Watch What Crappens - #2872 Love Hotel S01E6, Part 1: Friends and Lovers

Episode Date: June 3, 2025

This is part one of a two-part recapThe ladies of the Love Hotel have a lot of creepy men to choose from; so thankfully they get a little help this week. Cynthia Bailey, Cal, and others swing by to help narrow the field. It doesn’t really help. To watch this recap on video, listen to our Trailer Trash bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to watcha crappin's ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Every big moment starts with a big dream. But what happens when that big dream turns out to be a big flop? From Wondry and Atwill Media, I'm Misha Brown, and this is the Big Flop. Every week, comedians join me to chronicle the biggest flubs, fails, and blunders of all time, like Quibi. It's kind of like when you give yourself your own nickname and you try to, like, get other people to do it.

And the 2019 movie adaptation of Cats. Like, if I'm watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie. Find out what happens when massive hype turns watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie. Find out what happens when massive hype turns into major fiasco. Enjoy The Big Flop on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to The Big Flop early and ad-free on Wondery Plus. Get started with your free trial at Wondery.com slash plus. Well, hello and welcome to Watch Your Crap and to podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch.

I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today in the Love Hotel is Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how are you? Well, hello, Benooms. Hi. How are you doing on this fine day? Have you found yourself an Earl the Pearl this afternoon? I found myself a Bueller, the Dueler. Bueller is here. He just got back from Texas.

He took a road trip with a lady named Stacy. Stacy brought him back, nice, safe and sound. So he's curled up here at my side. I'm so glad to have my Bueller back in my life. Finally, the love of my life. I found him. Sophie, what do you think of Bueller? Is Bueller okay when you criticize him or is that a pain point? Does he eat vegetables? Oh, he's used to it. Actually, Bueller does eat vegetables. And that was kind of one of my things when I watched Shannon have the breakdown of you don't eat vegetables.

I was kind of on her side because even Bueller eats a salad. Like Bueller loves a carrot, he loves a tomato, he loves a grape, which is a vegetable, I mean a fruit, but still like he's a healthy dog. He's very California cuisine coded. That's how we eat in California. Yeah. He, uh, he has a few paws up on, uh, Earl the pearl. I have to say already. So we're talking love. I love hotel today. We love Island is actually returning this evening. And then we will be talking about the big premiere. The premiere is always a big old episode. And like the first 45 minutes of it are

people walking slowly into the Villa. So we're going to have a fun time with that. And then we're talking about the whole season. We're going to, we're going to talk and talk and talk on patreon, patreon.com slash watch or crap. And so every, every day that we're sitting down here to record watch or crap and we're going to start off first by going over to Patreon and recording 20 minutes on what happened most recently on Love Island. We had a lot of fun doing that.

I should say this is Love Island USA because there will be a Love Island UK on, but we are not going to be recapping that. I will probably watch it though. Anyway, also next week we're going to Seattle. That's like next, second to last show of 2025. I can't believe it's already coming up. That's going to be at the Neptune Theater. You guys always, always show up at the Neptune and you guys are a great crowd every single time. We also have our, our, our, our, our favorite, what am I trying to say here? It's,

it's a Tuesday morning. We have our favorite, one of our favorite housewives, Real Housewives of Miami is coming back and we're going to be recapping it. Oh gosh. Yeah, that's going to be so good. And then the week after that, Los Angeles, we end the whole thing in LA. So go to watchyourcrappens.com, get your tickets, join us. Let's party in June. It's Pride Month, so if you don't come, it's honestly homophobic. Sorry, I had to say it. I had to go there. Yeah, stop hating gay people. Yeah. So just know that if you don't come to our shows, we know that you're a homophobe now.

There, I said it. Now we've said it. All right, little love hotel action. I have to ask again, how long is this show? Every week I'm like, how many more episodes are there? Like how many people are they going to date? The guys that are there already look exhausted. I don't know how they're still doing this.

It is kind of curious. I always feel like they're actually always about to wrap up, but then it seems like they're not going to wrap up. It always feels like they're saying the final checkouts around the corner, but it's been like four weeks of it. I like love this show. I can't tell you how much I love this show. I don't need it.

But you know, you like, you need to know what's happened. Like you can't just wake up one day and they're like, Oh, it's Christmas today. Like, what the fuck? Like I have to prepare. Like I need to know the format. You know what I mean? I need to know what we're waiting for. Is there going to be like a tent date at the end where they all get to fuck each other? Like on the bachelor where they're

like, and now you're fucking where they all get to fuck each other, like on the bachelor where they're like, and now it's your fucking time. I need to know. I can't just like lollygag around a beach with these old people. I need to know. I actually really can. I know you're saying that was like the first time I watched Love Island, I felt the same way because Love Island, it just kind of felt like things just sort of happen. I was like, I don't know.

When does the season end? It just sort of goes. people come, people go, there's eliminations, there's twists. And I was like, I guess I'm just along for the ride. So I feel like love hotel is kind of taking a page from the same book. I also love, I love the way they edit this show. It has this like, everything slow fades from one scene to another. They're using this fake white Lotus music,

which always cracks me up that they're trying to imply any sort of intrigue. Every time they cut to like Ralph walking along a beach, it's like, I'm like, why? And then they do this thing where now they've just got all these sounds on the synthesizer where they don't even match the theme at all. They'll just be like, oh, it's not a slot machine. What are you putting that in there for? You're just using random sounds now. Or they'll be like, oh, what's that?

I know. And also, this show deserves a huge amount of credit in pop culture for really assembling the strangest group of male suitors we've ever seen on any dating show. Like, if you really sit down and look at who's on this cast, like what is going on? But it's perfect. It's so perfect. Like, I'd love, like, you've got James,

who's, it's James, right? He was like the guy who's like obsessed with Luan. But then that guy Mark, Mark, when he was on the first time, he was like in like a nice shirt and everything. And he looked like he's sort of like a silver fox a little bit. But now they just have him in this weird like sweater vest thing that's like open and kind of like Indiana Jones. They're doing like the Aladdin thing.

I think they were going to bring him in to do, like on The Bachelor, they brought in, what was his name? Wes? I forget his name to be the bartender. I should know his name. My God, I recapped. He's on the Traders this season. Yeah, he was on the Traders for like two episodes. But that guy, they brought in just to be the bartender. And so he just kind of talks to everybody. So I thought that's what they were going to bring in skinny Santa for, but no, I guess he's supposed to be dating, but he's also dressed like a poo from fucking.

Why is he dressed like that? And then they're, they're hiding all their microphones and these like these brown beaded necklaces. So they all have these necklaces on, which is so funny. And then you got Phil who Phil is just Phil. And then you got Wale who Phil is just Phil. And then you got Wale and then Earl the Pearl. It's such a strange group of people. And it just works so sublimely for me. And it's such a strange group of people to keep staying. Like none of them are getting

kicked off. I feel like Ralph on any other show, Ralph would be gone. Ralph literally, Ralph looks like he just escaped from a hospital with the robe, his robe open and his butt hanging out. Like. Ralph. He to me really looks like one of the trolls in Frozen. You know those like stones that come to life and turns out they're little trolls.

I really feel like that's what Ralph looks like. And I'm like, why are they so attractive? They love him. They love him. Ralph is just grumpy and exhausted. Every time they talk to Ralph, he's's like wow, you know, I got kids I really enjoy Enjoying life. No, you don't Ralph you like to sleep and golf just say that okay. Don't lie to these people

Yeah With his lizard tongue lizard tongue kissing and the fact that while lay is actually losing ground to Ralph is just so shocking to me Because he's like he's like really hot But it just also shows that like hot people can only go so far if their personality is not great and like Sometimes I really like Wale, but then sometimes I'm like you're so passive aggressive Like you you like so I'm like happy that he's getting a comeuppance But then I'm like but then he's kind of like I also understand his frustration and he is like so hot and he was like not getting any love. It's so funny to me.

I don't know. It's so weird. Yeah. I mean, I get what you're saying about his like passive aggression. He definitely has that, but he's also got this thing where he's calling Ashley out on her obvious lies and bullshit because Ashley's just bullshit. And anybody who watches her show knows that this is just Ashley, it's part of her charm. But you can't expect to date someone like Ashley and then change them and have them just say what they mean.

She's Ashley. You're not going to change Ashley. You need to enjoy that Ashley's kind of full of shit and delusional. That was fine. Yeah. She's actually just drinking a long lale at this point, which is why he's frustrated. So I understand his frustration, but then also then he reacts with like passive aggression. And by the way, this is something we see all the time on Love Island, which is that like there's someone who if you just act cool, they'll come back to you after they're done kind of like figuring something out. But it's always the people who don't act cool who just like screw up their entire shop.

At the same time, she is drinking him along because there's just no way she's gonna be able to resist her daddy issues. Her daddy issues are baked into her from basically when she was like two years old. So like that's just not going away. Well, she's dating Beavis. But she's dating Beavis. And he's young.

That's not gonna last because she's dating him. Yeah, it's just Beavis. It's just, it's a placeholder before the next daddy. You know, it's the thing like when, you know when like girls date bad boys, like really toxic men, so then they date like a really boring, nice guy to prove that they can, that they're not stuck in a loop,

but then they wind up going back to the bad boy. Like she's just in- Girls, that's what I do. That's totally my move. No, I guess everyone does it, but in my mind, I've just had the most experience with girls in my life who've done that, and I'm just like... Oh, yeah, I do it.

I stand against it. I stand against it a lot when we talk on these shows, but it's mostly projecting because that's what I do. I mean, I just... The nice ones are like, oh, gotta wake up for work tomorrow. I'm like, oh, boring. Can we talk about how to steal unemployment checks

and get drunk at 11? Like, what the hell, bro? You've got so much going for you. Please get out of my house. about how to steal unemployment checks and like get drunk at 11, like what the hell, bro? You've got so much going for you, please get out of my house. Yeah, and I do like that on this show, the toxic men aren't like wildly toxic. They're just sort of like casually toxic. They're like step dick.

They're too old to be like actively, like they're like a volcano that's like a little bit past its prime It's like they're toxic in that way that it's like it's not gonna change You are what you are by the time you hit a certain age and I think that they you just are what you are You know and you start have you seen people in like nursing homes dating cuz you know, who's fucking those people Those people are fucking okay Those people a lot of time in nursing homes just with my meemaw and stuff. And even my meemaw came back to life in there.

I mean, she was flirting with people at the buffet. I was like, you go meemaw. She was like, oh, hey. He he he he he. She was doing all that at the little buffet. And people fight. I would hear them argue, like having couples arguments all the time.

And I don't think they think of them as arguments. It's just like, why are you doing that? You shouldn't do that. I told you I don't like that. And then that's them dating, you know, you just get to a certain age and you're like, why pretend? Trey Lockerbie Yeah. Well, I guess let's start this recap, because we're already we're just we're just sitting here babbling. So it's morning at the Love Hotel. So Shannon and Earl are walking together holding hands because they've gotten over some bumps and Shannon is into Earl again.

And she's like, you know, oh, by the way, are there different style boats you have for your lake versus the ocean or no? I'm trying to be somewhat interested in your, in your not quite maritime life because it's on a lake. Is it maritime if it's a lake? David Keltner Yeah, you see Shannon like slowly breaking down in her head because Shannon hates that her only option is Earl. And anytime she gets another chance to jump away from Earl, she tries to, but then Earl is still the only

one that will put up with her, really, like let's be honest, or that she could see putting up with her. And so you just see her every time she's with him talking herself into liking Earl. And so now she's trying to see if she would be okay with lake life. We know she won't be. She's just, she's like you. She's like lakes are gross. Shanna's just like that. And she's like, so tell me about, tell me about lake boats. Sorry. Are they inflatable? Come on, Earl. Are there, are there anything in the lakes that's more exciting than a snapping turtle or is just snapping turtles?

Oh, just, okay, just that. That's fine. Earl's like, well, they're smaller boats because lakes are smaller than oceans. She's like, oh, you didn't, you're not educated. Come on, Earl, I don't believe that. Oh, God, I love hearing about the smaller boats that go on lakes. Wow, I think I'm definitely in love.

So then we go to Ashley talking to her kids and she's saying that she misses them and everything and And all you at the pool bummer. We miss you way away. Hopefully you're getting some sun and fun and having some fun in the sun. All right, gotta go. Got some cameras to stand on top of.

I can't believe I'm not with my children. I love Ashley when she starts like crying about how hard it is being a mother. You just left those kids for weeks at a time to date multiple people, ma'am. Nat. In paradise. It's so hard. Jared. So then some of the men are eating breakfast and talking with Gisele and Mitch.

He's like, wow, he's like, the water is so freaking gorgeous here. I mean, the Sea of Cortez. What have you found out about yourself, if you don't mind sharing? Mitch is the dentist, right? No, I think the dentist is Theo, right? The one who's like, I'm a doctor,

and that's why women want to date me, because they think they'll be rich and fabulous. Well, I'm sick of it. I just want someone who's going to want me for me. I'm like, oh, please. Oh, yeah, you're right. That's Theo, I think. Theo, who like surprisingly has a very good body, that was a shock to me.

I was like, what? How does Theo have such a good body? This is disarming. So, yeah, Mitch is- I imagine he gets his good body the same way everybody else gets it by praying because there's no other way to do it. God has to really love you. God has to love you.

And don't believe in gyms, okay? I've paid for gyms my whole life. I don't have a good body. I'm muffin topped out, okay? It's prayer. This is Jesus' fault. The power of prayer. So Mitch is just the other new old guy, right, with who next week says,

I would punch you. So Gisele's like, well, what have I learned since I've been here? Well, I didn't know what to expect coming here, being open to learning and getting to know men that I could potentially be with for the rest of my life. You got to be ready for that. Da! Which is, Gisele's talking about being open and learning to get to know men that she could be with. I'm like, when is that gonna start? You're never gonna do that. No one on this show believes you're here for that.

So Theo's like, well, you know, since you asked, I did some interesting reading and black women and white men actually have the lowest divorce rate. And she's like, whoa, Theo was here to stay. I asked him if he would ever date a black woman. And he said, he's never dated a black woman, but the man did his research. Give me some research.

I love some research. Did he research in Bel Air? Maybe you should get a library card for the public library of Bel Air. The public library of Bel Air. The public library of Bel Air is a Barnes and Noble that's only open to residents. It's a Barnes and Noble behind a gated community door. So, if you like that.

Barnes and nobility. Different sidewalks lead up to the bonds and noble. So then she loves it. He's doing his research and stuff. So now we go over to Joel and Joel's like, welcome Theo, Mitch, welcome back, Mark, Mark, you up in your game. Wow. It's Mark 2.0 get ready because I don't know that there's a 3.0 in him All right, well I've got something very excited for you planned

It's a it's another one-on-one day and I'm gonna send you out on a boat excursion But the bad news is that this is a one-on-one day So I'm gonna do your favorite thing and that's to ask out as to ask you to ask the gentleman out. They like to bring on the ball, blah, blah, blah dates, dates, dates. You know what I have to do. You have to do. Yeah. So Giselle has already taken Theo, but she wants to, oh no, he just got there. I guess she's saying, so she wants to get to know him better. And he's like, yeah, probably because I'm a doctor. And Shannon's going to take Earl. She's like, well, I have nobody left. So I guess I'll take everyone that doesn't want to have sex with the man.

But nobody? Okay. I'll take you anyway, Earl. Geez, can't wait to hear how algae spreads. Wow. I can't wait to hear about pontoons. I guess I should enjoy this boat ride because it might be the last one I get to sail on, on an ocean. And Ashley and Joel love saying Ashley verse.

So he's like, Ashley, who amongst the Ashley verse is going to come see Ashley in the Ashley verse? And she's like, well, well, he's great, but Ralph hasn't been on a date yet. So Ralph, you want to come on a date with me? And he's like, oh, yeah, been on a date yet. So Ralph, you want to come on a date with me?" And he's like, Oh yeah, I'm gonna show up with you taxes. Hey, can we, can I plan the day I just want to stand on a lawn and shoot kids with a wiffle ball who dare to step on it? Would you do that? Um, yeah, I think the Ashley verse thing, the first time I heard it, I was like, that's kind

of funny and cute, but then it happened like five more times. Like, okay, we can retire the Ashley verse. So Ashley's kind of slut shaming Ashley. I don't even like that word slut shaming. I don't, I think you're date shaming Ashley, sir. Calling it an Ashley verse. You're the one bringing all these men on, on, you know, boats or buses from the casino. It's your fault. So Ashley explains why she is bringing Ralph on a date. She says,

someone being a bad kisser could like correlate to like being like bad in bed. And like the first kiss that Ralph and I had, it was just like so sensual. And I just don't know what the difference was there. But I've done kissing boot camps like I did with my ex-husband and they come in giving lizard and they are exiting giving a romance novel. Like, but look how that turned out with Michael, okay? You can take the lizard out of the tongue, but the tongue, take the tongue out of the lizard, but the lizard's still in the tongue. The point is this, if it's giving lizard tongue,

there's gonna be more lizard in there too, okay? You don't just get a tongue. You take the tongue out of the lizard, but then you just got a tongueless lizard. Who's gonna be able to talk to that? Yeah, there's still lizard. There's more lizard attached to that tongue-less lizard. Who's gonna be able to talk to that? Yeah, there's still a lizard. There's more lizard attached to that tongue. Watch out.

It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. Every big moment starts with a big dream. But what happens when that big dream turns out to be a big flop? From Wondery and Atwell Media, I'm Misha Brown and this is The Big Flop. Every week, comedians join me to chronicle the biggest flubs, fails, and blunders of all time like Quibi. It's kind of like when you give yourself your own nickname and you try to like get other people to

do it. And the 2019 movie adaptation of Cats. Like if I'm watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie. Find out what happens when massive hype turns into major fiasco. Enjoy The Big Flop on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to The Big Flop early and ad free on Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to The Big Flop early and ad free on Wondery Plus. Get started with your free trial at Wondery.com slash plus. At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me.

And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names, about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph.

My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Speaking of that voice, Luanne's like, as much as I've bonded with James, adore James and James is like, yeah, I feel some real bad coming on right now, Luanne. You better not say something bad about me. We're boyfriend and girlfriend.

Well, Mark came all the way back from, I think, I don't know, Arabia. So I just want to figure out I should go on a date with him. So you want to go on a date with me, Mark? And Mark is like, yeah. And he just jumps up and he hugs the land and the land tells us, I think that Mark coming back says a lot. It says, hey, I'm not afraid to wear a strange knit vest that I keep open half the time.

I think he's really interested in me. I'm trumpetacious about him. And he reminds me a lot of guys I dated in New York, but quite frankly, James is really freaking me out. So. I can't believe you let me hear what you're going out on a bow, Luan. They have like the polar opposite voices.

I heard it really good. Hey James, I'm sorry I'm not going to take you on the bow. He's like, how dare you, Luan? How could you do that, Luan? Oh man, I love Luan. So now it's boat time. And of course the wind does the, it's me. I'm the king of the world.

Yeah. Far. Wherever you line. So, and then of course some, someone on a boat goes like, Lou Ann. And she goes, oh my God, they know me. They know my music. You're welcome. Girl code. Oh, so Giselle is talking to Theo

and the waves are bucking them around. And Theo's like, you know what I think's gonna happen? Let me tell you, as a doctor, I think he's going to turn into the waves He's gonna turn into him now I don't know a thing about boats, but I have been on a boat and that's what a guy said They turn into the waves and just I was like whoa research research boner. I've got a research So then they've and guess what? It does calm down.

And so they drop anchor and the captain invites them to go swimming and fool around and whatnot. So they all are they all start dancing on this boat. Except for Shannon chance like dancing that seems a bit risky. If you asked me, I mean, we're on national television. Shannon's like the only person in the world who watched Footloose and was like rooting for the mayor or whoever was trying to out-line dancing. John Lithgow and Diane Weiss were actually

very underappreciated. Their stances had more merit than I think people realize. I still write Diane Weiss onto every write-in ballot that I'm allowed to send in current funding. I told my daughters, you're not allowed to watch Footloose, but you can watch the independent production called Foot Tight, which was made in the Ozarks. So they're dancing and Earl's got his shirt open.

Cause you know, there's like another guy or two there with like a really good body and their shirts are open, but Earl opens his and you's got his shirt open. Cause you know, sir, there's like another guy or two there with like a really good body and their shirts are open, but Earl opens his and you know, he's Earl. So he's just got Earl body and Shannon's like, Oh God, why is Earl dancing around the boat with his shirt on buttons? We don't do this. This is shirt tight, shirt tight. Oh, she was not liking that. And you know, this is what like, Earl was sitting there, he's dancing, he's doing like a weird like shimmy thing. And this, you know, this is what like, we're all sitting there

and he's dancing, he's doing like a weird like shimmy thing. And this, you know, this is what was playing inside his head. Mooney mooney mooney mooney mooney mooney mooney mooney mooney mooney mooney mooney come on, come on. And Shannon is just starting to spiral over this shirt. She's just like, I just, I can't, I can't look at him. Pete And Ashley sees her, so she checks in with her. She's like, I'm okay. I'm just, it's very difficult because there's a man in front of me with his shirt and button dancing to moany moany in his head.

Ashley Is this what they do on the lakes? Please tell me this is not what they do on the lakes? Please tell me this is not what they do on the lakes." Ash is like, you know, this could be Shannon's life if she does date Earl because like Earl loves being on his boat. And the man's like, yeah, it's definitely not what I would want. On boat with Earl. Next please. Well, call me an asshole, but I was raised proper. And you don't do that.

You button up your shirt. Button it up. Of course, you didn't mind the hot guys doing it because the hot guys were shirtless and Shannon was fine with that. Yeah, they were all shirtless. And so clearly Earl thought, all right, well, I'm gonna do this

because I'm gonna live life to the fullest right now. I'm gonna dance with some money money. And Shannon's just imagining him doing this on like one of those little dinghies through Newport Beach and she's like I can't have the people see me with this man I have to know that one day I can take my man to the wedding of one of my daughters and I will not do it if this is how he dances on the dance floor. Why would you do this in here? So it really was quite a sight though. Earl doing that dance.

It was like, did it, did it. Nobody sat at home and said, yes, Earl's got his shirt unbuttoned. Yeah, fuck yeah. Let's tell. It was not just the unbuttoned, it was the dancing too. Like he was doing some, he was just dancing in a way that It was, it was not just the unbuttoned. It was the dancing too. Like he was doing some, he was just dancing in a way that like was, I don't know what

song they were playing, but he was not on the beat. I can just tell you that right now. It was like a weird Elaine Bennis, like arms going up and to the side in all directions. Yeah. Bless his heart. So some of the guys jump off the boat, Theo jumps off the boat, and meanwhile, Luan and Mark are getting to know each other better. She's like, how is a guy like you still single, huh?

And he's like, well, the lady I dated wanted to have kids. Oh, there you go. There you go. How many do you have? Five? You were like, that's a no. You know, I always thought to myself I would have Victoria and Noel sitting in the back seat and I'd say, you know, there's a third child missing.

Just never happened. I hope they don't watch this and think to themselves they were never enough because I wouldn't want them to think that even though it was true. Pete I mean, that's a great confession to make to somebody. I've never said it. I've always wanted a missing child. I've always wanted a child that wouldn't disappoint me. There, I said it. But you know, no, Victoria are fine. There's no fame like being on the back of a milk carton and I've just always wanted one of those myself. I just didn't know which one of them I should leave in the grocery store. So that's my story. Sometimes I put my disco ball, engineer cap on a, I just hang

it on top of a bottle of Rose and say, you're my third child now. It's fun. By morning it's gone. Lauren. So Giselle and the Shannon and Leo are all talking or Theo and Giselle's like, so how do you feel that we don't have much more time, especially Earl over there who's probably going to be dead by morning because Shannon can't stand to start being on button. Theo's like, well, I think I'm just living in the actual moment for real. Oh, okay. That's interesting. That's extremely dangerous because, you know,

live in the moment, you do things like, I'm button. Or else you were very chill. And I got that vibe from you as well. You're just so confident. You're just so intelligent. Look how your buttons are so smartly in their buttonholes. I think.

I appreciate that you don't button your bottom button to your middle buttonhole. That's a nice change from Earl. Let me guess, not a leek person. I don't know if you can tell by the way I am twirling my hair like Ariel in the printermaid of the Seas, but I am sexually attracted to you, Theo. No, you're not looking at me.

Okay, that's fine. Back to Errol the Pearl. So, they're talking Theo, and Ashley thinks Theo's very handsome. And Llewelyn's like, well, listen, I'm a nurse, and let me tell you, doctors are just too busy. Good Lord. Pete Slauson Who wants a man with a career who's intelligent? I want, give me a, give me a, give me a skinny Santa wearing Aladdin gear. That's what I call hot.

Pete Slauson Have you ever seen a doctor who knows two chords on a guitar that he plays over and over again and makes lyrics like, love hotel, love hotel, love hotel, oh love hotel, I don't think so. So then Ashley, she puts on a gold thong bikini and trolls around for Ralph and he's like, and he is excited about this. He does his Sanford and Son, Elizabeth, which I don't think is a reference she's going to really get, but yeah, I think that's what it was. I don't get it. I didn't get it either.

Cause you know what? I never really saw Sanford and Sons because growing up we had an antenna on the TV and we didn't have cable or anything. So the reruns for Sanford and Sons was on a channel that we didn't get in. It was always static-y. So there's like a whole series of shows that just eluded me, eluded me. It's very sad. G.I. Joe, Sesame Street. G.I. Joe? Yeah, G.I. Joe was on Channel 11. I didn't like that one. Good. Good. I just felt like that was just too straight-coated.

I feel like that show gay-bashed me. I always liked the show Mask. Already in the name. It was about like, remember it was like the GI Joe knockoff where they would have like cool things like a car that would shoot the turn like a boat. Oh God. Remember when they had like GI Joe, GI Joe month at McDonald's and that's what you got in your happy meal.

Oh my God. I was like, bring back the fucking Barbie so they could kick the shit out of these GI Joes. I would save them both and just wait and then I'd have the Barbies team up on the G.I. Joes and just beat the shit out of them. And steal their cars. Yeah, speaking of Ariel, speaking of Ariel, I will never forget when in 1989 when there was a Little Mermaid happy meal tie-in and you got like a Little Mermaid figurine.

I got Ariel and I remember I brought her to a family trip on Arizona and then my bedroom had a big bathtub and I did a bubble bath and I brought Ariel in there and I played with Ariel. I made it go up and down through the water. It was just like the gayest thing that like a little boy could do.

Oh, fucking Ariel. I mean, I love Little Mermaid and I didn't like hate Ariel or anything, but I was definitely an octopus kid. Of course, I love her. Yeah, but that's all like, but I was definitely an octopus kid. Of course, I loved her. Yeah, but that's all like, but it's just what McDonald's gave me.

So I had to put. What was her name? Why can't I remember her name? Ursula. Ursula the Sea Witch, yes. I loved her. Yeah, no, if I'd gotten Ursula, it would have been a whole different story.

But, you know, listen, you can't control what McDonald's is gonna give you in a happy meal, and I was given Ariel. You take what life gives you. You know what, you guys? Listen, I feel bad for the ones, for people who've got the seagull. Oh God, the seagull.

Yeah, the seagull wasn't a good one. I agree. Sorry. Flandre, decent. I think Flandre's a good one. Yeah, Flandre's a cutie pie. Flandre would be a good one. So why. Sorry. Flandre decent. I think Flandre is a good one. Yeah, Flandre is a cutie pie. Why don't they give us the chef? Le poisson, le poisson, how I love, le poisson, love to chop and to serve little fish. First I cut off their head, then I take off their bones. Oh God, I didn't realize how much I love that song, but I really do. Really love it. And

they actually cut that from the live action movie and I'm still not okay with it. That's shocking. That's such a famous song. René Abou Dujois. Well, that's terrible. Also, by the way, anyone who got Sebastian, not Sebastian, Sebastian the lobster?

No, not Sebastian. Sebastian was great. The lobster, yeah. Or the crab. I'm sure that's, that was probably a great one to get for your happy meal. Yeah, that was a good one. Well, but unfortunately you just got another Ariel, Arl. So, so then we go to Ashley and she's like, I have a really physical connection with Ralph. Do you?

You just said he had a lizard tongue. You just kicked him out of your room and lied about having your period to get away from him. Literally five minutes ago. No, but look, we both been married. We both have our children and you know, like, we're just like looking for like, what's after that? Like, does that mean I care about Ralph?

I'm gonna kiss me butterflies. That's like the lowest bar. It's like you have both children. Walk through a grocery store, you That's like the lowest bar. It's like you have children. Walk through a grocery store, you see everybody thinking the same thing. It's like, well, I'm married and I have children. What's next? I mean, you could fuck any of those people. Leave Ralph alone.

Any of them. Yeah, seriously. So Giselle sits with Earl. She's like, how are things going with you? Ah, I saw you dancing to Moni Moni over there. It was scary. Ah, don't do that again." He's like, wow, I think it's going fantastic. I mean, she's showing affection and she said

sweet for the first time today, which was amazing. And I saw her look at a plate of crudités and she was about to tell me to eat one and then she stopped herself. So I think we're in a good place. Now we're probably getting there. I'm going to name a boat after her. So Mark's talking about how he wants to go out in New York and do something fun. And the man's like, the big apple? Where are you going to take me? Minetta Tavern? Oh, that's my favorite.

I love Minetta Tavern. What a place. Oh, and Ralph, where are you going to take me? I don't know. I was kind of thinking about Golden Corral or maybe Carrows. Oh, well, that's I'm sure as lovely as Minetta Tavern, whatever that is. But yes, I'm very excited for your lake restaurants. Well, Earl has offered to make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on a pontoon. He said something about Margaritaville.

I don't know. I know that's a song. Is that also a dining establishment? So Mark kisses Luann because they both love the same restaurant. So finally we found out what turns Mark on and that is a decent appetizer. So they finally make out, cause last week she was like, oh really Mark, they brought you back?

You haven't even kissed me. He's like, really? She goes, yeah, I mean, come on, just let it went on me. And he's like, really? And she's like, oh God, I'm gonna poop. I can't even take this. I bought him back for nothing, get him out. You know, Mark did show me that he likes me

with his beautiful kiss that he planted on me. There is some chemistry with Mark. We both love Monetta Tavern. Oh yeah, Monetta Tavern. So good. I'm glad Shannon gave him the key because I want to suss Mark out a little bit more, see what other restaurants he likes.

Maybe he enjoys the Regency on a Wednesday night. I don't know. Just saying. But maybe not. Maybe I won't move so fast with James Might need to take a little break on this one. Hey, where you going? I like a tavern. Oh What about What about if I sing songs in the Carlisle Cafe get out of here

in the Carlisle Cafe. Get out of here. Loser. So now they're all gathering at the lounge area. So Shannon emerges in her nautical pajamas and she's like, well, everyone, I walked into the glass. I don't know if you heard, but I guess this is sort of like my life. I see an open door and I go bounding forward and it turns out there's a barrier there,

a barrier I didn't even see. And I still don't quite understand it, but I have a bruise and I'm disoriented. My. I was walking into the lounge and I saw a beautiful version of me, kind of a ghost. I thought, am I dead? Am I dead? Have I died? And I started walking towards myself just to touch my gorgeous face.

I ran towards it. It was glass. It was glass. It was not a ghost. dead? Have I died?" And I started walking towards myself just to touch my gorgeous face. I ran towards it. It was glass. It was glass. It was not a ghost. It was a reflection. Pete Slauson Really? The only thing back there that's glass is a wall of glass bricks. Jared Larsen Well, I thought it was ice cubes, honestly. I was trying to make myself a cocktail. Pete Slauson God, you almost made a huge mistake and said, brick house. I want to see Earl dance again, please. So I guess no one else walked into the glass? Okay, that's great. So okay, let's see.

You all have men that you're sexually attracted to and you don't walk into glass windows. And I am with Earl and I can't tell the difference between a wall and a window. Great. Could maybe someone suggested that bellhop who keeps speaking to us every day, just cover me in wood decks. Y'all safe. Save yourselves a lot of time.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Oh, I always wanted a nose job and I guess I got one free of charge. Is anyone noticing that my nose is touching my cheek now?

I can't wait to tell my, I can't wait to tell Earl that my nose got a job quicker than he did. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. So Ashley's walking with Wale and she's like, do you want to go to my room? And he's like, yes, finally.

So they go up to the room and then Theos is down with Phil and Mitch and he's like, well, that was an adventure for sure. I mean, we're on a boat. It was choppy at first. And I said, don't worry, it's gonna be less choppy soon. And then it stopped. It was pretty magical.

It was crazy. It was life-changing, life-changing stuff happening over there. So James is like, I missed you, I missed you, Louanne. She's like, well, I missed you too. But I did have a good time with Mark. I have to say, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

What a great time. And he's like, What a bummer, God. So Mark felt like he broke through whatever it was. And now he's got something with Luan. Now they're gonna go into the water together. Yeah. Hey Mark, where are you going? He's like, Oh, I'm going to go to the bar. You

want to join? Sure. Maybe I can find my daughter Lauren there. Just look for the bottle of Rose with a hat on it. So then Ashley is up in her room and she's like sitting with Wale getting to know him. And she's like, um, so now that I've known you for like six days, what's your life like at home? I can't picture it. Like you're only just finding this out now. He's like, he's like, well I probably wake up at seven 30, but I'm not getting out of bed, you know, cause I don't get out of bed unless like the sun makes me do it. You know, take a shower, I sing in the shower, it's release. And if it's an office day, we go to the office. I'll pick up my niece.

She'll hang out at my house. I'm like, well, you really have to, maybe let's maybe put on some charm here if you're trying to win her back. Yeah, like sell it a little bit. I mean, God. She's like, oh my God, I love hearing that he has a normal life in Rhode Island. Like, okay, you're not selling it either, really.

As she's not moving to Rhode Island anytime soon, she's on a successful show. She doesn't have to relocate to the real housewives of Rhode Island. Yeah, sorry Dolores, no offense. So then you heard about that, right? Yes, I did. Oh my gosh. Is that true?

That cannot be true. No, I don't think she's gonna move. I think she's gonna do just like a, she'll probably show up and be like, oh, I know this girl from here. They're all such good friends. Yeah. This is what sisterhood is. Okay, bye. You know, then leave with, you know, everybody're all such good friends. This is what sisterhood is. Okay, bye.

You know, then leave with, you know, everybody's leftovers from the table. She'll put them in some Tupperware, throw them in a purse, and she'll be out of there. I think that's 100% what will happen. It's like when Phaedra appeared on the first season of Dubai. Commercials, here comes one right now. Every successful business starts with an idea.

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that made Birkenstock the best selling sandals since Jesus. And made Super Mario the most played video game in the history of attention span. Nintendo almost became a ramen company until Super Mario saved it. New episodes drop every Tuesday. Follow The best idea yet on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. And if this podcast lasts longer than 45 minutes, call your doctor. So as she's saying how she can really see

Wale being a real partner for her in so many senses of the word. I'm like, I don't know if there's more senses to it, but the more she says that she can see Wale being a real partner for me, the less convinced I am that she's attracted to him at all. I'm like, you're just trying to convince yourself at this point. Yeah. Um, so now they go back to the lounge area and she sits by James and Wale is like, oh,

he was supposed to be holding that with Luanne. And she's like, nah, she's out with Mark, whatever. And Ash is like, oh, I'm glad you know, I didn't want to have to tell you. He goes, oh, don't worry. She loves me. Luanne loves me. I know that. So it's all good. She's just being nice to him. Yeah. And then Luanne, meanwhile, Luanne and Mark are talking by the bar and she goes, you know, Mark, I do what I want. I'm free. If I want to go to Minetta Tavern,

I'll go to fucking Minetta Tavern. But at the same time, if I want to be with somebody, I will be because I'm loyal to the end. That's who I am as a person, a loyal Calabrese star. Back to Ashley and James, she's like, Oh my God, what if they can act? He's like, well, I mean, I don't know. I mean, I already consider her my girlfriend. So I told her you're my girlfriend.

So what happens if I decided to be with a woman? I'm a serial monogamous. Serial. Everyone's like girlfriend. They're all just like shocked. Yeah. Yeah. They're like like what is going on so James like yeah, I know if I want to be with you look that's so I look at you as my girlfriend at this moment

That's just who it is. That's how it goes and how she's like damn. Okay, whatever So Luanne's talking to mark and she's like well when I when I walk into the room, does your heart go, a boopity boop? That's my way of lyrics to my new song. A boopity boopity boopity boop. It's called scatting. It's called scatting, not in the modern way. Tanner Iskra So, James, James is like, well, she chooses Mark, she's not coming back to me, that's for sure. Because I don't know nobody who wants sloppy seconds. That ain't my deal. I'm no sloppy second. Wouldn't she be the sloppy second? Because you got laid last week. So wouldn't she be considered sloppy seconds to Mark? Yes. They bone last week

because they covered the camera and everything. She would be sloppy seconds. He's not well also by James saying I don't want somebody sloppy seconds. That's like it's that's also implying that like Mark has chosen the way and then discarded the way and it's like no the way and is the one in power here. You're the, you're the, in fact- You're the return shirt, okay? You're the guy, you're the one that she tried on, didn't like, and is now taking back to, you know. You are the sloppy seconds.

Yeah, you're the discarded first. Yeah. So Luan, meanwhile, is getting really close into Mark's face, Luan is getting really close into Mark's face. Luann is so strange when she is courting. I don't feel like we ever really saw this, but she's like right up in Mark's face. And she's like, Bonjour papillon, papillon, bonjour, aujourd'hui, je danse, je chante, bonjour, je m'appelle Luann. Gouda gouda, panneau chocolat. Wow. That's sexy.

And now it's the return of Joel the bellhop. He's like, hi everybody. How was the boat? All right. Well, we brought a very special group of people in to help ladies make decisions if they're friends and family. So Cynthia Bailey comes out for Luanne, Cal comes out for Giselle, Adeline and Sophie come out for Shannon, and then Ashley's new gay who has not really been part of Bravo

long enough to have his name be remembered, yet he is here as well. I think he made his debut this past season. The guy around is like, random white gay for Ashley. But yeah, I don't remember him, but she insists that they've been like best friends forever. So I guess maybe we saw him at her. We saw him. Yeah, like her.

But you know, he's not a good gay because he's doing things like, you know what you should do? Open a sportswear line with Giselle and call it GNA. So I feel like he's a bad advice gay. He was not very impactful for us. So everyone's hugging, everyone's happy, like, oh my God, this is so happy. This is so great to see you. And the Shannon's daughters come up to her and Sophie's like, are you crying, mom?

Don't cry. I'm just, I'm crying because I'm happy to see you. And I'm just part of the tier that's also thinking about what my life would be like on a lake and how you probably would never visit me if I went there, would you? Ever? I don't know what I'm saying. You're just so young and so beautiful and you have so many options that aren't named Earl. And it just, I'm just so happy for you.

Go ahead, love your lives. Please, please go have fun. Cause if you don't you're gonna wind up with a man named Earl the Pearl who dances with his shirt off to Mony Mony. Don't be like me. Run, daughters, run. I just want you to tell your children one day you had a grandmother and now she's the lady in a lake, the bottom of the lake, calling out for other women who have no other options to just walk into the lake until they're gone and nobody sees them again. Could you imagine getting on a boat and you try to escape the lake, but you can't because you're bound in, cause it's a lake.

There's nowhere to go just in circles. Circles from the stopping turtle. Um, so Joel is like, hi, okay. Sit with your friends on the, on the couch. Okay. Oh, well, uh, wow. This is very exciting. The bellhop arranged to have all our friends here today. He's like, yeah, well. Well, as you know, your friends are here on a journey to find their happily ever after, blah, blah, blah. So, uh, Hey Cal, how do you know Giselle? And Cal's like, um, I was friends with her husband, ex husband. Yeah. Ex husband. Yeah. Okay. Cool. Cynthia Bailey needs no introduction because you're on every show on Bravo right now. Okay, who else is nice? These two girls, what's your deal? Yeah. And so we meet the girls and then Ashley talks about Brandt being such a huge part of her

life and all that. So now they have to go on dates and the friends and family get to pick the dates, right? So that's what they're gonna do. So now Cal is talking to Theo and he's like, so how do you find love in a couple of weeks? Like that's crazy, right? How are you just like, I'm gonna go on a show and find love. And Leo's like, well, you gotta put yourself out there and maybe the universe is kind enough

to send you someone who's not just using you for your medical degree and your riches. And then Phil walks over and Gisele's like, Cal, this is Phil. And Cal's like, oh, hey, what book have you been reading, Phil? It's a book about Bel Air. Bel Air Quarterly. It was rich. The sheets are made of gold, so it's a very, very heavy book to read. But it's a good one. Daniel still worthy.

So then Shannon introduces her girls to Earl. And so if he's like, so what's the like what's going on? Hi, hi, Earl. And then inside Cal is asking Phil some more question. He's like, hi there. And then inside, Cal is asking Phil some more questions. He's like, so where are you from? He's like, I'm from Phoenix, which you may recognize as a city that's not inside. So you're into fashion? Oh, yeah. Very, very much so. And then Luan is sitting with Cynthia and James and also Mark and James is like sitting right next to Cynthia and he's like really on top of her and he's got his hand on Cynthia's back and everything and Cynthia sort of like politely moves his hand like off of her and everything and it's like he's definitely being too handsy. He's being weird. Yeah, he is being weird. And so he's like, well, I've been married twice. I've got two daughters. My youngest is 27. You've got a, you've got a, um, um, a disc that might be a

little loose by the way. Okay. You can get your hand off me. Okay. That would be great. That would be great. So then Earl meanwhile is telling the girls, he's like, well, I have a house in Lawrenceville, Georgia, which is about 30 minutes outside of Atlanta. And I do a lot of fun stuff there. I mean, I got tickets to the Falcons. I also like to try to talk to Falcons that I see in the neighborhood and you know, I love plays. Oh God. Hey, have you ever seen the Sisters Rosenzweig? Oh my goodness, what a great play. I should call it Arsenic and New Lace

cause that never gets old. I'll tell you right now, you know we got concerts out there everyone comes to Lawrenceville, right? Musicals. Susan Boyle, Susan Boyle, you ever go to a Susan Boyle concert? God, I nearly lost my composure at that one. A lot of fun that we have in Lawrenceville.

And Adeline's like, where do you see yourself in 10 years? He's like, ah, you know, I'm either gonna be in or open some geriatric daycare centers. Not really sure, I guess time will tell, am I right? Hey, wouldn't Shannon be great there? Hey, Shan, you wanna work at some geriatric fun time centers? Well, that's great, wow. So now I'm not only gonna die in a lake, it's gonna be some geriatric fun time centers. Well, that's great, wow.

So now I'm not only gonna die in a lake, it's gonna be with geriatric people. With a view of the lake. You know, where I see myself in 10 years, it's hard to say it all is gonna depend on, you know, the financial stability of Red Lobster. If they can pull themselves out of this hole, I'll be right there at the counter eating a cheesy biscuit.

Well, mom, my daughters have seen it all. They were there when I was married to their father, first of all, and they've been through my entire past relationship with user, boozer and loser, John Jansen. So, I'm excited to see what their thoughts are about. Girl, let's see. You know, for me, I just, I'm always wanting to do more, but it's just, I don't have a lot of time. I don't have a lot of time left to do the things that I really wanna do. I mean, if I had my dream, it would be to do a one man play based off of the hit CBS show, Criminal Minds.

God, that would be a great show. Here's an idea I've had. I wanna do Moby Dick, but with the music from Oklahoma and set in a lake. How about Moby Dick, but instead of Captain Ahab chasing a whale in the ocean, it's someone on a lake trying to scoop up a can that someone threw in there.

It just keeps getting away from the little net and then paddled, they're like, let's move the pontoon, but then the can floats a little bit farther away. It's a captivating story if you think about it. So now Cal is still quizzing Phil, and Giselle's like, okay, yeah, let's rank things in importance, food, sex, sleep. And Phil's like, I would say,

belly up, belly up, belly up. Hmm, that's not quite the answer I was looking for. I would say, belly up, belly up, belly up. Hmm, that's not quite the answer I was looking for. I was going to say sex, sleep, food. Sex, no. Well, who chooses sex first? Food is number one. Food, sleep, sex. Yeah, I think that's it.

I know everybody wants to seem like 100% sexually viable, because especially on these shows, like as people start to age, like, my vagina works, my penis works. You know, like they're very excited, like I have sex 20 times a day. No, you don't. Nobody believes it and nobody needs it, okay?

You want your food, your sleep, and then you'll fuck sometimes. Yeah, exactly. So Theo is like, well, I food, your sleep, and then you'll fuck sometimes. Yeah, exactly. So Theo's like, well, I could go without sleep. And she's like, no, sleep is very important to me. Which apparently Gisele is, like Cal says that she's in bed by eight o'clock and she's like, no.

They're like, okay, 9.30. But I've never pegged, I never really thought about it either way, to be honest about what time Gisele goes to bed. But she apparently is an early to bed person. Best way to live. Best way to live. Early to bed, late to rise.

Makes a man poor. Probably not too wise, but well, well rested. Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two part recap. For part two, go look for the recap that says part two See you over there suckers watch what crap ins would like to thank its premium sponsors Ain't no thing like Alison King. It's always a party on Alison block. Our way is the amber way It's the foster and the furious. It's Amanda Foster. She can run my country, it's Angie McGovern. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto.

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