Watch What Crappens - #2943 RHOM S7E7 Part 1: It’s My Party, and I’ll Shame if I Want To

Episode Date: July 24, 2025

This is part one of a two-part recap  This week on The Real Housewives of Miami Guerdy retaliates against Julia by publicly shaming her at — where else — a cancer party. Plus, the debut of Carmen Carrera. You can watch this recap on video, listen to our Love Island bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcha Crappin's ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Travis fell in love with the perfect woman. Beautiful, understanding, available 24-7. There was just one catch. She wasn't human. Binge all episodes of Flesh and Code early and ad free right now on Wondry+. Hello and welcome to Watch Where Crap In. It's a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about.

I'm Ben Mandelker and joining me today is Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi Ronnie, how are you? What a special time in life. Ronnie, I hope you're enjoying this episode because in a little bit later, I'm going to put all of our text messages on screens behind me and you will be humiliated. So just brace yourself. I triple dare your ass to do it as well.

Yeah. No one is safe in our texts. No one is safe. We are talking about Real Housewives of Miami today. And before we get into that, first of all, thanks to everyone who came over and watched us on Amazon Live. We're doing it again this Monday. We're actually doing double duty. There'll be an Amazon Live and there'll be a crappy hour.

So lots of live time with Ben and Ronnie. I can't wait for that. It's going to be so much. We had so much like we literally had so much fun hawking sheet pans and and regular pans and other things, coffee items that like it was a blast. Come join us for the next one. Also, patreon.com slash watch your crap. It is where you can watch us, not just listen with crap is on demand. We also do bonus episodes. We'll have a bony up next week. Ryan and I are going on a little little baby trip this weekend

and maybe we'll have some reports from there. You never know. And I think that's basically all the good stuff. Yeah, we're going on a little Vegas vacay. We're gonna have some fun. We'll try and record while we're there for our next bonus episode. We love a little out of town bonus.

Yeah, going back to Vegas. Well, vege, we were making it vege. Vege. Yeah, I'm super excited for that. And also the Amazon Live is gonna be at 4 p.m. Pacific time. Okay, so it's gonna be this Monday and the following Monday. So join us for that. Also, what was I gonna say?

Also, I'm still wearing my douche bag glasses because I did get my eyes done and I'm still punched in the face. I don't know how long these bruises are gonna take to go away, but I'm sick of walking around like this. It's very exciting. Well, you're mainly healed. I don't know, I think you're being

your own worst critic right now. It's bruised, I'll tell you, I just don't wanna do it for the whole time. See, I'm still bruised. And also I have bruises under here where I didn't get any eye work, which I don't really understand, like down here. But, you know, happy with the results.

Hello, look at these gorgeous peepers, ooh. So anyway, I'm just hiding the bruises for a little bit. Okay, well, okay. But you just have to tell people, because then if you don't, they only watch this, not the other ones are gonna be like, what the, is this douche bag? Or just regular flavor douche bag.

I'm not usually glasses plus my regular douchebag personality. Okay. Well, today we are talking Miami, as I mentioned. This is episode, season seven, episode seven. It's called Textual Tension and a real good humdinger for Miami episode. This season is so good. This cast is so good.

I was cringing so hard during this. People are mad on the internet, which is always fun. Always good when a show can get people on Twitter angry. Everyone's really angry at Julia. Well, actually they're angry at the cast. Julia? What are they mad at Julia for? I thought they were mad at Gertie. No, people are mad at the cast because it's like, Julia threw a whole ass glass of water on Gerty and the cast just stood there. But then when Gerty does her thing, the cast walks out. Oh yeah, like morally, especially Marcel, like really?

Of all people, Marcel's like, I'm leaving, I'm morally opposed to this. Oh really? Aren't you the lady who has people followed by private eyes and et cetera, et cetera. I mean, I don't have time to like even list all of Mary Soul's crimes on this show over the years. I think that what we are learning

or what we probably have already learned is that when it comes to things like throwing glasses, flipping tables, things like that, physical elements, people are pretty, I'm gonna say they're chill, but they're used to it. They just sort of sit there and they react or whatever, but they don't really, it doesn't really make them wanna leave.

They're just like, oh, okay, well, we're gonna be in the trailer. But when it comes to like infractions of private off-screen stuff, that's when they really get themselves all in a tizzy. I mean, just look at last week's episode about Katie and the recording of Shannon Madore without her, you know, didn't know the recording was even happening. I mean, like, they are, they lose their minds because so much I think of being a celebrity is like, you know, I

am coming here and I'm presenting a version of myself and what I choose not to put on camera is like sacrosanct to me. Sacrosanct. It's but like, and so like when someone violates that, that's like, like, you can pour all the drinks on me you want. But like the moment that you show people that I sent like a smile emoji in a private text message is like privacy is like the is the final frontier of decency when it comes to like a real housewife, it turns out. I mean, I guess, but they share their texts all the time. They literally, we've seen so many episodes where people,

I mean- With consent. Lisa Vanderpump showing up with poster boards or whatever, when she had Ken print out in like very large, remember? She had Ken print out in very large things, the text that she had shared with Lisa Rinna or whoever it was about all the Lucy, Lucy, Apple, Juicy. Oh no, it was, was it the, who were those texts from?

Don't you remember that? That was very funny. It was about Teddy. You picked out the texts. We've seen fights over texts and printed texts and what people are saying in texts forever. I don't understand how everybody's making this a huge thing now. Give me a break.

Now, I don't think it really helped Gertie's case because the text proved nothing, but whatever. I mean, I was sad to see. It was hilarious to watch, but I'm like, I didn't like Gertie seeding the high ground. But that being said, wow, it was hilarious. There's no high ground. This is Real Housewives of Miami. There's like literally no high ground.

And there was nothing in those texts that was like, oh, I'm cheating on my wife. There was nothing like that. It was like, she says she begged me to come to a thing and she didn't beg me, that's what I proved. And I mean, she never really said that you begged her to go anyway. Yeah. But the whole thing was just so silly. I loved it.

Gertie also showed Kenya Moore how to do a proper public stunt, which is, you know, you gather your friends for what's supposed to be an uplifting event, and then you actually air stuff out, but you don't get yourself fired in the process, and you don't cross any true moral lines. Like this is what this is what Kenya should have done. Something like this.

Gertie did a thing where you appalled your cast, but you still have your job afterwards. Well, yeah, she did it right. I mean, listen, I loved it. I thought it was great. So let's start. We'll do like Miami does. Two hours ago before Ben and Ronnie ended this recap. Here we go. Textual tension. Julian Martina arriving at their foam. And they've brought home their little boys, their new little adopted boys,

which I guess are not adopted yet. I think to this day, they're still not adopted. I don't know what's going on over there. Don't know, don't care. Just know that they have some children living in their house with them. And that's all that I, the technicalities are not something I am gonna personally look up because I don't care about the,

I'm not saying you can't care, I'm just saying I don't, you know, I'm like whatever. About the adoption status. I mean, I care because are you allowed to just bring children on that you're not adopted yet? Just kidnapped kids. Do they get paid?

Do they sign waivers? Like, how does that work? I don't know you're allowed to just shoot random children. I mean, shit. Well, maybe I'll have a show where I'm a parent and just get some kids off the street and be like, hey, you want to be on TV today? You're playing my kids. I just like that. Like originally, like three episodes ago,

it's like we are keeping them off camera because it is secret. Then last episode, it's, well, we are having, no one can come over because they see strangers and they are traumatized and they don't want to move or talk or anything like that. They're like, we want to protect the children because when they see strangers, it's triggering to them.

And then this episode, they're like, okay, we'll show the kids and we're gonna show them the craziest face ladies that no one will ever see. Do you wanna see some real life Dr. Seuss renderings? Here we go. If there was any trauma in these kids' lives previously, before they found these parents, it is about to be completely erased in their minds

by the new trauma they're about to face with these faces. The Lenny Hoxdeen effect. And fighting. Because you know, those, these ladies are, these are the Miami ladies. They will start fights with these children. They'll be like, what did you say to me? What did you say?

Did you hear what he said to me in front of Frankie? Did you hear what he said to me in front of Frankie? Did you? So we meet Luca and Jackson. So cute. Why would you bring a baby onto Bravo and name it Jax? Are you fucking kidding me? Do you guys have the channel that you're on? Like, do you subscribe to this channel? What terrible juju for a child. Yeah, that's, that's bad. So Julia's sort of showing them off. And then they're like walking around this farm and Martina is holding the kids. And it's all very cute.

The kids are getting a nice farm life. And then Julia's like, how do we smile? Mama has big smile. Can we do smile? Or leave a smile? And then the kids smile. Or at least one of them smiles. And he was really cute.

One of them smiles and the other sticks his tongue out at the camera. That's probably the Jax. He's like, no, I want a smile. He'll be a little butt head. Ah. They're so cute, by the way, these kids. They're adorable little kids.

And who else is cute, Ben? Who didn't get any credit in this episode? The cow. There was like a little cow and it came running up. It was so cute. I want a cow. The cow is great. I a little cow and it came running up. It was so cute. I want a cow. I want a cow with children. The cow is great.

Is it too late? The goat on the leash. The goat on the leash was adorable. Martina and Julia are, they seem like they're actually very lovely parents. They're being very warm. And even Martina, you know, it's funny because it seemed like Martina had no interest in children.

She loves like a sleek, modern home that does not seem kid-friendly at all, but she seems actually quite, quite warm with the kids. And Julia's like, Oh, Martina's acting 20 years younger and she has so much energy. Look at, she's jumping around. She's tweeting even more about surrogates being terrible. I mean, God, she has so much love to give. Yeah. And Martina is like, Oh, this is a chicken coop. Look, this is where eggs come from. This is where eggs come from. And she's like, yes, this is where eggs come from.

Not supermarkets. Do not break egg. Whatever you do, do not break egg. We will kill you if you break egg. He's like, boom. You broke egg. Yeah. Oh, well, we let dog eat egg. We let do not break egg. We will kill you if you break egg. He's like, boom. You broke egg. Oh well, we let dog eat egg. We let the goat eat egg. Let me tell you something, Julia Martina, just gonna put this out here,

don't give your toddler an egg. It's just not, it's not gonna last. Like that's just, it's too soon. Too soon. Give them something soft and plushy. They need some time. Yeah, speaking of soft and plushy, here comes Adriana. She's like, hello.

I dressed like school kid crayon so they would like me. OK? Am I OK to get close to them? Is it OK if I get close to them? I have French cowboy in the car. Do they want to meet? Do they want to meet him? Want to meet?

Want to meet? Want to meet him. We have sex for seven times. So Martina, they're like, oh, this is Adriana. And so one of the kids is there. And then she's like, where's the other one? Julia goes, he is walking goat on leash. And then we see this kid is walking a goat on a leash.

And he's, I think it's the younger one too. It's like the one-year-old is walking a goat on a leash. And it was actually so cute. I was like, wow, I am impressed. I feel like a one-year-old walking a goat. That's a tall, I feel like at that point, the goat's walking the one-year-old, but whatever, the two of them together,

I was like, okay, my heart is melting a little bit. Well, I was impressed with the goat because goats will not be leashed, okay? Goats are those animals, fafo. That's what I will say about goats, fafo, okay, you know about my aunt's goat, Habibi, who charges me every time it sees me. And any version of Habibi, there's been many versions over the years,

and whenever she gets a new damn goat, she names it Habibi, and every time my cousins push me into his little pen, and he charges me every time, and comes at me with those satanic little eyes. So I was really impressed to see a non-habibi goat. I'm wondering if it's my aunt who makes her goat so evil. I just always figured it was in their nature. But maybe she pranked them.

Well, goats aren't goats, like don't they represent the devil? Yeah, but you know, so does my aunt sometimes. Like she's scary. She ran the bowling alley. She was like the property manager and she wore like polyester suits and had like a big crazy Afro glasses like mine. Maybe that's why I like these glasses.

And she would walk around with like the big chain of keys on her key ring and she was the Habibi owner. And I'm wondering if she ever just trained Habibi to come for people. Maybe. Are goats a lesbian thing by the way? Because Josie is a lesbian and these ladies are lesbians and they all have goats. Well there was a season of the Amazing Race where two gay guys won and they had a goat

farm. So maybe it's just an LGBTQIA plus thing. Maybe it is. Maybe I should get a goat. Maybe I should get over my trauma by getting a goat that doesn't charge me. Maybe all this time the reason why goats are associated with the devil is because it was homophobes who pushed that narrative when actually goats are really just a gay thing. Maybe.

Gays love goats. Gays love goats. You heard it here first, everybody. Well, actually, no, you shouldn't say that because I remember growing up really religious and I remember someone in the church saying, well, if you allow gays to be with each other, then who's to stop a man from marrying a goat? That was always the thing. And maybe don't say gays love goats because they'll take that.

Like, see, I told you, you now wants to marry a girl. Yeah. And they did do goat yoga on that first episode of King's court. So it was like, as gay in it minus the wine. Well, the wise just in a different place. That's true. If you, if yoga, If you scramble yoga, yoga changes to a gay.

A gay. Look, it's a gay. Just move the Y to the back. So now Alexia comes and Julia is like, oh, look at this boy, so strong, caring egg. He, we're going to make omelet with egg. And he drops the egg. And so they let Lulu eat the egg.

I don't know who Lulu is. I'm assuming it's the dog. I hope it's not a child they've got hanging around. It's like the child that no one likes. Like Lulu eat egg, stupid child. No, Jack's not you. We love you. Lulu is the one we don't like.

Lulu is the Christie of this. What's the tennis player's name that Martina hates. Steffi Graf or, uh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's gonna say I'm gonna step in left of of goats. So that means so they're cool about the egg being dropped, which is nice. And then that's one point that wouldn't happen in my house. I want to talk about this egg. We've been talking about this egg for 15 minutes. I just want to point that out. It's an important scene. It's an important scene.

It's like a new gay family. We have to judge every moment that passes. So the kid gets some apple juice, which I don't know if you should like reward your child for dropping an egg, right? I think you should say, it's okay, we won't beat you for dropping egg, but no apple juice for a week.

Yeah, I mean, you never know. This may be where the youth of America has gone wrong, is that they're spoiled too much. And the chief spoiler is Alexia, who enters with gifts. She has like, donuts and stuff. And so Adriana immediately is feeling insecure because Adriana came with nothing. And she's just like, she's like, well, you know, she's like, I don't come bearing gifts.

My present is a heart full of love and to be here for them anytime they need me And she's just like, she's like, well, I, you know, she's like, I don't, you know, I don't come bearing gifts. My present is a heart full of love and to be here for them anytime they need me. And I don't need to bribe them. My intentions are pure. It's like, no, you forgot. You forgot to go to CVS beforehand. Yeah, also Adriana is not as rich as everybody else.

She's like, I'm not paying for shit for these kids. She's like, your mother is mean to me. Your mother is not a good friend to me. So don't ever beat me to a text. There, there's some advice from your auntie, okay? There's some Tia advice for you. But they're both wearing. I did love the way that Adriana and Alexia

really just like souped up these kids. It was like a big mommy moment. Like it's kind of like one of those moments where it feels like it is the village and everyone swoops in and hugs them. Like there's something like, as much as I like, I'm always being like, oh my God, that's so mommy. That's so mommy. But I'm like, there is actually something

really incredibly lovely about like when moms come together and support each other, women supporting women, okay? But just like that maternal love that just started to flow through the scene was really very warm to me. You're touched. I was touched. They was touched. I dropped all my eggs. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a Crappin's commercial.

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or wherever you get your podcast. Want to watch episodes early and ad-free? Join Wondery Plus right now. I was very touched by the donuts. I was like, that is a good amp right there. Don't bring me some goddamn toy. Bring me some carbs. Carbs dripping in the sugar.

So Adriana and Alexia are both wearing really bright things to impress the kids and they're wearing neons. And Adriana's like, oh wow, there's like a neon off. Like, oh my God. So then Alexia's like, oh my God, they already found out I'm the cool Tia. I'm the cool Tia. I'm the cool one.

And then we get a call from Karamo from Queer Eye. Yes, Karamo, America's favorite. And she goes, oh, hi, my friend. This is Jackson and this is Luca. And Jackson, Luca, this is Karamo who will be harvesting your cells for his face very soon. And Karamo's like, hey, if you ever need me to babysit, you need me to take them out.

I can do that, I'm Karamo. Like, oh yes. I may not be coming back to Queer Eye, but I am coming back with my new show, Queer Eye for the Possibly Straight Babies, okay? Change your shirt. Balenciaga already, everyone knows you didn't earn it, okay? Back to the drawing boards. He's like, oh, I have to say, this is you didn't earn it. Okay, back to the drawing boards.

He's like, oh, I have to say, this is so much better than shooting with Mary from selling Sunset. So Julia's like, Karamo? Yeah, Karamo's thirsty. He'll shoot on any of these shows. Karamo just shows up anywhere. He does, he really does.

He does that big fake laugh. And so Julia's like, Karamo is friend and I met Karamo at some event for goat and we hit it off. Well, we hit an orange juice off the goat's back and his energy, he is so warm and he's such an activist and great man and put smile on my face.

So he's like, listen, I just wanna give you a call because I'm coming to Miami, you know, the National LGBTQ Task force, I'm getting honored. And I just had to invite you and your cameras. Isn't the task force like an army thing? I don't really know what a task force is. Who's to kill up that phrase? I always hear them like military shows, you know, and they're

called the task force. And then the task force. It's an armed force organization for a special operation So yeah, you heard it here forced first Karamo has started up as private army Forget it. It's gay goats The unit specially organized for a task Who you know there was some some honestly look look some small dick person came up with the term Task force because someone was like, I need you to get some people to do this task for me.

Like, okay, everyone, we need to do a task. We will be the task force. Like who's going to? Could you just bring me a water? It's like some busboy somewhere. It's like, I'm sorry, but I'm in a task force now. You'll have to talk to my union leader. Who thought about pairing the term force with task?

Task isn't even as, like, maybe if it was called like a chore force, maybe, an errand force. A task is like the smallest thing, right? It's like all I've got is task. A life-planing duties force. Let's look. Someone really had to elevate their stature. They're like, because they're only getting assigned tasks instead of chores or obligations or duties.

They just had tasks. So I know when they get there, they're like, you know what? I'm really good at picking up dry cleaning for people. I'm joining the task force. And then they get there and they're handed a gun. They're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, fuck around on the task force. What's the task force, bro? What do you think you are going to be doing? It's on the task force. What's the task force, bro? What did you think you were going to be doing?

It's called the task force. I thought I'd be watering your plants while you were at it down. No, that's a chore. This is the task force. For the task force, you know what you're going to do? You're going to get me a sweet and low from the cupboard. Refill my bread or I'll shoot you. The task force never forgets. So Martina is playing hide and seek with Luca.

And he's like, I found Ellen DeGeneres. So then Martina's, I found Ellen DeGeneres' haircut. Martina's like, hey, wait a minute. What's so long and hard about this haircut? Luca's like, oh my God, it's Tom Petty. So Julia's like, the my God, it's Tom Petty. So Julia's like, God, the national LGBTQ task force is all about fighting for freedom and justice and getting splendor for LGBTQ people. Every event in Miami is a party, but this one is a special party because it's all about

my people and all about my community. No surrogates allowed. Okay, Martina, I'm going gonna need you to be quiet about that. So wait, what do you, this is the second time you've mentioned it. What is Martina's surrogacy thing? Oh, this is another thing. I thought you knew about this.

This is the, maybe you missed this on your recovery week. Martina tweeted out, and she tweeted out and said, surrogacy is just wrong. Sorry, sometimes you can't have it all. And everyone got mad at her. So then she had to erase it. But it was kind of like, what the fuck? We're sitting here watching your adoption storyline,

like all, your storyline for two years, well, not for two years, but there's been a big through line about starting a family and like what we can do to start a family and how family is so important. And you're gonna be all of a sudden shitting on surrogacy like when that's really the only option for some people ever some people that's also like a viable way to gain income. It was just so it was it just was so obnoxious. So yeah, everyone's been rat Raz and Martina about it, including me. Yeah, everyone's been razzin' Martina about it, including me. Oh, this fuckin' lady.

My God, her tweets. I read one last week and I was just like, you know what I need to stop doing is reading Martina tweets. And it's not like I follow her or anything. They just keep showing, because she's always pissing people off, so they keep showing up in whatever I'm reading,

whatever social media thing I'm reading, and I just need to stay away from her because she infuriates me. And then I watch this show, I'm never infuriated by her on this show, but oh my God, I just need to not ever read another tweet. She had some guns and black people tweet last week that I can't seem to find now. Did she?

Oh God. Martina, I tried. I tried to like it. Yeah, it's too, I don't even know what it is. I tried to find it to read it, but I guess the point is stay away from Martina tweets. If you're me. I don't even know what it is. I'm not even, I tried to find it to read it, but I just, I guess the point is stay away from Martina tweets. If you're me. I know I used to love her. I always loved her. Like it's like, Oh my God,

Martina, no, no, no, no. And then she was on the show and I'm like, Oh my God, Martina, no, no, no, no, no. But you know, social media is a bitch. And like really also you're going to do these terrible tweets while your wife is having a villain edit this season. Like with well, at least, way to go. And also, Andy Cohen had a surrogate. So, like, think about your boss for a moment. But whatever. So, okay.

So, anyway, they're talking about this Karamo thing and the task force. And Julia is very proud to serve her community because they get her dry cleaning. So, we go to Oliver Brazilian Furniture, where Larsa is meeting Karen, the most exciting, the most excited furniture store worker I've ever seen on one of these shows.

She's like, oh my God, I'm just so happy to design your dream closet. I'm Karen. Karen from Oliver. I was like, can Karen? Karen from Oliver. Can someone get Karen a Benzo? She's about to fucking explode all over the screen.

She's been trapped in this closet showroom for, you know, who knows how many years before someone finally walked in. So she's like, I'm so happy to design your dream closet. I'm busy. They say I'm the Karamo of closets. So Lars is like, Oh my God. I'm the non LGBTQ plus, um, task force leader. Okay. There was nothing taskier at the designing a closet.

I've been put on the national closet task force and it's our mission to make sure everyone has a closet so that way gays like Karamo can come out of them. Lars is like, Oh my God, like, like I really love like the closet task force. Cause like they like, they're like part of my community. Like, yeah, I want a closet, like where I can see them and get to like everything that's important to me. Cause like, I love this color and I can put my gun in the closet. And then Karen's like, huh?

Lars is like, I don't really have a gun, LOL, LOL. I'm like, you have a gun. And you totally have. You just said that on TV. Yeah. Yeah. Larsa's having an interesting. Larsa, it's okay.

To say that you don't have a gun in Florida, I think would be the more remarkable thing. Larsa's having an interesting trajectory this season. Last week, she was watching Trump in the restaurant. And this week, she's talking about her guns. Like, what the hell? I also like Larza's closet design aesthetic. She's like, you know what?

Like, here's like what I want, like in a closet. Like, I want to be able to like find things in it. Who goes in there and is like, you know what? I want the most confusing fucking closet. I don't want to know where anything is. Yeah. Make my closet look like MC Usher. Larson would never say that.

She would not. She would know who that is. Look, please, who's AMC Usher? Like, do they still have that? That's crazy. Do they have ushers at AMC? That's cool. Like, um, yeah, so I want like a gun in my closet.

Mala, make America Larsa again. So Karen's like, okay. She's like, I love my penthouse. I love it, it's easy. And it's literally a mansion in the sky, except it's not a mansion, it's a penthouse. But I just feel like the condo is like, it's just like not a family place for us.

So I purchased a nice house and it's not moving ready, but now I have a house for when my kids never visit me. I'm like, when does, like, when does Glarsa have her kids around? They're up. First of all, they're all like grown up and they're all like in LA, aren't they? And she and Larsa buying houses. This is like, this is, this is a storyline that's been plaguing America for a few years now. Cause we even had to watch Larsa on selling sunset, look at houses to buy. It's never ending with her. She's just always buying houses and she never settles on one.

Yeah, and didn't she already say the line, yeah, but like this house, like this is like my first, like first house like that I've like ever owned like on myself. Like I think we've already heard her say that. Why does she keep saying that all the time? You already owned a house that was already yours. Or is she saying that about the penthouse? Like finally it's like my own penthouse.

Like, like, finally, she literally says it about everything. She's like, finally, this is like my first Starbucks that I've ordered by myself. Like, it's like you cannot keep milking this divorce for some sort of independent storyline. Yeah, the kids all moved away because they're sick of Larsa trying to date their friends. So Larsa's like, yeah, like my friend, like Stephanie, like, it's not like, I've so like coming, like, like she's going to like redo her home too. Like, so like, I feel like, like I wanted to like feel like, come like to get ideas.

Like, yeah, this is the first host. Yeah. I'm really excited for Stephanie to come. So, um, then, uh, so we're looking at like digital renderings of the closet and the designer's like, this is your closet. Hold on one second. I don't know how Karama wound up in my rendering, but there he is. He's really prevalent with all gay things.

Even just the mention of a closet, he just shows up. Wow. Karama was like, as the head of the LGBTQ plus task force, I would like to have a parlay with the head of the non LGBTQ plus task force, I would like to have a parlay with the head of the non LGBTQ plus closet force. Do you feel like my closet is big enough? She's like, well, it's not small. I mean, it's good, it's good.

It's definitely not small. It's just, I just want to maximize every corner of that closet. I felt bad that Larsa has shot a whole closet scene and they cut it and just use it in a flashback. Cause that's like Larsa's storyline this year. You know, she needs this closet storyline and they just relegated it to a flashback. Yeah, that's true. I didn't even realize I'd gone into a flashback. I thought they were just still sitting there talking about the closet,

but little did I realize they were actually walking into her closet. I thought they were looking at a talking about the closet, but little did I realize, they were actually walking into her closet. I thought they were looking at a rendering. I'm so confused. You didn't notice because at the bottom, they put a little chiron that said, we are sparing you from an actual Larissa scene this season. You're welcome. HEATHER LAUGHS So, Larissa says, this is a new chapter for me. And I think it's like more my style and more my vibe.

Larissa, you have so many chapters without actually having an interesting book. Like, it's like what you said, Ronnie, every single episode she's always announcing a new chapter in a new home, everything. Every single time. And every episode she's announcing a new chapter on her face every single time.

Like who gets plastic surgery between episodes? Like you have a different face every episode now. I don't even know who you are right now. And I think at this point she's just getting surgery from a phlobe because I swear her features are just getting more sucked into the center. It's like she's attaching something to her face and just pulling it all forward. Yeah. It's like a black hole. It's all being sucked in, you know? She's like an elbow with eyes. So Lars isissa's like, yeah, it's like an engine

in the chat. She's from the ElbowGT community. Yeah. I'm here from the LGBTQ Plus Elbow Task Force. Elbow Task Force. Gay elbows, gay elbows picking up coffee only. So Stephanie comes over and Larissa is showing her the closet stuff and showing her samples. And Larissa is like, yeah, I was thinking something in this family would be nice. And Stephanie is like, yeah, you know, I have something very similar to this one.

So I basically I'm just like a closet innovator. I guess, I guess really I should be in the task force. I guess that's just what I'm saying. And Larissa is like, yeah, well, I'm doing it first. So give it back. Anyway, so here, look at this. Here's something, glass. Do you like glass?

Glass is nice, right? She's like, no, because it has fingerprints, Larsa. Glass gets fingerprints. And she's like, no, but like, there's like a handle like, yeah, but you're still gonna touch it, Larsa. She's like, well, but why would you touch glass? Like, you're not gonna touch the glass, you're gonna touch only the handle of the door.

And she's like, because I'm OCD. I don't know what that has to do with being OCD. Like, you touch glass when you're OCD? I don't think that's what OCD is. I think it's the opposite. Yeah. I think she's just saying, I care about this stuff because I'm OCD, because I'm concerned about,

I'm concerned about fingerprints because I'm OCD. And she's like, you have to think these things through. All the world's is dumb because people do touch glass. Have you ever seen a glass door going into like Nordstroms or wherever? I just really fancied myself up there. Or like opening a mall door. People don't grab the handle, they press on the glass

because they think that everybody's hands are dirtier than their hands. So they don't want to touch the hands. They want to put their dirty hands all over the glass. People are fucking monsters. And if you don't think you're one of them, you got another thing coming, okay? We are all from the same human monster DNA. Yeah, that's correct. We're all Georgia from Next Gen, New York City.

So... Everyone's boogers are gross, except our own. You know, you better not pick your nose, but guess how I spend my afternoons, you know? It's like humans are disgusting. Like your cold is disgusting, but I'll go on a plane sneezing all over everybody. I mean, there's truth, monsters, monsters. So Stephanie is lecturing Larsa

about the closet choices now, which is my favorite. You know, Stephanie is so obnoxious, but I really enjoy the way she lectures people because they kind of all deserve it. She's like, you have to think these things through, like the fingers, the makeup, you have to think it through. Like you don't want to get it dirty, Larsa. Like why do you even want to have this here?

You're going to get it dirty. You don't want to do that. You have to think these through, Larsa. Larsa is like, what? Think things through? I don't understand what that means though. She's like, yeah, but like I'm self-diagnosed OCD and I like everything clean and I don't

like fingerprints and that's why I say boogers and Birkins just don't mix, which I also said I think two episodes ago, but I'm going to keep saying it. So you guys remember that I said it and it's turned into a guess. I'm just like hoping that this becomes a t-shirt that I can sell from the Shoma group. I'm like, yeah, you're trying too hard on this. This is the side of Stephanie I don't like is when she tries really hard to, you know, promote that she is rich and she loves a rich lifestyle. She's like, yeah, no kids for me. Thank you very much. And then, uh,

they get some champagne and, um, she's like, yep, that means that you're the VIP and you're spending a lot of money. Huh? There's like, I think we are like an XYZ and such in that. So loves her personality Larissa's like, I think we are like an XYZ and such and that. So. She loves her personality. She's like, I love Stephanie's personality, because she's not about the bull like shit. So three days earlier, we see Stephanie scolding Lisa

about arriving to the Sprinter van late. And Larissa's like, yeah, see, she's not fake and she yells at the people that I don't like. So I like her. That's fun. So she's like, by the way, like I met Lisa for lunch. And I was just like telling her that like, I think she needs to be a better friend.

And she's like running on empty in the friend department because everyone's sick of her playing the victim all the time. And then we see like a flashback to their lunch and with, you know, this is where Lars says like, you're running low on friends like, this is like my new thing. You're running on empty with friends like, you're a gas tank, you're a tank,

you look like a big tank. You should be on a task force where you could be the tank and everyone else could be the army. They can get inside you because you're a tank. Stephanie is like, I can tell that Lars is not really over it. I can tell you that right now. I know her really well. Um, because Lars is like, we're just like, and like, who exists like?

So, now they're talking about this big gala coming up, and Lars is not going because she has a dinner. But, um, Stephanie's in good hands because Junia really loves to have fun. So, don't worry about it. She loves fun. So now let's go to the National LGBTQ Task Force Gala. So people are arriving. Julia's on the step and repeat.

There's an entertainment reporter interviewing her, asking how she feels. She's like, I am feeling so loud and so proud to represent this community and also have really happy news to share. But unfortunately, you'll just have to look at another media outlet because you weren't on the zoom in time. I'm so sorry. Hopefully you have a news program that can tell you good news.

So Karamo is getting awarded with the National Leadership Award for his work tackling HIV stigma and advocating for mental health in the black queer community. So we see Karamo and he's posing and stuff and she's invited all her friends. And so Stephanie comes and Marisol comes and Marisol and Stephanie get in the car together and Marisol's like, oh, it's my girl, my girl. She goes, I got a mini shaker because I know that cockies are the way to your heart. Marisol and Stephanie get in the car together and Marisol's like, oh, it's you, it's my girl, my girl. She goes, I got a mini shaker because I know that cockies are the way to your heart.

She's like, cockies and cash. Meows, meows, I love you, am I right? Because there's like a little bar set up in the armrest in this Rolls Royce. So Marisol's like, wow, I guess I got the Nissan version of the Rolls Royce because I don't have a mini bar in mine. I'm like, no, you got a Nissan. That's why.

Don't try to make us think that you're living in that small house with a Rolls Royce. You have a Nissan lady, and there's no bar in there, because you're driving it yourself. That'd be illegal. Just puts a little RR sticker over it. I'm like, oh, that's amazing. Wait, is this a Nissan Juke?

Not anymore. It's called a Rolls Royce Road. I love the idea of Marisol driving around a little Nissan Juke. Just coming out with her giant flower dresses. Like, whoa, whoa, wasn't expecting that. And you know, there was a Nissan called a Nissan Juke. Oh yeah, you've never seen it.

They're like the little boxy. They're kind of boxy, but then they tilt down. I like them. I Nissan called a Nissan Juke. Oh yeah, you've never seen it. They're like the little boxy, they're kind of boxy, but then they tilt down. I like them. I like the little Nissan Juke. I think they're so cute. Yeah, look up Nissan Juke. Oh God. It's like they want to be a Mini Cooper, but they're not.

I love them. I love the Nissan Juke. They're like little toy. They look like a little toy. They look like a shoe. They look like a sneaker. I love those kind of cars though. You know, I drove one of those little Fiat cars,

like Despicable Me. That love those kind of cars though. You know, I drove one of those little Fiat cars, like Despicable Me. That was my Despicable Me era. I was like almost 400 pounds bald and driving this little tiny car. I could barely fit in and out of it. It is a really cute little car, but it looks honestly like a toy. It looks like a toy. This does not look like a real car. I like that car.

And look at the inside and the insides of it, the interior. Very cute. I think they stopped making it actually insides of it, the interior, very cute. Very cute car. I think they stopped making it actually. Well, no, there's one in 2024. All right, Juke, we're back. We're back in business. I'm going to the Juke store today.

That's it. Nissan Juke is the Marisol of cars. You just wait around long enough and you're back. So Marisol's like, wow, this car is gorgeous. Almost as gorgeous as my colon. Ba dum chah. All right, you wanna talk about my colon? My colon is gorgeous.

It looks like a colon of a newborn. I got my colon done. It was my first colonoscopy. You know, I just never went to do that. I guess I waited too long. I didn't know what the hell was going on down there. That was gonna be a big black hole, like Lars's face. But it turned out, I've got waited too long. I didn't know what the hell was going on down there. That was gonna be a big black hole like Lars' face. But it turned out, I got an amazing colon, it's gorgeous.

And I got the picture to prove it. So then Stephanie's like, but what about your liver? Oh, oh, I don't dare you to say that. Caught a stray right there. I mean, you realize you just fed me this booze in the back of your Rolls Royce. Or is this a Nissan Juke, am I right? Come on shoes, here comes one right now. you just fed me this booze in the back of your Rolls Royce. Or is this a Nissan Juke, am I right?

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a true story of love, loss, and the temptations of technology. Follow Flesh and Code on the Wondry app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Flesh and Code early and ad free right now by joining Wondry+. Back at the party, Adriana arrives and poses. She says hi to Julia. And Julia is like, oh, I sent a message to Maricel earlier to check on her colonoscopy. And she said, everything is good.

And Adriana is like, oh oh yeah, well, look, I know you're all up Alexia's ass, but I didn't know you were all up Marisol's ass too. I mean, so much so that when her doctor's there looking for polyps, he's gonna find a little miniature Julia's head in there being like, I'm here, I'm here. I'm like.

It was actually like unsettling this metaphor, this joke that Adriana was saying, because Adriana like pushed her head forward and was like, it's really kind of sold the image of like lots of little Julia heads inside of Marisol's colon. And... So Lisa comes and she's like,

I'm definitely not going to be late with Stephanie because she yelled at me. I don't want to hear that again. Well, you see guys yelling at people does work sometimes. And even Maryselle's like, wow, she did something we couldn't do for a decade. So God, Colin's off to you, Stephanie. She did something we couldn't do for a decade,

which is bring the Nissan Juke back to a marketplace. So congratulations Stephanie, Nissan Juke powerhouse influencer. So Gertie arrives, she's like, oh yes, she said loud. So look, see look, I'm loud. She is loud everyone. And Julia's saying that she feels like everything is good.

Like everything's good with her and Gertie, because after the goddess party, vibes were good. They're good talking, et cetera. And she thinks that everything is gonna be totally fine today, but we know it won't be. No, it will not be. I believe with baby steps we could get hopefully where we want before we're. Oh, so Karamo comes over and he's like, Oh, Julia, thanks for coming, baby. Oh, God, thanks

so much for coming. Hold on. Oh, my God, this necklace. Who's this little person? God, I love your necklace. I smell money. I smell money. Oh, my God, is he always like this? This guy? He is. This guy is a lot. This guy is a lot. He's too much. He's too much. He's so fake. So Stephanie is like- You smell money, you're not getting any of it. So back the fuck up off, off my girl. Okay. I don't even like this girl, but even I'm protective. I'm like putting my arms out like, no, this is not for you. You marry your own old rich senior

citizen. I think he did actually. So yeah, living the dream. So Stephanie's like, listen, I can smell mine from a mile away too. And I like it. I like the way it smells. It's a great compliment. I mean, who wants to smell like something else other than money? I'm like, yes. Who wants to smell, uh, on like something that's like sat in someone's like, but whole. It's full of nasty germs in someone's crotch or pocket. There's a reason people at the 7-Eleven are wearing plastic gloves to touch the cash. Okay?

Because it's nasty. And I like when he's like, oh my God, you can smell money too, right? And she goes, yeah, my husband smells delicious. She's so gross, this girl Stephanie. I don't like this. She tries to. She's definitely a try hard. I like her a lot, but she is a try hard.

You do not like her yet. I'm still trying to give my housewives grace period, you know, but for right now. So. She's totally obnoxious. But I like the way she stands, she holds her own in a way that I really appreciate with this group.

So that's really all I want. But as you were saying, Kiki arrives and she has brought Carmen Carrera, known as a model and former drag race contestant. And is this the first time I could be wrong, but is this the first time we've seen a friend of introduce a new friend of to the show? Oh, that's true. That's a good point. I don't know.

I just saw that she was going to be on because there was a Bravo post. It was like, welcome to a gorgeous new housewife. Coming. Yeah. But I don't really know anything else about her. So Julie is like, oh, let me give you prompt new person, a goat. I'm sorry, I don't know what to do with that. Okay. So you did Victoria's Secret a show? Did this sound natural? And she's like, yes, well, I almost did about 10 years ago, but there was a petition for me to walk in the show, but they didn't allow it because there were no transgenders allowed. And so that's why we do things like this. That's when I became the first transgender coffee fetcher for the LGBTQ plus task force. And that was Carmen, everyone. Everyone, that was Carmen Carrera, her big debut.

That was the last thing that she'd said on the episode. Really, like all week long, Bravo was like, introducing Carmen. Here comes Carmen. Here comes Carmen. And she's like, yes, I was. I was I was almost in a fashion show, but people are bigots. So anyway, and then it goes, she tried it. She tried. She tries later in the episode, but people are bigots, so anyway. And then it goes to Kiki. She tries later in the episode, but they cut her off.

She's gonna need to learn to be a little bit louder if she's gonna stick with this group. So Alexi is now grilling Lisa about her lunch with Larsa. She's like, but you also had lunch with Larsa. And she's like, yeah, we're working on it. I don't wanna be negative. But one thing was kind of funny. So Larsa's like your narcissist

because I got the most flags or whatever. But I go, listen'm not gonna be negative, but like one thing was kind of funny. So like, Lars is like your narcissist because like I got the most flags or whatever, but I go, listen to this everybody, I go, yeah, well you're a larcissist. Hehehehe. Everyone's like, the host in that restaurant comes up to us like, excuse me ma'am, you're still being a little bit too loud for our customers, you just keep it down.

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe down. That scene was fucking amazing. I was so upset not to be on the last recap. It was what an episode. What an episode. It was pretty amazing. You were missed. Marisol's like, oh, monkey, you're a wordsmith. Wow.

Marisol's like, so dismissive. And Lars says, you know that Lisa's probably like, thanks, thanks. So Marisol. Let me tell you what I don't have, a colon cyst, okay? Little Lars says. It all looks like a five-year-old juke. It's so small.

So now they go and they sit at their table. It's the big, you know, like welcome to the 2024 national LGBTQ task force Gala. Each of you has a trivet on the table and we want everyone to bring their trivet to a different table and you have completed your task for the evening. Thank you so much. So Alexia gets a ding and she's like, oh, look what Todd sent because I'm wearing the dress.

And Maryselle's like, oh, what? How did you know you were wearing that? Oh, my God, because of last night. Because of last night. And she's like, oh, you saw him last night. You made out what's on. Oh, come on. Come on.

How could you? How could you? Well, you know, last night I ran into Todd and we just like hung out all night. And you know, like, I don't know why we're protecting each other. It's just like, that's just what happens when we see each other. We want to be with each other. And like, I love this man and he loves me and I'm just going by my heart. I'm like, yes.

Oh, God, I need a real drink. That is too sweet. I can't. Oh, God. Does anyone have a Nissan Juke-Tini? I need something strong around here. And Stephanie says that she doesn't know Todd that well, but from everything I've heard,

I think Alexia is very blind to Todd's narcissistic tendencies. She's not blind to it. She just had a party. I don't care what she says. That party was a party about Todd last week. She even says, she's like, I dated someone like this for a very long time named Todd. And I want to be very subtle about it. I want to be subtle, but I was dating this guy

and he had like all these qualities of a narcissist. So we're going to have this party and we're going to talk about narcissism. And now she's like, what? That party wasn't for Todd. You're talking about. She literally had a breakdown in a restaurant where she said, Todd is a narcissist.

I fucking hate narcissists. All the narcissists should die. And then the next episode she's like, I've been thinking about narcissism a lot. So I decided to throw an anti-narcissism party and then they get to the party and she goes, well, people think this is about Todd, but it's not about Todd. It's it's actually about all of them instead. I'm like, what? You literally, you, you, you demanded his death. This one is hilarious.

I was laughing so hard. She's so ridiculous. So while they're here, they're in this gala and a presentation is happening because we can hear a presentation. Gurdi is like, ladies, ladies, ladies, I don't want to scream, but I want to beat a mur. And I just want to make sure you got my text message about the party on Tuesday. It's a celebration of life. It's a white cocktail.

I'm like, Gurdi, there's a thing happening on stage. It's like, just so you know, I'm going to be publicly shaming Julia. And I want to make sure you're all there. Oh, did you freeze? You froze and you froze like this and you're fake. You guys. Guys. Yeah.

I'm having a party to talk about what an asshole Julia is, but my face is going to be blown up. There's going to be blown up posters of my face. It's going to be amazing. So I didn't want to yell right now. I just wanted to interrupt somebody talking about the black gay LGBTQ community, whatever. Okay. Are you coming? And they're like, okay, sure. And I'll come. I got lots of wives, so many wedding dresses. Well, I went to do some sort of donation of some sort. So like to my group, support your girlfriends. They are wanting to present a check to a nonprofit to embed it in that whole breast cancer sphere. So we're going to do support your girlfriends, but maybe not support the LGBTQ platform because

I'm going to talk all the way through it. Okay. So then please welcome to the stage 2024 National Leadership Award recipient, Karamo. So he goes on the stage and he's like, tonight's theme is Karamo gets to be on Bravo. And I realized a long time ago that any cult action starts with a call to Andy Cohen saying, when are you shooting another house? I've show I will be there. Just tell me when. And here I am. Thank you, everyone, so much for being here.

Yeah. So then Lisa is talking to Julius. I'm so proud of you. Thank you so much for bringing us here. You know, and I'm so proud of you for adopting two boys. I'm so proud of you. Thank you so much for bringing us here. You know, and I'm so proud of you for adopting two boys. I'm so proud to be your friend." And she's like, "'Oh, thank you, little gravelly person. Tonight there's no drama, just how it should be.

And now all I want to know is that my boys are growing up with lovely, lovely P.S.' Lovely, yes. And then Karamo's like, now everyone, before I leave, turn to neighbor and say, neighbor, never stop fighting. It's where you wanna do that when you've got a housewives cast here. No one's ever said that in the same room with these people. Yeah, didn't Karamo, didn't he like moderate

the like van and pump rules panel at BravoCon? No? I don't know. I thought he like he moderated some panel and everyone was like he clearly has not watched the show. I don't know. Here's what I did at BravoCon. I went to like the first two minutes of panels and then I was like this is stupid and boring

and then I would go gamble. That was my BravoCon experience. I'm just imagining him saying this at the Vanderpump Rules panel, being like, okay, I want everyone to look at each other and say, neighbor, never stop fighting. And so they do this, they all do it. And then of course the screen like,

kind of like glitches and freezes and it says 72 hours later. And then you see Gertie publicly shaming Julia. I was like, oh no. So we go to Gertie's party and you know, of course Gertie's like, this party it's about cancer and the cancer struggles. But it's huge pictures of Gertie's face.

And then things like Gertie, you know, like big words and say like, Gertie, you got this girl on that bitch. Yes. And this is like sponsored by the knot. The knot was so excited. The knot was like posting content yesterday. I'd be like, watch the real house as Miami tonight. Like we're on it. I'm like, you're at an event where you publicly shamed. You're part of the star publicly. Like, you're part of an event of public shaming. But that's fine. I guess any publicity is good publicity.

We got the box for this. Didn't we get the box for this party? Well, it wasn't for this party. It was from The Knot. You remember? We got a box from Gertie. Wasn't it for this? I think it was from The Knot. No, that Gertie box was something else. That Gertie box was, oh, it was from G knot. Do you remember? We got a box from Gertie. Wasn't it for this? I think it was from the knot.

No, that Gertie box was something else. That Gertie box was, oh, it was from Gertie box. The Gertie box from the knot, yes, it happened. Yeah, we got that. And it had like the sushi kit in it. Was that where that sushi kit came from? I was wondering where that sushi stuff came from. Yeah, it was like a sushi kit making,

like a sushi making kit thing in there. It was like, Gertie, the best sushi you'll ever eat. And a candle. BOTH LAUGH I goodified sushi. Goodified. So she comes, so there are texts, oh, so then we see, she's like, tonight?

Oh yeah, we're seeing a clip of what's happening 72 hours later. Gurdy's like, tonight I feel it's necessary to set the record straight by exposing the lies. The lies. And then we see text projected on the screen and Maryselle's like, oh, this is dirty. This is fucking dirty. Yeah. So we see that it's gonna go bad. But now, now we're back in the regular timeline. And we're doing setup for this It's Gertie's celebration of life and people are adjusting pink decorative twill and placing a large sign that says Gertify on it.

And Gertie is saying like, she feels like this is her debut. It's her post cancer debut. It's gonna be a year that she's been cancer free and it's a party of life because she's alive and she did it, which is great. And by the way, both events this episode are celebrating great things. But of course, it's Miami, so they're also both messy. And so Gertie is just really excited. Her family's going to be there. I was like, this is when I started to really get like, I felt a talk about the talk about the night.

I felt one in my stomach and my chest when she said her family was going to be there. And we already saw a preview of her publicly shaming Julia, I was like, is she going to be doing this in front of her sons? I am already cringing. Her sons aren't babies. They're fine. Yeah, but still. Like they're still.

Gertie's their mother. I don't think this is the first time. And I feel like Gertie's probably practiced this in her living room. Like, okay, boys, come in here. You be Julia, you be Martina, and Russell, you can be just Marisol, just talk about Collins. Okay, here we go.

Here we go. Are you ready? I also have my poster boards. Can you read them? Can you read these? The boys probably like turn the screenshots into PDFs to be put into the slideshow, that's true. They probably like set it all up for her.

Like, okay, mom, have fun. So, Gertie is like, oh, it's gonna be one for the books. This party's gonna be amazing. Because what else would it be? I'm Gertie. This party's gonna be Gortified. Cancer just got it from me. I told Cancer, I'm that bitch, Cancer.

And it left, it left my body. It left my body. It's my party. I can wear what I want. I can drink what I want. I can say what I want. I can do what I want. In fact, I once heard a beautiful song that says, I do whatever I want, what I want. I can drink what I want. I can say what I want. I can do what I want. In fact, I once heard a beautiful song that says, I do whatever I want whenever I want

with no explanation. It's Richard Marx. Go look it up. I sang the Hello to the World. Speaking of Real Housewives of Orange County, it's interesting that we're getting two episodes in a row this week that take place in a church. Bravo is really trying to bring us to Jesus this week because Orange County has a church scene coming up soon.

And then with South Park last night, I mean, like, you know, Christian narratives are everywhere all over pop culture. Did you see that? South Park? You watched South Park? Did you hear about that? Well, I watched last night's South Park because everyone was talking about it because... Really?

Well, I'll let you just basically they, so, so on, I think Monday, Matt Parker and Treystone or Treystone, Matt Parker, whatever the names are, those guys Parker, they signed a $1.5 billion deal with Paramount. And then on Wednesday show, they just savageaged Paramount and Trump and all this stuff. And basically they were like, it was, you know,

like in the wake of all the Stephen Colbert stuff, which was total bullshit, everything, Stephen Colbert getting canceled, they just savaged. So everyone's like, oh my God, I can't believe they got their $1.5 billion from Paramount and then did this episode. So I was like, okay, I have to watch. And it's wild and you should definitely, definitely watch it. You will. I will now. I didn't know about it.

You will not believe it. You will not believe it when you see it. You will, you will not believe it. And I, it's hilarious because people are already mad at it. And it's like all these people who talked about free speech, free speech, free speech or something like, well, this show should be taken off the air. So it's great. It's great for the time to be in pop culture. Yeah. Badda girls, you go girls.

Badda girls. I was wondering about that deal because that's been a long time coming and there's been a lot of, you know, threats of lawsuits and all this stuff. It's not been an easy deal that. Yeah. So I'm glad they finally signed it.

Get your money, get your bags. It's not been an easy deal that. Yeah. Yes, so that's finally signed it. Get your money. Get your bags. Yeah. Yes. So that's some that's some fun homework for you, Ronnie, to enjoy. You will have a good field day with it. I mean, I like that there was a lot of Jesus talk in it, too. So it was just a whole lot of Jesus happening on my TV.

The power of those guys are little rabble rousers. They're the best in the game. That's for sure. So Gertie, they are like, baby, baby, Russell, come here, kiss me. You look so good, Russell. Russell and Miles. Miles, you know, God, look at you. I know you don't like when I cried. Everybody gets super tight. Super tight.

Remember, pearly whites were smiling. We're good at that. So Julia arrives first and Gertie is like, Oh, hello, hello, hello. And they have like a nice quick hello and then Grady sort of like finds a reason to get out of there. And Julia's like, Oh, well, you know, Gertie made an effort to come to my event and I am here to support her with goat, but unfortunately goat got loose. But I'm still here and I'm optimistic. At least she's trying to move forward,

which is already a huge step. Unfortunately, I also took a huge step, and I stepped on an egg. Oh well. So Gertie is, you know, doing her whole preamble. One thing with cancer is your attitude. Your attitude can be cancer to you. And if you don't let things

get you, holding you down, if you let things hold you down, that's called stress. And stress ain't good to you. And if you don't let things get you, holding you down, if you let things hold you down, that's called stress. And stress ain't good for nobody. So damn with stress. Like every time they cut to Gertie this episode, she's like, and let me give you another lesson. It's all leading up to the big reveal. So funny.

So Julia goes up to Russell and she's like, beautiful event. And he's like, yeah, you know, it's Gertie. This is what she does. She's like, yes, how are boys? They're good. Well, you know, we have two boys now. He's like, yeah, congratulations and good luck. Just like we get an awkward,

ah-choo. And it's super awkward, which is saying something, cause Russell's just awkward all the time anyway. I mean, he's never like comfortable, but it's awkward even for Russell. And so she does that thing where she narrows her eyes and say, well, I don't know if Gertie shared with you,

but we had a moment that I wish we did not have, but we are on good path now, I feel. And he's like, hmm, well, I hope that everyone's able to move forward, excuse me. I need to go make sure that the 90 foot image of my wife's face smiling and saying F cancer is properly taped onto the wall. This was starting to feel like the Red Wedding.

Like I felt like Julia walking in and Russell be like, This was starting to feel like the red wedding. Like I felt like Julia walking in and Russell be like, oh yeah, it's so nice to see you. Like I was just like waiting for the orchestra to like duck out and step out and all the doors are shut on Julia. So Adriana is like Adriana and Kiki and Larsa arrive and Gertie says hello and you know, Adriana and Kiki and Larsa arrive and Gertie says hello. And Adriana points out that Julia's talking to Russell, et cetera.

And Kiki is now talking to Larsa. And she's like, you know, this is like my mom old church. Larsa's like, really? Like what? I like to go. This is a church my mom, my son and I used to go to. And there was a lot of Baptist church, lots of penis in this room, lot of Baptist penis. And now it's party

event space. I mean, we have so much memories being like, ah, amen, amen, strange bald men, penis everywhere. But you know, it's great. It's the perfect place for Gertie to have a party. She's funny. She's like, oh my God, this church was crazy. You jump, you dance, you do all this stuff, you know, and then we're speaking in tongues. Yeah, it's a perfect place for Gertie's party. Yeah. So she introduces Carmen to her.

And she's like, okay, well, now that you're meeting Larsa, you met the rest of the girls, what do you think about everyone? And so this was Carmen's chance. So she was, well, I've really only known everyone for like five minutes, but and then she's cut off. Yeah. Okay. I thought she was about to start some shit, but

no, she said nothing. So then Stephanie joins up and she's, oh, well, aren't you a statement? And she's like, yes, this necklace, the necklace is a statement after your cancer. Free you, everything's a statement, my goodness, your statement. Like, okay. So then Marisol arrives and she's like,

oh my God, Garrity, you look like you belong on the top of a cake. It's like a Nissan Juke sales event and they put a cake in the showroom and you're on top of it. So Marisol is talking to Julia. She's like, Oh, I saw Russell's here. Did you talk to Russell?

She goes, well, I did. It was all the most awkward, you know, but he was uncomfortable. And I guess he heard Gurdie's side of the story because he looked like I'm bad guy. But I guess I'm glad we had the conversation with Gurdie. Things are moving forward. I'm sure. I'm sure no projection screen will be used tonight against me. I don't know why I'm bad guy just because I refused to get seat for Gertie for Captain

Sandy and pour water on her head during wedding. Like, what is so wrong with that? I have two young boys now. So Gertie introduces her friends that she calls the Gly posse because I'm a breast cancer survivor. And Julia is still talking to Maryselle. She's like, wait, something else. I went out with Alexia and Todd and apparently Todd was saying to me he's trying to win Alexia back. And Maryselle's like, oh my God, why not? Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh, excuse me. Excuse me. Are you talking about the star? Because I thought I heard you guys talking about the star. So I assume you're talking about me. No, but me because I was like, I have a feeling these two love talking about the star right now. And Marisol's like, Wow, she was telling me you ran into Todd and you guys like he's trying to win you back. I mean, let's go on with that. And then Stephanie like plops down next to them. Now they're all for this tiny little sofa thing. And she's like, Hi, here. Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm And then Stephanie plops down next to them. Now they're all four in this tiny little sofa thing. And she's like, hi, here, sorry,

I was getting away from some boogers, can't get them near my Birkin. That could be a T-shirt, right guys? Just think about it. Oh, what if I do think he wants to win you back? You don't look like you are pulling away from him. And Stephanie's like, oh my God, are we talking about Todd? Todd, Todd, Todd, Todd, Todd.

We had a party for him. Remember, we had that party for him, the Greek party. And she's like, Oh, that wasn't a party for Todd. It was, it was for all of you that are a bunch of fucking narcissists, by the way, by the way, it's about all of you. And Stephanie's like, um, I guess including you, right. And she's like, no, I'm actually no, no, I'm not. I'm not because I can't be a narcissist because I'm too much of an empath. Okay.

And I'm not full of myself, like maybe you are, okay? And then she starts doing that thing where she nods her head. How can a star be full of herself? I'm a star and an empath. I can't be full of myself. I dive. Oh my God. I love when she nods her head aggressively at you.

She's beating you with her head. She's just like, oh, really? Yeah, I can't do that because I'm an empath like you. I also love how these women really can push the limits of passive aggression. You know, that fine line between passive aggression and just aggression. And they just, their passive aggression

is so on that threshold. I mean, that whole thing. This entire dialogue was so amazing. She's like, well, I'm an empath, so I can't, I'm not full of myself. Maybe like you are. I don't know, but I'm not. I'm empath. She's like, no, like, yeah, I'm not full of myself. No, I'm not.

I'm not. Unless, the only thing that's full around me is my Birkenbeck full of money. See, because I'm rich. Well, don't say things about Todd then. And she's like, no, but the party was based around Todd. She says, no, it was not based around Todd. And she goes, but the quotes were for Todd. Like, the quotes there were about Todd then and she's like, no, but the party was based around Todd. She says, no, it was not based around Todd. And she goes, but he the quotes were for Todd, like the quotes there were about Todd. She says, no, they weren't about Todd. Yes,

they were. Why are you lying? Why are you trying to gaslight all of us? Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one of a two part recap. For part two, go look for the recap that says part two. See you over there suckers. Watch what crap ins would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. It's always a party on Alison Block.

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