Watch What Crappens - #2913 The Valley S2E13 Part One: Fan-ning Flames on the Love Boat

Episode Date: July 9, 2025

This is part one of a two-part recapKristen’s engagement celebration is in full swing on a boat ride from hell where Kristen lets Janet have it and Luke lets it all hang out. You can watch this recap on video, listen to our Love Island bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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My name is TJ Raphael. I'm the host of Liberty Lost, a new podcast about who gets to be a mother and the control of young women hidden behind the veil of faith. Binge all episodes of Liberty Lost ad free right now on Wander E+. Hello and welcome to Watch What Cravins everybody. I'm Ronnie and that's Ben. Hello Ben.

Hi Ronnie, how are you today? Good, it's so good to be back. We just came back from a little fourth of July vacay. So feeling nice and rested and untested and blessed. Yes. Feel blessed. Yeah. It feels great. Yeah. It feels good.

It feels great except for the fact that I just happened to look down at my phone right now and right there on social media is a big picture of Brianna Culberson shares emotional update on her family. They're utterly unstoppable. It's a picture of her with her like million children and her husband.

And I was like, ah, too soon. I can't, I can't look at Brianna and her, and her family just right now. It's sort of, I've got a podcast, got to be focused. Need more of a break. I'm like, listen, I'm, I'm about to recap a really toxic show. I cannot add more toxicity to it.

Okay. We're at the, we're at the breaking limit. I can't add a family who only lives on liver. Okay. Right now, raw liver. Sorry, busy. Yeah, so today is the Valley Day. We just did another Love Island recap. Those are all on Patreon. If you want those, they're both video form and audio. If you want videos of all of our recaps, most of them, except for live shows, go over to Patreon, Crappin's On Demand. That's where

you find those. And we will be back next week with Crappy Hour, Monday night, so join us for that. And today is The Valley, Season Two, Episode 13, The Cruise from Hell. I was hoping it would be The Cruise spelled C-R-U-Z from hell, and we would finally get Cruise reacting to shitty fucking upbringing. Just telling everybody off like I'm Cruz listen up here. I've had it with all of you bastards. Let me alone to swim in my pool. Yeah that would be wonderful.

But you know this you know Bravo does magic on a boat. I mean they have an entire world, an entire franchise set on a boat because they do such good work on boats. And we have a boat episode for the valley and we start off with this like dreamy, like coming up this episode, a kind of tease, which is that we see kind of like Hawaii and the beach and all this like lovely Maui, wowie kind of stuff. And then people sort of showing up and it's like, Kristen be like,

cuckoo, cuckoo, you said Danny sexually assaulted someone. Cuckoo. I was like, oh, okay, here we go. The Valley, back to doing what the Valley does best, poison. Yeah. And Jason yelling, why are we in a world where if somebody makes a mistake, it can't be talked about?

Okay, then why do you have a problem with everybody talking about the mistakes that Janet's making? Jason Jason fucking Jason Jason looks so hot this episode. I'm sorry. I couldn't even deal I was like why does Jason look so hot? God, he's so annoying. I guess I'm really mad about these Then well the him being dead to you and him being hotter two separate issues in my book I was like, no, I'm not into snuff films. He's dead to me, okay?

I don't get off on dead people being hot. Well, either way, Janet was pretty terrible this episode and it was fun times. It was fun times, yeah, it was. And Janet's like, knock me out, Kristen, knock me out. And Kristen's like, someone someone fucks with my friends. I will take you down. And Kristen was in full marionette mode,

which is where, you know, there's a string on the very top of her head that pulls her head up and she like tilts her head down when she's mad and it kind of bobs back and forth. And that's my favorite Kristen, activated marionette Kristen. Marionette Kristen, especially when she has to storm off somewhere is a real joy. I will never forget the episode of Vanderpump Rules where she hobbled away on crutches I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh,

I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh, I'm like, Oh, I'm like, I'm curious. I was like, whoa, hold on. I just have to ascend the staircase real quickly. Unstable. But it's 24 hours earlier. Champagne is popping. Kristen is engaged to Luke.

And now they're going downstairs to eat. And, you know, they're going to dinner. So Zach's like, okay, everybody, obviously, I will say several people are missing. So I called Janet and okay, everybody, obviously, I will say several people are missing. So I called Janet and I basically said, listen, you know, things with you and Christian aren't exactly like on perfect grounds. And Michelle's like, well, it's a little mean that she is in Hawaii and not invited. She is invited. Why are we now making, this is so Janet to make a whole storyline about not being invited somewhere when she was clearly invited and included on a trip that she has no business

being included on. You should be grateful. Absolutely. And exactly. She is invited. Yeah, I mean, I spent all that money. It's not nice that they're not invited. I mean, I can't believe they kicked him out of the hotel.

It's like, no, they're, they're invited and they're still in the hotel. I mean, I can't believe they were banished to a different island of Hawaii. That's just so mean. I can't believe they kicked him out of the hotel. I mean, I can't believe they were banished to a different island of Hawaii. That's just so mean. I can't believe they kicked him out of the hotel. I mean, I can't believe they were banished to a different island of Hawaii. That's just so mean. I can't believe they kicked're still in the hotel. I mean, I can't believe they were banished to a different island of Hawaii. That's just so mean.

I can't believe you called the cops on her child. Her cop is serving, her child is serving a life in prison. How could you do this? I am willing to just go to Alaska instead of Hawaii. That's just not nice. She's not NOS. So Zach's like, wait, but if this was switched, it was your engagement, Michelle. And Jesse's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, let's not talk about Michelle's engagement. I think Jesse, it's not about you, Jess, okay? Yeah, so I think he was making a joke though.

So Jasmine's like, she's like, I mean, Zach, you didn't even get to go to Big Bear. Remember that? Don't you want to be mad? Don't you want to be mad right now? He's like, no, it's not the same. Okay, let's not go back there. And Jesse's like, well, I mean, let's be honest.

He wasn't Big Bear. He posted that he was there. So obviously he was there, right guys? Guys, I'm on a roll here with these jokes. Am I right? I'm like funny Jesse. You know what, I've got a hair band because that's where I keep my punchlines.

All right, thank you. I keep my punch line headband. Just pulled that one out of my punch line headband. And Zach's like, yeah, like I looked really good in those bushes. So now they're like, wait, where's Danny and Nia? And so now of course Jasmine and Brittany decide to be all upset again because Brittany's drunk.

And when Brittany gets drunk, she gets those evil black Brittany eyes. And then she starts accusing everybody of being unprofessional except her, because she's like the star of the show. And if she can show up, everybody else can show up. Brittany, you're late for everything. You missed your flight here, I heard. Like the... What are you talking about?

You're late for everything. Yeah. So, I mean, so they're all weighing these people are really so miserable because Jasmine's like, yeah, we're Danny and we are Danny and Nia taking a nap again, sleeping. And then she sort of tries to pull it back like, no, no, like sleeping, you know, like, was it taking a nap? I'm like, you were trying to be messy there. Okay. So Jasmine's like, I mean, how long does it take to shower? I mean, I had 10, 20 minutes to shower and I'm here. People, relax. You've got free food all around you. Eat some nibbles. Enjoy yourself. It's an engagement party. They are acting like a movie's about to begin.

I've literally never cared about my friends coming. Like, do I, I don't wait to order? I don't wait, you know, fuck it. If they're late, then they, they're late. Who cares? It's so weird. And it's the exact same thing they were doing before about how dare they not be at this dinner when we're all forced to be here. Like this is call time. This says work. What if he said alcohol? Well, I think that like, yeah, cause then, because then Brittany's like, well, I mean, if nobody's going to be held accountable to things and I'm going to,

I'm going to leave too. I'm like, you guys are such shitty friends. This is like Kristin's engagement party and you were making it all about yourselves right now. And I mean, it's already kind of like a sad party. That's like six people there. But like now that Brittany's pulling this move and Jack's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop this right now. What are you even talking about? Now I'm just going to leave. You know, I think I'm just like a little bit hurt because I'm so close to Kristen and like, we're like the best friend. She's like a sister to me.

If I had seen her engagement, I would have brought her some chicken peanuts, but I didn't get to, I didn't even get to see her face. Uh, yeah, because you haven't stood up for Kristen the entire time this season. You've been working against her and the only people that have been nice to her through her were a fucking party. And then the second they do it, you run and tell Jackson about it, which is the one thing she didn't want you to do. So gee, Brittany, I wonder why they didn't trust you to tell them to tell you that they weren't going to get engaged. You fucking nitwit.

So then everyone's still like all mad and Zach is like, bungee, I mean, like who the fuck cares about Danny and Nia right now? And Brittany's like, I don't care. I know this is like, bungee. I mean, like, who the fuck cares about Danny and Nia right now? And Brink's like, I don't care. I know, this is like, this is Kristen's engagement, sir. So then they're coming. They finally arrive. Kristen and Luke sort of finally arrive. And there's like five people there.

They're like, yay. And then Danny and Nia arrive after them. And Jasmine is still like, she's still like very upset about it. She's like, oh, the stars, the show have arrived. Danny and Nia are here finally. I'm like, you guys, they put in work this afternoon. They had to go on a fishing boat under false pre-census. They had to lie on a fishing boat for like hours.

I think they're allowed to be a little late. Yeah, they already shot all day. These people tried to get Kristen to take a shower all day. You think that was easy? They deserve a fucking nap. It's like trying to get a kid to eat their broccoli. You don't know what happened on that boat. You don't understand that they just had to spend

90 minutes coming back from the deep sea listening to Kristen saying, but I just want to confirm there are no dolphins, correct? Because if there are, we should turn around this boat. Were you kidding about the dolphins? I took a shower to be with dolphins. They need a nap. They're being ridiculous. I took a shower to be with dolphins. I took a shower to be with dolphins. I took a shower to be with dolphins. I took a shower to be with dolphins. I took a shower to be with dolphins. I took a shower to be with dolphins.

I took a shower to be with dolphins. I took a shower to be with dolphins. I took a shower to be with dolphins. I took a shower to be with dolphins. I took a shower to be with dolphins. I took a shower to be with dolphins. I took a shower to be with dolphins. I took a shower to be with dolphins.

I took a shower to be with dolphins. I took a shower to be with dolphins. I took a shower to be with dolphins. I took a shower to be with dolphins. I took a shower to be with dolphins. I took a shower to be with dolphins. I took a shower to be with dolphins. I took a shower to be with dolphins.

I took a shower to be with dolphins. I took a shower to be with dolphins. I took a shower to be with dolphins. I took a shower to be with dolphins. I took a shower to be like, they can take a shower, Jasmine, for Christ's sake. So then we go to fire dancing and drugs. I just want to say, I'm proud of Jasmine, because I feel like last season she was largely invisible. I mean, she played a role in some of the gossip, but she was largely invisible, and I feel like she stepped it up this season.

So I say, good for you. Like, you are being annoying, but you are being felt. So, you know, and being felt is all that matters. You're annoying as fuck, but you're at least fitting in better with everybody by being annoying. You know what I mean? You're, you're becoming just as awful as everybody else, which I guess it was your goal. So congrats. Congrats. Yeah.

So you become the, you become the Woodman Boulevard to everyone else's van, Nye's and Laurel canyons. Look at you. Look at you with your parallel. You're a parallel Boulevard that has an exit off of the 101. You're like, wow, you're really magnolia to my bourbon crane. She was, she was giving more park energy for a while, but now she's gone and become, she's a woman now. Keep your working your way up to Empire, babe.

Someone's gonna be I don't know who victory is, but maybe someday someone will get there. Victory is close to Empire, right? Well, actually, I'm thinking of the Empire Center on Victory. So that's really the only location I need in the valley because that's where the marshals is and the Nordstrom rack. And there's not a home goes I think there's a TJ Maxx. There's a Best Buy, there's a Walmart. I mean, it's all right.

That's where it's happening, baby. There's an REI, which I don't go to, but I support people like my friend who needs SUV resistant body length clothing, but go there with her. Can I say something? I know we've got a lot of podcasting to do, but I forgot to tell everyone about this.

So last week, so we went on vacation. And so the last thing that we recorded last week was, I think, next January. That was last Wednesday. And as soon as we were done, I was like, I'm going to game day. I'm playing board games. So guess what? Board games are in the Valley.

So after recording all the stuff at the Valley, I went into the Valley. I actually go to the Valley every single week for board games. But it was the valley, I went into the valley. I go actually go to the valley every single week for board games. But like it was like, I really went into the valley this time because I went to the shops at the sportsman's lodge. This, this place called the sportsman's lodge. They turned into this really bougie mall, which is low key.

Like my favorite mall, like my favorite mall in LA right now is in the valley. And I showed up, it was 5 PM and the place was, had like a blanket of small children, like five and under because they were doing some sort of like kitty concert in the little green area of this mall, outdoor mall. Like you walk in and it was like the equivalent of Barney music, like, I love you, you love me and it was just like, I felt like thousands of children in strollers. And I was like, what the fuck is going on? Why are there so many children here?

I felt, I thought like, why, I feel like the, like a kiddie concert is like an 11 AM activity. Why is that happening at 5 PM? Is this normal? Is 5 PM a normal time for a kiddie time? I feel like 5 PM is like relatively safe for these, to avoid these kinds of events. I was like, ugh, the Valley. It's never safe. That's where people go to procreate. I go to that little mall at the time because I love that pizza place and that's where I went. That's the best Creston town. I went to that pizza Roberta's and I wanted to get Van Lewin's afterwards,

but we were running late and the board games had to begin. But I was like, there's children everywhere. Yeah. And also that little pie place is there, which is really good. Anyway, but yeah, there's kids everywhere. And that's where people go to not watch their children at all. But it's funny because they're like upper crust, like Valley kids, I guess. I don't know how you describe it. But one time I was sitting there with my friend and we were having pizza and this kid comes running back and the dad's like, what the hell? I didn't tell you we're allowed to get one of those smoothies. That is ridiculous. And the other one had one of the giant strawberries

because it's like where you don't watch your children and they run off and they buy the fucking the Bieber smoothie and the giant strawberry from the whole thing. The parents were so pissed and I was cracking up. I was like, this is not, you have to watch your children in here, you know, God forbid they bug forbid they bug us, but don't spend your money. I'm glad those kids went and wasted your damn money, fools. Oh my God, there were just so many children. And I understand that you need to have, you need to do things with the kids.

But I just thought like, I thought five o'clock people like to start feeding their children at five o'clock. I was like, what is happening? Yeah. I was like, what? The Wiggles? I was like, what's the midnight concert? They're like the Lauren Hill of children's performance. They go on at 2 a.m.

She was scheduled for 11 a.m. But she didn't come on till five o'clock. She's so good. They're like, you never know when it's going to be their last concert. Come on, kids were saying here all day. I bought these tickets. Yeah. She's so good. They're like, you never know when it's gonna be their last concert, come on. Kids were saying her all day, I bought these tickets. Yeah. Oh my gosh.

I think I texted you and you were so proud of me that I was, you were like, oh my God, you're in the Valley. Yeah, I was impressed. Because you know, once you actually move to the Valley, it becomes its own city. You know, like you learned, when I lived in West Hollywood, I never, I went to the Valley maybe a couple times a year to go shopping or whatever, but now that I'm there,

I'm like, this is actually, I can see it. I mean, I can see it now, I like it. So you get used to it. So anyway, it becomes normal to like to have a place to park and have a lot of ice cream. Yeah, I lived in the Valley for a heartbeat, and that was an interesting time. Anyway.

Okay, so fire dancing and drums, everyone's cheering, Aaron comes and of course he's late, but nobody cares. And- That was funny. Where was the commentary there, Jasmine, about Aaron? Cause he's just a friend of. Yeah, Jasmine has a B in her bonnet. They're really, and Jasmine I can get, you know,

but everybody else shut up. And no, even Jasmine at this point, I think, like enough. Enough is enough. Like when does, when does, when is it enough? Like how often do we have to fight about it, you know? You know what's funny is that like when people are like, when we say that someone has a bee in their bonnet, we're usually saying like,

oh, they're just going on and on about something. They just need to shut up. They have a real bee in their bonnet. Acting like it's like, like whatever, it has a B in their bonnet, we're usually saying like, Oh, they're just going on and on about something. They just need to shut up. They have a real B in their bonnet acting like it's like, like whatever it's a B in your, if I have a B in my bonnet, I'm making some noise about like, I don't want to be in my bonnet. Who wants to be in their bonnet? That's terrible. I would be in close proximity trapped pressed against my scalp. I'm angry and maybe boys. Yeah. I don't want to be dismissed. Oh, you just have a bee in your bonnet. Yeah, damn right. I have a bee in my bonnet.

There's a bee. I think that, I think that saying came out like during the depression or something when there were just much bigger issues, you know, it's like people are like have lost everything or what like we're in cheat lines and someone's like, yeah, someone's like people are like, have lost everything. Well, like we're in cheat lines and someone's like, yeah, someone's like coughing up blood. And meanwhile, someone's like,

oh my God, there's a bee in my bonnet. It's like, I'm coughing up blood here. Would you shut up? Yeah, there's like bigger things to worry about than like bees in your bonnet. But I also feel like for those people, for those people who had actual bees in their bonnets during the depression, I just wanted to say, I hear you.

And I think it's not fair that people dismissed you just because the depression was happening. Sorry about the dust bowl, everyone. But I think the person with the bee in their bonnet deserves some attention. There are ghosts right now with big swollen sides of their head that are like nodding and thanking you with like a single tear coming down their swollen eye.

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So Luke is so Aaron goes, wow. So you proposed. Wow. So I guess you beat me to it. And Luke's like, yeah, well, I've been with Kristin for a couple of years now. So I think I had a start. Yeah, well, so is Aaron. Aaron's been with the Westerbunds for a couple of years. So especially if you were to tell, if you, if Jesse were to tell the story, so Jesse's like, so how do you feel now relieved? Cause guess what? In three years, you guys will fucking hate each other.

So Luke is like, yeah, I feel about a hundred pounds lighter. I mean, we'll put it that way, which is nice. And then you're like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm will fucking hate each other. So Lucas like, yeah, I feel about a hundred pounds lighter. I mean, we'll put it that way. Uh, which is my way of saying, I actually took a massive shit right before this party. So he's like, yeah, like if she hadn't said yes, I would have like jumped into the water and they would have like played the

jaws theme and stuff. And Jesse's like, yeah, you're not cut out for this group. Okay. But congrats. So then we go to Kristen talking to them. Oh, go ahead. I was just about to say, good on you, Luke, tying your journey into the NBCU synergy that they've been pushing all summer.

Like, cause this is the JAWS 50th anniversary summer, JAWS is all over Peacock. They did JAWS concert at the bowl, and JAWS billboards, and JAWS, everything's JAWS. And good, Luke, good on you to hang your engagement onto that massive marketing train. That is a savvy person right there. Yeah, I watched the Jaws preview

when it was playing on Peacock and they're like, Jaws, 50 years later, remastered, redone, to look exactly the same. I know. Fast forward, like no thanks. So then we go to Kristen talking to Melissa and Nia and she's like, oh my gosh, you guys, please stay quiet about this

because like my family doesn't even know, like the dogs don't even know, like I don't want them to get this news because there's like a time change in Hawaii. And like, whoa, what if people know that I'm engaged? It's like totally my business, top eight sex. Which I, yeah, I think that's really what it was because as far as I could tell, it was still sunny out.

It was August or let's say it was probably like eight o'clock. I don't know. I think you're still calling your parents at 11 o'clock to be like, I just got engaged. If it's 11 o'clock in Michigan, I think you're still making that phone call or you're making the call early in the morning or something like that. But, um, I think you can find a way to do it. Well, now that I think about it, I think that she meant this idiot proposed as a secret to me without getting a people exclusive. He didn't get any kind of coverage for this.

We could have made money on this. Like, hello, we're on a reality show. Like, we need to Lindsay this up. We need to have Dave Quinn jumping from behind a tumbleweed on a beach being like, yes, taking the exclusive pictures for people girl. Like Luke can't just go off and do this for free. So I think instead of beating, I think a lot of this is just her wanting to be Luke on the head with her purse or her fanny pack or whatever she carries around. But she can't say that. So she's like, I have to call my mom. So everyone's like, oh my God, surely nobody's gonna tell. You all know that Janet is sitting down there on this phone, like an abuser is getting married

and her name is Kristen Doty. Bad news everyone, another terrible person finds happiness. Sorry Janet. Kristen has forced me to move my family to Switzerland. Oh, did you read all that news this week? So, first of all, that's not what happened. But there was a headline that says, Janet Caperna flees the country due to internet hate. And it's because she was on a trip to Switzerland. And so they're like, she fled the country, but it was just a trip, you know, it was a family trip. But she turned off her Instagram and said on her podcast, she was getting death

threats and stuff, which whoever's sending death threats to people on reality TV, get a fucking life. Okay. Yeah. Like don't do that. That's ridiculous. Hey, people with your friends, like everybody else. Yeah, exactly.

I think like, I love Janet as a villain on this show. I think what I'd love about Janet as a villain is that she's just like, her name is Janet, which is like funny for like a villain name. Like the big boogie man on the show is named Janet. And then like, I don't know. It's just like a name from a different era, you know, which is why I like it.

It's like a name from the 50s or whatever. Three's company, you know, and I just, I don't know why it's like funny. It's like Janet. Janet is the, is the big, the big bad on this show. And she's just like this girl, just this, this, this lady who just sort of like suburban. She's like a suburban mom hangs out in the ball pit in her living room, avoids the low hanging hood in her kitchen.

Like I don't know, maybe she goes, get Sfroyo. Like there's something actually like very like blah about Janet and I just love that she's the bane of everyone's existence both on the show and in the audience. I just think that's like great. You know, cause I think it's a very basic manipulation tactics to use that we've all been exposed to so many times that we're just over it when we see it on TV.

Cause on TV we get glamorous manipulation. Normally, we get like Beverly Hills manipulation, like who was calling page six and who leaked about the dog, you know, whatever. And on this show, we just get some basic casserole bee who's like, who just escalates everything into this huge thing. So part of this article was her saying, and then you've got Kristin, who is basically trying to ruin my child's life and accuse me of being an alcoholic because someone left a comment that said, oh, Janet, really? You had too much to drink on that day? I wonder if you're a good mother and I wonder if you're making making a comment because Janet has been doing that to Danny and Nia all season. And then Kristen made

a little emoji like, loop, under the comments of Janet's like, she's trying to ruin my child's life by suggesting that I'm an alcoholic. And you know, it's just so the escalation is just so ridiculous. And that's, yes, that's the basic thing that I know it makes me crazy. And I think that that's basically what's making everybody nuts. She's also kind of like an avatar of like, you know, you know, the, the Treshells of the world, because we're not sure we're trying not to say Karen anymore for our, the lovely people in the world named Karen, but like she is kind of that person, you know, she is, she is that person you see on the

videos, you know, I'm not saying that she's, um, I'm not saying that she's like problematic, like racially, you know, there's nothing like that, but it's like, she is going to call the manager and she is going to be like, why are you, um, like riding your bike too close to my hedges? And like, she's just kind of like that suburban watchdog who is just going to come. I'm not calling her a dog. I'm just using that expression of like what that means of someone who is connolly, you know, I, you know, people get crazy, you know, you have to fall all over yourself even to call somebody a Karen these days.

I mean, the whole world. I'm like, I made like three different apologies just to call Janet a Karen. Guess what? She's a Karen and she's a suburban watchdog. I'm living in my truth. I'm gonna stand in it. Okay. I was like, he's a suburban busy body. He's just like that lady in the, like the first season of desperate housewives who's like always up in everyone's business and stirring the pot and everything. And so like,

I understand why people just like can't stand her because like we've seen that type before and just think it's, I don't know. I just think it's hilarious. Like we just have such, like you said, we just have such big flashy villains on Bravo. Like we have a lot of, like, people just like can't stand her because like we've seen that type before and just think it's I don't know I just think it's Hilarious like we just have such like you said we just have such big flashy villains on Bravo and then you just have Janet But she gets on everyone's nerves. Yeah, she's the worst So Mary Alice died, but who is the Martha Huber? Mrs. Huber was the one that's right. That's right. So the first season, right? She had like the short hair. She's the one that got killed.

I loved her. Yeah. The thing is this, well, she was at least funny and entertaining. Janet doesn't have that aspect where she's also funny. She's just the worst part. I'm entertained by Janet. I mean, I've sort of mentioned like,

I am sickly entertained by Janet. I enjoy Janet, but she's a villain, I get it. But I enjoy her. I think we're allowed to like both recognize someone's villainy and enjoy them at the same time. And I find that even when she's totally vile this episode. Yeah, you're allowed. So then Kristen's like, well, I wouldn't put a path John it

and Melissa's like, no, really, I don't think she will. Good people don't do stuff like that. It's like, Oh, dear, sweet Melissa, dear, sweet Melissa. So, um, just a lot of small talk about the ring, et cetera, et cetera. And Luke's like, yeah, well, it's a 4.2 carat. So Justin's like, Whoa, whoa, we measuring dicks now? Luke's basically measuring his cock by the size of the ring, guys. He's like, no, actually I was contractually obligated to say how many carats it is

in order to get a 10% discount from Kyle Chan. So apologies. So messy-ass Zach is talking to Danny and Nia and he's like, okay, well, I will say I just had a meltdown. Like, it was absolutely insane. There was like a flower on a table and I was like, why is this flower here? And then I moved it to a different table. It was crazy, you guys, like literally insane. I'm dead. I'm dead. Like I was dead on the floor. I was resurrected. Then I saw that there was a water pitcher sitting on a wine, a wine table fell over. Dad, I've died twice today. You guys, you guys, as I've mentioned a million times on this episode and last episode, can

we just make tonight about Kristen and Luke? Can we not have any drama? Please, by the way, you guys, I think you need to have conversations with people because I think there's a lot of resentment about you too. And like, I don't even know where you can even go there, but like, I think you guys need to have like some conversations with other people. Like, I don't know, like maybe it's like Brittany, maybe it's other people. Like you need to talk about people. Okay. Because like things are happening. Anyway, this no drama tonight, guys, no drama. And then we cut to Brittany's face and she's like,

No drama. Ah, tss. And then we cut to Brittany's face and she's like, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Then we cut back and he is like, but can you say who it is at least? Like multiple people, it's multiples. It's Brittany, it's another Brittany, three Brittany's. There's three Brittany's here.

They're all very upset. Jasmine, you know, I mean, like they were mad that you guys weren't down here. And she's like, but know, I mean, like they were mad that you guys weren't down here. And she's like, but we, it wasn't me specifically because like I was, I was, I was giving a shower to my sheets because they sprayed the under here. Hey, hi, hi.

I feel like they're talking about me over there, but I'm like, well, maybe they're not talking about me. I don't even know. This is funny. And then Jasmine's like, I heard my name too. I'm getting mad right now. Yeah, I'm not allowed to have any drama tonight. That's for sure. That's why I was going to leave this party early and cause the drama, okay? I know Jasmine and Brittany, who just threatened to leave the party because other people weren't on time, are like, I don't want any drama today. So, he's like, that's a bummer. Like,

I love these people. These are my friends, you know? Let's just address it. So, he was like, that's a bummer. Like, I love these people. These are my friends, you know, let's just address it. So, Brittany's like, okay, everybody, come on, come on, come on, everybody, come on. So, Danny's like, ah, so, was Brittany just talking shit about us? Was that who it was? How could she? We've got 18 under three. Danielle, stop it, Daniel. Daniel, not it, Daniel. No. Daniel, not now, Daniel. I'm going to talk to him. I'm going to go over there. I'm going to say, why I ought to. No, I'm going to say it. I'm going to say it loud and proud.

Why I ought to. Don't let them take your peace, Daniel. Don't let them take your peace, Daniel. Daniel, Daniel, where's your peace? Did they take it? No. Hold on to it. You are my peace, baby.

You are my peace. Daniel, here's a little... Smack, smack. Don't take your peace. Keep your peace. Keep your peace. Keep your peace. Keep your peace. Keep your peace. Keep your my peace, baby. You are my peace.

Daniel, here's a little- Smack, smack a little. Oh, oh, don't take your peace. Leave your, keep your peace. They said that like a million times this episode. Yeah, this episode was just keep the peace. Like don't let them take your peace. Don't take it.

Don't let them take your peace. So now they- That's what Texans tell each other at the movie theater. Yeah, I'm going to go say, don't let them take your peace. Okay? Don't let them take your piece. Okay, don't let them take your piece. Cause there's signs on the movie theaters here that say no guns allowed.

P-I-E-C-E. Don't let them take your piece. I got the right, I got the right. Tom Cruise can carry one in this movie, I can too. So then they wrap up this little party and everything. And Chris is like, it's time to get GTFO. That stands for get the fuck out. It's baby making time.

So then they're just walking away. My sister has been walking around going, oh my God. I can't even, wait, what is she saying? Damn it, I'm ruining it now. I don't give a f I think she's saying gaff ID GAF nobody's just saying she's I think she's saying I don't gaff. She's like I don't gaff because her kids always ID gaff ID gaff. I don't gaff. Okay, so I'm like, wow, you're you're quick. I just got her to stop saying that is the bomb.com. Wow, you're quick. I just got her to stop saying, that is the bomb.com.

Did your dad ever send you something that said LOL, but he meant lots of love? Because I had a phase with my dad with that, where he was like, I was like, love you dad, and he wrote back, LOL. And I was like, he goes, lots of love. It's not what that means. Okay, so Luke gives a little speech

and then Kristen's like, we're leaving, it's baby making time. I took a shower this morning. So, dinner's over pretty quickly. And Danny's like, but wait, I just wanna say, it's not just me and I leaving, okay, everybody? You can calm down over here. I just want to say it's not just me and I leaving. Okay, everybody's you can calm down over here Yeah, I just got him nailed it nailed that one guys

So then Luke and Kristen go to their honeymoon suite Which does have all the petals the hibiscus and rose petals, but they're like retired It's a lot of time on that boat So they just go to sleep and now we go over the rest of the gang goes over to Jason and Janet suite and they're all like, you know, sitting in the living room, all like cramped up and being jokey and everything. And like, where's done? And Jason, they're like over there. Oh my God. They're like right over there. That's crazy. Just probably Janet Jasmine's like, yeah, I said, bitch,

I said, wake up bitch. And she's like over there listening to that. Not even saying anything. And then we cut to Janet and Jason inside their room and the lights are off and they're trying to sleep, which was funny to me, but I'm like, you have a cameraman in there, so you can't act like you're trying to sleep. Like there's a full on third person in your room right now, but okay, I'll buy the fantasy right now.

Yeah, I wasn't even sleeping. She's just like, I mean, I didn't think they were gonna be here. It's really awkward that people are partying after a party that we weren't even invited to. Now here we are. We have to be subjected to this. This could harm our child. This could harm our child. Well, then how did everyone get in your room in the first place? Did you let them in? I mean, they don't, people don't just like walk into hotel rooms and like party. I mean, I

guess they could, but Well, because it's a shared room, right? I think everybody has a suite. And so I think it's like the presidential suite where they're in one room and then Jasmine is in the other room, right? Oh, they're sharing with Brittany. Yeah, they're sharing. That's right. Well, they are sharing with Brittany.

So Brittany brought everyone in. But yeah, they're in there being like, oh, this is so awkward. I'm like, honestly, it's really not that awkward. And I think that actually Janet over blew the whole situation. If I were her, honestly, I would have gone to the engagement thing

and I would have going back to what you said before. And what we've said millions of times on this episode, what you said on our love Island episode, which is that like, just be an adult. And even if you have issues with Kristen, good or engagement party and wish her the best because adult, you can do that. You don't, don't start any fights. You can even say something like, I know, I know we have issues, but like fundamentally, I want you to be happy and I'm, I'm really happy for you too. And I know,

well we'll get through what we're getting through, but it's not about this. Right now it's about you being happy. And I'm, I'm here, you know, like some, something like that instead of being like, well, I'm not going to go, like I understand what she's trying to say later on. Like she doesn't want to, like if she doesn't want to intrude, you know, knowing that Kristen doesn't like her, like, she doesn't want to intrude, you know, knowing that Kristin doesn't like her very much, but she also like, like she's in this weird limbo

where she also doesn't want to stay away. But it's like, just be an adult and go, and just don't start a fight. Like how many people go to parties for people that they don't like? Everyone does. Be the bigger casserole, Janet. Okay.

So, but she's not, she's an asshole. And she's going to lie and say that she was victimized by not being invited because she's Janet. So, they're all having a really good time. And Zach's like, Oh my God, Kristen and Luke, let's pray that the sperm reaches the egg. Is that how it works? Is that how it works? I learned everything about baby making

from the opening credits of Look Who's Talking. Please let it be voiced by Christy Alley. That's all I'm asking. That's all I'm asking. From beyond the grave, beyond the grave Christy Alley. It's time for a Christy Alley comeback through Kristen's birth vagina. I still have not accepted that Christy Alley died,

by the way. It's been like three years. I still don't believe that Christy Alley died, by the way. It's been like three years. I still don't believe that it's really happened. I know every time I need to see like an offensive tweet by someone that I used to really revere, I get sad. I think that I told the story. I think I did tell you the story, but I'm going to tell it again. Because RIP Christy Alley.

I met someone who worked on Veronica's Closet, a writer on Veronica's Closet. And he said, you know, like around the holidays, either around the holidays or at the end of the season, a lot of times the stars of sitcoms will or TV shows will give like presence to the whole staff and she gave everyone a bird. It's like, cause the alley got like a hundred birds and gauges, I guess, or I don't know, Maybe it's just for the writers, but she got everyone a bird in a little bird cage. Wow. That is so her.

It's like the most annoying gift. Like here's the gift of something that will annoy you every fucking day. Don't birds live forever? Like don't they live a really long time? Some do. I don't think all of them do based on the ones I've seen lying dead. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't forever? Like don't they live a really long time? Some do. I don't think all of them do based on the ones I've seen lying dead on the sidewalk. But I used to be a PA on a I used to be a PA on a show called Three Sisters, which had many had many interesting people on it. But one of them was AJ Langer, who played Ray, I she played Rae-Ann on My So-Called Life, and she got a cast gift for everyone. She made everyone these scrapbooks. It was like a little yearbook, and she gave them to everyone on the crew, except for me.

She's like, Ben is not a sister. She forgot about me. That sucks. What a bitch. Oh, it's fine. It's just like AJ Langer. Yeah, AJ Langer. You're a low hooded. You're a low hooded.

She was so nice actually. I think it's because I was relatively new. Yeah. AJ Langer, I hope you rue the day. I hope you rue the day you didn't give me a scrapbook. Yeah. I hope AJ was one day gifted with a parrot that she stuck with. So I looked it up and birds, it varies. They can go from a few years to over a century. Songbirds, listen, they're the most innocent. They die young.

So we know that. They only live for a few years. But parrots can live like 80 years and some birds live over a century. So they can live for a few years. So they can live for a few years. So they can live for a few years. So they can live for a few years. So they can live for a few years.

So they can live for a few years. So they can live for a few years. So they can live for a few years. So they can live for a few years. So they can live for a few years. So they can live for a few years. So they can live for a few years. So they can live for a few years. So they can live for a few years. So they can live for a few years. So they can live, so we know that. They only live for a few years.

But parrots can live like 80 years and some birds live over a century. So- Which birds live over a century? I don't know, I'm just reading the little overview but it says smaller birds. For example, some small songbirds, yeah. Large parrots can live for several decades

or some even reach 80 years or more. But it doesn't say who can go over a century. The longest living bird species, according to Google AI, include albatrosses, parrots, especially the cockapoo and certain birds of prey like Andean condors and hawks. Cockapoo parrots can live up to 90 years in the wild. And yeah, so. AJ, I hope somebody gives you a cockapoo parrot. So suck it. Oh my God, the cockapoo parrot looks crazy.

Look at it. Look up the cockapoo parrot. The cockapoo? Okay. It's definitely the Janet of parrots. I've never seen a parrot like this. Oh my God, it's huge and it has a crazy beak. Oh, it looks like a squirrel.

No, not a squirrel, a beaver. It's a beaver bird. It's like an owl beaver. Whoa. But somehow it's not just a bird, it's a parrot. It's huge. It's like the size of like a capybara. Maybe that's why it's called a cockatoo.

Those are pretty cute. Those are cute birds. I don't want one. C'mon, shoes. here comes one right now. So Janet is like, wow, I'm just not sure what to do. Like I don't want to have a dramatic exit of leaving the trip early, but I don't feel comfortable staying here. I just don't know what the move is.

What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?" Oh, God, Jan, curl your hair again and go to dinner for fuck's sake. So they like victimize themselves in bed. And then the next day, Mia's like, it's a great day to have a great day. And everybody I've ever known that says this cries all the time. Amaya Papaya says it on Love Island. She's the most recent one who cries a lot. But people who say it's a great day to have a great

day cry a lot. Yeah, I think that's a good theory. Look at your own lives and tell me I'm wrong. It's a great day to have a great day. Is there a bad day to have a great day? What a bad day to have a great day. Everything this is a bad day to have a great day. Everything's going to shit. I'm the only person having a great day. I know. I guess there are those days. I'm like, you're having a great day,

but then like someone has terrible news and you're like, but I'm having a great day. Yeah. Could your husband pass away on a different day? This is a good day for me. I just want to scratch off. So Kristen wakes up and her phone dings and it's Jax. And he says congrats.

And she's like, oh, I'm sorry, what? I didn't even know there were. Google headline, People Magazine's Jax Taylor's exclusive about his feelings about Kristen getting engaged. Damn it, Luke. So she's like, I just want to know who Joel Jax. Like that was the first text that I woke up to. I'm like, well, this is on you now

because now you've had a lot of time to call your parents and you haven't. I'm sorry. Your public figure, too many people know it's going to get out, Kristen. You should have called them right. You should have woken up your parents. That's just what you should have done.

So Kristen is like, Jack's got her nose like fucking loud mouth. Who's literally going to tell everyone under the sun. And she's like, I'm, I literally haven't even texted my mom, my sister, my brother, like anyone. Wait a second. It was one thing. If you're like, I haven't called my family because they're asleep. But if it was just about a text message, I mean, girl, you could have fired that off anytime last night. I actually

do not feel bad that you didn't get a chance to text yet. Yeah, I think it's I think it's media she means, but whatever, who knows? I think you're right. I think it's I think that's what the I think that the code it's yes, it's code for like, I didn't get to arrange with okay magazine. Yeah, so like, oh my god, okay,. Yeah. So everybody's like, Oh my God. Okay.

My God. So everybody's like, Oh my God, how in the world would Jack's find out? Then we cut to Brittany and she's like, Oh, hi. Hi, Christine. And she's like, um, what's up? How does Jack's know? They're on vacation.

Oh, well I told him, but I said not to tell anything. I mean, how could he? How could he do this to me? I can't believe Jax did this to me. How could he do this on your special night? How could he do on your special night? Jared Ranere Our note taker, Shelby says, Ben was right last week. And I'm going to take the credit. I have no idea what I said, but I'm going to say, aha, I was right. Whatever I said, I was right.

Ben Miller I had a boy band. Thank you. I predicted something. I don't remember what it was. So Kristen's like, well, I mean, I didn't want him to know because he's going to use text the whole boys chat. Hey, dad. Yeah. And I didn't even like I mean, we didn't even get to tell our family yet. Are you fucking kidding me?

Jack Taylor told someone something I can't even believe it. Why would you why the fuck would you check the boys? chair I don't even know by the way do you mind I am I to Jack's he's gonna be it's gonna be here in about two hours that's okay right I told Jack's he could be the he could be the preacher at your wedding he's so excited you know that Brittany called Jack's like you cannot believe what happened here they had an engagement for Kristen and didn't even invite me. How could they do that? That should be my special noise.

Yeah. And she's, and she's still wondering why, like she was kept out of a secret. As she goes, like the first secret that she's entrusted since this becomes public is she completely destroys the first place. So the worst person in the world, the worst person that you're also divorcing. Like, why are you sharing details with the person that you're divorcing? Even if you are calling about like coordinating, um, coordinating, uh, uh, school for, for cruise, you know? So Kristen's like, I mean, we wanted to tell people it's like really hard. I was going to send a special letter to Lindsey Buckingham and maybe, I don't

know, Fleetwood Mack who remains in them will play at our wedding. I don't know. It's just like trying things out loud. But now it's like all ruined because of you. Thanks a lot. Yeah. So then we go to Jason and Janet and he's on his laptop. She's like, um, how long do you think you're gonna have to work today? Because I'm hurting over here. And he's like, okay, how are you feeling? She's like, well, I mean, it was just like so awkward that everybody was in here celebrating. I'm so personally attacked. And he's like, well, you know, last night was the first night I realized that like our living room is actually part of the room. Like we were basically hosting Jason, Jason's too stupid to be a lawyer. Can somebody explain to me how Jason's a lawyer? He's too much

of a dumb ass. I know. And just like, I know. And that's why I mean, I was upset when they showed up. I was just like, I just wanted everyone to disappear. I mean, what's more awkward leaving early or staying and kind of quietly staying around the group? I just don't know what to do. I'm like, Janet, you've been grappling with this for way too long. This should be a five minute decision. And then you move on. The fact that you're still having and honing over this. I really can't. I empathize with the turtle that they showed

right before this that was swimming in the ocean and it poked its head out like, I'm not meant for this. I'm not, I just wanna be a regular turtle, not sea turtle. I take it all back. It's just like, I can't do this anymore. The only realistic turtle is like, God, this is fucking hard.

I have to swim all fucking day. I know, why can't I be a palm turtle like 95% of all the other turtles? Why am I the one that does that? Why can't I just be a lounge turtle? Like, why am I in the fucking ocean? So, Janet, it's like, I mean, this is just really hard because when we got engaged, Kristin was one of three people in our kitchen celebrating, bumping her head on that hood. I mean, it was just...

Now? Now? in our kitchen celebrating, bumping her head on that hood. I mean, it was just, now, now, well, yeah, maybe you shouldn't have betrayed her and thrown her into the bus and treated her like crap for two years in a row. Yeah. But also she said that she was one of three people that was at our house at seven in the morning when we got engaged. Why did you get engaged at seven in the morning? Or did you have like a,

it's either one of two things. You either got engaged at seven in the morning, maybe before he went to work, which is very unromantic, or you guys got engaged the night before, but you had everyone over at seven in the morning, which is like, why are you having people over at seven in the morning? That's way too early for like an engagement celebration. Very Jason to be like seven in the morning and be like,

okay, well I gotta get to the gym before work. So will you marry me? Okay, here's your friends, I'll celebrate with you. I'm gonna put my wedding ring in this drawer and go to the gym. I don't want to lose it in the steam room. Okay. See you later. Hot. So then Janet is like, when I imagine Kristen getting your age, I just always imagine like a really, really happy, fun celebration that I'm part of. I'm like, yeah,

you could still be part of that. You just have to put your own bullshit aside if you can possibly even imagine such a world. Yeah, she was like, well, the best thing I could do yesterday was remove myself from the situation. So I hope she considers it a gift. Would you mind getting us one? Because it actually sounds good. I'm putting that on my Amazon wishlist.

Absence from Janet. Sounds good. I'm putting that on my Amazon wishlist. Absence from Janet. It's available at a reduced price on Amazon Prime Day. And Jason was like, well, you can't force them to be your friend. She's not the one who's decided they're not friends. Janet is. You guys stop rewriting this fucking history. You're both crazy. So then we see everybody else is trying to have fun going on water slides and stuff like that. And now it's time for Kristen and Brittany to have a talk. Brittany's like,

hey, oh my God, oh my God, what are we gonna have, a picnic? I love a picnic. It's like day day. It's like day day. They have a picnic in the most random area. So I mentioned last week that I stayed at this hotel and they have like these like public paths

that you like walk down and you can walk to like the next hotel with these paths. And I'm pretty sure they did a picnic like right next to this path and just like a weird place to be like, okay, let's you just sit right by where all the people can walk by. It was just like not a picnic area at all. So they put down their blankets and pretty, I can't believe, well, oh my God, I am so crazy. It's like,

has my brain just turned into meima's beer cheese because honestly I'm so sorry. Like I don't even know what the hell I was thinking except that maybe I was angry because I didn't get to see your engagement. But anyway, I was on the phone with him because you know, Cruz is school and that's the only reason why I was even talking to him and also because I like to talk to him. And also I don't know if it's like a habit but but he's like, he's my person for so long. And I was like, Oh, do you have any cameras in my hotel room? Because I would love it if you could save me right now.

And I was like, I don't know. I don't know. I just like, I'm so used to telling him things. I'm so sorry. Yeah. I mean, I know it might sound weird, but I was on the phone with Jax in the middle of the night about Cruz's school, but you know, that doesn't really make much sense. But Jax actually was dropping him off at AA meetings.

So Cruz could go in there and collect chips. I mean, have you ever heard some? It's so cute. And Jack's he, he let, he let Cruz drive the golf cart down more park Boulevard, you know, to get to Jackson's. I was like, Jay X he's too young. You can't start driving that thing until he's at least four years old. Oh God.

J X Cruz has already got his first drunk driving. He's already got. You can't start driving that thing until he's at least four years old. Oh God, JX. Cruz has already got his first drunk driving. He's already got his first drunk drive. He got a DUI for driving under the influence of being cute. I want you to know, I called JX and I went off on him. I went off on him real good. I went off on him real good. I said, I'm giving you 18 more chances. You better watch out Dan. We see a shot of Jack's being like, okay, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. As he like slowly like hangs up his phone. I love Brittany always. I love Brittany saying, Oh,

she went off on Jack's is that that has ever solved or fixed anything in their relationship ever as if that's supposed to be any sort of salvo for anyone who hears that like, Oh wow. Okay. You let Jacks have it. I'm sure he will feel really bad about it. Yeah. Like you don't have let Jacks have it rightfully. So every 10 minutes of the day, you know, so Kristen's like, yeah, it's just like a bummer. Cause like, I wanted to yell at you about something different now. Like, I don't want you to think like I'm mad at you for this because I'm mad at you

for that. Like, I mean, like if I'm not honest, what's our friendship? What is it? What is it? Um, I don't know. Lunchable. It's not, it's a, it's, it's a rhetorical question, Brittany. I don't know what that is. So rhetorical. Okay. Um, okay. So well, I don't really know what that word means, but listen, I'm just I'm so sorry." And Kristen's like, listen, it's about Janet and girls night and Michelle and I are like trying to make eye contact and I'm trying to read her lips where she's like, she's trying

to say, I'm not mad at you. But of course what I read instead is cookie face salad potato. And I was like, why are you saying these things to me? And I was like, wait a second, look harder. And she said, I'm not mad at you. I was like, oh, that makes much more sense. These are all the things going through my mind. And then Janet the whole time is looking at me like, and I was like wait a second look harder and she said I'm not mad at you I was like oh that makes much more sense these are all the things going through my mind and then Janet the whole time is looking me like and I was like why are you looking me like that and then you don't

and I said Janet what the fuck with the side eye she started screaming at you and like I don't need you to be my bodyguard but like you could say something like I don't know shut the fuck up Janet something like that maybe I don't know seriously it's like well I did say something because I didn't like a real me you and she you. And she goes, well, then fucking tell her. She goes, but I did. And she goes, no, say shut the fuck up. Don't talk about my best friend. She goes, oh, okay, so you're saying

you want me to stand up more? You want me to stand up more? Okay, I'll stand up more. Then she says, yes, like come on, you stand up for her all the time. And she's like, you know, aren't there any repercussions for Janet being a complete psycho? Like, what the hell? She's like, Lee Sin, aren't there any repercussions for Janet being a complete psycho? Like, what the hell?

She's like, Lisa, you mean the world to me, guy. And I'm so sorry. You feel like I'm not taking that for you because you know, you're strong. You can do it yourself, you know, but I should stand up for you more. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it.

Maybe next time I'll be invited to your engagement. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Janet's a fucking miserable human being who could literally can. It's like, I just, I'm like up to here. Okay. I literally can't take, if I were standing up, I'll be like, that's how high up I've had it, but I'm sitting down. So it's actually at a lower level, but it's a depressed level. Cause I'm sitting down. Are you following pretty?

No, not really. But guess what? She's coming to nine. Boom. You guys can be okay. Oh yeah. I'll be totally fine. She's like nothing to me.

I'm like a famously very chill around people. I don't care about it. So yeah, she'll be fine. She's like a peaceful, calm,'m like a famously very chill around people I don't care about. So yeah, she'll be fine. She's like a piece of fucking cardboard to me. Listen, cardboard is very important to some people.

My friend Michael sent me a video of Susan Powder, who I haven't seen in ages on the TV. For those of you who don't remember Susan Powder, back in the early 90s, she was the diet lady on infomercials who would go, people, you need to eat, breathe and move if you're going to be thin, eat, breathe and move. Just like this bundle of crazy bleach headed energy. And she still looks... Stop the insanity.

Stop the insanity. She would be like, you know, if you don't want to be fat, don't eat things with fat. You know what I love? You know what's my M&Ms? Capers. I just eat them by the jar full. I'll pour them into my mouth. Like she was a loony tune. And of course I tried everything she said. So anyway, she has these videos now where I guess she's art arts and crafting. And when she was using egg crate cartons and she's like, I am obsessed with cardboard because cardboard is never the same. Look at all of these egg crates. Do you even know they're egg crates? Nothing like egg crates because they're art now. And they are like that because of cardboard. Now, let me tell you something. Tomorrow, I am going live. I don't even know what I'm going to talk about. I just know I'm going to go live. You're me tell you something. Tomorrow, I am going live. I don't even know what I'm gonna talk about.

I just know I'm gonna go live, you're gonna be here, and amazing things are gonna happen with cardboard. I will see you tomorrow. Well, maybe there was a Susan Powder fan in the post-production department on The Valley because when Kristen says, she's a piece of fucking cardboard we get a big old Like wow the cardboard's not gonna like to hear that

Cardboard lobby sends out official statement We do not like being denigrated in this way cardboard is multifaceted and as our ambassador susan powder once declared We are never the same. We are not monolith. Okay, guys is not monolith How is cart how is big cardboard gonna fight against the valley? Is Susan Powder still alive? Someone find Susan Powder, introduce her to cardboard. Tell her it has no fat, okay? Tell her cardboard has no fat.

We need to change the image around cardboard. People need to know that we are strong, we are resilient, and we will not fall apart under these conditions. Ow, I got water on me, I'm dying. I've got water on me, I'm dying. I've got water on me, I'm dying. I'm thin, I'm sappy, oh God, I broke apart. Poor Cardboard. Oh, poor Cardboard.

Now we know, is the Wicked Witch the West made of Cardboard? It would all make sense. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Okay, so Kristen's like, yeah, and you know what? Zach feels that too because she sucks. You're always standing up for her and Britney is like, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, hey, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh She's been there for me. She's been a good friend to me. Just like Kristen has my trust. She's been there too So I shouldn't have to pick her choose. I shouldn't have to pick and choose nothing but she tells the Kristen that she will anyway and So then Kristen's like, you know

Don't forget how she came into the group and she was sure you know, she came She's like, yeah, but she came in as a fan. She goes, yeah, but then I met her. She goes, as a fan, you met her. She goes, well, but, and she goes, but I, you know, the first time I met Janet, I didn't even know she was a fan. And she tells us that she met her through Sheena and they had a good friendship, but later she found out she was a fan of Vanderpump rules. And she's like, that's not a terrible thing, but it feels a little creepy now. Feels a little creepy now. Hey everyone, this is the end of part one of this recap. For part two, keep an eye on your podcast feed. It is coming up in just a moment. Thanks so much for listening. Catch you on the second half.

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