Watch What Crappens - #2967 The Valley S2E18 Part 1: When The S**T Hits The Fanet

Episode Date: August 13, 2025

This is part 1 of 2The Valley reunion concludes with Janet and Jason going down in flames. Plus, a bonus read from Andy about Jesse’s girlfriend is the chef’s kiss moment we didn’t know we needed!. You can watch this recap on video, listen to our bonus episodes, and participate in live episode threads at patreon.com/watchwhatcrappens.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Watcher Crappins ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Welcome to Watch What Crapins, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker. That's Ronnie Karam. And today we are celebrating the final episode of Jacks being on Bravo until he's uncannselled again. But right now it seems pretty good. Seems like this is the one. This is it. This is it. Seems steady, eh? Yeah. Hey, Ronnie. How's it going? Good. How you doing? I'm doing really well. I'm sad that the valleys over. It was really so stunning this season. Great, great work. And I think I would, I would have to categorize myself as quite happy. Also, I'm quite happy because tomorrow, of

course, we are going to have our Miami recap. And we already saw the Miami episode. I've got to say, it was so good. I was laughing so hard through so much of it. I cannot wait to recap it. But then, in case people didn't hear, Miami is actually moving to Thursday nights. So we have a little bit of a traffic jam with our recaps because we just do with our scheduling. And we also have nothing on Monday. So what we're going to do is Orange counties are going to be on Friday. And then Miami recaps will be on Monday mornings that we finally have something on Monday mornings again. So that is the programming update on that front.

I was being super bizarre. I mean, they're not going to have anything on Wednesday, Tuesday, or. Well, what the hell? They don't have, no, they don't have anything on Tuesday. No, Monday is below deck. Tuesday is McBee, right? But then next Tuesday. No, Monday is McBee and below deck.

Tuesday, I don't think there's anything on there. Tuesday, they're going to show Love Island, which is bizarre. They're going to show last season of Love Island. They're starting it from the beginning, it looks like. And then Wednesday. Maybe they'll be more Love Island? I don't know. Then Thursday, I actually.

believe it or not, I'm actually okay with them moving Miami to Thursday. And the reason why is they're putting it behind Orange County. So they're not going to have an Orange County lead in, which I think is, that's nice because it means to me that Bravo is trying to get more viewers on Miami. I think, I think that we're just trying to have Miami anchor a whole night. And for whatever reason, I can't explain many people's actions in 2025. So I can't explain why watching Miami. I think people are watching it. Like the chatter is going up and up and up and up. I think it's getting to that. It's approaching where it needs to be. But for people who are here listening to our Valley Recap and have never watched Miami, I mean, you are so missing out. I finished watching

the episode and I was like, this is really like the perfect show. Like there are sometimes I watch Miami. I actually think it may even be better than Salt Lake City because it is just so good. So that's my plea for everyone to watch Miami because it's, you just don't. want to miss out that's yeah i got to watch miami come on be a good american be a good american um but but with your eyes but with your eyes but with your eyes patreon.com slash watch for crapans is our patreon we have bonus episodes we'll record one later today and we also have crappins on demand where you can watch us not just listen to us so get the full experience over there and then lastly on monday after a few hours after our Miami recap,

we are going to be doing Amazon Live and we will be talking about some of our favorite products. So join us over there because we have way too much fun doing that. So that's all the news. That's the updates. You know, I might even do something a little special since we're going to be short a recap or two. So you never know what's going to come down the pike.

Guess what? We don't know either because we haven't even discussed this. Yeah, we haven't discussed it. I have no idea. I have no ideas. It's going to be special. whatever it is. I watched Alien Earth last night. Pretty special. I'm sure a Bravo audience would love it.

That would actually be kind of a funny thing to recap. Even though it does look scary, I'm actually okay with it. Tamara gets sent down to Earth on a crashed alien ship. Tamara? Yeah, seriously. It's terrifying.

They're just like, that's my opinion. All those aliens, all those zoon morphs are like little tamras running around, eating cats and Tom Scarrett. They are. And then they have the Larsa, the like cyborg who has changed from, you know, she got too much Botox and filler in her face.

So they had to move her personality into a different body. They got her. It's going to be very good. I only saw the first alien. I've actually never seen any of the others, including aliens, which I've been meaning to watch for, I don't know, about 20 years. Oh, that's a classic. I know.

What are the best sequels ever of all time? I loved Alien. I love it. We should recap alien someday. Wouldn't that be funny if we just recap the original alien? Sure, we should. I'm down. Next week.

We're on. It's Alien Week. We should celebrate Alien Week by, or alien coming on TV by recapping the original alien. Why not? The original alien. Do you think she's a lesbian? We can just ask that every five minutes, like people did the movie theater. Oh, my God.

So funny. Speaking of aliens, let's talk about this. this cast of the Valley. So, yeah, I'm, I'm so excited for you, Ronnie. I am so, so thrilled because I feel like today you're really going to have a fun time. You're really? Really? Yes.

The fire hose will open, and I cannot wait to hear your rage. I was watching the episode last night. I was like, Ronnie is going to be furious. Really? I mean, I just watched in Kenner. going, oh, shut up. I mean, I feel like the same amount that I always do. But I feel very peaceful and calm today and rage free.

So let's see. Let's see what happens. All right. Well, here we are, part three of this reunion, a really strong reunion. And also, one of the few times, I will say, all three parts were deserved. I felt like it was crammed full of good stuff. And where we left off was this fight with Danny and Jason being like, you're a clown, dude. You're like a clown.

Are you kidding me? Are you kidding? me how could you call me a clown you know how many times i tried out for that role you know what i'm sorry why do you have to bring up my trauma trying to audition for it it's just not nice daniel spent months hiding under the grate on our street trying to get method to get that role and he still didn't get it but you know what daniel don't let them steal your peas don't let them steal your peas daniel you don't even know how many red balloon i inflated okay i was getting into the role so janet's like you know what I'm actually glad, you know, I've talked about it a lot because it's happened multiple times ever since.

Multiple times the sexual assault has happened. We don't have evidence nor we have stories. We don't even have fake stories about how it happened. But I'm just going to say to everyone, it happened multiple times since. And Andy, who, I mean, we all suspect has grabbed plenty of butts in his day and told people get daddy a drink. Okay. Like, let's just get that out there. Okay. I think we all know that this happens on a regular basis.

Andy is just perplexed by this whole line of questioning, even though it's his. Slashboard. But, you know, he's very like, wait, so you're saying he's touched other women's butts? Like, why do I care about this? I mean, he just has this look on his face. Like, is this what we've gone to on the show? And Jen, it's like, well, he's been inappropriate and made other women feel uncomfortable multiple times since. as recently as the Super Bowl.

Dun, dun, don't, done. First of all, isn't the Super Bowl National Women Feeling Uncomfortable Day? I mean, I think men have been making women feel uncomfortable on the Super Bowl since the dawn of the Super Bowl. I've never been to one where I haven't been uncomfortable for

every woman in the room. Okay? Yeah. Second, prove it. And by the way, I know I'm minimizing by making jokes about what Danny did. It's just that it's talked about ad nauseum. You know what I mean? So yes, Danny still sucks for grabbing someone's butt and doing all of that stuff. But Janet is just taking it to this level. That's ridiculous. Prove it. Where are these multiple times, Janet? Who are these people? Name them. Name them and name them.

Here's the thing. I actually don't. I don't doubt that Danny has gotten drunk and then slurdy and made people be like giving people the creeps, you know? I don't either. I think we both, We both believe that. I think that the problem is that Janet is, you know, she's doubling down, I think, because she doesn't really want to pull, let's don't want to take anything back. So she's kind of doubling down and now making herself a crusader on this topic that she's, I'm not sure she's qualified to be the advocate in this moment. Like, because she doesn't, she's not bringing like facts to be like, hey, listen, I've got to say,

on this occasion, this happened, this occasion this happened, this occasion this happened. this occasion this happened and she's not bringing I don't know she's she's not bringing enough so it just is coming out as kind of like sort of general quite like accusations which I just think is like a little harmful like I think it's and and I think that she's doing it really and I there's something about the sanctimoniousness of the not the sanctimoniousness of it but it's like the she is putting herself in this crusader position it almost feels like to retroactively um she sure up her position, sure up the fact that she was over the top in yelling sexual assault on that boat, I think.

Yeah. And I think that the reason, the reason it's so effective is because the argument that she's using is designed to make you uncomfortable. It's designed to make you unable to argue with it because she's using, she's taking the old victim cloak, right? And she's using that, which you can't, you can't argue with the victim cloak, right? So she's taking that and she's using that as a weapon against someone. but none of it is her.

None of it is her victimhood. So when it comes to Jasmine, okay, we get the Jasmine thing. Jasmine has every right to stand up. And actually Janet has a right to say something about it, too, frankly. Yeah, and I think that Janet is like, you're allowed to be an ally. But she's taking these terms, right, she's taking these terms, she's taking terms like he's made women feel uncomfortable.

Well, we all know what that means. She's taking turns like sexuals. She's taking these big terms. and she's using them as weapons because you can't argue with those terms because if you argue them, then people are saying, why are you standing up for someone who would make women feel like that or do that to women? It's not standing up for Danny. Danny's a pig for doing that, but Janet's a pig for taking all of these things to fight with somebody just because she doesn't like them when she doesn't believe any of this shit. And you can't go around accusing people of, like,

sexual assault when you have no proof. And I'm not talking about the Jasmine thing. I'm talking about this. You've made inappropriate. You've made women feel uncomfortable. Well, who is it? So then we find out because I mean it's a little fraught because I think when it comes to discussions and this is where it's all becomes like this ball of yarn because when it comes to discussions of like oh you have no proof

a lot of times there is never proof in these incidents. So it's like sort of it always comes down to what he said she said and this is why actually a lot of guys get away with it because there's never any proof. But I think that we're kind of I do think we're agreeing on this which is that it seems like on that boat she

blurted out sexual assault which like technically maybe that may technically okay it fits under there but realistically we understand that the word those that phrase is loaded with a lot more meaning than just the legal definition and she she took it too far by saying that and instead of sort of saying I did take it too far I that like that was bad she's now doubling down and actually saying that now she's going to be like an advocate for this sort of stuff which it's hard to argue against because like who would say like fuck you for being an advocate against sexual assault like no one's going to say that but she's also like you said victim cloaking yourself by doing so well and she's

just to your point where she's saying uh where victims are often met with the argument there's no proof and you have no proof that's what she's counting on but she's not a victim she's not the victim so also it's like saying you don't have proof of what you're accusing people of doing these other people have not accused him you are accusing him with no proof so that's the difference but she's taking this terminology that if you argue with it in any way you're just a pig and misogynist who's standing up for someone who did something shitty, which I'm not doing. I'm not saying

people are accusing us necessarily. I'm saying that that's the arguing that she uses, and that's why she's a dangerous person. She's a gross fucking person. And to say, like, you've done this multiple times, who are they? You have to name them now. And to say the Super Bowl, okay, great. So then Mia's telling her, that's a lie, Janet. You're so good at lying,

and you're making it sound like he's going out and grabbing women when you drinks. And she goes, well, until the behavior stops, I don't feel bad about talking about it. And there's a couple people on this stage know about it. Okay, then who? Let's find out who. Yes. She's doing enough to, she's doing enough. Like, it's almost like she's just, like, maybe we don't need proof, but maybe we need to hear like, what are you talking about? What has brought you to this place? Like, what have you heard? Because it's like, you can't just like go halfway and say, I heard things and then you

don't follow up with any details. Maybe it's not that we need proof. We maybe need details. Well, it's not because I think it's harmful. I mean, I guess I said prove it. but I'm saying, name the people, name them. Like, if you're, if you're going to name the people, but you can say, like, this happened. On this, you know, what I heard from someone is that Danny did X, Y, and Z to them. And then this person said, Danny did the X, Y, Z. But if you're just like, I heard things, I think that's very harmful. It's like either you don't say it or you say it and you come in with sort of like,

this is something that real that happened. And we should all, as a cast, be concerned. But that sort of half and half thing is like not great. Well, exactly. And from what we know from the show, from what we've seen her say, she said, you went to a fan event. You were at a fan event and you were grabbing people's butts or doing whatever. You were doing all this stuff to fans, right? And you were making the fans really uncomfortable. Well, who did you hear that from? Brittany? Did she say that? Well, I didn't see that. Jason said it. Jason? Did you see it? No, I never said that. So that's what we know so far. So this is where Janet's, this is the ice that. Janet is standing on. And it's making me crazy that the only people calling her out are the people that are being kind of attacked with it. And they really have no leg to stand on because Danny did do that with Jasmine. So it's like he's got so that's why that's why I have to make it very clear. I'm not standing up for Danny. Like fuck Danny. Okay. This isn't about Danny. This is about her

taking something that's very serious to a lot of people and minimizing it for her own shallow gains. And it's really frustrating to watch. So now they do it again. So, Nia calls her out for being a liar. They said, who told you this? Who are you talking about? Who are these couple of people you're talking about? So Janet says, well, Michelle, and Michelle says, um, okay, zo, Brittany.

Well, you said that you veiled uncomfortable on your birthday around Danny. Okay, shocker. This came from Brittany again. So. But now, this was interesting because Brittany starts giggling very uncomfortably. She's like, well, you know, Danny did get pretty drunk and you were like, you were like, follow me around for a little bit, but like, I mean, you didn't like, Mike. And you didn't touch me nor were nothing, but like his personality just was very much changed and like he's being very flirtatious.

And I don't really know how to explain it, but he wasn't that same guy as it was on Halloween. And I was like, I loki thought this was like a little upsetting because she seemed so uneasy about this. I think she just didn't want to be lumped into all of Janet's bullshit. But she basically was saying again, like he was getting flirty with me and like she wasn't going to bring it up. And and she's like, yeah, he was flirty with me. I mean, like, Danny clearly is not a good drunk. I'm sorry, he's not. But then, you know, Janet, yeah, it's not that he's a good drunk.

It's that Brittany said something like Danny was wasted. Danny was wasted. And I don't know if he was for a lot. Like, I don't know what that deals. Whatever she told Janet, Janet took it to say he's made women uncomfortable multiple times since until his behavior stops. His sexual assault behavior stops. It's like, it's just so, it's just frustrating to watch it, you know.

She makes me crazy. She makes me fucking crazy. So, Neil's like, I think that's important to specify because the way the channel talked about it. He's like, well, you said he grabbed people. And Jason's like, no, I didn't say he grabbed people. He's like, yeah, you did. You said the same thing. He's like, well, he's gone.

He's done things other times. And it just, it wasn't Jasmine and Melissa. That's all I'm saying. So Andy is like, Danny Jasmine said Santa Barbara that she knows you have a drinking problem. Do you think of a drinking problem? He's like, oh, my God. Angie, Andy, Andy, Angie, Handy. I don't, I'm going to have me drinking a problem.

That's ridiculous. And Jasmine's like, well, the only reason I know you have one is because of what you did. And you know, I felt like there had to be some kind of issue or something with alcohol. And then Jason's like, do you think you have a drinking problem? Do you think I'm like, even if he did have a drinking problem, why on earth is he going to have like a come to Jesus moment with you, Jason? for you and Janet have just come so hard for him. Yeah, I think at this point is pretty clear he has a drinking problem. And I actually agree with Jason when he says, we all have a drinking problem.

It's the most on it. I think he was trying to trick Danny into saying something, but he kind of spoke for everybody. Because Jason gets drunk and acts like an idiot and yells at women all the time on this show. We've seen it multiple times. So he's not really off scot-free either. That was my favorite thing when he said that, I think we all have a drinking problem. And how upset so many people got to like, what? Especially, what?

You're saying that I have a drinking problem? Seriously? Seriously? I'm like, yes, Kristen. You have a fucking drinking problem. And I can't wait until next year until you've dropped to that baby and you can get back to being your normal self because the St. Kristen thing is out of control at this point.

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Want to watch episodes early and ad-free? Join Wondery Plus right now. So he's like, do you think you have a drinking problem? I'm like, oh, well, I haven't had a drink in a few weeks, which is a problem. I can say that. That's been rough. And Jason's like, well, everybody on this stage has issues with alcohol, to be honest with you. And they're like, what?

And Jack's goes, huh? Jack's is the most shocked. He's like, well, why am I the only one getting shit? So, yeah, and Kristen's all offended, like you said. And he goes, and the fact that you won't admit that you have any issues with it. So Danny's like, okay, so do you have a drinking problem? And he's like, well, it's a battle for me, you know, because if I'm going to choose to drink, is something that every time I have to think about it.

But seriously, you can't say everyone on this stage has a problem with alcohol. What about Nia? Don't say something bad about Nia. That's just like a bold-ass statement to make about everybody. So Jason's like, well, I mean, I guess I've never hung out with Andy.

And they all laugh. It's like, you know, I just, I don't want to get all worked up. Like, I know I think they'll like make this a thing because like, you know, there are good people. Like Danny Nia are good people despite the fact that he's, oh yeah, they're good people When they're sober, they're good people when they're sober.

Like they have a beautiful family. They have a big. But you just call me a clown. Clowns aren't beautiful. How could you say such a thing? Jesse's like, yeah, you should apologize for calling him a clown. I really like Jesse caping. And he's like, no, he's a clown.

I mean, look at the guy. So Jason can't really make up his mind what he's trying to do today. You know, he's a flip-flopper. And so Danny's like, well, you're just name calling now. Now, clown, you call me a clown? It's not worse than calling somebody, Daddy? I mean, really. So Jason's like, okay, you're right.

You're right. I shouldn't call you a clown. That was immature. So, Brittany's like, wait, wait, wait, I can say none of us think that you're like a bad person. I just think it was these certain incidences that you acted just out of your character. That's all. That's all. All right, I'm bored.

Rumors about Jason ditching his wedding ban was one ring toss game that. Janet refused to play. Okay, you don't get that joke. Janet loves Dave and Busters. What a personality. What a personality. Jasmine, Jason thinks you made up the ring rumor.

How did you feel accused of this by someone you were such pals with? So Jasmine's like, I was just hurt that the fact that you thought I would really like go out of my way to make up a rumor like about you, like taking off your ring. Like, first of all, that's the worst whack rumor I've ever heard in my life.

Like, are you kidding me? Like, that is so whack, like, on the scale of zero to whack, that is the most whack. It's whack times five. I mean, give me more respect. If there was a mole, he would be whacked right now. I'm telling you that. He would win at David Busters because that was whack, whack. That was whack.

If I were released a one-hand wonder song. No one believes that. So, like, obviously it's a whack rumor. It was very whack. It was 100% whack. Return of the whack. So Kristen's like, Wack and the pig stock.

What? Did you say? Wack in the beanstalk. That was like whack in the beanstalk. Like throw your magic beans on the ground, climb up a, climb up a fucking rope. Because I was whack. I want my baby, whack, baby, whack, baby whack, baby whack. Hey, don't talk about Hooters competition in here.

Stay soon. So, Kristen's like, yeah, I could do way better than that. So Jasmine's like, yeah, maybe it was my fault for speaking on it when I was in, like, frustration, like with Janet. But like, I didn't make that shit up and I didn't lie. Okay, I didn't lie. So, okay, well, weeks after it was put to bed, you know, Janet, you went to get ring tattoos to debunk a rumor that you said you didn't care about. I love that Andy hates Janet. Yeah, he really does.

So, wait, I'm just going through my cards of your quote-unquote storyline. And you were over something for three weeks and then got ring tattoos. Well, funny story. It really, it was not necessarily to debunk. it was like once this is out it just feels like a can of worms that you just can't put it back i was like you can literally put worms back into a can yeah worms go back in cans worms are like they get in there it's the toothpaste that you have to have to you can't put worms in a toothpaste tub you can't do that you can't do that you know and i've been telling

jason jason has never had a tattooed before this and i i wanted him to get one and i i felt like kind of it was a fun excuse to like make light of it because like we know make fun of ourselves in a situation were very relatable people that America should love and I've always kind of wanted a wedding band tattoo because that always works out well for people and I thought it was cool and so we just had a day of it that's all I wish they had showed us a clip of the scene

because I love her rewriting this into oh yeah you know it was just a fun excuse to you know make light of it just have fun just a fun scene me and Jason kidding it was hilarious Jason you're sure you're getting this tattoo this means so much to me because I'm like so insecure about people I don't like replay the scene. This was not a fun light scene, Janet. So, Zach, you said it was comical that Janet and Jason laughed off the ring boomer at the shark party.

God, I love that sentence. But later made a big deal of it. Why do you think they did that? He's like, I mean, they were like, oh, I guess that's our storyline. So that's what they did. I mean, no storyline about a spread nespressopods for them. I have a really great an espresso pod holder, by the way. It's going to be featured heavily.

in season three. Well, at first, I'm, like, laughing it off because I know this is not true, but it also made me realize our friendship is not getting to a better place. So, like, that's not going to help us get to a peaceful place the summer. And I was, like, bummed about that. And also it was a joke and that, like, Jason and I have, like, a pretty calm, boring marriage that, you know, in that sense. So, like, I really don't know why America hates us.

I mean, we're just two boring people, just doing boring things, you know, accusing people of sexual assault and playing games. and, you know, trying to avoid that low-hanging hood in our kitchen. That's it, really. Just simple people. The truest thing Janet has ever said on this show is Jason and I have a pretty calm, boring marriage. So Kristen's like, oh, now you're relevant. Now you're relevant.

You did it, Janet. And how is she relevant by the ring tattoos? I just understand that logic. Well, you know, Kristen, do you owe Kristen an apology for making you relevant? That was good, Kristen. John, it's like, no, I mean, this is out there publicly. People are going to be questioning his character. You have to own up to that.

You have to own up to that. I mean, even the drug-addicted sex assaulter next to you probably agrees with that. Reputation is very, very important. People don't care. The only people who perpetuated it all summer long was you too. And, yeah, Luke's like, yeah, no one talked about this. I mean, I don't mean this in an asshole way, but it's literally you're not important for fans to care that much about, okay? But after the shark party, when you both laughed and I looked right at you and I said, I was just being an asshole.

You hurt my friends. I came after you. I said that to your face. Jason, you can roll your eyes. I'm being honest. Yeah, because Jason's activated over there. Jason is so pissed off at this point. He's just rolling his eyes and grabbing Janet's hand and then ungraving her hand.

I'm grabbing it and then grabbing it and I'm grabbing it and just like shifting around on the couch because they're losing this so bad. And I love the you're not important enough to care. It's like a very Stasi, you know, very Lisa to Stossi line. Like you're not important enough to hate. So Jason's like, oh, we hurt your friends. What are you talking about? We hurt your friends. And Danny's like, what are you talking about?

You forgot the whole storyline. Come on. He goes, oh, yeah, we're not going to get into that. Well, you're asking, that's what she's talking about. So Janet is like Oh, of course the ass grabers Laughing of course he is Of course he's that's what ass grabbing people do

They laugh, they're just laughers Laughing and laughing and laughing and laughing I told you to your face I was just trying to be a bitch I mean, come on And so Jason's like why are we not allowed to be mad About you being a bitch Which is a fair point So Kristen's like

It's not that you're not allowed to be mad But you guys would not shut the fuck up about it The whole summer Yeah I mean their point is nobody cared about the ring thing. It was like a stupid thing, Kristen said when she was mad. And the only reason it became a thing is because Janet made it into a storyline. Because at first Janet just laughed it off.

Like, well, everyone knows that's not true, Kristen, which was actually a very smart move. And it deflated Kristen's whole thing. I mean, even us watching the show, we're like, yeah, that was lame by Kristen. Because they had like a three-week thing where they were like, Kristen is going to say this thing. And she finally said it and we're like, mm-hmm. Like, that's stupid. you know and Janet laughed it off and it was like well played you know that was a well played she got out of me which is rare to get something out of me from for Janet but she got that

out of me and then she just decided well I guess we need something to do let's be pissed off about this thing and they just have egg on their face yeah well Jason's saying that actually really who he was more upset with was Jasmine over the whole thing because you know her being the source that you know they had a great relationship so that's why they got mad because it was Jasmine and Kristen's like but you guys say a mix shut up though because well I don't know I mean I know but we weren't going after you like during the whole season we weren't going after you which is like oh I watched the show Jason I watched it he's like he's like so did I

Kristen's like you call me a liar you said my reputation and shit like that I do not have a reputation of making things up or being a liar like well Kristen I mean I don't know so much about that one I think your whole for a season was about lying about fucking jacks like your whole your whole your whole beginning of this show is about you lying so do you remember why you were fired from remember girl you gotta have faith faith faith oh you've got to have faith faith faith but i love i love sanctimonious christin like i love that she's like i am known for being truthful i am known for finding shit out she's like a bastion of of of the truth out there

well christin is detective doughty you know i guess that would be that's what she she's referring to is like her reputation is detective doty and like bringing miami girl in town you know shit like that i like but also i yeah never mind i was just yeah christian i just i love how she annoyed she is in this episode so she's like yeah i have a reputation for uncovering the truth and not exaggerating everyone knows that i never exaggerate everyone from from the most random person the middle of nebraska to all the people at the g4 summit they all know No, I do not exaggerate. Unborn babies, no.

If you ask nine out of ten bunny rabbits, they would tell you, I'm not known for exaggerating. I was watching Alien Earth, and all those xenomorphs arrived, and they said, guess what? We're here to find Chris and Doty, because we hear, she does not exaggerate. So, Andy is skeptical. Andy's like, oh, is that your reputation?

She's like, yes. uncovering the truth and inserting myself in places that are none of my business, not being a liar, not exaggerating, not my reputation. Okay, well, Jasmine, at the beach, you screamed to Janet saying she was a shit-ass friend, she's a vibe killer, and she gives Karen energy. What did Janet do that made you so mad? Other than being a shit-ass friend, being a vibe killer, and giving Karen energy? I mean, you just listed three pretty good ones. Yeah, that feels great. How many more do I need?

She's like, well, I wanted to talk to Jason And as I'm talking to Jason Janet is just spitting at me She's like, you're a snake, you're a liar, you're whack And Jason's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. That didn't happen. And she goes, snake, you go snake, you said snake. He's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

And jazz like, um, if they had that footage, they should roll up because I do not remember saying that. No, you did. You said, you're a whack snake. And Janet, you were just like crossing your arms in this whack way and you were just like, snake, liar, whack, snake, whack, liar. And you were just standing there. And you were like this, snake, liar, snake, snake, liar.

Yeah. You were like, you know what? If you were chips, I would order some whackamole because that's how whackless snake you are. Okay? You said it, Janet. I remember. And when she said that, I was like, no, she didn't. I mean, Jasmine is notoriously terrible at this.

And she's also a horrible flip-flopper. Like Jasmine, not Janet, Jasmine. Jasmine's story changes all the time. She flip-flops on people constantly. She's anti-one person to Janet and then totally going and acting like she's been on that person's side the whole time. I mean, Jasmine, she's bad at this game. She's full of shit, too. Or she just remembers things completely wrong.

But, yeah, even this part, I have to stick up for Janet because, wow, this is not true at all. Yeah, I mean, Janet was interrupting and getting in the way, but she was not the one saying, Snake. It was actually Jason. The answer should have been. I'm trying to talk to my friend, Jason, and you kept interjecting with your little Karen. And I'm not trying to talk to you and I lost my temperate you. That's what happened. But instead, she's like, and you sat there and crushed your arms and called me a snake over and over.

It's like, no. Oh, it didn't. It'll make me stand up for Janet. That's the worst thing you could have done, Jasmine. Now I'm just disappointed. So we see the flashback. You're giving Karen energy. And Jasmine's like, anyway.

you wouldn't let me speak in that moment and I was just like let me speak to Jason explained to him this situation this wax situation all right Jason were you surprised to see Jasmine get upset like that and he's like I mean I think my face in that scene showed I was shocked by that

remember how I cried that was really great right do you feel like uh by the way Jasmine do you feel like you were manipulated at all this is a lawyer Jason about to make a very good point and she's like um manipulated was like yeah did you feel manipulated by somebody

She probably feels manipulated right now. You're literally trying to manipulate it right now to saying she feels manipulated, sir. She's like, and Zach's, by who? Me? Is it me? Did I do manipulation? And Luke is like, shh, Kristen, just wait, your turn.

Be quiet. Did you just tell me their shush? I told you. That was so funny. Just stop it, babe. Stop it. So, Jasmine's like, I don't think I was manipulated. Are you sure?

Are you sure you didn't feel manipulated? Jason, okay, I don't know a lot about Jason, except I hate him on this show, and B, he's probably a terrible lawyer because he's just, he's so ham-fisted with this. This is hard to watch. She's like, no, I haven't been manipulated. Nope. Show me on the doll where you were manipulated. Andy, Andy's like, you're saying Kristen, Chris and Doty over there, manipulated someone? Jason's like, I watch the show. You know, it looked to me like Kristen doesn't like Janet. So she's talking. to people and she's taking people, she's talking to people and saying, this is Janet, this is Janet, this is Janet, this is Janet. And Janet was the scapegoat for everyone. I mean, look, you can't even accuse someone of sexual assault anymore. I mean, this is scapegoat behavior right now. And Kristen's like, what show did you watch? Darren's like, I know, you watch this her husband. That's the show she watched. Okay. And Kristen's like, I swear to God, what the fuck were you watching? Yeah, what were you watching? Janet is literally behind everything on this season. People, The only reason people talked about Janet is because she was spreading shit all season. And actually, for the first portion of the season, Janet was fairly out of harm's way. I mean, she entered the season with a beef with Zach, with the beef with Kristen. She settled things with Zach and didn't quite settle things with Kristen.

And it really went sour for her when at that one dinner at Britney's house where Janet said to Nia, hey, if you're having, if Danny is seeing babies on the ceiling, I have someone that you could talk to about that. And then all of a sudden, like World War III broke out. But I don't think that Kristen was manipulating. I think Kristen was just reacting to what she felt was an unfair characterization of Danny. Whether it was or not, that's a whole other issue. And who cares? But like, you know, I don't think that Kristen was, I don't think Kristen has manipulation in her. She may try, but I think everyone would see it coming 10 miles away. Like she'd be like, hey, yeah, she's not, you know I heard.

I heard you should hate Janet. Okay, start. Like, that's what be her manipulation. Yeah. So Andy asks Jasmine, we're her relationship with Janet stands. So she's like, oh, listen, look, you know, I've been friends with her, like for so long, like me and Janet, like we're so tight. Like we've been friends forever, you know. And it's like with siblings.

You know, we're like family because like, you know, when you fight with your family, like how it's like, whack so we do that but like you know like it's what we do like I fight with Zach all the fucking time but like you know I was there was never like I hate Janet kind of thing you know like that kind of thing it was just like you're a bitch and you're Karen you know like it's different but like there's like layers of stuff because like you know like our friendship hasn't been the same like we just don't talk you know and like and it hurts but like I mean I don't hate you I don't like I mean but like there's like love there you know like Melissa made a good point she was like you guys are crying and like I was crying in my house

and she was crying in her house and Melissa was like, oh my God, that means you love each other because you're both crying. You know, so like maybe that's good. Is that love, really?

When you're in a friendship where you've both made each other cry multiple times and you're sitting in your ball pit, I don't think so. Sitting in your home baby ball pit. I don't know that that's a good friendship. Maybe evidence of like a brain injury

after bunking that low hanging hood in your kitchen. So Kristen's like, well, there is love, but there's also shit talking Jasmine. Come on. we have a group talk where you talk where you shit talk you do it she's like no i get that i get that and you know i get upset with her and there's things that we need to talk about like you know all the

whack stuff she's done and christin's like so like you have to be fair about that still be angry at her stop being nice it is kind of funny here she is again jasmine refusing to say what she's saying in the group chat to janet's face here she lost she got pissed off at the beach and she called her the Karen and all of that. But other than that, she won't stand up to her. Yeah. Well, I mean, because maybe she is trying to salvage it. And maybe she doesn't want to rehash that because maybe the things that she wrote,

she was angry about. Or maybe Jasmine herself is two-faced and is, you know, all that. That's my, that could be all the above, quite frankly. I mean, at least say it out loud. If Kristen's literally telling you on the stage, I mean, you say this and that about Janet, just be honest. And she's like, oh, no, no, but, you know, like ultimately I love her. Well, what was it?

What are you saying, flip-flopper? Well, to be fair, all these people are terrible friends to each other. I mean, let's not forget. This is an outgrowth of Vanderpumbrilus. The lazy season of awfulness, where they all were duplicitous about each other. And they all got into savage, vicious fights. And then they become friends again, like the next season. True.

And I'm calling them out each individually as their turn comes out. As you should. As you should. Right now, it's Jasmine's turn to be called a fucking flip-floppa. Take a stand. That's a floppa. on right now. It was just like a buildup of whack things, that's all.

And Kristen's like, but you said, Jenna stopped acting like herself? She's like, yes. So Jason's like, no, don't say that. That's not true. And she goes, well, and I let a lot of whack things brush under the whack rug. I mean, I had the wackest rug of all time and I still was able to fit more whack things under it because I was brushing so hard with a very whack brush, I'd like to add. Yeah.

And Jasmine's like, I mean, I should have talked to you, but like I didn't talk to you because, like, You know, at the time, I just felt like, what's the point? You know, because I had a group chat. So, and he's like, okay, well, who here thinks Janet is a Karen? And I swear to you, everyone in my house raised their hand. I mean, it was just me and Bueller, but still, that was two hands. No one raised their hand. I was shocked.

And Chris was like, well, she said Karen had her G. She didn't say she is a Karen, because as we all know, her name is Janet. So you really can't call someone a Karen if they're not really named Karen, right? Is that the way it's like, um, go ahead. Raise your hands. I'm on the, I'm on hold with the police right now. I'm on hold with the police. I'd like to call the manager of this reunion.

Okay. I do not like the way I'm like the way I'm being treated. Yeah. So Jasmine says, I didn't call her at Karen. It was just, it was just the energy she was giving. And I think like it was a lot more of like, just like exhausted of you like the whole like Zach stuff and like the Kristen and like just hearing things. And it just maybe you, maybe like maybe come back to you and been like, hey, this is how I feel and I didn't and like I just I don't know I don't even know what I'm really saying I think I'm just at this point taking random phrases and bashing them together into like a little monologue I don't know well it's clear that you all care about each other clear to who I'm not really sure but it's on my cards so we stand now he wants to move on yeah let me put a bow on this uh you guys are nowhere close to resolution but I'm gonna force I'm gonna sort of announce a resolution you guys care about each other okay I'm bored moving on Janice like yeah

I mean, I don't hate you guys. Hold on. Let me try to cry. Let me get some Jack's tears. Like, I don't hate you guys. Because, like, you're the friends that would come over in, like, sweatpants and, like, play games and cook. Like, you guys would watch me microwave corn tortillas with cheese and cream while we played Monopoly all the time, you know? And I really miss you guys.

I really miss you saying, is this supposed to be a chip because it's soggy? And then me having to explain to you. what it really was yeah and the relationship it's just it's not like what used to be it's just more like before it was like crack and now it's like whack and like let's just keep that real like a hundred

like you know like maybe like one day I don't know I don't know Jason's like I would hope so and I think we all feel that way so you know and he's like okay back to drug addiction okay after a 30 day stint in whatever we're calling it probably a McDonald's drive through Jack's left the mental health treatment facility with a Big Mac and a large Coke Zero and seemed intent on picking up right where he left off holding a 99-cent super-sized French fry.

Okay, Mad Jacks tonight before you return home, some of your friends rebranded your bar, Brits Bar. You were upset, right? Well, I mean, like, it's not in England, so. I mean, who wouldn't be upset? I mean, we're in America. I understand why they did it, but like taking my signs and throwing in the garbage was a little much, you know? I'm like, yeah, you know, it's a little much throwing a coffee table at your wife and bar stools too, et cetera. And then throwing a picture of her and her dad out in the trash. And he's like, oh, it's a different situation. It's like, but that wasn't my party or your or your party.

It's like, no, it was Brits bar. And it was whenever me and Jasmine went to talk to shorts and I was telling them everything you had just done. It wasn't principal or I meant to cite. Jack's like, but I wasn't there for that. No, you weren't there for any of it. Okay. Stupid Jacks. He's like, yeah, I don't remember.

I wasn't there. I missed that day. Yeah, Jacks, you were in rehab, dummy. So, um, Jacks was like, yeah, you know, like, it was just like, it was like really hurtful. It was just like, it was just really hurtful, you know. Poor Jacks.

Why are we hurting Jacks? Andy's like, Jacks. You know, they were just trying to prop her up. That's what cocaine is for, Andy. No, it's fine. I understand. I understand. It was all very positive, Jayex.

It was very, very positive. And he was like, well, maybe. It was so hurtful. It was very hurtful. And Kristen's like, The bar never got to be about her. And she worked so hard. And she put money into it.

More than you. I put more money into it than you. That's for sure. You know what? Even when you were in rehab, I was keeping that place afloat. So Andy's like, Um, you're still here, right? Huh.

Are you allowed into Jacks's bar? And Jacks is, no. And Jack's, like, um, it's really funny that Jacks has such this animosity towards just me and can forgive everybody else. But like, what I want to say is, I used to be the biggest Jack's apologist. I was there every single time when, like, she was broken down, Britney was broken down. And I had to pick her up when he would break down and I would hold him while he cried. And for him to turn so hard on her. and me just out of nowhere is like so rude.

I need a painting in my home of Zach cradling Jackson, he cries. Please. I need that visual. And Jackson's like, I mean, it's the stuff you're saying on social media, you know. Like, what do you want me to do about it? What are we supposed to do? And then we see a screenshot of Zach's post, rubble me thus.

How's it possible? You come out of rehab, a worse person than when you went in. That was a good one. That was a good one, you guys. Again, Jacks is more upset about a stupid tweet than he is about his own behavior, it seems like. So, Zach is like, um, okay, y'all, like the things I say in social media, excuse me, are literally not even remotely close to what I would say about you, like right now to your

face, if Andy ever asked me a question, which he doesn't. Zach. Zach's like, I could have been worse, like I am to your face. So that's like being nice on social media. I can't believe he won't talk to me. Jack's like, I don't care. You're nobody to me. You're nobody.

It's like, well, actually, I miss our friendship. I just want you to be a better person. It's like, I don't really care what you want. And you want to prove that you don't have this control issue, that you can make it better, then work on it with people that are in our life, that are, that are in our life. Okay? He's like, no, I agree. I agree.

I agree. He's like, no. Jacks hates Zach. Mainly, I do believe some of it is, or a large part of it is because Zach is gay. I will say that I pick up so much homophobic, like the dismissiveness to Zach, I think, is to me, I'm getting homophobic vibes. I really do. And not that Zach is like a synced over there, but Jack treats Zach differently than everyone else. So I am like fuck Jacks on a whole other level.

It's just amazing how many levels that we can say fuck Jacks about. So Andy is like, well, Zach's also standing up, and I'm not even saying that's wrong. And obviously, you know, I think I would agree with that. But Jack's is all, you've got Zach standing up for Brittany all the time. So that's enough. You know, Jack's like, fuck that guy. Yeah, but with other people who stand up for Brittany, he, Jacks pretend, like, at least pretends to be like, no, no, no, I get it.

I get it. I know, she deserves everything in the world. No, no, I was bad. How's a bad, bad husband? Like, you're right. You had to defend her because she was in a terrible place. He comes up all his bullshit. By the one, Zach, he's like, I don't care about you.

You're no one to me. There's just kind of like this, like, maybe I'm projecting onto it, but I definitely get like high school bully, like, beaten down on the gay kid. So, Andy is like, hey, is Frank Drummond allowed in your bar? And they're like, ha ha, Jackson, have you even seen any of the episodes? Did you know, do you know we talked about it on the show? We talked about it on the show. Yeah, he don't even watch a show. He doesn't watch it.

He doesn't got it. Yeah, we've all seen the show. Well, he's the only person here who hadn't watched a show, so he doesn't know what we're talking about. And he's like, oh, oh, my border account. Yeah, is that what you mean? Yeah, that. And he's like, who's Frank Drummond?

And he's like, Frank Dremon from the naked gun. And he's like, okay, and who is Frank Dremant? And Jacks is like, it's my burner account. And by the way, this drove me nuts. I was really glad that Seth Rogen called this out although I think we called it out too. And especially, I'm sure all of America called it out now because the naked gun is literally back in theaters.

But it's Frank Trebin, you idiot. You didn't even get your burner name right. Frank Trebin. He's like, you never even see the naked gun? Come on, bro. Have you seen the naked gun, Jax? I hate that. Naked Gun is my favorite movies of all time.

And I hate that Jax is even putting his paws on it in a Finsta account. Yeah. Well, listen to some of these tweets. legend. Jacks is on the show. What man wouldn't feel that way about himself? He's a legend. That was hilarious. And then you DM'd me on accident from the account, so it was like proof that it was yours. I mean, you

are so dumb. Janet's like, I mean, come on, don't you know if you have a burner? Like, you just look, right? And he's like, are you still commenting as Frank Dremant? It's like, no, no. I haven't used that account. I mean, but it's Dremon. It's Dremant. You know, it's Leslie Nealson. I'm the naked gun.

And he's like, oh, my God. And Janet's like, don't butcher his burner name. So they're just shitting on him. Okay, Jacks. And Janet makes a comment. Janet makes a comment. She's like, well, come on, Jacks. You should know if it's your burner account, you just read.

You don't comment. Mm-hmm. Okay. Wait. No, isn't it a burner account the point that you comment with it? Because you can't comment under your real name? Yeah, she's saying if you don't want to get caught, you just read. Uh, so then, um, we see a flashback of his eBay listings of selling Britney's, um, Jenny Craig

bags, which is so sad. And it's, it's sadder than it seemed. And Jackson's like, well, you know, I sell a bunch of stuff on eBay. You know, I sell a bunch of stuff. I mean, you can see for the bunion to by toe, like I worked very hard at it in that picture, because you see the Jenny Craig bag and then his bunion next to it. His, the telltale bunion. It could have been Ashley Darby. So Andy is like, all right, Kristen, Jack's decided to come to Benji's welcome home party, even though he wasn't invited. Yeah, pull the dody, right?

Everyone knows. All right, show up place is uninvited. Everyone knows this. So Andy's like, well, you had a conversation with Zach where you said it was your show. And we see that amazing scene where Jack says it's my show. And Zach is like, not for the last 30. days it wasn't bitch so i mean wasn't telling lisa vanderpump the vanderpump rules was your show in season eight kind of the beginning of the end for you he's like yeah probably whatever

so we see that and then and he's like okay raise your hand if jacks has referred to this show as his show and they're all raising their hands and it's like yeah we're just all lucky to be here really we are all we are we're just we're just we're just lucky so well it's true i mean none of this would have happened if I didn't start this up and then he's like is this jack so everybody and everyone's like no i'm at hey hey he was gone for 30 dies and nobody missed him and then it's like well you shed you fired everyone from season one because you didn't like the edit and then they're just they're just all laughing in jack's face yeah so then historically speaking it's very difficult to surprise Kristen Doty so how'd you do it guys I mean uh when did you know Luke that Kristen was the one

And he's like, well, it was a road trip. And, like, we had 5,000 miles in the car with dogs. And it was, like, hellish. And, like, you know, we were great, you know? Like, we agreed on the same books on tape from the Cracker Barrel that we just ended up, you know, leaving at 7-Elevens all over the country and ended up getting charged $75 each. God, really expensive for a book on tape. Did you know most cars don't come with tape recorders or tape players anymore? That was pretty disappointing.

God, I really wanted to know that next Daniel's. feel had to say all right and you had not watched vanderbump rules right it's like no i mean for the podcast we recap season one and other than that uh no yeah they were all ready together with that point and thanks for the color commentary brittany christ's like yeah he was like i can't do this anymore and and he's like yeah i bet because we all saw you yeah i bet i like that luke's a typical husband of a bravo watcher he's like okay Yeah, sure. I'll watch Fanderpump Rules. And no, I will not watch any of this anymore. I'm done. Okay, do you want to get a fucking divorce?

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