Watch What Crappens - #2957 The Valley S2E17 Part 1: Jaximum Impact

Episode Date: August 6, 2025

This is part one of a two-part recapOn part 2 of The Valley reunion, Jax continues to “take accountability,” Danny takes heat, and Jason gets his Dockers in a twist. You can watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Who cares what happens when there's so much than crappins? I'm Ronnie. That's Ben over there. Hello, you little bonoony tunes. Hi, how's it going? Saw God. Everybody, welcome to the show. It's the Valley Reunion Park.

reunion part today. We do these on video. You can find those on Crappins on demand on our Patreon. Also, that's where you get our bonus episodes, which we'll be recording, I don't know, today, tomorrow. Who knows? But it's coming. We also did a Dwell Hello this week, which is a house hunters recap of the Cougar episode that just aired. Everybody's talking about it. So you can find that on Wondry Plus. And we do Amazon Lives every other week. We'll do that one August 18th at 4 p.m. Pacific time. And also we've got crappy hour coming up Monday, which is on our YouTube channel. That's at 5.30 p.m. Pacific time. So a lot going on. Check our socials.

You know what? Linkin bio on the Instagram. Look at the Lincoln bio. What's going on with you today, Ben? Not much. Just really enjoyed that Valley reunion last night. Still really going strong. That's basically it. narcissist over and over like music to my ears. I'm sorry. Okay. I'm sorry. Okay. I'm sorry. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay. I wish someone would just do a super cut of Jacks at reunions for what 12 years now.

Just well, not 12 because he got fired from Vanderpump rules. But you know, just sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, over and still does the same shit, Ben. Just pretending, just pretending to like own things. He's like, yeah, no, I do this. I do this. Yeah. It's my bad. I know I need help. I'm work in progress. I need to, I don't know why I do these things. I got to do them. And he says that every single, every single reunion in a very matter of fact, sort of faux accountable way. It's almost believable. Maybe in the beginning we did believe it. But yeah, same old story from that guy. Yeah, fuck that guy. So here we are with the Valley Reunion Bar 2. So we open with Andy's, we're back with the Valley Reunion. Oh, by the way, I'm still wearing sunglasses because today I had to get another surgery on my little eye

to take out a gigantic bowling ball size tie. Not to be dramatic, but it was dramatic. Now I look like I really had the shit kicked out of me. So thanks a lot, doctor. Actually, he did a great job. But I hope he did a great job. Who knows? Maybe I have a boob on my eye. I don't know. But that's why. So anyway, sorry for the douche glasses. Okay, we're back with the Valley Reunion. I'm Maddie Cohen. Jacks. I'm exhausted. Also, you've been sober for how long? Jacks is not sober. I don't care what anybody says, and I know you're not supposed to say that because the magic words are once somebody says you're sober on Bravo, then everybody's supposed to believe it and go with it. Jacks ain't sober. I don't believe that for two seconds. But okay, I'll go along with you because we've got a long road to hoe. Yeah, well, that's that's also how you would describe Jacks's reality TV career.

So, um, more that is a, that is a dead end hoed road. That is that road has been overhoed, The ho, well, listen, one thing about a ho is that it's always, it's always they're ready to go, you know, weeds keep growing, hoes keep hoeing. So, Brittany is like, yeah, I know, I've got a look back on to a drug test and I've given them to him sporadically. This is what she said last time. And the Jack's like, twice, twice. He says it like accusatory as if like, I don't know what point he's trying to make. Like, no, she doesn't test me enough. Um, so she, and she's like, yeah, he passes and everything.

He's like, keep testing me. I want you to test me. I mean, hold me accountable because in my head, if I ever try to slip again, I know that you're going to test me any time you want. And I want you to test me because like, not only for you, but for me because I don't want to drug, drugs, alcohols again. It, like, fooked up my life. It fucked up my life.

Really? Because five minutes ago, you said drug and alcohol, drugs and alcohol weren't your problem. It was just anger. So I do not believe you. Well, that's, that's how much it fucked up his life is that it, the, fooled him into thinking it wasn't his problem. He forgot five minutes ago. Yeah, he forgot. By the way, congratulations on your 156 days of false sobriety. 156 days of sobriety. No, you lie, lie. So, yeah, I think he's insinuating it's kind of Britney's fault because she doesn't test him

enough to keep him accountable. And the name of the game is everyone else needs to keep Jacks accountable, except unless it's by telling him stuff he did wrong. He doesn't like that. So, Jacks, besides the therapy that you're into, do you have a, any kind of support for your sobriety. And he's like, yeah, you know, I have a sobriety coach. I have a life coach. I really like. I'm, you know, I'm doing A-A.

I'm doing the A-A, the A-A. You know, one more, they'll change my tire for free. Fucking great. No one told me about that. Thanks, Brittany. But, you know, I didn't want to go. You know, I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not going to lie to you here because I'm Jacks.

I don't lie, right? But, you know, I did not want to go to that. I did not want to go to the AA, but I did. I did. Hold on. Let me cry. yeah i'm i'm just so grateful that he's doing this um and of course when he says he's going he just he just means bombing some batteries you know but i feel grateful for that and like

nobody wants him to clean be clean more than me you know for her son and because i have to deal with him for the rest of my life he's like well here's the thing all that matters is our little boy whatever his name is and i want to be a good father that's it i just i want to be there for you no matter what you can call me anytime you can tell me And when our son is finally born, I cannot wait to hold him in my arms. Jay-X-E is three years old. And by the way, speaking to double A's, I asked for double A's. You got me quadruple-Ds.

Listen, I got, you know, I've got my, I got so many coaches right now. I got double-D coaches. I got a coach bag. I got a coach ticket. I've got reruns of that show, Coach. Love that show. He just keeps buying her the wrong bat. He just keeps buying her everything bigger than she wanted.

Jay-X, that is, that is does not fit in the carry-on. section so um you know he does the whole oh just do it all for my son give me a fucking break you're moving you i can't list the the shit jacks has done wrong to his son again but nobody believes you and also you moved into a four-story condo with a fucking tiny child with his bedroom probably on the fourth floor okay yeah so he's like uh yeah my son i do it all for the boys and she's like well you know i don't trust you because you say things and then you fight with me every day And then you try and flip it and act like, I was the one that did something wrong. And he's like, you're right, you know what?

You're right. You're right. I start these fights because, you know, there's days where I'm like, you know, we should get divorced, you know. So we're toxic. So that's why I start fights, you know. But then there's days where we're like, we'll get along. And I'm like, I could still fuck her. Like there was no one at the A&P this morning.

So and then I'll text her, you know? So it's my fault. It's my fault. But you know what I do it for my son. You know, or that is all me, okay? You know, you know how much that messes with my mind. He goes, I'm confused. What can I do?

I know we're not good together. I know that. But still fucking hard. I'm a human being. I had 10 years with this woman, okay? It's not fun to cheat when you don't have no one to cheat on, you know? So Britney's like, well, you're just saying this, okay? Because somebody's got, because I'm somebody to cheat on.

I'm just kind of a guy who fucks a lot of random people, you know? I mean, there's no title in that. Yeah, you know, like what happens to the cows who can't come home to dinner? What if the dinner divorces them, okay? It's like hard, man. It's like, well, you're just saying this, because simultaneously I'm getting DMs. That's direct messages, by the way, from these girls that they say that you're love bombing. Okay, you're telling these girls that you want to take a bath with their love.

Is that what love bombing is? I don't know. But you know what? They say that you want them to move in with you. How could you do that, TAAX? Oh, my God. Azaka's sitting over there making his like, looks. When Jacks is like, I've been there, I've been here 10 years with this woman, he goes,

that you threw away that you threw away you threw it away um so he's like you know i don't know how to handle this i just what am i supposed to do how i'm supposed to handle it how am i supposed to and she's like yeah you're trying to hurt me with all these girls and you know i don't deserve to have to read this stuff it hurts me it hurts me well call zuckerberg you know no one's making you read every dm you get but still anti anti jacks but still she's like i shouldn't have to read dms Well, now we're just mad at the internet. Well, let's hear from Jason, who we will later find out was so massively disgusted by what Danny did. So clearly he will hold Jacks the same standard.

Well, I will say, though, that the fact that Jacks has been abusing cocaine for like 20 years, it's going to take a while for the depression things to stabilize. So, Bernie, I think you should just sort of suck it up and, you know, be a good wife to him. Well, you know, he's a dry drunk. Okay, guess what? He's dry drunk. Okay, he is like that type of shampoo. it's powder. He's like that. I just don't like this personality. I mean, the therapist literally

said to us that we could treat depression, we could treat bipolar, but we could never treat narcissism. And he's like, oh, well, Jacks, Brittany says that, uh, you've said, you have said over the years that, you know, I gave you all this. This is all because of me. Chances are, uh, like she would be living in Kentucky married like a local doctor. Jaxx, what do you say about that? I'm sorry. I can't, I can't go on. i need to stop for a minute jason fuck off like seriously jason with his oh yeah jacks poor jacks he's been accusing abusing cocaine for like 20 plus years i mean what did the guy take a secret shot in a closet on a trip no why are we excoriating the poor guy poor cocaine addict jacks can we just give jacks a break

dockers go fuck yourself i cannot believe anybody has ever liked this fucking guy Fuck you, Jason. Okay, so thank you. So Andy's like, yeah, so you think she'd be married to like a doctor? And Jack's like probably a basketball player. And Jacks is like, yeah, I don't, you know, I was never her type, ever. I was never her type. I don't even know why I dated her.

And I think Jacks is saying that she only dates black guys when it's not Jacks, which, of course, you know, leave it to Jacks to, you know, bring a tinge of racism him into everything at the reunion because he's not in enough shit. And Brittany's like, I was with you for 10 years. I don't know what you're talking about. Like, everyone knows that I loved you. And he's like, the DMs I was getting from her friends back in Kentucky. I mean, let me tell you, you want to talk about DMs?

What about the DMs I got for people in Kentucky? Jake, I was with you for 10 years. He's like, well, it was just hurtful to hear. It was hurtful. It was so hurtful. You know, it's also hurtful. when your husband sends you rage checks incessantly and then acts like he wants to get back together with you

and then when you fall for it he sends you more rage texts I think that's a little bit more hurtful and she's on you and abuses you and throws furniture at you and punches holes in the wall while your kids is what your kids around and turns your knees black and goes in stops paying the mortgage after kicking her out of the house with their autistic son

please you're heard about the fucking Kentucky DMs A I'm impressed that Britney's friend friends in Kentucky can use a DM because I saw her spin-off. So, cheers to them, I never thought you had it in you. Am I assuming this is all voice to text? Second, shut up, Jacks. So Jacks is like, what are the people in Kentucky say, were there any dickpicks would you like to show me?

Well, I mean, they were saying that she would never date somebody like that, like that she wanted to be on reality TV and like, Like, I'm not even his type. So what he's really saying is, um, yeah, she used him. She said, Jax. Okay, because it's your fans in the comments, okay? Listen, it doesn't count when you DM yourself on your frank drabbing username, okay? And then you're DMs.

And guess what? We proved that it wasn't even that girl that worked at Hooters. Okay, so why you bring that up whenever you know it's a lie? Okay, because I'm, because he's trying here to make me look a certain way and that's not true, Dix. I'm not trying to make you look a certain way. I just want to say the truth, Jakes. And he's like, let me get this straight. So, Jacks, went into his DMs and got a girl who was cosplaying as a Hooters girl who worked with Britney and said she's just some slut that's using checks.

Okay. Okay. So, first of all, I love that. Who is that? Is she in the audience? Please DM us, because that's amazing. I love that someone just cosplay that. I worked with Britney, and let me tell you, she's been using you this whole time.

She told me at the ramp station at the Hooters. Watch out. Beware. You've got a beware DM from a fake Hooters girl. I mean, you can't make this shit up. She would have left Jacks a long time ago if she was using Jacks. Like as soon as she saw a good opportunity to leave, opportunity to leave, which would have been season six after he cheated on her one of the times. She would have left then if she was using him.

I'm pretty sure she was not using Jacks. I'm pretty sure that there was probably, well, I'm not pretty sure. just saying I'm pretty sure because you did. But I'm pretty sure you're saying I'm pretty sure. Because I said I'm pretty sure. I'm sure of nothing, really. But I think that probably she was using him a bit. I mean, look, you go, you meet this loser in Vegas and you don't move to L.A.

because of Jacks, because he's Jacks. All he had going for him was that he was on TV show. Then again, is that really using somebody? I mean, when you're dating somebody, you look at all their positives and their negatives. One of the positives was he was on TV and she wanted. wanted to be on TV. So why not? Why is that worse than like he had a good job as a, you know, I was going to say a lawyer, but that's really pushing it in this example. Like a, you know, very, I don't know, very high up in the world, you know, garbage man. And, you know,

you think that that's a good living for you and that can support you. What's the difference? Like, so what? She met this guy. All he had to offer was being on TV. No one's fucking jacks for any other reason. Yeah, I, that's, that's what I would have to say. I think it's okay. I think it's okay to meet someone who's on TV and be like starstruck and start to like, and they're handsome and you see a fantasy where you think like, oh my God, like I might date this guy who's on TV and maybe I'll even be on TV. And I don't think that's like, I guess technically that could be considered using someone, but I think it's okay to sort of have like a fairy tale moment and and unfortunately You don't realize that you are latching yourself onto, like, the monster in the swamp and not Prince Charming.

But, hey, you know, not all fairy tales can be good. But if you guys aren't allowed to fuck each other to be on TV, we wouldn't have half of the Vanderpump Rules universe. I mean, that's how most of these people got cast. You know, we can go down the list. James. Jenna is the newer one. Well, she's trying. Jenna's trying.

Janet didn't fuck anybody. Stoppy. You know, she's cosplayed as a Shina friend for years to do it. I mean, don't forget that's. Stasi was like on the amazing race long before Vanter Pump Rules ever came around. Everyone is a horror for TV. I'm a whore for TV. Sheena literally started Vanderpump Rules.

She had the first scene in Vanderpump Rules because she was sleeping with somebody's husband, some famous person's husband, you know, or no, some person's famous husband, I guess I should say. Lisa Vanderpump, I mean, she was in a music video for Poison Arrow. Shoot that Poison Arrow in my heart. Remember? So everyone hoars themselves out to become famous. Everyone does it. What's the point we're trying to make, by the way? The point was that people sleep with each other to get on Vanderpump rules and just spin-offs all the time.

So, you know, it's like, what are you going to get somebody for going to an audition? I mean, what kind of L.A. people are these? Well, Jackson is saying that you start to get in your head about things because, God forbid, this snowflake gets a DM from a random person in Kentucky and his world falls apart. Meanwhile, he's complaining about people getting it like, how you get into your head sometimes, you know, it'll also get you in your head

when your own husband tells you you're fat and worthless and stupid and then cheats on you. That'll get into your head too. I think that's probably a situation he may want to look into. So Brittany is like, you know something no one is ever going to accuse Jacks of is something getting into his head.

And there's so much room, that's the pity. I mean, getting head. And so many ways in, so many wide passages in, now there's so much room in there and just yet nothing has trying really did the he basically did you know how like boston has the big dig where they just built a giant tunnel like under the city that's what he did with his nose so like everything can get into that brain but for some reason it's just it won't go in it's like getting a cat to play with a scratching post you know it's just the cat wants the couch it's exit only it's like an unmarried butthole exit only

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I do not chase you in Vegas. Okay. I do not damn you. I did nothing. You came up to me. He's like, this is new info, by the way, Ben, because for years, the rumors are that Brittany heard that Jackson and the gang were going to be in Vegas. And her mom was like, you better get to Vegas and get you on TV.

And then Brit went up and then started flirting with Jaxx and did all this to like, you know, warm her way onto TV. So this is actually fairly big news, I think, for anybody who follows, you know, like Reddit gossip like me. Yeah, it's actually not true. I mean, she was in Vegas and Jax was the one who came up to her. So there you go. There's like, that's like the end of lost. You know, we were all wondering the truth and now we got it. We all got it.

And then Andy Cotland is like, okay, I need to ask a question. that's going to bring everyone together are you guys cool are you guys upset that hooters is going out of business you're like especially jacks everyone but especially jacks brine's like yeah yes of course it's like saying like isn't it terrible that there was an assassination someone of course no one likes assassinations you know everybody's all upset and jacks is like well you know they're not going out of business they're just restructuring and brittany goes i wish i could buy one honestly Oh, we're so good. Brittany, I think you've invested in enough dead-end streets.

You know, leave it up to Brittany to, like, want to throw her entire life into something that's failing. Like, have we learned nothing? Look outside your window, Brittany. It's an anti-van. Get in. I've got a fly swatter in my hand. And I'm ready to teach. Come on.

Because sweat you on your little bit until you start learning some lessons. Hooters? Come on, Brittany. Let her have her pop-up moments. Hooters by Brittany, the Hooters experience by Brittany. No, she's going to be like, you know, fives of people will go. I wish I'd by Joanne Fabrics.

No, Joanne Fabrics is, now wait a second. Ronnie, now let's, okay, let's not. I told you, Joanne wouldn't. No, I'm just telling you, like, why do you have to bring it there? Why do you have to, like, why do you have to mention that? Like, we're having fun. We're punching down on Brittany and Jacks, maybe even some Hooters. And then you're going to, like, just add Joanne Fabrics into the mix.

Like, we're, some of us are still mourning, okay? This is fresh. Because Joanne Fabrics has been dying for like 20 years. They've been having, going out of business sales for 20 fucking years in that store. It's like Brittany would pass that and think, wow, that's a good, there's a good next chapter for me. Brittany, Brittany, so this whole thing is so messy. I would not be surprised if she has some midlife crisis, cuts her hair short, and then goes on some spiritual quest to find Joanne. She's like, I've had enough.

She may be going out of business, but she's not going out of my life. Where is Joanne? I'm going to find her, damn it. I'm going to find Joanne. Joanne's been to parrot house, but if she ever been to me, is she? Well, I got to Banagans, and I was like, well, I found Ben again. So I thought that was good enough. So I stopped trying to look for Joanne.

I'm happy now. Brittany has made so many bad decisions over the past decade. I hope her midlife crisis is just making a good decision for one. you know because usually it's the other way around it's like you finally start getting sloppy at your midlife crisis i hope brittany's like you know what i'm going to school and i'm going to a relationship coach yeah i would like her to do some sort of continuing education and a style it's like a stylist would actually be even more impressive from my midlife i think she needs to like sit down and roll in community college what's you say

She needs to sit down in front of La Roach and get some assistance. I still haven't watched that, the Project Runway. It was terrible. You're discussing with yourself. It was, you know, you said it's terrible, but then, so my friend last night was like, oh, it's so good. You should watch it. Well, we are all allowed to have a difference of opinions because gays are not monolith. Neither are gays and gals.

Neither is anyone. Yeah. Well, you know what? Fine. Fine. But I didn't like it. No, I thought it was, I thought they, like, destroyed it. I mean, I'm going to watch the whole thing because it's still, like, the core is still there.

And so at core, it's still good. But they made it so stupid. They just destroyed all the good parts. Nina is still there. I mean, they just tried to be really funny and really reality showy. And they like, the first challenge was like in the lobby of a building. And it's just they took away like all the cool elements. It's very much like a food network show now. It's like very disappointing.

They didn't take away Nina. That's all I really need. You know, I love your buttons. I love your. seams i love your shoulder pads she yeah they also like don't show the eliminations anymore you have to wait a week which i think is really so stupid annoying and then their big thing they're like because it's now on freeform they now have the judge is sitting on the other side of the runway guys it's a whole new project runway we've changed everything they refreshed it no i don't like the

changes they made the changes were really are really bad i think they're like really really bad i was watching it like what the hell why'd they do this to the show is so unnecessary well that sucks um but i'll still try i'll still try it except i saw that it was a two episode premiere and i already got tired i was going to watch it last night and i was like i'm exhausted i'm watching avatar instead and then i watched avatar and i was like why do i want to have a nine-foot tall thin blue body with the tail now. I'm turning this off. It's, it's influencing me badly. I was like, can I get that surgery? Because they're kind of hot. I love their eyes. Oh, so you're talking about Avatar, the Blue People, not Avatar, the last airbender. No, I haven't seen. No, that's very

Love Island though, huh? I love it. I love Avatar, the last airbendee. Oh, that's right. That is. Very, very Nick, very Nick and Sierra. Anyway, so, uh, Jack's, uh, back to the abuse. So, And he's like, Jesse, you live with Jacks a long time ago when you were both modeling. Was he doing drugs back then? This is a trick question. Of course he was. It's part of being a model, isn't it? And Jesse's like, oh, for sure.

And Jesse's like, how do you think I got this hair dent? Jack sniffed off, snorted all my hair off in the middle of my head. So now I just have this dent here. Okay, cool. So is that when you started Jackson when you were modeling? He's like, yeah, I think it was when I was in Miami, probably like, oh one or so. And Janet's like, I was in seventh grade. It's actually like, I was 14.

This is the part of the episode where I just started getting mad because everyone on this show is such a fucking hypocrite. Like, is Jacks a mess? Yes. Jesse, you weren't doing drugs as a model with Jacks. I'm so sure. Janet, all of you, all of you are fucking cokeheads. Brittany and Jasmine during that dinner in Santa Barbara, wherever they are, were totally coked out of their mind. I mean, they all are all the time.

So this is a part where it's like, I guess Jacks has been caught so we get to talk about his. But I'm impressed that Jacks didn't out everybody on this show. Because I feel like at least 90% of these people are Cokeheads. The only ones really I'm excluding are Nia and her baby. And Luke. Because I feel like Luke wouldn't pay for that. Luke is like, I'm not paying for Coke. I will snort some, I will get a paper bag and some spray paint.

Okay. I'm going to Kim Richards route here. But note that this does not exonerate Jill, who we know is the biggest Jill's a dog on the show. Yeah, Jill's a Coke. Yeah, huge Coke. All right. Well, when you were on Vanderbump rules, there was speculation from viewers, Jacks, that

you were on Coke. He's like, yeah, I mean, my eyes were bulging out of my head, you know? And so were you doing Coke at the filming? He's like, yeah, yeah, I was. And like the most obvious question. And he's like, when you watch yourself back, what did you think? I thought, there's a handsome guy. There's a handsome guy who was duped by a woman who was just using him to get onto TV.

Poor guy, poor guy, driven to drugs by this woman. And you're just so disgusted with yourself, especially because you see yourself, you're sweating because you're in love with this woman so much that you start to sweat. It's just gross. So gross and sad. And Brittany calls him out because she's like, you might feel that now, but you've always loved yourself. Because, Jax, you have a picture of yourself raged out on Coke in the Abby Warhol style, hanging in your home.

What are you talking about? You're so disgusted to seeing yourself on TV. You're literally taking the most iconic images of you, coke rage, and making them huge and hanging them in your home with your son. So please stop with this. Like, oh, I'm just so disgusted with myself. And Kristen's like, number one guy in the group, right?

So Andy's like, yeah, you know, such a bad luck. And Jack's at one point, says something like yeah yeah you know like production did know like production did know but you know like i was i was doing it production new i mean there's shots of you guys out of town with you hiding coke from the table you're mic's up yeah they hear you they hear you trying to exonerate production yeah but you say i would go to dinner with him and he would leave me like every 10 minutes alone at the table and they're like wow and jack's like i liked it you know i fucking love drugs and alcohol I fucking love doing cocaine.

It's like, we know, we know. All right, well, Britney Jacks. What? This morning. What? Yeah, this morning. Hi. So, Brittany Jack told you from the facility that he had been diagnosed as bipolar and you said, that's not the first time he'd received that diagnosis.

She's like, yeah. So me and his sister were begging to go to the doctor before we even started the film of the show because they told him he was bipolar and he never even got the prescription filled. So he already was bipolar. He's acting like he went, like, he really sort of presented to America that he went to rehab to help himself and he got this diagnosis and now he's going to sort of like start putting himself together when he'd already received this diagnosis and was still not trying to do anything. And then we find that that he's not even really taking his meds. When that happened on the show, I remember being like, oh, watch Jacks. He's about to use this bipolar. Let's watch how Jacks uses this bipolar diagnosis to get pity.

or whatever. And I got in kind of trouble with a few people in the DMs, which I'm still traumatized by a hundred DM. And basically yelling at me for being insensitive about mental health. And I'm like, no, it's not being insensitive about mental health. It's being insensitive about Jacks. It's knowing that a person like this is going to use whatever they can to get out of whatever they can. And sure enough, it was bullshit. He had been diagnosed way before. So vindication for those three people on my DMs, person who probably claims to work at futures. So Britney's like, so that's what you'll do, Jacks. You'll start a fight with me.

And the reason is because he didn't take his bipolar medication that day. It doesn't work like that. And Zach is like, that's not how medicine works. And Bernie's like, so why did you tell me you haven't taken your medication and that's why you're acting that way? He's like, well, obviously I still have some problems to work out and I'm still angry. You know, maybe I'm a work in progress. Should I say that now?

And I just feel like, I don't have control. I lose it because control to me is a very big thing. And like, rage texting and looking at cameras, that's a form of control for me. I love, God, my favorite rom-com in all the world is a sliver. I love looking at cameras. I love that control. Deda, creepy it is that you were watching on cameras. By the way, could you tilt that one a little more?

Can I get the bathroom cameras in the dressing room to my ear feed? Thanks. Okay, go ahead. Go ahead. answer. And Brittany's like, oh, yeah, yeah, he was telling me what I was wearing. He was telling me what I was wearing. And trust me, it's much uglier when it's described. You know what, Jacks? Go to the therapist and say, give me the tools that will help me. Every time I get to this point, give me like three things I can do to set myself out of it. So, for instance, my therapist says

I can put on some petulia oil. The second thing I can do is listen to Landslide by Stevie Knicks. And the third thing is sort of wrap my head in a Pashmina. It works every time. Kick up. I just, I can't get past the Britney saying Jacks was calling her and telling her what she's wearing. I wonder how Jacks was describing that. I wonder how accurate, like, Jack's fashion sense is. Brittany, I see you right now. You're a 90% rayon halter top with cutouts that aren't quite placed properly in a color that doesn't flatter you.

Damn it. He's called me again. So, Kristen, it's basically like, just call me. like call someone call me call luke call someone you know and he's like no you guys hate me you guys fucking hate me he's like oh i hate what you did to her but i don't hate you so brittney's like yeah that goes i fucking hate you i do i hate you so um brittany is like it doesn't matter how long you guys have known each other me and christ are far closer and jack's say i understand that but christin i didn't get to go to your your baby shower and you know how hurtful that was i've been in your

for 20 fucking years and I know I know she's your friend I didn't get to go to your baby shower jacks suddenly cares about going to a baby shower look okay this of all the things that he said that have been bullshit tonight and like for 10 years this has to be the biggest one jacks pretending to cry about not getting invited to a baby shower I don't think I know any anyone who's ever cried about not going to getting invited to a baby shower they are wretched events So Kristen's like, well, start treating her better and you'll be invited place. And he goes, yeah, but you know what? Not being invited hurts because I wouldn't be involved with you guys.

You know, I miss it. I miss it, guys. So Kristen's like, well, okay, but you got to start somewhere. Just start with that, Jacks. Just start with that. And they're all crying. Everybody's like, oh, my God. Look at how vulnerable Jacks is being discussed.

You know, I have to remind myself that everybody's trash. You know, like you like people more. than others, but it's moments like this where I'm like, it's just varying shades of trash. Like watching everybody go around the room pretending they're dabbing their eyes as Jacks is coming clean, as if he doesn't do this nine times a year, you know? So Jacks is like, well, but I'm a sabotageer, you know, and I'm a control freak. And it's just like, I'll just find a way to fuck things up. That's just how I am.

It was poor me, guys. Poor me. Janet's like, well, you don't have to keep on doing it. Okay. And she's, yeah, you have a son now. You have a son now. Like, I do. That's amazing news. But you know what? You can't just, you can't just change overnight. I'm trying, man. I'm trying. I mean, nerve cystic behavior, manipulation control. These are issues. These are like deep-rooted issues. And I don't know where this came from. I can't change over night, guys. So I'm just saying, I have license to keep being a monster to all of you. Okay. Because I'm going to say I'm going to change. Yeah, that's exactly right. Well, he just says he's making, he's putting all of his behavior under the umbrella of illness. of some kind. Like, I'm sick. I can't fix it.

Yeah, I'm sick. I need help. Sorry. So, why are you not like giving me props instead of, you know, tearing me down, guys? You know what? You constantly cite that I've ruined your life and you blame me for having to go to rap and not being able to film and losing jobs and this and that. And Jacks is like, no, it's not your fault, but I needed someone to blame. You understand that. And of course, I'm going to blame the wife, the mother, my child, the person who stood through me, stood by me when no one else would you're the best person to blame you're like that's i mean that was kind of funny right when i blamed you that was funny i was laughing were you not laughing you

weren't laughing so wait now you see that i did the right thing do you think do you think i did the right thing okay and he's like yeah 100 you know because if i didn't go to rehab like i would be here right now i would not be here right now i'd probably be at uh yeah i'd be at uh yeah i'd be alive i'd be alive Yeah, if I didn't go to rehab, I'd be drinking somewhere right now. And Brittany's like, that was my biggest fear. I was going to find him in a bathroom somewhere. Truly, honestly, in a bathroom. Not necessarily dead, but probably just pooping and ignoring me while I sat at the table.

I was sitting at the table. Do you know how hard it is to sit alone at an applebees every 10 minutes? It's horrible. It's all. You're going to buy one of those two? Anyway, in his own way, through many reunions where I've sat here and, with him and confronted him for horrible behavior. He has taken more accountability today than I've heard him take.

What do you think about the more fake accountability tonight than another tonight's a fake accountability? So Fannie whipping out some congratulations. Wow, he's really doing it, guys. This is amazing. This is amazing. And Brittany's like, well, you know, it's performative, and I hope it's not performing if but I hope they're sorry but I just don't trust in two days he's going to be

race takes me and screaming at me again okay and I'm just so tired I can't stay here anymore I can't do this like how many times like how many times like I can't stay here and say it's just going to stop today I mean like I'm going to do my best sure like yeah for sure can you look at her can you look at her can you seriously can you look at her look at me the whole time he didn't even look at me he ain't even looking at me what am I wearing you don't even know what I'm wearing and it's cute you know how hard is to sit by my house by myself I can't even go to the bathroom because every time I go to the bathroom she's like oh look we found him in the bathroom I can't go the bathroom anymore I'm wearing diapers in my own house watching myself

on my own cameras in my own diapers and critiquing myself what sort of way is this to live yeah he's like yeah you know what I just I just I just I just I want to be there for my said you know so like he's the only person of my family like everyone's offering hit powder all the time like he poops himself they're offering hip powder that's fine I guess you know So I want to hang out with him. That's for his ass, Jacks, that's baby powder. Still, though, still though. Do you know, I just don't feel like people understand.

I'm so lonely. I'm in my home alone. No responsibilities. Hot bitches with giant boobs coming over. Tom Schwartz next door. My best friend living right next door. Do you know how lonely that makes you? Well, you don't even understand.

You don't know what lonely is. Okay. You don't know what it feels like. He's like, yeah, but you get to be around your. friends. I only get to be around many of my friends. And I don't know. It's just it's hard. And she's like, well, I'm the one who's home alone with our child every night. And there is a difference. Okay. Me and you are different. And he's like, yeah, but I would just want to be what I said. Like I want to. And so, Andy's saying, uh, yeah, you know what? And he's saying, uh, yeah,

you know what? Like, uh, you're, did your control? Oh, sorry. He's like, it's in your control, Jacks. I mean, what you're saying is control is a huge issue. But if you want control, you have control. Because the more you take control of your actions, the more your life with everybody around you is going to get better.

Can't be. If you're not going to come at Jacks for physically abusing his wife a little bit more, I really don't need your shitty Instagram advice on this section. You know what, Jacks? When I was 17, I did what people told me. I did what my father said.

I let my mother mold me. But that was a long time ago. I'm in control. Control. Anyone? Anyone? No. Commercials.

Here comes one right now. Oh. So. Britten is like, yeah, you got a lot of yes, man in your life. And, um, Jacks, oh, so now's a big question. Jacks, are you still in love with Britney? Don, don, don't, don. Let's go to a commercial for some depression pills.

I love, I love when Bravo's really going off the rails and they're like, are you depressed? Yes, I'm fucking depressed. I'm watching the Valley. You know, Andy, that's a really tough question to answer right now. wait hold on let me just hold on i brought an onion here right for this moment let me just hold it up to my eyes oh it's just it's a lot to talk about right now i'm crying i'm crying america and he's like okay well if you still love her what you hurt her come on just we just move on andy i don't want to i just want to move on from that one it's too much be vulnerable be vulnerable jacks just be

vulnerable okay why can you just be vulnerable okay you're still in love with her just say it just say it are you still in love with jacks i mean i said a million times leaving somebody that you actually love is much harder than leaving somebody than when you're done and i was forced to leave the person i thought i was going to buy with for the rest of my life and it really is hard to leave you know it's like the last time i walked out of that hooters and i never knew if i would see it again because of corporate bankruptcy and such it was real hard to leave when i love that restaurant their son Cruz and his autism diagnosis. And she says that when he was, you know, first born and like the first year of his life, he was doing great. He was talking. He was, you know, showing great

progress. And then it kind of stopped, basically. So she immediately went, took him to the doctor and got the diagnosis. And she basically talks about going through that with her son and all that. And she's like, and then I was doing it alone because Jacks, you know, Jacks wasn't doing any of that. Jacks is off doing rehab or doing whatever, and I'm there raising our autistic son alone. And Jackson is like, yeah, it must be really hard. Yeah, let's be really hard. Excuse me, I got to go pee. I got to pee.

No, my mind, I got to go pee. I got to pee. Sorry, I should have started this before the autism section because it's probably a bad time, but I've really got to pee. I'm going to be right now. It's like, geez, could you choose a more awkward time? So they're all like, okay, just go. They don't stop the show or anything. She just kind of goes off to pee.

And Andy is talking. So Andy moves on to Michelle, right. So after the bitter separation, Michelle moved from one dead-eyed man to another dead-eyed man. But this one's dead eyes were bugging out of his head. So Michelle, Jesse began to wonder if his new ex-as-honey was creating or was buzzing around while he and Michelle were still together. Jesse, you accuse Michelle of cheating on you while you were married. Did you have any proof that she cheated? Jesse's like, well, we sat down with one of our really close friends

and her number one thing was I did not cheat on you and I don't want you talking about it on the show. So my friend looked her in the eye and said, but you did cheat on him and she got pink in the face, Andy. And she admitted. And Michelle's like, that is not how the conversation went. Okay, that is not how it went, but whatever. well you went out one night

they met these two guys they both started dating them and Michelle's like that's not what I said and he said well did you cheat and she's like yeah well I kissed him well you asked me did anything happen and I explained exactly what happened

that you cheated I did finally finally you've known before we started filming and you went on and tried to shame me because you wanted people to hate me. Yeah, so we go over this whole thing. Was she cheating? Was she not cheating? I fully support her cheating in this. You know, I don't always support cheating.

I think generally I do not support cheating at all. But I think when it comes to Jesse's ass, I am fully in favor of Michelle having a liberating cheating moment. And people can't get all righteous about this. I'm going to say people don't get righteous because how many rom-coms have we seen where someone is in a mediocre? to bad relationship and they meet someone great and they have like a they have like an affair and we all root for them to leave the shitty guy and go with the guy they like we've all seen those movies we've all liked it I know movies aren't real life but the point is sometimes I'm okay with the rom-com situation happening I support Michelle kissing another guy while she's dealing with the living wretch and narcissist that is Jesse Lolly yeah you know cheating's not great but just was out all the time like she's home alone raising a baby and he's going out parting spending all their money until four in the morning so what is that so if he actually doesn't stick his dick in somebody it's not cheating I guess technically but what else would you really call it I mean

I would say that's pretty close you're out parting every night doing God knows what with your friends and he probably he's nailing but he's nailing her to a cross for a kiss and like I'm not saying she's like you know again not like we generally endorse cheating and you know i would have preferred it if she had kissed someone after she started the separation but he's nailing her to the cross about a kiss when he's spent all their money and being a totally irresponsible partner and it's just awful and treats her badly and is and it's derogative towards her and condescending and i don't care if he's charming and a model and can laugh and reveal all those jack lantern teeth of his i don't care jokes okay i'm going to grant her a kiss well i doubt it was just a kiss anyway she probably

full on cheated and dated aaron or whatever but when you're in a relationship with a narcissist who's constantly degrading you and leaving you alone and doing all of this and you think you're at the end of your i mean whatever i don't need to excuse it's not my relationship but jesse is just taking whatever he can to not look like the fucking asshole in this relationship because we all watched this season one and we've watched him try and change season two while still going around calling grow a stupid whore and all of this other shit and we've seen the way he treats her on camera and if he does that on camera what is he like off camera that's got to be terrifying his dead-eyed terrifying personality it's not cute so when it's off camera it's a lot different

so you know this whole like i'm going to use this kiss against you to really shame you so that no one's focusing on me and i have to say it's worked you know if you read a lot of comments and stuff we've discussed this at length it has worked um and it just it's infuriating that this guy gets away with that shit so i'm kind of with you i'm like i don't i don't love cheating but fuck you yeah but fuck you i don't care if it's right or wrong at this point i will not be on team jesse on this yeah so andy is like jesse did you ever cheat on michel he goes no i don't cheat on anybody and she or Michelle you don't believe him no and then Michelle I mean that Kristen sorry I'm back don't mind me if I missed anything good we

did we accuse Michelle cheating yet oh good I'm we're right in the middle of it perfect so Andy's like Kristen you said that Michelle had a boyfriend but that it wasn't and and oh okay welcome back huh huh this is funny my water broke but I got I got to leave gotta leave ha ha so Andy's like all right well Chris if you said last year at the mantra and Michelle had a boyfriend so what's going on Was Aaron the boyfriend? I didn't have a boyfriend. Now, this is where Michelle is being tricky

because she insists repeatedly. I never had a boyfriend. Like Kristen was lying because I never had a boyfriend. And the negative space there is, of course, an implication like she had maybe a fuck buddy. But they weren't officially boyfriend. So she's trying to plausibly deny it. She's like, we weren't closed off.

So didn't count as boyfriend. Yeah. So that's why I don't believe it was just a kiss. And Kristen's like, yeah, you were seeing someone. And no, it's not Aaron, so, you know, the only thing I know about her and Aaron is exactly what I've said. You know, like, I mean, she asked me to text my friend, is he like a good guy and like, what's this deal? And that was the end of it.

That was it. So I did it. And Andy's like, well, who was the boyfriend? It was just a friend. Jesse's like, yeah, a friend that she kisses. It was a friend who finally gave me attention. A lot happened during my marriage, but I never glozed it off. with anybody, Andy.

Jesse says, she knows cheating and cheaters. That's my one thing. Oh, okay. He's acting like he's the first person in the world to be upset when he gets cheated on. And by the way, if cheating and cheaters are your one thing, why are you best friends with Jacks? Just, I'm just curious about that one. And why have you not laid into Jacks for doing those things, especially because it's

apparently a trigger point for you, but it may be only selectively. So Michelle is like, that's really interesting because as soon as I asked for a devil worse, you started sleeping with a married woman. So which is it? And Jesse goes, who's the married woman? Well, you know who it is. It starts with the A. Oh, God. So now we've got another pretty little liars on our hands.

It's going to take us nine seasons to find out who A is. Yeah. It's, well, we all know. it's it's an Anna Anna

Paquin What he's trying to say Wow Wow There I said everyone You went into some kind of coma I was like why can I think of anyone who's any famous Anna's He's like what

she's so good at the piano I just can't so Jesse's like oh oh my ex-girlfriend who hasn't been married in 25 years really she is married so again

I believe Michelle on this one because his eyes his eyes say it all you know he does this stuff where he says something and then she calls him on the line and then he just does a really slow eye roll and looks away and has no argument

and that's what he did here so that's his tell yep so now everyone's like chatting before we're in a commercial break and Michelle's like do I seem angry and he's like no no no you still haven't registered an emotion for five years it's okay okay because I still will never understand that term gas lighting yeah gas lighting she doesn't know what gas lighting is which you know I get I mean I can see that in her so Andy's like oh Luke Jesse said you told him at a time where Michelle went over to Aaron's apartment and caught him with another girl.

And Jesse, we see that. And Jesse, Lucas saying, well, before I say anything else, really want to apologize, shouldn't have gotten in your marriage. But when she said that when she said that she was seeing somebody that she went to see this guy and he was with another girl, that's what I said. That's what I said. so that was my one thing to say in this reunion so I hope I got it out right thank you everybody thank you for coming to my luke talk and jasmine's like oh oh oh can i ask the question like like the cheating like like do you think that like emotionally like do you think that like you emotionally cheated on jesse maybe like was it emotional was it like cheating cheating was it

emotional cheating what kind of cheating was it and michelle jesse's like 100% that's what i said that's what i said emotional cheating yeah because that's what it sounds like i mean it's just what it sounds like to me. Just spoken to someone who's been a real estate pro for about five minutes. Yeah. And so, uh, and he's like, well, we're, Michelle, were you in errant in an emotional relationship? No, that is so false because he admitted to me in Hawaii. You guys used to meet up at the park while Isabella ran around. Hold on. Let me finish people who are not interrupting me. And he used to ask you for advice on this girl. and on the girls he was dating, and then you asked him.

She's like, that's not an emotional relationship. His words, his words, you ask him for advice on our marriage and our separation. And so we see footage of Aaron being like, yeah, you know, I would talk to her about girls I was dating and I would get her opinion. And then the only time she ever brought you up was when she said she was going to file for separation. Big emotional affair happening over there. And that is emotional cheating. Come on, a married woman with a child asking a single.

guy for advice about her husband that is wildly inappropriate no it's not while it's not inappropriate for men and women to be friends jesse and to talk about their lives like what are we in 1930 like what 1950 i guess would be more uh apt but like what do we what is this puritanical bullshit men and women can't be friends and talk about their relationships give me a break yeah so michel wildly inappropriate you told our lion that you wanted to eat or or out, like wildly inappropriate. And he goes, oh, what, what, what are you talking about? And Jasmine's like, oh, yeah, get that sale.

Get that sale. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. Harassment's hilarious when somebody else doing it. Harassment's hilarious when it's one of my friends doing it. Did you get the sale though? Did you do it? Yes, you did.

I met it. He's like, yeah, I did. Somehow, Jesse gets off the hook for this accusation because there's like a joke. And then, you know, it's like, and then we move on, you know. So Andy's like, all right, how long were you guys together? He's like eight and a half years-ish. Are we glad that you're not together still? And Janet goes, yes, yes, we are.

Yeah, I think we're both happy. Okay, well then let's leave it there because you guys are not famous enough to keep talking about this. Okay. Well, after. Michelle is too far away to hear. I'm not going to lie. Can we see Michelle by the fire escape? That would be great.

Shall so. Not far enough away from it. All right. Well, after last season wrapped, Zach made comments at Jackson's bar that left friendships in disarray and had Janet wanted to host an exorcism for his so-called demonic behavior. Ha! Well, Kristen, when Janet apologized to you at the white party, you said you were reluctant to believe she really wanted to be friends of you. Why was that? Yeah, well, Janet was there, like, that, like, the Janet that's there on the Valley is not the, it's not the, the Janet who I was friends with, okay? Okay, well, what's the difference between the two of them? Well, the Janet I was friends with used to wear her hair a little bit to the side, and the one of the valley likes the ponytail. And that just creeps me the fuck out. I mean, she used to be funny and super intelligent. And the second we started filming, I was like, who the fuck even is this person? I don't know, where's he?

And every time I make Chrison's head movements, I lose my place on the page. Sorry. Every time I see Chris, I'm going to go, oh, I'm going to have to start searching. Jason's like, Docker speaking. So what are the examples? Because I hear a lot of this, like big talk about, oh, Janice is doing all these things. She's masterminding. But I'm watching the show.

And I'm like, what are you guys talking about? Like, what is it? Kristen says, I mean, like, you're just not you. like you're kind of Stasi Schroeder, you're kind of Lola Kent, you're kind of Sheena. Basically, she's saying she watches show and she's just copying reality star moves that other people have made long before her, which is what she's doing. And Janet's like, yeah, but this is what you're saying, though. I'm not out here saying I want to be those people. No, Janet, but you're trying to emulate them. You don't have to say you're trying to emulate

them to emulate them, dumb, dumb. Jesse, you wanted to say something? I heard a whistling through the the Stonehenge that is your mouth. And he's like, well, Janet and I have a good relationship and we crack jokes together and stuff like that. And I watch her like a million times bring things back around that don't need to be brought up again. What we should be talking about is that Michelle is a slut who had an affair with me.

And yet somehow that only comes up when I bring it up. I just don't like this double standard. What were we talking about? He's like, yeah, basically Janet sucks. Like, I've always liked Janet, but then I watch the show back and I see that Janet sucks. sucks. And Kristen's like, yeah, like she tries to get involved and make it about her. Jesse goes, yeah, it's like she wants to be involved in every little thing. And then all

the sudden, she tries to manipulate it. And Andy's saying, so you're saying she's manipulative. But Andy's barely hanging on. He's just like, oh, my God, can I please go to bed? And Jesse's like, yeah, I mean, I watch a show and she sucks. And Jason's like, whoa, whoa, that is wild because I watched the show too. And I just heard this side. of the room talking about my wife 80% of the time they're on camera yeah because your wife starts 80% of the drama that's on the tv jason that she puts herself in it that's what they're saying they're saying nothing has anything to do with janet but she manipulates everybody and gets herself in every situation for camera time that's why they're always talking about her so zach between seasons

what exactly did you say at jack's bar opening okay so there have been many different stories some people say i was hilarious and charming and maybe should have been sat farther up this sofa and then others say well i was black out and i guess i told her i said i wanted her to miss carrie i don't really know so jack's jacks is that's terrible that's absolutely terrible and andy is just like i was i mean what part wasn't i groaning at on this episode so andy's like and so why would you say that well you know what that threw me off i'm not going to lie and i don't know i don't know when i said it it was to brittany and it was not i was like coming after her and it was a private disgusting thing to say not a public disgusting thing to say so once again this is something that brittney took and took to somebody

else to start shit once again like brittney does this all the fucking time this is the other 20 percent of storylines are brittany doing this shit but this pissed me off and i grown really loud and booed at the tv because zach i mean i stood up for you so i will have to take the l on this one because I assumed it was Zach saying since they never went into what exactly happened I thought that Zach had said something when they were saying like you know Janet is saying you want her you don't being stressed out can help her can make her lose her baby or something is like fine then I don't care or whatever something like that but no Zach I guess did say like fuck her than best Kerry or whatever he said that's

terrible Jesus Christ and I totally believe it because we see how Zach is like in the last in the finale episode where it's like shut up stupid whore like he just goes crazy with that mouth but boo boo I'm just taking me out so Jason's love for you again hey everyone this is the end of part one of this recap for part two keep an eye on your podcast feed it is coming up in just a moment thanks so much for listening catch you on the second half watch what crapins would like to thank It's premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Allison King.

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In the study with a candlestick, it's Leslie Peacock. We're ride or die for Lisa Rider Barron. She's a whiz. It's Liz Sarthie. Always killing it. It's Low Alcalani. The Incredible Edible Matthews Sisters. She eases our woes, it's Melissa St. Rose. There's a chance of meatballs. It's Rebecca Cloud. She's the Queen Bee. It's Sarah Lemke.

We cannot tell a lie. It's Sarah Talaf Sun. Shannon, out of a canon, Anthony. Please don't stop. It's solely and pop. Let's take off with Tamla Plain. It's always a good time when you're wasting time with Bravo. She ain't no shrinking Violet Coutar. We love you guys. If you like Watch What Crappins, you can listen ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts.

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