Watch What Crappens - #289: Don’t Throw Bunnies if You Live in a Box House

Episode Date: May 3, 2016

Timestamps below! Real Housewives of Dallas threw glasses and heard dog talk, Southern Charm skated on by with a non invite, and Shahs’ MJ found her drag twin. All in a week’s watching! Enjoy! Timestamps: 0-12:30 RIP Ed Hill and Clear the Flem 12:30 RHOD 54:45 Southern Charm 1:31:20 Shahs of Sunset ------------------- Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. For all our other links and extras, go to http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com - See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Join the over 30 million people who are already dreaming big with Weebly. Get started today for free at weebly.com slash watch. That's W-E-E-B-L-Y dot com slash watch. weebly.com slash watch. Watch what crappens, who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens?

Watch what crappens, who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Watch What Crappens would like to thank its premium subscribers, Cassie Bogolsky and Christy Doherty. We love you girls. Welcome to Watch What Crapp Is, the podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV, and as usual, I'm here with the gorgeous, talented, thin, and wonderful Ben Mandelker of the B-Side blog and the Banter Blender podcast. Hello, Benjamoons. Hi there. I don't know if thin really qualifies anymore because this weekend there was some all-you-can-eat barbecue one night,

then there was some Japanese barbecue the next night, and needless to say, I'm having some gay panic. Oh, Ben, you're always thin in my mind. Oh, thank you, Ronnie. Thank you for installing a funhouse mirror up there. You got me tricked into thinking thin at all times. Oh, I wish I had my think thin bar. I forgot to get one today. Well, next week you're back in Hollywood, so you'll have your think thin bars handy. Yes, I'm moving back to Hollywood next week.

So fingers crossed there's nothing weird with the Internet, et cetera, when I move back into my apartment. And by Thursday I will be broadcasting from the home base. Oh, this is sort of with the internet, etc. when I move back into my apartment. And by Thursday, I will be broadcasting from the home base. Oh, this is sort of the home base, too. Everybody, just before we get started, go over to facebook.com slash watchwhatcrappens to talk to other listeners and

chat during the shows. We have live show threads up every week. Also, come over to watchwhatcrappens.com for our personal links and all of these links that we're giving you right now. And go to patreon.com slash watchwhatcrappens for our bonus episodes. Today's bonus was ranking

non-Housewives shows on Bravo. So that was really fun. Yeah, top ten. We did the top ten non-Housewives shows. These are shows like Million Dollar Listing, Shaw's A Sunset, etc., etc., etc. Yeah. So that's today's bonus.

So to check it out, just become a subscriber over at patreon.com slash watch what crappens. And thank you so much to everybody who subscribes. Last week we did our Google Hangout, our video chat with listeners. And, man, that's so fun. And it's crazy getting to know people. It really is. How many of those have we done 12 has it been a year than that we started well we started up in with patreon in like 2000 september of 2014 and so it's got to be anywhere between like probably like i don't know i know i can't count don't ask, I don't know. I know.

I can't count. Don't ask me. I'm just looking off. Probably, like, 18 or 20 of them. Well, we're getting to know people from that, and it's really fun. I love internet friends more than real-life ones because, you know, you hang up after, like, an hour and a half, and you only remember the good times. Exactly. That's actually, like, unfortunately, that's actually a really good transition to something that I want to talk about here at the top of the show.

I originally thought that I'd mention it at the end of the show, but I knew we'd have more listeners at the top of the show than at the end of the show. So this is actually kind of serious and it's actually kind of sad. We've mentioned this on our Facebook page, but one of our friends, Ronnie friends, Ronnie and our friends from the internet, Ed Hill has unfortunately passed away. Ed was a writer on TVgasm. And for those of you who don't know, uh, TVgasm was a site that I started with, uh, Joe Fahs. We started together. And, um, you know, later on, Ronnie came on board and he was a, he was a writer. He took over the site when we left. But before Ronnie came on, you know, Joe and I originally were writing all the recaps. And then we started to expand our, you know, we started to expand the crew. And two of the people who really took off in the beginning were S.G. Dubb, a.k.a. Steve, Wood, and Ed Hill, who went by Ed Hill. And Ed, such a funny writer.

He was hilarious. He brought so much personality to his recaps. So talented. Those were the first those were the recaps that brought me to TVgasm. It's Project Runway recaps. Yeah. And he would do Lost. He was so good at bringing that fanboy snark to TVgasm.

Because I was doing mainly reality shows. He was doing things like Lost. He was always good for a Star Wars joke and things like that. And he developed his own huge following. And then he and Steve went off and started their own website called midseasonreplacements.com which has been dormant for a few years but the forums are still active

but if you ever want to read his writing you can go to midseasonreplacements.com and read recaps of old shows really really funny and I was lucky enough to hang out with Ed a few times in person and he was like great he was so funny so likable really, really funny. And I was lucky enough to hang out with Ed a few times in person. And he was like, great. He was so funny. So likable. He's just someone that I was always looking forward to hang out with more. But you know, he lived in Hartford and in DC is just, unfortunately, you

know, we just could not cross paths very much. But he was really wonderful. And he had been battling esophageal cancer for the past nine months or so and he had a great spirit about him a great spirit about the whole struggle i mean you want to talk about how we are always talking about the cancer and the lyme disease the lyme or whatever this is a guy who his facebook updates um about everything was always so optimistic and yet still funny. He took the piss out of himself. He was funny up to the very end. And so it's really sad. And so wherever you are, Ed Hill.

I know. I'm sure you're writing recaps up in heaven somewhere and making everyone laugh up there. So I guess we should dedicate this episode to Ed Hill because he was so funny and so wonderful.

And on top of that, I know it sounds like a downer to start the show, but if there's anyone who could want us to then go make fun of reality stars for two hours, it's Ed Hill. Yeah, no kidding. By all means. By all means. I hope in heaven that they are watching us as their reality shows and just calling us out on all of our idiocy down here on ye old earth. I thought you were going to say, I hope in heaven that they subscribe to us on iTunes. Our number one in angel podcast charts.

Hey, people who blow in heaven, thank you, Gabriel. We're number one for blowers in heaven. Leaf blowers. They love when we talk about leaf blowers. Gabriel's like, everybody listen, maybe they'll talk Leaf blowers. They love when we talk about leaf blowers. Gabriel's like, everybody listen. Maybe they'll talk about blowers today. Well, they have a good recapper in their midst now. So that's the fun stuff.

Bless you, Ed Hill. Oh, and I'd like to send a special fuck you out to cancer. Yeah. I feel like every week we're talking about somebody dying of cancer. So go fuck yourself, cancer. Go fuck yourself, Daisy. It is pretty terrible. I mean, not like that's, cancer. Go fuck yourself. Daisy, it is pretty terrible. I mean, not like

that's a revelation. It is terrible, but it's one of those things where like... You know what I just realized? Cancer's terrible, you guys. You guys. Just realized it today. Who does that? Who does that? Cancer, you're literally not chic as fuck. You are not chic as fuck. Fucker. And in the midst of everything,

on top of everything else We forgot to put out solicit things For the Krappen's mailbag So there's not even a Krappen's mailbag for today That's also sad I know I'm ruining everything I'm just gonna hang up and go to Ross For the rest of the day, I'm out of here

Well now I feel guilty that I said that That we don't have a Krappen's mailbag is sad Which seems to imply that it's the same level of sadness as Ed Hill passing away. But it's not. I get it. It's not. It's sad in its own little way. Oh, man.

All right. Well, thanks for listening, everybody. I know. How about I go onto Twitter right now? No, never mind. We'll have Crapin's Mailbag. We'll return. How about we do this?

Why don't we do a Clear the Phlegm instead? Okay, yeah. Let's open with a nice healthy clear the phlegm clear in lieu of crappin's mailbag we'll do an early how lucky are you to have me teach you about me oh wow it's also a good way to what it's also a good way to raise the spirits around here um okay i'm gonna just start with the first one and of course lucky us it's all hashtags oh okay so caroline is in some was that rabbit fur i don't know it's like some it's one of those fur coats that looks like a sleeping bag you know it's got that yeah yeah those lines across it yeah yeah It's like some, it's one of those fur coats. It looks like a sleeping bag. You know, it's got that. Yeah. Yeah. Those lines across it.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like puffy. It looks like rolls. It looks like she stuck her arm through a bunch of marshmallows. Yes. It looks like she's wearing the skin of a fat person. She shot and she's just, she's wearing my skin,

basically a coat made of my skin and a dress with her boobs hanging out. She looks very pretty. Yes. And it says Caroline Fleming official. Hashtag Caroline's 40th. At Caroline Stanbury. At Catboy. Hashtag American Hustle.

Hashtag dress. At Gian Vittorossi. Hashtag shoes. At the LeBlanc. Hashtag clutch. Hashtag ladies of London LeBlanc. Hashtag clutch. Hashtag ladies of London at Samuel Duggle. Hashtag dress again at ladies of London. Hashtag birthday.

Hashtag celebrations. Hashtag can't wait. At Zarina by Olya. Jesus, lady. Oh, my God. hashtag can't wait at sarina by olia jesus lady oh my god what are you even trying to sell in this post you hashtagged everything does this mean that she'll be on ladies of london and if she's if she's hashtagging and tagging ladies of london or is she just gonna make a guest appearance what do you think she's gonna be on ladies of london this bitch will sell the shoes right off the first feet she's not gonna ever leave a TV show, I'll tell you that.

Yeah, especially one for America. Yeah. There's one of her doing yoga, and it's much shorter than the last one you did, but it just goes, Good morning. Hashtag crow pose.

Hashtag yoga. At True Be Up. At Angie Theodoru. Another gorgeous session. Thank you. X space, X space, X. I'm like, who are you thanking? Us?

I would like to thank Yoga for this wonderful moment of realizing how fabulous am I. Hashtag me. Hashtag pose. Hashtag shoulder pad. Jesus. Hashtag gravity. She also has one of like a dish that she made And she says

From my new cookbook Hashtag mushroom, hashtag salad Now I don't think the cookbook is called mushroom salad Just to clarify It's just a mushroom salad from her cookbook Although it would be kind of funny if her cookbook was Mushroom salad By Caroline Fleming

So this dish is so easy to make it's so delicious and is so pretty whether served as a light lunch with my toasted hashtag nut bread recipe or as a starter for this glorious saturday evening x space x various hashtag mushrooms and hashtag steps fresh chopped herbs finely chopped hashtag, finely chopped, hashtag red onion, hashtag avocado, hashtag red pepper, hashtag garlic, hashtag olive oil, hashtag apple cider vinegar, and hashtag pink Himalayan sea salt, all massaged together in a big bowl and then served at Royal Copenhagen, hashtag China, hashtag plates. She hashtags too much.

Do you think she actually ever sells anything? Like, how are people even going to find the shoes? It's like hashtag shoes and then a dress, a yoga, and a chicken salad roll pop up. Yeah, I don't understand her Instagramming, but I love it. I love it.

Me too. Clear the phlegm, darling. Clear the phlegm. Clear the phlegm. Do, do, do, do. Alright, we've got some big shows today, Ben. We've got Shaws of Sunset, Southern Charm, and the Real Housewives of Delas. What would you like to begin with?

Oh my god. Your choice. Lady's choice, Ronnie. Let's start with the Real Housewives of Delas. Alright, sounds good to me. Delas Airport. Where's Delas Airport? Washington, they say.

Papatomic, ironically, the other new house by us. They lose. They lose every ranking we did everywhere, even though we weren't talking about them. Okay. Bow at me. That's how we open. Bow at me and see where it gets you. Bow at me.

That's where we started with this. Remembering the bow at me. see where it gets you bow at me that's where we started with this remembering the bow at me okay brandy i think is the saddest person i've seen in a long time on tv gone we open with brandy making her kids peanut butter and banana sandwiches you know that that's how elvis died shitting himself on the pot right like he ate too many peanut butter and bananas and just died shitting yeah well it is sad it is sad and what makes this sadder than elvis dying is that this somehow involved discussion of a dog called sugar butt that she got somewhere along the way and how the kids are so like desperate to like see their dad and get attention from from him that they literally put a rabbit on his face that scratched up

his mouth just so that way he would react. The dad's all upset. They seem so unhappy. The dad's like, wow, another dog, huh? Where'd that one come from? I don't know. I didn't even name him. Oh, great. Who put a rabbit on my face? I don't know.

Not me, dad. Not me, dad. Not them. I. Not me, Dad. Not them. I'm like, Jesus Christ. This family is already suicidal. Usually it takes a couple seasons. Yeah, no one even wants to name their pets. They just recall it like Dog 1 and Dog 2.

The other one. The other one. The way they let their kids and animals run around the streets in this neighborhood, I don't blame them for not naming them. Do you know how many animals they've probably gone through? I know. I know. I'm surprised that the streets aren't made of fur at this point. Chancer and Cruiser. Like, why would you name

your whole family after Ford cars? Hey, Taurus, get over here. It's like the most sad, boring family on TV. Hey, hey fiesta are you ready to go focus well i sure hope i get to spend more time with my husband okay i'll be leaving babe okay babe it's like jesus why aren't you open with this i know know. It was very dull. But luckily, we then had Leanne, who had a much – she was much more bullish in the way she approached this. She's like, my days start with charity.

I'm like, oh, my God, this woman. Enough. Like, enough with the charity. How can you – your days can't start with charity. I'm sorry. They start with, like, cornflakes at the very least. Charity, charity, charity, rest. Charity, charity, rest.

I mean, you got to rest. Even God rested on the seventh day. You know what charity, charity, rest. Charity, charity, rest. I mean, you gotta rest. Even God rested on the seventh day. You know what I like to put in my oatmeal? Charity! Honey bunches of charity oats. I'll tell you that much. I worked my way into this bowl of cereal. I didn't just get blessed with it.

Excuse me, I gotta pour myself a bowl of Char crispy snap crackle pop you know what i'm saying those poor guys they'd certainly need some charity oh leanne i'm either emailing people or meeting with people about charity or connecting donors to the charity charity charity charity charity i'm like who is charity and why are you so obsessed with her no kidding it's shirley mclean from that old movie, Sweet Charity. It's really just about some old dried up hoe trying to find a husband before she's too old to get one. Exactly. So Leanne dresses herself up like she's auditioning for a dynasty.

She has her hair in a bun. I mean, all that we're missing were some good old-fashioned shoulder pads. And she goes to meet with this woman named Heidi, who is the queen of the charity world. But that's what she says to everyone she meets. She goes to McDonald's. She's like, oh, you see Shamika over here? She is the queen of the charity world right here. She's someone you need to know.

One time, I was short a boardwalk in the Monopoly game, and I asked her for some help. And Lord, she handed me some charity. She gave me a supersized fry game piece. and lord she handed me some charity she gave me a super sized fry game piece I am so happy that they are McDonald's is serving charity all day long now

I am so thrilled it used to be that after 10.30pm you could not get charity she's so full of shit she's like I'm here to talk to you about Paws for a Cause they are the rescue of this state. Pets can't speak for themselves.

Let me speak for you. The pets are like, no. They fling themselves into the street in front of Randy's car. They're like, sorry, Leanne's talking for us. We just want to take us now. Here's all I have to say at this speech. I'm a carny kid and I need to go pee-pee in the outside.

Okay, anybody going to help me? Pee-pee in the outside. All right, everyone. We're all going to get into the scrambler right now, and I'm going to tell you about pets. Pets and charity, all right? Pets can't speak for themselves. This pet bed has fleas mommy okay i spoke as your dog

she's just going up to brandy you're a hateful mother there i spoke for your dog there this is for a cause for a cause woof woof woof sorry i was speaking to the pets let them know there's all sorts of charity coming their way don't bow at me pets don't bow at me i'll stop speaking for you right when i thought Leanne can't top her, I'm going to speak for the animals charity. Then she's like, well, I'm here. Now listen up. I know you're going to love this, because

it is women only, and I know you love women only. This is women only with HIV. What the hell? Jesus. Yeah, sounds like a great day, lady. Thanks for coming over. I know. Did I mention that your dog looks like a great day, lady. Thanks for coming over. I know. Did I mention that your dog looks like a pillow?

Don't you just love when ladies only have HIV? It's ladies night, and it's HIV, oh, what a night. Jesus, Leanne. She's so heartless. She's like, the women in the HIV community, they don't want a hand out, okay? They want a hand up. And if your hand reaches down, it's going to be a good hand up. Like, what are you talking about?

What is a hand up? It's like to ask a question. What the hell? She's like, and I am positive about that. Oh, hey, that's a good slogan. Should I do that, Heidi? Heidi's like, please leave my house. Hey, everybody, I'm positive too.

I'm going to give a speech at your AIDS event about being a carny kid. You know, I really understand the plight of those who are HIV positive, because I am carny positive, as in I am positive on life because I was a carny kid, so I get it. I do still have a curling iron,

and sometimes I like to give myself a beehive. I mean, it's close. It's missing an E. Now, why don't you all watch me feed some biscuits to some doggies because I know that makes everyone feel better. Hey, good point. We didn't get to see her feed a dog a biscuit today. This is the first episode ever.

I was just too busy talking for them. That poor lady, she's like, all right, I'll tear your thing. Now, please leave. Put down that coffee table book, young lady. I was just saying, if you'd notice. Bow at me, Carrie. Bow at me. Bow at me.

Now, let's talk about T-cells. You know what's funny is I'm really good at T-ball, so obviously I share something. I was thinking we could serve T-bone steaks at this hive dinner. Listen, let's all carpool. That way we can use the HOV lane right okay so now we're all part of it we're all on the same ship we're all wearing beehives in the hub lane some t-bones sounds like a not carry it's available for every one of us there's something called you know this the haves and have-nots it's the

heaves and heaves nods am i right the heav and heave nots charity this is what i'm thinking about hiding this is how i'm thinking that's gonna go oh wait hold on one second i'm getting a phone call from someone's pet i gotta talk to them for a second okay the pet says let me out i gotta pee i'm just trying to talk for the pets. Oh, Lynn. Bless her heart. Okay, so next up is Stephanie and Brandy. Brandy's girls are playing in a giant box.

Yeah, pretty much. I don't know where that giant box came from, but they are hanging out in it and drawing and having some fun. Daddy's not in our box, Mom. That's sad. If we put the rabbit in the box, will it come to life like Daddy?

Mama, we threw the rabbit in the box, but imaginary Daddy's not even whisper yelling at us. Big cardboard box house, LOL i wrote uh shit is not appropriate at a charity event dog and street okay every time we're at one of these ladies house we see dogs or children running into the street yeah pretty much this yeah so basically um so brandy and stephanie are going on a little road trip up to Oklahoma where Stephanie's family is.

Coweta. Coweta. So basically we have an extended scene of them getting the kids in the car and the kids crying and squealing. And then Brandy chasing down the little sugar butt dog in the street. Next time I buy a Mercedes, I i wanted to have muzzles tranquilizers a harness and a nanny i still not practice your laugh i keep telling my i keep writing remember it because i press pause and I go, It sounds like somebody, when they've been kidnapped and someone puts tape over their mouth and ties them to a chair

and they're just going, That's what it sounds like. I'm just glad that Dominique left the apartment because if he was in the other room and hearing me go, he might actually come out here and give me a hot milk maneuver. He knows how to do it. Prevent choking. Everyone knows how to do it.

You can't even eat a nice meal without a poster of someone saving a choking victim above your head. It has to be in the nicest restaurants. That really bugs me. You know that? You know what, though? It's important because if you can save one life, then I have done my job with the Heimlich charity. Okay? I just want to speak for all the people with Heimlichs.

Since they're too busy choking, I will speak for them. Help me. Help me. Help me, please. Please don't let me die. I can't die this way. Oh, my God, I'm dying. No, you're holding me wrong.

No, no, no. I mean, back in the carny days, if somebody was choking on something, we'd put a sword down their throat. Can't do that here. Totally different world. Okay, so they're packing up their rats, animals, dogs, everything, children. Everything's running everywhere. Children are screaming. I don't know how these women live in Texas

and don't have a wooden spoon in their goddamn glove compartment. I thought every mother did that. Oh, it looked like a road trip from hell. Those kids, oh my God, making a mess, smelling like apple juice. Oh, you just know, disaster. And these thin bitches can't even get the upside of a road trip in Texas and stop at a Cracker Barrel.

I know, I know. Just thin people in a car. So while they are trekking north, there's the SPCA pause cause where, oh, so this is when Leanne tells this ridiculous sob story. She's like, well, I got a Pomeranian. I had a golden Pomeranian, and that's when I – and then she got sick, and that's when I learned how to be a mom. That's when I became a mom. And then when she got sick and people reached out to me, that's when I learned about charity.

And that's when I fell in love with helping because my Pomeranian got sick and now it's charity all the time. People always just said, Lynn, help us. Lynn, help us. I can't say no to charity. It's all I do. Charity. Charity. Charity. Charity. Charity. Charity.

Charity. Charity. Charity. And then we get a view of Marie, the tall, scared friend. Scared Marie. That's what I wrote. I wrote, here comes scared Marie. Scared Marie. Man, I'll tell you who's scary. Leanne's scary.

But there is no one scarier on this show than the gays of Dallas. I mean, they need a gays of Dallas show because the gays in Dallas are terrifying terrifying me i don't know what's happening with their faces i don't know i don't know they're all mean and awful they showed this queen in an alice in wonderland outfit because you know they're coming out with a new johnny depp alice in wonderland whatever it looks just like him but with worse botox and these big old lips and And he's like, hey, darling. Uncomfortable. Yeah, because I think he's like the main florist or something like that. The main florist in town.

And maybe they're even doing this pause for cause event at his florist or something. But it was one of those things where I was like, I want to be straight. Well, you better get ready. You better get ready with your flower charity. Because, you know, speaking of charity, someone's going to marry me. Am I right? Someone will marry me. Dog baby. Well, you just give me the call when it's time.

And then Scared Marie shows up, and so does Tiffany Hensworth. So she shows up, and then they're talking about how Marie is going to be having a cocktail party coming up, and they don't want drama. They do not want drama. marie really doesn't she's like i would love if you guys would come over but please don't hit anybody please don't yell at anybody poor marie poor sweet marie so leanne hates the young girls the young girls hate leanne and everybody knows they're gonna start yelling at each other because they're trying really hard on this first season. And Marie's like, please don't

break anything. And Tiffany is over like, hey, good to meet you. I just want you to know that Leanne's a horrible human being, but we can still be friends. And Leanne is watching it and she is talking to this new girl and she knows what everybody is saying.

She's looking around the room. She's getting more and more angry as she watches and she's like, those girls are calling me a bitch. That was later. That was later? That was at the cocktail party. This was the pre-cocktail party. This was Paws for Cause.

What happens next is that we then go to Oklahoma and we meet Stephanie's grandparents her grandfather looks younger than her dad it was crazy but um stephanie was talking about her her her small town and how no one judges and it's great she's like i could wear a tutu to walmart and no one would care i was like is that different from any other walmart have you been to the other walmart so tutu is actually like overdressed can we have some shots of that classy walmart where people aren't wearing tutus because i've never seen those it's like the people of walmart it's like

the met gala yeah walmart new york city so my kids are privileged so i show my poor family so they can feel grateful about stuff. You know? Yeah. So it was basically like a whole sequence. It was like nice. It was like, you know, down home country stuff. So much family.

Jesus Christ. That's a lot of jigsaw puzzles. A lot of jigsaw puzzles. And they're Pentecostal, too. They're super Jesus-y. I love that they were trying to tell their friend. One of the guys was like, I ain't drinking because I'm driving they're like don't you have uber and his wife said what's uber and they're like well you know it's an app on your phone and if you need a card then you press

a button in a car it's like a taxi service just say it's a taxi service you're fucking morons because she's like what's an app you're talking about like cheese sticks an app can well that's what my kid needs look at that dirty map she's like um oh really that's how we use triple a if we get too drunk we just call triple a and they come to our car home i was like laughing and i was like that's such a good idea that shit was hilarious. Then they, of course, had the prayers around the... Because Brandy's already mentioned poop like five times.

Yeah, exactly. Those devil legs smell like Stephanie's farts. It's like second scene, second mention of things coming out of butts. Brandy. I know. I did like hearing how Stephanie's... about Stephanie's town and how she grew up in it and how like she would go to the tanning salon which which doubled at the liquor

store it was lola's tanning and liquor i was like so this is what oklahoma's like so someone should send vicky gunvalson into this town see what she does that table is pretty perfect i mean a triple a trip home when you're drunk um that and then a plate of toast on the table and then the salad dressing in the squeeze bottle i can't believe you didn't mention that i was like ben is going to mention salad dressing in a squeeze bottle i missed it like your favorite thing i think i was too busy taking a note some salad dressing in the middle of the some wishbone in the middle of the table you know yeah you know i don't like that uh let's see here prayers please help this girl stop talking about poop um meemaw's house i'm trying to think of what i why am i saying meemaw's house i guess just

because i think while meemaws live in that same house my meemaw lived in that exact same house oh oh yeah because her grandparents did come over at one point but it was not their grandparents house just that her her parents looked like grandparents. Oh. Well, they are grandparents. So then we go back to Dallas, and Carrie's getting yoga with Tiffany, and Tiffany's excited because, you know, Carrie's going to be her L.A. friend. Because she's like, I don't really have any L.A. friends. Did I tell you that I used to live in L.A.?

Yeah. I haven't found a yoga studio that's like the ones in la you know lots of people in la do yoga i want to do some yoga i mean shoot i don't even want some yoga bear just to feel like i was back in la again i mean you want to talk about a bear who can sniff some coke off the bathroom floor i feel like doing an episode of sanctuary of Style In the latest yoga studios here in Dallas What's the bathroom floor like At your yoga studio here in Dallas? Wow, Carrie, by the way Can really do yoga

Oh, she's insane She was like, I just want to show off Then she shows off, wow Damn, she can really do it and then they start having their la talk tiffany's like now look i hated leanne's guts when i first met her i thought she was stupid noxious mean a jerk terrible horrid stinky it's like geez lady way to stand up for your friend she's like but she's real nice carrie's like, no, she's awful. No, but she's great. No, she's terrible. Well, my favorite part was in her

defensive Leanne. She's like, you know, she's real. I thought she's so obnoxious, but she's really great. And you know, I've been living in L.A. for 15 years. I was like, wait, what does that have to do with anything? I was like, you're just going to bring it into everything now.

I've been there for 15 years, and now that I'm back, you know, so anyway. Good talk. I'd like to order some green juice. That's what I used to get in L.A. Big fancy L.A. Speaking of green

juice, you know, if you go to L.A., there are a lot of Jews there, too. Oh, my God. Did I tell you I lived in L.A.? You know, here in Texas, people are starting to say holla, and I just think of those Jews in L.A. because that's the kind of bread they loved. I mean, finally, it's coming to Dallas. Not that I

ever eat any bread. Don't get me wrong. I mean, I lived in L.A. We don't eat bread in L.A. I mean, I was there for 15 years, didn't touch a single grain of bread the entire time. Or a slice of it. A slice or a grain. You know, they grow grain. They actually grow the bread in fields. I mean, I was there for 15 years. Didn't touch a single grain of bread the entire time. Or a slice of it. A slice or a grain. You know, they grow grain. They actually grow the bread in fields. That's what they do. Fields.

I'm trying to think where the fields are in LA. Well, I one time went up to Fresno and saw some fields, but that's when I was living in LA. So it's totally different. You know, I went to a farm, but it was a supermarket called Bristol Farms, and it wasn't a farm at all, and I just got some juice. That's it.

I've always felt bad for that Bristol pain. Hey, that reminds me. Bristol Farms in LA. Wow, Tiffany. Wow. You know, I really enjoy drinking this juice, but sometimes I miss eating just real food, like a nice whole thing. It's so funny because in L.A. they had Whole Foods everywhere. Oh, God, I always got Whole Foods.

And I'd get juice. Man, I love Dallas, but I am sick of half foods. I'm just sick of it. Just want a Whole Food for once, you know? Oh, bless her. You know what's funny? Every time I eat food, I always throw it up into a hole. That's why I love whole foods.

A hole. I was staring down into the toilet hole when I met my boyfriend in L.A. Well, I met my husband on the bathroom floor in L.A. So romantic. Wedding cake. I know what old queen's getting

a wedding flower order soon i'm all confused i forgot what i was saying halfway through like i literally have no idea what i'm talking about anymore i love that carrie is so mean she's like she can try and pretend she's one of those old school charity bitches but she just doesn't have the money okay and that's it the end i don't know carrie is kind of the best one i think she's horrible she's like a fat shaming awful human being who runs a charity to pay her husband for breast implants like that's disgusting and i love her i think she's great exactly she's the best um so then brandy calls her grandfather and is like hi nice to meet you

would you like to come visit he's like sure so you played football yeah i played for la rams oh cool all right see you soon that's that's very southern to be like yes sir well i'm very sad sir i didn't mean to say yes sir from wondery this is Black History For Real. I'm Francesca Ramsey. And I'm Conscious Lee. What do most people think about when they hear the words Black History? Rosa Parks, Reconstruction, MLK, February, Black History Month.

Exactly, exactly. There are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more. She is a heroine to some. As a fighter for Black rights, she is a villain to others.

Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top ten, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at the list on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation

to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school

where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. Yeah, so am I supposed to care about this grandpa storyline? I really don't care. I really? No. I really don't. I don't care. I really don't. I really don't care.

So now it's time for Girls' Night Out, which, by the way, so Leigh-Anne's getting ready for it, and then she casually mentions that it's going to be 30 to 40 women. I'm like, what sort of Ladies' Night Out is that? That's just a mixer. That's a mixer at that point. That is a networking mixer. That is not Ladies' Night Out. The thing that was really bothering me about this wasn't really even the curling iron.

I don't know why I wrote it. I just wrote curling iron. But the sink. Okay, so you know that style of people? It's been, I guess it's out now, but for like a decade, people were putting the sink bowl on top of the counter. They're like, look, it's like a sink, but it's a bowl. I hate that. I hate those things. It's a big crystal bowl.

She doesn't even have that. She has a countertop that you know she painted with some chalkboard paint or something. And it's like a baking sheet or something on top of there. It's like this huge flat trough. I was like, even her goddamn bathroom sink

is backwater. Come on, girl. Cookie sheet on her sink. Oh, God. Like she invented happy hour. She's like, once a month, us girls do this thing we call happy hour. Wow, thanks. It's you go and you're happy for an hour.

Because that's one hour where you're not thinking about the dogs. They can't talk for themselves. So you're happy. But then you one hour where you're not thinking about the dogs. They can't talk for themselves, so you're happy. But then you remember them and you're sad. Don't worry, I've learned to talk for bitches, T. So Brandy and Kit I wanna drink. Ask Daddy. He left

again. I just wrote LOL. I love that the dad will never stay at the house. He's like, okay, came to pick up my mail see you later yeah bye so let's see here the party immediately tiffany pulls aside brandy oh yeah so this is what i was saying earlier she's like i just want to get to know you on my own terms for example if you only knew me as being friends with leanne you never would have known that I lived in LA. I think that's exactly right. You know, I want to get to know you on my own terms. And it's so funny because when I was an actress in LA, I had a term sheet.

So it just works perfectly. I can use it here. Okay, just sign under number 10, I don't swallow. You know, you seem so sweet. And it's funny because when I lived in LA for 15 years, I lived right by that street sweet, sir. Oh, God. Hold on. I'm putting my foot under my butt.

So meanwhile, while Tiffany is suddenly kissing up to Brandy because Tiffany. Brandy's like, she's on me like a 50% off sale at JCPenney's which was funny but then I didn't understand why it was funny well because Brandy probably is wearing 50% off sale at JCPenney's like she's literally on you like a half off sale at JCPenney's so Leanne is talking to this woman Erica and she is shooting daggers across the room. She knows. She's like, she is just so pissed. I love Liam's lick-lipping

anger. Oh, yeah. Furious. She's furious. I'm lick-lipping mad. I'm lick-lipping mad. I think it's real cute that she wants to play with rattlesnakes, but you know what they say about rattlesnakes? They'll bite you. Rattlesnakes will bite you.

You hear a rattle, and then they bite you. It's like, wow, you should sew some pillows, girl. Yeah. You got some real good caustic sayings there. You know what they say about guns? You can hold them, and when you hold them, sometimes you can shoot them, and when you shoot them, a bullet comes out,

and then that's when you get hurt. You know what they say about trampolines? You jump up, but then you come down and then jump up again. Know what I mean? Yes, man. Great. Good one. You know what they say about baseballs?

You can't play with football. You know what they say about tennis? It ain't football. Okay. You know what they say about tennis? It ain't football. Okay. You know what they say about football? You can't hit one with a racket like you do in tennis. That's for sure. You know, tennis is a racket.

Unlock the pause for calls. And I love that about tennis. You know what I love about tennis? That tennis actually has love in it. I love that about tennis. You know what I love about tennis? That tennis actually has love in it. I love that. One of the only girls who came up to say hi to her was Carrie. She's trying to be nice. She's like, hi there, Leanne.

She's like, oh, hello there. Have you met my friend Erica? Yeah, Carrie thinks I'm fake. How about that? How about that? What do you think of that? She doesn't even say, how about that? She goes, she thinks I'm fake.

I love that. I love that. I love that about her. You know what's a good way to make people think that you're fake? By saying that you love that they think that you're fake. While you're licking your lips really hard right in their face. I love that. I don't know where she gets

that crazy idea. That's what I love about her. That she thinks I'm fake. I love that. Carrie's like, well, I just think you're different. She goes, oh goes oh yeah well i got a stamp on my ass it says made by god so fuck off what yeah that made no sense and she literally turned around and stamped her ass made by god so fuck off okay expected by jesus. She came in ready to beat the shit out of someone. I was laughing so hard. Stamp. I think that's the first time we've seen someone stamp their own ass with made by God.

Carrie should have been like, does God have a returns department? Oh, speaking of poor men's, what's his buns? Poor man. What am I trying to say? Poor man. Everyone screaming in their car. who's listening to this. That writer. Oh, Truman Capote.

Oh, yeah. Poor man, Truman Capote. This little queen who comes up next, Marie's gay friend, Twink. He looks like a 12-year-old, but I think he's like 50. But I can't. I would never know from his face, but I think he is because everyone's like, wow, your face. Look at your face. To be fair, he is better at being a poor man's human capote than Cooper is because Cooper is just thirsty.

This guy just comes in and he's like, well, I got invited to this stupid event. Look at that stupid bitch over there. I don't know why you're even friends with her. She's a stupid bitch. I hate her. I hate the way she talks. She pooped her pants once. Anyway, bye.

That was amazing. He's like, Leanne. leanne's an awful human being i heard one time she pooped her pants i like that he just goes for kindergarten shade you know what i hear she's got cuties all over cuties i love that even the bitchy gays are very Texas. He's like, she pooped her pants, but now look at me. I'm acting like a mean girl like Leanne. I must stop acting like that. She smell like poop. She probably pooped

her pants. I hear that her pants are always on fire because she's a liar. Well, you know, her pants would be on fire because she's a liar liar. Well, you know, her pants would be on fire, but the poop she keeps making keeps putting out the fire. I can't tell if the poop is starting the fire or putting it out. Either way, there's a lot of poop, a lot of fire, and I don't want to be around her.

Flaming poop. That's what that woman is. It's like Halloween in her pants at all times. Someone lets some poop on fire, put it in her pants, all times someone lit some poop on fire put it in her pants and just had to step on her bonfire the cattle company just throw a bunch of candy at her and step on her butt okay so Leanne is back to being bitter in the corner

with her friend Erica and she's saying these things about like she's just going off on these women and you can see Erica's like nodding her head politely like I wish someone would save me right now I do not want to be talking to this Leanne lady and Leanne's like the thing is Erica I'm just not stupid

enough can you dumb me down cause I'm not stupid enough no I think you pretty much qualify for whatever it is you're trying to be stupid for I love when people think I can't see them talking shit. Bitch, I see you. That's her standing in the corner. Bitch, I see you.

I love her anger. I find it so refreshing. Okay, I have to take a break to say this woman is the most delusional person I've ever seen in life. I'm really liking her, but I was watching this live because who knows when people are going to put it. No one's watching this, so nobody puts it on the internet. So I actually had to watch it on ye olde cable last night as it aired and watch commercials. And I saw the beginning of Watch What Happens because she was on it. And I thought, well, I'll see what she's like.

She's in this white pantsuit and a really tight bun. She looks very pretty, actually. Yeah, she is pretty. And Andy was doing his regular, Well, I love Lees and I love Anne's and my name is Andy and here's Leanne. Like the worst poetry ever, but he

talked about how he was talking to Vicky earlier or something and she's like, Yes, me and Vicky, the OGs. Oh, darling. You're season one, darling. Please step down. I had to turn it off.

Oh, gosh. Well, I do. One thing that's kind of funny about Leigh-Anne is that she's actually pretty accurate when it comes to figuring out what the women are talking about. Because she was across from him. She goes, I bet they're over there saying how I'm a bitch. And they cut to Brandon going, Leigh-Anne's a bitch. I bet they're over there saying how I'm a bitch. And they cut to Brandy going, Leanne's a bitch.

I love that women use age against each other so much. Brandy's like, those children. And then Brandy's over there like, someone needs to knock her up to get a laugh, but she probably doesn't even ovulate anymore. Yeah. So then Brandy starts complaining to Tiffany, Tiffany Hendroth, about Leanne.

And Tiffany's like, oh, well, you know, this is between you guys. You know what? I'm going to fix this right now. So Tiffany goes and brings Leanne over. And it's like, I want to get rid of the elephant in the room, okay? And you can see Leanne was furious. She's like, I'm the one who speaks for the elephant, okay? I speak for pets and animals.

I speak for the elephant. I do. i almost choked on my peanut chef that's what the elephant would have been saying sticking with the elephant is saying the elephant saying where's my mom shall i floss her at the circus if the elephant was here he'd say stop shoving peanuts up my nose elephant would say stop making the paint like i did on road rules that's a little call back to road rules around the world where they made an elephant paint a painting and Pua refused to participate. I think her run is officially over when Road Rules comes into it. I know. Sorry, everyone.

Instant kill. I killed the elephant. Hang up. Click. So they had this weird, really weird fight where, I mean, Brandy was fully being a bitch. They both were they're both like so ready to fight and they don't even know each other and stupid leon tries to start it unheard like nice way as she always does she's like you know the royals think they have it over

us but we wake up with mimosas then we have wine then we go to baby champagne all right girls i was like i don't get this you're an alcoholic so um so brandy was saying these things like i'm sorry my miss manners was not up to date but like i wish like i should call you miss leanne or mrs leanne but you're not my elder so i don't know but she's like but i am your elder well i guess you're my elder so m. But you're basically a bitch. I was like, I did not understand. It was like Brandy was trying to get a big, funny insult out, and it was just sort of stumbling out in all these weird ways until she finally just had to say, I think you're a bitch. This fight made no sense on either of their parts, and I loved it.

Should I say yes, ma'am? Thank you, ma'am. No, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. Should I say thank you, ma'am? No, ma'am. No, you don't need to call me ma'am. Well, you ma'am. No, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. Should I say thank you, ma'am? No, ma'am? No. You don't need to call me ma'am.

Well, you are my elder. I'm your elder? Well, I am older, but I'm not your elder. You're my elder. Well, I'm not your elder. You are. Well, I'm your elder. You should respect me.

But I thought you weren't my elder. What the hell? Wait, now, y'all, can I remind everyone that I used to live in L.A. for 15 years? Would that help the situation y'all are you still talking about that elephant in the room I'd love to talk about him but I haven't been paid to get fucked by him in some dark

backyard creepy party in LA so I'm done talking about the elephant thank you hi y'all you know I once saw an elephant at the LA zoo so you know I may know something about this situation. If that helps. No, okay, okay, okay.

Brandy. Okay, Brandy's recollection of things. She's like, you are full of shit, Leanne. I came up to you, apologized. Remember how I came up to you and apologized for mimicking you? Then Leanne's like, and then when you brought up, when you What did she say? Oh, when you told me it was selfish to tell my carny

story at the AIDS event. She's like, I thought I was coming from a good place, Leanne. I was just trying to tell you you need help. Then Leanne goes, I'm 12 years older. You haven't lived half of my life. Like, your math is crazy

I know oh my god and I love that about you you're such a good mimicker you're such a good mimicker but you haven't lived half my life and then Brandy said of course we know what's going on in your life

it's always in the tabloids which I'm assuming they're talking about the charity tmz and then leanne gets all mad she's like you don't know shit and she like throws her glass on the ground at marie's house at terrified marie's house marie is well i think they're at a restaurant but marie was still terrified she's like breaking glass she's like she's like the like the cat that's like in the cartoon hiding under the she goes like hides under a desk and like you just only see eyes in the shadows and her tail sticking out above the desk you're like her knees knocking

she like jumps into she's like scooby-doo jumping into what's his face his arms you know what's so great about marie she's this tall, terrified bird, and she's like the most legit, beautiful one on the whole show. She looks like a freaking supermodel. She is gorgeous, and she's terrified. She's terrified of them all, and she's richer than all of them, and she's somehow been led to believe that, like, if she does something wrong, Leanne is going to chop off her neck.

Which she will. She just threw a glass on the floor, and then Stephanie goes, Classy! She's like, floor and then Stephanie goes, classy. She's like, oh yeah, that's classy. You know what's classy? You stand up for this little piece of trash. She's like,

you don't know me. You don't know me. And then Leanne storms out. She's like, I don't give a fuck about those three little bitches like yelling at all the guests. Class lady. I said like Leanne,

before she goes storming off, she says, Stephanie, your charity world is going to go down the toilet all those cats with aids are like we will not take charity from that lady who is not classy to her elder at a party we won't take it leanne's like it's not me saying that your charity world is gonna go down the toilet that is all the pets that are saying it i am just speaking for. I heard every dog a dog for paws. And then what did Stephanie say?

She starts sobbing. She's like, she's so mean. I can't be around her anymore. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just can't do it anymore. I don't know. I don't know.

I just, for some reason, I can't do her noises. But she makes a lot of them. This entire fight, by the way, I can't do her noises. But she makes a lot of them. This entire fight, by the way, took place against some kind of brick wall. It was so weird. It's like, okay, you ladies can come into this party, but you have TV cameras. You will stand against this wall the entire time. That's it.

Well, everyone's up against the wall except for Marie, who was hiding under a carpet. Marie's, like, trying to glue the glass back together. She didn't mean it. She didn't mean it. She's literally Sylvester the Cat in that one like Looney Tunes where they were in a haunted house. Leanne is both Tom and Jerry. I can't even decide who she is.

It's like hitting yourself over the head with a pan. Tom and Jerry. I love this show. I was laughing out loud. Oh yeah, it's hilarious. It's like hitting yourself over the head with a pan. I love this show. I was laughing out loud. Oh, yeah. It's hilarious. I hope people are watching it because it's so ridiculous. I feel like if you go in with the wrong mindset, you're going to say, oh, it's kind of boring.

And the women are boring. I don't get it. But if you go in and you see that it's actually secretly the funniest thing on Bravo right now, then you will appreciate it. that it's actually secretly the funniest thing on Bravo right now, then you will appreciate it. If you see that these fights are so ludicrous and the way they are so high on their horses about charity and charity world and how fussy Leigh-Anne gets, then you will just crack up.

I know I like a Housewives show when it's not even the fights that I'm loving so much because I just love their regular scenes. I love Leigh-Anne standing there curling her hair with her cookie sheet basin and her boyfriend, who's been married four times, who won't marry her, is like, I'm going to crash that party.

She's like, oh yeah? Well, I'm going to crash it. Or, you know, whatever she's saying. I just get so into those stupid scenes. I'm like, look, you're making Leigh-Anne angry with the curling iron. I'm fascinated. Yeah, Leigh-Anne is great. I'm fascinated. Yeah, Leanne is great. She is great. It's a great Bravo find.

She is. What a neurotic mess. Oh, my God. Love it. Good job. Good job, Brons. I'm glad she doesn't watch what happens. You know, I want them to promote this show.

Yeah, me too. I love that she was acting like she just won the world. She's like, I mean, Vicky, the OGs. Shut up, Leanne. Vicky's like stabbing the TV. Leanne, whoa. You OG, OG, OG? I say no. No, no, no, no, no. Click off, click off, click off.

No, no. Well, you know, Ben, you know something that's coming up? Mother's Day? Guess what it is? Oh my god, it's Mother 8th. It's May 8th? It's this weekend, actually. Oh, my God.

I better get on the phone to the books. Yeah. So, you guys, it sneaks up on you every single time. It snuck up on me, and I have this ad in front of me for like three weeks, and I'm still like, what? This entire time, I'm like, I'm going to get my mom some flowers this year. I'm going to get it from the books. And now, all of a sudden, it's like, oh, shit, it's on Sunday. The books. flowers this year and we get it from the books and now all of a sudden it's like oh shit it's on sunday the books you guys you still have enough time to order mom the best flowers of her life from books.com books are flowers and they are in a word gorge it's like bouquets b-o-u-q-s.com

yeah um and actually you know what's cool is that they're grown on the side of a volcano. Seriously. Seriously, it's a volcano. Yeah. The blooms are larger than most. The colors are more vibrant than most. And it's a better soil and more sun at a lofty 10,000 feet. Yeah, and by the way, I think they told us that they come as buds or something like that so that way they they are in bloom longer because the thing is um uh they are they because they cut them from the volcano they cut them from the volcano then

just send it right well they cut to order so they're not like sitting around a warehouse just waiting and they get they're all limp exactly so you should order from books.com today because if you wait until the last second you're gonna get some second rate flowers that are from a warehouse that's right you need some gorgeous flowers from the books because they say mom thanks for all that you do these are not second rate thanks mom these are real thanks mom yeah and how much does that thanks mom gorgeousness cost not much books prices start at a mere 40 bucks no up charges no fees, and even delivery is absolutely free when you register with the books. Listeners of our show save 20% off the

bouquet of your choice. Just go to books.com and enter promo code WATCH. That's B-O-U-Q-S dot com promo code WATCH. Books.com promo code WATCH. Yeah. Don't bow at your mama. Do not bow at your mama

You can book at her Are you booking at me? Are you booking at me? Oh thank you Dallas is solved It's a bouquet of shit How dare you That's not appropriate

Someone booked Leanne Everything's okay now So thanks to the books. And everybody, go get your flowers for your mama. Flowers for mama. So do you want to go to Southern Charm as long as we're still doing our Southern accents? Sure. I've got some more terrible accent left in me.

Me too. Me too. So, Ronnie, I thought that you probably appreciated the fact that the show opened up with Thomas Ravenel squeezing on some white jeans. The Jack's disease where he just wants to be seen naked or almost naked in every episode. You know what? It's like when you look at yourself in the mirror and you're standing up really straight and you look so good and you see pictures of yourself later and you're all slumped over and have a muffin top hanging down yeah that's like me right now it's like every shot of thomas in this show yeah it's a muffin top that does not ever roll away thomas's muffin top like why does this need a song yeah and then i go someone messed up my sofa at the flamingo party.

Michael, could you fix that for me, please? It's not as puffy as it used to be. I hate when it's less puffy than it's supposed to be, Thomas. It reminds me of when Whitney was a teenager, and I'd leave him home alone, and I'd come back, and the couch would be less puffy and more sticky. But that's back when the couch was perfect.

I'll excuse it. I actually never cleaned up any of Whitney's spunk because it's my child. It's like an art project. I love the opening of this show because it's the bop bop bop bop bop bop and it's just delusional shots. This one was all delusional. It's Thomas showing us off his underwear.

Cameron like, I eat whipped cream for breakfast. Whitney eating hot dogs pretending he's a teenager. Patricia pretending that her couch isn't normally a piece of shit. And then, you know, the only one who's not delusional is Shep who's asleep. He just sleeps through the whole opening.

He's just asleep. So then we get to Craig and Naomi who are who are they're already moving out of out of naomi's parents house and craig starts talking about how all this good stuff has happened he's like he's like yeah so much good stuff has happened ever since i met naomi i'm like yeah and her bank account yeah no kidding and the places you can stand i thought it was weird because he said, I would rather be with Naomi. I'd rather be with Naomi poor than anyone else rich. I mean, we have to move out of this house, but it's okay because we're moving into another one. That's the owner.

Yeah. Another one. But this one's a fixer-upper. I'm sure her parents are like, look, take a fixer-upper to the fixer-upper. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It's like the talented Mr. Craig. I'm sure her parents are like, look, take your fixer-upper to the fixer-upper. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. It's like the talented Mr. Craig.

When you're done drywalling the boyfriend and the apartment, we'll speak to you again, darling. So Craig, by the way, has a bombshell revelation about Whitney. His theory is that Whitney still has feelings for Catherineatherine whoa someone finally figured it out i love that his girlfriend doesn't even try to hide the fact that she already kind of hates him she's like oh come on craig were you talking about that you think so you're gonna wear those pants oh craig it's like you can't pretend to care about the guy when you let him wear sunglasses on his head the entire part oh actually she wasn't at that party i strike that i strike that from the record so we've always we used to have a theory we used to have more of a gay theory for whitney i don't know if i feel like he's as gay as i used

to think but we remember we used to have a theory that Whitney is gay and that he took home Catherine, you know, to seem like he was straight. And then she was like, whatever. And then, like, the fact that she didn't go along with it was why he lashed out. But I think it's more reasonable probably to suggest pretty much that they had sex. And she was like, ew, it's Whitney. And he wanted a, I think that he probably wanted to have her on his arm because it made him seem young and vital. And when she was like,

no, thanks, that that's when he got really mad. And I think that he doesn't deal with rejection well. Yeah, well, he never is. His mom stands in front of him ever being rejected from anything ever. Well, we bought Whitney a school to graduate from. How's that film degree going, Whitney?

Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry. No, saying that made me suddenly remember Whitney's documentary, that awful, awful documentary that I watched half of a few months ago. Oh, Whitney. Well, my son's a brilliant filmmaker. Gosh. So let me see.

Okay, so all the guys on this show are incredibly stupid. Like, not one of them was smart. Craig's like, well, you know, like, everyone hooked up with Catherine, and I love trophies, you know, so I wanted to hook up with her first. You know I love trophies, you know, so I wanted to hook up with her first. You know, you know I love trophies, right, honey? And she's like, oh, God, just why are you talking like this on TV? My parents have televisions.

I know. God. So then Whitney, we get a shot of Whitney calling his 20-year-old model, who he never has to see, who's not using him at all for his money. She's like, okay, I'll come in the two weeks. Tell your mother, hello, I love her. Well, you know, that's one fake bitch

if she's saying hi to Patricia. Yeah. What was I going to say? I just completely blanked. I'm sorry, Ronnie. It was a yes and, and I just said yes. Well, what more is there to add? That's pretty much all we got to say.

It was a two-second conversation. He's like yeah we really need to start thinking about uh marrying each other committing to each other on a deeper level how about you start dating someone your own age okay that girl is like 15 and she's touring all over the world leave her alone you old perv yeah talk about an arranged relationship geez okay so next up is katherine and koopa yeah katherine meets koopa the two ginger outcasts of the group oh isn't that the case yeah so i almost got myself into a tizzy at first because he's like oh did you get yourself a new birkin bag and she's like yeah i got myself it because i deserve it i want to reward myself for everything i'm like first of all you. I want to reward myself for everything.

I'm like, first of all, you don't get to reward yourself for anything. And second of all, how could you be complaining about you need a new house? You need to do this. You need that. You know, all this money. And then you go and buy yourself a broken bag. But then she was like, but it's fake. I was like, oh, never mind.

I don't believe that it's fake. I think she's saying that to not get shit from Thomas. Oh, yes. OK. Yes. My outrage will come back. I don't believe for one second that girl went and bought a fake bag I'm doing the ego-y thing

I'm putting myself outside the window Opening up the shutters being like My outrage, you can come back You can come back, outrage Return to me, outrage And everyone's taking their head out What, what, we can be outraged? Yes Yes, let everyone in the land know

We can be outraged about the Birkin, let everyone in the land know we can be outraged about the Birkenbag. So now what's now becoming a pattern is that the men order in weird accents. The waiter comes over and Cooper's like, I would like to order two teas and some omelets. I was like, do the waiters only understand terrible, like, Epcot Center accents or what? What the hell? I know. understand terrible like epcot center accents or what what the hell i know well cooper really is trying to live up to this southern ideal because he's not even from that town right isn't he from like alabama or something like that so when katherine's like oh so the flamingo party and

cooper's like the tackiness i was like you know what cooper don't talk about the tackiness when you're the one who had like a fashion show for bellhop uniforms, okay? You're the gay guy who had a ball that only straight couples were allowed at. That's the worst. You had a ball called the Founders Ball, which was only founded two years ago and was supposed to honor the heritage of Charleston and its slave it's slavery slavery you know slave owning past yeah classy cooper yeah the tackiest so cooper added um added some stuff in the last episode because we saw him talking to patricia and she's like i'm not angry at all with you cooper you're allowed

to speak with whoever you'd like, darling. And this time he adds that Patricia had called him before the party and told him, you can't be seen publicly with Catherine. It'll just ruin your reputation. Well, she's right. Yeah, Catherine's like,

why does she care about me so much? And dogs. She's like, I'm just some poor single mother from Muscat Creek or whatever. Please, Catherine, don't be the martyrs here. You're just some poor single. You're just like a whirlwind of craziness who went and yelled at this woman's son. And even if Catherine was in the right, and she was in the right, by the way, we'll give her that. Mother's going to, of course, no mom's going to embrace that.

Yeah. Crazy Catherine, get over it. And Catherine and Cooper, maybe I need to climb to the top of the Ravenel Bridge and shout. Patricia sees herself in this young Catherine. I think he's right in that, except that, you know, last week we were talking about it's maybe like a self-hating thing because, you know, gays do it to each other. Women do it to each other, like bringing each other down. And this is like an old whore kind of bringing down a young whore but i think that patricia's got a point because yeah she's not exactly like katherine because patricia has a giant house and lots of

money and katherine doesn't she's having to beg for things like katherine has failed in her gold digging ways yeah patricia is not crazy patricia patricia um she played the game you know she she if if you know we don't know i don't know what what patricia did i don't know, she she if if, you know, we don't know. I don't know what what Patricia did. I don't know how much she was like Catherine as a as a youngster, but she married money at the very least. And she didn't then go crazy. So like when Thomas Ravenel was running his ridiculous campaign, you know, if it had been Patricia, she would have smiled politely and played along. But, you know, Catherine was a disaster. And that's that's the problem. Catherine does not play ball by these old rules. And

honestly, Patricia calling Cooper, she was giving Cooper, you know, you know, quote unquote, good advice. You know, if she if Cooper wants to stay like amongst high society here, like he's got to make sure that he aligns himself with the right people. But what probably happened was the producer said to Cooper, hey, Catherine needs a friend. Will you spend time like will you like hang out with her? We'll be guaranteed you'll get more camera time if you do that. And we'll let you do some interview segments. And he was probably tempted by the fame. And now this is where he's landed.

Yes. And also just to go off what you were saying, I don't think that Patricia was being a nice person warning Cooper. I think she was warning Cooper like, you better watch your ass or I won't hang out with you anymore. And he ignored her and now she won't. She's like, that's it.

I hope he enjoyed the flamingo party because that's the, I will never have him in my house again. Yeah, exactly. But I wasn't saying she was being nice. I was saying that she was giving good advice to him. Like, hey, you've been trying to, like, rise in the ranks, young man.

And I am here. I have been your champion. And you've been my gay. gay and i'm telling you right now if you want to stay amongst the you know this tier here in in charleston society then stay away from that girl and yeah he did not well cooper's always looking to climb some kind of a ladder he's only friends with people that can further him like he's obviously like a little user and now it's katherine for airtime but unfortunately for him he doesn't understand that katherine's winning that game. Okay.

Like Catherine, nobody even likes her and she's still got a place in the opening of the show, you know, and you don't fool like, why do you think she's hanging out with you? Because she loves velvet suits. You idiot.

Yeah. And Cooper right now, Cooper and Snowden, Jennifer Snowden are, are essentially battling for sidekick status. And, um, nothing is more evidence when Cooper's like, you know,

I don't know Snowden, but I don't trust her. You have to know who to be friends with. I'm like, who you you're, you're like snake number one here. You're hell of a more of a snake than Jennifer Snowden. I mean, I feel like, well, she's snaky too. I'm not even sure what she's doing. I really am not sure. I don't get it.

I don't, I don't understand that situation. It's like, you're trying to climb a gate that's locked. I don't get it. I don't understand that situation. It's like you're trying to climb a gate that's locked. I don't know. It's weird. It's like, why are you trying to get into, why are you trying to get in through the person that everybody hates in the first place? It seems weird. I'm not sure what her motivations are yet.

I can't tell. And I don't understand Catherine being friends with her. It's like, so she slept with the guy that you, who knocked you up while you were knocked up. And she's like, yeah, but we're two strong-willed women, so. I'm like, I don't get. Well, we're two women that let Thomas fuck us without a condom and still don't have money. I mean, that bonds you.

Thomas. Thomas. Cooper does have kind of a point. Yes. The Bells. Cooper does have kind of a point. He's like, why would you be friends with a woman who slept with a man while you were pregnant? You know, who knows? He's going to be the first one to sell Catherine's story to the tabloids, too, by the way. Yeah, totally. He's going to write a book about her.

It's going to be like The Bell, the Southern Bell Jar. about her it's gonna be like the bell the southern belgium it's it's it's sort of this show is kind of funny because like some of the other great bravo shows people here can be both totally right and totally wrong all at the same time yes and i'm they're really i think they're best on this show at hiding what their motivations even are. I can never, ever get them. Like when Catherine came on this show, she looked like she was a 15-year-old in weird hair and glasses. She was kind of bitchy to everyone, wouldn't really talk or anything. And I remember people saying she's trying to work her way onto this show. And then she fucked all the guys, but we never saw any of that.

She was careful to do it all off camera. And it was just so tricky i really didn't see it coming yeah it was like a she was like a femme fatale that first season she wasn't part of the cast she sort of appeared she just didn't say much of anything she was just pretty and seen from afar and then first like shep well first craig wanted to go for it but then shep got her and then whitney and then thomas and was just like oh there's that like gorgeous silent girl who's got a lot of money who has some sort of reputation with the state legislature like mixing it up with everyone and the next thing you know boom she's like in the center of it all and she's crazy yeah so i can't tell on this show what

people's motivations are i can't cooper's pretty flailingly obvious, but the other ones, I don't know. Cooper's pretty close to pure evil. You can just tell. Yeah, Cooper's not a good man. He is dangerous. He is. We've seen this movie before. And you can tell because we don't see him that much in the daytime.

It's usually, Night time and parties, wearing velvet, make sure to bring a woman. But in the morning morning his nose is all bloated from like whatever he's snorting you know to wake up and you just see that i don't know it's like that homeless guy who crawls out of the box you're like wow he's still wearing the suit he got fired in 10 years ago you know and that's what i love about this show is that the people on this show kind of all represent archetypes that we've seen in literature or movies.

Cooper represents the old homeless man who still has his suit from the day he was fired 10 years ago. No, but Cooper is the outsider, like the self-loathing gay man outsider who's just trying to be part of high society and slowly failing at it. Like we've seen that character before. And Craig is also a different version of that.

Craig is the Gatsby type trying to infiltrate this circle. You know, everyone plays a role. In a weird way, it reminds of of literature no good i'm not saying it's at the level of literature but it reminds me of it just reminds me of these classic types that we see all mixing and mingling here which maybe brings us to landon who i don't know where she falls into maybe she's in some sort of like i don't know it's sort of like char Bronte or Jane Austen side character or whatever. But she, what I like, this totally supports your role. I don't totally understand Landon's motivation.

Is she just like happy-go-lucky? Is she crafty? Is she secretly pining away? Well, I have a theory about her motivation. Go. This week on our old Facebook.com slash Watch What Crappens, a lot of people were posting the story about how Landon had appeared on The Hills. Yes.

As, you know, just a friend of or whatever and didn't end up doing the show. And when they were asking her, why weren't you a part of the hills for good and she said i just didn't like that they were saying you know take that girl's boyfriend and sleep with this guy's ex and i'm just i just wasn't into all that and i didn't do it i think that landon is now like okay i could have been famous i would be married to some rich i would i would have some fabulous life right now had I been on the hills. I didn't do it. And now I have a second chance. And I'm going to do all the shit they told me to do the first time.

I'm going to fuck somebody else's ex. I'm going to have a girl fight with somebody. So she's kind of doing all the stuff that she said she refused to do the first time. Because you know she's Bang Thomas. Yeah, I just don't know. I actually can't tell with Landon, to be honest. yeah uh i just don't know i i actually can't tell with landon to be honest um but the one thing i do know is that this is the episode where landon's bitch flower finally officially came into bloom and i was very happy about that yeah it's been trying but it it's like a sunflower it keeps

facing away you're like face the face the sun my little bloomer landon has been plucked from the side of a volcano and sent to someone's mother from the books okay books.com slash watch and order the Landon book her best flower will be in bloom the entire season thank you volcano yes

she so this week she has been she's decided to organize Shep's birthday party why is it because she wants to is it because she still harbors a secret crush on him perhaps is it because she wants to go roller skating perhaps is it both perhaps we don't know but what we do know is that she is not planning on inviting katherine despite Shep specifically requesting it.

Yeah, and she lies about it. She's like, well, I sent out invitations and so if she doesn't show up, she doesn't show up. But it's going to be on my travel blog. Oh yeah, that's the other thing. She is now starting up a travel blog. So I give her points for not doing a fashion blog, but I take away points because it's still just a blog.

It's going to be about disco fashions and travel. for not doing a fashion blog, but I take away points because it's still just a blog. Yeah. It's going to be about disco fashions and travel. Shep and Bailey. Oh, so Shep and Bailey have this scene where she's going to paint him with the surfboard.

I don't know what's happening with Shep. I don't really know what's happening with the Shep person, but he's always got that goofy smile, but he's like really the most jealous

petty one out of all of them love it he's still very much like a middle schooler but I like it he's like a middle schooler with dentures it's weird he was saying his relationship with Bailey is DTR

we still need to define the relationship DTR but the other part of our relationship is DTF. Like, we still need to define the relationship, DTR. But, like, the other part of our relationship is DTF. And he's like, like, giggling at himself. So I'm only bringing this up, not because the scene was important, but he has a Bravo blog, and he's like,

oh, I don't have it up anymore. Well, that's good. I don't need to read it. But his Bravo blog is like, I need to apologize to my friend Bailey for suggesting that our relationship is DTF. That is a disgusting thing for a man to say about a woman.

And I would like to apologize to women everywhere about using the term DTF. Okay. Oh, chef got yelled at by his mom. That's what that means. Pretty much. Bailey was like, how dare you?

First you fuck a 12 year old on camera. And then you say, I'm down to fuck. That's what that means. Pretty much. Bailey was like, how dare you? First you fuck a 12-year-old on camera, and then you say I'm down to fuck? People think I'm classy. I have a Madonna hat. I am single-handedly recreating the movie Singles, okay? I am looking at what's next. Oh, Patricia was intercut with that Cooper scene. I thought that was pretty funny. Michael's like, Mom, your son is here.

It's like, ouch, your facial hair hurts. It just makes me think of men who work on the docks. I love that. I love that. I love a good hottie diss like that. I can't believe I said hottie diss. But still, I love that. I love a good hottie diss like that. I can't believe I said hottie diss. But still, I love that. That was some great shadiness right there.

Okay, so Shep's Bar, whatever. Cameron's going to share a listing. Cameron showed up in white jeans, and the bartender at the bar was like, gotta love white jeans in the South. I was like, Ronnie. Listen, my white jeans issue are specifically with yolanda because yolanda's like it is my trade in markets you know the boy the jeans of the white you know i do it every day it's who i am you know the people they know

me because of the white jean shut up change your jeans wash those fucking things i can smell them from here you'll slag yeah so um yeah so they go they're gonna split commission they're just chatting whatever i mean i shep and cam i i always enjoy them together they're just like funny and sort of shady together and it just works they always have funny scenes uh we also got to see katherine's new house which was really cute it's a super cute house and she's like well my house is small. Thomas got a big house. Mine's small. I'm like, you know...

It's still a huge house. Yeah. It was still huge and adorable. So stop complaining. It's for free, okay? She's like, well, my banisters weren't done by slaves a hundred years ago. I'm like, it's still a mansion. What the hell? She's like, I'm like, it's still a mansion. What the hell?

She's like, I'm confused. There's no slave graveyard here. And Catherine's still pretending to be so innocent. Danny, skinny Danny was over and she's like,

what have I done to everyone? And Danny's like, well, hon, it is kind of always like the Cat Thomas and Catherine show, you know? I think maybe they're just afraid of you,

a little bit afraid of you. It's like, oh. And then Danny, but Danny, of course, is full of bullshit. She's like, you know, Catherine, you are one of the most lovable people that I know. Oh, please. Yeah, you're so lovable. I mean, you just open up your vagina to everyone.

You are so lovable. I have never seen someone hug an old man's penis the way your vagina did. Twice now. Good for you. Good for you. So speaking of terrible relationships, Landon's over at Thomas' house walking through his house going, I love them. Wow.

Oh, it's amazing. Wow. And he's like, well, I just want to make sure that you invited Catherine to this roller rink derby skating party because she's the mother of my child and if anyone's gonna ignore her it's me and that's when Landon's eyes turn to like

flames and she's you know the mere mention of that she's like I will invite who I want to invite to someone else's birthday party travel blog so then She's like, I will invite who I want to invite to someone else's birthday party. Travel blog. So then speaking of cattiness, Catherine calls up Cameron and is like, I just want to know if you want to get lunch or something like that. And Cameron, in one of her bitchiest moments ever, she's like, I think it's very commendable that you're reaching out you've been in my thoughts but no however to be honest you've been very volatile and she's like well

yes but um coffee maybe happy hour maybe she's like you know what katherine i think it might be time to you to focus on yourself and your children. Bless your heart. I'm so glad you figured out how to use a tail of fern. I think that fall backwards into a bush in a flamingo hat ruined Cameron. Something's off with her brain now. She's like, that was a different Cameron who used to be nice to you. This Catherine, I'm sorry, this Cameron knows how to make a pot roast.

It's like the long kiss goodnight when Gina Davis crashes into a tree or hits a deer or something like that. And then she reawakens the inner CIA assassin in her and she becomes crazy after that and starts killing people. That's what happened to Cameron. She's only having flashbacks of being part of like the cia bitch program she's like having flashbacks of when she wouldn't have coffee with people she bleaches her hair well her hair is already blonde so i guess she she dyes it brown this is the real me that was like when gina davis was going down oh my that movie by the way is the best that's a good movie

wasn't she married to that weirdo director didn't she like cheat on her husband and leave for that for that guy it's actually a great it's a great movie and it should be a little bit more a part of the gay cult cinema uh canon because i i actually own it and i watch it every now and then and it is so funny because it was written by Shane Black. And it's written in this post-pulp fiction, really R-rated language thing. And so you have Geena Davis saying these really vulgar things. She's saying like, fuck your balls. And she shoots someone. It's crazy. And at one point, what was the name of the little girl in that um she's jenna jenna malone jenna is that what her name was yeah

and she's like i think i think that's who it was at one point she's like skating and she like falls over and hurts herself and gina davis she's like consoling her and her inner assassin comes out and she's like oh hey suck it up you motherfucker life is pain it's just amazing it's such an amazing movie i miss gina davis you know botox helps everybody on bravo but it kills movie stars you never see them again like meg what's her bones meg ryan gina davis botox killed all those people well the problem with gina davis is that she decided to bow at me but not at me she decided to bow at the olympics tried to become an archer did she really yeah she's like an archer and and

she she tried out for the olympics for real that's not that's not the downfall of her career though it's just a fun thing about gina davis i love gina davis she did not qualify but could you imagine if gina davis were in the olympics that would be i mean like you just end the olympics then like it's over no more be like about to throw the shot put and then she'd be like you stupid c word idiot ball sucker and like throw it further than anybody else her nscia agent won the olympics yeah that movie climaxes with her like dangling from Christmas lights over Niagara Falls with a machine gun, holding a baby and

a machine gun and killing Craig Bjerko or something like that. Pretty much how Southern Charm will end, except it'll be Cameron. Good transition. So now it's time for this roller skating birthday party for for shep but she doesn't even

want gosh can't even drink a beer gosh i hate roller skating that's what all the dweebs would do in middle school gosh we used to kick the ass of people who went roller skating like here i am on my birthday gosh so land though, this is like her dream because she loves roller skating. And I think she thinks that this is going to somehow bring her closer to Shep. And she's like calling up for cupcakes. She's like, I placed an order for disco cupcakes. She's all cutesy. Whatever.

I don't know why I wrote that note. Whoever doesn't make the bus doesn't get to come to the disco party. Okay, bus is leaving. Catherine didn't make it yeah they're like it's katherine coming it's katherine coming she's like i don't know i guess she's invited so she should be here katherine's like i'll be there in five minutes all right well the bus is leaving now bye and then she says white lies so i guess she didn't invite her like how do you think people aren't gonna know and then the stupid she said i sent her an invitation so they weren't mailed invitations then it was an email invitation like people can check this shit a group text people can check that landing exactly

and land in i mean landon it was so obvious and she anytime time Taco Catherine came up, Lanham became so bitchy. She was like, well, I'm sorry Catherine didn't make the bus. But she didn't giggle. She was saying it in a nasty way. And she was like ready to get that bus going. You could see she was like counting up. She had like her little clicker. She was like, okay, we have 14, 15. Okay, everyone get on the bus, get on the bus, get on the bus before Catherine could show up.

Not that she would have because she wasn't invited. Meanwhile, she gave Catherine the wrong bus. Catherine's on like a public bus going downtown. I know. She's like on the midnight cowboy bus, you know, heading down to Florida. Getting out the window while someone dies of tuberculosis next door. Irm, Thomas, everybody's talking about me, but I don't care what they say.

Stop the bus. Thomas, everything's going to be sunny in Florida. Thomas. Hey, I'm walking here, Thomas. Hey,

I'm walking here. Oh, I love the bitchiness of all the friends on this show. They're like, this party sucks. Who would take us roller skating? I hate roller skating. Screw this.

And then Shep's like, well, it's the last time that Landon's going to plan my birthday. That's for sure. And then Craig gets on the skates and is basically like, you know, Nancy Kerrigan. And Shep's like, gosh, look at at Craig why is he so good at things that are so embarrassing for him gosh Craig like winning country stars in auctions Kelsey Ballerini gosh oh Napoleon Dynamite and then like he is Napoleon I wasn't even trying I think someone put that on our Facebook because we used to always go gosh and so someone put napoleon dynamite next to chef on our facebook so good and so then bailey shows up with the painting and it's like this you know it's like

a cute watercolor and although it's funny because she she made chef look like a little boy and land then it comes to land and be like i don't care about bailey's shitty panties a shitty painting just look shitty land in what the hell land in uh so then shep got all mad because everyone's calling catherine now to see where she is and of course the guys are like look she's a good lay she should be invited when she's like three of the five guys here i think that she's earned her invite to every skating party ever okay oh my god and uh then so then like shep calls and landon's like erm well i didn't get invited and thomas got an email and all you everyone was on it and i wasn't on it so erm i wasn't invited so that's when shep is like gosh landon why didn't you invite her andon's like, she should be lucky she even got an invite. I don't fucking care if she doesn't come.

She should be so fucking lucky that she's even thought of at one time. She's such a liar, too. He's like, why didn't you invite her? She's lucky she was invited. Did you text her? Did you email her? I mean, I don't remember how I invited her. Who lies?

I like how Shep got legit mad at her and he said well we all learn from our trials and tribulations at some point don't we land in yeah he got into bitchy shep face which i mean you know it was deserved because it was a bitch move on her part a A real bitch move, and I loved it. Yep, it's every week now. Catherine's been barred from coming someplace. Although, she did show up at that polo match and immediately, I won't do this. There's too many people.

It's supposed to be family day. I'm going to the porta potty. I'm leaving. I'm taking the babies. You'll never see your children again Tommy yeah to be fair this goes back to the point where everyone's right or wrong at the same time it's not without reason that these girls are like we don't

want to deal with her she's fucking crazy she's a crazy 23 year old and we want to have fun we don't want to deal with her tell your friend to pay his child support and then how come it's okay when Thomas is at a party yelling at some woman? Who does that? Especially in the South.

You can't talk to women like that. And he's screaming, like, kick her out at this stupid party. And then, of course, the polite hostess of the party is anti the woman and fine with some guy getting in his speedo in the pool. It's like, I don't get it. Men get away with everything. And the women take each other down. Like, I get the men do. We get those sexist fucks,

but stop being sexist to each other, damn it. It's true, but that being said, you know that if Catherine went to this party, she'd be like, well, I'm like eight months pregnant, so I can't even roller skate. So like, why would you even have a party where I can't even roller skate?

I can't even do this. I just have to sit here. I guess I just have to sit here in the corner and watch everyone else roller skate. Landon's trying to kill my baby. I can't believe it. Tommy has come to sit with me while everyone else roller skates. And then everyone, then the guys, what would happen would be, then the guys would sit with Catherine because they feel bad because she can't roller skate.

And then Landon and Cameron would be like, gosh, like, she just comes in here. We're all supposed to be roller skating. And she's just sitting there and now no one's roller skating it's just me and cameron catherine got a free refill on our popcorn it's so embarrassing i also i also liked when craig and naomi uh were asking cameron like, so did Catherine reach out to you? And Cameron's like, yeah. Like, so what did you say? She's like, well, I don't know why she's reaching out to me. She shouldn't be reaching out to me.

She should be reaching out to Thomas. I love a good bitch deflection. Yep. So they're on to her, too, now. The women are really coming out this year. The guys all came out last year, I think. Well, the guys were pretty much horrible from the beginning. Craig was are really coming out this year. The guys all came out last year, I think. Well, the guys were pretty much horrible from the beginning. Craig was just kind of horrible last year.

JD's coming out this year as being horrible. That's a nice new one. JD? Yeah. You're working for me, Craig! Well, it looks like we're going to have a big JD moment next week. At one point during this episode, Craig told Naomi Naomi he's like

yeah he's like I love my job I think I'm really they're giving me more and more work and I think I'm taking over the bourbon division soon which is funny I love again I love the idea it's like a hotel slash bourbon company and looks like next week JD's like you haven't been telling people that you're running the bourbon division

have you I'm the frog dealing people that you're willing to the bourbon division to have you. I'm the frog in front of the WB logo. Craig, not you, but half the shorts. Darling. That was just him smoking his evil cigar.

Hey, Craig, butter, you're fired. Your 15 grand is non-returnable. Tell your girlfriend's parents I sure am sorry. Say hi to the blacks and the Jews for me. Thank you, Southern Charm, for always being so dependably evil and lovely So, so great Would you like to make a pee-pee? Um, sure, I don't really have to

But you can go do a pee-pee and I'll check up on my emails I'm gonna make a peeps Okay, herb Welcome to the Shaws of Sunset. The most horrible people on the planet taking trips together and always eating. Exactly. Do we just want to do what we've been doing? Just go through the characters?

Sure. Okay. Man, I have a ton of notes on this, so I'm going to have to. Oh, well, then you can drive it. Because I didn't take a lot of notes because I watched it late at night, and also because I figured we'd just do character by character this time. Yeah, we can do that. Okay, let's start with Gigi.

Gigi. Okay, we open with Gigi's house, and I think there was a close-up of a sword in the corner. What the fuck? She just loves her swords and knives. I was laughing because Gg wants to take everyone on a camping trip because she says she's like camping is my safe place like what this is like okay i understand the concept of a safe place but i just feel like it's such a ridiculous thing to say that camping is your safe place i feel like your safe place should be like the couch or you

know being at home but camping it, it seems like the exact opposite of a safe place. Yeah, but camping with Gigi is nobody else's safe place. It's like terrifying imagining being in the dark alone. No one can find you. You're in the middle of nowhere and the bitch always has a knife. Exactly. Because, you know, a bear, like her safe place is

someplace where she can imagine being attacked by a bear and having, you know, like free reign with her knife to just go and attack whatever comes and attacks her in the middle of the night in the middle of the wilderness i know this is mean and i know rheumatoid arthritis is no walk in the park so anybody who has it and is about to get mad just get forward but gg's disease is making me laugh so hard because it's she's so full of shit she's like my life is changing all because of my disease you know like now i push people away like you've always pushed people away your first three

seasons were trying to stab people like you you tried to stab your own sister yeah that is that's the bullshit part of it is that it's not that like i believe that that rheumatoid rheumatoid arthritis would change people's lives, of course. And it's like it's like the worst, you know, it's terrible. But but she is definitely using it as like the catch all for all her dysfunction that came before it. Like, oh, by the way, you know, the reason why I haven't been able to get a job is because of R.A. Oh, and because of that. Oh. And the reason why I'm like, I have this temper is because of the RA. And the reason why I have decided to, like, totally modify my body is the RA, you know?

Hey, last time I saw you comfortably gripping a beer can, you were still a psychotic bitch. Okay, drop the act. Yeah. So Asa comes over to visit, and Asa's wearing a spandex turtleneck thing that's open in the boobs i don't understand what she's doing but she looks like she's gonna go bike riding you know in a book group in the 30s i don't like writing a book today we're gonna talk about sylvia Day and also go 10 miles. Girl, I'm telling you this stuff, babe.

I'm telling you this stuff. It's like miracle. Okay? Green sauce. Green sauce. So she's wearing a fortune teller turban that's like bedazzled. It's got all this glue shit bedazzled to the top. Meanwhile, somewhere in Charleston, Patricia's like,

now that's a fortune teller. That's what I want my next flamingo party. Someone call Asa and tell her to come over to Charleston. I love her cap dance. You know, Patricia and Asa are actually made for each other. The difference being that Patricia would probably want to employ Asa. And Asa would probably just want to be friends with her. Yeah, exactly. She'd be like, okay, I brought your caftans.

You'll never come into my home again, you dirty little Asa. Asa what? That's what I want to know. You're a preposition and an article. I don't get it. Gigi's way of remembering stories, classic. She's like, yeah, well, I got together with MJ, and she just got so upset with me, I don't even understand.

I asked her a hypothetical question about Tommy. Cut to her being like, oh, yeah? So when this boyfriend cheats on you, are you going to believe me? MJ just huffs out of there. So basically, this episode is basically they're gonna go on a camping trip because they figure that they could do an intervention on gg in the woods and she can't run off and get drunk this group just loves a surprise with a camping trip i mean there was a little flashback to MJ. When MJ and Gigi were really feuding and Reza orchestrated some bonkers situation

where, oh, they crashed Gigi's family camping trip with MJ and MJ had, MJ thought she was going to a spa and then Reza took her to a camping trip instead. He's such a little bitch. He really is. I'm not a bitch. I just like to play pranks.

I'm like the king of pranks, okay? Like, white people, they don't even understand pranks. Like, Persian, we get it, okay? Like, white people, they like to do a whoopee cushion because it sounds like a fart. Persian people, we just do the fart. We just put fart smell in the camper. It was disgusting. That was a disgusting prank.

He put, like, diarrhea sharts all over the toilet and then spritzed the air with, like, fake farts. It was so foul. Yeah, what kind of prank do you play that you actually have to sit there and smell it all, you idiot? I know. You pranked yourself, you dumbass. Meanwhile, Gigi's, like, the smell is causing Gigi to drive even worse. I mean, I was cracking up when they were in that camper, that little Winnebago. And you saw those drawers opening up and the cupboards and things falling out.

It was like poltergeists. And Gigi, let the angriest one drive a big vessel. That sounds safe, guys. Yeah, not even Shervin could defuse that situation. And he is the king of defusing. Oh, Sherv. He's so cute. So MJ and Tommy, MJ's going to get some business cards to say, I'm the condo queen, huh?

You got to have a scepter, a crown. You know, persons love that shit, babe. Yeah. You gotta make it look like you have a full-on kingdom, okay? Kingdom of condos in West Hollywood, okay? Here's one thing I know about those Persians, okay? They like gold scepters and lion heads

on everything, huh? You know what? Every one of your cards should be velvet, okay? That guy reminds me of those radio commercials here in L.A. Like, Uncle Larry. Do you know what I mean? It's like, Larry's mattresses or something. Larry, how'd you get the mattresses so cheap, Larry, huh?

Huh? Mike and Jess I don't know why these two are married She's like here's your four brussel sprouts And your chicken breast Get off the phone It was a plate of iceberg lettuce She's like here's your iceberg lettuce

By the way I spent $5,000 on a tea set And this bitch She's like we have to get better We're so bad with money Like today I went to buy a t-set it cost five thousand dollars so i bought it anyway but still it cost five thousand dollars that's like not fair and then she has the nerve to go get off your phone mike i don't ask for much bitch you just got a five thousand dollar t-set if he wants to fuck his phone right in front of

your face he can do it yeah and and Mike's like, I'm just trying to. He's like, Jessica, I'm trying to do the work. I'm trying. This is very important contact for my shoe company. This is how we get the money for the $5,000 T-set. So I was like, yeah, that's right, Mike. But then I was like, but it wasn't. You know, it was just some lady he met.

Yeah. It's just like some chick he's fucking. He's like, did you get laid because of the shoes I gave you, bro? He calls all the women, hey bro i'm a shoe designer slash commercial real estate hey this chick wants to fuck my shoes so i'm taking the call stupid jessica she really is a piece of work she's like i like my phone bill it costs 500 like how does that even happen how does that even happen actually i'll bet it she's doing like the typical purge thing where she's moved her parents over to her phone bill as well poor mike is just paying the entire family's phone bill now just calling someone

in brazil or whatever uh so anyway so but back that was pretty much the only thing that happened with mike um in terms of like mj uh terms of MJ, so she and Tommy got those cards and they went to Hamburger Mary's for bingo where Vida went. Shady Vida, she tries to cash in a bingo card that wasn't legit. Oh, no. It is all the numbers here.

It's all the numbers here. No, you are so wrong. No, you are the wrong one here. You are the wrong. You know, Sadie, what is the B-I? I like MJ trying to come up with different things. She's like, B, blowjob, five. Blowjob, five.

No. What is the blowjob? This has everything to do with me. I have to know. How many calories does blowjob have? This MJ needs to stop this blowjob. Too many calories. You know, too much with the bingo.

You know, bingo, like, need more treadmill, okay? More salad, more treadmill. No hamburger Mary. How about salad Mary? How about hamburger Harry? You know, this may be a nice man you can marry. I also, by the way, I want to mention that Reza and Mike went to Mixology 101 once again. I know.

Fucking The Grove. Technically, they went to Planet Dailies, but that's part of Mixology 101. The next big fight is going to be at the new Buca di Peppo over in The Grove. Can I ask you a serious question? Of course. Was that drag queen supposed to be MJ? question of course was that m was that drag queen supposed to be mj how much alike did the drag the drag queen look just like mj and i couldn't tell whose tits looked faker mjs were pointing at different sides of the room they were like cannons pointing at like different wars they were like in

two different wars i know there was there there's a thin line between mj and a drag bingo hostess. Yes. Well, at least the hostess gives like 10% of her income to something worth it. And they both play with balls. Yes. Tommy. I just wrote planet whatever at Grove. Okay, so Mike and

Reza go to dinner to talk about basically Mike's still a pig and Reza's still a pig too, and so they're going to be friends. I like when Reza go to dinner to talk about basically Mike's still a pig and Reza's still a pig too. And so they're going to be friends. I like when Reza walked in with tit sweat. That was funny. He always does. He pretty much always does.

Do you still fuck Jessica? Did she still give you blowjobs? That's so Persian. She's still giving you iceberg salad. It's so white. Why does she do salad? It's so white. Why does she do that as a person? Mike has a very active duel. It's like an ADD kid.

It has to have activities. It can't concentrate on books. Homeboy has to control his duel. That's too much. You know what? The only reason why he wants to see Hamilton is because he hears there's a duel in it. Oh, I have to mention. I was telling you a couple weeks ago how Don Dooley is Dick in Arabic.

And they used to call me Ron Don Dooley when I was little. My cousin Jenna listens to the show and made me a t-shirt that says in gold Ron Don Dooley. So I can have a shirt like mike's golden dual shirt oh jen i love you that is awesome i'm gonna wear it everywhere i just got it today i was so happy ron don duly ron don duly um so back to this terrible show she's screaming for help yeah she's always screaming for help Why are they just noticing it now? Someone's always screaming for help when they're around her. She's terrifying.

Who wants to help Gigi? She needs nothing. She has no job. She doesn't have to do shit all day. And her big disease is, like, a cramped hand. Get out of here. I don't feel bad for her. A cramped hand. But while she's like, I was different before, you know, because my middle finger would work right.

Shut up, Gigi. Army surplus store. You gotta love persons haggling in the army surplus. You Americans, what do white people wear when they camp? Why are they going to the army surplus store to go camping? Fucking morons. They know there's an REI

here, right? I was gonna say, REI, for crying out loud they're like getting it's like knives and this one jacket i don't know you know they were just there because they didn't know that del taco closed that's right across the street i'm upset i guess we'll go there they're gonna go to the papusa place across the street um and that does exist um yeah that was it was there were there were definitely a lot of those silly scenes like you know that's what across the street. And that does exist. Yeah, that was, there were definitely a lot of those silly scenes where like, you know,

Reza loves those scenes where he's like, where he can pick up a prop and then be like, oh, look at this. Look, it's a megaphone. I could be like, hey, Gigi.

Hey, Golnessa. Golnessa. Look, this is what white people do. It's like a megaphone. White people are like, hey, go Nessa, be quiet. But Persians are like, hey, go Nessa. That's so Persian. I'm fast forwarding through this scene in my mind.

Oh, yeah. Asa had a fashion shoot for her caftans, which was basically just like frolicking on the beach. I love her mom, though. Like, basically just like frolicking on the beach. I love her mom though. Like her mom is so funny and nice. There's not really much to talk about. But her mom just being like. I love being boss of the place. I'm the boss now.

Mom get out of here. Mom you're in the way. Get out of the photo mom. I'm natural born boss. I'm natural boss. I was boss before you. I was boss before you, Asa. I was boss before you. I love how Asa, every year it's like some different business for Asa,

and they never really work out. But every time she does it, she's like, babe, I'm doing this for my family. Because my family, David, I mean, we went through four world wars, and we understand, like, racism in Germany because when the wall came down. So this kaftan is like FU racism in Germany when the wall came down. I'm like, lady, this is like some swimming kaftan you stole from a Dillard's and some terrible hat you stole from a costume shop. Like, let's bring it back a little bit from racism in Germany. Yes, please.

Please, Asa. You have all the beauty of all the women radiating inside of you, okay? It's like radiating out of you. Asa's modeling notes. Yeah, I mean, it was like fine. It was fine. She's like, you're Star

Wars. You're like Star Wars and Green Sauce, Intergalactic Priestess Cilantro. You're like a sad little girl who understood racism in Germany and then partied with her parents all the way to America. Okay, radiate. Radiate. And the mom's like, you need to shake booty.

Make more sexy and shaken booties. She's like, mom, please. Pretend there's a film projector projecting artistic images on your face and just like project that on back onto the projector and then you're the projector and then they're the wall and that's the catalog racism in germany the new line of caftans by some lady on tv um she was saying this cost 25 grand they're filming at that same damn reality show rock in malibu that everybody shoots at like who are you paying those girls are doing it for free to be on TV, and you've

got a guy with a cannon in the bathroom. I mean in the bathroom. In the water. It did not cost $25,000. Yeah, it did not. It definitely did not. But they said they sold, they had 2,000 orders, and considering that those caftans they're charging like $200 for that,

they've actually made a good amount of money, probably. Yeah, probably. Yikes! I don't know how people heard about it, but they did it. They've actually made a good amount of money, probably. Yeah, probably. Yikes. I don't know how people heard about it, but they did it. I'm glad caftans are coming back, because Lord knows I need something for the summer. I know. They need to come up with man caftans. I guess that would be like a tunic.

Or not tunic. They had them in the 70s. That's true. I've seen a lot of pictures. Maybe they shouldn't come back. Let's see. So then we've talked about them being on the stupid rv and getting to camp and stuff um mike is wearing a shirt that says hashtag lice which i think is yeah i was like uh that's the one truth about him yes i'm warning you in

his speech he's like i love you guys like i love shoes you know because they're like a part of me so i'm gonna sell them to the people you know, because they're like a part of me. So I'm going to sell them to the people. You know what I mean? Like friendship, right? Hashtag lives. Hashtag green onion. Hashtag bell pepper. We need to make Caroline Fleming a shirt. Hashtag shirt.

Hashtag shirt. Hashtag shirt. Hashtag t-shirt. So let's see I love that this gang Rez is like where you gonna put up your tent like not next to Gigi okay can't be like creeping in Gigi's room

okay not this time Gigi's gonna creep into your tent this time. I love that they're making light of the almost rape storyline. So good. I know. I also really enjoyed that moment when they were lighting the fire and they called Gigi to show up. And she was like in her tent and her head popped up like a prairie dog. For some reason, that was like my favorite part of the episode.

She's like stabbing her knife into trees and stuff. And, you know, Gigi is not going to be good to deal with because she's already on drugs. And you can tell when Gigi's like, you know, this is when it's coming into place for me. She talks in this whisper voice. This is all I've wanted. I've been on my deathbed. Oh, Gigi. I know.

Can't wait. Next week, they try to give an intervention to gg during a camping trip shervin's sitting there with like a handwritten letter on some loose leaf paper and he's like dear gg you are the most beautiful compassionate woman but sometimes you are impatient and difficult she's like i don't need to hear this shit she walks away he's like like what you just did oh shaz and that wraps us up for the day bing oh my god so funny so fun um so yes we did um southern charm and dallas today uh because this week on thursday we have beverly hills the reunion and we have new york city but we also have Below Deck Mediterranean. Next week, we're also going to have the return

of Tour Group. I imagine that probably on Thursdays, we'll do Tour Group and Below Deck and New York City, right? I don't know. Think about it next Thursday. Think about it. We'll think about it.

I'm going to put up the Patreon mailbag right now, so that way we get a nice big dose about it. We'll think about it. I'm going to put up the Patreon mailbag right now, so that way we get a nice big dose of it. We love you guys. Thanks so much for listening and supporting. Go to watchwhatcrappens.com for all our links and to subscribe for bonus episodes, go to patreon.com slash whatcrabens.

We love you, Ed Hill. We love you, Ed Hill. God bless you, Hunnin. God bless you, Ed Hill. We love all you guys Hill. God bless you, honey. God bless you, Ed Hill. We love all you guys. And your wife. All right. Bye, everybody. Bye.

Bye. You can listen to Watch What Crappens ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.