Watch What Crappens - #294: The Rey Agenda

Episode Date: May 20, 2016

This week we meet Rey from "Real Housewives of New York." He's drunk, he's flamboyant, and he thinks you're TRAAAASH, you BITCH! But seriously, we love him so much that we're shaking in our socks, having a mental breakdown. Listen as we break down every ounce of Rey's Bravo debut. We also get into Bethenny's vicious tongue lashing of Sonja, a drunken cousin on "There Goes the Motherhood," a bat erection on "Tour Group," and Tilted Kilt scandal on "Below Deck: Mediterranean." Plus, Crappens Mailbag and a special Rey edition of Clear The Flem! If you don't like this episode, you're TRAAAASH. 00:06:19 - Crappens Mailbag 00:33:41 - Real Housewives of New York City 01:25:17 - Clear the Rey 01:37:11 - Weebly! 01:39:15 - There Goes the Motherhood 02:01:40 - Tour group 02:17:15 - Below Deck: Mediterranean Subscribe at https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/watch-what-crappens/id498130432?mt=2 Support us at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens Follow us at facebook.com/watchwhatcrappens Visit us at watchwhatcrappens.com See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.Our Patreon Extras: https://patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

From Wondery and Audible comes Class of 88, a new podcast hosted by Will Smith. Before 1988, a lot of people didn't take hip-hop seriously. But hip-hop today touches everything from film to fashion to sports. So what changed? Follow Class of 88 wherever you get your podcasts. Watch what crap is. Watch what crap is. Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap happens? What happens? What happens?

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Who cares what happens when there's so much that crappens? Hey everyone, welcome to Watch What Crappens, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to watch. I'm Ben Mandelker from bsideblog.com and the Banter Blender podcast. And joining me is that fabulous man that will give me a mental breakdown in my shoes right now because I love him so much. It's the one and only Ronnie Karen from Trash Talk TV dot com. What's up, Ronnie?

Ben, I love you, you bitch. Shut up right now. Shut up. Shut up, you stupid bitch. I'm shaking down to my shoes, bitch. How did you get on this podcast? Shut up to my shoes bitch how did you get on this podcast shut up you bitch how did you get on this podcast that was our our impersonation of ray from real housewives of new york city and in case you can't tell we will probably have a lot more of that coming up in who knows when but it'll'll be coming up soon enough, you bitch. Just wait, you bitch. Why can't you just

wait? This is like one of those days you go to the office and you're like, it's just gonna be a normal day and then somebody brings cookies. And then you're excited all day but you don't really know why. That's right. And the cookies get in your face and yell shut up, you trash.

You're trash. Shut up, you bitch. You can't ignore a sprinkle cookie, bitch. I love you, you bitch. Now eat me. Okay. So this is the Watcher Crappens podcast. It's all about Bravo. You can go to WatcherCrappens.com to follow us on Instagram.

On Insta. We're on Instagram, B-. Uh, we're on Instagram, B-side blog, Ronnie Karen, things like that. Um, also on Twitter. Uh,

we now have some Snapchat stuff going on. so go find us there. Uh, follow us at facebook.com forward slash watch where crap ends, where people just post shit all the time. And it's great. It's like a blog. It's, it's a great community post shit all the time. And it's great. It's like a blog. It's,

it's a great community. Come join the conversation. We certainly crack up and, uh, it's great fodder for when you're on the toilet. Um, and then, uh,

feel free also to, um, come to patrion.com forward slash watch where crap ends to support us there, uh, where our, our supporters, uh, get access to all kinds of cool perks.

At the most basic level, you get access to a bonus episode, which is once a week. Those range from 30 minutes to an hour to even more. Ours this week was like an hour and 20 minutes. It was a full-fledged podcast episode. Really fun. We have a Google Hangout once a month which i imagine we probably should do that maybe next week yeah that's coming up next thursday next

thursday a memorial day google hangout that so we're basically everyone comes um uh online at this google hangout and we all just like chat and talk shit and catch up it's like really fun um and then of course, you can also find, there are other ways. You can be a super premium subscriber, et cetera. And you can also submit to the Krappens mailbag.

All fun things for our Patreon supporters. And we're always trying to think of new things that we can sort of give back in that area. And I think that's pretty much it. We have to also, we didn't do this, we have to thank Teresa, one of our Krappens mailbags regulars, who made coffee mugs for us.

That's it, watch our Krappens. Yeah, I think we did say thank you, but thank you again. I'm using it right at this moment. Well, I'll thank you again. I'm sorry. We did, that's right. We talked about Cafe Press, didn't we?

Yeah, Ben will never forget. Ben will never get his because i like drinking out of two at one time i'm so mad i think you have something i think someone sent you something else of mine right you're not getting it forget about it you betch give me my coffee mug from theresa marov. Yes. My friend, Miss Red, sent us how to get a, I keep getting the name wrong because, you know,

my memory is terrible and this show is over now. And so I'm like, you know, from People Magazine, but that show, How to Make a Murderer, she sent us all these little

like dolls that we can play with, like paper dolls. Oh, that's fun. Yeah, I play with them at my house fantasy how to uh get away with murder action set will i be home in time for wrestlemania

no hein oh wait to kill that lady or not you mean making a murder i think i meant how to get away with murder i'm thinking like viola davis you see that's why i shouldn't even talk that's why i was like this is that's kind of confusing we don't ever talk about that show but okay sure i guess we mentioned in a bonus episode once i'll be over i'm as confusing as that show basically but i would totally be excited about how to get away with murder action figures i'll take those it's just viola davis and then like a lot of 30 year old interns running around um so uh that's the exciting stuff uh unless i'm mistaken i think we can can we just get on with it can we get on with our crazy let's do it i can't believe we're already we're already gonna move on with this show and we're only like

15 minutes in i know i think it's because we did a lot of idle chatter before the podcast this time um uh but um but there was something i was going to say oh so we're today we're going to cover real houses of new york city we're going to talk about uh below deck mediterranean we're going to talk about there goes the motherhood because we both watched it um and i think i we're gonna watch tour talk about tour group also sure sure might as well um so it's a full slate full slate of full slate yeah hey guess what else is full um is it the crappins mailbag Cheers! thing of these questions so we'll start with madonna hines who's from down under she says i personally would love a real housewives of some trailer park franchise if so which previously fired housewives would you put in the trailer park well i think carlton carlton gabia the witch oh my

god in the trailer park hell yeah kim zolciak she would have the she would have like a double wide yes um kim zolciak's a good one i think everybody who's been fired from orange county should be in it yeah tammy knickerbocker you know she's got one right by the edge she's got one next to where i'm making the murder making making a murderer the murder car is parked and gretchen can work the front desk we do offer all the amenities of an actual hotel. However, it is a trailer park. Your rent is late.

However, I do like that poster in your kitchen that says Paris in 20 different languages. I didn't know that Gina Keough would like show up in the window like like total sitcom style. Like all of a sudden you hear a knock at the window and she would open up the actually you only see her at her window like pearl from 227 she'd open up her window and have curlers in her hair like well with a little mug of coffee well i heard that kim zolciak is having a doing a lot more than just living in her trailer park she's having a bad joke she'd have a window that she'd stick her head out of but the outside of the window is all covered in like broken wine glasses and like wine stains because people just keep throwing wine glasses at her and then shane comes home and yells at her and you only

but you see their arguments and silhouettes and it would actually be like a musical at that moment at that moment because you know you know how musicals always have arguments in silhouette like oh they're fighting so bad that it's in silhouette. The lore is not even excited because everybody's daughter is trying to get into porn and everybody's trying to sell purses. Wait, you mean Lynn? Not Lori. What's her name? Lynn.

But Lori would be there, too. She actually owns the land. Well, George owns the land. So she comes by and collects the rent. It's always weird for me to think of Lynn Curt curtain because of that other um because of jane curtain i know i know it's very it's it is very difficult and there's a there is an important distinction between the two of them and they must never be confused and yet it's so easy or just general curtains yeah i think that lynn curtains uh sitcom third rock from the sun is about a totally

different type of rock third rock from my son um yeah there's so many i think mikhail salahi's some is is like manning a tractor mikhail salahi's all climbing over fences to get into the worst parties ever she keeps crashing the president of the trailer home association's parties someone crashed the ymca party the rec center will never be the same yeah and i think um yeah i'm sure i probably like the twins from New Jersey. They probably have one of those really, really shitty trailers. You know, the ones that just is basically like a cube with like two awnings on the side to make it look longer. And their mom Frank's inside. What's her name? What's her mama's name?

Santa. Santa. Mama Santa. He's gonna stay here and make sure mama doesn't sleep with her husband okay we're going over to dunkin donuts now to get a culotta okay we'll be back yeah that was actually a really easy that was a scary easy fantasy situation to conceive of thanks for always keeping it classy, Housewives. Exactly. Lauren Grabowski says,

Hi Ben, hi Ronnie. You said in the recent bonus episode that you were surprised Shaz didn't have a spinoff, but they sort of did. Remember Euros of Hollywood? In the spirit of rating non-Housewives shows, please rate for me in the order of girl ba to Thomas, come back, these shows. New York Prep, Rocco's Dinner Party, Blowout, of girl ba to thomas come back these shows new york prep new york prep rocco's dinner party

blow out princess's long island kill on earth tabitha's salon takeover okay what's the best and what's the worst is girl ba the worst i know girl ba is the worst and thomas come back means that we want it to come back okay so for girl ba number one i think it would have to be blow out oh really i would say i would say in a girl i would say even worse even more girl by ish would be rocco's dinner party goodbye goodbye rocco's dinner party i actually loved because i loved watching rocco who's supposed to be so great and everything. I loved watching him just unravel and then be a hack on national TV

and just get totally raked across the coals. I thought that was so good. That is actually an excellent point. I never really watched it, so that's why I said go back. It's actually really good. Wait, is that Rocco's dinner party? Or wasn't that called The Restaurant?

No, they're two different shows. The Restaurant was on NBC, which I did watch and I did enjoy and i watched him i actually got really into it because he was such an asshole and the uh the restaurateur of course there come the drills that what are they doing over there i don't know maybe they're trying to trying to find rocco's career um uh he's like selling pans or something now in ross yeah i see his pants sometimes it's like he's always photographed he's like doing um my kind of photographing where he's only taking him like space selfies of himself and only from the shoulder up so i'm guessing he he's got like a healthy muffin top going on and you've earned it rocco you have we hold on bam for all of five seconds while I close the door to make the drilling go down.

Bop, bop, bop, muffin top. Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. Rocco's Muffin Top. A new show coming this summer on Bravo. I'm not sure that that really helped, but maybe it did a little bit. So, okay. So I would say it's easier for me to say who would be on the thomas come back i would say that um if of all these shows i mean princesses long island really should be the is the

most thomas come back of them all but then i would do a very close second to kill on earth because that show was fantastic cray outside yeah it's fucking fashion week i don't have time for this it's fucking fashion week you cry outside you idiot love kelly kelly uh whatever her name katron kelly not simone i think the um the best i think the biggest time is come back would be um new york prep i did not watch that show but just the title of alone i think it would be better than both tuesday night shows right well it's funny because with with this guy ray and we were obviously going to get into this you bitch i can't believe you're talking about me again shut up you bitch why are you talking about shut up bitch she uh she uh i was thinking that he seems like he's what the cast of new york

prep is going to be like in 15 years is going to be right this guy right um but it's funny new york prep i watched a little bit of it but it was never quite as good as as you would think it was going to be. You felt like it was going to be Gossip Girl, the reality show, and it just was I don't know, it just was very average. It was just girl. It was just girl. Not even girls.

Just girl. And Tabitha's salon takeover, we don't have to even worry about saying Tom has come back to it because she's getting a new makeover show. Smells like a butthole in here. Smells like a butthole. You've got to change it. What are these granola bars doing here?

Get rid of these granola bars. We don't need them here. You call yourself a frozen yogurt place. You know what this place needs? It needs a salon chair. That's what it needs. Is this a salon or a barrel of monkeys? You call yourself a gay bar,

but I don't see any gays in here. It's really awful. I love Tabitha just going to any random restaurant. Listen here, In-N-Out. I don't feel that I should have a code to get a hamburger, right? Oh, they get to choose one thing, okay? It's either in or it's out,

but not in and out. How about just a hamburger called The Middle? The Middle is beef. You see how bored you are? I'm bored of even saying it. How about this? Why don't you call it The Quadruple? Why call it Double Double?

Make people do math. Broadway shoes? Are these shoes singing for me? I don't think so. I feel robbed and I haven't even put on a pair. This isn't the lullaby Broadway. It's just a shoe store. I don't know so. I feel robbed and I haven't even put on a pair. This isn't the Lullaby Broadway. It's just a shoe store. I don't know what you're talking about, Broadway.

I don't see cats around here. Memories. Okay, so let's move on. Let's see. We talked about Michael Horn. Jen has moved next door to the dentist from Little Shop of Horrors. Yeah, you know, the funny thing is that when I was talking about Michael Horn. Jen has moved next door to the dentist from Little Shop of Horrors. Yeah.

Yeah, you know, the funny thing is that when I was talking about, like, arguments that happen in Silhouette, I specifically was thinking about Steve Martin and Ellen Greene fighting in Little Shop of Horrors in the window shade. And then soon enough, here we are.

Like, I'll be a dentist. All right, Henry Sabassi. She's always fun game time she says you have to choose one bravo liberty male or female to be for a full 24 hours and you can't choose lisa vanderpump who do you choose and what would you do remember that you have to stay in their bodies for a full 24 hours and potentially deal with anything that usually comes their way. I know exactly who I'd be. Who would you be? I would be Sanders from tour group. Cause for one day I would know what it would be like to be the most

beautiful man on earth. And I would just walk around and then I'm staring at myself naked in the mirror, probably for 23 hours. That's pretty much what he does. None of his friends would even notice a difference. It's always good to be naked. He's basically like the

male Caroline Fleming. I always like to find a place to be naked. Look at their bodies. Oh my god, look at those. I like her body because her ass is finer. Don't you agree? It's like professional Sanders.

I am a very straight man look at the juicy buttocks i think the juicy buttocks are wonderful because that is what a straight man would do like me i would be tame gay adam from shazza sunset because i would like to know what it's like to just be left alone nobody would talk to me nobody would call me nobody would try to do anything with me just occasionally i'd get fed and that's it that's all i would talk to me. Nobody would call me. Nobody would try to do anything with me. Just occasionally I'd get fed. And that's it. That's all I would have to do.

And surprise married. Yes. And like pretend to fight about stuff I don't care about. Like, I really want to make a decision. Well, I don't like the gravel. I would rather pavement. There, I've made a decision. Okay, go back to work.

And then you would be, occasionally someone would take you out to a large one village where you could look at carrot cake cupcakes and talk about how much you hate them. There, I made a decision about carrot cupcakes, okay? Am I done? So, let's see. Now, here's one. Sarah Josieff, she basically just sent a link and said, validated-ish, and it was about Bethany Frankel's jaw, and it's a link to the Daily Mail, which says, Bethany says that she gets

Botox injections in her jaw, which is why it looks different. What was her jaw, like, doing jumping jacks before? Like, who Botoxes their jaw? Your jaw doesn't do anything? You know what it is? I think it is, because I'm looking at the pictures.

It's more like she still has the wide jaw. You can see in the picture. She still has the wide jaw, but the Botox sort of loosens the skin on the bottom of it, I guess. Because if you look at the link on the Daily Mail, you'll see it side by side. You see it's like filled. It's more filled out. So it's not that the jaw is smaller she hasn't shaved it down you can see it's actually more that she's puffed her face

is rounder so it doesn't look as prominent weird she's like i got botox with a little tiny toddler in my jaw so it doesn't move around as much that's why it looks different okay literally like my jaw like it needs to round out like it needs to relax like literally like if it doesn't relax i'm gonna have diarrhea soon like literally i'll be on the floor. Like, it's enough. Like, enough already. Like, just put the Botox in my jaw. Like, put it anywhere.

Literally, just put it anywhere. Like, I just want it in me. Okay? Like, literally enough. Like, if you ask me another question about the Botox, like, my wall is up. I'll be down on the floor, like, shitting diarrhea and dying in it and drowning. Literally, I just want to drown my diarrhea. Okay?

Drown my diarrhea. Drown my diarrhea. By the way, I can't wait until we talk about New York to say this because I've been wanting to say it out loud since last night. So I have to say it. Bethany's a monster. Okay. Oh, my God.

Carry on. Yeah. We're going to have a field day with New York. We're going to have a field day. What a monster that woman is. Monster. Jesus. And I don't know if I hate her for it or love it.

I don't know. I think I love her for it. Okay. So next question is lauren green she asks what is the last thing the following people deleted from their google search history and now we have three people who we have to we have to we have to uh surmise what they have deleted from their google search history okay vicky well let me start with what is the last thing she she deleted from her google history um is it okay is it molestation if i never get pregnant

i think it's uh how to stop freaking out about how hot your son is does the freaking out pull out method work Can I flip the bitch with my son? Or switch the bitch? Can I flip the bitch also? Like, how do I do a U-turn? How is it possible for one woman to do a U-turn when your son is so hot? U-turning while giving blowjobs on linen seat in Rolls Royce. Can Bentley do U-turn?

I'm freaking out. I like the idea that her search queries would then have, like, her saying at the end, I'm freaking out. Like, this is the reason why I'm asking you, Google. I have to know this question. Is it wrong to bleach my cornhole for my son? Freaking out, question mark. Where can one find a moon to sit on to serenade my son with who is very hot? I'm freaking out. I can't stop saying bleaching my cornhole because I was on this podcast called The Dork Forest.

I think it comes out this week. The Dork Forest. Is that what I said? Anyway, and she's like, hey, bleaching cornholes. Do you do it? I was like, what it like she brought up i was like i've never been in a conversation where somebody else has brought that up it's usually me making a shitty joke about something but i've been thinking about it ever since i'm like i wonder how many people that lady has asked about bleaching cornholes

oh my god well for the record I do not bleach my cornhole. I'm still exhausted. I can barely exfoliate my face anymore. So what would be the thing that Vicky deleted from her Google search history? Do people get chemo for colds? I think her last thing that she deleted was, hey, mom, what do you want me to ask the Google? Oh, no, mom, I forgot. She's Googling.

Mom! Enter. Where can I find a replacement Caliente sign? How to get Murder, She Wrote to play inside a wall. Ah! Who else? Julie from Ladies of London. She's the royal, right? Yeah. Duck balls probably how do i make hot cocoa without burning it is mac and cheese addictive because my husband's hungry but i'm worried how slow is too slow to get into a headstand what's the queen's favorite sandwich oh goodness i don't have any more for julie

i'm sorry to say i pretty much use it all up on fetty fleur is it legal to ride the bike on the sidewalk does the queen have a bicycle please say that she's back for the new season because i haven't seen her on anybody's Instagram. Wasn't there a photo of her with Sophie? Was she in it? I just remember Juliet. Because every time I see Juliet, I'm like, ugh. Which is, I imagine, how people feel when she walks into a party.

Like, ugh! Here comes Juliet. Oh, God! No, I think that Julie Montiou had a photo with Sophie. And there was an HD camera by their feet being like, here we go again. Oh, God. No, I think that Julie Montague had a photo with Sophie, and there was like an HD camera by their feet being like, here we go again. Oh, okay, good. I think she's back. This time I'm putting toothpicks in the

sandwiches. They're so sharp. MJ Steele asks, when is Melbourne coming back? I miss Cheshire, London, and Melbourne voices big time. Well, don't you worry. Even if the shows don't come back, we'll always be doing the voices.

You insignificant ass-ha. Melbourne has like a cast of 30,000 this year, by the way. I saw some poster. Well, not a poster. Like, I'm just walking down the street. There's a squirt.org poster and a Real Housewives of Melbourne. Just on the internet, I saw a picture and I was like, geez, new cast members. There's a squirt.org poster and a real housewives of melbourne um just on the internet i saw a picture and i was like geez new cast members there's a lot of them i wanted to come back so bad yeah the rumor that we heard is that bravo sold the format to australia

to mel whatever the whatever the network is arena and so arena basically made the real housewives following the format following everything all the rules from bravo but i don't think bravo had according to this rumor bravo had no stake in it and now that melbourne is doing so well bravo wants a stake in it and they basically are not going to show it in america until they can get some money out of it like they can get whatever they want that's a rumor um i don't know or it could just be that maybe they'll just show it in like nine months. I mean,

they're never, Bravo never aired these shows really in sync with when they originally aired them. No, Chester just finished season three and we haven't even gotten season two.

Yeah, we don't even know what happened at that dinner party. So hopefully, I mean, hopefully Melbourne will be back. I mean, it's still listed on Bravo's website. You know, it's, Melbourne will be back. I mean, it's still listed on Bravo's website.

You know, Melbourne's so good. It has to come back. It has to. Now there's going to be Sydney and New Zealand? Am I making that up? Yeah, so here's the other thing. So Bravo New Zealand, whatever the Bravo version is, just launched. And they sent Ramona down there, maybe even Jax or whatever.

They're going to do Real Housewives of New Zealand. So, I mean, I think we'll be getting more and more of these international formats. And, you know, I think for Bravo, Bravo is basic cable. They're always looking to fill gaps in their schedule. And if this is an easy way to get like an hour up there that we're going to watch,

I mean, I think everyone's going to watch this stuff. It's easier than like putting up another, you know, repeat viewing of, you know, bad boys too, you know? Yeah, that is what they do right now. They're like lethal weapon. Remember how everybody was pulled back into being a detective again? Yeah, exactly. Too old for this shit okay uh betsy md asks or says dearest r&b divulge us a secret nobody oh my god i never realized that was

our that was our names r&b oh my god i love you fantasia yeah we are we're a music genre a secret nobody knows about you i don't know i don't really have really any secrets and especially I love you, Fantasia. Yeah, we're a music genre. A secret nobody knows about you. I don't know. I don't really have really any secrets, especially since I came out of the closet. How disappointing. You come out and you're like, I'm done. I don't know.

I'm trying to think of a good juicy secret. Maybe someone I hooked up with once. like like a good juicy secret like maybe someone i hooked up with once but you know i i don't you know i i do sometimes feel awkward doing a hookup like a kiss and tell but i don't even have anything that's like too too good like hold all my secrets on this show already i literally have nothing left i've said everything already and that's how i am yeah i don't know i don't really have anything good so um i don't have any secrets if I had a life I would like have a real job I wouldn't I mean there was that guy I murdered once I've always secretly wanted to murder somebody but I don't have the guts okay there's my secret I know I'm trying to think if I ever I'm like really like trying to go back now was there ever

like even just some petty stupid secret that I just never told anyone i don't know well thankfully i have really bad memory so even if i had a secret i would forget like i'm very trustworthy because i will forget what you told me one of my friends moms was um really sick and had lung cancer i don't know why i'm laughing i don't even know why i'm telling her she was really sick and um we had gone to dinner and then a couple weeks later we went to dinner again and i said are you okay and she's like yeah it's just my mom and i said what about her and she's like ronnie my mom has cancer i told you and i was like you did i was so embarrassed and i refused to believe that she told me and i don't even think i was drunk but there you go i have no secrets i have a secret but it's a really stupid secret but it's just

one of those things i never told anyone but not's a really stupid secret. But it's just one of those things. I never told anyone, but not because it's scandalous, but because it's such an insignificant secret that I never think about it. But for some reason, I'm remembering it now. I remember in like fifth or sixth grade, I got a chain letter in the mail. And, you know, that's when people used to mail those things. And it was like, you have to send this onward. Otherwise, like something terrible happened. And I got scared, but I also knew it was ridiculous. So I, and I knew if I asked my parents, like, hey, I've got to mail this, they'd be like, this is ridiculous.

So I quietly walked down the driveway and put the chain. I like, I sort of like taped it back up again. And I put it in my neighbor's mailbox. I never told anyone I ever did that. Oh, I've got a childhood secret I can share. Okay. Oh, I love that we opened it up to childhood. Now it's a treasure trove.

Yeah. One time I went on vacation with my family in Florida, and we were in our motel room, and I had to poop. But I'm the girl from Dallas talking about poop. Sorry, everybody. But I really had to go, but I won't go if anybody else is around, like even close to me. Like I can't go in public or I don't know. It's weird. I've always been like that.

And so I had to wait until my family left. But my mom, they wouldn't leave me alone in the room because I was just a kid. And I was like, well, just go to the front. I'll be right there. I just need to pee. And so they walked outside. And then I realized the window was open in the bathroom. Like I sat down to go poop, but I saw the window was open.

The window was open in the bathroom. Like I sat down to go poop, but I saw the window was open. So I jumped up and like stood on the shower and closed the window and then like pooped in peace. And then when we got home from karaoke, this was like when karaoke was coming out. My mom was so excited. So we came back from karaoke and my mom was like, there's a piece of poop in the bathroom. In the shower. And I was was i knew it was me i was like oh my god i guess a little poopy fell out when i was opening or closing the window um but i still i will still

lie about it to this day and she got i'm sure she got someone fired my mom went up there and screamed her face off and the people were like there was not poop in your shower it's like yes there was my children in the hell the horror and so, yes, there was! I have children in there! The horror! And so we got moved to a free room for a weekend. And she was like, that's what you do when people disrespect you. And I was like, oh my god, I totally pooped. That's actually a really good secret. It had to do with feces.

No one tell my mother. Yeah. Okay. And now our final question in the crappin's mailbag ronnie and ben my mother christy is an avid listener and her birthday is friday if you could give her a shout out that would be amazing now onto my okay happy birthday christy happy birthday yay i'll offer you a lap dance but not after that story yeah i don't know what's gonna shake out of that um so now on to my question summer is almost here which means

a new season of big brother which bravo leberties would you like to see as house guests and do you think any of them on my screensaver any of them would get very far let's see bravo leberties as a house guest i think claudia jordan actually would be a good one i think she would she would like yell up like sort of you know she would she would get into fights with people and she would tear them down i would like to see all of the cast of real house wives of new york on there and also um probably that's it for me. I just need them. But I think if anybody really did well, it would be terrible housewives. It would be like the Vajazzle Lady.

Yeah, it would be the boring ones. It would be like Joyce. They're the ones that always make it. The ones that just don't talk. I mean that's the biggest thing you need to do on Big Brother. Just don't talk because everybody else will fight and try and cause drama so they can get on Bold and the Beautiful or whatever. And then they always get mad and kick each other off. And then there's always some idiots.

Like the last three are always painful to watch because they're the most boring, non-talkative people of all time. Yeah. No, that's what always happens. Like someone like Ramona would be great, but she'd be gone early because she'd be like, slop. I don't even know. What's slop? It's ridiculous. I'm not going to eat slop for a week.

It's crazy. I'm sorry. It's wrong. I wrong i'm sorry luann why are they putting us on slop oh ramona on there yeah jesus on this the one in the uk is funny they have a lot more challenges and they actually talk to the person in the they actually talk to the big brother he's like so you're a terrible human being yeah well what do you got to say about it big brother huh you's like, So, you're a terrible human being. Yeah? Well, what do you gotta say about it, big brother? Huh? You want a piece of me, big brother? Big brother's like this old man that they talk to. Old man. Man. Like Luan. Luan.

Luan. Okay, so I think that's it for the Krappen's Mailbag. Yay. Mailbag. Ba-ba-bum. Ba-ba-bum. Krappens Mailbag. Yay. Mailbag. Bubble bum, bubble bum, bubble bum. Okay. Let me be good. Let me write down.

Let's see. We're about 32 minutes in. So I'll write that down. Krappens. We're at 32 minutes. This is for the post-production everyone 32 minute right all right so uh let's get on to i mean we we can't put this off any longer this is this is the moment moment we've all been waiting for real house house of new york city we have to get into this episode it was so hilarious so good um i'm looking through my notes here

let me see how does this even start well i can tell you it starts with luan moving into sonia's place and you know sonia's sonia's excited and she's talking to her intern she's like yes luan can move in upstairs but what do they call it it's the uh what do they call it? It's the, what do they call it? BMP? BMP? She's like, B-M-B. Oh, yeah. BMP, peanut butter and jelly, whatever, you know. What does that even stand for? I don't even know anymore. Am I right?

Is it bananas and breakfast? Bananas and bread? Bread and butter? She wants bread and butter? Is that what she wants every day? Okay, fine. I'll give her bread and butter. I'm actually getting into the bread and butter business, so it's perfect.

Sonia, to me, seems like the sweetest moronic person in the world i cannot believe she's a horrible human being but we get all those stories like we hear from the traumatized interns and the so-and-sos she's this awful person and i just can't see i need to see her being awful because i just think she's so cute she is so cute no she's probably awful because she's very needy and she makes a lot of demands i mean she doesn't get what she wants she probably snaps but she doesn't i don't think it comes from a malicious place i think it just comes from like she just i don't know she just has her own different reality she's like like a miss haversham you know all i could think about when we saw this airbnb or whatever is that it's like

it needs an airing out that looked like an old dead lady's apartment well it had a tube tv i mean this was like shadows of karen holger you know there was a there was a tube tv up there and i was like this has not been this room has not been touched in about 25 years yeah i feel like an old lady died in there and a cat ate her face off and then Sonia just like rolled her under the bed and was like, I'll just have, you know, intern sleep up here. Yeah. She's like, hey, Luanne, look, you know, we have

everything. There's like a steam shower and a toilet and a bidet. Ah, a bidet. She's like, don't mind pickles. She's under the bed with her face eaten off. Just ignore her. If you need anything, just tell her. And her ghost will tap the floor and computer number three will come up here. You know, we'll try to give you your privacy.

But from time to time, an intern will come up because computer number four is in the corner. What the hell is going on with the cameramen and editors of this show? So Leanne comes over. Walks up. God, no. What did I say? You said Leanne. Oh, I don't know why.

She comes over. Bell at me! Sonia, bell at me! That would be amazing. This is where I'm staying. I'm from McCarney. I can stay wherever you want me to. You want me on a laser board? Fine by me. I'm a first husband. Am I right? Are you joking? Wait till the ladies of Dallas see where I'm staying. My reputation in the

charity world will go through the roof because I'm hanging out with my elders what am i what am i the charity case why am i staying in your free house why look like the charity case you yes i will stay here thank you very much not paying rent thanks you got propane um so yeah so luann comes over i did keep writing leanne i think i wrote leanne 20 times so luann comes over I did keep writing Leanne I think I wrote Leanne 20 times so Luann comes over and walks up 20 flights of stairs to get up to this weird attic thing and she starts talking she's like oh thanks for having me

so did you hear from Bethany I read about it in page six tipsy girl huh tipsy girl yeah and Sonia's like well you know like I don't see the big deal I think it's fun. And, you know, Bethany launched Skinny Girl during the whole Skinny Bitch craze. I was like, oh, that's true.

I mean, there was – remember there was also – at that time there was Hungry Girl. Remember Hungry Girl was a big – Hungry Girl is still out, I think. It still is, but at that time – I think that's a website, right? Right. It's a website. She has a cooking show.

But that was like a big deal. That was like – that was the dominant name, like when Skinny Girl launched. So, well, I think of Skinny Bitch was about making like calorie, low calorie cocktails. And you guys were on the same show, like those authors were on the same show. Then it would be maybe too similar. But I mean, come on. Yeah, exactly. Well, the funny thing is, Sonia's like, you know, there are a million restaurants called Tipsy, you know, and a million wine stores called Tipsy.

I'm like, really? Name one. Tipsy? Like, you know, like Tipsy Donald's, you know, where you get the Big Mac? I love that place. She's like, well, Bethany is my inspiration. So I wanted, like, she's making it sound like, well, I'm doing it to flatter Bethany. Hopefully she'll just see that I'm trying to flatter her.

I mean, I'm not trying to be a mogul. I just want to paint my print. Do you want to stay here? Then we need to sell this. Fine by me. Works for me, girl. Let me sample some of it. You know that Luann's single because she's doing one of those things where she's giving us a sign.

She's wearing a pearl necklace like a true hoe. But unlike a married hoe, her pearls aren't quite connecting. They're just like two pearls on the side of her neck. I noticed that. When I'm single, this will be a full pearl necklace. Until then, I'm a good girl. You understand?

It looked like some sort of sci-fi collar that if she walks out of her designated area, she'll get zapped with some sort of electric charge between the two big pearls. While we're dating, I'll take a pearl drip. But until I'm married, I'm not getting a pearl necklace. And that's girl code. Well, I liked when they were also talking about men

and Luanne's like, well, you know, I don't want to buy a place in the city because I kind of feel like I'm about to meet the one and who knows where he's going to whisk me off to. And I love that Sonia's response. Like, well, you know, of course you're going to find the man. You know where he's gonna whisk me off to and i love that sonia's response like well you know of course you're gonna you know of course you're gonna find the man you know you've been you know she's been she's luanne's dating six to eleven guys at all at any given time and i just love how it's just like this matter of fact thing that luanne is just kind of like

a super slut now like it's like they just say it all the time well you know luanne she's just gonna be fucking on the bar anyway and she luanne doesn't even like when luanne's confronted with it she never even denies it anymore she's like well you know i gotta do something with my time yeah it's like that girl in junior high who everybody's like oh my god that's the girl who gave a blow job in the seventh grade and she's like that's right i gave a blow job yeah and i'm still doing it like a badge of honor yeah so then we cut to um there's like this uh there this restaurant bar wherever um where ramona is meeting with carol and bethany and the scene starts off in a great way like the best way a scene can start off with ramona sitting down and go whoa this seat is too low i don't like this chair but she literally goes whoa whoa

whoa this seat's low it's way too low this chair sorry i'm sorry it's too it's too low it's too small i'm sorry okay i need a different chair like i'm petite like i'm already petite like it's just so big and then she tries another one she doesn't like that one either and then the third one she's like okay could you bring this chair over actually bring two over okay because okay? Because I need two small chairs. And Carol's trying to pretend she's all above it. I know. She's like, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Would you like a booster seat? No, I can't do a booster seat because this one time. Whoa, this is crazy. I'm remembering it right now. I remember going out to the woods once with my father and Geraldine Parsons-Smith. And we were going to go sit down somewhere. And I thought, whoa, this is a low log.

And Geraldine Parsons-Smith said, what are you, a baby? You need a booster seat? And it made me cry for like five days straight because I wasn't a baby. And I don't need a booster seat. So to this day, I can't even look at a booster seat because it reminds me of that time. Whoa, it's crazy. I'm sorry. Stay classy.

I can't even have a booster seat because sometimes, like, it's like the same thing with candy. Like one time when I was a little girl, my dad for no reason, he just kept coming up to me and going, boo! You know? Just like he's a booster, you know? Like, I won't even do Halloween anymore. You know what I mean? Like, I'm sorry, okay? One time, I was watching a rocket take off on TV

and I was all excited to see it go into space and its boosters fell off and Jolene Parsonsmith said, hey, watch out! A rooster, one of those boosters is gonna fall into your head parsonsmith said hey watch out a rooster one of those boosters is gonna fall into your head and for like three days straight i was afraid to go outside because i thought a booster was gonna fall on my head and to this day i can't even look at any boosters he can remind me that terrible time in my life okay i'm sorry the first time i ever heard luan sing a song i said boo and then i immediately started crying okay

one time i went into a starbucks cafe and no one was in there, but then I saw a ghost. And he started to make me a coffee, and I got so scared I ran out of there. And the last thing I heard the ghost say was boo. So to this day, any time I think of a ghost stirring something, I go booster. And I can't even have anything to do with boosters. I have to have shoes in two different sizes because one time when I was a little girl, I was so afraid of booze that I refused to get my booster shot and I got polio. Hey. One time when I was younger, I once was sick and so I stayed home and I watched Oprah Winfrey's The Women of Brewster's Place and it was such a moving movie to me that made me cry so much that now I can't even have a Bruce Deceit. Or a Bruce Deceit. Whichever one.

The women of Booster Place. Oprah, I can't even watch her anymore. It turns out I thought that entire movie was going to be about Booster Seats, but it was about Booster Place. I got them totally confused. And to this day, I can't even look at a Booster Seat without being disappointed

from that movie. Whoa. Whoa. It's crazy. whoa it's crazy i'm sorry i'm sorry oprah but next time you should follow through and make a move about booster seats okay and then carol's like i don't know her like oh yeah carol um once ramona's done acting like a jackass why don't you start talking about your 20 year old boyfriend and your dog named baby with your judgmental ass you're in no place and she was wearing the neck brace sweater i noticed yeah well so then i love that once

ramona i got she finally gets her chair she goes to cash she's like you want a chair also try it try it carol's like no thank you when i own my own restaurant everyone's gonna have chairs like petite people are gonna have their own kind of chairs.

What do you think, Carol? Carol's like, oh, God, just fucking kill me. God, where's Bethany? You know what they should have? They should have a special kind of chair called a high chair. And it could even have a table attached to it. Wouldn't that be great if we had a high chair? I'm going to go patent it right now.

Luanne can sit in it because she's always high. I love when Ramona laughs I know But she does that weird look It's not even like a sound it's just this like Huge mouth and a cross eyed Yeah she squints her eyes and opens up her mouth She just goes

She has one noise she's like a Ha ha ha Ha ha ha Ha ha ha It's usually just like one noise like so um so then bethany finally comes to meet them and enters the scene like she does in every other scene she's like oh my god look here i am what is this restaurant like it's crazy what's the matter what's going on what's going on what are you doing here why are you in such a tall chair what's

what's going on so uh bethany so they start talking about the tipsy girl thing and beth a lot of for everyone okay because they're talking i want tuna and salmon and she's like ordering all this yeah but things like yeah it's great because i don't eat fish and i'm allergic to tuna so no it's great i don't even i don't want to eat now i have an excuse i don't have to like it's i'm allergic to it like literally like whatever like literally like like if i eat if i eat your appetizers like i'll die like literally like kill me right now because i'm about to die like i'm I'm going to die from food poisoning. Like, literally, this is how I go. Like, in a restaurant, eating tuna tartare with Ramona Singer in a tall chair.

Like, literally, this is how I die. This is perfect. This is perfect. Little kid, kill me now. Like, give me diarrhea and kill me now. Yeah, so they start talking about Sonia because it was in page six. Yeah. And Bethany's furious

she's upset and as usual she starts going off in like her pretty much like what we just always say she's like if I had been at that party

I would have walked out it would have been like watching your husband fuck someone else like literally like I can't I can't deal with it like I don't want to fuck

unless it's like hot like cause it can be hot it can be hot but like it's not too it's too hot for me like literally I can't like literally like just go to my barn go to my little with the bar in the hamptons and

just die right there diarrhea on the floor and die the other day i was walking around the store and i was like wow there's like spit on the floor and i thought oh my god sony sony should just like like trademark spit it's like the first business she's ever had in a real grocery store you know what i mean like what a loser that fucking idiot and then and so then they're just like bethany is then just going in and talking about her crappy businesses and calls her narcissistic and i love that ramona goes you know what she's narcissistic you nailed it on the head she's narcissistic a great friend you are ramona i can't believe she would do that to me i mean like who does that like I brought her to my brand summit you know no one comes to my brand summit was a presser no there was no one at my brand summit but Sonia and then they cut to the brand summit and there's like a

hundred people there it was like literally like the final scene of working girl she's like she's like I didn't bring anyone there I didn't bring anyone I only brought Sonia to the brand summit it's only Sonia and cameras to broadcast it to all of america that's it i showed her the inside like we uh we had these uh you know printouts like you could see what a grocery store looked like like i showed her that you know who else is going to do that for her you showed her nothing you took her to a meeting to brag to her about how much better you are and then she sat there and smiled at you like a proud aunt and now you're kicking her in the vagina over and over again yeah exactly so then i never come for anyone like like do i come for anyone i never even do nothing to anybody

like i don't i don't come for anybody you know that you know that i'm like so far this season you've come for every single person except carol yeah exactly like someone walks in and you're like literally like like like i i can't with you anymore. Like, it's too much. Like, you're just, it's, like, too much. You're too extra. Like, I can't. Like, right now, I need you to be there and me here.

Like, we won't be friends, but it's fine. We'll be cordial. It's, like, this is the last time I'm having this conversation, okay? Like, I'm over it. I'm done. Luanza used a slut. Sonia is just a slut, a poor slut. And then you got Dorinda, the drunk slut, who's married to a fat, sweaty drug addict slut.

And then you got eating disorder over there who can't even's married to a fat, sweaty drug addict slut, and then you got eating disorder over there who can't even finish the house. So that's all I'm saying. I don't know what she's going to finish first, a house or a meal. So then Ramona and Dorinda meet. Dorinda and Ramona meet at

Sarah Beth's. Because we have history here. You know, our kids went to school just down the block. This is where our friendship began at Sarah Beth, because we have history here. You know, our kids went to school, like, just down the block. You know, this is where our friendship began, at Sarah Beth's. Let's just remember, Ramona, okay? Let's place this memory. Ramona, remember when we were here? That time after school?

Remember that? Let's place these memories, Ramona. I love subtle-ass Dorinda. She's like, Ramona, I want you to know this much, Ramona. When you find the next man that you're going to be with, I want you to know I'm going to support him no matter what, Ramona, because that's what friends do. Subtle. I'm trying to hint at Ramona what I want. I think we got it, Dorinda.

You know, Ramona, you know who else likes pancakes? You know who else likes pumpkin waffles? John does. So really, you know who else likes pancakes? You know who else likes pumpkin waffles? John does. So really, you guys are very the same. So I don't think Ramona sees the parallels, that she and John both love pancakes. So Ramona, who later is talking about squirting out of her vagina, and this scene is like, Sonia, did you hear about Sonia? Okay.

Like, the name of her wine is going to be Tipsy Girl? Like, is that good for her daughter? I mean, she's going to do that? I'm like, I think the wine is the least of the problems. I think maybe appearing on TV and making a fool of yourself year in and year out is the real problem. But then I love that. I love Dorinda and Ramona, their discussion,

their conclusion about Sonya. This is how it went. You know what? She's not growing. She's not growing. Not growing. Not growing. Not growing. I'm sorry. She's not growing. Not growing. For like five minutes. She's not growing. That's it. You hit the nail on the head.

She's like not growing. She's like a potato that you put in a glass of water and then nothing comes out of the potato. And then Avery starts crying. She's like, why isn't my potato growing? And I'm like, your potato's a Sonia, okay? It's like the nail on the head. No?

You know what else isn't growing? This chair. It's so low. I don't know. This is crazy. Crazy, Rinda. I feel like I'm looking up to you right now. But you should be looking up to me, Ramona.

After all I've done for you. All right, you know what? You better back it up with the chair, okay? Back it up. No one talks about it. I made this chair nice for you. I made this chair nice for you. That restaurant doesn't have memories.

It has PTSD. I know. That's why they're put upstairs, to keep away from the general population. So then the next scene, Bethany walks into work. And again, classic. Bethany walks into a room. She's like, hey, hey, I was up until 4 in the morning. I haven't been up that late forever.

It's 4 o'clock in the morning. 4 o'clock in the morning. Literally like 4 a.m. I was talking with a friend. It was still 4 a.m. I can't believe it's 4 a.m. I'm up. It's 4 a.m.

It's ridiculous. Can you believe it? It's like 4 in the morning. It's crazy. And then all her teenage interns or whatever are just sitting around smiling politely, like hoping not to get hit. I know. They look terrified, those interns. They look absolutely terrified.

God. And Bethany's like, yeah, four in the morning. I haven't done that in so long. But this guy, like, you know, like, you know what I mean? Like, we have a connection. Like, there might be something there. I'm like, oh, my God. Eric Stonestreet is not only the first person that's kept you up till four in the morning he's like the

first fat person you've ever given the time of day i know like literally it's crazy like we were talking till 4 a.m like you know you know what happens before i mean you know the crazy thing is that 4 a.m it's like you know 1 a.m west coast so it's like two different time zones like it's like i was like i was like in two different parts of the country like i'm in literally it's crazy like it blows my mind like like i literally enough right now like i can't i can't deal with for him like you know like it's a daily savings time already like i need that hour back like literally give it to me like honestly i'm gonna fall back and i'm gonna fall back on my bed soon because it's up till four in the morning literally what's going on what's going on what's the matter what's what's happening here okay no i wasn't at

a disco but i did have some disco fries you know what that is i do and i'm gonna get married to that guy um so then bethany is she's also like in like not really a tizzy but she is dreading the fact that sonia is coming over to the office uh because bethany is gonna have to like you know lay into her and she's like she literally she actually says she goes i'm I'm going to kill myself. Literally, I'm going to have diarrhea. I was like, see, there we go. It wasn't just us saying it. She does say it. I'm going to literally, like, I'm going to have diarrhea.

We're like, right here, skinny girl diarrhea. It'll be like low-cal diarrhea, but like serious, it'll be diarrhea. And like all you girls, you have to clean it up. Like one at a time. That's what girls do. Like, I can't. It's like too much.

Like poop everywhere. Okay. This is where Bethany is just the biggest fucking monster so sonia comes up she looks totally confused just by everything because she's just sonia you know and she's like so happy to see bethany yeah finally bethany you'll see me this is wonderful it's been what a year for sonia because bethany does not talk to her ass yeah and bet you know Sonia's like Oh I love this

Here's the apartment Yeah yeah It's an apartment Like there's bedrooms, there's a bathroom There's like a living room, there's other rooms So instead of going in private I'm gonna like rip you a new asshole right here in front of all these teenagers Right here, right here in the living room

Oh my god And Sonia, she's like oh i love it red red oh i love your colors they're the same colors as my website she's like uh-huh your website huh what website well it's down right now so sonia the thing that was so like cringeworthy is that she's just this lamb walking into the lion's den. And she has no idea. That's the thing. She has no idea she is about to get not just, like, confronted, but utterly destroyed. She's, like, happy.

She has her cloak. She's looking around. She's, like, ready to go to Cipriani's afterwards. Yeah. She's, like, I brought an overnight bag just in case. yeah no like it's like i brought an overnight bag just in case so so so bethany gives it the coldest you know hello they sit down and then bethany just goes in she just tears her apart in a cold evil angry way she's so bad she's Okay, so I read page six, and it says, you're saying you're coming out with something. What are you

saying you're coming out with? She's like, well, you know, I have this partner, Peter. She's like, what? That guy's a loser. He's like shady, right? He's like shady. He says he's a restaurant. He doesn't have restaurants. Well, he had an airway. That's a real restaurant. No, no, no. He was a manager. He was a manager at that place and pretended that he owned it, okay? Ask Ramona.

Like, that's what he did to Ramona. And Sonia, some of the gossip on this that I got from ye olde internet. Probably page six, huh? Is that he did. This guy is so shady. Oh, yeah, totally. Obviously. I mean, he's going from housewife to housewife.

He's shade. But he did trademark the name. And they were saying that Bethany tried to do it. She tried to, like, pull one over and trademark the name, but he had already owned the trademark. And they were like, well, what do you think about blatantly ripping off a housewife's thing for another housewife? And he's like, we didn't rip it off. I mean, I've had that trademark forever. I got it way back in 2015. Like, that was last year, dude.

Exactly. And I think that's probably the real reason why Bethany's upset, because, you know, she knows that Sonya didn't. If Sonya just decided to come up with a little thing called Tipsy, that'd be fine. But it's basically this shady leech who is trying to cheat off the Skinny Girl brand and then just roping in Sonya. That's probably why she's... Well, supposedly he tried with Ramona first because Ramona already had Ramona Pinot Grigio and she was in business with him.

And then he trademarked that name. That was last year when they were doing stuff together. So I think that she was going to do it and then she backed out of it because she didn't want to have her heart cut out of her and then fed to Avery. So she cut out of it and he just found the weakest one.

So I think Bethany's known about this for a long time because Ramona told her that this guy was trademarking this name. So Bethany already knows all this shit. Yeah, and she's just going to town, and then she's like, she says, you're a cheater brand. You're cheating off another brand. And she's like, name a distributor. Because Sony's like well

you know we have distributors name one name one okay name one name one and so he's like well you know there's like friends name one name one name one well you know well there's there are a lot i mean like everyone they're all we know we're using all the distributors god she's the worst like well you know he has restaurants so they'll be at the restaurant like well i just didn't i just want to be just like you but it's not that i'm copying you i mean she's like i could never be that thin i'm not brunette and she's like the name simulators are fluke there's a fluke just a fluke oh god and then she starts sobbing yeah so well that's what leads up to the sobbing is that bethany said bethany just, here's what she goes. She goes, I'm completely insulted.

I don't want to have anything to do with you. I think you're a fraud. You've come up with six fake businesses and no one buys any of it. It's all bullshit. From the toaster to the cabaret, to the jeweler. And she just says, now she just starts taking down Sonia as a whole. She's like saying she's a fraud. She's saying about the jewelry.

And she's like, uh-huh. And Sonia's like, well, I sold something. I sold a piece the other day. What, to the Nigerian football team? Well, yes, actually. And you could just see Bethany was just cutting away all the bullshit to the point where then, as you mentioned, that's when Sonya just starts to cry. Oh, God. She's like, I can't believe you're being so aggressive.

I thought you'd be sympathetic i mean chapter 11 like i'm just trying to come up i just looked up to you i thought it would be a good way for me to get ahead too yeah she's like i just want to sell my little bottles and you know it's just that's that's all it was like this sad i just thought i could have them at my sonia sexy party my sexy jay parties i didn't mean to try and be you i'm not trying to compete with you and it was like a tennessee williams moment oh my god all these teenagers are trying to look away yeah that's the best part in front of all these little girls oh god this was terrible and she's like yeah well sunny and you could see that bethany was buying it and she felt guilty for

like you could see her kind of feeling guilty for a second and then of course in her talking head she's like well i've felt for a second but you can't just pretend to be stupid and smart like you can't just pretend like you don't know anything about business and then you know everything it's like well you know that only one of those things is true yeah exactly you know that she's not smart you're basically like kicking a stupid person when they're down who also looks up to you. Fuck off, you fucking bitch. Yeah, it was like you've stolen everything you've ever done.

Your name is not original. A margarita is not even fucking original. It's already skinny as it is. You idiot. Yeah. Sweet and sour sauce with tequila. Sweet and sour mix. Whatever.

Sweet and sour mix. Sour mix. Sweet and sour sauce with tequila. Oh, I'm sorry. That's what I make for my boyfriend. Either way, the entire time I couldn't help but feel like this is what her talk show should have been. She should have just brought out a guest and she should have just eviscerated them. Just bring out some trash.

You trash. And just bring them out. And she's like, so, you cheated on your wife? Like, why'd you do that? Huh? You know what? I hate you. You're a fraud.

You're stupid. You're just like a stupid low-life guy you know what you're never gonna get anywhere you know you say you're you say you say you're you're nothing you know what you are you're just trash oh my god and then poor sonia sobbing has to like then bethany just leaves the room she's like okay whatever go go go go go go go get up go go get up and then she just leaves the room it's like i'm going to the bedroom which is also an office and then she like leaves and then sonia is just left there standing in the room with all these teenagers who won't even look at her and she's like well bye girls not what i expected but and then she has to wait for the elevator exactly it was so awkward then

she's in the elevator now i can't do can't do pocketbooks because luanne's doing pocketbooks poor sonia comes up with something when she's in the elevator like wait wait how do i get this elevator door to open again like sonia and ramon in an elevator they would never go anywhere it's not nothing oh man it was like heartbreaking i mean it was one of the most brutal takedowns we've seen on these shows just sonia could not keep up she was totally blindsided by it and bethany you know bethany brought out business bethany for that moment god bethany's a horrible fucking human being and as much as she makes me laugh i hope she goes broke i hope her ass goes broke and loses everything one day and then just And just to bring her down.

I'm so sick of this stupid woman being mean to such a nice lady. I know. I don't know. But I have to say, in a weird way, I kind of enjoyed it. I enjoyed it because I felt like this was business, Bethany. And she was like, don't fuck with my brand. And this is how, this is why she has, I believe believe this is why she's been one of the most successful housewives because i mean she's not gonna let anyone fuck with her and when you like she can

play nice you can do this or that but like you mess with her on the business side she will just tear you down and she's totally she's so self-possessed and she's so acerbic and she's um she's so direct and she just has balls and I kind of love seeing that in a woman in business I think she's a fucking horrible human being and I hope she goes abroad well I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of it that's for sure but it was really mean

it's not even it's very bully when you go after somebody that you know is weak you know that Sonia's telling the truth I mean of course she knows she's copying it, but maybe a better way would be like, you're obviously copying my brand.

Stop it. I don't even want to be friends with you if you're doing that. It makes me feel weird. But to just wait to eviscerate her on national TV after she's already been trying to ice her out the entire season. Like, fuck off, Bethany. Well, it was really extra in terms of meanness because it wasn't just like, you know, I'm offended and this is terrible. It was like, you're a fraud.

Everything you've done is a fraud. Everyone's laughing at you. And guess what? I don't want to have anything to do with you. It was like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Because if Bethany has her way, which she has so far, she's just going to get everybody kicked off who's not kissing her ass. Who are we going to be watching? Just Carol and her cryptkeeper ass trying to look 20 and follow

Bethany around, yes-ing her about everything? I mean, she's going to try and get rid of Luann. She's trying to get rid of Sonia. She's just going to try and get rid of everybody she doesn't like. I don't like it. It was definitely harsh. So speaking of business acumen, we then go to Jules' house. Oh, Jules first. Sorry. Jules and Mitch. So speaking of business acumen, we then go to Jules' house.

Oh, Jules first. Sorry. Jules and Mitch. So Jules, big news is that our nanny quit. Like, she took the Christmas bonus and then disappeared. She didn't even say goodbye to the children. But devastated. I'm like, yeah, she probably made a smart move there.

I mean, think about it. Why would she quit? You're awful. Awful. Those kids are out of control. No wonder. She almost probably shot herself in the head. She probably got sick of you trying to shove her head down behind the back seat so she wouldn't be on camera.

Yeah, exactly. Because then a new nanny comes in and Jewel starts interviewing her. She's like, do you like waiting in line? She's like, because I never wait in line. So you like, because I don't wait. I never wait in line. So you have to wait in line for the sample sale. Like, well, no wonder why this other woman quit. Like, you totally abused the powers of the position. She probably quit waiting at the Apple store in line for the iPhone 7.

It doesn't even come out till fall. Yeah, exactly. So this woman goes through this ridiculous interview process. I mean, if we have to – Do you know how to speak Spanish? Because it's really important that my husband can – my husband will only speak Spanish. And then stupid midget's like, oh, poquito espanol in Puerto Rico. And she's like, oh, good.

And then she speaks Spanglish because she's Puerto Rican. And then Jules is like, okay, now let's see what kind of outfit you can put together for my kids. Like, well, you know, sometimes they lack choice. No, don't let them choose anything. You choose it. So she chooses something. She's like, that's decent. Okay, bye.

And then she goes, well, she got a buzz, a big buzz on the not knowing Spanish. I was like, well, thanks for making her do all that other shit if it was an automatic no, Jules. Yeah. Yeah, no. I guarantee the moment when she got the buzz when she said that her dad was Arab. her do all that other shit if it was an automatic no Jules yeah yeah no I guarantee the moment when she got the buzz when she said that her dad was Arab that's probably the real that's that I guarantee that was what the buzz was

but well I'm both Japanese and Jewish neither one of us like your father so bye and by the way like if I never have to see another nanny interview or assistant interview on Bravo, I'd be very happy. Very, very happy. So anyway, then we go over to Carol's place where Carol got a kitten.

I want a faster kitties. So she can have someone in her apartment to use her and ignore her when her boyfriend's out of town. Exactly. The kitten was actually adorable. I really enjoyed watching the cat and the dog play. So is the other pussy who's ignoring her and using her at the same time. Exactly. Well, the big news in Carol's world is that Adam is going to go play around with a watermelon radish.

So pretty exciting stuff happening there. Well, I'm writing a book, and it's called The Reluctant Vegan. Well, I'm writing a book, and it's called The Reluctant Vegan. It's the story of a plant-based chef meeting a 20-year-old Carrie who just loves dressing crazy and wearing expensive shoes and having a lot of sex and the city yeah you know it's a shame because you know i think if i think the idea of carol writing a cookbook is kind of cool i bet she would write it well but we have to be able to trust the chef and so far we haven't really seen him do anything except make like an like an omelet and like a pretty spring roll you know well he's a healthy chef i mean there's only so much you can do he's like look i took a watermelon radish and wrapped it around some vegetables it's crazy also because i get the sense that she kind of lost a big like a big like a lucrative deal maybe not lucrative deal but i mean she said that the decision to make the cookbook meant that she wasn't going to do an

essay book. And then she and her editor parted ways. I mean, it sounds like they probably were like, she was understanding. And then we parted ways, which is a good thing. You're fired. You lost your contract. You lost your deal. Yeah, you lost your deal for your child boyfriend after being like two years late on your last book.

And then he's like, yeah, I think it should be about the american history of or the history of american tradition of eating or whatever i'm like listen the american tradition of eating does not involve watermelon watermelon radishes okay well i like carol was like yeah we we can talk about why people eat processed foods so much and then was like, because they're so good. I've been warned not to mix business and pleasure, but... I'm not concerned because I don't think this cookbook's going to do any business anyway. So then we go to this restaurant, Sushi Rocks, where, for some reason, Luann spends like 30 seconds of screen time extolling the virtues of this place. It's great because you can dance and eat sushi and it's just a wonderful time.

I don't care. Why are you selling Sushi Rocks on us? You missed her favorite feature. Oh, Sushi Rocks. You can watch a show. You can even perform i was like oh good it's like luann because you know that luann does that she's like i'll have a california roll am i right boys

somewhere over the rainbow roll it's a kiss of the spider roll woman. Caterpillar roll. Brown rice. That's all I've got, guys. It's been a long set. Brown rice. That's all I've got, guys. It's been a long set.

It's so cold up in here. I feel like I'm in an Alaska roll. Am I right, ladies and gentlemen? Sometimes you're happy. Sometimes you're rolled up in a rice roll with cream cheese. Am I right, boys? In the streets of Philadelphia roll. Nah, nah, nah, nah. So I also like that when she's walking in, she's like, oh, sushi rocks.

Boy, does it. And then she's like posing outside and like some photographer takes a picture and she's like in she's like oh sushi rocks boy does it and then she's like posing outside and like some photographer takes a picture and she's like thank you it was caroline fleming's paparazzo she's like i'm ever so sorry for all the paparazzi outside here let's look at statue of my great-grandfather in the middle of town. So she is at Sushi Rocks with Sonia and who else? And the Hulk known as Ramona. Who seated properly proceeds to smash her wine glass on the table.

Oh, you know, it's a weak glass. That's what it is. It's a bad glass. It just broke. Could you get me a glass? the table. Oh, you know, it's a weak glass. That's what it is. It's a bad glass. It just broke. Could you get me a glass that's not cheap, okay? Like, it's the glass's fault, okay? It's ridiculous. Did you see that glass?

Whoa, whoa. This glass is so, it's so fragile. It's so fragile. Whoa, it's crazy. I'm sorry, but it's fragile. Luan, look how fragile this glass is. Sonia, look at it. And Sonia's like, oh, Luann's staying with me.

She's shacking up, I'll tell you that much. She's Airbnb-ing. A-M-P. She's A-M-P, right? Like the supermarket. No, Sonia. She is piggly wiggling her little vagina off. She's like an A&W boopier.

Luanne's like, well, you know, it's like it's all of a sudden it's just like raining men. And Ramona goes, well, you know, when you're wet, you're wet. Isn't that right, Luanne? When you're wet, you're wet. Let's not be vulgar. I'm sorry. Too late. You're in a place called Sushi Rocks. Yeah, exactly.

That's all they accept here. And then just like right on cue,'s like this reigning man and then that queen comes over he's like yeah this is the weirdest gay week on bravo i know that guy goes like y'all gotta keep quiet and then there's a fancy gay who's sitting next to them i don't know if you saw it. And Fancy Gate goes, vulgarity. The end. Yeah. But it was, you know, in the spirit of Ramona not being vulgar, she then goes, hey, Luanne, I heard you're a squirter. Harry Dubin told me you're a squirter.

I'm sorry, but I got this secret from Harry, and it's just too juicy to keep inside. Literally too juicy. It had to squirt out. What's so good about Ramona is that she doesn't even get that she's doing that. It's like, I heard you were squirting. It's like too juicy to keep inside. Oh, Ramona. Yeah, it's disgusting.

So while they're at dinner, Dorinda and John are over at Madame Paulette, which is his dry cleaning business. They're having some sort of party to honor the business, and they're also honoring Milan, who was on Project Runway. He's like, you know, some Addams Family character meets Tim Curry. And so they're having this... Dry cleaning party!

Yes! Yay, dry cleaning party. John's like, you have a spot on your chest. Oh, John, we're so perfect. I always have a stain, and he always points it out. You better back it up, doubters.

You better back it up. He'll point out a stain no matter where it is. I have a tear. A tear. A tear. Oh, this is perfect. We're a perfect couple. He always... He loves going to cathedrals he loves looking at stained glass his favorite thing points every single stained glass

out i would just like to point out that new york you guys are fucking ridiculous you're at a dry cleaning party all of you shame on all of you you know that you know what's funny because this is like real life but every time there's a party on real housewives new york city it looks so cramped and hot because there's no room in new york city and every party people are all stuck up on each other it's not like beverly hills where everyone's sprawling out over a lawn by a fat burger truck this is like they are so stuck and i could not think of a worse place to be crammed cheek by jowl than I had dry cleaners with John on the mic. So gross. He doesn't even have like little peppermints by the cash register.

Gross. So tacky. The worst party I've ever been to. The little doorbell thing must be going off nonstop. Like that sensor is like smoking by the end of the night. It's like sweat stains. John's speech. He's like, I'd like to thank you for coming to my dry clean party.

Dorinda has a stain. You're a real prince. So back at the sushi restaurant, Ramona's like, I gotta go. Is this party the dry cleaner I wasn't invited to? Bye. She leaves. And then Luann and Sonia. Sonia's like, wow, Bethany came in.

And I went to Bethany's office. And I mean, she was kind of rude to me. Kind of. Poor Sonia. She's like, it was no big deal. She was just in a bad mood. You know, Bethany. And she tells

you you're worth nothing and should murder yourself and just die and your children are disappointed in you and she can't even believe i'm still living and not in some home and you know how it goes with bethany yeah and luanne's like well i know last time i saw her she nearly bit my head off they got to like bethany being like i don't even what was it that she was even bethany was even complaining to luanne i think you're fake i think you're phony i think you're like you're nothing like who are you like you come in here like i don't even know who you are like do i have something for you to use like like what am i hung up on a like a utility rack for you to utilize i don't think so okay you want to come to right after she's like everyone's so comfortable

in my home that's all i want for like people just to come over. Yeah, and by the way, don't forget that Bethany also reduced Luanne to tears, too, during that segment. Luanne was like, I'm just lonely. Like, she was, like, forcing them to just admit their deepest sadness. Luanne's like, I'm just lonely. I feel left out. I just want to, I'm just sad. And Sonia's like, I'm just trying to get my life together. That's all.

That's all. Yeah, I don't care. Bethany's kicking them while they're down. Exactly. So eventually everyone winds up at this dryer cleaning party. Dorinda's upset when she sees Ramona. She's like, yeah, I never invited her. I never invited her.

I don't know. Better back it up. Better back the fuck up. Better back it up. And Ramona, of course, you think, like, maybe she's coming to you know show some horror and be nice to john and ramona walks in she's like god the vibe is so weird in here am i right like so gross like the vibe is gross yeah like the vibe is fat it's a big fat vibe i don't like this vibe i think this vibe is telling people that it wants to fuck and fuck until 6 a.m and use viagra for it i don't like this vibe at all and i think is telling people that it wants to fuck until 6 a.m. And use Viagra for it.

I don't like this vibe at all. And I think as a best friend, I should tell everyone about the vibe. This vibe smells like old spice and poop. That way, said it. It smells like detergent. I don't like this vibe. Where's the bar? Where's the bar?

Where's the bar? So Luann and Sonia show up. And all of a sudden, this weird happens where Luanne is like, well, I see this guy who I dated for a moment, and he's looking at me in a strange way, and I feel very uncomfortable. And then it cuts to this blurry footage. It was like a Dateline NBC sort of thing where they're reenacting a scene and there should be dialogue on screen. And you just hear Luanne and this guy, Ray. And they're having a conversation somewhere. And she's like, Ray, Ray, are you hot?

What's going on? And he's like, no, I'm completely sober. Completely sober, you bitch. I love you, you bitch. Give me a kiss. Well, I'm like, I see you, but I'm freaking out. Like, I'm crying. Like, I'm shaking down to my shoes.

Like, I texted you today. Ray, Ray, just stop. No, but I was, like, texting you today. I love you, man. Give me a kiss. I'm, like, literally having a mental breakdown right now. Right down to my shoes, because I'm in love with you. Like, can I get a kiss, bitch?

Come on, bitch. My socks are shaking bitch bitch you're such trash now kiss me i'm in love with you i love you right now i love you bitch and she's like yeah basically when i was like what awful people yeah so she runs the hell away. And then Ray goes inside. And Ramona's like, Ray! Oh, my God. It's Ray. Like, he's this guy. He met Luann in Ibiza. They were just fucking okay.

But, like, if he has some gossip about Luann, I want to hear it. She's like, Ray, what do you have to say? He's like, oh, I'm right. I have a charity. It has poor people, bitch. people bitch hey bitch i have poor people and so they're like sonia's like nice to meet you ray i have friends in abiza it's like how did you know wait and then ramona's like oh because she has friends and he literally pushes ramona back puts his hand up he's like wait how, because she has friends. And he literally pushes Ramona back, puts his hand up. He's like, wait, how did you know, bitch?

How did you know about Beezer, bitch? Why do you know, bitch, about Luan? I have a girlfriend. She's super hot. Don't tell Luan, bitch. You stupid fucking bitch. You're so hot. I love you.

Don't tell Luan. I love her. Don't tell Luan, bitch. So then John. Do you have the audio? Play some of the tell Luann, bitch. So then John... Can I have the audio? Play some of the audio. Oh, yeah. I love it, love it, love it. Bitch.

Listen, you bitch. Okay, here it is. I have a charity that helps poor people. He says he's sober, too, by the way. You do have a girlfriend, right? I do. Just shut up. Don't tell Luann. I'm not telling Luann. Help poor people. He says he's sober too, by the way Ray with Luann during the summer she was dating him They just put the disaster is pretty boring. So if Ray has some gossip about Luann, I'm all ears. That was Ibiza?

Yes. That was Ibiza? How does she know? How do you know, you bitch? I have a secret man named Coration. No, wait, wait, wait. How do you know? Because I have friends in Ibiza.

Who? Who? In Ibiza. Friends. Friendship. Friendship. I didn't know you were the guy in the video. I'm asking Lee.

I'm sorry. I'm not being mean. This is John who just walked up. No, he's not going outside. He's not going outside. You know what? He's fine. He's not fine. He's making a scene. I'm not making a scene. I'm not making a scene. This is the best part

when Ray starts calling John trash. Says Dorinda. Wait, wait, I have to pause it? It's very rude. I have to pause it because one of my favorite things that Dorinda does is she becomes

a frightened girl in a haunted house. This is not, this isn't a good, guys, this isn't't a good idea i think we should go home guys guys just this guy's not a good guy guys this is not this isn't right guys this isn't right meanwhile your guy is john okay your guy is having a party in a dry clean like what did you think was gonna happen you know it's like the same girl from the horror movie she ends up getting chopped up like yeah what the hell do you think was gonna happen you know it's like the same girl from the horror movie she ends up getting chopped up like yeah what the hell do you think is gonna happen you're at a dry cleaning party with a with john so here comes now here's what happens now that it's escalating and so for the record in case you haven't been able to follow john came over while while while

while ray was spitting in sonia's face like like, you bitch! What do you know, you bitch? What do you know, bitch? Who? Who, bitch? You stupid bitch. So hot, bitch. So then John's like, I want to leave, as you just heard. And then I don't know why Ramona defended this guy. No, he's not going outside, John. Because it was John. Yeah, I think it was. He's not going outside, John. Okay?

Like, if he goes, if Ray goes, we all go. It's like. You weren't even invited here. He's not good. He's not good. He's not good, John. Frankly, Ibiza's not a good place either, right? Ibiza's not a good

place, guys, okay? It's where bees go. It's called Ibiza. You know, it's not. You get stung. You get stung, which it always said. If you see Ibiza, you gotta run stung you get stung which it always said if you see a visa you gotta run you gotta get your epi pen okay so now it's like going after the gay guy and no one is standing up for the gay guy so now i'm gonna press play again and we're gonna see what happens He's putting his hand in Ramones face.

He's very rude. Very rude. Very rude. You're rude. Oh my god. I'm leaving. I don't want to be at your party. I'm leaving.

OMG. This is what you're with Doritos? He's trash. How dare you? He's trash. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. that's my favorite part trash

here's trash here's trash trash trash Ramona meanwhile Ramona just flips her lid because John had his hand in her face and then she goes outside

and she's like John had his hand in my face and then she goes outside and she's like john had his hand in my face okay and then john comes out he's like leave you're stupid you're trash trash and then she's shaking she's doing that ramona having a fit where her face is shaking and she's like trying to get her hand in dorinda's face to show dorinda what the hand in her face was oh my god it was always great was so dorinda's like how dare you make a big scene at my party how dare you how dare this second time and then then ramona's putting like you said putting her hand in dorinda's face to show what john was doing and then dorinda's

like you better stop you better stop that right now don't do that don't you dare do that don't and she's like no i'm showing you what john did you don't you dare do that. And she's like, no, I'm showing you what John did. Don't you dare do that. And they get into this huge fight. And then, you're rude. Dorinda's like, who are you? Who are you, huh? Who do you think you are? Who are you even? What's the visa?

What are you? What are you even doing here? Bitch, you're rude, bitch. You're rude, bitch. And I love you for it. Come kiss me, Dorinda. I love you. So then, like, so then Ramona is, I mean, she is losing her mind.

She is so angry. And then Dorinda starts saying this crazy babble. She's like, I tried to make this nice for you. I tried to make this nice for you. Like, you didn't even invite her. Tried to make it nice. And then now she's mad at John. So she's like, I'm leaving.

And she gets in the cab and he's like, baby, why are you leaving, babe? She's like,'m leaving and she gets in the cabin he's like baby why are you leaving babe she's like that's not how a man acts i mean i just put his hand in someone's face john and you need to learn some respect and then jarenda just starts going into her like respect her respect mary go around this was hyster. And you can still hear Ray like, bitch, trash. Well, at that point he was actually just looking at trash on the street.

Hey, Ramona, look at all this trash. I like when Ramona is trying to yell and then he is behind her like, yeah, rude. And she's like, okay,

that's enough. Ray. Okay. That's enough. You just be quiet. Okay. Rude. that's enough, Ray. Okay, that's enough. You just be quiet. I'm like, yeah, okay, rude. It's my turn now. Okay, Ray.

Oh my God. That is fucking crazy. So the episode ended with Dorinda mad at everyone, Ray yelling that trash and people being rude and being in love. And Ramona just, you know, just up to her eyeballs with rage i mean she had i mean she was just one of the angriest moments i've ever seen ramona it was fantastic and the bickerson's

she's like uh dorinda's like yes now how men act and then john changes he's like okay okay would you like to come inside sweetie yeah that's not really how it works stupid i know i will and dorinda was doing the thing where she goes, and I get that. Thank you. Thank you. Good night. Good night. Thank you. She's such a... What a handful she is. All of them.

All of them. Including John. Especially John. And I mean, even in an episode where we get, bitch! Ray, Bethanyany stole the fucking monster you gotta love it I mean that's consistency well we need to get more Ray like he just

has to be on this show more that was I mean Instagram I'm sorry Twitter blew up Facebook blew up like everyone was like talking about Ray like who is this guy and that he's allegedly straight I mean so many so many wonderful things, which I think is a really good segue

to a very special edition of Clear the Phlegm, Ray, Ray, Ray edition. Clear the Ray, right? Clear the Ray. Clear the Ray. How lucky are you to have me teach you about me? Hey, bitch. Clear the Phlegm.

Clear the Ray, bitch. Clear the flame. Clear the ray, bitch. Clear the ray. Clear the trash, bitch. I love you. Clear the trash. Stupid bitch. So we've gone on to Ray's Instagram. We still don't even know Ray's last name.

We can't find it. We can't figure it out. But his Instagram is Ray Setter. It's Ray underscore Setter as in like Jet setter but it's ray setter and his career is socialite yeah it says fashionista jet setter philanthropist socialite i know most of you would like to know i was seeing luann for about a year we met at the mb NBC after party at No 8. No 8? I'm assuming that means no hate?

What is he saying? What's No 8? I don't know. I was thinking it was No 8, but it could be like something else. No 8. It's like Bethany's restaurant, No 8. Like nobody ever ate there. Yeah.

It's like the Yelp reviews for a Bethany restaurant. No 8. I'll tell you that much. In NYC, we had an instant attraction. Soon after, we spent our weekends in the Hamptons and Europe, bitch. Shortly after Fall Fashion Week, we mutually decided to go our separate ways. I wish her all the best. Hashtag NYC. Hashtag RO.

NY. Hashtag Bravo. Hashtag Ray. Hashtag TBT. Yeah. I like that he hashtagged his name. Yeah. No 8 is like a venue of some sort. I like that he hashtagged his name. Yeah. No way it is like a venue of some sort.

I just looked it up. So that caption there is of his most recent photo with him and Luann, you know, from this morning because obviously people are wondering what's up. So his Instagram, you know, his captions are pretty short. They're not like Caroline Fleming's. But it's all super pretentious. It's him in exotic locales, him at fancy restaurants, and he is essentially

a rich kid grown up. You can tell. He's an Upper East Side kid who has now... He works to get into the Society page and the New York Times, clearly. He's probably coked up half the the society page and the new york times clearly he's probably coked up half the time um and he just takes pictures a lot of like fabulous women um and everything he

says is every every every caption is something like cheers to a fabulous event at new york bone and joint no peasants a lot bitch he has one that's him uh give he's doing like a video selfie so someone posted this i think cindy c posted it on our page and he's like giving himself a selfie and he's looking around this pool or something and he's he's like cheers and then i posted that is oh you did yeah and his caption is um no peasants allowed oh oh maybe i i'm sorry the one that i posted no peasants allowed geez was a video of him he's like who knows where in some exotic resort and he's doing he's panning around with the selfie and he goes cheers so blessed really like this this faux humble.

And he has another one. Oh, here's one with Luann and some lady at Tao downtown. This is in September. September 11th. September 11th was celebrated with him and Luann partying. And he goes, fabulous time with fabulous friends. Hashtag New York Fashion Week. Bitch.

Here's one of his. he has a lot of cheers like shopping bags from sax fifth avenue and salvator for agamemore cheers cheers blast here's another video i don't know what he's going to say on this one Here we go He's at the airport Looking around Nothing, sorry everyone It was him walking up to the first class desk

Oh god, and then getting turned away He's got one Where he's in like some detective uh detective coat and like detective hat taking a picture of himself at like sax or something and then he's having dinner later and you know he had the bus boy do this while he was waiting for his late hag fag uh to arrive he's like bus boy come here you trash sitting in a booth somewhere reading a menu while holding his wine glass he's just reading the menu this is so stupid who posts this i have to read this actually oh here's another video oops oh i liked it by accident shoot

from wondery this is black history for real i'm Francesca Ramsey and I'm Consciously what do most people think about when they hear the words Black History Rosa Parks Reconstruction MLK February Black History exactly exactly there are so many stories of Black History that we just are not really talking about or thinking about, especially outside of February. And we are about to flip the script on all of that. Because on this show, you're going to hear a little less. In August 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue. And a little bit more.

She is a heroine to some as a fighter for Black rights. She is a villain to others. Follow Black History for Real on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Listen everywhere on February 5th, or you can listen early and ad-free on Wondery Plus starting January 29th. Join Wondery Plus on the Wondery app or on Apple Podcasts. Black is beautiful. Academy is a new scripted podcast that follows Ava Richards, played by HBO's Industries' Myhala Herald,

a brilliant scholarship student who has to quickly adapt to her newfound eat-or-be-eaten world. Ava's ambitions take hold and her small-town values break in hopes of becoming the first scholarship student to make The List, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top ten, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at The List on her own, Bishop Gray's all-coveted academic top 10, curated by the headmaster himself. But after realizing she has no chance at the list on her own, she reluctantly accepts an invitation to a secret underground society that pulls the strings on campus life and academic success.

If she bends to their will, she'll have everything she's ever dreamed of. But at what cost? Academy takes you into the world of a cutthroat private school where power, money, and sex collide in a game of life and death. Follow Academy on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Academy early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. It's just him. So Middle Eastern chic.

He's in Istanbul. Did you hear that could you hear it so middle eastern chic so middle eastern chic oh this one he's at the polo bar in new york and that's that's a pretentious one where he's sitting there looking at the menu i mean he's like my life

has been a dream if someone had to write a story about it it would seem a little unreal. It's the kind of story I would read and say, no, that's not possible. Ralph Lauren couldn't have said any better. Hashtag story of my life. Hashtag Polo Ralph Lauren. Hashtag stay classy. Hashtag Upper East Side life, bitch.

Ralph Lauren is trash. I love that bitch. Ralph Lauren could have said it better. Wait, where's Ralph Lauren? Wait, bitch, where's Ralph... Wait, stop. Hey, busboy, take this picture. Pretend it's not a menu and it's a Ralph Lauren book.

Like, you know that that's not an author, right? Ralph Lauren couldn't have said it better on the cover of that aftershave I stole from Ross. Stupid. He is so... He has... He has one where he's in a red blazer with some champagne in the foreground. And he's with a girl.

And he's got a scarf. He goes, happy birthday, mon cheri. Hashtag champagne. Hashtag champagne connoisseurs. You trash. This is the kind of guy who just walks up to celebrities and then that's his whole Instagram. Look at this one. He's like, I'm in a hotel room.

Look, it's my expensive shoes and my luggage and I'm drinking. Cheers, we have arrived. Hashtag Boston, bitch. Boston. Cheers, we made it to New Paltz, New York. Look, it's a candle. Flaming. At least I'm not the only person flaming.

Hashtag RIP, squirt. Hashtag we just made it to Gardena, California. Cheers. This one with the candle, it's so mean to me to make fun of because it's like a crying emoji. Hashtag rip. And then someone says, you're okay, man? And he says, yeah, dude, thanks. I appreciate it.

Just something we called live ellipses at michael zarosiak and then mrs zarosiak says sit stay strong it's like you have to ask for um condolences by adding somebody in your candle pick you fucking loser yeah i mean i i i feel bad that he knows someone who died but the way that's like just this thing called life ladies and gentlemen welcome to this thing called life am i right prince oh my god r.i.p trash he has one where he's it's black and white and the geo tag is luxembourg the old city and he's sipping espresso and it's like profile he's like in a trench and he's sipping espresso from the profile with sunglasses on very artsy and the says, espresso all day long.

It's imperative. Hashtag European life. Hashtag jet setting. Trash. Bitch. And with his little pink sweater tied around his neck. I hate sweaters around the neck. But he's wearing that.

And he's like, I'm high off your love. Oh, good. That was 37 weeks ago i shudder to think who he was talking you know most of these are him holding drinks or chugging from bottles poor thing no it's totally it's totally ridiculous he has one oh this is hilarious he has one uh he's like with some ds or something at a radio station called 94.3 The Point because they're holding up a little poster. And he's standing with them. And he's like, good morning from the studio. Hashtag Lou and Liz. Hashtag morning show.

Hashtag live. I'm like, what is 94.3 The Point? And look, it's the Jersey Shore's hit music channel. Hashtag jet setter going to Jersey Shore to be on a local radio station. The most fitting picture I've seen so far is him sitting at like some nickel slot with his like fancy thousand dollar shoes with his sunglasses on and his legs like women crossed while he's sitting next to some schlub who's all hunched over. This is like the actual this is the only picture i believe in here the trump taj mahal oh it's like atlantic city hashtag ldw hashtag doac hashtag gamble hashtag farewell to the summer bitch there's one where there's just a little stack of

macarons uh on a little plate and behind it is one of those giant ikea posters that's black and white paris except the eiffel tower is in color so it's like a really tacky mass-produced art and he goes midnight snacking hashtag macaroons imported from hashtag paris dot dot dot hashtag yum hashtag screw customs hashtag frenchieag Frenchie. At Roxy27. Thanks for the surprise, you bitch. Imported from Paris. Yeah, with your Ikea poster. Real classy.

He would be eating a Big Mac and fries and be like, These potatoes were imported from Paris, bitch. Like, they're French fries, okay? They're not actually from France. Oh my god, my God. You bitch. Bitch. Oh, I'm shaking in my socks, bitch.

I love you. I texted you today. Come on, Ray. Ray. Ray, please, Ray. No more, Ray. Hey, bitch, get over here and eat some of these macaroons under my Ikea poster. Oh, God, there's one way down of him and Luan.

It's so sad you know the saddest thing about ray he's actually kind of cute and he's obviously rich as fuck what happened to you like what happened you have everything you're like a rich white guy with no cares in the world and you're the biggest alcoholic fucking douchebag in the world fuck off ray well it's all i mean it's all like for show like he has made a he has a carefully constructed image that he's put on here where it's pictures of him with either celebrities or really pretty girls sipping champagne paris hamptons cute little dogs like he has manufactured an image for himself and he's probably just like sad and crying on the inside.

There's one of him and Luann dancing in some gay club in Leo at Marina Ibiza from 44 weeks ago. Man, you can really dig. He hasn't taken anything down here. Yeah. No, he is. Oh, poor Luann. She's in like five of these pictures, sucka. Yeah, poor, poor Luann.

No, this guy's a total disaster. Well, I'm glad he's always got a bottle in his hand because that bitch is thirsty. Come on, Luann. Class it up, lady. You bitch. Bitch. You trash. You piece of trash.

Cheers. All right, let's get out of this Ray Losers life. It's starting to make me sad. We have cleared the... Cleared the... Flem. Cleared the fem, darling. get out of this ray loser's life it's starting to make me sad cleared the you know what ray really needs he needs a website i think that's rather than he's putting all this energy into instagram and red and white but it's down right now but you guys would recognize it because we're not web designers but we created a fantastic looking website using weebly yeah we just did not believe how easy weebly makes it yeah exactly weebly was created for people like ray who with the courage to start

their own business and the dream to be their own boss again you don't need to be a web designer or know how to code to create beautiful website blog or online store just really enjoy a macaron bitch tell me about your website from weebly because we're all very impressed with why a variety of professionally designed mobile friendly themes to choose from you bitch you simply drag and drop to quickly build and publish your site bitch too easy trash and you can truly customize update and change your site anytime you want on any device to show you're a hot girlfriend don't tell luann you trash join the over 30 million people who are already dreaming big with Weebly. Get started today for free

at weebly.com slash watch. That's W-E-E-E-V-L-Y dot com slash watch. weebly.com slash watch. Bitch. weebly.com slash watch. And by the way, it's W-E-E-B-L-Y not W-E-E-E-B-L-Y

dot com. You trash. Trash. You're rude. By the way, it's W-E-E-B-L-Y, not W-E-E-E-B-L-Y.com. You trash. Trash. You're rude. Cheers. So blessed. You know, I love that when they showed Ray leaving that party, he left with a glass full of alcohol. Yeah.

Like, okay, I'm leaving with the glass, bitch. This cheap, fat, dry cleaner glass. You're rude. Have your nervous breakdown i love you bitch can i get a kiss please i'm shaking to my socks at my weebly website so rude um speaking of rude gays this bravo i don't know i think that some homophobe is still running bravo and just putting the most awful gay people they can ever even the straight people are awful gay people like right yeah I know because this is a good transition to uh there goes the motherhood yeah other awful gay cousin Billy yeah so I this is my first time I've seen the show

and I don't know what the backstory is but it basically opened up to basically LA's version of Ray being like shut the fuck up, or whoever he was yelling at. You don't come for my family, bitch! Yeah, he was out of control. The show opened up with an out-of-control drunken gay flaming out at a party, and no one knew what to do with him. Okay, so here's what was going on. Okay, so the chick with the Marge Simpson lets down her hair look, like the huge hair lady.

Leah. Leah, okay. And she's this real pretentious idiot. That's the one that I said a couple weeks ago. It's like, well, I keep my body together because, you know, like my husband insists, like, no one wants a fatty for a wife. Like, she's awful, but trying to be good, and she blames her mother for everything, which I can understand. I that for years i just got over it and i'm around her age is your

mother laura dern by the way because they look exactly like so she had this party for her 40th birthday and her theme was i want to have an eyes wide shut party it's like where it's like the tom cruise movie like where you wear masks and really sexy things. That worked out well for Tom Cruise, right? And one of the girls was like, don't they just all wear robes and rape teenagers? She's like, it'll be fun. Isn't that about a marriage that is crumbling apart? Yeah, pretty much.

So she has this eyes wide shut sex party with all these new moms or whatever. And the blonde girl is named Beth. Okay, so Beth is this awful girl. You can tell she's awful, right? Is Beth the one who's divorcing? Yes, the divorcing one. So she's just like an awful, shallow idiot. In the first episode, she went up to the Jersey City chick, whose name is Jen.

And she's like, like hey really nice to meet you like you know i can help with a lot of different things you know like your weight like i'm really i could really help you with that and then jen jen is like did she just call me fat so now jen and beth hate each other because then beth tried to apologize but jen you know like i apologized you in a cowboy hat and beth or jen is like um you're gross so they hate each other so that's basically what's happening so they had this eyes wide shut party and beth was telling her i guess gay cousin billy about this bitch and so billy came and got shit faced and then just went right up to jen and was like you

stupid bitch you better be nice to my cousin no one comes up don't have time for this and then just went right up to Jen and was like, you stupid bitch. You better be nice to my cousin. No one comes. I don't have time for this. And then she leaves and starts trying to leave him. And he follows her throughout the party. Like, where are you going, bitch? Yeah. And that's where the episode began.

He was just like chasing her. And it was so overwhelming for me because there were all of a sudden all these women that all kind of looked alike at one time. I was like, I didn't know who was the cousin. i didn't know who was the who was the girl who's the target of it i didn't know whose party it was just like everyone was yelling and leah was like you need to get out of here you need to get out of here and next thing you know i mean i jen was like i don't feel safe i don't feel safe and then um that's always jen she's like i don't feel safe

right now like the way that girl was talking to me, like, I don't feel safe. Like, it makes me feel unsafe because, like, that girl was mean. I'm like, you're a stupid bitch. You're not supposed to feel safe everywhere you go, okay? She went on a date. She's like, I don't even feel safe on this date. Like, what a bummer. Wait, who's that old guy she hangs out with then?

The neurotic New Yorker one? Jen, yeah. The old guy she hangs out with? she oh that's her dad he's from staten island and he's like why are you even bothering dating huh like what's the point why even try you're gonna die alone kid he's really funny so so then um at one point billy is in the bathroom with this girl megan and he it, it's like, she's like, I don't even know. Why am I stuck with this guy? And he's like, she just lost her mother.

And she's like, oh, but that was like a year ago, right? And then he just starts sobbing. He's like crying. He's like, oh. It's just like the definition of sloppy WeHoGay right there. And that's, by the way this is what you see at the abbey every weekend yes especially if there's a camera around like if they're shooting anything it doesn't even matter what they're shooting those queens will be like

bitch it starts just like there will be a fight anywhere you know like put a camera and some gays in and they'll start calling each other bitch and snapping their fingers. Yeah, exactly. I was like, this is so Bravo. Bravo, of course, puts these gays on TV all the time. Just these histrionic gays. And on the one hand, thank God, because it's so fun to talk about them because they're so hilarious. But on the other hand, it's like,

oh my God, we're not all like that. Well, I mean, I kind of am. I'm not histrionic, but if I was on TV, I would be like a terrible, fat, bitter gay. You know I would. I'd be just myself. We'd be snarky. Yeah, we'd be snarky.

But the best is then finally, you know, and Beth during this whole thing is like, well, I wasn't there. I can't take responsibility. He's a grown man. Like, I can't take responsibility, which was so ridiculous. Finally, they both go out to the curb,

and Cousin Billy's like, where's our Lexus? And I was like, geez, this guy. Yeah, he gets kicked out. So Leah's like, you need to go, because this is my 40th birthday, and I'm done with the drama. She does that mommy hand thing when she's yelling at him, and he's like, it's not even my fault.

And then when he's getting kicked out, he's like it's not even my fault and then when he's getting kicked out he's like buy trash! He literally says that. I was like what is it with the gays calling people trash tonight? I know. And then Jen typical Jen is like ah it's so dangerous like I don't want to be around someone who's dangerous okay like I don't feel safe

and he's like go back to Jersey City with your bedazzled clothes bitch! You trash trash and then the other gay the like ozzy and the ozzy osbourne gay was standing at the exit and he's like you look so ugly right now and he goes you look ugly yeah yeah he's like you're 50 and old i was like i was like i hope the whole rest of the show is like this little did i realize that would be the high point it kind of is all like this like if i'm i'm cracking up like it cracks me up it's all these women like they're trying to be supportive and nice but they just

can't do it i mean even after that they had this uh you know they have this like group therapy thing which is mommy group which is what the show's about. So they all go to Mommy. Do you want to skip to Mommy Group? I mean, I don't. Yeah. So many notes. I mean, yeah.

I was just sort of watching, taking it in. I mean, sure. Just go to Mommy Group. Because I think the next scene was basically Beth was at her pool and talking with with the wild orchid girl about you know she's getting divorced yeah in that scene she's like yeah like that girl Jen like she's just so mean and like

negative and Stephanie goes well I think it's because your cousin came up and started screaming at her and she's like and what does that have to do with me she goes well you brought him and he's your cousin and she goes I just wish they could see what I see, Beth. You know? Like, you do.

We do see it. A whiny bitch who refuses to take responsibility for everything. Well, I think that's what, wasn't that what she was saying? That he was just trying to help her see, like, what he sees in me. Yeah. I'm not calling her trash. Yeah. So, anyway. so they go to

oh yeah and then the dad's like I would have decked her I love that dad so they go to their group thing and the doctor is so obnoxious to me because she's so phony therapist it makes me crazy when therapists are like that they're like are we having a good day

it is so great to see everybody here on this positive day. It's like this big fake smile. I know. Then Leah, the drama queen, it was her birthday, and she looks like she's about to start sobbing. Yeah. Like, oh, I cannot wait to hear about your birthday. Tell me all about it and leah's like it was really difficult because like i have after party sadness

because like i didn't get to enjoy it like everybody else because i just wanted to be with my kids yeah i was like oh gosh lady don't do that don't do that you know like i actually kind of like leah but i mean don't do like you just want to be with your kids with it don't have the party because you probably knew you want to you'd want to be with your kids and besides you're with a bunch of babies anyway yeah i think she's crying because she's back in mommyhood not because she had the party she had fun at that party yeah she definitely did um but the her big storyline that the shrink is like did you talk to bill she's like yeah i spoke with bill and he agreed that he would go to a communication coach with me because i feel like we need practical skills

that can help us communicate better i'm like i already hate you just the way that you speak that is not practical like speaking like some fucking self-help robot is not going to help anybody yeah i know this is like you know when the communicator came in i was like this is a classic example of like a typical la like wealthy couple who has too much money on their hands next thing you know they're going to have an expert in there talk to them about the perils of vaccines yeah totally and he she's like um we're gonna do therapy let's go to the therapy basement like what do you have like a therapy basement they go down to the basement with a therapist

and he's like you guys you have to connect a feeling word with a meaning word some bullshit it's like yeah honey because like my feeling word is you know this and your meaning word is that and the husband is just like, I just want to shoot myself in the face. Can you help me get past that? He's like, I am a film producer, and I'm accomplished, and I don't want to be on a reality show right now

trying to explain to you that when I say something, that's what I mean. Yeah, I would have left this bitch, but I was too pussy-notized to get a prenup. So I'm still here. Can you help? He's basically like, I just don't like it when she lectures me. She's like, well, it only takes five words for him to feel lectured.

So can I go upstairs now? I'm communicating to you that I want to leave this right now. So they kind of make up, I guess. And then she's this girl. She's this faux hippie she's like oh i'm so peaceful and this and that and she's when she sits on the couch she's like i'm gonna

sit cross-legged on the couch because yoga like that's how i like i'm peaceful guys but she's the most stressful one or she's the most stressed out one and the whole thing and she sits cross-legged and then like leans into her husband to cuddle and he moves to the end of the couch it's like yeah this is gonna last yeah you need to be talking to a lawyer not a communication expert yeah um and then there's also we had an extended segment of of um stephanie uh who former wild orchid, who I guess she developed a fear of singing. How did that happen? She was in a pop group. I don't know.

I think because she's... One thing that she repeats is like, I'm too old. Oh, she's too old to sing? She's like, Fergie stole my voice and became a solo star, and now I can't sing anymore. Yeah, you don't have to be swinging around on a wrecking ball to sing a song lady okay you're probably too old to you know have your music be played on the radio yeah exactly like played on the young pop station but

you can she can actually sing yeah of course i mean she seems super nice too um but she looks too much like kathy lee for me to trust her, yeah, she had this scene where she went and she sang. And then her husband's like, stay on beat. And she's like, okay. And then she listened. And she's like, oh, my God. It sounds great. And I realized I could do it all along.

Yeah, kind of. Except, I don't know. The husband's like, you can do it. She's like, oh, I don't know. No one is going to beg you to sing, sing okay grow a pair or get off tv like you're literally singing on tv right now shut up yeah megan i guess her thing is she's having an issue with getting her kid potty trained and so we had to like sit there and watch the this little girl with a blurred out private section area trying to poop or pee on tv i was like i i don't want to watch this

it's so good and the kids like refusing to do it and she's like i like your nails mommy i'll get your nails done if you pee megan's funny because she's the one who's really snarky with her kids so she'll be like she's normal yeah yeah she Yeah. She's like, oh, great. You made a finger painting. Wow. That took talent. She's like really snarky with them, which is hilarious. And she had this therapist come help her, like this behavioral child therapist or whatever. She's like, here's how you talk to your children. You say, okay, how would you tell her to clean up her room? She's like, clean up your room, you idiot.

What do you want to look like, an idiot? She's like, no, no, no. You say, would you rather clean your room or go outside and not clean your room it's like i can't do that like i'm judgmental i hate my children that's it like they need to know that like what am i gonna lie to my kids i kind of like her yeah i don't know it's so funny like i hate to sound like the person saying these new age whatever's, but, you know, sometimes it's so ridiculous. My friend is like a he has a doctorate. He's a psychiatrist and he and like he's done rotations in mental hospitals or whatever, etc. And his son goes like a pre pre kindergarten kind of nursery school, whatever. And he said something like I guess that the the son was

acting up uh like the week before and the teacher said something so he told his son like hey like today be a good boy and if you're a good boy like we'll go get some ice cream afterwards and he was like oh you know you really shouldn't do that either it's like because he should know that it's okay to cry like oh i guess he was crying he was like he should know that it's okay to cry that's all right to cry and she was doing all this with like new age stuff about like crying is okay and he has to know that like if he wants to have a tantrum he can have a tantrum and he's like no and they're like well no and he's like uh i am a psychiatrist i think i know what i'm doing yeah you're ruining my child that is my diagnosis of you teacher yeah so it's just rough and what's

cracking me up i guess because my sister is raising kids and so i'm around it a lot and i love it um but i just think it's so funny because no matter what decade it is everybody thinks that they can do it better and they're not going to become their mother. And they're not going to – like I see all these fears and these people are close enough to our own age that we see it in our own friends. And you think that you know the way. And like this is the new age way of doing it. And I'm not going to spank my child. I'm going to bribe them with an M&M to poop or whatever it is.

But at the end of the day, kids are kids. And the challenge is raising them without murdering them first. And then, you know, becoming their bitch. Yeah, exactly. So speaking of kids, which I guess is the whole show. I think the biggest thing that happened on the episode was then that Beth had to tell her gaggle of children that she and her husband were divorcing. So she had Jill, the mommy group leader.

I'd love to do that with you. I would love to be there for you while you tell your kids. I'm like, yeah, you'd love to make about $200 an hour while she breaks the news and then send that bill to the husband. Get out of here with your wanting to be there. Yeah. So they,

so Jill and her her co-worker they like they arrive beth gathers the kids except for this kid lorenzo who was sort of not dealing with it too well and was like as you read a book like mommy and daddy tried to be friends and tried to get together but that mommy and daddy couldn't so mommy and daddy are going to get divorced but we will mommies and daddies never divorce their children and mommies and daddies always love their children this whole thing it was kind of sad actually watching it kind of except that they had to give her a book to do it they're like read this book to your children because she didn't know how to say it so she's just reading it what the hell i'll talk to your children she's like and then daddy moves away but

he still loves the kids, right? Yeah. Lorenzo's all crying in the back. Lorenzo's like, how do I tell Lorenzo to get the fuck over it? He doesn't get an M&M. Well, that's on, you know, that's in the appendix. Okay. Lorenzo needs a moment and that's okay because it's okay for Lorenzo to have a moment.

Lorenzo, we want you to know that if you're angry, if you need a moment, you're allowed to have that moment. And they talk about the moments and they have this and that like when we brought you pads and whatever feeling you're feeling you can draw it here and it's okay which was fine i i was not disagreeing with any of it with knives in her head bleeding out the face yeah that's so nice lorenzo good picture yeah i mean i mean i i've never been that situation i don't know how you handle it i had actually no problem with what they were doing. I just thought it was strange that it was all on TV. It felt like, it felt really exploitive.

And no, I rarely say that. Mommy and Daddy are divorcing. You'll still get your allowance. They're like, okay. And then they go back to playing their video games. Mommy and Daddy are divorcing. And it's not your fault. But maybe it's Lorenzo's fault because he's in the other room.

Yeah, Lorenzo just came here for the very last page of the story it's lorenzo's fault because he's in the other room yeah lorenzo just came here for the very last page of the story it's lorenzo's fault the end okay thanks that'll be two hundred dollars that's that girl who you know named her son lorenzo after like lorenzo llamas i just can't with beth no it's probably named after lorenzo's oil which is what she was watching when she conceived him what's that lorenzo it was probably named after Lorenzo's oil, which is what she was watching when she conceived him. What's that, Lorenzo's oil? Oh, the movie Lorenzo's Oil? No, the movie's too old for Lorenzo.

She'd be a pop star by now if he was conceived during Lorenzo's Oil. That movie's too smart for her. Yeah, it's the movie that she lost her virginity to. On accident. Before Netflix and chill, it lorenzo's oil and chill so stephanie who's like the positive lady who doesn't want to oh by the way i have to say shrink the shrink in this scene arrived with her special guest j Jen, the co-founder of Sleepy Planet. That was the lady who broke the divorce news

to the kids. Anyway, so they go to, Stephanie has a party. She's like the positive singer one. So she's like, I want to have a girls night in and my place will be in my place. And she gets ready like she's going to go out on the town and everybody

else is in like sweats. Yeah, literally Megan shows up in sweats and it's like what the fuck you're in a cocktail dress she's like well you know i have to get dressed i was like she totally kyle richards it she totally did yeah but unfortunately it was just like nobody else even tried yeah at all so everyone's there sure tried to have fun have fun. This party opens with everybody going, Woo! Woo! Woo! Okay.

Let's sit in the living room. We will have fun. It's like, special guest. Guess what? We have a surprise. I brought a psychic. So this tarot card reader comes in. Now, this is when I started to fall asleep a little bit.

So I don't remember it very well. But I seem to remember the tarot card reader comes in. Now, this is when I started to fall asleep a little bit, so I don't remember it very well. But I seem to remember the tarot card woman was like, all right, is there anyone here on the verge of divorce or who's been divorced or has thought about divorce and knows what the concept of divorce is? I do. Yes. Okay. That's what I was thinking. Who here has a vagina that would be using a crutch if it could? Raise your hand.

Oh, my God. She's psychic. Yeah. And Beth is like, oh my God, I don't want to talk about this. Is there a book that I could read to this psychic? So she'll stop talking to me. But the psychic's also like, oh, I see a baby.

Oh, geez. Yeah. The craziest one was Megan. She's like, my son says that he wakes up and there's a man there. And it's weird because it's not a nightmare because my kid has scratches on his back every time. And he can't even

reach his back. So I know he's not doing it. And then my daughter wakes up in the middle of the night and sees a woman. What the hell is going on in your house? It's like, anyway, is there someone here who is in Wild Orchid? I'm getting a Wild Orchid sense. Meanwhile, there's a big thing that says Wild Orchid in the background background is anybody here wearing coconut oil as moisturizer all right you

got a ghost in your house okay i can't help you with that who here is in the record industry i'm getting a real sense of records because it has nothing to do with the records on the wall all the platinum records there's someone here in the music industry oh okay yeah that psychic feeling just came to me she was kind of the worst ever, and she didn't really say anything to anybody. And then it's ending, and you can tell everybody's, like, drunk now, because they've had a glass or two of wine. Because they're being so

funny and making sex jokes, and even stupid Leah's like, oh my god, I think I just came, or whatever. They started playing Yes, Anne. Oh, not Yes, Anne. Didn't the psychics say something like, they said, can Jen and Beth be friends? And she's like, ah, yes. They're like, oh my God.

That's Jen. She's like, okay, tell us. Will the two people who hate each other's guts be friends? And she's like, if they try. And they're like, woo! They're like, we did it. We can try. Truce.

Truce. And then Jen says to Beth, you know, our problem is that we're just too much alike. It's like the only thing you have in common is that you're walking assholes. You are nothing alike. I know. Exact opposites. But I really like this show. I've liked it the couple of times that I've watched it.

And I think that i like it because to me no matter what's going on i believe it like i believe that this is real i believe that these ladies they're not just like weirdo real people who want to be on reality tv so i kind of like this more than stupid tour group like that's just horrible stupid people see it's funny i'm the exact opposite i thought welcome to motherhood was it was fine it was like it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be but it like was not compelling to me in the least i thought it was like just watching people talk you know and then talking kids in and then the kid pretending he went to the bathroom but now he's gonna go to the bathroom like to me there was nothing really interesting to me about it

you know whereas tour group i really like tour group because i like where they're going and i like the things that they do um there's like a whole bunch of different personalities on there um i mean i i i admittedly i fast-forwarded through jetta and jeff's um vow renewal because i hate that shit i don't ever want to be on reality tv ever again but um i like this i like this issue like this burgeoning issue between heather and amy and michelle i like the twins and the guy um and i like the locations i actually really enjoy the travelogue aspect of it i i think tour group is is significantly better than there goes the motherhood oh yeah we're just gonna have to have a compromise somewhere here how about we

just watch neither of them well i i'm not into either of these Tuesday below deck is entertaining but it's just kind of a rip of the last one so i'm not believing that and tour group is just pure pain at least below deck's fun but tour group i don't even watch want to watch this shit again can we compromise and you want to dump them both what else is coming out we can just maybe start watching melbourne well no i know we'll we'll watch we'll watch below deck i mean we'll watch we can just i we'll just i like what we were doing before which is we'll both watch below deck and then we'll report in like i'll watch toward group you watch there goes the motherhood and we'll report in on what what each of us saw because, you know,

to watch all four shows for this episode is like a lot of work and especially because I don't think everyone in our audience is watching all four of these shows. But I think it's fine for us to check in.

Like, hey, I'm watching this on Bravo also and you're watching that because, you know, tour group did have a bat erection. Oh my God, that creepy fucking lady,

that tour guide lady with the weird stolen face. I still cannot figure out whose face she's stolen. She's like in a whole different show. There's all this stuff happening and she's just like, oh, look at me. I climbed the world's smallest mountain and there's a bat with an erection on it.

That best. When she sees a bat, it's like, look, it's looking at me and it has an erection. Oh, it's going down now. Please come back. I know. What the hell, lady? Well, the big stuff that happened in this episode is that they went to the Maldives.

Heather and Amy, they are continuing to have a rift. to have a rift. And they are like, they're basically, there's basically like a cold war brewing between them. Sanders tried to help by giving Heather a swim lesson. He's like, here, do the breaststroke and tell me also, tell me about your grandmother and now I can explain how your grandmother

is actually really Heather. Or Amy. Sanders. He's like, I feel that they need to have some kind of therapy like he's got 20 accents going on and then he's his way of therapizing everybody is with his dick he's like let me think of a way i can just like have my dick outline out like it's either in a hot tub or a pool or somewhere where he can be kind of naked so he can you know make these women get like vaginal boners or vaginal boners and then like suddenly be healed fucking man that's basically his thing i feel like there's a rift between heather and amy so i'm going to take off all my clothes and we will see how that fixes things

i will slap them both with my gigantic penis and we will see who win meanwhile michelle continues to be so dour she's like i went to barber school i can borrow i could be there was nothing but lesbians and gangsters but you know it was really fun now i have an identity oh she's so gross it's like yeah i went to like barber school i was a minority because like i was like the only white person and also i was the only person who knew english and wasn't in a gang so my god you are so fucking out of touch lady i wish i had a man here maybe someone from the barber school i have not had hair for a long time but i don't but I don't remember hair cutters being – I mean she's making it sound like some horrible thing. I'm like, what barber college was this?

I've always known very kind, normal bartenders. Well, no. I know what she meant because since I go to a black barbershop, like the black barbershop scene is a little different. And she basically – what she's basically scene is a little different and she basically what but she's basically saying is that she went she learned with like black barbers and stuff she like rented barber shop yeah that's it yeah like well i rented a movie so i'm cutting people's hair now and you would never know she's terrible because she was just doing it for all the men it's like hey jeff Jeff. Jeff and Jetta.

Oh, my God. This couple, they're so painful to watch. I know. He's like, I'm going to propose to you again on the beach 16 years later. And then we can have a vow renewal ceremony. He's like, it was a really big deal because I was afraid that when I got down on my knee, a tsunami would come and I'd be swept away. And I just am scared of those sort of things. Yes chet is like i was so worried if they mentioned this fucking scooter accident they make it sound like this man crawled out of a pit of lava and survived it okay he got

hit on a scooter let we'll we'll all survive this she's like when he almost died on that scooter now every day i think could be my last i'm like babe you can barely walk up the beach it could be they're obnoxious and she said the the first she's like he proposed to me in a tent in our living room i mean that was so romantic and so he's really got to go all out for this proposal and then he proposes in another free place yeah you forgot to mention that they were naked in the tent oh good well thank god he at least amended his proposal this time yeah there was um uh uh the twins so so the the guy i forget his name who is the guy who likes to who's going after the twins whatever doofus douche douche he's like man i gotta make a choice i gotta choose which twin to go after now

so he goes after misty and he like he like he's like hey like can we go on a date tonight and leaves her a little note that he misspells her name she's like he must spell my name like okay i'll still go on a date with him but you misspell my name and then the other sister's like i'm so happy for my sister but then it makes me think about my man and i can't help but feel that way so you know she knows she's gonna swoop in and steal this guy like that these twins are the most miserable human beings on the planet and you're talking to one of the most miserable okay so i get it i see it i have miserable glasses uh they're the worst both of them they are miserable about every little thing they can't be happy for each other about anything if the twin is on a date

i mean granted it's with some douchey mcdouche and he's like i know i look so confident and like i've got it all together and like i'm really cool but on the inside i'm a dork like uh no on the outside you're a stretchy face nerd with a wig like a really bad i was gonna say no we actually don't think you're really confident and on the outside you're a dork. So it's the exact opposite of what you described. Yes. And he takes her on this date and they have nothing to talk about.

Nothing. Okay. Yeah. He's like drunk on champagne. Yeah. It's like, do you like that I'm drinking wine? Yeah. Like, I like that you're drinking wine because like, I used to date a guy who didn't like

wine. He's like, yep, I sure like wine. She's like, well, Misty misty like misty's like so jealous i'm sure because she always wants to compete with me and like here i am on a date she's probably jealous but like whatever and he goes well do you want me to like never talk to her again and she's like and he's saying this seriously yeah like just trying to get some pussy say and she's like no like you can talk to her just like not about our relationship because like jealous and competing like you two are the worst i know and then later on um they kiss and then and then later on a dinner the next night like she gets a text from her friend

like so did you guys like totally have sex she's like yeah we have totally had sex and he sees the text he's like yeah we totally had sex i'm like. I'm like, this is kind of a weak storyline. Admittedly, this was a weak episode this week. Not a lot of interesting stuff. There's literally nothing happening and no one is interesting and no one even likes each other. And that model, whatever her stupid name is, awesome face. Michelle, quote unquote, flirting with Sandhurst. I'm like, no, this is never going to happen, Michelle, please.

And Sandhurst walking around talking about how straight he is and his bright pink shirts and his fucking waxed body. Get out of here. But Michelle's like, while listening to these people talk about dating, I mean, it's hard to be single and be somewhere like this. And I'd rather gouge my eyes out with a rusty fork than hear about Jared and Misty fucking. single and like be somewhere like this and i'd rather gouge my eyes out with a rusty fork than

hear about jared and misty fucking and i was like well at least we're together on that possum face true although she talks about she talks about being single in the maldives enough to make everyone else want to gouge their eyes out basically everyone should just be blinded by the end of the episode yeah pretty much and then we could all all go to Jenna's wedding and feel okay about it. I know. But did you catch that this model possum face was talking about Brandi Glanville? I did. I totally did. Because she was talking about how she had her ex, and then she had these close girlfriends. And then the girlfriends, when they broke up, she found out that the girlfriends were hanging out with her ex behind the back because he's wealthy. I was like, I think she's talking about brandy glanville in the house that i bought and like they're total losers and this show has just like it's car it's a karmic yes it's karma like you're

on the reality show now too just like brandy and where are they they're just all trashy losers now i'm sad to say that brandy's podcast is probably more successful than the stupid show. I can't even believe it's still on this week. I'm telling you, I do like it. I really enjoy it because I think that overall it has a pretty light, fun vibe, sort of like below deck. It moves along very quickly. Scenes are very quick. There are a lot of characters that pop back and forth to this episode was a little was was i think probably the weakest of

the season so far because they didn't really do anything just want people to drown like this week when nobody could breathe they were gonna go scuba diving and i like the really uh i like the really nice gay guy he's always smiling about everything he he his story arc this episode was that he drank a mango and gin he's like oh my god he's like jared i can't believe you're drinking white wine it's so expensive not in this country i'm drinking gin and mango great and scene they were trying to help the people who couldn't breathe and it was a surprising amount of people who were like wait you have to go underwater and then what do you do like well you just don't breathe and they're like how how do you not breathe like you have to and he says no you just

you just don't breathe out of you just don't breathe in and out of your nose or whatever whatever it is you breathe in and out of your nose instead of your mouth and she's like i do yoga so like i don't even know how to breathe like that. Like, you are a fucking idiot. And then they make them go, both Jedha and the other idiot, they make them go under, and they're, like, dying. They're like, ugh! And they don't know how to not breathe. Come on! And Amy is, like, so scared of sharks.

She's like, well, I don't want a shark to come up and bite me and go, no, sorry, didn't realize that. Here's your foot back. Like, I don't want that to happen to me i don't know it's really scary to me and then she finally goes underwater she was really quite magnificent i really loved it i mean so here i am i mean heather's still trying to bite out my guts by talking to possum face who cares and they never get any of these fights on camera like well we heard you fighting last night yeah no one heard anything and we and and it was funny because when sandhurst did have that like talk with heather it was kind of just like a total disaster because heather he was like so why don't you like to swim and she's like i don't know maybe i just don't

like giving up to control i like having control over my destiny you know because i don't even have parents like it was like, my grandma raised me and she was in my grand, and basically, like, my mom, like, you know, I just like, no, like, she did the best that she could because she's a disaster. And, like, you know, I don't blame everything in my childhood. I just, I'm the opposite. And so, like, that's basically, and Sarah's just like,

huh, do you realize that everything you're saying is really the same thing that you could say to Amy? She's like, I don't know. Like amy she's like i don't know like she has chances i don't know i'm like she can't say any of this this makes no sense with amy yeah she's like thanks a lot for abandoning me when i was a child amy and making me raise myself yeah none of this really works but also she's already mentally gone through it all she's like i've forgiven my parents for leaving me. I've forgiven everything.

Now I'm actually a very successful semi-well-adjusted moron. So, like, you want to fix me? And he's like, well, maybe it's because of your childhood. I've already said that, dude. Do you have anything else to ask me? Well, maybe you are projecting movies in your mind onto somebody. She's like, dude, I've already said this. I don't want to get my weave wet.

Here, why don't we look into your future? I'm really good at reading abs. Let's read my abs. Here. I have six of them. Do you want to talk about someone's ass? Let us talk about whose ass is better, that girl or that other girl. There are so many juicy asses. You know, some are juicy and some are really juicy know some are juicy and some are really juicy

And some are round and some are plump There are so many things for me to look at And not jerk off to The pretty tour guide Hates him She likes everybody and everything But he's so gross and inappropriate And she's like

She just looks at him like who are you kidding Like she's still got that smile But she just looks at him like who are you kidding like she's still got that smile but she just looks at him like really yeah i kind of like her i like that random that random plastic face lady just all by herself on her selfie cam yeah look it is a tree on a mountain aren't i lucky and then they cut back to like ugly twins fighting over some ugly man she basically is the caroline fleming of this cast like how lucky are you to have me to show you bad directions she's shockingly the only one i like except i do like watching possum face yell at random people and get mad at nothing yeah i like she's like we will

fight about this like she's yelling like someone has to care she's going off about women's rights and like afghanistan she cracks she honestly michelle is such a disaster she cracks me up i like i i am totally into it i i'm a fan plus it's also different it's different than you know all the other shit too it's trying the thing is it's trying to be the same it's like let's do real world but on the road with terrible boring non-20 year olds i was, now I can see why those shows all cast douchey 20-year-olds, because they'll just get wasted and fight, which you kind of need, I guess. It's like, watch this boring couple try and kneel down on the sand.

Yeah, I know. Like, no problems. Next week on Bravo, will Jeff ever get up? Well, I like it. I'm excited to see how their trip to Sri Lanka goes. I'll watch it. You don't have to watch it. And I'll give a little report next week for everyone who wants to know about tour group. Holler.

Okay, so moving on to Below Deck Mediterranean. This was a fun episode, I thought. It was. Mainly because the girls were really stupid, and Hannah was getting mad, and then Danny was being ridiculous.

Oh, that little Danny guy. He's like, Wow, models! What is with straight guys? I think gay guys just get so much sex that it's weird watching straight guys fall over themselves for how are these girls models i mean i'm sorry if any of these girls are listening none of you are ugly but what they modeling for like the gyro are they like in the gyro at like i don't get it what are they modeling

for you know it basically was like um there's this restaurant in west hollywood hot and juicy crawfish and they have they have a calendar they have a calendar the ladies of hot and juicy crawfish and they have these ridiculous photos where they have like lobsters on their head and crawfish on their boobs and um you know these women just barely would qualify to get in that calendar. Yes. Not to shame, but seriously, this was not like the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleading Squad coming onto the boat. This wasn't Hooters. It wasn't even Hot and Juicy Crawfish.

It was like Cam Girls. Yeah, not even. This is just like the girls who work at the piercing pagoda in the mall. So the episode begins with all the women hating Brian now because they find him to be chauvinist because it starts off right where the last one left off, which was that Hannah and Brian having a fight, a drunken fight. That is my employee and it's the chief's stew. I can call a bitch a bitch if I want to.

How do you think about that, Brian? Yeah. So then, so they're all, like, angry at Brian. And meanwhile, the little guy, Daniel, Danny, or whoever, he's talking to some girls, you know, because they're at this bar, and he's like, I've been on a yacht. And so the girls, you know, he's just

drunk and a disaster. He's bringing girls on board. When the yachts aren't, when the guests aren't on the yacht, we can make it our own. Doesn't really work like that. I mean, maybe he's taken all of his life lessons from St. Elmo's Fire and Emilio Estevez, but

you know, that hot tub's not for you, sir. Yeah, so they go back to the boat, and then everyone's kind of wasted. Here's what I was confused about, and I didn't want to rewind it because, you know, brain cells, but didn't Brian see all this? Because later

he's like, I didn't even know there were girls on the boat. He was up with everybody else. How did he not know? He walked home with them. Yeah, how did he not realize that the two other women walking with him up the gangplank were not not like crew members yeah i think that hannah did that on purpose just to like get him and that's why he was like oh shit hannah saw that so i better. I better stop this, because Hannah was the one who stopped it. She's like, Alright, girls, it's over, and you need to go now. Party's over.

We have a strict no-sluts-allowed rule on this boat, so I'm afraid you're going to have to go back to whichever cave you crawled out of. Thank you very much. And I love how, like, the guy, like, all of a sudden the guys are acting like Danny starts being, he's, he, like, gathers up all the Patron, and how, like, the guy, like, all of a sudden the guys are acting like, Danny starts being, he, like, gathers up all the Patron. He's like, well, no, we have to, we can't drink this Patron because I'm a good worker.

And we're going to put away this Patron. You guys are going to get off the boat. And we have a job to do. Yeah, after he drank the whole bottle and offered it to everybody. And then the guys all do some weird, like, hand in the middle thing. They're like, tripod, we're the tripod. Go team. Guys are so stupid.

They really, really are. So then the next day, Brian goes and tells the captain, I just want you to know, can I get a confirmation about the slut policy on this boat? Are we allowed to have them or no? Sluts are good if they know the rules. I'm just going to be the other captain. I like a slut who knows if i know the rules i'm just gonna be the other captain i like a slut who knows how to follow the rules you got that hey you like my tennis shoes without socks kid what

do you think about that cool right am i right i'm cool you know what my policy is on sluts they got a one-way ticket out of here so um so the captain was upset he was um he was really upset um and i wrote a note i said danny is a deep guy oh i guess that's i don't know what that's all about but he said that he said i'm a very deep guy but i'm trying to remember the context as to why he said it there i guess because he was connecting to the girls on the boat he's like i think it was he was saying why it wasn't just like a shallow thing he brought connecting to the girls on the boat. He's like, I think he was saying why it wasn't just like a shallow thing. He brought the girls on because he's a deep guy. I don't know.

He's like, I'm a really deep guy. And then Ben was like, I'm always one for the undershore. But that daddy's got some game, eh? He's got some game, eh? More game than my octopus that I made late at night. more game than my octopus that i made late at night so then by the way uh hannah has the lazy dyke employee who is actually i mean i'm sorry brian has the lazy dyke employee who is still lame and doing nothing and hannah has the lazy straight employee who is now working why because she got yelled at okay brian so listen to hannah

she understands revenge exactly and by the way um you know hannah was right because about about brian being ridiculous because here he is scolding hannah about how to do her job when he's the one who's got these deckhands who are committing all these fuck-ups like major fuck-ups enough where the captain was like this is strike number one. You only get three random vaginas before you're out of here, and that was one of them, guys. We got a long charter season, so don't go through all your vaginas in

one day. That being said, that being said, the girls of Tilted Kilt are coming on. We're gonna have some spring rolls over at the finale, so save your vaginas, boys. It's going to be a big night. I like Hannah.

She's like, hi there, Tiffany. Have you had any luck finishing up this list today? And Tiffany's like, yeah, I did it. Yeah, I'm okay with sweeping stuff under the rug as long as I don't have to sweep, okay? Like, it's great. Let's just ignore it. Pretend it didn't happen. It's like, oh, little idiot you good for you um so then you know i like immediately when the captain

announces that the tilted knit girl kilt or girls are coming on you just knew hannah was going to be nothing but condescending to them and about them and sure enough she's like i'm used to high end charters so it'll be nice having these girls on because they won't know what to expect and they won't be very demanding because they're so stupid and slutty. The only thing high-end about these girls is the asses that are in the air right now waiting for a penis to inject itself into it

for probably a 20. So... The model names. They're like, am bentley rover my name is mercedes brakes you are the biggest idiots i've ever heard of i know they were ridiculous um then danny i'm so sorry no but i can't the chef i mean uh the captain goes well you know these these uh models should be nice i mean after all they're all waitresses themselves. I was like, are you kidding?

That means they're going to be evil. They're going to be all that abuse that they have been taking on. They're just going to pass it forward. Like, finally, they get to be the ones that get to boss everyone around. Yeah, waiters are the worst people to serve. They're like, ugh, it took me, like, almost five minutes to get water. Like, what is this place? I take pride in my job, and they obviously don't take pride

in their job. Oh my god, did you see the way that loser breaded the table? Oh! Although, truthfully, these girls were actually very nice. So then Danny calls his mom and starts to cry because he misses her and stuff. And then, now

the show starts to get fun because the guests arrive. And it was weird because these girls are like, oh my God, how big the butt is? And they get on. Oh my God, where's the wheels? They were such stereotypes. It was cracking me up.

They really were. And what was funny is that they go, the first guest goes to give, she gives the captain a hug and he hugs her and then kisses her on the cheek and they kept kissing each one of them on the cheek i was like this feels a little inappropriate right is this like too much i'll give you a kilt to twist girls am i right girls you're all getting strike one and it's from my lips

the best is as the girls are walking through this tacky ass yacht it's so tacky that the entire crew has made like has joked about it they're like oh my god that's amazing this looks like the titanic this looks like the stairs from the titanic that's what one of the girls said yeah the stairs from the titanic yeah and by the way you never want to say that your boat looks like the titanic you never ever want to say that you know how that ended right you know right the chubby one's the only one to make it onto a raft he's like i'm kathy braids oh and then so they're looking around like it's so beautiful we love it it's like liberace they never said that but they love liberace and hannah's like i've seen a lot of girls i've seen a lot of extensions but they were all holes i've never seen models like that

and then the girls are like oh are you from england australia or whatever did you bring a koala bear your accent's so cute oh and it's like ready to push them through the portholes all right i'm gonna kill you now and then they sit down to lunch and the girl they're like would you like sparkling water or regular water and i was like does sparkling water taste different than regular water and cuts to hannah with this death stare on her face death stare i love sammy and i used to date a guy named sam just because I love salmon so much. Stupid fucking models. Hilarious.

And one of them was like, has anyone been on a yacht? And the other one was like, no, but I've been on a canoe. Which was probably a joke, but still ridiculous. You have to talk with these girls. I know. And so the girls are all, then they make their way up to the sun deck and they're all lying around. And then Hannah's like, I don't know what ladies. Maybe it was the Paul Abdul one, but they're like, all right.

So what does everyone want to drink? Does anyone, should we just do one big drink or do you want separate drinks? So what do you want? And just like cuts to a minute and they just are staring at her confused. Because Danny was up there before. He's like, hey, ladies, it's me. Yeah, you're so pretty. Yeah, I like your soul. Your soul's hot. Oh, you're so pretty. Yeah, I like your soul. Your soul's hot.

Oh, you're so cute. And then it's the English girl. She's like, girls, don't you look gorgeous? Would you like a drinky? And they're just like, eh, it's a girl. Yeah, it was like, They're not dumb. They're just slow. Snails are slow, but they cling fish tanks

even slow people have a role in this world they remind us of how fast we are the english girl's so positive i can't wait for her to lose it because i have a feeling no one's that positive she will i feel like she gets into a love affair with Bobby, the tall guy, goofy guy. So then the photographer Panos comes on to the boat and he's like, oh, which way do I go? Which hallway do I go? Oh, this way or that way. There's no way for me to go. Oh, look, it's the ladies. Hello, the ladies. It's me. Oh, ladies, we are going to shoot some prettiness. Oh, I'm going to stand here and just take a look at the ladies first.

Look at these wonderful average women. I think I have you on the crawfish calendar. And then one of the models is like, there's a secret. It's Katie's birthday. So, like, if you could, like, maybe get a secret cupcake's katie's birthday so like if you could like maybe get a secret cupcake for her it's like we'll do that's our job we'll find secret cupcakes wherever we can like it's a cupcake drama now and then ben's like i don't like cake but i'll find a wine bad news ladies turns out we can't stream cupcakes on the TV

So there won't be any cupcakes I'm so sorry to tell you that There is one point where they're all Posers I don't know just sitting around being idiots And the lesbian's like These girls like they're not my type Like I guess they're hot but like

None of them are captain of a lacrosse team Like yeah we get that you're a lesbian. And then Danny is standing upstairs literally polishing a rod. Yeah, he has a boner. He's just flirting with a boner. Non-stop. That's all. And the girls, meanwhile, are making great pads.

Like, this really reminds me of the Titanic. It really does, guys. this really reminds me of the titanic it really does guys i like when danny was talking to danny falls in love with this homely ginger named morgan yeah he's like he's like yeah like i really like what's inside what is that your hulu wow you're so talented and she's like he's like what's your sign and she goes i'm a sagittarius he's like wow he goes i've really made a deep connection with morgan it cracked me up because i just saw this movie on tuesday called the lobster which was about like people searching for love in a dystopian future and like the way that they keep on connecting is like oh you have a nosebleed i my nose bleeds also wow we're in love and someone else is like, oh, you have a nosebleed? My nosebleed's also, wow, we're in love.

And someone else is like, I have a limp. I just want to find another person with a limp because then we'll be in love. And so that's what this reminded me of. It's like, wow, you're a Sagittarius? I'm almost a Sagittarius. Wow. Such a deep connection. And everybody's starting to get pissed at Danny because he obviously does not know what he's doing

he's just he's just off he's flirting or then he's making out and dancing or he's on the couch laying down with the girls yeah at one point at one point he actually told her he told that girl yeah like i don't think i've ever felt like this about anybody. And she goes, really? What do you like? Like, what is it? Like, what is it about me? And he goes, your butt. Your butt. I liked when he said to her, you guys are so cool.

And she goes, yeah, and we're all so different. And Danny goes, I like your vibe. Sitting there on the couch while Bobby is like, he's supposed to be out on night watch. And Bobby's doing all the work and Danny's just sitting there connecting with Morgan. Bobby's getting furious. And then the girls ask for late night smoked salmon, which kind of surprised me. I never would have pegged these girls to want some late night smoked salmon.

Like, what are these little peas? Those are capers. Oh my God. What are these peas? So they're eating their salmon and Danny sits down with them and they're talking until 2 a.m. And Hannah is so angry

because Hannah can't go to sleep until the guests go to sleep. And she is up there and she's like, Danny, you're the reason why I'm awake right now. Could you please end this? Could you end the party, Danny? He's like, Danny, you're the reason why I'm awake right now. Could you please end this? Could you end the party, Danny? I didn't even realize that.

I thought that when I got to go, I could stay up and you guys go to bed. She's like, no. And then the next day. I was up. It was hard. Where's my seven hours? I barely even got to sleep. And Danny, all you showed was that when you said to everyone that you're going to do the work later,

that you showed that you're not doing the work. You're just sitting up talking with the guests. That's all you showed. Yeah. Pretty much. And he's just like, he's talking, talk,

talking. Hannah is furious. Um, everyone is, everyone is mad. And he, um, and what I love is that whenever he gets caught,

he, he tries to suddenly act like he's the best employee. Like, well, sorry, ladies. I have to go. I've got a job to do. You know I am doing a job. So I've got to stay professional. So I've got to do a job now.

Doing my job. Shut up. You're not doing a job at all. Yeah, pretty much. That was it, right? Well, no. So then, no, no, no. So basically, then they're going to do a photo shoot on the beach.

And they're like, okay, Danny, come on. We have to go to the beach. And he's like, okay. And next thing you know, he's doing a selfie with the model. And they're like watching him do the selfie. He's like, yeah. And they get to the beach. And these girls do this whole photo shoot and everything.

Did you see any of this part or no? Yeah. Oh, okay. Okay. So they're doing like a photo shoot and everything. Did you see any of this part or no? Yeah. Oh, okay. So they're doing a photo shoot. And what was funny to me was that Brian all of a sudden was like, Hey, who here knows how to play some Ultimate Football? I'm like, what?

Why would you ever think this group would be the group that wants to play Ultimate Football? So they start playing Ultimate Football, but Danny stays back with morgan and they again have yet another really deep conversation where he's like yeah i used to have a gap in my teeth and she's like oh my god that's so cute that is so cute like i get it because i love getting ready and like i love to get ready and like take time to make myself beautiful. She literally says that.

And he goes, wow, I could just like kiss you right now. Yeah. That would be inappropriate. So you want to just like go behind those rocks and slow dance while I kiss your ear. It's like, sure.

And then the lesbian's like, unbelievable. Well, meanwhile, Danny and Morgan are are like They're like sort of kissing She's like just be in the moment Just be in the moment Just feel it namaste It's just you whistling through your front teeth And me like thinking about

What kind of lip gloss I might wear tonight Like when I'm taking my time. You know? Isn't it so cool that there's so many of us and we're all so different? Oh, my God. Be in the moment. That kid is going to get fired immediately. Yeah.

Poor thing. He's like, this is, like, my mom wanted to come on the boat, but I'm professional. I was like, Mom, I'm not supposed to bring hot chicks on the boat. But like you guys are guests, so it's okay. Oh, my God. So good. I can't wait to see him get yelled at. And I guess next week we'll see what happens with the cake or slash cupcake because it's a big challenge for Ben.

Yeah, Ben. Cupcakes, am I right? That cupcake can make a break of a career on a yacht. Yeah, Ben. Cupcakes, am I right? That's, uh, Cupcake can make or break a career on a yacht. Yeah, it's like, Ben, it's called just go to the internet, find something from Epicurious and bake it. It's easy. It's really, really

easy. I've made you a meat pie, darling. I, every time I make a cake, I learn something new. Like, for instance, don't put octopus in the batter. I love at this point

in the season, because Ben's always calm. He's like, why is everybody fighting? I don't understand. Why can't we just get along with the ball? And I'm like, next, next episode. God damn it, you bunch of losers.'re such a good for nothing pieces of crap throwing a half sheet across the kitchen because someone didn't like his like

heated up you know tombstone or whatever the hell he's serving them tonight but i was asleep they can't believe they want the pizza late at night by By the way, nice comparison with Leon. When the guests wanted late night snacks and Leon did not cook it versus Ben waking up to make a nice salmon plate. So there you go, Leon. You're still unprofessional. Slice some salmon

and put it on a plate. Well, funky they ain't been. I really am liking Hannah. They cut to her, I think, ten times in this episode, giving that death stare to the models. Yeah, death stare. So deathy.

Are you laughing at us because we're eating like we eat? I was like, actually, yeah, you do. I don't think anyone's like, those girls are too thin. It was like actually yeah you do I don't think anyone's like those girls are too thin No but It was like some NASCAR Modeling

And Hannah and Paul Abdul are so snobby about it They're like well you know they're just enjoying their time Because I don't think any of those girls are coming onto a super yacht Anytime soon Maybe that was Ben who said it I don't know It was the girls I think it was Hannah She's like, well I hope they have fun now

Because tomorrow it's back to sucking dick in an alley At the Tilted Kilt I mean, what sort of restaurant is that anyway? What do they serve, haggis with a slide of venereal disease? Crazy Irishman Have fun with that, sluts They certainly know how to blow the bagpipe. Bye below, Dick.

Bye. Girl, bye. Girl, bye. Well, we did it, Ronnie. We did it. We did it. We got to the end of the week. 19 hours. Well, it was a fun episode.

It was. I love you, bitch. Love you, bitch. It's trash, Ronnie. You're trash. Hey, every gay person out there listening, please behave yourselves this weekend. Don't go putting your hand in women's faces. Don't be calling women sluts and trash and everything.

I mean, to their faces. Do it on a podcast. But not to their faces. I mean, we had Cousin Billy and Cindy C and Zero Cool on Twitter are calling him hashtag not gay Ray, which I love. But yeah, we've had not gay Ray and this doofus cousin Billy in one weekend.

Let's all go out and be nice to a bunch of women this weekend, okay? Yeah, let's be nice. Sounds good to me. All right, everyone. Well, again, you can go to watchforcrappens.com to find our social media links please follow us for needy and then uh facebook.com forward slash watch what happens

or if you can like us there's all sorts of stuff there and support us at patreon.com forward slash watch what happens and get access to the bonus episode and our hangout which is next week and until then we'll talk to you next week. It's been fun. So bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm a good. I'm