Watch What Crappens - #292: Brace Yourself

Episode Date: May 12, 2016

Timestamps below! Brace yourself. There’s a war coming. A war over the use GIRL on a product. Hide your children. Real Housewives of New York is a hilarious, drunken mess as usual. Tour Group is back on the air, and Below Deck Mediterranean went full on Revenge this week. Enjoy! Timestamps: 0-39:30 Chatter and Crappens Mailbag 39:30 RHONY 1:29:45 Clear the Flem 1:33:45 Tour Group Returns 1:33:45 Below Deck Mediterranean -- Subscribe at http://www.patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens for bonus episodes, ringtones, and live group video chat parties. For all our other links and extras, go to http://www.watchwhatcrappens.com --- See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crappens would like to thank its premium subscribers, Cassie Bugalski and Christy Doherty. We love you, girls. Hello, and welcome to the Watch What Crappens podcast. The podcast about all that crap we love to talk about on ye olde broths. I'm Ronnie Karam from Trash Talk TV.

And as usual, I'm here with the lovely, gorgeous, talented, and in a new apartment, Ben Mandelker of the B-Side Blog and the Banta Blender. How you doing, Ben? Oh, hi, Ronnie. I'm good. I'm in a new old apartment. I've moved back into my apartment. Although I use the word moved with air quotes around it because it's just boxes everywhere. I haven't, you know, everything got loaded in here. And I basically have not had time to unpack everything. Essentially because I've been watching things like Below Deck Mediterranean. Yeah, it's weird. Now that the schedule has changed up of our shows, there's a lot to watch on Wednesday.

It's like, Jesus, I was sitting there for four or five hours watching shows. Exactly. And the thing is that um i mean i have my direct tv direct tv is up and running but my tv is literally resting up against my door frame because i need to mount it that's a two-person job and i just that's a job for craigslist right there well i'm gonna i asked um our um or building uh like maintenance guy to help me so hopefully he'll do it help me do it like later today um i hope because otherwise i have like i'm like i can't watch any more tv off the internet i'm sick of it oh my god i can't even call my maintenance

my landlady lives here on site god you ask this woman anything well are you sure it's not your fault like it always comes back to being your fault. The roof is leaking. Well, you know, honey, it's because you have that big TV. It's probably pulling the ceiling down. Oh, okay. It's my fault. I get it. Yeah.

I have roaches. Oh, really? You saw a mouse? Oh, well, it must be you. No, bitch. It's under the, it's in the earth. You take care of it. Yeah, exactly.

I'll spray that bitch. Well, luckily, my maintenance guy is fantastic. So friendly. So good. And my building, the building managers here are great. exactly i'll spray that bitch well luckily my maintenance guy is fantastic so friendly so good and my building with the building managers here are great you know there's something to be said about um you know a really corporate kind of building management on the one hand they can be cold and totally unfeeling but on the other hand they get shit done when you need it done so i don't need people to feel just fix my fucking ceiling how about that fix my fucking ceiling well i'm happy because the

bitch downstairs moved out did i ever did i ever yes oh my god the one who would complain about every little creak in the floor trina trina who wanted she wanted them to like pull up my entire bedroom floor and redo it because she once heard um my footsteps at five in the morning when i got up to pee i'm like you're you're crazy she's very nice but crazy have you ever heard of ambien you crazy wench yeah exactly so she's gone hopefully the new guy will be cool um but my new apartment's so nice now oh my god i'm i feel like an adult they like totally made it adult like oh i can't wait to see it can you take pictures of it and send it to me? I will.

Well, you know what? I think that after this podcast is done, I'll do a little bit of unpacking. And I don't know where my towels are. And I have to shower before tonight. So I am going to go to Target. And I'm going to buy some new towels for my bathroom. And I'm stealing my friend's idea because her bathroom looks exactly like mine. And I'm going to get some nice red towels as a pop of color oh a little pop of color look at you you're learning so many more

homosexual things every every week i know i'm like hilda santos what's her face oh hildy from trading spaces oh no you don't want to hildy your own house hildy i'm the worst she was like she one time they had a million dollar trading spaces. It was for millionaires. And she went into this beautiful home and she like gold leafed the ceiling and then made a dining room table out of like plywood. And oh, the rich people were horrified and they did not hide it. It was amazing. That is amazing. Well, maybe I'll be more like Vern Yip.

Yeah, Vern's good. He's like, he puts green apples on everything. You can have like a bowl of green apples.'ll just feel like magrete yes it'll be so surreal uh i'm all over the place today because i'm about to go into a trading spaces uh tangent and that is not necessary oh no that's a good omen that means that there's going to be a good show coming up if we're already talking about trading spaces before we've even promoted our shit, then I'm curious. I'm curious. It's burning up right now, like for no reason.

OK, so everybody, just for our stuff, come to watch what crappens dot com for all our links, our personal links. Every link involving this show is up there. Yes. Come to Facebook dot com slash watch what crappens to talk to other listeners during the shows. Our live show threads are hilarious. And if you want the bonus episodes and all the extras, come subscribe over at. Come subscribe. Subscribe.

Who says that? Come subscribe. Come subscribe. Come subscribe over at Patreon.com slash Watch What Crappens. We do an hour ish long bonus episode every week this week's was so much fucking fun some of those are just we just sound like drug addicts yeah this week you know what this uh when we recorded on tuesday i was like my i could not focus i couldn't say what was on my mind i was hot in the apartment i was just all

i was just a mess and it turned out to be be so funny because that's when it's best. It's best when you're not concentrating, like watching any Bravo show. I actually think that when I concentrate too hard is when I start to become crazy. And I think I was concentrating too hard. But the funny thing is, we always say this, or at least I always do. When we record our shows, it's to me like entering a fugue state. When it it's over i don't know what i've said because at a certain point we're just talking i'm just trying to say anything to make you laugh and um i'm not my brain has actually shut off i say things like i'll never be a politician you know because they just have so much shit in these episodes to use against me

although these days you never know but but the thing is someone tweeted at us and was like oh my god your jokes about the lesbians were cracking me up and i was like what jokes about lesbians what lesbian i don't even know i think it's the lesbian girl from the boat thing yeah a lazy lesbian there okay so a few things to note uh first of all we made a jackass of ourselves last week as per usual because we spent five minutes making fun of Jules and her ridiculous, quote-unquote, slam of Bethany by saying, I don't go to your house and say this is the Center for Ants. We're like, who says that? That's ridiculous. You're so stupid, Jules.

Nice comeback. We're at the Center for Ants. Little did we realize it was actually a reference to Zoolander. Well, what the hell? We have enough references in our head without a Ben movie, okay? No, that Ben movie is not going to be in my head, although part one was very funny. And who rubs off a Zoolander joke 16 years later as a non-model? She's the worst.

She's still the worst. I don't care that she's anorexic. She's still the worst. So there's that. The other thing is we have to thank one of our listeners, Teresa, the one who gave us the idea of – and then Ramona walks in, which we haven't done in a while. Teresa sent us coffee mugs, although I haven't received mine yet because it's at Ronnie's place and I'm going to go get it as soon as possible. And you never will. I know. Now you know how to get to my house.

I can't just keep all the gifts that people send us, which is what I usually do. Oh. But, Ronnie, why don't you tell everyone what the mugs are? It's awesome. They're coffee mugs with watch what crappens on them. Our logo is on them. It's badass. I didn't have any. I did another podcast this morning and she's like, here's a shirt.

Thanks so much for coming to my pot. I was like, who does this? Who has like things with their thing on it? And then I got home and I had this. Oh, that's so nice. Now I'm as good as that lady that's right well you know i remember back in the tvgasm days we tried to sell all sorts of tvgasm stuff from my cafe press and i just recently chucked one of my tvgasm shirts i was

like goodbye sweet era of my life why would you do that because it had pits day it wasn't it was not it was not it was not summoning like nostalgia the way i thought it would yeah you're like i remember that day i had really sweaty armpits thanks a lot tvgasm yeah but i kept my chin bot t-shirt um then the last thing that we have to mention a reason why you should follow us on social media whether it's on our Facebook page or on our own personal stuff, is because if you don't, you will have missed a photo that Rodney and I took with none other than Miss Lisa Rinna, who came through with a croissant at last. She sure did.

She sure did. That was so fun. We got to go meet up with Lisa and her her friend monique and harry hamlin at the polo lounge and just pure coincidentally pure coincidence al pacino was at the next table it just felt so hollywood at that moment it was just great a reality star some podcasters you know harry hamlin a pr person and al yeah al pacino. No, Lisa was great. We've always loved Lisa Rinna despite this entire ridiculous

feud that she's found herself in. We are on both sides because we like both women. She was super cool. I really enjoyed sitting and gabbing with her. She was great. You know what I really appreciate about the people that we meet? Well, first off, we get to meet people because they usually contact us in some way.

And Lisa, we know Lisa's beautiful PR, one of her PR team. And so we've been talking to her for a while, like over a year or whatever. But this is the first time I've ever met Lisa. And that has no impact on us saying oh my god we love lisa obviously not yeah no because we've called her a dodo bird in every episode yeah one of the great things is that they yeah see i forgot what i was saying again but one of the great things is that they're um they kind of know what we do already and so um we can make fun of them right to their face. And they laugh.

Like every time. I think it's hilarious. We were very honest with Renna because she was asking us questions, you know, like audience perspective type stuff. And we just said everything just like we do here. And she would disagree or agree. But most of all, it was just laughing and having a fun conversation. It wasn't anything. I mean, look, we all just get too weird about these Housewives shows. By the

end of a season, we're all full of rage. I think anybody who watches Bravo, by the end, you just want to kill them. They're all idiots. They're fighting over nothing, and you're mad at yourself for getting so upset. And I think that it was smart that it's the end of the season, and it's all kind of over.

You know? Yeah. Fingers crossed. I would love it if she would come on the podcast at some point. Who knows if she ever will? But if she did, that would just be awesome. Well, that Jenny McCarthy thing ruined it because, of course, she goes on there and starts blabbing about whatever. And then she said that Harry has a dildo thing, which was on The Secrets Revealed, by the way. That was on the main show, wasn't it? She did, yeah. But they showed it again on the secrets revealed because andy asked her about it and

andy said uh what about you know harry hamlin strap on dildo are you mortified you know it was an andy version though it was like remember when you talked about dildos i love those his boobs are bigger but he made her answer it and she was like i don't even know why i said that like sometimes i just i open my mouth and things come out i don't even know he i don't i've never even worn a strap on i don't even know why i said that i was like thank you for basically summing up your entire season yeah with this one secret revealed well um yeah so it's super super fun time and i and of course i think I think I appreciated the irony of having drinks with Rinna at the Polo Lounge, the very same place where Kim Richards was ejected for life.

Which, of course, was the first thing we said. Yeah. We were like, is this a joke? Like, why are we at the Polo Lounge? This shit's hilarious. And Harry was like, you should go take a picture in the bathroom. Don't put it past us buddy well anyway what a good bathroom to lock yourself in by the way i went pee there just so i could see what the bathrooms were like i mean those are like fortresses you walk into like a huge bathroom but then yeah they have those private stalls you know

that there's like a door and walls yeah Yeah. It's like a little studio apartment. I could see why Kim would lock herself in there. She's like, you're not kidding me! I'm in the living room of the bathroom! I was gonna say, she probably thought she was at home. It was like yesterday, yesterday when I went to my storage facility to get the stuff out

so the movers were there. There was a crazy old lady, like, rummaging through her hoarder's storage thing across the hall from mine, and the movers were there. There was a crazy old lady rummaging through her hoarder's storage thing across the hall from mine. And the movers accidentally turned on my vacuum cleaner when they were pulling it out. And the woman went berserk. She thought they were trying to drill into her storage thing. And she was like, no, not today. I'm going to call someone.

I'm going to call someone right now. Not today. Not today. You're not going to drill in here. No, no, sirree. Oh, you know what? This is just wrong. This is just wrong. This is not right. I'm like, this is probably what it Not today. Not today. You're not going to drill in here. No, no, sirree. Oh, you know what? This is just wrong. This is just wrong.

This is not right. I'm like, this is probably what it was like with Kim Richards all the time. It still is. Remember all those fun times we had, Kyle? And then they cut back to all the fun times and they're like, not fun. They're like getting a facial. She's like, I hate facials. Like, yep, that's pretty much it.

It's like cut to Kimards trying to open the front door of her house that's no longer hers anymore in palm springs we're at a fun time that was on secrets that was on secrets revealed too kyle they went to the palms because we're not going to go deep into that are we did you watch i didn't even have time to watch it it was really stupid but um kyle kyle tells kim in palm springs she's like oh i went to our old place today and they're showing it so i got to go in and i got to see your room and my room and mom's room and kim's like remember all the fun times before you stole it it's like why are you talking about this like it's a good memory when kyle is using the proceeds from that house for this brand new mall

house that you're sitting in kim do you remember you even remember you were robbed? By the way, I love Kyle's mall house. That's like one of my favorite houses. Her Palm Springs house with that sort of open air veranda. That's like one of my favorite real house of houses of all of them. Yeah, I mean, it has Kyle in it. So that kind of kills it for me. And like the kind of like faux walls. I can't with faux painting.

I just imagine the realtor and like well like house hunters i loved house number two was right within our range and was walking distance from town but i'm not sure about that kyle richards it has it's so weird like this house is center it's like in the center of town which is what we want but every time i walk in here my back is drooping over my bra strap. Like, what the hell, house? And then the announcer comes on. House number one is $10,000 above budget.

It's $100,000 above budget, but has scenic views. House number two is under budget, but needs some renovation. And house number three is right within the budget. However, it features Kyle Richards. and house number three is right within the budget. However, it features Kyle Richards. I'll take house number one and two and put some gates around both of those fuckers. What do I see?

Popcorn ceilings? No, Kyle Richards. No, popcorn. It's just like Kyle on the couch. I'm concerned it's a double vanity. And then a third one when you add Kyle. Oh, God bless Kyle Richards. She's nice now, you guys.

Like, she's really a good person for all that forgiveness she gave Lisa Vanderpump for all the shit she herself started. Asshole. While I'm talking about Secrets Revealed, just to get that out of the way since we're not going to go into a full thing. Wow, how boring. Okay, Ken gets Botox. And then something that I thought was really funny that they did, because Lisa had mentioned something the other night. I said, what did you guys think of Erica? Because I noticed that in the actual group scenes with Erica, she never speaks.

Like, she just sits there and gives everybody dirty looks like a pissed off teenager at dinner with her parents you know and she said that yeah that's true she really didn't talk very much until she would do her own scenes or do her talking head stuff so we didn't really know that much of what was going on with her and then so the reason i'm bringing that up is because we all got to know her mostly through talking heads. So this behind-the-scenes thing, or not behind-the-scenes, but the secrets revealed was all Erica-centric. Like, they decided to put in all of these Erica scenes. And then you can see why they cut them. I mean, the best one is when Erica's at a choreography session with her gay. And he's like, okay, people, big dicks, big dicks.

That's what we're going for. Like, literally. I'm not even making this up. He's like, okay, people, big dicks. That's what we're going for. Like, literally. I'm not even making this up. He's like, okay, people, big dicks. That's what we're thinking of. Okay, pat the puss, squat on the dick. Squat on the dick and squeeze the dick. Back up and pat the, could you pat the puss on eight?

You're supposed to squeeze the dick on one. It's like, oh my God. And you realize that here you are supposedly talking about Erica's big secret revealed scene, and it's all about Mikey. Exactly, because she doesn't have to talk in them. Yeah. I don't give a fuck. Or there was one with her and Eileen shopping, and she's like, oh, hey, Eileen.

And Eileen's like, is your husband, your husband travels a lot? Oh, yeah, he travels a lot. I mean, I don't even barely even see him like it's crazy she's like oh wow that's that's crazy she's like yeah it's like well thanks for these erica scenes guys yeah we really gotta peek into her life you should always trust your original instinct to edit editors okay yeah i guarantee that the producers are gonna make her get get more involved in drama or they're gonna have someone go after her because it's just – like it's not enough. It's strange to me.

Like people are just sort of de facto liking her I think because she is just so gay-friendly, which of course we always love. friendly and and and is fabulous in the club and has a few funny you know little sneers here and there doesn't mean that she just gets a free pass to awesomeness like she still has to like i don't know i feel like i need more personality from her that's all but she's in it she's she has a free pass to being pretty good i think well people always like those ones like the kind of dumb slut who's but she's not really dumb and she's gonna tell everybody to fuck off you know it's like the brandy everyone's like ha ha ha lol she doesn't fit in and she's just saying fuck you all the time so that's like the new i guess version of that but man at least brandy did something yeah um okay coffee tastes weird i have to say my coffee tastes weird that's my thought on this it's like i think because the ice is from like a new fridge that they put in it's like weird i think the ice oh yeah you have

to run the water like when you get a new brita filter for the sink you have to run it for five minutes it tastes like paint yeah that's not good don't drink i guess i should uh i'm so mad i was so excited about this coffee but like every sip i take, the more I'm like, this tastes like paint. Well, speaking of things that taste like paint, let's do the mailbag. Just kidding. Good idea. It does not taste like paint at all. Let's certainly leave us with a few fumes.

Oh, I had the crap in the mailbag all queued up and now it went away. Hold on. What do you mean it went away? That fucking goat ate it. Well, no, I think I just messed up. I'll pull it up. I know we have a big question from Randy. Why are you eating the mailbag, goat?

Why are you eating the mailbag, huh? Oh, okay. Okay, so we have to make sure we don't repeat anything from earlier this week. But we have to make sure we don't repeat anything from earlier this week. Okay, we did the Designing Women, which is funny because Bravo put up like a Designing Women thing on their site regarding Southern Charm. Well, you know, I love Bravo because no one there watches our stuff except the people who run the web parts. And they're the only ones that matter anyway. We love you, web workers. We are you.

We are you.andy guerrero says okay so i have been super busy stressed lately with work and moving into my new place so i decided to take a bit of advice from ramona and take a xanax a few days ago to help catch up on sleep and rest this was monday evening i don't know if that's the reason why I couldn't stay awake during the latest episode of Real Housewives of Dallas, or if it has been this looming feeling I've had in the pit of my stomach that this show sucks major A. Does this show come close

to any other Housewives show in its first year? Do these women have one shred of an interesting enough personality to carry the show past this season? Potomac did it, surprisingly so, and I had faith in Dallas, but now that it's trucking along, I'm losing faith.

P.S. I discovered y'all last year during the last season of Real Housewives of New York City, and I am so happy to have y'alls go on and on in your Ramona, Luann, Dorinda, Carol, Bethany impressions. Pure joy. I can't wait for Real Housewives of Orange County to return. Oh, my God. Thank you, and me too.

Thank you, Randy. Yes. When does that return who knows they probably had to recut the whole season after vicky crashed a dune buggy in lake havasu cut out the horrible parts of vicky right now she could have died although bravo wouldn't do that i think they'd like recut her to be even worse no they're gonna build the whole season around it because you know the whole trailer is gonna lead up to a moment where you'll hear oh my god oh my god oh my god like anybody cares or worries about those idiots in a four-wheeler okay first of all god crashed you okay he was trying to help and second you all have such humongous implants nothing is gonna happen to

you it's like you're just it's like crashing a new ford ask eileen i'll never die yeah exactly people who like are in those inflatable balls and rolling around so um uh real houses of dallas i mean i enjoy it i know what randy is saying it's not like it's scintillating drama but i think the um the fussiness of it all, the way they – it's basically Leigh-Anne. The way that Leigh-Anne just gets on her high horse about charity all the time is kind of hilarious. And housewives aren't supposed to be these entertaining roller coasters. They usually aren't. I mean the first season of almost every show was literally about nothing. Nothing was happening ever.

And then they stumbled onto a fight and now everything's about fighting all the time. But that's not how, I mean, that's probably how they became this popular. But most of it's just like watching people, watching rich idiots walk around the world, you know? Sometimes that's enough. The first few seasons of Orange County were more just like docudrama.

Like, look at these wealthy women spending all sorts of money. Isn't this crazy how much money they're spending? But then it became more soapy and thank God. But I think that Dallas also suffers from the fact that it was originally conceived as a different show and not as a housewife show. And I think most Bravo shows that they change into something else,

they do suffer a bit because they were not originally built on the foundation, like a Housewives foundation. You know, we saw it happen to Miami. They're all the same shows anyway. That's the funny thing. They changed their name at the end, but they're all still shooting them

like a bunch of women go eat together and fight. True, but there's still a subtle difference. You know, I think that when a show, when they decide to change a show and be like, okay, this is a housewife show. I don't know. There is something that's a little lost when they try to backtrack and wedge it into a template because there's subtle differences and you can tell.

But I'm enjoying it. On the bad hand, I don't know why you would cast somebody like this brandy and i don't i'm not a hater but her scenes everybody talks like this and they're so boring and everyone's so sad i don't get it like i don't even get why she's like what's going on well it's weird but then you get people like leanne and my favorite thing about these shows are when people accidentally become they accidentally show their real selves and they're kind of tricked into it and leanne is just even if she's faking everything her anger is so real and i'm just loving watching her lose it and try and beat up a cameraman i mean

to me that shit is just gold you can't reproduce it yeah i think you're absolutely right you know brandy is a weird one because she gets right into it with leanne you know and she's she says these snarky things but when she's not with leanne she's just sort of like a like a sad frog just sort of sitting there just you know like i wonder if my husband's gonna come over he didn't disappoint and it's like real like that and then stephanie's like well i guess i guess he's not coming over today. You want to look at my diamonds? I'm so happy for you.

Yeah. It's so low energy. And even this week when we saw that scene with them together and one's happy because she got diamonds and then Brandy's all miserable. This in the first episode, this duo was like, me, we're crazy. We talk about poop and we drink Jesus juice and laugh all day. But then you see behind what the real relationship is and it's like, I'm depressed. It's okay. You'll feel better.

And that's it. You know? Yeah. Like those people who are really big in real life and then, I mean, on TV and then in real life, they life they're just like well i don't want to mow the lawn so maybe i'll see if i can get money to hire a gardener boom i know the back of the head darling i know it's really um and and real houses of dallas really spends a lot of time in suburbia like every scene is in a mcmansion so it has sort of a has a small feeling to it you know i like poor ass leanne like yeah here we are in our in the backyard of my house yes that's the

air conditioner i don't give a shit what you think hey how's the propane doing over there hun like that's what i like like kind of king of the hill mixed with texas so yeah i have high hopes i yeah i my i i'm enjoying it so uh randy hopefully you'll come around um betsy mdo our favorite doctor says hi y'all this is a recurring theme the y'alls um this is a serious question apologize for my indiscretion okay everyone serious i'm really glad that bravo is tackling the skinny scary girl anorexia idea on New York this year. It has bothered me for years how all these super skinny characters pop up and no one ever questions what's up. Bethany in her own right, now Jules, Brandi Glanville, Lisa Rinna, Gigi in her old years, 30 and 40-year-old women should not have clavicles that pop out of their neck and thigh gaps. Can you think of other characters who need to be outed and sent to food rehab?

Well, no. I believe that you have the right to have an eating disorder. And I believe if you want to starve yourself to be skinny, then go for it. And if you want to eat yourself into 5,000 pounds, go for it. I'm all about eating disorders. I've had one my entire life. And I'll tell you this. Nobody is going to stop my eating disorder, okay?

It's like trying to help an alcoholic. They will be helped if they want to be helped. Anorexia is not obviously just the same as not eating enough. It's like a serious thing. But other people can't fix that for you they have to want to fix it and then what are we going to start skinny shaming people i mean fat people shame skinny people and skinny people shame fat people it's like look at the end of the day nobody's going to fuck y'all after 50 okay it doesn't matter what your weight is like you're

going to have to work harder every decade just to get fucked so eat something enjoy yourself or don't i don't care um by the way for the record uh i, I did see Lisa Rinna eat some bread at the Polo Lounge. So there. My ass didn't. I'll tell you that much. That's the best diet plan I've ever been on, sitting with Lisa Rinna. I was like, oh my god, I'm not eating. She ate bread.

I saw it with my own eyes. I did have a chip. I would say the only other really skinny bitch on Bravo that raises an eyebrow is probably Meghan King Edmonds. But it's weird because generally, as much as we like to be like, oh, that girl's anorexic, it's really hard to tell because anorexia really is about behavior, not just being skinny. And so we don't really see as much of the behavior that goes along with anorexia. However, with Jules, we're seeing it. Because they're talking about it, talking about how she puts out a lot of food, etc., etc. So it's easy to surmise that so-and-so might have an eating disorder.

But that's heavy stuff. And I don't know. I mean, I think everyone should just eat. I don't want to hear people talk about it. I mean, Jules, I think what she's doing is very brave, I guess. So good for her because there are people who need that spokesperson. But I don't want every bitch to be like, I'm anorexic now because everybody's already got their victim card. We don't need to be adding that in.

Like, I'm sick of hearing people whine about their – Well, excuse me. I think that anorexia is probably a lot more – I think that of the things that people are going to be whining about on these shows and making themselves victims about, anorexia is like a real legit one. That is one that I would actually be OK about. Yeah, it's not fake cancer for sure. Well, it's also not like some distorted attempt to cry bullying like Kelly Ben Simone. Yes.

distorted attempt to cry bullying like Kelly Ben Simone, you know? Yes. So I will gladly take anorexia, especially because anorexia really is prevalent. You know, I think we all knew or have known people who are anorexic. I know this girl in high school who was anorexic and she – I don't think she ever admitted that she was and she just posted a facebook profile picture um with her kids and um i mean i don't know what the state is of her of her eating but her arms look scary i was like i can't believe you actually put that photo up like you like this is like skeleton arms you know where like someone gets so skinny that like you can sort of see the bone and the muscle like the

sinew that's really a horrible disease to have. And that body dysmorphia where you can't see what you really look like and you always think you look one way, but you don't. I mean, I have reverse body dysmorphia because I just always see myself as looking fine. Like I don't ever understand I'm gaining weight until my pants don't fit.

And then I'm like, oh shit, because I can wear sweatpants a lot. Yeah, the pants, that's a hard one. lot. Yeah, that's yeah, the pants. That's a hard one. That's a hard. It's a hard pill to swallow in the pants of it, because that that's not about perception. That is a fact. Yes.

At that point. Yeah. And let me tell you something. My pants are not fitting these days. Too much time eating fast, casual food in the valley. Yeah. And so and for as much time as I've spent, like being self-hating about this and that and this and that I really don't like that's the thing. It's almost like I'm being self hating to excuse it because I think other people are thinking it but I really

don't like I don't see the difference. I mean, when I'm real thin, I look the same to myself as when I'm really big. I mean, I always have a funny shape because I don't really work out. So I don't know. I just say I just don't want anybody to talk about their disease i just hate listening to shit about diseases like i'm watching it's harder to hate this girl because now i'm like oh my god they're right and look her eating disorder like is active and on display at the moment you know yeah and that's rough i don't want to watch that i don't watch this shit to watch some eating disorder or somebody you know have some fake cancer or something like that i mean fight with each other right right i want to see a rich person in the dmv that's it okay all right well

hope who knows what the rest of the season has to offer michael horn asks if megan king edmonds uh who we just were mentioning if megan king edmonds had been on beverly hills season, what do you think she would have discovered about Yolanda's Lyme disease? Would it have been different than Renna? Hashtag justice. P.S. So excited for OC to return in July. Oh, wow. We just got an answer to our mailbag question. Thank you, Michael.

I'm sure if there was a trailer, we would have learned it. We would have seen it by now. Thank you, Michael. I wonder if there's a – I'm sure if there's a trailer, we would have learned it. We would have seen it by now. Well, I mean I kind of wish Megan had been on Beverly Hills, but no one would have taken her seriously because it's not Orange County. There's like this sense of class and integrity and manners in Beverly Hills, whether or not it's actually there, that would just have discredited Megan at every turn? I don't think so, because I think Megan would have, like, snuck stuff into Yolanda's pee. You know, she'd have been, like, putting a stick in some bathroom or someplace. I mean, she's tricky. She would have called every one of those doctors, found out that she would have basically done what I did.

True. I mean, and you know what? She probably could have gotten her hooks into Rina because I mean if there's anyone to take on Yolanda, it, Rinna started to go after her and then backed off. And it was like a little half this, half that. And everyone sort of suggested. But no one actually fully said, you know what? She has a problem. She has a closet full of antibiotics.

And they can't all play nice with each other. And her body has got to be doing crazy things. And she has a history of being of of being of having chronic fatigue and yada yada yada if someone just said that and then and was shameless the way megan king edmunds would have then um you would have seen a very different season i i can't believe that they weren't more shameless because some of the stuff they were showing on secrets revealed it's like yolanda hold this jar of mayonnaise and if I can move your arm, then the mayonnaise is bad for you. You know, like chiropractors do?

And she's like, oh, Dr. Moon. I'm like, really, bitch? Like, you could have gone to a chiropractor for that. What are you doing? Like, what are you flying for this? And I think if people saw all of the stuff she was really doing, they would have questioned it more. I just think the cast didn't even know what she was doing.'s like they just never saw her because she was off you know shooting her own scenes well i think also now that um now that the cast sees how much the the public and

the audience is rolling their eyes at yolanda and they see that they would not be considered assholes for going after her i bet there'll be a very different uh approach next season i'm sure people next season they'll be like you know what yolanda you're full of it and you are manipulative and everyone in the audience can see it and we're gonna come for you beverly hills they don't ever though i mean lisa rena really is the first well kyle i guess is the first because she outed Kim for being an alcoholic. But Beverly Hills ignores everything. They try and talk about it like it's something else because they want to keep certain things private. I mean, Beverly Hills is notorious for that.

Like all the stuff happening with Russell and Taylor was trying to hint around that maybe there was something abusive going on. And they were just like, say it already. Just say it. Because they don't talk about stuff like that even the alcoholism everybody except rena and rena's just not even speaking to twitch anymore but everybody's like oh you're doing great oh you've been in recovery for a long time and that's going great when cam obviously like she just got in trouble because she wasn't showing up to aa meetings and she still has she's still telling the judge like my ankle hurts i can't

go to aa or whatever so you know they're still doing they's still telling the judge like my ankle hurts i can't go to a or whatever so you know they're still doing they're still carrying on the tradition of not talking about it but that's what's so fucking hilarious about it too because it seems to be the only show that really doesn't the other shows i mean they break each other look at new york which we'll get to in a minute wow that show yeah true true burning through it um so what's else is there anything else in the mail boog yeah um theresa maravich theresa aforementioned she says imagine the time dorinda dumps john only to replace him with trump dorinda now keeps selling the donald to the new york housewives meanwhile hillary has announced bet Bethany as her running mate and Ramona is dating Bernie Sanders.

Okay, XOXO. Oh my God. This is going to be tricky. What am I supposed to do? What a terrible fate for this country. What a terrible fate for this country. We're close. I mean, remember that movie Idiocracy?

It was about a famous wrestler becoming president because everybody got so stupid. That's pretty much where we are. Welcome. Welcome, you guys. I think Bethany would be very good for the country, actually. She would be like, what are you doing, Hillary Clinton? What is this? Your brand?

You're sending people email things? You're supposed to not be able to use email. What are you doing? Stick with your brand. Okay? Yeah. No, she would be great. She would be very prickly with uh foreign negotiations like what you you want you want to have like a nuke you want to have a nuclear bomb so you can't just have a nuclear bomb you can't just do that okay you have to like there's like teams there's processes like there's like a trademark like you need to have like a brand okay your bomb has to be a brand like your nuclear bomb like like this doesn't make sense like you can't just like drop a bomb around like you can't just

like have one like and you go out have one. What is ISIS anyway? Is ISIS – is that icy? Is that water? Is that icy hot? Your joints? I don't get it. I don't get these terrorist groups. Literally enough.

I can't. Get off my truck. That's trademark infringement. Icy. That's what you get at a 7-Eleven. What is this IC doing? Some slurpees? I mean, come on.

All right. So you want to have Medicare you want to have like Medicare? Everyone wants to have healthcare? OK. Fine. I don't care. I just love the idea of her going around from country to country like I've got a nuclear bomb. But this one, it won't – it will make – it will just make people thinner.

OK? It won't come in cancer. It won't cover everybody in radiation and they'll lose weight like everybody is wanting to get bombed by bethany she just shows up at the un she gets up on the plane all right what's the matter what's the matter what's what's going on what's the problem all right putin let me guess you're mad at me because uh i came to russia like i didn't i didn't go visit any monuments i was rude to your wife like what what i didn't have dinner go ahead say it you'd be like what i'm giving i'm giving putin an argument to argue against me like what am i doing here like i'm the president of every country now like just arguing with me

like if you talk to me about ukraine one more time like my wall is going to be up like literally like i can't like i can't like i'm gonna i am i'm hanging on i'm basically homeless i'm a homeless president right now i'm the first u.s homeless president okay and like i literally can't talk about ukraine if you ask me another question like my, I'm just going to be on the floor crying. I'll be on the floor, like, literally, kill me now. Put the nuclear bomb in my throat and blow it up. Like, kill me right now. She would take the American flag and turn it from horizontal stripes to vertical stripes so it looks less fat.

Yeah. United States of skinny America. Just little clip art skinny girls is all the stars. Skinny girl America. Skinny girl flag what else is in there uh i think that's it i think we covered everything else so thank you if you want to put stuff in the mailbag just go over to patreon.com slash watch what crabbins. Okay, so we've got tons of shows to talk about today.

You want to start with New York? Yes. Like a fine wine. I get bitter with Tom. Like a fine wine. It's funny because I was listening to her say that, Ramona, and I thought to myself, I feel like you're more like a fine wine that was left out and

you oxidized and turned to vinegar. You're like a fine wine that was left in somebody's trunk. Like a fine wine that's used to deglaze a pan of fat. I just burn off. The fine wine, like you

open the wine and it calls you an alcoholic you pop the cork instead of going like it goes like i'm sorry oh why am i apologizing to you so why did i write sonia placenta oh oh i was gonna say sonia placenta i mean that that was a long time ago. Because she's putting placenta on her face. Yes, so she's with Satoko, the Asian lady who outed everybody last year. Oh, the Leanne? What, she like the French little short midget man? Okay, you want to know what Leanne does?

Get a short midget man. You watch her climb him like a tree. It's like, damn, girl. So Sonia is getting a facial because she's having a birthday party uh coming up soon where she's going to launch her latest entrepreneurial idea so everyone get excited and uh everyone's invited um even the facialist despite the fact that luanne hates her so um it's very you're coming to the party right sitoko i'm just so worried what if people don't come i mean bethany hasn't responded.

Is Bethany going to come? I don't know. When is Bethany going to come? Somebody's got to come. Oh, I got this placenta on the black market. Thank God for the black. I'm like, you're getting placenta from the black market? Whose placenta is that?

That's like some evil little criminal baby. Yeah, that's bad news. But hopefully everyone gets their e-vite. It was sent out on computer number three, and we know how shaky that can be. By the latest intern. Yeah, that's bad news. But hopefully everyone gets their e-vite. It was sent out on computer number three, and we know how shaky that can be. By the latest intern, Juliona, who I think we're calling Powder Donut. What were we calling her? Powder Donut.

I don't know. Well, Juliona is a whiz with a Macintosh Classic, so I'm sure the invites got out with some lovely print shop clip art, too. There's like an 8-bit ice cream cone attached to it. So his party, if you ever need something printed on that paper, the printers used to use that have the holes on the side. So he was like, Oh,

I love that. That's the sound of my printer dot matrix. How am I supposed to know if I'm on the internet? If I can't hear it, it's like, thank you. donut thank you powdered why are you calling juliana powder donut because sonja calls people like the first thing she asked them to do like she at pickles liked pickles so she got pickles i'm just imagining this girl likes a powdered donut i mean i don't know how to donut me cruller and then i love that sonia sonia is in that constant house last day

every housewife has at least one season where they're trying to convince us that their vagina still works right uh sonia does it every year like this one she's like i'm getting placenta on my face oh it feels like sperm. Oh, great, Sonia. Well, technically, sperm was involved at some level in the process. But they were saying they were also putting like stem cells, human stem cells on her face. I'm like, what trough of Nancy Reagan science lab did you raid to get this human stem cell well maybe that's why planned parenthood gotten so much trouble because they were like selling people who are like they're aborting babies and selling the baby parts and i remember thinking watching the republican debate where do you think they're selling them to are there people eating like club sandwiches made

with baby arms no they're selling them for like medical research and it's good to know that people like sonia with snuffleupagus face are getting like nice jars of you know placenta that some poor planned parenthood head of planned parenthood tried to squeeze out the back door and like too small an envelope or whatever and one of those inter-office ones it's not a real envelope just has a little string that goes around it they cross out a name the name is like satan no we'll do sonia morgan she can take the placentas it comes with uh one of those returnable envelopes maybe so next up we have jules and carol carol you know, people say she's drank the Kool-Aid or whatever. Carol knows where her bread is buttered.

She's like, well, the 20-year-old unfucking is never going to talk to me again. So I guess I'll have 90 bottles of Skinny Girl in my kitchen. She has like 90 bottles. Her entire kitchen is made out of Skinny Girl bottles. So they're going to go see a psychic. Who cares? Yeah, they're going to go. So then it's actually time for the psychic.

I forget what the psychic's name was. Kim Russo. She's on Lifetime or something like that. Kim Russo, she's like the poor man's Teresa Caputo. So they're all arriving at Carol's place. And I love when Dorinda introduces herself to the psychic. She says, I love anything to do with the paranormal. You know, really, people who hunt for ghosts in houses?

I love that. You know the House Hunter Ghost Show? I love it. You know, I thought Christopher Reeve was a great example for the paranormal community. No, Dorinda, that's paraplegic. Oh. I love them, too. Give me any man in a wheelchair.

Dorinda is a super fan of everything and everybody at all times. When Teresa Giudice was in jail, Dorinda was writing her fan letters, and then they became best friends. I read that on the internet. Yeah. No way. So she's literally, like, fanned out on this Kim Russo batch. Yeah. I love it.

I love the show. I love Lifetime. I love life and Lifetime. Do you like cereal? I love it, too. Did you guys base Lifetime on a cereal? Tell me. Tell me the truth.

It's like, Jesus, Dorinda. I know. She's so excited. So you ever see Karate Kid? You know, there's a little kid, Daniel LaRusso? Are you really? Oh, you're Russo. Okay, so you're Rene Russo's sister, right?

No? Okay. All right. I was going to ask you what happened to her face. It's like she's there and she's not there. What happened? Whatever happened with that painting she and Pierce Brosnan stole anyway, by the way. You ever speak to her about that?

Pierce Brosnan? They had an affair, you know. Oh, Pierce. Pierce. I think this is Pierce's first appearance on this show. Pierce Brosnan? Pierce Brosnan, yeah. His first – you mean on Watcher Crappens?

Yeah. I don't think we've ever mentioned him. But I think we probably have mentioned Rene Russo before. Oh, yeah, yeah, for sure. For sure. She's been – We talk about a lot of wonky plastic surgery faces. So, yeah, we've talked about her

um so by the way i i just want to say that during this like seance there was a big bag of skinny girl chips prominently displayed in the middle of it it's like every scene with bethany every scene is something skinny girl yeah and of course bethany walks in and her hi what's what's going on all right it's a all right i'm here she didn't even say hi she just like sits down and starts ignoring everybody and she's wearing Bethany walks in in her taboo. Hi, what's going on? All right, I'm here. What the hell? She didn't even say hi. She just sits down and starts ignoring everybody. And she's wearing a neck brace.

I'm not really sure what's going on with Bethany's clothes this year. You can fit into literally anything ever built. Why are you wearing a neck brace? Turtleneck. Why? Is that like helping your head from bobbing back and forth because you don't have the strength to hold it up anymore? Like, I'm falling asleep now. Look at this.

I'm falling asleep. I had to keep a brace to keep myself up. Look, my face is here. You see it? She's like sleeping while she's sitting there like Big Bird. Literally, if you ask me another question about my neck brace turtleneck, I'm literally, I'm just going to cry. I'm just going to fall down and cry. I'm hanging on by a thread.

And the thread was made to make this neck brace sweater. Okay? Like, I can't. Like, literally, I can't. Like, my wall is up. I'm sorry. by a thread And the thread was made to make this neck brace sweater Okay, like I can't, like literally I can't Like my wall is up, I'm sorry, my wall is up She looked like a Oversized Roll of paper towels with just like A little head on top She's like the Michelin man meets

Her She's like, hey psychic Look, I'm like not totally open but like sometimes they i'll like open up you know so like like what if i open up then we'll see what happens like like what are you gonna do like it's a psychic like what are you gonna do what are you gonna tell me like i'm rich i'm rich like there you go like what are you gonna tell me it's gonna rain outside like watch the weather like she's like how many times like like why don't you tell me something i need to know like like how many times i masturbate like like like I need to know. Like this is like nothing.

Like I could have told you my dad died. Like big deal. My dad died. OK. I get it. OK. It's like enough. Like too much already.

Like I skinned the Michelin man for this? Like no. I'm sorry. Well, she is kind of like – she's like your dad. I'm getting something from your dad, but he seems cold. Well, maybe you have Google where you've watched all of the episodes of real housewives well i don't i don't really buy anything that's kim russo was saying did you well um i don't know but i did think it was really funny when she was doing a reading on bethany and she's like oh all right i'm seeing an important man uh there's an important

man in your life like i feel like something happened like he's not with us anymore there's an anniversary does this does this sound familiar but it's like now now now well let me look at my eye cow oh yeah my dad died all right my dad that's my dad okay so that's it i just started cracking it's like the one thing the only thing that this woman pinpointed the whole time she's like it's an anniversary of a dead person. Now, oh, yeah, yeah. I love that Bethany has like a little reminder popping up every year when her dad died. Google alert.

Yeah. Don't forget to make a Facebook invite. You know, I can sell some skinny popcorn that day. Jesus. Skinny puffs margarita. Since your dad died, eat some popcorn. Okay? I'm here myself.

Like most people give dead people popcorn, you know, like they make the entrance to it. I don't. I'm here. I'm here in the rain. I'm here myself like most people give dead people popcorn you know like they make the interest to it i don't i'm here i'm here in the ring i'm here she's so she's so blase you know kim's like uh like hey you know i'm getting a vibe i'm getting a vibe i'm like i'm seeing some uh linoleum i'm seeing i'm seeing hair i'm seeing okay i'm seeing like uh blood i'm seeing fingernails scratching. Does this sound familiar? Your mother, is anything? No.

Your mother never got dragged on a floor of any kind? Oh, well, you know, yeah, like she did because like, you know, drugs and everything. But like, yeah, tell me something I don't know. And everybody else, she got nothing, like nothing really good except for Bethany. She like pinpointed so many things she's like does the number 23 mean anything now uh i see a man on a horse losing a lot of money and then hitting his wife with the telephone on the 23rd horse nope i don't know what you mean what what it's like jesus bethany the woman let me look over the notes of my memoir. Okay, 23.

Oh, yeah, that was the time that my dad actually beat my mom up because she told him to bet on horse number 23 and number 24 came in. So that happened, and then I had to go to counseling for five weeks after that. I guess that was the thing. I mean, what's the big deal? When am I going to cry? When am I going to cry right now? No, I'm not selling Kleenex. We're not crying. It happened already, okay?

That was a funny reading because it was like the other accurate it was like the accurate reading most of this is the typical psychic bullshit it's like i see is there a john is there a john in your family you're asking a white person if there's a john in their family what do you think jordan's like well let's see there's my dad and then my grandfather and then john and then his friend john. And then my nephew John. There's another John. There's the Pope. There's Carol's friend who died in the plane, John.

I love. And I like going to the toilet a lot. So that's that John. And one time I just saw this movie about prostitution. So, yeah. Wow, you really got it right. What's the guy from the Daily Show? I used to love that guy.

Stuart? Yeah. I used to watch 2020. There was that guy John Stossel on there. Oh, I love when he would go into restaurants and just rip them a new one. You know what? Sometimes I think to myself, what would I do in a situation? And then John Quijones came out with that show and I was like, he read my mind.

And now you're reading my mind about John Quijones. So that's really, wow. The psychic's like, I see you mind and now you're reading my mind about John Quijones. So that's really, wow. I see you suffocating, unable to breathe. Oh, that's just John. John's on top. Sometimes that'll add him. Okay, well, thanks,

Dorinda. I'm getting warm air. I'm getting something warm on my face. Oh, that's just John mouth breathing in bed. I'm getting Wendy's burp. The ring of bell. I'm getting chalupa. Do you get a chalupa? You ever smell a chalupa in the morning? Oh, that's his breakfast chalupa. That's John.

He got that in Queens. He didn't get that in Manhattan. I'll tell you that much. The thing is she does say – the psychic is like i'm seeing coins i see a lot of coins and she's like oh oh richard richard said he would he was like look every time you find change it's gonna be me saying hello so now it's amazing like penny for your thoughts oh richard it's like don't take that bitch to a chucky cheese she'll have. Like, have you ever seen a skeeball machine? She'll just start crying.

Like take her into a casino. All these nickels start falling out of the machine. So I'm just yelling at me. Richard. Don't ever put her into a supermarket. She sees someone trying to get, go to a coin star machine. Why are you putting Richard in the machine?

Why are you doing that to Richard? It's like staring in a salvation army jar. Santa's like staring in a Salvation Army jar. I love you, Richard! Santa's like, could you please move the crazy lady away from the Salvation Army jar? Please. Hey, Richard, I put you in a machine and it turned you into a special trolley. It cost a dollar

to put a penny in you. From Wondery, this is Black History for Real I'm Francesca Ramsey and I'm Conscious Lee what do most people think about when they hear the words Black History Rosa Parks Reconstruction MLK February Black History Month exactly exactly there are so many stories of Black history that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more.

She is a heroine to some as a fighter for Black rights. She is a heroine to some, as a fighter for Black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald, a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world.

Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top ten, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success. If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost?

Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power money and sex collide in a game of life and death follow academy on the wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts you can binge all episodes of academy early and ad free right now by joining wondery plus it made you wider so um is such a dope though because the psychic was like i see two r's so do you know men with r's in their name she's like no um are you sure um maybe uh i don't know robert oh my god my husband and my father i'm like well john who's richard and his brother robert yeah look what you needed a clue for that come on now

well but the best part is that even ghost Richard hates John she's like I'm getting something from Richard he says this guy John's good for now for now he doesn't make you feel safe he's you know you know what he's like

he's just like a wad of pennies as opposed to a nice, firm roll of quarters. Your husband is telling me that you're not safe around John. Okay, you're not. That guy is so fat, you'll die of a heart attack. Leave him. Leave him. I love him. She's like fighting with Richard.

You better back it up, Ghost Richard. Oh, I'm going to pop your balloon so fast, You better back it up, Ghost Richard. Oh, I'm going to pop your balloon so fast. You better back it up, Richard. Be nice to John. Be nice to him. You owe it to him right now. You better back it up. Be fucking nice to him.

So then the psychic says that Dorinda is not going to marry John. And Ramona goes, thank God. And that's when Dorinda loses ramona walks into the psychic thing the psychic's like your dead husband is telling me i was like hi it's me oh you wouldn't believe it like i was coming up the stairs and then i was outside and it was erin i was like what is it an apple it's like an apple i have an apple right now what they're like um she's like uh ram, she's talking to my family, sir. She's like, oh, I'm sorry. What do I sit?

I'm supposed to sit in that chair? What am I supposed to? Look, I got this necklace today. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just got over my rash from Louie Ann's necklace. So then the psychic is like, so the psychic says that that dorinda's not gonna marry john everyone's like thank god and then that's when dorinda loses her shit she's like hey hey i don't pass opinions

about your stupid relationships and she just loses her shit she goes crazy spitting over everyone like everyone gets out their ponchos like uh-oh dorinda's mad put on your poncho it's like a rain delay at the baseball game i love that she starts out dorinda always starts from like a normal calm place and then it's like zero to 100 and she doesn't stop she's like yeah ramona you know what ramona i don't appreciate that okay yeah you know what ramona because you're saying that you're talking about john ramona you're talking about whoa whoa so you don't need a warm-up yeah i mean don't forget how long it took it took for her to start screaming at heather last last season when they were walking into

a restaurant everything was fine and they're just like oh you're just gonna walk without me just that way you can do that fuck you and never treat like this before my life just walk around we're from the same neighborhood we're from the same place we passed the same subway stops i could just do this to me? Are you sure you don't want to meet Paul? Open up. Open up, Missy. Choo-choo. No.

Don't say a nice word about John Modesta. God forbid. Even the psychic won't say something nice about her. And then Teresa Caputo Light is like, okay, that's all right. These emotions are good. We want to have these emotions.

See, Bethany, it's good to have emotions. Bethany's like in her phone like, well, I don't know. I don't get it. So then that's when Dorinda just goes in for the kill. She somehow, she mentions Mario in this way. She's like, Mario, oh, yeah, he left you for someone else. Oh, God. And then Ramona's like, whoa, okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Ramona's become an expert on diffusing a situation. She's like, anyway, so am I getting married again or not? Can we talk about my marriage now? She's like, no, you're not. You're not getting married again. Who's the guy?

I love when psychics say things like this. Someone in your life died of a heart attack. Oh, really? We're in fucking America. Everybody has someone in their family that's died of a goddamn heart attack. She's like, that's my dad. She's like, well, I can see that you guys were very close. And he says he's really sorry he didn't get to say goodbye.

She's like, that's true, because I didn't speak to my father. Like, I always hated him. Like, he was horrible. Like, I hated this't speak to my father like i always hated him like he was horrible like i hated this guy and i like totally ignored him and then one christmas he came over to my house and then we got along and then i was like oh my god i finally got my dad and then he died and she's like she's what did she say she's like well he says that there are a lot of photos and she's like oh my god he's talking about the photo that we took together in my house. There's like a photo. How does she know about the photo?

How does she know? I'm like, she just said there's a guy with a heart attack who took photos. Like every family has that. Yeah, exactly. The photo thing. She's like, okay, I'm seeing a photo with a man and a woman. Maybe someone's in a lab. And Ramona's like, whoa, whoa, this is crazy. Okay, whoa, I'm sorry. I'm seeing a photo with a man and a woman. Maybe someone's sitting in a lab. And Ramona's like, whoa, whoa, this is crazy.

Okay, whoa, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But I never took a photo of my father until two weeks before he died. I finally took a photo with him, and then he just dropped dead two weeks later. I'm sorry. That's crazy. And you know what? It's also a little déclassé.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I almost had that picture sold, but I didn't. Thank God. I'm undéclasséing. I'm déclass I almost had that picture sold, but I didn't. Thank God. I'm undeclassaying. I'm de-declassaying it. You know, people always say that when you take photos, it takes part of your soul. So when Geraldine Parsons-Smith offered to take a photo of me and my father, I should have known she was up to no good.

And certainly, that's what she did. She took a photo and stole my dad's soul, and two weeks later, he was dead. I'm sorry. My favorite. Not right. Ramona going, we don't have very many pictures because, Because like I didn't want to be a picture with my father Because like I didn't want to be associated with him Okay like you know

You're judged on who you associate with And I'd be like you throw spaghetti at people's head Okay so like it's embarrassing Like I didn't go out with my father at night time And that's when people take pictures Like I don't know how the psychic knew that You know what's crazy Instead of taking photos with my father What I would always do is I'd find a plate that was painted yellow, and I'd take a picture with the yellow plate.

Because you know what? It reminds me of sunshine. And I want to have photos that would remind me of sunshine. And then you've got Dorin. I mean, Ramona starts sobbing all over the place. Like, this woman has figured out everything. You know a fat person who had a heart attack. Okay.

But Ramona's turned this into like she solved everything she saw mario like she saw mario i'm like she didn't see any of this stuff ramona like you're making it up for a reason to cry so she's like going crazy sobbing like splurting out those tears as she does she even cries like a spaz and then dorinda tries to bring it around to her again she's like ramona Ramona, please lighten up on me, okay? And I'm like, because it's... She's like, I just want to move forward. That's Dorinda's new thing.

I just want to move forward. I just want to be like we used to be. I just want to... That's how I want to be. That's how I want. It's like, what do you think? She keeps asking the psychic. She's their group doctor.

This poor bitch is just trying to get her money and make you guys believe a bunch of shit that ain't and she's like well i think that what's good about these sessions is it brings out a lot of emotions that's what they want on the other side they want you to bring out your emotions so you can talk about it and feel things but it's like okay i gotta go bye well jules was told earlier because she got there and she's like it's not very jewish to go to a psychic i's like, it's not very Jewish to go to a psych act. I'm like, well, it's not very Jewish to fuck a Japanese person either. But here you are. So let's just get over it.

Well, the funny thing is that Jules' reading was, like, very short. Jules' reading was, like, she was like, okay, what I'm seeing is that you want to be a role model. Oh, I'm an anorexic. You're so right. And she's like, is there someone named John here? And Jordan's's me that's me i know what john and then it's like that was it for jules she just had her one like half half a reading she got her one jewish commented and that was it's like some tears exactly so then we then go to a scene of jules and carol um hanging out i think they're at carol's place maybe they're no they're jules's place because jules is like i've got two couches they don't match but it's a work in progress like

everything else what can i say you know there's a lot going on i don't eat you know so then um jules has trays of entenmann's like she has every poor person cookie oh did you recognize all those cookies like i recognize everything there i was like wow this girl really went for the cheap things i mean i guess she knows that carol doesn't eat it either so maybe carol really thinks she got her cakes but those are like intimate cakes and those like oatmeal cookies yeah and then she was like you want tea how do you make tea anyway like what do you do you heat up water is that how tea works yeah i was very proud of being stupid that's like every jewel scene she's like i don't know how to do anything. Yeah, that's called an idiot.

Stop bragging. So the cookies, and then they talk, Carol's like, so what did she mean about being a role model? She's like, oh, I was an anorexic. And Carol's like, oh, uh-huh. And Jewel's like, you know, I really think that Carol gets me you know because she's been through things and you know let's face it she's super skinny too yeah the thing yeah and because Carol's acting like well you know I think she has an eating disorder so do you I don't think I've ever seen you eat anything at least Jules pretends yeah so then Carol gave her some advice like, well, what you want to do is articulate your pain and emancipate yourself from it and empower others.

And Jules is like, wow, that was great. Can you write that down? Yeah. And then she's like – she's like, maybe I'll – and Carol is like, no, maybe you'll speak at colleges, at universities. I'm like, well, I feel certainly bad for those colleges and universities. That's how they are. They pay people so much money to come speak about nothing. It's like worse than a TED Talk sometimes.

Yeah. But then she's talking about maybe writing a book. She's like, well, I couldn't write a book. Maybe you could write it or you could be my – and then she sort of stops herself because she's like, oh, I know. I can't mention Ghost Rider. It's one of Carol. Carol's like, I know a good Ghost Rider. Somewhere Aviva's flinging her leg at the TV.

Aviva, no sense of humor. She's like, she just admitted it. It's like trying to get rehired. It's true. So next up is Dorinda and John. So how was your day, honey? She's like, well, how was your day, honey? Well, I was just persecuted by Ramona.

I was just beat up in the street by Ramona. So there you go. And then John pulls out glasses with lights on them. They're like... So Dorinda says she's already in a bad mood because of her situation with Ramona, which apparently happened... I thought that happened like two days ago. But she's still mad about it.

It's all one long wake up mad about it. Dorinda don't know the difference. Yeah. It's all one long wake up from a nap for Dorinda. Yeah. So John has like these glasses that have lights in it so that way you can read menus. So, you know, my parents do this all, my dad especially. He loves to take out his phone and put on the flashlight and look at the menu. And he starts talking to me and lifts his phone up and suddenly the thing is like in your eye and it's like flashing at everyone else in the restaurant mom's like dad turn it on let's

keep it on the menu or turn it off like don't do that it's like staring at the headlights especially on that mac truck yeah and so then john is like looking around and he's like hey you like my you like the lights on my glasses you like them hey you want to kiss me oh john stop with a kiss and i hate that i I hate it. The waiter is disgusted. They cut to the waiter, and he's like, I'm going to resign now. I'm just moving back to Iowa. He hates their guts.

I was laughing so hard because he got like 10 shots of just hating these people. And that's when Dorinda was like, I know John got that shit in Manhattan. Sell those glasses in New York. Ohork oh no he got those in queens they don't sell those in manhattan yeah so she's basically saying i want you to stop fighting with ramona but then she's like listen i want you and ramona to behave yourselves like today it's a psychic ramona was talking about what a pig you are i I'm like, why are you doing this? You're telling him he was being called a pig again or whatever the thing was on national TV and then being mad that he's mad. Exactly. And then he's like, I have tried to be so nice to these girls.

They are so mean. I've been nice. He's like, you know what, John? I don't want to talk about him. I want to move forward. I want to move forward. He's like, yes, but no, John, John. And then she goes, you must listen to me, John.

You must listen to me. And he goes, let me finish. She goes, I hate when you say that to me, John. It's so rude, John. So rude. But I'm like, you just said you must listen to me. And he's saying, just let me finish. She's like, no, John.

He's like, I was just. Past tense, John. What about the past tense? I want present tense. Present future. Blue perfect, okay, but not the past, John. But, you know, like, okay, in the future,

I was right the other day. It's like, no, John, it's like literally the past. You're using words that belong in the past. And he's like, okay, for the future, last week... Oh, John, you can't just do that and just say that because it's still the past. I'm leaving, John.

He sort of makes whatever silly point he makes, and he tries to lighten the moment by saying, and to celebrate this moment, I'm going to do this. And he stabs a little piece of, he eats a little piece of pasta off her plate. And she gets this look on her face. She gets the sad sock puppet look.

She's like, really great. Really great. You know what else you can grab? You can grab an easy pass back to Queens. You better back it up off my pasta. I love that her big thing isn't even leaving. It's like, you can get your own fucking easy pass back to Queens. You're not taking mine you cheap fuck such a stupid but they're ridiculous they are ridiculous and i'm

loving every bit of them every scene i just laughed the whole time especially that it's the past tense john just such a disaster you know what i hate doing i hate opening up a book and it was past tense like i want to move forward the book i want to go forward move it you better back it up forward but forward go forward but back it up but forward i want to talk about the future like how ramona talked about you today it's like so her rules are so hilarious because she doesn't even understand the boundaries she sets the worst movie i ever saw was Back to the Future. I want Forward to the Future. The worst movie I'm ever going to see is The Hunger Games Part 19.

The worst I'm ever going to see. Like, why are you already hating things from the future? She's all mad at some random person she might date. Worst movie I ever saw was lord of the rings 16 worst movie uh so next up sonia is back in her makeup chair with god help this poor makeup person sonia's freaking out are people gonna come to my part are you busy are you busy tonight the makeup lady's like uh yeah have plans sorry oh okay don't you remember I have to take computer number four into the shop? She's like, could you hand me some of those Q-tips?

Because, you know, my nose is always running. Because it's the makeup. It's the makeup. She's like cleaning the blood clots out of her nose from all that coke she's doing. Sonia, who do you think you're kidding? I know. Oh, that was such a wonderful image of her sticking Q-tips up her nose. I did not understand that this was going to be the sonia liquor or the sonia alcohol episode so i was thinking god it's so cute

how nervous sonia is about just wanting bethany to be there because bethany's like the star again of the show and everybody's still kissing her ass yeah and i thought this is so sad watching sonia kiss bethany's at like she is so scared that if Bethany doesn't come, no one's going to shoot it and she's not going to be on TV. And it made me so sad. But then she said, I haven't said anything about my latest business venture. And I was like, Oh, no, here we go. And then it cuts to Bethany in a skinny girl trailer like look look that they're not in terms of this i'm doing this like what what you want some ice cream okay look look i'll put ice cream in the cup and then some fat girl which because of course that's who eats skinny girl things me um is is they're getting something sick oh what what you want some ice cream there you go i drove all the way to texas to see you oh all right let's take a picture okay move along move it along i'm sorry it rained everyone i'm sorry like i mean like what is this like it's like it's like this like wet it's like from heaven like

there's a garden hose on like is this drown california you got a rain right on my thing like like what take the water to california like i literally i don't i don't get it like i don't get this i don't understand this rain like like what's the brand like i like is it is it supposed to be wet it's supposed to be like dried like is it seasonal thing like like what is this all about like i like i've had enough already like literally like i'm just gonna close the window on this trailer and just like die in this box i just want to die in the water okay like i'm like melt me now like literally like like i wish i wish i were a witch from the west like literally so i just melt away and die like literally that's all i want oh bethany i

love that she is working her brand my brand my brand my brand my brand my brand brand brand brand brand it's all me it's all me look at all this it's all me like way to way to share the credit honey it's like she's surrounded by 10 interns it's like hey guys hey kids come around here get around i know it's not easy i know it's not easy but this is a brand i did it i did this all myself so thanks for your hard work like what kind of pep talk is that four people are probably working for free yeah exactly now go put your jackets down on the ground so don't step on any puddles anybody have you ever heard the number 23 like what the fuck who cares like oh it's the day that your dad died oh my god you're right you're right okay just like what are you psychic so next up sonia's party okay The party has arrived. Who is this slimeball? What's his name?

Who's showing up now? He was boning Ramona last year when she was open. AOA. Her failure. Because that never opened, right? It did open, but I don't know if it did anything because it looked awful, like an awful space. And then Sonia got the same guy, who I'm guessing that's his thing. Like, he comes on to Real Housewives so he can be on TV.

I don't know. It's like, do a slag, get on TV. I'm not really sure what he's his thing. Like he comes on to Real Housewives so he can be on TV. And I don't know. It's like do a slag, get on TV. I'm not really sure what he's up to. But this is weird. And why is she going on to a different brand? Like shouldn't you be trying to grow the fashion line you just launched last season? Like you finally got something up and out there. Shouldn't your focus now be?

Yeah, I know. I'm just saying. At the end of the day, she had a website with two dresses that were never – you could never order them. Yeah, exactly. Because they were never made. So, yeah. So that's – so, yeah, this guy, this slime ball is there. So everyone's starting to shuffle into the party.

And Ramona, of course – Ramona's hanging out with – she's sitting with – what's her face? Dorinda and Sonia, and she starts telling the story. She's like, you know what? Louie-Anne, she gave me this necklace and you know what? When I put it on, I got a big rash on my skin. I had a reaction to it. So I gave it back

to her and she said she would fix it. So then, it's time for Bethany's birthday and she gives bethany this like big beautiful bag but she only gives me the same necklace again the same one she regifted the gift can you believe it can you believe luanne can you believe luanne my whole neck was green okay like i had a green neck like i thought my head was gonna fall off my body and then she gets bethany this big purse like it's expensive with somebody's name like can you believe her and sony

is like uh what'd you get from me for my birthday bitch yeah shows up with no gift and then complains to the birthday girl about the gifts that she got yeah that was hilarious that actually like cracked me up also dorinda walking and she walks past all these you know extras or

whatever and she's like oh here's that's the one of the young girls don't let john modesta see ya oh good when you're warning young people that they're about to be sexually harassed it's time to find a new relationship exactly meanwhile the young young girl's like who is this lady and then there was another good rando thing when john entered later he's he's talking to Jules' little guy and then some other model who's wearing a jacket that's been spray painted. I cannot believe he didn't offer to clean that shit. And then this lady goes, oh, hey, how are you? You look really wired up. And he's like, oh, don't say that.

Yeah. One of the rando extras is extras like you look like a cokehead so welcome have fun at this party so then luanne finally enters making her first appearance on the episode and luanne does this thing her new thing is a sort of like she sort of like bobs in you know she sort of has this weird gait and then she does this thing with her hand where she sort of has this weird gait. And then she does this thing with her hand where she sort of summons you by bringing her whole arm around as if she's yanking a comforter around her shoulder. She's like, Ramona, Ramona, come over here. I'm sorry, Ramona, Ramona. Ramona pashmining you over.

Yeah. And immediately she just goes right in on Ramona. I mean, these two are the best frenemies. What are you saying that I shouldn't move in with Sonya? What is wrong with you? I said it would be like a brothel. It'll be like a brothel. Like she's shouting like she's on a Ricola commercial.

She's like, a brothel. And the best part is that Luann, her response is not, how dare you say it would be a brothel. Her response is, what's it to you? The countess is gone. This is just Luann now. And then she's like, so what? I'm going to get boned by six strangers in one night. What's it to you?

And then Sonia walks right up and she's like, hey, what are you talking about? Ramona told me you gave her an itchy necklace. Just goes right in. Luann doesn't even register with luann because she's still so infuriated like if i want a bone 12 guys upside down off a chandelier that's my prerogative and then ramona she's like yeah what you moving in with some wait what was she what english thing did she get oh yeah she's like yeah you're moving in with that guy and that necklace? Like, what the hell?

That's like from your production line? Like, what the hell? And she's like, Ramona doesn't even know what regifting means. Regifting is when you take a gift that you've been given and give it to somebody else. That's a good point, fucking stupid Ramona. But you skip right over the critical part of that. Is that first, while Ramona is fighting with Luan, out of nowhere, Ramona deflects and turns to Sonya and goes, and now you've copied my hair again. You've copied my hair.

And Sonya's response is, well, yeah. Yeah, I liked it. So I copied it. And then Luan's just like, well, I'd rather be talking about hair than drinking. So fine. Also, Sonya said in that part, part she said i copied the people i admire yeah she literally said that in this episode so then they're all gathered and they're sitting around and that's when dorinda says hey hey when did ramona tell you about the necklace that you

were gifted her did you did ramona do that and then ramona that's what because that's what kicked it off yeah she's like she doesn't even know what regifting is. It was her petty – it was – basically it was Dorinda's revenge. She's like, fine. You fuck with John, I'm going to fuck with you and Luann. And that's when the whole thing happened. And Ramona gets very serious. She's like, Dorinda, I don't know why you would do that right now.

That was a very mean thing to do. I was going to talk to her privately. I don't know why you would do that. Dorinda is very mean. So anyway, Luann, your necklace is awful and you re-gifted it to me i thought it was rude it was rude i hurt my feelings okay what feeling do you feel get out ramona please uh i wrote down this random note guy in turtleneck please stop because there was a guy there is a gay there there's really tall gay in a turtleneck like a baby blue turtleneck which i don't know why that cracks me up it's like turtlenecks today because it's a gay and a

turtleneck it's just this really tall bird brain and a turtleneck and a blazer and it's that typical like la's you know their hangers on they like plastic surgery douchebags but in new york they all pretend they're part of like some publishing house or you know the big thing they brag about there is like what they're reading or what they've written or who they know who's written a book that's been or what they've seen at the whitney yeah yeah so he's one of those gays and he was lit he was like holding with a glass with his pinky out and he was looking around the room like i was like you are not allowed to be an artsy snotty gay when you're at a free wine party thrown by sonia okay so just drop it fagito yeah well done

well said so that's all i had to say man so then so now sonia addresses the crowd and she announces that guess what i'm making prosecco and it's it's going to be called tipsy girl prosecco oh my god thank i would like to thank everyone for coming. Like some of you were my friends when we were on yachts, traveling around the world, seeing the most amazing things. And some of you, you know, then you knew me when I was divorced and had nothing. And now here we are again, right back around in this circle. I'm like, where, where are you again now?

It's just like, you know, some of you I met in San Tropez. Some of you I met in Bahrain. Some of you I met when i was in exile in africa you know hanging out with meryl streep some of you i hung i met with madonna on her recent world tour you know we're all from different walks of life some of you took shits on my head when i was working as a yacht girl in saudi arabia like who knows you're all the same to me some of you i met when i went to paris and anne hathaway was my assistant and then she decided to leave to go back to New York and I wrote her

a really good letter of recommendation that she didn't expect. Meryl Streep was really mean to her. Some of you I met when I took that potion that made me live forever and Goldie Hawn punched a hole through my stomach. I remember that very clearly. She's like, to everybody I've ever met, I don't know you the exact

same. So we're all equal. But I appreciate all the support you gave me when I didn't go eat my baby. But thank you for asking about pickles. I think that's like the biggest question Sonia ever gets. Like, what happened to pickles? She started liking, you know, she started liking tuna sandwiches without pickles. So I fired her. Well, you know, she said Beetlejuice three times. And and next thing i know i'm dancing to deo and she's gone next thing i know michael keaton

is sitting on my face okay so my my drink so she blatantly steals bethany's i mean come on i mean this is going to be fought all season long but that's blatant stealing especially when she just said i copy the people i admire yeah well you know it's interesting because bethany vociferously denied um having any association with skinny cow okay um so in a sense it's almost like um sonia has a right to be like well tipsy girl is different from skinny girl but the difference is thatny Cow is like ice cream products. And Skinny Girl versus Tipsy Girl is the same product. They both have Prosecco.

So, yeah, not smart, Sonia. Also, Bethany's skinny. So, like, it actually makes more sense. Sonia's not fat or anything. But she's tipsy. Bethany, it's like,'s like okay like i get it because you're literally like she looks like clip art when she was standing next to her trailer i was like you're a white version of that clip art with different hair like you're the same size but

sonia it's like she's just blatantly stealing from someone on the same show who became famous for selling the exact same thing come on yeah and then ramona's reaction ramona's like what sonia sonia selling booze that's like a monkey selling bananas oh my god that's like a drunk person selling their own pinot grigio named after their first name there'd be no more bananas left for the other monkeys okay okay is somebody gonna sit in the banana factory just eating the bananas as they come off the factory line? Like you know that bananas are grown, right? You know, the thing is with Skinny Girl also is that not only is Bethany skinny, but the name Skinny Girl, there's like – there's some aspiration to it. Like if you drink this, you can become skinny. So if you have something that's like if you drink this, you can become tipsy.

Like Tipsy Girl, I feel like that there's not as much of an aspirational quality to it. It's sort of like, hey, if you drink this, you'll become that drunk, annoying bitch at the party. That's what that's saying. Well, you can't just call it old alcoholic girl. Yeah. But it will live up to its promise, though, tipsy girl. The aging alky. Yeah.

So, let's see see and dorinda's reaction she's like well you know like bethany won't be mad why would bethany be mad you know what i mean like bethany's a huge business and that's like a little stream just room for everybody no bitch not when you're trying to take your stream out my big pool exactly you know richard always said if i ever see an estuary that's him speaking to me through little fishes. When I asked Sonia if she had a course crew, she pulled out a bunch of change in her pocket. And then I knew this is meant to be like Sonia's wallet telling. It's mostly dimes and quarters. Oh, thanks. Thanks for getting specific, Richard.

It's mostly dimes and quarters. Oh, thanks. Thanks for getting specific, Richard. Hey, hey. So whenever I watch football, I'm like, whoa, that's Richard talking to me because it's got first, second, and third, fourth quarters. It's like quarters everywhere. It's like Richard. Richard's talking to me through the TVs. And I'm like, John, be quiet.

It's Richard's talking to the games. When Obama was running, I cried the whole time because he just kept saying hope and change okay so um this ramona thing i have to ask you a question because i'm an ignorant poor person sure do you smell champagne i mean i know it smells but that's not something you like put in your glass and like swirl around and sniff right it all smells the same doesn't it it's not known for its nose. Because this guy's like, oh, it smells delicious. I was like, shut up, you douchebag. Who smells Prosecco? What do I look like, Danny from Southern Charm?

I don't have the answers. Craig. I've always made fun of people who sniff their Prosecco. Craig shows up. He's like, so, Sonia, I thought we were going to be doing this Prosecco together. What is Prosecco anyway? Is that a medicine? Like, what's the difference?

Like, I thought that I was going to run it. It would actually be a terrible crossover because that would make sense on this show. If Craig were the CEO, that would make sense. You know, he basically went on to the wrong show. Yeah, pretty much. He could have been the head of 10 companies by now. Listen, Sony sonia everyone knows sonia's toaster make a fucking toaster how hard can it be i would buy it just to have a sonia

toaster i want your sexy j loose vag on my toast her toaster has gotten so much free publicity at this point that the fact that she has not even made the simplest version not even like a cafe press toaster means that she's an idiot like just make the we would all get by now everyone would get her toaster no toaster in the history of mankind in the history of toasters has gotten as much publicity as sonia's toaster i can't even think of a toaster brand name right now except for black and decker oh yeah black and decker he was friends with them we used to go on a yacht in san trebe all the time black and decker good friends he was the older brother on Different Strokes, right?

Oh, so, yeah. Yeah, Black and Decker. We had a great threesome once. So the last thing, I guess this was like the last thing, jules i just wrote jules i'm happy for her but like i look like look i don't want to say anything because i'm asian so i like to be respectful oh jules get an identity that isn't about the sperm that made you please it's either what made you or what you're putting inside of yourself get a a hobby lady. Yeah, seriously. So Beth, Dorinda's like, there's room for everybody. Nope, no there's not.

And Sonya's like, whoa, this was really successful because we were passing around trays of the free drink and most of the people took it. Wow, you got all those people to drink free shit. Congrats, it's going to be a huge success. Yeah, seriously. Listen, if you go to any event, I went to an event with freaking

what's her faces adrian maloof's awful what's her name of vodka z zinc oh uh zap zip zippy red red velvet cake vodka it was terrible but i still drank it was free well she had that ingenious thing of having a light in the bottom. Zing. That's it. There was a light in the bottom that would like blink and stuff. So you would see it blinking on the shelf. It kind of looked like a traffic.

It was the vodka version of a hair tassel. And it tasted about as good. Tasted almost as good as my paint-smelling coffee that is making me woozy. I love that you're still drinking your paint coffee. No, I stopped. I'm just staring it down. I tried to take another sip, and now the paint smell is so concentrated because the ice has really melted a lot. So now I'm like, bleh.

The helicopter here outside is the medevac, taking me to poison control. All right. Well, let's run on to the next show, shall we? Well, you know, before you run off the next show, perhaps all this talk about Prosecco has made me thirsty, Rondal. Oh, Jess, let's do this. Okay, so there's actually this place called Club W. It's a website for wine. And went to it, got my wine. So delicious.

And let me tell you the difference. The difference is you don't just go on and see a bunch of different wines and order what you like. Club W, you go on. When you sign up, they have a test that you take. Not a hard one. There's pictures. But it's basically asking you, like, do you like your coffee sweetened? Do you like what kind of – they ask you all these trick questions, basically.

Like, do you get your flavors down? It's like a BuzzFeed quiz. Yes, kind of. Like, what golden girl are you? Yeah. I love that I always end up as Sofia Petrillo, by the way. Every single time. Well, it's better than Stan.

That's true. Or the dead one. Well, I guess they all died. Or Miles, the impotent one. But I don't think you ever end up as a man. You always end up as a golden girl anyway. Anyway, the point is, I'm B. Arthur. Just kidding.

The point is, you go on to Club W, you take this taste test, and then they suggest the wines that your palate will like. And that's different, because wine has kind of taken over again and become trendy. And everybody's drinking it, but nobody really knows what to get and you can always tell at a party because you go and there's like the charles shot the two buck chuck and they're like what it's just wine no it's not because you goddamn headache and it's terrible but these are uh all organic and all the artwork is just effing gorgeous on them and they come in this beautiful box they come with all of these beautiful beautifully printed packets with all these photos uh teaching you what it is and explaining to you what you're getting you know so it's actually very i really hope i really hope

they have ramona pinagrigio on their on their list because you know ramona pinagrigio is not bad we've discussed this before. It's not bad. Well, they actually work with a bunch of local growers all over the world and they get, that's how they source all of their wines.

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Hey, Ben, what do you want to talk about next? I think it's very important that we clear the phlegm. Okay, let's do it. How lucky are you to have me teach you about me? You are the phlegm. So the reason why I said it's so important is because we keep wondering, what is the status of Caroline Fleming vis-a-vis Ladies of London, right? Is she coming back? Is she not?

Well, she posted a photo six hours ago on Instagram. And for those of you who don't know about this segment, this is when we go through Caroline Fleming's Instagram, Caroline Fleming from Ladies of London. And we read her Instagram, which always cracks us up because it's so ridiculous it's a photo of Caroline with Juliet Juliet Caroline

new face Caroline and then another girl they're all sitting there with wine and stuff and Caroline Fleming says girlfriends are just one of life's dearest gifts I'm rando. They're all sitting there with wine and stuff. And Caroline Fleming says, girlfriends are just one of life's dearest gifts. Choose them well. At Caroline Stanbury.

At Juliet Angus. Juliet Angus. At Kim J. London. Hashtag ladies of London. At Bravo TV. At ladies of London. At Emorytel. At Isabella Morant.

Hashtag dress. Hashtag keeping up appearances. Hashtag Lolan Yar. I love that if you look really close, because she's always being braggadocious about what she's eating or whatever and where it's sourced from. And they're in front of a bowl of Chex Mix that's burnt. So there you go. Anybody thinking of buying that cookbook, you might

want to stay away. Well, it's a step up from the Fritos you got for Juliet last season. I love Cheetos. Okay, so should I do the older lady picture or the older lady picture or the food?

Whichever speaks to you, Ronnie. Clearing the phlegm is about what speaks to you. The old whichever speaks to you ronnie this is what it's clearing the phlegm is about what speaks to you old lady speaks to me first of all caroline you can tell this was taken by somebody else because caroline has that really stupid look she gets on her face where her eyes are half closed i love those she has a lot of pictures like that out actually yeah and uh she's grabbing the woman i think it's like her fitbit or her medic alert bracelet like she's holding the woman's medic alert bracelet so i don't know so let me open it they're hugging caroline fleming official heart my beloved hashtag granny dash all of my love and prayers are with her and with her very fragile health words cannot express the

profound and deep love i have for her. Heart, very glad to have got to Denmark in time for her to recognize me, and for us all to share a big hug. Space, praying in this very difficult and sad time. Hashtag Chex Mix. Hashtag Bell Pepper.

Hashtag Grandma Almost Dead. I can't believe you chose the one of the dying grandma. Well, I don't know. It's not that you chose it's more that that you clicked on it here we are talking about we love this segment and it's like my grandmother is dying i know but still she's like putting it on instagram while she's holding the woman's fitbit and she just ate burnt checks mix i don't know for me that's hilarious i don't know why also i had to look at it because I wanted to see what she would hashtag because

90% of her Instagram photos are selling something. I would love to see if she's selling this Fitbit. If you ever fall down, you will only need the strength of your thumb. Hashtag fit. Hashtag bit. Hashtag

oops. I've fallen on the ground and i cannot get out thanks seems to crack my pants that old snl thing yeah um so that was The Flem. Okay, so now we've got two travel shows. Well, we have, so we did something. So you watched, there goes the motherhood. I watched Below Deck Mediterranean, and then we both watched Tour Group, right? I actually didn't even stick to that. I watched both Med and tour group. And then I'm going to save Here Comes the Motherhood.

And I guess I should be asking you this off the air. But I was going to talk to Stephanie about it because Stephanie watches it from the Crying Out Loud podcast. Oh, yeah. That would make sense. And you don't want to just listen to me go off because you have to enough. And this show, like, it needs to needs to like be talked about at least once. Here's the thing. Now that I'm like back at my place and now that like once my TV is up on the wall, it'll be easier for me to watch it and incorporate it.

It just is hard because I have to watch these shows off the Bravo website, which means I have to wait a day. And so it's like a mad dash for me to watch these shows back to back to back to back and then do the podcast. And it's just like timing wise, it's just too hard for me to add There Goes the Motherhood into it as well. But now that I can, now that I have the TV, I can watch these shows at like a normal schedule. Oh, cool. So yeah, we'll cover it at least a little bit, even if it's not for the whole season or whatever, we'll check in on it because i've i've only watched one i mean i think there have

been four so i'm gonna sit down probably saturday while i clean and just watch it but i mean i'm just i loved it when i saw it but you know i also love like the stupidity of kids and i love people who think they have it all figured out and then they realize no you have nothing figured out it's like the great thing of mommyhood you know it's a bitch yes yes exactly so what do you want to watch below deck or talk about below deck or the other one tour group can i be can i be controversial and suggest tour group okay the reason why is because uh i actually really like tour group a lot like i really do and it just came back. It was gone for like two months.

And I feel like it's going to be the red-headed stepchild of Bravo. It's going to be on and gone. And I just want to give it a little bit of love. Okay, let's go for it. What are your thoughts on it? How did you like this episode, first of all? Well, I'm about to be negative, but

I would like to preface that by saying loved Below Deck. last week i was like fuck this spin-off fuck it why do we have to watch it and of course by the second episode i'm like okay i'm in love it but then tour group came back and i was sitting there and i asked myself i think six times why am i watching this what is what is this am i supposed to care about these people? Because I don't. Am I supposed to care about the scenery? Because they barely even know what they're doing. It's like ignorant people traveling all over the place. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be getting from this show, but I don't really like it. But maybe I will next week.

Who knows? I'm very flippant like that. So before we go into it, I figure we'll just go through person. Fickle. That's fine. I'm fickle. All of it. All of the above. I think we'll go go through person. Fickle. That's fine. I'm fickle. All of it. All of the above.

I figure we'll go through person by person. But before we do that, my feelings are I really enjoy it. I enjoy the travelogue aspect of it. I enjoy seeing where they're going and what they're doing. I like the personalities. I like that you have these two twins that are fighting over the guy. I said that before when we covered it a few months ago. Because they're two neurotic twins.

They're highly competitive and they're nasty to each other. And they're fighting over a guy this entire time, which is great. And the producers had this wonderful idea of splitting them up and letting one go see gorillas and one had to handle shit. So that was great. It's like watching children. That's so unfair. she needs to go do something i love i love this dynamic between heather and amy where they're already their best friends now they're already fighting because heather's found someone cooler to hang out with like that

sort of shit like i'm i'm into it i was i was into all the petty and the other one's a blatant drug addict yeah so um i i'm for it plus you have a sexy black man and hanging out you know sandhurst so who nobody's named sandhurst i'm sorry i stick to that that's not real get your real name get your real name on sandhurst sandy fucking stupid it sounds like a hotel name in vegas yeah sandhurst i think it actually sounds well it sounds like a building that may have been at dartmouth has that like sound of a waspy old structure. Oh, are you taking class at Sandhurst right now? I'm in college.

So I guess let's go through our people here. The episode, we were in Kenya at a Maasai village. That's where we left off two months ago. And Michelle, the psych michelle the the psychotic model the psychotic possum faced model and then the idiot rich girl who what's her name heather heather heather's has all these face products and she's like you put these under your eyes she's like oh really you put them under your and they just like they're sitting there with like what was it under their eyes they said what it was. I don't know what it was.

She's like – It's like another placenta. I know. These shows all run into each other. Yeah. She's like, do this in your sleep. She's like, I did it during a movie once. Oh, wow.

So then they're sitting there. They're all having dinner up there in Kenya. And they're like, oh, I love this food. I love how authentic this food is. I'm like, well, what did you expect? I love the hick. They're like they're like oh i love this food i love how authentic this food is i'm like well what is what is what did you expect i love the village they're like here's some goat i love how authentic this food is how the fuck would you know how authentic kenyan food is first of all heck yeah like all that kenyan food you've had this is the same as we have where i'm from well because it wasn't fettuccine alo from Olive Garden. So already it felt more authentic than anything else.

Like, well, they don't have cherry colas like they do at the Sonic. So pretty authentic. So that's very African of you. Hey, why don't those massage people come up on roller skates? So they're all like hanging out. And then Amy, who when we last saw Amy, she was shitting her face out, literally diarrhea and vomiting from some food poisoning in Morocco. So everyone got to go forward to Kenya and go on this amazing safari. So she and Sandra finally show up.

Everyone's like, yay. And Amy, I think Amy was upset at Heather. I think from the previous episode, she was upset because Heather never called her to be like, hey, are you feeling okay? So she comes down. She's already a little frosty. And she's in this crazy state of mind because when she was in the duty-free store on the way to Kenya, she bought two bottles of Pernod thinking it was absinthe and drank it from the bottle on the plane, which mixed with her antibiotics. drank it from the bottle on the plane which mixed with her antibiotics so she had a licorice liqueur which is really only used in very specific einegarten recipes and was mixing it with her antibiotics so she was in a crazy place so she shows up just completely awakening psych like

very like what and they were staying in the same room as the model or the same hut or whatever they were in. Tent. But it was like a tent that was like a structured tent. The model and this other girl had become close. So the other girl's mad. So none of this was on camera, right? Because the model told him shut up or whatever. She's like, I need to go to bed.

You're both insane right now. Like, I just need to go to bed you're both insane right now like i just need to sleep okay well like well because the thing is that that you skipped over was that uh before everyone left the dinner they all were like gonna go to a bonfire to hang out but then uh but brandon the the head tour guide was like i want to have i want to have the model girl and one of the twins and the guy that the twin likes and someone else the two brothers to stay back and he basically said to the brothers you guys are going to be with the messiah warriors tonight guarding the camp from lions like oh wow and then the other is like i'm going to take you guys to rwanda to look at gorillas so um the reason why that was significant so that's why

when michelle got back to the tent she needed to wake up early and she didn't want and the girls were keeping her up she's like guys but brendan says i have to be up early and the fucked up one goes who's that she's the tour guide you know the guy is taking us everywhere she's like oh yeah so apparently after the model tried to go to bed the cameras went home stupidly. And these girls just got fucked up and were fighting and screaming and acting crazy and everything. Because I think Michelle was basically like, you're high. Fuck you. I'm trying to go to sleep.

My son's in a different hemisphere. I'm sad. I'm angry. Rah, rah, rah, rah, rah. Yeah, pretty much. So she was all pissed off so and amy was confused about something else entirely too there was something else where i forget what it was where amy was like like something blatantly obvious that they had to explain to her like what's a tent you

know something like that yeah that girl is legit stupid and i like when they show people who aren't just playing dumb like jewels like what how do i turn on the water for the tap like yeah she's not that kind of stupid she's legit stupid i love people who are stupid but think they're smart those are my favorite reality tv show people and this is one of them yeah so um so they get in this big fight and then the next morning amy and heather try to like talk it out and amy's like i really feel like it was your duty as my friend to recognize that I was high out of my mind and you should have just put me to sleep instead you were making fun of me yeah if I care about somebody and they're acting crazy and drunk like that's when you put them to bed she basically wants to be a little kid and then the other friend

is like look I don't care like who cares like it. I'm not going to be the girl to like sit here and have some girl fight with you. I'm really sorry. Well, that's not enough. Okay. Well, I'm going to go away then. But I have no problem with you. I hope we're okay. And she just sits, the dumb one just sits there like, oh, how dare she?

Like, she just said sorry. Yeah, I know. Well, I mean, it was sort of an aggressive sorry, but still. I mean, it was a Vanderpump sorry for sure. Like, I'm sorry that you're an alcoholic was sort of an aggressive sorry, but still. I mean, it was a Vanderpump sorry, for sure. Like, I'm sorry that you're an alcoholic. You know, like thieves, but still. Exactly. And then meanwhile, the twins, you know, the twin, the one who got to go to, I'm looking at Jenna.

Jenna gets to go look at the gorillas. And Hillary Swank. Yeah. She gets to tell her sister, whatever her sister, Misty. She's like, guess what? I get to go look at gorillas tomorrow in Rwanda. And Misty's like, I want to go to Rwanda. I can't believe they're not letting me go to Rwanda.

Like, why would they do that to me? Like, now I'm going to be all alone. And she starts crying. And the other one's like, she only thinks about herself. Oh, really? Like, you wouldn't be sitting here crying, too. You're both the same, OK? And then later, when she actually sees the gorillas, there's like two little twin gorillas, which, of course, gorillas are gorillas.

So any small gorillas look the same. But the guy's like, look, they're brothers. And she's like, oh, that's what really gets me because, like, I'm a twin. So this is even more special to me. I'm like, yeah, except these aren't horrible gorillas. They're not like just shallow fucking moron self-obsessed gorillas, okay? They're nice to each other. Yeah, the one little girl is like,

I'm really mad that you ate the bamboo without me. You never call me when you get a boyfriend. It's funny how our gorilla impersonation sounds shockingly like kristen from vanderpump rules seriously every moron in nature relates back to kristen that's the first time i've ever tried to impersonate a gorilla by the way for the record i don't know how it sounded yeah i don't know how to do it stupid gorillas oh those poor gorillas they look so annoyed i love that gorillas are so fat and just bored all the time they're always looking around like what they just have this look in their face like what why are you looking at me what are you doing here and then the douchebags

phone goes off it's like yeah he's like he's like i don't know what to do he's like siri cannot connect to the internet it's like i don't know what to do i'm like dude turn it off turn it off you don't need they're trying to have this beautiful moment but that's so american isn't it it's like this beautiful moment and everybody's like selfieing and taking out their fucking selfie sticks oh i know so they're out they're out doing that and while they're looking at the gorillas and the twin is having these revelations about what it would be like to have a twin gorilla sister who they get along with. Everyone else is going into – first they go to a watering hole and I think his name is Jeff. Jeff, the guy who got into a scooter accident. Yeah, Jeff.

He's like, I don't know if I want to go into a watering hole because there could be sand and there could be gravel and you know i'm scared to do things now i love an obese man who's worried who's like worried about stuff like that like dude you could have a heart attack before you trip in a river like you're gonna survive this okay the tour guide is like look at him just a couple a couple of, oh, it was the girl one. She's like, just a couple of years ago, he was in a deadly accident. And now look at him all the way on top of one rock. It's like he climbed less than a story worth of a rock. And she's like, look at him at the top of that rock.

There he is, a fat guy on a rock. And he's like, I did it, honey. She's like, look at him at the top of that rock. There he is, a fat guy on a rock. And he's like, I did it, honey. She's like, don't fall. Her eyes are like closed. She's reaching out to him, feeling his presence, his moment. Did you almost drown on your scooter? What the hell are you afraid of, you dum-dum? It's like, I'm terrified, please.

And then some other leader, like the guy who looked like he got eaten up by raptors in Jurassic Park. He's like, all right, this year's elephant dung. He wants to touch the elephant dung. It's like, well, life is – I realize how quickly life can be taken away from me. I better not touch that elephant dung. Yeah, a lot of this episode was about poop because then they were building little huts in the African village with poop. because then they were building little huts in the African village with poop. Yeah, they literally took cow poop and water and were using it like cement.

And they were all doing it except the black woman. She found like a rag. Yeah, Jedha will never do anything. Yeah, Jedha. Yeah, she found the one plastic bag in the entire African village. It was probably some child's like cot. And she like took it and was using that uh and then meanwhile and then does it never rain there that's my question like if you build your house out of poop what happens when it rains doesn't it dissolve again i'll never

understand houses made of poop i i just don't know and that was when the twin was complaining she's like jenna gets to play with gorillas and i have to literally hold shit i'm making a shit house this house literally smells like shit like uh and then meanwhile the guys had the pleasure of like watching a cow get speared in the neck and spewing blood and had to drink it. No, I get that we're like, let's embrace other cultures. And what gets me on this show is that sometimes they don't.

Like I hate stupid Americans embarrassing us. But in this case, stabbing a cow in the neck to get blood out of it because it makes you healthier. Is anybody going to help them out and be like, have you guys ever heard of vitamins?

Here's a good website. It's gnc figure it out like stop poking all the damn cows in the neck well thank god heather was there to give all the messiah women moisturizer and lip gloss and spray tanner yeah they were looking at her like she was but you're not giving a village of black women spray tanner. Please tell me you're not. So then later on, Sandhurst is like, Misty, will you come join me for a bath so I can get to know you a little bit more? So she's like, fine. Do I have to? This is like the most gorgeous man in the history of mankind and

he's like i want to get naked with you and you're like so he's like he's like it's really important for me to get to know to get to know misty because you know she's not with her sister and she needs to be her own person and we need to get to know what is going on with her so they get into the tub and what does he find out about misty she wants black dick that's it yeah and i think she thought she was gonna get it she's like i like a nightstick it's like a black dick you know and he's like oh this silly misty oh don't get the wrong impression i'm like you're standing you're in a hot tub that you had set up for her asked her to wear a bikini and you're like in a thong with your washboard abs.

What did you think she thinks this is about? I know. She's like, I just want to try it once. My biggest fantasy is getting a big black cock in me somewhere in Africa. Maybe when I'm in a hot tub from a Cialis commercial, like something like that. It's like,

okay, me too. Okay. Good meeting you. Yeah. Straight. That's great. I'm glad I got to find that out. I'm like like you didn't even get to the crux of the issue sandhurst so then the model uh the later at dinner the model has the confrontation with the druggy lady the idiot and she's like um so they told me you want

to speak to me yeah great way to start it off there amy yeah here we go which who started it off like that the dumb one amy amy sat down and goes so heather says you want to talk to me yeah really really a great way to open up the the conversation for sharing and we found from reading ye olde internet that this uh possum faced model has been trying to get on reality shows for like a zillion years. Yeah. And even posts fights with Brandi Glanville about fucking the same guy or whatever. So she's ready to go.

Yeah, she is very, very ready. So she's like, well, you know, I had to wake up for Gorillaz. And you guys were like being crazy until like one in the morning. And so, yeah, I told you to get the fuck out of my face because I didn't want to fucking hear it anymore. And it's ridiculous. And then the dumb one's like, well, like well she's don't talk over me well can i speak yes you you will know when i'm done when i have stopped talking do you understand when i have stopped i was like oh my god two idiots fighting it was one of those fights where it's like the fight is actually not

about the issue anymore it's becomes a semantic thing like like you'll know i'm done you'll know when i stop when i stop talking okay so now i'm done almost almost okay are you okay now i'm done oh wait i'm not done now i'm done saying i don't know when i'm when you're done because you never seem to end well you'll know when i end because now i'm'm ending right now. Okay, now I'm done. Well, no, I'm not. No. I start up again. Sorry.

I'm allowed to. She's like, now I can't wait to hear what fascinating thing you're going to say. I was like, okay, you're an awful human being. You're actually right in this fight. I respectfully decline to converse with you any further. I respectfully decline. Yeah. Like, you're actually correct in this fight.

And you're still such a big bitch i can't be on your side even though this other one's like dumb as a brick and obviously in the wrong i won't admit it because now we're entering the drug addict territory because the possum face is like you're obviously on drugs and she's like i am not on drugs how dare you because now it's becoming like you just call me a drug addict on tv even though she obviously was just like listen i did not come all the way here to sweden to get on drugs okay so good so but then michelle just kept on saying for the next two minutes i respectfully decline and i'm being respectful to you by declining i respectfully decline i'm like this isn't a deposition and clearly she's been in a lot of them if she knows already let's just say i respectfully decline over and over and over again yeah she's an idiot

and she needs but unfortunately there's not anyone on her level of idiocy they're all more idiots than she is so it's like she can't even have a good fight i mean even the one about how dare you body shame me he's like whoa that's what we say in chicago like so what it's like she can't even have a good fight. I mean, even the one about how dare you body shame me. He's like, well, that's what we say in Chicago. Like, so what? It's like over. She's still mad. She's so stupid. Truly.

So the next trip is we're going to go to these islands that are almost underwater. We're just going to put Jetta and her husband on them and watch them sink. Like, oh, sounds great. Well, you know, assuming assuming it's not too scary for you know jeff like we're gonna go hang out by the beach well i don't know i could die i was in an accident one time okay there will be chairs okay the only place he'll feel comfortable is like one of those giant movie theater seats we've come to a lazy boy store he's like finally somewhere in africa i can really get into so they go to this vanishing island uh amy oh this is where the fight was for anybody who cares you don't speak for everyone i don't

know what you're talking about my i love this is the end then so i like that the model and them fight and the model goes back to the head of the table like she sits at the head of it because she's like the biggest bitch in there they're like okay i have the head of the table at every meal she shows up and she's like that girl is a lunatic and she just starts shit talking the girl right in front of her own face yeah and how could you not like this show i hate it i think it's stupid i hate all the people on it except the one who makes skincare products. I like her because she's funny.

She's awful and hilarious at the same time. Giving tanning stuff to Africa was the funniest thing I've ever seen on this show. But otherwise, I don't know. I don't care about Jetta and her stupid husband. They're lame. Those brothers are so dumb. They're like, oh, we're from the South. I miss my son so much.

Then why are you gone for three months i'm so sick of people coming on tv and crying about leaving their small children like that's so fucked up that you did that in the first place and now i feel sorry for you on top of it get out yeah i i hate when people do that that's my biggest pet peeve with a big brother when people go on there and you know yeah it's like my kid my kid yeah my kid my son's like shut up and then they said um if you guys were gay what guy in the cast would you want to bone they're like oh i can't even imagine that like i'm sorry i can't even answer that gay question because like that i mean nothing nothing nobody nobody nothing can't do nothing i mean that guy's name is Sanders. That's pretty gay. Can I say that?

Okay, so that's that for that. Yeah. That's that for that. That's that for that. Tour group. I enjoy it. You don't like it. Tour group, I hope you die.

Also, I love that tour group took a big break to re-edit the show to be more fascinating. And it's like literally worse. The exact same show. I don't know what they were i can't even imagine what this episode was supposed to be because they're gonna be like jetta like popping a zit on jeff's back i don't know let's cut out the jetta zit stuff it looks like they recorded they redid all the talking heads because now in the talking heads like the dumb one her facial surgery is out of control in the talking heads like her face changes and michelle looks totally different her hair is short like she got a haircut somewhere yeah in the maldives surgery is out of control and the talking heads like her face changes and michelle looks totally

different her hair is short like she got a haircut somewhere yeah i think they were just like be bitchier yeah and then they changed the background to be like even a worse green screen well it was hilarious the entire background was like a little village there in kenya and there was during everyone's talking head there was a chicken walking around and i just kept on looking at the chicken and laughing all right let's re-edit this entire series to add more chicken we need more chicken we need more chicken i'm not seeing any chicken in this scene do you think we can scroll through our footage see if there's one in the background somewhere oh perfect there we go all right next up is below dick miditerranean below dick mid now below deck med same formula same basically the last season i think was so successful to like just do it again

get a really dumb stew who is lazy and doesn't want to do her work get kind of a bitchy kate type but with an accent literally get ben back yes but one thing i don't think any could have anybody could have planned is that that the kate what's her name hannah hannah is a crazy bitch yeah the thing is this you know it's there are there are very few kates what what's great about kate is that when she doesn't like you she doesn't just come at you and get all blustery and call you a trash bag she will okay we'll just sort of level you with a stoic glare and just have a few petty brief comments about how awful you are and then move on yeah that's it she's just so devastating with a few snarky comments but this but hannah she's she gets she gets very very annoyed and

she will tell you off and call you names and like she's horrible and wonderful and it hit me last night who she looks like because people uh last week somebody said she looks like the jennifer what's her name yeah the future guests on watcher crappens jennifer lawrence yeah from the hunger games but this week and it didn't really sit with me right. I was like, that's not who she looks like. This week, I figured it out. She's the girl from Revenge. Oh, yeah, I can see that.

She's literally exactly that girl. When she gets mad, oh my God, Emily. I'm like, don't mess with Emily. She'll take you down. She's writing X's on the entire crew. Revenge. Revenge.

It's like, oh no, she's writing x's on the entire crew revenge it's like oh no she's gonna kill a bitch well does that mean that madeline stowe's coming on soon because i would like that well everybody else on these shows has wonky eyes anyway because they get the same botox season one of revenge was so amazing gosh i wish they hadn't destroyed the show in season two they really did and i always madeline stowe's wonky eye acting was always the same. She does this wonky Botox thing where only one of her eyes closes at a time. But then one of them twitches if she gets really mad. And once she would get really upset, it would be like. And then just eye twitch, eye twitch, eye twitch, eye twitch.

Yeah. So good. I'm getting nostalgic for those heady days of revenge. Are you getting nostalgic for Steelers? The game! The game! The game! The game!

The stupid idiot never missed a game in his life. So what does he do? He fucking goes on a yacht trip in the middle of football season. Just your own fault, you dumbass. And by the way, just because football is an important thing and it reminds you of family and childhood doesn't mean that you can't miss a game once in a while. Just get over it. Relax. I've never missed a Steelers game in my life. You know that makes you a white trash

loser, right? Yeah. It's ridiculous. At a certain point, it's okay to miss a Steelers game at some point. And you probably have missed a game. Don't lie. You're just trying to get some tickets from Steelers. The Steelers Corporation. The captain trying to work the internet was funny i was like every show should have an older guy trying to figure out how the internet works i know he's like what in my house it happens

all the time he's like what if i sing the farmer's insurance theme we are farmers dun dun dun dun dun nope still not working they're like sorry we can't get to the middle of the ocean oh farmers reminds me of my parents the captain's all sobbing he's like why don't i do a scene from whiplash love that movie about that with ps um okay so what am i saying here dredging then yachting so yeah oh well that's uh the dredging then yachting is a reference to um tiffany tiffany is our Rocky. Tiffany is the one who doesn't really want to be a stew but took the job anyway

because she'd be on TV. She was a marine biologist. She doesn't eat meat. I'm sorry. She doesn't eat seafood because she knows how much a whale ejaculates every time it ejaculates.

But I'm sure she had no problem with other seamen. Also, I love that she won't she knows that sperms ejaculate a lot so she won't eat anything from the sea do you know how things are made they're all poop and guts you know that right you fucking moron yeah exactly this girl they're showing pictures of her past life she's like yeah i was like a marine biologist and then this and she's in washington laying on her back with that like washington monument coming through her hoo-ha it's like that's pretty much summing up this girl i guarantee every time she reached her hand into

the touch tank those starfish went fleeing for the corners they're like oh here comes the drunkard again she's gonna touch me so abrasively i love it she's like this isn't my dream but you know my what i'm gonna do is just get through it and then immediately get my captain's license. Yeah, like, oh, okay. Let's see how that works out for you. Will you be drinking from a bottle of wine during that test? And, of course, the resident douchebag is like, I don't even know why they're trying to work the internet. Like, I can't even get boobs on my phone.

Yeah, good one. What's his name? I feel like his name is ben that's not billy brian no i don't know i won't learn his name i refuse bobby and brian brian is the uh is like the the chin guy and bobby is the tall hot douche doofy guy well he's the one that people keeps they're trying to tell us that he's so hot he is hot he is not i mean he's not bug or anything he's fine he's not ugly or anything but he's like i don't know he's so hot he is hot he is not i mean he's not bug or anything he's fine he's not ugly or anything but he's like i don't know he's just like a normal guy what's hot i think it's

hot i think he's hot i get it he's the hottest of this batch how about that well that's true and i was thinking that while i was watching this show i was like i really liked that this show because being in this close quarters like of course they're all gonna end up fucking each other so i guess it doesn't really even matter what you look like because they're gonna end up doing it i mean bunking do you remember when they had amelia what was his name amiel emily yeah jerking off in the last one so funny i'll see it coming with a little short one soon yeah well i mean julia julia adalbera prissy she has mentioned that she has a boyfriend about 10 different times which means she's about to cheat on him she's like he has muscles i really like

oh i'm sorry i'm doing australian this is gonna be hard if there's an australian accent and a british accent on the same boat we're gonna have to go back and forth but she's like i can't do a british accent anymore i'm stuck on hannah's he's got a he's got a car instead of a Vespa and big muscles. He's like, oh, wow. The biggest muscles I've ever seen. I've never seen muscles any larger than this. It's just like a normal British guy. Pretty much.

So what were the main things? The main thing was like football, football, football, football. So they had to get this game. And the guy was being crabby because the game, like like they weren't going to be able to watch the game. But finally they got it set up to stream through the TV. And so the drunkard, Tiffany, she had to wake up at 4 to wait on these guys and Hannah had to go sleep at 5.30. And that was the cause of a lot of drama later on because Tiffany – Hannah gave Tiffany a big to-do list of things. And Tiffany basically did nothing.

And Hannah's like, did you get a chance to do – see, now I'm doing British when I want to do Hannah. I can't do it right. Did you get all that list done then? She's like, well, yeah, most of it. And there's nothing done. And then Hannah really starts seething. And she walks down the stairs whispering to herself didn't do a damn thing you stupid bitch i'm like whoa

whoa kangaroos do more work than that stupid stupid tiffany copeland yes and that poor tiffany that is that girl it's just like she's better than rocky in a way because yeah tiffany isn't like and then I was in musical theater. And then I was in this. Slimming. Yeah. Yeah, she's not as needy and creepy. She's just like some rando lazy girl.

Yeah, she basically is there for spring break. And she has to work. And she's shocked that she has to work. She can't believe it. What is it with manly women who just don't want to work? Because this show has two of them. Because a lesbian is also like, oh, whatever. The boss is calling her, Brian.

He's like, I need you up on deck to possibly save us from dying while we park the boat. And she's like, oh, dude, period. Like, what am I supposed to say? Like, oh, my period. I've got a Tampax inside of me. He's like, just say you're in the bathroom. I don't want to tell you that it's like how is that worse than just going on and just being like talking about pulling tampons at your twat in front of america exactly that's exactly what i

was thinking he's like hey uh jen we need some sodas oh fine oh god get some sodas because i guess i guess that's what lesbians do which i I am. I am a lesbian who gets sodas. Gosh, I love a good can. You know, I like more than a can. A box. Lesbian. I guess I'll get you guys some sodas because that's what lesbian women do. They hate me because I'm a lesbian and because I'm a woman.

I don't want to be lumped in with a little midget idiot. She calls the little short guy. What does she call him? I don't remember, but his name is Dan. She's like, come on. Not freak, but I wrote it down somewhere somewhere but we're going out of order so i can't tell that she's so mean to him and she's like i don't want to be lumped in with that idiot like that guy doesn't know anything and now like i'm just one of him like babe you don't do anything you're not even going to get

hired on another boat after this show so get over yourself yeah exactly just because you worked on like the jungle cruiser at disney world disneyland does not mean that you're experienced in yachting and ben's big worry this week was plighting healthy of food for them because they got all mad at his meat pie or whatever last week his musaka yeah the soccer that he claimed that they demanded it was last I don't know, whatever. Go on. Oh, Ben. He's like, well, now we'll see how they like this food. The people come in, they're talking. He's like, please don't speak while I

plate. I'm like, dude, you are trying to get quinoa to stick together. He's like, please leave me alone while I plate my brown food. food like how many brown things you're gonna put on one plate fool i know but they loved it the the passengers absolutely loved it um but you know they're the passengers are idiots too so what you know what can you do the game the game i know and then um so then the passengers leave and they're like, well, there were some hiccups.

The game was a non-negotiable. I'm like, just stop already with the non-negotiable of the Steelers game. You're in the middle of the ocean. Just – or the sea. Like, get out. Like, just get off the boat. Be happy that you got to hear any audio at all. And then they put the – I love when they had the game on, but it was in and out, of course, as they're in the middle of the ocean.

And the guy is getting mad. He's like, oh! He's all mad at the captain about the internet. I know. Stupid. Meanwhile, like how hellish for the crew that they had to like wake up – either stay up until 6 or wake up at 4 when they have to do all this other stuff. It's obnoxious. Obnoxious requests.

I'm so sorry. Right in your face. How rude rude i didn't see that coming i could felt it i could feel it sorry guys so um hannah starts telling off okay so hannah has a talk with the idiot girl after she didn't do anything on her list and she's basically telling her off yeah and then uh she's like i feel like you're just giving me the middle finger like you've got a list to do and you say you don't do and you're complaining about being tired it's like you're giving me the middle finger and the dumb girl's like look i hate talking to girls like i just want to get drunk and not talk about feelings this isn't about feelings you idiot idiot. You didn't get your to-do list. Exactly. And this is also, by the way, on the heels of them all going out. And the drunk girl – I keep forgetting her name. Tiffany, she takes a bottle of wine from the yacht and she's drinking straight from it.

And then she's walking through the streets of wherever they are, Santorini, holding this bottle of wine like a Snapple bottle. And Hannah is just furious. She's like, I can't believe she'd be drinking from that once. Embarrassing, quite frankly. She's sculling. What? What'd she say? She's sculling a bottle? She's sculling a wine bottle through the streets of Santorini.

Now they'll all see how she is. And then nobody cared. Yeah, she like tore open Bobby's shirt. And Hannah's like, see, there she is. Rabbit animal. No one cared. And then they're all cheering.

And then Hannah does not clink with Tiffany. Tiffany's like, here, Mom. Come on, Mom. And she's like, all right, trash bag daughter. They're like, ooh. Meanwhile, this girl's wasted. So Hannah does what everybody knows that you're not supposed to do fight with the drunk person but hannah was getting drunk too so now hannah's like totally loosened up because she's off the clock and she's drunk and she's

pissed and this anger is like driving her it's she's one of those people who just lives off their anger which i mean i understand like you see it raging up and she just comes to life. I was like, oh, my God, how beautiful. What a beautiful display of anger. She walks right up to the girl. She's like, listen, here's what I'm saying. You don't know anything. You're an idiot.

I feel like you're an asshole. And this is all I'm saying. You're a dumb bitch. Whoa. I don't even believe that you're a marine biologist the only thing you were probably dredging was your parents pocketbooks totally and the the girls i can't she keeps wiping her eyes like she's crying but i can't tell she had an eye booger i couldn't tell she even was listening what was happening but yeah brian the bossy deck chief was behind

them listening to everything and then he came over what i miss no no i'm saying he was like that oh yeah he was trying to listen to the whole thing and then finally he came over and he's trying to tell uh revenge how to do her job and she's like maybe you should mind your own business and then pretty girl comes up and she's like yeah yeah you should you should run your business the way you run your business and she can run her department the way he she runs her department he's like oh every department every department's my department oh good and julia's like oh maybe it's just a little bit easier to confront someone with a little bit more relaxed maybe that's all that's all that's all look i didn't come here to start a fight i just want to say I'll trade you the dyke for the idiot.

He literally tried to trade him off. Yeah. Which she didn't do, which that shows you how lazy the lesbian is. Yes. That Hannah wouldn't even take her over the drunk idiot. Yeah, exactly. he's on this thing where he believes that once the guests are off the yacht that they can use the yacht as if it were

their own so it looks like next week he's going to be getting some serious trouble because there's going to be like Irish hooter models on there and he's going to act or no actually even before that he's going to take some people from the town onto the yacht yeah he takes these teenage girls back to the boat yeah and even the even the peppermint patty is like that is

beyond inappropriate like really to you love it yeah fun i like it i like it a lot that was a fun episode i'm loving this angry Kate. Yeah, angry Kate. Because she's different from classic Kate. You always have to have some different people in there. I feel like Brian, he's very high and mighty. And did you notice the lipstick this time? Because he just wears a lot of lipstick. Oh, God. And his highlights are so embarrassing. I always feel so bad for guys in their 30s and they're like, oh my god, I'm starting to age. And then they do things like that.

They're like, I'll get highlights and wear lipstick. What are you doing? Why are you doing that? I need a strong father figure to spank you until you know. I'll do it. Everybody, thank you for listening to the Watch What Crappens podcast. We love you. Go to patreon.com slash watch what crappens for the bony balonies. love you uh go to patreon.com slash watch what crappens for the bony balonies and come to watch what crappens.com for all of our links and facebook.com slash watch what crappens for

our watch what crappens facebook we love you guys we'll talk to you soon bye hey prime members you can listen to watch what crappens ad free on amazon music download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey.