Watch What Crappens - #2900 Below Deck S12E04: Gay For No Pay

Episode Date: June 24, 2025

The longest charter EVAR on Below Deck concludes with so little drama that the producers fast forward over the whole thing. The only thing more disappointing is the tip. To watch this recap on video, listen to our Love Island bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to Watcher Crappen's ad free right now. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. My name is TJ Raphael. I'm the host of Liberty Lost, a new podcast about who gets to be a mother and the control of young women hidden behind the veil of faith. Binge all episodes of Liberty Lost ad free right now on Wondery Plus. Hello and welcome to Watch Where Crap In's a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is the glorious and masterful Ronnie Karam.

Hi Ronnie, how's it going? Well, hello. How are you faring on this Tuesday? Good, Ben. How's everything going? Well, hello. How are you faring on this Tuesday? I'm good, man. How's everything going with you, babe? It's fabulous. We had a very fun morning. We went on to Jeff Lewis's show on Radio Andy.

So go check out the replay of that if you missed it. We had a lot of fun there. And then we're always having fun on Patreon where we are doing love Island recaps darn near every day. Every day that we show up to record, we do a love Island check in first. So go check that out at patreon.com slash watch or crap. And you can also do some crap and on demand where you get to watch us, not just listen to us. And those are videos that are exclusive to Patreon for a week before they wind up on our YouTube.

So go check it out, it's really fun. And we wanna thank everyone who supports us over there. We always really appreciate it. And today we're here to talk about the grand conclusion of the Gay Porn Star Five-Day Charter on Below Deck. Wow, what a sad group of gay porn stars. I mean, they cut their entire trip into a montage. Yeah.

Yeah, that's, that's sad. That's sad. I'm like, how sad that you guys are too like nice and well adjusted to make drama. I guess so. Cause that whole thing was just cut down and over. That was crazy. So we start with Kyle sitting everybody down and he's like, oh, okay, well, the captain hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, pulled me into the bridge.

And he asked me if I'm up for it. And you know, you guys are up for it. And I supported us because honestly, I think I'm up for it. But he made a good point. We got to get better. We've got to get better. You We've, we've, we're not done. We'll finish later. But here's my basic point. Get better. And then he walks away and cause like, don't come here and bitch and moan at us. Like we're working our asses off. This is your fault, mate. It's not our fault. Because Kyle is the one who's always like going downstairs to have like a break This is like the telltale sign of a bad person

Just how they make when they want to make us do look like a chiefs do look like she's doing a bad job They just show her smoking off on the bow somewhere the old Eating yeah the Hannah edit the boss and the boss inversion is them downstairs eating like salad or something just like chowing down Although they really do that with Jess, I feel like every time they show us Jess, she's eating something downstairs. She is. They show her eating in every other scene.

And Jess was really, Jess is the one who's like, oh, my last boat, I never got a break. Okay, so on this one, do you get 90? I mean, do you get 90 a day? Like, what the hell? Why are you always eating down there? They always like pan over to her,

like the whole scene will unfold and then the camera will pan over and she's just sitting there eating like a bowl of cereal. And I'm like, hey, she's here this whole time? You've got a just reaction for every scene in the mess because she's always there. At least they make it look like she's always there. So Kyle's like, oh, the thing is he didn't call for us to come to the bridge, did he? He only called for Kyle so that's all I'll say that's all I'll say about it so now the carry is checking on Celine and he's like how are you finding everything she's like oh you know I find things I lose things that's how it goes you know I try to follow everyone you know here's what they say silence silence listen to

me so I'm silent you know but this is hard they're so stupid these people I understand don't I understand what do I do? Let me tell you one thing I don't do. Poo poo in the toilet! And he's like, you are so goddamn charming. God. I really think all my previous experience will help me because I was bartender in Five Star Hotel in French Riviera.

I was beautician, I was masseuse, I was waxer. I used to wax a lot of genital all day long be like son son son listen You know you wax penis. You know, I have so many memories in my hand I'm like, yeah I'm not really sure how the waxing of people's penises is gonna help you make a bed better But I guess there's something I mean I can understand the turndown part of it because you sort of are putting things there and pulling Them off but other than that, I'm not really sure how this practically Affects your job.

It's understandable why she's okay with a wrinkly bed. So then slowly drops a glass in the pantry. She's like, I want to cry, but this is too hard. So I won't do it. So Fraser is complimenting Anthony on his amazing charcuterie boards. And of course, you know, Anthony's like, okay, you know, we do cheese balls for dinner. I hope he doesn't hate me. I hope he's trying to ruin my life by telling me like sister could really know he's spiraling. But for it's just

like laying it on thick. He's like, Anthony, you are so talented with these boards, the way you put three pieces of prosciutto on a piece of wood and then added a raspberry on the side. It is the work of a genius. Dare I say a mad man, a mad genius. I mean, like, it's just a charcuterie board. Okay. So then we see-

Yeah, let's calm down. Yeah, let's settle down. I feel like Fraser is like a little on this season in a way that I'm really not enjoying. I feel like all of his interviews feel very like affected and rehearsed and it's just like, I don't know, it's like not quite landing for me anymore. He adjusts every season for the audience reaction and I think last season, the thing is it takes him half a season to really become the bitch we need him to be

Yeah, so it takes him a while to drop the act He's got to get like super stressed and super, you know ruffled for it to really come out He almost feels like he's like on the Food Network or something. He's doing like Food Network style, you know interviews where he's like today We're gonna do something absolutely wild, so wild, but it'd be more wild than I wish I could ever say I was. It's just sort of like these generic sort of pattern moments and I just want better for him

because I know we can do better. Yeah, so then Rainbow is like, um, Celine, will you please put these things over there? She goes, where exactly? She's like, you know, the main salon, remember you've been shown it about three or four times where it goes. And she's like, okay, please, okay, okay, please.

Oh my God, I'm not a children. And she's like, yeah, thank you. Rainbow's always got such a stick up her butt. My God. I know. I mean, I get working with Solene is not easy, but Rainbow kind of sucks too. Although I'm loving watching Rainbow slowly, slow.

Well, not even slowly. I mean, it's only episode four and she's already had a breakdown. So I'm kind of, I'm kind of enjoying the Rainbow train, but she's a day. Don't forget, don't forget. She was abandoned on an Island to like destroy her sister before her father picked her up in an hour or so. Like, oh yeah, that kind of back story. I'll never forget Literally taken to an island and dropped off to fight to the death In the middle of a lake in Holland, so now

Don't bow at me so they're gonna be going on to a kayak, but the guests will be going on a kayak excursion later. And Fraser is asking Solana if she wants to go on the kayak. And he's like, go, go in rashie. What is rashie? No, the one you swim in. Oh, I'm going to find that.

I don't really understand this interaction. But she's gonna be going on the kayak. And then- I don't want to be rashy. I've worked so much, so much to being rashy. Now you're telling me I have to be rashy. I don't know. It's a boat.

Okay, I do. Where is it? You tell me, I do it. You say please? I say, okay. And then it just comes to her just like, once again, just like plummeting down the staircase. What is she doing on that staircase?

So now Rainbow calls her friend and she's like, Oh my God, I had a panic attack. This is like literally, it's like a lot. I like came back out. There was like stuff on a table. Do you know, do you know how hard this is? I mean, I took it out on the vacuum cleaner. It was rough.

I ended up going to an island with a vacuum cleaner and just banging it against the tree. So I'm basically sweeping with a palm tree now, which is rough. It's rough. I ended up going to an island with a vacuum cleaner and just banging it against the tree. So I'm basically sweeping with a palm tree now, which is rough. It's hard. It is hard. First rule of Fight Island Club. Don't talk about Fight Island Club. Click. The person just hangs up. So Kerry is talking to a cow and you're like, well nice work. So I'm going to take some pressure off of you and I'm gonna take the guests out tonight because the last thing that I want is for your hair

to obstruct their view, the fish in the water. So you okay with that K.O.? He's like, oh, you sure? He's like, yes, also I don't want you sinking the boats. You know, K.O. had a tough day and I feel compassion for that. And I've had some great mentors and he've shown me the right way.

And I wanna be there so I can support him to succeed, succeed in adventure. And that's what I want for him to do. Yeah. So he's going to try and work with weird Al, get some stuff moving. So then Fraser puts Barbara on service and she doesn't even have to do housekeeping. She's like, yes. So now, uh, Carrie is talking to Anthony and he's like, how are you keeping the place? He's like, I mean, you know, it takes more time, more organization, possibly tighter pants, but you know, it's like, uh, it's way more like even the floor, you know, like it's

hard. It's very important to keep the floor clean, you know, so I'm really concentrating on the floor, you know, so clean, clean, clean, everything going well, mentally stable. And he's like, all right, mate, geez, God. I'm looking forward to seeing it come together. Fucking crazy person. So now the guests get into these really cool kayaks. They let these glow in the dark kayaks that at night,

they shine light down onto the fish and the fish are like, I'm a little discretion, please. Hello, this is like, I'm changing over here. My neighbors are spying. This is really awkward. Just having a light shine on you. Like we're trying to mate here, bitch. It was like the gay porn star fish are down there.

Be like, yes, clean. I'm actually married to a woman. This was beautiful. I want to do this at some point. This was absolutely gorgeous. And so he's like, everything comes alive at night. There's turtles, there's fish, there's a cock with a ring on it. It's slapping me in the face.

Excuse me. Can you sit down? I'm trying to look at the views here. Geez, these guys. Oh, look at it. Look, there's a more yell coming towards us. Oh, wait one second. Sorry. That was Cade. C keyed Maddox is ding-dong coming out of his pants. All right fun times here The best part of me is the adventure. I just think it's awesome. Absolutely epic So Anthony stressing the colorant is not here. No more sauce is only me making everything by myself

This is my Super Bowl. I can do it or, well poor Anthony put out the pasture killed that's wise dead. No see Anthony anymore So I'm going to do it. I'm going to make good food and have clean floor And then we have flashbacks He has like Vietnam flashbacks to last season when Jill's Aaron was terrorizing him and she's like hi I'm gonna show him how to make good Diet Coke. This is how you make Diet Coke. This is not good. If someone who's been to a lot of restaurants, no.

And so now the guests come to the, oh go ahead. I just wanna say, if the producers knew what was like how to do their show, they would not have done a five day charter with gay porn stars who, yes, they like talk about cock rings but they're ultimately gonna be like perfectly benign and lovely guests. You're doing the five day charter

because you wanna put your crew through the ringer, the cock ringer, but you wanna like make them, you wanna make their lives hell for five days. This should have been the Jill Zarin returns to below deck five day charter. That would have been so perfect. I mean, they just would have all jumped off the boat by the end of it.

So now it's time to sit down for dinner and Fraser's like, of tonight's first course, we'll be sushi, shrimp tempura. And Marcel's like, this isn't shrimp, is it? Because I'm allergic to shellfish. And Fraser was like, oh my God, I'm so sorry, my mistake. And they're like, oh my God, he almost killed you. And so he goes and takes it down. He's like, chef, stop shellfish allergy. Okay, that is Anthony's fault. But it's also your fault taking up shrimp girl.

Thank you. You know, to you. Thank you. Thank you. That was so obviously like your team and you have to look out for it. Like just he Anthony used to know this, but you should also know it. Like it's blatantly a shellfish. Like you should, you should say, Oh wait, Marcel, you know, like fisting. Yes. Shellfish. No. Like you'd have to know what the preferences are. But what if he gets fisted after someone was touching the shrimp? That could actually be a genuine concern. Like I just had some cocktail and now I'm fisting you.

And it's like, that could be a problem. So, phrases like, this is history repeating himself. Oh God, read the goddamn preference sheet. God, I hope I didn't make the wrong decision in bringing him back. Dun, dun, dun. Also way too dramatic, okay? Like this is the undermining that we talk about, right?

Cause it's like, it was ultimately a mistake, a mistake that you could have helped with if you'd actually just like paid attention yourself. And then he's like, oh no, he's fallen apart already. He's gone cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. We have to commit him to an institution. It's like, no, he made a mistake because he has jitters and he probably shouldn't have come back in the first place,

which you advocated for, and you didn't help him in this situation, and now you're gonna act like he's lost his marbles. I don't think so. Yeah, but I have to say, this is a bad one. This is a really bad one. You can't serve somebody shellfish that's allergic. They could die. That's a pretty bad one. like Frazier's like Frazier's already acting like oh no. He's already unraveling

I'm like he made a terrible mistake doesn't mean that is necessarily unraveling and if he does unravel that's on you because Like that's was his whole thing from last season is that he unraveled you hired the murderer You hired him. Yeah, I hired him. So Fraser's like, please don't make these mistakes because now we look stupid. Yeah, but you both do. And so he's like, okay, okay, you know, you know, here's what my creativity is like.

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, you understand? Not really. Please. Please don't murder guests. He's like, Oh my God, this could be terrible. I could kill somebody but you know, not reading preference sheet. It's one of the reasons I got fired last season. So I'm putting it on the floor, which I'm really concentrating on now. Stop concentrating on the floor and concentrate on the shellfish, sir. Okay. I love Frazier saying

like these mistakes, like these mistakes, like these mistakes you have to concentrate because these mistakes make us look stupid. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to get my party city dominate tricks outfit ready for tomorrow night's dinner. Hmm. So, Kyle's talking to Jess who I think is eating. I'm just going to assume she's eating.

Oh no, they're on the swim platform, but it would be better if they were in the mess hall. That's the only place I want to see Jess at this point, giving reaction shots while she's eating. But he's like, I need to know that you guys are on my side. And she's like, yeah, I mean, yes, I can confirm we're on your side. And she's like, well, yes, but you know,

I mean, I told the captain, you know, like it's a boat. I know I can do it. That's why I took the job. I'm up for it. And she goes, yeah, yeah, but you know, it's new. But you know, like, I can't say that it's not something new. It's a challenge for me in a way, you know, I've never had a four people team, but you know what? I've always had hair, good hair, good, good hair. She's like, I'm worried. And he's like, you know, when Carrie comes down on me, it's kind of a wake up call, you know,

I'm like, I part the blinds of my hair and I say, oh, good morning, I woke up. Cause when I was a kid in school, I was good at everything, like the best student in the class and all that shit. I was the best at, I don't know, lunchtime. I was really good at that class. And after school snack, really good at that.

Really just anything with eating. That's really what I was specialized in. And I mean, I want to do the best I can, of course, but if I make a mistake, it's not the best that I can. And I don't like that. Yeah, I don't believe that you were the kid in school that was great at everything. Sorry, don't believe it.

You have insecure hair. You have like insecure, stupid person hair. So the gay porn stars are talking about like, what it's like to be a creator but also have social anxiety They're like doing like a Really do like a roundtable for variety magazine Yeah I think there's like a lot of creators that are like introverted and that pretend to be extroverted and Marcel's like yeah

I hate people. Yeah, you know, like don't pretend to be extroverted. Yeah, let's just like my craft Like I pretend to be like, you know introverted But I'm not introverted like it's an introverted I don't know what it is. Yeah, cuz you get turned inside out cuz you're introverted out. So yeah clean But the ad mathematics is like yeah, you know one time I was doing this scene where people were bobbing for apples out of my butt And like it was really hard because they were always they were like, Hey, how you doing? I didn't want to talk to them. You know what I mean? Get your apple and move away. I've got a bushel up inside me. Can we just move this along?

I tell you, I have such social anxiety. Like when there are like three dicks in my face just coming at me at the same time, I'm like, I just wish there was just one. So come at me, but don't come at me. You know what I mean? I'm like, do they think my banter is bad right now? So then. There's a reason I chose a job where my mouth is always full.

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it there may be no second chances. You can listen to the rise and fall of did the federal trial exclusively with wondering plus join wondering plus in the wondering app Spotify or Apples right now. He does seem actually very shy. He like barely talked to us in like both episodes. And the times he did talk, he was like, hi, I'm Cade.

I was like, oh. Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen him do a scene where he has lines actually. I don't really remember him ever speaking before this. Well, it's like, well, so many comedians are like very, like when they're not on stage, they are like very, very quiet and like introverted. And so like, I actually feel like it's probably does extend

to porn stars, like it would make sense, you know? Yeah. So we're getting too deep into this, into these woods. Wow. Like how does Kate Maddox go? I think that was the review. Wasn't that the review of Kate Maddox's first porno? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And so now Fraser is talking to Deymil and he's like, oh my God, you're looking very hot. He's like, oh really?

Yeah, really hot. Hot, hot? No, hot, hot, hot, hot. Oh really? Yeah, hot, hot. Someone wrote this down. It's our love story. I look hot, like I'm hot, sweaty hot.

No, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot. Hot, hot, really hot. Hot, hot. Hot, hot. So now dessert is a banana Nutella Samosa. And they love it. Now it's time for the hot bed. I mean, hot bed.

Now it's time for the hot tub. So Rainbow is telling Celine what to do. She's like, okay, I would love for you to focus on this area, the pantry. Okay. Like everything on the table, just put it back in the deco cupboard in a nice way. Any questions? Hello? Any questions? You? Hello? And she's like, okay, no question. Okay. Awesome. Thank you. I do it. You're welcome. Yeah. And, uh, and then she, so then it's like, by the way, just, you know, like I do faster than I can, but Bob means long is done. So you're going to be very, very happy. I

did the bar. I also clean toilets. I cleaned all the bedrooms. I vacuum floor. Everything is spick and span beautiful. And it was like, oh my god, really? So salines like yes I did everything She's like, oh my god, you are amazing. Give me a hug. That is amazing I didn't even have to check on you and you did something without me telling you girl. Don't believe so lane go check her work Here's the thing like you've got Fraser getting all pissed off. He didn't check the work. You've got her getting all pissed off. She didn't check the work. Even Captain Kerry in the start of the season,

he was the one to drive that boat to pick up the guests. And he noticed that there was luggage sitting on the dock. He didn't make sure anybody was picking up the damn luggage. Like there's no people checking, you know, there's supposed to be a hierarchy for a reason. Like you've got to check the work. Don't just hug her. Don't ever hug her.

Yeah. Like you are assuming way too much. Don't just hug her. Don't ever hug her. Yeah, like you are assuming way too much. When she says, I cleaned the bar, that is Solaine's way of saying, where is the bar? Can you clean it for me? That's all. What is bar?

What is this bar? I wax the bar. I cut all the pubi hairs off the bar because of my previous job experience. Like, yeah, no. I wax the the bar, I cut all the pubi hairs off the bar because of my previous job experience. Like, yeah, no. I waxed the bar. Yeah. The bar has had its smell.

The bar is clean, is bazillion now. So, Celine goes up to the living room area, the salon, and then sees that everything is actually all, not Celine, I mean, Rainbow, goes up there and sees that everything is completely dirty and not cleaned, I mean, Rainbow goes up there and sees that everything is completely dirty and not cleaned at all. And she starts to lose her mind. She's like, I have zero faith in her.

I have zero trust in her. And sometimes I do feel like I'd be better off if you just wasn't here. So she just falls down. I love it. I think Laura was okay, it was just, there was some stuff left on the table. There's like some paper decorations

and it wasn't that big of a deal, but Rainbow's like, oh my God, I have zero faith, zero trust. Like sometimes I feel like it would be better if she just wasn't here. Okay, then just murder her. When is one of these shows gonna like do us the favor of having a murder?

I need a murder on one of these. It's gonna happen soon, I swear to God. That there will be a tragedy on below deck sooner or later. We've come close. So it's the next day, some morning and um, guests are sitting for breakfast and rainbow is talking to demo and, and she's saying that like, um, you know, she's saying that that she's taken over whatever she's taken over the room. She's here to clean and everything and then he's like, how is everything going with you and, um, Salane? And she's like, you know, I'm good.

I have like no person, no problem with her personally, bro. I mean, I mean, would I like to take her to an island in the middle of Holland and beat the shit out of her? Perhaps, but no real issue with her. It's just like, you know, when she doesn't work, I work like three times as hard. I'm totally fine. No, she does it like she gets off on doing the martyr thing. Like, you know, like no one else can work.

So I do it. I just do everyone's job. And that's just me. He's like, you are amazing. You work nonstop. It's like, yeah, that's me. Hard working rainbow. So Fraser is saying that he's going to go to the beach

with the guests and he needs her on board as the second. And she's like, oh wow. So I love being a good crewmate. Don't love complaining about Celine. You know, not talking about feelings is like an armor. So I just put on my stew face, you know? Like it's gonna get uncomfortable sometimes. You just have to go through with it.

You know, I just don't talk about feelings. Is that a me problem? No, it's a service industry problem. Stop talking about your feelings. You're doing it right now. Smile, give me a minute. Make my towel into a dinosaur. Please shut up.

Harness all of your childhood trauma into the shape of a dinosaur, a towel, towel medium. So Kerry is like, all right, everyone, we're gonna bring the tender around. Kyle, we're gonna bring right, everyone, we're gonna bring the tender around. Kyle, we're gonna bring the tender. So we're gonna load the tender and get it back and get the first wave ashore. You got your checklist.

Kyle's like, absolutely. We're going to get the box from Sardinia and bring it onto the boat. And then we're going to sail away on a little raft. That's absolutely not what I said whatsoever. Copy that. So then, Jess and Kyle are talking and Kyle talked about how he shared some cheeky messages

back and forth, so lane, so all's good, all is good. You know, if you're not fast, you're lost, so they say. A flirtation that I really don't care about. Yeah, so Carrie and Barbara are talking and Barbara's like, oh my God, I've never worked in this chocolate before. It's my first time. And he's like, Oh, my girlfriend, oh, man, she gets off one day a week.

She used to work for me when I was married. How about that? A few years later, I said, how about we go to dinner? We'd actually been committed that entire time. We didn't have dinner until after a mealless relationship. relationship is kind of amazing. So Barbara's like, yes, well, I was in a relationship and I've been cheated. And then I'm telling you, I've had so many bad moments in my life, but like so many,

but this one destroyed me so hard. And like she was making plans with me and one day and then we're like going to have a dog and we're going to have a baby and we're going to have all this and that and all these little things and Nintendo Switch. And then she cheated on me. And then he was our friend. Yeah. A lot of people come and tell me,, but we see that we saw we could tell that Was gonna happen like we knew it they had something but they had all this time together and everything happened

Like I don't know. I like I'm ready for relationship. I don't trust anyone, you know, like I don't know It's just like maybe I got trauma That's why the tattoo that says I don't trust anyone and like if I love some person so much then like she did this with Me like how can I love someone else and curious like? Alrighty well, I think I hear my my radio going off gonna go off to the crew up to any other room but this one nice chatting Barbara it's a lovely time yeah and he's like you know what I'm changing myself so I'm attracting the right kind of person so

what I'm saying to you Barbara is, is stop being a shitty person and you'll get less shitty people." It's like, oh, great talk. Thanks. He's like, so when I met that woman, when I met that employee that I ended up leaving my wife for, I decided to become a better person. It's like, oh, your story needs some work, sir. So then we go to Fraser, who is talking to Deimo about how it is working for the Bosin.

And Deimo's like, oh, a little challenging, you know, like, I mean, you know stuff, but his communication could probably use some work. And Kyle's like, I mean, give us five minutes fucking out because Kyle's radioing. And Fraser's like, okay, all right, boys, let's undermine the bocin altogether now. So Fraser's like, Kai, what the fuck? Like you bring a guest before I'm ready, that's gonna fuck me over.

Could you not? Yes, that's right. Cause I bring the people over too quickly. So then they all get there, the gay porn stars get to the beach and then it's a new beach. So then they all get there. The gay porn stars get to the beach and then it's a new beach. So they're all gallivanting around naked.

And then they're like, the deckies are drawing like a dick in the sand. And Fraser says, if this was a porno, I'd probably call it Sandy crotch. And Anthony's like, yes, I would call it la plago de sausage, la plaga of sausage. And Fraser's like, it's the peach of sausages. Sounds delicious.

I think that's better than Sandy Crotch. I'm not really sure what kind of porn name that is. Yeah, aren't you trying to get people to jerk off to this? So now, Rainbow is emailing. I was gonna say Rainbow is emailing. I was going to say Rainbow is emailing. It's my brain got stuck on emailing. So she's radioing Celine to do cabins and so they'd like, Oh, she's very crazy. She's crazy now. So now she comes down to see Rainbow and Rainbow goes, Yes, Queen cabin. She's like, but I'm

working. I'm finished. She's like, this is a little more important because if guests coming back in 30 minutes and cabins aren't done, we are fucked, we are fucked. Do you understand what I'm saying? Do you have a paper bag for me to breathe into? No, you don't? Then I need you to do the Queen cabin. Okay, so we'll do the Queen cabin.

I mean, what do you want from me? I mean, I'll do the Queen cabin. It's not such a big deal. Fine, you do the Queen cabin, I do Queen cabin, I do another cabin, you do a cabin, it's fine, it's like it's a room. It gets done, I wax it, I wax cabin, I put hair, take all the hair out of cabin, no big deal.

Mm-hmm, as she goes, okay, but that cabin's done, then can you jump into that one? She goes, oh my God, that one, which one? Is it a different one? Where's the bed? This is a closet with food. No, the cabin. No, I don't know cabin.

We're in woods. Where is cabin? Which cabin? You have a dress. God damn it. So then they're like playing around. Barbara and Selena are like playing around with all the kink toys and everything,

like masks and cock rings and stuff. And Selena's like, rainbow, she says it's the end of world when we don't go fast. But I just tell her maybe to have a drink matcha I don't know like maybe she needs sex relaxed bodies sex and matcha matcha sex I do not know and Barbara's like yeah you know I think Rainbow really works a lot but I don't think Rainbow knows how to say in a nice way you know it's like hey bro don't do that it's not my vibe and we And then we get a montage of Rainbow being like, maybe if you did that like five minutes ago,

it would be done. Maybe if you didn't need a sheet like that, the sheets wouldn't be like that. You know what I love? That like when Rainbow does it, we're like, what, gosh, she's so obnoxious. But then like any other recap of us like talking about blow deck, we're like,

maybe if you did that five minutes ago, you would have time for your break. Well, but that's just how it is. Like you can't win, you know what I mean? Like Fraser could come on here, like Fraser comes on here, starts the season by being sickly nice to everybody. And we're like, oh my God, you're not even doing your job.

What are you supposed to be everyone's best friend? Then the second he turns bitchy, we're like, oh my God, you need to be nicer if you're gonna be the boss of people. Like you're never gonna win. I'm like, look at Rainbow being bossy. And then she's like, nice. Like, well, no, what Rainbow needs to say is

if you did this five minutes ago, it'd be done. You don't have to complain about it. Yeah, but she really does have a way of speaking to people that's just like, what are you, an idiot? Yeah, she's not pleasant. Yeah. She's not pleasant. But she's funny, I'm enjoying Rainbow.

Like I actually really like Rainbow. I am Rainbow. And I kind of feel for Rainbow, you know? But I just love that her name is Rainbow and she's always having breakdowns because that shit's hilarious. It's because you misspelled Rainbow. That's right.

But you know me, Ronnie. You've known me for a long time. You know I am Rainbow. Let's be honest. I am Rainbow at all times, unfortunately. No. I'm Rainbow and Janet. Look, I'm aware of it.

I love that you take all the crazy ones. You like Rainbow, Jam It, Heather Dubrow. Heather Dubrow. Yeah. All the insufferable ones. I'm rainbow, jam it, Heather Dubrow. Heather Dubrow. All the insufferable ones. I'm like, they're me. Your rainbow, like your, your pride flag is just made out of sticks up asses. A dream.

It's not even a flag. It's just the pole. It's just the pole. It's a pole with a little butt on top. Oh gosh. Okay. so Rainbow is like, are cabins done? And Selene says, yeah. And she goes, okay, go on your break. Okay, no, go check the cabins.

Have you learned that thing? Or is this over radio? I don't think this is over radio. No, I think it's in person. Selene goes, okay, so maybe I finish pantry because I never finish. And I always told you to do this and this and this so maybe I just finish So it would be quick

It's like no I just need you to go on break before they come back because if they come back and you're on break then we're fucked So go do your break right now Okay, so you know that do break at the break cuz I never finish but so I finish everything like rainbow like I'm sorry But today like good what the water water water who and who and like I go on break. See you now What are you talking about, you crazy person? And Jess is like, look at me, don't do it, just stop, just stop, just stop, just.

And Rainbow's like, I'm trying my best here. And Jess tells her, there's nothing you can do, you know, because of course Jess is eating something, they're watching all of this. She is. And Rainbow's like, I am trying to be calm, I can't take it, it's fucking ridiculous, what am I supposed to do in this?

So meanwhile, Kayo brings Anthony back on board. I am trying to be calm. I can't take it. This is fucking ridiculous. What am I supposed to do in this? So meanwhile, KO brings Anthony back on board. And, but when he brings Anthony back on board, he doesn't really announce that he's coming back on board. So he just sort of arrives and carries like, oh, you gotta be kidding me. Okay, KO, KO has just arrived in the vessel right now with a chef. I mean, just showing up with a chef.

Who does that? So then meanwhile, Rainbow is like, I just had the most stressful hour of my fucking life. And Barbara's like, let me tell you something. You know what's a stressful hour? It's the hour when you find out the woman who was going to buy a dog with you one day leaves you for a man.

That's a stressful hour. This is nothing, just treats her like big kid. We have to treat her like this. Otherwise, you know, annoying. Yeah, she's like treat her like an idiot or she won't help us, you know? She's like, oh God. She just walks off.

So now, Kyle is putting the guests back on board and then everyone else cleaning up the beach. And Fraser's like, we better get a good tip for that. And Kyle's like, I reckon 40, 40K. He's like, I reckon 40, 40K's like, I reckon 40K mate for five days. I thought so too. These guys should be ashamed of themselves. My God.

They should be. They should be ashamed. I always thought OnlyFans people made like $8 million a day or something. Like every time you see it reported, it's like OnlyFans creator just bought a $37 million house in Beverly Hills. Yeah, they, um, this is mortifying what ultimately happens.

So, uh, Carrie is like, well, I'm getting super frustrated because I've been sitting at the wheelhouse waiting for the coms and you know, the gaze reports was like, yeah, we've been waiting for the comms. Yeah. So Kay, I was like, what's right? Yes. No, I should have picked up radio here. Her hair and carries like, well, I should have picked up radio here, here, here.

And Kerry's like, well, you should have grabbed the radio and you could have called me and say, hey, I'm heading back with a guess. Because sometimes if I see a boat leaving from the beach where the guests were and it comes to our boat, I have no idea if that's our boat or just some other mystery boat that arrived and it's just copy cutting our agenda.

How am I supposed to know unless you communicate? He's like, oh, okay. Guys, just, okay. Guy's just like, whatever. So then he's like, dude, he's like shouting about getting this place looking good, but then he breaks and stuff in front of the guests. And Kyle's like, I know, shut up. So Fraser is checking on Rainbow.

She's like, I mean, there was just a little incident. I'm doing great. Everything is great here, except that I have Celine. She won't take a break. I mean, I'm like telling her to do a cabin. She's like, no, I want to do the pantry. I mean, like she's refusing to take a break. So, I mean, otherwise everything's vacuumed.

Me and the vacuum cleaner made up. I had to unbend it. So that was rough. It was hard. I took my aggression out on it. I'm sorry, vacuum cleaner. But it's okay now. And the table's being set, which I'm sure won't be cleaned later because

Rainbow will be in charge of it. Thanks for asking, Fraser. Rainbow, are you putting a razor into a stroopwafel? Yes, just a little something we do in Holland on murder day. That's fine. It's fine. Okay. Well, five days is a long time period. Okay. And we have theme after theme after theme. And this is asking a lot of us, but tonight is going to be fun. The guests have requested an S&M Venetian private members of the sort of party, and I am feeling it. So I'm going to do an incredibly awkward dinner party that will seem funny on paper, but will read as sort of strange to the audience

at home. Commercials, here comes one right now. And then we get another monologue from Anthony about how difficult life is being Anthony. Is that cool? Yesterday was difficult, and I hear this little voice inside of me. You can't do it. You're stupid.

I hate your pants. I hate do it. You're stupid. I hate your pants. I hate your face. And it sounds like Fraser. Oh no, what am I going to do? But this time I will try not to poison anybody. I just don't want the little voice in my head saying, serve him selfish.

He doesn't deserve to live. He puts fist in his mouth. Kill him. Kill him. Die. Die. Die. Now, Selena's vacuuming stairs, and Rainbow's like, thanks, babe.

How was your break? She's like, oh, you know, I slept, I slept. You know, I just go to bed, then I sleep. That's all I do, I don't break. That's what I do, but now I'm awake, I'm awake, but then I'll sleep later. Now I'm gonna sleep now, and I'll sleep later. You know, things like that, you know, work experience.

Okay, well, can we hug it out? I'm sorry for being crazy this morning. And I, I just wanted to give you a hug so that way you don't think I'm super crazy when I lose my mind on you again in about 45 minutes. So just a little hug intermission. Okay. Here we go. Okay. So, so lane forgives her, but she's like, um, your fixed mind means nothing to me. So lane forgives her, but she's like, um, you'll fix my needs. Nothing to me. Hmm.

So then, uh, Anthony's making dinner and Carrie is checking in on Kyle. And Kyle basically says, yeah, it's a great season. You know, I mean, Kyle kind of sucks, but nice guy, but, um, kind of sucks. But thanks for having me back. Damn. These people really hate Kyle. Everybody that Carrie's checking in with is like, yeah, that guy sucks. But thanks for talking. Thanks for the talk.

Yeah, because even these bros, normally the bros cover cover for bros, but this time they're like, yeah, he sucks. So then Fraser is now Fraser is now in like S and M Venetian, you know, party, party mode. And so he knocks on the, on the porn star's door and he's like, hello, the word to be used and to our dungeon this evening. And the sky's like, Oh my God, what is it? Say for it is an open. What's the word?

And they opened it up and the safe word Captain Slaven was right about me. The safe word is Norma. So now they're supposed to be doing this S&M thing, but Fraser just does not have the personality for it and it is hilarious. He just comes out and he's like, you all look like shit. All right, it's our game tonight. Not yours. All right, enjoy your meal. I mean, do not enjoy your meal. I mean, God, someone just kiss me, please. Any kind of approval, please.

You guys are like, St. Slavid, safe word, because I feel like the theme was supposed to be like Dominatrix, whatever S and M, but I don't think it was supposed to be like a the Staff is supposed to yell at the guests. I was supposed to be like just like leather and like whips and funny and and that's kind of Just like just strange because then Fraser like in list Anthony's like never remember Anthony. We're playing characters tonight We are not smiling and we are, oh, because we're playing characters, you're going to cook good food that won't kill people.

Do you think you can get into that character from your normal self? Please? Fraser thinks that it just means that he can be like filterless, you know, and be his real personality. Because I think you're right. I think that's when I'm supposed to be like,

yes, welcome to your sexy fucking dinner. Enjoy this steak you manly man. I mean something, but Fraser's just like, just be rude. So he comes back and he's like, this is the chef. He makes the food, you idiots. All right, go ahead, Anthony. Do your lines. Anthony does not know what to do.

He's like, well, obviously it's pasta with black pesto and like, it's stupid. So eat it because you're stupid. And then they're like, thank you. He's like, don't say thank you. I'm like, I hope this is not S&M. This is just you being a dick. He's like, I don't even care. Enjoy it or don't.

Goodbye. So then Barbara and Solene are talking about, and they're talking about sex toys because they're in one of the rooms. And Barbara's like, do you know what this is? Come here. And it's a cock ring. And Selene says, it's a ring.

And she goes, yes, it's a ring for your willy. And she goes, what? And she goes, did you touch it? She goes, I thought this was jewelry. She goes, don't touch me with it. So do you imagine us laughing together like four days ago? I'm so happy now. I guess Selene's- I love the pain of getting along. So do you imagine us laughing together like four days ago? I'm so happy now. I guess the lanes-

I love the pain of getting along. I know, and I guess that's the lanes experience, like waxing, all sorts of guys dicks, did prepare her to be sort of fearless, touching her cock ring. So, and then after she does all this, she then helps serve dessert to the boys. We shake hands with people.

I don't think a wiener's any worse. I mean, you wash the wiener and you pretty much put it away. Hands do way grosser things. I'd rather shake your wiener than your hand. I'm sure there will be some people who will take up on that offer. Just say it. Call me.

My DMs are open. Another Cade Maddox movie. So then Fraser is like, well, we hope you enjoyed your evening this evening. We hope you enjoyed your evening this evening. We're sorry. We're so sorry for being total bitches. I'm like, well, I guess it's just a S&M. Yeah, we just kind of ruined that one.

So next day was charter day five of five. And so the guests are ready to depart. I mean, basically we just have to say they shortened this whole thing and they do a montage. They're like, here's day two, here's day three, here's day four, here's day, and it's it. Look how tired they are. Look, the crew is tired from just getting drinks

from some generally very nice men. So yeah, they make it to day five of five, and Kyle is talking to Soley and he's like, tomorrow we finish work, and me and you are going for a drink. She's like, okay. Yeah? Okay. Maybe dinner? Okay.

But I think maybe a drink, just a drink? Okay, like maybe because after I drink. Just a drink. Okay. Like maybe because I thought I had too much Scottish. Yeah. I never have enough too much Scottish. Okay. Like, okay. So he wants her.

And so now they're leaving. It's like, you guys, thank you so much for this wonderful week. Chef, this food was out of this world from me and the boys. Mwah. So come on, that's it. I thought there was going to be some flourisher, or something, Skye, you know? It was nothing but dick jokes the whole time, and now you're just like, bye.

So they leave. You're right. Yeah, and Fraser, Anthony calls his mom, and he's like, mother, things are going okay. Well, I almost killed somebody, but otherwise it's okay, but I don't know that Fraser. I still don't know, I need to talk to Fraser. And then Fraser was talking to Jess and he's like, how cool is Damo?

He's super attractive. And I spoke to my boyfriend about it. And I was like, it's fine for me to make out with other people, right? And he was like, absolutely not. And Jess was like, we'll explain your relationship. And she's like, well, I've seen him for five days in 2024. And each day was absolutely stupid. I don't know why I'm with this man, probably because I'm

hideous and have no self esteem. Yeah, so he thinks it might be the wrong time. He's like, you know, it's just that I'm fed up with having a pen pal and calling it a boyfriend. So then Carrie gets the tip meeting going in the sky lounge in the Sky Lounge, the Skynox Lounge, and they're gonna change the name of Sky Lounge after this, shitty tip, Sky. Seriously.

Shitty tipper. So it's like, all right, you all did great. The tip doesn't reflect it. It's $19,990. He even took $10 to tip a cabby out of the 20K. So that's really bad. I'm sorry about that. You would expect more from a barrel of dicks,

but that's what we get. And unfortunately, it's all in singles. You know, I, like the last charter gave $30,000 off of like a standard two and a half day trip. So the fact that these, like you would think it would be at least like around about double, maybe a little bit lower and like 19,000. Congratulations Contessa, you are finally off the hot seat.

The gay porn stars are now the new high bar for bad tippers on this show. Yeah, terrible. Terrible, awful, embarrassing. I thought for a moment I thought there was gonna be a misdirection. Like this tip doesn't even reflect your work. It reflects more. They gave you 50,000, but I was like, whoa, 19,000. That's notifying.

No, this was shameful. So he's going to send them to dinner instead. And they're like, oh my God, then we sold so much penis. I've never seen so much penis in my life. And that was penis. Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm looking up. I'm looking to see if sky knocks has, um, has like made a statement because sometimes this happens when they get like shamed for their tipping. I'm going to see if he like says something like,

guys, you don't really understand. Like we wanted to give a bigger chip, but then production advised us not to. I'm wondering if he's going to like have some sort of statement, but I don't see anything, but I will keep tabs on it and I will report back to see if he's been publicly shamed. Okay. So, um, then the crew goes out and then they're parting back at the place. And um, the big news is they're getting sexy in the hot tub. And uh, Kyle is playing the guitar in in the hot tub. And Kyle is

playing the guitar in his cabin, which of course he is, that's just so him like I'm going to go be autistic. But then the big news is Fraser and Deimo make out. And Deimo tells us, yeah, you know, he's a good kisser, you know, and listen, I've absolutely kissed a guy before, you know, I mean, one day I saw this guy and he's good looking and I said What the fuck am I gay? But I guess I've just been open to it because I thought maybe I could be potentially gay like maybe be 50 have two kids and a wife me like hey, honey, I'm leaving you for a man

You know, that could be me who knows it. So why not get it while it's here. I Love him preloading his Midlife crisis. He's like I'm just getting ready for it getting some practice in gonna try it out with Fraser So I'm gonna make out with him in the hot tub, which was like, whoa Also, I wish we had some sort of like build up. They just started kissing out of nowhere. There wasn't any like anything They just always saw some build up earlier where he was like, are you hot? Am I hot? No, are you hot? Like hot or am I hot? No, you hot hot. I mean for Fraser, that's like the notebook Absolutely disgusting. I love So Fraser is like well, I do have a boyfriend but i'm not exactly worried about it And if he's mad, he probably won't be able to tell me off

about it for six months or so, and then only to quick dinner to Applebee's. So I can take this. So then everyone leaves and now Kyle and Selena left there and Kyle's like, well, you know, do you want a kiss? She's like, yeah, okay, come over here. He's like, okay. So he like paddles across the pool

and then he like, they start making out. He's like, I'm very well aware that I fall pretty quickly. She just needs to look at me the right way. And then I'm like, that's it. I love her, she's mine. I fucking have a problem. And so Lane's like, I don't know, you know, men are stupid, but who knows where it could go.

I have not seen him rinse off a cold cut yet. So I just don't know if he's my type of man. Hmm? Eh. Beesle. I enjoy kiss. Cookie. And that's the end of the episode.

So, you know, a little anticlimactic. I was expecting more chaos from this five day trip. I was, you know, but that's okay. They can all be crazies and fun times and we will be back next week with more of chaos descent into bad boas and them. So enjoy that and we'll we'll catch you in the next crap is episode everyone. Bye. Watch what crap ends would like to thank its premium sponsors.

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