Watch What Crappens - #2960 RHOM S7E9 Part 1: Preppy Le Pieu

Episode Date: August 7, 2025

This is part 1 of a two-part recapWith a trip to Seville looming, Marisol invites the ladies over for a preppy party on The Real Housewives of Miami.  Will tensions ease? Will anyone fly on Stephanie’s PJ? And will Basquiat get one last trip to paradise? You can watch this recap on video, listen to our Love Island bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens.  Find bonus episodes at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens and follow us on Instagram @watchwhatcrappens @ronniekaram @benmandelker Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to Watch What Crapins, a podcast about all that crap we just love to talk about on Bravo. I'm Ben Mandelker, joining me today, as usual, the one, the only, the gloriously eyelided, Mr. Ronnie Karam. Hi, hi, everybody. I've still got one wonky eye, but you know what? Who cares? It's less wonky than it has been. So it's like, bring it out today. Bring it out. I'm sick of wearing the glasses.

It looks great. I mean, I'm very happy. You are no longer a star of the James Bond film, Staya, Another Day. Tomorrow never Sties. I'm back to Pussy Galore. Golden Stuy. No, your Staya has gone, and your recovery has been so rapid. Now, finally, I feel like you're there.

You're there. Your eyelids, your fresh new eyelids can finally be spectacular. They're close. But you know what? It's been a month in glasses. That's crazy. I didn't know it was going to be all that. But anyway, here we are. Enough eyelid talk. Everybody, welcome to watch what problems. It's a very special day to day because Stephanie brags about her playing a lot. You know what we should do? You know what I'm going to start doing while you do the intro? I'm going to start Googling Stephanie's ass. Okay. Stephanie. Show. jaw e okay ben go ahead i'm writing okay well show a bankruptcy okay you're gonna look that up in the meantime i'm gonna tell everyone that they should come join us on patreon where we have a wonderful fan community that is there uh we also have some great content we have bonus content this week's bonus episode uh we

caught up on some pop culture we talked about project runway naked gun big brother rani uh let us in on some of the of planning a baby shower, things like that, like lots of very fun things. So come join us. There's also a video component. If you support on the Crappins on demand level, you can watch the show. You don't just have to listen to it so you can see Ronnie's beautiful eyes. And all those Crappins on demand episodes are released for free on our YouTube channel a week later. But we know that you guys all want your fresh content. So to get it fresh and on video, It's there on Patreon. And there's also a fabulous Discord community.

And shout out to everyone over there. So that's Patreon. And then this coming Monday, we have Crappy Hour coming up. That's going to be at 530 Pacific, 8.30 Eastern. And what we're going to be doing going forward is alternating between crappy hour one week and Amazon Live the following week for at least for the next like two months or so. So that is the plan, Stan. And today we are talking real house house of Miami, which is just always fabulous every single time. We watch it.

Did you look up anything? What did you find? What did you find? I found Stephanie Shawaji and her husband Massoud were forced to sell their 12,000 square foot home, Morris style, after failing to repay an $8 million mortgage loan on time. They didn't pay the entirety of the $8 million they borrowed and the bank filed a foreclosure on January 6th. sixth what a date god what a date that's an asshole date to lose stuff january 6th um and they the they filed foreclosure and they sold it on the 17th and um yeah that's pretty much it i just wanted to look up that because i'd heard some you know there's like all these rumblings about

stephanie and her kind of lying waves so i haven't gone too far into that because i'm waiting for it to come out on the show you know sometimes i spoil myself too much by reading too much gossip and then it happens on the show and I'm like whatever that's no big deal they lost everything we saw it coming i don't want to see it coming i want to see it happen on the show so you know i'm trying to like avoid spoilers but she bragged about her playing so much i had to look it up so there you go yeah yeah yeah i mean like at this point we are seasoned real housewives viewers we can sense financial issues a mile away when someone comes in looking like a minion in chanel you know there are some mortgage issues, there are lawsuits, there are debts, there are bankruptcies hiding behind those

pearl necklaces. Yeah. And, you know, it's also got us attuned to feeling rich when we're not because, like, you get so snotty watching Housewives about silly things you have no business being snotty about. Like Stephanie whips out, her first scene is pulling out, she's like with an assistant or something, and she pulls out a lady to your purse and it says $5,900. And I was like, Oh, that is so sad because my other friend has one that's $95,000. I thought the same thing. I'm embarrassed for you. Meanwhile, I have a hole in my big toe on my sock.

I was literally, I had my foot up on the ottoman. I was like, you're judging this woman while your big toe is coming out of your sock, sir. Yeah, I had the exact same reaction. I basically am a victim to bag inflation because of this network. Because last week, Nicole pulled out that $95,000 Armes bag, I think. And we're like, oh, my God, that's crazy. $95,000 for a bag. But now I'm like, $5,900 for a bag.

What is it? Is that like, did you get it at CVS? I'm totally become a snob about something I never would buy it. Like, at any time. Yeah, exactly. So she does that. And then Julia and Mary Sol meet up at a restaurant. And Julia almost knocked something over while she's hugging her.

And she's like, oh, look what I did. Water. Water. Me and water. You know, look at that. I almost knocked over the water again. Me and my hilarious water. That's what I do.

And then Adriana, she arrives at a dog facility. And it's called DOG, which, as we all know, stands for a department of government. and then it was actually so efficient they actually got rid of the E. But no, it's actually in this case. The notorious. Yeah, it would be funny if she showed up at Doge. She's like, I'm here to work. I'm here to fire people.

But it's actually... There are too many people in the Democratic Organization of Gardner. I'm going to get rid of it. I'm here to fire NPR. Okay. But... No, but she's actually at a place, I guess, where dogs can mate. And so this was one of the funniest scenes I've ever seen on the house show.

I died laughing because I thought, oh, she's going to a dog groomer. No, it was not. It was a whorehouse for dogs. So she's telling her dog, are you lucky for your date? Are you ready for your date? You're going to get lucky today. So she tells us, I've scoped all the parks in Miami. We've been looking high and low.

We can't find a bitch. I'm going to find the right bitch for you. worry because here I am I find a place that birds brings dogs together to have one trip in paradise before he gets clip clip clip he's like no no clip clip so he's going to get it out because her dog is a sex addict yes dog has trouble a huge that dog loves sex what what's the name of the dog again why can I remember it I don't know I don't really pay attention to little fluffy snobby dogs like that little it's because it is a french poodle right? It's a white French poodle, correct?

It's a fluffy. It looks like, I don't know. It's like a little, it's, it's, it's French pooples, pupils, aren't French poodles bigger? Um, maybe a toy, a toy, a toy, poodle. A French toy poodle. French toy poodle. French poodle. It's a toy, it's a toy poodle or a toy French poodle.

I don't know, but she brought, it knows all the, it knows all the scripts for all the play scripts for everything. You have to like go through that poodle and get the rights before you put on me. Gary Glenn Ross. It's very withholding about rights if you want to put on a production at your school. So the poodle is there. She brought the poodle on to watch What Happens Live. And I didn't watch the episode, but I watched clips.

And what I liked was that the poodle was just kind of like freely roaming around that set. And I, you know, famously really dislike poodles. I find that they are very hyperactive in a way that does not work with what I. I like in my personal space. So I generally dislike all poodles and I dislike all poodle mixes, no matter how cute they are. There's like one or two exceptions that I will be okay with. But like generally speaking, when I see poodle, I get not only do I not like poodles. I think I even like poodles even less because inevitably the poodle owners always say,

And I know some of you in our sweet audience are saying this right now, but they're so smart. And as I always say, I'm not commissioning this poodle to build me a wing on my house. I'm not looking for this poodle to develop a new vaccine. I don't need a dog to be smart. People do a dog like that with dogs. It's weird because I had a Jack Russell before Bueller. I had a Jack Russell named Zina for 16 years. Loved this dog.

That was my first dog to have as an adult. And this dog was really smart. You know, she was a great dog. But everywhere we went, people were like, oh, a Jack Russell. And then they would start testing her. They would be like, oh, my God, do this, do that, sit down, roll over. You know, what can your dog do? And I was like, why does the dog have to do anything?

It poops outside. That's really all I require. Like, honestly, all I require is potty training and giving me love. That's all I need from a dog. But these people are like, does your dog know calculus? Because that is a Jack Russell. And they are very, very smart. And now I have Bueller and he's just like, you know, a half pit bull, half Chihuahua.

He looks all Frankenstein. He's all weird looking. And people don't expect shit from Bueller. And it is like a vacation going around people. They're like, well, the dog didn't take my wallet. So you've got a good dog, you know? Yeah, I feel like all my friends who have quote unquote smart dogs. What they wind up doing is having to hide food from the dogs the entire entire time.

It's about like latching cabinets closed. I'm like, that's not an asset to me. I want my animals to be on the dumb side. I want them to be low energy. What are you doing on my Bank of America account? Get the hell out of there. Yes. So that's my preamble to say that usually when I see a poodle, I'm just like, but this poodle was cracking me up.

Like honestly. I like girls in general. It's just like the floofy dogs that people are like, oh my God, it's so cute. It's like overgroomed. It has bows. in the hair. I don't like that stuff. Yeah, and that's what this one is. Well, that's what I'm saying

is that like this dog is like this. And so I'm like, ugh, this dog. But I was cracking up at this dog because it is so foofy, but ultimately you are reminded that it is at the end of the day, despite all its bows and little cute sweaters and

like grooming, it's still a dog. And it is ready to fuck. Just the idea. I mean, who even thinks of that? Like I'm getting my dog snip so he's not going to get laid properly. So I'm going to take him. And then someone else is like, I'm taking my dog. I'm going to take my female dog there to get fucked by some stranger.

What an odd business. I mean, I get it for breeding if you want to like breed or whatever. No offense, straight people. But you know, a dog? A dog. Yeah. But you know, people love doing this stuff. I'm still trying to look up the dog's name.

For the life of me, I can't figure it out. And I find all sorts of photos of Adriana's dog, but it is, it is just, I cannot find the name of it. It's driving me absolutely bunkers. And now who's the dumb dog? Me. So the perfect person to join for this scene is Lisa. I don't know why. It just makes sense for Lisa because she always had those parties with Lenny in Miami, like especially the Halloween parties.

I think that's where he met Katrina or whatever the lady he ran off with. So that that was kind of like a key party. right it's like a bunch of Instagram and only fans models and stuff would go and just like fuck rich guys at these parties from what we heard and so it's funny that adriana brings Lisa she's like nah she's a swinger she gets it she gets yeah you know this is where we brought we brought lenny before he left Lisa Lenny had his many rodeos final rodeos here um the dog's name is boscaat duh of course his name is basquiat of course of course that's He's too groomed to be named Boscaat.

Boschia was just messy, you know? It was all about mess. You can't just have this floofy little dog with bows in his hair. Yeah, like if anything, he needs to have like a little crown. Isn't that like Baskiat's thing? Like the little, the little, as evidenced by me, sticking my fingers on my head as if that shows looks like a crown. But I basically made myself like a little buffalo.

So they go, so Baskiat and Baskiat's last lady go to this. back area to have have a nice moment. And, um, you know, uh, it's Basquat and honey. This is the, these are the lovebirds. And Adriana's making like conversation with the mom and everything. And then we see a montage. Adriana says that Baskiat's favorite type are human legs. And we see a montage of Basquiat humping so many legs. And again, it is so funny because it's this like, it's this quaffed, groomed, like super like fuffy dog. Be like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. on everyone's legs. And it keeps going.

It's great. It was dying. It was hilarious. And Adrana's like, I hope it doesn't get catfished. I miss that. I missed that. It's so funny. And then the mom's there of honey, who is the lady that Bosquiat is banging.

And so they're making small talk. Like, how old is Bosquiat, he's three. And honey is one. I'm like, honey is one. What kind of parenting are we doing in this country when you're taking your one-year-old? I mean, I know that that's longer in dog year, but even dog years are seven years. What are we doing here, people? What is the standard time, what is the standard time that people normally neuter or neuter their dogs?

Is it within their first year? Is it three, like, Adriana is saying that this is like three years in, Baskat's three years old. I always thought it was a little earlier. It's very early. Yeah, you do it. Yeah. I mean, I guess you can do it whenever you want. But yeah, generally you do it early.

I've gotten my dogs always done fairly soon after I get them, I think. One time was so scary because I couldn't, I didn't have money to go get it done proper. So they have like a low income trailer, basically. It was in, it was in like the deep valley and it was in the parking lot of the big lots. and I had to go at seven in the morning and just leave Zena in there. And I was waiting outside. Like, this isn't right. This isn't right.

But it was 20 bucks. And, you know, she never humped anyone's leg. Jesus. I guess it was cheaper than taking her to get laid in a dog brothel in the DOG brothel. So why do we need an hour to talk about this one scene? Like, nothing really even happened in the scene, but it was so cute and funny. We'll just stay here all day talking about different dog things. Okay.

So they hook up and romantic music plays when the dogs see each other. And Honey and Bosquiat do the deed. And they get pictures. It's like a nice video of it. Larsa's going to be jealous that this dog is like getting its own only fans promo. Because Larsa's never really gotten to do that. We've never seen Larsa do like a foot shoot or whatever. Yeah.

Yeah. I just was so happy for Baskillat because when Baskat was done doing his deed, Um, Basquiat and Honey came out of the hideaway and the rest of the people in the villa, the rest of the dogs just like clap their paws together. And then like Basquette went off with the boys and honey went off with the girls and they talked about what happened. And then later on they played did a challenge where they had to like transfer catch up from one mouth to another. And then at the recoupling, what was shocking to me was how Basquiat dropped honey and she had to be kicked off the island. I was, it was terrible. Oh my God. And the worst is right before she got kicked up got kicked. off, she fell asleep with the other girl dogs, and they put her paw in hot water and she peed herself. And then she got kicked off the island. It was awkward. Yeah. And then Gigi was like, wait, so she got to go to DOG? Great. My dream date. Great. Thanks. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappence commercial. So there's a preppy party. Marisol is having a preppy party. And they're talking about what to wear.

And Lisa's like, I hate themes. I hate themes. Unless they're like lady who gets money to do bad things in Grand Theft Auto. That's a theme I can get behind. What is preppy? Yeah, what is preppy? So Adriana's like, well, I, you know, like, I didn't feel invited. You know, I felt Marisol sent out to, she sent out to group chat.

And like, she never reached out to me. And nevertheless, I'm going to go because, you know, cameras, because the whole boat thing and I kind of regret it and we cut to her last week being like fuck off you old whore go get plastic surgery and your bony knees

because they need it there's someone there's someone on Twitter whose name is Marisol's bony knees and I just think that's the funniest Twitter name it's so funny I've been calling people dry knees all week

so that was my favorite dry knees dry knees Fix her dry knees, whore. So, Adriana's like, yeah, you know, it was a lapse in judgment. I'll say it was a lapse in judgment. And Lisa's like, yeah, I probably wouldn't have said pony knees. If, you know, maybe I would take that back.

And she's like, I'm not proud of it. I'm not proud. She's like, okay, well, good. I'm glad to taking accountable. I don't know the word, but, you know, stop the calculus. And she's like, I am accountable. I'm ready to move on. And I love when the person who did the, I love when the perpetrators are the ones that are ready to move on.

I want to say that if I'm ever arrested for something. All right, guys. All right. All right. I robbed the house. Sorry. I'm ready to move on from this. I think I'm ready.

Guys, I've been thinking about it. And I've processed this. And I understand. And I think it's time that we all moved on. I feel ready to move on. Because always in their mind, it's always like, well, the reason why I was a perpetrator is because you did something that offended me. But now I'm over that because I got out my perpetration. And so I think we can move on.

Meanwhile, someone's sitting there with a house that's burned down. Yeah, exactly. Thank you for your apology for having a flammable house. Thank you. So then we go back to Marisol and Julia. And Marisol's like, I invited Adriana to my property line. Oh, man. of me, Julie's like, well, you guys are a freaking completely on opposite planet.

What happened with you? Well, I guess you offended. Sorry, I heard you taking a drink of coffee. I forgot to give myself a straw today. So now when I drink coffee, it's like a whole process I've got to do away from my mic. Otherwise, you guys are going to hear lots of ice clanking around. Who wants to hear that, especially when there's a preppy party on foot? Anyway, well, I guess she got offended because Kiki told her,

didn't want to be on the same boat as her. I mean, why would I? I mean, I was already, it was just escalating the whole time. And then we were playing the mind exercise. She kept on giving me all the red flags. I mean, why would she give me the red flags? And then we cut to the narcissism party. What Daniel, the narcissism expert is calling out different narcissistic traits.

How are you not calling out having an Instagram full of you shirtless saying like the 30 second memes you've. fucking narcissist leader. And also don't stop. So, so hot, please. In fact, please be more narcissistic. We'll see it all to show us everything.

All narcissists who work out five times a day and like going around shirtless, keep being narcissists. Everyone else fix yourself. Okay, we don't have room for homely narcissists on Instagram. No, no, that's absolutely correct.

Well, she got offended because Kinky told her I don't want to be on the same bomb with her, but why want I want to be? on the same boat. I mean, now I have dry knees. Now I've dry knees. Do you have, I've been staring at my knees for days and she's calling me old? I mean, she's older than me. It was just escalating. It was escalating the whole time. And when we were playing the mind exercise, she's giving me all the red flags. I mean, come on. I'm not going to lie. I was surprised to hear that Marisol is younger than Adriana. Because the thing is that like everyone was

surprised to hear that Marisol is younger than Andrea. Mary Sol's even surprised. Look at her. She's like, I'm older than her. Well, that's, again, because all her references are like, I mean, look at this guy. Look at Adriana's dating a young whippersnapper of a guy. Who is he?

Mickey Rooney? Am I right, everyone? Yeah. Well, and also she doesn't help herself because she does dress like the older woman in the telemen. novella, you know, who's like the evil one in the telenovela. And she's like this, she's wearing her, you know, widows veil and stuff and a widow's outfit.

And she's married to an older guy, which is rare because most of them pick, you know, look at Adriana. She's with that like French callboy or whatever he is. Right. Who, by the way, seems to be locked away somewhere. We haven't seen him since the first episode. Well, you know, paid by the hour. So, um, we go, uh, we come back and she's like, yeah.

I mean, if you're trying to move forward, why are you still picking? Just stop picking. She just gets so nasty. I mean, my physical appearance, body shaming, my knees. Can you imagine? My knees have good jeans. They're blue. They're blue.

She's older than me. I mean, she kept calling me an old lady. I'm like, you're older than me. Oh, God. She's like a regular Lauren Bacall. So Lisa's like, well, I don't like that Julia's kind of thing. forming a little group with them. And then you're almost like the outsider.

Like, I don't like that for you. Maybe that's another reason that you lashed out. I don't mind that Julia has relationship with the other girls in the group. The only thing I mind is Julia having a relationship with other girls in the group. I don't know if I could be any clearer. She knows who Mary Solis, but all of the sudden,

she's forgotten all of that. And so then we go back to the other two. And Julia's like, I hate what she said to you. I don't like what she did. I love your knees. I love your knees. I love that if I take a little piece of wood and rub it on your knees, I can make fire. You can make fire for babies, babies and gods.

I said, Adriana, the only person who could do something to our friendship is you, yourself and goat. You cannot be lashing out at people like that, especially when you decide to move forward. And Samarcel's like, yeah, well, you know, Gertie is in our group and then we're going to go continue seeing her. So what are you going to do to move when you to move forward? Because I don't know what I, you know, I know what I do with Adriana's. I just ignore her. I just pretend it's bogie at the end of the bar. And I'm just going to be off to Casablanca on my own.

You know what I'm saying? People get these references, right? I'm connecting with the young ones, right? Well, for, you know, me and Garde's friendship, the ship has sailed. And Captain Sandy is on it, and she's glad she only had dinner with me. But we could definitely be cortisol. Well, now Alexia and Stephanie are having some kind of weird stuff going on. And I feel like, you know what, I feel like everybody needs some therapy in this group.

And I want to do something for Alexi. I'm having a spontaneous idea right now because I feel like she's just been on this emotional roller coaster for, I don't know, 60 years at this point. I'm not sure. And so then we see flashbacks to Alexia having her standard season long emotional. issues. This was so good. When they were at that dinner, she's like, I'm only having this dinner for my friend because he's coming in down. I don't want anything to be about Todd. Okay, nothing about this dinner is about Todd. We're only here to celebrate my friend. And then five minutes later, it's like, oh my God, Ted Mothin. Please don't ever let me go back to the narcissist, everybody.

Please help me, please. And not only, not only did Alexia make that dinner about herself, She made it so much about herself that it has been a constant flashback and has also in many ways been like a colonel that has driven the entire season. Like, wait, I thought you hated narcissists. You broke down in a restaurant and talked about how you hated narcissists.

Yeah. Oh, so good. So good. So Julie, it's like, we need to get her out of Miami because otherwise she will go back to Todd. So where should we go? Let's go to Seville.

She's like, Seville, Seville. Seville. Seville. You know. And she's like, I like Savi. You know, it reminds me of that saying in Spanish, Who's se foe, sea, sea, Yes, I love this saying.

Captain Sandy will not sit with non-lesbians. It's not my fault. My favorite saying is, when there's one seat left for Captain Sandy, you better sit yourself in another restaurant. No, it's about people who don't tend to their business. They lose their business. I don't know.

I don't follow. No, God. Don't follow. Oh, more. Maybe she can lose her mind and lose thought. And she goes, okay, yeah, maybe just make things whatever you want to make them, Julia. Who cares? Let's call, let's call Alexia.

So they do. And Alexi's like, Star speaking, Star, yes. Blink, blink, blink, blink in Spanish. Hey, hey there. Well, look, look who I'm with. It's Julia. So we thought it would be a good idea to go back. to Spain because you love Spain so much.

And we could go to Seville. We got to Seville. You know? Oh, of course. I love it. I absolutely love it. And we can get you away from Todd. Oh, perfect. Perfect. You know what? That's what I need to break from Todd.

But by the way, I have to be back on November 18th because Todd's birthday is November 19th. This is why we want to organize trip to get it away from Todd. Oh, you know what? Thank you for being such good friends. I love you girls. You girls always bring a smile to my face. You know that. You know that.

Please. I have to go now. Thought might call me. You guys bring me a Todd to my face. That's what I say. When I want to say smile, I say Todd. Tomarisol's like, okay, one caveat. We're not talking about Todd.

No dudes. Okay. No bros, bro. Okay. I'm not even going to talk about Steve, the alpha male of the group. Okay. We're not talking about dudes on this trip. Okay.

You know, she hung up. I think she hung up about five minutes ago, didn't she? Meanwhile, at dawn. Um, Baskat. Now we see Baskat finishing the job. Baskillian climaxes. Yeah, he does it. They get this picture.

We get this picture of like Baskat like on top of honey, just like smiling at the camera. Like if I'm going out, I'm going out in style. I hope we get the whole story of what happens to Baskat now that he gets snipped. Is he just going to be like, what is life sitting on the couch? Like, what is life? What do I even do with this? Read a book. God.

He's like, well, now I can be a guard for Calisi. So we go to Gertie's home. He has real big plans. So we go to Gertie's home, and Gertie is, she calls Dr. Jackie from Merritt to Medicine. And she's like, oh, that hair I got that yet you have is my favorite taught you baby. I love it so much.

And she's like, oh, well, I need to tell my stylist about it. My stylist, as you know. is a giant plastic vagina that I'll be showing everyone on the next season of marriage medicine for many episodes. Okay, well... I believe in vaginal health for the hair, which is why I tap my head with a dildo every single day. I've written a book about it. And he's like, these girls don't understand me.

Nobody understands what it's like that's cancer except you. And she's like, yes, well, sometimes when friends are bad, friends are good. Because you need to thank them for showing you the goodness, can be badness and badness can be goodness. Waste not, want, not. Two birds in a hand are better than one hand in a bush. I wasn't following any of that because I was transcribing so that way I can put it up on screen for my next humiliation party.

Alrighty, I'm just time to tell you I'm having trouble having sex. Do you ever have trouble having sex? What's life like for you? What's going on with you? And I'm just going to keep talking all the way through the scene. So they just, they bond. They bond. Jackie gives her some advice on dealing.

with, you know, aftermath of breast cancer and being a survivor, et cetera. It's very nice. And I really... Just dealing with shitty friends, you know, because she's like, these girls don't even understand me. I don't know what to do. She's like, well, you know, sometimes when people don't understand you,

a drowning man is bigger than a man who's swimming in a lake. Do you understand what I'm saying? She's like, uh, well, a bird flying overhead is smarter than a hamster on a wheel and a BMW that's going backward to 30 miles an hour.

Do you understand? She's like, ah, ah, ah. Listen, Gertie, Big MacMadillo, Tia, a quarter pounded with some cheese, fillet, a hamburger, a cheeseburger, a happy male, McDonald's, tasty, golden, front, house, regular or larger size. I would like you to tell those women, look them straight in the face,

and say, hold the pickles, hold the lettuce. Special orders, don't upset us. All we ask is that you lettuce. Have it your way. and then say we have the meats it was a very nice phone call full of Dr. Jackie platitudes and Gertie's like, okay, okay.

Well, before you go, sniffling, sneezing, nighttime, coffee, snuffy heads so you can rest medicine. Okay, okay, I've got to go back. Oh, and one last thing. we are farmers dun dun dun dun dun dun dun time done done done I did like one of Jackie's

one of her Dr. Jackie's little little sayings because she was just telling Gertie you just got to look forward because that's why when we drive you got a you have a little rear view mirror and a big windshield because you'll look back a little bit

but there's a lot more to look at going forward and also if you don't look at the windshield You'll crash it or a wall. You'll crash. But like, still, I like, I was like that one, Dr. Jackie. I think all Dr. Jackie had to say was this. Now, listen, Gerti, I know it's difficult. You're dealing with very difficult people in your cast.

Is quad on your cast? No. Okay, then I don't want to hear it anymore. You have a quad. And we had a Mariah. We had a Mariah era on our show. She's like, there's a reason that stop signs are on the street. and not inside the car because otherwise when would you stop?

If we didn't have stop signs, Toyo would just keep on driving into pushes. We've had to discuss this many times with her. So let's go to Idle Gaviano restaurant. Massoud and Stephanie are arriving in matching cheesy outfits. And they're both trying so hard. She's like trying to be rich and he's trying to be. young and it doesn't it doesn't work for either of them they both look like posers sorry they look ridiculous well he is so ridiculous when he tries to look young like when he was doing his tic-tok

challenges or he wears his hat backwards it's more cringy than when maricio does it because masood really i mean i think he's like approaching like early 80s and it's just watching him trying to do like this abracrombian fitch moment it's like oh come on musud so um they sit down masud is so so excited to meet Martina because he is a Martina super fan and he really can't even hide it in this scene, which is really funny because he's very, very wealthy or at least presents as very, very wealthy. And you sort of feel like when you're really, really wealthy, you don't act like a blubbering mess around celebrities, but he kind of is. He's kind of a disaster. Yeah, and I like that Martina isn't even like performatively humble at all ever. It's so funny to me. And she's accomplished a lot. She doesn't have to be.

There's no role it says she has to be. It's just a funny demeanor to me because Stephanie's like, oh, oh, you've met my husband has been dying to meet you. She's just, yeah, she told me that you know more about me than I do. That's not what I see. I'm amazing. I know. All right, go ahead.

Say what you have to say. Seriously. So, yeah, he's like really excited. And then, but of course, first they have to start talking about like the kids, you know, and like how everything's going with the babies. But it's not really just a standard conversation because it's so depressing. They're like, so how are your new babies? And Martinez like, oh, you know, they still cry when we leave. Blu, blue, blue, for about two seconds.

And then diversion, distraction. You know how they are. Just off, doing whatever. And Stephanie's like, well, how old are you going to be when they're 20? The fuck kind of question is that to say? I know. Jesus, you're married to Methuselah. What are you talking about?

How old is Massoud going to be when you turn 20, Stephanie? So, Margina is like, well, you know, they still cry when we leave. And for about two seconds, oh, yeah, I said this part. God, sometimes I just like to say it again, just because I know Massoud is so excited to hear me talk. So he's like, oh, he's like, she just turned 67, 68. Julia. I love that Julia has no idea how old her wife is. Julia is just out of it. She didn't know where her kids went to school. She didn't know how old her wife was. Her wife is getting cancer treatments.

Julia's off getting a facelift. I mean, what the hell? So, Massoud is like, so Martina, talk to me. I used to watch you. Obviously, that's why I'm wearing this Martina T-shirt. Yeah, I noticed that. But we used to watch you all the time. I mean, to find you against what's her name? I appreciate you pretending to forget. Chris Edwards' name that that really warms me.

my heart. She's a fucking bitch. That's what we used to call her. What's her name? So that actually works out perfect. My favorite thing with Chris Everett is the way her hair would always fluff so delicately every time the ball went flying by her because she never could hit it back. Are you missing those times, those times that you got to play with, what's her face?

And she's like, oh, if I could still play, I would. But, you know, I don't miss the stress. When I retired in 94, my mom said, I look 10 years younger. because the stress it was gone forever till I met this one this let me you don't understand how stressful it was to have to try to make conversation with Chris Everett God talk about boring so so missoude's like so you're going to cut your scot your sons or maybe I don't know handsome gentleman who looks like he might be only 24 years old when he has back

hat on? No, I will not. But he has a motorcycle jacket. Well, that's tempting, but still don't. Very, very tight pants, very tight pants. Mm. Well, there, does he have any can hit tennis balls onto?

Make an art? I might teach him more work. I forgot that she did that. Her art where she would hit a tennis ball into a, into a wet canvas. That was good. Whatever happened to that. I did like it actually quite a bit.

Commercials. Here comes one right now. So basically she's like, she'll supervise her sons, but, and she says if they take it on later, then she'll step in. But she's like, but I need someone else to teach them basics. You know, like Chris Heffert, you know, somebody just deals with low level skills. I need someone else to teach them to Chris Everett's. You know, the basics.

I love that. Tina is such a tennis diva that she like she's like I'm not going to deal with anyone who's like Like who's below a certain level not even my own children Like they need if I'm gonna play tennis with my children Someone else needs to bring them up to like US open level but but until then I'm not even gonna hold a racket in their presence They can barely hold a banana at this point, but you know if ever they if ever they get off their asses and do something maybe You know one of them just dropped an egg It was on Chris Everett's head, so we applauded him.

So, Stephanie's like, so do you have siblings, Julia? And she's like, I have brother, one brother, 12 years younger, he's in Moscow. We go once or twice a year. I'm super close, super close. And she's like, oh, yeah, I have twin sisters. We stop talking to each other. We don't speak the same language. I mean, I don't need to sound depressing about it.

It's like, can you just, are you asking someone else about their life or like, No, she just wanted to segue. It says that way she could talk about that. She does not care about Julia's family. She just wanted to set up the conversation so she could talk about how her bitch twin sisters don't talk to her or their parents. That way she could continue to weaponize this platform against them, publicly shamed them. But it's okay because then Julia takes it right back and makes it about her again, but with something else. She's like, no, no, you know, we're having difficult time with older daughters because we don't have communication with them anymore.

because of our new family dynamic, it's growing pains. And she says that the adoption came as a surprise to her girls because you didn't tell them. I mean, is that what you were getting out of this? Like she did. They were just like, maybe we're going to adopt kids. And then the next minute, they've got two new kids. And they're like, excuse me, where is my inheritance going? Like, what that hell?

Not only where's my inheritance? Like, no offense, you two are both a bit older. and we're going to have to be the ones taking care of these kids ultimately. Like when they're like 10 or 11, you know, like we're probably going to have to step in or like they're going to have to live with us. Who knows? Who knows what, you know, life has in store. But they know it's basically, they know it's more than just like suddenly two new brothers. It's like, oh, we have to take care of these kids out of nowhere. But also, but even that being said, like, I mean, I kind of can't imagine just suddenly stop talking to your mom because she adopted kids.

Well, but it's just being like, mom, like mom, that's so annoying. Stop it. But I can't imagine be like, I'm never talking to her again because she's opening her house up to two children that need a house. Well, we don't obviously know the whole story, but from what Julia is saying here, they didn't really tell the kids. Like, there's no communication. I think the kids are just like, no.

The kids were given a Zoom link and they chose not to come. They were late to the Zoom link. And so it was up to them to read a. about it in the news and that they if they chose to if they had chosen to come onto the zoom five minutes earlier they could have been looped in like everyone else who was cool Julia fucking would too I'm sorry they read it in people that's why they read it if they don't get to zoom so I think it's about I think it's about inheritance and I think it's also it's inheritance and knowing that they just have to this will be an up this is going to be a responsibility that's going to land on them ultimately because, you know, I think that Martina and Julia are older. And, like, it's not going to be, I don't think it's going to be a cakewalk. Yeah. So, yeah, she says they are upset with us for not communicating enough with them about what's going to happen.

So you didn't tell them. I just was cracking up. That is so, Julia. So, um, I can not believe my daughters are not talking to me. After I did not talk to my daughters about what we are doing. So then we see a clip to illustrate how close she is with her brother in Moscow and they're on FaceTime and she's like, I don't know what to do. The girls won't talk to me.

I've tried to call them, but they won't. They've tried to have my sons and FaceTime them. They just hang up on them. I don't know what to do. And he's like, listen, here's what I always say. Hold the pickle. Hold the latest. Special orders.

Have you been watching married to medicine? So Martinez like, well, it's just sad, you know, because you can't have that time back. You know, you have regrets that you want. wasted this time because it's so precious and you just can't have it back. But, you know, I get it out of my system like everything else with a toothpick, a tooth pick, right here. Doesn't she always look like she's got a toothpick in her mouth? She was always like, yeah, she looks like a toothpick.

I just want her to wear a big floppy top hat at one point. That way she can complete her tompity look. That's all I want. So, I'm free. Free. Sorry, that's Chris Everett chasing after a ball. And Stephanie's like, this really hits home because my sisters aren't speaking to my parents. And my advice to Julia is she just nips it in the bud.

Just nip it in the bud. You aren't. You still don't speak to your sisters. So whatever. She says it's too long. It's been too long for her to turn back. Oh, lady. I'm team sisters.

I can tell you that right now. I'm too. Yeah, I think you are insufferable. I'm sure you flaunt your shit all in front of your sisters. You ended up stealing some man's, some wife's husband. And now you're walking around her house. Like, I want every piece of that woman gut it out of this house. I mean, you're not cute, ma'am. I'm team sisters. Yeah, we know that Patty and Selma are probably in the right on this one. So then we go over. So Massoud is like, well, you know, life is tough and you have to make the best out of it. A lot of these guys really kind of. me in with a lot of really, really sage advice. Time heals everything. Life is tough. You gotta make the best out of it. If you ever want to prove that men are not really listening, this scene is it? They're like,

um, okay. You know, he's like, the best part of waking up is Folgers in your cup. Am I right? No? It's just taglines now. It's all it. I'm loving it. So Julia's like, on that note.

The place. What is it? Ace is the place for on the hardware. Ace is the place for your home. No, no, no. Ace is the place for your home. No, no, no, no. It's not coming to me.

But God damn, that tune's addictive, isn't it? It's just the place in the happy hardware store. What's the one that I'm always singing? Oh, the Sky Rizzy song. God, I love the Sky Rizzy song. You do love that. Nothing is everything. Nothing is everything.

Sky Rizzy. You know, nothing is everything. You ever think about that. Okay, well, on that note, Maris, speaking of nothing, Marisol, has an idea. We are going to go a girl's trip to Sevilla. Would you like to come?

And she's like, um, yes. Oh, that was a direct yes. She's like, oh, I want to come. Can I come? Well, no, you have to babysit boys. Unless you can get daughters to babysit boys. Oh, let's have daughters babysit boys. Like, Mom, this is why we're not talking to you.

Put boys in box ship to daughters. And Stephanie's like, I'm going to take my airplane. My airplane. You have access to your husband's business plane, Erica Jane. Okay. We all know that ain't your airplane. Stop it. And Martinez like, no, I really want to go.

Whoa. And Stephanie's like, you are coming with me on my airplane. But who else did you invite? And so she's already starting to use her plane as a weapon. Like we already see it coming. And Julia tells her as obviously Alexia because it's her trip, kind of. And she's like, well, should we go to Barr and talk about Alexia for a second so the husbands don't have to hear? And she's like, well, I don't know where this is going, but I'd love to let Astro over here get some autographs.

He's like, oh, goody, goody, the young boy inside of me cannot wait to talk to sexy Martina. This was such an awkward transition. Shall we go talk at bar about Alexia? I was like, what is this strange staging that they're having? So, yeah, she like thing in the 50. It's like, ladies business doesn't belong in front of the gentleman. I know. So then we, Julia's like, right now it's big clash with Garrity.

So we just have to know how to deal with it. So Stephanie's like, well, I'm new to this group. And I feel like everyone is welcomed me except for Alexia, the Rottweiler, the slobbering, crazy, humping Rottweiler that she is. And I just feel unwelcome by her. I know you're going to like stick up for her because you've been friends with her longer. She's like, well, I know her, but you cannot make excuses for a bully. You just cannot do that. Now, excuse me, I've got 80 men on a construction side.

I've got to yell at. Get back to work, you fucking losers. Otherwise, I'm going to throw you into a pool. Sorry. Please do not support bullies. Now, let's make a list of people I can bully off of my plane. I know. So, meanwhile, Martinez stuck with Massoud, and he's like, you know, you were in very good shape.

I never forget looking at your arms. So much veins. It was like looking at the map of highway. Seriously. Well, that's why Julia fell in love with me because of my amazing arms. She said she saw him on TV. That's what I got. That's what I got.

I'm a hot lady with great arms. brilliant at tennis. Anything else? You got anything else? Just keep it common. People would always say, Martina, she's the vainy one. Chris Everett, that's like yogurt and a skirt. Am I right? Am I right? No.

One time someone complimented Chris's arms and I said, no, sir, I'm sorry that you're actually talking to a trash can. Chris is over there. This is over there. When you guys are talking about Chris's arms,

Are you talking about her arms or the lines in the tennis court? Because as far as I could tell, they're both lying flat out on the grass. Hey, I'd like an order waiter. Come over here. Massaro. Come over here. I'd like to get an order of Chris Everett's arms. I'm sorry, noodles.

Oh, my favorite is when Chris Everett would serve. And every time, well, she would never get it in. And before the ref could even say, I'd go, your fault for being stupid. Every single. Okay, we are really faltering here. I hope the ladies come back soon. No, no, really.

Let's talk about our story. Getting drunk and you know what? Plop, plop, flop, fizz, am I right? Do you want to babysit a couple of egg-dropping children who don't know how to play anything? You know what, Massoud, a wise man once told me, give me a break. give me a break

break me off a piece of that kick cap bar I'm sorry I just finish that chapter on the Dr. Jackie book and I'm more in love with you than ever so then we go back to Julia and she's like I talk to Alexia almost every day and I'm 100%

sure knowing your personality you can have conversation you can get over it and she's like oh oh really well I want to talk to her I hope they have planes on her Southwest airline that she'll be riding to Seville. And Julie is like, well, I thought we could meet in different place, different continent,

and see how we could make it work. And she's like, okay, here's to Spain. Let's hope everything comes back. Honky Dory. Yes, hunky Dory. I don't understand that phrase. Congratulations, you've reached the end of part one, of a two-part recap.

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