Watch What Crappens - #2877 The Valley S2E08, Part 1: A Ring of Truth To It

Episode Date: June 4, 2025

This is part 1 of 2!Janet told Jason to be mad about the ring rumor on The Valley; so now he’s mad about it. Congrats to Jasmine for finally having a storyline! Also, Jax has finally learned to stop blaming people for his problems — if only Britney hadn’t let him go this long without help!!  You can watch this recap on video, listen to our 3 part Road Trip bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens.  Tickets for our North American tour on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to watcha crappin's ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Every big moment starts with a big dream. But what happens when that big dream turns out to be a big flop? From Wondry and Atwill Media, I'm Misha Brown, and this is the Big Flop. Every week, comedians join me to chronicle the biggest flubs, fails, and blunders of all time, like Quibi. It's kind of like when you give yourself your own nickname and you try to, like, get other people to do it.

And the 2019 movie adaptation of Cats. Like, if I'm watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie. Find out what happens when massive hype turns watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie. Find out what happens when massive hype turns into major fiasco. Enjoy The Big Flop on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to The Big Flop early and ad-free on Wondery Plus. Get started with your free trial at Wondery.com slash plus. Oh, hi, welcome to Watch for Crappins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo we just love to talk about.

I'm Ben Mandelkerr and joining me today, watching me from his webcam, just making sure I'm doing all the right things. It's Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how are you? Great. How's it going over there, buddy? It's great. Of course I'm referencing Jack's and his constant creepy behavior on the valley which we were recapping today Before we dive into that a few really fun things. First of all, love Island is back

We just recorded a free bonus episode about the premiere. It's gonna be here on our crap and speed It should probably already be up on our crap and speed. It should probably already be up. And it's a preview of basically what you can hope to get all summer with love Island or love Island coverage on Patreon, where we're going to go on there and just do a chatty recap of the latest episode. So if you are interested in that coverage, go to patreon.com slash watch or crap ends and, uh, sign up on the bonus episode level and you get the bonus episodes, which is what love Island is. And of course, if you do the crap is on demand level,

you actually get to see us as well for not just those, but for this right now, what you're hearing. So go check that out. We had so much fun talking about love Island. I think it's going to be a really good season with a lot of laughs. Um, also in about a week we have our show in Seattle, June 12th at the Neptune. We're recapping the season premiere of Real Housewives of Miami.

If you wanna come see us and you should, go to watchyourcrappens.com and you'll find links to get your tickets. Come with the group, come on your own, do what you wanna do. If you come alone, don't worry about it. You'll meet lots of friends. So low things are fun. They're fun to do. You listen to us on your own probably so you can listen to us live on your own,

but we're going to have a great time. Uh, and then the week after that is going to be Los Angeles for the grand finale of the mounting hysteria tour. That's going to be at the Fonda theater on June 19th. So we really look forward to seeing you at those shows. We're gonna have a great time. Let's send it out in style. Let's be big and rowdy and have the best time of our lives. And that's basically it.

It's the best times of our lives, after all. Because right now we're in our Vanderpump rules era and soon you'll wind up in your Valley era. Yeah, God is a. If you ever wanna see what chapter two looks up in your Valley era. Yeah. God, it's a... If you ever want to see what chapter two looks like in the Valley. Jeez, it is like the pressing era over there. God, damn.

I love it. Oh my God. It's such a good show. I'm really saddened. You know, I hate to talk about shows on Bravo having not great ratings because I like to turn, I like to look the other way and I don't like to lead with negativity,

but the Valley's ratings have actually dropped this season. And I actually, are people just, they, are they just not able to take on the acid of the show right now? Because I think it's great. I think there's so much going on with all the characters and it is like intense and it can be depressing, but I also think this is like what we want in a reality show.

We want like lots of different people engaging in different ways altogether. So I think it's kind of like having an eight plus season. Yeah, I don't know, but they're not doing too bad. I mean, last the last season was point, you know, it was 400,000 people, which isn't great, you know, obviously, but that's about what like Salt Lake City gets. Yeah, that's what it's a little under, you know, obviously, but that's about what like Salt Lake City gets. That's what, it's a little under, you know, below deck. It's Love Hotel went a little bit above that,

which is nice to see that's getting a little higher. So who knows? Who knows? And you know, numbers aren't the full story anymore. This is not the way it was in like the 90s, 80s, you know, or the 2000s. Now they really care a lot more about like, quote unquote chatter. And I think the show does have a lot of that, but I think that, I think the 2000s, now they really care a lot more about like quote unquote chatter.

And I think the show does have a lot of that. But I think the Valley is, it can be kind of a tough, it's not a hard watch, it's easy to watch it, but you do kind of feel like, ooh, like heavy shit comes out of it. But I think I would rather that than to see sort of like aimless manufactured drama. And I think the show is just like, it's great.

And by the way, congratulations to Jasmine for finally having a storyline. It took a season and a half, but you're there. You made it. You have a conflict with someone. Congratulations. That's not Danny, so that's nice. That whole thing, I can't take any more of that.

So I'm glad that we've at least moved on to just calling Janet and Karen and being done with it. For now, looks like it's back next week, just saying. But also Jasmine's showing kind of her crazier side. Anyone who watched The Bachelor with Jasmine or any of those Bachelor shows knows the frantic Jasmine side where she's like, yeah, yeah, you know, you know. And they've been posting the clip of

when she was on with Nick Vile when he was The Bachelor. And she's like, yeah, yeah, you know, Nick, I really wanted to go on a group date, but like you didn't have me on the group date. So I was like, yeah, like I was pissed. I was like, I wanted to kill you. You know what I mean? Like, and like, not seriously, but like I wanted to kill you.

Like I want to strangle you. You want me to strangle you? What do I do right now? And she starts strangling him. And he's like, whoa, whoa. And so I'm glad that people are starting to see Cracked Out Jasmine, cause that is kind of how she gets. When she's like in this episode where she's like,

no, no, no, no, she's just kidding. That's why I do it like that. Someone says, why do you talk, when you do like Jasmine, why do you do it like that? Because I saw the bats, like that's how she does it. She just gets like this. She's like, I really don't know what to do. And I don't know, I don't really appreciate it.

That's how she gets, she gets so worked up. And she did that in this episode and it was so know what to do. And I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't really appreciate it. That's how she gets, she gets so worked up and she did that in this episode and it was so fucking funny to me. Like there she is. Who was the Jasmine purist out there who was like, mm, I have some notes about this impersonation. I barely do one, but when I do it's that. It's like, oh my God.

But yeah, someone was like, she's not like that. Oh yes she is. You need to go back in history. Nick, she had some, oh, did you see, I'm sorry, I'm talking so much already. Please, bring it all on. But I haven't talked to you about this. You were gone last week.

Did you see that Nick had Janet on his podcast? Because he hates Janet apparently on his show. And so he was like, and if you ever want to defend yourself, feel free to come on my show. So of course she did, because she's fucking Janet. So he had Janet on, and Janet was like, and if you ever want to defend yourself, feel free to come on my show. So of course she did, cause she's fucking Janet. So he had Janet on and Janet was like, you know, I'm just like super myth understood.

And the reason Danny like made me feel uncomfortable is cause he'd already put his hands on a woman and then he closed the closet door. I was like, okay, so you were saying it was some kind of like assault thing with you. So whatever. But anyway, he was like, but you know, I mean, at what point do we let it go?

Like, do I still get to be traumatized by Jasmine? Because I could still be traumatized by Jasmine. And I was like, wow, he brought back the golden oldie from the Bachelor of Jasmine. Strength. He had a, he had a Jasmine card he could play. That's impressive. Nick Viall. He played his jasmine card from like seven years ago.

Wow. That's, you know what? Sometimes you hold onto a card for a long time and you wait and you wait for that moment and the moment comes and you play it and it's spectacular. So good job, Nick. You did it. We're both card holders, I think, you and I.

I know. But the thing is I always play my card at the wrong time. I either play it right away or I forget that I have it. And then I'm like, wait, can we go back so I can play my card? I'll wait 20 years and then I'll play it like at a theme park when everyone's in a good mood. And I've just had a couple drinks.

And I'm like, do you remember what you did to me in October of 22? Well, I could have said the same thing about Misha Barton. Like, aha. So, yes, there was something else I was going to say. Oh, I was going to say this. Mom, I'll wait for the appropriate time. Wait, there's something.

I want to play a card. The card that we were supposed to play. We were supposed to play at this card two weeks ago and we forgot to. We never really talked about the fact that we went to Pinky's in Las Vegas. I know you probably weren't expecting to talk about this right now. So as long as we're talking about Miss.

I thought we did. We didn't know, we mentioned it and then we said, oh, well let's talk about it on the Valley. And so like, yes, let's talk about the Valley. And then when the Valley came, we forgot to mention it. But we went to Pinky's in Las Vegas, which is Lisa Vanderpump's new restaurant in the Flamingo. And it was, um,

are you going to come for Pinky's? I can't, I'm surprised. I didn't know that you, you had such a distaste. It was just so Lisa Vanderpump. And so in many ways, I really liked it. I liked the way it looked. I like the vibe in there, but Jesus, not everything needs to have berries on it. And this is not even me coming from a place of,

oh, I hate berries. Every single cocktail was like strawberry or raspberry. Every single one. You could not get anything that was not strawberry or raspberry. We got the goat cheese balls, because of course, goat cheese balls, and they come with like a strawberry honey. I'm like, why? Why a strawberry honey with a goat cheese balls?

Everything, and by the way, goat cheese balls, I thought they were not very good. They were very dry. They were over-whipped. They were like, yeah, they were over-whipped. So I didn't like that. But the espresso martini, I thought was very good. That was delicious.

I mean, that comes with like a brownie cookie thing on top with a little tiny piece of cheesecake, that tri-color cheesecake, whatever, Neapolitan cheesecake on top. Delish. Yes, it did. I had two of those. Those were great. They did not have the three beans, by the way,

which we learned on below deck is like, you have to have the three beans on an espresso martini. So that was huge. And I asked, I said, why don't you have the three beans? And they were like, oh yeah, you know, some people really like that, but you don't have to. And I was like, yeah, you do. I said, how many people have talked to you about it?

And they're like, a lot of people say it. I'm like, yeah, so just do it. What are you bucking tradition for, Pinkies? Oh yeah. It's like a weird place to make a stand. They're like, we chose cheesecake over the three beans. And I said, okay, I choose cheesecake too. But then I mean three,

maybe that was the three colors on the cheesecake. Yeah. All the drinks were oversized in a hilarious way. There was a Bloody Mary that I wish I had gotten and that was enormous and had all sorts of contraptions in it. I think the first thing I got was some sort of margarita. It was a spicy margarita that had no trace of spice whatsoever. And it was fine,

but it was sweet because it's Lisa Vanderpump's restaurant. Decor was cool. Like lots of like golden accents, lots of, or I should say brass accents, art deco, but with lots of florals. Yes. But then of course, since it's Lisa Vanderpump, the hosts, they stand, these two guys stand with like black blazers at this desk and they have sequins on the shoulders, which is just so gaudy Vanderpump. And they had, the guy who sat,

I was there before you, right? And so the guy who sat us, he had such attitude. He looked like, what was Carmen Electra's ex's name? Dave Navarro. He's like Dave Navarro in like a tacky black blazer with sequins. And I was like, could I get like, I'm just wanting to get drinks.

He's like, mm. I was like, can we get a table? He's like, mm, no. I was like, okay. I was like, it's empty. There's two people in here. It was empty. And they're both wearing fucking Spanx as outfits.

So. It's like 4.30 PM. So then he's like, there's two, there's seats at the bar. It's like, fine. So we go, there were no seats at the bar. So he was lying, but whatever. It was worth it. Cause he was so ridiculous.

And then we eventually got the seats, but yeah, I think like I would rank it. I think. The opening guard, I'm not done with this review so you can rank it in the second. The opening garden thing was really pretty. You walk in and it's like a green room. It's all glass and it goes, you know,

the ceiling is all glass and it's very pretty and they have the fake greenery and all that. So that's very Lisa Vanderpump. I really liked that. I loved all the interiors too. Here was my main problem with it. When you go to one of her places in West Hollywood, you've got like tourists there,

but you've also got like West Hollywood people. I don't know, you've still got like people making an effort, probably too much effort. You've got a bunch of crazy face people. There's good people watching is what I'm saying. When you go into the one at the Flamingo, you've got Flamingo people straight up. Sorry, that's it.

I don't want to look at someone going out looking like Guy Fieri on purpose, sitting in the middle of this glamorous place. It's weird to me. But there still were this strange Lisa Vanderpump elder gaze that were there. I was like, wow, she looks good. That's true.

There were these two guys, they basically looked like Siegfried and Roy, RIP to one of them. And then they just like, like holding little dogs, like having this like, like a scarf around the neck, like sunglasses with like bejeweled sunglasses, spiky hair, you know, some sort of like flowy garment. It was hilarious.

And then we were there for the EDM festival or whatever, the Electric Daisy Festival, whatever that was. And so there were a lot of gays in like full on glitter top to bottom. And so yeah, you're right, that did make it a little bit better. But yeah, I mean, I thought it was okay. The crab dip was decent, a little too fishy, but it is crab.

And then what else did I have? Oh, we had that little sushi type thing. Remember? Like the little- I think we liked that, right? Crispy rice, that was good. Yeah, that was good. Yeah, it was good. I liked it.

It was fine. It was fine. For a $25 drink, I mean, it better be fucking good. And it had a cheesecake, so I forgave it. All the drinks were expensive. My biggest no was just that like every single cocktail had some fruity element to it. There was nothing, you couldn't get like a dry cocktail.

You couldn't get everything you had. There's no fruity place to it. There was nothing. You couldn't get like a dry cocktail. You couldn't get there's no fruity place on earth. My friend. They really took the theme of pinkies all the way to the cocktails. And it was, it kind of made me go bunkers, but I would say like it, I think it was like, you know, I, I still think hot take, I still think Tom Tom is the best of the Vanderpump bars and then pump is gone. So I guess this is, I guess this would be number two best of the Vanderpump bars. And then Pump is gone.

So I guess this is, I guess this would be number two, right? Then nothing. I think so, yeah. I haven't been to TomTom in a long time. So I don't know if they've gone downhill or what. I haven't gone there since. God, they open around opening time. I haven't been to the Scandival.

Yeah, for sure since then. Okay, so let's get to this episode. Thank you. Thank you for? Thank you for helping me with that. No, it was good to talk about. It was a good weekend. I enjoyed the talk about. It was a good weekend. I enjoyed the whole weekend.

It was a great weekend. Yeah. I just felt like we didn't need it. We needed to address that, but now- Well, I also went to the Cromwell Hotel, which is gonna be the new Lisa Vanderpump Hotel in Vegas. So I wanted to see what it was like. I went to gamble there with my sissy for a few hours,

actually, I loved it. And I can see how it's gonna be the Lisa Vanderpump Hotel. It's like a little boutique hotel and all the walls are like leather. What do you call those buttons you put in tufted? You know, they're like tufted leather and then big crystal chandeliers. And I think they're just gonna, my guess is they're going to redo all the carpet pink. And then they're going to put up like instead of that red tufted leather, it'll

be like pink and black tufted leather and then keep the chandeliers. I mean, it'll be perfect. Yeah. For her. Love it. For her. Love that. If you wanna live in a pink lady, whatever, while you're there, you have a place. Well, let's move from the glitz and glamor

of the Flamingo and the Cromwell and go to the shambles of these people's lives over in the San Fernando Valley. So, uh, we start with, uh, it's parents and kids scenes. So we see Jesse, uh, who is, you know, great, thankfully very limited this episode. Uh, he's driving Isabella somewhere and he's like, Isabella, I got all sorts of cheeses.

I got string cheese and mozzarella cheese, and I got booty cheese. She's like, no, not booty cheese. Oh, and your mom got slutty whore cheese, or she calls it cheese. Yeah, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called that slutty whore cheese. I should have just called that lying, cheating cheese.

I'm a changed person now. So then we go to Brittany, who spends this episode mostly worried about boogers and cruises nose comes up a few times. Let me look up your nose. She's also doing that laugh the whole time and it's in full Betty and Wilma. You're a cool guy. You're a cool booger. Um, then we see Janet and she has a cloth. I guess the only toys that Janet has gotten her baby are some sheer pieces of fabric. Cause I feel like that's all we see all episode.

At various times we go back to their low hooded house and she's sort of swirling around like this sheer colored fabric in front of the baby and so she's playing, she's doing that and the baby seems unimpressed. And then we're at- She's gonna be all upset when her baby just has a dream of getting a spot at the magic castle. Then you're gonna fucking wonder why.

And she also has one of those things that's like a miniature ball pit that the mommy sits in and the baby sits in. Get the fuck out of my ball pit. This isn't for you. It's a baby only zone. It's a miniature ball pit that the mommy sits in and the baby sits in get the fuck out of my ball pit This isn't for you only so Ball pit get the fuck out of here You stay on the side where you belong on the adult zone go make your shitty fucking Casseroles, okay. That's your ball pit. That's the adult ball pit and go soak Fritos in something and leave us alone

And why don't you get a real toy, not just some sheer fabric. You know, the old classic key chain, the big key chain on the hoop that the babies put in their mouth. Like, what about that? That's a classic. Not fabric.

This child's not going to Cirque du Soleil. She's taking advantage of that 10 year going out of business sale at Joann's. I think the ones near us have gone out, they're done. I know, I heard that they're finally out. And I still don't believe it. I'll believe it when I see one smoldering, you know what I mean?

Because they've been going out of business for literally 10 years. I don't believe you, Joann's, I don't believe you. I feel like we really failed as a society on the Joann's front. How do we let that happen? How do we just let that one just fall through the cracks? I mean, I feel like we rallied for Red Lobster.

You know, we got, what's his face with the clock to Flava Flav, he saved Red Lobster, right? So where was the celebrity outreach for Joann's? I feel like we, this is something that like, you know who should have saved it? Ben Affleck's ex, what's her name again? Jennifer Garner. I feel like she should have saved Joanne's.

It seems like it would be her. Yeah, I feel like it would have been her in her like wheelhouse. Do they even sell the kind of fabrics that Americans use anymore? Cause I feel like Joanne's fabric sells things like cotton or like chartreuse or like something stupid. Like they don't sell things that we wear now,

like things that are made out of a garden hose, you know, cause I bought some like more modern clothes from like Marshall's or old Navy or whatever. And I'm like, oh my God, I got a coffee drip on here. And then I go like this and it just slides right off. I don't know if it's plastic. I don't know if it's, we make surfboards out of plexiglass.

What is it? Fiberglass? Gortex or cement. I think clothes now are just made out of something magic. So I had to get some waterproof sneakers. We're never gonna get through this recap, and I don't even care. Well, I had to get some waterproof sneakers for my little Norway trip.

And so the waterproof sneakers are all made out of Gortex. And the waterproof sneakers are so stupid because Gore-Tex? Yeah, they have a Gore-Tex. A lot of them have a Gore-Tex. What's that? That's the waterproof material. And so I think it was like the Nikes or one of the brands,

it's like they literally write Gore-Tex so big on the side. I'm like, why would I wear a sneaker that says Gore-Tex loudly on the side of it? Who designed that? Janet? Probably. I got some on Facebook that the advertisement is water being sloshed down on them. Why would I need waterproof?

I don't know. But I was like, those are on sale. So I got them and my feet sweat so badly. Because yeah, that's the thing. You have to be careful. Yeah. So I've worn them two badly. Because... Yeah, that's the thing. You have to be careful. Yeah. So I've worn them two times. Bye.

I'm sending them back. They're not breathable. They're not breathable. I almost died. My feet almost died. They like literally died. You know what you should do next time? Wrap your feet up in some sheer fabric from Janet's house.

They'll breathe all you want. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial. Every successful business starts with an idea. And on the best idea yet, we're obsessed with those light bulb moments. Like how a bored barista invented the Frappuccino during his downtime.

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New episodes drop every Tuesday. Follow the best idea yet on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. And if this podcast lasts longer than 45 minutes, call your doctor. Every big moment starts with a big dream. But what happens when that big dream turns out to be a big flop? From Wondery and Atwill Media, I'm Misha Brown and this is The Big Flop. Every week, comedians join me to chronicle the biggest flubs, fails, and blunders of all time, like Quibi.

It's kind of like when you give yourself your own nickname and you try to get other people to do it. And the 2019 movie adaptation of Cats. Like, if I'm watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie. Find out what happens when massive hype turns into major fiasco. Enjoy the big flop on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

You can listen to the big flop early and ad free on Wondery Plus. Get started with your free trial at Wondery.com slash plus. So now we go over to Sheena. Sheena. Sheena's on the show now, you guys. She's doing such an amazing time. And just in case you've been wondering what Sheena's been up to, enchilada time.

And these enchiladas. The enchiladas are back. So everyone's there and having a good time there. We see, by the way, Jared, Jared, who is one of, she's the gay, he's one of Janet's gays, who last season, remember when she was on the phone, the two gays were in the background, Simon and Jared, and they were like, oh my God, they were like, whatever.

And I'm like- Yeah, I heard two eels from the Little Mermaid, who just come by. Like, you're so fabulous, you are hilarious, you are so right, Janet, you are so right. World peace could come through it, through casseroles. You are so fabulous. You are hilarious. You are so right, Janet. You are so right. World peace could come through it through casseroles. You are so right. Janet. So Janet says that Jax has been texting her all day. Oh God. And she says, yeah, he just

says, Hey, you guys okay? And I said, you know, like, yeah, we're okay. I mean, we're dealing with our own stuff, but proud, proud of you for staying in there. And he's like, Oh, please, God, I hope he stays in rehab. God, I'm so over it. So yeah, I think I was holding that a lot of hope to rehab and help him. I still wanted to fight me a little bit, just a little bit, but he didn't. And so Brock asked Brittany how she's feeling and she's numb. You know, I can't even like focus on things right now. I got so much going on.

I just got so much going on. I'm just like numb right now, but I think it has more to do with that plastic surgery I had last year. I still can't really smile that much. Can't really feel things around my lips, but that's okay. I'm holding on. I hope they'll feel something soon.

Cause she's always looking at hope. He stole my smile. He stole my smile. He stole my smile. Brittany has, I would hate to say this to someone in general, but for Brittany, I'm going to say this. Stop holding out hope because every episode she's like, I was really holding out hope that this one fix things. Every single thing she was always like,

I was holding out hope that we can figure out cold fusion. It's like, no, stop holding out hope for things that are never going to happen. Okay. Hope is a dangerous word. Hope. You listen, hopelessness is not great either. So I'm not saying we should all be hopeless. But I would prefer action to hope. Hope doesn't do shit. You know, when people run their political thing, and I hope like Obama did that years ago. And of course, I voted for Obama. But I was like, hope really? How about action? How about say, fix the potholes? That's what you should, I don't want hope.

Okay, I didn't even like her on days of our lives. Fix the pot. I'm gonna say the same thing I told you. I'm gonna say the same thing to you. I told the hope from days of our lives. Fix the potholes, let's stop crying. I did love that storyline on days when she went out there on the streets

and just filled in potholes. She was like, I hope I can make an impact on the streets. You're like damn it Yeah, hope floats it's more like hope sinks. Okay. It hopes that since your life hope sinks. I hope lies. I hope lies So yeah, she Brittany is saying like, you know what? Thanks, you just go in and like sign on this lease without like talking to me You're like knowing that I still had like this rental home for like two and a half more months. Like I really just like screwed me over. Um, and she, yes he did. And she just says that she just needs to move on.

She goes, I need to move on. I just know, I know I deserve better. If only you actually would move on instead of, I'm, I know, I'm not even saying that because it sounds like I'm blaming Brittany and she does not deserve the blame here. He is the real fucker in this situation. I just want her to stop holding out hope about Jack because she keeps on saying she's holding out hope. Yeah, stop holding out hope on Jack.

She's getting so close. She's getting so close. And we can see like, we know that next episode, it looks like she's finally gonna inch towards that divorce, but it's been really, it's been hard all season watching her saying that she's gonna hold out hope. Like stop, stop holding out hope. really, it's been hard all season watching her saying that she's gonna hold that hope, like stop, stop holding that hope.

Yeah, there's no changing that. So now we go outside, they go outside, and the kids are swimming and stuff. And so Janet and Brock and Brittany are all talking, and Janet's like, wow, you guys, last night was so heavy. I mean, it was just like bam, bam, bam, bam. It's a shark party, right? My right guys, it was like last night was so heavy. I mean, it was just like, bam, bam, bam, bam. It's a shark party, right? My right guys, it was like, I was attacked.

I was so attacked last night. I'm like traumatized by it. I'm never gonna recover from this. Like they could have killed my future baby. Do you know that? I could get pregnant and the trauma from last night could possibly, they're trying to kill my future baby. I bought a baby Ruth from the supermarket

and I swear it melted in my hands because they destroyed it. Just with everything they were saying. Baby Ruth is dead. And Brock's like, is that your old version of fun just going at each other? Oh God, I love Brock being so above it all. You're still skirting around the edges

like a fucking snail cleaning the side of a fish tank. So shut the fuck up Brock stop moralizing you or you come from Vanderpump rules. Okay, this is your bread and butter So Brittany is like by the way, oh, I have a question since I wasn't here last week Did you like Lala on last week's episode or did you not like I never want Lala back on my TV again? I don't need her. Of course. She was yelling at the right person. So that's fine. Bring back Sheena, leave Lala at the side. I don't need Lala showing up there to just tell people off like I've had enough. How about you? You know, I have to, uh, I actually liked Lala last week because it was the, you know,

Lala, Lala using her powers for good. So I liked her yelling at Jesse and I appreciated that. And, um, it was nice to see, but it's also like taking the most obvious stance. It's like, here I am showing up to get the most obvious stance. By the way, I moved down the streets. So hire me for this fucking show.

I have rent to pay. Yeah, seriously. By the way, also since we're at Sheena's house, I love how Sheena's new house in the Valley is like every other cast and his house in the valley It's the same frickin layout door central hall hallway Kitchen here living room here staircase right there. I mean it is shocking how they just all keep buying the same house from each other Yeah, it's nice, but that's like a three million dollar house. I mean, that's a that's an expensive house

Listen, I was like she got the Uber Eats commercial money now. The Uber Eats ain't paying you $3 million. Are they? Well, at least you're gonna get enough for the down payment. Yeah. Just get yourself in the door and then you'll just hope to figure out the rest.

Yeah. So Brittany's like, well, I was having fun until the cameras left. Like, I feel like that's all of your lives. So what happened after the cameras left? Janet's like, I don't know. Where do we even begin? The year was 1920.

Everything's in black and white. I'm the only one in a nice press dress. It has polka dots. All right. Picture it, Sisley, 1942. Okay, Janet. So she goes, she goes, well, at Britney's shark party after filming ended,

Sheena was talking to Zach and she mentioned Jared and Zach said some pretty horrible things. I can't even repeat what he said. Like, why don't you just say, like he should just go fuck himself. I mean, I just be a little nicer, not so wildly offensive. So this is why I mentioned that Jared was there,

because it turns out there was a whole saga between, there was some gay and gay violence between Zach and Jared. That is, they don't really care to illuminate. They don't even flash Jared on the screen so we even know who Jared is, because I had to actually rewind. I was like, was that Jared, the guy before? Okay, that was Jared. They just have a lazy Jared on the screen so we even know who Jared is. Because I had to actually rewind. I was like, was that Jared the guy before?

Okay, that was Jared. They just have a lazy backstory about the case. Why was Zach like that queen anyway? Because he's always one of Janet's minions coming after Zach. So he did it last year. So why would Zach be nice to this guy? Now God knows what Zach said, because Zach's mouth is bad. I'm guessing Zach called him the F

word. That's what I'm thinking also. That's because they're acting like, Oh my god, what Zach said, I won't even repeat it. It's, it's horrible. Like it is, I will never recover from this, you know, Janet's doing her whole thing. And I think that he probably said the F word is my guess. That's what I think. And poor Jared's probably watching at home like oh my god. It's happening

I'm in the storyline and they don't even cut to him or explain what the fight was about or Really anything it's just we know that that Zach went off on someone Yeah, I think the producers are like no Jared the mice try Jared, okay We've already made the mistake of opening the Janet floodgate, but she's not getting you in here too. We're not getting a friend of casserole. No, Cyproc's like, well, Zach was calling to Shayna and then Shayna said something about Jared. And then Brittany's like, well, he thinks

that I'm always picking their side over his side. Like I'm with Zach a lot, like I love him a lot. So I don't know why it feels that way. And I don't think that like he was saying like you're a bad friend. Like that last night, like when he text me, like I was saying a lot. So I don't know why it feels that way. And I don't think that like he was saying like you're a bad friend. Like that last night, like when he text me, like I was saying a bad friend, like I'm not picking Zach, okay?

Cause I think they're all pretty cool guys, okay? Yeah. So then we go to Christian and Luke's new place and Zach's over there and he's like, well, I think what I said was Jared can go fuck himself. I think, I think she says I said something more aggressive, but you know, you know me, it's like I black out, you know? And then Brittany, of course came out and she was like, you said something so bad. And you know, and

this, you know, I mean, it's just terrible. Like, I can't believe it. She was like so aggressive with me and I was just like, And then Zach has actually kind of an amazing confessional where he goes, I'm sorry, it's just like so aggressive with me. And I was just like, and then Zach has actually kind of an amazing confessional where he goes, I'm sorry. It's hyperbole dead. I was like, it's not time someone said this on Bravo for crying out loud after we sat like after Janet like claim that she was getting murder threats because Zach posted that thing about big bear last year. Like, I'm sorry, I need to do hyperbole. Okay, because Brittany knows me. Like if I'm talking and I'm angry, nothing I'm saying is out of pocket

or out of whatever. Like I'm not threatening anybody. I'm just being hyperbolic. Okay. Can we just get out of it? Like there's no threats going on. Chris Listen, when I say I'm going to murder a faggito burrito, does that mean I'm going to do it? No, maybe I'm putting an actual burrito in a microwave. Yeah. Chris is like, yeah, seriously, that would trigger me. If she came up to me and said, what did you say? We're like, what did you do?

I'd be like, how about ask him? I mean, stop, stop fucking asking me how I started. Shoulder roll, Mariposa. Yeah. And the producer's like, I don't think anyone in this group knows what hyperbole is. He's like, whatever, I'm gonna teach them. Okay, America, here's a word, hyperbole.

There, look it up, I'm not gonna teach you after all. It's not my job to educate you, you stupid faggitass. Okay. I just want you to be aware that this word exists and it's up to you to discover it. And like, guess what? If people don't know what hyperbole means, they're definitely not gonna go look it up.

They're not gonna look. Just gonna say it right now. They're not gonna be like, wait a second. No one's gonna be going around. So I learned a new word last night when I was watching the Valley on Bravo. It was called hyperbole. Have you ever even heard of it?

Or maybe it's hyperbole. Not sure. I used to think it was hyperbole for the longest time. I also said macabre for a long time. I just, it's still hard to let go of. Oh, that's fun. Yeah, it's still hard to let go of. It's still Hanukkah-ish.

Yeah, so it's like, it's words that I read in books a lot, but I never have to say them out loud because I'm not doing a book on tape. So I just don't know. And then I hear them in real life and I'm like, they're saying that wrong. It's macabre. It's muckabur. It's like how I, for some reasons, like there's apropos,

but for some reasons, somewhere in the past like year or so, I started saying apropos and I don't know why I've done it. You better watch your goddamn hyperbole around me. We have children in this house. So Zach is like, sometimes I just feel like Brittany doesn't hear me, which is crazy. Cause I'm the loudest person on the staff always yelling, but like, I'm just like gonna, just going to be there.

Okay. I'm not always going to be there. Okay. Yeah. It says that she, that Brittany thinks that no matter what she does, he's just going to always stick around. And Kristen's like, yeah, yeah, I'm wearing a hat that says Valley mentality by the way. Um, so like you know what? Here's how you feel. You feel like she just doesn't fucking care, right? Yeah, yeah, that's true. That's true.

Yeah, I really figured that one out. It's like, yeah, that's it. And he goes, when I moved to LA by myself, Brittany was the only person I knew. And to me, that's like my family. Oh my god, I can't believe that's my only family I know that's terrible. Anyway I definitely have missed having that connection and like sometimes I feel like I've lost a part of myself because I don't have her in the way I used to have her and like I don't know like things are just like different. Sorry I'm trying to cry right now okay. So he's gonna have to have a big talk with Brittany,

which he's not gonna win anyway. Brittany's just gonna straddle the fence. And if she has to choose, she's not choosing you. She's gonna choose the other people. Because to her, you're the person who moved to be on TV. I think like Jack's kind of, Jack's disrespects Brittany because he has a whole host of psychoses, let's face it.

Okay. And one of them is just a general, I think, disrespect for women, duh. But I think another thing, I think another level to the Jackson-Brittany thing is I think he looks at Brittany as the one who moved to be on TV. Like, she got with him to be on TV. He allowed her in his mind. He got with her and gave her her dreams, which was to be on TV. So she's always gonna owe him something in her mind. And I think that she transfers that onto Zach. It's like, yeah, you may have been my best friend,

but ultimately it got you this TV job. And these other people are actually TV people. So you're always gonna come in second. That's an interesting theory. And I think that part of that could definitely be true. And I think they're just the general, it's the plight of the gay sidekick. The gay sidekick. That's just what happens is that ultimately you're just kind of like, people just assume

like, well, you're the gay sidekick, so you'll still be here. And kind of the best of the best worlds and the worst of the worst worlds, right? Because then when you get in a fight with people, it's like the girl wants you to be on her side because you're the gay bestie, so you can fight the guy. But then when you get in a fight with the girl, it's like, you can't talk to me like that. There's a whole dynamic with the guy

and her best gay besties and girlfriends. And also when you're the gay sidekick, you have to receive all of the the girls drama in her life. And then the moment she like, like winds up getting married to some guy, she's just gone. You're like, oh, okay. So I just like received all this drama

and now you're just not in my life. Like you're gone. Okay. I'm just lost another straight person to marriage. And maybe it's- Yeah, it can be like the buffer, right? You're like always there to be the buffer when you're needed and then discarded when you're not the plight of the gay.

You know, but then that's also a part of the gay sidekick, like learning to grow up and not always substitute other things in your life with this drama from somebody else's relationship, you know? But it's journey, and Zach's still a fairly young person with white lipstick, so, you know, he'll get here on his own time. He's about to hatch out of his, you know,

he's still just like a little gay caterpillar, and he's gonna go into his cocoon soon, which is- He's gonna hatch out of that helmet of head. Yeah, he's gonna. Into a very strong- He's been wearing it on his forehead. And he'll be soon a gay butterfly. He won't need the Brittany's of the world.

We've all been there, you know? There's a healthy balance there at some point down the line, you know? We all learn to be proper friends to each other. You guys, let's hug. Just kidding, it's the valley, let's not hug. So Kristen's like, we're talking to Brittany. So then we go back to, I'm so out of time.

Yeah. And Janet's like, um, can I vent about yesterday? It was like, well, I guess we're not going to, you're going to do it anyway. So don't even ask. And then Janet is like making jokes about like, Oh, Jason, do you have your wedding ring on? And he's like, um, I mean, and so she goes, Kristen in a roundabout way told us that she heard from Jasmine like, oh, Jason, do you have your wedding ring on? And he's like, um, I mean, and so she goes, Kristen in a roundabout way told us

that she heard from Jasmine that Jason goes to bars and ticks, are you listening to me or are you just putting more enchiladas in the oven? Sorry, these need to melt and these strict instructions. It's my thing, so. Try not to be distracted that I'm putting what I call composed casserole together, okay?

While you talk about your story. So anyway, Jana just tells Sheena about this whole ring thing. And Jason's like, I mean, she's, I mean, you know me, I'm like out at LAX bars, just picking up flight attendants or something. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I'm like, wait, is that where that happens at LAX bars?

Yeah, I know he got really specific. So there's a couple of weird things going on. She's all of a sudden way too defensive about this if it wasn't true. Cause I think how she dealt with it, I don't like Janet, but I think how she dealt with it initially was perfect. She was like, oh really?

You really think this guy's cheating on me? I'm following him. Like I'm tracking him. He's not cheating on me. You're not gonna beat me on this. Like you fucking idiot. And then it disarmed Kristin and she was like, oh, okay, well, whatever. I heard it and I got mad at you and that's why I said it.

And then it was over. And then they even asked Jasmine about it. And she's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I mean, I heard it. I didn't believe it. I heard it, but I didn't believe it. But I heard it. I didn't believe it.

So I don't know, don't blame me. And so it was over. And I thought she actually handled it in a pretty decent way. But of course, Janet decides she's gonna go get a ton more mad and then she's gonna turn, she's gonna go home and power up Jason, put the batteries in Jason,

put on his fatigue dockers and sent him to war. Yes. So she's like, I'm both impressed and annoyed with how good Christian is at creating distractions and filling up bullshit in a room to strike from the truth. And now you're going to have people talking about Jason and what kind of husband he is. And if he's going to bars and being shady and what are we not talking about? Danny, Danny going to bars and being shady.

No, you are talking about that. You've talked about it every fucking week, Janet. You haven't stopped talking about it and we need something new to talk about. And since all you want to talk about is what a piece of shit everyone else's husband is, why don't we jump on yours? Why not? You're everyone else's free game. You're fine calling that a dude and alcoholic. He's got little kids at home and doing it. So shut up, Janet. I don't, you don't get to play that game. You don't get to play that card. And also the, yeah, she's too defensive and him like very specific about lax bars now I think there is something fishy before I do

He's like he's like, I mean what you think I'm just going to LAX bars and parking in spot 27c and talking to Jan the bartender back there and ordering, you know Old-fashions and telling people my name is Roger. I mean, come on now. Hiding in the bathroom with Southwest stewardesses? Come on, honey. Come on. Do I come home with peanuts in my mouth sometimes? Sure. Did I accidentally have a pair of wings pinned to my lapel?

Yes. Yeah, so Sheena's like, yeah. Oh, and also Janet says something. Let me go back to this part. Janet says, yeah, oh and also Janet says something when we go back to this part Janet says Yeah, Kristen said in a roundabout way that she heard from Jasmine that Jason goes to bars and stuff So she did say it was did Kristen say it was Jasmine who said it was Jasmine. I don't even remember I don't remember. I don't remember. I watched the episode last week, but I just don't remember the specific I Don't remember how I remember she confronted Jasmine,

and I remember Christian saying that she had heard it from other people, but I didn't know that it was specifically Jasmine, but then I guess she did confront Jasmine, because this week, well, we'll get to it when it happens, but this week it sounds like it wasn't even Jasmine. So, my God. Yeah, it's all confusing. Commercials, here comes one right now.

At 24, I lost my narrative or rather it was stolen from me and the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes and politics. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names, about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph. My hope is that people will finish an episode of reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.

You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. So she was like, yeah, well, Jasmine didn't even come today because of you, which means I have an extra enchilada if anyone wants it. And Jason's like, I mean, here's the thing. Jasmine made this shit up. And then like she told Kristen because she wants to get back at Jennifer, whatever reason to get back to get Jennifer. And now that Kristen said it, she's scrammed for ways to say she didn't just make it up. And just like, that's not my friend. She's like, yeah, well, if Jason ever took off his ring, I'd probably be like, he'd probably be like,

I've had like a little bit too much sodium. And today like my fingers are swelling, you know? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Sodium. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, gosh. Also people noticed on Reddit, the eagle-eyed people of Reddit,

noticed that if you watch the opening sequence, he's not wearing his wedding ring. Like in the original preview. Oh, geez. Ha ha ha ha. Which I thought was funny. So Janet's like, well, Kristen knows him. And Jason's like, yeah, you know, at first I laughed it off,

but then Janet told me I shouldn't just laugh it off. So now I'm very upset because she told me to be. And Janet's like, yeah, because we went to see my mom yesterday and we were just like laughing it off. Like, can you believe that Kristin said this? And my mom was like, what, you laughed it off?

Kill her, kill her and all her future stock. No one says that about my daughter. So I'm like really upset now. She upset my mother. She could have murdered my mother. Jasmine literally tried to kill my mother yesterday. My mother was so mad. She was like, have you hit your head one too many times on your low hanging hood over your

stove because you should be mad right now. And I realized, wait a second, I should be mad right now. And I told Jason, you should be mad right now. So guess what? We should be mad right now. And then I realized, wait a second, I should be mad right now. And then I told Jason, you should be mad right now. So guess what? We're all mad right now. Yeah, so she woke up and she's like, I'll take it from Kristin because she's crazy, but I won't take it from Janet or from Jasmine.

She's supposed to be my friend. She didn't bring it up on camera. All this time, she could have brought it up on camera to be messy with you. She did not do that. And if she was just gossiping with her friends every all of you do that That's what you're literally doing right now. So Zip

Yeah, exactly so now it's time to eat enchiladas and then we go to the beach and Janet and Jason are walking along with a metal detector. I feel like there's got to be a metaphor in there somewhere Looking for his ring. I feel like there's gotta be a metaphor in there somewhere. Looking for his ring, I don't know. They find a bottle cap and Janet's like, oh my God, I love this. This is the Dave and Buster's Janet.

She loves finding bottle caps in the sand. I'm gonna keep it, cause I'm wacky. Just me, wacky Janet doing wacky things on the beach, even though her mother was almost murdered yesterday. So. So. So. Also Brittany comes and everyone just starts arriving. Michelle brings the new crazy eyed boyfriend.

That guy looks like he was made by Pixar. She's had a lot of honey. He's been having a lot of honey. We are here. And so now they talk about Jasmine and Brittany's like, well, I told Jasmine, y'all want an apology and stuff and she's just not here for it. She said she said that she's going to double damn. That's what she's going to do. And she's like, oh, double damn.

Do you want me to find two of my mothers to murder? Great. We see two nights ago at Jack's is Jasmine selling Britney. She's getting nothing from me. You know why? Because I heard it from a bunch of other people. Who am I going to go to hurdle and be like, oh, Jason's taking off his ring?

Because it didn't matter to us, okay? It did not matter to me because I needed to use it strategically, okay? And that was not the right time to do it. And then Brittany's like, I'm not sure why people got issues with Janie. She's always been there for me, no matter what, you know? I mean, I don't see her as a big drama starter.

You know, everybody else does, but that's just not the friendship I have with her. Yeah, Brittany, where have I heard this before? Why does everybody mean to Jax? Why does everybody say horrible things to Jax? He's nice to me. He doesn't do this stuff to anybody else. It always comes back to you.

You can be friends with these horrible fucking people because they're nice to you. They're using you. Do you understand? I don't know. I like her a lot. She always brings me bottle caps and stuff from the beach, from my little bottle cap collection. It's funny,

cause I always got empty bottles around my house. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. true. Jasmine doesn't even think it's true. So let's see. You know that and Jack goes, well, either way, someone who makes up something or like take someone that she thinks is true and runs to someone else. I'm like, I'm not talking at the two at the time and repeats it. I'm not, that's not my, that's not a friend to me. I'm like, you literally are going around talking about Danny is drinking. So me is supposed to be your friend. So yeah, that's the thing with Janet. She's just like, she doesn't even give the hypocrisy time to grow. She just does it like in the next five minutes.

And I say, and I say that as someone who, who actually does think Danny, Danny was being kind of weird with, with that whole closet thing, even though the booze was in there, I wasn't as, I wasn't as like, like horrified by a Janet saying that it was a weird thing that he did that. But even me being a little bit more in the gray area on that, I'm still like, Janet, you realize you talk shit about everyone. So it's just like, yeah, that happens. It comes around. What goes around comes around.

Just like a bottle cap in the sand. Yeah. It always resurfaces. Just like Janet, maybe under the sand, but it's always fucking there. God. Looking at the clips, she's been always fucking there. God, looking at the clips, she's been in this show for years, like decades, she's been on these shows. So Kristen, Luke, and Jasmine come, and Kristen is walking in, just kind of like Kristen,

like, oh, oh. Getting tossed by the wind. Are you surfing with your feet? She really has mastered ragdoll mechanics. It's a little flopping. Blowing Kristen in the wind. She's dancing in the wind. Today is gonna be a shit show.

It's cold, it's windy. Jasmine's over Janet, I'm over Janet. They were about Jason taking off his ring off. Janet was fine with it, bringing his party. But now I heard from a little birdie, AKA Sheena, hey, three, three, three, three, three, that Janet is talking shit.

I mean, I bring up the ring rumor about her and Jason while stop talking about Danny and Nia and I won't have to come through. Also, can we just say that the messiest person here is Sheena and she still doesn't even get any lines on this show. They're like, okay, you can make your enchiladas but Sheena has made all the drama for this episode, all of it.

She's a pro. So Jasmine shows up, she says hi to Brittany but does not say hi to Jason. And then Lucas trying to put together chairs and everything and Jasmine saying, no, Brittany said that Janet is demanding an apology and all I can think is Janet can shove that apology up her ass because she's not Getting one from me. I didn't start anything. So why am I apologizing for what and I didn't bring it to you again So what am I apologizing for? Okay, so last week

Kristen said I heard this rumor from, and then it was then confirmed by Jasmine. So I think what she's doing is she's avoiding going for people that she knows will decimate her. She's not going to come for Kristin because she knows what she did already, but calmly and Kristin handled her professionally. And she's not going to come for Zach because she's afraid of Zach. So she's going to go for Jasmine. She sees Jasmine as an easier target.

I think that's what it is. So Jasmine's just sitting there. They're all sitting in a circle, but Jasmine's just kind of like not talking to them, ignoring them and everything. And Brittany, meanwhile, has some news. She's like, hi, I got a hot night after this. Why do you think I'm so dressed up?

Hey, does anyone have a spare bottle cap I can wear as an earring? Not good. Brian Smith Brittany, I don't think anybody even thought you were so dressed up. Have you seen how you dress? I don't think anybody is even questioning what's going on anymore. At some point in a friendship, you just have to accept. Like, they're past the grief stage, and they're just on to acceptance now. You know what I mean? So Jasmine's like, oh yeah, he's so hot. He's like so hot. I've seen him before.

He's like so hot. And she's gonna go, she's gonna date her rental, but she might as well get some use out of that thing. So Michelle's like, so what are you doing with that metal detector? What are you doing with that metal detector, Janet? And she's like, yeah, it's a metal detector. I'm wacky Janet.

Duh. with that metal detector, Janet. And she's like, yeah, it's a metal detector. I'm wacky Janet. Nah. It's like beeping incessantly around Michelle. Woop, woop, woop. Siri, I am 95% a robot. So Jason's like, yeah, there were a lot of metals around here. He turned to have her metal detector all around his fire pit. It's really loaded. Lots of really interesting metals.

They're like, oh, wow, great story, Jason. Yeah. Maybe you're going gonna be like one of those people who lose their ring rings and stuff. And Janet's like, yeah, maybe Jason took his ring off, done, done, done. Ooh, ring drama. And everyone's like, oh God. Everyone just kind of, the people she's going for

just kind of roll their eyes as her, her sword like just falls flat. It's like, no one takes the bait. So Brittany's like, well, this ain't fun. Let's play truth or dare. Or someone dare me to dress up. I did it, I did it, what did I win? Brocks like, well, why do we want to play truth or dare? And Kristen's like, oh, I'm not playing truth or dare with this fucking group of people. Are you out of your goddamn mind? So Jasmine's like, I don't want to sit here. Let's go. Let's go,

Christian. So they walk off and meanwhile, everybody plays truth or dare and Jasmine is like, I'm not doing this. And then she makes these little comments like, Oh, you're the ring. Take, take the ring off. I mean, I mean, bitch, say what you're going to say to my face. If you're going to say it to my face, I'm going to say it to you. I'm going to say it to you. I'm going to say it to you. I'm going to say it to you. I'm not doing this. And then she makes these little comments like, oh, you're the ring, take the ring off. I mean, bitch, say what you're gonna say to my face.

If you're gonna say it to my face, say it right now. Come on, come on, do it, come for me. Kristen, why do you have a crab in your mouth? Well, I sort of got carried away. I did the dare anyway. No. I didn't even hear the dare, but I figured that would be it, so you did it.

Ow. Guess who's wearing a starfish now? Me, on my head. I didn't even hear the dare, but I figured that would be it. So you did it. Guess who's wearing a starfish now? Me on my head. I love a dare. Can't help it. Let's never forget the flower in the traffic media and that she ate. That's funny.

Flower, I forgot about that actually. We're already doing doing the wine trip. The wine trip thing. She does the truth or dare dares on spec. Well, I know this will come in handy someday, so. Let's do my dare now. Beating the crosswalk, nailed it, nailed it. Just gotta write that down.

So we got a truth or dare and they're like, oh my God, guys, where is the craziest sex that Janet has ever had with Jason? She's like, obviously missionary in bed with Jason. Everybody just forget about that part in Vanderpump Rules where I was trying to have a threesome with that waiter that got fired that was in Sheena's music video.

Wait, Janet was part of that? Yes, Janet was the one that was trying to have a threesome with, not Max, what was the other guy's name? Brett. Brett. Yeah. From New Jersey. Yeah.

The Finding Dory guy. Yeah, so now Janet's like a Mormon, you know, she's like a, not Mormon, what was I gonna say? Cause that shows change of the Mormon outlook, that secret lives of Mormon wives. The, like the Orville Redenbacher. They've taken down the patriarchy. What are they called?

Orville what? Not crackers. Quakers. Quakers, yeah. Who make crackers. But yeah. Oh yeah, the secret lives of Mormon wives. They're like, yeah, we're fighting the patriarchy.

We're dancing. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun. So Jasmine's like, you know what, I'm not getting out of my neck. I'm not doing, okay, I'm not gonna do this thing. Kristen's like, just don't say anything right now. Say nothing at all during the truth or dare. Whatever you do, caca, don't do a thing.

Don't move a muscle. She's like, I mean, there's like a time and a place for everything, you know? They're like working themselves into tizzy, but they're doing it loudly so everyone can hear that they're mad nearby. Yeah. And they're doing it right by the group, you know?

So then the next thing is how big is Brock's deck? And we've all seen Brock in a speedo, so I'm going to go ahead and say Ken doll. But she is like, um, like, it's not really about the length. Like, it's not like as big as like a Southwest plane, but it's like girthy. It's like, it's not really about the length. Like it's not like as big as like a Southwest Plane, but it's like girthy. It's like, it's a girth. It's like an enchilada, but like a short enchilada. Oh wow, that was on the question list. And she was like, yeah, by the way,

one time I got hemorrhoids because we did anal sex. So I had hemorrhoids and then one time when I got real hemorrhoids, I was like, I know what that is. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha We almost named her Preparation H, but then we thought, mm, let's call her Summer. This is the first time I've ever told people that Summer came out of my butt. Kristen's like, get out of the truth, Gina, that's how to do it.

I just had a metal detector. Beep, beep. Michelle, do you want to do a truth or dare? I knew this bitch was gonna call me. Okay, the answer is Rob Reiner. Um, okay. Um, um, okay, so Brock's like, I'm 100% a grow-a, not a show-a.

So then, let's see. Okay, so we go to more scenes of beach day. So now Kristen and Jasmine finally return and it's time for the fire and s'mores. And Jasmine is teaching Kristen how to make a s'more. And Jason's like, what are we gonna do, Janet? You told me I was supposed to come for today. So when do you want me to do it?

Should we do it now? We should do it while there's still sunlight out. We lose ground in the dark. We lose ground in the dark. Jen, it's like, I'm really concerned because I do feel like we should confront Jasmine about this situation. But I also feel like we should confront Kristen about the fact that she doesn't know how to make a s'more. She didn't even put a corn tortilla and an egg on it. So I'm not really sure. Where does the cheese go? and an egg on it. So I'm not really sure where does the cheese go.

So yeah, you know, like, here's the thing, like it's not up to us to initiate conversations about fights we're making up in our own head that ended last week. So they need to come talk to us and they don't give a shit. And he's like, well, maybe something's lost in the grapevine, you know, let's go directly to the source.

Okay, let's do it, Janne. Do you ready? She's go directly to the source. Okay, let's do it, Janne. Do you ready? She's like, I need another minute to manufacture all the rage that almost murdered my mother. Okay, let's do it. I just need another minute just to see if Kristin can make that s'mores okay. And she is somehow applying chocolate

in between two Fleetwood Mac albums. Why is she burning those albums over the fire? Why is she trying to pull out a record player and play Ham? Bam doesn't even go on the s'more. What is she doing over there? So then they're like, okay, we're gonna do it. So they walk up and they're like, he's like, hey, Jasmine, do you have like a second?

I wanna talk to you about something. Okay. And he says, I just don't, I don't want people's impression of me to be that I'm the stirp rag who goes out cruising for chicks. I mean, and for Jasmine to be the one who put that out there in the first place, that's really hurtful. I'm like, honestly, I would prefer that as your reputation versus a Jaxx apologist,

which is what we see from you later on. So. Yes, you're holding up Jaxx and Janet. You're the worst. Like you're one of the worst people on this show because everyone else is at least honest. You're just a fucking wuss. You're just a wuss who hides his real intentions.

Like I count with you. At least everybody else has some stones in this group. Gross. And also she never said you were a dirt bag who was cruising for chicks. She said she heard you didn't wear your wedding ring. That's not really that bad. So he's like, well, listen, Jasmine, I'm just confused about some stuff.

She goes, yeah, yeah, well, what do you wanna know? And he goes, well, what's going on? She goes, okay, the ring thing, I heard it years ago, I didn't care then, I don't care now, okay? And Janet's like, how many years? How many years? How many years? Let me finish Janet.

Okay, you're not gonna cut me off because I know that's what you do. And Janet's like, let's Janet. Okay, you're not gonna cut me off because I know that's what you do. And Janet's like, let's go. Okay, come on, done, done. You know what, I'm done, done, done, done. We're not doing this. I was like, oh God, this is gonna be one of these fights

where they, the fight then becomes about being interrupted instead of the actual issue at hand. Yes, and Janet's gonna be called on her shit and so she's immediately gonna leave. So that's what she tries to do. So Jason's like, stay and we get to, let on her shit. And so she's immediately going to leave. So that's what she tries to do. So Jason's like, stay. And we get to let me talk Janet. No, wait, no, you're yelling at me. You're yelling at me. I'm talking Janet. Okay.

Yeah, I'm just yelling now because that's like, because you walked away. That's why I'm yelling now. And she's like, Okay, well, all she was asked a follow up question. And that's totally allowed. She asked a follow up question in a very accusatory way with a lot of judgment, but that's okay. I'll allow it. I'll allow it. I just asked a question and now you're yelling at me

and please don't use the term microaggression with me because I have no idea what that is. I have not been living in the past decade. Jasmine's like, no, you said let's go. She goes, well, because I asked you a question. Jason's like, wait, wait, you're being defensive right now, Janet, which that's just, no, you said let's go. She goes, well, because I asked you a question. I was like, oh, Jason's like, wait, wait, wait. You're being defensive right now, Janet. Which that's just, you can just say

you're being Janet right now. And Jasmine's like, I'm talking to Jason. Just let me talk to Jason, Janet. Just let me talk to Jason. And he's like, well, don't be so defensive. And she goes, well, where did you hear about it? And she goes, from a group of friends. Who?

Well, I'm not a snitch, okay? I'm not gonna snitch on people. And there was like something going on. Like Melissa heard it too. Like, like Melissa heard it. So like, Well, I'm not a snitch, okay? I'm not gonna snitch on people. And there was like something going on. Like Melissa heard it too. Like Melissa heard it. So like, sorry, am I allowed to snitch on Melissa? Like we're gonna be married. I can snitch on her, right?

But like literally a lot of people heard it. Like we didn't care. We didn't care. We didn't care. So you heard this rumor two years ago and then you just sat on it. She's like, no, listen, the fact that it was brought up, like that sucks.

But I'm telling you for a fact, I did not believe it then and I don't believe it now, okay? And he's like, but like it was brought up and that sucks, like, what does that mean? Well, I'm just saying it was brought up and that sucks. What are you not understanding, Jason? She didn't bring it up. You can't yell at somebody for hearing something.

She heard it, she didn't say it. You're not even accusing her of saying it. Like, how is this her fault? Yeah, exactly. And so then Janet's like, you brought it up to Kristen. She's like, well, whatever. You know, the fact that it was brought up, I don't even care anymore.

She's like, well, you brought it up. Janet, I need you to shut up right now. Okay, you know what, Jasmine? All right, fine. I'm gonna go. That's too much for me. Yeah, Kristen never said she brought it up. You're making this shit up just to start a fight. So she's like, I'm not gonna get loud all right now.

Janet goes, go ahead, get loud. And Jason's like, Oh, listen, no one needs to get loud. Okay. No one needs to get loud. And Janet's like, that's why he was defending you. Right. And she's like, I'm trying to talk to you. But she's like, I cannot talk to Janet. I will not do this. Okay. And she's like, Janet, you've been a shitty ass friend. You're a fucking vibe killer. You're exhausting. You give Karen energy and I'm fucking done with it. And Janet's like, oh, my mother almost just died.

Janet, who comes over, accuses somebody of something, keeps her foot on their neck, calls them defensive, does every other thing, stop yelling at me, every other thing, you call her a Karen and boom She's done. It's like deep Then Jason does this whole thing. He's like were you not at our home for the 4th of July holding our baby Oh god, I'm sure no one cared about holding the baby. Yeah, I'm buying the way has fucking welcome Why are you acting like you're doing me a favor?

I had to go eat your shitty hot dog casserole and hold your fucking snotty kid Who's always trying to tie a rope around my neck for some reason. Janet, your scarf addicted child. Scarf addicted. That child's gonna grow up in a house with a very low hood. Okay, it's gonna have a strange perspective on life. That kid's gonna have a dent in his head in college.

Don't throw your cap in the air. You've got a dent in his head in college. They're gonna be like, don't throw your cap in the air. You've got a dent in your head. Keep the cap on, keep it on. So anyway, they're just basically yelling at each other. And now it's turned into a thing of like, but you were my friend. Cause Jason's like, I looked out for you. I've looked out for you forever.

And Jen's like, I know you have, and I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about her right now. It's like, you broke my heart. I've always looked at you forever." And Jeff is like, I know you have, and I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about her right now. It's like, you broke my heart. I've always looked at you like a sister. Shut up. And she did protect you. She never brought up the rumor

that you didn't wear your wedding ring on camera. That is protecting you. Yes, exactly. And he keeps on doing that. You broke my heart. Okay, settle down, Al Pacino. You broke my heart. You broke my heart.

You cut me to the core! So my mom used to say whenever we would fight when I'm a teenager, you cut me to the core, kid! You cut me to the core! I loved you with every ounce of my being, and core is cut! Got it, I'm got it!

Yeah, I'm got it! You broke my heart! Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two-part recap. For part two, go look for the recap that says, Part Two. See you over there, suckas. Watch what Crap-Ins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.

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