Watch What Crappens - #2941 The Valley S2E15 Part Two: Mad Jax Fury Toad

Episode Date: July 23, 2025

This is part 2 of 2On the season finale of The Valley, Jax makes a final attempt at making someone look worse than him before he’s sent off into (fingers crossed) obscurity, Janet walks out on another fight, and Zach throws a hissy fit cuz his favorite chicken wing won’t stand up for him enough. You can watch this recap on video, listen to our Love Island bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcha Crappin's ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Travis fell in love with the perfect woman. Beautiful, understanding, available 24-7. There was just one catch. She wasn't human. Binge all episodes of Flesh and Code early and ad free right now on Wondry Plus. Hi everyone, welcome back! This is part two of a two-part recap.

If you're wondering where part one was, well go check in the feed and be sure to subscribe so that way you always get your episodes. But enough of that, let's get right back into the episode. So everybody's opening their gifts and they read their notes and they're all, um, extreme. They're all like from people, they're all fortune cookies. It's like this person doesn't even know you because Jackson says, dear Jacks, you speak the courage are truly inspiring. Nobody who's ever even been in a room with Jacks would say that literally like he has no strength. He has no courage.

He's not inspiring. He just has sweat. He has fluids. Dear Jax, you have fluids. Yeah. Jasmine's is, I hope you find deep peace and joy. Brittany's is, I hope you start your new beginning and find a true new love one day. I did! With the new doormat! I did with the new doormat. I'll see you later. Jason says, may these crystals inspire confidence and attract success in every step you take.

Bring Janice's, may they bring you love, calm, and a touch of magic as you embrace this beautiful new chapter with your baby. It was just called a whore and threatened to be murdered. So I'd just like to add that in there. It's not part of this, but it should have been part of this card. It would have been nice if you had wished me

better aim on skeeball at Dave Mustard. It's kind of my thing. Kind of my thing, guys. Skeeball. Mia's is, take a moment to recharge. You deserve it. Thank you. And I would like to say, protect your peace, everybody. Protect your peace.

Manche, I hope these crystals empower and remind you of your incredible inner strength. Danny, are you groping my crystal? Hey. Hey, this is Mission Akama, daddy. Hey, I just got kicked out of my crystal party. Kristen is like, Settie, you're strength and hope on your Fraternity Journal. Seriously? Seriously? Hey, I just got kicked out of my crystal party. Kristen is like,

said, here's trying to open your fertility journal. Seriously? Seriously? Like, Oh my God, I just said that the word fertility made me triggered. Why would you write this on my crystal? And Zach's like, Oh my God, the answers I seek are within me and all around me.

Love your new balls. Thank you, crystal. Thank you, crystal. Benji could learn something from this crystal. Thank you, Crystal. Thank you, Crystal. Benji could learn something from this crystal. Thank you for giving me this extra smooth crystal. Jesse's is. Did this crystal get Christox? It got Christox.

Oh my God, Benji, look. It's not impressed with that either. Wow. I miss my ex-boyfriend's crystal. Jesse's is. May these crystals bring you serenity and ease your worries. Affirmation with every breath I release the anxiety within and become more and more calm about his.

She grew him a really long run and, um, Brock's is like, Oh, thanks, hon. That's the shit. That's it. That's it. Mine says, sorry about your Rubik's cube. There you go. What a giver. The giver. Oh, it's just about to discover it. I had one more corner to 10.

So now it's the party. Fun times party. Luke asks if Jax can do a shot because, you know, because Jax doing shots and whatever. And then Jen, Jason, he hasn't done a shot for an hour guys. So Jax is really meeting it out, really metering those drinks out. The restraint he shows, he is an American hero. I'll just say you're literally timing your drinks. You're in trouble.

And also, so Jax pulls Jax pulls Brittany for a chat. He's like, it's not about it's not about drama. It's not gonna be drama. Don't worry. It's not a bad job. I'm like, it will be. But sure. So he's like, so I had the guys over at the house and I wanted Luke and Jason to see the place and just see all the outlets I had that, you know, Cruz could stick his finger into. I think that's fun for a kid, right? Or stairs to fall down sharp edges, knives.

I think the whole bunch of knives on the floor. I thought it'd be a fun place for him, you know? And they said, yeah, this would be great. And they said, why don't we get a universal camera so you can see Cruz, you know, a little bit. And she's like, well, well, that'll be, when we get to that point, that's a great idea, but we're not there yet.

I just, I don't want like the other cameras though, and like the other things, you know what I'm talking about. And he's like, because she's saying like, I don't want you breaking into my cameras again. And he's like, no, no, I don't care what you do. I don't care what you do. And she goes, oh, really? You don't care what I do?

Really? And then we see a scene of her like, I'm covering these cameras up because I'm standing up to Jax. He got Britney. I got blocked. He got blocked by Britney. All right, all right, all right.

And so he's like, yeah, you know, like it just hurt. Cause like, you know, you did this divorce thing while I was in rehab, you know, like you never even gave me a shot. Your shot was done. Your shot was so done that you threw a table and bruised her and punched holes on the wall with your child there to the point where you were about

to lose your job unless you went to fucking rehab, allegedly. So it was already done, sir. You know what's worse than doing the divorce thing while you're in rehab is you doing the cheating thing while you're in a marriage. How about that? So, but the domestic piece of course is worse.

Brittany is like, well, I went in to interview with a divorce lawyer and think about my options. And she basically is like, I was looking at it and she's like, I had to do it now because if I don't do it now, I'm not gonna be able to do it. And he doesn't deserve like to have a second chance. The rehab is for him. He doesn't mean that he like, it's,

it's not like some tool to be like, and now you get me back. It's like, she said, go to rehab and work on yourself. And you rage texted the entire time, which meant that you were not working on yourself. You broke the deal. She would have waited for you. She would, if you had shown genuine improvement, she probably would have stuck it out and taken you back, but you didn't and you messed it up. And then he tries to be like, no, I only raged. He's like, I only texted.

I only did it for like two weeks. She's like, because I blocked you for the third week. This guy, crazy. He's so crazy. He's so hard to watch. And he's just teetering on the edge. He's just sitting there, clearly fucked up, sweating, you know, drinking. He's got like a full drink after he just took a shot,

after, you know, spending the rest of the episode attacking someone for being a drug addict or whatever he's gonna do. It's just, you know, he's the worst. And so she's like, well, and he's like, well, then, like, if you want to divorce me, then why are you sending me, like, pictures of the flowers and what you're doing in the backyard? And she's like, I'm doing that because if you want to divorce me, then why are you sending me like pictures of the flowers and what you're doing in the backyard?

And she said, I'm doing that because you said I couldn't take care of the house and I'm showing you that I can. Okay, stop. Just stop. Don't do that. You don't have to prove it. Stop looking for validation

from some fucking loser man, Brittany. My God. You don't have to prove anything to him. He's like, well, it's not about the house. And by the way, the finances. So now Real Jax comes out. He tried to do like the, like, I'm wounded. I tried to make myself better. Why don't you take me back? And now Real Jax comes out where he's like, well, it's not about the house and by the finances. So now real Jacks comes out. He tried to do like the, like, I'm wounded. I tried to make myself better. Why don't you take me back?

And now real Jacks comes out where he's like, and the finances, which by the way, you're going to see over time, it's going to be real heavy. And you're going to pay your taxes for years. You didn't pay your mortgage. Who are you lecturing about fucking finances? And she's like, yeah, but guess what? You are the reason why I became so expansive. And then she reminds us that he didn't pay for the mortgage. They incurred all these penalties. And then on top of that, there was his tax debt for everything.

And he's like, you need to realize what I have done. You know? And he's like, you know what? Everyone makes mistakes. Which, if you're going to do the everyone makes mistakes thing, then why are you being so harsh on Danny? Right? He's like, honestly, I thought I was literally

doing the right thing by, by going into therapy and like by getting my own place and giving you guys a house. She's like, no, that was the dumbest thing you could have done. See, that's the other thing. He's like, why didn't you wait till after I was out of rehab to divorce me? But meanwhile, he was in rehab and he arranged a whole new house and did all this other stuff. So he's fine with doing things while he's in rehab. She's just the only one who's not allowed to. Yeah. And he's saying, oh, I got my own place. I gave you guys the house. You saddled her with your debt. You piece of shit.

And so she's like, no, that was the dumbest thing you ever did. So they fight about that. And she's like, you put us you put me and your son in a really bad position. He's like, oh, you live in mansions. You live in mansions. We're talking about. And she's like, well, you know, mansions. You live in mansions. What are you talking about? And she's like, well, you know, I had to pay for all that stuff. Like we're already in debt

and I had to pay for all that stuff. And you could have waited until I was ready, you know, cause basically, if I remember correctly, she got the Airbnb, right? Because Jax didn't come back into the house. Jax wanted to keep the house. But then he chose not to. He kicked his son and his wife out of the house.

So. And then he chose not even to go back into the house. And then he stayed there and didn't pay the mortgage. So she's been paying the mortgage on that place and this other place. Well, I guess he ended up paying the mortgage, but well, no, because she said that she settled with all that debt too.

So I'm not really sure what he's paid, because he's claiming that he's caught up and he paid everything, but it doesn't sound like it. So he tries to pull this card again. He's like, I mean, I'm not fully over all this. Like, this is a decade in my life. I thought you were the girl I was gonna spend the rest of my life with, you know?

It's like, well, and whose fault is it that it didn't work out? Don't make it seem like it was her fault for doing something to protect herself. Yeah, and he's like, I went to the facility and I thought, like, maybe she wants to see, you know, like, where I'm at when I get out. She goes, yeah, but by the entire time and you were, like where I'm at when I get out. She goes, yeah,

but by the entire time and you were in rehab. And this is when there's the two weeks like you, you rage texting me. And he's like, that was just for two weeks. She goes, yeah, cause I blocked you on the third, you idiot. I didn't see my son. I didn't see my son. You kept my son from me. Why does, why does he think saying, but I only rage texted you for two weeks. Why is that like somehow a okay thing? Like it was only two weeks that I raged.

Like what one rage texts is bad enough, especially when you're rehab. It was like constant for two weeks. It's like, Hey, it was only, I only, only for half the time that I harass you and belittle you. Yeah, I just, I'm so fucking sick of this. It's just like watching a psychotic abuser over and over again, and it's just too much. I can't take it. So basically the gist of the conversation

is she sticks up for herself. He keeps trying to change, move the goalpost and change everything to blame her, and she's not having it. And so finally he's like, fine, do what you get, then we're divorced then, fine, do what you gotta do. Go, go, I don't even care. And she's like, so are you gonna sign the papers? And he's like, I'm do what you can, then we're divorced then, fine, do what you gotta do. Go, go, I don't even care. And she's like, so are you gonna sign the papers?

And he's like, I'm gonna have a lawyer, look at it. She goes, you still haven't had a lawyer? And he goes, no. And she goes, why are you gonna, he says, no, I'm gonna wait up till the last day. She goes, why? And he's like, because I can't, why not? Why not?

Yeah, what a dick. So that's, you know, that's who you're really dealing with there. Exactly, he really shows himself and and I love These takeaway I like I like her epiphany that she had she goes You know Jackson went from being my very best friend to this person that I loathe I mean like he makes me so angry I mean his pores are greasy his cheeks are greasy his foreheads greasy his veins popping out of his head

And I just noticed everything he's just greasy Just whenever I was I was madly in love with this man. I have my blinders on now. I just see him like a greasy man. I love she just sees him as grease because that's what we all see. We just see this shiny person. And I just love that now she just she sees the grease. Like that's just such a poetic, wonderful epiphany to have. The first greasy thing I don't like.

I was like, for a while I was eating chicken fajita, now I just eat calories. I mean, I used to be madly in love with him. I had my blinders on. They were my blinders. But now it's just a greasy main child. So now Zach's like, oh my God, you guys, I just peed next to Aaron and I think we're brothers. So Janet, Nia's at the bar and she's ordering urgent Moscow mule. And Janet is like, how are you? She's like, good. You look

beautiful. Thanks. So do you, which is of course, girl code for I fucking hate your guts. You too, bitch. Get out of my fucking face. You cut fitness. But it's said in their language, which is like, you look like Princess Jasmine today. You're really pretty. That's such a mom who hasn't left the house in a long time. The first thing I thought was that you look like Princess Jasmine. You're talking to the whitest person on the planet.

What the fuck are you talking about? Why are you talking about? Why are you bringing up the princess from Aladdin? You're talking to the widest lady on earth wearing like a Marshall's, you know, rayon flower dress. What are you talking about? You need to get some more references. She literally, Janet is like a Labooboo out of costume.

Janet looks like a slice of monster cheese. Okay. She's not looking like Princess Jasmine. Like literally all that. Janet has like a ponytail. And she's like, you look like Princess Jasmine. So Janet's like, I want to be Zen at this party. And I feel like I owed Nia some sort of conversation or apology because I know I've caused her

some real pain and like she doesn't deserve the pain that has come with this whole situation of, you know, Daniel causing sexual assaults. So then, uh, and then it's like, well, there's been a lot of her and I'm still hurting and I do think it's like more of a space and kind of a breather kind of thing, you know? And he is like, yeah, I just, it's not, I don't need space. I just don't want to talk to her. I'm over it. I'm done. And James's like, well, I'm sorry you're hurting. And again, I just want to apologize that the words I used on the boat were true and harsh. Okay, really sorry about that.

I'm sorry that my words were harsh, just like Daniel's sexual assault. Okay, well you really need to stop saying that. Next time I'll go with serial rape and hopefully that's a little bit better for you. And she's like, no, no, no. It's just a tentacle term, just a tentacle term. Sorry, I'm technical.

I saw a judge you do recently, so I now have a, I now am a lawyer. Yeah, so. I truly feel like her actions are unforgivable. She's like, but you know what, time heals all. So if space is what you think we need, just know that there's always a bowl full of mediocre casserole for you.

Okay? Somewhere in a tiny place with a low hood. Okay? Can't say I didn't try, America. Can't say I didn't try. I did my best. So the party continues. Jesse and asked Kristen to sage sage the demons out of him.

And it's all fun. And my favorite thing was Zach like everyone. I just want to say watch out. I've already put my my suit into like two tunas and we see we see a flashback from like five minutes earlier where he's justiculating so while he like brings his hand down and he literally puts his arm across two separate tuna tartar canapes. He's like, Oh my God, I have been assaulted by canapes.

I'm furious right in front of Benji. Benji is like, wow, what a shock. You're dirty. So then Luke checks in with Jesse, and Jesse's still doing his, yeah, you know, man, I have my moments. I'm just so triggered. I'm triggered, guys. Like, I've had, I'm trying to have growth. And I'm trying to be growth, not show growth.

You know what I mean? Yeah, Roganfan92 taught me that. And you know, it's going to Hawaii with my wife, my, her boyfriend, the financial shit I'm going through, like, what am I supposed to do now I'm single? What am I losing all? What am I losing all? What if I lose lallyestates.com?

I mean, that would just be terrible for all of the people in the Los Angeles area not to have a certified and reliable realtor to help them with all their housing needs. So Jesse, just for people who are really falling for this bullshit, Jesse decided just not to work for a year. So he went through like a million and a half of their dollars, according to Michelle on the after show,

million, over a million dollars, just spent it, shopping, going on trips and shit like that, just because he didn't want to work. And then Michelle left. And so now he's left with no money because he's not doing anything. Then he tried to take out a loan that she would be of like $300,000

that she would be liable for. Then she put a stop to that. And now he's crying, like he can't understand where his life went wrong. It went wrong when you stopped fucking working and spent over a million dollars, you dumb ass. What do you? Go to work, get a job.

Vicky Gunvalson, some advice for you. Get a job. Sell a house, okay? He's like, I mean, I'm just like so tired. And the last thing I wanna do is come here and like go to a Zen party. Like I'm not Zen, look at me. I am not fucking Zen.

It's like, okay. He's like, what if I lose the house? What if I lose custody? I lose my friends and I'm isolated. Look, that's a shitty, okay, enough, sir. Just, you know, relax. We all know this is fake. Bravo for your beautiful performance of a man who has a heart, but we all know you're a psychopath.

We're very familiar with the season finale gloss over by now. All of you, this whole cast actually, especially the men, because it's, well, the men and Janet are really laying it on hard this episode. So Luke is like, OK, well, bring Malibu and Isabella over to our house, you know? That's what everybody who's down and out really needs. Come to a little house, smells like dog.

It's covered in a tino vest. With two begging dogs. So you know that house has like Taco Bell wrappers all over the floor at all times. So yeah, come on over. You know, we got Jill who's learned how to beg thanks to Kristen's dog. Thanks a lot, honey. I mean, you know, whatever. And Jesse's like, I appreciate that.

But like, I don't usually drive to the valley. So for all of Jesse's tears, whatever, like, what about Isabella? And someone's like, oh, come on over. Well, let me help us. We'll help you out. Well, like, we'll do something that might make Isabella happier. He's like, no, I'm not going to do that because I don't want to drive to the valley. Just as a show. I mean, I joke about that. Like, oh, my God, going to the valley.

But I think for your kid, you would do it. Right. But I know he's being kind of cheeky. But at the same time, he's also being real. Not really. He's just being like, oh my God, guys, what if I'm poor? They're like, come to the Valley. Not that poor. Not that poor.

He's like, no. He's like, I already finished my What Was Me monologue. I don't actually have to act on it. Thank you very much. Yeah, so he's like, you guys can come to my house, okay? You know, because I'm like, of all the people I think who I want to watch Isabella for an hour. It's you guys. Right? Wow, what a difference a year makes.

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More party stuff is happening, and Danny is having his seventh water with lemon. And so Jax is like, Oh God, look at Danny. Is he drinking? I'm tired of this bullshit games. He's playing around here like, oh, I'm not drinking. I'm not drinking bullshit.

Own your shit. Like Jax, not the one to prosecute this right now. And Aaron's like, what? Danny? Well, also you can't even do that. And you actually had to go to rehab after an abusive episode. Danny is at least like trying to make the effort

to look like he's not drinking. What are you doing? You can't even show up after rehab and not have a drink. I mean, for Christ's sake, you had one Coke Zero this whole season. You've got a full drink in your hand right now, you fucking coke head. What are you talking about?

And also like, after you've just come out of rehab, don't you have any sort of like perspective? Like if you truly believe that Danny has a problem and has a sneaking drinks in tonight, don't you feel like after being in rehab, you would approach it with more grace and sympathy and empathy? Like, hey, you know, if something's going on, you can always, you can always talk to me about it, not like you're fucking drunk. This is someone who took zero net, not only zero lessons,

negative 50 lessons from whatever rehab he was in, which was a fake one. Yeah. So he's spinning out and he's like, that's this fucking guy, this fucking guy. I mean, look at, look at, look at that guy. I fucking probably drunk over there. And Aaron's like, Oh, I mean, he's the sweetest guy in the world when he's sober. And he's like, yeah, yeah. Well, guess what? So was Jeffrey Dahmer. Okay. And they're like, Hmm, no, uh, I mean, he's the sweetest guy in the world when he's sober. And he's like, yeah, yeah. Well, guess what? So was Jeffrey Dahmer. Okay. And they're like, no, no, no, no. He's like, okay, okay. Who's the other one? Who's the other one? Who's the other guy? Who's the other guy? Uh,

Jeffrey Dahmer or Ted Bundy, Ted Bundy. It was, it was Ted Bundy. And they're like, no, no. Brittany's like, Oh my God, is he comparing himself to Jeffrey Dahmer? Oh, Brittany's like, Oh my God, is he comparing himself to Jeffrey Dahmer? Yeah, I don't. This is just classic Jack's that whenever he loses something with this case, an argument against Brittany and he's angry, he has to destroy someone else. And which is like, it's so, it's so bad. It's like, it's so,

it's just shows what a shitty person he is that he's got to ruin someone else so he's just worked himself up into a tizzy and So then we go over to Jesse talking it also shows how much of the other how much that the other cast was carrying His storyline the whole season if you think about it because he's been absent this whole season So he hasn't been there to like say say my bar, Danny was kicked out of my bar, which he's wanted to do all season, and he had Janet and Jason there to hold his water the entire time. Yeah, so now he's talking to Jess and he's like, yeah, you know what, I should probably go over

and talk to Danny. I don't see a drink in his hand. Guy's playing it real cool with no drinks in his hand, trying to pretend like he's not drinking by not holding drinks and not drinking all night. Oh, so just because you're drinking water, not drinking alcohol, we're supposed to believe you're not. You're only drinking water and no alcohol tonight. Real smooth.

I'm like, he's literally not drinking tonight. What are you what are you trying to like concoct here? And he's allowed to drink because he's not an alcoholic. Even if he is an alcohol, he hasn't gotten to that point where he's been like, I'm an alcoholic, I have trouble. It's not like he's falling off some wagon. He's not drinking because he can't have a fucking drink around you people without you going crazy

every single episode. Yeah. And Jack's, I mean, this is so, it's also, it's such sad deflection. Like, it's so sad because it's so obvious. Like, be more artful in your deflection. Be more artful in, deflection. Be more artful in like your very basic psychological motives to be like, oh, I see in Danny what I see in myself and I'm angry at myself. So I'm going to take it out on Danny. Right. So he's like, Oh man, he's so worried about

his look next week. Guaranteed he'll be fucked up again. So he's like, this is all a game for him. It's all a show. Since when is Jax high and mighty about how anyone else drinks in this group? Yeah, so Jesse is like, yeah, I don't know if Jax is really concerned with Danny's drinking or he wants himself to look better. Basically, he's like, he has a chip on his shoulder and nobody knows about Dark Side Danny, but I don't get it.

You know, he's a crab in a bucket. He's a crab with crabs. He's a crabby crab. So, Jax goes up to Danny and he's like, Hey, what's up fellas? What's going on? Because Brock is there and Brock's like, Oh, I'm just chatting. But I'm sensing that I'm not going to get a Rubik's key thrown at me right now. So I'm just going to excuse myself real quickly. He Brock knows exactly what's coming. He skedaddles right away. So Jax is like, oh, whoa, whoa, hey, Danny, Danny, hey. So look at you, Danny, Danny, what's going on, Danny? He's like, I'm doing all right, brother. Been a crazy summer, shippin' off some water over here. Now you got a couple of get togethers without me,

that's okay, because I've got three under three at home. I can spend some time with, love to see old dad over there. That's fun, but I guess you did it obviously to get at me. So, what's that about? What's that about? Yeah, why'd you do that? He's like, listen, I'm not saying that you're not a good father.

I'm like, that wasn't even on the table. Jack just starts off with that. like, that wasn't even on the table. Jack just starts off with that. Like, it wasn't even discussed. His parenting skills were not even in conversation here. He's like, you're a great father, but you know, you are a terrible drunk. And Danny's like, what? Here, you don't even have a leg to stand on.

He's like, what do you mean I don't have legs? I've got two legs right here. Now you're gonna say I don't have two legs? Wow, you must really be wasted. He literally doesn't know what he means. He's like, what do you, what do you, what's that? What's that? Two legs. He's like, yeah, you don't have a leg to stand on. And he goes, I've never, I've done, well, whatever that means, I'm not a terrible drunk. Okay. Like, cause I, I have an anger issue, which leads me to drinking. So that's different.

So, okay, well then you're, you're imbibing your anger right now, sir. Like your anger is on, you're attacking somebody in public angrily. So either way. I'm not a terrible drunk. I just get very drunk because I'm angry all the time and therefore I'm an angry drunk. Like that's a terrible drunk.

I'm gonna tell you that right now. Yeah, and he's like, you're a terrible drunk. What are you talking about? He goes, you've been kicked out. And he's like, will you go on rages? He goes, yeah, well, you've been kicked out of my bar for touching girls inappropriately twice, twice, twice, twice.

And he starts doing this like repeating twice for some reason, which isn't true. It was once. And so now he's gonna say twice because he thinks he's bringing something new to the table by saying twice. And Danny's like, no, that was once and I dealt with that. And I dealt with it immediately. And that was a year ago. And he's like, can I talk? Because Jacks, he's going twice, twice, twice. He's like, okay, so I can't talk now. And he goes, you can talk, but I'm still talking. So I'm glad I'm opinion. Let him opinion.

But I'm still talking, so I'm glad I'm opinion, glad I'm opinion. So. Meanwhile, Jax, who's been drinking tonight, Danny, who is sober, and Jax, who is drinking, and being a terrible drunk, is now accusing Danny of being a terrible drunk. Literally swinging a drink around in his hand at the moment. Like we see his bowl of vodka soda in his hand at the moment.

He's like, you walk around, you live in this fairytale world where you think, whoa, I gotta make sure everybody thinks that we're perfect. We're protected. We somehow have two legs while everyone else has one leg. Well, we walk around, oh, I'm not drunk. Oh, wow, you're protected. And Danny's like, we're protected. It's like, yeah, like we have to make sure

we look perfect in front of everybody because we're so scared that like what people are gonna find, it's okay. Hey, Danny, it's okay to not be okay. And Danny's like, bro, like I say that all the time, it's okay to not be okay. Like, you think I don't know that? I've got it on my fridge.

So Nia's now standing at a table right by there listening to this whole thing. And so he starts aiming at Nia because he's not getting the reaction from Danny that he wants. He wanted a big fight for Danny to make an idiot out of himself. And Danny's just staying calm like, you're the fucking idiot here.

So Jax is like, oh, Nia, Nia. So first of all, I mean, I've called you multiple times to come pick him up at a bar multiple times, multiple times, multiple times. Did you hear me? No. Multiple times. Consider multiple a leg and times is two. Multiple times.

Got two legs. I'm saying he got two legs and will not stand for this gaslighting. And he was like, um, but I almost hit you with a car when you were stumbling in the middle of the street. No, I wasn't stumbling, I was angry, and the anger caused me to stumble because you have one leg. What?

No, I was stumbling because I've got two legs. Why don't people understand? He's like, why are you making stuff up? Like, wait, you just think you're living in some fairy tale world where you're like, she's like, well, Princess Jasmine's over there, but you know, otherwise. To be fair, yes, I do kind of think that,

but that's okay. And he's like, what is this? What is this, Miss fucking America? What are you going to do, throw a table at her, Jax? Are you going to really start a fucking public fight with a woman now? He's like coming at her like he's going to go at her physically.

So Kristen comes over and gets in between them and she's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm going with a woman now. He's like coming at her like he's gonna go at her physically. So Kristen comes over and gets in between them and she's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm gonna jump in now. And he's like, yeah, yeah, what are you in a perfect world, Miss Ten Langs? How's it feel? How's it feel? How's it feel, Miss Ten Lang lady?

And Jack's like, oh, Jack's like, oh, Miss America. Whoa, Miss, and she goes, wrong pageant. Okay, all right, all right, Jacks.. OK, all right. All right, Jacks. Let's all right. Let's break it up. Break it up. Break it up. Break it up. Break it up. OK. OK. And Jacks is like, oh, well, let's make that up. Let's be. Oh, we never said that. I mean, let's make this very clear.

You're not fucking projected by anybody. Oh, they know we're projected. They know he's walking away from the season as a sexual assault or alcoholic. I mean, I think he knows at this point, nobody on this cast is about to protect them. So Danny's like, whenever she we were protected and Chris is like, look at me, Jack. Jack, look at me. Look at me, Jack. And he's like, you're like, yes, what? Yeah, we're perfect. And guess what, everybody, we're going to try and be perfect because we're, you know,

well, we're not better than anybody else. Like, I literally called you to pick up your husband multiple times. No little times. No little All right. You know what? He has a mirror in front of his face. He's talking about himself mirror mirror on the wall What is this another fairy tale? I can't deal with this. I've got two legs and we're not in a fairy tale What don't people understand? Dude, you're a psychotic man. You're a very shy car, like man, it's like psychotic. Oh, yeah. We're the psychotic man of two legs

and have anger issues that turn into drinking issues. I don't think so. So gross. So they walk him out. He's disgusting. And I love that this was Jackson's last scene on the valley.

Bye, you fuck. Goodbye. I love that your last scene on the valley, you were greasy, drunk, disgusting, holding a drink in your hand and being a psychopath. Right. Like three episodes after you claimed it was your show. Just like the last time you got fired.

Bye, loser. Have fun in obscurity. Have fun in whatever bowling alley you end up fucking working at. OK. And I say that as a fan of club alleys. Goodbye. Club club. It's going to work her club club. So Danny, he thinks like, well, I guess now it's time for me to get a little messy. Cause guess what? Everyone he sleeps with his staff and he's like, I've heard from numerous sources that Jackson slept with some of his staff

allegedly. And Brittany even knows about it. Wow. I will put the, I love this because you know that this is fucking true. So good for him. And we're good for him. But also like, him, but also like- I hope they come out. Yeah, but also, like, is anyone surprised? Let's be honest. So Brock is, Brock's talking to Brittany. He's like, well, how long did it go on for? How did you do it for so long, Brittany?

And she's like, I don't know, it's just who he is. So Danny says that, like, I don't think anybody that owns a base should be shooed. My problem with Brittany is Brittany was always fine with this behavior with Jax when it was aimed at everybody else. And that's kind of my issue with Brittany long term is this was always fine by Brittany. She was always making excuses for fucking Jax. And it's my same problem with Janet and Jason, you know, it's like, I'm never going to take

anybody I'm never going to truly take anybody serious that has supported this in any way. Yeah. So, Nia and Danny are talking and Nia's like, Daniel, that was on camera. He's like, what? It's right behind you, there's a camera. He's like, yeah, I'm over on camera right now.

There's one there, there's one there, there's one there. She's like, I know. It's like, there's a camera everywhere. What are you trying to say? What are's one there. She's like, I know. It's like, there's a camera everywhere. What are you trying to say? What are you talking about? She's like, nevermind. Yeah, you know, like what they say about her, like always trying to protect them

and not look like idiots on camera is true, you know? But at some point it's like, I'm gonna stand up for myself, like, sorry. Like, how long do I have to sit here and just get kicked? Sorry, but at some point, someone's gonna have to say something, you know? So Kristen goes to Jax and basically gets him out of here, gets him out of there.

And then Jasmine just keeps having little lines because she, like Jasmine, let's face it, does nothing. She does nothing on this show. It's probably time for her to go. And Jasmine just, they keep cutting to Jasmine during this episode and she just says things like, wow, there's just not enough crystals in the world to get this group through stuff Glad Jasmine's here

Glad they did a check for this one So they start showing split screens of the Zen flowing out of this part like flowing out meaning like disappearing at this party So when she's like, there's not enough crystals to heal this group right now. So we see Danny and the bickering because he's like, I had to, I had to baby shit those kids for half an hour to the hour street kids had to pay attention to you. That was hard. And then, then we see Michelle and Jesse. Now they're fighting out of nowhere.

I would have liked it if we had some context for this. Cause she's like, to this day, you've never asked me about my mother. It's like, cause it's not my place to ask. It is your place because you have a daughter and your grandmother is dying. And then we see Sheena being like, I'm just like confused because like now I'm hearing that

like you and Chris and I like saying that I brought Jenna around to her Michelle's act. Like, why would you say that about me? This is, and then we go, now everybody's talking and all the split screens at one time fighting with each other. And then we go to Sheena and Zach again. And Sheena's like, I'm not here to defend myself.

And now you're throwing my name in the mud. And I don't really appreciate throwing my name in the mud. Eddie Ciprian, heard of him? Have you ever heard of a guy from Desperate Housewives? I totally dated him. Read my book. Is that now proxited on me? Spoiler alert.

Can we just clear up one thing? My book is now available for download anywhere. Anywhere you get books or nerves candy. So Kristen's like, yes, what do you want to say? She not? Do you think that, are you saying that I brought Jenna around to hurt Michelle? No. Okay. Well, you're supposed to say yes. And I was going to respond to that, but you said no. So I don't really know where to go from here. You and Janet said it El Coyote that I was the one doing that. And that's the problem. And Zach's like, um, Jonah is not the problem here.

Okay. Not at all, not at all. Michelle, do you want to get in here? Who do you think is the problem? It's, it's Jonnet. Jonnet is the problem. It's Jonnet all along. Jonnet's like, oh, okay.

Whatever, I'm gonna grab my glass and I'm gonna drink out of it to show that I'm not the problem. So then Kristen's like, okay, he just took her wine. Shannon just walks away. So I think Janet, I think Janet is saying, okay, and Zach is like, oh yeah, I'm really mad. And he picks up a glass of wine and starts chugging

and they're like, oh, that was Janet's glass. That was the wrong one. Yeah. Whoops. Yeah, Janet didn't drink, it was Zach. My mind just took it to a Janet place. Janet's trying to leave, but Zack has got, he's done that thing where he's got himself

so worked up to fight that he's ready to scream and yell, but now there's no one to scream and yell at, so he just keeps doing it anyway. And he's like, Janet, one second, Janet, Janet! And they're trying to get her back over, but he won't, so he's just losing his fucking mind. Yeah, so he's like, Kristen is not bringing Janet around to do anything.

It is Janet trying to actually propel this narrative and she's destroying people's lives. She tried to destroy me and my reputation. And then we see a flashback to Janet saying that Zack had demonic behavior at the beginning of the season and she's trying to destroy Dunny and his reputation. And we see the sexual assault thing and she's trying to destroy Rubny and his reputation. And we see the sexual assault thing. And he's trying, she's trying to destroy Rubik's cubes

and their reputation. You see like a flashback, an animation of Sheena throwing a Rubik's cube at Brock. Somehow she was involved with that. I don't know how, but I just know she was. The point is, Janet is evil. Yeah, so Janet's telling Jason, like, I'm not doing this. Like everybody's coming for me and I'm not doing it.

So then Kristen kicks Zach out because he's having a meltdown and she's like, this isn't even your fight. This is a Jenna fight, so go away. So Jenna's like, oh my God, how is everybody blaming me? I'm like the coolest person here, casseroles, okay? Kristen invited Jenna to her house warming party. Zach invited Jenna to Benji's party.

Okay, well then maybe let's not fuck people that Jenna has fucked on TV. Like maybe you all need to start dating outside of this thirsty group where every time you go somewhere, there's someone else you fucked, okay? You guys can't get mad when you're dating somebody that already fucked somebody when you weren't involved.

It's not like you cheated. Jenna's allowed to fuck people. Yeah, so Zach is like, Brittany, like what the fuck? If you literally ever have Jenna's back again fuck people. Yeah. So Zach is like, Brittany, like, what the fuck? If you literally ever have Jenna's back again, I am literally over this. Janet. Janet. Janet. Janet. Janet. I'm literally over here trying to have a serious conversation with her and she fucking runs away. Okay.

Like she doesn't want to actually hear what she's actually doing. She doesn't even want to hear about my scrotox. Okay, she's so like jocks. It's crazy. Are you under the same spell that you're under with jocks because they're the same person, Brittany? Zach is just misfiring all over the place. And it's hilarious. He's just floundering because he has no one to fight with. So he's just going to fight anyway. Because Brittany didn't even stick up for Janet. So he's just yelling at Brittany for no reason. She's like, what? Chicken wing, sushi bridge, chicken fajitas. And he's like, no, she's going to rip off your skin and wear it.

She's like, come on, well, that would be actually kind of flattering. Oh, I know, I know. Do you know, do you know, she literally put two catapes of tuna tartar under my arms so I would stick them in it. That was her Janet-a-dot. She's like, oh, Jack, you stop, Zack, you really gotta calm down. So meanwhile, Michelle is saying,

why don't you just start apologizing Grisden to Janet for calling her a whore and that you wanna do beat her up. And then you can dog, because that is not nice. And she's, oh, is that all I said? Well, I could have said a lot more than that. That was pretty nice. Because okay, then we are not going forward then. And so Janet is now like, oh, really?

And she said, if threatening to beat me up and calling me a whore, she said that was that was really nice of her. Really, really? Why don't you just pull my child up by the head right now and slit his throat? You just murdered my baby. And she is like Janet Janet calm down. You know what she not I've had enough. Oh by the way can I can I just get like one more autograph.

I just really trying to complete my wall. Okay sure. Kristen's like okay okay listen I'm sorry we used to be literal best friends and I say things okay because you know me I say colorful shitty fucking things when I'm mad. I'm just like, nah, excuse. I mean, if you took that seriously, by any means, you know it's not true.

You're obviously not a whore. You're just a slut. And so Kristen's like, and Janet goes, oh, well Jax goes, and she goes, don't compare me to Jax. Don't compare me to Jax. I mean, well, just say sorry if you're actually, she goes, okay, you're not a whore.

She goes, okay, so do you feel bad for calling me a whore or saying you're gonna beat my ass and calling me a fan? And she goes, if it upsets you, yes. And Michelle's like, no, if it upset her, yes, it upset her. And Janice like, of course it upset me. Do you wanna be called a whore and say that someone's gonna beat your ass?

Do you want that? Oh, for Christ's sake. Do you wanna be told that you, like, you said that Danny is sexually assaulted. I mean, whatever. So Kristen's like, I said, but we're different. It doesn't bother me.

I don't mind being called a whore and saying that someone wants to beat my ass. I think it's kind of funny. Jason's like, well, Kristen, it would bother you. Don't even say it would bother you. He's like, no, I didn't. You forget I was made up on rules. I've dealt with a lot worse than this.

So we all know that if there's someone on this cast that Jason will stick up to, it's a woman or a gay man. So Jason steps up with his chest out and he's like, oh yeah, well, if I called you a whore and said I was gonna beat your ass, that would be a whole thing. That's insane. And Kristen's like, okay, well, what you did last summer

fucked me, Janet, and that's why I told you. And Janet's like, he took my words and you twisted them, which is like, okay, well, what you did last summer fucked me, Janet, and that's why I told you. And Janet's like, he took my words and you twisted them, which is hilarious, because that's all Janet does on this show. And so we see the whole flashback of how this all started, which was Janet at that table saying, oh, Kristen told Michelle that I said Michelle was racist. Well, you did tell everybody that Michelle was a Republican, so they should be wary of her, Janet.

That's how this all fucking started. And then you started twisting words around to make everybody else look bad, so you would not fight with Michelle. That's... I'm so glad they showed that. And it was really Brittany who really started it, because Brittany is the one who gossiped about it, that got this whole ball rolling in the first place. Yeah, and we still haven't confronted Michelle

about any of that original stuff that was said. She's never had to answer for any of that stuff. that got this whole ball rolling in the first place. Yeah, and we still haven't confronted Michelle about any of that original stuff that was said. She's never had to answer for any of that stuff. So then Kristen's like, well then why were you licking my ass? Also I'm trying to be my friend. She goes, licking your ass? And now she says I'm a whore who licks ass.

She just murdered my baby with a licked ass. You asked me all summer, you said I wanna make up, I wanna be friends. This is how you feel though? Seriously, seriously? She's like, because I want the peace with you. You know, I want to make up. I want to be friends. This is how you feel though. Seriously, seriously. She's like, because I want to peace with you. You know, I thought Chris and I were friends and I thought she cared about my well-being, my low hanging hood, my ball pit that I always have in the living room. And I learned very quickly two summers ago, she absolutely does not.

So then Jason's like, well, you can't weaponize her trying to make things good with you, Kristen. And Kristen just smiles. And Jasmine has decided to try and jump in at the last minute. So she's like, uh, uh, Jason, Jason, come over here, Jason. And he's like, you just relax, Jasmine. And she's, uh, Jason's like, don't weaponize stuff, Kristen. And Jasmine was like, Jason, let the girls talk. Just let the girls talk. Jason's like, come on, come on. And, uh, cause Jason's like all puffed up, like coming after Kristen, which I find amusing,

because he's probably going to go call Jax right away, make sure that he's OK. Right, 100% he will. So Janet's like, part of me wants to say I really regret giving her any effort. And then the other half of me is like really happy I did, because now I can walk away. And I feel like I gave it my all.

So Jason's like, all right, all right, let's go. OK, whatever. Let's just stop. Just stop, Janet. And Janet's like, stop it, stop it. And because Jason's like, all right, all right, let's go. Okay, whatever, let's just stop. Just stop, Janet. And Janet's like, stop it, stop it. And, cause Jason's now saying, well, I guess guys can have common sense, whatever. This is ridiculous.

And Janet's like, it's not worth it, Jason. Let's go, let's go. So- Meanwhile, she is over there still trying to have a conversation. She's trying to make a storyline for herself. She's like, but I just want to clear up Hawaii. So then now we're over to Zach and now he's crying.

It's still trying to make this fight with Britney happen. He's like, stop letting her win. She's like, I don't even know what happened. Have I told you about my new doormat? It's like, bye bye, Janet. You're leaving. Bye bye. You know, you know, I still fuck like I'm still like, fuck you. Like, fuck you, whore. Fuck you. I'm still like, fuck you. Like, fuck you. Or fuck you.

I'm so fucking done with them. I'm done. Okay. It's a chance. Like, oh, oh, bye. Did you say bye? I missed it. Did you say bye? Like, um, yeah, well, I didn't, I didn't say hi actually. Well, actually I'm sorry. Jason's like, oh, oh, by the way, Zach, I didn't say hi actually. So here comes Jason. Now this one he's really puffed up because now he's like, oh, it's my annual, like, didn't, didn't, my annual puffed my chest up against the gay. So he comes over.

Well, Zach did just call his wife a whore too. I mean, that's the thing with Zach. It's like, Zach, we're rooting for you over here. Could you not call the women a whore? Like, what the fuck? Calm down, Cokie. Yeah, but I still think that, yes, Zack did do that, but Jason really does. The only one he truly, truly goes after on the show

where he gets like that evil smile, that evil look on his face is Zack. He really does this. This is the second year in a row he did it. Yeah, but don't call my wife over, too. Like, what the fuck? Stupid Zack. Zack, don't do that. So Jason comes over, puffed up, and he's like, oh the fuck? Stupid Zach. Zach, don't do that. So Jason comes over puffed up and he's like, oh really? Oh really?

You know, uh, your eyes are going this way in that way, Zach. They're going this way and they're going that way. Drunky, drunky. And Benji, you're a nice guy, but your boyfriend's eyes are going this way in that way. Good one, Jason. This is why Jason needs to, he needs this is why he needs to puff up his chest on more people, because he really needs to work on his disses. It's so bad.

He's just so, he's so dockers. Like he's so dockers even down to the, he's a dockers disser. Like it's so embarrassing. And I just love that Janet and Jason come on this show and all they do is walk around judging people for how much they're drinking. You're on a Vanderpump rules spinoff.

And by the way, your wife just got into a fight two weeks ago at a fucking Mexican restaurant in early evening, because she was too fucking wasted. So, back it up, dockers. So they leave and Zach is like crying and Brittany's like, what is like that? Why are you doing that?

Just chill. He's like, sometimes I need support too. She's like, of course. Like, no, you don't understand. Like sometimes Brittany, I need your help. I got my sleeve. Like, no, you don't understand. Like sometimes, Brittany, I need your help. I got my sleeve in tuna tartar. You don't understand. I spent my two months rent on this suit

just to ruin it right away. She's like, well, I understand. We can take it to dry cleaning. She's like, that's all I want. All I want is support. So then they're like, calm down, Zach. He's like, bitch, I will hit you. Zach, not helping Zach. So then Jasmine's like, calm down Zach. He's like, bitch, I will hit you. Zach, not helping Zach.

So then Jasmine's like, yeah, I mean, okay, Brittany. Well, here's the thing. He just wants to support that you think that Janet, like you support him and not him. Like you support her and you don't support him. And that's what he's saying. She's like, I support all you, I support all y'all, I support everybody, I support everybody,

I support everybody. But he's upset, he's upset. That's what it is. And Zach says, you don't care. You don't care what that bitch has done. You don't care. Yeah. So Zach is just like, I mean, he has ways to do. He's just like sobbing and he's like, this summer has been hard because I also feel like I'm in the middle of whatever I don't need to be. I mean, I've said this a million times. Janet has been a good friend to me

and until she's not a good friend to me, I'm not gonna act like she's a bad friend to me. So Zach is like, nobody understands my feelings. Like I'm not even best, like not even my best friends. Like I literally have nobody who cares. I got Scrotox. And Benji's like, Zach, I'm here. And they hug.

That's really sweet. He gives good advice. Call him right now. That's really sweet. He gives good advice. Call him right now. Let's call him. He has a wrinkly ball sack, which I really like. He'll survive. That's just the way I'm surviving here. Unnaturally smooth balls.

So now people are still fighting, but then fireworks start. And Aaron's like, it's all about the journey. Cool. So then, um... They're also acting like the fireworks are for them. And the fireworks are just from the Hollywood Bowl over the hill. They're like, oh my God, what a special night.

They set up the fireworks for us. It's like, no, those aren't for you. But it's so this show to be like riding the coattails and something else. That is one good thing about living in the Valley, you can always walk out in the evening and just pretend that there's fireworks for you because they're every fucking night.

You know, it's like, wow, this is for me. Yeah. So I think we get the universal ones. Does universal have them? I hear them every night. You know, it's like, wow, this is for me. Yeah. So I think we get the universal ones. Does universal have them? I hear them every night. They do a show. They do like a few like, yeah, they do something like that.

Yeah. So it's kind of winding down now. And we find out that Jasmine is planning a trip to propose to her girlfriend. And Jax is telling Jesse that he just wants Brittany to grow and be happy, but he's just not there. Just take Jax off my TV.

I'm not gonna, I don't wanna watch him. He's like, I don't see myself falling in love ever again. Yeah, and then- Were you ever in love? There are some truths. So Kristen is talking to Luke and she's like, where's the napkin? And it just sounds like Jasmine going, here, just use my shirt. And that's like the end of the episode. My god. Which is basically, that is the metaphor of this show,

which is it's messy and they're just gonna use whatever they can to kind of clean it up the best they can, but it'll never be truly clean. Yeah, well, ain't that humanity. All right, well, we have the next three weeks of reunion festivals on the Val. Yeah. Thanks for being here everyone and we'll catch you on the next episode.

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