and inspirational quotes, a sinister truth unravels. Binge all episodes of Don't Cross Cat early and ad-free on Wondery Plus. Hello and welcome to Watch Your Crap In. The podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelkirch and joining me today is the one and only Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how's it going?

Well, hello. What's up with you? Oh, you know, just a fun morning over here. Just got back from a root canal, which is kind of the perfect way to dive into the valley. I mean, if nothing totally suggests the valley, and I'm talking about the TV show, The Valley, like a root canal. What's going on with you, Rod? Yeah, we both had dentist day to day. I went to the dentist as well. I got a cleaning and there was a new cleaning guy there and he's like, hi. Okay, so Rondall. He goes, how do you pronounce your name? I

said Rondall or Ronnie and he goes, okay, Rondall. So, Rondall, you're supposed to be coming in every three months for a cleaning? And I was like, mm hmm, I'm going in there every three months for a cleaning. You fucking kidding me? No, no, I'm not going to. So I was like, okay, just take his passive aggression, you know, it's like, okay, but you haven't come in for a little over a year. That's a long time. So might hurt a little more today because you're supposed to come in every three months. Okay, so let's go. Oh, look at your chart here. Okay, we've got some pictures, some x-rays. Look at that chart. Look, everything's looking good. Look, oh, but you know what? You do have some plaque because you're supposed to be coming in

every... I was like, if this queen tells me one more time... I swear it, when I tell you, this guy told me another six times during my clean... I counted during the cleaning. Wow. Okay. Well, you know, I just don't want you to forget in another three months. I hope we get to see you. Moffay, are you going to get him an appointment in about three months? Make sure it's not more than three months. Is this supposed to happen every three months?

I was like, this bitch. And then he's grabbing my lits with the, you know, sometimes the little mirror thing gets stuck on your lips. And he's like yanking me. I felt like a fish being attacked to death by his passion. Listen, gays, I'm trying to support you by going to the gay dentist, okay? But cut your gay shit out. I don't want a gay passive aggression. If you're going to be a gay dentist, be a bitchy gay dentist. Don't be a passive aggressive gay dentist. Just be like, listen, you stinky fat motherfucker, okay?

Your teeth are dirty. When are you going to come in again? Boom, out there you stinky fat motherfucker, okay? Your teeth are dirty. When are you gonna come in again? Boom, out there. You know why that hurt? Because you didn't come in, okay? Be bitchy, but don't be passive aggressive. That hurt more than the dentist. Yeah, I had a cleaning recently and Norina,

she was great because she shamed me just enough that I've like completely changed my habits. She was like, okay, well, you're going to floss more, right? I was like, yes. And she was good. She just went in there. She's like, well, you know, you weren't flossing, so it's going to, I'm going to have to go deeper and that's just the way it is. And she was, she was also funny. She made jokes and the jokes were good. I was like, well, your jokes are landing and you're shaming me appropriately. She was great.

I love that. Yeah, well, whatever. You know, it was a newer guy. I'd never been to this guy because the place I go to expanded. And so I went to the other doctor before who's just so sweet. He talks like this, he's really sweet. But this guy was bitchier.

He was also really nice, but he was just a bitchier on the scale. And I was like, bring me the old doctor. Because if the old doctor came in there and saw how well my teeth had been taken care of in the time since I'd been, he would have given me a gold fucking medal. Because trust me, last time they're like, holy crap, have you ever heard of a dentist before? And I was like, I just don't usually have money to come to the dentist. And they had to do like the deep clean thing where they like, it's like surgery. So they would have been so proud of, he would have been like super proud of me for just having a look. Cause

now they do all this shit, like they put purple stuff all over your mouth so that they can show you like the problem areas. I barely had two pink spots. I mean, that's pretty good. I think I was like, you should have seen me last time. My teeth rejected the dye. My teeth died the dye. Last time the dye came out fluorescent. So you definitely got one on a journey this morning. I mean, I thought my root canal was bad, but I guess the cleaning is really like,

but leave it up to me to make a cleaning worse than a root canal. But yeah. So anyway, either way, uh, dental issues, the pain and discomfort of having someone's poke and prod around in our mouths really does, it just, it just matches perfectly with the Valley, which I feel like the show is like a tall glass of curdled milk, but in a good way. Like it is just a, it is just an acidic, sour show and I'm riveted by it.

I think this is a place that it works. Before we get into that, just a reminder tomorrow night, we have our first ever Vegas show. We are recapping summer house spoiler alert. I've actually, I watched the summer house episode. I can't say anything about it, except that honestly I would rank it a 10 out of 10 episode. So come join us for the recap. Cause I was sitting there like this is going to be great. So tickets are at watch or crappens.com. Also join us on patreon, patreon.com slash watch or crappens and get access to

our bonus episodes. Crap is on demand. Um, we're doing, we have, we recorded a road trip and we had a lot of fun just rambling about who knows what signs on the side of the freeway cows, all that fun stuff. And that's going to be on Patreon later this week. So go check that out. And of course, next month we have our Seattle and LA shows. Those tickets are also at watch our crap and stop com. So come get involved and have fun with all that, all that crap. Ronnie, take it away with the Valley. We're going to be hitting up Vegas with some very clean teeth. Oh, watch out, crap stable.

Watch out. This is a pot. Watch out. It's coming through. Let me tell you something, Las Vegas. This guy over here is going to be eating things that have seeds. Their seeds are back in my mouth. They're allowed back because I got a root canal.

Seeds were the bait of my existence for a little while there, but now you better watch out. Poppy seeds, sesame now you better watch out. Poppy seeds, sesame seeds, rye seeds, I'm coming for you. Well, speaking of seeds, just kidding. Everything we say, we're going to say like, that's just like the Valley. Speaking of seeds, stop dropping them, Danny. So Nia can have a year off for fuck's sake. Okay.

So here we are with the Valley. Miserable married people, miserable married straight people and the one happy gay who's still going to sleep with French and you dip. I mean, I'm actually proud of the gay on this show for just being like the only happy, well-adjusted one. Trey Lockerbie Zach is doing great work this season. It's nice to also see Jasmine finally given something to do this episode. This was a great episode. I mean, it was just like chaotic. This is also where you get to see Jasmine's true personality because Jasmine seems cool and laid back to anybody who's watched the Bachelor series.

Jasmine's not necessarily cool and laid back. She's cool, but she's not necessarily laid back. And so it's good to see Jasmine's drama side come out, especially over nothing, because I feel like that's like her sweet spot, you know, as an actor, as a reality show actor, is just getting super upset. Like on The Bachelor, you know, you get so upset over certain things, like, oh my God, that girl got a rose?

I can't believe it. Did she go over her trauma? That is, she's so manipulating him for that rose. So it's very unimportant drama. And here it was very unimportant too. It's like, Oh my God, Nia is not complaining about her husband. Well, I've got something to say about that. I give her a little bit more than that. I allow her a little bit more because, you know, she did have to deal with Danny getting wasted before and like grabbing her leg and just like making her uncomfortable.

And honestly, like when you've dealt with someone who is just like a sloppy ass drunk who like makes some, like gives you like an unpleasant experience, that's like, that kind of sticks with you a little bit. And you're just kind of like, fuck this person who everyone thinks is great. He's sneaking tequila shots in the closet. Go fucking deal with him. But I do kind of like, fuck this person who everyone thinks is great. He's sneaking tequila shots in the closet. Go fucking deal with him.

But I do think that like dragging on him grabbing her. I mean, of course, I wouldn't be like, Oh my God, I can't believe she's being so perturbed about him grabbing her and all of that. It's the whole like, I can't believe they're not sharing their lives. Yeah, that's, that's the thing. That's like, if we have to yell at everybody who's sneaking tequila in the pantry, you know, I'd never make it through a Thanksgiving. I mean, what the hell?

Yeah, that's the age-old reality star conundrum. When someone's just getting it from all sides and someone else doesn't get it from all sides, like, I'm going to be a crab in this bucket and I'm going to pull you back down into my quagmire. Right, but someone else who doesn't really ever share drama on the show is Jasmine. And I think it's fair because Jasmine doesn't have any that we've seen, like she doesn't have any major drama, relationship drama. She's not fighting, she's not doing this.

So I was like, what are you, come on. But we'll get to it. That's the first thing. We'll get to that. We'll get to it. Yes. But overall it was good to see more of Jasmine for sure. Yeah.

We start off here with Jesse in his underwear. It's the morning after he was in his gray, 1923 era underwears. And he is, he's outside and we see people doing things, you know, Melissa, Melissa says some stuff, which is nice. She gets some lines. Don't know what those lines are, but I-

Cause even the note taker was like, she spoke, but it's not worth it. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna. Our note taker was like, our note taker really says, Melissa gets to speak. And then we don't actually have the, she didn't actually write down what she said. She said, Melissa gets to speak.

But yeah, I don't think Melissa says much cause she's doing that new to Bravo thing where she's like, oh my God, you guys are so crazy. Why is everybody so dramatic? But everyone's doing check-ins. Janet FaceTime her mom to see her baby. And her mom is like, the baby's doing great. Ow, sorry, just ran into your very low hood in the kitchen.

You really gotta get that fixed, Janet. The baby's doing great. It's almost as tall as the hood. So let's go on. It's almost as tall as the hood. So let's go on. It reached two feet. And Janet's mom sounds just like her too. She's like, okay, well, I've got the baby sleeping in that new crib you got from Dave and Busters. Love that place. Love Dave and Busters. Just your basic mom over here. The crib is actually a skee ball machine. The baby's just lying on it.

So Zach wakes up in bed. He's sleeping with Brittany and she's laughing. She's like, Oh, look what you got besides your bed. I'm like, I'm sorry. It's not powdered Brittany, but new habits. Okay. So, um, next to it, he's got a two liter of diet Coke, two bottles of little, little bottles of little, little bottles of water, a solo cup, and then an open container of his French onion dip. Just like, what you got there?

You got there? Oh, and two packs of pop tarts. Yeah. And he's like, he's basically like, I went to sleep last night eating this dip and then I literally like spilled it. That's why I have like a towel next to me in bed. She's like, oh, why couldn't that be Mima's beer cheese? Come on, help a girl out.

So then in the kitchen, Jesse's already getting shit faced. He just opens a couple of bottles of champagne and just goes to town. And he's like, I cleaned the house this morning and it already smells like shit. Look at this place, it's disgusting. Michelle's personality, this kitchen probably cheated

on me too, this kitchen was a whore. Yeah. He's like, my appreciation for Santa Barbara with Michelle in my expectation, not my appreciation, my expectations, were that we could leave everything at the front door and just coexist together. And we see him, flashback to him handing out those white flags, as if he hadn't just been joking

about how she's an escort. He's like, but she's been as cold as ice. Oh, it says Jessie, do you even hear the way you talk? Do you even hear the way you talk to other people about other people? I mean, and then you're gonna complain that she's cold? I'm sorry, I will not accept that. Well, by the way, he was not joking that she was an escort.

He told everyone she was an escort. He just said he was joking later. No, no, but meaning that like it was in guy's chat. He's like, it was a joke. I guess, let me clarify. It was in guy's chat. So it was like, he put it out there and then it probably became like,

it probably became, what's the word? Not subject for, but like it became a, they probably all were joking about it on Guy's chat. It's a group text. I'm sure people were making jokes left and right. The point is he's violent. I'll say that a lot of times this episode. So it's like, unfortunately, I was triggered by Michelle.

So anything that happens is all Michelle's. God, we've already seen Jax. I mean, at least Jax had like entertaining moments too, where he was thrown in jail for stealing sunglasses, or when he dumped that girl outside the AA meeting. I mean, he's a horrible human being, but at least he had something. You're just a dead eyed, loose underweared motherfucker.

I don't wanna look at you. You're disgusting. And just always framing things like I was triggered by Michelle. Oh geez. The victim of Michelle, Michelle talking at the, in the, in the circle with the ceremonialists, the embodiment guide. So he's like, yeah, I woke up really early. He's like, I wanted to leave, but then I decided and, and Kristen's like, you figured it out seriously? Yeah. I woke up really early. He's like, I wanted to leave, but then I decided. And Kristen's like, you figured it out seriously? Yeah, I figured it out, I decided to stay. I'm like, oh wow, you got a trophy for staying at the free rental that Bravo's paying for

on the cast trip that's gonna make you famous. Yeah, you wanted to leave, but then you realized that you haven't worked for two years and made no money and spent like $2 million in the past two years. So you need to come to work. And there's one on the afternoon. According to Michelle on the Watch What Happens Live episode she was on.

I told you that, right? She said that he stopped, once she had a baby, she stayed home with the baby, obviously, and he stopped working and then they had a savings account of like $1.5 million and he spent it all. Yeah, I feel after, by the way, after watching this episode, I feel more and more, I feel more, I mean, I feel after, by the way, after this watching this episode, I feel more and more, I feel more, I mean, I feel more and more strongly.

Is that right? Is that grammatically correct? I feel stronger and stronger, more strongly and strongly that Michelle is the last seat at the reunion because I think she really wanted to be as far away from Jesse as possible. She, she just cannot stand this man. And you know what? I don't blame her. So, uh, Luke and Kristen are talking to him and Luke's like,

yes, you, you know, I guess that you don't remember enough from last night, you know? So do you, are you just assuming you need to fix something? Cause you probably do. And he's like, you know what? Tonight I've got chefs coming over to cook dinner. Let's see how Michelle can ruin dinner. Let's see. And Luke's like, yeah, we're not cooking, cooking dinner tonight. Woo. And Jesse's telling

us maturity is being able to put aside what you're going through personally for, you know, the benefit of the group. Well, uh, did that really apply last night when you stormed off in your, in your bloomers? Yeah, we need to do that because you stormed off last night having a fit, screamed at the camera crew, and now you're waking up and getting shitfaced and still talking about her. So when does that start?

Yeah, seriously. By the way, I have to give credit to Amy Phillips. We love Amy Phillips, and everyone should listen to Drama Darlings. But she had a bit last week she had her guests on, and they were joking that Jesse was wearing bloomers and like it's gotten so into my brain that those were bloomers that I literally just said it right now and that is like the funniest concept that bloomers It's so true. These are such old-fashioned

Underwear this I can't I can't deal they just like trailer park underwear Like when you see a guy, you know for those of you who grew up around trailer parks or are in one, you know what I mean. It's like the dad, the drunk dad standing out on the trailer park steps with a cigarette dangling out of his mouth and just in those tidy whities, but they're loose because they haven't been changed in a month and they're gray and they've got like stuff

on them, it's just horrible. Yeah, it's just like a Thanksgiving day float ready to be inflated. So I almost felt sorry for him because the guy has been working out so much. Like you saw, because when they showed it this week, I was like, I can't look at the underwear again in the flashback, but I was like, God, look at that body.

He's got like the full V going down on his stuff. I was like, no one even noticed him. He tried to take off his shirt and have this big moment, but really he just left the episode and everyone was like, wow, his underwear dirty and his nipples point in different directions. It's a great take. I love the internet sometimes.

Like we all come together to shame his bloomers. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me, and the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen,

and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks both recognizable and unrecognizable names about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph. My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little

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You can binge the original series before anyone else and completely ad free on Wondry Plus. So, yeah, he's bragging about maturity, uh, which he doesn't really seem to have. And he said, let's just drink some wine and jump in the pool and we'll figure out in two days. Simple. I'm like, okay. So then we go over to Nia and Michelle in the bedroom and Nia's like, well, I saw Jesse by the way he was like coming up. Did he, did you see the champagne that he's already been drinking?

And he was like, well, about last night, I mean, what about last night? What's going on there? Like, why did he start crying and stuff? And she said, well, I would never throw the ball at him because I do not want communication with him. And he knows it was going to bother me. He is trying to make sure I am not Abby. She's insane for thinking I would be nice about him when he just galled me and escort. So yeah, I don't blame her there. So Mia's like, but you know, you're just so like full of light and you're like so happy,

but then he's always pulling you back. Yeah. And I think she speaks from experience. So then we go over to Brittany and Zach in bed and Zach is like, I am so not ready for today. And then Brittany's phone starts to make noises and she's like, how am I going to text mostly Ginges? Okay.

Okay. Yeah. It's going to be really hot today. He's like, um, yeah, I have to bring my umbrella again. And she's like, sorry,ase already texted me this morning. He's like, okay, which kind of Jax are we getting the shitty Jax or the shitty Jax? And she's like, oh no, this one he started to understand things. He said, I have to tell you they figured out I'm bipolar, not depressed. Okay. I love him again. We're back. We're back together. Um, he's like, um, if he's actually diagnosed by polar,

that's a thing. Like he's gonna have to take medication. And that's not even like a sometimes thing. That's like an everyday thing. It's like Dave's French dip. Okay. You don't do that just every other day and expect to be onioned up. It is an everyday thing. I'm trying to tell Benji it's a disorder. Okay. Back off. It's an everyday obligation and Benji needs to get to know that. Okay. Cause Benji needs to get involved with the French onion dip train. Okay. He's Canadian. So you should already understand the French part. So then, um, Brittany's like, yeah, I'm just so glad that JX is in this facility and that he's getting help and I just want him to do good there. But it's also kind of like a mind bug for me

because he's messing with my emotions. What if for seven, this is extremely hard for me. Yeah, well, block him. I'm sorry, just block him. Block him for 30 days. Yeah, stop answering the fucking phone. Block him, stop worrying about it. You're not married to the guy.

Let him be bipolar. You're technically still married, but you're separated. He made you get out of the house and find a rental with his child while he stayed in that big ass house by himself. Like, fuck this guy. No, I don't want to hear any more about it. Also, we just recapped a classic Vanderpump Rules episode from season six when Jax cheated with Faith. And when I tell you it was the same exact thing with Brittany, like,

guys, you know, Jax really to me. I'm super mad at Jacks. And then five minutes later, everybody has to deal with her getting back together with Jacks. And then by the end of the episode, she's mad at Jacks again. She's crying and sobbing, and everybody has to surround her and say, are you okay, Brittany? Are you okay? It's tiring. It's tiring. And Jacks is not your fault. Okay? And I get that people go in cycles and then you get in a cycle and all of that. I'm not denying any of that. It's just tiring. It's just a tiring, tiring road. Okay. Yeah. And please don't confuse him getting a diagnosis of being bipolar with him doing the work and being better because it's nice to get some clarity about why he is how he is, but he still

is how he is. And how he is is terrible to you. And so, like, congratulations, you're bipolar, Jax. Now move on. Go to rest. Well, someone got upset with me a couple weeks ago, a commenter about saying something along the lines of, oh, I can't wait to see how Jax uses bipolar as an excuse for his bad behavior. And said, you know, there's a lot of stigma with that diagnosis and I suffer from that and then and on and on. It was like a two page thing. I'm not talking about you. But if you are going to sit there and tell me that you've never come across a person who will take a diagnosis and use wield that as a weapon against other people,

then you have not been paying the fuck attention. I'm not talking about you, but we all know those people are out there and those people are Jax. And just watch, in the next two years, it's going to be an excuse for everything that's ever happened or anything he'll ever do. He's going to take that diagnosis and wield it as his victim cloak. Sorry, that's not going to work. Yeah, there are a lot of, you know, we're not saying that like Jax is like the representative of people who have, you know, or diagnosis bipolar. We're just talking about specifically Jax. Like Jax being bipolar, that's like wonderful, great. Still stay away from him.

And it's not, again, it's great that he has a diagnosis to explain his behavior, but he is a garbage person. And like Ronnie said, he will wield this as a weapon and as a shield at the same time. And, you know, it's time to move on, Brittany. Yeah, I just don't like the whole, I don't like how he's gonna use it. We already feel him doing it in these texts

and he's gonna do it, he's gonna do it. And I don't think that that's an excuse to be a terrible person because then it makes it seem like people who are bipolar are just bad people, and that's not the truth, obviously. So. Also, by the way, Loki hilarious, the way Brittany just like casually just denounces Jack's diagnosis.

Oh, guess what, Jack's not bipolar. If you think about it, like it's Jack, so we don't really care that she does it. But if you think about it, it's a little fucked up that she just blurts out this diagnosis that he has. Well, he's counting on it. Trust me. So she's so Zach's like, unfortunately, I think that Brittany has been trauma trained.

It's like that one time Benji left the house without his shoes and he got a black bark on the bottom of the sole of his feet. And now he's trauma trained to never walk anywhere without shoes. That's just how it is. So now everyone's going to gather in the front and people are talking and Jesse has a solo cup because he's drinking and they're all getting sad to go to this, this wine tasting. And Michelle's like, of course, Jesse wants to go to a winery so that he can show off how much he knows

about wine and show everybody how much he can drink the wine. Yeah, so now they go- So they're gonna do on a bus. Yeah, Jesse's one of those people who's just like, oh, wine, oh, the tannins, I can smell the pepper. Listen, I was a waiter for so many years. I've never met a person like that that I haven't thought was absolutely full of shit.

Okay. I'm sorry, but people who are like two up their own asses about wine, they're usually full of shit. People who truly know about wine don't generally act like that. They'll give it a sniff and just move on. Yeah, I also don't feel like people who really know wine and are really into wine culture are gonna be like,

writhing around on a Sprinter van on the way up that highway up into wine country, which is what Jesse does. They're on their little Sprinter van and he's like on the pole, he's twerking, he's like being, he's just like overly drunk and just being super annoying. I was like, you can't convince me that you are a serious wine person right now.

You are just showing me that you're just like an LA party guy who's gonna pretend to be into wine, but you're just, you're already wasted, so. Yeah, he's already wasted. He's twerking on people and like sleeping on, and you know, no one else is drunk. It's like 10 in the morning. So it's sad. And he puts his head, he lies down on them and puts his head right on Zach's dick and Zach's like, Oh, my do you see where your hot ass? Do you see? He's just being so annoying. Like, Oh God, I hate what that, that person on the party bus who's just like, does not, is totally out of step with where everyone else is drunkenness. You're like,

Oh bro, come on. I'm just waking up. I just transitioned from coffee to booze. Okay. I'm not ready for this right now. And Jason's like, the man is hammered. He's very annoying and it's taken. He's taking like everything. It's taking everything within me to like not physically throw him off the bus. God, but the way Zach can't handle his alcohol, just absolutely insane. He is just not invited anywhere I go. It's like everyone, everyone on this show

has exhibited worse, stronger behaviors than Zach, but Zach is the one that Jason can't trust. Wait, did he say something about Zach? No, but I'm saying in the previous episode, he didn't invite Zach to Dave and Busters because he can't trust Zach. Oh, because of, yeah, Zach's mouth when he's drinking, right, right.

Yeah. That's so hard to keep control. It's hard to keep track of who's being accused of being an alcoholic on this show. It's literally every guy. Except Jason, of course. So Jesse tries to get on the stripper, I don't know, it's sad.

It's sad to watch. So Kristen is like, we're getting ready to go to the stripper pole. I don't know, it's sad. It's sad to watch. So Kristen is like, we're getting ready to go to the swannery to drink and Jesse's already acting like 28 year old Kaka Mariposa on a bender in Cabo San Lucas. And then we see a clip of wasted Kaka Mariposa. Kristen, 29, wasted in Cabo San Lucas. And she's falling on the beach and stripping

and skinny dipping. She was like a happy seal frolicking in the waves. That was nice. That's flashback to simpler times. So then all of a sudden there's like weird noises and the bus has to pull over and there's smoke. And it turns out that the engine's overheating. and there's like weird noises and the bus has to pull over and there's smoke and it turns out that the engines overheating. So then like Luke comes out,

apparently Luke has some sort of mechanic experience or at least he's one of those guys who likes to pretend he does by like, he's the sort of guy who stands at an open, open hood and puts his hands on his hips and is like, yeah, well, there's a leak over there, but um, he's convincing enough that I felt like he knew what he was talking about. Well, he's like a man, you know, he's like a man, man. He's like, yeah, the, you know, the engine lift your lift your hood. Let's check it out. Gasket, gasket, belt, belt, belt, belt, gasket, gasket. Anyone? Honey freeze gasket. I'm all right. Gasket, bro.

That's probably gasket. Yeah. Smoke is like pouring out of like this one area. He's like, well, it looks like we got a crack over there. I was like, you don't say. Yeah. It looks like Yosemite. Luso, Luke checking the engine is like Jesse drinking wine. It's the same thing.

He's like, all right, smelling this. I see some rubber, possibly burning gasket gasket. Pet Boys, not an option. Pet Boys, not an option. Here, hey guys, guess what? We've got tools that God gave us. Hands! Hands, let's get in there. His hands are small, but they are my own, okay, everyone?

Engines lubricant. Pet Boys. Engine piston. So, basically everyone's gonna get Ubers now. So they all get Ubers. But Jesse is like drunk before the Ubers arrive. Jesse's drunk and he's standing by like the shoulder and he's putting his thumb out to hitchhike

and he's just like being silly. But the entire time I was like, he's gonna like drunkenly stumble into the road and get hit. Like I've seen this too many times. I had my fingers crossed. Honestly, because you know, the internet really does desensitize you to certain things like death. Um, because you know those i've seen one where people are in a national park and they're passing the bears and you know,

there's all these signs that are like don't feed the bears and some jackass is Sticking his head out of the window trying to make a tick tock with the bear and then gets dragged out of the car. I've never felt sad at one of those videos. Have you? I tend to not watch them because they scare me, but I feel like, but I've heard, I remember growing up, everyone would talk about faces of death, faces of death. And I was like, is this like a faces of death moment with Jesse hair dense of death, you know, but no, he survived.

Yeah. So yeah, unfortunately it didn't end as well as the ones I see on Facebook. The bear. Yeah. The bear video. Now that, that was a short film. So they get to the place and you know,

this is a bunch of tacky people arriving at a vineyard. And so they say things like, oh my God, it looks like the notebook. It looks literally nothing like a notebook. It doesn't look anything like a laptop. Britney sees anything outdoors and she's like, it's like a notebook. I thought my life was gonna be like that.

Yeah, when she said that, I was like, what are you talking about? This is nothing like that. So yeah, they she said it, I was like, what are you talking about? This is nothing like that. So yeah, they're all like, oh my god, it's so nice. It's beautiful. And it's like sunny and everything. And they're all settling down. And then I think it's, is this, is this with the, the, the Degrassi family, Degrassi High

family vineyards. And I'm pretty sure, was this a Jen Fessler who greeted them at the winery? I was like, I'm pretty sure that's Jen Fessler in a hat. She's like, welcome, welcome, welcome to the, to the Fessla Grassla Grassini family vineyards. I fucked Jams Gandolfini enjoying this wine. This is, I don't know, when she came out, I said,

oh, look, it's Katie Grassini and her possibly gay husband because they came out and he's like, hi. He's kind of like teething them, you know where he does the tea thing. He's like, welcome to wine country. Isn't it like the notebook? Oh my God, it is like notebook, baby. So they sit down, they start doing some wine tasting.

And then of course, Jesse goes through his whole, you know, sniffy, sniffy, like, ooh, Tannins, legs or whatever. And Zach's like, I don't need to do the swirls, mouth, play with my wine. Okay, I drink up like an adult, like an adult would do. Yeah. Okay, do we have any French onion dip to go with this one, please? And then Brittany, meanwhile, because her Brittany's thing is that she doesn't enjoy wine. She just likes tequila.

So she's using that spit bucket and just and I don't know how to spin. I'm a swallower. Gross. Guys, like, I'm like put us through you. This couple has heard us through. Do I really need to think of you swallowing Jax? I don't. I don't need it, you know?

Like, Jax is the worst, but you're still not great. Yeah, yeah. So then Zach is complaining because he's stuck in the sun. He's like, guys, why is it I'm the only person here who doesn't like the sun and yet I'm the only one who was stuck in the sun? Please don't tell Banji because he will know how much I hate this." So then they switch seats and everything and Jason goes, Jesse, that was a really nice thing of you to do that. That was so nice of you, Jesse.

Jason, who are you trying to convince here at the table? Or Jason loves these douchebags. Jason just is such a fucking fan. He's like, Jan the fan, Janet the fan it. They're just fans. He's I mean, everything these guys do is like, you're amazing. Wow, look at Jesse, what a good person. So they laugh and Jesse's still doing his wine bullshit. And then here comes Danny, we know because we hear just kidding guys just getting method. Just getting method just was it Warner Brothers, the studio, okay?

Where I did some voice over acting. As you can see here in these pictures on my phone, you know it's serious, because I take pictures by the microphone. That's how you know I'm a real voice over actor. So this morning I had an early call time, and I was sober the day before and everyone else was drinking

and everyone had fun getting slammered. But now that I finished my job, it's time for me to catch up a little bit and have a little fun myself. I'm not gonna sip this wine. Let's drink this wine. Three under three. Three glasses under three minutes.

Yeah, let's do this. Yes. So we didn't see, we didn't mention the part where in the van we saw a little clip of Nia sitting in the- Oh, yeah. How did we miss that? This was on the van, the bus thing, where she's on the phone with Danny and everyone's having fun. She's like, Danny, are you there? Did you make it there? Okay. Did you go to the studio? Did you call them? Okay, we do not do that. We do not do that, Danny. I need you to turn around and go to the studio right. And starts yelling at him and everyone's like, Oh my God,

me is yelling at Zach. And then she like quiet stabs like, okay, honey, bye. But that's important because it comes back later. Yeah. I mean that's also just an important part because it's like, it's an insight into Nia and Danny's relationship. And we always get a sense that there's tension under the surface just by the way That she always calls him Daniel You know, there's like something there and that moment was great when she just quietly scolded him and then everyone listened She's like I mean talk to you later, honey. I love you

I'm not sure Yeah, I think she calls him Daniel because he's so immature and she's trying to insinuate adulthood upon him. You know, she's like trying to project adulthood on him. She's like, I'm gonna call him by a more adult name and maybe that'll work, but it doesn't. So he comes in, he's like, oh, everyone's getting wasted without me.

Well, I better catch up then hand me some of that. Why, what is this, Rosé? Let's give it a try. And so he gets shitfaced within like one minute later and he's like, damn. Yeah. And he starts like, he just is like, now this is how you drink wine. Okay. And he starts gargling and being ridiculous. I'm like, you know, like, just try not to be a total jackass at this winery. I know that this place invites this in

by allowing bravado shoot, but like, could you guys just like attempt, attempt to be aware of your surroundings? So- He's like, I used to be a Samal Yett. Used to be a Samal Yett, guys. A Samal Yett, huh? A Samal Yett. So was that as strong of a career as the acting? Used to be a song all yet guys. A song all yet, huh? A song all yet.

So was that as strong of a career as the acting? Did they only let you say under five things when you were a song all yet so you wouldn't fuck it up because damn. So Jesse's like, that's not how you do it. Jesse's all bitter that someone's trying to like compete in his wine space. And then he gargles it and drinks it and Jasmine's rolling her eyes. So,

I'm thinking we're going to get a confrontation about, get your hand off my thighs and stop making me try to call you daddy. But we didn't. And everyone's talking about how embarrassing he is. And Michelle's like, I would be so embarrassed if he did that at a restaurant. This is five minutes before she starts screaming her head off in public, by the way. I know. Yeah, good point. So then, so Jasmine is telling us like,

well, we all know Danny, how Danny can get when he's drinking and he just has had one too many. And it's just like, when he has one too many, it's like, boom, because we all know what happened at Big Bear last year. Are you gonna roll the footage of him being drunk? No, you're not going to. Okay, thanks.

I really felt like I was queuing you up for a flashback. That's fine. I'm just asking. I wish they had. I was thinking the same thing when they didn't show a flashback. I was like, why aren't we getting, we need to see it. I was like, this is, like, other parts of the episode,

Zach will be like, oh my God, this is like when I had a Dorito last year. And they'll be like, here's a montage of Zach eating a Dorito. But now that we have a flashback that we actually need, where was it? I was like, come on now. Yeah, because it was so quick and he's like such a good guy the rest of the time that we needed. I think the audience needed to see that. I like when Zach was like, um, red wine, I don't need that because I went to Catholic school, so I don't need any more of that. Well, you still get blow jobs, don't you?

What are we giving up everything from Catholic school? Geez. So, um, Jasmine and Melissa are looking at photos and Michelle's like, Oh, Jasmine and Melissa, how did you guys originally meet? I love Michelle being such a good friend that she's known Jasmine for like two years and still doesn't know how she and Melissa have met, even though they've been dating for like four years. Great, Michelle.

And then as she's, as they're talking, you see Michelle's eyes kind of unfocused and start staring at, you know, start looking for an exit. commercials, here comes one right now. Here comes one right now. So Melissa says they're from the what? I'm just laughing because like Michelle's like, see everyone I do like gay people.

Okay. Look how supportive I am for the gays. She's like, okay, could you guys please tell me how you originally met without telling me that you are gay because that is against the law and some states that I subordinate. So Melissa is like, oh, I get to speak? Okay, great.

Well, we're from the same town. We met at a bar and we were flirting the whole night and then she was leaving. I was like, can we exchange numbers? I was like, so you met at a bar. I mean, that's basically it. There's no story here. It's like you were just at a bar,

like 95% of other people. No, they didn't. And they didn't exchange numbers, they exchanged social media, which is very much how you do it now, which I really like that we're all that thirsty, that when you're really into somebody, you're like, well, might not hear from them again, but I did get a follow.

I did get a follow, guys. So everyone check my numbers. Okay. So, you know what I think is so funny about that? I feel like if you were to go up to someone and be like, hey, what's your social media? Okay. So you know what I think is so funny about that? I feel like if you were to go up to someone and be like, hey, what's your social media? I wanna follow you on social media.

You look interesting or hot. It'd be like, oh, you're weird. But like if you did it in private, they'd be like, yes, got a follower. Isn't that funny? Is it only funny to me? Is this the Reconel speaking? You know what I'm saying?

It just seems like modern language to me. Like, oh my God, it's so nice to meet you. What's your Insta? Okay, here is mine. And that's how we get to know each other. It's like, God forbid you give somebody your phone number. Like, I don't trust you with my phone number because you'll probably sell that to somebody that can bug me with, you know, calls telling me that my roof needs repairing or whatever.

But I'll give you my soche. I'll give you my soche that way, like, you can still harass me. I'll give you my soche that way, like, you can still harass me. I'll give you my soche that way, like, you can still harass me. I'll give you my soche that way, like, you can still harass me. I'll give you my soche that way, like, you can still harass me. I'll give you my soche that way, like, you can still harass me. I'll give you my soche that way, like, you can still harass me.

I'll give you my soche that way, like, you can still harass me. I'll give you my soche that way, like, you can still harass me. I'll give you my soche that way, like, you can still harass me. I'll give you my soche that way, like, you can still harass me. I'll give you my soche that way, like, you can still harass me. I'll give you my soche that way, like, you can still harass me. I'll give that my roof needs repairing or whatever. But I'll give you my sosh. I'll give you my sosh that way you can still harass me, but at least you count as a number in my tally of followers. I'm like, it would be great to fuck ya, but not until after you've watched 10 Nancy videos

on my Instagram. Okay, there you go. So they met at a bar, there's really no story. They try to make it seem like it's a story. Like I saw her and then she grabbed me and then we flirted all night. But basically the story is they're just two people who met at a bar.

And so Michelle's like, oh, so you were like, come to me now. That is so romantic. How much longer do I have to talk to lesbians? And so Jasmine's just saying how Melissa, they've been together for four years and she's been great and everyone loves Melissa, Melissa's great, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And Brittany's like, oh, I love you. So Jesse is sniffing wine. You know, sometimes these people get confused. They forget what substance is in front of them, but that's fine. And Janet, she's like, Zach, I have to tell you something. So when we weren't good I told everyone that you have a wig

I am literally done. I'm so done. I Know I thought that was really funny of me. It was very funny. You have to admit it's a very funny joke. He's like, maybe I can be friends with John and the guy. Like the apocalypse is now. So now Jesse gets up and he's like waxing poetic as he looks at the view and he's like, wow guys,

this looks like Monet. And Lucas like, yeah, I've never been to Monet. He goes, it's an artist, not a place. Sir. Did, because Monet, is that what we're talking about? Like, is that like a French way of saying car engine? I don't really understand things beyond that. And looks like, I thought it was like, you know,

you're saying it like Capri, Moday, Saint Tropez. And everyone's cracking up. It's like, look, gasket, gasket. All right, gasket, gasket, gasket. Jesse's like, yeah, you've got no culture, man. And Luke is like, yeah, well, you're not manly. Didn't see you helping out with that engine before. So I'm going to go out on a limb and say that none of you are like really too

manly. Okay. So then the lady, Jesse, I'm also going to say that here's going out on a limb. I'm going to say that Jesse has no idea really what a Monet is like. I think it's just a painter he had heard about. He has a vague idea of impressionism, but doesn't really know idea what a Monet is. I'm just gonna say that right now. I wouldn't doubt that. I just looked up Monet.

What a hot bear. God damn. Did you just look up a hot bear instead? Wait, is that bear eating someone at Yellowstone? I'm looking for Monet's LinkedIn. He is, he looks like Jason Kelsey. He does, I mean he's like a hot bear. I would say he really needs to groom more

because his beard is like a zeezy top and then he's got the mustache that like covers his mouth. Like he doesn't do any trimming or anything and it's like, you know, do some grooming, but wow, what eyes, I never knew Monet had such sparkling eyes. Oh, I bet all his friends can't stand him. They're probably like, this guy? This guy is the one who everyone loves his painting?

He just got wasted. He got so wasted the other night. He was like doing keg stands in the tavern. Look at this guy. Look at Monet, you guys. I'm showing him on Crapprap and On Demand right now. I'm basically putting Jason Kelsey's personality onto him. I'm like, this guy just took off his shirt at the bar,

and now all of a sudden everyone says, oh wow, his art is legendary. This guy, this guy right here? No. Yeah, like this guy's shit face. He better be nice to Taylor, but look at this grooming. See how one piece of his beard is just coming all the way down, and then some of it's this length, Like this guy's shit face. He better be nice to Taylor. But look at this grooming. See how one piece of his beard

is just like coming all the way down and then some of it's this length. And then like, how do you even eat out of that hair hole, dude? But he's got nine size. I will say he does possibly have an eye booger and Getty Images ain't gonna even take your eye booger out. You're like, we're gonna charge you $900

to show this picture, but we're not gonna remove your eye booger because no one liked you, Monet, until you were dead. I don't, I just don't believe I think this is all a lie. Because when you look at Monet's paintings, I just don't think that those paintings came from that man. I think that guy draws footballs, even though football wasn't even invented yet, probably. He's just like, look, I painted a ball. Like this is I'm telling you, that guy's a jock.

He's a jock. He's one of those annoying jocks that has like a shred, I painted a ball. Like this is, I'm telling you, that guy's a jock. He's a jock. He's one of those annoying jocks that has like a shred of artistry in him. And then all of a sudden everyone's like, oh my God, he's like amazing. He's some other dimensional. It's like, no, he's a jock. Well, he was hot.

Someone else was painting those paintings. I'm gonna tell you that right now. Okay, so then we go over. So Michelle gets a phone call and it's the nanny. So she's asking out Isabella is doing. And she walks away to talk and then Jesse follows her and he's like, can we talk for a second? So they sit down at a picnic table and she looks furious already.

And she's like, Oh my God, it is going to take me so long to forgive him. But the least he could do is dart with an apology, which of course he doesn't. So he sits there and she's like, uh, are you okay? Or he's like, yeah, are you okay? So you're the one who wanted to talk to me. You start. She's like, fine, I am fine.

He's like, well, I think it was a joke to wave the white flag when you arrived. I thought at first he was gonna say, what I said in the boys chat was a joke. I thought he was starting his apology, but instead it was, the joke was when I said to wave the white flag, and I think that you and I,

you decided not to do the white flag thing, and that's fine, but I think you and I need to have a serious, serious conversation, which is why we're doing it now while I'm drunk off of Degrassi High wine. Are you happy, Michelle? I am happy besides you. Oh, great.

Real great. Yeah, if you weren't in the big jerk, yes, I'm very happy. And he's like, okay, okay, then if you're happy Why can't you be happy for my relationship be happy for me? And she's like, um, I'm not Abby who you are with. I'm sorry. Okay Just happy in life does not mean you have to be happy for people You just have to be happy for yourself

Yeah, I think that she's I think that where she's going wrong here is like giving a shit about his relationship. I get to the, I get the point that she makes later in the episode, which is like, well, I'm not happy that you've, you've got my daughter being raised around this woman that I don't like. Like I don't want this chick around my daughter, but she's also with somebody around the daughter all the time. So they're both doing the thing where they move on really quickly with other partners, really deeply,

and then the kid is subjected to both of those partners now being in their life, and they're subjected to all the confusion of like now she's calling this woman mommy, which we find out later, which is crazy. And- It seems like both of these people should not really be in Isabella's life just yet

But the parents should be sorting their shit out But that being said just in regards to this situation with Jesse being like if you're happy, why aren't you happy for me? Why does she have to be happy for you? Maybe she's gets maybe the angrier. She is that you the happier she feels Maybe she needs to actually be dismissive of you in order to feel her full happiness. Because, and why do you need her to be happy for you? Why the fuck do you need that? You don't need that. If you like this girl in Orange County

and her flat earth perspective, then who cares? You don't need other people's validation. Oh, actually, we heard from the girl. Do we? Yes, because we said her name on the podcast. I didn't know that. Yeah, oh yeah. We actually heard from her and she was really nice.

She said, ha ha, love you guys, I'm not a flat earther. That was her comment. Hey, well that's great. Okay, well congratulations. So I said we'd correct it on the show. So, you know. She's not a flat earther. We can say whatever we want around this girl,

about this girl, but she does believe the earth is, well she didn't say she believes it's round, but she said she doesn't think it's flat, so. She's like, I'm a triangle-Earther, and... I'm more of a trapezoid-Earther, so... Get it right, you queens. That's nice to know. It's nice that she's not a flat-Earther. One fewer to be burdened with in this world.

Well, I think what he's saying is beyond the, like, why aren't you happy for me? I think he's saying, like, why are you giving me so much shit about who I'm dating when you're able to date somebody? Like that's like what the hell but they're both just so toxic at this point And I just wish Michelle wouldn't care either because he's gonna do what he's gonna do to like if you're dating someone He's gonna date somebody and he's probably just gonna date worse and worse people just to piss you off at this point. Yeah, I mean, if she were, I think,

I think it's unreasonable for him to ask for her to like not care at this moment, right? Like, cause I think that she is allowed to be, oh my God, I'm so much happier, I'm not with Jesse anymore. And she's allowed to go and tell people that she's much happier now. And I don't think it's reasonable for like him to say well if you're happier Then you should be chill about the fact that I'm dating someone

I think she's still allowed to be like who is this fucking bitch who's sending cease and desist letters and Who believes the world is round? Thank God for that. Who is this lady who's doing this? I think she's allowed to feel both of those things and And I think it's just like, I know what you're saying, Ronnie. I get it. He's basically like, you know, Hey, like if you're so happy, then stop talking shit about this girl that I like, because you should be happy and just focus on the things that make you happy. But he didn't say that and said, he's like, well, if you're so happy, then why can't you be happy for me? Which is to me, that's like a twist on that, which is kind of like, oh, shut up, shut up.

Just be happy with your lady and enjoy your wine. Yeah, I just think they're both really toxic. I mean, he's always trying to pick at her and I think if he sits you down and says, why can't you be happy for me? Just say, I am. Good for you. Be happy.

Okay, are we done? But, you know, of course, he's the worst for putting the situation that you even have to figure out how to react, right? So she's like, you know, I'm not gonna be okay with somebody who threatens me. She's like, I will never be okay with someone who threatens me.

And then we see a flashback of Janet saying that everyone's getting cease and desist, or this girl threatened to cease and desist everybody. And so she's like, I'm not doing anything. The only thing I told you is go live your life. And let me speak, let me speak. So now everybody's listening because they're screaming or she's screaming at him. And she goes, Okay, go ahead and smile then go ahead and smile then. Go ahead and smile then.

Michelle has a way of getting under my skin and she's the only one that can do it. When I get triggered by Michelle, I do not know how to defuse the situation. He keeps going back to this phrase, like when I get triggered by Michelle, you know, sir. You're the one starting it, stop starting it. You're also drunk. You're the one who's drunk right now. So if you don't want to be triggered,

don't get drunk because we all know one thing leads to another. So she's like, Oh, you're not even apologizing. You are a disaster. And he's like, well, you're the hooker. So that's fine. Oh, hell no. See? So he's doubling down now. So apparently his, uh, the quote unquote test to see if it was the, to flush out the mole doesn't seem like it's such a test anymore. And I'm by the way, for people who aren't watching,

I was doing air quotes, doing nice little air quotes on that one. So Michelle's like, okay, I am not doing this. Okay, I'm not, I am not doing this. And everyone's like, Michelle, come on over here. You can't do this. I am the mother of your fucking child. I'm not doing this. And everyone's like, Michelle, come on over here. You can't do this. I am the mother of your fucking child.

Anyway, I don't know why he's shaming her because I think it would be better that she's sleeping with someone she's getting money from than sleeping from someone who's draining her money like you did for the past couple of years. So, like, how are you money shaming people when you just drained your bank accounts of $1.5 million, sir?

That's right. In fact, she says that right now. She's like, you are a loser. You fucking spend all of our money. You are the one. He's like, oh, actually, speaking of spending money, let me pull up this. So she pulls up, he pulls up something on the phone,

whatever it is, and she's like, yeah, pull that up. He's like, yeah, come on, Michelle. Brittany's like, Michelle, come on over here. We got French onion dip all over here. Come on over, honey. She's like, no, I will not. And so Brittany has to go over. Everyone's telling Brittany, go over and get her. I like that Jasmine doesn't get up,

but she's like, Zach, go get her. Okay, Brittany, you go get her. Okay, Zach, you go get her. Brittany, you do it. Somebody do it, so I'm not getting up. I like that. You guys do it. You do it, please. I'm not getting up. I'd like that. You guys do it.

You're even more energetic than I am right now. This bitch just talked to me for the first time in two years, so I'm not getting up. She hasn't heard that. You guys do it. Do it. Yeah, do it. So all the girls gather around her

and they're like, don't let him get to you. Don't let him get to you, whatever. Just breathe or whatever. And she's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And so then Luke goes over to Jess. He's like, dude, what happened or whatever. And she's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. And so then Luke goes over to Jesse, he's like, dude, what happened, bro? And he's like, oh man, I think it's going real well, Luke, that's sarcasm.

Luke's like, wow, sounds like you're really blowing a gasket. Unfortunately, you don't know what that means because you're not a real man. I love that Luke doesn't get sarcasm at all. He's like, you think it's going well? Yes, Luke, he really meant that. So now Michelle's yelling at him that, oh, well, let me make it straight.

So there's no confusion. Our friend and our client zend us money for Isabella's birthday, and you were more than happy to take that. And he also zend us a wedding gift. And he's like, okay, well, it's okay, Michelle, it's fine. She goes, no, it is not. People deposit money to you.

I have proof. So you want me to show this? Why is a gay guy sending you money on your birthday? It is true. We as gay men are not allowed to send money to people on their birthdays, unless it's for sex. Well, but what adult sends an adult money for their birthday? That is weird. Do you send money to your friends on

their birthday? I don't know. You buy them dinner. That's it. Yeah, that's weird. So it's like, I guess some older gay guys sending Jesse money. That is a little bit odd. And Jesse does look a little caught in that one. It's just like, uh, yeah, and I just, it's such a, and it's such a funny question to ask, a funny existential question to ask in the middle of this crazy episode. Why is a gay guy sending you money on your birthday?

Exactly so. Well, she's not existential, she's changing it around to be like, you're the hooker, you're fucking some old gay dude for money and then calling me a hooker. Like, who's the hooker now? I know, I know. But I also thought, you know, like gay guy,

like older gay guys, there's so many options for hookers, I would imagine, it's Los Angeles, you know? Why are you getting some old broke down horse who wasn't famous, you know, who almost got famous during the Anna Nicole Smith years, you know? Yeah, I know. Like get fresher hoes, get fresher man hoes. So Jesse's like, well, apparently if gay guys send me money,

that's a bad thing for Michelle. Which I think he's trying to like lean into the rumors that like, that Michelle is anti-gay from last season. Apparently Michelle doesn't like it when gay men text me everyone. Someone tell Glad that she doesn't seem glad about a gay man texting me. Yeah. So Zach's like, um, gay people, listen, we do not want this man. Okay. So please don't try to

give him to us. And he is like, um, don't let him talk to you like he shouldn't be talking to you. He no longer has access to you. And Brittany's like, Hi, Jesse. Now here's the thing, that you just doubled down and called her a hooker on the set of the notebook. That's, that's why she's mad at you. So say sorry for that. And he's like, okay, are you going to insert yourself right now into my life? She goes, I am because she's my friend. She's my friend. So you better say it. You better say it right now. And he's like, okay, well, of course, it's a lie, guys. She's not really a hooker. Like I'm a fucking asshole for even saying that. She's like, okay, thank you. That's

all that needs to be said. Let's go. Look how well I stand up for myself and other people's relationships. Okay, well, we're having a conversation though. No, you're not. He's like, I don't believe this humor. I regret ever sending it to the boys chat. No, you regret getting caught, that's all. You just doubled down on it on national TV. Yeah, I certainly never even thought it would circulate. And let's be clear, I never said it was true. So it is not slander. Oh, okay. You just put it out there for everyone to ponder.

And in the previous episode, Danny told Luke that Jesse said, I have proof that Michelle is sleeping with a billionaire for $1500 a night. Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two part recap. For part two, go look for the recap that says part two. See you over there suckers. Watch what Crap-Ins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alice and King. Part 2. See you over there suckas. with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offit. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniella. Etchels! We never miss her call, it's Diane Call. Erin McNicholas, she don't

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