Watch What Crappens - #2888 The Valley S2E09: No Time to ReJax

Episode Date: June 11, 2025

It’s our last night of freedom before Jax is let out of rehab onThe Valley; so the gang changes the name of his restaurant for a night and throws Britt a party. Thankfully, Jessie is here to remind us that Jax is the true victim and all of this. Douche. You can watch this recap on video, listen to our Love Island bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens.  Tickets for our final Seattle and LA tour dates on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to watcha crappin's ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Every big moment starts with a big dream. But what happens when that big dream turns out to be a big flop? From Wondry and Atwill Media, I'm Misha Brown, and this is the Big Flop. Every week, comedians join me to chronicle the biggest flubs, fails, and blunders of all time, like Quibi. It's kind of like when you give yourself your own nickname and you try to, like, get other people to do it.

And the 2019 movie adaptation of Cats. Like, if I'm watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie. Find out what happens when massive hype turns watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie. Find out what happens when massive hype turns into major fiasco. Enjoy The Big Flop on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to The Big Flop early and ad-free on Wondery Plus. Get started with your free trial at Wondery.com slash plus What happens when there's so much that happens? Well, hello everybody. Welcome to Watch What Crappens.

I'm Ronnie. That's Ben. Hi, Ben. Hi, how are you? Good. Welcome to your Wednesday. How is it? Thank you.

In the life of Benjamin this Wednesday. Wednesday. What a fun Wednesday it is. I'm going to be making my trek up to Seattle and, which I love Seattle is, Seattle is officially one of the cities I would move to if I weren't living in LA. And so I'm always excited when we get to go up there. So I'm really excited for tonight when I get to fly up there. How's it going with you? I see Seattle. Good. Yeah. I'm just chilling.

I had to go get milk today, so I was very upset. Oh. Because I had to take a shower, because you can't just go to the grocery store. I had to get all gussied up. Look at me, just look gorgeous. Do a facial. Go wash myself.

And I went to the store and I got some milk. So that's been my day so far. It was really exciting. I saw a lot of people. What kind of milk do you get got some milk. So that's been my day so far. It was really exciting. I saw a lot of people. What kind of milk do you get? Whole milk. What kind of milk? Oat?

Did you say oat or whole? No, whole milk. Whole milk. I'm a whole milk lover. Yeah. Wow. Get that oat milk out of my goddamn face. I think out of all of the milks,

oat is the best out of the non milks. I have grown to love oat milk. I used to hate oat milk for the longest time, but like in the past, like three months, oat milk has come out of nowhere and has really taken over my life. And now I am an oat-y girly. But I would prefer whole.

Okay, everybody, now that we've got our milk preferences out of the way, welcome to the Valley Recap. We are going to be in Seattle tomorrow night to be, to be recapping, to recap, Real Housewives of Miami premiere. Next week, we will be in Los Angeles and we're going to be in Seattle tomorrow night to be to be recapping to recap Real Housewives of Miami premiere. Next week we will be in Los Angeles on June 19 at the Fonda theater to recap this show right here, the valley. And it's just

our luck that we will be recapping the return of Jax. Don't got it right. It will be nice to be in an audience full of people hating on Jax together. So if you guys wanna just come scream at what a shit face Jax is, join us, okay? Also, this is a recap video. You can find all of our recaps over on Patreon, Crappin's on Demand, we call it.

Also, we're recapping Love Island three or four times a week, so go join our Patreon for that good stuff. Just did a really fun one today. You know what? We do them all the time now. So that's that. And I think that's it, right Ben? Do I need to announce anything else?

I think that's really it. Yeah. That's it y'all. Okay, here we go. Season two, episode nine, when one door forecloses. Another one forecloses. Another one forecloses. This is the cast of Vanderpump Rules.

Yeah, those doors, when one door forecloses, that means you have no more doors. You're not gonna. There are no more doors. Repossessed. The door is now at Chase Bank. So we start. All right.

Sorry, the theme song. Terrible theme song. Because we're all right. All right. Sorry, the theme song, terrible theme song. Because we're all right. All right. Because we're all right. None of you are all right. You know, we said it the first episode when we heard this song way back in the day in 2024.

We said, no, none of you are all right. And it just becomes more and more true every day Jasmine and Zach almost died trying to be wacky doing a rollerblading scene So they're not all right They're not all right at all And then we see Brittany and Gina and Michelle and Jared and they're at a salon and they're getting their hair done and Britt is saying that She's like she's saying that Jax is getting out of rehab on the 21sts and Janet's like, well, I hope Jax is better in some ways so that Cruz has a good relationship with a better man. Like, yeah, it's not, that's not, that's something that's never going to happen. Sorry, Janet.

What? She's so annoying. And then Jared's sitting there behind them clutching his little Louis Vuitton purse. I can't with these people. So Brittany's like, well, he did to me right now. Let me tell you that. Okay. You know, he should have been dead to me when he wouldn't give me that noise. Okay.

But I'm looking around the house, see if I can find my wedding ring. I don't know where it is. And Janet's like, have you checked his eBay page recently? Meanwhile, Janet's bought all this shit on eBay. You know, Janet has like a little closet in the back of that house with all of the shit that Jax has been selling of Britney's. Not the price.

She's got a fan account and Britney's like, hey, we're selling my Jenny Craig bag, Joe, okay. Is that what she said, Jenny Craig bang? I thought she had said Jimmy something It was like it wasn't quite Jimmy Choo, but it was like Jimmy like Jimmy crab Like like this really cool Kentucky designer named Jimmy Crab. Hey, those great bags You can put so much beer cheese in them. I sold them my Jimmy crab chip bags but what she's saying because our my Jimmy crab shit bags. But what she's saying because our, um, our gorgeous note taker, Shelby wrote Jenny Craig.

And then she left us a link and there is an eBay page that sells Jenny Craig bags, but they're only $10. And it says Jenny Craig believe large blue grocery insulated Cooper zippered delivery. You know what? I a hundred percent believe the Jackson sell these. I think that Jack crack head ass selling Craig bags. I mean, they're just tote bags. These are just tote bags. They're actually, they look like they're actually pretty nice tote bags. And then just think these,

they're just Jenny Craig tote bags. And I guarantee Jack's is like, well, whatever. I don't like looking at them. I'm just going to sell them and I know it'll make Brittany mad because she really likes her Jenny Craig tote bags. Well, do you think they were full of the Jenny Craig food that Brittany's supposed to be doing? Because isn't she like a Jenny Craig spokesperson or something? I forget. I thought it was NutriSystem. I thought it was NutriSystem too.

It's hard to say. I'm hung up now on this because now I want them to be Jenny Craig bags so bad. I just love that Brittany would have a collection of Jenny Craig bags. And Brittany goes for like $30. I'm not kidding. So at first I thought she meant like, wow, he was vastly undervaluing her like Jimmy, Jimmy crab bags that are worth something. And then I was like, why is she not more bad? We are the worst gays in the whole world.

But if they are Jenny Craig tote bags that are worth like five dollars and if he's selling them for thirty dollars Now I understand why they were all laughing because it's just like so sad and pathetic of Jack's and also so typically Jack's That is just so typically Jack's ooh, baby, baby Because he would try to make a huge profit off of like a shitty tote bag. Yeah, because you know what it's typical of? A fucking crack head. That's what they do.

Yeah. On the fucking TV right off the wall. That's what they'll do. I sold. Where's my fork? I got a plastic fork with my Uber eats. Where did it go? Like I sold it.

Sorry, I snorted it. It's a damn it cousin. Yeah. So sorry, a little personal experience there. So, then we go to Kristen and Luke's house. I'm so proud of Kristen. You know what? Kristen has really gone back to her roots.

She's actually living in an apartment like they would have lived in on Vanderpump Rules. And it just made me happy. I was like, yes, finally another run down, shitty apartment with clothes all over the floor. And you know, it smells like beer rot. Good for you girl. Also so impressed. You know, she, she was trying to get pregnant for so long, so many months and years that I'm so glad that now that she's in her third trimester, that she

has been able to be in this third trimester for at least I think two and a half years. Like I am so impressed like she's like You know what? It took me a long time to get here So we're gonna stay here for a long time because I can swear Chris has been about to give birth for like since January, right? Am I wrong? And she has been so pregnant for so long. She just did another photo shoot where she's like, you know I'm pregnancy photo shoot. I was like really she's been pregnant for a long long time She is making up for for all the time time she's spent not pregnant, trying, right?

Yeah. She's been pregnant for a while and, um, happily pregnant. You know, I'm so proud of her eggs. I thought that's what you were going to say. Like, I'm so proud of her. Like, well, I'm proud of her eggs too, but I just think it's so funny. I feel like I was like, damn, like Chris, every time Kristen Doty posts something on Instagram, I'm like, it finally happened. She had her baby. And so I was like, did, like Chris, every time Kristen Doty posts something on Instagram, I'm like, it finally happened. She had her baby. And so I was like, did another pregnancy photo shoot? I'm just three days away.

And it's like two and a half days away, one day away. I'm like, she, this has been pregnant a long time. Oh, don't worry. She'll be one of those people to post every day after being like, it's been two days since I had my baby. Like those people who get married and then they keep posting their wedding pictures over and over.

They're like, you guys, it's been a rough two weeks because it's been such a letdown coming off of my wedding. God, I love that wedding. I look so good in this wedding. I've gained 20 pounds since then. It's been two weeks, but it's been a rough two weeks. And then like a couple months later, I've gained 27 pounds now since my wedding.

I'm still happy. It's happiness, right? And it's like 10 years later, I've gained 27 pounds now since my wedding guys still happy. That's happiness way right. And it's like 10 years later, I've gained 500 pounds. Like girl, why are you still posting the same picture? You know, you know, Kristen is going to go hard in the paint for some little plastic letters on a board that says one week, three weeks, 17 weeks, every single week, there'll be another picture of the baby with a little board next to it. And Jill's going to be out there on the side being like, you know,

I never got the special board when I was a puppy. Woof, woof. Michelle Jill's basically gonna turn into like the Michelle Michelle Lolly of why is nobody giving me a doggy board? I have been here 70,000 weeks. I had to eat roses that made me have diarrhea last season. I completely got off from the Zeg's life of my barrens. Somebody helped me. So we go to this. Sorry, it's a shitty little apartment.

So we go over there and then we see Zach coming to the house and he's like, what up bitches? It's me, Zach. Yeah, fun guy. I didn't even have breaks on my roller blades. Yeah, I did it. I survived. I went, I roller bladed on Chandler Boulevard

and did not get run over. Since I survived rollerblading. Zach has a little board. Man, just like discussing, take that off your social media. So they are going, they're hosting like a, uh, uh, a housewarming. Cause they're actually, they're in a house. It may look like an apartment, but they're in a house because they have a house in Noho and because it's on the rundown schedule, they have to have a house. It may look like an apartment, but they're in a house because they have a house in NoHo. And because it's on the rundown schedule,

they have to have a housewarming, but they're not really ready for it. So they still have boxes and, you know, Stevie Nicks posters everywhere. Of course she's gonna throw a damn housewarming party with clothes on the floor. There's clothes on the floor, Kristin. It's like open yolk on the countertop.

Like girl, put some stuff away, throw into a closet, like a normal person. But it's Kristen, so she doesn't. She's like, oh yeah, we're gonna sort stuff, but like, it's good, we're having a moving tomorrow. And Luke's like, yeah, might as well ignore some of the mess and enjoy the house, utz. And then we see the piles of crap everywhere. Yeah, so then Luke's talking to Jesse over by the grill,

as people come over and is asking if there's any, Jesse, if there's anything new on the Michelle front. And Jesse's like, yeah, no, I haven't talked to her or whatever. And, and, and Luke assures him that Michelle's not coming tonight. So Jesse's happy about that. And then meanwhile, Zach, so Jenna, we have a, Jenna gets a moment. Jenna has been trying to have a moment for years in the Vanderpump rules. You know, she, you know, I've been reading that she's popped up a million times.

I don't remember no Jenna. Tell me about her. What's she like? What are her interests? She's been around. Don't you remember my famous story about how I saw Kristen, Jenna and Katie at LA fitness once and Taye Diggs was there

and was talking to them and how like Jenna was like trying to be like in the mix. She was like really flinging her hair at Taye Diggs. She's like, I've been on television for like 10 years. So I get it. She's like, I'm friends with Kristen Doty. This was like, this was probably like 2016 or something like that. Hey, I've always been team Glinda anyway.

You made the right choice. But Jenna, yeah, no, Jenna has been popping popping up and the fact that you don't remember who Jenna is, is exactly the struggle that Jenna deals with is that she has been trying to have make something happen. So she gets some good traction here because, uh, well, Zach first says, Jenna and I have been like friends since I moved to LA and you know, we've had so much fun and like, of course I met her through Sheena because Sheena's like Kevin Bacon okay it's always one degree of Sheena Shay and then the chyron below Sheena says Sheena goes from Kristen's friend

to everybody's friend it's Shishu Bacon so then we go to Luke, Jesse and Danny talking about a spa day that Danny had. And Jesse's like, well, you went to the spa. What did you get? Like Botox, bro. And he's like, so guys get this wasn't Botox. Hold on for a minute. It was Scrotox. All right. Everybody get that? Scrotox. Do we understand? Three under three, balls in my stomach, as she did. Now the way he describes Scrotox, so apparently, Scrotox, Zach explains it,

and he's like, oh my God, Scrotox, you know like when your balls, he's like, you know when your balls droop and they look bigger, like balls get bigger and balls get smaller, this way they just stay bigger. Is that what Scrotox is? I didn't know that.

I know it was. I thought Scrotox like major big balls smaller. I never really understood Scrotox. To me it seemed like something that someone invented and like sort of they created a marketing angle to it that. Okay. What do you want to hear? Yes, okay. What is what here? Yes.

Okay, here's what Scrotoxx does. They put botulism into your scrotum, okay? First of all, which killed a lot of nuns in nunsense. I don't know if anybody's seen that. It's very dangerous. So it reduces wrinkles and creases. Who wants an unwrinkled nut sack? That would look crazy.

Something should, it's like iron look crazy. Some things should, it's like ironing linen. Some things just shouldn't be ironed. Okay. Yeah. I was just about to say it's like linen. Enhance scrotal aesthetics. By relaxing the muscles, scrotox can make the scrotum appear tighter, more youthful, and potentially larger. Decrease sweating, well that's never a bad thing. Except you'll be sweating out your butthole, because that sweat's gonna go somewhere. Your elbows, your butthole, between your toes, who knows?

Improve comfort. By relaxing the muscles and reducing sweating, scrotox can alleviate the discomfort and irritation in the scrotal area. So do you have any discomfort in your scrotal area? No, I think this is bullshit because I think like the body, the body does things because the body is, we've evolved that way.

And I think that like balls go up and down depending on if it's hot or cold. And I think it's like, I think if my balls are cold, I think I want them to come up to the mothership. You know, I want them to take those balls. Yeah, you don't want them just dangling down there mothership. You know, I want to just dangling down there and getting freezing. It's like refusing to put a sweater on your child. Like, why would you do that? Yeah. I also feel like I don't want to increase the risk that I might

like twist my legs in a certain way. And like my poor dangling balls are gonna get caught in the, in the, in the madness there. Like I think let the balls go up and down. Also, it's cool to have a ball elevator. I think. Like what a fun thing that we have. Like why would we just like have something dangling? You know? Yeah, at least some parts of my body are lifting something. It's like, oh, do it. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, exactly. I don't know. I've just never heard of a guy who wants like big dangly balls on purpose. I think that if you are really concerned about the aesthetic of your balls, chances are you probably don't have a big dick because you need to, you're trying to like supplement it.

Or I should say you're insecure about it. Cause who cares if you have a big dick or not? I mean, like obviously we like big dicks, but like just cause someone has a small dick doesn't mean that they're any less worthy. But I think that someone who's insecure about their dick is like, well, I got to like, I'm not doing, I'm not really like, I'm not doing my 11 o'clock number with my dick.

So I gotta like supplement that with some nice, smooth dangling balls. Like, yeah. Well, and also, well, maybe people have, you know, like when people do, what is that called when you like Jack Steph, not Coke, but the other thing he does, roids. So like when you know, roid balls are like really tight,

little, like they go away. You're like, where'd the nuts go? So maybe guys like that need that. Yeah, that maybe that's what it is. It's probably difficult. Well, I haven't thought about balls this much in a long time. So thanks, Sho.

I've been educated. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks, Sho. So then we go to talking about Scrotox, which we're done now. So then Danny, everyone's like, I'm not going to do that. But Zach, we see getting his Scrotox injections, which I think is hilarious. I think it's so funny that Zach's like, you know what I'm doing?

Scrotox. Need to do it. Upkeep the balls for Benjay. You know, I really enjoy Zach so much. I feel like Zach lives in this sort of strange, like play the strange gay place where there's because there's all these other gays that circulate around the show, but they are like the, they're kind of like, it was like Jared and we haven't seen Simon this year, but there's Simon and there's others and they usually just sort of sit there to kind of be like, yes, girl. Yes. Yes. And it's not like, and Zach definitely does that, but it's kind of funny that like Zach is like not part of their crew and he's like not really part of the straight people screw. He's just on his own gay Island. And

I love that for him. I think it's great. I think it's so fun to watch. Yeah. So, um, the producer's like, okay, so the reason people get Scrotox is because your balls drop when you get older. And Zach's like, they do? And he's like, yeah. So that's what happens. So if they're gonna end up on the floor anyway,

why are you rushing it? And Zach's like, I guess I just wanted to see what it was like to have old balls. I don't know. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappins commercial. At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen, and ultimately you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me to be chatting with folks both recognizable and

unrecognizable names about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph. My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful. Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts.

Every successful business starts with an idea and on the best idea yet, we're obsessed with those light bulb moments. Like how a bored barista invented the Frappuccino during his downtime and then it got acquired by Starbucks. Or how Patagonia's iconic fleece was inspired by a toilet seat cover. On the best idea yet, we dive into the untold origin stories behind the products you're obsessed with and the bold risk takers made them go viral. These are the wild ideas and insights that made Birkenstock the best-selling sandals

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call your doctor. So, anyway, they talk about, Scro talks a lot. So Jason and Janet show up and it's uncomfortable because they had their fight with Jasmine last week. My God, Janet is so uncomfortable. She's really uncomfortable. She's like really uncomfortable right now guys. She's uncomfortable.

And Jasmine, you know who else is uncomfortable? Jasmine, Jasmine's uncomfortable. And Janet sees that Kristen's talking to Nia and Janet and she's like, I'm gonna wait, cause I'm uncomfortable. So it's like really uncomfortable. So Nia is like, oh my God, they're here. I guess I'll get myself a bottle of wine.

She's stirring everything. So Danny's like, at this point, Jason and I are pretty cool. You know, even though we had some problems, but I've got some definite frustration with Janet trying to attack me and my character. I'm going to put my hand on her butt gently and explain girl, you need to be nicer to daddy. So then Jasmine's talking to Luke and she's like, how are you? And Luke's like, I'm good.

And he's like, how are you doing? You know what the beach he's like, I've never seen Jason worked up like that before and she's like well he's hurt because shit was said years ago but like I didn't bring it up and I don't care we don't believe it like I would never hurt him like that unless the cameras were running and we you know I needed to have a scene for the first time in a season and a half so sure maybe a little bit. And Jasmine's so funny how she changes she like goes for your throat one second and is like, oh really, really? Cause I didn't even say it. Talk to your boys. Cause they're the ones who said it.

And everyone hates you Janet. Whatever she was saying. And then the next day she's like, I love her. I don't even know what's going on. Like I don't even know, I don't even know what the problem is. Like I absolutely love them. I love them. Love them.

The only thing I love more than Janet are her casseroles. Oh, so they're like, are you going to talk to Jason? She's like, yeah. So she wants to get over it. So then she goes up to Jason and Janet, who are talking to the Thirsty's, Sheena and Brock. And she's like, hey, hey, hey, you know what, Janet, Janet, I just have one thing to say, if it's possible.

I would love to have a conversation with you and your husband, Emmy and Melissa, because then it's four people. Then it's four people, would love to have a conversation with you and your husband and me and Melissa because then it's four people Okay, then it's four people and not just three people because I like I call that conversations better when they're four people and Jen It's like great. I Love that four is my favorite number at Dave and Busters I play every game four times and if I do not hit a big I move on so let's do that She's okay. Great one step at a time. Great. Okay, great Great. Great. So there are, there are, everything's going to be good. So now Sheena is telling Danny

and Nia, I got salmon sperm, but on my face and procedure. No, I just like really made a salmon horny. Like you heard about my music videos. So because I'm good as row because I'm good as well. Oh, well, might as well use it. Waste my one. She's huge in salmon circles. And then Jenna, Jenna's like, Oh God, it's my moment. It's my moment. It's my moment. It's making like tons of money in like only salmon, you know,

getting more clicks than anybody on that site. The salmon sploogeing all over us. Over Sheena's face. Ironically, their logo is blue. You would have thought they would have just gone pink. So Jenna is like- Sorry about interrupting you. I just needed to talk more about salmon splooging on Sheena's face.

You can interrupt me as much as you want, Ronnie, especially for Sheavers Sam sploozing on Sheena's face. Matt Salmon was swimming upstream. So Jenna, here it comes. She's like, Hey, Zach, do you want to hear something wild? Yes. I dated Aaron, Michelle's current boyfriend a year and a half ago. Isn't that wild? Ronnie, I don't know. Maybe I'm crazy.

This is the fucking wildest thing I've heard in 20, 25. It's wild. Why are all these people fucking each other? How was Aaron even in this group then? Was he in the group because of Michelle and then Jenna jumped on him? And what's with this? You know, all these people, they all just are in that milieu, you know, they all went to Cabo Cantina

back in the day together in Saddle Ranch. They all do Runyon Cannon, and they probably play pickleball. They all go to the same parties. It's just the way it is. Aaron, I thought was brought in by Michelle. So was Aaron already part of this group where Jenna could get to him?

I'm saying I think he was part of a larger sort of like douchebag circle in like Hollywood, West Hollywood. You see the same people at all the clubs. They just exist. Yeah, okay. I don't know, it seems fishy. I'm calling fishy.

Ah, Go away! Fish is my biggest fan. So she dated Aaron a year and a half ago and Zach's like, are you serious? She's like, yeah, it's just like such a small world. I mean, God, how many guys with the bug eyes are getting ass in the city? Well, you know, Sheena was talking about going on to only

Sammons, but I actually go on to only honey and he was there. And I kind of like, I know we took our friend relationship to something more intimate. I mean, it is a harder cleanup, but worth it at the end of the day. He's a sweet guy. Um, so Zach is like, did you like him? And she's like, yeah, I did. Hey, did you like him?

And she's like, yeah, I did. Hey, should I tell Jesse? I mean, she's so clunky with her like attempts to get on the show. She's like, well, she got back on. Lala's getting back on. Everything's turning up. Jenna.

He's like, oh my God, you're totally Sean. So she goes over and well, he does. He's like, oh my God, you're totally Sean. So she goes over and well, he does. He's like, oh my God, Jatai, Jenna has a story for you and I think you're gonna wanna hear it. So he's like, oh my God, all right, go ahead. I'm- Here's my story. Are you ready?

It has a really great arc to it. It has a beginning, middle and end, three act structure. I dated Aaron. The end. Who's Aaron? Michelle's boyfriend. Oh, that guy. So, okay. When was that?

Hold on. Let me get out my little notebook. I've been learning math. All right, go ahead. Okay. So we dated twice. So like the first time was like, like five years ago. And here's a photo from 2019.

Twice five years ago is 10 years ago. Okay, go ahead. And then like, God, I think like a year and a half ago, like briefly. So yeah, I have a pretty compelling story. I have already applied to the moth to be able to tell this on stage because I think it just has like a lot of cadences to it. And I just, I want people to really hear my journey with Aaron. So you've dated this guy for eight and a half years, which means Michelle was cheating on

me the entire time we were married. Oh my God, did someone say moth? I'm looking for a moth of splooch on my face. It's like called a collab you guys. Don't judge me. Yeah. Wow. Guys, I'm just going to take a moment here because I just found out Michelle was cheating on me

before she even met me. So it's pretty wild. And Jesse's like, yeah, that's interesting because I heard that like a year and a half ago, Michelle and him were together. No, you heard from Kristen that she was fucking around on you a year and a half or two years ago. She never said it was with Erin.

You're trying to make the Erin thing happen. It probably was Erin though. So- I mean, she did say she kissed someone, but you know what? I'm just gonna support Michelle on this one. I say she done, Jesse. Kristen has said in, I don't know, interviews, whatever,

that she wasn't talking about that guy. She was talking about a different guy, which means Michelle was like cheating multiple times. So I don't know. Jesse- I say the most barrier when it comes to Jesse Lolley. I'm totally in favor of infidelity against Jesse Lolley. Yeah, I'm with you.

This guy's such a piece of shit. And so Jesse's like, yeah, I'm just trying to figure it out. And Jenna's like, I'm sorry, do you want to have an affair? We could do it. I mean, that would get us pretty close to figure it out. Jen is like, I'm sorry, do you wanna have an affair? We could do it. I mean, that would get us pretty close to being on TV. Wouldn't that be great? Being on TV, he's like, I am on TV. Right, okay, so I'll be here, I'm here when you're ready.

Just call me. Any of your friends know me? I've been on television 10 years. Do you wanna hear a great story? I once floated with Tate Diggs at an LA fitness. Yeah. So anyway, great talking. It's funny cause Katie called him Taye Scram after that. Cause like he got out of there really fast.

It was hilarious. It was really funny. So Jesse's like, well, six months ago, Superbowl Sunday, Luke comes up and says, I heard Michelle was seeing a guy. Well, you guys are, Luke is the messiest ass person on this cast by the way. He is the messiest one. And he gets away with it all

because he's just like a innocent looking little ginger who doesn't shave his nuts. And everybody's like, oh, look at Luke. He's the best guy. Luke is fucking all of you over. And I love him for it. You're doing great, Luke. He's doing great work. Luke is fucking all of you over. And I love him for it. You're doing great, Luke. He's doing great work.

I know Kristen was really upset that we all compare Luke to Van Gogh, but guess what? He is Van Gogh. Cause Van Gogh is messy too. Van Gogh is like impressionist messy. And Luke is just 2025 messy. And they're the same person,

except Luke still has all these years. Luke is impressionable messy. Yeah, so you know what? I don't want to hear any, I don't want to hear any guff that he's not like Van Gogh because he's a hundred percent like Van Gogh. Yeah. He looks like it and he acts like it.

So he's like, yeah, while we were married, she was cheating and she couldn't get ahold of him. And then she stopped by his house and caught him with another girl. Is Jenna the girl? Was he cheating on my wife who was cheating on me? Don't you think Jenna would have added that to the story? Like her story was only take anything she can get to lend her story credence or.

Yeah, Jenna. All Jenna has is I dated Aaron. I guarantee she would have added some sauce if she could have. She would have a hundred, and by the way, she's right there, why don't you just ask her? Did you, were you, like, did Michelle walk in on you having sex with Erin once? Like, it's all right there. She did not.

I'm gonna say there's nothing more to this. She dated Erin, she got some free honey, end of story. Yeah, Jenna, this is kind of lame, really. I mean, unless you're gonna go up to Michelle and be like, hey Michelle, did you still, you stole Aaron from me, I had him first. Okay, there was a fight. Or Jesse, I was cheating with Michelle

at the same time you were dating, or something. But just this like, oh my God, guess what? I dated Aaron. Who cares, Jenna? That has nothing to do with anything. I guarantee she was expecting Michelle to be there. And so it was gonna be a moment where she was like, you know what, I dated Erin. Who cares, Jenna? That has nothing to do with anything. I guarantee she was expecting Michelle to be there. And so it was going to be a moment where she was like, you know what I did at Erin? And then seeing if Michelle would have a rise out of it. And then it could be an issue. And then she was hoping Michelle would be like, get this girl out

of my face. But Michelle wasn't there. And so she came in for her big moment and she had the story and she's like, what am I supposed to do? Well, I guess I'll tell Jessie it's not going to really have the same land in the same way. So it was a big flop moment for Jenna. Yeah, it was a sad one. And she goes, oh yeah, when I saw you, I was like, oh my God, this is full circle. Really?

You haven't seen Jesse Lolley in all this time, Michelle? You're always, or Jenna, you're always around. I don't believe you. She goes, yeah, I was like, what are the odds? And Jesse's like, yeah, it's a small world. Okay, can I get back to my kebabs? Cause you're extremely boring. Even giving me ammunition against my wife,

you're extremely boring. I know, I would rather deal with a kebab than Jenna. So now Luke is gonna talk to Danny about the trip and because you know, there's, they're gonna be going on a cash trip to Hawaii and he's gonna propose there. And Luke says, he's and because you know, there's, they're going to be going on a cash trip to Hawaii and he's going to propose there. And Luke says, he's like, no, Kristen is very good at uncovering the truth. You know, so I've got to be really careful because we just need to keep detective Dodi off the case. I'm like, yes. Well, you know, Kristen isn't always so great about discovering the truth. I think that's what got her fired the first

time around. So well, listen, she's had some misfires, that's for sure. I wouldn't, I would not. She's no Sherlock Holmes. Okay. She's not even else bad. Wait a minute, Luke. I heard the faith is proposing to me in Hawaii. And she stole her jacket.

And the stole jacket. She she stole her jacket. And the stole jacket. She stole my wedding dress. So then, then Danny and Nia are leaving to go the baby and everything. And Brittany's like, hi guys, everyone gather round. Gather round. Okay, got to tell you got something.

Okay. So last night, Jack's came home from the, came home to get his mile which by the way what? What rehab does Jax get to come home to get mail? What is that about? I don't understand this whole fucking rehab thing and why do you even need your mail and rehab? You're not paying your mortgage. What mail are you getting? You're not He was coming there to uncover the cameras, which is what he did.

He came and uncovered the cameras. And then, so, you know, me and my mama were covering back up. You know how that goes, you know. Take the cameras out, Brittany. Take the cameras out of the house. Yeah, take them out. So, anyway, so let's talk to Jenny.

And so they asked the actual therapist who like goes around placing them because he's got like a therapist It's like a photographer, but a therapist. Okay, and she said that he made the girl the girl who answers the phone I won't cry because he told her that if anybody calls to lie and act like he was on his way to urgent care And she was sobbing and crying because he made her feel like she needed to tell people that So the therapist had tell all of us the truth that he never went to them and them their hospital.

Girl, of course that whole thing was a lie. Of course it was. It's Jax. Anybody who believes one single thing coming out of Jax's mouth, I swear to God. So Janice is like, oh my God, he manipulated the front desk person to say he was having a medical emergency. This is why I have his poster in my bedroom. That guy is fucking amazing. He's working on levels I didn't even think were possible.

I mean, receptionist manipulation. That's genius. That's Kaiser Sozay shit. So Brittany knows that this guy is putting out this like PR story to everybody else, but he's really just still being a monster. And then he wrote me this really long email and he told me that the house is in foreclosure. Can you believe that? I looked that one up and first of all, I put four, the number four clothes led

to a website was a sad one, but that means people are going to sell my house. Y'all. And so she's like, this is really so fucked up because she's saying this could ruin her chance of ever buying another home. And it's true. So Jason's like, yeah, I mean, that'd be terrible. Yeah. I mean, because my name is on as much as he is and I know I was losing. I've lost all that money I put down, you know, and like, and Janet's like, does he not realize that he's damaging Cruz? Oh my goodness. Yeah. That's what I said. Okay. And I said it right in front of Cruz too. But he also said, we're splitting the podcast 50 50.

I'll do one week. You do the next. And Jason's like, this is so disappointing because after what he was saying two days ago, we said, he's going to give you all the money. I can't believe it. Anyway, still team Jacks. Yeah. Team Jacks. He's trying guys. So don't like get a lawyer, Brittany. And she's like, you know what? After tonight, I'm ready to fight. I'm ready to fight. Okay, so then we see Michelle going to Lala's new house.

We haven't seen Lala's new house in the Vowels. She's like, hi. But haven't we? Welcome to my house. Have we? Welcome. Well, we haven't seen it, but haven't we? Let's see.

Ship Lap, Modern Farmhouse, open the door, living room to the right, dining room to the left, walk down the staircase, kitchen to the left, TV area to the right, the exact same layout, the exact same house. Little boxes on the hillside, little boxes full of tiki-taki, little boxes on the hillside and they all look just

the same. I did appreciate Lala's room and board sofa. That's a cute one. So anyway, what are what you mean board sofa? Oh, her room and boards. Oh, that's some fancy shimmy board. Remember, I was looking for Stephanie go, Oh my God, you should go to room and board. So I got a room and board. It's was looking for stuff and you go, oh my God, you should go to room and board. So I go to room and board.

And I texted you like, are you fucking crazy? They're like, do you like this chair? It's $19 million, enjoy it. Yeah, but compared to like restoration hardware, I remember looking at sofas and restoration hardware, I was like, my dream was all I wanted was a sectional. I've always wanted a big sectional. And so I went to restoration hardware

and their sectionals were like, three inches from the ground and they're like tiny. And they're like, that will be $30,000. It was like, not even a joke. It was literally $30,000 for a sofa and restoration hardware. I was like, you're out of your mind store. Yeah, that's a lot. That's crazy.

That's crazy money. So Lala's like, you're out of your mind store. Yeah, that's a lot. That's crazy. That's crazy money. So Lala's like, welcome. How's it going? It's like, it is very difficult because Jesse's, you know, my daughter is asking why Jesse's house is bigger. And I say, appreciate what you have. You live in a bedroom, build a honeycomb. Be grateful. She is part of the hive. Oh my God. She likes Beyonce already. No, she is part of a beehive now.

So Lala's like, yeah, you know, I know what it's like because my daughter, like when she's hanging out with rants, she'll go to like Target. Like when she comes back to me and put everything in the carts and I'm like, no, honey, that's only what you do with daddies. Does Jesse like, do you see similarities in the same patterns as your ex like with Jesse? Yes, yes I do. Cause I didn't realize how sometimes

he was so disrespectful to people. I always had to like brush it off. And I was like, yeah, you become desensitized after like the 30th like news article about how terrible your husband is. But I mean, my ex was like not kind to people, but he did put me in a movie called Gotti. So I always thought he was insecure, but no, it turns out he's an assholes. Yeah, like he was an asshole, but I do know Al Pacino's now. So it worked out. So she, she says that she always thought Rand was just insecure.

And she's like, no, he's just an asshole. I realized once I wasn't living in the mansion anymore that he's just an asshole. I was like, okay, I like that we can relabel the men after, you know, the gravy train stops. So we all knew he was an asshole, Lala, and so did you. It was worth it at the time. Whatever. I can't cry about Rand. Or, well, Jesse Moore, because I don't know.

Okay, so let's go to this Michelle and Jesse thing. Well, first we talk about Michelle. Go ahead. Yeah, I was going to say, it's actually not so much about Jess anymore. And now Michelle, we find out that her mom has cancer and it's spread. It's really sad. She doesn't know how much time is left. This really broke my heart for her because I know, I know, you know, Michelle might not be the most charismatic person there is. And some people say she's basically a robot and we make her sound like a robot. Well, she does talk like one. So you know, you know, I know like she received a lot

of shit, but like, you know, this is just, this is hard. And my heart really does go out for her because she's trying to deal with this like narcissist and she's dealing with a mother who is ailing and that sucks. I felt really bad for her when she talked about this. Yeah. So she talks about that and they hug. commercial's here comes one right now. this. Yeah, so she talks about that and they hug. Every big moment starts with a big dream. But what happens when that big dream turns out to be

a big flop? From Wondery and Atwill Media, I'm Misha Brown, and this is the big flop. Every week, comedians join me to chronicle the biggest flubs, fails, and blunders of all time, like Quibi. It's kind of like when you give yourself your own nickname and you try to get other people to do it. And the 2019 movie adaptation of Cats. Like, if I'm watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground, there's something wrong with the movie adaptation of Cats. Like if I'm watching the dancing and I'm noticing the feet aren't touching the ground,

there's something wrong with the movie. Find out what happens when Massive Hype turns into major fiasco. Enjoy the big flop on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to the big flop early and ad free on Wondery Plus. Get started with your free trial at Wondery.com slash plus.

So let's go to El Compadre. So now it's time for the Jasmine, Melissa, Janet and Jason sit down. Dun, dun, dun. And Janet's walking in in like, I don't know, pajamas from the 1920s. I'm not sure what she's really wearing. So she walks in and she's like, oh my God,

I hope this is peaceful. Cause the last one was not peaceful. Well, Janet, sit your ass down. They've got mariachis here. I know. Jasmine definitely pulled a power move by making them leave the valley and come to Hollywood. Also, now that you say Janet wearing pajamas

from the 1920s, it made me realize I could totally see Janet as one of those cigarette girls in the nightclub in the 20s. Just walking around with a tray strapped to her shoulders So Jason's like this is like weird I feel like two weeks ago like with this would have been a super fun You know restaurant trip and like not 100% sure what happened to be honest But like we're just like pretty confused about stuff

And I just wanted to find out like when we first learned about stuff It was at Britney's pool party and Kristin came over and said Jasmine said you take your ring off and when you go out Or something like that and when I first heard I thought well, I was so left to feel does just like laughing But then I was like wait why why would Jasmine say this? Why would Kristen go at go like why would you tell Kristen who we're not a good place with at all? Like what's going on here? I'm so confused This is so ridiculous. So he's like, oh my god, Jasmine basically like what the fuck Jasmine They're like we would expect this from Kristin,

but not from you. So a couple of quotes from that episode, Kristin, one from Kristin's confessional. She said, I heard this rumor from Zach. It was then confirmed from Jasmine. The second quote was Luke, who told Janet and Jason about the rumor. And he said, I heard the rumor a year ago,

so Jasmine heard that you take your ring off sometimes at bars. Oh, this is so ridiculous. So Jasmine's like, yeah, so Jasmine's like, I mean, I never told Kristen, so I don't even know where this is going. And he's like, but you said that you told Kristen at the party.

She's like, no, I didn't. And then we see a clip of her going, of them saying, so Kristen told her, she goes, yes. So. Kristen told me about this, yes. So she's, she, Jasmine and Melissa are denying that they ever had any conversation about the ring or anything like that.

And Jen, it's like, but she came up to us and said, Jasmine said this, and then they were okay. And she goes, well, we never said any of it. It's like, yeah, but she did try to blame me. And Melissa's like, at the end of the day, you get margaritas for margaritas. And this conversation is not focused on, unlike what he said, that's we're not here to, we're just here to squash things with you guys, because I promise you wherever the rumors are from, it was not us who originated.

Okay. But here's the thing, cause I just bungled this last section, cause there's so much bullshit in this scene. Jasmine in the last scene said, okay, I said it, but I didn't start it. And they're like, did you say it to Kristin? And she's like, well, I mean, I told her that I'd heard it. But now she's saying I never said anything to Kristin. Like you, we have the clip Jasmine, like what the hell? Just tell Jack. Why don't you just tell Jasmine or Janet that she's an asshole.

Just, just do that. Just say it's a rumor that she's an asshole. Just do that. Just say it's a rumor that your ring was off, that's it. It wasn't meant to be a horrible thing against you guys. It should never have come out. Kristin was being an asshole. I'm sorry it came out, but yes, I'm guilty of gossiping just like everybody else. But now it becomes this, well, Kristin's just a liar

and Kristin's making everything up. What's it's like? And Janet thinks she solves some big mystery by saying, oh, now we know who the real mastermind is. It's Kristen. We already knew Kristen brought this up to get back at you for being an asshole to her friend. She said it on TV and to you.

It's not a big mystery that you solved until the Lansbury, get off your bike. Yeah, it's really not. So Jasmine's like, look, I don't really think that you're a Karen and Janet's like, well, you know, it's funny cause I looked up a definition of a Karen and it says, uh, since it's like entitled something and I was like, Oh yeah, I guess I am guilty of that. I am kind of a Karen.

Janet had to look up the definition of Karen in 2025 girl. Like no one's ever called you a Karen before. I don't believe it. Yeah. So they just sort of like bury the hatchet. Like this is just how I felt in that moment was that you were a Karen, but I don't believe you are a Karen. I just felt in that moment, you were a Karen and Janet's like, if I had even realized that you felt ganged up on, even though you did say please it's two against one, this isn't fair. I never,

I would have just stepped away. I never would have done that. I'm like, hmm, yeah, it's pretty obvious that she, she said to you like a million times, butt out. And you still stayed there. And Melissa's like, well, I'm just happy we're doing this because you know, we're all kind of learning that something has happened to make us all think we're against each other.

What could that be? And Janet's like, well, you know, I think the real mastermind is Kristen. Like, no shit, Janet. So they all hug, and now they decide to all be friends. But then Jasmine tells us at the end of the scene, she's like, yeah, I wanna be good with Janet because she's scary, and she'll fuck you up.

So I made up with her. So now we know we're about to learn some more shit about Jax Because we get a Jax video message and the way the show works is they give us a video of Jax being all nice And kind and then they as soon as that's done there give us a scene where we find out even more bullshit that he's up to So we say guys violence. We get the mariachi band over to the table being like So we say, hey guys. Yeah, this time instead of violins, we got the mariachi band over to the table being like. Rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, rang, I hope they can see like, Hey, Jax, he's making progress. He's taking steps. He's trying. Get that fucking camera in my face, receptionist. Anyway, so, you know, I'm just like excited. I'm a new man. I'm a nice guy now. I'm treated

and I think everything's fixed. Yeah, Jax, that's why you're there. So everybody could see that you're trying. We know, we know your game by now, buddy. So now let's go to Brittany at the foreclosure house. Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, doorbell's ringing. Oh my God, there's McDonald's, Taco Bell, and Domino's. So there's a lot of fast food. That looks like a depression dump to me.

I've been there, girl. So Zach and Kristen show up and she's like, oh my God, we're having a catered by fast food because Jackson's coming to my home tomorrow. So we're going to pack up all his shit and get it out of here. He's got a new little condo now. I just need him to be gone. I need him to be gone. And so Michelle walks in and sees the fast food and is like disgusted. She's like, Brittany and I certainly have different taste buds.

She loves fast food and I do not like it. Now Now listen, Michelle, I was just standing up for you. Okay, don't make me regret the words I used, okay? Because I am a fast food girlie as well. So please, please just settle down over there. Yeah, Michelle, you need all the positive publicity you can get and this is not the way to get it. Yeah, come on. You're talking to people who watch The Valley.

Okay. it. Yeah, come on. You're talking to people who watch the valley. So Zach is like, so since he does get on on Thursday and today's Tuesday, how about on Wednesday? We take you out for one last night before he's out of rehab and let's just go to Jackson's before just like one night though. Let's just go there. And the whole lot also let me say Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday, just so I get all of the days in there. So he's like, I had this idea literally for months now to change the name of Jackson's bar to Brits.

Yeah. And then we want Brittany to like know that we like we support her and we love her and we're in this together. So Michelle's like, how do you feel about zine? Jack? Oh my God, he's going to break me. Cause like you guys know, I really love him. I mean, he's a supreme crunch top though.

You know, you can try and say no to him, but eventually they're going to be on your doorstep anyway. But you know, um, I still love him and he can trick me into going there, but I need to be strong. I need to be strong. Okay. be strong. I need to be strong Okay, be strong We support you. Don't worry So Michelle is there and she's looking sad

She's like I wish I was getting the same support that Brittany is getting now I mean, I am an amazing friend I will drop anything and everything if one of my friends needs help or they need something I am right or die and so I don't feel that in return Yeah, she's kind of got the lala disease where she's like wait a minute I'm getting divorced Why is she getting attention for her divorce and I'm not getting any attention for my divorce? You know you can tell she's like things out with La La a lot. I think your divorces are very different.

One, you moved on very quickly and it looked like you were kind of moved on before you got divorced. And you knew what you were gonna do, you were confident in it, and you found somebody else and you're happy. Like everybody else did rally around you, but you don't need constant support like Brittany

because Brittany is a fucking train wreck. You know, she needs support every day. If you still had cars piling up on the track, people would be there to support you too. You know what I mean? But Brittany doesn't. It's like Brittany, you get the train back on the track, it starts going again, and then there's a cow on the train track again. And then Brittany's like, Oh my god, I can't believe it's another Kyle.

And you're all you're back there fixing it every time. Yes, Brittany needs a cow catcher. But, um, the thing is that, um, the, first of all, Brittany's is happening during the taping of the show. Also Brittany and Jack's are more famous. Let's be honest. And second of all, yeah, you do like, you know, it seems like you sort of have this shit handled. I mean, I think she does deserve support because I think Jesse is a total narcissist. I think Jack seems like he's a narcissist and he's like actually dangerous too.

He's actually scarier than Jesse. Jesse's like more venal, but like Jack's is like a really scary one. And there's, Brittany is actually pretty honest this episode in that she's like, I'm trapped in the, I'm trapped in the, in the loop. And I'm afraid that I'm'm gonna get sucked back into it. So she's like, she actually really needs all these people to keep her like going in the right direction, like you said, like people to clear those cows

off her train tracks because she is, otherwise she could just get sucked right back in. So I think that's what we're gonna get out to you. Well, one of the examples that we get from Michelle of his Santa Barbara trip, or to have to go stay at a separate place, no one did that because he was the one who planned the trip and got the house.

So she's considering that to this. Like, well, why are they still letting Jessie in the house? I was like, oh, don't worry. They're still calling Jax and supporting Jax, and they'll welcome Jax into every shooting scene that they possibly can. So if you're worried that you're the only person being disrespected by all of these users and losers

and boosers around you, you're not. They're doing it to Britney too, so don't let those fool you. Yeah, although I have to say, there is a part of me that does feel like Michelle is not, she's not totally without merit in what she's saying like it does suck she's going through a vicious awful divorce and her mom is dying and No one's really

Like checking in on her and that does kind of suck no matter what even if she does Seem like she's handling it better and she is like a more stable person than Brittany like it does suck So I'm gonna let her I'm gonna let her well. It does seem like that I mean, I just think that, I'm not saying she needs to shut up or anything like that. I mean, I can get why she would be hurt, but she, I can, I feel like they do support her. I just feel like the, it's not as dramatic,

like they're not having a party, you know, to pack up busy stuff and all of that. But I think it's just cause Britt still needs help moving on and Michelle seems that she's moved on. And also like Britt is just that person who's like, Hey everyone, I want to have a party celebrating my independence. Okay. It's called a beach ball party. Everyone bring a beach ball, put a smile on their face, so it's going to be me. And then bring another beach ball.

So no, I'm crying again. The beach ball was Jack's favorite kind of ball. Oh no. And Brittany in literally every scene she's in has a moment where she's just, okay, guys, gather around, gather around everybody, everybody gather around. Here's what JX did today, that motherfucker. And then she like goes on a monologue and she rallies the troops. And so she's like constantly working for those votes. You know?

Yeah. And Michelle's like, who wants free honey? It's like, it's just not the same. It's like, you know, Britt is just that person who just does it, who just gets people all around and she also gives, you know, Brit is just that person who just does it, who just gets people all around. And she also gives, you know, McDonald's. So there's something to be said about that. Yeah, you get Happy Meal toys if you go to Brit's, okay?

Yeah. Learn the game, Michelle. You can turn your nose up against the French fries and the gorditas all you want, but guess who's getting people in the seats? It's Brit for her divorce and not you. So reconsider your tools. Now they're gonna bag up all of Jax's shit.

So she brings everybody over and she's like giggling and throwing his stuff out of the closet. And Kristen's like, oh my God, separating his shoes. It's like, oh, it's like a way to get the brain working. You know, it's like, how do you work with little toddlers? That's what Jax needs, you know? You're like, okay, match this. Like, let's be real what Jax needs, you know, you're like, okay matches like let's be real

Kristen creating a sneaker puzzle is hilarious thinking one sneaker in one bag and another and another it's great because it's actually Gonna drive him absolutely nuts cuz Jax is like very much like OCD. He wants everything in order So it is great chaos and then Brits like hey, there's that thing and look there's that and oh It is great chaos. And then Britt's like, hey, there's that thing and look, there's that and oh, it's his little denim jacket he likes to wear around. And then they show this like sentimental montage of Jax in his light denim jacket.

And she starts to cry like, oh, that denim jacket. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm not gonna feel for Jax for one fucking second. So Brittnay's like, this is so hard. I mean, I still love this guy. You know, like I've got view and say, just go disappear overnight. Where'd it go? She's over. So everyone like throws all the, uh,

throws all the bags in the garage and it's like, yay, they did it. And now it's one day until Jack leads the facility. So Brit goes to meet Nas, a divorce lawyer. I love Nas. I feel like Nas doesn't take any bullshit. She sort of has that look like, I will destroy you in the courtroom. Like, yeah, go get him, Nas, go do it.

Yeah, Nas has that thing where she's like, okay, so tell me what is going on. And Brittany tells her and she's like, divorce. That is my situation. Well, you're a divorce lawyer, of course. So what are you gonna tell her? The side of fries go home. Nas has a cousin who's gonna fuck up Jack's

if it doesn't go right. Divorce, and if not, I call my cousin. Yeah, you leave. So Brittany's telling him, you know, we've been married since 2019, we've been separated, but it's not legal though. Okay. But I moved to an Airbnb and then we're fighting. But you know, what should I protect myself with?

You know, he's got blow ups. He's more aggressive. Like he's throwing furniture at me. He's punched walls. He hasn't laid hands on me. He has laid coffee tables on me. Does that count? Yes, that fucking counts, Brittany.

Jesus Christ. Call the police next time, by the way, as well. Get this asshole thrown in jail. I fucking hate this person. not Brittany James, obviously. Ugh. Naz is writing down in her, she's writing just writing notes. And you just, I just imagine that Naz's notepad is just like,

I will destroy this man, I will destroy him. So Brittany's like- Naz is like, all I'm hearing is chicken nuggets, taco supreme and double pepperoni stuffed crust. Oh my God, it's like you're looking into my mind. No, just the crumbs on your lapel. So Brittany is like, yeah, he's in rehab now. He doesn't get out until tomorrow.

He's still rage texting me like this was just the other night. I had to block him. So she shows Naz the phone and Naz is like, oh wow. Wow, this is bad. This is really bad. And she's like, how does, wow, this is bad. This is really bad, you know? And she's like, how does he know that you're not home? And she's like, exactly. Is he stalking you?

Yeah, he would look at me through cameras and stuff and he was telling me like what I was wearing and different things. Naz was like, Jesus. She's like, this is disturbing. I don't like it. So these texts that we see popping up, I know you're drinking, I have eyes and ears.

Everyone is gonna tell me if you tattle on me again. Go party while I'm in here. I have everyone watching you like a hawk. Oh, fuck, he's so gross. It's awful. It's awful. And so Nazabat's like, yeah, he's obsessed and it's really, it's not healthy for you and he needs to control himself. This is not good. And Brittany is saying that they have, you know, a son together,

but that Jack stopped paying the mortgage whenever he, you know, when, when she moved out, he stopped paying the mortgage. And so this is where we hear even more. Maybe you already knew about this. You may have been up on this. I did not realize, I knew that Jack's was like in debt, but what we find out is that he was in debt to the, he was back when they moved in or when they got married, he was already $1.2 million in debt to the IRS, which is that's a lot of taxes you did not pay.

So he's already behind. And so when they got the house, something you're not getting out of, like the IRS is not going to be like, Oh, you're bankrupt. Okay. We'll just forget about it. Nope. They're coming for your ass. So they folded it into the mortgage birthday celebration. Yeah, exactly. So they pull it into the, into the mortgage, which means that essentially like she is now liable for his tax debt. And so the fact that now he is like, okay, I'm releasing this house to you

and you have to pay off the rest of the mortgage. He's basically saying, you're paying off my $1.2 million of tax debt. That's how I interpret it. Which is what he's doing. Crazy, crazy. That's fucking insane. And so she's like, yeah,

so now our mortgage is like $17,000. Because of because of his ears. Well, yeah, his ass did it. No, his ears. Yeah, his butt. His little butts and troubles. What I'm saying. But ears is a word. I know it is girl. What do you think I'm trying to kick his right now? How do we do it? That's my favorite burger joint in Kentucky. arrears. ARI, Apos-A-P-O-S-H-O-F-E-S. So it got to the point where they even garnished her bank account for a hundred grand because they're married.

And now he got a lease on this condo, he didn't tell her, and now she wants her to take over the house. And she's like, and so you're going to start paying the mortgage? Okay, yeah. And pay all the expenses for the child and this and that. So what's he gonna contribute? And she's like, that's why I need help. Because

I literally pay for everything for my son. I mean, this is nuts. So she's paying him everything because she thought he was taking taking care of this mortgage and his tax debt way he has, which he has not been doing. So this is so vile. It's so so vile. Like this guy, like every episode of this show, just revealing another layer that this guy is, is of a depravity of Jack's. And so then, um, Nas is like, yeah, you need to get a divorce sooner than later. And what I was actually so proud of, of Brittany was that she acted on it right away.

She's like, can I do this today? And I was actually, you know, I was afraid that she'd be like, okay, well, we know that they're getting divorced. So we already know that, but like, I was afraid that she would have an instinct of like, okay, this is good to know. I'm going to go back and think on it. And it was going to stall out even longer. And I was like proud that she got this advice.

And she was like, despite the fact that she still has feelings for Jack's, she knew enough that like she needed to do this step for herself. I think that was great for her. Yeah, so let's go to the Brits party. So we go to Brits, they're putting up the gang is putting up a sign that says Brits over Jack's is and they have t shirts to say Brits. So like Jack says is crossed through, or no, it's like the same font as Jack's, but it says Brits.

And Zach's like, my vision for Brett's bar takeover is to erase Jack's from this bar. You know, oh, and by the way, everybody's saying, oh, he's in the mental health facility. He's so fragile. He's not fragile. He is not fragile. Good for you, Zach. Thank you for saying that on this television

show. Yeah, so I can say this stuff on TV, you know, this guy is full of shit. Don't believe anything he's saying. I wouldn't even be surprised if he wasn't in rehab this whole time. Oh, 100%. So although I guess there, there was a receptionist who did get to get caught in the crossfire. So probably the land of high place. Yeah. He's like, I'm just trying to clean. I'm just trying to sell KitKat bars from our lobby. So, uh,

they're there. They set up the bar. They do all this stuff. It's fun. It's silly and everything. And they're all laughing about how it's going to piss off, uh, Jack's. Um, but the only one who's not enjoying this is Jesse. He's fun, it's silly and everything and they're all laughing about how it's gonna piss off Jax But the only one who's not enjoying this is Jesse. He's like this isn't funny, man Jason thinking Jax might think this is funny because Jason's like well, maybe Jax might find it funny He's like, yeah, no Jax won't find it funny at all. That's like me thinking Michelle would think it's funny that I called her an escort Well, you still went forward with that didn't you? I found it funny by the way. Yes. So yeah, Jesse, of course, aggro abuser,

emotional abuser, Jesse is totally teams Jack. So he's like, yeah, that didn't resonate well and neither will this. So now Kristen is in the car with Brittany and she's like, I'm so proud of you. You want to do a divorce while you're filing? I'm filing. You know, she said she's going to get Jackson's arrears. I was like, you better girl, you can get her dance. So then they bring Britney to the bar. She brings Britney to the bar and she's like, Oh my God. And she's like laughing and they walk in

and the sign says, Brett, it's like, this is amazing. It's great. And then Danny calls her the number one girl in the group. And she's like, Oh, she's like, this is amazing, it's great. And then Danny calls her the number one girl in the group and she's like, oh, she's like, this is actually the sweetest thing ever. Like all my friends know just how much I've been going through and actually like how much work I put in this bar so to see it get changed to breads and all this

is just such a wonderful, exciting thing. Like I've got the best friends. And so- Meanwhile, Michelle is watching all of this and she's like, she's kind of gossiping with the girls and she's like, she's kind of gossiping with the girls and she's like, the person that is really awful is right over there and nobody is saying anything.

Okay, Michelle, this is where you lose people because Jesse being terrible doesn't mean Jax isn't terrible. Like, you being like the real monsters over there as if Jax is not a real monster as well, you know? I think that's where Michelle loses people is trying to make her thing bigger or compare her pain. Like mine is worse.

Like, girl. So Michelle was like, I feel weird. Cause I feel like I'm going through the same thing, but no one cares. And Janet's like, I get that. I was actually thinking, just think that when I saw this, I was like, Michelle's going through something like this. And then I did something else

because this just was a boring thought to think about. So anyway, luck. Yeah, Janet's over there, feeling it as usual. She's like, yeah, I was like, what is Michelle feeling? Like, are you feeling like you don't get the same respect? Yeah, Janet, she probably is. Like how you and Jackson, or you and Jason are checking in on Jackson all the time.

And Michelle's like, yeah, I'm going through the same thing. If not, where is, where is my Zabord? And she's like, it hurts my feelings. So yeah, we've already spoken about that probably. And I said, didn't they, I mean, we've had several scenes where they were supporting Michelle all season long and both. And like you said, we've just, we discussed it. So, um, uh, Danny, they're all sitting at a picnic table and Daniel's like doing shots, but like he won't do the shot until he sees that Nia's looking away.

So the moment Nia turns her head, he like does the same picnic table, and Danny's like doing shots, but like he won't do the shot until he sees that Nia's looking away. So the moment Nia turns her head, he like does a shot. Real, seems, you know, his- Smooth, smooth. Real good over there. Doing great, doing great Danny.

And he's an idiot because he knows that his friends are against him. And so he's just giving them fuel. I mean, he's just so stupid. And so of course everybody's like, oh my God. And especially Janet and Jason, they're Dark Side Danny's here, Dark Side Danny's here. Look, Dark Side Danny's coming, Dark Side Danny.

They're just memeing it to death, you know? And Jesse's like, yeah, it's clear he's hiding his drinking for Nia and there's 99% success that Dark Side's coming out. and there's 99% success that Darkseid's coming out. Yeah. So, so Kristen's like, I just want to ask, is there anything else? Do you have any resentment? Or is there anything I'm unaware of, Janet?

Cause I just want to make sure we're good. And so she tells us that, you know, she met with Janet to squash things after the whole ring rumor. And she thought like Janet, she and Janet were good and they were on the same page. But then we see footage of Janet afterwards being like, you know, still talking shit.

Fuck that bitch. Okay, so yeah, then we see Janet kind of freaking out at she and his house being like, when has Kristin fucking Doughty ever apologized for anything in her life? No, she's not sorry. She's sorry she got caught. Girl came after my husband.

Good luck. You just put a target on your back, bitch. And Kristin's like, yeah, so Sheena immediately called me after that and told me everything you said. It's so messy. It's a messy group of friends. Sheena.

Sheena's trying to get back in so badly. She's causing all the drama on the show. She brought Jenna in this episode. Now she's telling Kristen everything. So funny. So, and Lucas is like, oh, this game of telephone. And Danny is drunk and sitting right there. And he's like, yeah, like, why do you talk

about everybody else? And Kristen's like, I'd rather you not talk about other people though. And Jason's staring at Danny like, stop talking to my wife that way. Danny's like, you know, last summer, I heard a lot about Jan's scheming and manipulations, but you know, I never really noticed too much of it

because it wasn't towards me. And now I'm trying to see what people are talking about. So- So he's like, I'm pissed about it. You know, you're talking about everybody. And Kristen's like, I very much agree with you. And puts her arm around Danny. And Danny's like, yeah'm pissed about it. You know, you're talking about everybody. And Kristen's like, I very much agree with you. And puts her arm around Danny. And Danny's like, yeah, I'm gonna.

I agree. And he's like, I'm gonna call shit out now. And Jen was like, I'm only guilty of talking about things that are all woven together. And he's like, no, no, no, listen, you guys are saying that you guys are good with Jasmine. And he is like, Daniel, Daniel, no, listen, you guys are saying that you guys are good with Jasmine. And he is like, Daniel, Daniel, stop it. Stop it, Daniel.

Daniel, Daniel. And they're like, no, I want to show this. And Jasmine's like, no, we're good. We talked. And he goes, oh, you talked? And she's like, yeah, we talked. So we're good. He's like, oh, you're good in that situation about the ring.

And they're like, yeah. And Jason's like, okay, and we're not good about other stuff. Is that what you're saying? And he's like, no, but first of all, Danny is not like screaming or being like, you stupid bitch. He's not doing anything like that. He's just like, yeah, Janet, you're talking shit

about people like you did with Jasmine. They're like, oh no, we didn't catch you up. We're already done. But they're making it sound like Danny's like coming at Janet with a baseball bat being like, oh, fuck you, you dumb bitch. And he's making it sound like Danny's like coming at Janet with a baseball bat being like, oh, fuck you, you dumb bitch. And he's not, he's just saying like,

I'm pissed about all this stuff that you're starting. Does the man not have a right? Drunk people have the right to say what they feel as well. Yeah, but they know, I think the difference is it's like in the context of like larger Danny and sober Danny, they're like, oh, cause he's all of a sudden, you know, cause his eyes do turn black. He never really, he doesn't, his eyes just are black. Actually, they're like, Oh, cause he's all of a sudden, you know, cause his eyes are do turn black. He never really, he doesn't, his eyes just are black. Actually. They're just like,

I was going to say, I've never seen his eyes are too slitted clothes. I can't see what he's always. I don't, there is no whiteness in his eyes. They're just, it's just like two dark pools. And so I think, you know, he goes from being like, yeah, foreign to fortune. Gonna go to Shannon Clarita to like, yeah, you were talking why you get buttoned to everyone's business. And so everyone just sort of sees as like, oh, here it comes. She's starting, you know?

So no, and Nia's uncomfortable. She's like, Daniel, you can't speak for someone else. And so we're kind of like, okay, let's get, let's get him out of the way. Let's go away. Let's go away. You know, so that- So Kristen and Nia go to the bar and then Janet, of course, it's like Danny's wasted jumping into this conversation

Obviously dark side Danny TM Janet so he's Jason's like Danny just relax. It's not gonna go how you think it's gonna go. He's like, wow, wow, wow Wow What's why'd you come because then Janet's like, Oh wow. He's like Danny Darko's here. Why'd you say, what'd you call me? Danny Darko. I tried out for that role. I lost it to Jake Gyllenhaal. I'm still mad about it.

I still have the bunny costume. Okay. You're being fucking weird right now. Just relax. Hey Danny, you're being fucking weird. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well you're being fucking stupid. Okay. Wow. Wow. Idiot for even drinking because he didn't even do anything wrong in this. And now they can be like, Oh my God, Danny got drunk and tried to talk to Janet. Now she's uncomfortable again. And of course Janet then goes that place where she's like, well, my husband's not the one out here grabbing asses.

Hmm. So yeah, so now of course, you're right. By the way, being like classic Janet pointing fingers at everyone else. Like we just talked about you going after other people and then you immediately go after other people. Don't get the point, Janet. Stop talking about other people.

It's like, yes, Luke. So Nia's mad. She's like, I'm frustrated with Daniel. Like he just kept on poking at Janet, but like it's also kind of like, who do you think you are? Why are you coming for my husband? You're supposed to be our friends. I don't get it.

I don't know why she's coming for Daniel. Oh my gosh. So then we go to Janet, Jason, Jesse and Luke. And Luke's like, yeah, I mean, he is a lightweight. And Janet's like, yeah. And I, he is a lightweight. And Janet's like, yeah, and I've spoken about things he did in this bar, but so has everyone else. I just happened to add alcoholic and drug addict

on top of it. Big deal, big fucking deal. I'm not the ass grabber. He's mad at himself. He's misplacing the anger on me. That's what's happening. He's mad at himself because he has a drinking problem and he grabs asses and guess what?

He kills kittens. Yeah there I said it. He grabs him and throws him into the LA River at peak times That's right I said it all and he comes to this bar and he does stuff that he's embarrassed by and he's blaming me for talking About it instead of being mad at himself for what he's done. Oh my god You should all be ashamed of yourself for going to Jackson's in the first place, okay? You're all drunk and you're all there making ass out of yourselves by being there at all. And the man didn't even say anything to you

except why you do that? Why are you calling me dark side Danny over and over insinuating that he's got a drug and alcohol problem over and over again on national TV? Like you're like, why would he be mad? Fucking Janet. So meanwhile, Brittany's down with Jess. But also, like, why would he be mad? Fucking Janet. So meanwhile, Britney's just down with Jess. But also Danny, get it together.

Don't drink around this woman. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna defend Danny too hard. Yeah, I mean, look, Danny made the mistake of getting drunk, but that's all he did. He didn't say anything disrespectful or out of line than what anybody else did.

This woman's been talking about him for weeks. I think he has a right to be like, what the hell? Where are you coming from? I will also say though, that if you have a history of being like a sloppy drunk in the group that like, as you start to like heat up again and you're taking secret drinks when your wife isn't looking, I think you've earned the right for people to roll their eyes and be like,

Oh God, here he goes again. Like that's just what happens. If you're a sloppy, you are going to get pushed back. Well that's why I'm saying he's stupid, but I also think he has the right to confront somebody who's been talking shit about him for weeks and not- Yeah, especially since everyone else confronts everyone else. Yeah, that's what this show is. But with him, they're like, Danny Darkside, Danny Darkside, call Social Security. Danny's uncomfortable.

So meanwhile, Brittany sits down with Jesse. She says, hey, you're not drinking tonight? Brits! He's like, no, you're not drinking tonight. Brits. He's like, no, I want to be clear headed for tomorrow. So he says, he tells us that he's picking up Jack's from rehab. These, these, these two. And he's like, he's like that the fucking night before we're changing the name of his bar that he's in love with covering his name and putting Britt's name over it.

Fan fucking task. that he's in love with covering his name and putting Britt's name over it. Fan-fucking-tastic. Jax was very specific about including Brittany in the entire process. That's why it's called Jax. It's not called Jackson Britts. Yeah, I'm like, yeah. I'm not falling for any of Jesse's revisionist history about Jax and like trying to make Jax

into the victim here in this situation. No, no, no, no. What a giver of him to include Brittany. Brittany, who he brought in to design everything and do all of the work while he did fucking nothing, includes spending his own money, and then refused to put her name on it as well. Instead of making it Jax and Britz,

only made it his when she was doing all the work to get it. What a generous person. Where Jax goes and gets to hit on all the waitresses there. Now I have to say, here's what really pissed me off. So Brittany tells Jesse that they packed up all Jax's stuff and Jesse goes, you know, I don't want him to come out and see his shit packed up here from somebody that, you know,

there are these shirts floating around that say Brits and then he goes on the attack and just starts attacking people. So how about you get, you say, I don't want to find out that Jax is attacking people. Not, I don't want to find out that you did all this stuff and he starts attacking people. So how about you say, I don't want to find out that Jax is attacking people. I don't want to find out that you did all this stuff and he starts attacking. Because it totally takes away all responsibility and accountability for Jax.

If you're saying like, this is shitty, if you do all this stuff, Jax is going to start going on a rampage. How about you go after the guy whose instinct is to go on a rampage? He is the one who's more at fault here. Yeah, why are you blaming everybody else's for, everybody else for Jack's is shit.

So Brittany's like, well, if he does that, it's proof he ain't gonna change. And when it comes to me and Jack's, I got him by the balls, because I could do worse if I wanted to, and I ain't doing it, but he needs to realize and respect me for my decisions. And so Jesse's like, but how much winning do you have to do?

How much winning has she done, Jesse? She's millions of dollars in debt because of this guy. She's gonna lose her house because of this guy. She's been recorded and stalked by this guy. What is she winning exactly, Jesse? You're such a fucking piece of shit. And now everybody is gonna be going crazy

because the rest of the cast has got everybody focused on sloppy Danny instead of this piece of shit who's sitting here standing up for an abuser and Jesse and Jason who's also going to be over there standing up for an abuser in two seconds. So fuck your self righteous bullshit lady. I know how much winning do you have to do? She gets to do all the winning that she wants and deserves because she's been stuck in the

loser bucket with Jack's for way too long. And by the way, Jesse, why are you complaining about how much winning, you know, that does Brittany need to have? And yet you seem quite content to go after more quote unquote winning moments against Michelle. Right, when you're trying to threaten to move to Orange County so Michelle can't have custody

of the kid and all this other shit. Shut up, Jesse. Yeah, you know Jack has a kid. So she's like, well, he ain't gonna win against me. I'm sorry, he's not. And he goes, but that's what I'm saying. Like, why does it have to be winning? And he goes, well, we shall see.

It's T minus 12 hours and counting people. Yeah, fuck Jax and fuck you, dude. You're fucking crazy. We'll see how this all pans out next week, live in Los Angeles at our show at the Fonda. So that is gonna be a wild one. That's going to be so great. And we hope everyone is there.

And if Jack decides to crash our show once again, I'm hoping he doesn't. He'll be kicked out. None of us want to see his face. He will get kicked out. So looking forward. If you imagine Jack couldn't crash the show, he'd have to pay to get into this one.

The other one, he could just wander in off the streets. Like, hey, hey, I heard you were talking about me. Go ahead. That's me. That's me. Whatever you want. I can lie about whatever answer you need me to. Yeah. OK, everyone, thanks so much for being here. What a fun show. It is a fun show despite it being so dark.

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