Watch What Crappens - #2901 The Valley S2E11: Owie Maui

Episode Date: June 25, 2025

This week on The Valley, the guys have a man power meeting before the group heads off to heal their wounds and celebrate Kristen’s engagement in Maui. Will Luke be able to stop himself from having a nervous breakdown before he proposes? And will Kyle Chan really feed his gecko or is that thing toast? Listen to our Love Island bonus episodes and participate in live episode threads at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens.  Tickets for our final Seattle and LA tour dates on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondery Plus subscribers can listen to Watcher Crappen's ad free right now. Join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. My name is TJ Raphael. I'm the host of Liberty Lost, a new podcast about who gets to be a mother and the control of young women hidden behind the veil of faith. Binge all episodes of Liberty Lost ad-free right now on Wondery+. Oh hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, I'm Ronnie and that's Ben. Hello Ben! Hi Ronnie, how's it going?

Good, welcome to Incel Day on the Valley, I'm so excited! God, I've really wanted an Incel meeting of man minds and we finally fucking got it Man time didn't we're just saying last week on On our on our valley episode that this guy Scott looks like the sort of person who'd be working with Louie on New Jersey Yeah, didn't you just say yeah, we did a full Louie of segment on last week's episode. Here we are And here we are. Wow They say God doesn't listen to watch what crap ins what if God was one of them? last week's episode, and here we are. And here we are. Wow, amazing. They say God doesn't listen to watch what crap happens.

What if God was one of us? God is one of us. They're a viewer and a listener, and they're leading this shit, so let's get going. First of all, we did a Love Island recap today, and Monday through Wednesday, basically, is how they've turned into over on our Patreon. Those are so much fun.

Thank you to all the new people on Patreon. We're like totally closed off with you. So thanks for joining us for those. If you want video recaps instead of just plain old audio, guys, get them on our Patreon as well. It's called Crappin's On Demand. They're also released a week later for free over on the YouTube channel,

which is, you know, watch what crappins on YouTube. And this is crazy doing the Valley, not with a live audience, because you know, we get spoiled, last week was our final tour date. We did the Valley, Zach was there, Hannah Ferrier was there, we had so much fun. But here we are, just with me and Ben. But you know what, it's our favorite audience,

the people in our microphones, you, right now, talking into your ear. Ronnie, can I just say something? The lighting on you is excellent. I'm just looking at you right now. I moved around my windows and you have both fill lighting and key lighting, or actually those are the same things,

but you know, no, there's key lighting and fill lighting. You have them, you have like, you just have like a, it looks like a cinematographer was in there. You have the three you have like, you just have like a, it looks like a cinematographer was in there. You have the three lights, right? The main light, the fill light to take care of the shadows, and then like the outline light, and you've got them all going on right now.

It looks wonderful. Yeah, I'm just looking at it. I look like I'm in a cloud because I moved my video into the teleprompter and then I can't turn the brightness down so the teleprompter's actually reflecting onto the camera, yada, yada. So I thought you were moving over to like a barber Streisand filter. No, it looks like a barber Streisand filter, but it's just because for whatever

reason, I can't lower the brightness and it's reflecting onto the camera. So I'm like, hello. It looks nice. Thank you. It looks like a music video. Oh, well, that's exactly what I was going for. See what I do. How would I live without you?

I have to know. I can take it off, but then I can't see you anymore. And I want to see you, especially since you have good lighting. So I'm making you think again. No, you look nice. You look fine. You look good.

You look amazing. You don't even need lighting. Oh my God. You know what? You have good face. You have a face card. You don't even be lying. Oh my God. You know what? You have good face. You have a face card. You don't even, why? My headphone just broke.

People and everyone saw it happen on camera. You know what? That has happened to me four times. I had to end up getting these ones that I'm wearing now. That's a different style because look, there's like a little rubber thing. I'll send you the link. Oh my God.

Even though I sent you the link for those, so you probably don't trust me anymore. But don't worry, it's fine with just one ear. That's how I do it. There's no fixing it. Don't even try it. I mean, what a metaphor for the valley. What a metaphor.

This is like, you know, broken headphone while you're trying to look glamorous in your barbara filters filter, but everything's falling apart. The truth is that like, you think that you're adulting, you think you're doing the right thing, you think you got your glamorous in your barf filter, but everything's falling apart. The truth is that like you think that you think that you're adult and you think you're doing the right thing. You think you got your lighting and your teleprompter all set,

but then your headphone breaks because the fundamentals aren't there. That is what the show is all about. You know? Yeah guys, be careful before you tie your hitch to one pair of headphones. Okay, so here we are, season two, episode 11, El Coyote Ugly, tum tum tum. It's a very clever title because, episode 11, El Coyote Ugly, dun dun dun.

It's a very clever title, because they go eat at El Coyote, which is a Vanderpump Rules staple. If anybody doesn't remember, this is where we got to watch Kristen and Tom's relationship go to shit. I mean, a lot happened in this place. So much, so much, so much history.

I mean, these relationships go back to the fall. Not Kristen and Tom, Katie and Tom. Why don't these, these really Chris and Tom Katie and Tom, why you correct me? Katie and Tom. No, it was no, but didn't Chris and didn't Chris and Tom Sandoval. Oh no, they were at Korean barbecue when they had a big fight once. Yeah.

Hard to say. I mean, just all we know is that like a lot of drama has happened at Al Coyote, which is amazing for a place that has only okay food. But maybe that's why there's so much drama. People are so dissatisfied with the food that they get that they're like, they have to take out their anger on each other. You're like a big L Coyote fan.

Um, it's fine. I feel like you go there more for the ambiance. Like the margaritas are really good. Um, I remember their salsa being really runny. And then there was that whole thing back. Remember in like the late aughts, cause you know, it came out that they, they supported prop eight or something like that.

So everyone stopped going there. And at that point I was like, I'm going to stop going there mainly because I'd rather go, I would rather go to El Compadre, which they also went to on this show, or maybe Don Antonio's, which was made famous by Heidi and Spencer on the Hills. I just feel like there's other reality star Mexican restaurants in LA that I could patronize

instead. Yeah. Well, you can patronize all those restaurants, but don't patronize me. So let's start this. We go to Kristen and Luke's house. They're having a very fancy lunch, you know, you know, sarcastically, but he's like, Wow, babe, thanks for the fancy lunch. I'm having my quesadillas or something. And Luke is like, Wow, now that we have a house, like my perspective is totally changed on LA. Maybe I could live here when we have kids instead of going back to my shack

with no electricity with cows living in the living room and Montana or whatever. I never envisioned myself raising a family in LA, but LA has been my home for almost 20 years, so it's kind of almost kind of feel like home to me now. Caca and Kristen's saying, I just hope that when we get pregnant again and by we, I mean me, but like, but when we get pregnant again, I don't want cheesecake. And he's like, what? Why? Do you not remember how much cheesecake I ate in a month?

He's like, I don't remember that. I think I'd locked it out from the time that I woke up one day and I couldn't get through our living room because it was just stacks of cheesecake boxes. Yeah, you know, here's the thing. Everybody loves like, Oh my God, Luke's like the man of the show. He's like the best man I can. He's like the best man. I can't, he's gonna last forever with Christian. If you don't know that I need cheesecake when I'm pregnant,

you're not the man for me. You better know how to make that shit by now. You know, if you're trying to get me pregnant and you know I want cheesecake, you better have a recipe. You better have it frozen in the fridge, something. I mean, for him to be like, you like cheesecake? Don't have a baby with this man. Why am I the only person raising a red flag? For Christ's sake, the man doesn't have electricity

and now he doesn't know you like cheesecake. Dump him. I'm just, I've never in my life felt jealous of someone for being pregnant. Like I've never been like, oh my God, I want to be pregnant. I wish I could be pregnant. I wish as a man, I could carry a baby Like I've never been like, oh my God, I want to be pregnant. I wish I could be pregnant. I wish as a man, I could carry a baby. I've never felt that way. I think until this moment when I realized, wow, if you're pregnant, you have license to eat as much cheesecake as you want.

And I was like, I would love that. Yeah, but it's that superpower that you only have like in a video game where you get a superpower at like the last five minutes, because then the superpower is gone. And then you still want the cheesecake, and then you have to work the cheesecake off. You know, it's not as much of a win.

Well, the superpower works against you, because it's like being like Superman, and it's like, guess what? Now you can fly. And you're like, oh my God, I can fly. This is amazing. And then it turns out like, people who fly suck. And you're like, but I loved my power.

It's like, it's the thing that was so wonderful at one point, and now now is totally destroying you. What do you mean people who fly suck? No, I'm saying it's amazing because you get to have all this cheesecake, but yeah, once the pregnancy is over, now all of a sudden you can't have the cheesecake anymore. And you have, then you're stuck with cheesecake body.

And like, it's like saying, it's like being excited about having a superpower. And then all of a sudden it's no longer cool to have that superpower, but you're stuck with it. So in my version of that, because the best metaphor I could come up with on the fly, pun intended, is that you have the ability to fly,

but then it becomes socially unacceptable to fly and then now you are ashamed of your flying. Oh my God, what if it is so? I don't know why you're not following me. I would die because I, but that would be like flying. You're like, I finally get to fly and people are like, excuse me, do you have a license to be up here?

There are news helicopters, sir. You'd be getting tickets and shit left and right. It's just a new way to get a damn ticket. You're making the non-flyers feel bad and so I think you just need to be more accepting of those people. So you're gonna have to ground you. Love Island told us to stop bullying.

So let me tell you what's even worse though, having cheesecake body without even ever being pregnant. And that's what I've been dealing with my whole life. Why do I look like a cheesecake? Why do I look like a cheesecake that hasn't been cooked enough? I need some cheesecake right now so badly. You need some cheesecake right now?

This is bullshit, fuck this show. Fuck this show, like I'm not even joking. Like I literally want some cheesecake right now. Like I'm gonna text Dom and be like, can you please bring me back a slice of cheesecake from somewhere? That is someone that you should have a baby with, you see, because he'll do it. Not Luke.

Luke's like, what's cheesecake? Get the fuck out of here, Luke. Cheesecake? We don't have that in Colorado. We have bison cake. He's talking about how much he loves Kristen. Their relationship's amazing. And he's like not, he's here for the long haul, you guys.

He's here like forever, okay. And then it just cuts to Kristen's face like, ugh, we're in cheesecake. And so now we, they're going to keep trying to have a baby. Which means fucking. So now we go to Danny and Nia and they're, she doesn't want to sit down cause she has a fresh spray tan on, but she's in good company because the ultimate spray tan walks in and is Zach,

Zachary with Benji. Benji! Um, and we got a lot of her, like she literally advertises to everyone about the spray tan. She's like, sorry, I can't help you right now. I just got a fresh spray tan. Ma'am, would you like something to drink? Um, what can I drink that goes well with a fresh spray tan? Please, I'll have that. Thank you.

You know what? Things with Benji have been really great because like before he even moved in I never used my kitchen but now he uses that he cooks for me because like I can't cook anything it's amazing having Benji. Wow you know what's amazing having a fresh. Also, is everyone ready for Hawaii? And Benji's like, yeah. Although you wouldn't know it from Zach because look at the way he's eating. He's like, yeah, I decided next summer. So Nia's like, speaking of Luke and Kristen and fresh spray tans, well, we know, you know. What? How to open Jesse's door?

Yeah, I don't know why you guys can't figure it out. Bottom handle. No knows about the engagement. Yeah. Because there's certain ways that Luke has been acting around her and he's just like even been more loving. Like he let her turn on the electricity the other day for like 12 full hours. So I was like, ding, ding, ding. Something's happening.

Yeah. You know what? What's his buns? Kyle Chan actually paid for dinner the other day and said he has a sale coming in. So I figured, I figured something was going on for Kyle Chan. The only way I ever make some money is if someone on this cast gets married. Yeah. I feel like something was going on because the other day I ran into Luke and he had three cheesecakes in his hand. And I was like, why do you have those? He's like bringing them to Kristen. I said, Oh, he's doing nice for not doing something nice for her.

So probably an engagement around the corner soon. Right? Yeah. So he's like, well, you know, Kristen, how's the nickname of detective Doty? You know, and that's rubbed off. You know, a good detective never reveals their sources. Kristen's never gonna find out all the wrong because I'm gonna tell everybody first.

Yeah, seriously. Well, Luke wants everyone to be invited, but since this is our trip, I feel like it wouldn't be very natural for us to invite Janet and Jason because I'm not sure they got fresh spray tans recently. So maybe you can do that. And could you extend that invitation? Yeah, I absolutely will. Yeah. I mean, because I think it's pretty ironic that last year Janet had a trip that Kristen and I weren't invited to. And now this year I'm inviting

Janet to a trip all about Kristen. So I'm a lot of more set. I think we got some new lyrics for your goes like this. It's like inviting john it on a trip with Kristen after you didn't invite me and thought I was a murder in you. Welcome, Alanis. It's like Alanis Morris. That's famous song cheesecake. I'm a bitch. I'm a lover. I'm a cheesecake. Who sings that song? I'm a bitch. I'm a lover. I'm a cheesecake. Who sings that song? I'm a bitch. I'm a lover. It's not Alanis. Meredith Brooks. That's ironic. It's Meredith Brooks. I believe Alanis's cheesecake song. I'm a mother. I'm a jeweler. I'm a mother. I'm a toddler. Because I've got one hand in my cheesecake and the other one is feeding it to Kristen.

You can't. I don't know why I'm making boys don't cry. Meredith Brooks song or an Alanis song. This has gone off the rails and there's a trash. There's a trash can outside. There's a trash truck outside. There's a trash truck outside I'm gonna go jump inside it and take myself out. I Personally enjoy the idea of Zack and Meredith serenading each other with songs from the 90s. That's okay

Like little fairs greatest hits You already won me over despite of Kristen Well, let me tell you something. I've met Lois and Lilith is unfair. So what do you think about that? I tried to bring my toddler to the Lilith Fair and they said no one under 18 is allowed. I said well why do you call it a fair?

This is clearly for children. And I said you can't leave. They said we can't leave our own fair. And I said well then I will leave and I will discuss all the rulers and the nastiness about Sarah McLaughlin. That's another manic Monday. So then we get to Nia's Nia. And by the way, back to the show, Nia's like, you know, it'd be unrealistic

if we invited Janet, you know, it would be really realistic if Zach invited Janet to go to. How's be really realistic if Zach invited Janet to go to Mowee. How's it realistic for Zach to invite Janet to Mowee? Yeah, seriously. That's a stretch. I mean, it would be more realistic if Nia was like, well, I know we're going through a tough time, but I still want to invite you

because I don't want you to feel left out. So either way, Zach is going to do it. Danny's going to text the guys and Zach will take care of like Janet and Jason. And then for some reason, Danny just goes, three under three, baby. This doesn't even have anything to do with the kids. Are you inviting the toddlers?

Three under three, baby. So he doesn't want to text Jason and Zach's like, no, you know, I guess I'll do it. Okay, should we go ahead and invite Kristen? And yes, it's time to invite. So now he Face times Kristen and he is like, Oh my god, Kristen, are you getting your Botox? Kristen's like, um, no, I'm at home. Eating not cheesecake. And then Kristen gives the least Botox face look ever. She's like, I'm at home. I know she really is.

I'm gonna shoot this from a low angle. She's like, Kristen, I meant that as kind of a hint. By the way, I need to too. My face is moving so much. It's disgusting. Someone actually said the other day, are you upset? And I was like, yes, how can you fucking tell? I go, I guess your Botox is wearing off. Oh, we go back.

Wow. Was it Kristen Doty herself? Hey, are you upset? Your Botox isn't working. So anyway, they're all going to go to Hawaii. It's great. So now we go over to Jesse's house and he's taking laundry out because he's a responsible dad.

And guess who shows up? It's Scott, the life coach, the life coach, bro. Jesse's house and he's taking laundry out because he's a responsible dad. And guess who shows up? It's Scott, the life coach. The life coach bro with the beard and the bald head. And he comes in looking cool. And then all of a sudden, Jack shows up and everyone's coming in. All the bros are arriving for a Scott session.

And Jesse says, before I went to see Jax and picked him up at rehab, Scott said to me, I'm part of a men's group. Yeah, no shit, Sherlock. This guy is like, if you ask Claude AI how to create a prototypical men's group founder, it's Scott. Scott is actually an AI-manufactured presence. Yeah, we knew Scott was a men's group type.

The second he was like, oh yeah, better for better way for her to manipulate you, right? It's like, oh, OK, OK. So you're you're on the side of the douchebag, narcissist, emotional abuser, Jessie. Clearly nice therapy, buddy. Yeah. So he's like, yeah, men's men's group. Oh, I can't I can't wait till we get to the section. Why should I open a door for a woman?

What woman has ever opened a door for me? Feminism. Am I right? We've been beaten down into being just shells of what we formerly were. God, women, they're the worst, but only men can really understand what men are going through, which is why we need to. But only men can really understand what men are going through, which is why we need to have a dedicated men's group that's different than men's chat,

which is also a dedicated men's group. But that's the one where we get to be who we really are, and this is the one where we get to present who we want to be. All right. Yeah, men's group, we get to come together and call our wives whores in real life, not just on the internet.

We're all going through personal struggles with issues that we've created ourselves. So getting a bunch of guys together to kind of hash it out for their own mental health and be kind of homoerotic about it. I think that's important right now. It's not gay if it happens in men's group. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappence commercial. Today is the worst day of Abby's life. The 17-year-old cradles her newborn son in her arms. They all saw how much I loved him.

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Join Wondery+, in the Wondery app, Spotify, or Apple Podcast right now. Jax comes over and they're like, Wondery app, Spotify or Apple podcast right now. Jacks comes over and they're like, Oh, Jacks, how are you Jacks? You're doing okay. And he's like, guys, you know, I'm just like terrible you guys. Like it's so hard, you know, I've been going through like a rehab,

like a separation, divorce, you know. Okay. So let's all feel bad. This whole scene is so fucking misguided. They have the full violins for For uh jacks this holds on like we're all supposed to sit here and feel so sorry for jacks All right, so circle up guys guys. Thank you for being here because you know it matters for us to get together You know, we're guys guys have scrotums generally. So I just want to say, you know, like we have disagreements sometimes, but at the end of the day, we're still brothers.

Okay. And let's remember men fuck each other over too. From now on, we need to remember men only fuck over women. Am I agreed? Let's get in here. Let's pump scrotums, scrotum pumps. Now since all of you guys are too cheap to go to real therapy, we're going to do my therapy instead. going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that.

I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that.

I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that.

I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I'm gonna put my hand on your chest. You've been working out, bro This is nice nice round mound to my hand Okay, you put your hand on the man's gonna move down a little bit. Just move it down a little bit and cough Yes, okay, you're gonna feel my finger rubbing your tits a little bit. Okay. How does that make you feel? I make you feel well, I'm a little bit uncomfortable. You don't say anything right now. Okay Okay, so the stink really makes you think. Am I right? Yeah. Okay. Now, if you guys want to do this shirtless, please be my guests.

It's men's group. Anything goes in here. It's not gay. All right. So you put your hand on the perfectly shaped bosom and then you say, Hey, you did this and it made me feel this. And we're doing it for this man and to be able to let it go. Okay, so I know you're all confused, but this man, that's me, that man is him. This man touches the body part,

that man just has to be quiet about it. And this man just airs all sorts of bullshit and that man just has to be quiet and then hug you afterwards. Does everyone follow how this goes? Okay, who wants to start? Yeah, so we're going to, I'm going to invite a man up here to clear a list. First thing on my list, get me inside of you.

Okay, who wants to go first? And Jack's like, why is everybody looking at me? I'm not even going on this stupid trip. I just, I just, I just, I just see myself being able to go on a trip right now guys. Okay, violence, please. Like, me, me and poor Jack's boy, Jack's about to get a finger up his ass.

So Scott's like, I'm not looking at you, you're looking at me. He's like, uh-uh, I'm just listening. So I'm taking it in right now. Yeah, you are. Just the tip. Just the tip. All right, who wants to start, guys?

Who wants to start? So Jesse starts. Yeah, you know what? I invite you all here. I've got the most prominent hair dent. So I'll start. Okay. I feel like I've been clearing some lists with everybody

except for my fucking ex-wife. God, she's a fucking bitch. So I'm gonna start with Luke. And by the way, I just wanna tell everyone that later on when I have this, when I have to clear a list with Aaron, I will do exactly what we learn here to do, except I won't do any of it, I'll just yell at him.

Okay, great. Luke, I'm gonna put my hand on your chest. All right, I just do it, right? And Luke's like, oh, I'll give you permission. Just kidding. So Jessica, okay, all right, all right, here we go. So with your blind loyalty to your girlfriend, because you're a pussy,

and I think we all acknowledge you're a pussy, with your blind loyalty to your lying, fucking annoying girlfriend, I was hurt by that. I was hurt by your lack of balls and an ability to stand up to a woman. For you letting a woman just tell you what to think and feel, that made me feel hurt. And, you know, I was angry.

It made me feel aggressive, but I'm willing to let go. Yeah, the way that you stood up for your woman when I physically came for her at a party, really hurt, bro. What, is Jesse fucking for real? That's his like target now. But I'm willing to let it go, man. But I let it go.

You're welcome. You're welcome, bro. Made me feel angry. It made me feel wanna be aggressive. It made me feel like, does this headband even work anymore? But you know what? I'm gonna let it go.

Do I have to stick my finger up his butt? He does not trim his, taint hair. Okay. We'll pass on that one. We'll pass on that one. We'll pass on that one. And this guy's like, have you guys heard that they made like cake out of cheese?

Is that a thing? Is that really a thing? Kristen insists that that's a thing. Your turn will come up soon, Scott. Just hold on, I mean, Luke. So Scott's like, okay, who's next? Jax, Jax? Scott the entire time is like, this is my white whale.

Like if I can fix Jax, I'll be legendary. So Jax is like, yeah. So basically, can I just like sit here and like clear my list with everybody? He's like, no, no, I'll hold the place. I'll do it, okay? Put your paw on my chest, okay? Jax is like, uh.

Could you just rest your nutsack inside of my mouth and then that energy will go to all of the guys in the group. Jack says like, okay, my first time, you're going to pay my mortgage, right? That's how it works in Miami. It's like, okay, just, just go to, uh, that's go ahead now. I'm ready. Jack's I'm ready. Go ahead. Guys, I, you know, I've been having a really, a really tough time with my life right now And it's just like I'm sorry. I'm just like hold on. Hold on one second. Hold on. Let me apply some teardrops

Okay, I'm just I'm a I'm an angry human being I've been like that my whole life and I take it out and everybody You know everyone else my anger and like especially my wife. I mean me. I mean, she's a bitch. She's an idiot I can't stand her she's cheating on me, and she just makes me so angry It's like I have to say it's not even my fault But I'm just so angry and like I thought I didn't have that anger But she makes me angry and she's like the person who's actually the one who's ruined me right now She's a lot. I don't want to be like that anymore. I don't want her to turn me into that person anymore Yeah, and then they all hug and now Scott's like, yeah, but you know what, Jax?

People watch you, okay? You're a television and a film star. You're one of our most prized authors in this country. And there's a little boy inside of you and he's screaming to come out. And he's saying, please stop getting facial surgery. It hurts. And be vulnerable and cry.

Stop wearing so much, so much, not bleach. Blush. Blush. Thank you. Thank you. I was having trouble with words with your nutsack in my mouth. But listen, you're a model and you're also a model for not only a model for underwear in the past, the way past.

Whoa, those times have passed. Oh, hey, come back to the come come up, model, model boats gone. But you can still be a model for people. Okay, and you know how you do that? You kill them, you take their skin and then you wear that and model it for other people. Okay, but until then, people are gonna be, people across the world are gonna see you

and they're gonna wanna be like you, Jax. Okay, I'm proud of you, dude. You're on TV and now I'm on TV. I won, did you come? I did. Okay, I'm proud of you, dude. You're on TV. And now I'm on TV. I won. Did you come? I did. Okay, this was good, guys. I've been paid in sperm.

It was my own. I will still eat it. Thanks for coming. Jax, yeah, so that was Jax's therapy. So now, okay, who's next? So anyway, Jax admitted nothing. He just yelled at people that he was angry. He just did. Okay, way to take responsibility. Yeah, he just yelled at people that he was angry. He just did take responsibility.

Yeah, he just used buzzwords. I'm angry. I've always been angry. So then He made it all about himself instead of clearing any lists with anybody else. Of course, Jax doesn't even know how to do the group therapy and the fucking star fucker, man, Tate,

whatever his buns is, can't even ask the question to make him do the therapy. It's Tate. What's that guy's name? Andrew Tate. Andrew Tate. Yeah, the Andrew Tate ball swallowing motherfucker. Can't even keep the man on task.

He's like, oh, it's great group therapy where Jax just talked about himself, took no responsibility. Who's next? And let's get the little one. Come on, little guy. All right. All right, all right, all right.

OK, three under three, Jason, I think we have a moment. Does anyone have a step stool? Okay. Okay, hand on your chest. It is an impressive chest now that I feel it. Listen, listen, I love you, dude, and I definitely didn't show that last week. I shed things to your wife I shouldn't have shed,

and I feel really bad for shaying those shings. I just you know it's just it's a lot and you know what's funny is that as my hand sits here on your on your pectoral it does sort of feel like Jasmine's butt a little bit this is impressive let a lot of round body parts in this group huh? Feels weird touching you so intimately without having drinks first. Is it okay if I call you daddy? But you can't call me daddy if that makes you feel any better. Okay.

Well, I appreciate that a lot, daddy. Yes. You know, daddy's a genuine guy and I thought 100% believe him, but like somebody can apologize all day, but unless they make actual changes, you know, what's the point? Like we're just wasting time. So I don't know if I'm at a place I can fully let everything go daddy, but to be honest, I'm just going to work on it. The fact that you call me daddy. He's like, you know, I'm at a place I can fully let everything go daddy, but to be honest, I'm just gonna work on it.

The fact that you called me daddy. He's like, you know, I'm sorry I would let this go, but Janet hasn't given me permission yet. So we're gonna have to put a pin in that daddy, okay? This isn't exactly what I wanted to hear, I mean, but to be fair, what I really wanted to hear was, congratulations, Danny, you've been hired for three more seasons of The Walking Dead.

Quack, quack, quack. Walking Dead. He doesn't have that authority. I understand that, but it's going in the right direction. So I can only just change myself right now and build and grow. So Jason's like, yeah, for me, my biggest thing in coming here was me and my wife's relationship with Danny and Nia. And there's been like a black cloud and, you know, I'm married to her. And the black cloud needs to be repaired, okay? Because it's big, it's big.

I need the black cloud to be contained. Please contain Janet. Somebody please contain Janet. And Jesse's like, right, right. Yeah, because the conversation has been about drinking. Meanwhile, we start this, which is the part we forgot, with Jesse going, all right, guys, we've got side basil and drinks, we've got weed, we've got Cybacillin drinks, we've got weed,

we've got drinks if anybody needs that. Okay, so that's how Jesse started this therapy session. And now moving into, yeah, the drinking's a problem with Danny, it's a real problem. And you know, it's not even, the sneezing. Danny sneezing in the middle of sentences is a huge problem. And you know what, it's not just that, it's the hiding it. It sneezing in the middle of sentences is a huge problem. And you know what? It's not just that. It's the hiding it. It's the hiding the drinking. And Scott's

like, Whoa, you're hiding your drinking. So I'm assuming not that anybody's told me anything about you except that you're a goddamn tiny person alcoholic is that you're going to the bar getting a bunch of drinks and then leaving back with one and pretending like, Whoa, I just had one drink. And Jackson's like, Yeah, it's disgusting. He's a disgusting alcoholic. And Danny's like, well, that has happened, I guess. Yeah, it's actually kind of hilarious because Scott, whether he was told ahead of time or not just does kind of nail Danny's behavior, which we could all tell is Danny's, what Danny has been doing. And Danny is like, oh yes.

I mean, but when I do do it, I do it quickly and I do do it under three minutes. Some would say I have three under three and then I go back to the table. So it's got like- But to be fair, I'm not hiding my drinking from my friends. I'm hiding my drinking from my wife. Isn't that loud?

Isn't that loud? I do tell everyone about it in boys chat. So then Jason's- I did it right in front of Janet. I just didn't want Nia to know. So. It's like Scott's like, yeah, when you're drinking, when you're hiding, that's implied dishonesty.

And Danny's like, I know there are areas I need to work on or areas where I could work like Burbank or even Hollywood or East Hollywood if they opened up a studio there. But anytime people are coming after my character, which did take me a long time to get into because I did take classes at Udahagan, it doesn't shit well with me. Scott's like, but you know what, we're sneaky, right? We're squirrely.

Am I right? Is there a man here that would not admit to being squirrely? Jax, you're tapping your leg and your shoulder and your knee and your elbow. Jax, are you here? What are you snorting? Jax? Jax, okay.

Jax is hiding his head from us, which is okay. Right now, it's probably just a little cocaine, which is okay to hide, because that's illegal, am I right? God, I love Jax. I'm a great therapist. Okay, call me 1-800-MAN-MAN-MAN. Yeah, all right, guys. I know we're all a bit squirrely, so in the spirit of that,

I brought a little squirrel here. I want you all to put your hand on its chest and clear the list with a squirrel as you've taken its identity. We're going to squeeze the chest and the squirrel is dead. We are men. We are squirrely men. Men, men, men, men, men, men, men. So he's like, guys, we're on a journey together.

And while you might feel alone, you're in a partnership with each other. All right, everybody, I'm gonna get on my knees. The rest of you are gonna unzip and surround me and cover me in your seat. Okay, great. Thanks guys. I'm sensing there's a lot of tension in this room and I think you all just need to be relieved.

So let me be your vessel. Wow, great therapy work there. By the way- That's not my list, bukake me. Okay. You're in a partnership with each other. Wow, this is great therapy. What a great conclusion to come to.

I think the problem is because they're in a partnership with each other, I think that's where this all started. So now we do- Great job, Scott. So you got a bunch of people together. Nobody admitted anything that they did wrong. And you've just told them they're all correct because they're men. You are really something.

Great, great work, Scott. Well, don't worry, Ronnie, the women have a much better way of handling their issues. So we go over to El Coyote and the whole group is there and she knows like, oh my God, I haven't been to like El Coyote in like 45 years. Like this is like crazy. I wonder if they have enchiladas and if they like would care if I brought enchiladas back there because then like we can have like an enchilada off like El Coyote versus Chino's famous enchiladas. Like that would be like hilarious. They play my favorite song. I like macaroni.

I like macaroni. I like macaroni. I like macaroni. I like macaroni. I like macaroni. I like macaroni. I like macaroni. I like macaroni. I like macaroni. I like macaroni.

I like macaroni. I like macaroni. I like macaroni. I like macaroni. A-N-S-A-N-A-S, how you like that? And C-H-I-L-A-D-A-S, how you like that? How you like that? So everyone sits down. So the girls come in, they're all like, hi, hi, hi, then there's an awkward silence and Janet's like, I'm a bit nervous to see Nia.

Things are not going great there, but you know, it's girls night. What's the worst that could happen? Let me show you, because I'm a bit nervous to see Nia. Things are not going great there, but you know, it's girls night. What's the worst that could happen? Let me show you, cause I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna be the worst. So I'm Janet. This is a thought experiment. So they're all in this, because it's a reality show,

they all have to sit in this big long table, but like in a U shape, they can't actually sit like normal. And so as a result, you have on one side, you have Kristin and Nia, and the other side you've got Michelle and Janet. So the feuding parties are all separated and in the middle you have like the neutral parties. So Kristen like Nia is saying like this is very intense like I'm not gonna go out of my way to make conversation down there especially across the table. And she's saying that she and Jen are definitely not good. And that Jen always

focuses on other people's relationships and marriages and yet never seems to share much from her end. Yeah. So Nia announces that there's a Maui trip coming and Michelle announces that Aaron's coming and everyone's like, Oh my God, yay. And she's like, yes, I'm excited because I feel like Jesse is not going to be playing games if Aaron is around. He only misdreads women, never men. Are you kidding? You think that's gonna stop him? Girl.

Yeah, I don't see how Aaron being there is going to actually make Jesse act more normal. No. By the way, I have to say in the middle of this, the waiter came by and you know, normally we don't, they take so many orders on Bravo shows that we don't normally highlight them. But I rewound it and watch three times when Brittany was like, I'd like some chicken fajitas. She ordered cheese fajitas. No chicken fajitas. Her voice got so high and squeaky.

She's like, can I have some chicken fajitas please? I should have recorded it because it was, I will record it because that was, it was just like this little bubble of the cartoon. So Jasmine's like, well, well, you know, that kept telling me like there's so much going on in this trip, like there's something surprising. So I'm like, what's going to be surprised? Like, it's crazy. Like, okay, let's think of surprises like pregnancy, marriage, like, what is it?

What's it going to be? Who's here? Who here is not married? Kristen's not married. You could get married. I mean, Michelle, is somebody going to propose to me? Is somebody going to like, who's it going to be? Kristen, are you getting married?

Are you getting proposed to? Is he getting a ring? Oh my God, Kyle Tan called me the other day, selling a ring. Like, that's crazy. Like he even offered to buy me a drink, it's nuts. Seriously? Shh, quiet. It's a secret, Dan and I are gonna plan a secret surprise.

Oh, it's gonna be an engagement, engagement ring. No, wait, I literally said nothing about that. Why are you saying that for the Christian? But of course, Zach goes and ruins it. He's like, I'm not gonna tell you what it is, but it's a surprise and cheesecake is real. Yeah. Why is that doing this? And then of course like Jasmine is like anti-detective and can't even like to do is what might be happening. So she just blurted it out. So

then Michelle is like, by the way, before we move forward, cause I just want to move on with my life. It's been brought to my attention that a lot of people keep talking about my boyfriend and people he has slept with in the past. So Christine, obviously you and I have gone through a lot, but he slept with Jenna back in 2020. They had COVID sacks. And Kristen's like, what, seriously?

This has nothing to do with me. I don't even know what you're talking about. What does this have to do with me? What's going on? So Michelle was referencing the fact that- Are you blaming Kristen and not Sheena is my question. Yeah. How is Sheena not, like this is so Sheena.

And then Sheena runs around telling everybody about it. Sheena the little puppet- Sheena wants it. Sheena, she ended up a little bit. She didn't want to be blamed. She is literally sitting dead center amongst all the women. She's practically wearing a t-shirt. I'm surprised she's not wearing a t-shirt that just says team Jenna on it for no good reason.

She's like, would you like me to weigh in on this conversation because I can do that. And Kristen's like, I didn't do that. And Michelle's like, how did Jesse know that once upon a time, Jenna and Aaron Oogba, because Jenna showed up at a party and told him. How is that anybody's fault but Jenna's? And maybe you shouldn't be stealing other people's men anyway, if that was the case. Because wasn't it the rumor, well, the rumor online, who knows what the truth is, but was

that Michelle was the one that didn't, I don't know, I don't remember it anymore. Who knows? But this group is also incestuous. They all fuck each other. And Jenna's been trying to get on TV for damn near 10 years now. She keeps, she keeps cheating with people and working her way onto this show. Blame Jenna. Stop blaming everybody else. Well, it was funny because also blame Aaron, Aaron bang Jenna. So why is everyone else getting in trouble? Also, accept a man again. Also, just be more secure. Just be more secure in your relationship. Okay. If you know that the Aaron did not cheat on you, if you know that this happened in

2020 or whatever, then just be like, whatever, she's trying it. But like, I got my man and I'm happy with what we have. Like, don't be like, don't like lash out like this. Yeah, but it's none of his goddamn business. Yeah, exactly. And so what's funny is that it's actually Zach is the one who really, who really pushed this together because Kristin invited Jenna to the party, but she claims she just invited

Jenna. She wasn't trying to stir any shit up. Oh, Zach was like, Hey, by the way, Jesse, you have to talk to Jenna. Jenna slept with slept with Aaron. Yeah. She loves honey. Yeah. He cheated on Michelle with, with Jenna, but also Jess, but also he cheated.

She cheated on you with Aaron. They were all cheating behind your back. Go talk to her now, do it. Yeah, he's like, it was never Kristen. It was Zachathar all along. Do, do, do, do. So Chris is like, no thanks, but like I don't give a fuck about anybody's relationships.

Okay. I like a car, a car, kid, car car dismissed. Cacodismist. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, was a cheater. And so we flashed back to last year. Oh god, cry harder. Who cares? Why are you getting involved also? Cause she loves the drama. Yes. Yes. Agreed. Cheesecake, please. And Nia's like, yeah, she loves it. And Janet's like, uh, okay, whatever. But meanwhile, it's true. Janet loves the drama. Yeah. And Michelle's like, well, my ex-husband aids me.

He aids me. Chris is like, well, my ex-husband aids me. He aids me. Chris is like, no, Michelle, you know what? I understand that you're going through shit, okay? Well, yeah, she just thinks that they're trying to ruin her relationship. You know what that means? What if somebody tried to come between me and she can find us?

I'm not, therefore, I will not intervene. She's like, but he is trying to ruin me I will not bring Jenna around somewhere that you and Aaron are going to be but you already did Kristen Which I didn't by the way didn't even cross my mind cuz you know what I was thinking about cheesecake Even at my housewarming party. I was like should I make this cheese cheesecake warming party? I mean even though you guys could not come, it did not even cross my mind, kaka. And so Janet's like, well, I'm so frustrated that Kristin's like, what, Jenna, who, what, who, what? But shut the fuck up, you know what you're doing, Kristin.

And she says, yeah, you're doing the dirty work, Kristin. You're doing the dirty work. And Jessi's like, Jessassy is the toxic one here. Hello, like why are we fighting? It's so annoying we're fighting with women again when you've got the man right there. And Jana is like, well, I mean, if you don't see that Kristin's doing this, come on,

come on, I'm getting upset because I'm watching Kristin sniper from the side. That's right, I'm stealing an Erica Jane line now. She's rider dying for Nia and she'll do almost anything, including taking down my marriage and taking down Michelle's relationship. I think we can retire the concept

of being a sniper from the side. I think that's just like inherent in the word sniper. Like the point with a sniper is that they're far away and they shoot you. It doesn't matter what direction it comes from. That's such a good point. Snipers have like view finders for a reason, okay? They literally have telescopes.

The snipers- They're most likely gonna snipe you from the side. That's usually the way it works. If they snipe you from the front, it's really the same effect. It's just a sniper. But Janet only knows how to speak in fan language. So she says sniper from the side.

She doesn't even say she's like sniping from the side. She doesn't know how to reform the old Bravo, the old Bravo line. So she's like, I think what she's doing is sniper from the side. Okay. So Kristen's like, oh, this is a conversation that Michelle and I could have had without you being involved, Janet. She goes, um, yeah, because we hold conversation that Michelle and I could have had without you being involved, Janet. She goes, yeah, cause we hold you accountable.

That's why, that's me, Janet, Miss Accountability. Janet, come on. She's like, well, a word, accountability, a word you can't stand. And Jasmine's like, I just want the old Janet back, like the fun Janet, you know, the one you want to be around. Like this Janet, not so much, one you want to be around, like this Janet,

not so much, don't want to be around her. Yeah, and Kristen like, oh, I'm done being disrespected as fuck right now. I will take my cheesecake to go, goodbye. Ka, ka, Kristen out, goodbye. Mary Posa flying away, bye. And so she leaves and me is like, oh, don't leave Kristen, but you don't have to leave.

And she's like, I can't take it. And Janice like, oh no, I'm fucking done. I'm done with this. Bye Kristen. Bye. And Mia's like, well, I can't take it either. This is so hard. This is like, I'm crying now.

She goes, oh my God, why are you crying Mia? Jesus Christ. Just like, cause this is just too much. It's not even a real question. It's just intense. And she goes, oh yeah, always the tears when it's too much. It's not even a real question. It's just intense. It's just, oh yeah, always the tears when it's too intense. Poor little Nia.

Nia, are you okay? Would you like to share with me? Should I say something right now? Your husband has a drinking problem. Did that make you mad at me? Do you wanna have a feud? No, this is just too intense for me. So then Janet's like, oh, it's always tears, always intense.

Janet, that is rude. If you were angry at me for taking me aside, we can have a feud for the TV show if you want. Nia's like, fuck you. Fuck you. I'm going to leave with my fresh spray tan that almost melted off. Yeah. So Nia gets up and she's like, bye loser, bye. And just making an ass out of herself, you know, over and really nothing.

It's not even a fight with her. It's like, it's supposed to be a fight with Michelle and Kristen, but now it's just turned into Janet yelling at everybody in a bad dress. Yeah, and Janet's really going off. She's like, you're gonna, you're not gonna say my husband's taking his ring off while your husband's fucking

ass grabbing. And Brittany's like, well, he's not into shit. Now I'm just terrified that this Hawaii trip is going to be a disaster. Can I get some more chicken fillings, please? Thank you. And she's like, you know who wants to fucking cry? I want to fucking cry. She slams her drink down.

Janet, you're trying too hard for it. You have nothing going on. Change your outfit. Get... Was this the part where she talked about magic? What was the part where Janet talked about magic? No, it's right here. So after the scene... So now the al-Qaeda scene is over and they all go to a park. They go to the Pan Pacific Park to do like a field day or whatever. And so they're all showing up and Michelle's like, she's like, I am, Jenna is there. Jenna is an ump for these games. And Michelle's like, I am literally annoyed because ever since Jenna found out that I'm with Erin,

she just wants to be around all my friends. And Jasmine's like, oh yeah, I definitely invited Jenna to be a ref before LKOD. And unfortunately, one of the rules of field day is that when you hire someone to be a ref, you cannot fire them. It's a big legal process. So she's just stuck with us for today.

So Michelle's all pissed off. By the way, Michelle, Jenna has been thirsty long before you ever arrived on the scene. Okay? She cheated with James. She cheated on, wasn't she? I don't remember. So many people have cheated on... I don't remember. So many people have cheated on each other on this show. I am forgetting, but she's been cheating with people a long time before you ever got here

trying to get on this show. Okay? It's not just umpire day. So, Brock... Listen, I'm telling you, I still have my empirical evidence of watching her flirt with Taye Diggs while he was still with Adina Menzel. How rude. How rude, how rude.

So Brock says hi to Michelle and he's like, what's that look for? And she's like, not you. You are standing in front of the reverie and it is the reverie I am gumming for. I'm giving you honey eyes, new version of honey eyes. So Melissa blows the whistle, it's time for field day. Jax is there and he's miserable.

He's like, here we are, I've got to do this on my show. Why we got to do this kind of thing on my show? I don't like doing this shit on my show. Fuck these people. Jax just got home. Why is Jax even here? Yeah, to get a paycheck, he needs one. So the producers are asking Zach who he thinks

needs to get their aggression out the most. And Zach is like, um, Jesse. And before you'd like, you don't even need to say it like Jesse, but also Jack's by the way, cause he looks like he's about to burst or maybe he's like, just like super sweaty. Like you just got off a tanning bed, but like he looks really like an angry chicken right now. Alana. So you can use those lyrics too, if you want, I don't know which song, but you can use them. So then I don't know which song, but you can use them. So then everyone's doing it's- I'm an angry chicken who's a bitch and a mother and a, you live, you become an angry chicken. So now they split into teams and they play the stupid game.

You know, who cares? So then Janet's like, not only do I hate everything about this entire field day and physical exercise, I just don't want to be on a team with Kristen and Luke. This is literally my nightmare come true. And this is where she says, I literally hate field day instead of playing sports growing up. I did magic lessons. What could you do a presto change on that outfit? Because good Lord, she's wearing like a pink, that pink satin thing with like two little baby bows on the shoulders.

Why does Janet have to be horrible in every way? I know. So this scene is also one of the first scenes that we're seeing of Brittany and Jack's being together since the divorce papers were served. So the producer asked Jack, asked Brittany if, um, if she heard from Jack's at all since the paperwork. And she says like, yeah, Jack's asked me, but it was like, I didn't expect it, but I understand why you did it. And I think my plane is just act like he doesn't exist. So then they do some racing, they do all the fun things,

relay races and eggs on the spoon and it goes on for a little while. And Jesse, of course, goes out of his way to take off his shirt, which I think was more exciting for him than for us. So then Jesse's like, I used to think I used to be competitive. Now I'm just competing to get out of bed in the morning

without having to crack something. I'm just competing to get out of bed in the morning without having to crack something. I'm just a fucking mess. So then Janet and Brittany go talk. And Janet's like, I'm just like so tired. Cause like every time the group gets together, it's like fireworks. Yeah, cause you start shit at literally every party. Stop acting exhausted by your own mess.

And Brittany's like, well, you know, I'm just like so much sadder now that I haven't seen J-X, you know, I'm just like so so much sadder now that I haven't seen Jax, you know, like it sucks. And so then we go to Luke and Kristen talking and Kristen is like, I was like, I'm angry at you, Jax. And he's like, yeah, you know, like, thanks for being so nice to me, you know, at the party, like, I just wasn't expecting it, you know, because like, it's so hard, you know, I'm going through like marriage and rehab and divorce and like separation like rehab like I'm angry you know how that is so like you know I'm going through a lot right now but like I appreciate it Kristen. Yeah well just try to mind your P's and Q's and to laughter Hawaii and that's gonna speak volumes.

He's like oh uh yeah P's and Q's. I love taking those. Really bring me up and then take me down. It's just. Poppers and Quaalies, baby. Is it anal day? Is it anal day? So then we hear Nia and Jesse talking. And Nia's like, so how's it going, Jesse?

And he's like, oh, I didn't even say hi to you. And she goes, yeah, well, I didn't say hi to anybody on the purple team. Okay. Because we came late, so we're ready to rock and roll. But she's really not speaking to Janet. She doesn't want to be anywhere near Janet. So Brittany asked Janet if she's spoken to Nia and Janet's like, you know, I was really fired up and I haven't been that mad like I'm so long. And honestly, it's just like built up because it's like Kristen blurted out this rumor about Jason

because she was trying to defend Dan and Nia. So I sort of blamed them almost for like all of them as a whole for like throwing out suspicions that my husband's cheating on me when I know he's not, which is why I'm being so chill about this. And I guess when I saw her start to cry, I was like, Oh, this is just bullshit. Like I'm the one who has a hood that bangs me in the forehead every single time I go near my oven. Okay. And Michelle's the one who's like actually going bangs me in the forehead every single time I go near my oven. Okay.

And Michelle's the one who's like actually going to a divorce. We're the real victims here. Yeah. And so Jan is just really pissed. So then we get a scene of Luke going to Kyle Chan's place and his big, cause you know, Kristen's following his ass. She's got the location on the phone. So he had to say he was going to Kyle Chan's so that Kyle Chan could take care of their

pet Gekko while they are in Maui. And he's like, okay, we got to hurry this up because Kristen's following me and I can't be in here too long or she'll be suspicious. I love that Kristen is timing the amount of time that the doc is at Kyle Chan's office. All right. So he also says- If I walk into Kyle Chan's office right now, what would I be saying? Hey, Kyle, this is the Gekko. He gets a couple of pellets a day. Do you know what cheesecake is? Have you ever heard of cheesecake? office. All right. So he also says, the Kyle's chance office right now. What would I be saying?

Hey, Carl, this is the get-go. He gets a couple of pellets a day. Do you know what cheesecake is? Have you ever heard of cheesecake? Just question really cheesecake. And then Carl is going to be like, yeah, no, he's going to show them all the pictures we have of me eating cheesecake. Okay.

That's five minutes. Okay. Should be leaving now. Should be leaving. Why is he not heading to Cheesecake Factory? Why is he not heading? He's cheating on me. That's it, he's cheating on me. I have a radical idea, that's the way you don't have

to come up with like a whole, you know, elaborate get-go babysitting cover story, which is why don't you and Kyle Chan meet for coffee somewhere and he can bring the ring to you. I don't know, just thinking outside the box, you know? Or come outside. You have to go to his office. Is that necessary?

Pick that shit on the Instagram. It's called a UPS store mailbox. Okay. So, but Luke is going through it because he's very, he's nervous about the engagement, but his grandma also has cancer. And so he is really up and down and he's not sure how the emotions are going to affect him,

which means that he is going to have a breakdown on this Hawaii trip very soon. So then we go to Janet and Jason. Is Janet excited about the trip? And she's like, well, like yes and no, because like I'm going on a trip with the people that like half of them were not even talking to, you know? And I know I owe me an apology

because I really went crazy at El Coyote, which is an iconic place from Vanderpump rules, which I mean, I wasn't really a fan of because I was a friend of the group. But anyway, love that place. I got all the waitstaffs signatures on an enchilada, which I'm putting in this case. But anyway, point is Nia is a gaslighter. So I still kind of hate her. What did Nia gaslight you? What are you talking about? Yeah, what that word me? Yes. Yeah, I think she's I think she's confusing gaslighting with Well, she's assuming she thinks that Nia covering for Danny is gaslighting and that's that's just Nia covering for Danny. That's just Nia Not wanting to air out the fact that she's concerned that her husband has a drinking problem. So she's just saying yeah

He's tired right now taking a nap. So then, uh, Nia and Danny are at a sun spa because I guess it's time to get yet a new fake tan. And they're talking about like, you know, anxiety about going on this trip. And then we see Zach. Um, and he's talking to Bingee and he's like, I think that like Kristen is like super not happy with Janet and they're gonna wear shirts that we got like for Luke and Kristen's face saying just engage and she's gonna like wear it and out the engagement. So they're all nervous, but everyone's basically packing and getting ready to go on this trip.

Yeah, so now Luke and Kristen are home packing and Kristen's like, I mean, what am I supposed to wear? Because like, you know, like, what are you guys gonna do? What are we gonna do? Are we going fishing? You guys are going fishing? Like, do I supposed to wear? Because like, you know, like, what are you guys gonna do? What are we gonna do? Are we going fishing? You guys are going fishing? Like, do I have to wear things to fish? I'd catch a fish in my mouth.

He's like, I know, honey. You showed my whole family in Montana. That's why they want me to marry you. I mean. Okay, so I was talking to Nia and she said that all the girls are just gonna, while we're fishing, the girls are gonna dress all cute as if they're about to get engaged. I mean, something like that.

Great. The girls just wanna go have margaritas by the pool in wedding dresses. They say they're gonna put on full glam as if someone's gonna pop out from the side of the boat and take photos of them as if it was a very important day in their lives. I don't know, something like that. Yeah. And he's like, but you know, I know that things went bad with you guys, you and Janet the

other night. She's like, Oh no, that bitch is done. Done. That bitch is like so done with her. So Kristen's done with her and she's not going to speak with her in Hawaii. And she doesn't even know why she wants to come on the trip. So then we go to Jack sitting in a restaurant by himself. He's like, hi, I was just stopped by my wife.

So do you have a table for me? Great. So I'm alone. Yeah. And the waitress is like, what would you like to order? I would like a I've got a lot of anger issues, but I've been working on it and it's been really great. I said some things in rehab that I thought I was gonna take to the grave and it was really liberating.

I have to apologize to my wife, I treated her wrongly, but I'm a new guy now and I love your number. If also, if you want a bang in the back, that'd be great too. You have one of those? So do you need something to drink? And he's like, oh, oh, oh, yeah. Coffee and Coke would be great too. You have one of those? So do you need something to drink? And he's like, oh, oh, oh Yeah, coffee and coke would be great

Pepsi okay, can I start that? No, it's not fucking okay Coffee and coke. Thank you. I'm second. Geez Alex Baskin comes in he's like here. Here you go. Just stay We support you. We support you. So Jax is sitting there waiting. He's alone in this restaurant and he's getting flummoxed. And then Jax calls Brittany and she's like, I'm not gonna come.

And he's like, why not? And she's like, well, I woke up to a flood of DMs and stuff talking about you last night and how drunk you were at the bar and how you were with these girls. You're hanging out with the girls and sluts. And it's like, I wasn't drunk at all. I was just coked up. Okay, I went home early.

Yeah, all this stuff. Yes, you were. Okay, I got those photos of you. Okay, people sending me DMs and everything. I got DMs. I got DMs and everything. I'm mad at you. And she's like,

I've been trying to keep my space from Jack since he's been out of the facility. And the only reason I agreed to meet with him is because we do have a child together. We got a child together. So we got me. But not today because I got DMs and everything. You know what? I went to CVS because I had a cough and I went to the Robitussens and guess what?

I saw some Robitussens DM and I was like, look, even they got the DMs about JX. So she's mad because he was supposed to work on himself. And as soon as he gets out, he goes to the bar and she's not putting up with that crap. So she's like, and by the way, I think you are a vile, terrible, vile human being. And you really put me in a terrible situation, especially in DMs and everything. Okay. He's like, but we're getting divorced.

I mean, we're no longer together. So what I do on my own time is my own business. You should have remembered that before you installed cameras to spy on your wife, by the way. Yeah, exactly. Because I don't know if that logic is going both ways. You can put a Ring Cam in your house, but she's got the whole internet on her side, sir.

So good luck. Yeah, yeah, seriously. So she's like, well, have fun being drunk at your bar, 45 years old, still drunk, not even a chicken, and he just hangs up on her. And he's like, well, that was that. So now he asked for his coffee to go, which is like the most depressing thing he's ever done, even though he doesn't walk back from an AMPM five times a day with coffee. And he's like, yeah, it was really hard. Like it was so embarrassing,

so embarrassed being left alone in a restaurant. How could she do this to me when I have been to rehab and been separated and gone through a divorce? I just had to throw someone's picture of them with their father away the other day. How could she do this to me? Can I get a waitress here to stand in for Brittany?

I'd like to clear a list. So man, I need to put my hand on a waitress's breast. Is there anyone who could do this for me? No. So then now it's time to go to Hawaii because Jax is not going to Hawaii, by the way. I don't know if we mentioned that, but he's not going to go. So we're heading to Hawaii and they have arrived. They're arriving at in Maui at the, uh, the Hyatt there.

And, uh, Aaron's asking about pineapple. He's like, it's a pineapple is a safe word, right? And then Zach, you know what, if you put a pineapple on your door on a cruise or in a hotel, it lets people know that you're ready to swing. And Janet's like, I mean, if I saw a pineapple just sitting on a door, I mean, I don't even know. Like, no, not an actual pineapple, Janet. Like Janet thinking like you have to like go like, you have to go get some fresh produce

before you declare that you're a swinger. Yeah. Like Janet doesn't know. Hello, wedding ring off. What's his bones? Just hears the word pineapple, like hides his wedding ring in his fucking pants. So then, Luke, so basically they go to the,

get their rooms and Zach gets the presidential suite. And he's like, oh my God, Mr. Presidente, am I right? Heck yeah, make America gay again, am I right? Party, you guys, I got the presidential suite, but it's like Kristen's trip, but like I don't want to give it to her now because then they'll be like, oh my God, why are you giving it to us?

Am I getting engaged, engaged, engaged? So maybe I'll do it later. That's like so fun. Me and Benj are going to go play in the shower, bye. Kristen, I'm so sorry that we're taking the presidential suite when you're about to get engaged. Oops. Did I say that part out loud? Cuckoo, seriously?

Here's some cheesecake. You heard nothing. Yeah. So Luke gets pissed. He's like, what is Zach even doing? Why didn't he give me the presidential suite right away? Luke's such a fucking baby. Oh my God. So he's like sulking about that.

So everybody goes to the room. But then we find out that the presidential suite is not just Benji and Zach's. It's also Jesse's. So they have to share this two-room presidential suite with only one bathroom. Oh my god. I know that was some, that was some good producer manipulation

right there. That is a strange, strange choice by them, but I love it so then Michelle is talking with Aaron she there in the room and she's like do you want some champagne my love Rob's favorite vintage Over here Rob Reiner that is and Aaron's like yeah, I feel like I can breathe now It's like oh you can feel like you can relax? And he's like, yeah, after seeing Jesse just being in the same room, whoa. His eyes are just popping out.

He's like, oh my God, like seeing Jesse there he was in the same room. Phew, thank God I can breathe now. Oh my God, that was terrifying. And she's like, I think it is good, you know, that you didn't even dog do each other. And he goes, well, you know, he's gonna be in our lives. So like, I don't know, like maybe one day we could do

like a family trip or something. She's like, no, I don't know about this. You could do a family trip if you just all wanna have a terrible time and traumatize your daughter, but I don't recommend it. So then we go over to Jason and Janet, and Jason is saying, you know, like, you know, me and Danny, like,

my only thing is that that's making me awkward and it's that sort of stuff relationship, but you know, after squash, it'll be good. And you know, it's gonna be up to the four of us. So if you wanna make good with Nia, you should probably do that because this is really tense for me. So then they go to the pool,

and everyone's jumping in the pool and excited, and he's like, yeah, party is here. Okay. Tequila one o'clock, two o'clock, three o'clock tequila floor. Did I do that one right? I don't know. So Jason and Danny are talking and Jason, uh, they're, they're like, wow, we're men. So it's like crazy how like men can just get along, right? Yeah, bro. But the chicks gotta get along too. Let's call them over here. Hey, Danny. I mean, hey, Nia. Hey, Janet. Come on over here. Let's have a talk, sis. Chop it up, as they say. Come on, we can do it. So they come over and now we have to have couple versus couple talk. So Nia has shown up not giving a fuck today. She is not gonna let this girl get away with anything in Nia's way, which I appreciate

it. So Danny's like, you know, Jason and I, we had lists, we put our hands on each other's nuts and those lists are cleared and show them our nuts. Show ladies, you guys should talk. And Jen is like, okay, well, I do want to apologize for getting so angry and coyote ugly. It's just like an icon of reality television being inside another icon of reality television. It was just like it was combustible. I did

it for the audience. So I'm really sorry, Mia. And Nia's like, Oh, really? You got drunk that early in the night? And it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I just had too much to drink. I just had a lot to drink because that early in the night. Oh, it was a good, it was a good one from Nia. Nia is not known for like her zingers and she got her. I mean, Janet, the whole, the crux of all this where things really went sour between you guys was you

accusing Danny of having a drinking problem. And so the way you started your big apology of saying you got drunk, you gotta come up with a better excuse than that. So Janet's like, yeah, I literally those margaritas and shots, it just goes over Janet's head by the way, what he is saying. Yeah, literally those margaritas and shots, they were so strong and I should have never yelled at you. Did I enjoy it?

Yes, but I should never have done it. And you know what? I deserve every bit of that. Fuck you. I'm sorry that I said it. It's okay. It was totally deserved. I made a great TV moment.

It was deserved, she said. So Danny is like, well, I wanna apologize to you too because at bridge opening, you know, a tss, a tss. We had some cocktails and I never should have brought up what I was trying to bring up in that environment.

I just, I hate that that happened. And she's like, well, I can totally forgive you cause like I'm human and I know what I did was not right. So let's just all be forgiving. I'm Janet, a good person. Now I'm a good person today. Yeah. So basically they have an uneasy truce. Like it's funny. Everyone's like smiling. Nia is still has a rageful look on her face, but they're all just gonna sort of move forward slowly

and Nia's just gonna be just very tentative and careful with Janet. So then the producers ask Jessie how- Janet only likes to fight when the whole cast is there. She needs an audience to do it. So for now, when everybody's private, she's always very sorry. She's kind of la la in that way.

Like when you get la la one on one on these shows, she's always like, oh my god, you're right I'm so sorry. And then when it gets public that's when it comes out, you know Yeah, so then Meanwhile, the producers asking Jesse how he feels about Aaron being on the trip and he's like, you know I've had some issues with Aaron He starts dating my still wife with four-year-old daughter and I'd expect a call me up and say, listen, I'm spending a lot of time with your daughter. Do you have any boundaries? It would never happen.

I don't think that is a standard practice when people are separated that the new person calls up the accent is like, how do you, what are the boundaries I should have with your daughter? I don't think that's normal and I don't think anyone would want to call Jesse cause he's a monster. So no, that's not going to work that way. Because by the way, did Jesse put that obligation on the girl from Orange County to call it Michelle? Because I don't think I don't think he did. Well, she did call her and threaten her with lawsuits, I think. Oh, so that was nice.

Yeah. Yeah. That was just trying to communicate. So then we go back to Benji and Zach floating in the pool. And Benji is eating a pineapple out of a pineapple and Zach's like, Oh my God, you're eating pineapple out of a pineapple. That is like so incestuous. Yeah. And then Luke and Kristen, Luke is like, he's nervous. He's nervous because the engagement's could be tomorrow and he's like, he's looking for his wallet and he's like, Oh my God, I can't find, I'm not in a good mood. I'm not good. Same reason, same reason about grandma.

And he's saying how his emotions are all over the place, but he can't tell Kristen why that he's really nervous. So he just sort of like sort of goes off in a tizzy and she's kind of being a dick instead. He's like, I can't talk about this to Kristen. Stop talking to me, Kristen. She's like, but what's wrong? Don't you want to talk about it? He's like, no, don't talk about it with me. And she's like, do you want to go on primates? No, we'll talk about it. Let her do something. No, just leave me alone to talk about it? He's like, no, don't talk about it with me. So do you want to go on primates? No, we'll talk about it later.

Do something. No, just leave me alone, Kristen. So now she's like, oh my God, we're breaking up. Yeah. So then now everyone is getting ready for dinner. They're gonna have a big dinner. And leading up to this dinner, I'd like to add that the trailer from last week

was like, Jesse sitting down with Aaron and being like, were you having sex with my wife when we were still together? And then like 15 minutes into the show coming up, were you having sex with my wife while we were still together? And then like 10 minutes left in the show coming up, were you having sex with my wife while we were still together? So we're like, okay, here comes the big confrontations. They all get ready for dinner. They're all getting ready.

They show up and Jesse's sitting there and he's like looking at Aaron and he's fuming and we see a montage of Aaron being around and like Aaron having comments about how Isabella should be raised and Aaron saying this and Aaron saying that and Jesse's getting mad. And then it goes two hours later,

did you or did you not cross a line when I was married to Michelle? Emotional, physical, in any way did you cross a line? And once again, we see Aaron's eyes bug out, and then it's to be continued. I'm like, you can't, you teased this moment like five different times, and then the moment actually arrives

and it's just a teaser for next week, so you teased the teaser. I was so mad. Yeah. Well, that's how it goes. They don't have much, you know, so they gotta keep it. They gotta keep it going, especially with Janet and Nia just deciding, okay, we're not gonna fight anymore.

It's like, okay. And Jax isn't here for everybody to accuse of stuff. So I guess they gotta make it last. Is next week the finale? Did they say next week's the season finale? No, they didn't. I think we're gonna have a few episodes worth. I think, well, we didn't even get to see

what next week is. I don't know if next week is the actual engagement or we still have to see the scene of Luke in the bed being like, what about me? That they've been showing on the trailers for the past like, you know, 10 months. So we have to have Luke having his breakdown. We have to have the engagement. We have to have Brittany having a fight on the trailers for the past like, you know, 10 months. So we have to have Luke having his breakdown. We have to have the engagement.

We have to have Brittany having a fight on the boat when she has a sailor cap on. There's like a lot of ground that we have to cover on this trip. If they even show it, cause you know, Bravo, we'll put shit in a preview and then just pretend it never happened. So who knows?

Well, this was fun. We will be back tomorrow with some next gen NYC. All right, everybody go enjoy your life. We'll talk to you tomorrow some next-gen NYC. Alright everybody, go enjoy your life. We'll talk to you tomorrow. Love you guys. Bye. Bye. Watch what crap ends,

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