Watch What Crappens - #2866 The Valley S2E07 Part Two The Ring Didn’t Mean a Thing w Guest Lara Schoenhals

Episode Date: May 29, 2025

This is part two of a two-part recapBen is out for the week, so Ronnie invites the hysterical and on point Lara Schoenhals (@larzmari) for SUP (sexyuniquepod) to talk all things The Valley. This week, Mariposa enacts her revenge plan on Jason and Janet and Lala shows up to tell Jesse what a piece of crap he is. For those of you into violins, they play again this week for poor, poor Jax who sends in a video message telling us how much he loves his son before he wrecks his and his mothers finances. You can watch this recap on video, listen to our 3 part Road Trip bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens.  Tickets for our North American tour on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to watcha crappin's ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Every big moment starts with a big dream. But what happens when that big dream turns out to be a big flop? From Wondry and Atwill Media, I'm Misha Brown, and this is the Big Flop. Every week, comedians join me to chronicle the biggest flubs, fails, and blunders of all time, like Quibi. It's kind of like when you give yourself your own nickname and you try to, like, get other people to do it.

And the 2019 movie adaptation of Cats. Like, if I'm watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie. Find out what happens when massive hype turns watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie. Find out what happens when massive hype turns into major fiasco. Enjoy The Big Flop on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to The Big Flop early and ad-free on Wondery Plus. Get started with your free trial at Wondery.com slash plus. Well hello and welcome to Watch What Car-oppens! This is part two of a two part recap.

If you're like, hey wait a minute, I didn't hear part one. Guys, it's because we put out a lot of recaps. Go back and listen to part one, okay? It's before this one. Bye, enjoy the show. And now we get Jax's, the violin, the Jax violin section comes in for poor Jax. Poor, poor Jax. We get sad music. Jax is doing his like video vlog from early 2000s YouTube, where he gets a full monologue.

It's incredible. The work that he's doing in these rehab diaries. It's beautiful. It's a special day today because I get to see my son and I'm going to cry. I'm going to cry. I'm going to cry. And then he starts doing that thing where he's pushing his eyes in. He rubs his eyes. Yeah, trying to rub the dye from his eyebrows into his eyes, like getting some of the eyeliner in there, like,

oh, oh, my son. Guys, I don't care about my son so much. Because I want to apologize to Britney. No, I don't want to apologize, because apologies don't mean anything without actions, so back them up. So I just really am excited and just ready to be a dad again. I was like, you're so full of shit. It's beautiful.

You're literally, you literally haven't paid your child's mortgage in three months. Sorry. He's like, my kid's about to be on the street and I'm going to love him. Could be homeless. Yeah. Yeah. Pig. So basically I like these because I just get to yell at the TV for a solid five minutes. The thing that makes me the craziest about this season are these jacks violin. It's like...

Guys, I didn't realize. Like, I just love my son so much. I love my son. You kicked your son out of your house. You made your son go live in an Airbnb while you stayed in the big house and didn't even pay the mortgage to it. You are the biggest out of your house. You made your son go live in an Airbnb while you stayed in the big house and didn't even pay the mortgage to it.

You were the biggest piece of shit. I cannot believe you're getting away with this. And after Bravo is doing all of their firing left and right, it's like, let's kick Kenya off halfway through the season for doing her thing. And let's do, let's get everybody, but let's give Jax a violin section. Are you fucking kidding me?

Yeah, it's very strange. Like, I'm like, who... The people like masterminding the way that the men on the show and on Vanderpump Rules are portrayed have it so backwards, because like, as a viewer, all I want to see is Jax be humiliated over and over again. So like, I think I would assume as a producer, you understand that that is what the customer is tuning in for. So you need to just make that happen.

But then it kind of doesn't come to fruition or you don't get like the excitement of that happening. It was kind of the same with like the Tom Sand of all final season of Vanderpump Rules where it was like, we're not getting like now's the time that I really want to see just like sand of all being embarrassing. And we just kind of didn't get that and then got like more sympathy towards him. And they just need it, utter humiliation rituals in place. I agree. And I think they're coming from the place,

um, both shows were coming from the place of like, well, we can't, if we lose this star of the show, we're gonna lose the show, right? So in that case, it was like Sandoval, you know, if we're gonna keep the show going, like remember Lisa Vanderpump was like, please have a conversation with Sandoval. She was trying Sandoval, you know, if we're gonna keep the show going. Like, remember Lisa Vanderpump was like, please have a conversation with Sandoval. She was trying to send everybody, like,

please, we've been friends for so long, and you can't just let it go. Because she was afraid that the show was gonna end, but I think the show ended anyway, because who wants to... You can't... No one wants that. It's also like... Yeah, you... If they have too much power and say, it's like, for someone like Jax, it's like,

you're lucky to get the opportunity to do this show. So, like, you're not gonna get much editorial say in how you're portrayed. You either want to do the show and you need money, or you decide not to do it. Like, the show can go on without him. I just don't understand, like, it's also very clear that he's lying about everything.

Yeah. So, like, can we just, I think it would be, and it's funnier to catch him in a lie over and over and over than to try and, like, drum up any sympathy for him. Agreed. I want to see him going to the house uncovering the cameras. I want to see him, like, on his phone looking at the Ring Cam. I want to see him, I wanna see him going to the house, uncovering the cameras. I wanna see him on his phone looking at the Ring Cam.

I wanna see him, I know they can't shoot in rehab, but it's LA, I'm sure people would sign releases. I wanna see him in rehab in the round circle, like, hello, my name is, you know, Jax or whatever, and then watch people call him on his shit, because they will do that to your ass, I'll tell you that in a minute. Celebrity rehab, I'm like, let's like fire celebrity rehab back up and get like a whole group of people in the house.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Just get a whole group of Bravo people. They could just redo it on Bravo. So now we get to go over to something troubling, but you know, more acceptable, which is Brittany having a kids party for adults. And her mom is there, Sherry. And Sherry is there in her like, T-Mu Lisa Rinna leopard print, muumuu, whatever the fuck she's wearing. How do you feel about Sherry? I was doing a bit of pebbles. Oh, I was, it was good to see her again. I like what she's doing with her hair now. Yeah. I like, we were saying on stuff that she's kind of has this like indie sleaze look going on and I was excited for her new ventures into different sort of fashions and, you know,

it's always a good day when Sheri graces the screen. Like, she's just heard of Bam Bam's, Bam Bam and Pebbles Band. And she's like out to support, you know? So, um... She's kind of like a Karen O, yeah, yeah, yeah's haircut a bit. Yeah. And she's really leaned into the triangular, sideways triangle eyebrows that Brittany... Brittany's kind of made hers into more of an arch,

but then when she gets mad, they go into like straight triangles. And Sherry just has her permanent triangles in there. So I like that about Sherry. She looks kind of like one of the angry mushrooms from the Mario games, you know? Just like... Yeah. So, it's been a nice and having mama yeah. So it's been amazing to have mama here. So mama stay in for a month to watch cruise. And we're

gonna have a shark party at the rental house. So Janet's mom is also going to be there watching the kids and she's gonna party because she's gonna party. So now people start coming in for the party. Kristen's there. And they're talking about let's see what are they talking about? Oh, so Brittany tells her the news. She's like today, I thought it would be nice to let Jackson cruise. And my nanny dropped to cruise off. So they had 30 minutes without me being there. And then Jackson wanted me to come so we could talk to the therapist. It did not go well at all. It did not go well.

Dun, dun, dun. The cameras. Jax took Brittany to the park and told her the great news, which is that he signed a lease to live next door to Tom Schwartz. Oh, my God. In like a condo. Oh, my God. Meanwhile, a condo. Oh my god. Meanwhile, she also found out this is where Jax has uncovered the cameras in her house

and has been spying on her and she didn't know because they were covered with cards so she couldn't catch him bringing hulas into the house. And she's like, yeah, and whenever he left the house, he took the covers off the camera. So basically, he was yelling at her about all this stuff. He's like, I can see you. I can see you. I can see what you're wearing right now. You're wearing a red shirt.

And she didn't know. Of course, it took Brittany a minute to figure out. I love her being like, how did he know that? Oh my god. And then, like, literally, he's, I also love him being at rehab, like working on himself and feeling like a real weight is lifted as soon as he gets done saying that,

he's like terrorizing Brittany on text being like, yeah, I see you bitch wearing a red shirt, nice shirt. Oh, that's fucking creepy. It's crazy. He's such a fucking creep. So then yeah, she talks about how he is gonna move into Tom Schwartz and she's supposed to she just signed he signed a lease without telling her and she's already paid for this rental house. So now

they've got this house just sitting there. So she's like, I just think he wants to relive those pre-Britain dyes. Well, those weren't very good either. He had status, you know, he was fucking over Stasi at that point and getting dragged, you know, for that. So, I don't know that Jax has ever really had a good period. No, he never had like a period of like true peace and happiness. I don't think, because then before Vanderpump Rules,

wasn't that his Miami days? And we all know what was happening there. I don't know that that was a very peaceful time in his life. So, I don't know if I was jacked. Like, when would I want to go back? Maybe he was enjoying his time period where he dated that woman who was from San Diego. And it was like, they went to the Moment Hotel together for a drink. Yeah.

And then she ended up dumping him. But maybe that's like the glory days he's trying to relive like right before he met Brittany. Yeah, I guess. Um, but I don't think it's gonna work. I think it's gonna be very sad. I also like that he told Brittany, like, I want to start over fresh with you,

and I want to, like, feel like we're just dating again. So I got a house next to Tom Short. She's like, oh, man. Yeah, she's like, I just wish he didn't have a phone. If he did, somebody should shove it up his butthole, so he had to get it. And so then- I wish he was in jail.

What's that? I wish he was in jail. Yeah, I wish he was in jail. Well, you'll probably get your wish soon. I think we all see that one coming. So now is the Jasmine, Melissa and Danny apology scene. So he gets water, which is smart. This part, Jasmine points it out.

She's like, love to see it. So Jasmine explains, because, you know, he starts, he is good at an apology too. He's like, well, you know, I heard you were upset, still with me, and I, you know, I apologize, but I'd just like to apologize again. I thought it was very smart to just come into this with his hands in the air, you know?

Being like, you're right, I'm wrong, whatever I need to do. And so she explains that what triggered her about it is that people don't take her seriously because she's in a gay relationship. And so guys are like, oh, I see, you know, basically like guys are like, oh, it's like porn. I love girl on girl. And so they sexualize you and stuff.

And so he apologizes because he didn't mean to do that. And it seems like we get a forgiveness here because he just apologizes over and over. I think he said they're gonna move past it. Yeah. But hopefully not for long. I hope it comes back around. It doesn't look like from the trailer that they get over it, because then they go into full on yelling at each other about it.

So love to see it. Great. Yeah. Excited. So then Kristen meets with Kristen and Luke meet with Jesse to gossip and she's fired up over this attacking Nia and Danny thing. And she doesn't like that Jason went to the Shake Shack or whatever, to... heavy-handed rather, to do Janet's dirty work. And so her big news is,

oh yeah, you fuck with him, I'm gonna fuck with you. Maybe Jason shouldn't be speaking. Maybe you should keep your wedding ring on. Don, don, don. So big accusation that Jason is going out on the town without his wedding ring. What say you? Do you believe it? This didn't... I love to see Doty just, like, launch a grenade, but to me, I was like, in my head, I was like, there's no way that Jason is really, like,

trying to be a smooth operator out on the town. I don't think so either. I didn't really buy it. And I was a little disappointed in Kristen only because of the quality of the accusation. Like, I feel like Kristen, the old Kristen, would have found a way to get his laptop and go through his browser history. You know what I mean? You can always find something

to use against a dude with his browser history. I mean, something, like his kinky porn, whatever he's into. Like, I just felt like there was more there. There's more that she could have found. I think that we are witnessing Dodie in like a new era, because usually when she does like drop the bomb, it is significant and she knows that she's like blowing something up, blowing the lid off like a situation.

But you know, she's focused, her focus is in many different places. You know, she's just trying to get pregnant all the time, around the clock, getting pounded out by Luke. And she's not as dialed in as she usually is. BOWEN LAUGHS BOWEN Yeah, I need more. I mean, I get you're gonna have to multitask.

I'm not gonna take the like, I'm trying to get pregnant. Like, that doesn't take all day. Like, I literally need you to break into his house. Because this is a lot. I mean, you're the woman Like that doesn't take all day. Like I literally need you to break into his house because this is a lot. I mean, you're the woman who brought us the girl from Miami, literally put the girl on a plane on a waiter salary. You know what I mean? Brought the girl in from Miami.

Come on, Chris did. I'll do whatever it takes, yeah. Yeah, you're better than this. So now that Jesse is like, whatever, I don't believe this. Like he's like, I don't give a shit. I go like, who cares? And Chris is like, oh yeah, you can fuck with me. But if you fuck with my family or my friends or Daniel,

you're gonna get it. So we'll see how that works out at Brit's Chalk Party. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. Every big moment starts with a big dream. But what happens when that big dream turns out to be a big flop? From Wondery and Atwill Media,

I'm Misha Brown and this is the big flop. Every week, comedians join me to chronicle the biggest flubs, fails, and blunders of all time, like Quibi. It's kind of like when you give yourself your own nickname and you try to get other people to do it. And the 2019 movie adaptation of Cats. Like, if I'm watching the dancing

and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie. Find out what happens when massive hype turns into major fiasco. Enjoy The Big Flop on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to The Big Flop early and ad free on Wondery Plus. Get started with your free trial at Wondery.com slash plus. At 24, I lost my narrative or rather it was stolen from me.

And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen. And ultimately, you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph. My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up.

They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Every successful business starts with an idea and on the best idea yet, we're obsessed with those light bulb moments. Like how a bored barista invented the Frappuccino during his downtime, and then it got acquired

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New episodes drop every Tuesday. Follow The Best Idea Yet on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus. And if this podcast lasts longer than 45 minutes, call your doctor. Ha ha ha ha.

I like the idea of a shark party, my shark party. And Sherri's like, well, Brittany, you've always left Shark Week ever since you were just a little girl. Ever since and yeah, I said I would change the world in the carnival by having more Shark Weeks. So she's a big Shark Week fan. And so here we go. Here we go with the theme. So people come to Zach Scott, Brittany's face all over his swim trunks, which I feel like

is not a new thing. Like he's had those for a long time. He's had them for a while. Yeah. And it finally worked. He's on TV. So good for him. And then Lala's there. Pregnant Lala's here, as you guys ask. Lala's back in town. pregnant Lala's here, as you'd ask. Lala's back in town. What do you think about Lala and Sheena being on the ballet?

Before this season, I said absolutely not. This show is perfect. Don't bring anybody else on here. Especially those two. And I like Sheena for the most part. Lala made me a little crazy in her last couple of years. The post... The Rand and later years made me crazy with LaLa because I felt like she turned against the people

who actually helped her stay on the show and like went to the dark side to keep friends, and I didn't like that. So, can I forgive? Sure. But I don't know that I need them. It feels too forced. Even though it's not, they're all friends, right? What do you think? I'll show that.

I think, I mean, it does seem like Sheena is friends with everyone, like organically, like hangs out with people. I don't know how close Lala is to all those people. You know what I mean? I believe that she's, I kind of believe how close Lala is to all those people. You know what I mean? I believe that she's, I kind of believe that she's close with Sheena, but I also don't know. I agree that the later Rand years

made me question her relationships and her motivations, because I do think she was also trying to get out of having to say anything like like, personal or share, like, anything that was going on with her. And so it became, like, a lot of accusations or pointing the finger at other people. Yeah. Um...

But I do miss Sheena a lot, and I want Sheena back. I'm honestly okay with Sheena. I think it's because it's a package deal that I'm even questioning it, because Sheena, I'm fine anywhere. I'm fine with with Sheena. I think it's because it's a package deal that I'm even questioning it, because Sheena, I'm fine with anywhere. I'm fine with Sheena anywhere. Like, Sheena's such a dope. I think she's so funny. She kills me.

And I just want her back in the... I feel like Sheena's gone through a reckoning of sorts, and she seems almost like a little uncomfortable on this show, but I want her to be, like, in her comfort zone, on camera again, on Bravo, just, like, living her best life. Yeah, it's like on this one, she knows she's a friend of, and so she's not doing as much, or they're cutting it. I mean, I can't see why they would cut it

if they bothered to bring her back on. But yeah, she and I'm okay with Lala, I'm not sure. But she's here, so we'll see how it goes. So they're talking about Santa Barbara, if they bothered to bring her back on. But yeah, she and I'm okay with Lala. I'm not sure. But she's here. So we'll see how it goes. So they're talking about Santa Barbara. And Lala's like, Yeah, Janet told me about Santa Barbara. How was that? He called me a whore, a whore. And so Lala's like, I'm gonna get him. Basically. And she's like, okay, well, why does he look the way his personality is? And then we see Jesse walk in wearing like a braided leather necklace. And she's like, he walks like such a dex, right? Like even looks like a dex. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Jesse's mirrored sunglasses. I just really wish that those weren't a thing.

BOWEN LAUGHS They're the best sunglasses in LA because it's the only way to get people to look you in the eye at a party. BOWEN LAUGHS BOWEN LAUGHS True. I stand behind them. So, um, then we go to Jasmine.

Basically, everyone's kind of gossiping about the storylines. Like, okay, how'd it go with Danny? And Jasmine said, it's okay, you know, and, um, Jessie is like, well, you know, me and Michelle trigger each other. And I know that wasn't great, but, um, I was triggered. I was triggered by her. And I'm like, yeah, he's full of shit. So that guy's still learned nothing.

And then, um, we go to Danny and Jason. So Jason has come to this party feeling like shit basically, because he went really hard at Danny. And now he feels bad. So he's going to apologize. And he gives like a pretty heartfelt apology. There seemed to be tears in his eyes at one point. And I was like, I didn't realize that they were that close, but I guess they are really close. And now they've patched up the issue and Danny's like, thanks bro, means a lot, man. Yeah, wish boys chat for life, boys chat.

Okay, so fun times. So then Jesse sees Lala and he's like, oh, hey Lala, God, so good to see you. Hugs, hugs fun times. So then Jesse sees Lala, and he's like, oh, hey, Lala, God, so good to see you. Hugs, hugs, hugs. And he's like, oh, you're pregnant. I've always wanted more kids. He goes, well, if it's any indication of how you treat your baby mamas... I don't think you should have them. He's like, dun, dun, dun. He's like, well, you know, it's hard on both sides.

She's like, yeah, but I lean towards the chick, unless it's Ariana, especially when the man and the father of the child is calling her a whore and a slut. So, Lala's got a point here. I really don't have anything to argue. Even people I don't love can be aimed at properly. Yeah. Yeah. And I just think that Jesse keeps calling it, like, a moment of weakness.

It's like, just say, like, you said something really out of pocket and inappropriate. It's like just say like you said something really out of pocket and inappropriate. It's okay to just be like, yeah, it was a dick. Like I really shouldn't have said that. Yeah, but being a moment of weakness is bullshit because it's not just a moment of weakness. Like if you're okay with calling a woman a whore, then you're okay with like you're you've been okay with that. Like that didn't just happen that day, you know? It's a life of weakness. It's weakness. It's a dead-eyed weakness, Jessie.

And he's like, even the strongest man or woman, regardless of the growth that they're trying to find by screaming into pillows with fucking proud boys in their backyard... (*BOTH LAUGHING*)...can have moments of weakness, okay? And she's like, you know what? Your little girl is going to be impressionable and she's my main focus. And he says, well, he's telling us, calling Michelle a lying, cheating whore is a moment of weakness, but the truth is she's a liar and a cheater. So she doesn't deserve to be called a whore.

But the other stuff I stand by. God, let it go. truth is, she's a liar and a cheater. So she doesn't deserve to be called a whore. But the other stuff I stand by. God, let it go. Get over it. It's over. Also, it's over and you didn't catch her. You know what I mean? Like, there's a statute of limitations, sir. She left you before you caught her. So I say irrelevant. It is irrelevant. It's just suspected. Also, it's like, who cares? You're divorced now. She doesn't love you.

She doesn't want to be in this relationship with you. Get over it. Yeah, you lost this one, buddy. So she tells him off, and then he's like, well, thanks for the good laugh that gave me. Ha! So he lost that one, as usual. So at least we got to see Jesse lose one this episode. I just need the pinata jacks back.

And then we go to people dressed like sharks, and then we get the Jesse tattletaling. So Jesse tattletales to Jason that Kristen's about to start some shit, but he doesn't tell him what. So Jason's like, Oh my God, what did I do? I'm trying to rack my brain to think what I did. I don't think I did anything. Oh my God, did I forget to put the casserole in the oven? Oh God, what did I do?

We find out that allegedly what he did was take his ring off two years ago. And Jasmine just, not Jasmine, Janet just laughs. She's like, oh, God, that's it. And he's like, okay, so it's not an allegation that I'm cheating, it's that I'm trying to cheat and I'm just really bad at it. Like, what are you saying? And so Janet's like, Kristen, really?

You really think this is gonna happen? She's like, well, I heard her from Jasmine. So they call Jasmine over and Jason's like, what the fuck? I literally just got into an argument trying to defend this girl and now this girl's gonna try and ruin my life. And Jasmine's like, well, I mean, like, would I bring it up? Nope, I wouldn't bring it up, but you know,

like I did hear it, but like I didn't bring it up. So, like, I don't know why it was brought up. Kristen's like, because you came after Daniel. That's why you came after my mother, Nia, and Daniel. How dare you. How dare you talk to Daniel and Nia like that. Yeah. You had to go mama bear. Yeah. And Janice, like, do you honestly think I don't have private investigators following

this motherfucker everywhere he goes? I can see into his soul. I have a chip in his brain. I can smell what he's smelling, Kristen. This man is not doing anything that I don't know about. Okay. She's like, I power him down at night. And I turn him on in the morning. If he's not wearing his ring, it's because I forgot to put it on his finger. you guys are talking about it when not once did anybody come to me or Jason. You know, I hate people talking behind people's backs. Okay, Jason. So Kristen's like, I'm not, I wasn't friends with you, so I didn't. So sorry, sorry.

And this is when Janet's like, yeah, she may think she's Detective Doughty, but I'm 10 steps ahead of her. Always. There's never going to be a situation where she's telling me new information about my husband. I know where he is at all times. And if he's going on vacation, I put an air tag on him. For safety.

That's... This is like challenge accepted. Now I'm gonna ruin your life. Mm-hmm. You know, I don't love Janet, but I do feel like she's in a real marriage. Yeah. You know, they seem aligned.

Yeah, they seem aligned. Yeah, for sure. So that's why they're kind of annoying because they are really boring and in a seemingly healthy relationship. Yeah, you know, and I think it's good when you're like, in a partnership and you're like, you know what, fuck these people. Fuck this guy for making me uncomfortable in a closet by drinking a tequila.

I mean, as a gay friend, I could be like, that's stupid, you were all drunk at a thing. Stop saying uncomfortable like you were assaulted by some guy when he drank tequila in front of you. Like, stop. But as a husband, you have to be like, I'm gonna go to heavy-handed with him. And we're going to have a talk. So I think that's a good relationship. Yeah. What happens next? Okay, so Brittany's like, dang, dang, dang. She's got like a Campbell

soup turned upside down. All right, everybody gather over here. Okay. I met with Jackson in the park and he started saying he wants us to start fresh and start dating like the beginning. He even stole a pair of sunglasses. But then he tells me that he rented a condo next to Tommy Schwartz. Can you believe it?

And so then everyone's like, no, how dare you. And now he's gonna try and stick me with that $14,000 a month mortgage. I already got a place and everything's gonna be on my back. So she cries and they're like, get a lawyer, girl. That's where Sheena does come in clutch. She goes, Brett, it's time to get a lawyer. I've been telling you, get a lawyer. It's about time you did something about this.

We're doing something. So then we go to this scene at Jack's bar. Which was kind of a weird place to have a scene, no? A really grim setting. Brittany walks in, she gets kind of dead here, huh? It's dead. There's nobody in there but them. And they're putting, like, napkins over his face. Jasmine's, you know, putting napkins over his face

in the restaurant and stuff. So Schwartz comes over and he's like, hey guys, everything going okay? Jax is doing better, right? I'm like, he's been texting me that he's a changed man and he's moving in next door. We're just good little boys. Brittany's like, he's been texting me that he's a changed man and he's moving in next door. We're just good little boys. Brittany's like, oh really?

Well, I found out he hadn't paid the mortgage since May. And then we see that it's August 15th or something. But really he wasn't paying the mortgage since February. Whoa, really? I know, yeah. They say on the after show, they get into mortgage details and it was like the second that Brittany moved out, he stopped paying the mortgage. Oh my God.

And didn't he say something like, well, you know, it's like mental health. It's just mental health. He was like, I was depressed. I said, yeah, I did. I didn't pay. I said, fuck it. Cause you know, I was really going through it. I was having a hard time.

Yeah, fucking jack. And then it comes all around to like, it's like he didn't pay the mortgage, he didn't pay taxes. He really fucked everything up. And then he's like, and I got it. I got things back on track. But what really, really set me off the most was that she hooked

up with my friend. Oh, for fuck's sake. He brings it all the way back around to that. There's no learning. Oh, what a pig. What a pig. Oh my God. He's a true pig.

Especially because that fight that they were having that day he was going to rehab, he's like, I pay for everything. I pay for every single thing. It's like, no, you don't. I'll pay for the, I'll pay the, you know, the down payment. And then I also pay the property taxes on this place and all the bills. And he's like, yeah, but I pay the mortgage and I pay everything and he hadn't been paying for all that. He's a piece of shit. I know. Did they sell the house? Do you know what they ended up doing with the house?

I know. Did they sell the house? Do you know what they ended up doing with the house? I think she's still in the house, but she said their mortgage went from $8,000 a month to $18,000 because of his unpaid bills and taxes. Oh my God. I know. What a mess. It's true.

It's awful. Oh, just disgusting, man. So, we see the upcoming season preview, and it looks pretty good. Um, Jax is back. Jax is back, which sucks, but they've, it'll be more entertaining. And also, they brought that, um, the honey guy on, which I think is good.

So, Jesse will be fucking with him. Yeah, we definitely need more from him. Mm-hmm. And Jesse and Michelle are gonna keep fighting over whether or not she cheated. The honey guy's gonna have crazy eyes. And I hope we do see Jack's, like, bottom out and go back to the second rehab. I hope it, like, at least follows that a little bit. So was the first rehab the one he didn't stay the whole time, or did he stay the whole time for the first time and then leave the second time?

I think both he didn't stay the whole time. But he might have stayed longer at the second one. Yeah. So I remember when he stayed out like 10 days or something. And then I think he completed one and didn't, I don't know, it's like keeping up with Jax's lies. Hard to keep up with him, yeah. Cause his PR person's very good too. Lori, or whatever her name is.

What are they saying? They're just good cause all the articles that come out about Jax are like, oh, poor Jax. You know, Jax finally realized he had a mental health issue and now he's taking care of it. And he's loved his son, he lives for his son, and na-na-na-na-na. I don't know that they're so smart putting him on this, like, podcast and podcast tour, or whatever the hell that is.

But... Who believes this? Like, true, like, what percentage of viewers and, like, fans of the franchise do you think actually believe that he's, like, a changed man and he's sober and, like, a great father? I just read so many comments online that are, like, you know, poor Jax. Look what Brittany did to him.

She's such a user. You know, she went all the way to Vegas to meet him and just get on this show, which maybe that did happen. I don't know. But, and then she used him and she got what he wanted, she wanted, and then right when she got what she wanted, she dumped him and tried to make him look like a villain and na-na-na-na-na. I mean, they come for Brittany pretty hard.

Now, those aren't our comments, but like if I'm reading, you know, Reddit or... Like regular, yeah. Yeah, and not all of Reddit,, you know, Reddit or like regular, yeah, yeah. And not all of Reddit, most of Reddit, most of the subs I subscribe to don't believe that shit, but you'll go into some random subs or you know where it's really bad and I feel like it's always really bad. Facebook, Instagram, oh, yo, Facebook, yeah, Facebook. I know, man, still commenting on there are so scary.

I mean, really, really, people still commenting on there are so scary. I mean, really talking about the opposite takes... on every show. I just don't see how you could even watch this and be fooled for a second of what is truly going on with Jax. I don't either. That guy is... that guy's a disgusting human being.

But I'm excited for the rest of the season. Disgusting! It has been so much fun talking to you. Thank you so much for being here, Lars. Oh, my God, my pleasure. I love ya. Um... Let's get out of here, eh?

Everybody, thanks so much for being here. Go check out Sexy Unique Podcast and follow Lars at LarsMarie on Instagram. That's L-A-R-Z-Marie. And check out their Patreon because, and just like that, recaps are coming starting this week. Also get your tickets for Seattle June 12th and the 19th in Los Angeles for Watch What Crappens.

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