Watch What Crappens - #2964 Below Deck S12E11 Part 1: Getting Off, Scot Free

Episode Date: August 12, 2025

This is part one of a two-part recapKyle gets into a pickle, mainly because his pickle gets into a lot of things. Grab some protection because this episode of Below Deck has enough bumping and grinding to require a paternity test. To watch this recap on video, listen to our Love Island bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads, go to Patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcher Crappins ad-free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Travis fell in love with the perfect woman. Beautiful, understanding. Available 24-7. There was just one catch. She wasn't human. Binge all episodes of Flesh and Code early and ad-free right now on Wondry Plus.

Watch what crap is Who cares what happens when there's so much that crap is A lot to talk about to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker And joining me today is the wonderful and glorious Ronnie Carroll Hello. How are you? I'm actually so great because, you know what? This is a very special podcast episode because I am announcing our new album, The Life of a Podcaster, and it's going to be on sale in a few days. And I hope everyone buys it.

We're just so excited about it. So please come to us. Can't wait to hear all the rhymes with Bar and Carr. Um, uh, anyway, we are here today to talk about below deck, uh, a scandalous episode, um, before we dive into that, you know, we have Patreon. And you may not have heard. We have Patreon. We do weekly bonus episodes. Um, last week, we did sort of like a pop culture. Check in online project runway and things like that. And then, um, we'll have another bonus episode this week. We also have crap is on demand there where you can watch us. That's where you get the. a video component for this podcast. Every episode we do has crap is on demand. And then a week after the crap is on demand goes on Patreon, it will then go over to YouTube. So go to Patreon to get first access on those videos and our bonus episodes, Discord, all the good stuff. And also, thanks to everyone who came and joined us with Crappy Hour last night. It was a really fun one.

We do that every other Monday. And for the next few weeks, we're going to alternate that with us going on Amazon Live. So this week was Crappy Hour. Next week, we'll go on Amazon Live at 4 p.m. And we will recommend, we don't know what we'll be recommending this coming week, but we have a huge amount of fun doing that. So if you ever want to know the things, the trinkets and items that we love, come join us over there. So without further ado, let's get into the big, did Kyle have sex with a guest episode that's been hyped all season long? It's finally arrived. It has arrived. It has arrived. somebody say it has come. First of all, I know we're in 2025, and a big no-no in these modern times is no sex shaming.

So I would like to start by saying, no. I will not subscribe to that today because my main note on this episode is, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew. What the fuck, bro, ew. Ew, to all of you, all three of you. you're all gross you're all fucking gross okay now that said

if I had sex in a bathroom of course was I bent over with my head under a urinal not really I mean come on can we have classier sex in bathrooms do you need a homosexual to come teach you how to do this I mean jeez you know I was proud of that girl

I loved it she knew exactly what she wanted she got it and then she moved on with her life now I just I just feel like they could have chosen a better location there was like literally anywhere else that they could have gone to um why don't they all fuck on the beach they were right there she was straddling him on the beach it's not like he needs all that long for well maybe he did he was pretty drunk but maybe there was a pesky crustacean in the way but i have to say also in addition to this that's our band was so excited pesky crustacean yeah that's what taylor

swift almost called her album she changed it the last second that was travert's idea when she was like what should i call this album he's like crusty crustacean she's like no I so one thing with this episode that really I got excited and then I was very sad we made it like 25 we made it like over halfway through this episode maybe beyond halfway before the Instagram walls kicked in and I for I swear to God I was like I think they're finally listening to the audience they realize the Instagram walls are the most annoying stupid thing that they ever added to this show and I was like they finally cut them they're not doing them anymore and then all the of a sudden it was like they forgot that they had to do Instagram walls and there was like five in a row and I was so mad. Yeah, I mean, look, I think it's just part of life. Like, Instagram walls are the most annoying part of everybody's life. Like, honestly, they're the most annoying part of every person I know. Like you meet somebody, they seem fun. You like them. They're like, follow me on socials. You go to their social and you're like, ew, like you're gross. Like, I think that we should all stop using Instagram so much. Also, can I ask a personal favor from shirt manufacturers?

Look at this shirt I'm wearing, Ben. I'm wearing this shirt. Is this necessary? There's three things sewed on here. They're like ribbons from a state fair, and they're sewn on so tightly. I cannot pull them off. Do you know how many shirts I have with big holes on the side with my muffin top hanging out because of these stupid things that I rip off? They're making me crazy.

Stop it. What do you need this? Do you have scissors? That don't work because you still feel the thing. it's making cuts on you. You know, you need a seam ripper, and then you need to sew the shit back up there. I'm so stupid, short manufacturers.

I'm sorry. People in bathrooms. Okay, but yes, the Instagram wall. I will say about the Instagram walls, Barbara's at least is normal. Yeah, although hers is, I mean, hers is normal. She has one, like, where she's like a carnival,

which is like a little more, a little more extra. It's not the walls, it's not the images themselves. It's just that we stop the entire show. and we stop it usually for no reason. It's like we stop it just to hear a generic thought about something. It's like, let's stop all the action, the entire flow, so that Barbara can say, it's not nice doing this to people.

It's not nice. I'm like, oh, I'm glad we stopped everything for that. Well, I literally just stopped the show to talk about shirt tags. So I guess I'm not the place to judge at the moment. You had an observation. It's fine. I will not adjudicate this any further. How did you bro.

Okay, so let's get started. Below Deck, season 12, episode 11, a rumor mill. So, stupid title. So Kerry picked Kelly off the boat. That was a couple weeks ago, but it's still fun to watch clips of because they open it with clips of Kelly and I'm, fuck you, Captain, fuck you. I ain't drunk, nothing on me. I'm calling FBI, motherfuckers.

Have we heard from Kelly, by the way, since this. all happened. Has she made any statements? Has she gone on any podcast or done any interviews? I would love to know this because she's been curiously silent about this all. I would have thought she would have come out with her side of the story. I heard that she's, someone left a comment, I think yesterday on the crappy hour saying that she's posting like a proud peacock all over the place. She follows you. Can't you just go to her Instagram? I know. I don't want to. But like I do know that she follows me, which is so funny. Like I really don't understand. She doesn't follow you or watch her crap and somehow i was the one the lucky one she's the page to sort of a fellow deck i'm always happy

for any follower so kelly thank you thank you for joining the ben army the army delker um what would you call it the ben army i like ben army yeah i don't want to call the army because i'm a non-violent person ben brigade I, G-A-Y-D-E. A Ben-Fran. A Ben-Fren. A Ben-Fren. A friend of Ben. Yeah, a friend of Ben.

Just make it softer and sadder. Sweet children. Sweet children. Ben-Wisies. It's not even cute anymore. The kids who don't like recess. The beat up bends. The kids who like to draw.

Not time beds. So Anthony is doing an eight-course meal, and he's like, this is the moment that I'm working for in my whole career. Sometimes people beat me up and I'm a little boy, but this is time I prove I'm not going to beat up. I'm boy to cook eight-course meal. I was like, oh, for Christ's sake, have you ever, are you new here? Anthony, it's like, Anthony is on a different show, I believe.

briefly intersected with below deck when he had a scene with Fraser on their off day. But he, meanwhile, is just off doing his own thing. He's like giving confessionals about storylines. We're not paying attention to or care about it. He's like, he's for my father. You know, I'm missing him so much. He taught me how to turn butter. But like, no one's paying attention.

No one's talking about it. No one's talking to him. Like, I'm like, is he on this show? Is he just been a slight spliced in? He's like a top chef contestant that's always on the bottom. And every week, you have to hear him go. You know, I did not believe in myself earlier. but now I believe in myself and I'm hoping I get another chance to, you know,

the thing that I believe in like every single week. It's the same thing, bringing in a sob story about, it's like I'll save the dyslexia for this week. I'll add a sob story about bullying this week. Like you're running out of sob stories, Anthony. Okay, next time you're out. I'm finally getting my confidence. And then he finally gets eliminated and he's like,

well, I'm just happy because now I show my children, you can do whatever you want to do in life, which is so funny because it's always the people who get eliminated. who say that. I'm like, you literally just got eliminated. Someone said, you can't do this anymore. I know. They're like, I just inspired my children to lose. Well, what are you teaching your children? I inspired my children to have stage fright and to choke under pressure.

My children are walking around now and they are saying mini-kish, mini-kish. When he came out with the mini-kish, I died. Okay, so. It's so it is. It's just so many, you know? It's like eight courses. Remember when he was like, eight cars meal? He has a piece of asparagus.

Was that him or was that the last chef? I forget. But they brought out like one piece of asparagus on a plate with some beet sauce. Like your next course, asparagus. Yes, the second. All of asparagus. And we were like, that's a size. That is a side.

Okay. So he's all excited about that. So final night of charter. And Carrie is joining them for dinner. And Salina Barber working on. cabins and there is a bag in the bath. There's a purse in the bath reminding us of the story of last week when she's like, you know what my daughter did to my bag? She dropped my purse in the toilet. And I said, when I died, this is what you're inheriting. The piss covered bag. That lady sounds

exactly like one of Zachariah Porter's impersonations. You know Zachariah Porter? He always does the East Coast. He always puts on like a little wig. And he's always doing like like moms from Long Island. Oh, yeah. It's always like so over the, he's so funny, but it's always so over the top. You're like,

oh, it's like funny because it's cartoony. But I'm like, oh, maybe it's not cartooning because this woman has the exact accent. She's like, you'll get it when I die. I'm like, oh, my God.

They all sound like that. And one of those, the one that talks like, this is my favorite one. Like, yeah, nobody, I'm Italian. Nobody fucking says, nobody calls a cops.

It's called sauce. It's called sauce. It's not grain. Swags. What kind of Italian are you? A sauce. It's a sauce day. I'm having the old open Sunday sauce. My daughter, she knocked my Louis Vuitton into the sauce. I said, you know what? When I die, you get the sauce bag. That's it. That's all you get. So Salane is mortified by the purse because it's just sitting in the bathtub. I was like, why she puts a bag in the bath? You look like my dog. Oh, poor dog. So now Fraser is readying everybody. It's time for bread service. My favorite kind of service. If they had just bread service, I would. would go to church every week what what if bread service is more like you bring like the bread to

miniki and they put up on the hydraulic lift and they like put like more carbs into it and then they like send it on its way fuck yeah remember for a while we there was um this bread that was like low carb and it was really good actually we were advertising for it on watch what crap and they sent us a ton of it and it was really good and I'm like oh my god it's like real bread and at some point I was like I need to inject this with just more gluten and carbs and whatever else is in bread that makes it just so sinful. I just need more bread. You know how they have those things where they show, like this is how much sugar in actual, an average human eats a year. And then they put like a teaspoon a day and then it piles up to a big hill that you can't even climb.

And they're like, this is what people ingest. If they did that with the amount of bread I eat in the year, I mean, bagels alone would fill a room. Oh, you know me. you know me i'm counting down down the days to bagel thursday we are 48 hours i have bagel every friends i remember telling you one day why do you have bagel thursdays we can have bagel every day and that's what i have now and it's so special listen i'm i would love a bake well today i had a breakfast burrito my my breakfast rituals are that at the start of the recording week i go to phil's coffee my favorite and uh well that in blue bottle and i get a breakfast

burrito there and then i do like then i'll today is a tuesday because we don't there's no shows on for monday or so my fills has been delayed till tuesday and then in between the fills day and in between bagel thursday i usually make a smoothie and then i have cereal and then friday who knows it's a wild card day i like that you have all these scheduled out that's cute it actually makes the morning's really fun if you're like oh good today's smoothie day although it's like it's pretty lax like sometimes smoothie day is sometimes it's wednesday sometimes it's tuesday and um yeah it's I don't do much, so this is exciting for me. That's your thing of the day that you do.

I love that. I got out of bed today. That was on my to-do list. I was like, get up. So I did that. So now it's time, and Salane is gossiping with Barbara, and she's like, oh, just told me today, I'm not going to speak to you on Charter. She did that because she's scared. If I'm too distracted, I'm going to get fired.

I'm like, fuck, you're not my mom, you know? You're not my mom. And if you were my mom, maybe I would date you. Maybe. My mom loved me so much. I like them. Oh, God. So, Jess, is like,

this whole situation between me and Barbara and me and so-so. I don't know. I think I was going more about my feelings than other people's. And I don't think it's right. Relationships have never affected my work. So you think you can escape it. I don't care, Jess. I don't care.

I don't care anymore. Okay? you were being a fuck boy you're being a fuck girl you messed up move on because you're not revealing anything exciting about the human condition at this point just shut the fuck up and scrub the floor she is so charming but she's like so charming of a person that i i crack up whenever she does these confessionals because i actually like start feeling bad for her the way she's talking oh i made my own bad decision and now I've heard someone and I shouldn't do that because blah blah blah like oh my god she's so sweet and then I remember no she's not sweet why are you crying over

your own assholeishness I love it it's like I'm such a good person because I'm realizing how selfish I was you would make out with that girl in two seconds you really have the chance now stop it yeah you know this is all bullshit second I mean I do appreciate like she's sort of trying to be introspective as opposed to many of the other you know fuck boys we've seen on bravo for years and years but like i'm over it like the introspection is not that interesting or deep so just like you know just just just do something else like literally talk about anything else please tell us about the bagels you're eating i just don't want to hear about the stupid love triangle anymore yeah yes what do you do on thursdays what's your thing you know when do you

You're fruity pebbles. I realized when I was eating the English muffin, I wasn't thinking about the bagel in that moment. It's like, oh, Jess, come on. I did feel like that because there's some old tortillas in the back of my cabinet, and they're like all moldy, and I had to throw them away. And I was like, you guys were so ignored. I'm so sorry.

Yeah. It's time for a commercial. It's time for a crappence commercial. It's your man, Nick Cannon. I'm here to bring you my new podcast, Nick Cannon at night. I heard y'all been needing some advice in the love department. So who better to help than yours truly? Now, I'm serious.

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Join the conversation and head over to YouTube to watch Nick Cannon at night or subscribe on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcast. Want to watch episodes early and ad-free? Join Wondery Plus right now. So Michelle, we're back with the guests and Michelle's like,

I can't believe the way you handled Cali. I mean, guys, the, the captain, he was like, hey, we can go talk. Then he pushes her in the room and locks the tour. I mean, come on. That shit was funny. And Alan's like, you actually helped her from ruining my guest time. I want to thank you again from a true mafia princess.

I want to thank you again. You, me, like family. Let's go for a drive. It's like, oh, I'm not falling for that one. I'm not falling for that. my gratitude will be reflected in our tip so then anthony's like hello everyone welcome to tasting here we have mushroom velote just like my daddy liked it like oh great he's like and now here comes a deconstructed tomato caprici which by the way I think is I mean of all the things that can be

deconstructed a tomato caprice is pretty simple and like that I guess that works but also why does it need to be deconstructed like why tomato capraisy is already deconstructed it's already deconstructed It's tomatoes and caprice and and mozzarella. There's nothing to deconstruct. It's a deconstructed sauce, basically. Sauce! So then Fraser tells Anthony that everything has been very good. I know.

He's had deconstructed granola. And Anthony's working on his quiche. So he serves his mini-kish straight out of 1991. And Helen's like, this is outstanding. And then Jennifer, who's our favorite, he goes, you know what? I'm going to cook for you, Helen. I'm going to cook for you a typical Sunday sauce when you come over.

And Frank is like, it's called Sunday gravy. There's no gravy. It's gravy. It's gravy. It's gravy. It's gravy. It's what it is. It's gravy.

Well, gravy is brown. What kind of Italian are you? The kind married to a woman who serves me browned gravy. That's the kind. Cause it sauce. You know what? He doesn't understand the difference between sauce and grave, but guess what? I love him.

I love him. I love him. I'll never let him go. I'll never let him go. For our next course, we have Chilean Cbas on bed of spinach boule with some mango on top and risotto and as power goo. And Helen's like, whoa, you know, he's trying to keep it a tight ship over here. And for this course, we have a ribeye with meat potato, roasted carrot, swell. I said, thank you. Maybe I'll do it.

By the way, next course. trauma my father my father's i miss him so i miss him so much churning but ah la you know i don't know if while we're on this discussion of sauce i don't know if many people know this but the original name for chilean sea bass is patagonian toothfish i learned that somewhere along the way okay continue that's why i'll always follow ben mantelker teaches me such good things everyone on this Everyone on this chart is following him, right? Ben Mandelka. Please follow his substack.

Delicious recipes. And guess what he's got a recipe for? Sorts, Frank. Sauce, not gravy, right? Sauce. And Richard's like, this right here is what you would find at a Michelin Star restaurant. You know what you wouldn't find, Richard? Your highlights.

Okay? These people would go to a Michelin Star restaurant and expect to get tires. What? It's in the name. it literally is that's where it came from i know well anywho they need to change that a michelin star it came from tires saying why was that again because michelin stars where you could get your what was it i forget why it was because when people were like learning how to drive well like you know when cars were new when cars were like a thing michelin who does the tires would release these

guides for people when they're driving along to be like hey now that there's a thing called roads there's roadside attractions and there's also restaurants and if you're going to do if you're going to be driving along on what used to be a brown piece of dirt pile road now there's a restaurant there so which ones used to which ones should you go to we're going to tell you basically they're like let's take advantage of our new roadside culture and here's a guide yeah wow um yeah so yeah they need to change it so hugo is checking on selain and she's very stressed. You know who's not stressed, Hugo. And he's stressing me out, though, because he's kind of boring. So Richard is talking, you know, it's just, you know, the guests being hilarious.

Richard's like, you look like a naughty school teacher. And Jennifer's like, I do. Here's some pearls to shove up yes. That was a very aggressive yes and on her part. And everyone for the next course, I like to call Love, Passion, and Champagne. Up your ass. It's basically like a chocolate covered strawberry and like some cheese. And it was kind of giving like American Airlines, you know, like comfort plus meal. Yeah, it was. And so is that title.

Love passion champagne. It was not like the height of. of Michelin gourmet desserts. Yeah. So then Jess is like, well, Richard doesn't speak very much, eh? And Damon's like, he sure didn't speak much when still he had his hands all over. Helen Hoey's Hoey-Hawas. Helen Hoey-Haw-E-Haw.

Her name is Helen Hoey. Oh, my gosh, Helen, girl, that's so on the nose. I went to school. I had a very good friend named Andy Hoey. And he wasn't very hoey, though. It was actually delightful. Well, me, not that you can be hoey and delightful, but he was, he was, I'm saying, he wasn't very hoary, period.

Also, he was delightful. Ronnie Benji. We should just come up with just like the most. Benny hunchbacky. Ronnie Bett Midler, postury. We just need to come up with, like, the most obvious descriptive names. Oh, my God. I think my package is here.

I'm so excited. Oh, do you need to get it? No, I don't need to get it. I can see it outside. I can see the guy trying to figure out if he's going to bring it up all the stairs or if he's going to be lazy and just leave it in the driveway. He's choosing the lazy option. We can just wrap up this recap real quickly.

Let's go. Kyle had sex in the bathroom. Kyle bragged about having sex with hell and then took it all back to save his job. And then he saved his job. But we all know he still fucked her. Okay. Thanks, everyone for being here and watch her crapins. Ronnie has a package pickup.

We'll see on the next episode. Bye. He chose the lazy way and then his cart fell over. And now he's still staring at the package trying to decide if he wants to brave the stairs. Are you going to do it? Does God love you? God is going to love you more if you bring it up the stairs, sir.

He's still thinking. Now he's looking at his phone. I think he can probably hear me too. He's probably like, you motherfucker. Do it. Do it. Oh, no, he's leaving. He's like, fuck this.

I don't get paid enough for this. You know what? I don't blame you, sir. I don't blame you. And thank you for bringing it all the way up the hill. You adorable person. He hates me. Okay.

So Anthony is like, okay, now for next course, finally we have chocolate, coconut, milk, ganache. You get two desserts? That's a lot of cheese and shit. Yeah. He just served of cheese and chocolate and now coconut chocolate coconut milk ganache. Yeah. You know what? Yeah, that's nice.

It's nice. I do love a cheese course. I'm not going to lie. which this is not what it is but I'm saying the last one was sort of won well you just to see Captain's face with his big smile I'm feeling very happy

you know when your entire childhood you have people telling you you're going to be a loser your entire life then you dip a strawberry and chocolate and you realize you are not a loser you are creator you make the most basic a basic shit

and now you're fucking badass chef so Helen is like this was a panty drop in dinner Now, speaking of panties, this is for you, Captain. All right. And these are real pearls. There's real pearls on these panties. So she puts a thong over his head.

She's like, by the way, I don't know if anyone knows this, but Kyle has been sitting under me this entire. These panties are off. That's what the panties are here. The heirloom panties. What is that? Were they grown a long time ago? It was an heirloom panty. Were they your grandmothers?

Get that shit off me. I don't want something on my head called heirloom panties. Can I have some new panties? I want some nouveau panties. How about that? Well, don't forget that these people run a lingerie business. And since they apparently are very Italian, I would not be surprised if, like, the name of this skew,

this panty skew is heirloom. Like, they've named each different, like, panty after a different tomato. These are Roma panties. These are beefsteak panties. These are sauce panties. Those are gravy pammies. God damn it, Frank. So the carrot is just like, well, at least all can do.

They've had a terrible shot. I can at least put some panties on my head, adventure. So he goes down to the galley and compliments Anthony. And he's like, good job, Anthony. He goes, oh, my God, I wish my dad could be here to hear this. I wish he could be here. Dad, he told me, good job. Somewhere up there.

My dad is saying, But they're still soft. You fat, dyslexic loser. Let me see. Well, let me, Anthony, let me tell you one thing. Baban, Gurur, do you, your, the head is proud. Injerkish. So, Anthony is touched.

So now they're setting up a party for the guys, because it's pajama party time. Guess you? Nobody wants to see, uh, guess what? Nobody wants to see any of these people in pajamas. nobody no lingerie for you okay here's what i want your company to move over into robes mu-moos have a moo-moo party okay oh you know it would be a great party for this group um go into your rooms and go to sleep party i think that would be great that's a great idea for them how about cotillion party um how about how about go home party how about let's learn manners

body. So they have a pajama party. Sauce, Frank. So they have a pajama party where they wind up doing a pillow fight and feathers come out everywhere. I don't know. Like, I think you can have a pajama party without a pillow fight. And if you're having a pillow fight, I think you can have a pillow fight without the feathers coming out everywhere. I didn't see this as a necessary component to the experience. And I just was angry because it looked like hell to clean up. But it was fine because it was rainbow doing. And I really thought this was leading into a rainbow breakdown Because they were playing the rainbow breakdown music

Which is like, oh, my sister, my sister, island coming up, island coming up. Oh my God, don't make me get off the boat. But it wasn't. She was just like, you work and then you die. You work until you die. This all I do is work until I die. And Fraser's like, oh, I don't even know where to begin. So I'm going to begin by leaving you and not helping you with this.

And she's like, don't worry about it. I've got it. Don't even stress, I'm on it. Me, me, who does everything. Yeah, and I thought this was totally setting her up to have like a panic attack where she'd be like, hey, Salane, could you just help me with like cleaning up one little corner? And Saline would be like, no. And I thought it'd be a whole thing.

But it's just her and Damo cleaning up. I mean, Salane does a little, she helps a little bit. Selane does some vacuuming, mainly the feather that winds up in her boobs. That's pretty much all she does vacuum her boobs. Yes, she does vacuum her boobs. And Rainbow goes, We work until we die. And so then goes, not me.

And goes to bed. So it's the next day. Final day of Charter. And Kyle is, you ready to go out tonight? You're ready for my drink. My birthday tomorrow. So Barbara's like, I know. How's everything with Elaine?

She's like, oh, he's like, oh, I don't want anything to do there. You can't be saying, oh, I like this. And then 20 minutes later, flash back to how to make an out with demo. Right? Am I right? I'm actually going to,

I'm actually going to prompt the flashback to the producers. I don't like that at all. It's like a little bit of an ick for me. Oh, that's an ick for you. Oh, wow. And he's the walking ink. You are the ickyest fucking person. And you know what?

At least she chooses people kind of hot. You know, like when you're making out with so money, you're like, wow, that person made out with me, they're so hot. And then you see them make out with all these ugly people and you're like, oh, they're just, I'm nothing special. they're just really slutty today. That's how I feel with Kyle. It's like at least she gets like cuter people so you don't feel bad about it. If that makes any sense, you know? You don't feel devalued by her choices, Kyle.

I know. Kyle talking about an ick when he's literally like a walking used swiffer pad. So Barbara's like, but I know something. She's not a bad person. Like I think that she doesn't know about consequence. Like we cannot just go into people's lives and just fuck everything up because we don't care. Like, and just, no, it's not nice. It's not nice.

That's like Barbara's tagline. Anything, she's, anything is on like a scale of nice to not nice with her. That's nice. That's not nice. It's not nice. It's not nice. I like it. I'm like, I'm into a very black and white way to look at the world.

Nice, not nice. You know, you suck, you don't suck. That's good. So, time to get the anchor rope. Let's get the anchor up. Go, go, anger, inco, ink, inca, oh my God, Inca, Inca, Enca, Enca, I just want to say, I apologize to the Inca, because. My decisions might just get the anchor off.

Go, damn it. I start to realize that I was thinking about my thoughts instead of the anchors. That's anchor. Who cares, yes. He was like, bridge is open. We're going in, knocking on the door, leaving some pamphlets. That's for you, Mom. Okay, port side, maintaining 40 meters.

Looking good, 40 meters, 35 meters. We're doing it. We're doing it. We're doing it. Goddammit, we did it. So they dock, and then the guests all leave and say goodbye, and Helen's like, and by the way, thanks again to Kyle for letting me use him as a flotation device. I think it was the other way around. Yeah, I know, right?

So she thanks him and kisses him on the cheek, but she kisses also, like, Fraser on the cheek. And she's like, oh, my God, my boots. I forgot my boots. So then they all, Carrie's like, all right, everyone, thanks for making all, let's get into a. charter uniforms are on everyone adventure uniforms so they change yes and the rainbow is checking in with jess about her crush on barbara she hates me my own decisions have stymied me again instead of just apologizing should i be like would you like to go on a date with me i'm better with my face than i am with my words and so you know just gives another monologue about blah blah blah you know

So, Salane, you know, she's upset with Salain, which of course she is, which is why she's going to give Barbara attention now. So she feels like she's just a game to Salane. And Barbara's just a game to her, but she's going to play Barbara for a while. So same of Saline. Just, you do realize that you, the whole reason why Barbara's in this mess is because you were playing a game with Salane, right? Like I like just like, oh, Saline, just a game player. No, I'm not, I'm not going to fall for games anymore. You were the one who played the game.

You were the one who actively kissed Barbara to make Celine jealous and bring Saline back to you into the fold. And actually, you're kind of being worse than Saline because you actually banged Saline and now you're ignoring her. I mean, that's like a typical move. Like you wait to finally get it in there and then you dump her. You know, you're actually becoming worse than her at this point, ma'am. Yeah, exactly. So Jess is telling Rainbow that she's like, well, I don't want to disrespect. Elaine, because she said that she's done. And she didn't say it in those words, that I'm done,

but she said it in some words. She said many words. You know, people use lots of us. Okay, yes. Well, to be fair, you did tell her you had a crush and then jumped into bed with another girl. So that's on you, girl. And she's like, yes, I did do that. Like, I'm not saying it was a good thing. But like, for me, I understand where I went wrong. I'm like, I, I cannot deal with any more of just as existential crisis. Like, I just need this story. to wrap up. Yeah. So I need for all of this cast to wrap up, especially Kyle, because God knows what's getting

in there, you know? Have you seen any billboards? Do you remember the ones I used to have in L.A.? They were like, syphilis. Godstallis. Explosion. Like, like, syphilis explosion. Yeah.

Wrap it up. Wrap it. So, all right, guys. This chart, our first day was a big day for all of us dealing with that lady. But listen, everyone came together, literally, from what I've heard. All right, let's see what we've got here, 22,000. And everyone's like, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, hey, it's been worse. It could have been Contessa.

It could have been Contessa. It could have been Contessa, or the gays. Or the gays, yes. Yeah, the gays were worse than Contessa. 22,000 isn't the worst they've gotten. They're all acting like it is. What is the average, would you say this season, like 25? Yeah, 25.

I think it's because they worked hard. It was a long charter. But, you know, I'm assuming the tip is lower because they were down a person. But it is sort of shitty because, like, I personally would have tipped more because I just out of embarrassment for the person that I brought onto the boat. But I guess they were not thinking that way. So they're time to go cleaning and cleaning and they're doing the cleaning. And now it's time to go out. And so they're going to be celebrating Kyle's birthday.

Kyle's, Kyle and Dama are in kilts. And of course, Kyle is happy because he gets a free ball around. And, you know, I wore a kilt once when I was in the 10th great production of Brigadune. And I will say, well, I wore underwear. First and foremost, I was not about to skint. Ah, what a poser.

What a poser. Harry Bitton always wears underwear. Everyone knows that. Yeah, them brigadine. But, um, uh, it was fun. I actually really enjoyed wearing a kilt. Well, you can do it every day. You know, it'll get you late.

I guess I could. Look how it works. You know, like I could eat a bagel and wear a kilt every day if I want to. You could. Live the life you live the life you want, you know. So now people are getting dressed to go out. And Hugo's like, wow, you saw this gentleman putting on the shoe of Helen, right? I mean, that was service.

And Carl's like, oh, Helen Tripp, I fucked Helen in the water. And like, what? And Anthony goes, what did he say? He fucked the primary? Did he deconstruct her, um, mars. upon? Was he putting, was he dipping the

strawberry in the chocolate? So, Kyle was, I swear to God. The idea, the whole flotation device. She had an idea in her brain and she knew what she wanted. I swear to God. God, listen to him taking the piss out of that situation. It's so blatantly obvious. He's joking.

And Hugo isn't sure if this is true and he does not want to know. And Kyle's like, my dick went inside her pussy. And I was like we can't do this right now, Helen. And so did you put a condom? Oh, la, la, no condom? Oh, la, no, my God.

No, no, no, no, no. Here comes one right now. I don't think he was kidding either. But we did see a camera under the water. Don't you think they would have gotten his little weiner going in there? I think so. I don't know. I don't think so.

I don't think so. I think Kyle is bragging right now because he thinks it's safe to brag and he's drunk. And I think he's like, he's, to me, he's blatantly caught this episode. So I think he's bragging right now. And by the way, I think that Hugo as his supervisor kind of, um, drop the ball here because he should have sat down and said, listen, uh, what you said before in the van. I need to know if you were joking or not. And said he just sort of like laughed it off. It's like, because Fraser was the one who actually wound up having to escalate it.

but which he actually should have done later on. And it really should have been Hugo. So that is my thought on that. Fraser didn't really. He just made someone else do it so he wouldn't get him in trouble. Yeah, but he was like, look, this is going to have to go to the captain. And that should have been Hugo's response because it was his department. And he heard it firsthand.

Yeah, Kyle's an idiot. So Kyle's like, yeah, you know, yeah. So he says, my dick went in her pussy. So super classy. And then just, in the other. van i guess we go to dinner now right so they're asking for a special cake for kyle's birthday and all that good stuff and then jess is sitting next to selain which is a bad idea and solane's trying to flirt with her and uh jess is like no i just want to have fun i'm cutting you off and she's like oh maybe i'll be

more easy now like all i have to do is bite you and then you're done i'm done you know i bite you it's finished nothing anymore hmm and she's like no no no you don't bite me look i'm showing respect for barbara Look at that. So then Kyle sees like a lady at the bar who looks sort of like that New Jersey redhead from last season who got with Harry. And he basically, the timer goes off, a countdown to them hooking up.

He gets up, he goes to the bar and he's like, Mom, I'm sorry, I'm just going to have to interrupt here. I cannot come and say hello. I cannot come and not say hello to you here at the bar. And she's like, so, where are you from? He's like, Scotland. can you not like can you not fucking are in like what are you from like can't you tell if i'm from

scotland so she's from boston they talk for about three seconds and then start to make out yeah he's already kind of fall down drunk and she just takes one looks at look at the camera and she's like i'm gonna fuck this guy she's like i'm gonna fuck this guy on camera i don't even know what show he's on i'm gonna fuck him on camera let's do this she's like it's my last night in st morton and uh i want to get banged so let's do it come on let's go scottish So she does. She makes out. And then everybody's watching. And Salane's like, oh, they're kissing. Look at that. Uh-la-la. And Hugo asked her she's jealous. And she says, of course not. Of course not. But that's not true because we see her sucking on her straw very hard and angrily. She's like, I cannot believe. I cannot believe. I don't understand why Solane is so confused about everybody being mildly into her. When they call you so-so, you're setting yourself up for failure. Yeah. Yeah, it's in the name. So Martine and Kyle go off to a beach to have sex and looks like they have sex because you see it's all silhouetted. And he's like, I'm naked under this kid, I'm naked. She's like, oh, I really like you. Do you like me? Yeah, you're very attractive. So they're all eating dinner. And like they get like Kyle's like nice dinner arrives. He's just not there. They're all laughing. The sparkless going off. And then Martin and Kyle then relocate from. the beach to just a shitty, shitty public bathroom instead.

Yeah, they're just being in the bathroom. So then Fraser and Jess, you know, Fraser's like, would you like to talk outside, possibly on the beach, where Kyle just went so I can tattle-tale on him later. And she's like, okay, sure, I will talk. Let me tell you about my feelings about what I've done to Barbara. He's like, oh my God, please, please stop my head's hurting. So he tells her to stop fucking with Barbara, it's not a game,

And if she's going to keep flirting with Soso, because she's like, but she's so pretty. And he's like, oh, my God. Stop being so fucking shallow. But I'm thinking about Barbara. It's like, okay, with Barbara, it's not a game. And if you're going to continue with Soso, then forget Barbara. Simple as that. Okay.

So if I continue with Soso, I can also continue with Barbara. No, it's Soso all Barbara. So, so and Barbara. Okay, got it. we just got a text from our friend Sosa. Isn't that crazy? I'm we talking so-so, Sosa. Hey, Sosa, we're talking about Sosa right now.

That is actually hilarious. Oh, my God. So RINBO is like, yeah, bro, still he's still gone. And Fraser's like, well, I'm going to go to the bathroom. So, of course, he sees a camera crew out there. So he's going to go inspect to see what he finds. And it's Kyle fucking this girl. And he pulls Justin to here.

And we hear Martin as the girl. She's like, I love you. And he's like, I love you as well. Look at you. Just look at you. Oh, you've got the urinal puck in your mouth. You might want to leave that here. And then she goes, she goes, smell you later.

Which is probably an accurate thing to say, considering they just point in the men's bath. Literal. So then they just separate. And meanwhile, Jess takes a picture. She's like, she opens the door and takes a picture of it, which, I don't know. Some shows are so like this. It's okay.

Some shows people are fine with it like this. And some people are like, that is revenge porn. You are fired. Fired forever. They're on international waters. I just think it's immature. And just let them have sex. Okay.

If we want to see it documented, don't worry. It is all being documented. I was like, how could she document them having sex as I watch them having sex? Well, the camera crew didn't get them having sex. Just she did. No, not really. Camera crew stayed out of there. But it was pretty quick.

It was largely harmless, to be honest. And, yes, they go back to the table. And Fraser's like, well, I just found him fucking a woman in the bathroom floor. And Barbara's like, but how? Which position? That is not nice. It's not nice. And just is like, you think I wouldn't document?

Let me show it to you. And by taking this photo, it proves how much I love you, Barbara. So they look at this picture. and you just see like it's that's it's actually pretty it's a benign photo you just sort of see some legs and whatever some legs in the air while Kyle's on top of her in his guilt so then everybody Kyle comes back into the restaurant with this girl and everybody starts applauding them and the girl's like thank you thank you that's right thank you and then she goes back to the bar and her friend is there and she's like oh my god are you okay she's wiping off her back just like two feet away from everyone I kind of I'd love the brazeness of it all. I thought it was great. It was like,

whatever. They wanted to fuck. They fucked. But also the girl, I love that the girl's like, yeah, that's why I always carry a side, tied stick,

Martine. So I always carry a tarp in my purse. But then Kyle, like his shirt is open. It's inside out. I wonder if it was inside. I don't know why it'd be inside. I don't know what's going on.

But he sits down. His hair is like in going in every single direction. Like, he also has a look on his face. To his credit. it like Kyle after he's fucked his face just looks different it's like a different color like it's like his eyeballs down by his mouth or something like his nose is on his forehead he's all scrambled up after he's also just wasted you know he's like fall down drunk and so uh he's eating

his steak and smiling at everybody like he just when something everyone's grossed out and um so lane's like when you came back from your sex with your women of tonight and he's like right And she goes, oh, so now they go to the jacuzzi. So they go back to the place, okay, the boat, and they get in the jacuzzi as Kyle and Salain. And she's like, so when you come back from your sex with your woman of tonight and you were like, she was better than you, that's not polite to say. Why would you say this in front of all the people? And he's like, well, so it's probably not polite, but I'd never said I'm a good person. I don't think I'm a good person.

Yeah, now he's doing the whole. Look at me. I'm just a drunk, I'm just a drunk sex addict. could anybody like me nobody could possibly like me i'm just a jiggleore and everywhere i go people never care about me um yeah he's doing this because when he came back to the table he was like yeah it was great it was better than he selain which was a dick move and unnecessary and so now he's doing the thing like yeah i was rude but i never said i was a good person in the first place which feels very like 1994, like real world, you know. And so,

so Lane is like, I just think it's rude. I was like, why is he caring? He's like, well, maybe I'm rude. Maybe that's what I am. So why does that bother you? Like, you don't care, so you don't care. And she's like, well, I know, like, maybe now is finished. Like, maybe you are not good people with me. He's like, whatever we heard was whatever. I don't want to know you anymore. I want nothing to do with you. But think about all the stray people catching, or all the people catching stray, like, horniness on this show just from selaine and kyle i mean these two are flirting with each other so she wants to make him jealous so then she makes out with jess and then she was just kind of an innocent

stander by and then jess wants to make her jealous so she gives them to barbara and then she wants to make barbara jealous so she gives it to selain again then kyle gets mad at selain so he gives it to this other girl i mean there are so many passerbys just catching stray sex because of these people trying to revenge fuck other people. It's kind of amazing. I know. You know, as they say

in Turkey, Basi-Beu-6 Yop-Mai-sevi-urum. I love straysex. Cats. Cats. The cats of cats. Stray sex. I mean.

So then they kind of get into it and he's all riled up and obviously very hurt by Celine but she's like whatever and she says well maybe you're not good people with me and he's like whatever we had was whatever I don't want to know you anymore

I want nothing to do with you okay well you know you've already had sex with like two full other people the days and you didn't have any chance with her anyway why are you acting like you broke up with her she already dumped you you were the one who was pursuing her she wasn't pursuing you

like she's just not that into you so why you make it seem like you're dumping her but she's no innocent either i mean she did look all upset when he was doing all this stuff with the other girl like she had some claim and her you know her thing about just needing people to be attracted to her or she gets mad and then she fucks over every single person but then cries it's bizarre it's bizarre it needs help she needs help on a serious he she does need help. Um, so now, uh, it's 12.52 a.m. and Jess is like, Barbara, can I talk to you? Like, oh, God, here we go. Earlier I spoke with Fraser. Like, we had dinner and stuff. And obviously Soso and I were super touchy. And he called me out. He was like, if you want something, the way that

you're acting is really not showing that. And I agree with him 100%. Even if nothing happens between us. Like, me and Soso are done. You were just. touching with her like two hours ago and someone else had to tell you you better stop like you didn't even come to that realization yourself and now you're like we are totally done jess i'm swear to god like just throw yourself off the boat at this point yeah this isn't cool and i don't like the barbara fell for this because she's going to just keep doing it over and over again she's acting like she's never heard any of this before like i can't believe it do you know what fraser told me that if i'm flirting with someone but i want someone else that it doesn't

look good. Isn't that crazy? So thankfully I got that lesson. And now I realize I just want to be with you. And me and Soso are completely done. Like what? It was two hours ago you were flirting at the table. And Barbara's like, okay. She's like, but you know, I have hurt because I have feelings. And so I don't know because you hurt me. But that was not nice. But then you're asking for date is nice. So I'm going to go for nice because, you know, maybe you're not good, maybe you're not nice, but at least you can buy me a steak. So I'm going. I'm going to the date.

You know, it's not nice, but I am horny. So, okay, I'll go. I was like, no, Barbara. Yeah. No. Yeah. Well, you know, as long as you just take the steak out of it, don't let yourself get hurt, but girl. So, and also it's just so not flattering probably to watch this back and hear somebody being like, yeah, you know, Barbara's nice.

And I really like that she's actually gay. But God, Solane is really what I want. She's so beautiful. But she's probably not a good decision. I should really go for the, you know, reliable Honda over the BMW that I'm really craving, right? Yeah, seriously.

Lattering, do you think that is for Barbara to hear, you know? Jesus. Yeah, well, we know because the Instagram wall makes its return. And here's Barbara saying, you know, I am hard to, you know, but I do have some feelings. Like, at the same time, like, I don't, I don't think I am trusting her, you know, so, like, say, like, okay, like, when she's going to change her mind again, like, I think this day, like, it's more about conversation, understand, like, where are we, you know? Like, everyone deserves a second chance, but, like, never try. Like, if you never try, you never know. Like, okay, yeah, Ronnie's right. You're in it for the free meal. You can try to make it seem like you're trying to, like, understand this woman better. You understand what she's all about, you know. I also don't understand why this deserved an Instagram wall this moment for her to be like, hmm, I don't know, maybe she deserves a second. second chance. Because it was showing us that Barbara has good friends.

You know, Barbara's Instagram all I like. Because it's like, look, here's me at a pottery class. You know, I like that. She's like, I'm dancing with an older lesbian lady. Look and look at me. I'm walking with a penguin. You know, it's like, hers is somewhat interesting, so I like it. She's like, look, I've gardened a fikis.

Grow it from a seat. So the way, I need to water that plant you gave me. Look how big it's getting that plant. It's not so big. It's got one. So big. It's like huge. Yeah.

It's impressive. Did you ever name it? No. You should, maybe name it Barbara. Ben Tree. Just call it my Ben Tree. Yeah. Ben Tree.

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