Watch What Crappens - #287: Violating Bow Code

Episode Date: April 27, 2016

Fair warning: bow at this episode. See how THAT goes. If you take a bow at this episode, we'll bow right back! BOW AT US! BOW AT US! And while you're at it, BOW AT THESE TIME CODES: 00:00:00 - Intro 00:03:29 - Crappens Mailbag! Prepare for Patti LuPone impersonations 00:25:26 - Real Housewives of Dallas! 01:21:42 - Shahs of Sunset Subscribe at https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Support us at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Follow us at facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Visit us at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Join the over 30 million people who are already dreaming big with Weebly. Get started today for free at weebly.com slash watch. That's weebly.com slash watch. W-E-E-B-L-Y dot com slash watch. Today's episode is brought to you by our premium subscriber, Watch what happens when there's so much that happens as usual is Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV. Hi, Ronnie. What's going on?

Well, hello, Ben. Not a whole hell of a lot sitting here in front of my Bravo notes. Oh, I forgot to shower you with adjectives. So I would like to add that you are the lovely and handsome and powerful Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV dot com. Thank you, young lady, because how you act around other people reflects on me. This is very true. So everyone,

please go to WatchWhatCrapHands.com to find our social media links, such as where you can find both Ronnie and me on Twitter and Instagram, etc. If you go to Facebook.com forward slash watch for crappins, you can join in on the convo. There is so much funny stuff on that page. People are posting all sorts of hilarious things.

Someone posted a thing about a flamingo, you know, drowning. So that was like a funny reference to Patricia on Southern charm. So go to facebook.com forward slash watch for crappins to get involved and of course if you are feeling kind-hearted like a good member of charitable dallas uh you will go to patreon.com forward slash watch for crappins where you can learn about how you can uh sign up and support us uh for as little as one dollar per month so um you can uh when you do support us,

you get access to our bonus episode, which we just recorded. We talked at length about flying and flying and no-ho and lemonade and all sorts of Bravo gossip, what Kathy Wikilea is up to lately, Michael and Kelly. Business ventures for Ampeaker.

Yeah, we really got into it, so it was really fun. And then this Thursday, we have a Google Hangout for our Patreon subscribers at that tier where we basically all get onto a Google Hangout together and chat and joke and talk about Bravo and talk about other things. So that's super fun. And of course, that's also how you can submit questions

to the Krappens mailbag, which we'll get into very shortly. We might just get into it right now. I mean, right? Would that be crazy? Should we just get right into the Krappens mailbag? Well, we can't just yet. We can't just yet because I don't have it queued up. Oh, here it is.

Lemonade. Lemonade. Lemonade. Lemonade. Lemonade. Lemonade. Lemonade. Lemonade.

I'm in the process of opening up The Krappens mailbag It's loading up on my My little laptop right here Lemonade Right on my face I'm trying to think of what Beyonce lyrics are To her new lyrics

That was actually the way the album was supposed to open up Lemonade on my face Right on my faceade on my face. Right on my face. Right on my face. Right on my face. I hope that all of these rumors are true and she's going to dump stupid Jay-Z because if I have to hear one more song about Beyonce writing Jay-Z's face, I'm out of here. I'm out of here, Beyonce. Well, yeah, that's a lot.

That's a lot. And as I mentioned in the bonus episode, I still think that it's Casey from Princesses Long Island who's Becky with the good hair. Putting it out there. Putting it out there. Okay. Does anybody on Princesses Long Island have good hair? Casey probably had the best of them. Maybe her hair was funny looking.

Don't tell her that. How could you? I'm the sexiest funny looking. Don't tell her that. How could you? I'm the sexiest, funny looking girl out there. So we start with Jamie. Jamie has a question. Actually, she has more of a statement. More like a demand. Jamie says,

I would like to hear Patti LuPone singing at more celebrity funerals. Well, we can arrange that. Okay, who else has died? A lot of people have been dead, right? David Bowie died. Rebel, rebel. Oh, David Bowie with your crystal ball. I've never been able to use a crystal ball like that.

Did you see it coming, David? Ground control to Major Tom. Ground control to Major Tom Na na na na na na na na na na na universe Ground control to Major Tom Tell my wife and children I love them very so This is ground control to Major Tom It's mythology in China

It's for China. Modern love. And we're to the church and I'm out of love. She's a girl who thought she would fly around the world and end up in China. Now she's gone. China.

Gone. It's a little China girl. Little China girl. Little China girl. He also passed away. I feel like a lot of people have passed away. A lot of people have. What about Michael Jackson? Michael Jackson?

He didn't just pass away. It didn't have to be recent. It doesn't have to be recent. Jamie just said more celebrity funerals. I was so happy and proud to have met Michael Jackson when he first opened Neverland. I thought it was the musical. I showed up and

Michael, I'd like to dedicate this to you in your grave. Bean it! Bean it! That's all I know from Bean It. What about, you're a vegetable. You're a vegetable. Mama say, mama say, I'm a saw, I'm a saw.

I'm a vegetable. And by the way, I just want to remind everyone that my Patti LuPone impersonation is purely based off of Ronnie's. Like, this is not my impersonation of Patti LuPone. This is my impersonation of Ronnie impersonating Patti LuPone. You're a vegetable.

You're a vegetable. I'm trying to think of Michael Jackson. I'm looking at the man in the mirror. I'm looking. It doesn't matter if you're black or white. You remember the time when we fell in love.

You remember the time we first met. Because he's a thriller. Billie Jean is not my lover. Billie Jean is just a girl at our heart. But the child is not my own. Billie Jean is not my own. Billie Jean is not my lover. Billie Jean is not my lover.

She is just like a... She enunciates her non-enunciating. Oh, Patti LuPone. Oh, my goodness. I wish I could think of someone else who died. Another good singer who died just to... Just to do more Patti LuPone. Oh my goodness. I wish I could think of someone else who died. Another good singer who died just to do more Patti LuPone songs. I hope Patti LuPone doesn't die before anybody else because she needs to be singing at everybody's funeral. Everyone's.

Everyone's. Tim Henson. He died a long time ago, but it's still with me. Why are there so many songs about rainbows? It's time to start the fire. It's time to start the show.

It's the Muppets show tonight. It's the show from the Muppets, right? Oh my god, why am I blanking on everyone who died? I'm only thinking of actors. I'm not thinking of any famous singers. Such a shame. Some of my friends are like, isn't that crazy how many people have died at one time? I mean, there was Prince, and there was that lady from Everybody Loves Raymond, and then there was like Michael Badundu I'm like who are you talking about you can't just

start inserting randos into the Celebrity 3 okay fucking internet they're like that guy has a YouTube channel who cares I don't sing at YouTube channel that's okay what about Nirvana what about Kurt Cobain

I'm just trying to think about What about Nirvana? What about Kurt Cobain? I'm just trying to think about good songs. And the last one is contagious. And the last one is contagious. I don't even know the lyrics to that song. I feel like Kurt Cobain died in such a weird way and a woman was kind of at fault that she wouldn't even go there. She'd just use other Evita songs.

She'd be like, Oh, Kurt, another suitcase in another hall. Am I right, Kurt? What else can I say? Everyone is gay. She could do, what's his Space Room Stone Temple Pilots. And I feel the world's a friend. Actually, the thing is

that if I start doing Patti LuPone doing Stone Temple Pilots, I'll just turn into Scott Sapp. And I feel the world's a friend with another one. If she did anything

about Pilots, she'd be like, Let's go fly a kite, huh? Over the chimney, right? Just be flying. I don't think she knows who Stone Temple pilots are. Yeah, no, she wouldn't. She wouldn't.

Okay, so Catherine asks, she basically says, Flamingo party, janky or nah? So I haven't seen Southern Charm yet, so I can't. In general, I would think a Flamingo Party would be janky, but I'm going to reserve my opinion until I see the episode. Flamingos at the end of the day are all these dirty

fucking creatures. They all look like they're wearing dirty clothes. Have you ever seen a clean-looking flamingo? They've always got dust on them. They look gross. They stand in poopy water, and they all stand around there with one leg lifted. Are you talking about flamingos the bird or flamingo the casino? Because I would agree

about the casino. It is sort of dusty and poopy looking. Why do you think it's named after that disgusting bird? Yeah, seriously. Put your other foot down, flamingo. Patti LuPone scolds a flamingo through song Put your other foot down

Don't come crying to me if you fall down Flamingo why are you so pink A real bird would be held blue or black Flamingo, why are you so pink? A real bird would be called blue or black. I was going to play the flamingo in Andrew Lloyd Webber's flamingos. And then they called Glenn Close.

I don't think I'll be the same. Even worse, Faye Dunaway. Wasn't the whole thing. Oh, wait, was the issue with Glenn Close? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That's right. Patti LuPone had an issue with Glenn Close with Sunset Boulevard. But Faye Dunaway was an issue because of, what's it called?

What was the one about the frog? Oh, the princess and the pea? No, no, no, no. Faye Dunaway, Andrew Lloyd Webber It was a whole thing Where Faye Dunaway She held a press conference Because she was so mad

I see a headline From my house, that's where she lives Wait, no, no, okay, I got it all wrong again Sunset Boulevard to be closed Dunaway's singing is faulted There was some issue with Faye Dunaway's singing is faulted. There was some issue with Faye Dunaway and Andrew Lloyd Webber. She was singing in Sunset Boulevard.

That's a terrifying thought. She, okay, she held a press conference. Okay, I'm bringing up the press conference because this doesn't have anything to do with... Ready for my close-up, Mr. Jamil! It has nothing to do... Too angry, too angry, Faye. The thing is, this has nothing to do with Bravo, but since it's such a gay topic, it sort of has everything to do... Too angry, Faye. The thing is, this has nothing to do with Bravo, but since it's such a gay topic, it sort of has everything to do with Bravo.

It's Faye Dunaway fighting back against Andrew Lloyd Webber as soon as it eventually loads. There was an issue with Faye. She got mad at Andrew Lloyd Webber because he didn't use her for something. Do you know what I'm talking about? Oh, Lord. She's probably like,

I will play Mary! I will play Mary! Or you will suffer! Faith Dunaway is too fucking mad. saying that for whatever his interior emotional life is, he made decisions that were on the one hand completely supportive. He cast me. He told me as late as Monday night that he was ecstatic that I had come on, that in his words the progress was remarkable,

and then the next day changed his mind. So he tends to be a capricious man in my experience. Ooh, Faye Dunaway with the T on Andrew Lloyd Webber. Well, some promises. Just could you imagine Faye Dunaway like trying to text you over and over, figuring out how to use the FaceTime to yell at you properly?

Yes, I could actually imagine that. By the way, that entire news report, it said under it was like Sherman Oaks. For some reason, that really cracked me up. Live from Sherman Oaks, Faye Dunaway weighs in on Andrew Lloyd Webber. Faye Dunaway weighs in on Andrew Lloyd Webber. Faye Dunaway weighs in as she weighs her salad at the Ralph's Salad Counter. I swear to God, the one time I ever saw Faye Dunaway, I was at a yogurt shop, and she went in there, and she got one of those, like, 32-ounce, you know, the super-sized things of yogurt where it's, like, it's basically, like, a pint or more than a, no, it's, like, two pints, you know the super size things of yogurt where it's like it's basically like a pint or more than no it's like two pints you know a quart she got it filled up with yogurt

and she drove off in a honda and i thought wow this is not the way it's supposed to be it's really not she she goes to the starbucks down the street for me and one time i was in there she wears this big sun hat and these huge sunglasses because I mean she does live in West Hollywood so these queens could be following her down like yell at Christina, beat your daughter, Faye, hit somebody, we'll take a picture

so I don't blame her but she's in this huge sun hat and someone said oh that's Faye Dunaway and I always heard she goes in there and I was like wow you guys, what did Faye Dunaway say and they're like she's a bitch do you know who that is I said yes she's from you know she's from gay college you know she teaches that

mommy dearest class and they're like no she's terrible but she always comes in and says hello how are you today and then she's a bitch like she opens with like rich lady yes i think she's that lady in west hollywood who has all those signs all over her fence that say this these trees are treated if your dog pees here he will die she's like that crazy old man she is i think her house

is for sale i mean she's really she's like on um i think she's on spalding avenue like spalding and like willoughby or spalding and and somewhere somewhere in that area that's where my friend lives on spalding so oh so maybe that's why i think it's that house i just pass it and there's just like so many i will fuck you ups all over that house like they're taped everywhere yeah no she literally lives on spalding because she put her house for sale and it was posted that oh fade done away it was like she lives in spalding and like i don't know what the cross street is but it's right there i mean she we are so close to fade done away at all times

i'll bet she's that lady on spalding on the corner who puts all those trees around her house to try and be like hollywood hidden but you can't dig up anything in west hollywood so she just has them in huge pots in the in pots across the sidewalk. So you walk through it, and it feels like you're walking through the Home Depot Gardening Center part. Like these just huge potted trees, and then all these signs like warning about murdering your dog and stuff. I know that's you, Faye Tunaway. Yeah, we figured you out. Okay, so back to the mailbag.

Sammy. Oh, good old Sammy. Silly mom. Sammy Good old Sammy Silly mom If you could pick any two housewives To star in a Cagney and Lacey-esque Buddy cop show

Who would they be? I love this question already I would put This is what Sammy's saying I would put Dorinda and Kim Richards together As detectives In the LAPD's Liquor Store Crimes Division

And he goes Quote You better back it up And put your hands on the wall. Back it up. Dorinda, stay here while I interrogate this Jack Daniels guy. That was my terrible Kim Richards impersonation. Sorry.

Hey, Dorinda, you're not supposed to be talking to me. I'm wearing a wig. I'm undercover. It's me and a wig. Kim Richards walking around in that bad wig. and a wig. Kim Richards walking around in that bad wig. Well, I think, first of all,

Dorinda and Kim Richards is an absolutely amazing combination. And Dorinda should almost be in any sort of Cagney and Lacey buddy cop show. But if we were to give in that Sammy already picked the best combination, I think that the second best... Yeah, because that one every week would just be Kim Richards trying to see who stole her house. It's like the same mystery every week. Yeah. Well, the funny thing is you could pretty much take any woman from Real Housewives of New York City,

and they would fit perfectly on a buddy cop show. Like Ramona investigating something or Bethany. That's already amazing. Maybe even Ramona and Bethany as like a cop duo would be kind of perfect. They just bad cop you until your head exploded. Cause you'd just be so sick of them talking. What did you do? Did you murder?

Did you murder that guy? I mean, just tell me because like, I saw that guy, like he came out of that building and then he was dead. And then you went there too. And it reminded me of this time about walking out of buildings. Like it's crazy.

No. Okay. Okay. All right. All right. All right. What's the, what's the matter here? buildings. Like, it's crazy, you know? Okay? Okay. All right, all right, all right. What's the matter here? What's the matter? Okay, so there's a dead person here.

Okay, so you killed someone. Okay, so what? Okay, you've never seen a dead body before? Okay, like, I grew up. There's, like, dead bodies everywhere. It's, like, by a racetrack. That's what happens. People die, okay?

It's part of life, okay? Like, people die, okay? Like, literally, you know what? I'm actually jealous of them. Like, literally, kill me now so I can be with their corpse, okay? Because I cannot take this anymore. Like, literally, you know what? I'm actually jealous of him. Like, literally, kill me now so I can be with the corpse, okay? Because I cannot take this anymore. Like, literally, like, enough. Like, if you, like, if I have to ask another question about the dead body, like, I'm just gonna be on the floor crying, alright?

Just, my wall's up! My wall's up! I'm so sorry. I asked you all those questions when you first came. It was an inappropriate time, okay? Like, you came in here. I'm sorry. I should have interrogated you alone okay i'm sorry i'm sorry i love you i love you it's crazy do you like a glass of water i love water okay what is delicious okay do you want some water why are you okay okay she's like hugging the guy leaving the guy oh ramona i i don't. Oh, Ramona. I don't get it.

I don't get it. I don't get your alibi. Like, it doesn't like, it doesn't like make sense. Like, I don't, like, what's the brand here? Like, what's going on? Like, are you like,

were you like out of town? Or were you like in the next room? Like, I don't get it. Like, what's going on here? Like, what's happening? Like, nothing makes sense. Like, it's like, it's like,

like, nothing, like, you do you. It's fine. Like, you know, you do your thing, but like, it doesn't make sense. I don't get it. Like, what, that. Like, I gave you a donut, okay? Like, I gave you a donut. Like, you're sitting there, you're just staring at the donut. That's not normal. Like, like, what are you, you're gonna eat the donut? Like, that's a problem, okay? Like, I have a company called

Skinny Girl. Like, you're, you're not even Skinny Girl. You're like, not healthy. Like, it's not normal, okay? Like, I'd read'd read you my rights but instead i'm gonna read from this book that i wrote i wrote for children okay it's like kids you know okay first my daughter got a chandelier in her room it was forty thousand dollars what do you think of that huh huh smart ass huh this is what you gotta do okay like your story's all over the place like you gotta just you know what you you gotta you gotta hire a team that's legitimate and make sure you get your stuff in Bloomingdale's where it needs to be. Like, where is it going to be in Bloomingdale's? Like, is it going to be the front store?

Is it going to be the back? Like, who are you going to be with? Like, I don't get your brand. Like, I don't get your alibi. Like, it doesn't make sense. Like, literally, like, kill me right now. Kill me right now. So you're either just, like, a dirty lunatic off the street or you're a murderer.

Like, what's your brand? Like, you need to tell me now because I don't even know what to do with you like are you a killer you a nice killer you just a poor person like what is it like if you're a homeless person then you should be a murderer like trump's homeless whoa like make it up you know like like whatever i believe in whatever you're gonna be it's just like i don't get it you know what i mean whoa whoa this is crazy okay whoa i'm like looking at this lineup right now okay bethanyany, those guys, first of all, they're super hot and they keep on looking at me and I'm like,

like guys, like I may be on the market, but like I'm not available. Okay. But this is crazy. That man over there, like I swear, I know him.

Like I remember being in the forest in the Berkshires when I was a child and that man was walking around. I swear, I swear to God. Whoa, this is crazy. This is crazy right now.

It's like, I'm sorry you murdered someone and that's day class. Say, I'm not going to date you. I'm not going to date you. Okay. Whoa, this is crazy. This is crazy right now. It's like, I'm sorry. You murdered someone. And that's day class A. I'm not going to date you. I'm not going to date you. Okay? Oh, sorry, guy.

Like, you can't pick the guy because Ramona took him first. Because that's so her. She's so selfish. She's like a dick. She's like a dick selfish person. You know? Like, she sees a dick. She takes it.

We can't even accuse anybody anymore. Like, Ramona took the guy. Like, what am I doing here? You know what? What am I? I'm sorry. I'm renewed. Okay?

So I'm just going to. I'm talking to guys. Because that renewed, okay? So I'm just going to talk to guys because that's what I want to do. I want to talk to guys, okay? And like, if you can't be with me on my journey as I learn how to be a single woman in New York City, then I'm very sorry for you. But this is what I'm doing. I'm renewed. And this is, you know, I remember one time I was once on OkCupid and

Geraldine Parsons-Smith came in and said, what are you doing? Why are you on this website? I said, I'm trying to find a man. And she said, you know what you should be on? You should be not OK Dionysus. And I said, what does that mean? She says, look it up. And to this day, I still haven't looked it up. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I couldn't help but notice, OK? Like, we gave you a donut, and you didn't even eat the donut, OK? So I'm just wondering, do you mind if I take it home? Because maybe Mario will come over later. Like, I don't need him. But if he comes, like, it'll be nice to have a donut waiting for him. You know what I mean?

Okay? You know what? You know, it's crazy because everyone's talking about Miranda rights. But I want to know, maybe Miranda's wrong sometimes. And who is Miranda anyway? Okay? Who's Miranda? Does she have a white party?

Okay? Like, who is Miranda? Like she have a white party? Okay? Like, who is Miranda? Like, I don't get it. Like, I don't get Miranda. Like, stop mommying me, Miranda. Like, enough with your rights. Like, we know. Your rights, your rights, your rights.

Like, get off my jock with your rights. Okay, Miranda? Like, just, let me just be me. Let me just be me, okay? I just want to enjoy a dinner party for once, Miranda. Just once. I just want to do this, okay? Like, literally, like, if you read me your rights one more time, my wall is going to go up.

My wall is going to go up. I'm going to be on the floor crying. Like, literally, kill me now, Miranda. Kill me now. I would read you your Miranda's rights, but, you know, I'm not Miranda. I'm Carrie, okay? Bethany's Miranda because she's always complaining and, like, everything's bad, you know? Like, sorry.

Okay, Bethany, you read Miranda's rights, okay? I'll read Carrie's rights. You have the right to, like, you want to go out? You're so big. You're Mr. Big. I'm going to call him that. Right? And then the commissioner comes in.

You guys haven't done anything on this case for three weeks. The commissioner. I got this. I've got this criminal here. I named him Baby. I got this. I've got this criminal here. I named him Baby. Come to mama. The mayor's breathing down my neck about this case. Oh, here's the mayor right now.

Darlings, what is going on with this case? I mean, be cool. Don't be uncool with the case. From Wondery, this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month. Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that.

Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for black rights, she is a villain bit more. She is a heroine to some as a fighter for black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th.

Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat or be eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her

own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Well, that criminal just blew a booger out of one of his nostrils

and it hit me in the face. A booger a la Francaise. This hasn't happened in a long time. I'm lightly stirred. Here's what we know about the criminal. It came walking down the stairs in its Herman Munster shoes and then did the crime.

The criminal just banks his head on the desk until he's dead. They would never be able to throw anybody in jail. Another one killed himself, you know. Another one binds the door. Stop. And then it's revealed to be Dorinda all along. And she pulls out her gun.

Okay, everyone back it up. Back it up. Or Ramona gets it in the head, okay? Back it up. Okay, thanks for listening to Watch What Crap Is. We're out! We are off the... We are crazy.

All right, I think that's it for the mailbag, because otherwise we're never going to get to our Bravo shows today. We are already, like, very deep in this podcast. Well, I know everyone is excited for us to get to the shows. But before we do that, I want people to know about Parachute. What, Ben? What, Ben? Who are you going to say? I want them to know about Parachutes.

No, we have this wonderful ad for Parachute, Parachute Home. So I'm just looking at the ad copy for the very first time right now in case anyone can't tell. Oh, actually, we should probably redo it because

they were just telling us the other day we can't sound like we're reading it. Oh. We have to sound natural. Okay. Okay. I feel like I just want to keep this in anyway. So I'm going to naturally tell you guys that actually I have received

this is not copy right now. This is copy from the heart. Okay. They did send us some sheets. Ronnie hasn't gotten his yet because Ronnie ordered the fancy sheets that are back ordered. But I got the ones that are less fancy. Actually, I changed my order to the fancy ones, but they didn't see it. So I got the less fancy ones.

And I'm very happy because I got the cool white parachute sheets, and they're very soft and delicious. And I'm very happy with them, especially, you know, because I'm up here in NoHo, and it makes me feel comfortable in this new burg of mine. Well, I am obsessed because I love bed. I love being in bed. And so when we got this sponsor, I was so excited because they actually have a blog where they teach you about decorating. I don't know. I don't have to be ridiculous with this stuff.

And I actually go and read the blog. I'm like, wow, what a lovely use of clocks above the headboard i should actually read that blog because well especially because once i move back into my apartment after it's all renovated i want to look more adult than ever so i will go to their blog uh maybe i should just i you know they're actually based in venice beach which is pretty close to us so maybe i'll just like drive over there and be like um can you guys come over to my place and help me make my place look adult thanks bang yes because you know you can't have some great sleep without your sheets y'all no and these sheets by parachute uh they're a line of everyday bedding essentials from sheets to comforters and you're not sounding natural you're not sounding natural

if we try and sound natural For every little talking point we'll be here an hour I'm like hey have you ever been to a website That's not straightforward Okay let's just Cut to the chase here everyone if you want to Get involved in the parachute home revolution Or you just want some

Cool sheets go shop online At parachutehome.com Slash crap and for new sheets, duvets and other bedding essentials and receive $25 off your first order by using the offer code crappins. That's parachutehome.com crappins. Parachutehome.com

slash crappins and save by using the offer code crappins. Just remember your code is crappins. Do it it you guys it's free shipping and free returns and 30 nights risk free do it do it do it do it but on the 31st night there's so much risk the 31st night i mean you will not be able to sleep they the monsters are coming out like good luck on that 31st night because it is nothing but risk guys if you make it to day 30 please come on our facebook

and let's celebrate and by the way when the monsters come out it's not that they're dangerous they just want to play risk they love that game it's like fine, fine. Oh, lord. Lordy, lordy, lord. So we've sure got some shows to talk about today. Boom. Oh, we certainly do. Oh, oh, okay. So as we head into our Shaz recap, I have to give a Shaz out. Shout out. Sorry, I tried to make that work.

Cormac Bluestone. I went to elementary school and middle school with him. And he messaged me last night randomly, which is weird because I was thinking about him earlier in the day. And he and his – apparently his wife has been an – I'm sorry, not his wife, his fiancée. Sorry to rush along the process. She has been an ardent fan of Watcher Crapman's for the longest time. And they both watch Bravo. And I think that Cormac even listens to and they just

put two and two together that like cormac and i went to middle school whatever so i said i would give a shout out to cormac and his fiance so cormac and fiance not that i know your name fiance you've been shouted at and out let it all out out. So is this guy a billionaire? Because that is a rich person named Cormac Bluestone. Cormac Bluestone. That is like somebody who is running the world. He's like part of the Illuminati or whatever. You know, the secret people ruining the world.

Sorry, Cormac. Running the world. You brought him up and then you took him down so quickly. So quickly. Don't sign the prenup fiance he's rich cormac bluestone on this planet it's a great name i've always loved that name bluestone um yeah so uh i'll i'll eventually he's he's an actor actually so uh i guess he could still be the Illuminati Yeah That's why he works so much God damn you Cormac Bluestone

So We'll find out what the fiance's name We work our way up Next episode we'll get Cormac's fiance in But everyone say hi to Cormac and his fiance Hello Cormac Hello Mrs. Future Bluestone Future Bluest future bluestone future bluestone

bluestone I feel like that's the kind of glass that kills the dragons on the game of thrones god I wish you watched that show I know I have no idea what you're talking about this lady on game of thrones this week went through a real house okay skip forward 15 seconds I'll make it quick if you don't want to

spoil her but this lady on game of thrones did a very real housewives thing she took off a necklace and finally showed how old her ass really is it's like one of these bitches taking off their face and then you're like whoa not only is she really 90 she doesn't even try and have good posture or anything once she's in her own bedroom she's just all hunched over she looks like the lady who gives gave snow white that apple oh i think I saw a picture of that. She looks like Gollum, right? Yeah, she looks like Gollum. But then with the necklace on, she's all gorgeous.

I was like, wow, that is so Real Housewives. This is so after Watch What Happens Live stops. This is actually like the perfect segue into Shazza Sunset, where it's basically a show about keeping that necklace on as long as possible so um i i i took i took sporadic notes because the last few the last few uh times we've been doing this show we've just been sort of just going through every character and what they've been up to right so shall we or do you want to start with dallas by the way would you prefer to start with dallas honey you bleed let's do d to start with Dallas? Lead, honey. You lead, honey. Let's do Dallas. Dallas is more fun.

Darling, let's do Dallas. It's more fun, and I'm watching this morning. So I'm sorry. This episode is all over the place. I'm talking about us, not Dallas. So it starts off with Brandy. Brandy's missing her husband because he basically doesn't like her and goes out of town all the time. That little ginger fool.

Oh, Brandy. So sad. The sad little... Well, she talks like this. Little whisper, little talking. And then she has a drink. She's like, wahoo! Yeah.

But now she's just... It's like close up. That's how the show starts. It's like this weird white people rock music. I don't even know where this music came from. It's obviously coming from Aaron. It comes from Aaron in the garage strumming away with his Keith Urban hair.

Sad, crackery music. And then it's like close-ups of ginger kids missing their teeth. You know, like all the pictures. Like all these pictures of all these little ginger kids. And then Brandy's sitting in bed like, Oh, you're packing to go out of town again. He's like, yeah, got to go out of town.

My husband's busy, but I sure miss him. Don't. Don't. Only ginger kid. Only ginger kid. I know. That's pretty much what it was. You had to start on a bright note.

Exactly. That's a sad, sad household. You know, when he has more fun going to a courtyard by Marriott than staying with his family, that there's a problem. There's a courtyard there. I can never compete. The next scene, did you notice? I don't know why I'm noticing music so much, but the next scene was music that they've been using for years. It's like in the stock file.

I did notice. What was that from? Is that Orange County music? Yes. Well, I noticed it wasn't the next, well, I don't know about the next scene, but when later on, when Brandy and Stephanie went out on their quote unquote date, it was total Real Housewives of Orange County music. I was like, oh my God, there it is. That's like an Alan Lazar classic. Yeah, I think this was too. It's like,

doom, deem, de-doom, deem, deem, deem, deem. I was like, wait a second, this is Gretchen's feeling really angry. Steaming mad. This is a tour through the Gretchen Christine Butte inventory music. I'm steaming mad! Steaming mad.

Oh, I forgot about that one. That should go in the glossary we need to go through that music again because that was so much i know i gotta find that link so okay so now in the next scene of course is leading to leanne yeah so leanne is talking about rich and like how hot and handsome rich is now she didn't want to dame at first because she's just saw white hair but then he opened the door was so handsome and my favorite part was when she starts talking about talking about how wonderful their relationship is and how it's been so great they started showing photos of them and for some reason the first photo they showed was leanne dressed fully like i dream of genie and i don't know why for some reason that just like cracked me up like you can take the

kid out of the carny but you can't take the carny out of the kid. Just such a bizarre thing. Well, you know, it was real hard for me to be with someone named Rich, because I'm poor. I mean, it would be more fitting if I just found someone named Bob, and I could just bob for apples all day. Don't mess with me, or you're going to pay. There's certain rules. If you're going to bob for apples, you've got to follow the rules. And who the company you keep dictates the apples you can bob for, okay?

So if you want to bob for some old Macintoshes, that's fine. But I like to have a Red Delicious. Hey, McCarney, we can't name our children Bob. They've almost drowned. You can't just tell the toddler to Bob. Good Lord. I miss you, Carney. So she's talking about meeting rich on e

harmony and he's such a dream i'm like uh he was married four times yeah exactly i mean that's like going on the used section of craigslist before you check the price of an ipad and realize months later that you paid the same price you could have just gotten that shit in the store don't start with a man who's been married four times i don't care how old you are yeah and i'd like leanne the way she's putting this nice spin on rich's daughter elise she's like oh i just adore rich's daughter elise she is just great i just love her i'm like yeah but what does elise think about you she is probably running for the hills every time you walk through the door me and elise are buds i I love that. I love the Texas terminology. We're good buds.

Not buying it, lady. When she wants something, she has to say when she says something, she has to say it to me and then I'll hint to Rich. Now I'm calling him Bob. Then I'll hint to Rich and then I'll just hope he gets the message.

You know what I mean first of all are you erica gerardi because that's how she is in her marriage and she's really rich and sec do you remember you remember when elise made you that dad day why am i writing do you remember when me and elise made you a daddy's day shirt i don't even know what i'm talking about carry on i don't know uh i just i just feel like leanne has got to be the worst stepmom in the world. She's probably always, like, overbearing and insensitive. Yes, her eyes are popping out, and she's just pretending. She's doing that pretend to be happy.

Oh, we love having you here, Elise. Don't we love it? We sure do love it. Oh, Elise. It's your dinner, Elise. Elise, let's just go be gal pals. Let's go, like, do love it. Oh, Elise. It's your dinner, Elise. Elise, let's just go be gal pals. Let's go do some crafting. Let's go to Michael's and we can buy all sorts of beads and things and bows.

Oh, don't bow for me. Don't you bow at me. Don't you bow at me for Michael's. I'll bow right back at you. What does that mean, don't you bow at me? Like a bow and arrow, I'm guessing, right? I'll look it up right now as we speak, but I've never heard of it before. Don't bow at me. Don't you bow at me. I'll bow right up right now as we speak, but I've never heard of it before. Don't bow at me.

You bow at me, I'll bow right back at you. You wonder why there's no Cupid anymore? He's dead. Bowed at me and Rich. Shot him right through the head. Oh, okay, so Eon Line. Eon Line, Dallas's Leanne Locken explains what her bow at me taunt really meant. Okay, I'm opening it up.

I've got very slow internet here in NoHo. They don't have wires and cables here like the rest of civilization. It's turned you into a robot-y voice. Sorry, everyone. Apparently my NoHo Wi-Fi, as I was talking about how the NoHo Wi-Fi can be a little weak at times it actually

just broke so uh we just we we took a 20 minute break in the middle of our dallas recap and now we are back you know it just hit me that we always apologize it's not like we inserted just music in there for 20 minutes but we have to apologize because our flow is different things get weird things sound like we'll be talking about one thing and we come back we don't even remember what we're talking about so let's just remember when they had poop on their hats I think we were trying to look up the definition

of don't bow at me and I went to bow at me being and then I went to ET online where it said Leanne describes it and then it was just an article saying Leanne was like yeah it just means you're gearing up for a fight well we're like we know that anyway yeah you went on to ET online

and Leanne said entertainment tonight the infotainment that you watch reflects on you your entertainment tonight affects my today you don't know how long those elderly ladies took making entertainment tonight a thing. What's Mary?

What's her buns from entertainment tonight? Mary Hart. Yeah. Mary Hart's all, yeah, with her giant face, gigantic smile. Yeah. Well, anyway, we can just move on. Sorry. Now I'm like sipping a muscle milk.

Oh, my God. Not that I have any muscles to to milk but muscle milk i know i don't have i don't have my think thin bar today so okay so now we go to brandy and stephanie going out for date night which to me was it was noteworthy because this was like the first time that either of them have shot a scene that did not take place at a mcmansion right this is the first time they were not in, like, a kitchen or a garage or a backyard. Yeah, weren't they taking their kids on car – weren't their kids driving around on that car? Later, but right now they were at actually, like, a restaurant.

I was like, they're allowed out of the cul-de-sac? Like, we've only seen them at other people's houses or at little tables or something like that, but we've never seen them out in society. This is sort of shocking. That poor restaurant. Oh, my God. It's got to be obnoxious to have any real housewives shooting in your restaurant. But to have those in particular.

Oh, here we are in a restaurant. Here we are. What's her laugh? I can't even remember it by the time. Stephanie does it. I was practicing it before, which means it's totally gone now. But I'm going to give it a does. I was practicing it before, which means it's totally gone now, but I'm gonna give it a try.

She's no, nope. That's not it. Not it. It's not a suck in. I'm doing the most demented laugh I've ever done. Nah, it's just,

it's just, just everyone. Just go find a dog dog give it a chew toy and that's the laugh if we could play this backwards that would be it yeah that's worse it comes out of her throat backwards or something there's something really fucking weird about it but she does it all the time and it was that dangerous Gretchen song so we got two dinners going on because while

Brandy and Steph are at dinner at some place where they're getting sushi then Leanne and Rich and Elise Chuck E. Cheese or the Steak and Griddle they're at the 4 and 20, whatever it's called. But they're doing a birthday dinner for Elise, and it looks so awkward and boring.

Don't we love having dinner, Elise? We love it, don't we? We are such buds. Dinner, Elise. I hope you like what I got you. It's some Birkenstocks for your big, fat feet. When I was young, rich people weren't even on my radar. But now that Elise is, I'm like, what are you even talking about?

Why do you have to bring up rich people in every sentence? This isn't even about rich people. It's about you having a dinner for your kid who you're pretending to like. I know. Rich people never came to the carnival when I grew up. But now that I am out by rich people, I realize the whole world's a carnival. When I was growing up, we just called rich kids, they all had the same name, Mark. I never met rich people with so many different names.

Now all I do is dream of getting on the scrambler with a big old rich man. A scrambler. One day I'm going to turn this scrambler I'm eating right now into a real trip on a scrambler. One day, I'm going to turn this scrambler I'm eating right now into a real trip on a scrambler. I remember the first time I had a fantasy about taking a rich man to the Salt-N-Pepa Shakers. Oh, that was a great dream. If you haven't been married four times, you haven't even been married one time if you're a carnival girl. So anyway, so while Elise is getting her Birkenstocks uh then uh carrie goes and joins brandy and staff she's like oh i just happened to be all dressed up and in the neighborhood so sure i'll come by um please tell me that she really got birkenstocks is that what she got

she basically got birkenstocks yeah i mean i wish i wish i could be so snarky as to come up with like birkenstocks as the joke. It's just funny that hippie stuff has finally hit Liam's house. She's like, all the kids are wearing these. I mean, these are crazy. When we were in the carnival, I would save up. I'd see all the rich kids with their little smirking stocks, smirking little mimicker shoes, mimicking sandals. Are those real Birkenstocks Or are those just mimics

Are those mimics of Birkenstocks I see your shoes are really doing a great job Mimicking Birkenstocks Real great mimickers Little mimickers You know what they should call those shoes Mimickers I got a new pair of mimickers

Because they mimic other shoes It's all squishy on the inside though And that's what I love About those shoes Because it's all squishy on the inside though and that's what i and that's what i love about those shoes because it's their comedy and that's their life i love that about them that's what i love about them it's your art it's a renin we're slip i'm gonna slip into renin in a minute it's your art the way that you fake sickness i mean wow that's your art, baby. Own it. Own it. Don't bow at me, real Birkenstocks. Don't rent me fake Birkenstocks, okay?

Own your fake shoes. Don't bow at me, Tevas. Oh my god. So anyway, so the other girls, so Carrie shows up, she's wearing crazy earrings that look like samurai stars. And they decide, well, she's like, well, I've been married three times, but I never had a bachelorette party. And they decide, well, she's like,

well, I've been married three times, but I never had a bachelorette party. They're like, well, why don't we go to the strip club? We're being totally spontaneous. This wasn't planned for us by the producers. We're going to go to the strip club. They must have really good laws in the men's favor in Texas that so many men have been married this many times.

How many marriages have there been on this show? Amongst these couples. They're all like, well, I was married three times. My husband was married four times. My mom had me when she was 12. Then my grandma had her again when she was 13. It's like, Jesus Christ, stereotypes. How many times have y'all been married?

I know. It's like a lot. One for every spoke and carries earrings. So anyway, they go to the strip club. The strippers, you know, I'm always in favor of it because I always love when there's like a male stripper, you know, sequence, one of these shows. But I have to say, I don't know if you noticed it, one of those strippers was fully fat and furry.

I know, you're not fat shaming a stripper while you're drinking muscle milk. I am, I am. If it's your job, you knew it was going to happen. If it's your job, you can't be looking like that. I understand there's an appeal. That is a hot, fat stripper meat right there. They're still ripped. They still have

the implants showing. Maybe the fat is just behind their washboard implants because I saw those washboards. But yeah yeah they were I was like is he built or is he fat it was one of those things but it was a case of he wasn't hired because he has a relatable body

he was hired because he used to be jacked relatable that guy is not relatable he looks like he could lift a car he's just you know beefier and listen I'm sure he's totally sexy in person but I'm just saying you're on Bravo you have to like you know you have to. He just, you know, he just, and listen, I'm sure he's totally sexy in person, but I'm just saying you're on Bravo. You have to like, you know, you have to be toned up.

You're not like a podcaster like, like we are. Listen, if people are going to make that street on Potomac look like it's a fancy diamond dripping street, then I'm going to get a fat person from Texas stripping for me. Damn it. Yeah. Well, sure enough, Brandy got up on stage and unleashed her inner Camille grammar and just went nuts on the stripper. And I said,

you go, girl, as my mom said this weekend. I was like, mom, did you just really say you go, girl? My mom also said bling this weekend. I don't know what is happening. I don't know what is going on. Wait until your mom hears about Birkenstocks.

She's a good mimicker. That's why my mom's a good mimicker with slang. So they're going to the strip clubs, and I love that Carrie's like, you know, the strip club, it's just going to be tea bags. Okay. Brandy was that girl who just goes way, way too far in the strip club. She was cleaning the floor with her hair. Wow!

Yeah! She was. She was up on her cheek and club. She was cleaning the floor with her hair. Wow! She was. She was up on his cheek and everything. She was going pretty far. Like, maybe, probably was not the most appropriate behavior. You know how the strippers are going to look to the rest of their neighbors because you behaved like this in their strip club? You are who you strip for, okay? Well, she did say earlier, she's like,

we're real good friends, me and Stephanie. Like, we get white girl wasted. And this is white girl wasted. And then the next scene. My husband's mad at me. Yeah. Well, so then the next thing that actually does happen, though, is we will get to that.

But Tiffany, Tiffany shows up at Leanne's house and Leanne serves her basically a goblet of wine. It's a full on giant wine glass that she fills with half a glass of Boone's Farms. So I wrote this note that said suddenly Tiffany is like It's a joke oh oh about the poop So they're talking about the Mad Hatter event that they went to last week Yes but I have To ask you a question Ben Is Leanne gonna give dogs

Her biscuits her dogs biscuits In every opening of every scene How about in every scene Giving something to those dogs I think she wants to show that she's actually charitable this is how you get into society you have to feed dogs biscuits these biscuits cost 10 of my income i know this because i'm a good mimicker i know what they do i know what society does oh that's all you see is her feeding fucking dogs I know Every single scene

So it was weird though because they're talking about How Carrie put the poop on the On the chair At the Mad Hatter thing the fake poop And Tiffany was like Yeah but it was only a joke I'm like wait you were You were the one who was also pissed off

Since when did you become it's a joke you know Tiffany it was funny but it wasn't funny it was rude it was rude you are responsible for who you show up with that is part of society

how do you think I look with you laughing at people like that now i look terrible like i know someone who would laugh at something like that yeah by the way lady the way to get into society is not to be sitting around the back backyard of your brick house with giant gallons of boone's farms that you're guzzling with your friend okay that propane tank is leaking lady yeah that is that what you're doing right now is not an example of society and i love her texas talk of how she's just being nice she's like i need to talk to those girls i can only have a clear conscience if i

you know if i give them the information you are responsible in dallas you are judged by who you associate with you know it was total you don't remind me of it was a total flashback to andrea on season one of real housewives of melbourne when she's like i'm just gonna give her some advice oh she needs some advice i'm just gonna give her some friendly advice yeah just a little advice just gonna give you some advice they're like you're a terrible person. Here's your advice. Gina, I just have a little bit of friendly advice for you. Just a little bit of friendly advice. You know what I call a little bit of advice?

Something friendly to do. Well, Leanne, stop talking about advice. That's your advice. Because you're saying in Dallas you're judged by who you associate with, but you're sitting there next to Tiffany. Yeah, exactly. You lose. You know, the thing is that I actually get the feeling

like Leanne could be super fun and funny and like the star of the show, but she kind of can't get over her own shit. You know, she's in her own way, and therefore she's actually the villain. Yeah, I love it. In a great way, in a great way. She's like my hero villain.

If I were a real housewife, I would be her. Yeah. So then, meanwhile, Tweedledee and Tweedledwife, I would be her. Yeah. So then meanwhile, Tweedledee and Tweedledum, Frick and Frack, Stephanie and Brandy, they are once again hanging out on the stoop

while their kids go flying down the street in this car, which, you know, if one kid was in it, that's like fine. It's still kind of dangerous. But you got two kids

in the front and you got two kids hanging off the back. Like, there are going to be a few broken arms by the end of the scene and they go flying off into traffic practically and the mom's just like whatever coast darling i mean in texas a little baby car where kids are literally sitting on the the uh trunk of the car or whatever that's just hilarious and you'll see it was the same thing it was it felt like to me like they were recreating the beach scene in she's all that you know when they all drive up and the wrangler and paul walker rest in peace is there you know and they all play

volleyball that's what it was it's like a little kid version of she's all that those kids were hanging off the back they're like hey i'm fine yeah they're like go drive around the highway a few times we'll be here drinking and it's not like they're gonna get hit drive around the highway a few times. We'll be here drinking. And it's not like you're going to get hit by a tiny little car or a bike or something like that. In Texas, you're going to be hit by a Mack truck of a car. I know. I feel like also when the car eventually came back, there were only three kids in it. I was like, what happened to ginger number three, number four?

He just got swooped up. This big truck, Pat, is like, snatch the kid right off the back of the car they're like bye what are we drinking over here he's already like just you know he already struck oil somewhere so he's already making millions at the end of the street um so now we learned that uh brandy's husband brian he's upset about the strip club because he doesn't like that she went out and did that. And her theory is that, you know, they used to go out together all the time. Now he doesn't. So it's sort of jealous.

I'm like, whatever. It's your fault, husband. I embarrassed him when I went to that strip club. It's about his reputation. Wait till he sees this show. Yeah. You were cleaning the floor with your hair in the strip club, and

just before that, you were gluing shit to hats at charity parties. He's gonna love this show. Oh, yeah. No, they're gonna be divorced by the end of the year. Like, 100%. When she said that he's concerned about his reputation at the business or the business's reputation, I was like, okay, well, you're divorced now. You've actually

now just got divorced because you're on a reality show, okay? And that is the least of your concerns is the strip club, okay? Yeah, you better start ciphering some money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, put something in the mattress because... And then put the mattress somewhere because you're not even going to get to keep the mattress.

I love the supportive friend, Stephanie. Guys don't even understand how guys and girls strip clubs are so different. I mean, guys are just like in sync. They were even fat. Statues of horses breaking through walls. Oh, yes. Moving on to Tiffany's house.

Oh, yeah. And even better, not just Tiffany's house, her garage where Aaron's been relegated to sing on his dual singing. Aaron's singing is, You're an October girl. been relegated to sing on his dual singing you're in october girl october is my time of girl yeah october october and then he whips out the harmonica girl you better shut up about october nobody wants to rock out to thinking about october it's a cold month it's about to turn winter yeah it's haunted at the end of it too so and then tiffany is like making cocktails in the kitchen and humming along you know she is i mean she's one thing i love about uh tiffany is that she's such a cougar even though

she's not a cougar even though her husband they're at the same age he has just has you know a facelift like she though is such a texas cougar you know yeah and she's so she's so into her young man stuff she's like october that's right my man's thinking something about october while i crack open the biggest bottle of skinny girl margarita yes i thought in july i was like i think that's skinny girl but the but the logo is blurred out that was like the costco size skinny girl i've never seen that before yeah so um my favorite part is so you know she's saying how she you know she her whole thing she feels bad because she dragged him out of out of la to dallas because she wanted to come home so she sits there and she's like yeah you know i was thinking about

how you're really trying to you know make inroads in the music scene here and I was thinking about how you're really trying to, you know, make inroads in the music scene here. And I was thinking about for me, like how, like I, and here's at this point, I thought she was going to say how I want to help you. I want to see what I can do to contribute. And she's like,

and for me, I want to get into the charity scene, just like how you want to get in the music scene. I was like, Oh, okay. Well, I guess you're not planning to help them that much,

but I was wrong because then she's like i want to throw a charity event and then you can play it it could be a charity concert oh good i'll put on a show that you can play it yeah wow great no way to make a man feel more like a man and then of course he's like that'd be great actually because that's what i wanted to do i'll plan myself a big gig i can't wait to finally get to play in the foyer instead of the garage it'd be a big move in my career i hear in potomac they got a great foyer scene hey listen am i gonna have to hear the sand oh i'm sorry i'm the wrong guy am i gonna have to hear the sand? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm the wrong guy. Am I going to have to hear the sand at the bowling pins being re-racked? Then I'll win.

All right. So Tiffany, she's like, it was kind of sad. She's like, yeah, now that once I throw a charity event, and then I'll finally get some respect because everyone hates me. Like, aw, Tiffany. Well, it would help if she didn't walk out like, well, I came from L.A. where I did 19 lines of coke on the bathroom floor. I met my boyfriend in the bathroom in L.A.

I mean, I was passed out on the floor. He literally got pee sprinkles on me. Woke me up. And now look at us. We'll be together forever. I like to do a line of cocaine for every year I was in L.A. And that was almost 16. So there you go.

Are those people walking away from me? Where are you going all right call me chariot i'm so sorry no no i'm so sorry i just wanted to say that she uh she's like i feel responsible to help him wait hold on god damn it i interrupted you and then i interrupted myself well that's what you get no so um oh here it is and she when she says look i know what everybody thinks about me i'm the thin young one with a hot husband i love when people do that that and they just say fine i'm just that impossibly gorgeous import from los angeles you know what can i do no one takes me seriously what What should I do about Leanne? He's like, well, in Australia, we've got a saying.

Run. Yeah. Well, this is what gets me so excited. Okay. I've talked about this so many times about various reality shows. I probably mentioned my theory. I don't know if it's even a theory, but one of my favorite tropes, motifs, whatever, conceits, storylines in reality TV is when there's a sidekick and a master. I always call them the master.

So Leanne's like the master and Tiffany's the sidekick. And when a sidekick gets their own wings or attaches onto a different master, it makes for the best shit ever. Like the best. Sorority Life Season 1. I know i've talked about this on this podcast before sorority life season one was all about um a sidekick finding a new master pretty much the hills the hills was all about the sidekick master divorce because it's always rocky there's always these crazy rifts i mean you look at elsie and heidi okay i mean it's just it's it's the, it's the best. It's the best.

Oh, my God, yeah. It's one of the best ever. It's like Robin finally, you know. Getting away from Kermit. Yes. Is that who you're talking about? Yes, totally. Okay.

I wasn't sure if it was a different Robin. Oh, you were going to say Batman? Yes, of course. I mean, is there even another Robin from Robin and Kermit? Well, I guess I've been eclipsed, guys. That's why there's so many songs about rainbows. There should be a Robin switch, you know? Like, suddenly Batman's sidekick is Muppet Robin.

And then Batman Robin is the Muppet show. Muppets have come a lot recently, come up a lot. So anyway, the reason why I'm saying all this is because Tiffany is clearly trying to, you know, distance herself from Leanne. She's already starting to put these seeds in like, well, you know,

I like Leanne, but she's a lot. Oh yeah. I like Leanne, but you know, she's always a pianist. You know, she's always into fights,

whatever. You know, I like it. You know, she is getting there. I don't want to live in the past like Leanne. Okay. Leanne's past wasn't spent on bathroom floors,

snorting things, meeting strange people. I don't want to live in the past like Leanne. I want new spent on bathroom floors, snorting things, meeting strange people. I don't want to live in the past like Leanne. I want new friends. Like Carrie. They have better coke. Like Carrie. Suddenly, Tiffany's all up Carrie's ass.

She's like, well, you know what I love about Carrie? She's sort of young and hip. She looks so good. Oh, she looks great. I love that Carrie. Wow, that Carrie. Like, she used to have a guy and she wanted him to be something else and boom now he's something else he's not walking around fat you know he's not singing songs about

october in a garage um sorry i just got distracted because my phone rang and it was not leanne on the phone which i was hoping for i was hoping she would tune me out um lee um tiffany is having her over to tape a youtube show yes and this is called the style sanctuary or the sanctuary style okay why are strippers and like hookerish people so obsessed with church uh themes i don't know it's a strange bordello shit yeah it's it's so old they're like wow cross the sanctuary it's the sanctuary of stilettos oh shut up yeah i you know um i i was wondering what this sanctuary of style thing was is this where like style goes to take a rest it goes to pray for itself yeah please forgive me yeah so um so anyways i'm an accessory whore okay i'm like in L.A. That's when I was a whore. Like, it's just different. Like, this is different, you know?

She is so up Carrie's ass. She is. She just wants Carrie to be her new master. She loves that Carrie's attractive. She's really obsessed with the fact that Carrie's attractive. And she just keeps on gushing about the closet and everything. And I was really confused until a little bit later on, jumping ahead, when then she asked Mark. She's like, hey, Mark, can you do something about this thing under my chin? I was like, until a little bit later on, jumping ahead, when then she asked Mark.

She's like, hey, Mark, can you do something about this thing under my chin? I was like, oh, I see. You just want a free consultation. I get it all. It'll be for charity. Yeah. I'm going to wear – I'll wear my new chin out at a charity event. You can even put a boob in it. I just do not like this little butt foot.

So Tiffany has a fashion blog, which is like the new Bravo thing for bored housewives. They have a fashion blog as if it's going to do anything. Who has a fashion blog? Well, it's happening in the rest of the world, too. It's just called Instagram. Yeah, exactly. I mean, we have Stassi has a fashion blog. Katie has a fashion blog.

Pandora sort of has a fashion blog. Kristen Taichman has a fashion blog. Katie has a fashion blog. Pandora sort of has a fashion blog. Kristen Taichman has a fashion blog. Juliette from Laser London has a fashion blog. And now Tiffany has one. Don't forget hashtag bell peppers. Hashtag yoga upside down on oriental rug. Hashtag rug. Hashtag that's not a fashion blog.

That is a fashion lifestyle brand that is a hashtag how lucky are you to read my instagram how lucky are you to be tagged with a hash but like any good person any good youtube channel is created by the man holding the flip phone the video camera which in this case is aaron what's his buns october october lady and mark works out and mark turns out the the uh fat shamed ex-fat husband tends to of course be the one who knows everything about fashion yeah exactly he's obsessed with uh women's clothes and he pretty much takes over this little interview but i will say by the way that tiffany was really good on camera she was really good as like a little a hostess i can i feel like i can really see her

as the uh local news entertainment reporter you know like you know how abc here in la has like abc on the red carpet or something like that i can imagine her being dallas's red carpet correspondent you know like way before the before the, you know, the people from, I'm trying to think of little cable stations, but it's like all the way at the end, right before the carpet starts. Like, hi, good to see you. Okay, you're going to be asked a lot of questions,

but okay, hi, hi, great, good to see you. Hi. I was wondering to see you. Hi, this is Tiffany Hendricks with Fashion by Dallas. What do you have to say about your look right now? Great, great, great. What's your favorite month? Mine is October.

Okay, keep talking. Good to see you all. So great to see you again. This is Tiffany Hendricks reporting from the Dallas Denny's that just opened up, Red Carpet Fiesta. You know, a lot of movies are opening this weekend,

but you're not going to see them because you will be at the new Honda dealership am I right Mr. Honda okay you have a good one okay hi we have a scoop here on Tiffany's red carpet this is Chauncey who works in the parts and labor department of the Honda dealership that just opened up hi Chauncey tell who works in the parts and labor department of the Honda dealership that just opened up. Hi, Chauncey. Tell us, what do you like more, brakes or shocks? Brakes or shocks. Well, Chauncey was going to answer that. Okay, Chauncey.

Okay. Okay, Chauncey. Oh, he is just great. What a lovely man, Chauncey. Chauncey, what are you wearing? Grease. Oh, okay. I haven't heard of that designer before.

Okay, great. Love the movie. Okay, great. Love the movie. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye, Chauncey. Chauncey. Hey, Chauncey.

Chauncey, this is Tiffany Hendrith. You may remember me from the Honda dealership. How are you? So good to see you on the red carpet again. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions? No? Okay, Chauncey. Okay.

Poor Tiffany. Actually, we give her a lot of shit. She probably doesn't do any. I don't even think I can nail her actual voice if it was played. No, I can't. My accent's all over the map. It's probably veering into Georgia and into London. But you know what?

No, but I'm being totally serious. She actually was really good on camera, like as like a hostess. Yeah, I think she was too. He's like, all right, hold on a minute there, though. Change the tape. Gotta move some stuff to my cloud. Yeah. this yeah i think she wears two he's like all right hold on a minute there don't change the type gotta move some stuff to my cloud yeah i did love how carrie was making fun of her husband um she keeps on calling him her wife which could be totally emasculating but it sort of works and i love when she goes after the interview since he pretty much took it over, she just goes, if he had hair, he'd flip it.

Yep. The emasculation seems to be kind of what he's into. Yeah, I think so. He seems just so charmed by her. She's like, ha, this guy, this loser, huh? Yeah. Am I right, guys? Am I right?

Don't worry, he's not gay. I still have to fuck him. Am I right, girls? He's like, ha, ha, you're so funny, honey. So then we go back to Brandy's house. Brandy's storyline was all sorts of sadness. Every scene was sad. How can you be sad when a scene opens with a close-up of a jug of Tito's being poured into a blender? Exactly.

Big old Bloody Mary's coming down the pike. Brandy, I don't know what these are, but... Really? Because you just saw her put vodka and tomato juice in the blender, Dodo. What do you think they were? I call it a bleeding Tanya. No, it's a Bloody Mary. Crazy having a mystery drink with Mama, right?

I call it tomato surprise. So this scene was weird because the mom is like confessing that her father didn't disown the grandkids because of the reason she said. It's not because she had them when she was 16. It's really because she chose sides in the divorce and she chose her mom's side and refused to talk to the grandpa. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So it was sort of like a sad thing where basically the mom, who reminded me somewhat of like Judith Ivey meets Cherry Jones, starts talking about how she basically cut her dad out. And now the dad is trying to get back into their lives, and she starts crying, and it's kind of sad.

She's so Texas with how she says it. Well, I don't know how you got the idea that we didn't talk to him because he refused to speak to me after I got pregnant. I don't know when you got the idea this was all your fault, because you told her! How old is she? I don't know how you thought that i don't know why i screwed something i don't know how you got that idea maybe it's because you've always been a little stupid you know but that's not your fault that's mine for having bad genes to pass along to you dude pretty much that's a pretty huge thing she's like well okay then bring him over

yeah so then we uh go back to uh the sanctuary of style shoot and say afterwards they're hanging out and uh tiffany is still just like loving uh carrie etc and i love how tiffany tiffany told the story about how she met aaron and she's like well i was on the way to chin chin and i was in such a rush and he was in a rush we just ran into each other we're married four months later i'm like listen nothing good has ever come from going to chin chin all right so don't put love stock in this match i guarantee you that terrible salad was the start of a beautiful thing i'll give you that chin chin it's so funny how i was going to chin chin when we first met because i was just thinking i want to do something with my chin can you do that for me doctor and carrie uh carrie's like

well i've been married three times i mean look i didn't look at mark and think he was perfect i mean look at him just look at him you know i knew you had i have to mold him i i was married three times i learned to mold a man. Okay, change the fucker. It's like, God, so romantic, Carrie. She doesn't even talk like that, by the way. She has no accent. Does she ever wonder why her second husband straight up just disappeared?

I think it's pretty evident. That was her story. She was like, well, the first one, we were just young. The second one, three months later, I came home and he was just gone. And then I'll fan mark this fat guy in some grocery store, made him get thin, be a doctor, and here we are. Yeah, then Stephanie's like, if my husband ever went and disappeared on me, I would kill him. I mean, I would have to find him. Then I'd kill him.

Backwards. I can't do her laugh It's too far removed I need to hear it again Sorry listeners I know the last thing you need to hear Is something that sounds like your wheel falling off in your car Yeah I can't do it I can't do it

So then Now Tiffany goes over to Leanne's house. And, of course, Leanne has, like, these bins and bins of things that have to be donated to charity. Leanne is totally the friend that invites you over under pretense of, I just have a few things I need you to help me with. And then it's, like, next thing you know, you're lugging out bin after bin after bin. And next thing you know, you're holding one of those L brackets, and they're making you put together IKEA bullshit. Yeah, exactly. So Tiffany, you know, she's still a sidekick. those L brackets and they're making you put together Ikea bullshit. Yeah, exactly. So, uh,

Tiffany, you know, like she's, you know, she's still a sidekick. So she's kind of floating the idea by Leanne that she's interested in being friends with Carrie. You know,

she sort of wants to kind of get her approval. And Leanne is like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Those girls. I mean, you think, you think she's funny, huh? You think it's funny to put poop in someone's chair. I mean, you think she's funny, huh? You think it's funny to put poop in someone's chair? I mean, what are they going to do next? Burp the alphabet? She's literally going to burp out the alphabet.

I know. Like, Leigh-Anne, you're a little too good at that, actually. They're not even going to burp it right. They'll probably have to take breaths in between. If you're going to be a real lady, you've got to burp the entire thing, A to Z. She does the whole what you need to learn is your reputation is based on your friends

thing again. And then she goes, I need to help these girls, okay? If you're going to be friends with them, then I need to step in and let them know how the rules work. Yeah, the rules. I don't like drama, okay? That's why there's a sign on my door that says, I don't like

drama. Well, she had that very strange metaphor where she was like, that's why there's a door on this house, because if you have drama, you stay out. You don't get to come through the door. But if you have no drama, you can press the doorbell, and then I'll open the door, and then I'll check your

bags for drama. And then I'll notice that I may seem the door, and then I'll check your bags for drama. And notice that I may seem dramatic right now, but I'm doing it in the backyard. Yeah, notice I'm outside. The drama's outside. Nothing but comedy inside. And, you know, I just love your comedy. That is what makes you special, your comedy. You're such a good mimicker.

This girl, Tiffany, wants to kill herself. This isn't going to work out. No out no it's gonna be a disaster so then we go to brandy and her husband and they're in the kitchen and they're talking in hushed tones for no reason the kids are out of the house she's like hi how's it going good how are you good i was making a i was getting the girls ready and you know well the gas isn't working. I already told you that. And I was like, well, she didn't even make a fart joke. So this is really dramatic. Yeah, he was doing a metaphor about their marriage, by the way.

So then she's like, so I found out that my grandpa turns out that he wants to meet us because it was my mom keeping him away this whole time, not him. So he's going to come by. It's going to be a pretty important life thing for me. And I think it's going to be pretty emotional. He's like, all right, I'll try to make it. But they do have some new coffee filters at the Best Western I'll be staying at. So I might not be able to make it.

He doesn't even pretend. Like, he doesn't even pretend to be nice. He's like, like oh you know what I forgot I had a conference call Who says that Oops I have a conference call with Mallory Collenstein

So we're gonna Mallory and I are gonna Call each other and talk about Things now so Bye Give me a shout when you decide to stop whisper crying bye so Carrie and Stephanie

what are they having okay so they're going to lunch this is the big the big powwow lunch where Vian's just gonna show them the rules just tell them what people are saying and teach them things about what's appropriate usually on these shows they're like um you you better stand up for yourself i will stand up for myself you better i will i will

too and then the person comes in they're like we love you yeah and it seemed like it was gonna be like that because she does walk up and of course they're like hi hi but it had a nice turn to it yeah well because basically leon's like listen i'm not here to scold you or have a bitch session i'm just here to tell you what people are saying and just sort of give you a heads up about what's appropriate and you know what dog poop is not appropriate that is not appropriate is there elderly women elderly woman put this together that's not appropriate it's not appropriate it's not appropriate do you all do you all have the internet where you live because if you did and you were looking all the at the headlines this week you would know what i mean when i'm

saying this is inappropriate and she hands out she whips out these xerox print you know these like ink ink gent printing things or whatever and hands them over and she's like look at what my friend wrote that's the TMZ of the charity world yeah Brandy's hat made charity TMZ shocker so good okay so as a gift I pressed pause and I screenshot the screenshot of this book I have to read it to you

please because it was too much it's a picture of Brandy with her hat yeah there was some fabulous hats i'm guessing these are the big queens that leanne went and tattled to but i don't know yeah there was some fabulous hats most of the really outlandish were created by professional designers and some real wackadoodle creations i heard that one woman had read that in france you don't have to pick up your dog poop so she used floral moss to create her quote unquote garden and used plastic pieces of dog poop on her hat as a joke.

Some didn't find it amusing, particularly when a piece of the fake poop ended up on one woman's chair. Kel horror. Okay, and there's another paragraph. Candy Evans showed up with a real live parrot perched atop her head and confessed she was terrified the whole time. Not that it would fly away, but that it would cuss.

Apparently, the bird has a real potty mouth. Not to fear, the bird was very well behaved and kept quiet, although it did poop on her. S.S. LaVey. So now that was real poop. Okay. Yeah, it's not. It's about appropriateness. I love that.

Well, obviously Leanne was, I mean, yeah, Leanne obviously was speaking to these guys. Because no one would have known about the poop on the chair unless Leanne had gone and told them. And he didn't even, or her, I don't even know who wrote this. But they're not even really that scared. And I love that the entire TMZ for Charity is about shit. Even the story after is about it. Exactly. And that the woman was more scared that the parrot would curse than shit on her.

I would be afraid of the shit the entire time. The entire time. Oh, that is so good. I love that that's our real fucking blog. The TMZ Charity. I know. And I love that Leanne a real fucking blog the tmc charity i know and i love that leanne just goes on and on about appropriate she just mentions appropriate every single every single sort of uh uh version conjugation of appropriate she uses appropriateness appropriate that was that wasn't done appropriately everything is appropriate appropriate just goes on and on and

women are just like staring at her like, what the fuck? This is appropriate entity. Yeah, they're like, well, we just like her. We think she's fun. That's all. We're not going to judge. They were kind of like, ew, Leanne. They were kind of grossed out by her.

But then Leanne just kept getting more and more because these ladies were not just saying, yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. You know, they were being like, bad, Elise. They're like, we don't care about what they think about us that's got leanne so mad and eventually eventually that's when she eventually just goes bow at me bow at me because i'll bow right back at you you're a little bitch i'll sharpen my bow see how that goes for you i don't give a fuck i'm like wow you're so classy you're in public yelling i don't give a fuck and threatening to

kill people. I know. Well, there's an old lady right behind you. Meanwhile, I like Carrie, who I think it was in the interview. It was just like, whatever. She's a carny kid, which is what will always happen to Leanne. No matter what Leanne does, how high she rises, people just like, you know, she was a carny kid. And then she's one of those people.

Everyone always holds it against me that I'm a carny kid. Did I tell you about that time of the carny okay thank you for coming to the aids charity let me talk about my time in the carny uh i also really liked i think it was stephanie who said if she wants to wear a hat with hidden poop in it then that's her thing i was like you know what this show is hilarious the fact that sentence could ever happen means that there's a subtle brilliance to real housewives of dallas and carrie's argument now if she wore a dildo that would be inappropriate yeah well the thing is we forgot to mention that leanne did bring the poop she actually that which meant that she actually kept the poop all that time yes and she pointed it like a weapon shot look at this look at at this. Look at this, Poop. Do you think this

is appropriate? She's like, you're holding that right in the middle of a dinner table in public, so. Well, I'm going to show you. If you don't see shit, then you must acquit. I'm going to write that down. That's real good. She comes up with everything. You tell Rich. So, well, the best part was that, you know, then Leanne's going on and on about, like, how you get into society.

That's not what society does. And Carrie's like, hello, you have to be born into society. You have to have billions of dollars. You can't get into society. You have to be born into it. And Leanne's like, no, no. You get into it. You can get into it.

You can get into it. She's like, well, I don't want to fight with you, man. Oh, this is not fighting. If you think this is a fight, then you don't know me, bitch. This was 4-1-1. It's going to be a 9-1-1. Oh, my God. This is just a good mimic of a fight.

That's all. It's just a good mimic because that's my art. It's my comedy. God bless it. How are people not in love with this shit? By the way, this was a significant moment because it's the first time on any of these shows that a woman has acknowledged that she is not in high society. That she is second to your nouveau riche. Because all these women on all the Real Housewives or all these things are always acting as if they're at the height of society.

and all the real housewives and all these things are always acting as if they're at the height of society when you know that real high society just totally looks down on them and thinks that they're all

you know shameful human beings she's proud of it she's like these people think that they're in charities because they're rich I'm in charities

because I work hard actually charities are for rich people like literally charities are for rich people for poor people yeah I mean has she ever seen Down Abbey?

She needs to understand these things. I'm not saying don't have pride in your work, Mrs. Whatever. Daisy! I'm just saying get downstairs. Yeah, yeah. So that was Dallas for this week. Always hilarious.

Every single thing about it is hilarious. Yeah, I'm loving me some Dallas. Yeah, yeah. People watch it. Watch it, everyone, because I don't think it's doing well in the ratings. And, you know, when we love a show, it usually doesn't come back. So please, people, watch it. Do it worth it.

Poop hat. Poop hat. Poop hat. So speaking of poop hats, let's go to Shazza Sunset. This episode is called Poop Hat. Poop Pat. So speaking of Pooh Pats, let's go to Shazza Sunset. This episode is called Pooh Pat. Pooh Pat. It's brought to you by Pooh Pat. PoohPat.com slash crappins.

Get $10 off your next order at PoohPat.com. Yeah, let's move from the Pooh Pat show to some chick in straw hair jerking off with desserts to get her husband sperming in a cup. That's MJ. So we'll just go through the characters. So for MJ this episode, her big thing is that she's thinking about having a baby with Tommy. And so...

But they want to make sure Tommy's sperm is up to snuff. Since he's going to haveuff. You eating yogurt? Because we got to test my sperm. What does her eating yogurt and granola have to do with your

sperm? This granola is sort of soggy. Have you noticed how soggy this granola is? It's kind of crazy. Yeah, it's wet. You ain't eating that mushy granola. I like it. It's mushy, like you. I i'm gonna stick between you and shove it in and out here you know what i like also cream of wheat but i like to call it cream of tommy if you know what i'm saying i gotta jerk off in a cup i've been there

done that i got the jerking off part down pat. I've been practicing my whole life for this moment. So she decides every season has to have a plot about MJ trying to convince somebody that she's sexy with these fucking printed canvases. Yeah. Yeah. So she decides to do some boudoir photos. So that way, that way way Tommy can jerk off to them when he's doing his spring table. It's like dessert stuff and Reza's.

The problem is that Reza was directing the photo shoot. He basically has her slather honey on her face and stick a banana in her mouth so she just looks ridiculous. It's as far from sexy as it could be. It's like some weird john waters

crazy shit from the 70s we have to keep putting the banana back in her mouth because she keeps biting it off that's a person that's an american like composed with the banana like the persons keep eating it that's so persian homegirl just keeps eating the banana like like who does that that's like a crazy thing like don't. Here, put some honey on your face. Like, if Vito were here, she'd be like, she'd be like, homegirl, what? No. It's basically like porn. Like, Americans, they would just like,

finger their vagina or whatever, it would be porn. But like, Persians? Like, we just eat. Like, it's just crazy and reckless because there's no paper towels around. So Persian. Like, if this camera had more memory, like, I would mj totally put crusty rice on her face because that is like so persian that is so hot like i can't believe she even ate granola that's so like homegirl that's so like white girl like whatever we're persian

so it's like a terrible terrible photo shoot and shoot. And she's putting whipped cream on her boobs, sort of, but just looks like a weird whipped cream bikini. She looks like the Jell-O tray at Luby's. It just wobbles with a bunch of weird whipped cream peaks with cherries on top. No. Yeah, so that was not great. But I guess it got the job done because Tommy jerked off happily. He's like, whoa. Yeah.

Got it done. Whipped cream. Yeah. He's like, I like the whipped cream, but I wish she put granola on herself. So the other thing with MJ, she was involved in two different things. Two additional things. The first thing is Gigi. She gets into a weird fight with Gigi because you know how this show works is every other season MJ and Gigi have to hate each other.

So we're in one of those seasons. And so they basically everybody hates MJ or Gigi. She's really fun to get wasted with. And Reza will always be her friend, even though he betrayed her for a year. Yeah. Well, I mean, there's anyone likes her. It's just a rotating door between who's on the outs of the group it's mike it's gg or it's mj it's always those three and uh reza decides basically who's gonna be the outcast so right

now it's gg because she is got she's got rheumatoid arthritis and um is in pain and is drinking to deal with the pain and also because she's crazy. In fact, in the beginning of the episode, she and Shervin go to get the stitches out from her latest surgery. And she's getting them pulled out and she's being overly dramatic. And my favorite part was as the doctor is pulling out the stitches, she's like, it feels like my vagina is being pulled through my mouth. And the doctor's like, totally different area. I'm taking stitches out of your finger. Fucking A, like my vagina is sweating and my like pussy, like everything is sweating. He's like, oh, yeah, it's just your hand.

My vagina is sweating, my butthole is sweating. Both of them are sweating on each other. Like, what the fuck, man? I love when she gets all chola. I know. She's ridiculous. For her hand stitches. I love when she gets all chola. I know. She's ridiculous. For her hand stitches.

Yeah. So then Gigi and MJ go to dinner at Barry's on is it Beverly or 3rd? I forget. But there's no they don't serve booze there. So Gigi's already mad. And they're talking. And at one point. As she should because MJ did it

on purpose. Yeah. She's like, I lived on Yelp to find a place that didn't serve alcohol. Yeah. So, so MJ is talking about Tommy and Gigi is, you know, she basically is like, like, how do you know that he's not going to cheat on you the way the last guy did? But she says it in a way. The way she says it is more of in a snotty way.

She's kind of like, so if we tell you that he's sleeping around with someone, are you going to believe us this time? And so MJ's like, no. And then they get into a fight because MJ's like, that was a really foul thing for you to say. Why would you say that about Tommy? He's the love of my life, blah, blah, blah love of my life blah blah blah and they start bickering and she's like i was just trying to make conversation at which case mv is like no you're lying i can see it all over it's in your dna so then gg says oh it's in my dna you know where i get dna from it's my parents you want to insult my parents now you're insulting my parents this is the most she does have a point though because mj just she's like how are you she's like oh good

you know running a household taking care of my boyfriend juggling family household and a boyfriend gg's like uh-huh so are you not seeing me because you're afraid basically Gigi told her that the last guy was fucking around. So MJ, even though the guy was fucking around, now MJ is mad at Gigi because Gigi's the one he told her. Which is not fair. But also, Gigi, you know, did it and had a lot of fun.

It was probably like a barbecue. She's like, you want a hot dog? Oh yeah, your boyfriend is putting his hot dog in other people. That's why they said it, bitch! Yeah, that's exactly probably how it went down. So they're all terrible. As usual on the Shaws, you can't even really stick up for anybody because they're all terrible.

They're all like, exactly. Because Gigi's sort of in the right, and yet she's awful at the same time. And the fact that she does this whole thing like, oh, you're going to insult my parents now? You're going to insult my parents? Well, you know where DNA comes from? It's from their parents, too. So you're basically insulting everyone for the past 400 years. So thanks a lot.

You're going to insult Watson and Crick now because they found DNA? Is that what you're going to do? You're going to insult Jurassic Park because they made dinosaurs out of DNA? Is that what you're going to do now? Calling dinosaurs liars? Is that what you're going to do? I've got a problem with DNA. You're insulting DNA?

Oh, yeah? You want a piece? Like, you know it's not going to end well when the scene begins with her holding a knife to her teeth like she's checking her teeth but she's also just burying that knife nothing ever ends well when that exactly is the opening so meanwhile the other uh we're having some issues with reza and adam team gay because reza's like hey, I want to show you the sort of house that I'd like to move into.

And it's this butt-ugly, concrete cube of modernism. Well, what are we going to move into? Like, if I want to move into a house, too, we will. Oh, you're going to show me a house? I'll let you show me a house if, like, I let you. Ooh. Because MJ called him a pussy,

so now he's trying to fight about nothing. Exactly. Well, but the funny thing is that Adam's like, you know what I want in a house? Yeah, because they called him a pussy. So now he's trying to fight about nothing. Exactly. Well, but the funny thing is that Adam's like, you know what I want in the house? I want an aviary. I want an aviary in a rooftop garden. An aviary. I don't think that's a feature that comes with a lot of houses.

Well, that guy does love just cleaning up shit. Yeah. Well, but to be fair, I mean, it was a butt ugly house that reza showed him i mean of course adam's gonna be like i don't want this i want a house without wood this house like there's no wood like what's so american he's like what about the gravel don't you like the gravel that's so persian to like little stones oh and he goes don't you like it and adam goes i like the gravel so yeah then then they get into it and the funny thing is res is like he's not liking anything i like for some reason i'm like that's because you have really terrible taste have you seen the shirts you've been wearing lately you also just drove him up to a cement box with little holes

in it there's not even any windows there's like little holes that you up to a cement box with little holes in it. There's not even any windows. There's like little holes. It's a concrete box. Poor thing. Poor Adam. He's like, I want to live on a street like this. They call it Skid Row. Why don't you like it?

That's so Persian. Oh, really? Maybe because it's a row and it's like, whatever, Skid. Like, whatever you say, I guess so. I guess that is what they call it then. Adam fighting with every stupid guess so. I guess that is what they call it then. Adam, fighting with every stupid little thing. I know. But the thing is that Adam,

I get the sense that Adam has been sort of cranky ever since the wedding was called off, and rightfully so. I would be cranky too. I would have trust issues. And so when he had the conversation with MJ last week, where MJ was like, listen, you know, Rez is very dominant. Like, don't be afraid to speak up.

I don't think that that was shady or manipulative, by the way. I think it was a pretty, I think it was like pretty sage advice. And so later on when Adam and Reza are getting ready to go to Mike's Shabbat, because Mike is having Shabbat, he's bringing the whole gang back together because Mike, Mike has had a realization that he's been living his life by half-assing everything and relying on charm, quote-unquote charm. And so now – I just realized it. Yeah, he just realized that he's been loafing through life.

And so Reza's like, that's all I wanted to hear. So now Mike and Reza are, quote-unquote, resurrected. Get it? So anyway, so now to celebrate this she's having shabbat so on the way to shabbat dinner uh reza's getting ready and adam's like you know what like mj was talking to me i'm being really shady she was like telling me things about having to stand up for myself and i'm like that's not shady at all she was giving you good advice and now you're outing you're making her sound like she was being a shady bitch that's not right yeah he immediately turns like why is she trying to cause problems she can't stand to

see somebody else happy like is that what she's doing reza it's like jesus christ he knows that you can't get reza to fight with him so i guess he's gonna make mj do it adam jesus christ get a job already i know adam seriously this woman actually had your back in a good way and she was not she wasn't undermining you i don't know about that like i'm i'm with you for the most part she didn't give about it terrible advice but she's not friends with adam that's true you're right she's doing it because res is sitting right out there and she knows that res is about to have this secret wedding that she doesn't agree with which which I'm with her. I'm with her 100%. 100%.

She's like trying to go about it in this way where, you know what? I don't agree with it, but Adam is a pussy and he doesn't do shit. Adam doesn't do anything. Except daydream about aviaries. And he's allowed to not want to do anything and just be controlled by some man. Why can only women do it? Yeah. Well, that's the thing.

I think that's probably why he outed MJ. Because, you know, at his heart, he's a tame gay who wants to have a dominant daddy to, you know, rule the roost. And it's almost like him speaking up probably makes him feel weird. So he's going to blame it on MJ and then go back to normal. That's my, he's always going to choose his daddy. And guess what? So is MJ.

She will always choose Reza side over Adams too. So they might as well not even waste each other. Damn time. Yeah. So now it's time for Shabbat dinner at Mike's place. So there's nice spread up next to the chain link fence. And I will say, by the way,

you know, as much as should we talk about Jessica, she did put out a really, it looked like a really excellent spread. So, you know, Mazel Tov, Jessica, did a very nice job for Shabbat dinner. So it was her training person. You'll be able to get a person with a lot more money now. She knows how to make a whole spread and please all sides of the family. Good training, Mike. Yeah, exactly. So everyone's there including bobby and asafa and you know what the worst part about this i was taking my notes on my phone because i was watching on the laptop my phone

knows how to spell asafa now like asafa is an autocorrect suggestion and i'm so upset about that that sucks because does your phone well i guess phones do do that Where you're trying to just have a nice time And then it's like your phone's like ding ding ding It's like being obnoxious for no reason Listen my phone doesn't know birthday I write happy birthday No not birthday I write happy birth dat All the time and my phone's like

Did you mean tomato But I tell you I write like asaqua And they're like don't you mean asafa from shahs of sunset Like yelling at you Like asafa They're trying to have a nice dinner I tell you, I write like Asakwa and they're like, you don't you mean Asifa from Shaz the Sunset? Like yelling at you. Like Asifa. They're trying to have a nice dinner. So how's everybody doing?

She's like, Gigi is a mess. She physically violated me. Like she put her hands on me and then they cut to a picture or a video of her rubbing the cake on Gigi. Yeah. A video of her rubbing the cake on Gigi. Yeah. And then when it comes back, Asifa's like, she did throw cake at me. She did. Like, oh, you're really holding on to this, aren't you?

I love that it was even a mystery in their world. Because I thought that Gigi did. And you're like, no, it was some random person who threw the cake at her. It's like the big cake mystery. One of our listeners said she went back and looked at it and it was Gigi. So, you know, there's a lot of controversy over this cake situation. So they're, of course, all talking about Gigi, which is this gang's favorite thing. This is like the best Shabbat they've ever had because they can all talk about Gigi.

As much as Mike said the last thing he wants to hear about is gg he was so happy he was so happy yeah they'd love i love when someone's not there and they always love when someone's not there because they always talk the worst shit about them and then jessica does this whole thing like i don't want to talk about the past like we're talking about the past like get the fuck out of my house let's just talk about the future let's do it it's like shut up jessica just relax just relax once she yelled now she's always yelling at everybody always like you guys want this negativity like fuck you i don't want this in my life like could you pass the wine please if you want the wine so badly why don't you stand up and

get it for yourself what i have to be doing everything for you fine here's the wine then they this is when they all started leaving the table to talk shit about each other. And this whole thing. This is great. Who was first? Was it Reza and MJ? They're having a good time. And Reza's like, what are you doing?

Like, is he starting stuff with me and Adam? Like, what are you doing? She's like, I'm going to walk away. Yeah, he comes for her. And she's like, I wasn't starting anything with you and Adam. I wasn't starting anything. So, in which case, she's like, okay, fine. You're going to come at me.

This is what I'm going to do. So she goes and tells Mike and Shervin and whoever else, like, okay, everyone, just so you know, Reza's planning to have a surprise wedding for Adam. So be understated when you find out because you're not supposed to know yet. So the first thing that happens is that Shervin sits down at a table once Adam's not there. And he's like, hey, so I hear you're having a wedding, a surprise wedding. And Reza's like, what? No, no, I don't know where you heard that. That's like crazy.

That's like so Persian to, you know, say you're going to have a regular wedding. Like, I don't know. It's like, no. Why you know say you're gonna have a regular wedding like i don't know like no why would i like do that it's like a dinner party and like then you're gonna like get married what that's crazy and meanwhile like when reza was talking to mj originally adam saw that adam's like oh my god they're talking about me because i talked about mj so now he's talking about me and then Adam comes back. I'm sorry, Reza comes back. And Adam's like, what were you talking about? And Reza's like, oh, I was just talking about how MJ, like, what was his thing?

He basically throws MJ under the bus, right? It went so crazy because they went from person to person. But it ended up that Adam came back back and then they were talking about this secret and then uh he was like oh so mj was talking about me and but they weren't they were talking about the wedding and reza reza let him be upset with mj he's like yeah like he'll find out and that it wasn't true but he'll still be mad at mj but she like still deserved it it was just about something different yeah it was so fucked up he was like oh mad at MJ but she like still deserved it it was just about something different yeah it was so fucked up

he was like oh yeah I was telling MJ about how we're gonna build a dream house and she was like you shouldn't do that and he's like

I can't believe MJ doesn't want us to have a dream house like what a bitch he's like yeah I know I'm like you are so shady

like you just threw your friend under the bus that's so ridiculous and then Reza goes up to MJ and is like just so you know I told Adam that you don't want us to build a dream house that way he thinks bus that's so ridiculous and then reza goes up to mj and it's like just so you know i told adam that you don't want us to build a dream house that way he thinks that that's what we're talking about and then i was like look at him debriefing mj about what we just said i was

like this is it's all fucked up yeah and then you've got asa basically the whole episode just going babe you know like what i say is like the energy forgiveness you know what i mean shut up and then also fest still at the table like she's a drunk she hurt me she these people it's like episode three ready to kill but hilarious and then mike and then mike is like making these proclamations about all his self-growth he's like you know i'm i think i'm really at the place now where like I'm really ready to have people over and have dinner now. I'm not interested in going to the club. I feel like a grown man now.

I feel like I'm a grown man and I'm having people over for dinner now and I feel like this is a new chapter for me. I'm taking life on. I'm being an adult. It's like, cut to next week. By the way, I cheated. Yeah.

Yep. That's when they always start staying at home because they can't be going out and getting recognized everywhere. Oh, Mike. So I learned to cook for you. Yeah. She converted to Judaism for him. That's a lot.

And she's learning Persian. That's a lot to take on. Well, Adam said he liked gravel. That's all that matters. That makes this whole thing worth it. He's like, I like the gravel. At least one relationship can make it, guys. I like the gravel.

Well, yeah, that's pretty exciting for him. I mean, gravel and free-balling, that's all he needs. Gravel is so unrestricted. I love that those stones aren't covered. So anyway, I think that's it. We just, we did it. We got the end of this bonkers episode. We'll be back later this week

with talk of the Beverly Hills Union and Southern Charm and the Flamingo Party. And also we're going to, in New York City, but we also are going to be talking with Heather McDonald our favorite she's so funny all our little ballers

alright thanks everyone for listening bye you guys and yeah talk to you later bye bye Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash

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