Watch What Crappens - #2940 The Valley S2E15 Part One: Mad Jax Fury Toad

Episode Date: July 23, 2025

This is part one of a two-part recapOn the season finale of The Valley, Jax makes a final attempt at making someone look worse than him before he’s sent off into (fingers crossed) obscurity, Janet walks out on another fight, and Zach throws a hissy fit cuz his favorite chicken wing won’t stand up for him enough. You can watch this recap on video, listen to our Love Island bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcha Crappin's ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Travis fell in love with the perfect woman. Beautiful, understanding, available 24-7. There was just one catch. She wasn't human. Binge all episodes of Flesh and Code early and ad free right now on Wondry Plus. Hello and welcome to Watch Our Crap In's podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about.

I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is a bespeckled and delicious Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie. How is it going? Hello. How are you? I'm fabulous. We have a big day of podcasting today. We are going to be recapping the season finale

of The Valley, that rhymes. And then later today we are gonna recap the season finale of Next Gen New York City. And earlier today we went on to Julia Cunningham's podcast or I'm sorry, radio show, which will be I think about next week is gonna be where it airs. July 31st. Yeah. So keep an ear out for that one. We had so much fun talking with Julia. We love

Julia. Also, huge thank you to everyone who showed up for our very first ever Amazon Live last night. I cannot tell you how much fun that we had. I think we, like for me, I unlocked a part of me that I didn't even know existed, which is someone, like, but my, I unlocked a part of me that I didn't even know existed, which is someone like, but my, I, I unlocked my inner Stacy from Potomac essentially. I'm like, it turns out I really enjoy talking about products in front of an audience. And I had the most fun talking about sheet pans and Dutch ovens and all that fun stuff.

So it was super, super fun doing it with you, Ronnie. And it was great to see people they are commenting. Yeah. Yeah, it was fun and fun reading the comments and stuff. We're gonna do them the next couple of weeks, Mondays, the next two Mondays at 4 p.m. Pacific time on Amazon Live. We'll put a link up every day when we go up,

so just check our Instagram for the link, but you should see us on Amazon Live. But if you want a link, just check our Insta. By the way, my glasses are because I'm still waiting for my eyes to heal. They're mostly healed, but like I'll show you a little. They're mostly healed, but I'm bruised. So I'm just wearing the glasses

so I don't trigger people with bruising, but they're almost back. Hopefully by next week, I'll be glasses free and won't look like such a douche bag. Oh, you look great. This is like your Hunter S. Thompson era. It's wonderful. I'm so into it.

But yeah, so lots of between the sunglasses and the Amazon Live and the radio shows. It's been a busy week around here. And we're having a great time. But let's get into it. Unless there are any other announcements, oh, patreon.com slash watch what happens. Of course, never forget the Patreon.

Right now, come on and you get access to all sorts of fun things, like for instance, Grab Us On Demand, where you can watch Ryan and Sunglasses. So do that. Grab Us On Demand, go check out the Love Island recaps. We will reboot next week with new bonus episodes, probably about, I don't know, our lives for a while. It goes well. So join us for that next week with new bonus episodes probably about, I don't know, our lives for a while. It does what?

So join us, join us for that next week. So here we are with the Valley Season finale of the Valley. Valley finale! There's new Zen in resentment. Mmm. Oh, deep title for that episode. This episode, the Zen Party is brought to you by our favorite store in Orange County, ZenSations. So everything starts off with Janet. Janet shows up at Lala's house with Porto's, which is a local Cuban bakery here that people are obsessed with. Love it.

Love Porto's. Yes, I love Porto's. I've been ordering from there a lot. And I can't believe she brought that to Lala's house because Lala is not eating portos. Okay. I'm telling you, everything is fried and greased and carved. But nice try.

I mean, I figure that's what a person like Janet would do. Show up to someone like Lala's house with carbs. Yeah. Lala's like, I don't eat at portos. I eat at porjos. Get what I said there. It's my post-divorce journeys. Lala's like, I don't eat at poros, I eat at porhos. Get what I said there. It's my post-divorce journeys.

Lala's new baby is here named Sosa, which I don't know if that's for the basketball player, isn't that a, no, baseball player? Is that Sammy Sosa? It's Sammy Sosa. So is it a baseball name or is it just like one syllable away from so-so? Sosa. That is the most Lala name. Is it a baseball name or is it just one syllable away from so-so? So-so. So-so.

That is the most Lala name. I mean, only someone named Lala would then be like, my name is Lala, my daughter's name is Sosa. Sosa. Sosa. Lala, Sosa, and the other one. The other one who looks like Rand. Sosa.

So-sa. So-sa. So-sa is there. Sosa. Sosa. Sosa. Sosa. Sosa. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so,

so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, chicken wing. Here's a little chicken wing, aren't you? I'm gonna dip you in. Britney, please stop dipping my baby some blue cheese. Hey, you know what that baby looks like? You know what that baby looks like? A little bridge.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, sushi bridge. Remember that little bridge? The little bridge? Remember that little bridge at the sushi? Oh, oh, oh, oh, chicken feeders? You know what a chicken feed on a bridge that looks like a baby?

You forget what they look like when they're little babies? They're a little baby. I want to have a new, they're a baby. You know, I always said it one and done, but I know that something that Aaron really wants is to have several, a hive, if you will. So I said maybe, but just looking at somebody else have a baby, it's very sweet and it gives me a feeling.

Look, here I am, Michelle Lally having an emotion. Look at me, I am emoting right now. Yeah, Michelle, we all know what Erin wants and it is a bag of coke, okay? Michelle don't, Michelle's like, look at me, it is my era of better decisions. You're considering have a baby with a man who has an entire honey line based off of cocaine terminology and named his dog Kilo, okay?

I'll rethink. Now does that mean parents can't do Coke? Of course not. If there are parents out there doing Coke, you guys, you go for it. But listen, this is your second go round. Aim higher, Michelle, for fuck's sake. Aim higher than someone who looks like they just stumbled into a road

and was about to get run over. Oh! We've all seen that movie. We've all seen the movie, the guy running away from someone and then they step into the road and they're like, oh, and then they get run over. Like, that's his face. His face is like, he has headlights in his face. Not even a deer in the headlights.

It's just a hooked up person. So they're catching up and Brittany's like, well, it's just been disaster after disaster. Yeah, Jace who sent me off. You guys be real proud of me. I told him off. I let him have it. Brittany, you've been letting him have it for years.

You'll be back together within a year. Yeah. Well, I was like, I'm good. Do you think she will? I hope she doesn't. I hope that, I'm good. Do you think she will? I hope she doesn't. I hope that, I'm not gonna predict that. I'm gonna hope that. I'm gonna take that back and hope better for Brittany.

I'm gonna give it two years. So Brittany is like, well, I was going, I was like, I'm gonna expect you to start paying for half a cruise dollar doctor bills and then stuff like that. And then he freaked out at me and was like, well, I'm gonna go after Alimony. And I was like, I don't even know who Ali is.

And why don't I say, well, I know Ali Larder. She's cool, she's not an actress, but Ali Moni, don't know her. Anyway, I'll win you, because you make more money than me. That's what he said. And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Wow, I really had him, really rang him a new one. Well, yeah, you'd like make more money

because a cocaine addiction is expensive. So I suggest you give that up. Cocaine, right, everybody. Michelle's like, I can give you a family discount. Ever since I had Cruz, I've always been able to protect and make sure there was nothing around. So now that our scene is getting older, like you shouldn't be doing this after you have a child or whatsoever.

Like, well, maybe you shouldn't also be on this show, but that's another issue. So yeah, I mean, just get away from Jax. Just block Jax and stop taking Jax's calls because at this point it's just, that man is dangerous. Oh my God. Speak only to a mediator. Yeah. Yes.

And especially the one that you found because I love that lawyer. What was her name? Like Nas. Nas. Was that her name? Like, Nas? Nas? Was that her name? I love her. What? Tell me.

You need to go. You need to go right now. So Brittany's like, yeah, I ain't letting Cruz go over there anytime soon. He's a bachelor pilot. I feel like there's nasty girls there. And until the divorce is finalized, we have like drug testing rules in place.

I don't feel comfortable with Cruz going over there." And Lala's like, and he's okay with that. And she's like, yeah, I mean, he doesn't really have a choice. So they're all like, yeah, we got him by the balls and stuff. Yeah, so now they talk about the Hawaii trip. And Janet's like, well, I mean, Hawaii, that was rough. And Brittany's like, yeah, well, I had a fun time, but they don't like you, Janet.

Okay, okay, well, I had a fun time, but they don't like you, Janet. And just like Kristen and lex. And so that yeah, that's just jazz like, she called me a whore. Wow, Janet. So that seems like a little bit of a I don't remember her of a hulsey based on I'm sorry, I interrupted. I'm assuming it's during one of Mariposa's, you know, mid-cruise, you know, flip outs.

Like, I will not let you go after Nia and Danny, the most wonderful people on planet Earth. You are not allowed to. But I don't remember her calling her a whore. I'm sure, I don't remember either, but I also like, I would not be surprised if it like never made never made it to air or if did make it to air and it did not I did not keep it in my brain I wouldn't be surprised either, but I also wouldn't be surprised if Janet's just making that shit up because it's Janet

Mm-hmm. Well, our note taker also did not remember and Shelby wrote that she said she went back and looked it up in previous notes and that was not in the show if it happened So that I remember was like Janet might be fabricating because we will take Shelby's word over Janet's any day. Yeah. So Janet's like, she threatened to beat me up and my baby. She threatened to murder a baby, a baby. She called my baby a whore and threatened to beat it up. And she called me a fan. And while I was like, well, I mean, you know, broken

clocks, et cetera. And Michelle's like, I was like, well, I mean, you know, broken clocks, et cetera. And Michelle's like, I was like, hold on everybody. I was like, calm down. I also remember that happening. Michelle Lali, the great mediator. Everyone, calm down. I think maybe you're telling that to your boyfriend whose eyes were like bugging out. So Janet's like, yeah.

And I was like, okay, Kristin, I would love for you to hit me. I would love nothing more than for jail to take away your engagement ring for the night. By the way, you can't take away mine because it's sewn on. I sewed it on. I have Jason's ring, um, nailed to his fucking bones. If he ever takes that off, he's going to lose his finger at your ring and only think of me in prison. The prison you go to when you call people a whore. By the way, Lala, do you mind signing my ring real quick? Thanks.

So Lala's like, yeah, y'all's group is messy. I'm like, you're the one who's trying to get on my nerves. I'm like, I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do that. By the way, Lala, do you mind signing my ring real quick? Thanks. So Lala's like, yeah, y'all's group is messy. I'm like, you're the one who's trying to get on the show, Lala.

So Michelle's like, yeah, feels very crazy to me, like every day. I tried Janet, here's Janet's big moment. I tried, I really did this summer. I included Kristen and what did it get me? Where did it get me? Where did it get me? Rumors about my husband, my husband. And I hope every time she looks at that ring, she sees a reflection of me. I'm like, okay, like this is like you're trying to do some sort

of Alanis Morissette moment like and every time you scratch your nose on someone else's back. I hope you feel my Dave and Buster tickets. I hope you do. I invited her to Dave and Busters. Dave and Busters in Carson City. And she could treat me like this. That is the best location of the Dave and Buster. You had to drive two hours in the sun. How could she threaten to murder my whole baby? Changed.

I want you to know that I'm happy for you. I want nothing more than you to go to jail for one night and have your ring taken away from her for one single day. I am screenshotting this because I don't want to show the date or whatever because I don't want people to show up. A friend of ours is going to Janet's birthday party this year. She's friends with Janet.

I don't want to mess this up. Hold on. Let me change orientation of this so I can show it on the screen. I don't know why I find this so fucking funny. I just do. It's just so Janet, this birthday invitation. OK, I took out the date, everybody.

Sorry for the wait. But this is Janet. Come celebrate Janet's birthday the literal only way she knows how. Dave and Busters, everybody. That's my thing. I'm a wacky person. I go to Dave and Busters and it says,

cocktail attire encouraged because Dave and Busters can be fancy too. You can, Janet. You can get Dave and Busters money. Get ready. Get ready for that Dave and Buster's can be fancy too. You can be jaded. You can make that Dave and Buster's money. Get ready. Get ready for that Dave and Buster's time at Janet. All the threes of you just batten down the hatches to get to that crash Janet's party.

I know, I wonder how many people we're gonna get begging for the date. Just begging for the date. And if you bring your gay friend, you can get Jason getting extra aggro to him. So, um. So then, now we go to Jackson's. It is a better Dave and Buster's though.

She did, she is moving up in the Dave and Buster's world. So yes. Well remember, Beyonce did a Dave and Buster's birthday party, don't forget. So, I'm gonna hate to drag Beyonce into this, but as long as we don't forget, beehives. What'd you say? Who did it first? Beyonce into this, but as long as we're talking about beehives. What'd you say? Who did it first?

Beyonce. Well, there you go. So now we go to Jax's condo, and Luke and Jason are there. And I love these shots of Jax's condo, a lot of reasons, because first it's four stories, okay? They have to go to the fourth story to go outside, and they're all humping and puffing. And Jax's like, look at it.

I can't believe J Jack can even do it with his limited nasal strength, but God bless him. He makes it to the top. And then the other reason I love it is because the first thing the editors do is show a plane flying overhead, which they're giving him the James Kennedy treatment. Man, I just thought that was so sweet.

It's like that Southwest plane, like it's just like, when that shows up, that is like a David Lynch detail. That's like, this is the sign of Bob coming to possess someone. This is the sign of there's danger in this home. There's an abuser in this home. Beware because, yeah, we see that plane. But also, seriously, it really is just a post-productions way of saying like,

yeah, this guy thinks he hasn't made, but he lives under an airport. He lives under a flight pattern right now. Yeah, I was pretty excited. And he will never be happy. He will never find the piece that he's looking for. I think your first take was good. The, I think production's like,

abuser, an abuser lives here because everyone else lives in the Valley and they don't get that. And trust me, we all have the planes in the valley. We all have them. We had a party over here for Watcher Craven's after our tour and people, you know, a bunch of Bravo commentators and stuff were here. And planes, when a plane would fly overhead, everyone would be like, Oh my God, it's like

James Kennedy's house. Like a Bravo thing at this point. But it also is just like that's them trolling because like it's them saying, look at this cheap ass place that they live in. Cause yes, you're right. Everyone in the Valley lives under, essentially under the Burbank airport flight path. But to highlight that there's a plane over your place,

it means the suggestion is, yeah, you think you're living at large, but we all know you live close to that airport because that's what you could afford, you know? And like, and like whether or not that's true, that's what they've decided, the narrative that they're gonna push on this show. And I think it's wonderful.

Good job, Post-Property. He's like, look everybody, my place is, you know, it's decorated, you know, it's finally decorated. So you're gonna have people over, it's like a used condom over a lamp. Like nice job. The Chip and Joannas do this? Like damn.

What task rabbit? Maybe I should call it a task rabbit. But task rabbit came in and decorated this place. Just like random like sports memorabilia on the wall and like the room, cruises room with like the kids stuff. I was like, Jack's 100% did not do any of this stuff. I want to know who was commissioned to do this. There's still wood art on the wall, like word art.

It's just a big plank of wood that says, come. Come as you are. Yeah. So Jax is like, yeah, you know, I don't want to call it a bachelor pad, but yeah, I mean, I guess it's a bachelor pad. So yeah, it's a bachelor pad. So he's showing everyone Cruz's room, and he's like, yeah, I gave him the big room. No, you didn't.

That's not the big room. That's a tiny little room. Don't tell me that you gave it. I hate Jax. Can Jax just be done now? I mean, he is done, right? Well, he will be. But you have to sit through three more weeks of this.

So then, yeah, he's like, yeah, that's just, my main thing is like, how good can this be for Cruz? Like, what is the best environment for my little boy? How many flights of stairs can he fall down while I'm up on the roof drinking beers? I was thinking about his Cruz, which is why I got a four story house. I just want to know like,

what is the best place for my son? And I thought, you know what? Many staircases, no yard, perfect. Yeah. And he's like, look, I even got a beautiful rooftop. It overlooks the city. It overlooks apartments and it's next to Schwartz's place. So you were-

And I got my best friend next to me, close to me to help. Doing great. We don't need to see this show's version of Wilson in the form of Schwartz. We can't even do the Wilson right because we see his full face. Like we like that is not a value add to be like, oh yeah. And I have, I share a fence with, with Tom Schwartz.

That's like literally that's like the part on house hunters where they put an X, like this is the downside, like, well, it's close to work, easy commute, close to center town, but I do share a fence with Tom Schwartz. I think we have to cross that house off the list. You know, I just, I want to be close to town, but I also really need to have a fence where there's someone that can just say this occasionally. Women, am I right?

Well, even though the house is 35 minutes from work and does not have electricity, is not furnished and is $250,000 over budget, I really like that it's not attached to Schwartz. So we're going to go for that one. So he's telling everybody, yeah, you know, like I'm at my house the other day at birthday's yelling and screaming at me, you know, and she's like literally texting me every day since, like talking to me about the house, talking to me about like what flowers she's putting in, you know, like one day you're hot, next day you're cold,

like what do you want me to do? Like you don't want me to be around them? Fine, stop texting me every fucking day. Okay, then like pay her what you owe her and like do what you're supposed to do so she doesn't have to text you and say, hey, Dax, I found a kilo buried under some flowers and since Is this yours? You better get away from my baby. You better get away from my chicken wing.

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subscribe on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast. Want to watch episodes early and ad free? Join Wondery Plus right now. And so Jason's like, um, so would you say that she's a breadcrumbing you? Yeah. I've been reading Buzzfeed. I know what breadcrumbing is. Uh, you think she's bread crumbing you and he's like, that's exactly what it is. She's bread crumbing me. I'm like, she's literally not breadcrumbing you. Like breadcrumbing is I think a dating term, right? Isn't that like when you're leading someone on

that they're like, this is just Brittany being messy. Jax is the breadcrumb. Jax has the loaf. He has the loaf of the shitty stale sourdough that he's scattering across the valley for everyone. And then he's throwing it up himself. He can't even do Hansel and Gretel correctly. So-

He can't be breadcrumbed because he just snort them up. You know, his body has probably learned to metabolize that shit. So, and also Jason, shut the fuck up, Jason. Over here, like turning it around, trying to stand up for this abusive piece of shit. She bread crumming you. Yeah, everybody wants Jason back. Everybody needs Jack's couchy back. Jason, I just, here's the thing that really bothers me with Jason.

And this is where like, this is one of our listeners brought this up on crappy hour and I really have not been able to get it out of my mind, which is that, um, Jason and Janet are very righteous about Danny technically performing sexual assaults And yet they they seem to not be so tentacle about Jack's and and well, yeah That's what we've been saying for the whole year. I mean, what the hell he's like their morals are like, oh my god We're so outraged at the butt grab but you're fine with your abusive piece of shit friend And now it's now making out turning it around and making it sound like Brittany Brittany's fucking with him

loser loser behavior, Jason. Yeah. So yeah, Jax is saying that he's like baby proofing cause he's gonna make, he wants Brittany to feel comfortable to have crews in this MC Escher townhouse. And so, you know, Jesse's like, well, Luke has proposed that Jack's install a universal camera That they can all watch the baby with not a ring. Please do not get a name-brand camera

I don't want her to be offended. This needs to be universal. Okay, just get some knockoff Amazon shit No, I think it literally is like let's hit up the people our partners at NBC Universal and see if they've got a camera So then Jesse's like, also, baby gates. Jessie's like, I'm just going to put this one out here. Maybe she'll feel more comfortable if you put some baby gates in front of one of your many staircases that your child could fall down. He's like, yeah, yeah, baby gates.

Baby gates. And looks like, well, it's just a test. I think she's more concerned about your lifestyle. You have to prove to her you're not partying. You're not doing extracurricular with random girls up here. It's like, I would never come up with you or with a girl. Like what, what, what, what, what with him? Like, and I expect the same from her.

Like what me girls and him in the same room. Jack's, you know, like goes to the fucking playground with the baby just to hit on moms. Yeah. He's that one. He's that one. to hit on moms. Yeah, he's that one. He's that one.

So Luke's like, by the way, so it seems like you've got some sort of problem with Danny. What's your problem? It's just between you. What's going on? Where'd this come from? And Jack's like, yeah, well, I missed half the season, so I need to pick a fight with someone.

So I've decided Danny is the easy target. I mean, in my opinion, I'm allowed to have my opinion. I mean, Nia called me. No joke, not an exaggeration, literally. I don't even know what you're gonna say. I already know it's an exaggeration. She's called me at least five times, screaming and yelling, throwing things. She lit her house on fire. She was so mad. No exaggeration, saying, you know, because, oh, your husband is drunk and can't even walk out of the bar because I've called her and

told her that. And so she comes in, it's like, Danny, oh, your husband is drunk and can't even walk out of the bar because I've called her and told her that. And so she comes in, it's like, Danny, I told you not to act like this. This is how we know that Jax is lying, because Nia would never say, Danny, I told you not to act like this. She would say, Daniel, don't do that, Daniel, shh. Daniel, protect your peas.

Daniel, where's your peas? Hey, bartender, can I please have an order of Daniel's peas? Daniel, shoot this, Shoot it, Daniel. So yeah, he's going, he's ranting and raving. And he's like, I can't have him over here because I have alcohol. He can't be around alcohol.

He's an alcoholic. My partners had to drag him out. They had to drag him out of the bar. He's just so, so drunk, you know? And he's like, yeah, you know, and like he's fucking, he's feeling girls up in my bar. I mean, at my bar, feeling girls up. And my first thought was...

Isn't that why the bar's there? Isn't the bar there for you and your friends to feel up girls? It's like the poorest version of Epstein's plane, that bar. No. It's just like a place for Jax to fill, to feel up. Jax and his old weird partner friends who are now gonna follow him around, I guess, for every scene, to fill up like young new girls,

like starstruck in LA, you know? I mean, I do believe that, that Danny was kicked out of the Hep-R, but I don't think Jax needs to be the messenger of this. I think Jax is just in no place to suddenly take a moral high ground about this at all. So Jason's like, I mean, I think that part of what what's getting Jack's worked up about Danny is the fact that Jack's has made mistakes.

And when he makes mistakes, those mistakes are discussed amongst the entire group. And meanwhile, Danny makes mistakes. And if anyone calls him out, they get attacked, especially if you call them out for sexual assault. So it's understandable, though, why he'd be frustrated. Oh yeah, Jason, nobody's called Danny out. You guys have made sure that Danny is called out

in every single episode. And now look, he's using Janet Coded language. She's like, you get attacked, you get attacked if you even call one person out. Yeah, I mean, look, Danny is no angel. And I do think that he has gotten a very friendly edit because despite everything, everyone's really still on his side. But like, I think, I still think there's like, I think he's gotten an edit that's shown him showing

up and apologizing, which is something that we don't really see from Jack's ever. And he does apologize. They've dragged ever. And he does apologize multiple times. They've dragged him across the colds for this multiple times. He's apologized multiple times. No, he's gotten a friendly at it. I think he's gotten a friendly at it. In this sense, yes, he has apologized,

but they could have really edited this season to be like, we're all concerned about Danny. What's going on with Danny? They could have really made him look like he had a big, big, big, big, big problem. And they they did not focus on that. And that's OK. I mean, maybe that also wasn't there to focus on. But like, I think that I think Danny, I mean, Danny clearly has stuff going on. Like he got thrown at the bar, even if it was Jackson got thrown in the bar.

He grew up, dropped his cast members like he's sneaking drinks in on camera like he made comments about like these these girls like how we just for blonde It's like all right, but there are such worse things. Did that no one heard him do that Well, but either way I still could have There for their fucking full of shit with Danny this whole thing. They did do the whole thing that you're talking about where they're like, Danny has a problem. You guys would have Danny has. They've been doing it the whole season. It's been all edited in there.

The only difference is Danny has handled it well and he's apologized. So what the fucking therapy over it? I mean, for Christ's sake, that's something you don't see from Jax. I mean, he'd handled it better than Jax for sure. But like, I still think it was it was was, I'm not saying it was covered up. And I'm not saying it was minimized. I'm just saying, I think the focus of the show is on they've got bigger fish to fry. And I think that Danny like, like, other reality shows like this would have been really, really front and center. Like Danny's stuff would have been really front and center, and it hasn't been. So that's where I think it's been friendly. And that like, it's been a mistake. It's literally been the only plot line

this whole season. So, I mean, I think it's been front and center. I think the difference is you've got a coke head who's abusive and threw a table at his wife to give her a black fucking leg and had to be dragged off by production to some mental facility who's still going off and attacking people and trying to get controls

of the camera and sending abusive text rage text and stalking this woman on national TV and Jason sitting here supporting that but they're all fine with making Danny sound like this fall down Alcoholic who needs to be locked away. It's just so fucking hypocritical and gross I mean, it's not Of course Danny was disgusting for what he did getting wasted and filling up his friends like that's horrible But the guy apologized him with therapy. I just don't see, I just don't, I can't even compare. I'm just saying, I think that there's more.

It is disgusting because they're not even, they're not even bringing up Jack's like Jack's is fine. They're like, get a camera and some baby gates. It'll be fine. But Danny, they're like cart them away, burn them at the stake, break his legs off. And I just want to clarify, I'm not saying that Jax is like right on this. I'm just saying that like Danny, I definitely, I think that Danny on another season where you didn't have someone as monstrous as Jax, I think Bravo sure as hell would have had like Danny would have been, it would have been even more

centered. He would have been, like Danny would have been, it would have been even more centered. He would have been first seed at that reunion. I'm telling you, I think we have monsters like Jax and Jax is, Jax knows he's the monster, which is why he's trying to push the attention onto Danny, by the way. So I'm not condoning anything Jax is saying. I'm just saying that like, I think Danny's pretty lucky to be honest, because I think that like there are bigger boogie men on this show deservedly so and While Jax may be trying to put it all back onto Danny, but it's like no Jax. You are really the problem here Yeah, but no one says that

No, no one does what they say it in their confessional. They'll joke about it in their confessionals But that's what puts it into it like a hard hard place to even talk about it, because it's like, oh, standing up for Danny. It's not standing up for what Danny did. That's crazy. I would never do that. It's just the show makes you so fucking crazy because it lets Jax come in and gaslight everybody and the audience. And then the cast just stands around and says nothing. Nobody says anything except maybe step away, Jax. You know, Kristen steps in and makes him step away at least.

But, jeez. But I also would have liked, honestly, jumping forward to that moment, I would have liked Kristen to have come with come at Jack's the way she came at Janet. I felt like that like she like she was when when Janet was hurling at accusations in Hawaii, Kristen was like fiery. She was like, absolutely not. But when Jack's did it, she was like, okay, step away. She was almost like, consider it. Like you've had too much. You're being too angry right now. And I'm like, Kristen,

you should lay into Jax the same way too. You know, well you treat friends differently than you treat, um, you know, well she shouldn't be friends with you know, people that you hate and that are like trying to like come after you for two years in a row. Yeah. Well, I don't think think I think that speaks to another flaw, which is that like, she should also she should be divorcing Jack the way she divorced Janet too, if you ask me, personally. Yeah. Well, yeah. So anyway, so there are just Luke, Jack's is on this ridiculous terror about about Danny and everything.

And Luke is saying that Danny hasn't had a drink in three weeks and didn't drink at all in Hawaii. And Schwarz is like, well, yeah, cause Jack's like, well, I don't believe that. And Schwarz is like, well, you know what? He's putting in the work, you know? Do you understand that concept? Jack's is like, I don't understand

what that means to put in the work. I only understand symbolic gestures. Yeah. Yeah. And Jack's like, yeah, you believe that? You believe that? And he's like, absolutely. And they're like, why wouldn't you believe it, Jack?

So he's like, I'm allowed to have my opinion. I'm allowed to have my opinion. I'm not allowed to have my opinion. So, you know, we see a flashback to Luke and Danny at lunch because Luke says that, you know, Danny knows that the guys also had some beers in Jax's back or someone's backyard a few days ago and you know, Danny wasn't invited.

And so we see a flashback to Luke talking with Danny and he's like, hey, I noticed you didn't drink in Hawaii. He's like, yeah, I haven't had, I haven't drank in a few weeks. I mean, it's been four weeks under four, four sobriety moments. I haven't really worked that one out yet, but I'm still working on that phrase. It's just a work. I mean, it's just downtime to really come up with a good, good zinger there.

So they're like, why aren't you including him? And he's like, okay, okay, okay. Cause we see another guy's dinner where Danny wasn't included. And they were like, Hey, where's Danny? And Jack's like, ah, probably drinking somewhere. Probably drinking somewhere. And so Jax is like, yeah, you know what? We all fuck up. You know, you gotta take accountability like me. You know?

Like don't preach on to others when you're doing it, okay? Like he's preaching to me, but he's just as bad as me. No, no one, his wife has not shown up anywhere with bruises. Jackson's literally taken no accountability. That's been sincere. He has Jackson's the master of figuring out what is the right thing to say, but we've seen his actions do not take any accountability. The rage texting negates any sort of progress he claims he made. Like that was his, that was his biggest mistake through all this. You know,

he's usually pretty slick about being able to like win people back. But like, Britain, well, Brittany exposed him because she's protected him for a long time. But the fact that he was raised chestnut through all of his quote unquote therapy in this, whatever rehab it was at the Denny's, I'm sorry, like you have not had any healing and everything you've said since then has still been about like, but what about me? Why is, why, why don't, why is it so bad for me? Cause I do think that like,

there's actually a shred of truth to what Jason said, which is that Jax, you know, all his shit gets discussed. Every time he does something wrong and gets discussed and torn apart by everyone, whereas Danny doesn't, but there's a reason for that. And the reason is that like Jax has been doing this for so long. This is basically Danny's first time at the rodeo. Jax has been wronging people for a decade, over a decade on this show alone as opposed to everything that's beyond that.

And Jax, proof that he's not taking accountability is the fact that he can't just sit and allow people to tear apart the shit that he did. He has to then deflect onto someone like Danny instead. So it just shows he has not healed at all. I mean, I don't know why I'm trying to litigate this point when it's like literally the most obvious point in all of the, like all of, all of like humanity right now

is that Jackson's not taking it into accountability. Yeah. So then we go to Jesse's and he's wearing his hat that says Lolly Estates. I love all the hats on this show for businesses that are like soon to be defunct. So Jesse puts his dog Malibu in Isabella's bed and he's like, God, dog might as well sleep

in Isabella's bed since Isabella's never here anymore. Now Jesse, this is only a two year reality star and you gotta hand it to Jesse. He knows how to play this game. I mean, he shows up in the last episode. He's like, you know what? who called their wife a whore? Who told everybody multiple times that his wife was a high-priced hooker?

Not this guy, this guy's crying, guys. This guy's crying. Let's stand by for Jesse Tears. Yeah, I mean, those narcissists, they really know how to do it. I mean, I wish Alexia were here to really say something to him, because it's out of control. No, no, no, no, no, know how to do it. I mean, I wish Alexia were here to really say something to him because it's out of control.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not a narcissist because I'm an empath. So, but. We need to get her self-help expert out there to be like, the number one thing a narcissist does is talk about himself. There'll be $5,000 for that. Oh, not good information. Someone just sent me a clip of this guy, the guy from the narcissist party on real houses in Miami, for those of you who

don't watch this big party for narcissists. And he was like the group leader of this party. And he's like, all right, everybody, let's talk narcissism. So someone sent me a clip of him hiking and he is, look here, everybody, look here what I found. It's a little mail slot with a journal in it. And inside of the journal, you've got many people writing things, so many languages here. You've got English, Spanish, Chinese, Arabic, so many things. Now of course, this shows that we're all from the same place.

The end of the day, we fight about politics, but we're all people who just write in little books that we find while we're all from the same place. At the end of the day, we fight about politics, but we're all people who just write in little books that we find while we're hiking. Now I can't read the Chinese or the Arabic, but I'm guessing it's all very nice things. We're good people at heart. I was like, shut the fuck up, bro. Like, the only reason I'm watching this

is because you don't have your shirt on right now. Please never put your shirt on. And when you've got it off, don't talk. Okay? Speak with your chest. Well, the hilarious part about that guy's Instagram is that it's all just close-up images of his face and then like then like an occasional shirtless photo and some quotes that he came up with himself and he is trying to preach against narcissism when his Instagram is purely for self-promotion and like only showing him and showing you other parts of his life except his face. I'm like, okay, sir, thanks for, uh, thanks.

Thanks for really, uh, like proving your point there. The anti-narcissist who built an Instagram on his chest. I'm like, this, this world I can't. Being an actual Royal is never about finding your happy ending, but the worst part is, if they step out of line or fall in love with the wrong person, it changes the course of history. I'm Arisha Skidmore Williams. And I'm Brooke Zephyrn.

We've been telling the stories of the rich and famous on the hit, wonder-y show, Even the Rich, and talking about the latest celebrity news on Rich in Daily. We're going all over the world on our new show, Even the Royals. We'll be diving head first into the lives of the world's kings, queens, and all the wannabes in their orbit throughout history. Think succession meets the crown meets real life.

We're going to pull back the gilded curtain and show how royal status might be bright and shiny, but it comes at the expense of, well, everything else. Like your freedom, your privacy, and sometimes even your head. Follow Even The Royals on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Even The Royals early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus. So, Jesse's talking about how, you know, there was so much resolution in Hawaii, guys. And, you know, he talked to Michelle and he said, Michelle, look at me. Aaron told me last night that he said he was in love with you and I said, I'm happy for

you. So, I'm a good person now. I'm basically a good person now. Thank you. Thank you, everybody. Yeah.'m a good person now. I'm a basically a good person now. Thank you. Thank you everybody. Yeah. Come on over, Michelle. So Michelle comes over and is like, how are you doing? I am okay. Okay. Well, how did you feel about our trip together? She goes, well, I feel all right. I'm glad that you finally had the conversation with Aaron that you've been stressing about. Yeah. I really wanted to know how he's able

to have that hairstyle without a big dent in the back. And he told me it's a product. I didn't know about this, but you can put stuff in your hair to get rid of dents and little recesses. So it was good to know about it. I feel like my life has changed. Okay, well, now I can see a point one day where we can all hang out together.

Yeah, and he's like, yeah, just jizzle off a little bit of resentment, I'll jizzle off a little bit of irrationality, and then we can build on that foundation. I'm a good person now. Jesse Lolly, good person. Thank you. Well, because he does this whole monologue

where he's like, Michelle, I just want you to know that, uh, my, uh, my bro coach wrote me a little script and here's how it goes. This divorce is not your fault. It's both of our faults and mainly mine. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. Stop doing goodwill hunting to me again. How do you like these apples? Okay, I know what you're getting at here. How do you enjoy them apples, Jazzy?

Geez. It's like we were both trying to one up each other and I think whatever power I have, whatever power I have left, I give it to you. I give you my power to do with whatever you'd like. Say whatever you want, because I'm just so tired of this, Michelle. I'm so tired of this.

Calling you a whore and you getting mad. I don't care who's wrong or right. I don't want to fight no more. It's time for letting go. Okay, stop Tina Turner-ing me. We don't need another hero, Michelle. We don't need to know the way home. All we want is one another.

A thunder dome. Tum tum tum tum tum tum. Okay, you are going backwards, Jazzy. I'm your private dancer, dancer for money. I'll be who you want me to be. Please don't stop doing that. Please, no. In that case, now that you are a good person,

I would like to invite you to my Zen party at Yamajiro Restaurant, the dearest drop of the hills. Yeah. I was like, well, a Zen party, that sounds interesting. Yes, a Zen party. And then interesting. Yes, a Zen party. And then we see, like, kaleidoscoping stuff, which is funny, because that has nothing to do with Zen, I don't think, but whatever.

And she says, I feel... Jesse's reaction is really funny, because he's like, a Zen party? What's that? Weren't you the one who just tried to fix all of your problems by going to an ayahuasca retreat in the desert for three weeks? You should be a little bit more familiar

with these tropes, Jess. We were the one who watched your life coach put his hand on everyone's chest and like, what was that, like release and catch, catch and release, I don't know what that did, like you are new age, okay, don't act. I'm a man. Only people who understand men are man, bro.

Yeah. Part of the Manosphere. OK, Joe Rogan is a king. So Michelle is like, she's just saying that she just wants a zen party, just some zen energy, right? Yeah. It's been a rough year for her. And he's like, well, should I wear my ayahuasca beanie?

And she's like, I threw it away because he lost it at the chateau and it didn't turn up at the lost ground. And that they didn't cut to a picture of Rob Reiner wearing that Ayahuasca beanie. I mean, what a waste. What a waste in the editor's room. The fact that this man wore that beanie to Chateau-Mont and had no shame about it, that was not lost. That was confiscated. I'm going to say that right now. So I wonder if Chateau was like, listen, we host a lot of douchebags at this place, but even this has taken it too far.

Okay. We had Quentin Tarantino sucking on a hostess's toe last week while eating Captain Crunch out of the bag. Okay. But this is too far. Yeah, too far. So we go over to Brittany's house and she's putting out new doors. I got a new door back.

Okay. It says the cart rides. I knew whenever I moved back into this house, I had to take Jackson Bleu out of it and I had to make it my own because this is my house now. So, you know what? He's getting taken off the mortgage. He's getting taken off the deed. He's getting taken off of everything except for, I don't know, I'm going

to keep this photo up and keep this wall up. I'm going to do all this. But whatever. If I want a guy to come over, they don't need to I'm gonna keep this photo up, I'm gonna keep this wall up, I'm gonna do all this, but whatever, if I want a guy to come over, they don't need to see Jack Taylor everywhere in my house. Okay, you know, look, Brittany, it's so hard for me to believe that Brittany's not a moron, but did she just really take over this mortgage that has $1.2 million of Jack's Taylor debt on it?

How stupid are you? Like, what, why would you do that? That sounds idiotic, is there something I'm missing $2 million of Jack's Taylor debt on it. How stupid are you? What, why would you do that? That sounds idiotic. Is there something I'm missing where he paid off like the $1.2 million that added to that house? Because it sounds like she just took on all of his debt. So I'm not sure how judgey I should be over that because I don't know all the facts,

but from where I'm sitting, this isn't the brightest move. Okay, what are you doing? Yeah, I wish I remember when she walked in, she put down that mat and then she walked in and in her foyer, she had some sort of generic wall art up. And I was going to write it down and I forgot. And I wish I had because it was it was so Britney. It said something like foyer. It was like, oh, you're welcome to the foyer where the foyers happen.

I was like, why did you buy this piece of wall art? Why? So Kristen comes and they talk about Kristen going to her appointment about birthing, about having a baby. And basically they took Luke's sperm and Luke, which I feel like it's like this with a lot of normal guys from normal places without crap in their water. I mean, I don't know. But his sperm, he's got like a 97 trillion sperm that are all like, yeah, they've all got little beards.

They're like, yeah, we know how to fix engines. But Kristen, when she got her results back, she just got all these prescriptions for shit. And everything came with fertility warnings like, you know, this doesn't cover infert like you know this doesn't cover infertility your insurance doesn't cover infertility and so she's struggling with seeing the word infertile because she's being technically considered infertile because she hasn't been able to conceive in over a year but she's not they haven't told her she's infertile but she's technically considered that and so she's dealing with the terminology of it and she's worried that she's not gonna have a baby. I'm worried that I'm gonna sneeze on

camera which I just did but hopefully I mean thankfully it worked out better for Kristen than me and it's just sad you know she's freaking out about the baby. Thankfully we know now that she had one so it all worked out but yeah. Which is what actually makes these scenes, which should be kind of actually very sad, are, in fact, they're really like nice scenes because we know that there's a happy ending, but you do feel for her,

and it's a very real journey that she's on. I'm obviously, I'm not saying like, oh, that there's any question that this is fake. I'm just saying that I feel like that's probably very relatable to a lot of people. And I really appreciate her emotional honesty in these scenes, but it all works out, so that's probably very relatable to a lot of people. And I really appreciate her emotional honesty in these scenes, but it all works out, so that's great. So then we go over to a restaurant called Norma,

which is a place where you can go to pretend like you're going to staff yachts, but eat food in the process. And Benji and Zach are on a date, and I'm so mad at this restaurant because they're like, we're gonna see you in the lounge. And they see them like in my nightmare thing, like chairs with like a low, like cat, not even like shin high coffee table.

No one wants to eat their whole meal off the table like that. This place should rotten hell. Rotten hell, Norma. You're not the first person to see that. Um, so, yeah, and Zach's like, oh my God, they gave us menus, even though we already know what we want

because we look online. That's hilarious. That is hilarious. Did you guys get that in? Play that. Don't make me say it again later. You got a clean bank? I love that. I was like, I love that these two like looked at the menu beforehand and already chose their food. They're like, we are not going to be slow on camera.

Okay. It's very rare that I get my own scene. So we're not going to waste it with ordering. Okay. I love their waiter too. He's like, hi, do you guys want to order something? He's like, yeah, we're going to have a porn star that sounds delicious. And then Benji is going to have the dirty dancing. And he's like, oh my gosh, you guys

are meant to be together. Did you guys get that? That on camera? You need another X. It's probably one of their friends, let's be honest. So Zach is like, so now it's been like three weeks since you moved in with me. How are you feeling? And Benji's like, well, aside from the fact that the bottoms of my feet are permanently black because of all the shit you leave on the floor, I'm having a great time. Just don't look at my feet anymore.

Just get used to it. It's just, I guess, part of me living in America. It's so nice to officially be here in your dirty house, missing my husband locally instead of missing him internationally. So that's been really good. Zach's like, well, it's just the beginning. Like we're going to go through next hurdles.

You know, like the thing that happens on my birthday, wedding ring, wedding ring. Oh my God. It's so great. The Canadian court just deleted your divorce. They just deleted it. And he's like, yeah. And she's all bummed. And he's like, oh my God, that's a great birthday present for me. It's happening on my birthday. Your divorce is being deleted on my birthday. It's amazing, we can get married now. Benji's like, yeah. Yeah, I'm really-

This is really sad, Benji says. You know, because with my ex, he was the one who wanted the divorce. I didn't want it. I was really in love with him. Then after a year and a half passed, you were still there. So, I don't know. Here we are. Hornstar martinis, am I right?

Yeah. This is great. Wow. Well, hey. You've been a really great rebound, Zach. Oh, my God. I feel like that was... I think what you meant to say is we're gonna be a forever couple, but, um, sure. Yeah. Out with the old and with the new.

Am I right? So she's like, babe, I have a surprise for you. I got Strotox. It's like, oh, I got for, I got excited for a moment because I thought you said you got Clorox for your floors. You didn't know. Okay. Well, sure.

Okay. Scrotox. Great. No, that's, that's Botox for your floors, but you didn't. No, okay, well, sure, okay. Scrotox, great. No, that's Botox for your scrotum. It's hilarious because it happened like six weeks ago and the audience has already been in love with the storyline. You're just finding out even though you have access to my scrots. It's like, oh, are you serious?

You haven't even said one thing. It really hurt my feelings. Did you notice? No wrinkles down there. Felt like a baby's bottom, but it was my ball. Why would you do that? 11th on my nuts. You didn't even say anything. I'm J I got notification from Canada that they were proud of me before you even noticed. He's like,

aren't you so excited that my ball sack no longer looks like the monster energy drink logo. I wish it looked like my ex's net sack. Damn it! Damn it, Benji! So now they start talking about Janet. And he's like, oh my god, like she walked away after our showdown. I'm surprised she didn't jump off that boat to get away. Because that's like the only way.

And Benji's like, she probably wanted to toss you off the boat. She's probably like, Jason, Jason toss him off. Oh wait, that sounds sexual. Let's toss him off. Would you like to toss me off my scrotox balls? Just wondering. And also it was like the most annoying thing that Brittany can't see what John is doing.

Yeah, she just wants to like brush it off and I'm sick of it. I'm going to stand up to Brittany now now, you know, like Brettany, Janet's treated me bad in the past and escalated things like me and never say like acting like I would say horrible, horrible things. Cut to Zach at the end being like, you dumb bitch. I hope you die in your fire, you stupid horse. What?

Zach is like, basically what he's saying is, I am so mad that Brittany didn't defend me when Kristen was yelling at Janet. It's like, she didn't have to... When Janet was saying those things about Denny, how come Brittany didn't stand up for me? BOTH LAUGH He's decided this is gonna be his big fight in the season finale, and he's gonna shoehorn it in there

no matter what it takes. It's gonna work somehow. I had to sit at a low table and you didn't even defend me for the waiter. Yeah. Terrified. So they decide he's gonna confront her and Zach's like, yeah, you've got some caviar on your lap. Oh, oh, oh, I'm just waiting for you to say

that I'm gallant and amazing. So you can say that now. And he's like, you're amazing. Can I use your phone? I really want to call my ex-husband. And by the way, the caviar is meant to stay on the lips. That way, when I taste your smooth balls, it tastes a little bit better.

So now everyone is doing stuff around town. Everyone's doing things. Michelle is, she's getting really excited for the Zian party. Hey, Aaron, look at my two piece outfit for the Zianne party. And then we go to Jesse's house and he's like laying on the bed, internally crying over Isabella. And getting ready for the last hurrah this summer. And then, but he does have Isabella this time.

And he's like, are you ready, Isabella, are you ready for the last hurrah? She's like, last hurrah. And he's like, are you ready? Isabella, are you ready for the last hirash? She's like, last hirash! And he starts to cry. So we go to Danny and Nia's and she's like, I have to get ready, Daniel. Will you look after the kids while I do it? And he's like, sure, I'll take care of all three of these kids while you get glammed up.

Sure, that's not going to come up again today. 303, 303. So we go over to Brock and Janet. Janet's getting her makeup done with Sheena. And so Brock's like, would you like a drink, Janet? From my cock. We're getting over that cheating storyline, Brock.

Okay, could you please not right now? Oh my God. I just thought I saw a Rubik's Cube. It was a sugar cube. I almost had trauma. And Janet's like, I'm not gonna drink because I can't be wasted around certain people because I will yell at them.

And Brock's like, you're not going to let certain people affect how you operate in law for you. Maybe you should not let certain people at gyms affect how you operate in your life, sir. Keep it in your pants, Keep a piece of shit in your Brock. And I wish that somebody would yell at Brock for cheating, but I guess we don't get that until Sheena's hired full-time. Yeah, no, that's, yeah.

Well, that'll be next season. That was her, I feel like that chapter reveal was kind of her way to say, hey, Bravo, would you like to talk, what would you like me to talk about this on next season of The Valiant? Yeah. So now we go over to Yamashiro.

And what I love about this season finale scene is that everyone has to walk through a sea of tourists to get to their like roped off, like Bravo shooting zone. I don't know if you notice every one of them is like walking through all glamorous in their Zen. And you just see people just in like fanny packs and t-shirts sitting at high tops looking out of. That is Yam Shiro. It's like going to Republic Bar and Grill or whatever club in Charleston. It's like the hottest club in Charleston is Republic. And then you just see people in time in Bahama and flip flops lined up outside. Yeah. And it was weird because Michelle's like, yes, growing up, we always game to Yama Shiro and my mother would take our nice big jerseyer.

I thought that was so cute. It's like, guys, let's go to that horse statue outside of the mall. It's just such a fancy place to take pictures. I mean, Yamajiro is nice. It's like, it's really cute. Well, that's why it's still there because it's so fucking beautiful.

I mean, it's on the top of the hill. You see the whole city. It is a beautiful, stunning location, but it is some shit food and it's really expensive. Yeah, and it's also, by the way, not in the Valley. They're doing their season finale, not in the Valley, which I think is great. Bravo's like, we put our time in,

we're just, please let us have one scene that's on the other side of the hill, please. Well, Jesse and Michelle have always been very consistent with their brand being not in the Valley. They're like, no, we're not Valley people. We will not play this game with you. Okay? I think it should have been in the Valley, because that's thematically appropriate.

And if they can't be in Yamashiro, because they're in the Valley, they could have it at like the... They should have had it at the Benihana, where Tori Spelling fell on the flat top. Be like... That would have made more sense. Do some Encino. If you're going to get fancy, go to the Encino Beniana, where she plays...

Like, add an element of danger. Yeah, add an element of danger that if this scene gets physical, someone could burn their arm, you know? Yeah. So, people start arriving. Brock has bleached hair. It's a big thing. Michelle has a big announcement. She's like, everybody, welcome to Yamajiro,

where I can do Dekababy pictures every year. I love everybody and I also love grizzles. They are very important to me. And Erin's just next to her, like crystal is super important to me too. So, Enzo, I got you all a grizzle and it has very personalized messages. Like, look both ways before you cross the street

britney or don't get babies in blue jeez dressing britney i'm sorry it was one time chicken wing so um uh so then michelle's like okay everyone, if Jesse and I can get along, then I think everyone can get along. Yeah, ha, yeah. Which is funny, because they wind up fighting by the end of the episode. So Jax is like, I don't believe in any of this shit. I don't believe in stars, I don't believe in astrology,

I don't believe in reading palms, I don't believe in any of that shit, it's all garbage. I don't really think anything can heal this group completely, to be honest. I'm like, well, thanks. Yeah, I would maybe be open to it, but yeah, I mean, I don't think any of this stuff can... If none of this stuff has repelled Jax at this point, then maybe he has a point. None of this stuff really does work. It's just so weird to see Jax so angry at a place he's getting free crystal. Hello there. This is a two-part recap, okay? This is the end of part one. So creating Free Crystal. Our way is the Amber way. It's the Foster and the Furious. It's Amanda Foster.

She can run my country. It's Angie McGovern. It's always automatic with Ashley Otto. Put your hands together for Carly Clapp. Get on the right foot with Chrissy Offutt. She's not just a Sheila, she's a Daniela. Etchles! We never miss her call.

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