Watch What Crappens - #2853 The Valley S2E06 Part One: Fan-tom Menace

Episode Date: May 21, 2025

This is part one of a two-part recap! Janet is up to her old tricks on The Valley. This time, she’s super uncomfortable because Danny took a tequila shot in a closet. Call the police! In ot...her news, Jesse acts like the audience this week and screams into a pillow. You can watch this recap on video, listen to our 3 part Road Trip bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens.  Tickets for our North American tour on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:35 And the 2019 movie adaptation of Cats. Like, if I'm watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie. Find out what happens when massive hype turns watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie. Find out what happens when massive hype turns into major fiasco. Enjoy The Big Flop on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to The Big Flop early and ad-free on Wondery Plus. Get started with your free trial at Wondery.com slash plus. Well, hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast for all the crap we love to talk about on Ye Olde Bros.
Starting point is 00:01:34 Welcome to the Valley Day, everybody. I'm Ronnie, that's Ben. Hi, Ben. Hi, Ronnie. How's it going? Good. Welcome to your show. You're almost to Norway.
Starting point is 00:01:44 You've got two more shows till show. You're almost to Norway. You've got two more shows till you've got a week in Norway. Yeah, people may not know this because I haven't really even talked about it on the main show. I just have talked about it on other shows I feel like. But yeah, I am going on holiday to Norway tomorrow after our summer house recap.
Starting point is 00:02:04 Once we're done doing summer house. So yeah, I'm off to Norway for a week. And it's gonna be a fun wild time. And also gonna be a fun wild time here at Watch What Crappens because we've got celebrity guest hosts coming up. Next week we're gonna have, let's see here, we've got Kempire, Amy Phillips, Ryan Bailey, Laura Schoenhals from SUP, Page Six, Danny Pellegrino.
Starting point is 00:02:33 We've got a lot of people coming to Crappin's, a lot of friends of the show coming to hang out with me while Ben is gone. So be here next week to check that out. Our three-part road trip is now on Patreon. It's a really fun video road trip in Texas Ben and I took. And starting in June, we will be covering Love Island on Patreon exclusively.
Starting point is 00:02:52 So join us for that. Also, we have two final live shows. We've got Seattle on June 12th, and on June 19th, we've got Los Angeles. So go get your tickets at watchwhatcrappens.com for that. Hey, lots of fun stuff coming down the pike. Yeah, it's gonna be great. And you have such a fun week ahead of you
Starting point is 00:03:11 with all those wonderful guests. I love them all and they're all so funny. It's gonna be a stacked lineup of shows. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun, fun time. You'll have a great one. So very excited for that. You know, Bravo's announcing some shows they're putting out this summer.
Starting point is 00:03:25 I'm getting a little worried. There's something like The Beans of Beansville. What is that Western show that's on there? Some cowboy show, like the McBees. The McCoys and the Beans. What the fuck is that? Well, you know what? Well, you know what's really mortifying?
Starting point is 00:03:38 So, Bravo also has a show coming out this July called Kings Court, which I think is, I have to assume it's a spinoff of Queen's Court. And so among other people that are on it is Tyson Beckford. And I say this all because People Magazine had a, like, I think it's like their hottest issue or whatever, like hottest guys or hottest people in the world. So they did this spread of like the hottest guys of Bravo. And it was like Tyson Beckford, because now he's a Bravo guy, so Tyson Beckford.
Starting point is 00:04:11 But then it's like Carl and Shep and Tom Schwartz and Fraser from Below Deck. And I was like, Tyson Beckford does not deserve this. This is an iconic male model, arguably the most famous and influential male model ever. He's gorgeous. This is a man who's been gorgeous for decades and decades. And he is being put on the same platform as Shep and Carl.
Starting point is 00:04:39 No, this is so not right. Just as for Tyson Beckford, put him in a different picture at the very least. Don't lump him in there with Shep. That's so rude. It's so wrong. We don't treat our icons like that. But in what world?
Starting point is 00:04:52 Why would you even have an article? Like honestly, why would you even do that? Who in the editorial room was like, Shep, you know, let's pick the hottest guys on Bravo, Shep and Carl. In what fucking world, according to who who like who's the poll for this? I mean there's it's up on people. I feel so bad because People magazine reached out was like do you guys want to cover this?
Starting point is 00:05:18 Jesse Solomon there we just just did Jesse Jesse Solomon and Tom Schwartz are also in this group. No, you know, so I just want to start what we have on Bravo. I guess thinking about it, I'm trying to think of how to like, you know, my guess is cute. Yeah, I mean, Jesse's cute. I mean, I wouldn't like, I don't know. I mean, Fraser Fraser's Fraser's hot,
Starting point is 00:05:39 but I just feel like the chef of it all, the chef and the Carl of it all. I just feel like we could do better. I think people, it's not like we're saying the third of them. It's just like if you're going to have a hottest of people, like how do you go from Hugh Jackman one year to like chef the next? You can't do that. You know, let's have some pride. Kyle Soria Yeah, I just, I just, when you scroll to the actual pictures in their, in their slideshow, and you see just like this video of Carl and he's like wet and his hair is matted down and his shirt
Starting point is 00:06:04 is just like flopped up on his skin. And I'm just like, don't put this man on the same spread as Tyson Beckford. I'm sorry, it just does not work that way. There are better options, I'm sorry. Don't put soft right next to hard, you know? Thank you, thank you. That's what it all comes down to.
Starting point is 00:06:21 Well, here we are with an episode of The Valley. This is called Behind Closed Pantry Doors, Season Two, Episode Six, and Janet is back to Janet form. Fanet is back, being a fucking idiot. I can't believe I had one episode where I was like, is Janet just these, is she gonna be like, okay, this season?
Starting point is 00:06:37 No, Janet sucks. So it was nice because, you know, I don't like feeling insecure in my dislike. Whenever I dislike somebody and then I'm like, sex. So it was nice because you know, I don't like feeling insecure in my dislike. Whenever I dislike somebody and then I'm like, wait a minute, maybe maybe that person changed it. I wanted to say maybe I was wrong because I don't think I was wrong. But like maybe maybe I need to think about this a little further. You know, I don't like that. I like being very secure in my dislike. And so it's back. So I feel great.
Starting point is 00:07:02 Did you see that there was like a minor post-production controversy with this episode of the valley. Yes. Tell them. Well, basically there was a preview of this episode and Janet was saying how, um, like she went to Alan on with her ex regarding her ex, uh, cause she was talking in her confessional about how, you know, like the situation reminded me of her ex who had a drinking problem and substance problem and how Janet said that she went to Alan on. And I don't know, did she say that Nia went to her?
Starting point is 00:07:36 Nia was going to Alan. Right. She heard that's what she said. She heard that was in the preview. That was on the internets, but in the actual episode that aired in the US, but apparently not on Hi, Hey, you, they edited that part out. And Jen just talked about how it reminded her of Rex. So they edited out the Al-Anon thing. So people-
Starting point is 00:07:57 They edited it out, but Andy still asked about it on Watch What Happens Live. And then they had to edit the Watch What Happens Live. So people who were watching it live saw that, but then people who saw the edited version later, they had edited it out to protect, I guess Janet or protect themselves from lawsuits or whatever.
Starting point is 00:08:16 Cause you know, I mean, Alanan is supposed to be a non, a non's in the name. Yeah. And so, yeah, Janet saying, well, I'm glad we're perpetuating the non-anon part of it. I mean, like, I heard that Janet said that Nia went to Alanis. Yeah, but it was out there, so it's not like
Starting point is 00:08:32 we heard it somewhere. It was on the television. So it was just, it's just Bravo trying to control the narrative too late, as usual, you know? So, I'm missing it, totally missing the mark, not only in the show, but also I'll watch what happens live. So good job guys. Someone's getting fired over there.
Starting point is 00:08:49 But I mean, just keep it in. Don't protect her. I mean, if she's saying that stuff on national TV and you already aired it in the previews, just, I don't know, whatever. It's out of the bag. Yeah, so there you go. So she's going to Allen on, ooh.
Starting point is 00:09:07 The thing that's annoying to me is that people on this show are so fucking ridiculous about alcohol consumption. When you guys have been kissing Jack's ass for decades now, like how long? It didn't, it took until this. And Brittany, the one who's drinking herself into ulcers and still drinking and leaving piles of vomit in the driveway is gonna come in and make an
Starting point is 00:09:27 Alcoholic storyline about someone else like girl and then when you came for Jax about his coke and alcohol you admitted that you also do Coke so I just and listen, you know, I'm not against coke and alcohol I say take the medicine you need but don't be coming after everybody else and trying to make everybody else into an alcoholism storyline. And Janet with her, oh, everybody else has shared. What do you share Janet? You got pregnant. Yeah, I, I think that Nia and Dan, I first of all, I think that Danny, I don't, I don't know whether or not he's an alcoholic.
Starting point is 00:10:01 I think that like maybe he does need to start like thinking about how he is consuming his booze though. Like he might need to start like, you know, he's, he's had a few like, you know, like coming in and being like, I gotta catch up, gotta catch up. It's like, well, you're not like 25 anymore. Like you'd know. Like does that, right? When you're older, right? You don't have to do that. Just drink. Right. So like, I do think that like maybe, you know, his, like his, how we, his relationship with alcohol may need to be revised.
Starting point is 00:10:26 Doesn't mean he's an alcoholic, but it might be time to say, hey, you need to think about how you're drinking. I also think that Nia and Danny do have a right to handle something like that, how they wanna handle it. And I don't think that, I think sort of like the reality TV viewer in me says, I put everything out there. You're, you're on a reality show.
Starting point is 00:10:47 You should expect to have everything out there. The realist in me says you're when you're in a relationship, like you're allowed to want to handle certain things in closed doors and you're not, you don't owe it to put it out with this group of, of like leeches, not leeches, just venomous people, just because Brittany did it. Like you don't have to do it because Brittany, like just because Brittany, you have like an open sore
Starting point is 00:11:08 of a relationship with Jack, doesn't mean everyone else has to have it. So that's where I stand on those people. I actually feel like with Jasmine, I'm more compassionate and here's why. Because she obviously had a bad incident with Danny. And I was thinking about, I was trying to think about why does, why am I compassionate with Jasmine?
Starting point is 00:11:27 And I think the reason why is Danny gets, starts, comes to this vineyard, he starts pounding these drinks, he's getting wasted. And that, you know what? I was thinking in her mind, she's saying, oh shit, now I have to be on guard again. And that sucks. Cause we've, we've experienced,
Starting point is 00:11:44 people have experienced that to a little much lesser degrees. You know, when you've got that sloppy friend and you're having a fun time at the party and then you see that your friend is getting really sloppy and then you sort of just know, shit, I'm going to have to take care of my friend tonight. And then you just can't really have fun anymore. You know, you're like, I can't really fuck.
Starting point is 00:11:58 That's enough about me. I have to say to your credit, you've never been that way. To your credit, I've never found you to be that sloppy friend. Like you, you back in the day, you would, you would put down those drinks, but you were not sloppy, but I've had sloppy friends and you just know it. And like, so like even in just that small degree, you know that feeling when you say to yourself, I want to keep partying. I want to keep having fun. But in the back of my mind, I now I'm thinking about my friend. And I think in her mind, she's probably thinking, I want to have fun on this group trip. But now Danny's getting wasted. And I don't know if I'm
Starting point is 00:12:33 gonna have to be in a situation where I'm gonna have to like, tell him to stop, or I'm gonna have to be the bad guy again. And so I fully actually agree. I hear, I absolutely hear what you're saying on that, but here's why I don't feel compassion in this argument for her. Okay. Because he was asleep. He went to bed. So he drank and he went to bed and she's still starting shit and going on and on with Brittany. And at that point she's singing and it's like, she's the guy's in bed and you actually want him to get up to do whatever
Starting point is 00:13:02 behavior when like the guy's already in bed. So as far as Danny and his behavior with Jasmine and grabbing Jasmine and all of that stuff, that's bullshit. I'm never going to stand up for Danny for that. And I don't blame her. If she wants to bring that up every day for the rest of this series, I don't care. I will not be like, don't bring that up. She has every right to.
Starting point is 00:13:21 But as far as the drinking and this whole thing, I mean, I think even they knew as we see in the episode, they knew that they went too far with that. And what was so funny about it was that they have to have this whole party and apologize to Nia because they were going so hard at Nia accusing her husband because they were too drunk. And that's where I'm like, fuck you guys.
Starting point is 00:13:38 Like you're so wasted that you act like idiots on TV and then you have to have a party where you apologize to somebody because you were too wasted while you're still trying to accuse her husband of being an alcoholic. Like, come on, you fucking hypocrites. Let me revise mine to say, I'm compassionate as to why Jasmine was sort of sent into a tizzy.
Starting point is 00:13:59 And I don't know if the actual form of the tizzy I'd necessarily agree with, but I understand. I don't support the form of the tizzy I necessarily agree with, but I understand the form of the tizzy, but I, I understand why she was put into a state where she was getting agitated and then she just sort of like blows up and then everything after that about like, you know, he has to be open. Why are you trying to cover up? Yada, yada, yada.
Starting point is 00:14:19 I mean, like, I mean, I, I'm not going to, by the way, I'm also, I have to be realistic. I'm not going to act like if I were sitting there and he is just like, Oh, he's just tired. He's just tired. I, I, myself might be like, yeah, but he's drunk too. Why are you acting like he's not drunk too? I just don't know if I would be screaming and yelling at Nia about it. I probably be like laughing off the side, like why is she trying to say that he's just tired? He's wasted off his ass. You know,
Starting point is 00:14:44 I don't know. There's just a bunch of drunk hypocrites to me. You know, there's nothing. And that is, I believe the mission statement for Bravo. You're on a show built on getting wasted and acting stupid. It's like everybody, it's like if everybody on Summer House is like, oh my God, Kyle was wasted last night and ate muffins. I think we need to talk to Kyle about his alcohol problem. Like, okay, does Kyle have an alcohol problem?
Starting point is 00:15:14 Probably, I mean, duh. But is this the forum to be the, like, are you the people that need to be coming at him? Like you can't be confronting everyone else when you're actually also an alcoholic. I also do feel like there was a piece of information that came out this episode, which I think changes things a little bit for me,
Starting point is 00:15:34 which is that last episode, it was presented that Danny snuck into this cupboard and Janet happened to be there and he was hiding these shots of tequila. And then this episode, we find out he's like, yeah, I went into the, he's like, I told you I had the tequila. And then this episode we find out he's like, yeah, I went into the, he's like, I told you I had the tequila. So it wasn't like a hit, it wasn't a hidden thing.
Starting point is 00:15:49 And he's like, I went in there because that's what the tequila, you didn't bring the tequila. I mean, I can understand how it could look. The tequila was behind the door. So he was trying to get to the tequila and Janet's like, I'm uncomfortable, which we all know is code for serious things.
Starting point is 00:16:06 Like if a man puts you in a position where he's making you feel really uncomfortable and this and that, that's a real thing. But Janet is taking those, Janet's taking that terminology and trying to make it sound like she herself was assaulted in a way, cause she was in a closet where Danny hid
Starting point is 00:16:20 and took tequila in front of her, which made her uncomfortable. Fuck off, Janet. Janet is the worst. And she went on and watched what happens last night. And just the audience, I was so proud of the Bravo audience for just ripping that woman to shreds.
Starting point is 00:16:33 I was like watching a scared cabbage patch doll get ripped limb from limb. A dark eyed cabbage patch doll getting ripped limb from limb. And I loved it. The audience was like 90% against her on every question. Yeah. I mean, look, if she has had like first hand experience with a boyfriend who was sneaking drinks
Starting point is 00:16:57 in like the closet or whatever, like I can understand how like that's where her mind goes. But I can also like knowing that there may be a larger context to how he was actually consuming this tequila, it does change things a little bit for me. Well, you've got Jesse, who's so wasted that he's yelling that his wife is a whore on national television and being verbally abusive.
Starting point is 00:17:21 Who says anything to Jesse about his drinking? Nobody. No one. You've got, you've got Brittany barfing in driveways, having all this behavior when she's got a young son at home. Do we see anybody talking to Brittany about her alcohol intake? Jacks. Sure don't. Jacks, Jacks.
Starting point is 00:17:37 Yeah, the biggest hypocrite on the show. Sure don't, but everybody's like, Brittany's the mother of the year, y'all. So whatever, I can't take this cast seriously. And then Jason on Watch What Happens Live was also, he was also there and they said something, and I've watched this all in clips because I ain't sitting through half an hour of those two,
Starting point is 00:17:54 but someone said something like, you know, people online hate Janet. I'm assuming the question was along those lines. And Jason was like, oh please, there's just like, there's millions of people who listen to this show who love Janet and there's like maybe 40 people on Reddit who don't like her. Yeah, and 38 of those people on Reddit
Starting point is 00:18:11 talking about your show are Janet, Jason. So, please. Wow, wow. Janet with different names. So anybody on Reddit knows it too, so whatever you two. All right, well, this has been a fun 20 minutes. Let's actually recap the show. I know it really has been 20 minutes.
Starting point is 00:18:29 Okay, so we pick up in the middle of this fight. But listen, it's always good to have a show that fills me with some nice early morning rage. And so I'm thankful for that. I don't feel this dead inside when I'm angry. So. The show doesn't actually really fill me with that much rage, I have to say.
Starting point is 00:18:43 It's weird. I sort of just watch it and I'm fascinated by it. I don't actually get put to a, I'm not, I'm not sent to a place of rage by it. So, you know, I mean, I think we, we, we as humans are going to respond to different, different things are going to make me enraged. Like I'll be more enraged by watching like love hotel and finding out that like the majority of people sitting at the dinner table did not put napkins in their
Starting point is 00:19:04 lap. I'm like, I am furious at this show. You'll get mad watching someone on this show order something with berries on it. You'll be like, that's disgusting. Disgust, tasteless, the taste. It's always some etiquette infraction that I'll be like, now I'm mad. But then it's like, oh, accusations
Starting point is 00:19:19 of calling someone an alcoholic, well, you know, it's TV. Yeah, I'm in, I'm in. It's time for a commercial. of calling someone an alcoholic, well, you know, it's TV. Yeah, I'm in, I'm in. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappence commercial. Every successful business starts with an idea and on the best idea yet, we're obsessed with those light bulb moments.
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Starting point is 00:20:11 New episodes drop every Tuesday. Follow the best idea yet on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. And if this podcast lasts longer than 45 minutes, call your doctor. At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting
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Starting point is 00:21:19 reclaiming early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. All right, so let's get to it. So we pick up where we left off with, um, but the fight they're fighting. They're all drunk. Oh, they're, they're in the bedroom. Brittany's have Brittany's having a drunken fit and Janet, Janet Janice, what is the girl's name? Jasmine is having a drunken fit about Nia Janet Janice, what does the girl's name, Jasmine is having a drunken fit about Nia not sharing things. And they're like yelling and getting themselves worked up over this. And Zach's just going, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on,
Starting point is 00:21:57 hold on. By the way, he just started most of this, but yeah, he 100% started all of this. So Nia is like, well, why would you want me to do? And it's like, okay, think about, Hey, Brittany, think about the times that you've protected Jack's when you shouldn't have. Remember when you did that. Okay. So she's allowed to protect her toxic man too. And Jasmine's like, it's not that sack. He's like, okay, hold on, hold on. Stop, stop. Banji says, stop. Stop. Benji says stop. Stick Benji says stop, you guys. And he's like, I'm not protecting anybody.
Starting point is 00:22:30 That's the thing. Like, who am I protecting? And they're like, oh God, well, Brittany, Brittany's life has been on display. Brittany has given it all for reality television. Look at her right now. Look at what she's done to her eyebrows. That's for television. You think she wants her eyebrows going from the middle of her face to
Starting point is 00:22:51 the top of her head? No, she's done it all for you, audience. All for you. And it's always on the max, to the max every time. And the one time, the one time that she's just, she's questioned anything that's been going on with you, you lose your mind. Brittany's like, yeah, thank you. Thank you for advocating. Thank you for advocating for me on this. And Jasmine's like, oh, it gets shut down.
Starting point is 00:23:20 Who shut it down? You two have been going off for two hours. And so basically Brittany's still screaming, I show my entire life, my entire clusterfuck of a life. Which you've also contributed greatly to, I'd just like to add. And Nia's like, what is wrong with these people? You know, now she's getting hurt feeling.
Starting point is 00:23:41 She's like, why are my friends speaking about me? And so Jason's like, well, you know, now she's getting hurt feeling. She's like, why are my friends speaking about me? And so Jason's like, well, you know, while he's by the way, drinking two drinks, he's got two drinks in his hand for himself. He's like, yeah, you know, cause tonight when you were asked about Daniel, you're like, he was sleeping, he's taking a nap and everything's fine.
Starting point is 00:23:58 He's tired instead of talking about him being an alcoholic. Go, go, go, go, go, go. Maybe not do this with two drinks in your hand, Jason. And she's like, go, go, go, go. Do this with two drinks in your hand, Jason. And she's like, well, no, he, he is exhausted. And yes, he was drunk. I mean, part of me wonders, by the way, if the reason why they're hammering Nia so much about this fake thing, maybe this is pent up because, you know, last season, there were many times when things started to get a little like tense, where she would be like, Oh, I got a phone call. My sprinklers aren't working. I'm gonna have to go. So maybe this has more to do with like a larger pattern with Nia where she would be like, Oh, I got a phone call. My sprinklers aren't working. I'm gonna have to go. So maybe this has more to do with like a larger pattern with Nia,
Starting point is 00:24:29 where she sort of like is able like when things happen, she kind of just like scoots on out of there, you know? Well, it's also, you know, Nia is also still married because of that and has a happy relationship and is still making children. And the other ones are all bitter and divorced and having terrible divorces and like going through misery. So maybe you should actually watch and learn people. I mean, Jesus Christ, why are you ruining your life like we've done? Well, on the flip side, she is now, as a result of her still being married, she is now being forced to move to Santa Clarita. So, you know, it's really, you know, so many twists of fate here.
Starting point is 00:25:04 Listen, normally I would be with you, but seeing the apartment over and over again that they live in on this show, I'm like, go to Santa Clarita. You know what I mean? Go anywhere. Get out. Please. Please move, move anywhere.
Starting point is 00:25:17 Isn't Santa Clarita pretty? Wasn't there a Drew Barrymore show that took place there at the Santa Clarita diet? Yeah, it was about zombies in Santa Clarita. Yeah, I found out it wasn't about a diet and I wouldn't watch it. I was like really looking forward to seeing Drew Barrymore in a show about a diet because, you know, I love diets.
Starting point is 00:25:32 I've done all of them. I'm like, finally, a show about diets. And, no. Santa Clarita is where a child famously, I feel like, permanently messed up my finger by fist punching me too hard. I feel like I'm permanently messed up my finger by fist punching me too hard. And I will always associate that with Santa Clarita. Also, I have someone who I find very annoying in my life
Starting point is 00:25:53 who lives up there too. So I just have bad associations with Santa Clarita. I have a bad association with Santa Clarita too. Well, beyond the Drew Barrymore show not being a bad diet. Another thing was I was missing a pair of AirPods once and I turned on my find-by and they were in Santa Clarita. And I was like, who the fuck do I know in Santa Clarita? Like, how did my AirPods get to Santa Clarita?
Starting point is 00:26:14 It still bothers me to this day. They cut to a headline, the zombie apocalypse has broken out in Santa Clarita. Zombie Zero was found with some AirPods that said Rondal Caram on them. Bueller for life is inscribed on the AirPods. So Nia's like, well, okay, well, I was saying he was tired, but can two things be true? He was drunk and he was tired. I mean, I'm not saying he wasn't drunk.
Starting point is 00:26:45 And she asked Brittany, she's like, so you don't have moments where you've excused Jax or said whatever? And Brittany's like, well, of course I have. And so Jasmine's still doing on, you know, going on with the, it's not just the action. I'm very disappointed that I was disrespected. And you know, those feelings don't go away.
Starting point is 00:27:05 And she has to acknowledge what's going on here. Okay, then bring it up, Jasmine. Bring it up at the table and say, your husband was grabbing my ass and my girlfriend's ass and making me call him daddy. And I don't feel right about that. And he was wasted. And I don't feel like that's been addressed.
Starting point is 00:27:19 Then if she says, whatever, he was tired. Okay, then that's something you can go on about. But yeah. I just can't believe all these emotionally evolved people if she says whatever, he was tired. Okay, then that's something you can go on about. I just can't believe all these emotionally evolved people were unable to handle this situation properly. I mean, it's just shocking. So then of course Daniel wakes up. Well, now they're all calling him Daniel because it's a formal serious situation.
Starting point is 00:27:41 And like Daniel's awake. And so he comes in, he's like, Far on the Vossin and Santa Clarita, zombie paradise. serious situation and like Daniel's awake and so he comes in he's like far on the bus and in Santa Clarita zombie paradise sorry guys I just go over my lines while I'm sleeping what's going on in here y'all's and Zack just goes no no Daniel no Daniel, Daniel. No, Daniel. No, Daniel. No, Daniel. We're not ready for you right now, Daniel. So Jasmine's like, well, you know what? Brittany's just saying it's not fair that she puts her life
Starting point is 00:28:15 up at every little dot to the every little tiptoe for another. I don't even know what she's saying here. She's like every other box of toxic talks, tick, Tic Tacs, Tic Tacs that she has on Tic Tac, every single Tiki Taki talk is up on her life. Okay. And you guys don't do it. Well, just don't hide things that's going on. That's all I'm asking. Don't do don't do hide things that's going on. That's all I want to know. So Danny's like, who's hiding anything? Come on. What are you all talking about here? And he's like, Daniel, I'll have a conversation. I'll explain everything. Just not in here. Let's please do it somewhere away from these crazy people so we can hide it. He's like, wait, is she pulling on me? Am I in trouble here? And she's like, yes,
Starting point is 00:28:58 it's you and me. Come on. We have a whole conference. Go to the kitchen, the private place. Wow. Jessica's still going off in nonsensical sentences. She's like, her life has been on the line. Her life has been on the line with a fucking platter. Is she was she a caterer at one point? She's working the line. Let's get those past apps up on the platter. She's been a secretary and a waiter. She's like, somebody's been on the line for a while. Get that fucking platter out, please.
Starting point is 00:29:33 No, I'm just going to, okay, everyone, I'm just going to take a second and grab some water, but I love you. I hear you. And I understand you fucking bitches. Her life is on the platter. She's being slaughtered and everyone else is tiptoeing around their lives. Brittany's like, Nail!
Starting point is 00:29:46 Nail! Brittany just looks like confused and eyebrowed out. And so, Nia takes Danny away. And she's like, you know, so Danny's drinking an energy drink. And she's like, you don't need to have an energy drink. We have to go to bed. We have kids to wake up for in the morning. And he's like, it's not an energy drink,
Starting point is 00:30:05 what are you talking about? What are you talking about? It's straight up cocaine tequila I'm drinking, hold on. Called a zombie juice around the set. So Danny is like, so they go into their room and he's like, what's happening? And now she starts to like cry and she's like, do you know what I just experienced right now? I have no idea what's happening? And she's now she starts to like cry and she's like, do you know what I just experienced right?
Starting point is 00:30:25 It's I have no idea what's going on. I just need a second to breathe. Cause like, I feel like there's like a lot of adrenaline in my body. Tell me about it. You ever had the zombie juice before? Whoa. I'm seeing babies on the ceiling. So you like get it out, sweetie.
Starting point is 00:30:43 Get it out. Just get it out. So she's like, get it out, sweetie, get it out. Just get it out. So she was like, okay, well, they're accusing me of keeping secrets and, you know, you know, so you, I said that you just fell asleep, but they're mad that I didn't say you're drunk and, you know, but you are tired and you did wake up and you did have a full day, you know,
Starting point is 00:31:01 and you had too much to drink. And, you know, no one asked me, did you have too much to drink? Cause I would have said know, and you had too much to drink. And you know, no one asked me, did you have too much to drink? Because I would have said, yeah, you had too much to drink. She's just upset. So he's listening to this like, what the fuck kind of fight is this? You know? And he's like, okay, but why do you keep saying I've had too much to drink? I had the same amount to drink as everyone else on this show.
Starting point is 00:31:20 Like I don't get it. Plus, you know, a few more swigs of tequila and a few more glasses of wine is pretty much the same amount. And she was like, no, yeah, no, you were feeling good. That's it. He's like, yeah, show is everybody. Like, yeah, but like, okay, I'm going to say this. I understand that he's tired and exhausted and he's allowed to drink and then pass out. We've, we've all done it. We've all had friends who've done it. Family members, it happens, it's okay.
Starting point is 00:31:45 But also if you know you woke up at five in the morning and you know you're tired, and you know you're at a party, why are you pounding them down to the point where you know you're gonna pass out? And this is purely, this is not a, you're an alcoholic. This is a, why can't you be a better functioning member of this social group?
Starting point is 00:32:04 Because there's dinner. Why are you drinking? You know you're exhausted. I think we all know, oh my God, maybe I'm coming from a place of privilege because of how I'm able to have a relationship with alcohol. But in my mind, I'm like, if I feel myself like, whoa, this is hitting me really quickly, I sort of like naturally I'm like, I don't have to be like, I've got to have as much as everyone else. I think, whoa, I am at a place now where I am good. If I drink too much more, I'm going to pass out and miss dinner. You know what I'm saying? I do, but I mean, I just don't care how much he drinks.
Starting point is 00:32:38 Like I really don't care. Unless he like gets drunk and does something to somebody. I mean, I get drunk and miss dinner. Like I don't care. So like to me, I just don't understand the fight when everybody's a drunk, you know? But, you know, teach their own. So we go, we go back to, this is the best part.
Starting point is 00:32:53 Chris and Luke and Jesse are still just sitting outside, not going in, like, where's everybody? Why don't they come back out? And Luke's just eating all the ice cream because nobody's there to eat it. So he's eating everybody's portion of the ice cream. And so then we go back to the fight and Janet's like, okay, guys, before dinner, I got home
Starting point is 00:33:14 and I walked into the pantry to make an easy mat cup, which why has nobody given her shit? That's disgusting, Janet, okay? You've got a caterer here and you're sneaking into the closet to make an easy mat cup. Now who's got the problem? Okay. And she goes, and Danny came in and shut the door behind.
Starting point is 00:33:32 Okay. And we see the flashback of him be like, Oh, well, you guys got a big head start for me. So we heard him like drinking and he was in the pantry. You know, he and I were in the pantry together and he was like looking around, making sure no one could see. And he'd take a full on swig of the Casamitos boggle, and I was like, oh, and then he passed out shortly after. Well, call the fucking police, Janet.
Starting point is 00:33:52 I can't believe that happened to you. Are you more mad about the tequila, or are you mad that George Clooney doesn't own the tequila anymore, and it's not enough of a celebrity fucking tequila for you to swallow? He doesn't own it anymore? No, I think they sold it a long time ago
Starting point is 00:34:07 for like $19 trillion. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow, a variety of wow's that took me to a pad in the place. So. And Jasmine's like, well, we know he has a drinking problem.
Starting point is 00:34:21 We get it. But like, just talk to us about it. I mean, just talk to us about it. If you can't talk to us about being alcoholics while we're drunk, who can you talk to? I mean, what's going on here? Why can't they just talk about it? You're drunk.
Starting point is 00:34:32 Sit down. So Jana is like, I just feel so bad for her because, you know, defending your husband when they're doing shitty stuff or when your husband's wasted, I mean, that's not fun. That's just not fun. It isn't fun though. It isn't fun. Like that, I do think it's not fun. But it just not fun. It isn't fun though. It isn't fun.
Starting point is 00:34:45 Like that, I do think it's not for Nia to ship. And she never said anything. She never said much to Britt about it either. And that was way worse. Hmm. Yeah. Well, it's way worse. I agree. So Janet is like,
Starting point is 00:34:57 she's like, I've been in somebody in the past that has struggled with addiction issues. And I feel like I can relate to Nia in that sense. But the thing is, no one cares that Danny drank too much and slept through dinner, except for apparently one podcaster who felt like Danny should have been at dinner also
Starting point is 00:35:09 because it was catered, but whatever. And me, who's making a storyline saying over and over that he's a fucking alcoholic, which I'm doing right now in this sentence. It's the denial and the hiding that feels inauthentic and fake. And let's just say what it is, because when you hide it, it kind of begs more questions.
Starting point is 00:35:25 So- How was he hiding it? He did it right in front of you. He did it, he walked right in front of you and did it. He was not hiding it. Then when you asked him about it, he said, I was drunk. What's the, where's the hiding? These people are making me crazy.
Starting point is 00:35:41 So Nia's like, Britney knows I support her and I'm not sitting here having fun talking about Jackson like all that he's doing. And Daniel's like, well, we could all do that every day, every single day. Let me finish my sentence. You're not trying to do that, Daniel. Let me finish this sentence. She's like, okay, I'm not your enemy.
Starting point is 00:35:58 Yes, you are. No, you're not. Let me finish my sentence. Okay, I'm not sitting here trying to talk bad about Jackson. I'm sitting here trying to support my friend. if I for some reason have a problem with her I'm like, hey Brittany, this is how I'm feeling. You know, I don't just wait till she walks away from the table So she's saying, you know I
Starting point is 00:36:18 Danny Daniel and I are more reserved and we're a team and we watch out for each other and protect each other and we don't Err our dirty laundry and we have those conversations behind closed doors because that's what you're supposed to do when you're married. And so he comforts her. And then, meanwhile, Janet is still like, I mean, I also feel like we need to all be like, hey, if you're going through some stuff with alcoholic drug addict Daniel because of his alcohol and drug really drinking, druggy drinking, drug drinking behavior. We're also here for you because it's hard being with a drug addict alcoholic. Am I right girls? Am I right? So they're like, yeah. So now night turns to day. It's the morning. And we see as usual, cause it's a party, it's a night of partying on Bravo. There's just shit out everywhere. Because I firmly believe the producers tell everyone
Starting point is 00:37:11 not to clean up so that way they can always get these shots of flies crawling all over pizza and over like, you know, empty cups, et cetera. So Kristen's like, Luke, Luke, seriously Luke, caca, I'm dehydrated. So he brings her coffee and she's like, and then, um, you know, and then everyone's just like waking up and, and talking and Michelle's, Michelle is back. We haven't seen Michelle all episode. And she's like, well,
Starting point is 00:37:38 how are you feeling after last night, Brittany? I don't know exactly what happened, but I heard lots of things happening. Where did she go? Why does she miss this all? She got mad and went to bed, I guess. I guess so. So then basically they pack up and leave. So that's that.
Starting point is 00:37:56 So they go and Zach's like, this trip was a real train rock. It looks like that healing ceremony might have to happen again. Did you guys get that? Do you need another take? It's going to be God. It's going to be my first guess. Yeah. So now we go over to Runyon Canyon where the famous Runyon Canyon, where all of Michelle's illicit affairs happen. So, but this time she's meeting up with none other, she's not meeting up with a honey magnate. She's meeting up with the
Starting point is 00:38:25 one and only Sheena Marie, who is making her debut, or at least this season's debut on the valley. I think she actually was on last season too. Oh my God, Michelle, you want to hike Running Canyon? It's going to be really fun. It's been a really hard week for me because of the, you know, the Masked Singer, because like I wanted to go further, but I told them I didn't want to go farther. So I didn't go farther, but I could have gone farther, but I told them I didn't want to go farther, so I didn't go farther, but I could have gone farther, but I told them I didn't want to, so they kicked me off, but it was totally by my choice,
Starting point is 00:38:48 but then I really wanted to after, so it's really been a rough time after the Masked Singer, because that was gonna be my big break, but people are still huge fans of me, so corner! Over the last couple of years, Sheena and I have become really close. For the longest time, I thought she was one of those little robots from Postmates that brings you a burrito.
Starting point is 00:39:09 And then I realized, wait a second, she's actually a human being. And then we began to talk and have a fun time together. Sheena has gone through a divorce so she understands how difficult it could be at times. She is a really good person. So they're talking about Aaron and Aaron's like, listen, I want out of this relationship, if your ex is going to be crazy for the rest of my fucking life. Like, I don't know if I can take this. I don't know if I need this toxicity forever. I'm trying to sell cocaine themed honey. Okay. Yeah, everything was perfect. But then after this trip, Aaron was scared. He doesn't want a crazy ex in my life.
Starting point is 00:39:49 And he said, look, I understand. I'm the guy with the crazy eyes. And if even I am weirded out by someone, that's a problem. So yeah, back to square one. Wow, I'm so sorry. That's almost as bad if you were on the Masked Singer and you thought you were going to go really far, but you said you didn't want to go really far and then they'd kick you off the Masked Singer and you're like, but wait, I changed my mind.
Starting point is 00:40:12 She's like, yes, it has been so much negativity, you know, like, Jesse has major, major issues. That is why I loved him for Rob Reiner. And so Michelle's pissed that this could be the end. And so she's like, the thought of breaking up with Erin, other than Isabella is like, that is what's getting me through this rough time, you know? So she doesn't want to lose the honey man over all of this toxicity. And that doesn't mean she's going to be less toxic. But does this hopefully it'll work out. Commercials. Here comes one right now.
Starting point is 00:40:52 Every big moment starts with a big dream. But what happens when that big dream turns out to be a big flop? From Wondery and Atwill Media, I'm Misha Brown and this is The Big Flop. Every week, comedians join me to chronicle the biggest flubs, fails, and blunders of all time like Quibi. It's kind of like when you give yourself your own nickname and you try to get other people to do it. And the 2019 movie adaptation of Cats.
Starting point is 00:41:22 Like if I'm watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie. Find out what happens when massive hype turns into major fiasco. Enjoy The Big Flop on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to The Big Flop early and ad-free on Wondery+. Get started with your free trial at Wondery.com slash plus. But here's the thing, like, if he's not willing to stand by your side
Starting point is 00:41:56 during this situation with Jesse, then maybe he's actually not the man for you in the first place. Just want to put that out there. Maybe, but I don't but I mean, for me, I wouldn't think it's unrealistic to be like, okay, you're broken up, you need to stop having toxic fights with your ex.
Starting point is 00:42:13 It's not unrealistic. I can't deal with that, you know? It's not unrealistic, but I still think that like, if she's, I still think that like, what she needs is someone who's just gonna like, be supporting her. Cause I think Jesse is a nightmare. And I think that she, she's like, what I don't like is her being like, I need to, I need to work hard.
Starting point is 00:42:33 I need to save this. She's putting it all on her shoulders. And it's like, what also like he could also be supportive of you too. Yeah. I mean, I kind of see it as Michelle, you know, Jesse's a piece of shit and I'm glad she left Jesse and we see more Jesse scenes that just every time we see a Jesse scene, it cements what a piece of shit that guy is. So I'm glad she left him for her kid and stuff like that. But then you see like her still going on group trips and then starting stuff about I don't like who you're dating when she's been dating someone since, you know, there's some hypocritical
Starting point is 00:43:02 stuff going on with her too. Like she wants to tell him who he can date and who he can't date, and you can't do that. Like you can't sit there and have toxic fights about whoever his girlfriend is when you've had a boyfriend too, the same amount of time that you're subjecting the kid to. So I think part of it is just like,
Starting point is 00:43:18 keep me away from this toxic fighting constantly. Like I wanna have a decent, positive life. Like let him do what he's gonna do and we'll do what he's going to do and we'll do what we're going to do. I mean, hey, I wouldn't want to date, I wouldn't want to date someone in that sort of situation by any means, but I just think that like, I'm, I get like,
Starting point is 00:43:36 when the, when the moment she's starting, starting to talk about like, Ooh, like I need to like start to change things for this guy. I'm like, Ooh, just don't fall into that same pattern that you got into with Jesse, you know? So Sheena's like, yeah, you can't lose him. Well, at least it would be a positive thing to change. It's like changing toxic fighting.
Starting point is 00:43:53 So at least it's a good thing to change. It's not like he's like, I wish you would get a different haircut. He's just asking for less toxic fighting. But I don't know, why am I sticking up for the honey man? Like the guy's fucking selling his honey at the entrance of Runyon Canyon. I don't know that that's a relationship
Starting point is 00:44:09 I should be rooting for. No offense, honey sellers at the bottom of Runyon Canyon. You know who she needs? She needs a real man like Rob Reiner. So now we go to Jesse's house where his life coach, Scott shows up and Scott, like, you know, when I see this guy, I just think, wow, all the, all the marriages, this guy has really done a great job saving him.
Starting point is 00:44:30 This is a man who really understands things. I see him and I'm like, oh my God, men's rights are being taken away. I'm glad there's someone here to fight for it. Right. It's good to see that some of Joe Rogan's fans have made it on to Bravo. I can guarantee you this guy has a truck with a black and white flag on it. Yeah, absolutely.
Starting point is 00:44:49 So he, Jesse's like, Scott, the marriage coach that Michelle and I worked with last summer, yeah, well. Isn't that enough to get you fired? I mean, seriously? Like, how are you having him back? I think he failed. Yeah, not a great record here. He's like, well, I've leaned on him quite a bit
Starting point is 00:45:08 and continued to work with him still to today. I'm like, yeah, the scoreboard's not looking great for this guy based on the marriage failure and your personal failures that we're seeing documented on television. Yeah, so he's like, I'm just, I'm so mad at myself since Santa Barbara, I just, I wanna to know why am I being triggered so easily? You're not the one being triggered. You're the one calling your wife a whore.
Starting point is 00:45:31 Yeah, sir. He is, he, he, he throws the stone and then is shocked when someone actually retaliates. What? That's crazy. So cast the stone and hides his hands. Is that the phrase? So he's saying, what I realized on this trip is that when I was going through the grief of divorce, which I never actually went through, but I would tell people I did it. I never went through the grief of like, did I win or did I fail? I was thinking about that on the trip. You know, it's just another thing that I buried down.
Starting point is 00:46:00 It's like a Michelle admitted that she cheated on me by the way. And we see the clip of Michelle being like, I kissed a guy and I liked it. And that's basically it. He's like, she was cheating on me, having orgies for two years. Yeah, she admitted all that. Yeah, and then this is, I think, a very bad trait for a therapist.
Starting point is 00:46:18 First of all, to take sides, but also to just believe everything at face value that he's telling you. He's like, oh, she cheated for two years, really? And he's like, yeah. And she said, well, there's no way that I wasn't cheating for two years because I was out all the time.
Starting point is 00:46:35 And Scott's like, well, that's projection on her part. And he's like, yeah, but then it turns me into the cheater. She's projecting on me. And then the main guy, the therapist guy is like, yeah, but you know, when you say you're a whore and this and that, that makes you bad, you know? So the actual thing is that you're hurt because she was cheating for two years, but then she projects back onto you. And then you saying that made you the bad guy when really she was the bad guy for cheating
Starting point is 00:47:01 for two years. Do you, do you don't even know what's been going on in this marriage. This guy's basically saying, she manipulated the situation to make you look like the bad guy here. It's like totally absolving Jesse of any responsibility for the words that actually come out of his mouth. Yeah. And for pushing her.
Starting point is 00:47:19 Yeah, so she manipulated you into making you look like a jerk. It's kind of a brilliant play on her part. You know women, squirrely squirrely women. So here's what you gotta do, you know, your life, you gotta recognize your life is a garden and your attention is water. And you're planting seeds all the time with your actions
Starting point is 00:47:40 and your attention is water. Get out of my house. First of all, we're in a drought. You know what I mean? Like I can't even fucking water the grass. Like Get out of my house. First of all, we're in a drought. You know what I mean? Like I can't even fucking water the grass. Like get out of my house. Stop talking about water in here, sir. Go back into your truck and your black and white flag
Starting point is 00:47:54 and your men's rights. And I can tell you one thing, I do not water the weeds that grow in my garden and yet they still grow and they grow more than the flowers. So this whole metaphor is bullshit in the first place. Yeah, Jesse's the weed. He doesn't need water. So he was like, whatever you put your attention on
Starting point is 00:48:12 will inevitably grow. That's not true. Or my penis would be 13 feet long. You gotta hold yourself accountable. It's more intensive than anything I do and nothing. So then Scott goes, you gotta hold yourself accountable. And by hold yourself accountable. Than anything I do and nothing. So then Scott goes, you gotta hold yourself accountable. And by hold yourself accountable, just remember that Michelle manipulated into saying everything bad that you've ever said.
Starting point is 00:48:32 Exactly. No more acting like a dick unless Michelle makes you act that way. Okay. And no more being no more being self-important unless Michelle does that to you. Okay. So here's a pillow. I want you to scream into it. And remember the louder your scream, the more Michelle made that to you. Okay, so here's a pillow. I want you to scream into it. And remember, the louder your scream, the more Michelle made you do it. Yeah. Are we supposed to believe that Jesse,
Starting point is 00:48:50 a male model from the nineties, hasn't screamed into a pillow before? Okay, I'll go with it. So he does it. And he's like, I feel better. I feel better actually. God, just hold it there and push down harder. Scott, help him.
Starting point is 00:49:03 Help him while you're there. Keep that pillow right where it is and just push. Well, notably as Scott says, you know when people scream into a pillow, they either cry or they laugh. And notably Jesse did, or come. Notably, Jesse did none of the above, including the coming,
Starting point is 00:49:19 which just proves that he is a true sociopath. Truly, that's what I thought too. When he did it, he's like, you're probably gonna cry right now, man. And then he screams and then he's like, I feel great. You're a sociopath. So now we go to Kristen and Luke moving into their new home in North Hollywood.
Starting point is 00:49:37 I really liked their house that they moved into. It's a rental. And Kristen's like, Luke and I are so excited to move into this beautiful house. We have a pool, we have three bedrooms, we have a dedicated room to listen to Stevie Nicks. We have our own master bedroom too. And we have a guest room for Jill. God, that needy dog. I love her so much, but she pukes everywhere. So they're planning on where they're going to put the day bed, you know, stuff like that.
Starting point is 00:50:02 And then Jasmine comes over and they're sitting at the pool. So Jasmine comes out and she's like, oh, you know, like, I mean, I knew waking up, like Danny and Nia, they're not gonna ride with me, like, cause she's pissed off or something, but like, maybe I should apologize to her. Cause you know, I did feel kind of bad and Luke's like, yeah, I mean, everyone's drunk.
Starting point is 00:50:20 So like, I don't get it. Like, why does he have to say he's drunk? And Kristen's like, yeah, he was tired. I mean, come on. I don't know, maybe he was tired. That's fine. I'm just like, he's a voice actor. Can he really be that tired?
Starting point is 00:50:34 I'm sorry, you stand in a booth all day and you talk. How tired can you be? Like you did Ursula, like, you know, take your voice. Like, because I'm confused. Like, what's going on here? Like, as someone who does talk for a few hours every day on this part tired. I'm tired What do you do? What do you do? Do we know what Jasmine does? I have no idea what Jasmine does to be honest I think she just motors around and she'd seen those people on reality shows
Starting point is 00:50:58 Listen, here's my thing anything that requires you to get out of bed for a certain amount of time a day is tiring That's it. I don't care if I just went to the Home Goods and got a lunch. I'm still tired. I need a nap. Who are you to tell me when I can be tired? By the way, let's not discount the drive up to Santa Barbara. Even if he did nothing that day and just made that drive on the 101 from whatever cramped ass apartment he's in all the way up to the show. It's a long time. You know, with traffic, it's exhausting. from whatever cramped ass apartment he's in all the way up to the hour and show. It's a long time, you know, with traffic, it's exhausting. You've got to go by Agorah Hills.
Starting point is 00:51:31 You got to go down that slope, got to go back Camarillo. You look at that in and out. It's a lot to take in and a lot to deal with. So she's like, well, the problem here is that like, why can't you just say he's fucked up? She did say he was fucked up, okay. So then she's saying, you know, I'm triggered because of Halloween.
Starting point is 00:51:46 Okay, so that okay. So talk about that. And then she talks about how when you're in a gay relationship, it's much harder because people see two chicks at the bar and they're like, oh yeah, that's hot. It's like they look at it as their like porn experience and they're like, oh yeah, go touch the lesbians.
Starting point is 00:52:01 They want it, you know, which I think she's, you know, I can see that. And she's like, you know, go touch the lesbians, they want it, which I think she's, I can see that. And she's like, if it was Janet and you did this shit to Jason, oh man, that would have been a fight. Like, who knows, who knows? But like, why can't Danny get away with it? Right, because the reason it was brought up again
Starting point is 00:52:17 is because it's kind of like a platform. Yeah, but seriously, we were talking about this last night and I was thinking to myself, if it were exactly the same situation, Luke had to leave, like he had to go to work and I had to drive back and then he had to go to a winery and then decide to do some shopping and he was like super tired. If you guys were like, wait, where'd Luke go? I'd be like, he's tired.
Starting point is 00:52:36 He went to bed. Case closed. Mariposa court is adjourned. And Luke's like, since when does it matter if someone gets drunk in this group? Like what's the big deal? And they're like, yeah, everybody was drinking. So Jasmine's like, okay, okay. Well, look, look, look, look, look, I feel bad that Nia cried.
Starting point is 00:52:54 You know, she was basically on a platter of a slaughter, you know? And so that was sad. And I didn't want her to cry because like, you know, we're all better than that, you know, but it happened. So we'll talk, we'll talk maybe. So then they go swimming. And that. They had this like really funny moment
Starting point is 00:53:07 where Luke is like, look, this is a nice conversation. It's hot as balls out here. Let's go swimming. And then they changed it. They like, it cuts to them in their bathing suits and they like jump into the pool and this like 60s font comes up and goes, the valley. And it just goes to commercial.
Starting point is 00:53:20 It was such a bizarre little, like the post-productions board and wants to do something fun with their effects right now moment. And by the way, wacky, let's have a wacky little jaunt in between discussing alcoholism. By the way, let's talk about also Jill. Jill was really trying to have some really trying to steal the spotlight in the scene every time Jasmine was like having a moment to talk. And Jasmine has really been like absent for most of this season. She's finally having a storyline and she's finally getting to talk and the income's Jill just walking in trying to literally step in front of Jasmine and the camera and Jill, you have to settle down.
Starting point is 00:53:55 Okay. Just hang out by the side. You're not a main character on the show. I'm sorry to tell you. Yeah, Jill, calm down, Jill. You just relax, Jill. Okay, you got a new house. You got a yard now. What else do you want? They do all these things for you. You don't have to steal Jasmine's moment. So then we go to Luke and Danny going ring shopping
Starting point is 00:54:17 at Kyle Chan. Yeah. Where else would they go? We have Sheena. Yeah, nowhere. There's no other jeweler. We have Sheena first. Kyle Chan's like,
Starting point is 00:54:27 Hi everybody, welcome to the store. Hope everybody's being kind to Tom Sandoval today. Okay, let's take a look at the rings. Yeah, so Luke and Daniel looking at rings and everything. And they're just looking at rings. And Luke's like, We don't have enough men standing up for shitty, toxic toxic asshole dudes.
Starting point is 00:54:46 Let's bring in Kyle Chan, okay? Get some support. Yeah, so Kyle Chan pours him some drinks. Luke, Kristen told Luke, by no means should you pay more than $10,000 for this ring, but this one's $14,000. So he's gonna do it. He's gonna violate her wishes to get her a nicer ring. Yeah ring Yes, 14, but it's got the Kyle Chan discount attached. So that's true and Luke's Danny's like, well, that's a statement ring right there. That's what you're getting. You're getting a statement, bro
Starting point is 00:55:18 They kept doing it they kept entering into into evidence this Danny laugh It would be echoing over them even talking. He'd be like, this is a statement. Ha ha ha ha. And the laugh would keep going while he's saying his next line. So like, just keep the laugh. The audience loves the laugh.
Starting point is 00:55:35 Keep it. Well, they especially needed to enter the laugh into evidence considering later on in the episode and he like basically commands him to stop laughing and see how pained he is and not be able to do his signature laugh. He goes into an existential spiral. So here he's just like,
Starting point is 00:55:51 oh, it looks like a pretty nice little drinky board there, Kyle Chan. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. So the producer's like, so when did you realize Kristen was the one? Because you've been a little waffly on getting married and stuff. And he's like, well, we had to take a road trip with four dogs all the way to Montana,
Starting point is 00:56:11 and she did it. So I was like, wow, if a woman will get in a small car with four dogs and me and make it all the way to Montana, that's the chick I'm going to marry. And I was like, that's, you know, Luke is the most sensible person on this show because I think that's the best test of a marriage. Just drive with someone for a long way in extremely annoying circumstances and see if they're still down to stop at the Buc-ee's.
Starting point is 00:56:35 You know? Like, hey, we can just leave the air conditioner on for the dogs, let's go in there, they've got fudge. Chris is like, and I know he was the one when we went on that road trip and I made him listen to Rhiannon on repeat the entire way. So he picks out the ring and he's like, are you going to pay
Starting point is 00:56:58 for me? Dan's like, I was going to I'm just kidding, bro. I'm just kidding. Hey everyone, this is the end of part one of this recap. For part two, keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half. Watch what crappins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King.
Starting point is 00:57:25 It's always a party on Alison Block. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster. She can run my country. It's Angie McGovern. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clap.
Starting point is 00:57:40 Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela. Etchles! We never miss her call, it's Diane Call. Erin McNicholas, she don't miss no trick-a-lis. Hava Nagila Webber. You'll never hide from Heidi Eleanor Jones. I go, you go, we all go for Hugo.
Starting point is 00:57:57 Jamie, she has no less name-y. She's our kind of mess, it's Jennifer Messer. Sip some scotch with Jessica Trotch. She's our favorite streamer, Caroline Peacock. Kristen the Piston Anderson. Get a B in your bonnet with Lacey B. Rigging the funk, it's Leslie Plunkett. She gets an A from us, it's Lindsey D.
Starting point is 00:58:16 Let's give a kisserino to Lisa Lino. Fresh as a daisy, it's Maisie McHenry. We love her on the rocks, it's Melissa Cox. Megan Berg, you can't have a burger without the Berg. This is Livin' with Michelle Vivian. I love a ya, Olivia Williamson. Tastier than Flanderson, it's Rachel Manderson. She sure is swell, it's Raquel.
Starting point is 00:58:38 Yes we canna, it's Sedana. Cast a spell with Shannon Spellman. Let's share with Sharon Eldridge. the Bay area, Betches, Betches, and our super premium sponsors. She's VVIP. It's Amanda V. Can't lose when you're with Amy Baldwin. Somebody get us 10 CCs of Betsy MD. We're taking the gold with Brenda Silva. Let's get real with Caitlin O'Neill. Don't get salty with Christine Pepper.
Starting point is 00:59:05 Can't have a meal without the Emily sides. Let's go into the woods with Guy Tubbs. Who, what, why, where, and Gwen Pentland. It's our queen, it's Queen La'ifa. Nobody holds a candle to Jamie Kendall. Know your worth with Jason Curr. Hail the cork master, the master of the cork, Jennifer Corcoran. We got our wish, it's Jen Plish.
Starting point is 00:59:26 She's not harsh, she's Jill Hirsch. She's a little bit loony. Junie. My favorite Murdo. Karen McMurdo. She gets an A, it's Kelly B. We love him madly, it's Kyle Podshadly. We're ride or die for Lisa Ryder-Baron.
Starting point is 00:59:40 She's a whiz, it's Liz Sarthi. Always killing it, it's Lola Alcolani. The incredible, edible Matthews Sisters. She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose. We're on the floor with Molly Dorsett. There's a chance of meatballs, it's Rebecca Cloud. She's the queen bee, it's Sarah Lemke. Shinin' out of a cannon, Anthony.
Starting point is 01:00:00 Let's take off with Tamla Plain. It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo. She ain't no shrinkin' Violet Coutar. We love you guys. If you like Watch What Crappens, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.

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