Watch What Crappens - #2909 The Valley S2E12: Mari-proposal!

Episode Date: July 2, 2025

It’s finally here! Luke pops the question to Kristen on The Valley. Plus, Jesse confronts Aaron. So much drama in Hawaii. Listen to our Love Island bonus episodes and participate in live episode threads at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. Tickets for our final Seattle and LA tour dates on sale at watchwhatcrappens.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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My name is TJ Raphael. I'm the host of Liberty Lost, a new podcast about who gets to be a mother and the control of young women hidden behind the veil of faith. Binge all episodes of Liberty Lost ad free right now on Wondery Plus. Hello and welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, joining me today on this surprise engagement to Kristen Doty episode. It's Ronnie Karam. Hi, how are you Ronnie?

Hello, how are you? I am great. Thanks. We're here. We're here to see Mariposa get engaged on the valley. So excited for it. Now before we dive into it though, uh, we, as you may know have been recapping love Island on Patreon. And today we were so fired up that our 20 minute daily bonus episode spiraled into a 90 minute one. So if you, if you have feelings about last night's explosive stand on business

challenge that they did, well come join us over there, patreon.com slash watch where crap happens because we get into it. And I don't know what world we live in where there's less romance on love island than there is on the Valley. How was the Valley. How was the Valley the romantic episode of the day and Love Island the venomous one? I don't know what happened in our world. I'm okay with it.

I'm okay with the Topsy Turvy moment. Yeah, Love Island was crazy, the Valley less so, but you know, I like more linear villains sometimes. It's just easier to come to this show and be like, fuck Jax, fuck Janet. Easy, call it a day, we're done. I was like, oh my enjoyment is there. I know exactly who I don't like

and how it's gonna slot into my day. Yeah, the reason why we had to talk so much on Love Island is because like people that you are like really angry against, like one moment you're like, fuck that person, but also they have a point. So I'm totally on their side, but also they're totally wrong. And so you wind up having to debate all these,

not really even debate, we were just agreeing the entire time, but you hash out all these different angles to all these people, these idiots, whereas the Valley, you're right. It's just simple, like here's your hero, here's your villain. And you know, here's. Here's a dolphin.

So, um, uh, also, but I will, you know what? I am going to bend something, which is that when the valley trailer dropped, a big huge part of it was this whole scene where Luke is in bed being like, sometimes I just want to be loved or whatever it is. He's yelling. And then he goes storming off into the hallway in the hotel. It was in the trailer. It's been on every single promo that they've run every commercial that airs every single day It's this shot of Luke losing his mind and we finally get the episode where he loses his mind

And they just bury it in a flashback. What the fuck is going on here? I had it was that what is I? This is that's so rude of Bravo to do that. You really built us up an entire season, just throw something into a tiny little like, oh yeah, this thing happened last night. I'm mad about that, personally. Well, at least they showed it. Sometimes they don't even show it,

and they just show you in the preview, and then they're like, psych. But they also did it with the Jesse scene, confronting Aaron where he's like, did you ever, ever, before I was married, during my marriage, after my marriage, before we were ever born spiritually, emotionally, physically, economically have ties to Michelle? And then it cuts to Aaron being like, just wide-eyed cross-eyed, like, Pikachu. And they've given us that scene every week,

like coming up, coming up, coming up next week, coming up next week, coming up next week, coming up after commercial, nope, yeah, coming up after commercial next week, and we finally get it and Aaron's like, nope. That's it. Nope. I suspect that this was re-edited.

I have to imagine that Luke's moment was probably the cliffhanger for one episode leading into the next one. And for whatever reason, they decided they didn't want to make that the cliffhanger anymore. They decided to change it up and they just buried it in a flashback. Like that's the only way I can explain it. But I don't know why they would re-edit it that way.

I don't know. I don't understand Bravo's reasoning, but I will happily accept a blind item from anyone on post-production. So that way we can say an old queen at the bar told us what really happened. Yes, if there are any old queens in the bar listening to this show, please get in touch. Tell us what the hell happened. All right. Well, here we are with The Valley Season 2 Episode 12. will you Maui me?

So two hours earlier, Jesse interrogating Aaron. Now everyone's arriving at dinner and he is like, wow, this is a perfect spot to kind of kick off our trip. It's like Hawaii Island vibes with the location. It's just so perfect. So everyone's sitting down to a big dramatic dinner in Maui, which, spoiler alert, isn't dramatic at all. Nothing happens. OK. It's not dramatic at all.

Yeah, it's not dramatic. They're just there having dinner. But, you know, hey, that's nice. So they all sit down. And Nia's like, yeah, I was texting with Kristen. And she was like, stuff isn't good with Luke's grandma. So it's just kind of of upsetting him and everything. And then we see Luke is in the hotel room

to take a shower. He's stressed. Kristen's like, yeah. And Kristen's like, when Luke is really frustrated, he likes to take a walk. And he likes to take a drive, and I deal with some of his emotions, he'll take a drive somewhere,

and then he'll walk the rest of the way. And it's kind of crazy. Sometimes he'll bring Joe along and be like, Hey, how would you like to walk me? Rolls reverse. Am I right? And then that distresses him. It's really cool. Then they'll like call me from like far away and be like, I can't find the car. Come get me. Then it turns out the car broke. So I'll fix the car. It's really badly. So they order some dinner and um, Kristen and Luke are like, Oh my God, we got to go. Everybody's waiting for us to dinner. So then, um, Zach is talking to Brittany about leaving town.

So like, so what did you decide to do for cruise? Like you have cruise now, but you're out of town. So what's going on with that? She's like, well, so Zulie's staying at my house the entire time that we're gone. And then Jax is just going to come to the house and play with the cruise for now, you know, be real fun, things like that. You know, I hope the cruise has a fun time,

like, I don't know, hanging out and eating a lot of chicken fajitas. This is my real first vacation that Jax hadn't been on like 10 years, okay? I didn't feel strange, but I'm so glad he's not here. It's like having date night with my friends. It's like friend date night. It's like having date night and all you do is eat unlimited chicken fajitas.

So then a giant sushi boat shows up and she's like, oh, look at that. It's like a little bridge. I was like, Brittany, like there's something about Jax being out of rehab that's causing her to have all these funny exclamations when food arrives at the table. Chicken fajitas, it's a little bridge. You're a cool guy. Okay.

It's a little bridge. Look at that. Little bridge. Look at that. It's like a little bridge. Oh my God, I always wanted to see a little bridge. I always imagined what sort of bridge with little mouse ears and now I know.

That's all I ever wanted in my marriage. Let's go on a little bridge on Titan O8. You couldn't even do that, Jack. That's all I ever wanted in my marriage. Let's go a little long, go on a little bridge on Titan. No way. Why can't you get me a little bridge once in a while? So Lucas still stressed out when he gets to dinner and Danny's like, Hey, journey, is there any way you're going to come out of this? I mean, where are we at right now, buddy? Hey, 10, four buddies, three under three. Where are we? And he's like, I'll we and he's like I'll talk to you later I'll talk to you later what I'll talk to you later daddy that's right that's right three under three

please never say 10-4 again it makes me worry that we're gonna have 10 under four well we can if you let me get a place in Santa Clarita. 10 under four. Let's go for it. So then Danny's like, I can tell that Luke's a little fragile. One of the few people that know he's proposing to Christian tomorrow, so I'm hoping that Luke is going to be able to keep together and keep the train on track for tomorrow. And he is like, Daniel and I just talked with Jason and Janet

and Janet apologized and it was really awkward for me for a minute. Oh yeah, well she should feel awkward. If I were her, I would feel really fucking awkward for screaming. Oh, oh yeah, accountability, accountability. And then being like, oh wait, was I wrong? Yeah, you were wrong, kaka.

Yeah, she's like, you know what would be really nice? Like if once in a while Janet would like acknowledge she's like kind of an asshole and like maybe apologize. That would be great. That would be great. And so Mia's like, oh wait, she hasn't apologized to you. She's not going to apologize to Kristin. Of course not.

Because Kristin ruined her baby's life by suggesting that Jason didn't wear a wedding ring. Now her baby's going to have to go to ball, ball therapy, ball pit therapy, ball pit therapy. So food is arriving. Nia makes a toast, a toast, a friendship. And then, um, Janet is just like, I'm not going to participate. I'm not going gonna participate in a cheers with someone who's an alcoholic and has to sneak drinks into a cabinet.

And then, you know, then we go down over to Michelle's side of the table and Jason is like, so what? Yeah, what the fuck was that? Why won't you participate in the cheers? I don't know. Janet's really on one right now. She's like, just have fun. Just have fun, just enjoy a cheers.

It wasn't like cheers to Kristin being pro marriage, it was just like cheers to friendship. She's like, no thanks. Is this like a cheers to Skee-Ball? Cause I'm really into Dave and Buster's every moment. It's me, cool Janet, it's me. You also just made up with Nia. So like at least pretend to support her toasts

so that we can patch up your friendship that you're trying to do. So now over Michelle's side of the table, Jason's like, so Aaron, does this feel awkward at all with Jesse here or stuff? And has he been pretty chill so far? And Aaron's like, yeah, I think it's on him. I think it's on him, you know?

And then we cut over to Jesse and he's talking about how he lost his phone under Brittany's dress. And Jesse's like drunk and being kind of like silly over there. Yeah, Jesse's being a little bit too much as usual. And Aaron's like, you don't even see the half of what goes on with Jesse, guys.

You don't see the half of it. Which will take Jason about five minutes to run to Aaron and tell him. So then- To be fair, all of us don't see the half of it. Which will take Jason about five minutes to run to Aaron and tell him. So then- To be fair, all of us don't see the half of what Aaron sees, because his eyes are open so big. He literally sees 150% more than we do. Well, when your dog is named Kilo,

it just makes you wonder what's going on behind those eyes. Yeah. Crazy. Dog missing. Found it. It was up my nose. It was up my nose. Snort up a dog. Added Crazy. Dog missing. Found it. It was up my nose. It was up my nose. Snort up a dog.

And it was like, is anybody want to come see my presidential suite? Okay, let's do it. So Brittany's like, wow, how can everyone can look at my booty as I woke up there? Oh, you see my booty? It's a bridge.

Hi, Zach, do you have a little bridge in your presidential suite? I don't love a little bridge. Pull the chicken feet on it. And Jesse's like, hey, hey Aaron bro, hold back for a moment. I wanna have a talk, just the two of us. You can just lean back that way

and put your drape your arm around the side of your chair so you can look super chill, even though I know you're super nervous right now. Co-guys don't lie. Okay, so let's talk about things. And Michelle's like, well, I want to hang back and listen because I'm nervous. I don't have a choice with Jesse.

He is going to be in my life forever, even when Isabella gets married. I'm like, you don't know Isabella's gonna get married. What if she chooses a single life, mother? Yeah, don't make Isabella's choices. She's like, I don't want Isabelle's gonna get married. What if she chooses a single life? Mother. Yeah, don't make Isabelle's choices. She's like, I don't want Aaron to have to deal with his dog's disease. So I get scared, you know?

One day Aaron is going to be like, this is too much to deal with the crazy ex-husband. Well, he's in it so far. So what are you gonna do? So they have the talk and Jesse's like, so how are you doing out here? Like with his terrifying psycho eyes, he's like, yeah. How's it going?

Psycho versus co-guys. And Aaron's like, very well, very well. Love all the honey. It's great, delicious. Yeah, yeah, gone great, great. Well, I figured it's about time you and I had a little conversation. As a father of Isabella, what a weird thing to say.

As a father of Isabella, you know, something really bothered me, buddy. And you wouldn't know this because you're not a father. Burn, burn, whoa. Hey buddy, I don't know if you've realized this, you have not dropped a load inside a woman that will hate you for the rest of your life. So it's just me. All right. As far as I can tell I'm the daddy to a whole bunch of bees, but go on.

Coming back on Coming back on Father's Day and having my mother and my friends send me screenshots of you with my daughter on Father's Day when I chose to spend it in Orange County at a wedding with my girlfriend. That is so disrespectful to post a picture of my daughter without even asking a father who's me, if that's okay. You could have even asked Tom Hanks because Tom Hanks is a father too,

but you are not a father, how dare you? That is pretty wild that Aaron posted photos of not his daughter on Father's Day. Like, it's all the while that Jesse chose not to be with his daughter on Father's Day and went with his new girlfriend somewhere in Orange County. So is that the story? I've sort of forgotten all the story. I can't keep them. It was on the after show. So much happens on the after show. And let me tell you the same thing I tell after son

on Peacock, I do not have time for you. So thank you to Reddit for telling me what happens. Yeah, put it in the show. If it's so important, put in the show next time, not the after show. But yeah, because at first I was like, that's crazy that he didn't have Isabella on Father's Day. But then if it turns out he went to a wedding

down in Orange County, I mean, Jesse is so full of it. Anytime he says anything that gives me a shred of sympathy for him, I always know it's fake and that there's like a bigger story behind it. Yeah. And that is kind of wild that someone would post your kid on Father's Day, like walking on the beach. And he goes, Yeah, that was a big slap in the face from Michelle. And he goes, You know what, completely slipped my mind.

We were having such a good day. We were calling it snow day. It was fun. And, you know, it slipped my mind, but then I thought about it later and I was like, that's not right. So I took it down. So he took it down.

So you're trying to start a fight with something, with him about something that he rectified. So point for Aaron on that one. And Aaron's by the way, staying calm. His eyes aren't, but he is. His eyes are bouncing down the street at this point. They've rolled out of his face. They're on a little journey.

They're doing like homeward bound. They're like, we got separated from our skull. Oh no, how do we get back to it? So Aaron is like, one eye as a dog, one eye is a cat. So Aaron. Oh no, it's a co-op. I need somebody to play with me or I'm not getting my eyes back.

Oh my god. That's kind of a funny Homeward Bound where they like voluntarily leave, where they're supposed to leave the home and then they're like, wait, how do we get back? So Aaron, Jesse's like- It's like Luke taking his car walk. Well, let me ask you a question.

How do you have your hair like that without getting a dent in it? In the bane of my life. Anyway, another question. Why have I never seen you, as a father, I've never seen you wearing a headband. Explanation. How is it that you don't have a little pocket in your hair

that you could balance an apple easily? So, he's like, yeah, did you or did you not have a little pocket in your hair that you could balance an apple easily. So, um, he's like, yeah, did you, or did you not cross a line? When I was married to about to be married to or married to Michelle, emotional, physical, um, refrigerated coal, limbo, gamey, geographical. Yeah. Any kind of line horoscopes, any kind of scopical pharmaceutical. Okay. That was my bad. I'll be back for the record.

I'd like to strike that. Did you, did you Oscar campaignally, uh, cross a line? Did you Oscar campaignally cross the line? Oscar campaignally. Did you claim that Bear was a comedy? Did you cross the line by putting the Bear in the comedy category? Was that you?

Were you the one who was in charge of that? He's like, oh. That is the line. So this is what we've been seeing all year. And it's like, dun dun dun dun dun commercial.'ve been seeing all year. And it's like, don't don't don't don't don't commercial. So then we come back and he does it again. And he's like, nope, absolutely not. I mean, like, nope.

We texted here and there, you know, and then, you know, one time I was like, come to Runyon, I'm selling honey. Cause you remember the honey storyline that she got honey in Runyon that you were accusing us of. So I texted her that time. I was like, I'm selling honey. Cause you remember the honey storyline that she got honey in Runyon that you were accusing us of. So I texted her that time. I was like, I'm selling honey. And, but that's it.

So, but then we would run into each other all the time. It was crazy. Like I would be standing there just on the street and my dick would run into her vagina. It was nuts. It was not this town. Listen, listen, at this point, I wanna like you because I know I can get some sweet Coke off you

and also some honey, but she triggers me. And as we know, I can't be accountable for my own actions. It's her fault. And she has a way to get under my skin and hold on, wait, wait, hold on one second, Aaron. Let me put my hand on your shoulder and another one on your boob. So let me clear this list with you right now.

Okay, I think it's time to let it all go. And if we could just find a way to like work together, I don't know, maybe you could drown yourself in that ocean over there. I think that would help. I don't know, maybe we could make it work. Yeah, here we are on this trip to Hawaii. Maybe now's the time where we become friends,

a father to a non-father, fuck yeah, non-father. Fuck yeah. Non-child having loser. Because I realized the way to get to Michelle is not to antagonize her lover. It's to befriend him and turn him against her. Yes, exactly.

So join me. Ding, ding, ding. So he's like, yeah, we're done. So he gets up and Aron says like, mm, mm're done. So he gets up and Aeros is like, it's time for a commercial. It's time for a crap. It's commercial. We act in bad, bad, bad, bad.

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cradles her newborn son her arms. They also much I love him they didn't have to take him from me. Between 1945 and the early 1970s, families shipped their pregnant teenage daughters to maternity homes and forced them to secretly place their babies for adoption. In hidden corners across America, it's still happening. My parents had me locked up in the godparent home

against my will. They worked with them to manipulate me and to steal my son away from me. The godparent home is the brainchild of controversial preacher Jerry Falwell, the father of the modern evangelical right and the founder of Liberty University. Where powerful men, emboldened by their faith, determine who gets to be a parent and who must give their child away. Follow Liberty Lost on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. So then, scenes from Hawaii, people are at the pool drinking, cheersing, and now let's

go to Danny and Nia's room. He's like, babe, there's spray tan in the bed. It looks like Walking Dead season five in our bed. Jesus Christ. It's like, yeah, I guess I hope the maids clean it up. I better I hope you're tipping those maids, man. You're leaving Donald Trump's, you know, like Donald Trump all over your bed. It looked like she'd done pottery in those sheets. It was everything. There was so much like orange, brown staining in there. I've never done the spray tan, but like what is the process of the spray tan? Like, is that just unavoidable?

You're just gonna get spray tan on everything. Like it feels like that there had to be a way around that. Like, how do you get that much? Like I would feel gross. It's really gross. And look, I'm a pasty person. I don't care how I look generally, except my eyes and my waddle.

But like, for the most part, I'm not like a spray tan kind of a person. And it makes me happy watching Next Gen NYC, where you see people like with see-through skin. Like that girl, Georgia, looks like a ghost. She looks like she died in 1920, and she's kind of a ghost. She has spray pale skin. She's like, hey guys, Georgia, looks like a ghost. She looks like she died in 1920, and she's kind of a ghost. She has spray pale skin.

She's like, hey guys, sorry, I just got some pale sprayed on me. Yeah, I got spray paste, so. She is literally, she's like, I aspire to look like a cast member and under the ass out of the wig. I wanna look like I've never seen the sun. So now it's gonna to be a great day because guys,

there's going to be people getting married. Yay. And she's like, we're going to be part of the proposal. Are we 100% sure it's going to happen? He's like, well, I told him, listen guys, I can make this happen for you. If you move to Sierra Madre. Wait, where's the...

Santa Clara. Santa Clara. How can I say Sierra Madre? What the heck is wrong with me? Danny, daddy, daddy, daddy. Come back to me, daddy. Santa Clara. Sure, I was just so wasted.

I mean, not wasted. I mean, I wasted an opportunity to say the right thing. You know, last night, Luke had a moment. He went off the rails a little bit, probably because she did some rails. And then we see, now we see the clips that we're talking about. We see the clip of him doing, like snoring the Wasabi, which was in the trailers.

We see him in bed being like, I'm fucking going through shit. I just want you to be there for me. That's all I want, Kristen. We see that. We see him going down the hallway in the Hyatt Regency. Like, why, why, why did that? Christina, like you don't even have your pants on.

Man, those people who were at that hotel. So when Dom and I went to Maui in 2019, we stayed at that hotel and but we were off in like the sad little section, but we didn't get to be in the main towers where they were. But like that's a big ass hotel. Like that's one of the big ones in Maui. And like that's like a lot of people that are there. And I was like, all those lucky people got to be there while the Valley was shooting all this shit. I'm just like, I'm just so jealous.

People who got to see Ginger in his underwear running around crying. I know. Because they were there. Because I'll tell you one thing, the food in that hotel was shit. That was just garbage food. I was like, these people are lucky, because even though they got garbage food, at least they got to see the valley people. So I'm going to say something a little controversial here. I like, I'm glad that Kristin got married.

I'm glad she found happiness. Super glad she had her baby. I was looking at her baby pictures. What a cute baby. I love that she's not coy with her baby either. She's like, kidnap it. Like she's just putting pictures of it everywhere, which I think is cute.

But, you know, cause celebrities are like, do not look at my baby. But she's not, she's like, that's my baby. I love this for her, okay? But I'm worried because Luke, I don't care. Luke seems fine. He seems nice. He also seems mentally disturbed,

but like immature, incompetent. You know what I mean? And I worry long-term for that relationship. Like he's crying, he's running around the halls in his underwear. That's not good guys. It's not. Like if that was my friend who was getting married,

I'd be like, you need to like maybe think about this. I don't know if this guy's ready. If a guy's freaking out to the point where he's having mental breakdowns, just to ask you to marry him, when he knows you're gonna say yes anyway, it's not like there was a question. There might be something wrong here in this relationship.

So I'm just gonna put a pin in that. And the challenges are gonna be so much harder now that they have a child. They are gonna deal with real, really, really big challenges. And if just this was enough to make him go flouncing around the Hyatt Regency in the middle of the night, then scary, it's like, you know, if it looks like a van go and it acts like a van go, don't go. Maybe you should van go.

Maybe you should get in the van and go. My empty van is outside of your house. It was, it was one thing when he only looked like Van Gogh, but now that he's starting to act like Van Gogh, it's a problem. It's a problem. Okay. Here's my impressionist feeling about it, which is this starry night, maybe a starry cross tonight, and let's get out of it.

Let's go from the yellow house to the, the get out of the house. Yeah. My Van Gogh references are now complete. We fucked that up, but you get it. Generally. It's, it's a little scary. I mean the guy is just getting used to indoor plumbing. You know, he's like proud of himself for sitting inside. I think, listen, I don't want to give Kristin an earful on this topic. I think the truth is, it's time to cut it. Maybe you might have to cut something, cut yourself off this relationship. Cut your ear off despite your face. Like go into this with both ears is what I'm saying. Go into this relationship with both ears. Both ears open. What's the name of that famous painting

with the flowers? Come on, one last Van Gogh reference, you could do it Ben. Oh, I failed. Okay, so he's freaking out. And it's like, I'm just going through some sense. So Danny's like, yeah, you know, it's a big moment in your life. You want to get it right. So I'm sympathetic.

I'm sympathetic. I talked to him this morning. I said, come over here, sit on my lap. Sit on my lap. I stuck my finger on his cornhole and and I said how you doing brother you know I Said you want to go into the closet Isn't that we have to do for a pit bull if it's coming down to you? The pit bull like as like Molly,

you're supposed to stick your finger in its butt. His emotions were a little bit all over the place, but his prostate's fine. So I think it's going to work out. He actually ejaculated all over me, but hey. It ain't my first time. But it was in the shape of sunflowers. I thought that there is Van Gogh at work. All right. So now we go back to the pool. Janet Britt is talking, Janet Britt are talking with Melissa and Jasmine and Michelle and Erin are there and Janet's just fanning herself.

Have y'all talked to Kristen at all? Where's Kristen? Where is she? Hi, yo, little bridge. Let's get going. Hey, hey, hey, hey, wait. Before you answer that, just remember, it's a little bridge. So Janice is like, I haven't talked to her at all.

She's a course not. And Melissa goes, oh yeah. Then Jasmine goes, yeah, we talked to Kristin. I had breakfast with her. Janet goes, well, I have not talked to her since El Coyote. Little bridge. Yeah. So Michelle goes, well, you know, she's mad

because I was trying to talk to her and you were just like yelling at her. Yeah So and then and Aaron's actually lying there, which we don't really even notice at first Then he like pops his head up and he's like, hey, how did that night get so heated out coyote? I understand the drinks were strong But as far as I'm concerned Michelle left her coke back at the house, so how did it get so hot and everybody was yelling? Janice like well, there's a group of people whose names I will not say unless I'm wearing Rayon.

But every time the heat is on them, suddenly there are these made up rumors that get thrown out and Jason was a victim of it. You guys, Michelle and Aaron were a victim of it. The pool boy over there was a victim of it. I heard you were half bird. Yeah, that's right. It's a deflection. It's a deflection. And at El Coyote, Kristen was not taking any accountability

and was doing like, I don't know why Jenna's around. Why are you talking about Jenna? Just own it. Just own it. Jenna is around because she's fucked all of your boyfriends. Do you understand?

Janet, of all of the thirsty people in this world, you should understand why another thirst bomb is around. And it's not of your boyfriends. Do you understand? Janet, of all of the thirsty people in this world, you should understand why another thirst bomb is around. And if anything, you're to blame for Jenna being around because you showed that if you are steadfast in your thirst, you will eventually get on television. And that's exactly what Jenna's doing. She's trying to be a boring person

who made good like you, okay? So stop being a hero to all the boring, thirsty people out there if you don't want to see them show up on your show. I just want to be in the pool with my hot boyfriend and have fun. But my friends keep bringing up a girl he once hooked up with. So Aaron's like, you know what? On that note, I'm going to get a couples massage. And by couples massage, I mean, I'm going to find a pile of white stuff and see if I

can put it in my nose. It's cocaine. Great. But if it's just a pile of napkins, I'm also down with that. Oh my God, you're all getting couple massages. That is so sweet. That is so sweet. Couple massage.

You're going to have that noise. You're going to have that noise. Couple massage. Come on. Are they going to let you add in a little bridge? Okay. Come on. Come on.

You're a cool guy. You're a cool guy. You're a cool guy. I hope you get some chicken fajitas afterwards. So, um, yeah, there's like small talk about like, oh my God, Britten has a crush on Michelle. So then we go to Zach and Benji in their room and Zach's wearing a shirt that says, Sucker Mom. Hilarious, it is hilarious. And Benji has on like a cute little flowery robe.

And he's like, oh my God, are we giving this room to Kristen? Look, what are we crazy? Oh my God, have you seen these t-shirts? These are like literally nuts. Benji, what do you think about these t-shirts? Please don't talk, I'm talking right now. Could we fit them in a suitcase? What are we gonna do?

Oh my God, there's a sliding glass door here. That is adorable. That is so cute. It's stressing me out because Kristen's getting married later and there's like a sliding glass door. Like, what are we going to do with that? It's that carpet. This should be hardwood. Shouldn't it? Benji? It's like, Oh my God, Jesus. Is this what their home life is like? Benji says nothing. By the way, Jasmine was like suspicious and was like, something's amiss. Are they getting engaged or something?

So of course I had to tell her it was ridiculous. Right Benji? Anyway, don't answer that. Oh my God. So then she's gonna come. And by the way, we have a suit of, we have all these t-shirts, okay, that we have to have everyone wear.

So we had to get Janet and Jason's size to make them seem like, oh, we're going to get a group photo on the shirt, but like whatever. I don't know how, what we're even going to do with them tonight. Cause can I, I can tell you this, if Kristen gets proposed to and gets off the boat and Janet is standing there with a shirt of her face on it,

it will be the biggest meltdown in the history of the world. Like Chernobyl and got shit on what Kristen will do. Okay. But I feel like we should pack first. Okay. I should say everywhere. I'm like, it's just, it's the craziest monologue. And so now Kristen's there. She's like, knock, knock, it's Kristen. Don't come in, don't come in. We're like naked.

We're like naked. And she's like, yeah, we're naked right now. But she walks in anyway. She's like, oh, hey. Kaka, Kaka, it looks like you just hit something for me. That's cool. Anyway, what's going on? I'm sorry.

No, well, last night, by the way, I feel like number one, Luke, I love that there's someone more dramatic than you sometimes. Like you have found a dramatic Christina. It's like he wasn't dramatic. You guys didn't say that about Luke. Like he's having a rough time. Like his grandma, you know, like that, like his heart. Come on guys. Like he flew for 36 hours and he's like, oh, okay Kristen Okay. Well, we need to start getting ready to be with your completely non Dramatic boyfriend before he proposed. So let's turn to you. What's that? He's gonna propose

He's gonna propose that we have happy hour. That's what I meant Should we have happy hour and you're gonna say I do think we should have happy hour. That's what I meant. Should we have happy hour? And you're going to say, I do think we should have happy hour. Okay, I'm excited. I can't wait until you guys marry Ketchup's. You guys should marry Ketchup's. It was like Katie's best scene in Vanderpump Rules. You guys should recreate it. So why is my one,

out of everything that happened on Vanderpump Rules? I mean out of 10 years, Scandival, which was like the most recent crazy thing. There have been so many crazy things from Vanderpump Rules. Why is my best memory of Vanderpump Rules Katie standing there holding a tray of catch ups that will never get old to me? I think about it when I sleep sometimes and it makes me smile. Yeah, it's sometimes some images are just iconic. They just are searing.

So now Kristen and Luke, so the whole thing is that they're going to go on a supposed fishing trip. And Kristen does not want to take a shower. She's like, I'm just getting on a boat. I'm getting nasty. Why should I take a shower? He's like, yeah, you should take a shower. But why?

Because we're going to go to a luau right after, so the fire will burn off my smell. No, it doesn't really work that way. Cover me in poi, I don't care. You should take a shower. No, you don't have to take a shower when you're on the ocean. Like that's especially, I think,

when you're supposed to take a shower. You should look cute. Why should I look cute? I wanna wear a t-shirt that says one tequila, two tequila, three tequila floor. What's wrong with that? Maybe, what about my Stevie Nicks t-shirt? I'll wear that.

No, maybe something like nicer. Okay, I can either shower and wear my favorite t-shirt or not shower and wear something pretty. What do you want? Um. Okay, so Nia is really into this. She's that friend, like whoever gets married or has a baby. She's like super into it. So she's like, um, Kristen, you need to look really cute. Why are all these inspo pics of people getting married? Oh wait, she sent me an inspo pic of a guy

like running around with his underwear. Luke, it's you, why are you sending them? Sorry, I meant to send that to Walgreens to have that printed canvassed for your wedding. I mean. And I love that Nia is so the girl that sends inspo pics no matter what, so therefore it's like they're not, she's like not surprised that Nia sending pictures like why don't you look like this or like this?

I mean Nia probably single handedly keeps Pinterest alive. Okay. I just found some things from my favorite board. I'm just going to send it to you. Okay. Please, please, please don't wear them. See the Fleetwood Mac shirt. It's no Christ.

I know Christine McPhee was your favorite, but like let's honor her in a different way. Not tonight, thank you. Today we're just gonna pretend crop tops aren't happening, okay? Come on, just today. Maybe not wear the crocs on the boat, I don't know. Let's pretend a scarf is in a skirt today, okay? Let's just try it. No NASCAR shirts.

Chris is like, oh, why is she sending me inspo pics of people with comb terror? Disgusting! Okay, do you really need to wear a Tasmanian Devil t-shirt? No, I don't think so. Matt, today is not the day to wear I'm with stupid, okay? Oh, you're just wearing a free t-shirt that says ace hardware on it. Okay, maybe not free t-shirts today. All right, send me a picture of what you're wearing. Oh no, Kristin, you can't wear a shirt

that says pull my finger, especially not today. Okay, maybe not the one that says senior frogs and then has a picture of a frog passed out on the floor. You're so right though. Kristin has all of these t-shirts that you just said. She literally owns all of those t-shirts. So then you guys, I don't know about you, but I have not felt pity for Jax literally ever.

So hopefully they can get it today because it's time for some tinkly piano music and some really bad eyebrow penciling. Let's go see what Jax is doing. So Jax is swimming with Cruz in the pool and he's like, I'm really, really happy that I get to see Cruz today. I don't know when that's gonna happen, so I'm just gonna swim with this child in the pool. That's Cruz. This is my son?

Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, it's been seven days since I got out of the facility and I was really worried that I was gone for so long that He's gonna forget about me I mean has my face changed about five times since he saw me last perhaps but like I just didn't want him to totally Forget about me Yeah, um, and meanwhile he's like, okay go in the pool and he throws him in the pool and I can't believe he

Didn't just leave him in the pool I thought jackson was just gonna leave him in the pool open a beer and go inside and close the door So that was impressive. So I have to give him some credit for that because I didn't see that happening. And he even like, like this is the most affectionate we've seen Jax with his son ever in all this time.

Yeah, because you know, he has to do it for five minutes. I mean, I'm sorry, listen, you're in the facility, whatever kind of the car wash facility. I don't know what we're calling it today, but wherever you were, you could come out and you had the time to come untape cameras. You never had time to come say hi to your son. That's crazy. OK, so then for 30, so then Glenn Close found used to even Glenn Close found time to hang out

with a child and fatal attraction that wasn't even hers. She was a busy lady stalking people. Okay. Let me tell you who never forgot Glenn Close, even the household pets. Okay. She was there. She had time to make a meal for that family. In other words, Jax, I do not feel sorry for you.

You son of a bitch. Get the fuck off my table. You toxic piece of shit. You abusive piece of shit. And stop kissing your son on the lips when we know you've at least got herpes. At least. Stop putting that kid through your same patterns this young. Stop it.

Butt eater. Okay. So then, Brittany's like, Oh, Hey guys, what my hula dance be? Cause they all go take hula dancing. And, um, she's like, Oh, I think mom would be grabbing Jackson's nuts and cutting them off and throwing them in the ocean.

Or maybe I could be doing like this where I'm trying to grab my Jenny Craig bags back. Yeah. Cause the guy's like, yeah, Hula is really bad telling a story. I don't know if I want Brittany Hula dancing in that case. It's gonna be like going to the 7-Eleven when she was in high school. Hi, hi, hi, hi.

That's her saying to Hula sounds. I'm trying to think of how to put gargle and beer cheese into a dance. Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. Her voice does sound kind of like a ukulele a little bit, like little things. So now Jesse is hanging out with Erin and Jason having shaved ice. So he's like, wow, it's amazing that this ice can do more for itself than Kristin can on her own engagement day.

I don't need to be buddy buddy with Erin, but I do need to be friends enough with him to make Michelle annoyed. So in the best interest of Isabella and being petty, if Isabella says she loves Aaron, then fuck that guy. I mean, I mean, then I will be nice to him too. Yes. So Aaron's like, so speaking of shaved ice,

when's the last time you played hockey? And he's like, oh yeah, you want to go there? Do you really want to fucking go there? You piece of shit. You want a piece of me? And they're like, geez, whoa, why are you so aggressive? And he goes, yeah, because actually this story connects us. It connects us even more than through our noses.

All right. Last time I played hockey. Go ahead, go ahead, me. Okay, the last time I played hockey, it was probably 2016. I got buried in the corner. I had the worst concussion of my entire hockey career. A puck hit my hair so hard it never recovered. That's why the dent is there.

Fine, that's all out there now. I checked myself into Cedars and Michelle and I hadn't been dating for a few weeks, but I had the option of who to call to pick me up at the hospital. And since I burned through all my other friends and no one liked me, I was like, I guess it's gonna be Michelle Lally.

So we started to fuck right there in the emergency room. And then we had a baby and that's why I'm a father and you're not you hockey loser. By the way, this guy's poor because in 2016, Uber existed so you should have gotten Uber. Sorry. Yeah, this guy's poor. I'm retroactively nine years ago shaming you.

She got her from nine years ago. So Aaron's like, so wait, so if you didn't get concussed, you wouldn't be with her. And he's like, probably not. And the producer says, Wow, so that's romantic. So wow, you wouldn't be with Michelle if you weren't concussed. And he's like, it's like I've been concussed for eight years. You know, that's how I feel when I watch him talk. So, Aaron's like, so was that the only time you guys broke up?

He's like, yeah. And Jason's like, well, there was one more time. He's like, yeah, when you started dating your Aaron. Ha ha ha ha ha. I mean,, technically Michelle and I are still together. Right, lawyer? Jason's like, I do labor law. I don't understand. So Aaron's like, well, that must feel really good.

You know, in the marital law, I prefer sticking up for corporations who are being sued for workers comp. So I don't really know that this is my category. That's why we have a low hanging hood so I can understand what it's like to get hurt on the job. I actually, you know, Janet actually bruised her head on the hood and tried to sue

and I represented the hood company against Janet. So I'm pretty dedicated. Janet versus KitchenAid, we won. We won everyone. It was the only time I was like actually kind of morally correct in my job. So Jason is, uh, he's like, by the way, you, all you guys spoke for a while yesterday and I saw it when he came back to the

room, you guys did a little beer toast. So I assume everything's pretty good. Jesse's like, yeah, it was a good talk. Yeah. And so Aaron's like, yeah, how did you feel about it? He goes, and he's like, well, I said, just, just being my team, I will do a part. I will do my part as a promise to you by not calling her a lying, cheating whore because she doesn't deserve that even though she totally is that. This guy's such a fucking pig. He's such a pig. Oh my God. Yeah.

I won't call her a lying, cheating whore. You know, I'll just call her a whore mother of my child. You know? And so I trust that you're a man who will respect my daughter and a man who will now respect me. And if you have a question about my daughter, you can reach out to me. Those things we can build a foundation on. Hopefully, the foundation can be poured over your bones after I buried them in the ground. And so now I have had my carefully orchestrated redemption scene to show that I'm a bigger person. So I think that wraps it up and everyone's like,

yeah, and respect is a two way street. He's like, oh. Unfortunately, we're downtown and there are no two way streets here. Yeah. So die young, stupid. It's one way, one way. You don't go two ways on a ramp onto the highway. So.

So Jesse's like, well, I mean, even if he respects me, Michelle doesn't. So if he says to himself, I don't feel comfortable with this, I should call Jesse. Michelle says, fuck Jesse, then what's he gonna do? Be like, no, fuck you, Michelle. Me and Jesse are bros. It's not gonna happen, but it will.

We'll see. Ha ha ha. Okay, so now Jax calls on FaceTime and Jason, I really hate that Jax is on this show. Jason makes him put a snorkel on to answer the phone and Aaron, I don't know, they're FaceTiming with fucking Jax. Like, oh my God, we miss you so much, buddy.

We miss you so much. Hey, bro. Hey, bro. God, we miss you so much, buddy. We miss you so much. Hey, bro. Hey, bro. God, this man here is like powder. He's like, come on, guys, that's not cool. Too soon, guys. Too soon, guys. Don't worry, I've been spying on you the entire time.

Turns out there's like a little drone over their table. Like, oh, that's why that thing's been hovering over us. It's like, yeah, me and Cruz are having the best time. Hey, aren't we, Cruz? Wait, wait, what the fuck? I just gave that kid a beer and Cruz are having the best time. Hey, are we Cruz? Wait, wait. Wow. What the fuck? I just gave that kid a beer and already he's got. Oh, my God. Hold on. I think you

took my car. I think you took my car. I got to go. I got to go. So now it's time for the big proposal on the boat. So Kristen, Luke, Danny and Nia, they go to the boat and they see lots of things like

stingrays having sex and Kristen's like, I didn't even know that stingrays did hump I'm like, have you never seen Vanderpump rules? I mean you were on that show I feel like we saw a lot of like really vicious animals humping on that show. So not surprised here Yes stingrays hump. Have you ever done that thing where you go on a boat? I mean, I only went on one cruise in my life But when I went we did the stingray thing did have you ever done that? They bring up the stingray,

and the stingrays crawl all over you while they swim all over you. And they kind of feel like they're humping your back. It's like, hum, hum, hum, hum, hum. Like on your back. Why do you think those stingrays are always smiling? You know, every time they show a picture

of a stingray from below, it's always like, ha, ha, ha. It's because they just got like a handy from someone else. Yeah, they just got, they got a wingy. They just like, humped somebody's hairy back off a cruise a handy from someone else. Yeah, they just got a wingy. Humped somebody's hairy back off a cruise ship. Yeah, they got a stingy, you know?

So yeah, they're humping. And Chris is like, I love a mother nature. So they go out to the ocean. They're fishing and everything. They're pulling up fish, et cetera. And the plan is that like Luke is going to go, like he's going to go fetch the ring from his bag. And then they're going to distract.

They're going to pretend like they're going to take couples photos and stuff. And then they're going to distract Kristen by saying like, Hey, look, there's dolphins. And they're like, cause she'll totally turn around and be captivated by the dolphins, looking for dolphins for a good 15 minutes. And then he'll get down on the knee. And... Uh...

Giggle. So they get on here and they're catching fish. And you know, whatever. They catch a little fish. And he is like, I think they just kept that fish to use to catch a bigger fish. How sad is like, I think they just kept that fish to use to catch a bigger fish. How sad is that? Which it was kind of sad.

They kept Nemo to like feed him to an eel or something. And so Lucas like so nervous. Oh my God, like, how can I even concentrate on this? My ring is in her bag. What are we, what are we gonna do? Because then Kristen goes and sits on his bag with a ring in it. And of course she doesn't even feel that there was like a little box in there.

And he's like, Oh my God, how we get Kristen off the bag. Cause she's like, I don't want to stand up. Why would I stand up? First? You won't let me wear my Stevie Nick shirt. Now I've got to stand up. And I don't want to stand up. This is the worst thing. Can I just drink? It's like, no, Kristen, don't drink. Why not? Come on. Awesome. Cute clothes. I am in cute clothes. Go take the body odor off. That's disgusting. Why would I do that? God gave this to me. I love Mother Nature. Did you not hear it? She's so annoyed. She's like I don't want to look pretty it's human out. Why should I put makeup on? Just do it, please

Fine, let me reach into this bag to get my makeup. Oh wait, there's a little box. Well, I won't open that up I'll just reach for something else instead. Yeah. So finally they get her out there and, um, they have this thing where they're like, Kristen, look over there. Where over there. Could you be more specific as an ocean? Okay. Kristen, look, there's dolphins. Where's the dolphins? Have you ever been to the last thing? Yes or no. Yes or no. Oh Oh my god take me Dolphins take me to your leader I want to join your society

where are they? I always knew this would come. Do you work for the government? Do you work for the government? Luke I love you but this is a sign that it's time for me to cross over into their world goodbye No don't climb over the board don't climb overboard Kristen I must join them it is my duty in life it is my. Where's Darrell Hannah? Mmm, as I sit here and see the Dolphins I realize I want to marry dolphin proposed to me. Will you marry me Dolphin? And Luke is now like down on one knee and he's like trying to propose he's like he's like well Kristen We've had so many adventures. I don't see any dolphins. All right from the top. We've had so many adventures seriously Where's the dolphins you saw dolphin? I don't wait. I see adventures. Seriously, where's the dolphins? You saw a dolphin? I don't, wait, I see one. No, it's a rock.

Oh my God, I'm really losing my mind. Are they leading me? No, don't let this opportunity go away from me. I really am disappointed in dolphins because you remember when Jax proposed to Brittany at the crab shack or whatever the hell he was at, Venus Flytrap, what was it called? The place on P.E.?

Neptune's Net. Neptune's Net, yeah. So they were at Neptune's Net and you could see the freeway behind them. And he's like, we're in the beach. And then when he retold the story later, he's like, oh my God, there was like dolphins jumping behind us. And it was just so magical, which is all a lie because it was like trucks behind you. It was a parking lot and a freeway.

It's like, it's like, it's like a, it's like a Neptune's dance where like all the biker gangs go. It's like just motorcycles. It's BCH. So you see all the delicious food. Yeah. Good, good fried food. So I wanted the dolphins to actually jump for Kristin's because I thought that would be amazing

if Kristin actually got Jax's lies, her real engagement. But you know what dolphins, You've let me down again. Way to go, Dolphins. Don't you even realize the cameras are rolling? Seize the moment. Well, either way. So finally, she is like, will not turn around now. She's being the most uncooperative,

surprise engagement person of all time, and she doesn't even realize it. Like she's been such a nightmare for all of them, just getting her in the place that she's supposed to go to. So now finally he's down on the knee and he's like, Oh, Kristen, Kristen, Kristen is like pawing at her. Wait, no, the dolphins. I swear to God, I think I see one. Wait, what about seagull? You know, I'm okay. I'll do a seagull thing. Like yeah, sure. Dolphins. They may not want me,

but I'll be a seagull. I'll join them. I'll fly with them. I'll fly with the goals. So he kneels behind her and he's like, baby. Will you be the catch of my lifetime today? And so, oh my god, oh, holy fuck fucking a holy shit. I just shit my dress Joe shit myself Are you fucking serious right now? I've got poop dribbling down my life. By the way, I've heard you say that before that singing bass We bought at the big lots. I'm saying it again Will you be the catch of my lifetime, baby? Well, even though our relationship was not built on fishing, I will say absolutely yes.

Thank you for proposing to me with some sort of strange deep sea fishing reference here. Oh yes, I will, seriously, yes. He's like, baby, will you be my wicked tuna? We were sustainably engaged. Yes. Just just pooped on it on. So, um, it's cute. And they kiss. It is really sweet. Yeah. It's really, it's really lovely. I talked her into that tasteful crop top.

No, this is really beautiful, but I do have a serious question for everyone. Are there really dolphins? Because I don't want to miss any of them. Wait a minute, you're putting the finger on the wrong hand. Okay, now do it this finger, pull this finger, pull this finger. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

So she's crying, It's so nice. I loved it. I actually think, I think this was maybe my favorite engagement I've seen on Bravo. Believe it or not. I was thinking about it. I was so entertained by how she was so messing everything up. And then I was also so delighted when it happened. Yeah. Yeah. despite everything that we said about Luke, like there are some red flags. I really enjoyed this engagement scene. I'm trying to think of one that was better. Well listen, divorce proceedings are much better when you have all the clips of the happy times to show.

You know what I mean? I'm just kidding. So she's like, Wendy Dell Hubbard? Will you be my husband? Yeah, that was black. It doesn't count if people magazine's not hiding behind a bush.

I need Dave Quinn jumping up behind a sea tumbleweed. Fair, fair. So she's like, Lucas, my rock. I mean, he really stands by me. He stands up for me. I mean, sure, he takes the car sometimes when he's sad and leaves it in parking lots he doesn't remember going to. But, you know, I love how funny he thinks he is, but he's not.

That's my partner in crime. It's my ride or die. That's my fryer grilled. Wait, I'm just giving options. What am I even doing today? That was the easiest yes I've ever said. Well, aside from, would you like to see some dolphins? That's a hell yes.

So then they cheer, it's nice, and they kiss, and she holds up her ring, and she's worried that she's going to drop the ring into the water, which is a fair concern, because it's Kristen Doty. Oh my God, I dropped the ring in the water. Kyle Chan will never forgive me. Yeah. And then Benji has packed for Zach.

We go back to the hotel, and Benji's wearing a watermelon shirt, so it's a big day. And now they're going to let Kristen and Luke move into the presidential suite. And so they're putting their shit in all the drawers and getting decorated and doing all of this stuff. And he's like, but Lucas, but Luke knew that they'd be switching suites, but he still has managed to, he like put everything into all the drawers in the hotel because he's one of those people that when you get to a hotel, you merely take everything out of your bag and put the into all the drawers in the hotel Because he's one of those people that when you get to a hotel you merely take everything out of your bag and put the bin

To the drawers and so Zach was like, oh my god like He knew that we'd be switching like everything is in every single fucking drawer. I can't restrate men. Seriously Are you are you are you are you someone who? Who unpacks into a hotel drawer? No, no. I live out of the suitcase, and I take the little plastic bag that comes in the hotel room for laundry, and I use that as my discard bag for all my undies.

And then at the very end, I throw the discard bag in the suitcase, and I hit the road. Easy peasy peasy peasy peasy peasy peasy peasy peasy peasy. I live that packing cube lifestyle now. So like I basically have drawers in my bag as a result. They're just like in the shape of little baggies. Oh, no.

I don't. Yeah, I don't need to. They're not. They don't look like drawers. Just so you know, packing cubes are not actually cubes, which is so annoying. I actually hate that they're called packing cubes. They're literally just little bags. That's it. I mean, but you know, hey, organize those. At all, to be honest.

I walk around like a wrinkly old Navy mess and you know what, that's it. That's just how it is. I look like crap. So maybe that's why. But anyway, so they're getting this room ready and then Zach and Benji sit down with Jesse and Zach's like,

oh, because we didn't realize you were gonna be back in the room. Like, I'm just gonna to have to tell you now. Lucas proposing to Kristen, can you believe it? He's like, well, I'm glad that my, my getting fucked over by a woman has really inspired someone else to make the same mistake I did. Great fucking news guys. Thanks. Okay. So he's like, yeah, that's why they went on the boat. He's like, yeah, cause I mean, who the fuck wants to go fishing? He's like, yeah, I didn't even want to go either. Okay. So I, you know, I wouldn't have wanted to go, but okay, you're just gonna

have to put some earmuffs on tonight. So Jesse goes, okay, how about we call the hotel? And then at this point I'm like, oh, he's going to say, I'm going to call downstairs and I'm going to get a new room so that they can have some privacy. He's like, we're going to get 500 white roses and 500 hibiscus petals, put them all over the place. I'm like get a new room so they can have some privacy. He's like, we're gonna get 500 white roses and 500 hibiscus petals, put them all over the place. I'm like, no, get yourself out of this suite, sir. Why are you staying in this suite with these two people who just got engaged?

Like, get another room, get yourself a space or a crash. Crash with Jason and Janet. Like, what are you doing staying in this place? And I like that he's also just coming up with something that's so outlandish that they're not gonna be able to do it so he can look like a good guy. He's like, I'm gonna call the front desk.

All right, can we have 19,000 hibiscus flowers delivered to the room? They just hang up on him. He's like, what the fuck? What the fuck? It was so ridiculous. I mean, this guy, we talk a lot about love bombing on love Island these days, but this is,

this is what that's what Jesse is right here. I mean, like, he does this because he knows that that's how he would operate in a situation like that. Performative and Zach's like, um, 19,000 Hibiscus flowers. Michelle said he's broke. So I don't know if he's putting it on a credit card or what. No, we never see the flowers. So yeah, because he asked for something they can't get, you

know, that's just that's how he does it. So then Brittany is in the room with Janet. She's like, can we do some room service shops? Can we do it? Come on. So then we go to Melissa and Jasmine. They're getting cute and ready. And they're like, Oh my God, what if we got engaged today? Yeah, you're going to get your, you're going to propose to, Oh my God, that's wacky. Michelle's just like, yeah. I mean, Melissa, Melissa's like, yeah. Yeah. So Zach, I mean, Zach is so funny this episode because he's trying to like organize this

whole party and you know, we really see like assistant Zach coming out, like the Zach who worked for Nicole Scherzinger and like, and Kelly Catrone. Although I don't think he was an assistant to Kelly Catrone, but you see him like, okay, we're gonna do this party. Oh my God, it is like so windy out here. Okay, do we want the table to go up there? I don't think I like, there's a lot going on here.

Okay, the proposal is supposed to happen at sunset. So now the sun's going down and I can finally call everybody and let them know there's an actual engagement happening and she better Have said yes because I put way too much work into this bitch for this not to work out. Okay Say happy wedding. I want them to be silver make it happen. I don't care how you do it Okay, there's so much sand on this beach. We need to sweep it sweep the sand. This is too much for my friend Okay. Hey Brittany You're gonna be mad at me. Why is Jax there? Is there a little bridge? No, no No, well actually there might be a little bridge somewhere around here, but I would never surprise you with that

Okay, this that's not the surprise. Okay, there could be chicken fajitas. No, that's not either. Um That's not the surprise. Okay, there could be chicken fajitas. No, that's not either. Meemaw, is Meemaw there? Hey, wait, you got me some white lipstick like my mom's. No, like literally none of those. Luke just proposed to Kristen. She's like, what?

He did? Yeah, you saw it? Yeah, so wait, wait a minute. So Danny and Nia got to be there, but we didn't. Come on, what the hell? Y'all know what I'm going through. Come on, how can you do this? How can you do this?

Well, Luke wanted it to be like such a surprise. And you know, like Danny and Nia being there, like, yes, she loves them. But like, if you and I were on a fishing boat, do you think that even makes sense? She's like, yeah, cause I want to go fishing the whole time. What if the boat goes under a little bridge? Cause of course, Brittany is the only one who's like, yeah, I want to go fishing. That was

my whole point. He's like, okay, well, maybe you but like, I'm not a fisher. She's like, well, I can't help but feel a little bit left out. I mean, I've got left out of engagement night. You know, I just want someone to show me a little love on engagement night. My bad. Can you do that to me? I mean, Chrissy is one of my very best friends, which I completely fuck over all the time and let other people trash talk her and start fights with her and I never stand up for her. You know, you know how it goes with best friends. She's like a literally a sister to me, okay?

And I would have loved to have been in that moment and I feel like all these other people knew about me, okay? It just doesn't really make sense to me. Yeah, I mean, I guess I'm being selfish. Yeah, and you're also a twit who's gonna go tell everybody the second you hear it. Okay, they can't trust you. I can't even believe they trusted Zach

and he barely made it here, let's be honest. And I think she knew because she shockingly did not make this into a big like storyline. She wasn't like angry. She didn't make it all about herself. I mean, we've seen this happen so many times on all the other shows.

I just feel like I should have been part of that and the fact that I wasn't, it's like, where do I even stand with this person anymore? Like, what's going on? But she's like, oh, well, I guess it wasn't for me. Yeah, well, she apparently was talking about it on the after shows, another clip I saw today. And she's like, well, I can't believe Luke said that he

wouldn't tell me because of Jax. I mean, I divorced him. I divorced him. And Luke's like, yeah, but Jax can get any information from Brittany and then he would have gotten it out of her and he would have told everybody. Because Brittany would have been walking around the house being like, well, I can't believe that we're just going to be, Chris is going to get engaged. She doesn't even know. Oh, isn't that so funny? Mr. Coffee machine and then Jackson like what was that? Who's getting married and why are you wearing two different flip-flops? Yeah, so we go back to Zack and

You know, he's doing the event coordination thing So then Zack phone Zack's phone starts ringing because of course Janet finds out because she rooms with Brittany. So Janet's like, I heard you told Brittany the news, like, congratulations. I'm so happy for them. I just feel like Jason and I shouldn't come to dinner because it's been kind of weird. And you know what, my child is hurt enough by all of this. And for my child to know that I was tricked on coming to a trip that's not about me is going to really hurt their chances to get into a good preschool. So I just wanted to say thank you for ruining my child's life. Thank you. You bitch. My favorite thing is when someone does something like this under the pretense that they don't want to like, they want to make it about Chris and they don't want to like, they want to make it about Kristen.

They don't want to make it about themselves. But of course by not participating, they actually make the night about themselves. So that's a hundred percent what she's doing here. And Zach's like, well, okay, well, I just don't want you to think that I'm discluding you. It's like, well, I wouldn't think that you're just excluding me because that's not something,

that's not a real home, it's not a word. It's not a word. Just no, no, no, it's fine. I think it think that you're just including me because that's not something that's not a real home. It's not a word. It's not a word. Just no, no, no, it's fine. I think it's best if we just don't come. He's like, oh, okay. But I got t-shirts made. And I think it would like be aggressive if you had a shirt with her face on it. You know, like you guys don't talk, you know, she goes, yeah, I said I'm not coming.

Yeah. Okay. But I just want to make sure you know, you're not coming. But you're also not wearing a t-shirt. Okay, because I'm going to give that to a waiter. But you know, like the dinner aspect, it's a stand up dinner. You know, so if you want to just come stand up, that would be fun. Because you know, maybe we could like put a string on top of your head and pretend you're

a pinata or something like you're welcome to come for that. She's like, no, it's, it's actually like a real stand up dinner like all of Kristin's friends she made when she did stand up comedy on Vannepom Brule. They're all coming and they're gonna make terrible jokes bringing in a brick wall. It's gonna be great. The first guy coming up is gonna say how men are different from women. It's gonna be wild. It's gonna be wild. Oh wait I just learned Reza Farahan is gonna be joining and we have a sneak preview of his material which goes something like this old old people will be like driving so slow like i'll be driving faster than like old person be

like driving in front of me and be like driving slow bitch persian people doing crosswalks am i right damn bitch the valley persian style coming soon bitch The valley Persian style coming soon, bitch. So she's like, no, no, seriously, they can celebrate. You know, sure. There will probably be some bobbing for Coors lights or something like that. Maybe like a little NASCAR celebration. Not into it, Zach, but thank you. Okay.

Thank you for that. Thank you so much for that because I was trying to figure out how we were going to get a house to land on you tonight. But since we're not going to have to do that, you've just saved me some time. It's like, OK, totally fine. I love you. Totally fine. You know, someone, someone, someone should have just said, you know what?

You guys are in a fight now, but you know you're going to be friends in like six months. So don't you want to be there for her engagement? Even if you don't like her now, it's that way down the line when you guys are friends again, you can be so happy that you were there this year, this moment. Like, why doesn't anyone ever say that? Because we all know they'll be, they'll patch up next season. They'll be friends again. Like this is the way it goes with reality stars, but oh well. I don't know. At least show up and just be like, oh my God, congratulations, Kristin.

That's it? That's all you have to do? Why not that? It's not being fake to wish somebody well. It really isn't. It really, really isn't. I mean, it would be in this case, but it doesn't have to be.

You can actually be a decent person sometimes. You can just say, I know we have our issues but that does not get in the way of the fact that I think this is really awesome and I'm still fucking happy for you you know so then she's like okay well I guess we're going to dinner okay and you know what I don't even want to go I want to go back to LA because like this is crazy like I mean I'm gonna have to hang out with them tomorrow I mean wow I'm going to have to hang out with them tomorrow. I mean, wow, I'm already excluded from one thing, so I'm not going to jump into anything else. And no one excluded you. So even Jason, who's like the biggest simpy ass kisser on television, is like,

babe, like, if we're going to... He's like, we weren't excluded from dinner. She goes, oh, really? And he goes, yeah. And it's a good thing they got engaged, but does it make sense if there's weird tension? She goes, yeah, and the trips for them? Yeah, so we got talked into coming on this trip and it's her engagement trip?

Wow, wow. He's like, no, it's for us. He's like, I didn't take off work to leave Hawaii early. Cause she's like, we're gonna go home early. We're not gonna stay the whole time. He's like, no, no, we're staying here. Okay. We have a free hotel room in a hotel with bad food. So be it. But we're staying here. Yeah. And she goes, okay, unless you're on stuff tomorrow. And she's like, okay, well,

you know what? I want food because I'm hungry. Okay. And I thought I'd be eating by now. And he's like, she goes, well, I'm not to, you know what? I'm not going to anything tomorrow, but TBD tomorrow, TBD.'" And he goes, "'Okay, but I don't know about this tomorrow. Like stop saying that.'" And she goes, "'Okay, you know what?

We'll figure out tomorrow when it comes.'" And he goes, "'What does it matter if they're engaged?' And she goes, "'We'll figure it out. I'm just ready. I've been starving. Okay, you know what?

Do you want to go to her thing? Do you want to go to her thing and get food? I guess that's what you want to do.'" Great, my husband has left me to go support Kristen to something I've been excluded from. That's great. Our child is traumatized. Thank you for basically murdering our child, Jason. I hope you have...

God, Janet, you are... Just stop. You can't go two seconds without being a total asshole. Just stop. Oh my God. Here's, here's, here's why Janet is so mad is because she was probably raring up to have some confrontation with Kristin, some big moment. She had all her, she had all her ducks in a row of how she wanted to do it and all her points. And now it's Kristin's engagement weekend,

which means that Kristin is kind of untouchable. You can't be mean to Kristin. Why would you say this to her on her engagement weekend? It's such a special time. So basically Janet is like fighting an uphill position now when before there were equals in their stupid spat and then she's like, fuck, now I can't do the thing that I wanted to do. And now I'm going to be so she that's why she's spiraling. I think. Well, welcome to being on last season with you, prego, when nobody could say anything to you or you'd be like, you're trying to murder my baby.

So, and that's, I think, another problem with the Valley. Someone's always gonna be pregnant. And or getting married. That is a problem. And or getting divorced. So someone's always gonna have a block, a stop block card, you know, that they pull. It's like, okay, we've gotta be nice to this girl again

for the season. Yeah. So they're setting up the, the, um, the room to be, to be nice. Maybe we do see the flowers here. I don't remember, but they're setting up the presidential suite and Brittany is like, well, I would have helped, you know, if I'd known, but you know, I just don't know why they didn't include me. Why do they exclude me from this so much?

If everybody in the crew knew, I just want to be able to help in the situation, make something better for Kristen, but whatever, I'm just being selfish. She's annoying. So, you know, everybody parties and they get their t-shirt and all that good stuff and Kristen's like, oh my God, like to go above and beyond like this, like, have all these decorations and have all these shirts printed and to keep it a surprise, like, oh my God, like to go above and beyond like this, like I have all these decorations and all these shirts printed and to keep it a surprise, like, oh, it is so sweet. You guys invited the dolphin, right? Somebody has to invite the dolphin. This is nice. But like as fun as this party is, we really should get back on that boat because there are dolphins out there. Kristen, there was a lie. No, no, I'm pretty sure I

saw one. We should go guys quick. So everybody cheers them on. They're all happy for them. They all party and Luke's like, guys, please don't share with Instagram because we haven't even told our family yet, you know, and we don't want them to find out this way. And just he's like, no, it's your moment. Listen, from a father to a nonfather, let me just say you define your moment. Just don't let fucking Aaron define it for you.

So they do it, Luke does a toast and Brittany's like, as someone who's been engaged and married before, listen to your gut always. And my gut said, want some chicken fajitas right now. Come on, where's the one of those fajitas at? Yeah, that's Brittany listening to her gut. Weren't you begging for a new baby six months ago? Please don't listen to Brittany's gut, okay?

Yeah, Brittany's gut's not the thing. Listen to your own. She literally has gut issues. That was like a whole storyline last season. I got gut issues. Jesse's like, you have a new family guys, and I love you. Cheers to you guys, family. And he's like, you have a new family guys and I love you. Cheers to you guys. Family. And he's like, you know, I love love. Yeah. When you find your best friend, that's great. You

also find a cheating whore. That can be fun too, but you know, every season in this time. Hey guys, sorry if anybody wanted to go fishing. That didn't get to go. We didn't catch anything. So don't worry about it. I wanted to go fishing. Why can't I go fishing for one? And Kristen's like, I've never been so happy. I took a shower my entire life. And that's the end. So Kristen and Luke are doing it everybody. They're getting married. They're getting married. Looking forward to that next season on the Valley, the Kristen and Luke wedding special. Kristen as a bride, bridezilla will be fabulous. Um, it's going to be, well,

actually next season is going to be the bait at the pregnancy. It's going to be the wedding. It's going to be a big Kristen moment next year. No, cause she already had her baby. But they, I'm sure they've documented some of it. Oh, do you think they're suiting already? Well, maybe. Maybe not. But then it'll be like, well, I already had her baby. But I'm sure they've documented some of it. Oh, do you think they're shooting already? Well, maybe. I don't know. Maybe not, but then it'll be like, well, I just had a baby. Fresh baby content, you know, it'll be all that stuff. It'll be something baby and love.

Here's my baby, it's already learned to roll a joint. Go, go! Alright everybody, thanks so much for being here. We will talk to you tomorrow with some Next Gen NYC. Bye! Watch what crappins would like to thank its We will talk to you tomorrow with some next-gen NYC. Bye. Watch what crap-ins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alice in King.

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