Watch What Crappens - #285: Fecal Hatter

Starting point is 00:00:00 From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap happens? What happens? What happens?

Starting point is 00:00:46 Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? There's so much that crappens Oh, I mean, there's so much that crappens Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Today's episode is brought to you by our premium subscriber, Christy Dougherty. Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and the Banter Blender podcast. All that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and the Banter Blender podcast. And joining me, as always, is the lovable, the huggable, the always wonderful Ronnie Karam from TrashTalkTV.com. Hi, Ronnie.

Starting point is 00:01:19 Hello, Benjamoni. Oh, hello, Rondall. How's it going over there? Love ya. I'm good. We just did a really fun bonus, and I'm back at couch desk today, so I'm like in the corner York at my parents' place because Passover's coming up this weekend, and so I thought I would get an early start on my Westchester activities.

Starting point is 00:01:52 Little East Coast. Yeah, exactly. And so those activities include not going to Starbucks to get coffee for this podcast, because there are no Starbucks to get coffee for this podcast. I should have gone to Dunkin' Donuts. You're a pro. You're going to change it up. Sometimes I have to do this with coffee and then sometimes I just can't get it.

Starting point is 00:02:09 That's what I do. I'm a pro. Okay, baby? Let me tell you something. This town is not owning it, baby, when it comes to Starbucks because no one is drinking Starbucks around here. I could have gone to Dunkin' Donuts and gotten some coffee and I should have but I budgeted my time incorrectly.

Starting point is 00:02:25 I had to go feed my brother's cat, and here we are. I love it. This is the story of me. I love a hectic story like that. This is what it is. Come on, come home, and you're like, how was your day? I drove somewhere, and then, oh my god, the parking there was crazy. And then, can you believe they took out the flowers in front of the store and put cement?

Starting point is 00:02:47 Why would they do that? Why? Okay, well, let's have dinner. That's what I am. Whenever I come to New York, it's actually more work because I get work to do. I get things assigned to me, like got to feed my brother's cat half an hour away. And then I got to do random things. I i gotta help out with random this for him of that then you know you gotta visit friends you're driving around doing all this stuff it's more stressful to go home for

Starting point is 00:03:16 a week on a quote-unquote like like a mini vacation than it is to just hang out in la yeah and i don't ever go on vacation i only go home like that's my vacation and so i go twice a year and i started thinking that recently too it's like what the hell it's like i have a list of shit to do for everybody well not even a to-do but just like see this person then do that and then i'm hiding in my mom's bedroom while she's playing canasta so i can watch the housewives i'm like sitting on the floor so i don't mess up her bed watching housewives i'm like, fuck this. My parents asked me once why I isolate myself from the family.

Starting point is 00:03:50 And I was like, because I want to isolate myself from the family. Leave me alone. Jesus. I love my family, but they definitely heap on a lot of stuff when I get into town. But then they also feed me, so I also love that too. But we're non-married people, so that whole grind of family, we're not used to it because we get to lead selfish lives and just do what we want to do. Exactly. Wake up when we need to. We're totally spoiled.

Starting point is 00:04:13 I mean, we really are. We are totally. That's my goal. I just wrote my own fairy tale, like Siggy Flicka. Yeah, because every time I start to complain about like, ugh, I come home and next thing you know, I got to move a chair for my dad. And it's like, well, you know, like think of all the things my parents do for me. And like, OK, I can move a chair. I just have to get over myself about that.

Starting point is 00:04:34 Yeah. When I'm there, I'm like, I'm not going to break down, do what they say. And then you go home in a week and you can be back in your bubble, you know, so I do it. I just and I love being around them. I'm just, you know, I'm a shut in. I just and I love being around them. I'm just, you know, I'm a shut in. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:04:52 I just want to go back to L.A. and be in the confines of whatever I'm confined to over there. For me, just my apartment. I just want to be on my couch with my giant TV five feet from my face and food I like. And then I can go outside and smoke without people giving me shit. I don't have to ask people stuff. Oh, solitary life you know what i miss here i miss i miss noho at this moment i miss being able to walk out the door and across the street and getting a nice coffee as opposed to here i have to like get in the car then drive down the driveway then i cried down the road down to 138 finally go to the supermarket

Starting point is 00:05:21 it took going home to realize how much you love noho it's like the love story between you and north hollywood oh i've really really missed noho right now miss it so badly well we need to do this show let's get on with this let's get on with it so um come uh come visit us at watch what crap happens.com you'll find links to all our social media if you go to facebook.com forward slash WatchWhatCrapHands, you can join in the conversation. And if you like that page, lots of stuff, great stuff goes up there. A lot of links and articles and just random photos and in-jokes and stuff. It's a really great way to round out the Watch What Crap Hands experience.

Starting point is 00:05:58 And, of course, if you are so inclined, feel free to support us on Patreon.com forward slash watch what crap ends uh we uh we try to give back to our supporters as best we can uh that includes a bonus episode this week's we just recorded and it we talked about going to coachella i talked a little bit about how i went to toronto this weekend as well um we talked yeah ben and i went to coachella on a fat burger truck we did we did hear all about it hear all about our coachella trip uh on the bonus famous people things happened there's a hologram story so then there's a ramp love story okay a love story between somebody and a rant yeah we also finally decidedly discovered who Countess Luanne sounds like. We found the voice of Countess Luanne, and you will never guess who it is.

Starting point is 00:06:56 Oh, and also we discussed the new Real Housewives of New Jersey cast member, Siggy Flicker. So go to listen to that bonus episode, because it's really fun. And then there's other stuff that you get, such as the Krappen's mailbag. You can submit to that, which we will get to in just a moment. But before we do that, we do have a little bit of business. Okay. First of all, our premium subscriber, Christy Dougherty. We love you, Christy.

Starting point is 00:07:19 Thank you for supporting us. Christy, we love you, Christy. Second of all, now that Vanderpump Rules has wrapped for the season, you may think that's it. But we are very happy to announce that we have some of the cast members here on this podcast right now. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our special guest, Miss Kristen Doody. Hey, guys. Before I tell Diana to suck a dick or eat a dick or whatever like i want to tell you tonight's specials like lulu happy birthday okay bitch there i said it okay lulu you're such a basic bitch i can't believe it's your birthday your sister emily b was like

Starting point is 00:07:59 oh wish happy birthday to my sister lulu and i'm, Lulu, who the fuck is Lulu, you basic bitch whore? Lulu, it's your birthday, and I want you to, like, not be an alcoholic today, okay? You can, like, have five drinks, but not, like, any tequila, okay? Because, like, I can't marry you unless you're the Lulu that I, like, wake up with. You know what I mean? I think that Lulu's going to have one of all the prime cocktails. Who does that? Happy birthday, Lulu is going to have one of all the prime cocktails. Who does that? Happy birthday, Lulu.

Starting point is 00:08:27 Happy birthday, Lulu. Darling, be nice to Lulu. Be nice to Lulu. That was from your sister, Emily B. So happy birthday, Lulu. Hope you're having a great birthday time. And in case no one has sent Lulu any flowers flowers don't worry we can fix that can we not ronnie lulu's birthday is today mother's day is may 8th i know it seems like it was just mother's

Starting point is 00:08:54 day you know it does and or it feels like it was just lulu's birthday at the very least yes like it still feels like it's lulu's. Like, seriously? It's Lulu's motherfucking birthday, okay? And I know that you feel like you don't have enough time because you're listening to this probably at a different time than we're recording, and you're like, how do I order Lulu flowers? But there is still time to order her the best flowers of her life from thebooks.com.

Starting point is 00:09:20 Books. B-O-U-Q-S. Yeah, like bouquet, but without the other part of it. Books. Books. Books. Books. I'd say Books.

Starting point is 00:09:29 Like, throw the Books. I can't believe you mispronounced Books. It was a birthday. That's so bourgeois. It's a mute part. How do you say it? What is this? The Book?

Starting point is 00:09:42 The Book? I don't know the words here's what you need to know everyone about the books um that mother's day is on may 8th and it's gonna sneak up on you so it's time to get some flowers okay here's how they're different okay they're different from the other flower companies they're grown at eco-friendly farms on the side of a volcano. A volcano. Seriously? A volcano.

Starting point is 00:10:10 The blooms, by the way, the blooms are larger and the colors are more vibrant. And it's a better soil and more sun at a lofty 10,000 feet thing. Yeah. So order from books.com today because if you wait until the last second, you get second-rate flowers. Your mom knows second-rate flowers. They're the crappy ones that come in from a massive online outlet she does the limp one snuggle next to the green onions at the grocery store don't give your mom shitty flowers that is don't give a green onions either don't they don't count so gorgeous flowers from the books really do say thanks mom for all you do so what's all

Starting point is 00:10:40 this gorgeousness cost not much uh books prices start at a mere $40. No up charges. No extra fees. Even a delivery is absolutely free when you register with the books. Listeners of our show save 20% off the bouquet of your choice. Just go to Boots.com and enter promo code WATCH. That's B-O-U-Q-S dot com. Promo code WATCH.

Starting point is 00:11:03 Boots.com. Promo code WATCH. Damn it! O-U-Q-S dot com promo code watch. Books dot com promo code watch. Damn it. There, I said it. Ronnie was taking the audience by the shoulders and shaking them. Books dot com slash watch. You hear a lot of ads, okay, but this is important. This is your mother.

Starting point is 00:11:23 That's the sound of Ronnie slapping the audience. Several times. Get your mama a flower. Or get your dad a flower. How about that? Get everyone flowers! One thing that mothers and Ronnies have in common, we love getting things in the mail bin.

Starting point is 00:11:38 Has the mailman been by lately? Oh, you know what? He has. The mailman has been around lately. And guess what he delivered? Another dose of He has the mailbag. The mailman has been around lately. And guess what? He delivered another dose of Krappen's mailbag. Yay! Yay!

Starting point is 00:11:53 Smoothest podcast ever. That's so Persian. That's so Persian. The way you delivered that mail was so Persian. Like, white people, they'll just they'll just put it in your mailbox. But Persians, we go on the internet. It's crazy. We don't call it email.

Starting point is 00:12:11 We call it P-mail, like Persian mail. You're awesome. We've literally had the internet for 50,000 years. So we go all out for the internet. Shut up. We go all out for the internet. We haven't gotten to Shaz yet. Oh my goodness. Okay,'t gotten to this. Oh, my goodness.

Starting point is 00:12:25 Okay, so the first one, I'm doing a little bit of housekeeping here on my computer, typing something down, part one, because we had to stop recording for a second before. Housekeeping. Okay, guys. Okay, so BetsyMD. I got it.

Starting point is 00:12:40 I got it. BetsyMD, just a comment that I'm reminded of now with Real Housewives of york in full swing your carol voice reminds me of the hissing sound that the lizard likes slea stacks make on the land of the lost come to think of it she kind of looks like one too it's just that i'm feel kind of lost because i've only got five summers left and i see all these other people like in bikinis ready to be in bikinis for like 20 years so um oliver haskins says uh asks what do you think was the elevator

Starting point is 00:13:14 pitch for kyle's nick at night sitcom i think it's actually for tv land uh i have trouble imagining a silly family sitcom about growing up with big kathy as a mama rose type character so i keep envisioning a muppet baby's version of the housewives that's kind of funny richard's babies i'm sorry go on richard's babies one they can't understand what's wrong with her she keeps like bumping her head into a wall like you know drinking things from under the sink um i'm like uses to wear clothes her own size i'm just imagining kim richards at ralph's little piano his little toy piano just like playing and shaking your head you guys are putting music over this right i'm just hitting the plastic keys

Starting point is 00:14:03 i'm just imagining Rinna as Animal. Although I guess Rinna would not be in the family story, but I still imagine Rinna coming in as Animal. Every time Kim gets in trouble in school, you see Rinna's head pop up from the window. I'm telling you, you better own it, Missy. That's right. I'm watching you, Kim Richards.

Starting point is 00:14:21 She'd be called Own-It-Mole instead of Animal. I'm here to make sure Kim Richards holds herself'd be called Onimole instead of animal. I'm here to make sure Kim Richards holds herself accountable, okay? So I'm here. The neighbor from next door. Lisa Rinna, baby. All this time I thought Nana was manipulating me, but it was Kim Richards, baby.

Starting point is 00:14:38 She's just the nosy neighbor from next door in every sitcom coming over. Oh, God. Lisa Rinna's here again emilio go hide upstairs uh who would be who would be gonzo um the muppets no no no no you're lower he's no he has more of like a like a thin voice right it's like

Starting point is 00:15:08 ganso speaks more like that now i can only do that ziggy flicka voice yeah you're doing the voice you're doing is more like i'm trying to think who's that you're sort of in the animal that's kermit you're kermit you're sort of in the Scooter Skeeter area. Yeah. Okay, then you do Gonzo. Oh no. That's Gonzo. I feel like Gonzo's Carlton or something.

Starting point is 00:15:37 It's Carlton. I can just imagine Carlton's lips on her looking around you know sort of in a frenzy. You know at the end of the opening credits end of opening credits her diamond explodes in her face i mean i think yolanda is obviously nana or nanny whatever her name was you know she's coming in like would you please keep it down in here i'm trying to rest the one who ruins all well brandy's obviously um beaker

Starting point is 00:16:06 brandy's beaker isn't beaker this oh yeah beaker's the me me me one who's the one scooter is the one who takes no doctor what's no who has who's beaker with dr bunsen dr bunsen that's probably like that's the sweetest chef oh i got the doctor and the doctor no dr bunsen is probably like dana i don't know 25 000 then everything explodes yeah because dana and brandy came on at the same time they were like the two guests of friends of that season and Brandy survived. Yeah, Beverly Hills really does have some odd additions to the cast

Starting point is 00:16:50 that they only use once or twice. Yeah. They have a lot of one season wonders on that one. I feel like Lisa Vanderpump is Miss Piggy for sure. And I don't know who, I don't know who Joyce would be.

Starting point is 00:17:04 Joyce would be, Yoist would be... I guess she'd be closest to Janice because she's like, hey, you know, Miss America, you know? Like, just her mouth kind of always open and smiley. Well, who's Robin? Her hair back. Is Kyle Robin?

Starting point is 00:17:17 Which Robin? I'm not Robin. I mean, I meant Kermit. Robin is Kermit's, like, little sidekick. Kermit? Kermit would be... I don't know. Kermit's too nice. I don't even think you could match anybody up to Kermit robin is kermit's like little like sidekick kermit kermit would be i don't know kermit's too nice i don't even think you could match anybody up to kermit he's just too nice to even be a housewife is kermit like andy cohen yeah he's andy cohen he's like so pig so it's piggy what about those

Starting point is 00:17:37 new boobs huh why are there so many new boobs on the couches why are there so many new boobs on the couches? Why are there so many songs about fucks I don't give? Okay, what's next in the bag? Let's see. We'll ask Betsy's second question on Thursday. Okay, Lauren Grabowski says, Hi guys, are either of you watching Survivor this year? I'd love to know your thoughts on the season so far,

Starting point is 00:18:09 who you're rooting for, and what you thought about last week's Tribal with the mega idol said in a Liza voice. Thanks guys, love you, paralyzed! Paralyzed! The season's good. I think it's a solid middle-of-the-pack season of Survivor. I think it's been heating up lately. There have been some really good tribal councils.

Starting point is 00:18:28 Some people thought last week's episode was the best of the season. I liked the one two weeks prior. There's good gameplay, but there are two villains, Jason and Scott, and they're just awful. I just can't stand them. And my favorite on the cast, here comes a spoiler alert you have five seconds before i announce who got voted off this week two one debbie all right i'm just the victim just vote me off survivor at least you're not even on survivor oh don't you can't tell me what i'm not i never said i wasn't on survivor i've never been to a tribal before these people

Starting point is 00:19:05 are monsters um but debbie i like debbie and her kookiness but she's gone now so i think i'm rooting for aubrey you're not watching it though ronnie are you i am not not watching it nope it's too much it's all the time it never stops it's like hey what's on tv survivor it's on two times a year too much go away you're making me nervous like all that not eating like so good to each other in the heat it's so good although this season was a little rough because um basically a lot of people got injured in really gross disturbing ways so there's that but it's still so good so good to me well those shows kind of have started pissing me off because they have

Starting point is 00:19:45 less real people and i guess survivor is one that still does have a lot of real people so i'm kind of killing my own point but right like big brother by the end of big brother i couldn't even anymore because it was just you know people who wanted to be on reality shows right mom's still gonna watch big brother too well i am too good we'll probably talk about a lot in the bonus episodes this this summer um that's when i'm committed coming back in like two months so um danielle riley riley see now riley uh hey guys i just have a request i would absolutely love it if you could make a ringtone from last tuesday's podcast when ronnie said it's a little plano in here including Ronnie's whole laugh um I would be eternally grateful I absolutely love you guys you keep me laughing your podcasts and ringtones make my life more bearable thank you

Starting point is 00:20:36 thank you okay done we'll do it we'll have it up for the first one next month yeah cool cool we'll ask we'll ask the rest of the question we'll get the rest of questions on thursday so what you want to talk about today we can talk about anything you want to talk about today, we can talk about anything. You want to talk about the fight between Hillary and Bernie? No. You want to talk about the possible earthquake that hit Azusa last week? No. Okay.

Starting point is 00:21:15 You want to talk about the Bible? No. I'm always here. No. I'm always here to introduce you to Jesus, okay? I'm a friend of a friend. I'm playing my own improv game of no but instead of yes and. As you have to.

Starting point is 00:21:29 Okay, so what do you want to talk about first then? Do you want to talk about Dallas first? Real Housewives of Dallas? Yes, sure. So funny. I don't even care what order we talk about it as long as we do because that shit's killing me. It is hilarious. I was a little concerned this episode because because i was like well i know the

Starting point is 00:21:45 season premiere they got to put the good stuff in there so that's like way more entertaining i was like this okay this one's a little slower but by the end of the episode i was still cracking up yes the thing that i mostly hate about the new housewives shows in general is when they're trying too hard and like making up storylines and stuff like that because it takes a while for them to really become themselves on this one maybe they're doing that a little like there's the girl who's like i poop everywhere whatever i say poop you know that's her thing it's like putting poop everywhere she talks about it 20 times yeah but and i get that she's trying too hard but it's still just funny and they're really showing themselves to be more and more monstrous every episode so far too yeah but still it's

Starting point is 00:22:26 wonderful so it begins with like a montage of like what all the housewives are up to at this moment and uh we saw leanne trying to get her dog to eat or roll over or do something and the dog was just like not having i was like wow even the dogs are like not having Leanne. She's just that repulsive to them too. You want a chewy stick? Oh, well, I guess you don't want it then. So, well, all right, that's fine. Because that's how you are, isn't it? That's how you are.

Starting point is 00:22:53 This dog, he doesn't want a chew stick. Okay, I'll get it. Mama gets it. You know, in society, you always take a chew stick when it's offered to you. That's all right. You know, one day you are going to be ready for the charity circuit but not right now mister now go to your house i volunteered to get you this chew stick and what do you do some people get these little chewy sticks with their billions and billions of dollars they use their boobies to

Starting point is 00:23:17 acquire but myself i don't i work and then i go get those cheesesteaks by myself at target and i give them to my dog and that is how i do it so then uh brandy who's the redhead she uh goes to marie's house maria is the friend of leanne she's the one who's like the tall wealthy scared friend um brandy super tall scared friend no maria is the super tall yeah that's what i meant she went to like the super tall yeah she's super tall and scared she's like a character out of like coralline or something so she uh so brandy because she's a former uh dallas cheerleader goes over and i liked how she she told us about how she taught herself how to become a cheerleader she's like i went to the tallest hill i could find and fling myself down it. And I just like roll down the hill until finally one day I could do a back flip.

Starting point is 00:24:07 I was like, what? One day I jumped right off the top of a second roof building just so I could land on my neck and bent it enough to tongue my own car in whole. I don't care what nobody thinks. She's like the dumb, the dumb hick version of Erica. I know she really is so um so then uh they're after like the little teaching session then they're the women start talking about marie's like i would i love your art form but i would appreciate it if you didn't turn my daughter

Starting point is 00:24:38 into a whore thanks for coming over she's like here's how to cheerlead the little girl is so excited marie is like my look of fear now has two different dimensions and you just saw that little kid's face light up like wow here's how to make one beat go further than the other so then afterwards the women are like sitting down because it's it's brandy and also um uh the other girl stephanie and with marie and marie's defending leanne she's like you know there are like two leanne's there's the one in public the one private and i like both of them and the one at home, she's really fun. She's really sweet.

Starting point is 00:25:27 She's so fun. I wish you could see her. She looks so scared. She's like, oh, my God. If I don't say something nice about Leanne on camera, she's going to slit my neck. And she does it in the best Texas way ever. Well, she's a little different. But, you know, both of the sides of her are just wonderful sides.

Starting point is 00:25:44 And I hope that there comes a time when both of you, because you're both so funny. And I hope that there's one day when you can laugh at her and she laughs at you. And then you say, wow, there's a positive side of that person. Both of you say that. Let's hug. Shut up, Marie. Marie is like, please don't break anything in my house, basically. That's Texas.

Starting point is 00:26:02 This scared, fragile woman. don't break anything in my house basically that's this scared fragile woman um and then then we go over to carrie uh who is this like the surgeon's assistant and this is a big scene in dallas history by the way because carrie is automatically as awful as you could ever hope in this scene she just totally comes through in this scene god bless you well done girl i know uh her her her like big moment of like humanism is that she uh she like burns her finger on like toaster oven she's like i touched this part not not supposed to touch that part how funny is that i'm like lady you work in an or you should not be broadcasting this to you to america i don't know what to touch the toaster oven turns out that's a thing. I didn't know metal got hot too.

Starting point is 00:26:46 I thought it was just my English muffin. We have a charity to raise money for all the breasts that we've ruined by accidentally putting toasters inside. But you know what? I'm sorry. I just don't know how to do it. Okay. Oh, my God. And I loved Carrie's daughter who came in.

Starting point is 00:27:02 Zuri. She had these sunglasses on. She looked like a swanky old lady from the Upper East Side. I expected her to start bossing everyone around. Yes. She looked like a baby Sonya to me. Yeah, exactly. That's a good thing.

Starting point is 00:27:16 This is where this chick just becomes terrible. She's telling us about her husband. Her husband's a doctor, and he's so in love with her. He looks both terrified, but then when she's trying to be nice to doctor and he's so in love with her he looks both terrified but then when she's trying to be nice to him he's like like he gets so honestly happy and giggly yeah and then carrie starts talking about her life yeah and how she met her husband and she's like well you know this is pictures of him he used to be a big fat idiot with ketchup on his shirt. Smelled like burps. But then he came across me and lost 80 pounds.

Starting point is 00:27:50 You'd lose the weight, too, if you wanted some of this. And then so this whole thing, we get this whole fat shame angle from Carrie. And, of course, loved it. Recognized it. Saw it. Hugged it. Loved it. Yeah, exactly.

Starting point is 00:28:03 If there's any question about whether or not she married for money, she answered it right there. She's like, well, he was ugly as fuck. But I decided he had money, so I could just make him lose the weight. And then now we have sex. Now, I'm going to think about it. It's just about comfort. Would you want to fuck a sack of coins or a stack of hundreds? It's up to you. Same amount of money. um so uh then we go to leanne i believe who um is it's just they're squawking as usual about

Starting point is 00:28:31 how she's risen in society she's like i lived here for 16 years and no one knew who i was but then i made the cover of carna magazine and i'm a celebrity i was just a little girl who learned to bob for apples before she learned to do the Roger Rabbit It wasn't just handed to me Here I am, I am working To be fair, I also know how to bob for rabbits I bobbed for a rabbit named Roger one time I swear to you that thing figured out the mystery of my life

Starting point is 00:29:01 That's when I left the carnival They said do the Roger Rabbit I thought they said do the Roger Rabbit. I thought they said, do the Bob for Rabbits. I was like, okay, I'll Bob for Rabbits. Put all the hairs in there. Okay. How I met my husband. Thank God I didn't know what they were talking about. He hates dancing. Why do I have this

Starting point is 00:29:24 written down? You honestly don't know apple juice or leche good talk what does that mean i have no idea oh this is carrie the fat shamer i'm sorry oh back on accent i'm sorry another obnoxious thing she's like well my baby is gonna know 20 languages he right now is learning french spanish italian and jewish you know just ever in case you go to like a resort you know somewhere in libya or whatever like this woman i don't even know what it was because that's all i wrote down but she's telling the baby she's like would you like some aqua or some water or some leche and the baby just looks at her like shut up she's like good talk yeah i'm horrible i'm like lady you don't know how to use a toaster oven. You're not going to teach your four languages.

Starting point is 00:30:06 So sorry for rewinding. Now Leanne is a carnival still. So Leanne is actually hat shopping right now because there's this event coming up. It's like the Mad Hatters something or another, which is, you know, the Dallas Society goes to wear crazy hats. And so we saw the biggest event in dallas society okay i mean last look at my hat from last year and they show it as this huge bush of like paper flowers or something it looks crappy it's crazy and when it hangs and when it hangs on its thing it looks like a giant flowery vagina it does it was like a big vagina see that now i can't unsee that and i can't unsee that hat in general now damn it yeah well guess you won best guess you won last year for

Starting point is 00:30:54 best botanicals yeah she was so excited and then she starts talking about how this year is just it's like the the theme is like springtime in par. She's like, you know, you think April in Paris, and it's just – it's just – she's like, I really don't know. I've never been out of my carny circle. I really don't even know what Paris is. I'll tell you what. April in Paris is hot. The carnival stopped there one time. That is a part of Texas nobody needs to see.

Starting point is 00:31:19 Am I right, y'all? I'm on a hair conditioner on my head. April in Paris. I'm on a hair conditioner on my head. April in Paris. You know what's hilarious is that I did a Google search on Leanne, and she's from a place called Pasadena, Texas. I'm like, yeah, that seems to make sense. She's not even from real Pasadena.

Starting point is 00:31:38 She's from fake, fancy Pasadena in Texas. That's so Texas, though. They're like, Paris, Texas. Pasadena, Texas. It's just like tricking the stupid people into moving there. We drove to Paris. I don't know what y'all are talking about with your long, fancy airline flights. When she started, she's going over it with these guys who are designing it. And she pulled a Luan.

Starting point is 00:31:57 She's like, these designers, people know about me and my hats because of the best botanicals win. And now people just want to do things for free because it is great publicity having me walk around in your hat chanel paris april paris chanel it's like okay they're gonna glue shit onto a hat yeah thanks for stopping by she is the biggest freeloader i mean this is an ongoing thing with her and you know normally i would be like rooting for her be like yeah yeah yeah, yeah, you work the system. But she is so high and mighty about society, this society, that lady, you are making Alex McCord look like the establishment. Okay, you have to stop. At the end of the day, society is basically saying that's the crazy

Starting point is 00:32:40 lady in a trailer park with two gigantic hats that cost more than a house. She didn't even understand our passive aggressive award we gave her last year for her hat. Best hat. It was in quotations. Best botanicals. So the Giggle Twins are up next. Stephanie and Brandy. These girls. So one is the redhead devil yeah and the

Starting point is 00:33:06 other is just her shit-stirring friend who is getting scared exactly the same one talks like that and then one talks like this stephanie is getting you can see stephanie is getting afraid stephanie is like oh you're putting a plunger on your hat oh oh we're still gonna do yeah i thought you were just joking but you're gonna do this okay okay okay well i want to do something on my hat where people look at my hat and they say that girl doesn't care i'm gonna put poop on there because then i love poop you know and then some people don't like poop and i'm like but you know poop is something we all do and if you don't like your own poop then you can't handle your own poop you know what i mean so poop on my head that was literally this whole scene yeah that's pretty much what it was and then her friends like yeah you should do it

Starting point is 00:33:56 because her laugh is like i know yeah she does that thing it's like i know i was trying i wrote down last week and then i couldn't do it on the podcast but it's that thing she's like i see i can't do it it's like a dolphin gasping for air remember it yeah but it's something like now i'm just making myself cough and they are, so then it gets dramatic. And this part is another thing, another scene that would take years on a regular housewife where the best friends are already. They're like giggling, giggling, giggling. And she's like, well, I'm honored you to know that. You know, after that whole fight with Leanne at the party, I just wanted to be honest with you.

Starting point is 00:34:40 Are you ready? Are you sitting down? I sent an email to her. And Brandy's like she's reaching into her bag of poop yeah yes yes i'm pooping on your chair right now i dare you to say something about it um so she's like i wrote her this email and basically she just wrote her an email saying well i'm you know i'm sorry my friend was so mean. Please invite me to your parties again. Love. Whatever.

Starting point is 00:35:09 During the Lisa Rinna. Very dramatic moment of staring each other down. And then Brandy was like, well, okay. The end. She's like, don't involve yourself anymore. So then we go over to Johnny Resnick of the Goo Goo Dolls

Starting point is 00:35:23 talking about inseminating cows in front of Tiffany. Oh, God. At Leanne's house. At Leanne's house. Yeah. So they're like barbecuing. Soaking of the hill, wasn't it? Soaking of the hill.

Starting point is 00:35:35 And he's like. They even opened by talking about propane. Yeah. And he's like, you know, back when I was on a cow farm growing up in Australia, I had to go stick my, I had to stick one fisty in the cow's bum and stick another one in with the pipe and get the semen going. I had to get that cow gone, get stirred up,

Starting point is 00:35:52 so that way I'd have a little baby sometime in a few months later. That's what I had to do and summon that cow. It was real disgusting. And then the cop was like, well, one time I once had to dance. They said I won best legs and I had to dance on a table it was embarrassing

Starting point is 00:36:08 you don't hear me talking about putting both me arms up a steer mate i'm like are you really going to follow up inseminating a cow with the fact that you won best legs that's like supposed to like one up everything everything that came out of everybody's mouth went up the last thing because it started with like honey, honey, propane. My husband likes his steak bloody. He likes it like roadkill. And he's like, well, speaking of steak, I shoved my arms up a cow. And then the other one's like, well, speaking of cows,

Starting point is 00:36:35 how did you know when you were putting your arm in it if you were putting it in the butt or the vagina? I mean, how did you even know? Like, really, Leanne, you don't know the difference between a butt and a vagina, even on a cow? My God, lady. Well, in society, one doesn't ask a cow before it penetrates a cow. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:36:52 And then someone who said this. I think the boyfriend was like, yeah, too warm, sir. What you did this morning, darling, that's nothing. What the hell? Now they're making arming each other jokes? Is that a thing? Fisting. He fisted her? Is that a thing? Fisting. He fisted her.

Starting point is 00:37:06 Is that a Texas white thing? Double fisting each other. It's just a question. It's just a question. But we'll get to that later. So I think it was Leanne talking about getting fisted. Right? I think it was Tiffany.

Starting point is 00:37:23 I don't even remember. I don't remember either. Maybe it was was tiffany i don't even remember i don't remember either one of the maybe it was leanne i don't know so back then we follow the rockers home again yeah and he wants to aaron he wants to make five more albums he wants to make five more albums i'm like what are these like photo albums like you're in dallas you have what what is your plan here sir nothing says rock and roll like sitting down with a white plate of cut berries fuck i know seriously in your rental home is there no cocaine on your block like what are you doing this is not rock and roll flat iron hair from 1998 that poor guy is over tanning you can tell how stressed he is because he's already turning like

Starting point is 00:38:06 that weird shade of almost brown orange yeah yeah he's tanning his face so then of course tiffany is like man back being a model i'll tell you that sure was different models in la endless parties cocaine don't even get me started on the playboy mansion yeah that's just basically like her entire storyline is don't get me started on the cocaine that i did don't get me started on all the money i blew up my nose don't get me started she's trying to do that innocent uh get him on the offense because i think she's the one that there's i mean obviously she's going to be the one that there have been stories coming out in all the blogs that she was a uh a porn person or like a you know some kind of either soft core porn or some kind of porn you know like camille grammar kind of porn i believe that 100 max so she's getting out in front of it

Starting point is 00:38:56 which ain't the first time is it but she's getting out in front of it she's like oh yeah back then i was just on so much cocaine woohoo i wish i could explain to you all the things i did on that cocaine but i won't you'll read it in a blog let's move on let's buy a mansion yeah so she wants to buy a house and he looks like he wants to run but of course he doesn't know how to get around town so he's stuck there yeah he looks miserable i mean the thing is is that Dallas is probably the best thing for him because he will maybe, like, I feel like if he's in L.A., he will hold on to the dream of staying young a little bit longer,

Starting point is 00:39:35 whereas in Dallas, he'll eventually get rid of the flat-ironed, highlighted, stripy hair. Oh, spoken like a man who's never been to Dallas. Well, I figure he might just get a cowboy hat no no no no he'll get if he does he'll get one of those cowboy hats like that madonna let the gay people wear for that you know music video a long time ago yeah the gay hat yeah the gay straw hat well that would be an improvement the improvement of keith urban plus his heart you know at first i thought he's after this rich woman and this and that.

Starting point is 00:40:06 But she's really not. He was she thought he was rich and he thought she was rich. And now they're both realizing that nobody's rich. Oh, my God. What are we going to do? Let's not talk about our fucking schedule this week. Let's talk about who's going to go to work. Like, what do we do?

Starting point is 00:40:19 Yeah. He's like, don't worry. I'll move to Dallas where her parents will pay for everything. He's like, oh, yeah. No. Why is Dallas where her parents will pay for everything. He's like, oh. Yep. Go on. No. Why is her mom still calling me doll? Oh, Melbourne, come back into our life.

Starting point is 00:40:33 So then, meanwhile, in Brandy's world, her daughter's- I'm making a peep pie. I'm making a peep cake. A peep pie. A peep pie. Her daughter's retired. Her mom's coming over for her birthday. Her mom was 15 when she had her all that fun stuff yeah all that fun kind of stereotypical stuff you're like oh wow shocked

Starting point is 00:40:53 the girl that needs to get attention screaming poop um but she went into this whole thing about like happy birthday mama i love you enjoy your poop i love poop remember how we all poop remember when i saw you poop you're the best. I love poop. Remember how we all poop? Remember when I saw you poop? You're the best teenage pregnant mother poop. Has anyone seen my husband? Has anyone seen my husband, by the way? Oh, yeah. There's a lot of absentee dads on this.

Starting point is 00:41:17 Oh, yeah. Brandy's got it bad. Because at least Stephanie's husband is like, Oh, hey, could um destroy this wasp nest for me please thanks um but it was ultimately yeah exactly there's one man doing have you noticed that by the way that hit my brain later he's basically final destinationing her like last week it was like hey can you fix this thing with a garage door opener and this week it's like hey can you go by this like violent nest of was of wasps, please? Hey, could you please fish that plugged-in radio out of the pool for me?

Starting point is 00:41:48 Hey, any chance you could spruce up your knife juggling act? Thanks. Hey, stand in front of the garage door and press close and make sure that it closes. Okay? I just need to make sure that little sensor is working properly. Do me a favor. Can you test all the seatbelts on the roller coaster nearby? Thanks.

Starting point is 00:42:11 I think I left a spoon in the garbage disposal. Could you be chipped? Hey, I'm concerned about the elevator. It seems to be stopping in between floors. Could you see how long it takes to jump out of the elevator into the new floor before it falls down? Thanks. I was really worried the other day because i thought oh my god i don't think my car's up to safety standards could you crawl in the trunk and make sure that when the door is closed you can still pull a latch to get out i want to make sure before i get home hey um i was wondering you know

Starting point is 00:42:40 you seem to be taking a long time doing cleaning the bathrooms and stuff why don't you just you know why don't you just do everything all at once? Maybe just do the ammonia and the bleach all at once. He's like, hey, honey, I put a pregnancy test in the bug zapper. Would you mind sitting on that? Hey, the bandsaw has been acting kind of strange. Can you see if it's still sharp? Does it need to be sharpened?

Starting point is 00:43:03 The bandsaw. Hey, honey, the bands saw is feeling a little lonely. Would you go shake its hand? I just want to make sure all my ducks are in a row. Hey, honey, you know, you're taking so long getting ready. Why don't you just, you know, do your hair in the bathtub? Poor thing. That poor girl.

Starting point is 00:43:25 Early last funny. I got gotta get her a laugh i know me too i keep on i try it and then i forget it by the time we get to this so this basic the rest of it oh wait we're on carrie now what are we talking about we're just what does she do nothing we can just go right to the manhatters lunch okay yeah let's just go to the luncheon so it was i think was just glue gunning more poop on the thing yeah brandy just made yeah that's right brandy just made a crazy hat she really it was just a full-on like homeless lady trash hat yeah crazy it looked like it had lint on it it was a big old it's like a mud people ballet concert. Yeah, it was like the pack rat lady from Labyrinth. That was what that hat was.

Starting point is 00:44:07 It was insane. There was like moss on it. There were shreds of who knows what. Fake turds. There was still a homeless guy on top of it. Yeah, exactly. We're raising the baby alone so young, just like my mama did. That requires a pack.

Starting point is 00:44:23 She had little fake dogs on there. It was – but, you know, so Leanne was already, like, angry. But I'm like, you know what, Leanne? You need to calm down because your hat looks literally like a stack of paint chips, okay? Like lead paint chips that fell off the windowsill. Either that or oyster mushrooms. She looked like one of those – the top of her head looked like a Vanderpump Rules cast member was trying to make shapes with napkins. She looked like she was trying to balance a stack of Pringles.

Starting point is 00:44:59 From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February.

Starting point is 00:45:24 And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less, In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus

Starting point is 00:45:49 starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life

Starting point is 00:46:30 and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Well, listen, I grew up in a carnival. Nobody just gave me Pringles.

Starting point is 00:47:01 Okay. I had to make them with our homemade Pringle press. Some people would be able to get a wig head. I stood there and spray painted these Pringles right on top of my own head. Because that's what you do when you're willing to work for it in society. Oh, God. And then

Starting point is 00:47:17 Leanne starts talking about, she starts saying the Mad Hatter's tea party is attended by the who's who of Dallas Society. And then they cut to a parrot i was like yep here we are here is the head of dallas society a parrot ladies and gentlemen i'm probably more i wrote so many notes i'm basically reading a book trying to get through i just got to who's who dallas society yeah it was literally a parrot okay so this show is also amazing to me in episode two because they have the best um off-camera people like they'll show

Starting point is 00:47:52 them the best extras because they're all horrible like even the extras they were they had the cut to her brandy with her poop hat walking by and someone was like please oh no right when she walked in that lady first lady goes please tell me that you did not do that to yourself yeah i sure did she's like well that is so creative send them over to my house come over to my house and help me honey she's so adorable that's what you said. Please tell me you did not do that to yourself. It's adorable. It's adorable.

Starting point is 00:48:30 She's like, yeah, my kids help me. That is adorable. You're trashy little kids, little street urchins they are. And then another couple, the man goes, I can't believe her husband is letting her do all this. And his wife goes, well, she is an ex-Dallas cheerleader. Best extras ever. I think it was Leanne who said that about the cheerleading. I think Leanne was.

Starting point is 00:48:55 Oh, it was? I thought it was just some husband talking to somebody off in the background. Because this is Leanne's new angle on trying to shame her. She's like, oh, come here, cheerleader. Oh, is that what the cheerleader did i'm like leanne you realize like cheerleaders are like really high up on the pecking order in dallas even 40 years after high school bueller is even standing up for the cheerleader like watch it leanne well like then leanne still is everyone's taking pictures of

Starting point is 00:49:23 brandy's hat and no one's taking pictures of Leanne's hat. And she's just getting angrier and angrier. She's getting so mad. It was so good. And she's like, this event is a treasured event in this city. I'm like, Leanne, there are people wearing replicas of like Rio de Janeiro on their head. Okay. It's nothing sacred.

Starting point is 00:49:40 And I love that she's pretending she doesn't even know she's in the room yet. And her friend is like, have you seen her hat? Well, there hat she's like yes i saw that hat and did you see the hat on that lady well yeah i saw that one did you see the cheerleader oh what the cheerleaders here she has a hat oh i hadn't heard about that tell me about that hat go ahead tell me honey go ahead tell me all about that hat okay detective, Detective Leanne. Carney Detective. Carney Detective. And I liked how she kept on, like, her attempt to sort of, like, to mock Randy was this awkward thing where she's like,

Starting point is 00:50:17 you know what she did when she walked in here? It was like she said, bitch slap, I'm here. Bitch slap, I'm here. Bitch slap, I'm here.'m here okay leanne we get it bitch slap i'm here bitch slap i'm here bitch slap that would be terrible she really literally was doing that um leanne is ready to go but also it's not bugging me that this brandy is so ready to go with leanne either what did leanne really do like she's a little too angry like if you hate somebody that much that you have to like tape shit all over yourself yeah but it was still pretty funny when brandy

Starting point is 00:50:54 made fun of leanne when she was getting ready remember she's like brandy was like let's be like what's up with that hat every time she does the leanne, I crack up. Her fat Albert. Look at that hat. Yeah, I think Brandy was a little over the top. It wasn't quite funny enough. It wasn't outrageous enough. It just looked messy. She just does poop too much.

Starting point is 00:51:18 I'm sick of hearing about poop already. I'm mad at myself for having to poop sometimes now after this show. You've got to love the parallels. Yeah. Because there's a lot of poop talk in today's episode because it goes from this to potomac it's like now the these these shows have devolved into like poop fights i know seriously i dropped the poop yeah i just dropped a poop off the side of my head onto the floor you think they're gonna notice and it was like oh girl let's put some poop in somebody's chair i'll do it that's welcome i loved was in texas

Starting point is 00:51:48 i loved when leanne finally had a moment with brandy and she looked at brandy's house like that is wonderful please leanne leanne whoa whoa leanne and i work for dog charities, and I totally, I want you to know, I sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, support dogs, and they're right to poop. But, you know, I just have to say, I've never seen a dog poop as artfully as anybody has on your head. I mean, that is amazing.

Starting point is 00:52:18 Good for you, honey. I love your pooping and your comedy and the way you mimic a dog poop. So, well, you are just a great mimicker. That's just what you are. You can even mimic in dog poop form. That is amazing. I heard that there was someone over here mimicking dog poop. I heard that there was a mimicker, a dog poop mimicker.

Starting point is 00:52:36 I love that about you. I see your soul in your comedy. I know the most famous pile of dog poop in Dallas. So, you know, if you're going to mimic some dog poop, maybe you'd like to show it to my famous friend, Dog Poop. Okay? Get judged by some real dog poop in dallas so you know if you're gonna mimic some dog poop maybe you'd like to show it to my famous friend dog poop okay get judged by some real dog poop big girl circle well then a turd did actually fall off the hat and it was carrie who got went up and put it on um leanne's seat and so then leanne comes by and she gets real mad. And she goes, first she goes and she tattles to these fancy gays.

Starting point is 00:53:08 She's like, they are the most important people in this party. And they show this guy, this old foppish dandy. He was not even that old. He's probably like 37. And he has his hand on his chest. He's giving this look to Brandy like, well, I swear I have never seen such an event at the madhouse tea party so furious once you tell and she's like she's title telling what she was she's like i went up to the most famous gay person i knew and i said listen here guy that girl just did something

Starting point is 00:53:40 really bad he's like really she's that well that's it when you fuck with society society fucks you in the whatever yeah well she goes she goes look i grew up on the carnival i'll say people real clear like what does that have to do with anything why does like growing up what was she saying people trying to rob me uh trick me like isn't that what carnies do? Literally describing why people are afraid of carnies. People are trying to throw baseballs at a stack of me to knock me over and my friends. That girl's just trying

Starting point is 00:54:15 to get me to throw a ball and try and hit a target so she'll fall in the water and I'll look like the Drowner. Ain't gonna happen, Missy. Listen, I'm a carny. I know I can tell when someone's raising up a hammer to throw down to make a ball go up in the air and see how strong they are and make a bell go off.

Starting point is 00:54:32 I know. Listen, I'm from a carnival. I know when people are about to try and run me over with a bus because I lived on a bus for about 20 years. You don't want to know how many ski balls I've rolled. It's a lot. I know what's

Starting point is 00:54:47 in front of, behind, under, and over, and inside of that bus, Macy. Don't even try it with me! Okay, so I thought she handled having poop on her seat fairly well. Or did she tattletale after that? She tattletaled after that. She tattletaled because of poop. So she tattletale after that she tattletaled after that she tattletaled because so she tattletaled to the to the um the connected gay and then that was pretty much it

Starting point is 00:55:12 you know yeah i've seen the last night brandy uh brandy's i'm not sure what she's talking about now because she's like my family donates thousands of dollars a year to charity and no one's gonna tell me what to do with my hat. Like, you go. What a stand to make, your shit hat. And who pays for that? Who's your family, your husband or your mom? I want to know.

Starting point is 00:55:32 Yeah, exactly. Because as far as we can tell, your mom has been excommunicated from her family. Oh, poor mom. I know. Oh, look, it's the landline at the Mandelker restaurant. Well, there you go. What perfect timing. You take the call off, and we'll come back to finish it.

Starting point is 00:55:46 Okay. Okay, we're back. The phone call has been handled. It was my mother. She's coming home in an hour to make halibut. That was your mother? Oh, my God. Yeah, she's coming home to make business no it was my mom but then um and then i went and got myself a snack because i'm starving well i got a snack too

Starting point is 00:56:16 actually i had a one of those tamale things oh thank you by the way. Sprouts, love ya. Stop it. You make me so jealous. Should we go on to the Shazza Sunset? Let's do it. Wait, before we do the Shazza Sunset, though, I would like to do something. You know what I would like to do? What, Ben?

Starting point is 00:56:40 Anything you want. How lucky are you to have me teach you about me? Clear the phlegm. Clear the phlegm. Clear the phlegm. It is time to clear the phlegm. I don't think we did it last week. So let's see what is going on.

Starting point is 00:56:57 We did? Yeah, she was on a trip in Japan or something. Oh, yeah. Well, she's always... Look, it is a bowl of noodles. I'm still here how lucky am i to be in a land where noodles are served to you 10 times a day how lucky are me no army i don't know what i'm saying i'm delirious here lying in the sun in front of fan and behind air conditioner oh how lucky am i well caroline fleming is back from her asian vacation and

Starting point is 00:57:26 she is back to doing her usual things like yoga in the living room etc um her latest picture from i believe it may have been earlier today it was from nine hours ago is her walking on the street and she says how gorgeous to be back and enjoy weather like this. Not bad! Exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point. Hashtag sunshine in hashtag London. Hashtag glorious day. Hashtag lucky at Thalablanque. Hashtag new tote. Hashtag bag at Deb Sawath.

Starting point is 00:58:02 You are so talented, my darling. Well done, and congratulations with yet another exquisite collection x space x this has been sponsored by the weather channel and purses i'm always trying to figure out who's paying for these like every time she posts one i'm like who's paying for this this one when you mentioned that she's doing yoga in the living room, but she's doing yoga in a mat on the carpet. And she's holding one of those big hoops. It looks like a Mario Kart steering wheel. Yes, like a La La earring.

Starting point is 00:58:36 Like a Mario Kart steering wheel. And she says, I drove the app. Without you, I would never have worked out today. Exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point. At Sasha Wawowski. Thank you for great hashtag Pilates hashtag session space dash space. The month of pure indulgence is painful. Exclamation time. The month of pure indulgence is painful!

Starting point is 00:59:08 Time for me to push the say exclamation point. And then cry face emoji, cry face emoji, no noodle, cry face emoji, X, space, X. Girl. You'd have more stretches to do if you'd shut the fuck up. Do your stretches. Stop typing all these X's. One last one. It's her holding up her own cookbook and smiling at the camera. And she goes,

Starting point is 00:59:32 Just walked in through the door after a very delayed flight and no sleep for 36 hours to this. Whoop, whoop. First time I hold my new cookbook in my hands. So thrilled and grateful at Lindhard Grinkhoff. Thank you for publishing another wonderful book for me. X space, X space, X hashtag no filter. What does that mean, no filter? What did she say that was crazy?

Starting point is 01:00:00 She's like, look at me, cookbook. Everything I'm holding on the cover is hashtag green onion, hashtag yellow bell pepper, hashtag radish, hashtag white onion. What else is that? What is that other thing? She's like, don't build a crazy rebel

Starting point is 01:00:17 vegetable eater. Whoop, whoop. Look at me. And how lucky are you to have me whoop it up? Good you. The rebel of 2016. You want to go to the bathroom and snort some bell peppers with me, darling? Anyway.

Starting point is 01:00:34 Clear the flam. Clear her. Okay, what's up next? Shaz. Let's do Shaz. That's crazy. That's so Persian.. That's crazy. That's so person. Mike's big, crazy.

Starting point is 01:00:50 Do you want to go through this scene by scene or just go through the basics? How would you like to do it today? I mean, I took a bunch of notes, but I can do it. All right, let's go. We can do the basics, though. Whatever you wish. Well, I could go either way, too. We could just go person by person

Starting point is 01:01:06 because we can probably get it all in it's not like anything groundbreaking happened but um so my basic macrono is only a show this soulless where someone would try to redeem themselves with so i sound like souls i mean come on yeah so mike's big thing is that he's announced that he is now making shoes with a guy who looks like tilda swinton he has he's quote-unquote giving real estate he's quote-unquote giving real estate a break like yes i'm sure you are giving real estate a break it was your choice yes i'm sure it's all those with his face all started just like being foreclosed on but like to me what was so obnoxious is that he just spent in an episode an episode talking about how he spent this much money on that and that much money on that you

Starting point is 01:01:55 know tom ford uh tuxedo and and a photographer and this and that and hundreds of thousands of dollars and now he's here saying like oh well you know i'm still suffering from the 2008 financial crisis i'm basically still in debt yada yada yada i'm like don't go bragging about like don't have this excessive wedding and then you're here stealing straws from the jamba juice pretty much well that's what he was saying he's like look i've already declared bankruptcy once I cannot declare bankruptcy after this wedding. I have to do something. Yeah. You only get it one time. I don't know if he declared bankruptcy. I'm just assuming that if he had all that debt and he was still able to have a wedding, that something happened.

Starting point is 01:02:36 I mean, one of Mike's fatal flaws is that he can't help but keep up with the Jones. He always, he falls into that so badly and he's just so bad at it he's really bad at it and his joneses are so stupid like his joneses don't even have like a house in a pool on 2.5 kids they're not like the joneses you know there are people who just like shoes too much it's stupid he's a dude he's like you know like i really want to have like my empire you know that's what i'm doing i'm like building my empire you know so i quit real estate for shoes i'm like what what do you mean like you literally quit building an empire right now to sell shoes yeah everything is so misguided i mean you could see the fear just dancing along in jessica's eyes it's just like and she's she finally was speaking some sense she's like you know i had i had this realization that you and i are really bad with

Starting point is 01:03:26 money like we're really bad like that rhinoceros in the backyard we should not have gotten that babe but it's like things like 400 at target you know that's the thing like you we go buy all this stuff at target babe what are you getting at target every month i know stupid jessica is the one who actually buys like the chairs from target the shit that costs five thousand dollars like how is this supposed to be target like barstool 175 fuck off your target jessica's buying that shit yeah she certainly is i think mike needs to take some lessons from shirvin because shirvin shirvin is a stand-up guy for now i say for now because inevitably we'll

Starting point is 01:04:06 see how awful he is but for now he's like successful or at least fake successful and he has a good head on his big manly shoulders you know he's like oh sorry no i was gonna say he's like he seems to be the only one who can reason with gg who is on a drunken bender right now well they've all been in that situation but um he's the only one that still has patience with it everybody's had that talk with gg gg you're just crazy and maybe too drunk and maybe you need to stop trying to stab people at parties it's just like yeah and you know i don't like having it's just the latest yeah and i love that he's actually announcing it as if he's making some bombshell revelations.

Starting point is 01:04:45 Like, I think that Gigi, I think that sometimes she crosses the line. I think that's one of her problems. It's like, really? Have you ever seen seasons one through current season? Like, sometimes she crosses the line? Like, she left the line in the past a long time ago. It's like, I think that maybe she drinks a little bit too much. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:05:03 Do you have Periscope serve and then and gg knows exactly how you know she at this point she's like a trained monkey she'll just be like well you know i don't like feeling feelings it's like shut up gg like she has she has the exact thing to say i just get so angry because i'm so angry illness you know it's like her her feelings about her illness is this hasn't been going on forever. It's like the new Bravo thing. Everybody's going to have one. And hers isn't fake, so I'm not saying that.

Starting point is 01:05:30 But it's still like, my arthritis, man. That's why I want to, like, kill people and stab them in the face. She gets too wasted in the club and she's falling all over and about to fuck some douchebag. It's just going really badly. And Shervin outside is like look i like this crazy gg and i also like the you know the normal gg i like both the ggs and i want you to know that and she goes well i just want i just man i want for one day just one day for you to feel like what it's like inside my body man and she starts shaking the police

Starting point is 01:06:03 grating like she's about to lose it, man. Like rheumatoid arthritis. You don't get it, man. Get it. Like, whoa. I was afraid you would punch me, but, you know, that's out. Just don't kick me, okay? Well, I think that's an improvement over what she was saying earlier in the club, which was more or less just, I need some alcohol.

Starting point is 01:06:23 Like, she just needs alcohol the guy's like hey hey the guy goes hit on her he's like hey man let's do like rock paper scissors okay if you win you get to slap me but if i win i get to kiss you she's like i need some alcohol he's like whoa buy me something the fuck part of town are we in, man? Yeah. But I think that Shervin, though, what's good about Shervin is that he's level-headed, and he doesn't condescend to women, which is what Mike does. He really, really condescends to women, which is too bad because I think he does have, occasionally, he does have a good perspective on things. But, of course, he also has a terrible perspective, like the thing that he thinks that,

Starting point is 01:07:04 with his sneakers, that it's going gonna make a guy look so cool that he's gonna get like some girls can like walk up to him and like give him a blow job and he literally says this is my quote one day a guy is going to high five me because he got laid because he had some dope sneakers on yeah mike totally i love mike mike's stupid quotes and he's telling the guy selling he's like yeah man because this is a change and this is where it's everything's going to be different because i need this and the inside of me is like the inside of the dream of the shoe you know what i mean man like why are you trying to sell it you're paying this person okay what are you trying to sell it's like when you're trying to be nice to the car dealer that guy's

Starting point is 01:07:42 trying to be nice to you yeah mike exactly listen also on shervin it's easy for shervin to have a good perspective because he lives in a beach house he literally has a good perspective he's staring at the ocean he does by the way i want to start up a new podcast called on shervin it's just thoughts on shervin just random things it's like a very serious podcast it's academic it's easy for him to write his own fairy tale he could hire a fairy tale writer you know he just signs his name to it just saying just just shirvin i predict that shirvin and his boyfriend are going to become the old gays from melbourne and or cheshire i mean and they're just going to be causing shit because in this one after the club and everything they sit down with Gigi

Starting point is 01:08:27 it's like they're sitting at the beautiful ocean view of his mansion which I still don't know how he earned but yeah his parents right it's family money I'm assuming which either way you know money is money why judge it but they're sitting there and they're both like oh Gigi you know you just have to take care yeah just calm yourself just take care

Starting point is 01:08:44 of it maybe just say it's like oh my god I know you just have to take care yeah just calm yourself just take care of maybe just say it's like oh my god i love these in the closet uh persian versions of those old queens from cheshire i know soon they'll be wearing turtlenecks that is a naughty girl didn't invite you to her opening hey darling i thought shirvin and his boyfriend were gonna be good friends of mine but the snacks and grass like everyone else. I should have known. I should have known that friends of Don's are not friends of mine. I don't know what I'd do with friends of mine. I'd chop off their heads and if they're still

Starting point is 01:09:11 walking around, I'd put them in balaclava. Not even balaclava. That's what you do with friends. That's what you like. Gigi's just angry at people because of arthritis. No one understands until they have it. I'm always yelling at gay boyfriend here whenever it gets cold outside. And he just says, oh, it's cold.

Starting point is 01:09:31 Hashtag arthritis. Hashtag bell pepper. I can't believe that Gigi would talk about her arthritis during me daughter's performance. Darby's singing up on stage, she's talking about arthritis. I was this close, this close to kicking her out of Dar daughter's performance. Diaby's singing up on stage and she's talking about arthritis. I was this close, this close to kicking her out of Diaby's performance, but then I thought, no, she's got arthritis. Oh, Tessher. Gigi would make as

Starting point is 01:09:56 much sense on that show as she does on this one. I know. She'd be like, what are you talking about? You know, for real. For real. We're going through pieces by, you know, like different pieces at a we're going uh through piece by you know like different pieces at a time just scrolling through i just saw m uh mj and douchebag can we please talk about mj and douchebag yeah open with them in the car somewhere tommy and they're passing under a billboard for the tv show tyrant which is yeah i noticed that too oh my my God. Yeah. You know, I have to say, I was kind of in agreement with Asa who said that he is like

Starting point is 01:10:29 this really obnoxious, but like sort of charmingly obnoxious. Not that I find him charming, but I kind of like the guy. Is that weird? Yeah. Let's go to your pot. Let's go meet your ma. Yeah. Sounds like a hot bitch to me.

Starting point is 01:10:43 Vida. Yeah. You give me Vida. Vida. You know, that means life. You're like people. Peopleita. Yeah, you give me Vita, Vita. You know that means life. People who I grow up say that after they get some pussy. Am I right, Vita? Well, here's the thing.

Starting point is 01:10:56 Before they even went to Vita, they took Ziggy, who is Vita's dog. They took Ziggy to get clean and get some pink dye on. By the way, MJ wore these green heels heels these bright green gumball heels like i don't know whether to praise mj's fashion or run for the hills i just don't know but it was a bad sign because i don't know if you noticed it they took they took this little dog to barkingham palace which was last seen on tabitha writing your own fairy tale fucking mj it's up in barkingham palace exactly barkingham palace which was on tabitha writing your own fairy tale fucking mj it's up in barkingham palace exactly barkingham palace which was on tabitha takes over it was such a dysfunctional dog grooming place remember it's like those two lesbians were running it and they like hated each other and one was like

Starting point is 01:11:35 on a power trip the dogs were shitting and peeing everywhere i was like of course this is where mj would take the dog which is actually kind of genius because it's the most wonderfully passive aggressive thing that she could do to her mother's other daughter oh yeah she even said that she's like well it's like my mother's other daughter but she doesn't call it that and she's really nice to it and you know she doesn't kick it yeah but you know thank god for mj because she was also the voice of reason this episode because reza invited mj and as over. And once he was done revving them up to hate Gigi again this season, he was then like, okay, so here's my idea. This is like, it's like so Persian.

Starting point is 01:12:14 We're going to go to Palm Springs just for dinner. And he's going to be like, surprise, it's a wedding. And like, bitch is going to have a wedding there. And Asa was like, yeah, Rez, that's great, Rez. And MJ's like, no. Yeah, yeah res that's great res and mj's like yeah that's a great idea babe they go through their whole babe thing babe babe babe babe and mj was like are you crazy which is funny because mj was the one last season who was pushing res to have the crazy bachelor party and this time she's like you are you are bonkers like this is adam's day too you can't do that it's so wrong and it's awesome who goes yeah but reza's the man of the household i was like

Starting point is 01:12:51 whatever happened to your what happened to your veil protest out in front of the vegas seafood buffet on holland boulevard that's consistent she said that a veil is a woman's right to express herself and it's like come on really is the it's not just a veil but that's used to oppress women why are you standing up for that that's crazy so surprisingly consistent with her yeah i guess so she's like i'm a you know i'm an independent woman babe but you know i do it with my parents money so like says the woman who is like you know has a burgeoning caftan business where when people buy the caftans, she stuffs them into a priority envelope like a piece of Pillsbury farm dough. I don't know what I'm trying to say.

Starting point is 01:13:36 It's one of those foam things. You have to let it like deflate first. Yeah. And take it out of the bag. If you buy a caftan for whatever amount of money, you don't want it to show up in a priority envelope, like a third-rate Etsy expense. It should be in a box. Especially when they're probably the same material.

Starting point is 01:13:52 Yeah, or not a box. It could just be a big envelope with the bubble wrap. Just not a priority envelope. I ripped my caftan thinking it was the envelope. Damn it! Two stars on Amazon. She's like, like babe i don't understand these reviews um so mj's advice about i think mj was right yeah i mean obviously i agree

Starting point is 01:14:12 you can't just plan a whole wedding and take away the bride's options yeah her biggest day of the year or whatever um and i think it was kind of consistent again with her bachelorette party stuff because that was res's day so he can do whatever the fuck he wants at his bachelorette party even though I thought it was gross. I'm just saying it's consistent from an energy perspective. It's my day, babe. My day. Adam and Reza.

Starting point is 01:14:36 Oh lordy. What the hell with these two? Reza? Adam is in that period which I think is hilarious with men and women when they enter this period where they're like, you know what? Everything's been about him this whole time. And like, that's not cool. So I'm going to make my voice be heard.

Starting point is 01:14:54 And then next scene, I'm talking. Oh, look at you. You're talking. Are you done talking now? Yes. You saw it, buddy. Yeah. Good old. I love I love tim gay gets gets a little feisty

Starting point is 01:15:08 what if i don't want to buy a house well first of all no one's asking you to buy your hat buy a house with your island's money resin gonna buy a house yeah exactly out of here i don't even think it's a man vagina man versus vagina thing i think the one who's paying it's like buy the house just buy it why are you complaining this this is what you're gonna take a stand on not getting a free house by the way i want to point out that tame gay is so tame that he doesn't even do carrot cake he's like no it's too much they went to like that shop he's like i'm sorry i don't do carrot cake i wanted to party in my mouth i'd go to a bathhouse and everybody knows i will not do that the only way i'm gonna do carrot cake is if you put it in some gym shorts and let it walk around

Starting point is 01:15:49 is that carrot cake in your pants that's so hot i wouldn't a carrot i wouldn't eat a carrot cake even if it wasn't wearing underwear no um speaking of cake one thing i thought that was funny was um when asa had everyone over for for dinner um they uh some of them like made like a little birthday spread for for mj and when they came they you know they lit the candles and everything and as they started to head outside everyone was gathered outside and i was like reza walked out with the cake, they start singing happy birthday and I was like, uh-oh, here comes a cake and a cameraman just went running away.

Starting point is 01:16:29 I don't know if you saw that, but you can see the background. The cameraman's like, oh shit, I've been this way before. Shaw's Sunset Cake, I am out of here. He ran so fast. That's why there's no documentarians

Starting point is 01:16:40 on the set of SeaWorld. Yeah, exactly. Getting away from Samuel once once that cake started coming to the to the porch he was gone i quit going back to the bbc oh this cake this show they immediately start this party i mean they immediately start talking about each other every time somebody leaves which is so funny yeah who went to the kitchen first and they're like well what do you think about that babe and then someone came back well what do you think about mj well what do you think of this what do you think of that what do you think about reza's barcode shirt oh reza reza's into some weird pattern

Starting point is 01:17:13 he likes his patterns hair thing he likes his patterns as much as asa likes licking some lids oh awesome look at the spread man this is how we did it because you know when our people came here from iran in iran that's i mean that's my people are like 50 you know 50 000 years old so we party you know like we know how to do it yeah okay you know the thing is with asa is that the one thing she's been able to do consistently well from season to season is put out a nice spread and it's strange to me that she keeps on doing all these other ridiculous entrepreneurial things. Why not do a cookbook? Like that would be a cookbook I would legitimately, you know, possibly buy.

Starting point is 01:17:57 It would have, but it would have like some authenticity as a product. It'd be like, oh, we've seen her made all this beautiful food. She talks about food all the time. She knows the food. She loves to explain it. Why are you not doing a cookbook? I mean, the caftans are nice. This is your best idea yet so far. But the diamond water, the films, experimental this and that. Why are you not making a cookbook?

Starting point is 01:18:18 Well, it should have a cookbook with a caftan inside for you to wear when you gain the weight from eating all the food in the cookbook. Yeah, exactly. If for you to wear when you gain the weight from eating all the food yeah exactly brand yeah exactly um uh let's see what else happened here mj well mj and tommy well so the dog came out by the way looking all pink and polka dotted and then mj and tommy went to go meet with vita for dinner are they here i don't see them are they here like yeah they're over there she's like oh god mj look at you oh god are you calling me fat well you didn't lose weight that's for sure but but and then she eats a bite of food in the most shady way possible

Starting point is 01:18:58 and then meanwhile the waitress comes over and you know you know how you're always saying how waitresses are always trying to get their five seconds of fame on these shows this waitress could not have been more opposite she's like i cannot believe i have to appear on camera in front of these fools she's like drink water okay thank you bye if you know vita was probably mean to her on the way oh yeah maybe you could bring me glass of water and maybe put your face in it first and clean it so i don't have to look at it, okay? You call this a table? It is not about you, waitress. This is about me as a table.

Starting point is 01:19:32 Okay, you want order? I say shut up. You shut up, okay? That's what I say. This is my order. I love how mad she got about the dog when she saw that Ziggy had that crazy pink polka dot pattern. Oh, God. This is not right. In Persian culture, you give back things in proper condition.

Starting point is 01:19:50 This is not a joke. This is an animal. This is my child. This is not joke. This is not. My child is not someone to be left dead. I'm like, really? Because that's kind of what you make MJ.

Starting point is 01:20:02 This is so sad. This is too on the nose psychologically telling. You raise a daughter who freezes her dead dog. Okay. This is what you make MJ. This is so sad. This is too on the nose psychologically telling. You raise a daughter who freezes her dead dog. Okay, this is what you've done. You're not one to talk about proper customs. Thank God for Tommy. I think that if God does watch reality shows, it's this one. He's like, send Tommy to Vita.

Starting point is 01:20:23 I declare thee. Tommy's like, hey, what's up, up vita yeah what's going on hot cakes oh this is what i'm telling mj right now you know look at you you look so you don't look so fat but you're eating all the time you're trying to make her eat all the time too you bad example for the eating of the mj it's like She's got a hot ass no matter what it is. I like the way she looks. I think she's hot. I'd fuck her right now on this table if I could. She's like, it is not fine.

Starting point is 01:20:53 It is not about you. What are you? What are you anyway? Certainly not a ping pong champion. I may not know how to play ping pong, but when I'm inside your kid, I feel like a thermometer inside a Christmas ham. It's perfect. Oh, you put in ham.

Starting point is 01:21:11 This is terrible. He's not good match, I can tell. This is a gift I have. Yes, yes. He is no good match, I'm telling you, MJ. This is a gift. Didn't you run away from your family when they were like 10? I don'tj this is a gift uh didn't you get didn't you like run away from your family when they were like 10 i don't think that's a gift i think that's just like thinking everyone

Starting point is 01:21:30 sucks and then fucking them over and running away lady yeah yeah it is the worst and also the most hilarious yes a typical typical mj answer yes she's mean and horrible to me and semi-abusive but it's only because she loves me. She wants the best for me. What every Lifetime movie was built on. God bless you, Shaz. God bless you. God bless all of you. What are you? What are you, this

Starting point is 01:21:55 Tommy? What are you, this shirt and pants? What is this? You call this clothes? It's very simple. Most Bravo shows go from party to party this show goes from meal to like yeah not even like let's have lunch it's just them i don't know the afternoon let's meet at a donut shop and eat some donuts okay and then let's go get some tacos and then it's like someplace they're gonna ingest something what

Starting point is 01:22:21 a life now we're at the bakery. I'm so jealous. Look at this bakery. Okay, we'll take one of those, and we'll also take one of those. Do you have any of those green donuts filled with cream? We'll take that. Do you have frozen yogurt? Great. Do you have any challah bread? Don't eat it. Not you wish. Okay, whatever you've got, throw it in. Damn, boy, what's this?

Starting point is 01:22:42 An afternoon snack? Calm down over there. No carrot cake for adam no carrot cake you don't like carrot cake babe i've told you that okay sorry there i made a stand i made the carrot cake stand today as reza puts away the carrot cake in a chevron pattern sorry so they talk about the future marriage or whatever. And Reza is just basically placating Adam, who is getting himself worked up into a tizzy fit because he feels like he needs to make a stand on TV. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:23:14 But he can't think of a stand to make. So Reza's like, you still want to get married? Well, not unless you treat me like, you know, before you hurt my feelings like back then. It's been a year. Don't then it's like it's been a year don't tell me how long it's been you're right i told him yeah it was a pretty dull confrontation it was yeah i mean basically adam was was like marriage doesn't mean the same thing to me anymore than it used to and it's been ruined and you have to work your way back and russ is like okay then the show just basically basically ended. Can I eat your croissant?

Starting point is 01:23:45 You eating that? So that was pretty much the episode. It was really worth it for Vita and Tommy. That was the best part by far. Oh, so good. What a hot piece of ass. I don't like this kind of talk from this time, but what are you?

Starting point is 01:24:01 What are you, Tommy? It's not about you. you mom that's not fair of you to say who said anything that had to be fair yeah she's like what is this fair fair what what is fair nothing is fair what is munchies so real housewives of potomac reunion part two yes reunion Atomic Reunion Part 2. Yes, Reunion Part 2. Time to wrap it all up. And he's like, hey, welcome back to Part 2 of the reunion. Everything is about how black I am. It's like, oh, geez, here we go. It's like the first sentence.

Starting point is 01:24:36 Let the man just say hello. I know. Exactly. And the funny thing is how it all diffused so quickly. Robin's like, I just had to ask a question. That's all. I just wanted to know. I just have a question. He's like i just had to ask a question that's all i just wanted to know i just have a question he's like oh okay i'm sorry sorry i didn't mean to call you dumb

Starting point is 01:24:50 when i was asking i was just trying to become educated oh well in that case you know i'm all for education charities so you're forgiven and you're only half as dumb as i called you yeah but it was kind of funny i mean katie it's funny katie was winning the argument more or less but she did wind up proving robin and giselle's point which is that she said that well let me back up i think giselle finally articulated her point better which is that if you were to get arrested, if you were to, you know, commit a crime, then you'd be seen as Black Katie, not White Katie, you know?

Starting point is 01:25:30 And that's sort of like the reality of it. And Katie's like, well, yeah, and you know, when I did get a ticket, I was Black Katie. And so then Robin's like, see, you had to check a box. And Katie's like, yeah, well, my kids don't look Black,

Starting point is 01:25:42 so they don't have to do that until they're older. I was like, oh, Katie, no, I know what you're trying to say, Katie, and you're saying it all wrong. Well, don't they all? I mean, what is anybody even talking about? I mean, Giselle should have come out as the biggest winner because she had most plates hurling at people's faces through this whole thing. But she just looked like none of them really came out well in this i did like katie coming out punching just every time they spoke with katie she's like and then guess what she

Starting point is 01:26:10 did to me it's like you go you go angry katie she was going she was going and then she like randomly like oh but i apologize i'm sorry i called you a stupid fat pig they're like oh it's okay we'll talk soon another one he was trying to come out was uh charisse oh god so stupid just ask everybody and like i like i'm crazy i'm schizophrenic and so sometimes you're not helping yourself here lady and then she's like well eddie and i don't talk about divorce uh but he's not living at home. And all we do is we talk about the kids and the weather and that's it. But we're not going to get divorced now. I'm like, well, what happened to all those freaking new chapters you were starting like for the past three or four weeks?

Starting point is 01:26:54 Like how many new chapters? And we're still at the same place. Unfinished book. No new chapters can be read right now. It's a mute point. It's a mute point. Mute. be read right now it's a mute it's a it's a mute point it's a mute point mute and then of course giselle tries to take all of this not divorcing things and she's like well then are you gonna

Starting point is 01:27:10 stop sending a skank ass messages about your divorce and make it this huge fight and apparently sharice was sending everybody texting stop talking about my divorce to try and make yourself relevant which is so sharice to say i actually believe that one out of jizz's mouth and while giselle called her a pit bullers at one point and then i guess the word pedigree got in there somewhere and she's like i'm not you're a pedigree and then she didn't even know what it was they got it's an animal right a pedigree oh my god oh geez it's on the cover of a of a of a big bag of food for pets and there's like a pedigree next to it like you know those little pedigrees she also had it she's also had a great uh linguistic moment later on when uh she called giselle narcissistic and but then she and then i think karen said well i think we're all narcissistic

Starting point is 01:27:55 and she's like not me not me and then she's like she has this whole thing about like being narcissistic means that you tear other people down to bring yourself up it's like no no it doesn't she goes look it up look it up and they looked it up and she's like that's not right it's like a dictionary she's like that's not right well that's what it says it doesn't really matter what you think she goes it doesn't really matter what you think does it i'm like well that is the pure definition of narcissism right there actually charise it doesn't matter what you think. Well, you know what I think about Karen? I look at Karen and I think, there's a woman, like, she's got a lot going on that's not real.

Starting point is 01:28:33 And Andy goes, what do you mean? And Karen says, oh, I think she's calling me delusional. Which, you know, if I had to call her something, I would say she's General Custard trying to make a last stand. Like a snake in the grass who's going bite like okay so general cuss general custard is a snake in the grass who's about what the fuck kind of school do these women do these are the dumbest women he's a narcissistic listen i like custard specifically, not generally. I do not allow a general custard into my parties. Now, maybe a president custard. Those are always welcome. Love a presidential custard.

Starting point is 01:29:15 General custard was trying to live out a male fantasy by crashing our military dreams. And then Black Bill gates was like now michael you know that when you invited my wife on that trip that you had some sexual fantasy going on i mean i think we all had to and he's like what sort of sexual fantasy would i have with karen why would i do that i've got a teenager at home why would i be worrying about some old slaggy muppet why that now that's not nice michael even when the man came out and then michael did bring his gay bitch out too which i loved he's like well here's what i think you're rude and you ain't got no manners. So what do you think of that? In Australia, we're all patting each other's booms and saying nice ass. Hey, if I saw a dick walking across the street that looked nice, I'd suck it.

Starting point is 01:30:11 Not because I'm gay, but because I'm a nice Australian neighbor. You work out, Andy? You look like you work out. Let's see. Why don't you flex a little bit? Andy's like, I feel bad that he hasn't grabbed my butt. Poor Andy. It's probably true. Yeah, he's like i feel bad that he hasn't grabbed my butt or handy it's probably true yeah it is he's speaking the truth there don't worry andy someone will grab your butt soon

Starting point is 01:30:31 but sexual not desperate then doll yeah katie peter pants uh that's the other news she wants peed on a couch this is yeah this is the huge giselle another war moment declared by giselle they were talking about the drug stuff that giselle's spreading around after that party where uh katie showed up wasted made out with andrew and now she's telling everybody she's a drug addict and has been ever since and is tweeting it and this and that so they're fighting about that and just i was like uh how dare you and the charisse goes that's not nice to call people names. Like, I don't tell people you're a slut. So it went from, like, peeing.

Starting point is 01:31:08 Because Giselle was like, what if I told your secrets about how at that party you want me to tell it? Okay, then fine. I'm sorry, Andy. I won't tell it. She peed on a couch. That's the show now. She peed on a couch. She just had three babies and she was laughing and uh by the

Starting point is 01:31:27 way the award for worst attempt to gain a second season on the show goes to charise who as they're lifting up their champagne glasses like oh excuse me i forgot to mention uh eddie doesn't talk to me anymore because of the show so if you want to use that in season two, you know, you can be my guest. I love how nobody even cared. They were like, wow, but you were always talking about it. Okay, cheers. Anyway, cheers. Yeah, Andy's like, why didn't you mention this three hours ago?

Starting point is 01:31:57 I don't know. I thought it was a mute point. Don't be a general, Andy. Don't be a general. Don't be a general don't be a general don't be a general now general tiramisu anytime anytime

Starting point is 01:32:13 colonel pudding I like colonel pudding colonel snickers always welcome in my town that's candy candy forget about eye candy I always welcome Corporal Sammy Fredo. Snickers satisfies

Starting point is 01:32:29 you just like my husband did 20 times just this morning. Manners. Hashtag etiquette. Lieutenant Panacotta is here. I don't know what I was going to say. Well, that does it for This show part two

Starting point is 01:32:46 This was a fun reunion but I mean so much of it Reunions are like let's go over things we already went over And listen to them yell at people in different language Exactly So it was fun and then on On Thursday we have Southern Charm New York City Beverly Hills reunion which will be insane

Starting point is 01:33:03 And maybe Maybe Welcome to the motherhood i'm not sure i saw the promo and i immediately hated it but it was also because it was like unruly kids and you know me i just can't deal i love that i love unruly kids are the best audience and i'm friends with lots of young mommies so i like that kind of world too so i think it's funny because um this is a show where women really do this they have their mother groups and they just get together and get crazy guys today we're making a headband out of construction paper don't tell me i'm not still partying oh man that was a great sale great great great sell for me i've been

Starting point is 01:33:41 well we i'm not sure we'll we'll see if we have time to talk about it but who knows we'll see i'm gonna for sure watch it so if you don't watch it then i'll just give you a quick update and if you do okay we can talk about it that sounds great yeah well if we're a good couple like those mommies and the mommy we are we are a good little podcast couple so everyone um thanks don't feel a couple thanks for listening um go to watch crappins.com to get our social media links and support us on patreon.com forward slash watch what crappins and of course facebook.com forward slash what crappins uh all right bye everyone everybody hey prime members you can listen to watch what Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today.

Starting point is 01:34:29 Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com.

Watch What Crappens - #285: Fecal Hatter

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