Watch What Crappens - #2873 Love Hotel S01E6, Part 2: Friends and Lovers
Episode Date: June 3, 2025This is part 2 of a two-part recapThe ladies of the Love Hotel have a lot of creepy men to choose from; so thankfully they get a little help this week. Cynthia Bailey, Cal, and others swing b...y to help narrow the field. It doesn’t really help. To watch this recap on video, listen to our Trailer Trash bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for the Mounting Hysteria Tour are now on sale at watchwhatcrappens.com See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Every big moment starts with a big dream.
But what happens when that big dream turns out to be a big flop?
From Wondry and Atwill Media, I'm Misha Brown, and this is the Big Flop. Every week, comedians join me to chronicle the biggest flubs,
fails, and blunders of all time, like Quibi.
It's kind of like when you give yourself your own nickname
and you try to, like, get other people to do it.
And the 2019 movie adaptation of Cats.
Like, if I'm watching the dancing
and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground,
there's something wrong with the movie.
Find out what happens when massive hype turns watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie.
Find out what happens when massive hype turns into major fiasco. Enjoy The Big Flop on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.
You can listen to The Big Flop early and ad-free on Wondery Plus. Get started with your free trial at Wondery.com slash plus. Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Crab Hi everyone, welcome back.
This is part two of a two part recap.
If you're wondering where part one was, we'll go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe
so that we always get your episodes.
But enough of that.
Let's get right back into the episode.
Grant is questioning Wale.
He's 38.
Ralph is 61. And Ashley's like,
Ashley's like, So, something we talked about is children.
This thing with Ashley is hilarious to me. So, she tells Wale,
So Wale, I mean, do you want children? And he goes, Sure.
When? Probably in a few years.
A few years? That's so long. He's like, Okay, like in a week then.
She goes, Oh my God, Wale wants my children in a few years. A few years? That's so long. It's like, okay, like in a week then. She goes, oh my God, Wale wants my children in a week. Well, I can't date Wale. It's so hard
having children with a man. I'm like, you have two children at home, Ashley. Okay. Are we forgetting
that? Any man you're going to be with is already going to be a father to your children.
Trey Lockerbie Yeah, she keeps moving the goalpost when it comes to the children stuff.
And then Brandon asks, like, well, how do you feel about being a stepdaddy? Both of you. And while I was like, well, it would
depend on the children. I mean, do the children like me? Like that's a big factor. And she's
like, Oh my God. And then Ralph was like, you know, I dated women with children. I got
kids, but you just have to work that out organically and see if it works out or not. So it's his
non answer answer. She goes, yeah, wow, that's hot. Well, should we play a little game? Okay, this is a game called this or that.
That's where you say two options
and then the person's pick one of the options, okay?
This or that.
It's a really advanced game.
Mountain or beach?
Well, he wants mountain, Ralph wants beach
and Ashley wants beach,
which means she's gonna end up with Ralph
because that's a huge one. So Brant's like, do you want a really great sex or a really great date night and Ralph wants sex and while they also want sex
Okay, so then Ashley wants a great date because that's longer lasting
She's like most sex last three minutes and they're like what and Wally is like, yeah, then you definitely need good sex
You should have answered sex
Excuse me, I was wondering if I could join in
on this game of this or that,
which is also a game I play when I go to a cocktail party
and I decide, cocktail weenie or tortilla gym,
this or that.
I noticed that one of the options was mountain or beach.
I cannot but notice that when I played this game with Earl, his options were lake and lake.
Were we playing it wrong?
He said lake and in and out.
So I'm not really sure.
He said lake or Cheddar's.
What is Cheddar's?
Is he trying to push a cheese agenda on me or is that an actual dining establishment? Pete Slauson
Cynthia is still questioning Mark and he does brownstones in New York City. He restores
brownstones. His last relationship was over a year ago and that lasted six years ago.
And he will not say how young she was because she was young. Pete Slauson Yeah.
And so, yeah, they keep trying to get around this, but he's not. So, then they move on to Mitch,
who, I mean, I don't care, I'm not paying attention to Mitch. So, Cynthia's like,
Luan's like, well, Mitch wants to be a Globetrotter, that's hot. So, then James chimes in,
he's like, great all Mitch? By the way, say it again. Who is Mitch? By the
way, I love that Mitch is a globe trotter. Now who is this
man? It's like he's sitting right here. He's been on the
entire episode.
The globe trotters are fantastic. You know, they are
actually considered cabaret performers.
They live in Harlem. So James, I didn't even know there was a place above the Upper East Side, but turns out that's
where all these globe trotters live.
So James has his body right draped.
Sorry, that was a really weird.
That's a bad, that was a whoopsie.
Draped around Cynthia and Cynthia is kind of looking grossed out and says, all right,
two questions.
Would you consider New York as a third place or would you consider a third leg as a good
boyfriend?
Because I got both of them.
And Mitch is like, well, I would consider anywhere on the planet to move to.
And James is like, well, okay, but can you, do you think that you really love her?
Do you think that you could love her the way she deserves to be loved?
Mark is like, okay, are you going to shut up?
James, be a gentleman.
Don't hang on my girlfriend with the way you are.
Okay, James, you know what?
James, compose yourself.
Okay?
Don't have your armor on Cynthia. You hear it from me. She's not your girlfriend. She's
mine. Why the fuck did the bellhop bring us former model onto your current model, I should
say? God damn it. I'm supposed to be the star.
Listen, you may have been to Amsterdam, but you're never going to Cynthia. Back the fuck
away. Back the fuck away, James.
He's like, well, but I didn't mean anything.
You're right, you're right.
I go, you better get your hand down.
Get a, put your hand in your pocket
and pretend you've got some change in there.
That is disgusting.
That, how dare you.
You're right, I'm sorry, Luann.
Well, I hope you get those hands out of Lake Bailey
because I don't know where I was going with that.
I just wanted to say Lake Bailey.
Anyway, the point is be a gentleman.
So Luann, I love that she just totally scolds James.
And she should have by the way,
and I'm glad that she did because he was all over Cynthia
and Cynthia did not seem to be happy about it.
Yeah, Cynthia's like, I'll move over.
I'll just move over here.
So then she gets told off
and now Joel brings everybody back together.
He's like, I can't wait to hear how the mixer went.
All right, everyone, grab a seat.
So Ms. Cynthia Bailey, give me the rundown.
And so she's like, well, Mitch was great.
And I love that he's at peace with his life.
And I feel like James Luan have undeniable and sane, obsessive chemistry, despite the
fact that he was groping my backside.
But I feel like I want to get to know Mark a little bit more.
I want to know what causes a man to have Santa styling, but Aladdin fashion.
So I choose Mark. Jared Slauson Basic gay, what did you think of the Ashley
verse?
What did you think of Ashley in the Ashley verse?
Are you Ashley-versing with the citizens of Ashley verse?
J.D.
J.D.
Well, my choice for Ashley is Ralph because we all know she can't get over her daddy
issues.
Okay, all right. Good. Good.
Ashley loves a little bit of rosacea. Okay. So Ralph it is. Let's go.
All right. So, uh, Cal, what about you and Cal's like, um, does that like money? So Phil, we're like, okay. And Sophie and Adeline, who of the one people,
who of the one people that is currently interested in Shannon, would
you like to go on a date with Shannon?
Yeah.
And they're like, well, you know, my mom like always takes care of other people.
So I think she needs someone who can take care of her.
And that would be Earl.
And I was like, Billy, what is he going to do?
But Alty on a cut.
Like, what is the man going to honestly be able to do?
I mean, at this point, I'd be willing to date the valet over here.
I mean, it's just the options are dwindling.
Okay, so the dates have been chosen.
There are some cooking dates, guys.
Cooking dates coming up.
Let's see what these men are made of.
Ashley's going to mixology class.
Giselle is going to pastry class.
Shannon, guacamole class.
And Luan, pie class.
That's right.
And as we all know, that's a class where you eat pies
and sing Rihanna songs go, ay-ah, ay-ah.
So then.
So mixology class with Ashley and Ralph,
and they do that.
Ashley's like, it's all in the riffs.
He's like, tell me about it, honey.
So they drink their stuff and Ralph goes,
wow, daddy like.
She goes, oh my God.
Brant's like, did you say daddy like?
He goes, yeah.
He goes, wow, he said daddy like.
I don't know about, I'm never going to live with that one down, huh?
Brant is like, this guy is so disgusting saying daddy like.
Ash is like, oh my God, take me to the closet right now.
Let's do it.
She said, this guy who, when they kiss, he's like, and then he's like, daddy like.
I'm so cheesy. Yeah.
So then we go over to Giselle and Giselle's like, Phil is a catcher. Phil is a great guy. But cows very protective, very,
very protective. So let's see. So cows likes, you know, they
cook a little bit. And then we see Shannon going to her
guacamole class and she goes, Oh cook a little bit. And then we'd see Shannon going to her guacamole class
and she goes, oh my God, wow, is that a sombrero?
Oh my, yes, yes, I love sombreros.
Wow, oh Earl, I noticed that you're not putting
on your sombrero, you've never worn a sombrero before?
First the vegetables, now a sombrero?
Oh my goodness.
You know, sombreros are a very major costume piece in my award-winning
show, Dos Amigas, which used to be Trace Amigas before one of them turned into an absolute cow.
Okay, sombrero is depressing me. Could someone get Tamara on the phone? We just need to settle this.
TG So Adeline is like, I think Earl is a really sweet guy and I think he has really good intentions
and it's really refreshing to see my mom talk to a guy that, you know, like that because
he's definitely the opposite of her previous relationships.
Yes, because my previous relationships were on a coastline and Earl is on a lake.
So take it with a grain of salt, which you might not find in a lake.
I'll tell you that much.
So now the chef brings over crickets and she's like,
um, cricket? Am I supposed to eat people playing the sport or the bug? Because I'm not doing
either thing. I'm not a cannibal or a cricket eater. I will not do it unless it's Jiminy.
Honestly, I never liked that little person's advice. Bring him on.
JP Oh, uh, well, um, Ralph, they have an entire bowl of your phone. Oh, not that type of cricket.
TG So Adeline eats one, Well, Ralph, they have an entire bowl of your phone. Oh, not that much, the cricket.
So Adeline eats one and Shannon's like, is there a doctor? Can we get a doctor? Oh, there's the doctor over there. Could you please ask him to also bring my spinach artichoke dip?
It's week seven.
I'm sorry, I did not realize that crickets were an option for this or that because I
would not have chosen this or that.
So they taught, they're like crazily eating crickets and stuff. And Adeline's like, it
was really good, but I got to get the leg out of my teeth real quick. Excuse me.
I raised my daughter to be a lady and look at her have a cricket in her teeth.
And then Earl's like eating it and he's like, he enjoys it so he eats a few of them.
Oh, oh, oh, I see.
So you're having more than one?
You're eating them like peanuts, Earl.
And yet when it comes to a carrot, suddenly that's off limits.
Oh, should I just start calling celery sticks crickets now?
Will you be into that then?
Hey Earl, would you like a salad of romaine and tomato?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I meant to say worms and butterflies
So now Luann has her class and the chefs like your knife is a new knife
So be careful this knife is dangerous and the last like especially on a threesome. All right
The way is I drunk went out she is swinging that like sharp-ass knife around.
She's like, oh well, you know, this reminds me of the time that I auditioned to be part of the
Pirates of Penzance sword fight. I'm a shark, you're a jet, body boo, body boo, scatting, right?
Designed by Candice Olson, everybody. You're welcome.
There's a place for scatting, a beautiful place for a boop-a-deep,
a boop-a-deep-a-deep, a boop-a-deep-a-deep,
a boop-a-deep-a-deep.
They're like, ma'am, you just got off my pinky.
Well, get stronger pinkies.
They told you the knife was dangerous.
So now Luan is talking to Mark about,
Mark's trying to be sexual about the seafood.
They have lobster, prawns and stuff like that.
And so Mark's like, yes, at the head.
And Cynthia goes, that's leader.
That's leader.
And then, so now the chef was like,
just chop the onion, tomato and garlic.
So Luanne takes this knife and she whacks it down
on the onion so hard the onion goes flying into the air and you know, the chef was like,
Oh my God, these people are going to get themselves injured. And in fact,
Mark somehow does actually get injured. I don't know how it happens.
I don't know if it was from Luanne or whatever, but now he's bleeding. So,
and the chef was like, Oh, this is dangerous. Okay. This is like,
you guys are joking around. This is dangerous. Are you okay? And he was like,
Oh, he cut himself. I had your blood, don't worry.
I was a nurse 45 years ago
in the rural confines of Connecticut.
Here, come with me to the bathroom and I will treat you.
I will suture you up.
I'll be a Florence Nightingale.
And just like Florence Nightingale once said
to her favorite patient,
a boop, a doop, a doop, a doop, a doop, a doop, a doop,
a doop, a doop, a doop.
Oh, so then Cynthia's like, Wow, you should, you should really not be around knives, by
the way.
And the man's like, I know how to chop.
And Cynthia goes, and you know how to cut deep, deep, very deep.
So then we go back to Giselle and Phil, and Giselle is loving it so far.
And she talks about how they got to
see an astrologer, and Gisele's like, you know, she looked at Phil and said, he's rich.
So he also changes all of the time, but for the better, and Phil's like, you know, my
communication is much better because I would only speak to people in Bel Air.
Now I only speak to people in Bel Air, but I'll wave to people outside of the borders
of Bel Air.
So I've changed quite a bit.
You know, I used to be a controlling, horrible asshole of a man.
And then I decided I'll be single for a while.
So I think I've changed for the better.
She's just putting up red flag after red flag.
And Giselle's like, so you're saying you're a selfish and you lived in the film movie?
He's like, hmm, it was a very good movie.
I would disappear for days on end. I would go to exotic places like Brentwood, California,
where no one knew where I was. Because when you're outside of Bel Air, you don't go outside
of Bel Air. It's all just a misty wilderness outside of those gates. But I would disappear
for days on end.
I once traveled out of the country to a gorgeous country called Tarzana.
Huge, Home God, huge.
No one knew who I was and I wouldn't tell them.
And I just wouldn't talk to people.
And I would do what I wanted to do.
And I would be...
I was controlling too.
I would say, you don't get to leave Bel Air today.
All those fun things.
I mean, this guy sounds actually terrible,
but like all that Gisele and Kelsey
are just like dollar signs because Gisele sees the money.
She's like, I want a rich, rich husband.
And Cal's like, I need my client to have a rich husband
because she still has to pay me for her services.
Yes, exactly.
But also it's interesting to me because they're like, okay, Phil, we really want to open up. Like, what are your faults? And then he's honest about what his faults are.
He's like, well, in my last relationships, I've been selfish. And then I didn't really know how
to communicate. And so those are things that I've worked on, I think I've gotten better at.
And then they're like, oh, my God, he's, he's selfish and doesn't communicate? I'm like, no, he was that way.
He's actually communicating very well now.
I mean, he told you exactly what his problems are,
but they're like, gross.
It reminds me, I went to a job interview one time
and the lady was like, what's your biggest fault?
And I was like, sometimes I just like, don't feel like it.
Sometimes I'm just lazy.
Like, totally. And we know I'm just lazy. Like, I totally...
And I mean, I was really young, obviously,
and I didn't get the job.
And I told my friends, and they were like,
why would you say that?
And I said, because she said to be honest.
And they're like, well, yeah,
no one wants you to really be honest, Ronnie.
No one wants you.
I found that same trap.
My friend was like, I had randomly an interview
with the NBA, right? Like it was like,
it was right after college to like, I don't know,
there was some position at the NBA. I was like, that sounds fun.
I could work at the NBA. Wouldn't that be fun? Me working at the NBA.
And my friend was like, I was like,
I don't know what I should do to prep for this. My friend was like,
just be honest. So I went in to meet with the NBA and they're like, well,
what would you like to do? I was like, I'd like to be a writer.
They're like, okay, well, what would you like to do? I was like, I'd like to be a writer. Like, okay.
Well, the NBA.
Sometimes honesty is not good.
It's time for a commercial.
It's time for a crap. It's commercial.
At 24, I lost my narrative or or rather it was stolen from me, and the Monica Lewinsky that
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I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours.
Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again.
So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable
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My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their
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They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets
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Every big moment starts with a big dream.
But what happens when that big dream turns out to be a big flop?
From Wondery and Atwill Media, I'm Misha Brown and this is The Big Flop.
Every week, comedians join me to chronicle the biggest flubs, fails, and blunders of
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It's kind of like when you give yourself your own nickname and you try to get other people to do it.
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So then we go to back to Shannon and they ask if he's ever seen a Real Housewives show
and he's like, well, no, but I mean, you can't live in the United States and hear about those rubber faced idiots.
Am I right? You know, I mean, I thought Orange County was in Florida and they're
like, oh God, there isn't Orange County in Florida. He's like, ah, well,
I was half right.
I mean, you know, she, you know, she, she,
she could have walked right by me and except for finding her attractive,
I want to throw that in, you know, I, that would would make me turn my head but not because she's a housewife
or anything I mean do you expect the person that you are to watch every show with you
because by the way fun fact I am an ardent fan of fly fishing USA so I was kind of thinking
we have a little bit of a battle for the TiVo.
Yeah here's the thing you know you want you want me to watch this show with you but I
looked it up on the internets and it turns
out it's on at the same time as Wild Tuna.
I just worry because I have a season pass to Angler United.
It's a really compelling soap opera for men who like fish. Well, I just, I just, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, Earl. I need to figure out if I can date a simple man and whether or not he will be
safe if he ever meets Heather DeBrow,
because I'm actually very concerned about how that would turn out.
I would be too. Cause you know, Heather DeBrow and Terry DeBrow,
we just rip him apart.
I think I actually need them to be together just to have Shannon bring Earl to
dinner party at the DeBrow's and I think like, so Earl,
you live on a lake.
What exactly is that?
Can you?
Do you remember when they brought the first Dr. Jen
over to their house with her kind of like trashy husband
who never had a shirt on
and they just completely decimated him.
Oh my God.
That was one of my favorite episodes
of Orange County of all time.
That was such an underrated episode. That was so hilarious. And then the guy, he put the napkin
in his shirt. Oh my God. He put the napkin in and was like ready for meal. And then Heather
was making eyes at her, like wine, like wine owning people, like members, her friends,
the old winery and they were looking. It was, I, I, I, that was one of the most brilliant in your shirt.
Oh, do you need somebody to chew, chew the mouth into your, the food into your mouth?
So Earl, tell me, do you often show up at dinner parties with your shirt open like that?
I heard there'll be dancing. Earl needs to know that Real Housewives is a huge
part of my life. And he's like, I don't know if I can handle someone being mean to Shannon.
She goes, well, I just, I don't know. He might be too simple for me. So he's like, I have
to be honest, if I got to watch a show, I don't know if I could do this. So we finally
found Earl's breaking point and it's having to watch an episode of Real Housewives. Earl's like, fuck this. This lady can emotionally abuse me. She can go find the son who begged me
not to be in this life and changed his name and his social security number and moved
like into the witness protection program to not see me. But here's the breaking point.
I have to watch a Real Housewives show. I'm out.
Well, mainly because he knows that there would be
like a spread of vegetables put before him to watch it.
It's like, well, I put out some carrots and some celery
for us to enjoy.
We'll be watching this television show.
I'm out, I can't do this.
It's a bit too much for me, Shannon.
That was a trigger point for me.
So of course Luanne is doing the typical Luanne stuff
on her date.
She's like, wow, this is delicious food.
I'm having an orgasm over here, boys.
Cynthia's like, all right, no more orgasm talk.
I'm just trying to vet this man.
Fine.
I'll stop speaking.
And instead I'll sing orgasm.
So now we get to the real meat of this, which is Cynthia asking, have you ever dated anyone
Luanne's age?
And he's like, um, well, no, I mean, close, close, but no.
How close?
Well, if you took the two numbers of her age and you reversed them.
Let's see.
What is, what is, uh is 300 minus 22?
I think that's...
Pie.
So he's just kind of like...
It's just pie.
I've dated pie.
3.124.
31, 24, and...
14, 8, 9, yeah.
Cynthia's like, but how close to her age?
And Louis is like, not close enough.
Took him long enough to answer.
Gee, I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. 24, and... Eight, nine, yeah. Yeah, Cynthia's like, but how close to her age?
I guess, and Louis is like, not close enough.
Took him long enough to answer, Jesus Christ.
No wonder he didn't make out with me.
I still had, you only make out with girls
who still got their molars in.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha.
What happened to the wind's molars?
Ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Lord? Those things have removed at some point.
With some teeth.
I don't just get wisdom teeth removed.
I get molars too.
Listen, when you're working your jaw a lot, you need to have as much space as possible.
So yeah, he basically it's clear.
He just likes the young ladies.
Yeah.
So he's an old, he's an old wealthy man about town.
Luann knows all about this.
They keep showing clips of, you know, her exes, the gross guys on Real Housewives of
New York.
So she already knows this.
This is not going to be great for her, but she will still go back and like date him and
fuck him.
You know? Yeah. I mean, she'll fuck him, But like he, cause he basically, he hedges and says,
I'm interested in people who I can have fun with the implication of me that younger people tend to
want to have more fun. But for Luan, it's just like, okay, this guy's not serious. He just wants
to be silly. And so, um, Mark is like, well, do you want me to say I love you? Like James does.
Well, I didn't ask that, but yes, if you want to say I love you like James does? Well, I didn't ask that.
But yes, if you want to say that, that'd be perfectly fine.
So I mean, that's crazy.
I mean, the craziest thing I ever heard.
I mean, doesn't that frighten you a little bit?
Yes, terribly.
Also, I'm very aroused by it.
She loves that.
She loves that Mark is saying I love you.
Yeah, that Jeff was or whatever.
But she's like, you know, of course, of course it's scary when he says it too
early, but it also scares me that you're not saying it too early. You see, it may be scary,
but it happens all the time, Mark. Are you here? Are you here to play? Are you here to go home?
Come on, Mark. What you got in ya? You're playing with the big boys now.
So she is thinking this probably isn't going to work, but we'll see. So she's
like, I mean, I'm not sure if he knows how to have a committed relationship. And that
worries me. So Cynthia's like, you know, I don't think that this is really happening,
Luan. I mean, you'll be good friends, but there's something missing here. This is not
working for you. Yeah. So now, meanwhile, over with Ashley, Ralph and Brandt, they're cheersing and Ralph's
like, I'll drink to that. And Brandt's like, so is there anything that gives you reservations?
Because both of you are just from different backgrounds. You know, I mean, you have kids
and divorces, but like, that's it that you have in common? And Ashley's like, no, well,
there is some validity to this question, but he does kiss like a lizard and that is very attractive to me.
And he does seem like he's like a not terribly interesting person and that's also attracted
to me.
So I don't know.
He's like, I don't know if I can move, you know, maybe I could move and check.
Well, he lives in Tennessee.
So do I see myself in Tennessee?
No.
But do I see myself in Tennessee with someone really old, kind
of smelly, a little bit of rosacea and watery eyes? Yes. So, I don't know. Where will my
boner lead me?
Pete Slauson Why isn't the discussion about why, like, why
isn't it about, like, where the men moving to Ashley? Why is she seeing her, trying to
figure out her life in Rhode Island or Tennessee? They're here for you. They're going to move,
they should move to you in Potomac, okay? So,
Pete Slauson Well, it's always interesting on these dating shows, because that becomes one of
the big things in the end is they date, they fall in love, and then they're like, but you just live
so far. So, should we localize this? Because it seems weird to like start hooking people up from
all over the country, and then there are people who won't move, you know?
But then if you do say you would move,
then they would think you're crazy.
Like, what do you mean you'd move from me?
You're moving a little quickly, Ralph.
I want a dating show called, let's localize this.
Localize this, you know, get like Grindr,
see who's a block away, see if they'll work for you.
Oh, by the way, this has nothing to do with Grindr,
but I think I have new neighbors and I think they couldn't sell the house next door to me
Probably because it's way overpriced and ridiculous
so I think what's happening is that they have rented it out and
Now there are like seven young people moving in there to like have a share house
And I'm about to freak the fuck out
Huh? Like is it like a share house or is it like an influencer house?
Do they still do influencer houses?
Well that wouldn't surprise me
because they're all really young and really fit
and good looking and they're always on their phones.
Like I can see them from up here and they're always,
like they're unpacking but they're holding a box here
and then they're like taping themselves
while they're packing so probably are influencers.
Maybe it's an OnlyFans house.
Okay, I'm in.
That's good. I'm like, that sounds fun. Hey an OnlyFans house. Okay, I'm in. That's good.
I'm like, that sounds fun.
Hey, you guys want some Rice Krispies trees?
I'm Ronnie, I'm your next door neighbor.
Just wanted to welcome you to the house.
Let's localize this.
So then, you come out there, you're like, moaner, moaner.
So, Brent is like, um, Ralph,
what has someone in a relationship said
that you have been maybe moody about?
And he was like, well, I'm impatient, okay?
I mean, oh wait, I have to back that up real quick
because I can make this sound traumatic.
At a very late age, I spent hours,
eight hours researching ADHD, OCD, dyslexia,
and discovered, holy shit,
I just sat down for eight hours doing something
that told me that I can't do something
for eight hours straight.
So this is me.
I went and I saw someone, and I didn't self-diagnose,
but it turns out I'm all of these.
I'm ADHD, I'm OCD, and I'm dyslexic.
And I open up a book, I own a lot of books,
but I open up a book, and it looks like the alphabet
threw up. Well, I mean, lot of books, but I open up a book and it looks like the alphabet threw up.
Well, I mean, this is exactly what Ashie needed.
Like the vulnerable, like wounded man
who's like dealing with something.
See, this is what Wale has not given Ashley.
Wale needs to give a sob story.
I mean, Ralph says a pretty stand,
I don't even think Ralph says a sob story.
I think this is a very standard thing
that like a lot of people deal with.
But he presents it like, yeah, man, I've got ADHD.
She's like, oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
I can teach you to read at the same time as my children.
This is adorable.
But also I, you know, part of me doesn't trust Ralph.
I've never trusted Ralph.
I mean, I've made it very clear on this show.
There's something about Ralph.
I just don't trust that he seems like an asshole.
He just does.
So he's saying now that he's very impatient.
That's his biggest flaw.
And so now he's realized through reading about it
that it's actually, you know,
he's diagnosed all these reasons.
But to me, it sounds like you're a grumpy asshole
is what it sounds like.
And you're a grumpy asshole who's come up with a reason that you can say it's medical
there.
Now, as far as the 80 the reading and stuff, I'm not really sure like the dyslexia.
But the other stuff I'm like, are you just not grumpy?
Yeah, it still doesn't explain why you say things like, Daddy, like, yeah, you can't
play with like HD for that. He's like, well, I was trying to read a book about etiquette,... Yeah, you can't blame ADHD for that.
He's like, well, I was trying to read a book about etiquette, but unfortunately it didn't
make sense to me.
So I didn't get the lesson.
So I just say, Daddy like...
But also you're mixing a lot of things in the ADHD, OCD and dyslexia.
That's a lot.
That's so personal.
Did you just run out of time to give yourself other things?
He's like, well, I also discovered that restless leg syndrome and it makes me impatient.
It's in the leg.
Tell me about it.
I've figured out I had that when I couldn't stop trying to find the beat of things.
Now I have a cabaret.
I've got restless Congo syndrome
So it's like it's a journey oh now they're honking I'm gonna kill these people
Or honking we might be telling you I brought you yeah I could hear them like yelling back and forth to each other and now I hear them fucking honking out there
Probably just one of them is taking too long inside and they want to leave they're gonna have to look up
honking out there. Probably just one of them is taking too long inside and they want to leave. They're going to have to look up.
Auntie Ronnie is going over there soon. Bueller, you better get your...
Go over with a rolling pin. Be like, next time you're going to get this up the side
of your face.
Yeah, that's not going to work. Or one of those salt guns that they use for flies. You
know how you can shoot the flies with a salt gun.
Is this a co-ed house? Is it all men and women?
No, it's co-ed. It looks half and half so far.
I'm gonna need some photos soon. Just letting you know.
Oh god, that's all I need.
Our creepy neighbor is up there taking photos of us.
Hey mister, you want a better shot?
Um, okay, so they've already got me up here taking notes.
I'm like, the blonde one took a box in while filming herself.
The brunette one honked. the brunette one honked.
Okay, so Ashley is of course in love now.
And he's like, I'm on a journey.
I'm trying to get better.
I'm on such a period of discovery.
Daddy like, daddy like.
Oh, I really like that Raph is being forthcoming.
I think that's a good sign
for how he would be in a relationship.
Did you overlook the part where you said
he was impatient though?
Like you liked that he's forthcoming,
but you seem to forget,
like you also just found out he'll be very impatient
in a relationship too.
Yeah.
So then we go to Theo and James joining Shannon,
Earl and the daughters by the bar.
And, you know, they're just asking about Luanne
and stuff like that.
So then Ashley has a conversation with Wally
and every conversation they have ends up in an argument.
So it's always fun to see how it happens.
Yeah.
So she checks in with him and he's like,
oh my God, look at you, red lip, red dress,
T, you didn't do my accent today. So she does her accent or his accent.
Yeah. She goes, Oh, I do do it well. So she, he's like, go ahead, go ahead.
So she's like, she does her little thing. And she goes, you know,
cause I didn't know that people from Rhode Island spoke like that.
Like where does your accent come from? He's like, I'm not sure to be honest.
And she goes, well, I don't want to be offensive to other cultures,
but I do really like accents. So he's like, well, which accent do you like the most? She goes, I really I don't want to be offensive to other cultures, but I do really like accents.
So he's like, well, which accent do you like the most?
Because I really like the Nigerian accent.
He's like, okay, well, you want to learn something in Yoruba and the actual language.
She's like, yeah.
And he's like, okay.
So they're just, it seems like I was like, okay, this is going well.
They're having a conversation.
They have not started to fight yet.
Is this going to be their first successful?
I think they're going to break up because they didn't end up in a fight.
And I think their love language
is arguing about stupid things.
And so now that they're not arguing, I'm like, they're dead.
This couple's dead and water.
But Ashley says,
each passing minute that I spend with Ralph and Wale,
like my feelings for them are just like
growing stronger and stronger.
And my mind just keeps going to the fact that eventually
I'm going to have to pick one of these guys.
And I just don't know how I'm ever going to do that. It's Ralph. It's definitely Ralph. It's Ralph
And that brings us to the end of a love hotel
Does it
I think it's over isn't it? No, what happened else? What else happened?
Isn't it? No.
What happened else?
What else happened?
That closed the notes.
I mean, it's fine for it to be the end.
Oh, wait.
Oh no.
Oh my God.
There's multiple pages left.
Why are we doing five hour recaps of Love Hotel
for fuck's sake?
I'm sorry.
I was so shocked.
And that was the end.
I really thought that was the end.
Okay, there's space at the bottom of the page.
Sorry, sorry.
Okay.
Sorry.
Okay, so we go to Shannon and James talking and they're talking about Luan and Shannon
is like, wow, that Luan, what a kick in the pants.
Does she make you laugh?
She makes me laugh when she steals all the hot men and leaves me a turtle.
Hilarious, actually.
That's hilarious.
I stopped my entire life by the beach to come down here to another beach to watch all the
men get taken by Luanne and I get stuck with the one guy on this hotel who enjoys the lake.
Oh wow, laughter.
Oh yeah, I like Luanne a lot.
I mean, she makes me laugh so hard,
I fell in love with her.
That's why I fell in love with her.
And like, love?
James, how many days have you known her?
I'm gonna say days.
I mean, it hasn't even been a week.
So let's calm down on the hunt of love.
I mean, is she a croissant?
No, we don't feel love that quickly
for non-croissant things. Shannon's like, I mean, she met her husband.
The Count, she literally met a Muppet and married a Muppet.
Can you believe it?
It only took six weeks.
And then the man's like, two weeks.
I wish you'd make your choice now so that way you would release all these men who I
am not able to talk to because they still think they got a shot with you. Luke It was two weeks, but he had a title, to be fair.
Jon So Shannon's like, well, I mean, she just,
she wants it so much. Louie wants it so much that she's willing to say, it's all going to work out.
I would personally never settle. But anyway, off to another date with Earl the Pearl. So Mark is thinking that their date made things a lot worse because he likes young chicks
and just had to admit to it, but he's going to keep trying.
He's going to keep trying guys.
And James is still trying to explain why he said he's in love with Luan.
No, I mean, I can fall in love with people as friends very quickly.
I mean, because, you know, and now that it's like morphing into a relationship, being in
love with her as a friend or being in love with her more, what I'm trying to say is I
like literally just fantasize about her 24 hours a day.
I love everything in her body, but that's it.
It's pretty chill.
And Shannon's like, I think that's scary.
It's a few days.
And she's like, it's a little red flag ish.
So says the woman who is currently still talking to the guy who's like, sometimes I'll walk
away.
I just leave for a week and no one knows where I am.
I don't talk to them.
And then when I'm back I'm controlling
Yeah, he's like one thing if I need a break I would hide my wife's keys and then I would go away for a week
But I've learned now keep the keys in the bowl
So Mark and while they are talking and
While he's like, oh my god Brant's over there fucking my shit up. What the hell?
And Mark's like, oh, I'm sure you were smooth, buddy.
You know, you got some magic, you came in strong.
And it's like, ah, it ended okay, it ended okay.
So then Earl goes to Shannon's store
and he's brought gifts for the girls.
Which I don't know if I want, I don't,
he's like, all right, I got you some trinkets.
Okay, girls, this one's yours and this one's yours. I don't know if I want it. I don't he's like I got you some trinkets. Okay girls This one's yours and this one's yours. I don't know if I want Earl selections from the hotel gift shop personally
All right. Well, those are some fishing hooks. You got Adeline and Sophie you've got worms
Okay, you put those on the hooks. You can eat them too if you want
And this is an IOU.
It's for an oversized whale painting
that I saw in the lobby.
Well, we've got a gift for you, Earl.
We have found your stepson.
We have tied him up and we've put him in the hotel safe.
So, if you're ready to meet him.
So, Cal and Gisele are talking and Gisele's like,
well, now I'm looking at Phil with a different lens.
You know, you've been playing it safe, Phil.
You've been trying to edit yourself
so I don't send you home and I don't want that.
But he's rich, you're right, nevermind.
Yeah, but this is the part where I was like,
how are you gonna say he's been editing himself?
He was so forthright with you.
Now you're mad at him for being honest with you
so you're gonna kick him out. Yeah with you. So you're going to kick him out.
Yeah. And Louann saying, I want someone that's going to chase
after me. Who's really into me. Someone to love me. Someone to
hug me. Someone to call me their own.
Cynthia's like, Yeah, you need attention.
So Brandon Asher walking on the beach and Ash is saying that, like Ralph is saying
everything she'd want to hear and Brant's like, yeah.
And I thought, you know, and I thought he didn't raise any red flags.
He's like very self-aware also.
I'm like, what about, isn't a red flag?
I'm sorry.
Yeah, what about daddy like?
That's a red flag.
But, you know, he's like, you love him, I love him.
Fine, hun, whatever.
So, then we go to Shannon and they're talking about Earl.
And Shannon's like, oh, look at those gifts.
It's so nice.
Isn't that nice?
That Earl gave you those gifts. It's so nice. Isn't that nice? They all gave you those gifts.
You know, Sandra starts talking
where she tightens her mouth and her teeth.
That is so nice.
Does anyone feel like they hear Huey Lewis in the news?
Oh, it must be the singing bass he gave you girls.
That's a lovely gift.
A fish on a wall.
It's it.
Well, it's hip to be square, I guess.
That's what the lesson is.
And they're like, he's so nice, mom.
Please just date him so we don't have to listen to you cry every night that we're trying to
have our own lives out of town.
And she's like, well, here's the problem, girls.
He doesn't like criticism.
And I'm me.
So I'm not really sure how that's going to...
That is my love language. My love language is criticizing. He doesn't eat vegetables,
my other love language, and he doesn't like criticism. So, I don't know how I am going
to deal with this.
How am I supposed to voice concerns that might be construed as negative?
And they're like, yeah, communication is great. Yeah, but when somebody
says that you're criticizing me and you hurt my feelings, then that communication is not
good. Okay, so I don't know, I really care about him, but unless he can let me speak
to him in a rude way, I'm not really sure that we're meant to be together.
So, now it comes to everyone gathering back in there, sort of like that weird room that
it's not like a lobby, but that's the room and all the guests are gone all the friends friends of are gone and Joel's like
All right. Well exciting day
Your friends have left. We didn't even see them say goodbye. We just sort of crossfaded into here. So congrats. They're gone
So now my least favorite part of the job the next elimination will be
Right now no So now my least favorite part of the job, the next elimination will be right now. No!
What?
No, I'm just kidding.
Wow, oh wow.
It's nice to see that the chef at the resort
has some jokes up his sleeve.
That was hilarious.
How many more episodes does this show have exactly? Is anybody going to tell us or are we just going to keep going until we're dead?
On Barkeep, I have a question.
Would you be interested in a singing bass that sings songs like Heart of Rock and Roll
and Hip to Be Square.
It's free of charge, just for you,
for all your good deeds.
That brings us to the end, really this time, of Love Hotel.
Love Hotel.
Thanks everyone for being here.
We will catch you on the next episode.
Don't forget to listen to our coverage of Love Island,
which will be starting this week. Talk to you next time.
Bye!
Bye!
Bye!
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